Bryan, Lord Of The Acid

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Seriously, it's going to be 95 degrees. So pack your party wagon, grab your fanny pack, and put on your best sparkle tutu because this three-day fest has it all.
Oh, yeah. With headlining sets by DJ Sex Puppet, Nickel Mixa featuring Tottle Pocket, Italy's shortest operatic techno singer Rigatoni, and one very special late-night set by saxophone beatmaster Poodles.
Poodles. Plusy and his fire breathing dance ponies jill the go-go clown lady dirty dave and his amazing flying bible beaters and tantra prostate massages by hand magician rafael three long sweaty days and three never-ending smelly nights glamping with thousands of overly friendly strangers.
You'll be hungry and tired by day, frustrated and dirty by night. Free water from the community hose and two communal showers.
You'll be wishing you had booked that expensive hotel. And new for this year's festival, free yoga.
Provided by the misguided youth stretchers. An art market with over 30 artists peddling terrible art they bought on team you and plenty of food from random food trucks no inspector has ever had time to inspect your tummy will be begging for more or begging for the door so go to rei and buy an expensive tent you can't set up load up on craft beer that'll go go bad by Saturday morning.
Pack your best neon tights, put on your strongest deodorant, and head to Crabapple Fairgrounds, where you'll be parking two miles away from your crowded tent site. Gates open on Thursday night to get the hangover started early.
Music starts early Friday morning to wake you up irritated. And the party won't stop until Sunday, because who doesn't love to party on Sunday? The 5th Annual Polyoligon Ultra Operatic Techno Festival.
Come on, grab apple, drop the bean. Absolutely no glass or outside food will be allowed inside of festival grounds.
Due to previous incidents, no Y-Brian 3000 is allowed inside the gates. All ball gags must be checked at the door.
No swimming allowed inside of the drinking water. Please refrain from sleeping in front of the stage.
All children must be accompanied by a service animal. On this episode of the Commercial Break.
So, the trey are you up for it you've said no once say no again i'll get jeff to book jeff books me at memfo to do lord of the Acid, I am down 100%. Fill my cup up with whatever and just send me out there with a heart monitor.
Bootsy Collins and schools from widespread panic. the next episode of The Commercial Break starts now.
Oh, yeah, Cass and Kittens, welcome back to The Commercial Break. I'm Brian Green.
This is my dear friend and the co-host of this show, Chris and Joy Hoadley. Best of you, Chris.
Best of you, Brian. Best of you out there in the podcast universe.
How the hell are you? Walking into a St. Patrick's Day weekend.
That's right. Of festivities and fun where you certainly will puke on your shoes and lose your underwear.
But that's okay. We're here to support you at the commercial break.
We're here to encourage you to get as intoxicated as possible. Find that fine line between having fun and going to jail.

This is the weekend to do it.

Cops will be occupied with other idiots.

You can go out and be yourself.

It's that kind of weekend.

There's a big parade going on downtown.

Yeah.

Well, you know, in some places,

they have actually kiboshed the St. Patrick's Day parade

because it's just too unmanageable.

The bottery?

Yes.

What is wrong with you people? You're not supposed to besmirch the good name of the Irish people. We are not all a bunch of drunks.
Just most of us. Leave it alone.
And if you came from Ireland, you'd drink too. That's all I got to say.
Ireland's a beautiful place, but it's up there. It's up there.
And it's an island. You're on an island.
You get island fever. You got to do something.

That is true. The Irish, I'm proud to be of Irish descent.

I know you are.

I'm proud to be of Irish descent.

Thank you very much.

Good job.

We're not the best looking people.

We're not the smartest looking people.

We're not even, no one ever claimed that the Irish were super intelligent human beings,

but we figured out how to make things work.

When there were no potatoes, we went to making whiskey in Guinness. And I think we should be proud of ourselves for that.
It's nutritional. You could live off Guinness.
You could. You'd have a bad headache, but you could.
I've tried. Well, Bud Light, not Guinness.
Right. Because I never had the stomach for Guinness.
Actually, I used to love a good Guinness. I know.
I like a good Guinness. But one or two.
Yeah. You can't go all the way.
Because a Guinness drunk is a different kind of drunk. And I think that's part of the reason why Guinness is kind of attractive to some people.
It's because they can drink it, but you've got to sip it. It's got to be something you do over the course of a couple, I don't know, at least 10 minutes.
I could drink a Bud Light in five, but you've got to give a good Guinness 10 minutes because it's a heavy drink. That true it's making a big like it's very popular right now amongst the kids it's always been popular it's always been pop but it's but you're right it's been contained in its popularity it has its moments and then it goes away in the uh i think in the early aughts the 2000s when i was out there hitting the bar scene it was very popular to have a guinness but could you pour a guinness correctly was the question that's always the question.
We had, when I was a bartender, we would have our, the Guinness reps would come in once a year and they teach you how to pour a Guinness. But even then it's a little bit misleading because here in the United States, you refrigerate the Guinness.
In a lot of pubs in Ireland, the Guinness is not refrigerated. It's a warm Guinness.
It's a room temperature Guinness. And that's a different kind of experience.
The kind where you're sure you're going to throw up at some point. You know what I'm saying? I do.
I do. And it's just that the way that that liquid falls into the glass and the creamy foam on top.
It's a whole thing. It's a ritual.
It is a ritual. It is a ritual.
And I've had a Guinness in Ireland, and it was quite the experience, I do have to say. Was it the warm temperature, room temperature? I think it was room temperature, but because it was so cold outside, it had a little crispness to it.
It wasn't completely room temperature. I think just the lines were cold, and that's why it made it a little bit cold.
But happy St. Patrick's Day to you, however you decide to do it.
And I thought this was a good

time to review some of our St. Patrick's Day knowledge.
Oh, yes, I would love to.

We all have our... So what is St.
Patrick's Day? Let's start there.

It is celebrating St. Patrick.
Yeah, thank you.

Are you Irish? The saint named Patrick. The saint named Patrick.
I am not Irish. But I will tell you this, that St.
Patrick's Day is not even Irish. It's not an Irish holiday.
No, it's not. St.
Patrick was actually British and not Irish. So you are celebrating.
So St. Patrick's Day, you're celebrating essentially arrival, right? Yeah.
But all part of the UK though, right? Yeah. It was all kind of part of the United Kingdom.
Parts of Ireland are still part of the United Kingdom. And we all know that from our history lesson from Des Bishop.
Hi, Des. Happy St.
Patrick's Day. Yes.
Des Bishop is our, by the way, our most streamed episode on Spotify. Really? Isn't that amazeballs? That is interesting.
Can't figure out why, but I'm not arguing. People love Des.
People love Des. We love Des.
We do love Des. And this last episode was very politically charged.
We talk about American politics and Irish politics. He's our Irish correspondent.
He is our Irish correspondent. Anyway, happy St.
Patrick's Day. This is a, it is the holiday of St.
Patrick. Yeah.
But for years. What did he do? Up until about, he drove, supposedly drove the snakes out of Ireland.
Oh, that's right. But of course, Ireland is a island where there are no snakes.
Snakes don't live in Ireland. No snakes in Ireland.
No snakes are native to Ireland. That is a fun fact for me.
I did not know that. That is a fun fact.
So a lot of people believe that what he, I guess this is just a way of saying he drove the religious zealots, the Protestants, out of Ireland. But in fact, he did not.
There were lots of people who were Protestants to live in Ireland. But some people believe that that's why they say that he drove the snakes out of Ireland.
Snakes being Protestant? Snakes being Protestants. Okay.
That's right. And I don't believe that.
I'm just telling you what some people believe. The reason why we say he drove the snakes out of Ireland is just another word that's being used for Protestants.
Again, that's not my belief. I'm just sharing that with you.
I want to make sure that we don't get any Protestants up our ass right now. Because, you know, I like the Protestants.
They're good. Yeah.
So it's probably just an allegory for either driving the snakes out or converting pagans or whatever it was. Anyway, a fun fact about St.
Patrick, he was kidnapped by pirates as a teenager. Why has this not been made into a movie? I don't know, but this sounds like perfect fodder for a television show or a movie.
St. Patrick, you know, Pirates of the Caribbean, St.
Patrick's version. Yeah, at least a limited series.
Yeah, why don't we get Johnny Depp on that? I know. Yeah, what other Irish people could we get to play? Those are some famous Irish actors and actresses.
No, I'm saying who are they? Oh, mm-hmm. I'm trying to look and see in my notes if I put any names.
Liam Neeson. Tom Cruise is Irish, in case you were wondering.
Yes. Yeah, he's Irish.
So, Colin Farrell is Irish. Colin Farrell would be good at anything.
Yeah, he would. We could get him on the Pirates.
Yes, that's what I vote. But he's not a teenager anymore, but we can find a teenager.
What is that? Timothy Shalala Damé? I know he's not Irish, but couldn't we convince him? He can do anything. Dye his hair red.
That's right. He could be a three-year-old or a 30-year-old.
It just depends on whether or not he has a mustache. Speaking of Timothy Shalala Damé, we were having a debate with our friend Rachel last night about a guy, a musician that played at the Grammys.
I

can't remember his name, Dungaree or Dungus or whatever his name is. The guy that came out in the 70s bell bottoms as tight as they could be to sing that.
I'll get the name. Okay.
Let me do my homework as a noted national podcaster here. Give me one second.
He is, what was his name?

Benson Boone.

Oh, Benson Boone.

Benson Boone. Oh, Benson Boone.
Benson Boone. Beautiful things is what he sang at the Grammys.
That's very popular. Benson Boone, he's going the route of Timothy Chalala May by wearing these outrageous outfits and having this weird stash.
I gotta say, the young kids with just the mustache, not my favorite thing in the world. It's a thing, though.
It's a thing, but it makes them look like young kids with mustaches. Mustaches are for old men in the 70s, not in their 70s back in the 70s or 80s.
Or if you live in Chicago or Green Bay, Wisconsin, or something like that, where you got to protect your upper lip from the cold weather, then I can understand. Yeah, it's allowed.
But Timothy Shalala May, one of the best looking human beings on earth, one of the most famous human beings on earth, that stash ain't doing him any good. It makes him look like Pedro from...
From the Foley and Dynamite. It does.
I'm sorry. I didn't even think about that.
I love Timothy. I think he's a great actor.
Yeah, he is. But that stash, that's cheesetastic, man.
You got to let that shit go. People, I know we were discussing it with, I was discussing it with a friend of mine and her son has one and she's like, I hate it.
Oh God, it's disgusting. But I was like, you got to go with it.
It's the trend. Well, listen, you don't have to go.
Buck the trend, kids. Buck the trend.
Go full goatee. Go Abe Lincoln.
Go flavor saver. Do something.
Be Eddie Vedder. Have a little weird flavor saver on the bottom.
Beards are still in. Beards are always being, I think.
I think that if you, as long as it's managed correctly, you know, and this is like Irish, I think people think of Irish people and there's, you know, stereotypes just like everything else in the world. They think of guys or girls with red hair, freckles, blue eyes.
But that is a genetic trait that is not an Irish trait. So, of course, there may be a gene pool that's more susceptible to red hair as an Irish person.
And I don't know what all the – I'm not a geneticist, but you go over to Ireland and of course you see people with red hair and freckles or light skin and freckles and stuff like that. That is part of the gene pool of Ireland, but that's not the majority of people, right? The majority of people are like a good representation of everybody else in the world.
And the one thing that I noticed when I went to Dublin, which was years ago, is that most of the men there are clean shaven. Like there's not a ton of facial hair running, at least when I was there, running around Dublin.
Now that could be a trend. That could be the, I don't know why.
Who knows? Who fucking knows? But some of these guys here in the United States, they are outlandish with these beards. It's like a political statement.
Do you know what I'm saying? It's like they're wearing the beard to let you know how they feel about the rest of the world. And it feels a little strange to me.
And I am not a huge fan of unkempt beards, like the wild beards that some of these dudes wear. Like Grizzly Adams type.
Yeah. Yeah.
Manage that shit.

Dollar shave club, kid.

I mean, that's cheese test.

And if you're going to do the beard, just give it some management.

That's all I got to say.

There's all those kinds of tools and oils and things.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

The whole market.

I know our friend Rachel loves a guy with a beard.

She does.

She loves a guy with like an unkempt, unmanaged beard.

But anytime I look at one of those guys, like I was at Starbucks the other day and there

was a dude that walked in and he had a, I mean, he was, he had it, right? There's a beard in it. Yes.
But I could, I saw what he had for dinner last night, because it was still stuck in his fucking beard. Yeah, now you got to keep it clean.
No, there was like pieces of stuff in his beard. Yeah, you got to keep it clean.
And I think the longer and the bigger and the more unkempt that it gets, the harder it is. Listen, there is something that drives me crazy about my cream and cereal habit.
And I'll share this with you. Even though my beard is really more like a five o'clock shadow, it always has been.
I never have grown it out very much. I keep it high and tight.
Whenever I drink milk and a little bit gets on the hair of my beard,

after two or three minutes, I start to smell the milk coming.

Even if I wipe it, even if I clean it, I can smell it.

It like sticks in my nose hairs and it drives me fucking crazy.

I don't understand how with a big unkempt beard

that you can do anything dairy related without having a big problem. I know.
So I don't know what this has to do with St. Patrick, but I'm just telling you right now, manage that beard.
Manage that beard. So- What did he do besides drive the snakes out? That's what he did.
He was a saint. Yeah, he converted the pagans and the Protestants and all that other stuff.
Then they made him a saint. Then they made him a saint.
Yeah, he created, it was a miracle. I think part of why it's an allegory also is because if you follow the Catholic Church, then you know that they are in love with ridiculous rules and regulations, traditions, and all this other stuff.
They are a bunch of old codges that are just holding on to these silly traditions that may feel important, but probably aren't. One of the ways that you become a saint, you need to create a miracle, and a miracle can only be defined by the church itself.
And what is a miracle? A miracle is an otherworldly, God-like thing that happens. I don't know, one loaf into 30 loaves, or 10 fishes into 100 fishes, or whatever it is.
Water into wine. Water into wine.
That's right, Chrissy. Look at you.
That's my favorite one. That is my favorite one, too.
Water into wine. So, you have to create this miracle, but that can only be defined by the church itself.
And so, I guess there's a lot of flexibility as to what it is. But even like, you know, converting people to Catholicism is not necessarily a miracle in and of itself.
Lots of people have done that. So I think they had to create this story of driving the snakes out of Ireland.
Because when you drive the snakes out of Ireland, how convenient is it that there are no snakes native to Ireland? Do you know what I'm saying? So the miracle has been performed forever and ever. No more snakes in Ireland.
Yeah, no more. Is that true? Yes.
No, there's no native snakes to Ireland. I don't think there's cold weather snakes because they're cold-blooded.
Yeah, that's true. So they just freeze and die, right? I think.
I think that's how that works. I don't know.
You know, here's a funny thing that's happening with my kids, speaking of cold-blooded. One of my kids is super interested in everything.
Like, you tell her something and she wants to know how it works. She asks why she can see her ribs or what she's seeing when she's pointing to her ribs in the mirror.
And I'm like, Oh, those are your ribs. Those are your bones.
They protect your lungs and your heart. And you know, that's blah, blah, blah.
And this is how it works. I show me a video, show me a video of how it works.
Right. And I'm like, Oh, okay.
So I go on YouTube and I find a kid friendly, you know, explain it for idiots, explain it for children kind of video. And I am learning more from watching those videos than I ever did in school.
Like simple, basic scientific stuff. I'm like, that's how it works? Yes, that's great.
Your heart is a muscle? What? Say what? That's crazy. What do those bones do? That's amazeballs.
You have a bone there? Wow. I'm just as excited as she is about figuring all this stuff out.
That's cute. Again, we're Irish, so we're having an uphill climb here, but we're working on it.
We're not so good. We're not so good at some stuff.
So, you know, St. Patrick's Day, drove the snakes out, kidnapped as a teenager.
Now we all, and by the way, a dry, traditionally religious holiday until about the 1960s or 70s. Oh, it was a dry holiday?

It was a dry holiday.

Okay.

Yeah, because it's a religious holiday.

Yeah, that's true.

So it's a dry holiday.

Yeah, I mean, you think of Easter,

you don't think about everyone

going out and getting smashed.

Ah, he's risen!

Crazy bunnies.

Yeah, that's right.

Drunk bunnies.

Dan, dan, dan, dan, dan, dan, dan, dan, dan, dan, dan.

Drop the eggs!

Drop the eggs! Drop the eggs! Dane, dane, dane, dane, d about, which is a lot of towns will dye their rivers. Yes.
I think... Well, Savannah did it for a long time.
Savannah did it for a long time. They stopped it.
They stopped it because the party got out of control. Yeah, well, they still have a big...
I was down there for St. Patrick's Day one year, not specifically for St.
Patrick's Day. It's just my vacation backed up into it.
Oh, okay. So, we were leaving the day after St.
Patrick's Day, but they have these beautiful squares in Savannah and these beautiful fountains in each of the square, and it was a dying of the fountains. Oh, really? And you could go around, and the kids were out.
It was like a school day, and the kids were out there, and everybody was dying the fountains. Yes, that's right.
Before 3 p.m. Everything's fine.
But after 4.30, lock your doors. It was like spring break.
Yeah. It was nuts.
Oh, I've been. I can tell you the story about that.
I mean, I've been to St. Patrick's Day and it scared me.
In Savannah? In Savannah. Yeah.
It scared me. I was legitimately nervous about what was going on.
It was like people were going nuts. They do.
They lose all sense of decorum.

They lose their fucking minds is what happens.

And it's because, and I was one of the, like, I was one of the people that was contributing to the fucking bullshit.

Yeah, I was in the mix.

But at some point, I just got a little nervous about how many people were out of control.

Like, everybody seemed to be out of their gourds with no one checking them.

Do you know what I'm saying? Except for a few bouncers and a couple of police officers who really had their hands full. They were arresting people.
Every time I saw a police officer, they had someone in handcuffs taking them away. And I think that's also why a lot of towns, a lot of people, a lot of places, they are really not interested in spring break or St.
Patrick's Day any longer. They're just not interested in it because it brings nothing but trouble.
Destruction. No matter how hard you try to talk sense into people and say, listen, come to Miami, have a good time, enjoy yourself.
There's a line, don't cross it. Just be cool.
That's that's it there's all if there's 10 people in a room two of them have no fucking common sense the second the liquor hits their breath it just does they just don't and we all know people like this i was one of these idiots right i mean i think i knew where the line was most of the time but you know there was an occasion where you just kind of get a little wild out a little bit. Yeah, yeah, exactly.
Amongst other friends that are doing it, too. Woo! Yes! You think, you know, running in the fountain and taking your shorts off is funny, but everybody else is like, what happened to Brian? Like, everyone else is talking.
Like, he should probably cut, probably no more cocaine for Brian. let's pretend like we don't have any more left and we'll do it secretly yeah you got any more man got any more oh dude funny thing it fell in the toilet but we'll be right back six of us are going to go to the bathroom you stay here you stay in the fountain we'll be over.
Yeah. But I mean, Miami, Panama City, Daytona Beach, all of these places, they have absolutely said, do not come.
We are not interested. Miami had television campaigns that they would run in other cities.
I saw that. Being like spring break, not here.
Don't do it here. We're not interested.
We're closing the bars down at 11 o'clock. There is a curfew at midnight.
You're not able to be on the streets, wild and out. It's not going to happen, so don't come.
And that is ballsy move on behalf of a town that really makes most of its revenue. From parties.
From parties. That's it.
Yeah. I mean, you can have that fucking, whatever it is, ultra music fest there every year.
But there seems to be less trouble with the Ultra Music Fest than there is with Spring Break. And that's it.
Spring Break's always been just kind of a wild and crazy time. I know.
All the good parties get killed by the old people. That's what happens.
And if it came to my front door, I'd kill it too. If that was like outside of my house, I'd probably be like, yeah.
Did you go on Spring Break a lot? No, I told you. I only went on Spring.
I mean, as a actual, at the age where I was supposed to be spring breaking, no. When I got a little bit older, I went down to Miami a couple times.
Okay. Daytona Beach once, Panama City.
And that was like in my mid-20s. But in the years when I would, like spring break years, I only went one time to Panama City.
And we ended up getting a hotel 15 miles from the beach. That's right.
And we got kicked out of that party. We got invited to a party that quickly got kicked out.
It was a whole shit show. And we ended up doing whippets in a fucking Howard Johnson 20 minutes from anything.
It was so weird. It was the weirdest spring.
But I was weird. Like, you know, I was a weird kid.
That's just the way it was. weird it was the weirdest spring it was the but i was weird like you know i was a weird kid that's just the way it was all right so uh we'll talk a little bit more about saint patrick's day in savannah some more traditions and we'll play a game all coming up on this episode the saint patrick's day episode of the commercial break how do you how do you feel about that chrissy i love it all right good killing time.
I'm trying to find the gold. Oh, yeah.
Chrissy brought a lump of shit painted. Brian thinks it looks like a lump of shit.
That looks. It really, it looks, it's a rock that has been painted gold.
And it looks like the sketch from the famous video. From the leprechaun video.
We all know it. It comes around once a year.
Like St. Patrick's Day, that video comes around once a year where all the people are looking at the guy in the tree and thinking he's a leprechaun.
It is pretty funny. It is pretty funny.
Did we find out that was a sketch? I think we found out that was a sketch. No, I think it was real.
You think people actually thought there was a leprechaun in the tree? Oh, they were looking. Somebody saw a leprechaun, and then everybody kind of got whipped up about it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. But that first guy.
They thought he was a crackhead. I think he had plenty of leprechauns in his life.
Little green men that brought him crack. All right, let's take a break.
We'll be back. Then, hit the contact us button and send us your address to get your free TCB sticker that I also designed.
You can text us at 212-433-3TCB and it's likely I'll be the one to respond. And one last favor, follow us on Instagram at The Commercial Break.
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Brian and Chrissy look good in that studio. See, Brian, you're not the only one I boss around.

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All right, and we're back here in a pre-St. Patrick's Day episode.
God bless you all, my children. We just figured out that St.
Patrick was never a saint, actually. He was never canonized by the church? Yes, he was not canonized by the church.
Well, he'll always be a saint, too. He will, yes.
I can't give a shit. Yeah.
I don't give a shit. He's known for holding a shamrock.
Oh, well. Carrying a cross and repelling serpents.
Where there were no serpents. So God bless you, St.
Patrick, wherever you may be. I think being kidnapped as a teenager probably made him elucidate.
There's another thing that's distinctly, do you remember Lord of the Dance? Michael Flatley, Lord of the Dance. Let's see if I can get it to work.
Oh, oh, man down. Man down.
Let's see if I can get it to work. Oh, there you go.
I feel like I should be dancing around, kicking my heels up. Irish dancing like you've never seen it before.
55 red-headed women never moving their arms. I feel like those were on TV, the commercials.
Oh, forever! PBS played that thing non-stop. That was like it took the world by storm.
Oh, it did. And did Riverdance, was that like the competitor? Riverdance was created by Michael Flatley.
Okay. Lord of the dance was Michael Flatley's own.
He's the breakout star. He was.
Yes. And that foot movement, I got to be honest with you, that's pretty amazing.
It is. It's crazy.
There's a guy from Kentucky. He's like a redneck dude, right? He's like a backwoods country dude.
Yeah. But he has perfected like this country version of it, this bluegrass version of it.
And I'm telling you, thank you for just shutting off like that. Piece of equipment, some piece of equipment.
I think it's your piece of shit sitting next to it. You made it not work.
There's some kind of magnetic something coming from it. Electromagnetic waves coming from your gold piece of shit.
Your poo-poo. I know.
You told me it looked like a turd. I haven't seen a turd in a while.
Yeah. Well, unfortunately, I live in turd.
It's just a turd factory around here. So, yeah, I think Michael Flatley was like the breakout star of the Riverdance.
He was the originator. Yeah, he was like the director of the Riverdance or whatever the fuck.
But he is still around. The Riverdance is still doing tours.
Just an update on Michael Flatley. I would love to learn to do that dance.
I'd love to, too. But my feet barely move in general.
You see me at a fish show and my feet are frozen to the ground. My butt might wiggle.
My butt wiggles and my hands make small waves as the LSD courses through my veins.

Do I get it to play on this one?

There we go.

Are they wearing tap shoes too? Live Nation presents

Trey Anastasio and Michael Flatley

in Lord of Acid.

Special dancing guest star,

Brian Green.

They put me in boots that are like tied to the floor

and I'm like...

Michael's moving his feet

and Brian's moving his arms.

Together they are lords of acid. Bagpipes and 15-minute jazz solos.
Noodling on the bagpipe. Yes.
Freeform jazz exploration by bagpiper Brian Green. Make sure you did it.
Live Nation for this. You've heard of Riverdance.

Now experience Ayahuasca Dance.

That's Brian Green, Trey Anastasio, and Michael Flatley.

One night only.

That's all the doctors will allow.

You've seen the rest.

I'll see the best.

You've seen the rest. Now see the the best.
Yeah, you've seen the rest.

Now see the chest of Brian wired to a heart monitor.

Will he or won't he survive the night?

It's a life or death electrifying experience

from the same people who bought you fake St. Patrick.

Watch Brian drive the imaginary snakes out of the stadium.

I would pay to see that show.

It's fun for the whole family I can see it now I can With your heart monitor I know With my heart monitor Yeah On the screen Like a live heart monitor It's showing you what's going on with my heart.

It's like the line.

Watch Brian's heart explode.

Oh my God.

So the question is, Trey, are you up for it?

You've said no once.

Say no again? I'll get Jeff to book at Mempho. Jeff books me at Mempho to do Lord of the Acid.
I am down 100%. Fill my cup up with whatever and just send me out there with a heart monitor.

Bootsy Collins and

schools

from widespread panic.

Maybe you can do a flute.

You've heard of Tool in the Sand? Watch this

Tool in the Sand.

Dominican Republic.

That should have been called Tools in the sand. The Dominican Republic.
That should have been called tools in the sand. Oh, Lord.
Yeah, I mean, listen, for a very long time, that Lord of the Dance was all the rage. I mean, it really was.
I don't care who you were. You had to be under a rock.
Not this rock, because that's just a piece of dung that's colored gold. But you had to be under a rock not to have heard of Lord of the Dance.
It was a river dance. It was insane.
And that type of dancing is nuts. The way they're fliggity-flogging their legs around and bouncing up and down, but their arms never move.
And that's the crazy part to me. They just do this, right? Yeah, they just fold their arms like that.
That's the Irish way of dancing. It's the Irish sports bra.
They call that the Irish sports bra. They just hold your boobs.
You just hold your boobs and hope they don't show too much. The Irish sports bra.
Yeah, because, you know, that's another, you know a genetic trait i guess of the irish and the and the uh english is that the boobs are big over there okay i mean i noticed i don't know if anybody else noticed but i noticed but yeah a lot of those girls that were doing that river dance i mean they were you know endowed and so you could i think that was part of the keeping modest thing. That makes sense.
Yeah, it lot of those girls that were doing that river dance, I mean, they were, you know, endowed. And so you could, I think that was part of the keeping modest thing.

That makes sense.

Yeah, it was very, very family friendly.

There was no shenanigans going on there.

But I don't think Michael Flatley was into it anyway.

I think Michael Flatley was light on his feet.

Right.

I don't know that for real, but I think he was.

And now he's got his own. But he's still around.
He's still around. He's got his whiskey.
Still kicking. Yep.
He's still kicking. No pun intended.
He's got his flattery whiskey. Oh.
Irish whiskey that you can buy. He's also got merch for sale.
Lord of the. Yeah, I mean, you know, you got to be a really die hard michael flatly to be wearing the shirt around but okay whatever you're into i guess yes you do you really have to be a fan i feel like if you're wearing michael flatly merch around i have like tour dates on the back yeah where it has tour dates or you know i hard flattery or you know know, I mean, I think if you're that, you're in your 70s and visiting Walmart often.
And drinking the whiskey. Yeah.
If I'm getting a Michael Flatley shirt for Christmas, it's the kind of thing I'm wearing when I'm changing the oil in the car. And I never change my oil in my car.
that it uh but I I did I was just as amazed as the next person about the dancing because it when I first saw it I was like that is a crazy form of dancing yeah it was really quite remarkable and I guess that is a traditional Irish jig right I guess when you think about an Irish jig that that's what it is. Here it is.
Here's the girls dancing. Yeah.
That's what I remember. There was one guy in the crowd who was really excited.
Yeah. And it's so fast.
So fast. Their feet are moving so fast.
You better have special shoes for that. Yeah.
I don't think I'm in love with the guys' outfits, though. I'm not in love with nylon-type pants.
Yeah, but there's a cummerbund. Renfest? Yeah, there's a cummerbund involved.
Yeah, it's like Renfest takes it even a step further. Renfest is a whole different animal.
Renfest! Eh! You know, and listen, Renfest also, and certain Renfests, I've've been to a few and they certainly celebrate the Irish culture there too I guess because of the Renaissance I guess the Renaissance had something to do with Ireland I'm not sure but it seems to be kind of amalgamated into it there and you know I'd be up for doing a little river, but I'm not buying that. Cumberbun is out for me.

If you ask me to wear a Cumberbun, I'm out.

I think because of band where we like the uniform was with a Cumberbun and a bow tie, I was out.

And it wasn't like a black Cumberbun.

It was like a bright blue Cumberbun and a bright blue tie.

And so as if we couldn't be nerdy enough, as if it was hard enough to find a prom date and then had to wear the cummerbund. That's right.
But so St. Patrick's Day traditions around the world do include dyeing the rivers green and the fountains green, stuff like that.
I believe Chicago still does it. I think they send about 70 pounds of food coloring.
That's the biggest, right? That's the biggest one. Yeah.
And when I grew up in Chicago, that was a big deal. There would be a whole day of fair live coverage on the news.
They would dye it green down at one of the canal locks and then they would release that food coloring. And for about a day that it would be some form of green, right? And so I saw this funny joke, and I can't remember where it was.
And so it's not my joke. I don't want to take credit for it.
But it's like, if they can dye the Chicago River green for a day, why can't they dye it blue for the rest of the year? Because that water is murky. Is it? Oh, yeah, it's murky.
But it's a big deal to go down there. Gotta be.
St. Patrick's Day Parade.
Everyone goes and looks at the river. And it's a whole fun thing to do.
Chicago is one of the places where the Irish people emigrated. Because when they got to New York, I mean, if you've ever watched the Gangs of New York, that is an interesting snapshot of a period of time in the United States of America when New York was very much separated out into cultures.
And one of them was Irish. But the Irish, and my grandfather used to tell me these stories because I think he was old enough that his grandparents would tell him the stories, the people who actually came over from Ireland over here, that they would tell the stories that you would get to a place like New York or one of these major cities, and they would often have signs in the window that said, Irish need not apply.
And that was kind of a rallying cry for the Irish people because a lot of people thought of the Irish people as much less than, right? And so they were very much discriminated against when they would come over in certain places around the country. And I think Chicago was one of those places where they kind of had a little bit of a foothold.
They were, yeah. Yeah.
And so there's a lot of, you know, the Irish traditions and culture is strong up there in Chicago, and it was, as is the Italian and the Polish and a lot of other cultures that found solace in Chicago, I think. But, you know, it wasn't always easy for the Irish people.
I'm not saying it was harder than this or that. I'm just saying that the Irish people also had some tough times when they emigrated over to this country.
It wasn't the melting pot we'd like to think it was. It never has been, but it wasn't the melting pot that we'd like to think it was.
And my grandfather used to tell me stories about how his relatives, his grandfather, his father, they were discriminated against because of whatever. I've seen that, yeah.
As a matter of fact, John F. Kennedy, as an Irish Catholic, the Irish were so disliked even in the 60s, the Irish and the Catholic, that he was given 0% chance of winning the presidency.
Really? Because having an Irish Catholic president was a big deal.

Like people just didn't think of the Irish Catholic people as people who should be leading the country, even though in the background they were pulling a lot of the strings, like his father was pulling a lot of the political strings. It was a big deal.
First Irish Catholic president. And, you know, that was a big milestone, I think, for a lot of people who were of Irish descent or people straight from Ireland.
Okay, so let's talk a little bit about leprechauns. I wrote a whole bunch of notes down here about stuff that we can talk about.
I love leprechauns. Yeah, but leprechauns, are they Irish? Kind of is the answer, right? Celtic? Irish folklore created them, but they were originally mean, red-wearing shoemakers.
Not the cute, like, lucky charms-like mascot we think of today. Dyeing the Chicago River green is not actually an Irish tradition.
But Chicago plumbers died to track pollution. Really? Yes.
And that was originally how the river got dyed green, but then it kind of went in the 70s when everybody started, and this kind of became a partying. That's right.
Four-leaf clovers, if you believe in a shamrock symbolizing the Holy Trinity, the four-leaf clover is just a rare and lucky symbol. It actually isn't tied to St.
Patrick's Day specifically, although we think of it now as something.

Top of the morning to you is something that an Irish person would actually never say. It's leprechaun fan fiction essentially is what it is created by fanfic.
Fanfic for leprechauns. You people are freaky.
You fuckers are freaky. and the name Patty for St.
Patrick's Day,

the correct term is Paddy, not Patty. Yes.
Paddy. D-D-Y.
Yes, because St. Patrick's Irish name is Padrick.
And so you would say Paddy, which is short. Paddy is short for Patricia.
Paddy is Padrick. So there you go.
There's correcting some things that may not be necessarily. Well, I wonder how did the clover get associated? The four-leaf clover? Well, some people associate the clover with the Holy Trinity, the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost.
The four-leaf clover is said to be a rare version of that, and lucky if you find one. Truth is, if you look hard enough, it's actually not that hard to find a four-leaf clover.
When I was a kid, I was all wrapped up in this because, of course, I was Irish Catholic, went to Catholic school. And so there was like, if Irish clovers were all over the place around St.
Patrick's Day, it was just one of these things. And we had clover growing in our yard, like a lot of people do.
It's a weed, so it's everywhere, right? So I was all fascinated with whether or not I was going to be able to find a four-leaf clover.

It didn't even take me 15 minutes to find a four-leaf clover.

And then I found another, and yet another, and yet another.

Yeah, I found a bunch of them, and then I realized it's not that lucky to find a four-leaf clover.

It's just whether or not you're willing to look for one, because it's a weed, and so you don't look for it.

I had a guy bring me a four-leaf clover on a date one time. That's cute little thing i know it's different yeah here's to me getting lucky you know what this means uh corned beef and cabbage is not irish that is not it's ir's Irish Americans that made up this because corned beef was cheaper than bacon.
Real Irish people or the Irish dish is actually bacon and cabbage. Lucky Charms, I think you can probably figure out that this one has nothing to do with Ireland.
This is an American marketing team came up with, yeah, came up with the Lucky Charms. Guinness, of course, is.
Jameson Whiskey, of course, is. Bailey's is, which I just love a good Bailey's.
I love Bailey's, too. I love a good Bailey's.
It's so great. And then there's one more interesting thing that I wanted to point out that I read here.
Truth about... New Orleans throws out cabbage from parade floats.
Yeah. Nothing like getting hit with a vegetable to say, Happy Patrick's Day.
That sounds like it would hurt. It does.
Throwing a head of cabbage at you? What's that? Maybe it's shredded. I sure as shit hope so.
But that's messy. Yeah, that's like that tomato day in Italy, you know, in Sicily.

It always feels like that would not be something I want to be involved in.

Why would I want to get struck in the head with tomatoes?

Some tomatoes are really heavy.

I don't want to be any part of that.

It's like that running of the bulls.

Yeah.

Okay, so I'm going to name some things you tell me whether or not it's Irish.

Okay. Okay, I'll try.
Hold on one second. Okay.
Here we go. I'll start with people.
The Rock, Dwayne Johnson. Irish or not Irish? I want to say no, but because he's randomly on this list, let's go with yes.
He is, surprisingly. His dad has Irish ancestry.
Yeah, imagine him in a lepercon hat. Like a tiny little one.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, like the little tiny ones.
I have one of those somewhere. You do? Yeah.
How do you keep it on your head? It's a hair clip that my daughter has. And I tried to put it on my head, but it didn't work.
I know, but I don't have any hair to put it on. I could staple it to my head, I guess, or staple it to my head.
Wasn't that Harrison Ford who used to staple the Indiana Jones hat to his head? He did? For stunts. Yes.
Really? There's film footage. Real staple? Yeah.
There's film footage of it. Google it.

Real staples, like a staple gun.

He would staple it to his head so that it would stay there

while he was doing it.

I gotta imagine there's a doctor on set

giving Harrison some pain medication

or something

because how do you staple stuff

to your head and not feel it

unless he's just getting,

unless he's drinking Bailey's and whiskey.

Mariah Carey, Irish or nay?

I'll go with yes. Irish.
That that's right our mother's side is irish um john f kennedy we already know is irish beyonce irish i'll go yes she's not no no so there you go okay but she did a record called irreplaceable with an irish sounding accent in a viral. I have no idea what that's all about.
Robert De Niro, Irish or nay? Robert De Niro. Let's know.
He is. He is.
He is Irish. Okay.
That's right. But he's best known for his Italian mafia movies.
Yeah. And I'm listening to the Al Pacino autobiography right now and he's definitely italian okay thanks for that well i always think of those two together for some reason they've done a few movies together uh lady gaga no yes oh i thought she was italian no you're right no i'm saying yes you're right yeah um she released the song poker face but make it i i'm never.
That's just a joke that I was trying to make. It didn't work out.
I was actually thinking of a bit that I could do. Yeah, these are my notes.
Paul Rudd. Paul Rudd, yes.
He is. Okay.
Yep. Brad Pitt.
No? No, he is Irish. His great-grandparents were from County Downs.
County Downs is where my family is from, the Green family. But, of course, there's probably a million Green families from Ireland.
Yeah, you've got to imagine. And, of course, Ed Sheeran, we already know.
Does the McDonald's Shamrock Shake get sold in Ireland? I'm going to go with no.

It does not.

You're right about that.

Is shepherd's pie Irish?

Yes.

It is.

Okay.

That's got potatoes in it, right?

It has a bunch of shit in it.

The Irish version is actually made with lamb.

Excuse me.

Yes, the Irish version is made with lamb. Other versions sometimes have beef.
And that beef version is called a cottage pie, not a shepherd's pie. Are potatoes Irish? No.
You're right about that. Potatoes actually came from South America.
That's right. They're associated with Irish people because, of course, that's what they ate

in the famine.

The famine.

Black and tan.

Is that an Irish invention?

The black and tan.

Yes.

No.

No.

It's a pale beer made,

a pale American beard,

pale ale,

and then served

with British.

But I think back

in the war,

they started mixing

those two beers

and they realized

that they could separate them

and make sure that you could separate them and make a cool looking drink a black and tan never my favorite drink i thought that it kind of tasted a little bit weird yeah for sure are bagpipes irish yes scottish scottish yes right, I knew that. Okay.
Halloween, some people say, originated in Ireland. Yes.
True or no? Yes, true. It is true.
Because there's a certain pagan, Celtic pagan holiday. Celtic.
All right. Yesterday, we were talking about tool.
Today, we're talking about the Celtic traditions and the Celtic quote unquoteunquote religion. It's not really religion, but okay.
I mean, maybe it is. I don't know.
Who knows? But I will now tell you an interesting story about the Celts and Tool. Are you ready for those two stories to make their way together? Okay, let's do this.
Let's take a break, and when we get back, Brian will tell his Tool story. Rachel here

Well Brian takes his old man bladder to the little boy's room, let's talk turkey. TCB needs your help.
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Bitches. Bye.
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Okay, are you ready? I think so. All right.
I am, I think I'm 20 years old. What if I said no? 19 or 20 years old.
Okay, if you say no, then I've got yet another story to bore you with. So it just depends on which story you want to get bored by.
It's choose your own adventure. It's choose your own boredom.
Which one do you want to fall asleep to? Which one do you want to pretend like you're listening to? Let's go. Let's go with your original.
You want to go with my original? Okay. It's story time with Brian.
Oh, we got the noise back. There you go.
I like that. Okay.
All right. I'm 19, 20 years old.
I don't remember exactly what I am. I am living out on a porch.
Uh-huh. This is your porch years.

This is my porch years.

The porch years.

Brian Green.

Brian Green, the porch years.

I didn't even think it was a year.

I think it was the porch days.

Like the porch weeks.

I think I got kicked out pretty quickly.

It was a tight squeeze.

So for those of you who haven't heard, there was a period of time when I lived with my best friend,

who lived with his good friend, in a two-bedroom apartment in which there were already two people living there taking up the bedrooms so my best friend moved into the screened-in porch that was no bigger than the size of this area we're recording in right now and he put like a small single bed in there a record player all kind of tchotchkes i mean he made he did it up he even a little sheet. Tapestry? Yeah, tapestries.
There was a rug on the floor. It was a whole thing.
Wine bottles. Yes.
Oh my God. He was a weird guy.
So he had a lot of tchotchkes. Like just, he'd put tchotchkes everywhere.
He'd go to, he was the guy who'd walk into an antique store and buy the strangest, cheapest thing he could and make a whole, you know, I don't know, altar out of it. I mean, it was like weird stuff, but he had an impeccable taste in music and he was just a weird guy.
So for him sleeping out on the porch, he was saving a few bucks. It was camping to him, right? Well, when Brian was living under a porch, he invited me to come live on the porch.
So yeah, Yeah,, I, so I'm probably a little bit younger, 17 or 18, but you know, so this is like one of those times and I'm there sleeping out on with him and the thing and him and I would often after work, we both worked at restaurants, two separate restaurants, but when we were off together, that would be real trouble. This is the same guy where I collected like six weeks worth of narcotics

into a box

to go to the Further Fest

after Jerry Garcia died.

And we didn't even make it

to the actual festival grounds,

to the concert grounds,

before we had done

all six weeks worth

of stockpiled drugs.

Oh my God.

We were such a mess.

He was such a mess.

He passed out for the entire day. I managed to float on.
He passed out for the entire day. Quite frankly, I'm surprised it wasn't me that did that.
But anyway, all right. So we have a night off and we decide we're going to get a bag of blow and we're going to go back to the house.
And like we often did, take out the guitars. We had this big whiteboard on the wall of the apartment in the dining room, which the dining room glass doors then led to the screened-in porch.
So we had often sit at the dining room table playing guitar, and then on the whiteboard, we'd be writing lyrics to these songs that we were making. Okay, brainstorming.
Ridiculous song. I mean, just imagine two coked-up 17-year-olds without any musical talent whatsoever creating songs out of the same guitar like ABC, ABC, ABG, ABD, and then writing lyrics to it.
And we'd go back and forth. Like he'd write a line, I'd write a line.
He'd write a line, I'd write a line. He'd do a line, I'd do a line.
He'd do a line, I'd do a line. It was like a whole thing that we used to do.
It was like an obsessive behavior that we had.

But this time, the other two people in the apartment also had the day off and they were having none of it. We got to like 10, 11 o'clock at night and they were done.
They came out. I remember the guy who like with the head guy, the guy who signed the lease.
Yeah. He came out and he was like, guys, I got to be honest.
This isn't working out. I am not doing this.
So either you guys pack up your shit and go permanently or you pack up your shit and you go now. But I want to have a quiet night and I can't take this guitar playing it.
This is too much for me. I don't know what you guys are up to.
And he didn't completely disapprove of the drugs, but he also wasn't partaking. He didn't do it.
So I think for him, it was just a big fucking annoyance. Yeah.
Okay. All right.
10-4. Well, being the good roommates that we were, we understood the mission.
And we were like, okay, we're really on thin ice here. Already anxious because of all the drugs coursing through our system.
Already paranoid that we're going to get kicked out of this place, we decide to pack up and go. We put a guitar in the back of this old Ford Taurus that my friend had.
The Ford Taurus. I know.
The old Ford Taurus with the dancing Hawaiian girl. Oh, on the dash? Yes.
And the pine scented, you know, the pine scented thing, the mirror. Oh my God.
If I smell that again in my life,'ve passed I hate that fucking smell but it was overwhelming in his car in my friend Eduardo's car because he had four of them in there not one but four it was obnoxious but anyway that was just his OCD manifesting itself I think so we decide we are going to go to a very famous apartment complex here in Atlanta that sits on the river. This is the same apartment complex that is in Catch Me If You Can, the movie.
The pilots lived there. The pilots lived there.
It was a big swingers community, a big party community for a long time. Now it's just an apartment complex, but you can still get to these beautiful, like there's these areas that sit right on the river, big green areas that sit right on the river, have picnic tables, you know, almost like

stadium seating that you can sit on overlooking the river. And we knew somebody that lived in

this apartment complex, but they weren't home. We couldn't get ahold of them.
But why not go to the

park our cars in front of their house and then go sit on the river. And at least there were far

enough away from the apartments and at least we're far enough away

from the apartments and other drama

that we could play our guitars quietly

and just sit there for the rest of the night

drinking beer and doing cocaine.

You know, what normal teenagers are doing.

Unbelievable, Brian.

Up to no good.

Okay, so we're there.

We're hanging out.

We're on this...

Riffing.

We're riffing.

We're on this picnic table.

The merry-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go riffing. We're on this picnic table.
The merry-go-go goes round and round, round. Go, go, go.
And round, round, round. The most ridiculous lyrics you've ever heard of in your entire life.
33P. Reboot.
And we notice that there are a couple of people at the picnic table in the next section down. Probably like half a football field.
So we kind of tone it down a little bit, right? Now we're getting a little paranoid that we're going to get busted because we're over here doing drugs and drinking and playing guitar. We don't live here and our friends aren't home and whatever.
And about 15 minutes after we had noticed and kind of toned it down, a girl came over from that table and she asked if we had an extra cigarette and i was like you know i'm fumbling around i'll fucking twist it up and i'm like chewing my face off and i give her a cigarette and she says if you guys want to come hang out with us you can bring your guitar i'm over there with some musicians too and we were like okay I was not about it because I just wanted to stay in my little hole.

I didn't want to move. My butt was planted on the seat because the panic attack that the drug is putting me into, it makes my body unable to move.

But Eduardo is all about it.

He's like, oh, let's go.

Let's go hang out with some other people.

Yeah.

And we go over there and there are a couple of girls and two guys that are sitting there. So I think it's like four or five people.
It's pitch black. It's really dark.
I can't see much. And they start talking and we start having some small conversation, but it's kind of like weird and awkward a little bit.
Now we're all sitting in the dark next to the river. We don't know each other.
I have a guitar in my hand. It's a weird scenario.
Dave's got an eight ball burning a hole in the pocket. All I want to do is go back to that picnic table so we can get more high.
But the conversation is going on and I'm kind of in my own head. I'm not really following the conversation.
I remember until this girl says, well, this guy's in a band. And Eduardo goes, oh yeah, what band are you in? Is it local band? band what do you what kind of shit do you play and he responds and it's kind of rock it's kind of rock and he says oh yeah what band is that and he says yeah i don't know you probably never heard of he's like he's like he's like trying not to answer the question but the girl goes you may not have heard of them but they're pretty famous the name The name is Tool.
And I was like, what? I popped up right away. I go, Tool? You were in Tool? And he goes, well, I don't want to say it.
And she's like, he's being humble, but he's the drummer from Tool. And I'm like, you're the drummer from Tool? And he's like, yeah, I play drums with Tool.
And I don't know if this is real or not real in this moment, right? In this moment, but I am so young and so naive that I instantaneously, I fall for it. I'm convinced now we're sitting next to the drummer from Tool.
I am high as a fucking kite. I am driving snakes out of my own head.
And I'm like, holy shit. And all I could think to ask him, because I am high, I am discombobulated, and I don't know shit from Shinola.
The only thing that Brian thinks to ask him is, what do you think about the Celtic religion? What do you think about the Celtic religion? I want to have a conversation about the Celtic religion. Why did that pop into your head? Because I knew enough about Tool and the symbology that they use and the tattoos that some of them have to know that they believe in the Druids and the Celts and all this other stuff.
that's a there's a lot of themology that goes on throughout their music about these things yeah right and here i am 17 18 years old fucking brain fried you know it's now it's like two o'clock in the morning in the dark sitting next to a bunch of strangers one just claimed to be you know dana carvey orvey or whatever, Carrie or whatever his name is, the drummer from Tool. And all I could think to ask is, not how's Maynard, when's your next album coming out? I love you guys.
You know, cool, nice to meet you. That could have been another one that I said.
I like your music. Yeah, what do you think about the Celtic religion? What do you think about the Celtic religion? What did he say? He went on a three-minute diatribe about the Celts.
Then he got into the Druids. I say three minutes.
In my head, it felt like 40 minutes because all I wanted to do was gab back at him about the little that I knew about all of this, which was nothing. I knew nothing except that Tool might or might not be into the Celtic or Druid religion.
I mean, I was so fucked up that it was like all that my thinking was incongruent. So all I could do was just like sit there, listen while my nose is running and hope that I could get a word in edgewise.
Well, he goes into this and then, okay. And then I blabber something back to him about some knowledge that I have.

Which was none.

Which was none.

Nothing.

I was like, I hear they worship trees.

I heard they sacrifice babies in front of trees.

I hear the mother earth is gone.

Oh my God. I was thinking about getting a tattoo one time of the Celtic religion.
Oh, yeah, those Celtic circle things. Yeah.
So I say a few things about that, and then I say, I was in a band, too. Chrissy, this almost dead-stopped the entire conversation, because once I mentioned that I was a musician too, he says, oh, yeah, great.

Like dismissing it completely.

And then he says, well, it's been nice meeting you guys.

I think we gotta go.

And they left.

And to this day, in my head, I don't know if this is real or not real. I have no idea.
I know what he looks like. I didn't back then because back then was a different time.
You didn't have images of every single human being that ever lived at your fingertips disposal. You had to work in order to find out what someone looked like.
Well, I wonder, like, if you did they were playing? They were in town around that time? That was the other thing is that I think that Eduardo went and did a little scouting, and I don't think they were touring at the time. They may have been in town recording an album.
Who knows, right? Could have been a million things. Maybe he was dating this girl.
Maybe there was some connection there. Sisters, brothers.
I have no idea. I really don't.
But in my mind, for years, I met the drummer from Tool one night in a dark corner in front of the river. Right? In my mind, I did.
But as I got older, I started to wonder if in the age of no internet, did I just get hoodwinked by somebody who's claiming to have been the drummer from Tool? but because it was so dark and because I did not know what he looked like at the time, could I have just been imagining things essentially? Still to this day, when I talked to my friend, which it's been a while, but when we review that evening, neither of us can really remember enough of what these people look like because of how dark it was. You got it's just you got to imagine there's no city lights there's no street lights there's no nothing there's just a river and a huge green space with big trees so even if there was a moon out it could have been covered yeah we just didn't see and we didn't it's hard to go back to that moment in time and not see the person that we know now to be the drummer but who fucking really knows if that's the drummer.
I say go with it. But I do know that they do believe in stuff that's Celtic.
That still holds true. That's what I do know.
That for sure. I'm glad you brought it up.
Thank you. To him.
What do you think about the Celtic religion? What do you think about the Celtic religion? What a dumb thing to say, Brian.

You know, if you had some moments back, you would go back and do things differently?

That's one of those moments I would go back and do differently.

I'd be like, oh, really?

So why are you here in Atlanta?

What are you guys doing?

What's the next thing?

You know, there are so many questions that I could have said.

There's so many things I could have said.

Oh, I'm a fan.

I like your first album. Because I think at that time, they only had one album that was maybe two that were available.
And I would have shared that, you know, I'm a fan. I'm not like a diehard fan, but I'm a fan of the music.
But I just blurted out the first thing that came to mind. I think the only thing that you can do now is go down to the beach, Tool Beach show.

Tool in the sand.

Find the drummer.

That's it.

And, you know, talk to him.

That's it.

Get a redo.

I want a redo.

Hey, Tool Drummer, if you're listening,

which you're not, but if you're listening,

do you remember that night?

He probably does.

Let me tell you about the time in Atlanta when I decided never to go back to Atlanta.

Right.

I met this moron who asked me about the Celtic religion.

I thought I was being— Well, he had some things to say about it.

Yeah, he did.

He went on a little diatribe, right?

And so that lends a little bit of credibility to maybe he was the drummer for Tool. Maybe you were going, maybe in your head too quickly, you thought you were going deeper.
You know, you didn't want to be like, I'm a fan. I love you.
Yada, yada, yada. You wanted to connect.
I think that's what it was. I think.
I'd like to think that I was asking a question that other people won't ask because it's not the first thing on their mind when they meet a famous person but really i think i was just so fucking high that i couldn't think of anything else to ask all right well there's my story tcbpodcast.com that's where you get all the information about chrissy and i all the audio all the video right there from one location go get your free sticker the drop down menu on the contact us button says i want my free sticker Give us your address and away it'll go. 212-433-3TCB 212-433-3822 Questions, comments, concerns, content ideas at the Commercial Break on Instagram YouTube.com slash the Commercial Break For all the videos the same day they air here on the audio feed.
Okay, Chrissy, that's all I can do for today. I think so.
I'll tell you that I love you. And I love you.
Best to you. Best to you.
And best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, Chrissy and I will say, we do say, and we must say, goodbye.
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