TCB's Endless Day #11

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on this episode of the Commercial Break.

Congrats, Brian and Chrissy.

Congrats on five years, 750-plus episodes, six seasons, a hundred guests, and so much more.

When all this started, no one realized how many shows we would have to do on your fifth-year anniversary.

But you did it, both of you.

And thanks to all of you for turning us on every time we publish.

From everyone here at TCB, we're so grateful.

And one last thing: it's Mental Health Awareness Month.

If you or anyone you know needs help or is in crisis, you can text HOME, H-O-M-E, or OLA, H-O-L-A to 74-1741 to reach a live volunteer crisis counselor 24 hours a day.

Trust me, I've struggled with my mental health my entire life and you do not want to go through it alone.

Let someone help you.

Now, let's finish this thing and get some rest.

The last episode of TCD's Endless Day starts now.

The next episode of the Commercial Break starts now.

Oh, yeah, Cats and Kittens.

Welcome back to the Commercial Break.

I'm Brian Green.

This is my dear friend and the co-host of this show, Chris and Joy Hoadley.

Best to you, Chris, and

best to you out there in the podcast universe as we travel on to episode number 11 of TCB's Endless Day.

Sponsored by 5 Hour Energy, brought to you with limited commercial interruptions the entire day by 5 Hour Energy.

Thank you so much to our sponsor, 5HourEnergy.com to get special flavors, merch, hot sauces, all kind of shit.

You can order it.

I needed it today.

Yes.

Thank you, Five Hour Energy.

When they first became a sponsor of the show back in January, I think they sent Chrissy and I boxes and boxes and boxes of 5 Hour Energy, special drinks, special occasion, Cinco damango, all this other stuff.

And I thought to myself, I'll never drink this in a lifetime.

But I think I'm halfway through it today.

Just today.

Yes.

So there you go.

And thank you everyone to

have called and written in all the stuff.

Thank you so much.

I had intended to take phone calls.

I'm sorry that didn't work out.

It ended up being live or phone calls and we went live.

So that's just the way it is.

We'll get to phone calls maybe later on in the week if we show up this week at all.

As one of our friends on the text message line said, if you don't show up this week and just run TCB classics, I'll be okay with that.

You deserve it.

And you know what?

We just might do that.

On episode number nine, we named our favorite episodes.

You know what that was?

That was a list of episodes you'll hear next week.

True.

Might be true.

Might be true.

It just might be true.

So, June might have a few classics in there as the family gets ready to.

We're taking the family truckster on down to Orlando, Florida.

Yes, you are.

Yes, all 30 kids are going to pack up in the old family van wagon out there.

The wagoneer.

Yeah, the wagoneer that smells like puke and blue's saliva and Brian's hot ass.

And we're all going to go down there to get more hot ass and more puke.

It's going to be gross.

And then we're going to go visit the land of the double ears, the land of the circular ears, the three circles, as they call it.

It is a big deal that first time you bring all the kids down to Disney.

It's a big deal for the kids.

Because they're going to get overstimulated, hot, tired, angry, and upset.

And I'm already overstimulated, hot, tired, angry, and upset about having to do it and i'm further in debt than i ever have been before because that's the way the disney world is now it's the american dream it's the american dream go to disney world one time in your entire family's existence and then remember why you never want to go back to disney world when we went to disney world

five or six years ago my dad and my stepmom took everybody to Disney World.

Now, this is the second time that this is this, this was, excuse me, the second time that they had done this in a decade.

And we did Thanksgiving down in Disney World.

And this time we had a kid and I had Astrid.

The last time I was single, but I wasn't really single, but Kuka Looku over there was somewhere else in the world.

But this time we had a child with us.

And I think that was maybe the Thanksgiving right before COVID.

It was the Thanksgiving right before COVID.

It was 2019.

You came back with the lightsaber.

I did.

And I really wanted to play with that thing and it had broken.

You know what it was?

The battery had died.

And the crystal that they, the special crystal, which is a piece of fucking plastic you pay $700 for.

Listen, I love everything about Disney World and I will happily pay all the dollars if I can afford it.

If it's if it's financially responsible, okay, even if it's financially irresponsible, I'll do it because I love Disney and I love Disney World and I love everything about it and I don't give a shit.

And all of my kids do too.

But I also know that it's very stressful to go on a Disney vacation because you have to plan every single thing, especially when you have a lot of children.

I went down there with my family.

My dad takes everybody, dad and stepmom take everybody there, and we go for three or four or five days, whatever it was.

And we went to that Star Wars just as it had just opened.

And we did that lightsaber thing.

And I thought, what's the big wanking deal?

You're going to go in there.

You're going to get a plastic lightsaber.

They're going to make, you know, they're going to have some actor go wickety, wonkety, ibity-doo, you're now a Jedi, too.

And then you're like, you're going to turn on your lightsaber, it's going to make a noise,

you know?

Yeah.

How do you make that noise?

Let's see if I can do it here.

Whatever.

Anyway, you get it.

Anyway, you get it.

I move on.

The mountain monster has invaded Star Wars exhibits.

I swear to God.

So I thought, how cool could it really be?

We're paying this much money to watch some actors tell us about our brand new plastic pieces of toys.

It was the exact opposite of that.

It was the coolest fucking thing I've ever done.

It was so fucking cool.

They had the actors and the crystals levitated and the lightsaber came out on its own and you opened it up and it

was awesome.

And I get it home and I buy a sheath for it and an extra crystal, a Kyber crystal for $5,000, $8,000.

I don't know.

I mortgage the house.

I buy an extra Kyber crystal.

I get that shit home.

And Chrissy's like, yeah, let me play with your.

And it's sitting in the corner in the sheath.

And she's like,

I'm a huge Star Wars fan.

Yeah.

let me play with that i take it out

it would make like a little noise

and she's like what's wrong with it and i'm like i don't know ever psychiatric at home it won't work it's just like it turns on it turns right off and then it won't it like yells at me like me

i don't know i look for the kuber crystal i don't even know how to get to the fucking kuiber crystal i put it in there during the event but i don't know how to get to the kuber i don't even know what the kuber crystal is i don't know what are you doing what are we doing i was so enthralled by by the moment that I didn't pay attention on how do you actually assemble this thing.

So my kids get old enough to realize what's in the corner.

My oldest, he's like, what's that?

I said, it's this lightsaber from Star Wars.

Yeah, can I play with it?

It doesn't work, but we can take it out.

It's very heavy, by the way.

Very heavy.

It's very heavy.

It looks like glass.

I mean, it's the real deal, right?

So he takes it out.

You know, does the whole thing.

And he's just so upset.

And then the other kids are upset.

Everyone's upset because it doesn't work.

Yeah.

So I'm like, well, motherfucker, let me go online like I should have done in the first place and Google it.

I Google it and it says, are the batteries charged?

And I go, I think to myself, I haven't even used it.

Where are the batteries?

What batteries do you need?

I don't know.

I didn't even know it needed batteries.

It's the kyber crystal in place.

I had the fucking kyber crystal.

I don't know how to get to it.

Then it tells me how to get to it, how to unlock it and get to it.

So take it out.

Kyber crystal is a little caddy wonkous.

So I put it, it turns on for one second, it turns back off.

Ah, fuck.

The kyber crystal is busted.

You have to buy a new kyber crystal.

How much is the kyber crystal?

$85,000.

Okay, I'll buy a new kyber crystal.

Well, then a couple of days later, my son's playing with it.

All of a sudden, it turns on.

And I'm like, oh, and then it turns off again.

And I'm like, well, shit, that's the same problem we've been having.

Go on, Google again how to further disassemble it.

I disassemble it.

It's got four fucking AAA batteries in it.

It's no special batteries.

There's no kyber crystal.

It's four AAA batteries.

And they are dead as a doornail.

Must have turned on while it was traveling and then just stayed on the entire, or I never turned it off.

No wonder that was what was making that noise the entire ride home.

Put those no batteries in it.

Sunshine, that thing works.

It's awesome.

So I give to the kids, hey, kids, go kyber crystal yourself to death.

You know, have some fun, but be careful.

It's heavy.

Don't throw it on the ground, right?

Kids are playing with it.

They hand it to the little one.

What does she do?

She tosses it like a little rag doll, like,

tosses it.

Boonk, breaks.

The kyber crystal breaks.

And now I officially have a kyber crystal problem.

So we're going down there at the end of the month.

So

there's a chance we might be running some classics.

We're going down there, you know, in sometime in June.

We're going down there.

But I'm already stressing about this.

I'm already way stressed about this whole thing because you know and I know that even though I've already kind of paid for the vacation, it's on a credit card, that don't mean shit.

Oh, no, that's just the first step.

I paid for the food.

I paid for the lodging.

I paid for the tickets.

I paid for the transportation.

It's all paid for.

But that is step one of 13, the 13 steps in a Disney World vacation.

Step one,

all of the food you must get in the eight-hour travels down there.

Step two, all of the gift shops you're going to stop at on the way down there.

Step three, the night before you actually check into the hotel, the hotel room you have to get to make sure you're the first one at the hotel room before you actually start your Disney vacation.

Step four, gift shop everywhere.

Step five, gift shop everywhere.

Step six, t-shirts everywhere.

Step seven, Mickey pretzels everywhere.

Step seven, Mickey hot dogs.

Step eight, Mickey Waffles.

Step nine, Kymer Crystals.

Step 12, bankruptcy.

Right.

Unbelievable.

I'm stressed, Chrissy.

I'm stressed.

I can't wait to go, but I'm stressed at the same time.

You should come with us.

When are you and Uncle Jeff come down?

You know, because when aunts and uncles come, then they pay for the stuff.

I'm going to see music

yeah you've seen enough music well i mean how much music can you see in one year honestly

all right

a lot apparently a lot apparently

all right episode number 11 looks like we are going to do a 12-2 just to say goodbye we're going to do that on twitch but if you're not on our you if you're not on our instagram then you will have missed that so fuck you um

fuck you

but thank you to everyone who did tune into our twitch a couple dozen people i honestly because we didn't tell anybody until the day that it happened, I'm pretty surprised even 12 people showed up.

We had one follower when we started the account this morning, and that was Chris.

That was me.

There's one character who I think really defines the commercial break in almost every way.

He's crazy.

He's corny.

He's kooky.

He's old.

He's chauvinistic.

He's fambastic.

He is fantastic.

He is a travel expert.

He's a relationship expert.

He is everything that we ever do.

Salon Suisse.

He's an entrepreneur.

Salon Suit.

He's everything wrapped into one

leathery,

hair-filled,

what's that?

Bow.

Bow.

That's right.

That hair is a bow.

One Botox, needle-pricked, tattooed motherfucker.

And his name is Frank Bonado.

Frankie B.

Frankie B has been our constant companion through all of this.

If we have to give props to one other character outside the Tinas and Jeffs and Astrids and Mary Ann's and Will the Champs and all the Jenny's and South Georgia San and Minnesota Sean, hey buddy, how are you?

All those people, we got to give props to Frankie B because he has kept this train on the tracks more often than not.

When I am desperate for content, when it was a late night with the kids, when the third or fifth or 12th child was up sucking on Astrid's teeth, and I was in bed with the other 32 children, kicking me and screaming at me, and begging for water and needing to go to the bathroom and pee, pee, poo, poo, da, da, dee, dee.

Frankie B came in in a pinch every time.

He put out a new video.

We got to break it down, and we've done every one of them.

Every one of them.

I love Frankie B.

He is close to my heart, like I mentioned in the last episode.

So I made a song for him, Chrissy.

And before we review the new videos with an S that he's got out there, I would love for you to take a listen to my song.

I would love to listen.

Let me dial it up here on the old TCB millator.

TCB mulator.

AI named it Lady Lovely.

I call it Frankie B.

That's the name it gave it.

I wrote the lyrics.

I told it what to do.

Here's what it came up with.

I hope you enjoy this just as much as I have.

I've been putting in the work.

I've been working out out hard.

I've been trying my best to make it this far.

I've been driving so fast, I've been living so tough.

I've been waxing my balls, will it ever be enough?

Why won't you look at my body?

Why do you cheat on me?

Don't you love my money?

All my son

sweets.

I'm such a lonely frankie.

I've seen a lot of action, I've been around the world.

But I just can't find a lady who wants to be my girl.

I've been getting new hair plugs, I've never been so tan.

I'm living with my daughter, eating tuna from a can.

Why won't you look at my body?

Why do your friends hate me?

Don't I impress you, honey?

With my son,

sweet.

I'm just a lonely Frankie B.

Rocket

Rocket.

I should have put that in there.

I know we could be lovers.

I know I'm just your type.

Why don't you come to my place?

I'll attach your face.

Please, girl, sweet brace.

Oh,

the guitar is solo.

Why won't you look at my body?

Why do you cheat on me?

Don't I love the money

with my salon sleeves?

Why won't look at my body?

Why do you cheat on me?

I'm just fresh to me.

And my son all sleeps.

That's me.

I'll freck and be

yeah, baby.

What do you think, Chrissy?

I love it.

I think we've got a new classic.

I think we've got a new classic on our hands.

And with that, I must wrap this particular segment with the song that should have started it all.

Just a guy who rants, not funny at all.

The co-host is asleep.

She is pretty dull.

People like the show.

Why are they on the charts?

What's the ball guy talking about?

I should always do the stats.

TCB is terrible.

This show is fucking bad.

I'd like to punch Brian's mouth.

This podcast is coming sad.

Is this what we think is funny now?

How do I turn it off?

My ears are saying ow.

Stop laughing at yourself.

Are these two making sense?

At least I didn't pay a definite defense.

TCB is terrible.

That is being kind.

Both the hosts are idiots.

They left the funny behind.

What is this show about?

It's offensive to my soul.

Brian is a hack, these two aren't funny and so old.

Why all the hype?

How did this get made?

So many episodes, none of which are great.

TCB is terrible.

Worst show you could do.

TV is terrible.

Worst to

you.

Worst to you.

All right.

Oh, my God.

I love that song.

Oh, that is my favorite.

That's the one I think is stuck in a lot of people's heads is TCB is terrible.

And I've purposefully not played it in the last couple of weeks just

to starve you of that song.

Hit maximum impact.

It hit with maximum impact.

All right.

Now, Frankie B has brand new videos out, and I swear on all this holy, these just came out last night to my knowledge.

What a gift.

They just popped out.

Well, this is the first time I've checked YouTube when I've seen them.

So let's put it that way.

Serendipitously, they came into my world last night,

Friday, May 30th.

I thought we were going to have to go back to the well on old videos, but it turns out there's new ones.

Now they're short, and some of them are not really the best for like listening to.

And I'll share them with you and you can explain why.

But they're still funny nonetheless.

One of them is a minute and a half long, and and it's the funniest thing Frankie B has ever done in his entire life.

Okay,

I'm going to get to that.

So we're going to cut this segment short so we can flip the short commercial break thanks to five-hour energy and then we can get to Frankie B for the rest of the time.

Before we do, 988.

Your mental health is just as important as anything else that you do in your life.

That's including your financial health, your physical health, the doctor's checkups, your teeth, whatever, your eyes, your balls, I don't care.

All of it's great.

All of it should be checked up on.

But at the end of the day, if your head ain't right, then all of it can go very wrong really quickly.

And some people say if your head ain't right, the rest ain't right either.

Put all of that aside, everybody goes through a hard time.

If you live long enough, you are going to have a moment, an hour, a day, a week, a month, a decade of really shitty, tough times that are going to cause you emotional and mental distress.

There's nothing to be ashamed about.

Even if you feel like you're going crazy, if you wake up in the morning or go to bed at night and your head's fucking spinning and you're like, am I losing it?

Is this it?

Did I go crazy?

You can't get out of bed in the morning and you're like, holy shit, am I depressed and I'm just never going to make it out of it?

The truth is, almost every one of us will go through this regardless of how mentally healthy we think we are, how enlightened, how spiritual, how church going, whatever it is.

And some of us have more serious personality or psychological issues that need addressing by professionals.

If you walked into McDonald's tomorrow, bleeding out of your eyeball, they would call an ambulance.

If you walked into your dad's house with your arm split open, he would quickly get you to a doctor's office.

But oftentimes, behind that skull of yours, it's hard to tell whether or not you're right or you're wrong, even inside your own head.

That's why you need the help of professionals, people who know what they're talking about, who can assess this kind of illness, quite frankly, and they can address it with medications or therapy or some combination of.

There's not a fucking thing to be ashamed of.

I've been through it.

Chrissy's been through it.

Rachel has been through it.

You're not alone.

No.

Everyone's been through it.

Everyone I know has been through it.

You're not alone.

So go see a therapist.

Call a friend.

Call a family member.

Call to TCB.

No joke.

Whatever you need to do to get through.

Or if you're in a crisis, if it's really that bad, if the next step is one to hurt yourself or other people, 988.

It's a free hotline that you can call anytime, day or night, 24 hours a day, seven days a week, 365, Spanish or English, to talk to somebody who is professionally trained to help you get through it and find the resources that you need to help you get through it.

I implore you.

I know that there.

There's going to be hundreds of thousands of people that listen to this by the day's end.

I know for a fact that there's somebody out there who is struggling with this.

And I hope that you're hearing what I'm saying.

988, call or text.

All right.

That's it.

Let's leave it alone at that.

But I just want you to know somebody out there loves you.

May not be me, but there's somebody out there that loves you.

Chrissy loves you.

I do.

Okay.

If I don't love you, Chrissy loves you.

And well, the commercial break in general loves you.

How's that?

Absolutely.

Not in like, I want to have sex with you, Way.

Maybe I do, but it's probably not.

I have a wife and kids and stuff like that.

You know, I don't, I'm not at that part of my life, but you know what I mean.

But if you want to make love to your podcast player, you do that.

You do, whatever needs, whatever you need to get through, and dial 988 if you're in mental health crisis.

We're going to be back to put all of us in mental health crisis when we listen to Frankie B after these words.

All right, all right, all right, cats and kittens.

You're in the middle of another episode during TCB's endless day.

Make sure you're following us at the Commercial Break on Instagram for more information on all of today's events and maybe even a live streaming recording.

Wouldn't that be a miracle?

You know, now would be a really good time to call in and give Brian and Chrissy some moral support.

They've been at this for like, what, six million hours?

212-433-3TCB.

That's 212-433-3822.

Be sure to catch all these episodes a second time on video at youtube.com slash thecommercial break.

And get your free exclusive endless day sticker by visiting tcbpodcast.com and dropping us a a line on the contact us button.

Okay, I'm gonna go or I'll run the risk of being the second person on this podcast to talk way too much.

Looking right at you, Brian.

Best to you.

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All right, home stretch.

Here we go, Chrissy.

That's right.

One more hour.

Okay.

So,

Frankie B.

Where were we?

Oh, Frankie B.

I don't know.

What day is it?

I feel like I'm in a casino.

Yeah, I know, honestly.

It's dark in here, but I know it's still light outside.

It's a little weird, actually.

I'm agreeing with you on this.

And I've been up since so early, it feels like it's the middle of the night, but it's really not.

I told Astrid, I said, we got the babysitter for the wrong day.

It should have been tomorrow we get the babysitter for.

Anyway, Frankie B has been missing for almost a year, I think, close to a year.

No more videos, no new videos.

He did a couple like little shorts here and there, but nothing really substantial and nothing like his usual content where he talks about women and, you know, cheating on women cheating on him and him cheating on women and all this other stuff, usually around him and party girls, party girls.

That's right, his ex-girlfriends.

That's the way he talks about.

But all of a sudden, he popped up and he put up three new videos.

This, the first one, is very interesting.

He's down in Boca Raton, as he says it.

Boca Raton.

I'm in Boca Raton.

He doesn't even know where he is.

Listen to this, okay?

And he's about to go on a yacht with three very attractive older ladies

on a yacht.

Okay, now I'm going to.

Yes, I'm on a yacht.

Hey, everybody, look at me.

I'm yachting,

I'm a yacht guy.

Yacht material is definitely up Frankie's alley to post.

So it is.

This is such so frankie.

But now, I want you to watch, keep note of this, okay?

Keep note of this video, and then keep note of the next video.

Uh, the next video we do, ready?

Yes, okay, this is Frankie down in Boca Raton.

Uh, he's about to be on the yacht.

Oh, he's in a is that a golf golf cart?

It's a golf cart.

Where are we?

We're in Boca.

Boca Ratan.

Boca Ratan.

Boca Ratan.

That's what he says.

Boca Ratan.

I'm in Boca Ratan.

He's got his aviators on.

He's got a little ponytail.

He's got a little ponytail.

He says, Where are we?

Where are we?

Boca Rattan?

Boca?

I'm on the side of a house in Boca Rattan.

Boca Rattan.

We're out on our friend's boat.

I just.

Look at that.

So he's walking on the side of a house.

On the side of the house, there there is a prime protein drink or prime energy drink blow-up inflatable.

That's true.

Who keeps a proca?

I guess that's where they do it.

Got to show you this, this freak of nature.

Look at this bad boy.

Okay, as yachts go, it's a beautiful yacht.

It's black.

It's slick black.

It's a beautiful boat.

But the boat that I went on with my uncle, with Astrid's uncle?

Yeah.

Right.

Three times the size of this yeah that's yeah this is a speedboat with a top on it essentially right still way more boat than i can afford and it's sitting in its own private wet slip on a canal with a beautiful house

yeah so don't get me wrong there's a lot of money involved here but as florida yachts go i wouldn't call this a yacht i'd call this a boat

all right absolutely gorgeous he get a load

Blow a load.

Blow a load right here.

I've never seen so many, so much money in my entire life.

Can you, Chrissy?

This is crazy.

Look at that chair.

It's got my name on it right there.

That water chair.

I sit there all day long.

Look, I can.

He looks like he has been out.

I have.

Have you ever seen leather this good looking?

Huh?

Check out this house.

Look at this pool.

Look at this thing.

Monitor, this is the captain.

What's your name, Mr.

Captain?

What's up, Paul?

How are we doing?

All right, brother.

Nice to meet you.

Did he just meet?

We just met.

It's my friend's boat, but I don't know his name yet.

I just saw the prime energy drink float, and I decided to come on by.

This is like the first time Frankie has ever seen a really, really nice house.

He's like, look at this.

Oh, my God.

They have a pool.

Nice to meet you.

You're more excited than me.

I know.

Hey, there's his lady friends on the boat.

All right.

So the three older, very attractive women.

The girls are on the boat.

Time to change in a suit.

And

let's go get some sun.

Time to change into my dick hangers and let's get going.

Why is he not already in his suit?

Everyone else is on the boat already.

I had to alert all 315 of my YouTube subscribers that I'm in a house.

The angle, too, that he's filming this.

I mean, it's like right up his nose.

Well,

that's not the only thing that's right up his nose today.

You know what I'm saying, Chrissy?

Huh?

All right, just checking.

Oh, my lord.

So I'm imagining one of the girls has their top off.

Oh.

That's awesome.

Can you see through his sunglasses?

I think I can see tits through his sunglasses.

Really?

Yeah.

Oh, oh, here's the music.

Let me see if I can replicate this.

Ready?

That's pretty good.

All right, let's keep going.

Oh, Frankie getting wild.

Yeah.

The girls are on the back of the speedboat.

They are.

They're on the back of the speedboat on like a sun lounge.

They're riding through the canals of Boca Ratan.

And they're all in their little bikinis.

And then the boat, the seats on the back, at first I thought it said Prado.

Prada.

It says Pardo.

Prado.

Like Don Pardo?

I'm sure it's more expensive than I can afford, but anyway.

Two, three 50 plus, 60 plus year old women rocking it out on the back of the boat.

Good for them.

Hey, listen, listen.

They look like they're having fun.

Absolutely.

They're a little bit worse than dude now.

They kind of went crazy for a minute, but now they're like, okay, that's enough.

This is what I want you to

notice, too.

They're still in the channel going out to the sea, right?

Okay.

Frankie's necklace.

Yeah.

So Frankie's shirtless on the front of the boat.

He's saying, Are you kidding me?

Are you nuts?

I don't know.

What does that have to do?

Drop the beat.

Drop the beat.

Now, take notice to this cove because that is where I was

when my kids spilled the exact same place.

When my kids spilled the wine all over the

all right, look at the ladies.

Hardo yachts.

Okay, now they're still in the canal, still going toward the sea here.

There's the captain.

Oh, wow, that is one

skimpy bikini.

That's a string bikini.

Is that her chocolate starfish?

I think it is.

Wow.

Wow.

I just paused at the exact right place.

Frankie is taking a picture of one of the girls, older lady, who's got a string bikini on.

When I say string, I mean string up the rear, piece of floss up the rear, and her starfish is glowing for all the world to see.

Oh, what's he drinking?

Vodka.

Oh, okay.

I wonder if he's going to break with his diet.

Yeah.

This is the most Florida thing I've ever seen in my entire life.

This is fantastic.

Are we assuming one of these girls is his girlfriend?

I think so.

Doesn't that girl on the left look like the same girl from the beginning of some of his videos?

Okay.

I think the girl in the middle looks a little too young for him, if I'm being honest.

And the girl on the right

doesn't belong.

Yeah, she one of these things is not like the other.

Those are yachts.

Those are yachts.

Those are yachts.

Okay, now watch.

Ready?

Still on the way out of the canal, but watch.

I love it.

He's squeezing

this poem

in this

little spot over here.

It's going to be interesting.

Frankie seems drunk.

Frankie does seem drunk.

And his hair's down.

Yes, his hair is down.

He's letting his hair down.

Are you noticing that maybe those hair plugs didn't do everything he thought they were going to do?

Okay.

Yeah, this is not the best content video ever, but I want you to listen to what Frankie says next.

Okay, here we go.

All right, here it is.

Ready?

Still on the way out to the ocean.

Take note.

If you could probably tell, the party in the boat is getting a little bit more subdued right now.

Yeah, it's crash time.

We had a great time.

We literally drove a mile out.

Now everyone's taking a nap on the back look at that hair

that looks like he looks like a gangster i know he looks like

and that chain wow oh that chain and that leather skin wow that's my future to do some stuff that's future brian yeah you think a guy who takes care of his skin like this would would

his body like this would be attuned to these kind of things okay i mean uh god bless my beautiful friends um for inviting us their boat with the captain

to drive

around for the full day.

I'm sure that's what he was looking at all day long.

Beautiful, beautiful friends.

If you did enjoy the video, if you enjoyed all the little clips, I mean, that hair looks terrible.

It looks terrible.

All right, give this

a thumbs up.

Let me hear your comments.

I'd love to hear from you.

My name is Frank Bernardo.

I will see all of you in the next video.

Yes, you will.

There's promises of more videos, Chrissy.

So that's good.

Okay, now let's flip back.

This comes out the very next day, two days, three days later, something like that.

He's back in Chicago.

Okay.

He's back in his apartment with his 1980s wood-paneled apartment.

Yeah.

This is such a vast difference between his yacht and then watch this poor guy.

This is all you need to know about Frankie.

You have got to check this out.

You've got, you've got to look at my sauce.

All right.

I'm proud.

All right.

I've been doing this now for a while.

I took all the recipes from what I absorbed throughout my childhood through my grandma, to my mother.

And he's a chef Yakamoto, Chrissy.

He's absorbed the many,

many

generations of Italian cooking.

And put it right, he's a chef boy RD, if you don't mind.

A chef man O D.

Chef Frankie B.

I'm doing this.

Check this out.

This thing off for you.

Hold on.

That looks absolutely disgusting.

I don't know what that is.

It's his sauce.

Sausage?

Yeah, but do you put sausage and oil and...

Oh.

Well, I mean, the tomato sauce can kind of get a little watery on the top like that, but yeah, it doesn't look great.

Do you cook sauce in a crock pot?

Shouldn't you be cooking it like on the stove or something?

Not in a pressure cooker.

I don't understand what's going on here.

Yeah.

But look at the vast difference between the lifestyle he's trying to portray in his Pardo yacht and he's now like the four Micah Connor tops

with the sauce in the crock pot.

Don't go nowhere.

Look at this.

Are you not

back this Tuesday evening at 5:57?

Are you kidding me?

Look at the oil.

Look at the oil.

Oh, oh, yeah, that's what I don't want to look at.

Can we drain the oil?

Do we have to eat the oil too?

We got meatballs, meatballs, we got sausage, sausage, uh, pork neck bones.

Oh, oh, we got pork

short ribs in here.

Look at

pork neck bones,

sausage, sausage, meatballs, short ribs, turkey innards, chicken offal,

string bikini from the beach trip.

Look at all the oil.

Look at all the oil.

It came straight off of my forehead.

Straight off of my forehead.

I've absorbed literally thousands of years of Italian cooking, and I put it all into this one

crock pot I bought in 1982 at my first wedding.

And look at it.

Doesn't it look beautiful?

Chrissy, Al, I got to ask you just one thing now.

Do you remember the mountain monsters that the guy, that the commercial break did, where they found that cow-killing bastard?

Yes.

And they found the innards of the cow on the ground.

Doesn't this sauce, doesn't this look exactly like that?

That's right.

Falling apart.

All right.

And then in a little bit, I'm going to throw on some pasta.

Throw on some past.

Yeah.

Well, he has

been drinking.

He has been drinking it, and he has changed his tune

from his very measured eating.

very measured eating tuna and and what tuna tuna devil egg tuna eggs devil egg tuna tuna eggs I don't know what it was but it was gross not a lot a little bit

I'm telling you back in the day when I grew up we had Italian is it Wednesdays

This is very different from the guy who would put out highly edited videos where he was the opposite of whatever this is, charged up to the max.

So this is drunk.

That is coked up.

I don't know.

I'm not saying he was.

I'm just saying his neck is leathery.

His hair plugs have not taken root.

I guess all that money he spent on the hair plugs didn't work.

Yeah.

And he just doesn't look good to me.

I don't know.

It's also the angle that he's showing himself at.

Yeah, don't go from the chin up.

Astrid always says when we're taking pictures, like, go from, go down.

Yes.

Don't go up.

Go down.

Right.

And I'm always raising the camera for her and all this other stuff.

Now I'm starting to agree with her.

Oh, bullshit.

And it was

Sundays.

My mother used to cook pasta Wednesdays and Sundays like clockwork.

The whole thing.

I love it.

I'll never forget.

I'm going to be eating carbs.

Yeah.

That is surprising to me.

I agree with you.

He used to just be a gym rat.

But listen, so are the seasons of life.

We have known Frankie long enough to know that he is going through his season of life.

I'm glad to see he's letting his hair down.

This is the time to get him.

This is when we bring Frankie on the commercial break.

That Italian

tradition.

It was really, really good stuff.

It was really, really good stuff.

Wow.

All right.

One more video.

We're not going to get all the way through it because we got a time.

We got a deadline here.

And I'm sorry.

I always get so crazy about Frankie B videos.

But here, let me see if I can pull this one up.

Okay, here he is.

Oh.

In the car.

In the car, the class.

Five minutes.

Let's see if we can get three.

it.

Rockets.

So this morning, I'm watching this clip on Instagram, and there's this big

asshole, Brian Green.

I swear to God, I thought that was coming.

Big buff dude.

And he's saying that working out, when you work out, less is more.

He's got the secret recipe.

You know, I had to keep watching because I was actually blown away.

There's actually

some moron

telling you, telling us guys that working out less,

you're going to get better results.

It was the most absurd, obscene thing that I have ever heard.

Obscene.

Since the guy who tells people how to work out, eat, date, cheat, talk, walk, hair plugs, everything.

Don't turn it.

Obscene.

He really took offense to this.

Yes.

This video off because we gotta talk about this.

And the guy was buffed.

Yes.

And I think Frankie might have been admiring how buff he was.

But now here comes his old intro.

The rocket.

Rocket.

Let's take a look at Frankie back then.

Hair coffed, looking good, skin tight.

Fitness.

Fitness.

Fashion.

Fashion.

Lifestyle.

Fun.

Females.

Fucking.

Grooming.

Farting.

Ball waxing.

What is going on, everybody?

And I welcome you to the video.

If this is your first time here, let me introduce myself.

My name is Frank Bernardo.

I built this channel for Barbara.

He's at a Costco?

He's at an Osco.

Osco.

Osco.

Jewel Osco.

It's R.

Kroger.

It's R.

Kroger up in Chicago.

Yeah.

Actually, Gustavo is in Chicago now, and he called and he said, what's the grocery store around or what's the grocery station store chain I should look for and I said Jewel Osco but Jewel Oscos they've been around since like the 60s so when you walk into a Jewel Osco it's like walking straight into a grocery store from the six some of them in the 60s who want to up their game look and feel better about themselves did he did he have to do it in the parking lot no he could have done this at his salon suite honestly he could have gone home he had to get that angry about a video that he saw waiting for somebody to come out of the jewel oscoomy

Hey, real quick, if you do like the video, if you think I'm right in this, do me a favor, give the video a like.

All right, let's let's talk about what this numbskull

is saying.

Wow,

he's so charged up.

And the preface of my video is for all the older guys out there, you gotta be careful on what you're watching out there because everyone's the expert and everyone's trying to sell you something.

Everyone's trying to sell you on their program.

So, getting back to this, not unlike

not Frankie, he's not trying to sell you on anything.

All right, you know what?

We're not gonna have time to finish this video, so you know what we'll do?

We'll put this in the back burner.

Okay, we'll save this for the next

in the back crock pot in the back in the crock pot with all the sausage, the turkey necks, the chicken legs,

the old nails from Frankie's toes.

Oh, I love Frankie.

Hey, he's alive.

We know he's alive.

He's alive.

He's kicking.

He's hanging out.

He's as fasty as ever.

That's right.

With string bikinis and chocolate starfish and that one girl that doesn't belong.

Said Chrissy.

Said Chrissy.

Well, she just didn't look like she was that into it

as the other two are.

She looked like the kind of girl we'd probably hang out with.

And the other two are.

If you don't have a yacht, you're probably not hanging out with them.

Let's put it this way: if that girl with the

string bikini had come on my boat, it would have been a one-piece bathing suit she would have worn.

But I think she's the kind of girl who changes her outfit based on what kind of boat she's going on.

We all know the girls, come on, and we all know the guys, to be fair.

Yeah, we know the guys.

Listen, I go into my pool in the backyard.

I'm wearing my fishes, of my little fishes.

I go to Majorca.

I'm wearing the 13-inch

bright pink

Victory V.

But mine's more like a Victory B.

Not a V, but a B for Brian.

Like bulging over

the band.

Double bulging.

You've written a B before.

It's got two bulges.

The double bulge.

It's a top one and a bottom one.

It's okay.

I'm not looking to be Frankie B.

I'm just looking to be me.

All right.

Okay.

This is episode number

one, Frankie B.

I know.

There's only going to be one Frankie ever.

All right.

Listen, one more episode just to wrap it up and say thank you.

Short little episode.

So stay tuned.

As soon as we can get it out, we'll get it out.

But it'll be today for sure.

Thanks very much to our sponsor, 5Hour Energy, for sponsoring the entire day and giving this to us with limited commercial interruptions i'm sure you enjoyed that just as much as we did thank you to chrissy for agreeing to do this thank you to assard for helping thank you to noemi thank you to jeff for letting chrissy scoot away for an entire day

thanks to tina maryanne rachel mcgrath

so many others we can thank jenny and sean and sean and everybody all right we'll be back Chrissy, that's all I can do for this moment.

Oh, I think so.

I love you.

I love you.

Best to you to you and best to you out there in the podcast universe.

We'll be back.

We'll flip it over here real quick.

Until next time, we will say, we do say, and we must say.

Goodbye.

I gotta get some cocaine.

That's gonna be crazy.