Beach Too Sandy, Bryan Too Breaky

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On this episode of the commercial break,

I want to read a few next door posts to you that I've been collecting, and we'll all comment on them together. We rarely touch on next door, and I feel like that is like prime content.

So, good, good on you. That's a great bit.

Everyone is worried about TikTok and the teenagers with TikTok. Everyone is Snapchatting, you know, they're worried about 16-year-olds Snapchatting their ding-dongs and willy-hoo-hoos.

And Facebook has become a cesspool for, you know, the greatest generation that never was the ding-don't want to, you know, continue to suck up more billions from the poor people.

Next door is the most dangerous application available today.

The next episode of the Commercial Break starts now.

Oh, yeah, Cats and Kittens, welcome back to the Commercial break. I'm Brian Green and I'm Brian Green and here we are the week after Thanksgiving.

You know, there comes a time in every young boy's life when he must venture out into the wild and go find himself another podcast to be on.

And no, I'm not talking about After the Break, which has picked up production, and you can check that out After the Break on any one of the podcast players you're listening to this to or follow me at BrianW.

Green on Instagram. Links in the show notes.
And I'll let you know when I'm going live during the evenings. You can get involved in the conversation.

I am talking about the podcast Beach2 Sandy Water Too Wet,

which is a fine podcast that has been doing very well for itself in this kind of bootstrapped creator economy that we live in.

These are not pre-baked celebrities that have some big fancy podcasts with millions of dollars and a fancy network and billion-dollar contracts with Spotify.

These are a brother and a sister who got together a number of years ago and decided to create a podcast that is called Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet, Name Too Long.

Now they will admit that themselves, but it's still pretty catchy, you got to admit. So what is Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet about?

Well,

think about it.

It's about reviews.

Funny, interesting, bad, terrible, provocative.

Sometimes sad. Reviews on the internet of many different things.

And according to christine and zandy the brother and sister who do this podcast there was actually a review of a airbnb or something like that motel hotel resort and someone complained that the beach was too sandy the water was too wet now that could have been a troll but it's pretty fucking funny it's pretty fucking funny no matter what it is and uh we do something very similar here on the show every once in a while with our next door but these these two do it that's exclusively what they do and they have garnered quite an audience, quite a large community, and they've even been on tour.

And when I had a chance to be with them a couple of weeks ago,

they had just gotten back from their very successful tour. I encourage you to go to beach2sandy.com, where you can get all the information.

You can follow them on any of the podcast players you're listening to the commercial break on. And

it's just a great show. It's a great show.
I've known about it for years. I know we have audience members that listen to it for years.

When I mentioned a couple of weeks ago, I was going to be on their show. We got lots of text messages mentioning how excited they were about this particular collab, if you will.

And I was excited when we had the opportunity come along. So I've been on their show.
This is kind of like my show, their show, your show. We all got together one afternoon.

And now we're sharing it all. in the larger daspora that is the internets.
And so now it's my turn to share what we created together one lazy afternoon.

Now, Chrissy was not available when this happened, but she gave me her blessing. She said, go do it.
Go be on it. And I did.

And here's what, well, not here, but in a few minutes, you'll hear the result of that. Beach2Sandy.com, all the podcast players, I encourage you to go follow them.
We didn't do this for our health.

We would like to get these.

We know you're listening to both podcasts. Some of you, we want to get you on our RSS feeds.
So please go over there.

I know I have to do my part and push you over in that direction because I'm sure they've done their part and push people in our direction. I should probably go listen to that.

I don't think I've heard it yet.

But I will tell you this about my time with Zandy and Christine. I really enjoyed it.
I had a great deal of fun. It was a laugh a minute.

They're great people, good human beings, and they're really fucking funny to boot. And Christine also has a number of other projects also

that you can check out. I'm sure you can get connected to all of that with links in my show notes on this episode.
So as I recover from my annual traditional Thanksgiving stomach bug

and Chrissy stays far the hell away from me as possible,

we will put one more episode out and then we'll be back to the normal course of business tomorrow. For you now, a couple things.

You can now watch all the recordings of non-interview episodes, non-infomercial episodes of the commercial break. You can watch those live on YouTube, Twitch, and Kick.

You can follow us at the commercial break on Instagram. We'll let you know about 15, 30 minutes before we're going live.
Or you can hit the notification

button on any of those platforms and they will notify you when we go live. You can get involved in the conversation.
We're already chatting it up with people while we're recording.

Soon, we'll have the ability to bring you in video, audio, so you can come in and be a part of the commercial break. Isn't that exciting? Technology.
Ooh,

space.

And

yeah, that's how it's going to go. Lots of changes coming for season number seven.
So stay tuned. Stay with us.

Also, after the break, now pick back up a more raw version of After the Break. You go listen to it.
I'm not going to make this all about After the Break, but you can go listen to episode number two.

And then also get involved with live recordings, chat with me, text with me, and possibly jump on with me during those recordings. Follow me, Brian W.
Green at

Instagram. I mean, at Brian W.
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Not like you asked me to, but I just feel like, I don't know. I feel like I need to repeat things a million.
I'm in the old radio standard.

The old radio standard was you needed to repeat things 3.5 times in order for people to get it through their heads, in order for them to actually pop up and pay attention.

So I'm now in this kind of, I have this wheel in my head going that anytime I say something like a phone number or an Instagram address or a URL, I have to repeat it three times.

But the truth is, you're smart enough. We're all big boys and girls.

We can remember things, right? Brian W. Green, at Brian W.
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There you go. And beach2sandy.com, beach2sandy.com, beach2sandy.com.
I'm going to take a short break.

And when I get back, the results of a long afternoon with Christine and Zandy from Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet. I will share those with you.
We will all have a laugh, probably at my expense.

We'll be back.

Hey, it's Rachel, your new voice of God here on TCB. And just like you, I'm wondering just how much longer this podcast can continue.

Let's all rejoice that another episode has made it to your ears, and I'll rejoice that my check is in the mail.

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And Zandy and Christine are here with us now. Here with me now, because Chrissy's not here.

Hey, I know. But, you know, sometimes this does happen.
She's just the lazier of the two of us. So she does that.

Yeah, you've been saying that. Yeah.
No, she had. See, something happened.

People say that about her, you know.

People do say that about her. Well, no, people, what people say about her is, when will Brian let her talk? That's what people say about her.

So that's exactly what she said.

Not today, apparently. Not today, yeah.

Today, everything will be just fine. See, it's our turn.

To that, I usually retort with a couple paragraphs, reinforcing the message that I don't shut up. Reinforcing it.
I like it. Congratulations on the success of the podcast.

So successful, as we were discussing just a few minutes ago, that the commercial break has actually done advertising on your show.

And so, how long are we into the show now? How long have we been doing this? Oh, by the way, for those who don't know, who are listening, and you should go tune in,

brother and sister. So, this is how the two of them got together.
So, we've been working together since since 1991 and 1993, our respective best. I was like, I was not around then.
You're older.

It's been a contentious time for the most part as youths. But then as we got older and moved to LA, we were like, let's, we have similar trauma bonding and also,

you know,

similar sense of humor. And it's just, it was 20, end of 2018, I think.
So it was. However much math that is.

That's a lot. Yeah, that's seven and a half years or something like that.
Seven years? Is it eight years? I don't know. Carry the one close to.
Yeah, don't ask me.

Mathing is not my thing.

So you're kind of early in on the podcast, like your pre-podcast bubble, which comes during COVID when everybody decides they're going to get a podcast and Clubhouse and all the spaces and all the other shit.

And you've been met with some success. In the premise of the podcast, I'll let you explain it to our listeners.
Sure.

We read negative reviews from the internet, basically.

So we read a lot of one-star reviews from places like Yelp and TripAdvisor, try to do a different theme each week, and then we have a little challenge with it, too.

So one that we did recently that was fun, it was

reviews where the reviewer says, do you know who I am?

Because those are always so funny. People are so ridiculous.

So it's usually us making fun of these reviewers or trying to defend these poor employees at all these different businesses who have to deal with the worst people ever.

But we end up having a lot lot of fun because we are also siblings, so we bicker a lot.

Yeah, people will be like,

stop arguing. And I'm like, it's not possible.
Yeah, no, that's, I think that's part of the, having tuned in, I think that's part of the fun.

Part of the fun is that you, as someone who has a lot of siblings,

you can understand where you're coming from. It's a debate or argument that I would see myself having with someone else.

How many siblings do you have? I've got a twin brother, and then I've got two younger brothers. So we're a good, solid Irish Irish Catholic family, almost a basketball team.
I heard about the

parasailing or whatever. No, the skydiving.
I listened to that episode recently.

And your twin brother,

you found out your brothers were skydiving with help.

I am terrified. I was straight to like, oh, they were like, oh, we'll get over here.
And I was like, oh, my God, I would be so hurt if all my siblings.

But then also, I wouldn't want to participate. But yeah, I feel like you had every right to be annoyed about that.

I was annoyed, and they purposefully didn't tell me. And then you see my twin, and I went, your twin? Did you feel it?

Like your twin jumped out of the plane and you're like, whoa, why do I feel so unshaky? It's like shaky on the ground. I felt a disturbance in the forest.

No one had texted me for a couple of days. And I was like, what? And then so I just on a Saturday, on a lark,

I still remember like driving down this particular road and going, I should call Kevin and see what he's up to. And I call and I'm like, what's going on?

And he's like, oh, just hanging out with Patrick, one of our other brothers. And Danny's on his way.
And I said, oh, what are you guys doing? We're skydiving, but don't get upset. Oh my gosh.

Because we know you wouldn't do it. So we just decided not to tell you.
And I'm like, why didn't you tell me? And they're like, because we know you won't jump out of a plane.

You're terrified of heights. You can't stand on a ladder.
To which I said, fuck you. I'm on my.
Well, no. Actually, what he said was, Brian, I'm so confident you won't do it.

I'll pay for you to do it if you show up. And I showed up just despite him.
Yeah. And there is video.
And I am as white as I have ever been, as they are just about to push me out of a plane.

I can't believe I did it. I still can't.
You did it, though. Oh, great.
That's so good. Hey, listen, we went skydiving because our mother.

My mother guilted us into skydiving with her for her life. No.
No. No, that's not what happened.
You and our.

Yeah, you and our. This is, I was getting flashbacks.
I was a little shaky just hearing this story because I can relate.

You and our mother, you and our mother, for your birthdays, which are both in the summer, decided to go skydiving together.

And we do have a younger sister, but she was too young to go. For me, I don't know why you didn't invite me.
You just didn't. So, of course, I got upset.
And I was... Is that real? Yeah.

And then the next day or something, you said, surprise. We're no wonder that story from your podcast really stuck with me.
Yeah.

I've done this before. Basically.
Way too familiar. I didn't realize I had done this exact thing.
Yeah. And sure enough, they were like, oh,

we got you a ticket. Now you can join us.
And I really didn't want to, but I was, you know, being the little brother. I was like, I have to join.
And so I did. And yeah, it was horribly terrifying.

And I'm surprised I did it, but it was really fun. Our mom's secretary showed up and she.
It was a weird force on. It was a weird group, but yeah.
Okay, Alexander, you know what?

I'm over here going, I would be so upset if my siblings did that to me. Yeah, I know.
I was like, what the hell are you talking about? What are you doing? I'm like, it's not even that long.

I mean, I guess it was. I told the story like, wow, I didn't want to do it.
My mom guilted me into it and I hated it.

No, the story is you wanted to do it and you forgot to mention to Zane that you were in. It's a watch show.
Okay. It's the first time I've ever been wrong on a podcast and I feel like fine.

We'll put a flag in it, okay? Don't take the law into your own hands. You take them to court.

So, oh, wait, hold on. Okay.
So I have to ask this question. So are you also terrified of heights? Like, not that true.

No, I mean,

it's definitely not something I would. generally sign up for normally.
Like what's not on my radar? Physical thrill seekers. Like I'm like, I don't need to be jumping off anything.

Am I a thrill seeker in any other way? No, but I mean, like, maybe sometimes psychologically, we're a little bit not the wisest about spiritually, too. Spiritually, very risky behavior.
No.

But, you know, physically speaking, I don't want to jump off anything anymore anymore. I did apparently really want to.

I would probably do it again. So I definitely don't think I'm afraid of heist because I would do it again.

I wouldn't seek it out, but it was something like I remember in the moment being like, wow, this is such a unique, cool experience I'm having.

And I would do it again. That's all I remember is

not being able to breathe and hearing the instructor say scream. I just remember him going, scream, scream.

Yeah, because they had taught, you know, they give you that course, right? I mean,

of course. I asked, how do you breathe? When we do.
And they go, oh, you'll just know to breathe. You'll just breathe.
And then, of course, in a time, I'm like, wait, how do I breathe? I mean, really.

It was, I'm so glad you said that because I was like, I thought I was the only one. No, and the guy,

the guy that, you know, was right on my back, he said, scream. That's what you do.
If you scream,

the air is going out. It's got to come back in.
So just scream. That's what you do, right? And I was like, oh, that sounds smart.

But of course, I totally forgot everything the second that I get to the door of the plane. And then they have, I don't know about you, but they had the kind of harness that they had for me.

There is this moment after the chute is pulled when they unclip. a certain part of the parachute so you can so instead of your heads being together you fall a little bit forward, a little bit down.

And I don't think I was also paying attention to that part of the course because I write like I remember any of this, but I know

this sounds terrifying. There is like this one second, a split second, when it feels like you're decoupling from the person that you're in front of.

Oh my God, I almost shit myself. I was like,

I didn't, I enjoyed it once the parachute was deployed. Then I felt like, okay, at least we have a shot at managing it.
But did you do it somewhere in Georgia? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I did it in Georgia that's now closed because of multiple deaths.

That's always comforting. We've read some reviews of these places.
Yeah, there's some interesting stories.

Yeah, when you read one-star reviews only of every place that you think about and talk about, you really start to get like a different feel for it. You're like, yeah, it's not for me.

I feel like the podcast that you have is a little bit, you know, I worked in the service industry, in the restaurant industry, for the first 12 years of my working life from like 14 my parents were like you want shoes go buy them so i was working at mcdonald's as the fry guy on the weekends right at 14 that work permit and then i worked through my early 20s and i don't think i can go into a restaurant now and look at it the same way that everybody else does so i have family members that will they're just entitled and they don't treat service very well.

And it bugs me to no end. It really pisses me off because I look at service in a whole different way.

This person's having a bad day. It's this person's first day.
Or sometimes I can identify this person's really bad at what they do. And this is probably not the business for them.

Yeah, they'll figure it out. Don't worry.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly.

I sense that if you're reading one-star reviews consistently about different things, that maybe you start to look at the world in a little bit of a different way.

Does this give you more empathy for the people out there in the world world who are serving you? 100%. 100%.
And it's like, I think we always had that initially, which is why we started the podcast.

And we never really worked in the restaurant industry, but we've had all manner of jobs and all that. And we've always grown up in a very

similar, with a similar attitude of like, hey, like, let's be compassionate with these people. They're having a hard time or, you know,

whatever it might be. And then when we started the podcast, we kind of leaned into that.

And people would come and email and say, like, oh my God, like, here's a review i got at work thank you for making me laugh about it you know it was just like oh okay there is this kind of audience out there who who's like thank you you know that's how we feel so it's definitely um emboldened us uh in the definitely anti-care movement when we first

definitely that and when we first started i feel like i was very like hard on myself and i would would take criticism very harshly so when i was reading these one-star reviews of these employees i'd be like oh my god these poor people but then people started sending in reviews and via email and they'd say, oh, yeah, the crew, we get together and read these one-star reviews.

And I'm like, oh, my God, I could never do that about my own podcast or my own work that I do.

How are these people like able to do this shitty job where they're shitty people and then still laugh at the shitty people being shitty? I was always just so impressed by that.

It really is anyway. Why do we care what people say about our stupid podcast if there are people out there like trying to make a living, just getting bullied by old women?

And sure enough, I don't care anymore.

We did a review, an episode where we read reviews of our own podcast, and it was one of my favorites i was just watching some clips of that yeah you know and and chrissy and i have done this a lot on our show too and

it's not

i learned this statistic when i worked in the restaurant industry long before one-star reviews on thread right this is like before

i'm so much older than y'all are but so when i started working i don't even know that the telephone existed yet but then you they would say these managers that i worked for they would say if you have a good experience like an average experience a good experience right you might if it's like a spectacular experience tell one other person But if you have a bad experience you will tell anybody that will listen So what we want to do is avoid the bad experiences, right?

It can be you can have an okay experience You can have a good experience But if you have a bad experience that can destroy the reputation of a restaurant and it can ruin someone's day essentially and so at least the the place where I worked they really kind of ingrained into our heads that customer service was the most important thing.

And I feel like that's kind of tailed off in a lot of ways in a lot of places. And we also understand that the people working behind the counter are people too.
And the customer is not always right.

But that was what was kind of banged into my head. When I read some of these reviews,

I

think about that. I go, you know what? The bad reviews.
are the people who just don't like the show. And they take the time.

Yeah, you can't win.

They take the time to bitch and complain because that's who they are and that's what they do. And we try to take it with a grain of salt, but I will read

10 great reviews about the show or me or Chrissy or whoever, and I forget all of those

second the bad review comes in. I'm like, well, that motherfucker.

Even with even just as an instinctual reaction, then you can pull away from it. But at that first like still, it's always that case.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah.

So it's been, it's been a, it's kind of broke, broken open a lot of conversations around that.

Yeah.

And like, I I found the people who really have feedback will email us or something. Will actually want to have a conversation with us rather than just

post a one-star review shitting on us in some way. Like the people who actually have concerns or feedback that...
is useful will usually reach out to us in other ways.

But I do find you're, it's so true that there's so many one-star reviews we read where people will say, oh, I always love coming here, except today.

And it's like, well, so you finally wrote a review and it was only because

I hated what happened today. It was 10 years, and today I had a terrible time, and I'm writing a one-star review.

They don't think how that, oh, maybe they could have written a five-star when they had a great time, but no, they only write the one-star because that's what they remember.

And I guess if you think about human nature just for a second, it kind of makes sense, right?

It's like when we're angry, that's when we're fired up and we want to take control over something.

We want to control how the outcome is. I'll get you.

I'll be on top. I'll figure it out.

People don't sometimes realize the power of their own words. Has anybody ever identified that this review is about me?

And I want to call these people or text them or email them and let them know that this was... I mean, I know that it's such a vast sea of reviews that it's like finding a needle in a haystack.

But when I was thinking about this this morning, I was curious if you have ever had someone go, I think that's about me and I should reach out.

I'll try to remember because I feel like there might have been. There may have been, I don't know if we've ever had someone do that.
We definitely have had people send in reviews mentioning them.

So they'll say, like, my boss sent this over, like, this was written on, and then, which is always fun because then they'll give

the backstory, like, for context, you know, this woman came in drunk and she was carrying a dog or whatever. Of course, the stuff the reviewer's leaving out of the review.
Yeah. Holy.

So that's always fun. But I don't know that we've ever had someone say, like, I mean, like, where we pick one and then someone else is like, wait, that's me.
Yeah.

I don't think we've had that yet. No, but I don't think so.

We were just in Omaha and did a live show there. And we walk into the green room and there's a printed out one-star review of the venue.
And they were so they showed it to us.

And it was honestly like pretty, like, pretty normal. Like, it wasn't that crazy.
But then the owner said, like, oh, yeah, this person was high on Molly. They were like hiding.

They were in this alleyway. And what we were like, oh, all of this is missing from this review.
This is amazing context.

We're so glad you shared this with us because we would have been like, oh, okay, that's annoying that they wrote this. Oh, there's a lot more to this story, huh?

Very interesting.

When you put yourself up for crucifixion, that's an interesting way to do it.

And what is the most brutal review that you can remember reading? Like, which is the one that sticks with you when you go over the. I mean, how many episodes are you in to the show? 361.

Yeah, that's a lot of episodes. That's a lot of episodes.

Do you have one that just sticks with you? Like, holy shit.

Okay, we have some themes that we've

had to axe because we were like, oh, this is too dark.

Because, you know, you think, of course, like

the entitled reviewers, right, are like the funny ones or

that space where you can joke around. And then there are like the extremely racist or like the things where you're like, cool, cool.
Not necessarily funny or my place to

say these things aloud. Because people, I mean, Yelp allows a lot of words, which I'm always shocked they allow, Alexander, what are the, we've listened to that.
You can put slurs on

and they'll still be there 10 years later. Yeah, shocking.
They can say like the F-word, but you can like say a homophobic slur and they'll like keep it in. So a lot of that we're like, maybe not.

And the toughest one for me personally was looking up

veterinarians.

And I'm like, this will be funny. And it was like episode 10.
And we found out very quickly, like, oh, it's just a lot of people losing their pets and getting sick.

I feel like there's literally nothing funny about any of those. The most brutal ones are always the truest ones.
It's, it feels like where it's like

they're being honest. And I will say, though, one of the most brutal,

because usually

a lot, most of the time, we're on the side of the reviewer or

person receiving the review. Sorry.

So the brutal ones are the ones where we're like, oh shit, there's no coming back from this one. This was very clearly the person was at fault.

And I always think of that fucking Kansas City cab company that she brought these reviews of this cab company. She's read this every time we went to Kansas City both times.

It's this cab driver who's drinking on the job, who's like stalking the passenger, who's like, literally like everything you can do wrong as a taxi driver.

Car, like, yeah, it's harassing. And this person just keeps coming back and is like, oh, I tried them again.
Oh, they got me again. A 12-part update.
And it's on yellow cab.

You can see how many months have passed since the last review. And she'll wait like four months.
She'll go, never again, Yellow Cab. And then four months later, she's like, well, here I am again.

I'm like,

what are you doing? Get an Uber. This was not that long ago.

Yeah. So definitely there are times where you're like, I can't look at this anymore.

It's depressing. But yeah.
So follow-up to this. Do you, because this brings up an interesting question that I was thinking about earlier also.
Do you

have to screen those reviews for trolls? Because we know that people just love to, I mean, there are some people that are really funny out there on the comments, right?

I came here for the comment section. It's a whole version of comedy.
There's like stand-up comedy, improv comedy, I don't know, clown school, mimes, and in the comment section.

Some people that are really fucking funny, they're really good at that. Yeah, it's like a gift.

And I feel like a lot of people have that gift because that's one of my, I'm sure, just like you, it's one of my favorite things to do is sometimes go to the comment section. Yes.

But the reviews have become the place, I've noticed also in our own like next door, you know, segment that I have to kind of understand that some of these might be people trolling, but it's fun anyway to read them.

Do you have a like a, I don't know, some kind of, you know, radar out there for trolls? We do. 100%.
100%.

And it's actually really annoying and it stinks because sometimes you'll be like really invested and then you realize like, oh, this person is just full of like trying to make a dip.

There are a lot of fake ones or Alexander's has been discovering a lot of AI reviews so many AI reviews where I'm reading and I'm like oh this oh this person's about to set up a whole scene and I'm like oh never mind it's just they plugged it into chat GPT or something and got some really long

long

wordy bullshit review that really doesn't help anyone who's reading reviews anything of any yeah it's very it's like people need a hobby you know like a better one for the trolls sometimes they are funny like I will use we we do use them sometimes but it's more like hey if i find it funny i'm gonna read it if uh or if i think it's gonna bother her that's the other one yeah is like if i think that she's gonna hate that i read it i'm gonna read it um that's the other so we at least have like

i create reasons to read the troll reviews yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah you guys have a little gamesmanship going on here huh like can we try Yeah, I think we're both losing, but yeah, probably.

I would say you're both winning. You're doing a podcast for a living, right? I'd say

you're doing okay. I'll take it.
I'll take it. You're doing okay.

When anyone says, you know, something about their day at work, I have to remind myself as much as I want to bitch and complain about the whatever, the wire that didn't plug in or the, you know, the camera today.

Yes, you have to plug her microphone in correctly. Yeah.

That plugged it into number four. I have to go, well, you know,

I do podcasts. I'm like, I'm at home right now.
Like, I should not complain.

Do you guys record from separate places usually, or is this just

a matter of time? We were together when we started the podcast now, and then he moved far away from me. Okay.
No, she moved first.

She abandoned me. She abandoned me during COVID time in L.A.
So I was alone in L.A. That part's true.
As she and her, as my brother-in-law moved to Northern Kentucky.

Northern Kentucky.

Thank you. Let's see if that's the reaction I wanted.
What are you doing in Northern Kentucky?

I'm podcasting. Thank you very much.
Are you like in Paducah? Where are you? No, no. I love Paducah.
Okay, no.

I love Paducah.

I almost, you know,

I pulled out some t-shirts today. One of them was my Paducah winery shirt.
Oh, my God.

No, we're from the Cincinnati area. I'll Xener and I.
So I moved back to Cincinnati, but I'm right over the river. It's like Newport, Kentucky, right on the river.

Like a 10-minute drive from where we grew up. So it does make a little sense.
I will give her that. It's more shocking when you say Kentucky.

I live in New York, which is a little more exciting. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.

But I would, listen, I get the, I get the mid, I grew up in Chicago, right? So I get that kind of Midwest vibe.

And, but, you know, there's that weird space, that Cincinnati, Kentucky, southern Indiana. Like, there's this weird vacuum of it's beautiful, but it's very flat.

And I wonder sometimes if it's dangerous. It doesn't look dangerous, but it feels dangerous.
You know what I'm saying? When I'm driving through there sometimes. So I get skeptical sometimes.

People say, I moved to Kentucky. I moved to Kentucky? You actually

chose to be there? I know. And it's kind of weird.
And after leaving so many years ago, it was like, what am I doing? But then,

I don't know. Maybe it was the, listen, some guardian angel was like, get out of L.A.
And my husband worked in the ER. And I was like, what?

Okay. And then we

literally, we bought a house February 2020. And then a month later, we were like, oh my God, what's going on? And so I did abandon Zandy.
It was.

then less than a year later, I came running and I moved to Cincinnati for a few years. So

listen, I'm just trying to look at it. You didn't try.
You didn't try anything.

Okay. That's what happened with the skydiving, too, I bet.
I don't remember.

You inspired me to skydive. You inspired me to move to Cincinnati, Ohio.

Wow. What inspired you to move to New York? Just

go to Cincinnati. My ex.

It was a, it was.

My ex and I were long distance. She was living here in New York and got to a point where I thought, you know what? I'd love to try New York.
I've lived in L.A. I've lived a little bit in D.C.

I would love a new city to try. I like living in a city.

I suggested Paducah, but he was not taking it.

Not yeah. And believe it or not, my ex was like, I'm not moving to Cincinnati.
And I told her, I don't want you to move to Cincinnati.

I do not want to be responsible for that.

So I'm very glad I did move to New York. It's been lovely.
I've been here two years. I am planning on moving again probably

soon, but just because I want a change of pace.

I'm fortunate to be able to do this wherever I am. So I'm going to try a new city probably pretty soon.
I agree with you. Sometimes I think about moving to Spain, especially the last six months.

I'm like, oh, Spain sounds good. Sounds lovely.
Wow. That has not been on my radar.
My wife is Venezuelan, and she's also a Spanish citizen. So she's an American citizen and a Spanish citizen.

Oh, hell yeah. And so are my children.
And so I'm like the odd man out. They could probably get out real quick if they needed to.

And I just have to kind of tag along and beg for mercy but sometimes i go we could do this from spain but you know then i look at spain and like any place you'd like the major cities where you'd want to live it's not like they're substantially cheaper than what you would do here a little bit little bit like the food and stuff like that you know public travel but um besides that healthcare

healthcare just comes with the package that's part of the deal yeah imagine that it seems to be working

over there yeah and if you want to pay for extra health care you feel free to pay for extra health care cool Cool.

You want to see a doctor a little quicker, a little sooner, or you want to go to a specialist that's not in the program, then guess what? They have those too. But that's a whole conversation.

You know,

I'll say this, the times when we get the most flack on this show, on the reviews, and we do our best to stay away from politics on the show. But sometimes politics becomes peaked.
Like it creeps in to

kids.

I mean, you're just survived a privilege to not be affected by politics and i think most people nowadays are and especially those who have less privilege than others so that's right and so we find ourselves biting our tongues and not and and sometimes not being able to bite our tongues like we got to mention something do you find in the comment sections it's hard or the review sections that i find Almost everything is touched by politics now.

So divisive in this country that everyone wants to throw in, oh, well, you're a Republican, oh, you're a liberal,

you know, whatever it is. Do you find it's difficult sometimes to navigate the comments section with or without politics?

Incredibly, I think. Yeah, you do.
I mean, especially when we're on tour and we have to read from different specific cities.

And it goes both ways.

But like when we're on tour in cities that are generally like more conservative, you'll read a lot of reviews of certain, like, places like certain museums and

different libraries or whatever. And they're talking about pride flags and drag shows, like these things that aren't actual issues, but they're saying the most hateful things

reading through them. That's where.

Oh, is that what you mean?

Like on the podcast itself. No, no, no, not on the podcast itself.

Yeah, like in the review section. Oh, it's everywhere.
Oh, yeah. It's everywhere.
Both sides. I mean, both sides, all over.
It's like, it's hard to find things that are not.

Oh, we're hating it. Definitely more hateful from one side generally.
I will say that. But

no, it's, and with,

what was I going to say?

With politics. Sorry, I interrupted you.
No, you're fine. Something does completely left my brain.
It'll be. Sandy glitched.
He glitched live on the show. That was my fault.

I thought I glitched, but I was at this time.

All right. I'm going to.
When you think about it. I remember it.
I remember it. Got it.

We had an episode recently where, so Cracker Barrel changed their logo. Oh, yeah.
And dumbest shit. And we thought it was the funniest thing ever.

And Cracker Barrel was kind of a running joke because we had spent a lot of time growing up. Like, our dad would bring us Cracker Barrel on road trips all the time.

And we talked about the peg game. We're German, by the way.
Like, our parents are first-generation American. Our whole family is German.

So, like, when we go to Cracker Barrel, it's like our very German dad with a very thick accent.

So, our experience at Cracker Barrel, I feel like, was not necessarily like the average Middle American experience. But we had this weird affinity for Cracker Barrel.
So, yeah, we leaned into it.

So, when this happened, very Quaker, yeah.

When all this happened, we like were reading reviews and we read reviews of it. And then the next day is when they reversed it.
So then we actually did a follow-up episode a week after.

And I will say, we did get comments from listeners saying, like, they want fewer politics or a couple people. It wasn't anything that bad.

And I thought it was interesting because I thought we do tend to avoid so much. Like, sometimes I fear that we don't say enough on the show with everything that's going on.

So for that, it felt like a little way to be like, get a little bit out there of like,

look at this ridiculous situation. Even this is touched by this divisiveness.
Even this is

a lot of people. Even this is like, why are you being so political? It's like, it's a cracker round.
It's not our fault. People are making it political.

Yeah, they made it political. I'm just commenting on it.
What the hell?

Well, the one thing that I will say is that, you know, recently we've started to open our, we started to open our,

kind of open the guardrails a little bit on some of the things that we talk about.

And like you said, it's hard sometimes not to see what's going on on the television and read about it or whatever, and then not go, I can't comment.

If I have a show that's brought, you know, that's running four days a week, I can't not say something about this.

But there's one lady who, when we, you know, I said something a couple months ago, and then she wrote this comment on Spotify, you know, stop being political, you know, stay in your lane, you're not funny when you're political, whatever.

And then over the course of a couple months, it started a dialogue on our, like our hotline, our text message hotline.

That started a dialogue, but that dialogue went completely the way I did not expect it to go.

And we both ended up agreeing with each other on a lot more stuff than we ever disagreed to the point where I was like, Maybe I should have spoken up a long time ago.

Because if this one person, I don't know if I've changed her mind about anything, but I think that she's agreeing that some of the stuff that we're seeing is just like insane, right?

And that that's not what she would have voted for. So I go, oh, well, at least, if at least one person out there, we can have a conversation.
It's reasonable enough to be able to do that.

It is reasonable. It's fun.

But I'm under no delusion that everybody's like that. All right.
I want to read a few next door posts to you that I've been collecting, and we'll all comment on them together.

We rarely touch on next door, and I feel like that is like prime content. So good on you.
That's a great bit.

Everyone is worried about TikTok and the teenagers with TikTok. Everyone is Snapchatting.
You know, they're worried about 16-year-olds Snapchatting their ding-dongs and willy-hoo-hoos.

And Facebook has become a cesspool for you know the greatest generation that never was the school to you know continue to suck up more billions from the poor people next door is the most dangerous application available today

because the average age at least where i live of users has got to be over 70 years old and they have all lost their ever fucking loving minds now

i understand after 70 you might just kind of lose it anyway starting to slide

backwards a little bit

These people are insane. Some of the posts that I have read in my area on this show defy any logic whatsoever.
It's like insane. Now,

be warned, I don't know. There could be trolls out there.
I'm sure there are. So I don't claim that every single one of these is like a serious post,

but I think a good chunk of them are because when I look at them, I can see

a profile picture of the person.

You know, a dog eyeball. You know what I'm saying? Like a picture taken by grandma on a TV.
It's like a picture of Elvis that they took of their computer screen. Yes.

Or a picture of their shoes.

Oh, that's a good one.

Okay. Ready? Ready.
Rhonda says, has anyone else seen the googly eyeballs on the mailbox at dot dot dot? Should I call the police or just go to or just go to City Hall to have them remove it?

It is scaring my dog.

It's scaring my dog. Fucking Halloween lady.

I love that.

Those two options, those are really my only two things I do when I have something I'm not too happy about. Police call.
City Hall. That's City Hall.
Where else?

I mean, imagine the poor City Hall employees are like, please don't come back for that. I know.
We've seen enough of you this week, Rhonda.

I've been to some City Hall meetings for like zoning stuff, and there's one lady. One lady.
I don't know if her name is. it might be,

I don't know, but she comments on every single thing.

She's just one of those people who has to be involved. She has an opinion.
Yeah, she has an opinion and she'll let them know.

And they grace, you know, they graciously give her her three and a half minutes or whatever it is, and then they move on. They say, Thank you, and then they move on.
Thank you. As usual, thank you.

Here's an enterprising young man who said, Found 19-inch MacBook Pro inside of Stranger's Unlocked Car. Does anyone recognize?

I sort of got a lot of people. Should I call the police or go to the car? Should I call the police or go to sleep?

What is going on? This is

wild.

It's crazy. Like,

this is one of those where I think maybe it's a troll, but I don't know. It's hard to exclude.
It's hard to behave this way. These people are unhinged.
They are.

You stole it out of someone's unlocked car. And they're like, no, well, I didn't want someone to steal.
And it's like, you just did. What are you talking about? You literally just did that.

So there is a picture of the back of someone's head. Just to give you some context there.
Picture of the back of someone's head. I want to say a big thank you and a big F you to my neighbor.

And I'm not even going to say his first name because if people know, but who sicked the raccoon on my garbage? Look at the mess he's made. I'll get you.

Oh, my God.

First of all, when the older generation, also, when they start threatening people, it gets, I start to get alarmed. I'm like,

actually,

it sounds way more threatening coming up. They've got less to lose at that age.
They'll do some crazy shit. But who you've got, Snow White over there, like controlling these raccoons?

Yeah, like that's what that's what was my question. Cinderella? I don't know who knows about that.
Pet raccoon, how did you exactly get it to attack?

I knew a man who had a pet raccoon named Jack the Rack, and he

talked about how, like, he had no control over this raccoon. He was like, I have the raccoon at my house because now I've made my decision and it's it's too late.
But he's like, don't ever do this.

They, they love shiny things and they love water. So they'll go and turn on every faucet in the entire apartment.

They'll go and like collect anything shiny, break like electrical things like to take the shiny parts. He was like, they're a nightmare.

And so I can't imagine anybody has that much control that they can like sick a raccoon. I mean, maybe, maybe some sort of

thing. Yeah.
I couldn't like sick a dog on someone successfully. Like all the dogs I know, I'm like, I'm not going to be able to do it.
Why trash?

Like, if she's about to attack you, you might as well write on. Yeah, those

raccoons. I've seen those people online who have the pet raccoons and they're like in the walls, like

burrowing everywhere.

It seems to me like this is like once you realize that you've made this mistake, like a day in, go ahead and release it back to the wild, right? Yeah, I think they'll find their way back.

I mean, I think these things are very

smart, enterprising. I can say that now.
It's such a good word, but I don't know. They find their way.
I saw a lady on the cat's,

what do you call that, zanny cat the cat door to go outside they would like climb in at night that's insane to even have that i've seen these people online who have the pet possums too yeah i love possums

i have a fear of them i i don't i don't know what they are natural fear and i but i i have so many possum stuff i'm like where's my possum okay i can't scare you right now nothing's in breach

we did a whole thing for about a month on possums and how much brian dislikes possums but anyway oh wow so this is like lore like canon already okay got it yeah All right. So one guy says,

lost chicken, right? Puts a picture of the chicken. Was in my backyard.
I managed to escape. Can't find it.

It is our family pet. If you see it, can you please return it? And then someone else puts a picture of his chicken nugget.
No. No, I knew it.
I was like, a rose fish.

Found chicken.

Found chicken. Tastes great with barbecues.

That's That's so terrible.

These people are just waiting at their email, at their comment inbox for one of these post-commons that they can just sit there and troll. Oh, my God.
Yes.

Sounds like our stepdad. Our stepdad would do it.
Like, if he had next door, thankfully he doesn't,

he would be doing that. He would be this guy

making funny comments back at people. He's asking those crazy comments.
Honestly, he would be making funny comments and then being really specifically helpful with people's lawnmower. Yeah.
Oh.

And he'd be. He's one of those guys.
He's one of those guys. Yeah.
Yeah. I feel like

one of my parents is on this app and making these ridiculous things, but

I don't want to call them out by name. But I know that my parents, some of my parents, I have a couple parents.
Some of them, my parents are like me.

Yeah, it's a little bit of a weird family history, but that's okay.

I want the people in my neighborhood, name's the neighborhood, to please stop posting the welcome neighbor sign at the front. It is bringing in trash from other municipalities.

Oh, no.

Wait, so you put the welcome side turn around so they think they're entering when they exit? No, no, he's putting it. They're putting, someone's putting welcome new neighbor.

So, like, if someone moves into the neighborhood, they put a welcome new neighbor. And he said it's bringing in trash from other municipalities or other

suburbs. When are we going to learn that immigrants are not welcome? And it's like, immigrants are not going to be available.
Immigrants into your neighborhood? Yeah.

You're talking about someone moving from the side. You migrated from the west side.
Yeah. What the fuck?

Everything gets political.

Everything. You can't welcome your new neighbor because that is bringing in trash.
Well, if your neighbor's trash, then what are you supposed to do, Brian? That's what you're talking about.

Sick a raccoon on them.

That's true.

Lost chicken. I think the raccoon and the chicken might have seen it.
There has to be a correlation or a connection there. Yeah.

Parking complaint. This white car keeps parking in front of my house.
I don't think this is legal. That's what they say.
Then

the first comment is: This is me, Terry. I'm your neighbor.
I've been parking here for six months because I live next door. I'll kill you.
Oh, thank God.

And then the original commenter, the original poster says, I don't believe believe you.

What? What?

And then the

guy, I guess, you know, the original poster's name is Terry, says, just walk next door and talk to me about it. Oh, my God.
I'm standing outside. To which Terry replies, prove it.
What?

Oh, Terry. I mean, really, Terry.
This is insane. These people are insane.

Need a good electrician. Where do I find one? Found this phone number on the back of someone's truck.
Are they reliable?

Are you just hoping this is a problem?

Found the S MacBook inside someone's truck and a phone number for an electrician. Well, you know how the electricians drive down the street and you see the phone number.

Right. But she just, he or she just posts the phone number in hopes that someone's going to recognize it and go, yep, they're reliable.
Oh, yeah.

Honestly, our stepdad would be like, yeah, that's TV Bob, that guy. We know him.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So he knows the electricians electricians around town.

Like, these people just need to text our stepdad. Yeah, honestly.
Like, he's got answers.

If your dog poops on my lawn one more time, I, as the president of this HOA,

make sure that dogs are banned from the neighborhood. You've been warned.
You've been warned.

He takes to the, I don't know what HOA, I mean, he says the HOA, but, you know, it's probably like three houses in an HOA. But why taking it next door as if all the people in the HOA are

immediate red flag. It's like when people say, Oh, I am contacting my lawyer, and I'm like, You're on Yelp, you're not contacting your lawyer, you're on Yelp.

Like, you're not like proving your lawyer would not want you posting on Yelp.

Exactly, I'm like, bullshit.

Yeah, it's,

and again, we have to take all of this with a grain of salt, right?

I think some people are just having fun on here, but I do believe that knowing this neighborhood that I live in, I do believe that some of this is real.

Yeah, I know, I bet.

And like, I next door people always give give me the like, like, wannabe HOA vibes, which is so bizarre because HOA, like, the stuff you read just from HOAs is sometimes so ridiculous.

And then the next door people who want to, who are like acting like that without even, like, there being an HOA

just move somewhere where the laws are like way too strict, where you can't, like, have a little flag on your door.

Yeah. Well, that's what they get.
Sometimes they paint themselves into a corner. I remember my father was, he had lived in a neighborhood of like 10 houses, like 10, 11 houses, something like that.

And they asked him, do you want to be the president of the HOA? And he said, sure. And three people voted or whatever.
And within a day, like the first HOA meeting, he's like, fuck that. I'm out.

He's like,

he says, I don't have anything to do with that. There's a reason nobody else had volunteered, right? I'm always like, why does nobody else want to do this? Because then I certainly don't either.
Yeah.

Because

it's all grief.

No one pats you on the back. You have to make decisions that are tough.
And then you got to spend people's money or or tell them to give you more money that you don't want. You just make rules.

That was like a H-OA.

Yeah, H-O-As are ridiculous. I one time had a condo down in Florida, and there's one reason why I don't have that condo down in Florida anymore.
It's H-O-A. That's it.
Three levels of H-O-A.

Yeah, they're always asking you for more money. There's like, oh, $47,000.
It just feels made up. It's like, what?

It is.

And it feels like they always pick the priciest thing. We got to do it the right way.
Do you have to do it the right way, or can you do it the most inexpensive way? Because, you know,

it's a brand new grill for outside. Do we really need to buy a $47,000 grill?

All right. So you can find Zandy and Christine's podcast.
There are links in the show notes. That's Beach2Sandy, Water2Wet, which is, which I love.
Took me a minute to get it.

When I first heard the name of your podcast, it took me a minute to get it. But then when I listened to the show, I go, oh, I get it.
Then it does.

Some people, yeah, I feel like maybe we could have come up with an easier name. But, you know, it was actually originally going to be like even more words and say, like, it's too cold.

And we were like, somehow, this was the best option we could do. This was the best option.

Well, I feel like beach too sandy is a good, like, you know, it's a good,

I don't know, you can paraphrase it by saying beach too sandy. That's a good one.

Yeah. When it's real, real reviews.
Those were real things we saw.

Like, we, we picked those comments specifically from reviews of a beach and, or two different beaches, where someone was complaining the water was too wet and someone was complaining the beach was too sandy.

Unbelievable. And might we still find those? Those ghosts are crazy.

No, listen, they are actually.

Those next door people are probably also on Yelp.

Yeah, that's true. There's probably a lot of crossover.
Yeah, I feel like when you're willing to go in on one, you're probably willing to go in on others. Exactly.
Precisely.

You can find their podcast on the links below. Wherever you're listening to the commercial break, they're available also, and I'll put their Instagram links and all the pertinent details.

And then Christine is also a part of a number of other podcasts, so I'll throw those in for good measure. Thank you.
I have had a great deal of fun and I look forward to being on your podcast soon.

Yeah, we can't wait. This was awesome.
Oh my gosh, what a delight. And say hi to Chrissy.
And I'm sorry.

I've missed her.

We'll get together again. And yeah, next time.
Next time it'll be us and her. You can't.
And then we'll do all four. It'll just be, we'll do a little bit of everything.
We'll just mix the match. Yeah.

We're a thrupple in a month in multiple different combinations.

We'll go right along with my current favorite TV show, which is Seeking Sister Wife. So there you go.
Oh, good show. I haven't started that one.
Okay. Great show.
Oh, you're six seasons behind.

So get started, boy. You better hurry.

Thanks, guys. I appreciate it.
Thanks.

Rachel here. While Brian takes his old man Bladder to the little boys' room, let's talk turkey.
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I'm gonna go help Brian get back up the stairs while you listen to the sponsors, and then we'll all meet back here and get back to this episode of The Commercial Break. I'll take a raise now, bitches.

Bye.

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Now, wasn't that fun?

I mean,

the meeting of two great comedy minds. Christine and Sandy.

Christine and Sandy. But they do that every week.
And then here I am, you know, walking into the party and taking a hot one on the floor.

But, you know, hey, listen, I can only do what I can do, and that's what I can do. But if you enjoyed it,

go follow them.

beach2sandy.com as I repeatedly told you in the first 15 minutes of the episode. Like I said,

when I mentioned to Chrissy, when we were talking about this right after I recorded it, we got 12, 15 text messages about people were like, oh my God, I love that podcast.

I'm so excited you were on it.

So we know that there is what they call a cross-stream of listenership going on there. I don't know if that's what they call it.
I just made that up. Why did you just make that up, Brian?

I just made it up. This is why I was good in a boardroom.
Because I would say shit like that all the time. And people would be like, oh, he knows what...
Look at him. He knows what he's talking about.

That's Brian Green.

He gave us the Brian look. I did.
I did indeed. Give you the Brian look.

Okay.

All the links in the show notes. Thank you to Christine and Zandy.
I hope we get to do this collab again. And I hope we get to do it with Chrissy.
We all agreed.

It would be better with Chrissy. So next time Chrissy's in the room with us, thank you very much to those two.

After the break, my side project, my other podcast, which I put out one episode and then went dark for four weeks, I am now doing this as a come as it goes, take it or leave it.

Whenever I decide to turn on the microphone kind of podcast, I will also broadcast those live. I will stream them live.
And then I will put them on the RSS feed as soon as I'm done. No must, no fuss.

This is not going to be the highly produced, investigative 60 minutes of podcasting that I had intended because, quite frankly, I just want to loosen it up a little bit. So, follow after the break.

Also, check Chrissy and us out. Chrissy and I out streaming every time we record an episode.
Follow us at the commercial break on Instagram. Follow me, Brian W.
Green, on Instagram. And 212-433-3822.

Questions, comments, concerns, contents, ideas on any of the podcasts aforementioned.

That's all I can do. I love you.
Best to you. Until next time.
I will say, I do say, and I must say, goodbye.

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Wanna drive? CarMex.

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Nebraska, get ready to feel the pride.

Love Nebraska Volleyball is back in January 2026, representing the entire state, featuring some of the best players in the world, including Nebraska's own Jordan Larson, Alexi Rodriguez, and Jay Lee Winters.

Massive blocks, long rallies, and a statewide fan base that shows up loud. This is a season you don't want to miss.
Tickets available now. Visit lobbnab.com/slash iHeart.