TCB Infomercial: Zoltan Kaszas

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Speaker 3 When I'm in line at a coffee shop or something, I have to have my order ready before I make it up to the barista. Some people aren't like that.

Speaker 3 Some people can just like be in the moment, like they just respawn in a video game and just be like croissant to black coffee, you know? And if you can do that, awesome. More power to you.

Speaker 3 That's not who I am. I have to have my lines ready before I talk to a stranger.
And sometimes I'm not. Like, sometimes there's someone in front of me and I'm still deciding and they get out of line.

Speaker 3 Now I'm next. I'll just yell out the first thing I see on the menu.
That's who I am.

Speaker 1 London fog.

Speaker 1 That's how I found out London Fog's not even coffee. All right?

Speaker 1 It's tea.

Speaker 3 Like, if you yell out London Fog in a panic, prepare for some dirty hot water.

Speaker 3 Because you just got yourself some gross tea.

Speaker 1 All right?

Speaker 3 That's who I am, though. Like, when I'm in line at a Starbucks, I'm in my head the whole time.
Just like, bacon, egg, dude, a sandwich, sweet cream cold brew.

Speaker 3 bacon, egg, gouda, sandwich, sweet cream, cold brew,

Speaker 3 bacon, egg, gouda, sandwich, sweet cream, cold brew.

Speaker 3 And then I make it to the front, and the barista's like, what will it be? And I'm like, uh,

Speaker 3 can I do a bacon, egg, gouda, sandwich, and a sweet cream cold brew?

Speaker 3 But then, if she's like, we're out of all of that,

Speaker 3 London Bog, dude.

Speaker 3 I'll make the same mistake again rather than looking indecisive in public, dude.

Speaker 3 I'll dance with the devil I know than the one I don't.

Speaker 5 On this episode of the Commercial Break.

Speaker 1 Don't we? We have so many things flying around.

Speaker 1 Elon's got a bunch of satellites up there. There's a bunch of shit.
Why can't we determine exactly what's going on up there?

Speaker 3 I don't know.

Speaker 3 Can we turn on sentry mode on one of those Teslas he sent into outer space and

Speaker 3 get a look at this thing?

Speaker 3 It's uh, yeah, that's that's uh that's pretty frightening. I also like the idea that this well-respected scientist has a bit of the hysterics.
He does.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Like, that's

Speaker 3 can you imagine that from like a well-respected neurosurgeon? He's like,

Speaker 3 this guy's gonna work on your brain, but he's a bit, uh, he's a kook. But uh, we'll see what he can do.

Speaker 5 The next episode of the commercial break starts now.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah, cats and kittens. Welcome back to the commercial break.
I'm Brian Gray, and this is my dear friend and the co-host of this show, Chris and Joy Holy. Best of you, Chris.
Best to you, Brian.

Speaker 2 Best of you out there in the podcast universe. Thanks for joining us on a TCB Infomercial Tuesday with Zoltan, the comedian.
The very hot on fire.

Speaker 2 Everybody loves him. So hot.
He's so hot. He's hot.
He's hot to touch. He's hot to look at.
Everybody thinks he's hot, including my wife.

Speaker 2 Yes, the reason why I'm so familiar with Zoltan's comedy is because Astrid sends me every single one of his reels.

Speaker 2 Everyone, every single one. She's like, Look at Zoltan.
Look at what Zoltan said.

Speaker 2 So, I don't know whether to be jealous or angry or just happy that he's here.

Speaker 2 I'm just gonna join in. But usually, we do these intros before we talk to the person, but this time is a little bit different, and I'll explain why.
But I want you to stick with us on this, okay?

Speaker 2 Because Zoltan is really good, he's really funny, and I'm not gonna ask him to repeat this

Speaker 2 so we recorded the interview with Zoltan and about half a minute into the interview blue starts barking now that's nothing new here at the studios blue is always barking but it's usually one or two or three maybe a bark for a couple minutes and then it's then she moves on to something else in her little pea brain but this time this time was different was different blue barks the entirety of the interview but i didn't know it wasn't it it wasn't a bark like she was in trouble.

Speaker 2 No. It was just her normal, obnoxious bark.
Just every time there was a dead silence, she would bark. Why?

Speaker 2 Well, it turns out that Blue loves to get up on a bed here in the house, but she doesn't know how to get down.

Speaker 2 So she decided the best way to alert everybody that she's up in the bed was to bark obnoxiously for almost an hour.

Speaker 6 Yeah, there's like little bouts of where she would stop.

Speaker 8 And I was like, okay, there's it.

Speaker 2 She's done. And then

Speaker 2 it is, I, you know, sometimes when Blue barks during the episodes, when I go back and we're editing the show, I don't really hear it. So I'm like, okay, I can work around.

Speaker 2 I'm hoping this is faint enough that it won't be so omnipresent during the episode, but I've already listened to it back a little bit. And I can already tell you right now, you're going to hear Blue.

Speaker 2 That's what you're going to do. But Zoltan.
is hilarious and we were lucky to get him in here and we're happy to have him and he's going to have a big tour links in the show notes to his tickets.

Speaker 2 He's got a brand new special that's on YouTube available right now. All you got to do is go press play.
Links in the show notes. Zoltan has been doing this for a long time.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 he's a very unique delivery, a very unique affectation. And he uses it to his distinct advantage.
He is really hilarious. There are a lot of comics that come on that I enjoy personally.

Speaker 2 A lot of the comics, most of the comics that come on, we know in some way, shape, or form, we've seen their material

Speaker 2 and we like it. But this one kind of rises to the top of the list for me, for Astrid.
Astrid's so excited that Zultan's coming in.

Speaker 2 And we are. We're going to go see his show, too.
Yeah, we're going to go see his show. He invites us to the show at the end of the interview, and it was so kind of him to do so.

Speaker 2 And that puts him automatically in the friend category here at the commercial break.

Speaker 2 When I don't have to pay, you know, when just saving me just a little bit of money, I don't care if the tickets are in the fucking broom closet. I'm not fussy.
I just want to go see Zeltan.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it'll be a fun night out. And he's playing at center stage, which is a great place to see.
That's where I saw my first ever comedy show, Paulie Shore. Right.
That's right.

Speaker 2 Paulie Shore. Paulie Shore.

Speaker 8 Wasn't there something about a cigarette involved in that story?

Speaker 2 He bummed a cigarette. Yeah.
Even though he didn't smoke cigarettes, he bummed a cigarette. And we were 14 years old smoking camel wides.

Speaker 2 You remember camel wides? Oh my God. Yes.
We thought they were toys. You know what I'm saying? That's how young we were.
We were just like, these are cool. Camel Wides.

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 2 here's something funny while we're talking about it, since we're already let the cat out of the bag that we've already recorded this interview.

Speaker 2 So after we record the interview, a day or two later, Zoltan makes a post about his new special. Yes.
And he says, the post is basically a lot.

Speaker 2 what

Speaker 2 you'll hear here on the show, which is they pitched it to the streamers. The streamers said no.

Speaker 2 We were in disbelief that any of the streamers would say no to Zoltan, but they said no, and that happens in whatever. Hit the next one.
Get him at the next one.

Speaker 2 So he posts that, and I make a comment. You know, it's a big stream conspiracy.
Rob Schneider has a special on Netflix.

Speaker 2 Think about that. Fucking Rob Schneider has a special on Netflix, the most undesired comic, stand-up comic since,

Speaker 2 I don't know.

Speaker 2 Carrot Top? I'm not sure. I don't know.

Speaker 2 No knock on Carrotop. I don't worry.
No, I know. He gets enough shit.
I actually like Carrotop, if I'm being honest. But

Speaker 2 he's strangely muscular, though. Yeah.

Speaker 2 He's just a strange-looking dude. I don't love his comedy, but I like him as a person.
When I see him talking, I get into it. I'm like, okay, all right, Carrotop, you're not terrible.

Speaker 2 He's got great stories, too. He's seen a lot of history of comedy.
But so I say that on the comments section, and

Speaker 2 I'm just sharing with you guys. Rob Schneider has a streaming special on Netflix, and Zoltan is on YouTube.
All you have to do is press play. It's going to be a great hour of comedy.

Speaker 2 Do us all a favor. Go watch Zoltan.
Let's make Zoltan part of the commercial break. Family, let's make sure that he feels the love.
I agree. So please go press play.

Speaker 2 You can also do that on our podcast. That would help us out a lot.

Speaker 2 Yes, please press play. Press play on our podcast.
Of course, if you're not hearing this, then how would you know to press play? But there you go. All right.
Okay. All right.
Let's take a break.

Speaker 2 And when we get back through the magic of telepodcasting, Zoltan here in studio, blue in a bedroom far away, and me and Chrissy talking, you'll get through it. It's fine.
It's not terrible, terrible.

Speaker 2 It's not.

Speaker 8 We keep talking like it's not happening, but I'm inside, I'm laughing.

Speaker 2 Yeah,

Speaker 2 it's happening.

Speaker 2 All right. We'll take a break.
What do you say? Let's take a break. And when we get back, we'll bring him on.
Let's do it. Okay.
We'll be back.

Speaker 6 Hey, it's Rachel, your new voice of God here on TCB. And just like you, I'm wondering just how much longer this podcast can continue.

Speaker 6 Let's all rejoice that another episode has made it to your ears, and I'll rejoice that my check is in the mail.

Speaker 6 Speaking of mail, get your free TCB sticker in the mail by going to tcbpodcast.com and visiting the contact us page.

Speaker 6 You can also find the entire commercial break library, audio and video, just in case you want to look at Chrissy, at tcbpodcast.com. Want your voice to be on an episode of the show?

Speaker 6 Leave us a message at 212-433-3TCB. That's 212-433-3822.
Tell us how much you love us, and we'll be sure to let the world know on a future episode. Or you could make fun of us, that'd be fine too.

Speaker 6 We might not air that, but maybe. Oh, and if you're shy, that's okay.
Just send a text. We'll respond.

Speaker 6 Now I'm going to go check the mailbox for payment while you check out our sponsors, and then we'll return to this episode of the commercial break.

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Speaker 1 And we're here with Zoltan now. Thank you so much for coming in.
I want to share with you that I think I've seen every reel that you've created in the last two or three years.

Speaker 1 And there's one reason and one reason why. And that's my wife will run in to show me the new Zoltan reel that has dropped.
She is a huge fan of your comedy.

Speaker 1 Well, first of all, which gives me mixed emotions about you.

Speaker 1 I'll leave it there.

Speaker 3 First of all, thank you and thank you to your wife. And you have no idea how much I hear that.
Like when I go do shows.

Speaker 3 I can tell during the meet and greet whose idea it was to come and who's the big fan and who got dragged and who's being a good sport about coming to the show? So, I'm glad to know the dynamic.

Speaker 1 Why, um, why do you think it is

Speaker 8 your dog also loves?

Speaker 1 Yeah, my dog is going absolutely bananas right now. I don't, I don't know why, she might be stuck in a closet or something.

Speaker 1 Should I check on her? I don't know. Um,

Speaker 1 one of the do you do you get a lot more the wife or more the husband,

Speaker 3 man? It's kind of 50-50, um,

Speaker 3 but yeah, I guess if I guess more wives than husbands, I would, I would.

Speaker 3 I've seen more guys standing at the meet and greet going

Speaker 3 as opposed to like wives going, I...

Speaker 1 But

Speaker 3 I'm going to say 60-40 to the wives. That's what I'm going to say.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you've got something. There's something about, I think it's like your mannerisms, your affectations, something you're handsome.
You've got this X factor going on.

Speaker 3 Jeune Esequois is what we have in my bio. That is what we're.

Speaker 1 Exactly.

Speaker 3 That's what we're trying to promote.

Speaker 1 If you ever have to go get a regular job, it'll say Jeune Sequoi.

Speaker 1 They put like marketing director, sales professional. Strength.
Gene sequence. More women like me than men.
I

Speaker 1 love this.

Speaker 1 I was watching a reel, I think it was last night or the night before, that you did about UFOs.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Tell me, do you have like a genuine interest and fascination in this?

Speaker 3 And are you paying attention to this three-eye comet that's zooming around that's going to cause problems so i've heard about that comment and i'm new to like the alien thing you know like i've i've always like heard of it but you know what the problem with aliens that whole world is uh

Speaker 3 like the messenger is so important yeah and all of the alien messengers of like the aliens are real they've all look like lunatics that live in a van and no one wants to believe them right and then now like the military is like yeah we shot at a UFO and we hit it and it didn't do anything.

Speaker 3 This might be real. Yeah.

Speaker 3 Now it's like that much more interesting. And yes, I have heard of the comet that was supposed to be a spacecraft, but now maybe it's not a spacecraft, but it's dangerous nonetheless.

Speaker 3 What's the latest with it?

Speaker 1 Okay, so I'll go down this road with you because

Speaker 1 actually this episode. may not air because of that comet.
We'll have to see whether or not things come out. So why not talk about it?

Speaker 3 It's definitely.

Speaker 1 It's like 3i. It's an an interstellar, what they call interstellar.
So, it's coming from

Speaker 1 inside of our universe. Is that intergalactic?

Speaker 1 No, I don't.

Speaker 8 Did beastie boys talk about it?

Speaker 1 The way that it's circling around our solar system is strange. And we've only seen three of the, or scientists have, like, we, like, I'm a part of the scientific community.
Right. Have we? We all are.

Speaker 1 Since 2020, we all are part of the scientific community. My grandfather is a COVID specialist.

Speaker 1 So it's the way that it's circling around our solar system makes scientists a little befuddled because they don't understand why it's moving the way it's moving.

Speaker 1 And like a comet usually has a tail that moves away from the sun. Makes sense.
It's burning off ice and whatever.

Speaker 1 And this tail apparently is pointing toward the sun, indicating that it may have some kind of

Speaker 1 like thrust and it's slowing down. Now, again, Zoltan said it correctly.
You have to look at the messenger of there's like a thousand scientists out there that are like, like cool comet, dude.

Speaker 1 And there's like six scientists out there that are like, we're fucked. Yeah,

Speaker 1 but they're not on the CBS nightly news.

Speaker 1 They're like, they're coming to the commercial break at that kind of place.

Speaker 3 It's kind of like the toothpaste commercials where they're like nine out of ten dentists recommend this toothpaste. Yes.
What's up with that one dentist? And then

Speaker 3 that one dentist is the scientist that's like, that thing's going to kill us. And so.

Speaker 3 but that's interesting. I want to listen to that guy and then I want to maybe visit his house, just see what's going on there and see if I believe him.

Speaker 1 His name is Abi Loab, so you can go Google him. And he's a well-respected astronomer and

Speaker 1 whatever the other titles are. He's well-respected, except he's also known to have fits of hysterics, like, you know, about certain things.
Psychosis? Yeah, psychosis. That's how you want your.

Speaker 1 That's how you want the guys that.

Speaker 8 I'm not going to have a dash of psychosis.

Speaker 1 I just feel like in this day and age, we should know with a degree of certainty whether or not something is a spacecraft. Don't we? We have so many things flying around.

Speaker 1 Elon's got a bunch of satellites up there. There's a bunch of shit.
Why can't we determine exactly what's going on up there? I don't know.

Speaker 3 Can we turn on sentry mode on one of those Teslas he sent into outer space and

Speaker 3 get a look at this thing?

Speaker 3 It's uh yeah, that's that's uh that's pretty frightening. I also like the idea that this well-respected scientist has a bit of the hysterics.

Speaker 1 He does, yeah, like that's

Speaker 3 can you imagine that from like a well-respected neurosurgeon? He's like,

Speaker 3 this guy's gonna work on your brain, but he's a bit uh he's a kook, but uh, we'll see what he can do.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he's been known to get the yips during surgery.

Speaker 1 So, you know, with the putter, like how you got how guys, professional golfers, I call it the yips, where they can't pull the putter back because they're brain. Like, imagine the neurosurgeon.

Speaker 1 He's a great neurosurgeon, best in the business. He's prone to the yips.
I hope it doesn't happen on you.

Speaker 1 If everything goes fine, it's going to go really good for you.

Speaker 3 Oh, wow. His short game is a disaster, but

Speaker 3 he can drive it. Boy, he can drive it from the T.

Speaker 1 Out of town.

Speaker 1 Hey, you are, your parents are originally from Hungary. You're originally from Hungary.
Is that right?

Speaker 3 Yeah, both of us. I was born in Budapest.
We moved. I was born in 87.
We moved in 91. So I was there for a really short time, just four years.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's very interesting. Why did your parents come here? Just a job seeking a better life?

Speaker 3 My mom married a Hungarian-American,

Speaker 3 and then we ended up moving. That's how we ended up coming in.
We moved to Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 8 Oh, Pittsburgh.

Speaker 1 That was the introduction.

Speaker 3 Yeah, that's a lot of Hungarians over there. So it was like a smooth transition.
But that marriage didn't last very long.

Speaker 3 So we were only there for like five years and then we ended up moving to san diego where uh i still am and it's uh where i grew up san diego is beautiful so beautiful yeah i i had no clue what we were moving to i just remember telling my teachers that i was moving and they're like where and i said san diego and they're like oh you're gonna love like

Speaker 3 That was the first time I had ever seen jealousy in adults' eyes is when I told my first grade teacher that I'm moving to San Diego. Like, oh, you're gonna, you're gonna have a great time.
Yeah.

Speaker 8 Well, it is the whale's vagina.

Speaker 1 It is the whale's vagina. That's true.
Well, I mean, when you live in Pittsburgh, though, you could say, you know,

Speaker 1 I'm moving to New Delhi. And you're going to love it there.

Speaker 1 I hear the fanhandling. The weather's way better.
The weather's way better over in New Delhi.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I don't know what part of the whale Pittsburgh is, but

Speaker 1 not the vagina.

Speaker 1 Did you find comedy early? Was this like a way of navigating and no negotiating like

Speaker 1 your childhood like i think a lot of comics new situations yeah new situations and just trying to find friends and you start making a funny and you realize that that gets a reaction you go oh or was this something you found later in life no i mean definitely moving around a lot and changing elementary schools every few years every couple of years like being funny helped making friends.

Speaker 3 And then in middle school, like I started to be like, I started to figure it it out. I'm like, oh, comedy's cool.

Speaker 3 And then, uh, and then I graduated high school. I didn't know what to do.
And then a year after I was out of high school, I was 19 and I decided to go to an open mic.

Speaker 3 And

Speaker 3 I just, I had a horrible set, but I, like, I was intrigued as to why. It's like, I really went in.
A lot of people go into open mics with this confidence that they're going to do

Speaker 3 like a little bit of fear, like they're going to do poorly or they could do poorly. That was, you know, when you're young and you just have dumb confidence, that's what I had.

Speaker 3 Yeah, yes, yeah, that's what I had. And I'm like, this is gonna go great.
I have some friends here, and it did not go great. Like, it was, it was so bad.

Speaker 3 And with my friends not knowing when they're like, we didn't know when we were supposed to laugh. So we, they laughed at like the wrong parts.
And I'm like, not then, you know?

Speaker 3 And

Speaker 3 it was just, it was a disaster, but I was intrigued as to why it was a disaster. And I think that kept me going back and back and back.

Speaker 3 And, you know, here we are 20 years later, 19 years later, however long it's been.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I think that's, that is interesting because I believe that a lot of when we talk, we've talked to a lot of comics, and the story usually goes the opposite direction, which is I showed up at the open mic, I killed it, and then the next 10 times I got up there, I couldn't find a joke to save my life, right?

Speaker 1 They got the initial boost of confidence, and that strung them along. It gave them enough, I guess, gas in the tank to then get to the next funny.
But that's interesting that you flopped.

Speaker 1 And I would imagine 90% of humans would go, That's it, I'm done, enough punishment for me, right? But you had some kind of fascination. It was a challenge, challenge for you.

Speaker 3 It was weird. Yeah, it was like some kind of like kick to my confidence where I'm like, Why did I not do well?

Speaker 3 I was supposed to do well at this, and then, yeah, the next few times didn't go much better.

Speaker 3 And then, I don't know, I think it was like a few months in, I told a story instead of doing like a joke I thought was clever.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 3 that worked. That works better than anything else I had done.
And I was like, oh, maybe that's what I'm supposed to do.

Speaker 3 I think I'm supposed to like, yeah, I think I'm supposed to more talk about my life and stuff that actually happened to me as opposed to,

Speaker 3 you know, thinking I'm so creative.

Speaker 1 Set up, punchline, set up, punchline, set up, punchline is a very interesting form of comedy. But I think it,

Speaker 1 I don't know, it's not, it can be funny, right? I mean, you could

Speaker 1 say, but yeah, you have to be or Seinfeld, but you have to be so

Speaker 1 your time, everything,

Speaker 1 yeah, it's just a different, it's just there's some, you know, inside of stand-up comedy, there's a bunch of different versions of that. I think you have a very unique voice, right?

Speaker 1 You have a unique voice, like literally, you have a unique voice, but then the way that you deliver your comedy is very unique.

Speaker 1 I would imagine that's part of why all these women find you so sexy and attractive. It's because of the way that you move across stage.
But finding that voice is

Speaker 1 probably hard to do. Like you have to go up there and just cut your teeth a million times.

Speaker 1 How many open mics

Speaker 1 did you do where you just didn't feel confident? Like you were like, oh my God.

Speaker 3 So many. I think my second time on stage, I didn't know what a panic attack was.
But I think I had one. Like I just remember my face went numb and my hands were tangling and I couldn't see.

Speaker 3 I had like peripheral vision, but the stage lights were blinding me.

Speaker 3 And I didn't do, I just kept talking.

Speaker 3 I didn't, like, I didn't run off the stage or anything. I just kept talking.
And I was like, this is weird. What is this feeling? And then, uh, and then when I was done, I was able to like sit down.

Speaker 3 And then it all eventually came back. But yeah, so many moments.
I call them, um,

Speaker 3 there's a special type of bomb, and I call them dry mouth bombs. I think other comics have talked about it, but your lips start sticking to your teeth.

Speaker 1 Yes,

Speaker 3 and then you're just,

Speaker 3 you start getting like saliva in the back that gets thick, and you're like, I can't talk. And everything I say is less funny than the thing before.

Speaker 3 Yeah, those kind of panicky in the moment

Speaker 3 moments, uh, they happen.

Speaker 3 over and over. They might happen to me next week.
I'm going to be in New York. I'll be doing some spots at clubs.
I could have another dry mouth bomb waiting for me on Tuesday night. So

Speaker 1 it keeps things going. I was going to say, don't be afraid of that.
Don't put that in your head, dude. Don't put that in your head.
You got the yips. There you go.
He's got the yips.

Speaker 1 He left the commercial break and he never did another set.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's super interesting. I heard a story once.
There's a guy named Eddie Brill who used to... Do you know Eddie? Yeah.
Okay. Guy used to book Letterman, right?

Speaker 1 He used to be part of the crew that would book the comedians on Letterman for many, many years. And Eddie and I became friends during the pandemic.

Speaker 1 And he told me a story about another comic who got so afraid, like he would walk up on stage, he would be afraid that he had peed himself, right?

Speaker 1 Even though clearly he had not peed himself, he'd have to, like, he'd go to the bathroom right before he got on stage. This was like his biggest fear.

Speaker 1 And there was such an at times, an overwhelming sensation that this had happened and no one was telling him.

Speaker 1 He was like, it was this crazy kind of para, like self-induced paranoia that I got myself in.

Speaker 1 That he actually stopped doing stand-up for like six years because he was so paranoid that this was happening or had happened, was going to happen to him.

Speaker 1 And I can understand that because when I get up to speak in front of people sometimes, you get that dry mouth bomb. And when your lips are sticking to your cheeks,

Speaker 1 you know that other people know it, right? You're like, oh, great.

Speaker 3 Yeah, it's noticeable.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Now I look weird.

Speaker 1 Now I look weird and everything's going down the wrong way.

Speaker 3 Oh, go ahead. I'm sorry.

Speaker 8 No, I was going to say, well, when did you first know, too, that you were a cat person?

Speaker 1 Oh, well, I mean, that happened.

Speaker 3 I think it happens when you first get to just have a cat in the household. You know,

Speaker 3 I was living with some roommates and a roommate had a cat. And I just got attached to the cat.
They ended up, you know, you move away, roommates move away.

Speaker 3 And I was like, I think I need a cat in my life.

Speaker 3 And so we went to go adopt one, and which that's a whole process, too. When I adopted my cat, you know, you check out so many cats, you read their stories,

Speaker 3 and then this one has gingivitis. Oh, we can work through that.
You know, this one may have bitten somebody.

Speaker 1 We can work through that.

Speaker 3 But yeah, I remember the cat we chose, Jessica.

Speaker 3 I picked her out of the cage and she let me hold her like a baby.

Speaker 3 And I was like, I think this is the one.

Speaker 3 And then, you know, then I was a full-blown cat person.

Speaker 1 I love it.

Speaker 8 I love it. I had one that lived to be 22, patches.

Speaker 1 She was a calico.

Speaker 8 And I still haven't been able to replace her. It's too hard, but I want, I've got, I've almost

Speaker 8 done so, and I've gone through the process that you're talking about, especially online, looking at all of the cats, picking them out, and figuring out which one would fit in your home. It's, yeah.

Speaker 1 Yo, no comprende, bros. I don't understand.
Yo, no comprende. Well, I'm also deathly allergic to cats.
So for me,

Speaker 1 it's a death sentence. We had two cats when I was young, Sammy and Denise, and my parents brought them home.
Like we had just moved to Atlanta from Chicago.

Speaker 1 And I think my parents recognized that maybe we needed

Speaker 1 some kind of comfort or something to entertain us or kill us or whatever. I don't know.
So she got these

Speaker 1 pair of little kittens and they were running around the house. They weren't particularly social.
But then I started like breaking out in hives and having problems.

Speaker 1 We didn't put two and two together until a couple of weeks later. And then one day I came home and the cats were gone.
And my mom claimed that the cats just ran away.

Speaker 1 She was like, oh, the cats ran away. And we said, well, how did they run?

Speaker 1 They ran away. How did they run away? They were just gone.
So I think my mom was trying to save me, but I always wondered where Sammy and Denise went. They still to this day won't tell the farm.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 That's actually very sweet of your mom to save you the shame of the household of like, well, you have an allergy and now we can't have these adorable things running around. It's very sweet of her.

Speaker 1 You know, Zotan, I never thought about it that way. I've never thought, I've never given my mom an ounce of credit for that whole cat story.
And actually, you might be right about that.

Speaker 1 She didn't want my other brothers to be pissed off. That Cena and Denise were, wow.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 Yeah, as they're putting him in cages. Sorry, your brother's allergic.

Speaker 1 And they just.

Speaker 1 You can't have him.

Speaker 1 Your brother's terrible skin complexion has made this awful. Sorry, your brother can't breathe anymore.

Speaker 1 Can you come every Tuesday at like 1 p.m. just for an hour's ulte and we could talk through some other life stories?

Speaker 1 Absolutely. I can feel some trauma.

Speaker 3 I would love to be an unlicensed therapist. I think

Speaker 3 that's my backup plan if this all goes to hell is unlicensed therapy.

Speaker 1 California psychics. You could be a psychologist.
California psychics. Oh, yes, for sure.

Speaker 1 I don't know why, but people, they call them, and they call those psychics. And they call those psychics instead of a therapist.
And that makes me a little nervous.

Speaker 1 If everything else on the TV doesn't make me a little bit nervous, that makes me nervous about the state of the United States. You travel a lot

Speaker 1 as a comic. I know you're on the never-ending tour, as most

Speaker 1 comics are, working comics.

Speaker 1 I don't think you have a particularly divisive kind of comedy, right? But

Speaker 1 do you get nervous when you go out on stage?

Speaker 1 Are there any jokes, punchlines, things that you might say like in 2025 where you go, ah, this could draw a reaction? Yeah.

Speaker 3 Yeah. I mean,

Speaker 3 I, like most people, you know, I watch the news. I, I'm on my phone.
I see what's going on. And it just seems so weird to go on stage and avoid it.

Speaker 1 Absolutely. Sure.

Speaker 3 And so I try to talk about it.

Speaker 3 I've always tried to like, never be on, at least with my comedy,

Speaker 3 for people not to be able to tell which way I lean or which way I go and just try to make everybody laugh, but still get kind of my point across in my own way.

Speaker 3 But it's hard.

Speaker 3 It's hard. And

Speaker 3 yeah, I second guess myself a lot and then I try it and I kind of do the jokes like this at the end.

Speaker 1 I'm like, is it worth it?

Speaker 1 Was that okay? Is that.

Speaker 1 You're asking for permission. Yeah.
You're asking for acceptance of this. Did you

Speaker 1 get the line? Yeah.

Speaker 3 Yeah. I remember I made fun of,

Speaker 3 I did a joke about Elon Musk doing the Hitler salutes.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah. I think I remember this.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 Yeah. And then I had a lot of, I had a couple messages like,

Speaker 3 or this one lady left a comment that said, you should stay out of politics.

Speaker 1 And I just, I was like, if that's political, then we're, we're all screwed.

Speaker 3 Like, if making fun of that is considered just normal everyday politics, we're, we're in big trouble. And then apparently that was kind of true.

Speaker 1 We're in trouble. Now we're in trouble.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 So it's weird, but it also seems so hypocritical and ignorant to just go up there and talk about butter the whole time.

Speaker 3 But I kind of do do that because now I've noticed when I do make a joke about something that's going on in the news, whether it's ice or whether it's this or that, I just see the look in people's eyes and they look sad.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 3 And I'm like, oh, are they coming to the show to just forget about all of that for like an hour? And then so, so that also crosses my mind:

Speaker 3 should I even attempt this joke? Or are people just like wanting me to talk about butter and my life and just anything that isn't that? So at least for an hour, they're like, well, that was fun.

Speaker 3 At least we didn't have to watch the news. So yeah, it's weird.
It's weird because I do want to talk about stuff, but at the same time, I don't want to bum people out.

Speaker 1 It's very interesting, and I think we kind of take the same

Speaker 1 frame as when we started in 2020. We said, okay,

Speaker 1 no politics, like give people an hour that they can just like zone out and not have to listen to everything else, the incredible amount of craziness swirling around everybody's head.

Speaker 1 And I think we did that pretty well for a while. But then there's some stuff that is so omnipresent that it's like, how do you not address it at some point at some time? Yeah.

Speaker 1 And when we do, we always go to reaction out of somebody. And now luckily,

Speaker 1 we also like you, we kind of go, eh, like, you know, and do you agree, right? But we go to reaction out of somebody. And, you know, you have to deal, I guess you have to deal with that.
But

Speaker 1 it begs an interesting question. In these times, I think we need both people to speak out and speak up.
And then we also need. time to tune out and time to turn off.

Speaker 1 We can't be swirling in this 24 hours a day. at the therapist wants to reality TV.
That's right. Yeah, reality TV.
That's right. Seeking sister wives is what we need.
Seeking sister wives.

Speaker 1 Have you caught up on seeking sister wives?

Speaker 3 I know.

Speaker 3 My wife and I were big into 90-day fiancé.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 3 Very big into that. That was our distraction for many years.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And then it really went off the rails.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 3 We flipped it on the other day, and I'm like, what has happened to these people?

Speaker 1 I know. I was like, they're still on.
And now they're like tens before the 90 days, after the 90 days, on the line. Go back home to the other country.

Speaker 3 Co-parenting on the spectrum. And it's like all, it's all, it's everywhere.
I don't know what's going on.

Speaker 1 90 Days again, another 90 Days.

Speaker 1 Trying again. I mean, there are some people who have been on that show for like a decade.
I know.

Speaker 1 They've turned into bona fide D-list celebrities.

Speaker 3 That's a job. That's a job to be single and to try to find a love interest that's outside the borders of the United States.
I think

Speaker 3 that's a gig now.

Speaker 1 I had this belief.

Speaker 1 I mean, I understand the production of reality TV, but when I got Chrissy into it, I said, you got to watch the show 90 Day Fiancé.

Speaker 8 It's insane. All 25,000 episodes in one season.
Well, yeah, but

Speaker 1 you caught up on Lee. And I said to her, I said, listen, at some point, the production staff just start picking the most insane human beings because that makes the best TV.

Speaker 1 But at first, there was a little glimmer of authenticity in some of those episodes. But then it just all went off the rails.

Speaker 1 I think the season that Big Ed came, the guy with no neck, I think the season that Big Ed came. And I'll just wait.
That's when it shouted to DeVern. Yeah, but he was the most entertaining guy.

Speaker 1 He was.

Speaker 3 That's a San Diego guy. We used to,

Speaker 3 we would, I remember in one of the scenes, this is like middle of the pandemic, you can't do anything.

Speaker 3 And we were watching one of the episodes, and my wife and I noticed, I'm like, oh, he lives in San Diego.

Speaker 3 And we would try to figure out where he, like, where he was hanging out, like which restaurant. And so we would use background, like, context clues.
And then we tried to like go find the place.

Speaker 3 We'd get coffee and we'd be like, oh, I think that was the, that was the restaurant that Ed Ed No Neck was hanging out with.

Speaker 1 Yeah. That's incredible.
Well, he was driving around a pink scooter with the dog on the back of it for a while there, wasn't he? Probably isn't that hard to find.

Speaker 3 How do you miss him? How do you miss him? But somehow we just kept missing him.

Speaker 1 Three foot five man with no neck driving pink scooter with a dog hanging. The dog had a helmet, if I remember.

Speaker 8 Oh, you got to keep the dog safe.

Speaker 1 That's true. Do you bring your wife on tour with you?

Speaker 3 Certain cities. Like she's coming with me to New York, Boston.

Speaker 3 She is not coming with me to Omaha and

Speaker 3 Des Moines. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 So she picks and chooses. I think Nashville, she's definitely coming to.

Speaker 3 So like the real, like, she's like, I want to go there. And she's been on the road with me so much that we have like kind of our favorite places in certain cities.

Speaker 3 We're like, oh, we're going to this city. We want to go to that.
Let's go back to that coffee shop and stuff like that.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's incredible when you have, when, when you're able, I mean, like, I know that there's a lot of detractions to traveling around like that right it's not all shits and giggles you do it for the one hour on stage but if you have a traveling partner like someone that comes with you and hangs out and you you kind of make your own little adventures then it's it makes it fun because i'm the type of person if she's not there with me i don't really leave the hotel Like I will do my best not to leave the hotel.

Speaker 3 I'll go work out in the hotel gym. I'll uber eat some food.
Maybe I'll walk to a coffee shop and then I'll just do my shows.

Speaker 3 And then, but when she comes with me, we go out, we do stuff, and that generates stories that actually helps generate material as opposed to, oh, I went down to the lobby, I got a coffee, and then

Speaker 1 I watched butter on the table.

Speaker 3 I end up just talking about butter.

Speaker 1 Did you know the Hampton Inn and Maduka has free weights? Free weights.

Speaker 1 I didn't think it was a luxury hotel brand, but changed my mind after the free weights.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's do you when you

Speaker 1 is there like a favorite city?

Speaker 1 I like to ask this of comics. Your brand of humor, or you, do you find that there's a reception in one place in the United States that's or in the world that's better than others?

Speaker 1 Like some comics will say down in the south, they seem to pick up on my comedy a little bit more, like the violent is better.

Speaker 1 But do you find that there's a place where people embrace your comic sensibilities better than others?

Speaker 3 Yeah, I have very interesting regions that like me. Like, I was just in Tacoma, Washington, where a lot of people showed up and they seemed to really connect.
Like, the Pacific Northwest,

Speaker 3 Minneapolis is another big one. Cleveland, anywhere where there's like

Speaker 3 white people on like depression medication,

Speaker 3 I seem to, there seems to be a connect.

Speaker 3 But it's not, it's weird because that is a lot of it. But then also Tampa, Florida, for some reason.
Like Tampa, Florida digs my comedy.

Speaker 3 They show up in large numbers and those people, like Tampa, they're all tanned. Everyone looks like a real estate agent or like a retired pro wrestler or a stripper.

Speaker 1 And it's just, it's a specific look, but they seem to dig what I do.

Speaker 3 So, but yeah, mostly

Speaker 3 the sad whites seem to dig what I do.

Speaker 1 Until Tampa, all those other cities that you said, I have had, there's no other comic that's ever said those cities. So I think you have that region covered.

Speaker 1 Maybe it's just your brand of humor, strikes the Pacific Northwest, Cincinnati, and Minneapolis. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Are you excited to travel outside the country again?

Speaker 3 I'm pumped.

Speaker 1 That'd be my favorite part. I would love to go travel around the world.

Speaker 3 It's like, that's the dream.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 3 Like the fact that, so next year I get to do the UK, which I did the Edinburgh Fringe Fest in 2017, which was an awesome experience,

Speaker 3 which was my only taste of like doing comedy outside of the United States or Canada. Oh, really? And

Speaker 3 it was a great experience. I loved it.
And then this time I get to do a few cities in the UK, and then we're going to go over to Europe and

Speaker 3 do,

Speaker 3 oh, man. I know Budapest is going to be on the list, so I'm really pumped about that.

Speaker 1 Homecoming show. Look at that.

Speaker 3 Yeah. Yeah.
So like just getting to go around and travel like a band, I think is so cool.

Speaker 1 So yeah.

Speaker 3 Yeah. I'm going to drag my mom out to the Europe ones and we're going to have a good time.
Oh, have fun.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 I

Speaker 1 have you ever played Budapest since, I mean, ever? No. Really?

Speaker 3 No, I, yeah, I never have. I haven't been back to Budapest since I was a kid, since like kindergarten, first grade, I think was the last time we went back to visit.

Speaker 3 And I don't know if it's from PTSD or what, but my mom hasn't wanted to go back.

Speaker 8 Do you still have family there?

Speaker 8 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 8 They've come to the U.S. to visit?

Speaker 3 Yeah, not that much. I had a cousin visit me with

Speaker 3 her baby.

Speaker 3 It was probably 10 years ago.

Speaker 1 But no, it's a lot of...

Speaker 3 My family is interesting. I think we all like each other, but I don't think any of us love each other.
You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 You know this. Yes.

Speaker 3 So like my mom and I

Speaker 3 yes yes no I get it yeah yes it's exactly to see who can leave the party first yeah yes yeah yeah so I even asked I asked my mom I was like hey if we do that show in Budapest is like my uncle gonna come and she's like I doubt it I doubt it

Speaker 8 okay well no expectation

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 3 that's kind of my family background. Like we don't hate each other, but we're also good not seeing each other.

Speaker 1 Yeah, right. We don't hate each other, but we're not rushing to love each other either.
Yeah. Yeah.
There's no reason to spend a lot of energy paying attention to each other. I do understand this.

Speaker 1 I do understand this. This is like I'm married to a Venezuelan.
And if it wasn't for my, and I've been my best, my other best friend is Venezuelan. So I've known him for almost 30 years.

Speaker 1 So if it wasn't for my connection with Venezuelans, I'm not sure I would understand what real family

Speaker 1 does because passionate and close and loving.

Speaker 1 If a Venezuelan comes within 100 miles of my house, they're like staying in the good room. Do you know what I mean?

Speaker 3 Other cultures are so much more hospitable than ours. Because

Speaker 3 my wife is Persian and

Speaker 3 that's such a tight-knit, loving family.

Speaker 3 They have a family group chat. Like my wife is in a family group chat with her parents and her siblings.
and I got so jealous of that.

Speaker 3 I tried to create one with my mom and my brother, and I sent out, I created the group chat. I sent out the first text.
Nobody responded. Nothing.

Speaker 3 And I was like, I guess we don't get a family group chat. We just, we love each other, but not like that.

Speaker 3 It's like a weird,

Speaker 3 I don't know how to describe the relationship, but.

Speaker 1 I guess

Speaker 3 yeah, it's it's kind of like cats, like a stray cat.

Speaker 3 You feed a stray cat, like it will come by, it will hang with you for a bit, but it's like, yeah, I'm not trying to like, I'm not trying to like love you. I'm just trying to get on with my life.

Speaker 1 I don't want to be in your world, but if you feed me every once in a while, cool. Like, we'll leave it at that.
It's like,

Speaker 1 I don't know, like loveless sex with someone that you, someone that you, you know, it's good, but I'm not here. I don't need you to come home with.
You can't leave your underwear in my drawer.

Speaker 1 That's what I'm saying. No toothbrush.
Yeah, no toothbrush. No toothbrush.

Speaker 1 I get this. I started a family group chat, but now I've, you know, whenever, years ago, but now I find that we start different family group chats depending on who we can say what to.

Speaker 1 It's like, do you know what I'm saying? Because I have a big, like, Irish Catholic family. It'll be like, well, I don't know if I can include them in this particular conversation.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And I don't like this guy. So he's not invited to this party.
And so we have thousands of different chats, but they never go anywhere. It's like one or two messages back or yes, no, smiley face emoji.

Speaker 1 meanwhile i'm in the venezuelan family group chat oh it's active every day if i don't check it in an hour i have there's 600 notifications

Speaker 1 they take videos that are hours long of them just driving in somewhere you know talking about a radio show they heard it's yeah it's unbelievable you know i i like it because that's my i feel like that's my my connection

Speaker 1 to something loving and great. Not that my family isn't great.
They are. Of course they are.
But but they're just different. It's just different.
Yeah. Europeans are, Europeans are different.

Speaker 1 Of course, then there's the Spanish and they're a whole different animal altogether because well, it's just, I think Europeans, I think you nailed it.

Speaker 3 We're just not good at

Speaker 3 creating or joining or having a sense of community.

Speaker 3 And I think that's why we're more susceptible to cults is because when we try to join a community, it just we end up in a documentary, like going, I didn't know it was a cult.

Speaker 3 I just didn't know what community was.

Speaker 3 And now I'm in a cult.

Speaker 1 She said she was from Venezuela. I didn't know.

Speaker 2 I didn't know. She was so loving.
They invited me to family get-togethers.

Speaker 1 I had strange Venezuelans in my house at all times.

Speaker 1 I'm going to finish this because, like I said, Venezuelan comes within 100 miles. They're sleeping in my good room.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 We would go back to Chicago where my mother's mother and father, still alive with her six brothers and sisters, and we would stay at a hotel less than half a mile from their house. Right.

Speaker 1 And they had like a five-bedroom house that no children lived in. Like, no children, no grandchildren, no nothing.
And we would stay somewhere else.

Speaker 1 It was so foreign to me that we, like, the first time I went to Spain to visit my wife's, the other half of her family, it was like, what do you think?

Speaker 1 You want to stay at the, at you know, my aunt's house? And stay at your aunt's house. Right, right.

Speaker 8 No, you mean, like, but it's like offensive if you don't.

Speaker 1 Oh, it was offensive.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, it was.
I had to make an excuse. I said, I'm allergic to cats.
They had a cat. There you go.
They had a cat. I got out.

Speaker 8 Yeah.

Speaker 1 I'll come full circle.

Speaker 3 Always, always have that in your back pocket. Is there a cat? Is there a cat in the alley? Is there a cat anywhere on the premises?

Speaker 1 I can't. Anywhere near.

Speaker 1 Do you want, besides 90-day fiancé, do you get into like show? What's your thing on the road? Is it books? Is it shows?

Speaker 2 Is it movies?

Speaker 1 Or is it all the music is it all the above is it the commercial break is it

Speaker 3 yes it is it i only listen to the commercial break uh on the road uh but that and uh

Speaker 1 yeah thank you

Speaker 3 um yeah i read a little bit uh i like watching old movies that's kind of what i've been into um so i'll get on amazon prime which for some reason the one thing they're good at on amazon prime is just old movies serving you up old movies.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 3 Yeah. So last week, I think I watched Brewster's Millions.

Speaker 1 Wow. That is a good one.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 So I think there's something like calming about just an old movie that's done in 90 minutes, not like these new movies that everything's a director's cut.

Speaker 3 Everything's the best movie ever made, but you also never want to watch it again.

Speaker 1 True story.

Speaker 1 It's,

Speaker 3 I like, I don't know. I think I'm becoming that person that just like won't watch anything new anymore and it's like nah just put on something from 1985 and I'll be happy.
Yep.

Speaker 1 I put uh Ferris Bueller's Day off

Speaker 1 for up for up against any newfangled whatever as a brilliant movie that is a nugget of a movie. It's like an hour and 20 minutes long or something.
Like you get the whole story, everything in there.

Speaker 1 And I could repeat it word for word as a child. And still to this day, I watch that movie sometimes or Blues Brothers or whatever.
It's like these movies, they're so amazing.

Speaker 1 And you're right about something. Everything is the best movie ever made.

Speaker 1 The hype machine is on full overdrive, and complicit with it is all the critics who can't be against this director or that director.

Speaker 1 It everything feels so overhyped, but it doesn't really live up to the hype. Do you remember, remember the Irishman, the movie that they spent

Speaker 1 $30 billion on? And Martin Scorsese? It was a good movie, but I would not watch it again.

Speaker 3 Dude, you'd have to pay me.

Speaker 3 Did all the the editors get fired?

Speaker 1 Like in the last, there's no editing, none. It goes forever.

Speaker 3 Yeah, every scene, every scene's in there.

Speaker 3 Like we were scrolling through HBO last night looking for something to watch, and the substance was on there with Demi Moore and I forget the other actress's name.

Speaker 3 And it was like a really, we saw it in, yeah, we saw it in theaters, and it was a great movie with like a great message about how, you know, beauty and women and how it's unfair and all that stuff and but the soundtrack like the the the music they used and the visuals were so jarring and screeching I wouldn't watch that movie ever again yeah but it was one of the best movies of last year and

Speaker 3 yeah the rewatchability of movies is like completely gone

Speaker 3 yeah I think the last rewatchable movie was maybe the hangover I don't know which

Speaker 1 since then if if there's been one I I'm

Speaker 1 I think you're on to something here. I've said that I think the originality and there it still exists, but the originality in Hollywood is so diminishing.

Speaker 1 It's diminishing because no one wants to take a chance on anything. They just want to rehash the thing that already was, remake it, rehash it, retell it, redo it, director's cut.

Speaker 1 And so then we're just left with a bunch of garbage. I mean, I don't know.
Superman was a good movie. I'll say that.
Superman, the new Superman. I have not seen it, but I need to see that.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Like, I thought it was. I would watch it again.
You said it was good. Yeah.
What do you read when you're like, if you're into books, what do you read? What does Zoltan read?

Speaker 1 So, so I can read it and become attractive to my wife again.

Speaker 3 That's so that's what my wife says. I was reading last night, and uh, she was scrolling on her phone, and then she looked over at me and she goes, Do you think you're better than me?

Speaker 1 She's because you're reading.

Speaker 1 That's so funny.

Speaker 3 Yeah, recently, uh, this year i've read i read a couple uh hemingway book novels because i never read them before

Speaker 3 i love those yeah so i read it i read uh the sun also rises was the last one and i didn't get it like nothing happens it's just like five guys trying to hook up with this one girl

Speaker 3 and they chase her around europe and they all just hang out and drink it was like it was almost like if you read the script to the kardashians where

Speaker 3 they just kind of walk around and do nothing. And I'm like, what is this? What is this? And then I actually, I hung out with my buddy over the weekend who has a master's

Speaker 3 in creative writing. And he was like, oh yeah, the main character of that book couldn't hook up with that girl because he lost his genitals in World War I.

Speaker 3 And I was like,

Speaker 1 what page was that on?

Speaker 3 That was on none of the pages I read. And he was like, ah, it's subtle.
But I was like, why do you know that? And he's like, I got a master's in creative creative writing.

Speaker 3 And I was like, I missed all of it. I thought this guy had all the genitals and not hooking up with this lady.
I didn't get it. I didn't get it.

Speaker 1 You know,

Speaker 1 that is so crazy. Like, what is subtle about losing your genitals in World War I?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 3 I thought it would be like a big thing and there was not a least a chapter dedicated to it.

Speaker 1 Something, a sentence.

Speaker 1 I thought I was so cool because I went over to Spain. I get to Madrid.

Speaker 1 The first thing I do, I understand that Hemingway has like a thing with Spain, right? He was there. He was in Madrid.

Speaker 1 He even would lobby the government officials. He would be there near the parliament.
He was like, he was a drunk, and he would get out there and, you know, talk on behalf of the Spaniards.

Speaker 8 And a cat lover.

Speaker 1 And a cat lover. And so I was so cool because

Speaker 1 the uncle that I had just met, the Spaniard, who lived in Madrid all his life, by the way, he says, where do you want to go? I'll tell you, let's go. Let's go.

Speaker 1 I said, let's go to some bars where Hemingway drank. I picked some out.
I googled them. I'm going to be there.
That's cool. That is cool.
So we go. We go to the first bar.
Great.

Speaker 1 Then we go to the second bar, which is, he liked to drink like port sherry, right?

Speaker 1 And so there's a bar. It's in an alley in Madrid, near the parliament, but it's kind of a dark alley.
It opens at 10.30 p.m. And then it closes whenever it closes.

Speaker 1 It has electricity, and that's about the only modern convenience. It has no register.
It has no, you can't take out your phone. There's no music.

Speaker 1 It says on there, no music, no yelling, no fighting, no spitting, no cussing. And basically, you hand them exact cash.
It also says no tip, no propena. Wow.
No tipping. And so

Speaker 1 I'm standing outside of this bar, like a couple of other people are waiting. We go in.
It's a lot of intellectual types.

Speaker 1 You can tell this is the type of place where Hemingwoody would have hung out and I should not be hanging out. They are better than you.
They are better, way better than me.

Speaker 1 I go up and this, you know, gringo, and I, hey, let me get whatever.

Speaker 1 The only thing that they serve, which is this, you know, sherry in this big barrel that Hemingway apparently drank out of the same barrel, whatever. So he gives us these glasses.

Speaker 1 He hands us some fruit and some nuts and some dates or whatever it is. And then he gives me the amount.
And I hand him like, whatever it is, 20 euros. And I said, you know, keep the change in Spanish.

Speaker 1 And he takes the, he goes to the register, which is just basically a basket full of money. And he takes out the money, gives it to me.
And I push it back to him.

Speaker 1 And I said, like, I give him this one number.

Speaker 1 And he just points to this, and then he says in English, I will kick you out of here quickly. And I was like, oh

Speaker 1 my

Speaker 1 God.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 I thought I was cool, like Hemingway. At the end of your bar hop.

Speaker 1 We left so quickly after we finished those drinks because then everybody was staring at me. He said it in English, but everyone else understood it.

Speaker 1 And since there's no music, screaming, talking loudly or dancing, everyone heard exactly what was said. That was entertaining.
Yeah, he saw me coming a mile away.

Speaker 1 He's like, I'm going to make an example of this American, so they never come back into my bar.

Speaker 3 I love it.

Speaker 3 But you can see why Hemingway would drink there because you just described a character from a novel.

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 3 That's who this bartender was.

Speaker 1 That's beautiful. That's beautiful.
Well, it still exists to this day. It's still there.
I mean, you can Google it.

Speaker 1 And if you go to Spain, if you go to Madrid, you can go take that same tour, but don't make the same mistake.

Speaker 1 Stay quiet.

Speaker 1 Stay quiet.

Speaker 1 It also is absolutely prohibited to take any photographs in there. Like, you cannot take out your phone for any reason.
Don't even try. Wow.

Speaker 1 But I like went like, you know, I completely disrespected the place and I went like

Speaker 1 this. And I thought, oh, this is great.
I got a picture of this to keep it. And what I got was the side of the bartender's head sideways with a fuzzy photograph with a couple bottles behind him.

Speaker 1 And so what I really got was a picture of the guy who basically kicked me out of the

Speaker 1 body.

Speaker 3 The soup Nazi of the

Speaker 3 wine, yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, the tip Nazi.

Speaker 1 Where does the tour take you next?

Speaker 1 Um, well, I mean, the

Speaker 3 let's see, what's the rest of the year? Um, New York, Boston, uh, Minneapolis, Omaha, Des Moines, my wife's skipping all of those.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 Nashville, Washington, D.C., and Kansas City is the rest of the year.

Speaker 3 And then the next year is going to be wild. It's going to be a bunch of Canada dates, a lot all over the U.S.
and the UK and the EU.

Speaker 3 It's going to be crazy.

Speaker 1 I love this for you. I'm so excited for you.
Thank you.

Speaker 1 Are there plans in the future to do?

Speaker 1 I mean, I know you have a special coming out, right? Talk a little bit about the special. Dropping on YouTube or have dropped on YouTube.
Links in the show notes.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 3 London Fog.

Speaker 3 We shot it in Seattle last April at the Neptune Theater. It came out really great.

Speaker 3 Usually I'm not happy with anything I shoot.

Speaker 3 But the people, like the crew that shot this thing and edited it, it looks beautiful. I didn't mess up any of my words, which I'm happy about.

Speaker 3 And yeah, we tried pitching it to the major streamers.

Speaker 3 They politely said no. And so we're going to the number one streamer in the world, YouTube.

Speaker 3 And

Speaker 3 I will force my comedy on people.

Speaker 1 But Seltan, I don't get this. Like,

Speaker 1 you're clearly very popular and becoming more popular online. Thank you.
Yes.

Speaker 1 I don't know, a couple million and a half something collective followers.

Speaker 1 There are people who have a lot less followers that have major streamers streaming. There are people who are a lot less funny who have.

Speaker 1 That's true.

Speaker 1 I'm not going to name them by name, but they may or may not have fellow comedy podcasts.

Speaker 1 But

Speaker 1 I don't understand why they would turn that down. That seems dumb on their behalf.

Speaker 3 I mean, it's.

Speaker 1 Is that just the name of the game? You just got to keep doing it till you find it.

Speaker 3 Yeah. I mean, well, I'm definitely not going to stop.
And I'm thankful to live in an era where everyone can still say no and you can still put your work out to the people and they can say yes.

Speaker 3 So I would rather have it that way than the other way where like I don't like the people don't like me as much, but maybe someone who's in charge of a Netflix or whatever does like me.

Speaker 3 So they keep platforming me, but it just doesn't seem to gather. Yeah.
Yeah. So I'd rather have the situation I do than the other way.
But I mean, it comes down to one person's decision.

Speaker 3 I mean, if you add up all the streamers, what do we have? Like five of them? Yep. And those are the people that make those decisions.
Those are five people.

Speaker 3 I mean, I can go outside right now and find five people that don't like my comedy. Yeah.
So it just happens to be those five people.

Speaker 3 I haven't made something that really resonates with them, and that's fair. And

Speaker 3 I'll just keep putting it on YouTube until I make something that they're like, all right, let's get the guy, let's give him a shot.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah. You'll get there.
You'll get there.

Speaker 3 I'm not going to quit.

Speaker 1 So we'll keep chugging. No,

Speaker 1 of course not. You're You're making a, I would imagine, making a fair living doing this.
And that,

Speaker 1 I guess, at the end of the day, that's a blessing in and of itself, right?

Speaker 1 Get to go up and make people laugh.

Speaker 3 Every day I don't have to clock in at a warehouse to unload trucks like I used to is a blessing. And so we're winning.
Things are going well. No complaints.
We're winning.

Speaker 1 Zoltan's comedy special. There's a link in the show notes.
He, of course, is on tour forever and ever. So you can find him at a city near you.
He's very funny.

Speaker 1 He's one of my wife's favorite comics, if not my wife's favorite comic. But I also will share that he I like you too.

Speaker 1 Thank you. Even though you are closer, like my wife likes you more than she likes me, I still like you nonetheless.
But you're one of many men that that's true. So

Speaker 1 there you go.

Speaker 3 I appreciate that. Tell her I said thank you.

Speaker 1 I will. Zoltan, thank you very much.

Speaker 1 By the way, come back. You're welcome back anytime.

Speaker 1 When you get done with that tour or when you're getting ready to go on that tour, come back and we'll talk about it.

Speaker 8 Or if you come to Atlanta.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah. If you come to Atlanta.

Speaker 3 I will be there. I will be there.
Oh, man. I forgot the date off the top of my head, but we're doing the center stage theater over there.
Oh, you are?

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.
That's a great place to see comedy.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I'm pumped to do it. So

Speaker 3 I wish I remember. I was 206.

Speaker 3 Yes, I'm going to lie to you and say April, but it might be May.

Speaker 1 We will come see you, but then if you want to, you can come sit down with us. I would love to.
That'd be great. That would be great.
Sol Tan, links in the show notes. Thank you so much, my friend.

Speaker 3 All right. Thank you.

Speaker 6 Okay, you're probably wondering why I, Rachel, have taken over the voice duties at TCB. It's pretty simple.
Astrid asked me to shut Brian up, even for a minute.

Speaker 6 Well, lovely Astrid, your wish is my command. Do you want to help Astrid too?

Speaker 2 You know you do.

Speaker 6 Leave a message for her or me or Chrissy at 212-433-3TCB. That's 212-433-3822.
You can be on the show too. Mm-hmm.
Just call and say something. Anything.
Or text us and we'll text you right back.

Speaker 6 Promise. Then head over to tcbpodcast.com and get your free sticker.
It's your constitutional right to a sticker and we must abide. You get the point.

Speaker 6 Follow us on Instagram at thecommercial break and watch all the episodes on video at youtube.com/slash thecommercial break. Best to you and Astrid, especially Astrid.

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Speaker 2 All right, what'd you think? Annoying enough or not annoying enough?

Speaker 2 Let's focus on Zoltan. Zoltan was really good.
He was really funny. It was really great to have in here.

Speaker 2 Yeah, he was fun. Yeah, yeah, he's great.
Thank you, Zoltan. We really appreciate it.
Thank you, Zoltan. We're very sorry about the dog barking.
He politely never said a word. He politely did not.

Speaker 2 He must have heard it.

Speaker 2 He must have gone. I thought at some point he'd go, do you want to go check on that animal? Well, I think I brought it up at one point.
You did at the beginning, you did.

Speaker 2 And you were like, Yeah, no, she seems okay. Yeah, I was like, No, she'll still stop in a second.
I'm just thinking, and that's what I just kept thinking to myself.

Speaker 2 She'll stop in a second, but then we're like, It was an hour, we're like 20 minutes in, and I don't want to interrupt the flow. You know what I'm saying? You don't know if you're going to get it back.

Speaker 2 It's a tough call to make. I made the wrong call.
I'm sorry. I love you.
Thank you for sticking with us.

Speaker 2 This will go down in history as the episode Blue most appeared in.

Speaker 2 She's appeared in every episode, but this one took up a lot of air time. A lot of air time.
A lot of bark time there. Okay.
All right. Yeah, we both jumped up afterwards to go check.

Speaker 2 Immediately, I ran. I was like, okay, what the fuck? And there she is laying on the bed.
She's like,

Speaker 2 what's wrong?

Speaker 2 The chair that I used to get down is not there. Oh, okay, fuck you.
Okay, fuck you. All right.
Thanks, Blue. Thanks for ruining it with Zoltan.
Now, Astrid's never going to get remarried to Zoltan.

Speaker 2 All right.

Speaker 2 All the links in the show notes. He's got shows coming up.
He's coming here to Atlanta if you're in the area. He's going to a lot of places.
And he's going to be over in Europe and in Canada.

Speaker 14 And he's going to be there. He's going global.

Speaker 2 He's going global.

Speaker 2 Zoltan Worldwide, baby. Worldwide.
Worldwide. All right.
Links in the show notes. Also, go watch his special.

Speaker 2 That's the biggest favor I think we can do Zoltan right now, besides buying tickets, is going and watching the special. It's on YouTube.
There is a link. I gave it to you.
All right, 212-433-3TCB.

Speaker 2 212-433-3822. Questions, comments, concerns, content, ideas.
Also, please join us on our live recordings on Twitch, YouTube, TikTok, and possibly Instagram if I can figure it out.

Speaker 2 All you have to do is follow us at the commercial break on Instagram. Go to the website tcbpodcast.com and watch this and every other episode on YouTube at youtube.com slash the commercial break.

Speaker 2 All right, Chrissy, that's all I can do for today.

Speaker 1 I think so.

Speaker 2 I'll tell you that I love you. Thank you.
Best to you and best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, Chrissy and I will say, we do say, and we must say.

Speaker 2 Goodbye. Bye.

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