NASA Is Listening...To TCB?!

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It's 333 on the Crabapple Yoni Massage and Counseling Studio Clock. Crabapple Yoni Massage and Counseling.
We'll rub it out while you work it out. Exciting news today for local girl rock group Tina and the Subservients.
For the third week in a row, Tina and the Subservients have maintained their position of number 143 on the East Upchuck County religion, music, and podcast charts. When reached for comment, Tina said, quote,

I have to talk to the church elders, end quote. This marks the third time Tina and the subservians

have been on the East Upchuck County religious, music, and podcast charts, this time for their

brand new single, Dangerous Loaf of Bread. Let's take a listen to a clip now.
You're a dangerous loaf of bread.

You're a dangerous loaf of bread.

Say you're a dangerous loaf of bread.

Keep rolling, rolling, rolling, rolling.

Don't you know the enemy?

He hates to see us coming.

Because we're just wild enough to do stuff like dangerous loaf of bread. And we tell him, we're gonna keep rolling right over your head.
And maybe you need to add that to it. Just like this, hey.
I'm a dangerous loaf of bread. Gonna keep rolling right over your head.
Said I'm a dangerous loaf of bread. And I'm gonna keep rolling right over your head.
Come on, say it! I'm a dangerous loaf of bread. A representative for the all-female music group said that Tina and the subservients are planning a new album

and a tour of the wider Southern Crabapple Township.

Residents are advised to get your tickets quickly, as last year's tour sold out in just minutes.

Can you smell what the Lord is cooking?

We'll be back after this commercial break.

On this episode of the commercial break.

We've been really quiet for the most part.

We did do the Hulu documentary.

That's all.

That's all we did.

We did make a deal with Disney+, Max.com, Hulu, SiriusXM, and Spotify

to do a number of documentaries, Chrissy,

but that was it.

Besides the Sun, the Globe, Washington Post, New York Times,

my own blog, my vlog, this new podcast,

and Logan Paul's video cast. I mean, that's quiet.
Hey, listen. For me, that's quiet.
For me, that's quiet. The next episode of the Commercial Break starts now.
Yeah, boy! Oh, yeah, cats and kittens. Welcome back to the Commercial Break.
I'm Brian Green. This is my dear friend and the co-host of this show, Chris Joy Hoadley.
Best to you, Chris. Best to you, Brian.
Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Thanks for joining us.
How the hell are you? You know, we haven't had a chance to talk about this yet, and it's way after the fact now. You heard it here last on the commercial break, as you always do.
I just might let you know that, that if you're listening, you're hearing information you heard already. The two astronauts stuck in space for almost nine months have had an opportunity to return home to their planet of origin here on Earth.
And thanks to SpaceX. I mean, there's no other way to put that.
Even NASA said without Trump's intervention and Elon, those two would have probably not gotten home for a long time because there were no scheduled rocket launches, no scheduled rescuable, I don't know, vehicles to go up there and get them down. And that fucking Boeing piece of shit is still floating around up there stuck on the space station.
Unbelievable. I mean, what a bad string of luck for Boeing.
I mean, I just guess they're bad at what they do now, but doors flying off, wings falling out, planes falling out of the sky, and then they get billion, billion, billion dollar contracts from the government to make a space capsule, and they can't even get the thing to fly home. It's kind of an embarrassment.
But in this case, I will give it to Trump and to Elon. They got somebody up there to drive them home, I guess, an Uber up to the ISS.
And now they're back home, frailer than they were before after nine months in space. Everything changes.
Your body, your eyeball structure changes. Did you know that? I did not.
So gravity helps to keep the shape of your eyes. So when there is no gravity, your eyes change shape because the fluid around it and they're just kind of squishy textured.
So they change, the eyes change shape. So when you get back down to earth and then gravity's pulling on your eyeballs again, some people have trouble seeing know that.
And so it takes them a while for that eyeball to get that shape back. So there's all kinds of consequences to being up in space for that long.
No surprise there. I mean, when you don't have gravity, it's just much easier on everything.
But what's the first thing you are eating when you get back? Oh, a big steak and some mashed potatoes. I'm having a fat cheeseburger with as many French fries as I can stuff down my gullet, a milkshake, and some vagina.
An entire bottle of wine. Oh, yeah, for you, an entire bottle of wine.
For me, a whole box of cream and cereal. Yes.
Yeah, I'm going on a run. I'm going on an epic run.
I'm putting that weight back on immediately. Because I can only imagine that the worst part about being stuck in space, besides not knowing if you're ever going to come home to your planet, is not being able to eat anything that tastes like anything.
That's space food. I don't think it's gotten much better.
I don't know. It's so funny you mentioned that because I saw a whole thing about it a while back on space food.
And there's, you know, a whole science behind it. And they have all kinds of people working on it to try and make the space food the best that they can.
It's got to be like freeze dried, right? It's just got to be awful. Yeah, it's all freeze dried.
You can't have like liquidy stuff up there. Nothing with juices in it because then the juice flies everywhere.
So everything's got to be freeze-dried. And while I'm sure that they've gotten better at the taste of things, the texture of things is probably not very good.
If you're going to have a, maybe they have hamburgers, but they're completely dry, dried out. It's just all got to be gross at the end of the day.
And you can only take so much of that. It's not like they have a chef up there preparing meals.
You're eating a certain variety of food and you're eating it over and over again. Thank God for that ISS or they would have been fucked.
Those two would have been like, that is my nightmare about space kids. There it is right there.
Is that we get up there and then in some interstellar weird situation, 150 years has passed by before I get to come home to earth and everybody's much older than i am like that's the weird shit that goes on in space that i'm not cool with i we're not there yet we're not there space travel is not common it's not like taking a cruise or a train or a plane when we get there if we get there in my lifetime then possibly i would consider it if it was something that had been done hundreds of thousands or millions of times more More mainstream. Yeah.
And there's like a Ritz Carlton up there. You know what I'm saying? Like there's like an indoor pool and gravity and a chef to cook you meals.
If there's that. The moon Ritz.
The moon, the Ritz a la moon. The Luna Ritz.
Ritz Luna. La Luna.
La Luna Ritz. If there's one of those up there and they've figured out the gravity thing and the food thing and everything else and not having my eyeball change into a weird shape and not being able to see when I get home, I already can't see.
If I go up to space, I'm fucked. I'm coming home blind.
Maybe that would change it to where you could see. Hey, listen.
Some people might think that way. I know, for me, it would be the exact opposite.
That I,, in fact, would be fucked that I would have no sight when I got home. Okay.
So that's, you know, that was exciting news. I watched the splashdown.
I saw them take them out of the capsule and all that. I thought that was very big deal.
Yeah, it's a big deal. And I felt happy for them.
And so right around that time, I get a text message on our hotline here. And that text message has a picture of a picture of those two astronauts.
As that news is, you know, the news is they're coming home. We're going to get them back down right before the, you know, maybe a week before they actually splash down.
I get a picture of a picture of those two astronauts. It's a picture of them, like on a wall.
And somebody who's been writing us for a while says, here, check out these two. I pass by them every day on my way to the bathroom.
And I'm like, well, let me respond to this one personally, because I want to understand exactly what kind of office you're working in where you have pictures of astronauts near the bathroom. Were they like headshots? Yeah, headshots.
Yeah, of them like in their space gear, but, you know, with the helmet off and, you know, the traditional space headshot. You know, the one that every astronaut in the history of ever has ever had.
You know what I'm talking about. You're in the suit.
Yes. Just no bubble on the head.
No bubble head. And the suits have gotten prettier.
I will give them that. They have managed to get those suits now just look like a jumper, essentially.
Now, how they keep space out, I'm not sure. But I don't want any space in my suit.
In my space suit, I want no space. You know what I'm saying? But anyway, so I think to myself, well, either this guy works in a place where they really, really like space, or he has some important job where they have pictures of astronauts on the wall.
Let me respond directly. And since I've talked to him before, I say, hey, man, why exactly do you have pictures of these two near your bathroom? And he says, because I work at the Kennedy Space Center.
That's why. And I'm like, you work for NASA? Wow.
Yes, I do. do well you may be a little excited that you're talking to brian from the commercial break why i have no idea i mean you know i'm just a dude but i am extra excited that i am talking to an actual rocket engine like a you know a guy who helps people go to space yes that's amazing i i'm so excited about And I really was.
I was like fanboying a little bit. I'm like, wow, a NASA person is actually listening to the commercial break.
To which I reply, well, there's a first for every, I mean, you know, I'm like paraphrasing here. There's a first for everything.
You must be the first person in the history of the commercial break that works at NASA

and is listening to the commercial break. To which he responds, probably not.
I think I know differently. And I don't want to get into all the details because I don't want, you know, I don't know if he wants to be known or doesn't want to be known.
But I suspect there may be some fans of working at NASA.

And to which I say,

what in the good fuck is going on at NASA that there are commercial break fans working at the highest levels of intellectual institutes? Do you know what I'm saying? There should be rules around this. It's amazing.
Well, you know, sometimes it's like me watching The Housewives. You know, I want to just tune out, not care, watch something stupid, and that's, you know, entertaining.
Yes, I would say, Chrissy— And I think that's like what this is. No knock on you.
And the point is taken. And I would say, yes, it's like Brian tuning in to Seven Little Johnsons while he's editing the show.
Correct. Just to have some noise on in the background and see if I can hear something interesting.
It would be like that if either of us were employed in the business of sending people to space and we're not. We are just too dumb.
I mean, I'm a dumb, dumb. You're relatively smart, but I'm a dumb, dumb editing a podcast that no one gives shit about, except for maybe a few people at NASA question mark.
I mean, that is just like, to me, that's really exciting stuff. I go to bed thinking to myself, wow, we did it.
We did it. We're connecting.
We're somehow, you know, like seven degrees of Kevin Bacon. We are a degree away from space.
Yes, seven degrees of dum-dums. Yes.
Seven degrees of dum-dums. More like three degrees.
Yeah. You reach someone intelligent is in that seven degrees.
That's right. I'm excited because someone with intelligence has reached our sphere of influence here.
Our orbit, if you will. That's crazy.
I am definitely feeling, I don't know, a sense of… A little pep in yourself? Yeah, I got a little pep in myself. A sense of achievement, a sense of accomplishment that someone who is much, much smarter than I am and probably actually went to school and paid attention is listening to our show and enjoying it.
I think that's great. I think it's great.
So to the NASA employees out there who are listening to the show or employee, however many of you there are, I will tell you that we

love your mission. We are honored.
I am all about it. And even though you will never catch me

putting on one of those spacesuits with no space, I will tell you right now that I appreciate what

you're doing because I think it is important. I do think space exploration is important.

Oh my God, 100%. I always wanted to important.
I do think space exploration is important. Oh, my God.
A hundred percent.

You know, did you ever, I wanted, I always wanted to go to space camp, but I didn't.

I went to.

There's that one that's over in Huntsville, right?

Huntsville, Alabama space camp, which a lot of my friends went to for the summer.

Yes.

Like the month long, you know, your parents pay $10,000 and you, you know, do the thing.

But apparently that not only,

I don't think, I don't know if it exists anymore. I'm sure in some form or fashion it does,

but apparently not only was that fun for the kids, but in some cases could help to fast track

you to a, to a space program. Like you could go work at NASA.
That was one of the things you could

put on your resume that would say, Hey, listen, I'm interested in working here. I went to space

camp. Now, I don't know how many kids that went to space camp actually became astronauts, but I'm sure there's a few.
There's got to have been a few, right, throughout the years. I never went to space camp, but I went to the Huntsville Space Center.
And that is where I stuck a pizza onto the ceiling and poured 320 pixie sticks into the hotel air conditioner room and made everybody three and a half hours a little late because I had to clean it. So I think if it wasn't clear from the beginning that I was not going to be qualified to work at NASA, I'm sure they have that on my record somewhere.
It's got to be on my record somewhere. But we did go and we did get to do a few of the things.
I think we were there for two days and we did get to do some of the things that you would do in space camp, ride that twirly whirly thing, you know, which I remember was not a pleasant feeling particularly. It was like, you know, and we were kids.
I think they were giving us the kid version of the ride. But that thing, you know, the circular thing where they spin you around in all kind of different directions i do remember vaguely being in that i do remember it not being a pleasant feeling because of course it's not you're just throwing your lunch all over the place and while i love rides roller coasters any of that stuff get me on it tomorrow i love it uh that i don't think i felt like it was a pleasant feeling what else did we do i think we got to go in like a simulated space shuttle and, you know, press the buttons, stuff like that.
We got to put on some of the gear. We got to look at, you know, they always have to put you through the boring part too, where you look at what they actually do in space with experiments.
I just wanted the fun stuff. Rocket ride up, rocket ride down.
That's what I wanted to be a part of. But then I had to go through the boring stuff to get there, too.
So, you know, never. Experiments.
That's like the main mission. Experiments.
It's the only mission of those things. Right, it's to take all of the experiments.
And to release, you know, secret CIA spy satellites. That's it.
That's the only thing that they do. There's no purpose to being in space except to determine if we can, in fact, carve a way to make a life up there in space longer than whatever.
What's the current record? 165, I mean, 390 days or something like that? Something like that. I do know that people have been up there for over a year.
Yeah, and I think that guy, one of the senators, don't we have a senator now? Yeah, it was two twins. Mark Kelly? Yeah, the Kelly twins.
Mark Kelly and John Kelly, I think. Yeah, yeah.
The Kelly twins both went up, and that was another experiment because they're twins. Yeah.
And they wanted to see if space... One down, one up.
Yeah, how space reacted. Whatever, you know.
How it it affected their one of them they monitored down here on earth one was up in space for over a year and then they determined how because they're identical twins theoretically everything is exactly the same i mean not theoretically scientifically they're exactly the same so they get to determine they get to have a control model and an experiment they get to figure all that out, which is pretty smart when you think about it. See, this is why those guys at NASA shouldn't be listening to the commercial break.
We don't want to dumb you down. No, we do not.
We need you to be at your sharpest. Maybe that's why that Boeing space capsule is still up there, is because everyone at the Kennedy Space Centers tuning into the commercial break and not paying attention to their jobs.
Now, listen, I know that's not NASA, that's Boeing. So if there's any Boeing employees that are listening to me, please do me a favor, turn us off and pay attention to what you're doing.
We need those doors on that airplane. And I'm sure we have a few Boeing employees that listen to us.
That's a big, huge company. But yeah, I'm flattered that someone at NASA would listen to us.
I'm excited that those two astronauts have made their way back down to Earth. I'm really excited, actually.
I'm genuinely excited for them because I know what a great feeling that must be. And I feel like everybody kept trying to downplay it.
Like, oh, no, no, it's okay. And we'll just keep experimenting and doing things up here.
But. But.
I. Yes.
But, yes. You know, I one time went to Costa Rica for like a month, month and a half.
Yes. And I thought this was going to be the best time of my life.
And it was in a lot of ways. But after week number three-ish, I was like, why did I do a month and a half? You know what I'm saying? Like got a apartment at the I got people there I love I got things I could be doing you know and I'm stuck there because at that time I didn't I was young and I didn't know how I could call and change my arrangements you know what I'm saying they didn't have that part of the time when we went we went and I stayed for three and a half weeks and you were there for a week so I was there for two weeks after you were.
I know that wasn't the time, but I was there for a longer period of time at one point. Yeah.
And listen, I loved the people I was with. I loved where I was at, but I was in the jungle of Costa Rica.
I wasn't like in some, you know, resort down in Punturainus or something like that. Yeah.
Punturainus. I don't think that's...
Punturainus.

I was up in the middle of nowhere with satellite internet service, which just to let you know, you could- Sucks. Yeah.
And this was like 15 years ago. So you could stream a movie, but everybody had to be asleep and everything else had to be turned off.
And then you had to buffer. Like you had to load it for an hour before you could watch it.
But what I'm saying is that I really enjoyed in the moment what I was doing. But by week number three, I was feeling a little bit like this.
I'm ready. Yeah, I'm restless.
I want to get home. I want to be at my home.
And it took me another three weeks to get there. Nine months.
And some people will say, these are the best in breed. They've been trained to do this.
There's no emergency. There's lots of food and oxygen and rest and water and all that other stuff.
They're in no danger whatsoever. I'm sorry.
The second you leave the ground, you are in danger. No matter what vehicle you're in, you're in danger danger because they were going for a short amount of time too like two weeks something like a week two weeks something like that nine nine months nine months and i don't care how steely-eyed these these commanders were you have to be a movie made i'm so of course there is there's going to be a movie made.
I'm so excited to see it. Of course there is.
There's going to be a movie made. George Clooney and George Clooney.
Can he do that again? I guess he could. Yeah, sure.
George Clooney, Sandra Bullock, and part two of Stuck in Space or whatever that was. Now, I want a full-blown documentary done with...
Oh, the documentary is coming quick. With the people and everything.
HBO's on that. That'll be out in a year no don't worry about netflix hbo yeah hulu somebody's gonna somebody's gonna be on that but i want the dramatic retelling of like a groundhog day for nine months where they keep telling you don't worry we're fixing the jet engines the propulsion or whatever and then they keep just like you know stringing.
You're getting increasingly anxious and nervous. It's going to be a great movie.
It's going to be the real Groundhog Day. And I just feel glad that they're home and I hope they're having cheeseburgers and naps.
Best to you, two astronauts. Best to you, two astronauts, who were probably listening to us in space, I would imagine.
Yeah. Why not? All right.
Last week, before we had a TCB infomercial Tuesday, last Friday, Chrissy and I started to dig into Carl Lentz from Hillsong's church, his triumphant return, his big apology tour has started. He's got his new podcast and he has decided that with his wife sitting in the room, he is going to tell all of us how they are going to move forward from the tragedy.
He had the balls to call it a tragedy. The tragedy.
And that he just wants to forget it. Yeah.
Well, of course he does. He brought it on himself, but let us all think it's a tragedy.
As if, you know, a hurricane came swooping his dick into a random babysitter. Don't think that's how it happened, but okay.
And listen, I want to say this. I believe in second chances.
I think we all make mistakes. I've made a lot in my life.
I'll make many more. And I'll apologize in advance.
I'm sorry. I'm just feeling like this is not the most sincere of apologies.
I think Carl needs money, and he sees that that bank account is emptying quickly. How can I get back on the gravy train by apologizing and telling everyone I have a new mission to walk with the Lord? And yeah, strap in or strap on.
Carl's back. He's going to have a new church in no time.

You strap on your Bieber hat.

Oh, I'm going to strap on this Bieber hat.

And Carl Lentz is going to make his triumphant return to the commercial break after just two days gone.

He's going to make his triumphant return.

So let's get that teed up and we'll be back to continue our conversation with Carl Lentz.

More like Carl conversing with himself.

Yeah, he's not even, he's telling his wife what to say, basically.

But anyway, we'll get into it. TCB.
And just like you, I'm wondering just how much longer this podcast can continue. Let's all rejoice that another episode has made it to your ears, and I'll rejoice that my check is in the mail.
Speaking of mail, get your free TCB sticker in the mail by going to tcbpodcast.com and visiting the Contact Us page. You can also find the entire Commercial Break library, audio and video, just in case you want to look at Chrissy, at tcbpodcast.com.
voice to be on an episode of the show leave us a message at 212-433-3TCB that's 212-433-3822 tell us how much you love us and we'll be right back. Rule Breakers with Soraya.
It's a new podcast from our partners at Odyssey that celebrates the rebels, the risk takers, and the ones who make their own way. It's these people who often change the lives of the people around them and the world at large.
And while in the moment it may be hard to see the forest through the trees, those Rule Breakers often define what it means to be a success. Each week, former wrestling superstar Sorurya sits down with the boldest voices in sports,

entertainment, and beyond to talk about breaking barriers,

defying expectations, and rewriting the rules.

They're talking about it all, the fights, the failures,

and the moments that changed everything.

You can follow and listen to Rule Breakers with Surya

on the free Odyssey app or wherever you get your podcasts.

And hear here to the Rule Breakers

for keeping life interesting. Okay, here we are again with Carl Lentz, our good friend from the Hillsong Church, best friends with Bieber for a period of time.
He was caught preaching on a full dick, as I like to say, with his hard sword of the Lord and a couple of lovely ladies. Victory V.
Yes, Victory V. And a yoga instructor and a babysitter and dropping cash at somebody's mom's house to make sure she didn't talk.
There's a lot of shenanigans going on with Carl. And he got caught.
And he's explained. On Friday, you can go back and listen to it.
He's explained the moment when it all went down and where they were and how they got there. They had nowhere to go.
Nowhere to go. They got kicked out of the house.
They were staying at, I imagine, somebody regarding, somebody that had to do with the church. Somebody famous.
Somebody famous or somebody had to do with the church was not having it. They did not want all that kind of drama in front of their apartment or their condo.
So, now we are getting to the point where Carl's having a conversation with his wife. His wife is asking some questions to Carl and Carl is then telling her what to ask, when to ask it, how to ask it, because that's what you do.
Oh, let me get my phone out here to make sure that if Carl calls, we've got it. Hey girl.
Hey, Christian. What's up, Carl? Well, I just got to say, it's been a long time since I had an opportunity to preach to the fairer sex.
And also, it's hard looking at just the same tits night after night after night. And that's not the way the Lord has taught us.
He said, thou shalt have variety in the nipples and the naipples and the navels. And the good word of the Lord preaches it to us.
But I got this girl, my wife, she just not understanding of the Bible right now because, you know, I did accidentally slip and jizz all over the babysitter. And so I just, I don't know how to say this and make sure

that I'm in touch and in step with all that God has given us. Can I see your tits? Send me a picture.
I'll send you a Venmo you over a couple of dollars. Thanks, Chrissy.
Tell Jeff I said hello.

He's going to heaven

if you send me

a picture of your tits.

Letting it go was not easy. Oh, it was easy.
It was the not letting go part that was hard. That's where I got in some trouble.
That's when I got a little revved up, high on coffee, full of semen.

I needed to let it go, as Elsa would say.

Let it go.

Let it blow.

All right.

Well, let me get back to my apology.

I'll call you later, Chrissy.

But I got some advice that I still tell people to this day.

I still apply it to my own life.

By the way, we're not going to be the podcast of the people that have arrived and know everything. We're the people that are on a journey of healing.
But he said, Carl, you got to let the rain fall. Because I remember calling my friend going, this isn't fair.
Like at some point we got to step up and at some point we got to say something. At some point we have to, this isn't fair to who? I was going to say, yeah, it's not fair to your wife and your family, that's for sure.

It's not fair to the, by some accounts, millions of people who are tuning in, showing up at your church, giving you guys money, you know, dancing to the techno beat of the Lord. I don't know what you guys were doing over that church.
Bieber and Haley and all those people. who it's not fair to is the people that you were standing up there preaching about all the piety

that you needed everyone else to adhere to while you were living the rock star lifestyle. It was hypocrisy.
That's what wasn't fair. I don't care about the, I mean, I don't care about the cheating because it didn't happen to me.
I don't think you did right by your wife or your kids, but that's my own personal moral compass. It's the part where you tell everybody else to do something, but you refuse to adhere to that yourself.
It's hypocrisy. Share our side.
You say, it doesn't matter right now. You got to let all the rain fall.
And if the rain falls and it hits the ground, blame it on the rain. Yeah, yeah.

And eventually, if it stays long enough,

it will produce new life, new growth.

That rain in this crisis, it's part of the process.

You have to let it fall.

Let it rain and it will grow.

And it is growing, Chrissy.

And that is why I'm calling upon you today to...

First of all, 1995 plus 1995 shipping and handling. And you get access to my new app called LetItGoLens.com.
And then also, you get a discount if you allow me inside your universe. And by universe, I mean uterus.
And that's just, that's how we do it here at Let It Go Lens. Which is hard.
That was hard for you because your natural, your personality is to fight. It's to protect.
It's to justify. It's to do all of that.
So this was really a hard thing for you to do. I was okay because I'm like, I just wanted to hide.
So you also said you were in trouble. You were in big, deep trouble.
Can you explain that a little bit more? Because for some people, they're probably like, what does that mean? When I say in trouble, I think I was at the end of a spiral, a cycle of decisions that I had been making. And I felt like I wanted to take my own life.
And I told you that, didn't know what to do about it, but I knew it was serious. And I think there was like two parts of me.
One part of me was just like, I just want to go. I just want to leave.
I don't want to be here. I'm so embarrassed.
I'm humiliated. My family is in this way because of me.
And I was in a really, really bad way. I felt like it was, I didn't know what the next hour was going to hold.
Send $19.95 to Carl Lentz. Let it go, Lentz.
Now listen, taking your own life is nothing to be joking about. And I can understand that there is a sense of desperation when you feel out of control and you've made bad decisions and other people are suffering because of it.
I empathize. I really do.
I honestly do. I empathize with this moment, this thing that he's saying.
I think he's being sincere when he says.

Then he just put his gold chains and his leather jacket back on and dusted himself. That's right.
Spend another 38 minutes on the highest setting in your tanning bed at the house and then get out of it, put on your gold chains, and let's start a podcast. so for me that to be at that level of fear was really dangerous.
And I think by the grace of God, we had some people step in and help us and point to a plan. And I remember right early on just saying, here, I'm going to put my life in the care of some men that have not chosen to leave.
They're going to stay. You mean a PR company.
That's what you mean, right, Carl? Because I'm pretty sure that's what you're saying without saying it. Some men that have chosen not to leave because they're getting paid to do so.
Your agent, your attorney, your manager, that's who you count on in these moments. Every celebrity does.
If you don't get dropped by them, that's what happens. But a cheating scandal, you know, that's for a PR company.
That's a Tuesday morning. Right.
Try to figure out what to do. And we're going to go bit by bit.
And it was the choice we made. Yeah, newspaper by newspaper.
Church by church. To be quiet all this time, so worth it.
Because of where I feel like we sit today. And you cannot heal and fight at the same time.
So I've seen now from this view, I've seen other people do it their way where people are always fighting. And I think to myself, how many Instagram posts can you put up? How many sub tweets can you sub tweet? How many people can you attack with your side of the story and i was like i get it i relate to it

yeah but how can you heal how do you how do you heal if you're always moving if you're always fighting if you're always swinging how in the world can you ever figure out what's wrong with his side of the story i mean it's pretty cut and dry he cheated and he lied uh and uh this tragedy happened to our family, Chrissy, because

I

fucked a lot of women

that were not my wife. And some that may or may not have been part of the church, Chrissy.
I had a lot of men that didn't decide to leave me that I paid a lot of money to, to advise me to shut your fucking trap and zip up those jeans and be quiet. And I took most of their advice.
Titpicks.com. I'm so glad.
I'm grateful. I didn't get it at the time.
I hated it at the time. It was so hard.
Now I look back, and if I would have spent any time defending myself or trying to figure out some way to salvage our image there's no way i would

have been able to get help because i would have focused on that we've been really quiet for the

most part we did do the hulu documentary that's all that's all we did

we did make a deal with disney plus max.com hulu uh sirius xm and spotify to do a number

I don't know. We did make a deal with Disney+, Max.com, Hulu, SiriusXM, and Spotify to do a number of documentaries, Chrissy.
But that was it. Besides the Sun, the Globe, Washington Post, New York Times.
My own blog, my vlog, this new podcast, and Logan Paul's videocast. I mean, that's quiet.
Hey, listen. Keep it going.
For me, that's quiet. For me, that's quiet.
That's quiet. I also did another babysitter on a couple dances.
Listen, you can take the lints out of the pants, but you can't take the pants out of the lints. You know what I'm saying? Do you regret doing that? Would you have changed it in terms of like feeling like we were maybe a bit too soon or like shouldn't have said anything? I don't know.
What do you think? We had so many opportunities to do interviews. And I remember thinking after we got through that first season, I remember thinking, I don't know when.
By the way, to be fair, the commercial break included. I reached out to Lentz and I got no response.
We're ever going to be able to speak on this. The right time will come.
And we were approached about the documentary. I don't know if I would do it again.
I think my motive was to feel understood. Yeah.
And the money. If I'm honest.
Yeah. And the money.
Yeah. You know they they got paid you know they got paid 100 grand 150 grand something like that we did it yeah and that's never a good motive like my overriding thing i said other things i was like we can do it for this we want to do it for that but if i really really search my own soul we did that so people would understand what i realized afterwards is that it's not going to work it doesn't matter there There are people who are not, they don't want to understand, and there's people who do want to understand.
What I realized afterwards is that it's not going to work. It doesn't matter.
It doesn't matter. There are people who are not, they don't want to understand.
And there's people who do want to understand. We can't change their minds.
I can't change anybody's mind. I watched that documentary.
I don't remember understanding anything different. I didn't understand anything.
He was just trying to make himself more personable, I think. Well, the documentary he's talking about is the Hillsong documentary.
Well, there were two. Yeah, there was a couple.
And he played a very bit part in it. It was not an extensive interview.
Yeah, it was like a tell-all. Yeah, and he didn't say anything revealing necessarily except to say that he fucked up and that he was licking his wounds and that Hillsong had a good mission or whatever.
And he didn't know about Brian Hillsong's bullshit or Brian whoever's bullshit. But I will, you know, again, I want to try and empathize a little bit.
I don't want to sound like the coldest heart in the world. I get it.
You went through a tough time, but this isn't like, you know, this isn't 9-11. You can go through some huge tragedy that happened to you that was befallen upon you.
You were part of a rather scammy, scuzzy version of neo-Christianity that takes money and has a bunch of people who are of certain ilk, looking a certain way, acting a certain way, hip with the kids, muscle-bound, leather-clad, makeup on, designer glasses, famous friends, to try and convince people to come in the door so that they can get all hyped up on music that is pre-produced to make you feel a certain way, open your wallet, and make other people rich. And you were at the top of that food chain.
And maybe that's what you should be apologizing about. And maybe not so much focusing on the cheating scandal.
Yeah, you're worried about your image, or you seem to be worried about your image, when maybe you should be worried about the relationship that you guided people to have with a misguided version of God and religion. Maybe that's what you should be apologizing about.
But I don't think that's going to happen because I think he needs to go back to that well. That's my interpretation of what's going on.
I don't know that to be the truth. I don't know what's in his head or his heart, but I would imagine Carl's forging a path back to the pulpit because there's a lot of money in the pulpit.
Well, it's deep. Oh, yes, it is.
So I look back. I wouldn't change.
I wouldn't regret it because I didn't know then. I thought this is going to be an objective documentary, which isn't ever going to happen.
I think that the producers tried to be as honest as they could with it, but we didn't control it. Yeah, we didn't know what they were putting in.
We didn't know who they were talking to or what any of it was about. We just knew that our story was going to be like an overarching situation.
And it was going to be left alone because we had said we don't want our story to be attached to a narrative about how somebody else is bad or whatever. And you know what? People made it what they wanted to make it.
But I learned in that moment of watching people talk about us, some stuff was true. A lot it's not true which we could talk about i i know for myself the thing that i realized is if you don't want to for people to lie about you don't put yourself in a position to be lied about right and i started well how do you do that well tell me how you do that i mean listen take the commercial break as an example we've been doing 750 000 episodes of this show i don't purposefully lie about anybody but i get it wrong all the time innocent people that i just go ahead and just say their name wrong they've they did this movie but they didn't.
They've screwed this person, but they have not.

You know, innocent people.

Some people have died.

They haven't.

That's right.

A lot of people are dead that haven't died.

A lot of people are alive that are actually dead.

So, you know, maybe it works both ways, I guess.

Wait, what was the quote?

If you don't want to be lied about.

Don't put yourself in a position to be lied about, I i don't know it was a dumb quote myself i'm going you know what yeah the lies are hard because what i did do was bad enough to just talk about that but it's the stuff that you know was thrown on in the in the middle of that what was thrown on and i went from being i don't don't know that he was Bieber's boyfriend or who knows? I don't know. I only slept with two babysitters and one yoga teacher, but then all of a sudden there's a girl at Chili's and there's a girl at Houston's and there's another girl that works at the coffee shop.
And Chrissy, that's not a coffee shop. That is not a coffee shop.
It's a crepe and beignet shop. And I just felt awful that I was being lied about.
Me, not her, me. Mad and bitter to going, it's my fault.
Like, it's my fault. I put us in the middle of this road for people to lie about us.
So rather than be even mad at the liars, it was a great moment for me to go, you know what, I'm just never in my life gonna give other people the control that I gave them because when you are in a situation that's dishonest, people don't know what to believe. So I remember that day kind of changed me when we talked about it.
I'm just never gonna be here again. People to talk, and they did, but moving forward, I will never put myself in the position that I put myself

in. I'll never put you and our kids in a position where they can be.
And why don't you come out and say it?

I'll never cheat on you again and lie to you. I cheated on you.
Not on the whole situation,

quote unquote. I'm sorry, but I think you owe us all the gory details.
He does. I want to know

blow by blow action. Yes.
How did they meet? When did they meet? Pump by pump. Where are they affared at? Thrust by thrust.
Chrissy and I need to know how this all went down. Vulnerable.
So, yeah, that's why we waited. I'm surprised one of the women hasn't come out with like a book or something.
Oh, I'm sure they have, but it's just, we don't read it. Yeah, who cares, honestly.
It's tabloid fodder and no one, you know, maybe some people are interested. People who were involved in the church or really knew Carl or went and saw him every weekend or maybe they're interested in all the details.
And I am too, but only if he says it here on this podcast. So I can hear it.

And you just were saying it's your fault that you put us in that position.

Who is at fault?

Who is at fault in this whole situation?

Because there was things thrown around in that space as well.

Yeah, yeah.

I'm at fault.

I'm at fault. Who? My.
Who? I am. Who? Yeah.
Who as well. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm at fault. I'm at fault.

Who?

My.

Who?

I am.

Who?

Yeah.

You.

You.

Yeah.

Tell me again, Carl.

Tell me again.

Who's at fault?

She is so whiny lately, Chrissy.

It's like sometimes I wake up in the morning and she's in my face and she's like, who's

at fault?

And I'm like, I am.

I'm at fault.

I preached on a full deck and then I emptied it all over the girl from meditation class. I'm sorry.
Who? Who's at fault? I am. Yes, ma'am.
I kind of like it. It makes me horny sometimes, actually.
I don't know. If you want to come over and ask me who's at fault, I'll tell you I am.
And I'll be on my knee. It's a kink now.
Indecisions, my choices. That's my responsibility.
You know what else is a choice? It's to chew gum while you're doing a podcast. I thought the same thing.
Please stop. Why is he chewing gum? I don't know.
I've seen this a couple times on some major podcasts and it drives me crazy. It's like, don't chew gum.
Even though it's not as bad as some other podcasts where they're chewing gum, it's pretty bad when you're chewing gum on a microphone. I take responsibility for it.
I have wanted people to know when I get a chance to talk to them that I'm deeply sorry for what happened. And it's nobody else's responsibility.
It's mine. We always have choice.
We always have our own agency to do what we feel like we have to do. And I mismanaged my- We feel like we have to do.
You had to do the yoga instructor? Did you really? That you met randomly at a park? Unbelievable. Personal life.
I hid things that I should not have hid. I lied about things I shouldn't have lied about.

I was confused about who I was at times.

Didn't get any help for it.

And the result was a whole lot of pain for a whole lot of people,

which I will remain deeply sorry for

for the rest of my life.

I don't live in the shame of it,

but I'll never forget the impact that it had on people.

And it's nobody else's fault.

It's my fault.

And I feel like when you're in a situation your fault whose fault my fault whose fault my fault oh i could go on with that all day all right let's take a break and then when we get back we'll hear more of carl groveling in front of his wife finally we're getting through i mean at least she's getting a little yeah you know a little airtime reprobation here whatever you call it reprobation is that even a word i don't know i made it up sounds good reprobation it's like masturbation only it hurts we'll be back let me do something brian has never done be brief follow Follow us on Instagram at The Commercial Break. Text or call us.
212-433-3TCB. That's 212-433-3822.
Visit our website, tcbpodcast.com, for all the audio, video, and your free sticker. Then watch all the videos at youtube.com slash thecommercialbreak.
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See, Brian?

That really wasn't that difficult, now, was it?

You're welcome.

All right, real quick, because I think it's funny.

One of my kids drew some art at the beginning of the year,

and then they had a little art show, and we went and saw it.

It was nice, you know, whatever.

But we're talking about kids drawing stuff. I love it.
I'm proud of it. I think it's wonderful.
But now there's this company that emails us every three days, mugs, hats, t-shirts, gloves, you know, full-size painting, canvas, mirrors, you know, shoes. We can get it on anything.
It only costs, you know, $99.99. And I'm like, wait, it's like a four-year-old drawing this stuff.
I mean, it's not Picasso. All right, back to Carl and his apology tour here on his new podcast.
You have made mistakes. You have two options.
To point out the window and try to find other people that are more guilty, as guilty. And you feel that need to deflect blame or you look in the mirror.
And I feel like we've done the best job we can. I know I have worked really hard at staying in the mirror.
What did I do? What's my responsibility? What's my role in this? What part in the story did I play? Bad penis. Bad penis.
Carl's penis has been a bad penis. Bad boy.

Stay in that mirror.

Look in that mirror.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, Carl, you're hot.

It's okay.

It's all right.

You'll get back on the horse.

You still got a couple good years left.

Let's get some more hair plugs and get back out there.

There is something going on there.

Not sure what it is.

Yeah, it's like a merkin on his head.

Yeah, I don't know what that is.

It's like a small little patch.

It is a little patch.

You think they took that from his armpit hair or something?

I'm not sure.

I am so heavy throughout it

that I don't have a lot of time anymore

to worry about other people's role in the story.

But what happened to our marriage

and what happened to my platform,

it was my fault and my responsibility. Nobody else's.
And that's just the truth. That's just the way that I see it.
It's the way that I accept it. It's the way that I relate to it.
And my job now is to make living amends. As I've explained to you, when you wrong people and you hurt people and you offend people and you break the trust of people, if you're truly about owning what you did, you try to make amends.
And I've done that where I can privately with the people that I feel like it's been appropriate. Well, I'd like you to come on a commercial break and make amends with us.
Because we had a whole character based on you. And then you went away for two years.
And we had to put the character away. And what about us, Carl? What about us? What about our show? What about the pain that you caused us and me personally? Public figure person and you've hurt people on a bigger scale.
Your whole life has to be living immense. And that's what I plan on doing.
I can't go up to every

single person that was a part of our beautiful church and say, I'm sorry to you. I can't do it.
It's not possible, but I can live a life of integrity and honesty that gives people reason to believe and gives people reason to have hope. And I cannot change people.
I can't change their minds. Big, big revelation for me in this chapter.

Big, big, big, big, huge dick.

Is live a life of integrity and honesty.

And nobody cares about what my words are when it comes to that.

I don't care.

You don't care what my words are.

But if you're truly repentant and you're sorry about something, your words need to be said, but it'll change the way you think. And when you change the way you think, it changes the way you act.
That's true repentance. So I feel like we've got a couple of years now of fruit of what we've been trying to do.
I feel like we've been saying a lot of buzzwords, Carl, a whole lot of buzzwords over and over and over again. I think you made your point.
Now. Tell us the details.
Show us pictures. Yeah.
It's my goal. You know, if people want to believe, if people want to follow, if people want to listen, that's their right.
I can't change them. But what I can do is continue to recover.
If people want to pay me to get an ad-free version of this episode, I can't change it. I can't.
What am I supposed to do, Chrissy? Money's just hitting me in the head. I can't help it.
Be who I feel like I'm called to be.

Be your husband.

Be your dad.

And leave my life on display like it's always been. Say, if you watch the bad parts of it, well, the story's still continuing.
This is the story. Take it or leave it.
This is who we are. And that's my goal, to live a life of living amends.
I really want to be able to say this to you in public because you were, your reputation was damaged in public. You had nothing to do with my hidden sin, hidden habits and hidden addiction.
You fucked hot girls that were under your guys or maybe not maybe you were having sex with multiple women some of which were part of your church some of which were not a part of your church i don't know because you haven't told that part of the story that seems to be the one part of the story you're avoiding i don't think anyone ever blamed your wife for that maybe some people did, but I don't think anyone ever blamed your wife for that. Maybe some people did, but I don't think anyone ever blamed your wife for that.

But that is not an addiction.

That is some dumb thinking.

That is some dumb, dumb thinking.

That's all it is.

Not everything in life is an addiction.

Here we go.

Psycho, psychoanalyzing.

Sub, sub, sub genre of mental health illness is to make a category specifically for us. The reason why we did these things.
But the truth is, it's just a dumb decision to have sex when you're such a public figure with people who clearly may or may not decide to have their own agency and go out there and tell that story. You got caught.
That's what happened. It's not an addiction.
It's a dumb decision. You did not know what was going on with me.

And I know there's been some confusing reports where people can try to piece something together and say, you know, Laura, was she complicit?

Did she know?

And that's just not true.

It's not our story.

Hey, Carl, it's Laura.

I just wanted to let you know that I hope you're having a good dick sucking.

I mean, complicit.

Why would his wife be complicit? Who thought of that? that i don't know or maybe they had an open marriage oh maybe that's what people thought maybe huh now that's a twist i could get with now that's a tlc reality show waiting to happen uh carl lentz the thruple carl lentz thruple in love i didn't know anything about what I was doing because I became really proficient at making my life work despite a lot of pain. And there were times where you asked me questions to my face and I didn't give you honest answers.
There were other times where I even tried to make your reality confused. Of course.
Yeah, gaslighting.

Gaslighting, yeah.

Yeah, that's what you do.

You're a beautiful human being,

and your character has never, ever been in question.

There's never been a complaint about you.

You are the most lovable person

and the most loved person that I've ever known.

You were the backbone of our church,

the leader to so many people,

and you did not deserve it.

Okay, this is going to be another.

They're going to jack each other off here for the next 30 minutes. And I don't know that I'm with it.
I don't even know that I need to platform all the BS. Listen, I hope that he is a changed guy.
That's all I can say. I hope he's a changed guy.
We've had some good laughs at his expense and we might continue to do that. I'll say that Carl is a character in our universe that is exaggerated probably from the real human being.

He's obviously in a lot of pain.

He put a lot of people through a lot of pain.

And I do hope that he is a reformed dude because everyone deserves a second chance, including Carl. And I don't think what he's done is the worst sin in the world.
I think that my opinion is the hypocrisy at the church is more damning than anything, at least to the wider universe,

than anything that he did in personal indiscretions.

That's painful to his wife and his children.

But more of that religious, you know, let me take your money and hope everything works

out kind of thing.

So I hope Bieber forgives you.

Has Bieber forgiven you is the question.

That's the main one.

Yeah, that's the one I want to know.

Bieber, call us.

Well, Bieber's on his own terror right now.

What's going on with him?

You see?

I'm sorry. Bieber forgives you? Has Bieber forgiven you is the question.
That's the main one. Yeah, that's the one I want to know.
Bieber, call us. Well, Bieber's on his own terror right now.
What's going on with him? You see, he's all kind of a mess. Yeah, he's like making posts that are weird and you didn't know.
Look into it. Google it when you get home.
Do a little hunting, pecking. And I don't know.
I don't know. But that's just what's on there.
He's been a little erratic quite the past few years. Yeah, but the last few months apparently, more erratic.
And people are a little concerned. Wondering if he's trolling or what the deal is.
I don't know. I don't know.
But some people think he was caught up in some of that Diddy stuff. And maybe that's kind of leaking out the side of his brain.
I was wondering about that this morning. Shower thoughts.
Oh, yeah? Thinking about that whole Diddy thing. When next step they're all they're doing pre-motion trials right now back and forth and the government government's putting more evidence in and lawyers are trying to get more evidence out and i'm ready yeah i'm gonna get sentenced well if even half of it is true or a quarter of it or a tenth of it it's pretty bad bad stuff.
So let's see. Innocent vote proven guilty.
That's the way that it is. But it sure does look, from my point of view, like some shenanigans were going on there.
All right. More shenanigans on the TCBpodcast.com website.
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Okay, Chrissy, that's all I can do for today. I think so.
I'll tell you that. I love.
I love you. Best to you.
Best to you. And best to you out there in the podcast universe.