83: Umamusume Takes Over Jesse's Life

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Yeah, yeah, you know what time it is.

It's time for the geek in this podcast.

Mega Rand, Jesse, and Dodger.

What up?

Let's go.

Yo, it's the weekend.

Yeah, it's time to geek out.

Let it begin.

Go on, stream and shout.

It's Jesse and Dodger.

So give them a follow and see what the geekiners are all about.

Yo, it's the weekend.

Yeah, it's time to geek out.

Let it be kid.

Go on, stream and shout.

It's Jesse and Dodger.

So give them a follow.

Number one geek podcast, without a doubt.

yo, another end of another long week.

Got a job and a kid, I know that you all beat.

So take a second, grab a drink, and vibe.

While we catch you up in just a matter of time on gaming, comics, whatever you're doing.

If you're nerdy like us, then you know you should tune in.

Thank you for sharing our world with us.

Now follow, subscribe, and turn this up.

Yo, it's the weekend.

Yeah, it's time to geek out.

Let it begin.

Go on, scream and shout.

It's Jesse and Dodger.

So give them a follow, number one, geek podcast.

Without a doubt.

Hello, everybody, and welcome to Geek Ender.

I let it go to the black screen.

I've gotten really good about not doing that.

I'm so sorry.

Professionalism out the window.

Now, no one's gonna watch.

Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry.

It's like you don't even know what you're doing or care anymore.

I wish I was

just gone downhill.

Who even are you?

I don't know.

Who are you?

Your friend.

Welcome to the show, Jesse Cox.

Hey!

Seal of approval, round of approval, whatever that is.

Round of applause.

Round of applause.

Seal of approvals or

right.

Right, right.

I too had a father.

Oh, my goodness.

Have you watched any clips or listened to any episodes of Good Hang, the new Amy Poehler podcast?

I haven't watched anything, but I saw at least two clips

of her talking with someone.

And it was pretty funny.

I mean, Amy Poehler is funny.

So I just can't remember who it was or what the context was about.

It's a very funny podcast, but I had the thought because I was like, oh, that's an, you know, she knows so many people in her industry, and they're all very knowledgeable and very funny.

And she just like brings somebody on, and there's a lot of reminiscing, you know, and it winds up being funny.

And then I had the thought, this is a funnier, more professional version of what Jesse and I do.

Yeah, that checks out.

Like a lot of our episodes are us being like, hey, buddy, we haven't talked in such a long time.

You want to come on and we'll reminisce about stuff and

maybe talk about video games.

I don't know.

That sounds right.

Yeah.

That's uh, yeah, and I'm fine with that.

I'm also finding that the less funny version of the podcast you probably enjoy a great deal.

That's how we should market ourselves.

You know, that podcast you love.

What if you wanted to take a step down?

Yeah, we'll see you there.

What if, what if it was a little less

funny and a little less put together?

And they weren't actually in a studio somewhere.

They were just in two rooms that almost looked the exact same.

And they also sometimes randomly talk about video games.

What if they did that?

Like, that's us.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's us.

Yeah.

I know that I've talked about Jenny Nicholson before.

Not to keep name dropping people who don't know me, but I will continue.

We got to get Jenny on the pod.

We should get Jenny on the pod.

I would love that.

Another person who's way funnier than I could ever be.

Everyone watching right now, harass Jenny.

Don't harass.

Don't do that.

Lightly, lightly

bug on the internet.

I think it could work.

It could.

And what was your point?

I don't even remember now.

Jenny Nicholson.

Jenny Nicholson is

great.

That's it.

There we go.

So this is why we're not Amy Poehler's podcast.

This is why we're not Amy Poehler.

Yeah.

Yep.

Yep.

I bet Amy would have had a whole thing planned.

Amy would have said, I'll edit that out later and somebody actually would do that.

Yep.

Probably.

Probably.

Billions of dollars.

Billions of dollars.

Billions?

Maybe.

I imagine they just put in a few dollars into that show.

It is upon you.

It's a $0.

Yeah, this is a zero-dollar show.

There is no investment at all.

I love doing the bare minimum, personally.

You know what?

I like that about you.

Thanks.

Yeah.

That's really sweet.

Yeah, I know.

Because I said it.

It's because you said it.

Right.

And I adore you.

So.

Right.

Context matters.

Context does matter.

Not everybody could say that to me.

Not everyone could.

Right.

Right.

Which is why I said it.

Right.

Because I'm known as the every man of this podcast.

True.

Everyone says that.

Every time we have a guest on.

Everyone says that.

Comes up every time.

And I don't understand why.

Me neither.

I'm not going to them ahead of time and telling them to say that.

So.

Yeah, it almost comes off a little condescending.

It's starting to feel like a bit, but I don't think it is.

Yeah, like they all keep saying it to me.

They're all like, it's the ever matter, but I'm like,

what do you mean by that?

Do you think maybe you were doing like interviews or something at an event and maybe it, that came, maybe somebody called you that?

Never once.

No.

No.

Are you sure?

No.

Yeah, I'm positive.

I don't get invited to events.

They don't let me in anymore.

Oh, that's right.

Because of the thing.

Yeah.

I forgot about that.

I eat all the shrimp cocktail.

Yeah.

They don't like that.

They like to save some for others.

I'm like, no,

no.

Yeah.

I remember when I was three, it's inside me.

And that picture was going around.

Yeah.

Right.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Well, you know,

it's unfortunate I poured all that cocktail sauce on me and I look kind of like a carry.

But good news.

It was delicious.

That's what matters.

Speaking of,

oh my God.

Last night.

So, Mr.

Alex Fossiani on Trilluminati, another podcast I do.

Yes.

For some reason, keeps trying to leave cryptic coded messages in episodes.

And the coders.

I know.

Of course.

The man who formerly made ARGs, I'm shocked.

Yes.

He keeps leaving cryptic coded messages.

Yeah.

And one of the cryptic coded messages he left literally said, June 10th, loading bar.

Okay.

And if you know,

not loading bars, June 10th.

It was a bar name.

Doesn't matter.

It was a bar.

Just a bar.

It doesn't matter.

And the bar,

he was like, yo, you come to the bar tonight?

I'm like, what?

He's like, yeah, yeah.

I want to be at the bar.

And if anyone shows up, I'll be there.

Like, all right.

So go to the bar.

Here's the thing.

Bar's fine.

It's a fine bar.

One guy did show up.

Shout out to this dude.

He was awesome.

He cracked the code, solved the riddle, drove up, came to say hi.

But

they had this is a game changer.

This isn't even about Alex or the bar or anything.

Okay.

In the back of this bar, every so often they have like cooks come and cook random stuff.

And so last time, what is that, Takoyaki?

Or what is that?

The

Japanese grill?

Like shrimp balls?

No, that's different.

What's the grill?

What's the, what's the, what's the grill?

The grill.

The grill.

the grill I'm not sure

yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, that's okay, same thing, whatever.

I don't know these words anyway

Delicious.

They had this guy had like 48-hour marinated, like some kind of pork thing.

They had the best shrimp I've ever had in my life.

They had like

chicken and steak.

Oh my god, I ate so much meat last night.

It was dangerous.

So I'm just saying, today I woke up and I was like, oh my God.

You had the meat side.

Yeah, I was a mess.

Yeah.

But it was delicious.

It wasn't teriyaki.

Chat is useless.

They were the ones.

They were the ones that said Tepanyaki.

And Tepanyaki is correct.

But to the vast majority who are just naming things that sound kind of like it would be close, not helpful, which is most of chat, honestly, all the time.

Like, it just kept shouting things, and I'm like, yeah.

Anyway, it was delicious, and it was a great time, and I loved that.

It was a solid night, but I ate too much meat.

Oh, my gosh.

And when I say too much meat, I don't think you understand.

It was the same situation as with all that shrimp and the cocktail sauce poured all over me.

Oh, okay.

That does give me a better idea.

Yeah.

Although it was very funny.

One of my favorite bits was every time anyone would go up to go get food, Alex would recommend stuff to them, but it was so very clearly because Alex, you know, people were drinking and it was very clear that Alex is just trying to like send them in the right direction to get good food, but no one cared.

They would just look at him and be like, sure, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay, cool, yeah, yeah.

Oh, sweetheart.

It was great.

I loved it.

It was delicious.

Everybody needs a friend.

that will just talk to literally anyone.

Yes.

And Spaciani is that guy.

Also, when I arrived, he had

the book version of Once Upon a Time in Hollywood.

Okay.

And I was like, what is this?

And he's like, oh, it's written by Quentin Tarantino.

I'm like, the script?

He's like, no, no, it's a book.

Like, of the movie?

He's like, yeah.

I was like, so, like, when Star Wars makes the book version of the movie,

and he's like, yep, just like that.

Except the ending's different.

Except they don't let George Lucas write those books.

Right.

Well, Quentin Tarantino, I'm sure there's more feet in it.

And apparently, apparently the ending's totally different.

Apparently the ending's totally different.

And I think it's hilarious because it takes place in a bar where a young Quentin Tarantino's at,

which I wish was the movie.

I wish the movie ended with a young Quentin Tarantino being in the film.

Yeah.

That'd be great.

Anyway, that's what I did last night.

And it was a good time.

I finally left for a couple of days without my child.

I was a free bird for a couple of days.

I went to Brighton, which I had never been to.

You're allowed to leave your child?

I left my child, yeah.

And the police didn't show up or nothing.

With who?

A person?

Yeah, a human being, another human that lives in my house.

And they said yes to this?

They did, yeah.

In fact, I was only going to be gone a day, and they said you should go for more than a day.

isn't that that's pretty crazy i know

yeah

yeah i went to brighton which is a a southern beach town oh i'm aware uh that is where yes john watson and his wife were gonna go on vacation in the sherlock holmes movies but they never made it because moriarty was tracking them down and they couldn't get there and then sherlock had to show up in a dress to save them on the train and he stopped the machine gun by putting a makeup

lipstick thing in the thing and it clogged the gun.

And then he was like, lie with me, Watson.

And they lied in the ground.

And then they

jumped off.

He's like, you killed my wife.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I love those movies.

I unabashedly love those movies.

I unabashedly love those movies.

I love them.

If I'm not sure what to watch and I'm on a plane and they have one of those

Daddy Jr.

Sherlock Holmes movies.

I'm not even joking.

It's big same.

Big same.

The fact that there are only two and they haven't made the the third one yet is insulting to me.

They're like, we're making a third one.

I'm like, when?

It's been almost a decade.

Where's my damn movie?

Yeah.

Yes.

I'm glad that we're on the same page here because most people feel kind of meh about those movies.

I enjoy them very much, though.

They're great.

They're great.

I don't care what anyone says.

Fantastic.

But yeah, I have a couple of friends that live in Brighton.

And so I was invited out to hang for a couple of days and it was very fun.

We went to the beach when it it was raining and so windy that it was hard to stand up straight.

So that was tight, which is weird because most of the time that we were there, it was boiling hot.

And then when we finally tried to go to the beach, it was gnarly nasty.

But I had probably the best fish and chips that I've ever had since coming to England in Ohio, which was great.

And I was visiting my lovely friend Kiwo

and Kiwo loves magic.

And I hadn't played Magic the Gathering since I was like 17.

And I said, I would love to learn how to play magic.

I have a lot of friends getting into magic right now, either for Final Fantasy reasons or otherwise.

I was like, I would love to learn how to play magic again.

So I relearned magic last weekend.

Awesome.

And it's really fun.

I played a couple of just like one-on-one games to relearn the game.

And then we played a round of commander, which for anyone who doesn't know how commander works, it's a four-person version of Magic the Gathering where you have super fun.

It's really fun.

You have a legendary creature that acts as like the commander of your deck.

You have a hundred cards, but there can't be any duplicates.

And all of the cards have to match the colors of your commander.

It's super fun.

It's really, really fun.

Not just because I won, but I did win and it was awesome.

I was creating squirrels and every time a squirrel died, it procced a death touch rat.

Oh, were you playing Bloomborough?

I was playing Hazel.

Yeah, Hazel was my commander, and it was very cute.

Yep.

And at one point, I was making like 15 rats in a turn.

It was great.

I loved it.

If I was going to play Commander, I would either A, do something Bloomborough because it's just very cute and fun and silly, or I'd bring Xenos and go full meme because that card is just pure commander fodder.

I remember you talking about that.

It exists to just be the worst commander thing you could bring to a table.

It's great.

Like, yeah, I would want to troll people, but that sounds amazing.

That sounds super fun.

It was so fun.

Yeah.

Kelly Siren, who we've had on Geek Enders before, was also there.

She played the like pre-made.

Oh, did you have like a girl's tramp?

Yes, we did.

It was fun.

Oh, God.

Hold on.

Hold on.

Did anyone get their groove back?

I don't know.

Was Tay Diggs there?

No.

Was there romance on the beach?

No.

Did anyone get drunk and make terrible choices?

A lot of people got drunk.

Terrible choices might have happened when I wasn't there.

All right, so it's still salvageable as a girls trip.

I went to a grunge concert.

A grunge concert?

Maybe that could count as part of.

Hold on now.

What was the concert?

What grunge band?

They're called, oh my gosh, Mind Frog.

It's a little band.

You wouldn't know them.

They're called Nirvana.

They're called Mind Frog.

Mind Frog?

Yeah, they were great.

It was like a little hole in the wall place that was kind of falling apart.

I loved it.

Everybody there was so nice.

Mind frog crushed it.

We were laughing because the reason that I went out there the weekend that I did is because I was like, it would be so fun for Kelly and I as expats to do something fun on 4th of July weekend, because otherwise we're not going to be doing shit, right?

It would just be funny to like get together and be like, America, right?

We like wanted to grab a tea bag and pop it open and throw tea in the water, just you know,

right.

I mean, as you do, yeah, anyways, yeah, a little secret revolt of your own, yeah.

But we realized that a lot of the people that were at this show, including the performers, were wearing cowboy hats.

And we were like, is that part of their thing?

Or is that because

it's Fourth of July?

I feel like it would be a little self-centered to assume it's because of Fourth of July, but it is very funny that there's so many people in cowboy hats here.

I do think it's interesting.

I know a lot of people overseas who

part of me wants to say, yes, it's because of 4th of July.

Because I know a lot of people overseas who treat 4th of July just like how Americans treat St.

Patrick's Day or any like those kind of holidays where we dress up like the biggest goofballs and we,

for a brief moment, live our best fake Irish life.

You know what I mean?

Yeah.

And so, like, Cinco de Mayo is another great example, right?

Like, suddenly for a day, we're just all a little like, let's go get tacos and tequila.

And it's like,

why?

And I feel like that's the same thing overseas.

A lot of people I know will do Fourth of July things as an excuse to set off fireworks, dress American, and be ridiculous.

Yeah.

So I wonder if maybe that's the case.

And at a grunge concert, absolutely.

Yeah, 100%.

Grunge is like, hell yes, they would.

It oddly all matched up very well.

It was really funny.

Yeah.

And yeah, it was great.

It was too sweaty and there was a lot of beer and it was very fun.

Yeah, but mostly, I mean,

if we're going to say what we spent the most time doing, it was playing magic for sure.

I mean, yeah, no, you're still nerds.

I'm not going to put real life on you in your little nerdy kingdom.

I'm not going to be like, do you girls go out shopping and have a crazy time drinking Cosmos?

No, you played Magic the Gathering.

That, yeah.

And it was very fun.

And so when I came home, I had talked with Amy quite a bit after like relearning how to play.

And I was like, I had a lot of fun.

I I think the thing that I have the most trouble with is the turn order because

if you

oh no, please continue.

I was about to answer your question and I realized that's not what you wanted.

So please continue.

It does.

My story does continue.

Yeah.

Yes.

Yes.

If you played a lot of like Hearthstone and things, you get sort of like locked into this pattern of, okay, so I draw my card,

I place whatever I can, I attack and then it's their turn which is not how magic works right no every car i must stress this every card game that has come out since the existence of magic has made the rules the way they are in their games because magic is so complicated

so everything has dumbed it down yeah i kept trying to do stuff And then the lovely person who is teaching me when we were playing would be like, oh, you can't do that yet.

I'd be like, why not?

Right.

It takes a lot of time.

And I've said this on stream a bit now, too, because I've been playing on stream as well, that I think there is people who've been consistently playing magic for a long time do not remember how much is completely unintuitive.

As a new player, there is so much where I've realized how much on these cards and what's written on the cards is hyper-specific.

Every word means something very specific.

And if you've played a long time, you know what those things are.

But if you haven't, you're like, okay, cool.

My card and your card fight.

That's what they were going to do anyway.

Or a creature spell.

I don't have anything that says creature spells.

So I don't think I have any of those, right?

Like these things, you don't understand these things until you've played a bunch.

Anyways,

I was talking with Amy about it because in magic, you have your main phase, your combat phase, another main phase, and then you do anything that says like, at, you know, at the end, do X, Y, Z.

So and like, end turn, up, keep, clean up stuff.

And Amy was like,

you should play arena because arena makes it so that you can just focus on understanding how the cards interact with each other and when you're allowed to play them.

And it will take care of the like, you're in this phase now.

And these are the things you can do, right?

And you don't have to overthink it.

So I've been playing a bunch of arena and it's very fun.

And before anybody asks, I haven't spent any money on it because when you're a new player, you you really don't need more cards than they're willing to give you.

You start off with a bunch of cards and there are a bunch of events that just give you cards.

And Lord knows, I still don't know what all the cards I already have do.

I don't need more cards right now.

I mean, you could end up like Crendor.

Crendor, I know, plays Arena frequently, but he only plays the version of it where it's like...

You draw cards and everyone gets random packs and you kind of end up with whatever you have.

So if you, yeah, if you win, you win.

If you lose, you lose, but no one really cares.

Everybody just wants to walk away with cards.

Yeah.

Also, I think,

I think, even though he won't admit it because he's very competitive, Crendor's like me.

When I ask him like, oh, what did you play?

What'd you do?

How'd you do this thing?

He'll say things like, oh, yeah, they were being sweaty tryhards.

And I was just, I think.

Crendor doesn't want to care, but he wants to win.

So he plays the, the, anything, in any game he plays, the most RNG heavy thing, so he can walk away being like, it was the RNG that sucked, not me.

You know?

Well, I just choose not to play because I don't want to suck.

So I was like, no, I'm all right.

I don't need to spend two hours on that.

Yeah.

Yeah.

He definitely cares, but he likes doing the whole like, I played the goofy thing, so it's fine if I lose.

Sure.

Whatever gets you through, I guess.

Yeah, if that's, if that's, makes it more fun and helps him tamp down the part of his brain that's like,

fuck, you know, then

I care too much.

I care too much and it makes me angry.

Like, I get mad.

I care too much.

Yeah.

That's the problem.

I can't do competitive things because I want to win so badly, but I don't want to spend the money.

I don't want to take the time.

Like, if I can just win things and have them given to me.

That'd be great, but I don't want to like earn it through hard work and or dedication.

That seems like a pain.

Yeah.

So, final bit of the Magic of the Gathering thing, and then we can absolutely move on.

Is that the more that I played Arena, the more I was like, it's weird that they have Brawl.

Brawl is like a 1v1 commander,

essentially.

And I was like, it's weird that they have Brawl, but they won't just put proper commander in here.

And I guess it's because of how Arena is built.

It's built to be 1v1, and it would be really hard for them to make it 1v1v1v1.

Yeah.

so octo was in my chat and he was like oh but you can just play commander in tabletop sim

yes 100 and i was like how does that work and he was like yeah people have just built it where you just hop in everything's there and there's a system to just load in a deck from one of these websites where you just list off a deck yep and so we did that today and it was super easy and really fun and october who did what today you and octo

never mind i'm sorry.

I forget that Octo exists in a world of late night streams.

I was like, hold on, today?

Today.

It's 8 a.m.

here in L.A.

What do you mean?

Yeah.

Octo just stays up late.

Yeah, I assume that we played before he went to sleep.

Yes.

Okay.

I was like,

what do you mean?

Yeah.

Yeah.

He's got, he's got that sleepy boy schedule.

He does.

Yeah.

But yeah, so I've been playing a lot of magic.

It's, it's been very fun.

Yeah.

What have you been up to?

Speaking of Sleepy Boy schedule,

I must stress to everyone, if you are not watching it now, please you should.

It's the last weekend for it.

Games Done Quick's been going on all week.

It's been on the background all week for me.

Yeah.

I love Games Done Quick.

Oh my God.

It's just so much fun.

It's the last weekend for it, so they're going to do some really cool stuff.

Yeah, I was watching the horror block.

I don't know if I missed or I just didn't register the awful block

where they have like the really bad games, but they definitely played some bad games.

But usually, I register like this is the awful block, but I don't know.

And so, I've been watching that and enjoying it in a way that just is so silly.

The games are great.

I watched one that was

what is that Sayonara game?

Yes,

someone made

a Mario version of that.

It's the same aesthetic, but it's Mario.

Okay.

It was super cool.

I loved watching that.

I was like, wow, this is neat.

All the music was remade and stuff.

That was fun.

I watched, you know, all the 8 billion versions of Metroid they do every year.

And I watched all the great runs.

The Sekiro run, as always, what a solid hour of just watching a person dominate a game.

Like, I need that in my life.

You don't understand.

Those games frustrate me to an extent that I just do not like.

So, watching someone beat the shit out of those games is one of the greatest things I've ever seen in my entire life.

It makes me so happy.

I love them so much.

I'm like, yes,

yes, destroy that game.

And then they have an entire couch.

It made me realize that, like,

the breadth of the audience of speedrunning, there are people who are like 35 doing it, and there are people who are 21 doing it.

And it's fascinating to watch them all sort of interact on that couch.

And I'm like, this is very cute.

I love this.

This is fun.

Very wholesome.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I've been enjoying that tremendously.

With that said, though, there's something I haven't been enjoying.

And I need to talk to you about it because it is

infuriates me to my core.

Okay.

So I played Umasume

pretty derby.

I was told that you've started the horses.

That game is hot trash garbage.

Okay.

That game is the worst game ever made.

And you might say, Jesse, why do you say that?

Because

my girl Haru,

who is just a horse who wants to race for fun,

is thrust into a game.

Where the whole point is winning.

But Haru is not about winning.

Haru is about racing for fun.

Yeah.

How dare they?

Haru's Haru

is 0 in 113.

That's a real life horse you can send food to on the internet.

And I wouldn't.

You literally go visit her.

Oh, I would.

People should.

And here's the problem.

The game, mechanically, is

get first place.

Haru's whole story.

So apparently, I'm the only person who on the internet decided to play story mode i guess everyone in chat was like why are you playing story mode dude what is this i'm like i thought that's what we were doing apparently people are just playing the races

what

that's what everyone told me career mode right yeah you have to they were saying

no they were saying that everyone was just doing the races not career mode i think possibly what they mean because you have to you have to do career mode at least to some extent for the tutorial, but that lasts exactly 10 minutes.

I all I did was

I didn't skip anything.

I read all the characters.

I went full into Haru's life.

I was feeling the Haru.

By the end, I was almost in tears.

She just wants to race and have fun.

She's but like the story is

She's terrible.

Yeah.

She's not good at the race.

Yeah.

And all she wants to do is race.

And everyone in town loves Haru.

And Haru is like,

just like, I'm just happy to be here.

And she inspires all the other horses because she's good friends with them.

And I was like, Haru, you don't even need to win.

All you need to do is develop good friendships and try your hardest.

And I was trying my hardest for Haru.

And Haru was doing their best.

And I was like, you know, the missions weren't even like win.

The missions were place in the top five.

It wasn't even win.

And I'm like, it's fine, Haru, you can do it.

And I would get like fourth and fifth place.

They'd be like, yeah, you're doing great.

But mechanically,

the game is like, get first place if you want to continue the story.

Yet, story-wise,

even if you get first place, the game is like, Haru lost the race.

It's like, why?

Yeah, because,

yeah.

So,

lore-wise and story-wise, you lose constantly, but mechanically, you must win or it can't.

The game is like, sorry, game over.

Yeah.

Well, what the hell's the point of that?

That's stupid as hell.

That's dumb.

That's stupid, and I don't like it.

Haru is, it doesn't matter if you win or lose.

It's how you run the race.

Haru is the pink-headed Rocky who just went the distance, and I don't give a shit about this game anymore.

It's trash.

It's a trash game made for trash people who trash on Haru and Haru is better than them.

And we don't need this Haru.

We don't need this game at all.

I'm just glad that Haru's like a happy horse somewhere right now.

Yeah.

Damn right.

I love Haru.

Very cute.

I got issues with this game.

And the worst part is then,

because I lost, because I lost, I went back in and did a run back.

And I made it all the way to the very end.

But still, because Haru's a one-star, I couldn't beat the last race.

I couldn't do it.

The highest I got was second place.

Couldn't beat it.

And she's so small, she keeps getting boxed in by the other racers.

And they say, start her in the back.

And I was like, okay, but then I started her in the front.

She started winning when she was in the front.

But the problem is, she's so tiny, all the other racers just run over.

This is

insulting.

Haru deserves better than Haru deserves Haru's own game.

The Haru Rura game

is trash.

Umasuma, you're trash.

And just because I hate you, now I have to go back and level all these other horses to then breed them to make a multi-star Haru super character.

And then I'm coming back.

I'm getting first place in every goddamn race.

I'm going to support her properly.

I'm getting first place in every goddamn race.

And then I'm going to beat the game and I'm going to delete the game because I don't give a shit.

This game.

Oh,

I hate it.

Oh, I hate.

I hate.

I hate everyone who's in charge of this game.

How dare you make me love something so much?

And then make her so terrible at racing.

You sons of bitches.

You sons of bitches.

I hate you.

So.

Oh, also, to give you an example of how truly cursed it is, I won my first race as Haru.

I got first place and all of Steam crashed.

They knew.

that you had upset the canon.

Literally, as I won the race, the servers went down and I was like, Oh, did I crash the game?

No, Steam went down.

There you go.

Oh my goodness.

The horse game.

Yeah.

Someone asked me, I think it was October actually, while we were playing Magic.

Octo was like, who's your favorite horse girl?

And I, the, I've found that when I started the game, I didn't really, I wasn't really drawn to any of them.

Like, none of their designs made me go, whoa,

that one.

You know, I was kind of met on everybody.

I honestly think the thing that makes the Umasume characters interesting to me is that they decided to just completely commit to

whatever happened to that horse is what happens in the game, right?

Like this, this character is based off of a real horse.

And whatever really happened to that horse

is,

that's their life.

I realized at some point I don't care about any of the other horses.

None of them.

I got like a multi, like I think I got like a four-star, whatever the American horse is on a pool.

And I was like, I don't care.

You exist only to make Haru better.

I just don't care about you.

None of them.

Anytime I got on my second run, anytime I got a scene that was like two other horses just talking, I was like, skip, you mean nothing to me.

So, you didn't read everything,

you liar.

Well, on the second playthrough, I did on the first playthrough I did because I thought it was important.

Yeah, no, half of it is like, get to know the other horses.

I don't want to know you, I don't care about you.

You mean nothing to me?

You're glue, it's only about Haru.

I had a period of time where most of my social media feed was

facts about Gold Ship, the horse

um

and i love gold ship now

i realize i'm not i'm not alone i was told that gold ship kept showing up in my playthrough she would go oh do you want to race me and haru would be like yeah i'm like haru you have to study for the test tomorrow and haru would be like come on let me go race i'm like fine go do it kid which is why i'd be a terrible parent and then haru would go run around all night with gold ship and because haru was like i'm racing the stars.

Like, what do you mean?

She's like, because it was night and I was trying to outrun the stars.

And I'm like, what?

And then

literally, Haru during one of the missions is like, man,

I just need to race.

I can get first place.

I'm like, yeah, you can.

Keep it up.

And then she runs off to go chase a butterfly.

I'm like, oh my God, Haru.

So I go run after Haru and Haru's like missing.

I'm like, where'd Haru go?

And then she's in the water.

I'm like, what are you doing in the water?

She's like, I'm chasing the fish god.

Like, what the hell are you talking about?

And she's like, the fish god.

I'm like, okay.

At one point, Haru was like, I've been climbing these stairs all day.

I'm like, why are you trying to work out?

And Haru's like, no, I'm trying to count them.

I was told the stairs change numbers every day.

I'm like, what do you mean?

She's like, I was trying to see if it's a different number.

Maybe this time it'll be a different number.

I'm like, what?

And then Haru was like, I'm gonna, I, I'm gonna be an astronaut.

I'm like, what do you mean?

She's like, I'm gonna jump over the moon.

I'm like,

what?

That's my girl.

I rep Haru.

That's my Oshi.

I love her.

Haru's too good for this world.

Y'all trash.

Haru's too good for this world.

So the reason that Goldship is such a funny horse is because he

is like an insanely talented horse who just did not give a shit about racing.

So like there was apparently a horse that he hated so much that if that horse was also in the race, he would only focus on like destroying that horse's life.

There were multiple races where he just like did not even try.

But if he did try, he always came first.

He retired in perfect health and is still like an extremely healthy horse.

Like, it's so fun.

There's not a single normal picture of this horse.

He's always mugging in some way.

It's just funny.

It's just so funny.

I, yeah, I am.

It's very cute what they've done.

I think it's interesting.

The game can kiss my ass.

Fair.

Yeah.

Don't watch.

Sorry.

If you feel emotionally invested in.

Just one.

Just one.

I don't think you will because you're not a super weeb, but don't watch the anime.

Oh, I won't.

Don't worry.

I won't.

The minute they, like, the minute they started dancing, I was like, the f what?

I do have questions about that world that I hope one day we'll get answers to because I was like, hold on.

Do they have horses?

And chat said, no, there are no horses.

They are the horses.

And I was like, okay, well, then if that's the case, are there like horse girls who work the plows on farms?

Are there

any

do police ride horse girls around parks?

Like, I think there's probably, there would probably just, if they decided to delve into that, I would assume there would probably just be police horse girls.

But also, here's my question.

Yeah.

Do

because there's still mostly just girls

in that universe societally,

if the girls, like let's say there's a boy.

No, there are no horseboys, by the way, chat.

Zero horseboys.

So if a man

sees a horsewoman, is he a weirdo for being sexually attracted to the horsewoman?

I don't know the answers to that.

That's what I'm at.

Or,

or, like,

I got questions.

I have so many questions.

None of it makes sense to me.

I don't understand it.

It's like no one thought this through.

It's almost like they just kind of did it without thinking about it.

Sure.

I have questions.

Except they also thought a lot about it.

I don't know if they did because they make these horse girls run racist and then immediately afterwards dance.

That's also true.

And at some point, there's one girl, I don't remember her name, but there's a scene where she's like, I just want to dance.

And I'm like, yeah, why does she have to race to dance?

Why can't you just be a horse girl who dances?

What's that about?

Because they were like, how do we combine?

These three things that Japanese.

Oh, I'm aware.

I'm aware of what the developers wanted to do.

I'm talking about the world they created.

This is, they did not think any of it through.

Maybe.

They were just like, well, they dance too.

And they go to school.

And they swim.

Inside of the game.

Well, yeah, because horses swim in real life to train.

Anyways.

They use boogie boards.

Horses use boogie boards and dress up in bathing suits.

Well, I don't know about that.

I don't know about all that.

In the game, you're able to skip the concert.

Maybe you could canonically decide that, that, like, they can always skip the concert if they want to.

Maybe they only dance if they want to dance, you know?

Maybe.

Or maybe they're forced to.

Damn.

Maybe I should liberate Haru from that school of harmony.

Maybe this is awful.

And take Haru out to the countryside to live and eat grass for the rest of her days.

That's what I should do.

Yeah.

I don't, I realized halfway through there's a reason I hate mobile games.

And this is another example of it.

However, I am deeply in love with Haru as a character.

She's a sweetheart and is exactly literally.

It's like literally playing myself.

And I love it.

So there you go.

Hashtag save Haru.

Hashtag save Haru.

Yep.

Yep.

I mean, like, I'm trying to think of what else I.

Oh,

uh,

man, I play, I played through a bunch of games.

I started playing through the altars,

and uh, that is a silly goofery of a good time.

Yeah.

How's that going?

Apparently, I suck at getting them to communicate with each other.

You have to, like, make choices to get them to talk to each other, and they just, everyone hates me, and I'm not good at it.

And I think I understand how to communicate with myself, but I don't.

So that's going to be terrible, I'm sure.

I started to go through.

I'm still, damn, I'm still doing Dark tide i've been playing a lot of that lately i don't know why like out of nowhere i just started playing it a bunch and now i went from having like updated it in a hot minute have they they did they added a whole new class oh and uh it's very fun

but with that said

i played the new class got the new class to 30 and was like damn

I love being Judge Dredd.

This is cool as shit.

Plus, you get a dog.

And the dog is great.

And the dog, I went...

I remember talking about the dog.

Yeah.

Yeah, I went full dog build and I've been having a good time.

I made a character called the old man and he's an old grizzled man who talked, this is how I talk.

And everywhere I go, I shout at you.

Right.

And he goes, for the likes.

And it's great.

And I love playing as him.

Shout out to the old man.

But I figured, okay, well, I haven't played since launch, really.

So I'm going to go back and I'm going to start playing my veteran again, who I just named Cox.

And

I started playing to the veteran again, and I found a build that I really liked.

So I was like, oh, shit, okay, I'll play the veteran.

So I started playing the veteran again, and I loved it.

And I was like, okay, well, maybe I'll go back and play some of the other classes.

Nah, I don't understand Psyker at all.

I just don't get it.

I don't like, I just, the zealot.

I'm like, okay, so you're kind of like just a different version of the veteran.

I was like, all right, that's cool, I guess.

And so, yeah, I went back and tried to play the other ones, and they just did not click with me.

So I've just been jumping back and forth between the veteran and my Judge Dredd arbiter.

Yeah.

Arbitrator?

Arbiter?

The Arbititu, whatever they are.

And I've been loving it.

I've been having a great time.

They added so many missions that I did not

either remember or

know exist.

Like I just did one the other night, which was literally just like,

you have to go and fight two twin chaos members.

That was hard as hell.

Those sons of bitches can kiss my ass that sucked i was like oh my god uh yeah they added a bunch of new things there's some really fun story elements to it now absolutely love it having a blast cannot cannot stress it enough the changes they made

good times good times so um yeah it's one of those things where clearly at release it wasn't 100 there And now there's a ton of stuff to do.

And I really enjoy that.

Plus, they have modifiers that

can kiss my ass.

Right now,

I think maybe for the next three days, it's still going on.

They have a fire modifier.

So imagine your normal maps, but

everything's on fire.

And then all the enemies, half of them are just flamethrower guys who can literally kiss my whole ass.

Like there is a lot of

awful stuff.

And that where I'm just like, oh, I hate these guys.

Oh, and then they've got grenade guys.

And I'm just, I hate this.

I hate this yeah yeah but i enjoy killing them so it's good yeah

yeah i've been having a blast playing that did you ever play rogue trader for decay i'm literally playing through it right now are you yes i did it for a brand deal for the new uh

again the arbiter stuff the new the new uh content they had except When I was playing, I wanted to be a heretic and chat was like, oh, well, you got to get the goth mommy.

You know, it's like, hold up.

Goth mommy.

So I had to download a whole other expansion just to get her, which was worth it.

And then I started playing.

And

yeah, I've made a guy who, I don't know why anyone trusts him.

His voice literally is like, yes, I will do this with a power.

I'm like, oh, okay.

And I've gone full heretic.

I've made only heretical choices.

I'm trying my hardest to do the worst thing possible.

The last thing I did

was

the big mission on, like, whatever the main planet is in the first kind of area, where it's like 12 fights in a row.

I got burnt out on the fights.

I was like, I just want to make choices and be heretical.

I don't want to do 70-minute battles with 50 guys.

Yes.

Yeah.

I could care less about the combat.

It doesn't do it for me.

However, everything else I did completely.

Nice.

I

had one of those classic situations where I ran into a bunch of fan art for that game.

A lot of people make great fan art for Rogue Trader because they get really attached to their

stinky little person.

And I was like, I never played this game.

I wonder if it's any good.

So I figured I'd just ask and see if you had played it.

It's fun.

It's very,

very 40K and it throws you in the deep end.

It doesn't do a lot of explaining, but it does the thing where if someone says a thing, you can mouse over the colored version of it and it'll give you the background of that information, which is great if you don't know what it is.

Yeah, it's super fun and definitely

puts you in a solid, like

it gives me very strong, kind of like an XCOM meets Baldur's Gate 3 vibe.

Okay.

And absolutely enjoying tremendously in the

actual battles?

Combat, yeah.

Oh, okay.

Interesting.

so they you know when you shoot you have a percentage and sometimes i'm like well 90 that'll work miss and i'm like one time i had to shoot a guy who was literally one square next to me and it was like no dude you missed like how how's that possible mean

yeah and so there's different stats and and you know different characters have different builds the goth mommy girl

She's busted.

I love her so much.

Literally, she can attack like 12 people in one turn.

It's great.

It is a little like xcom but i it's like xcom light i guess

there's a lot of rpg elements there's a lot of story stuff like when you are so you have your ship and you can travel between planets and as you do stuff will happen and you'll get like little scenarios or you'll be called to go meet someone and uh like for a great example is there was a i had one choice which was we need to find a new navigator and we have to go to the navigator's guild oh there's trouble the navigator's navigator's guild so you have to pick one you have to pick a side and that person will join you i assume i picked the one that looked the most messed up

and they're like that girl's crazy she killed everyone i'm like great that's who i want on my ship so i've made i'm trying to force out all the people who are good and only recruit people who are a mess i like i'm going yeah fool heretic i want to by the end of it have tentacles coming out of me i want to like people to be worried like guys, are we, are we the baddies?

That's what I want.

No.

Okay.

I,

I'm on the fence now about playing it.

Honestly, I think

because I don't, I don't, I don't do well with XCOM style combat.

Well, the good news is

really fast.

Yes.

The good news is there's not a lot of it right away.

Most of it's story stuff.

But yeah, I hit the point where I'm at the end of this chapter and it's like, we got to go take this planet.

And I am stuck in so much.

Like, I turn a corner, more combat.

I turn another corner, more combat.

And it's fine, but it's just a lot of it.

And I'm like, all right, okay.

I just wanted to be a heretic.

I don't want to like combat the entire, which is fine.

All right, I guess I could turn down the difficulty.

But yeah, all I want to do is morph people to my will and turn them into some sort of freak with extra eyes.

You know what I mean?

Yeah.

That's all I want.

Just girly things.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's all I want.

Unfortunately, this has to be like a much shorter show because I have to go to my kids' performance.

Of what?

Of nothing.

Of nothing.

Of nothing.

Hold on.

Is this one of those things where if you say exactly what the performance is, it's going to be like doxing yourself?

Yeah.

Really?

Yeah.

So this isn't like a play.

I mean,

it's a performance.

It could be a play?

What are you talking about?

What is this child doing?

I'll tell you,

off of this,

she's in stuff.

She's busy.

She's doing stuff.

I just looked over in chat and saw 12 angry men.

And I would love a bunch of kids to be in 12 angry men.

Me too.

That would be incredible.

It would be kind of like when they do the Big Fat Quiz of the Year and they have a bunch of little kids reenact like a moment from the year, and it's always like a bunch of

kids in oversized suits pretending to be in Congress or something.

That would be incredible.

I really want them to be like, just

like

we have to solve this case.

Like, the evidence isn't even there.

It'd be great.

But did we have any news that we want to blaze through real quick?

Uh,

I

no.

You gotta go.

I'm not gonna keep you here.

Okay.

Go do it.

Go do.

Go take care of your kid.

Be a good mom.

I'll be over here trying to save Haru from a life of terrible video games.

Yeah.

Oh, sweet girl.

Well, I adore you.

What are you up to this week?

Me?

I am,

good God.

Well, today we don't have to do Scary Game Squad or Star Wars stuff, so I guess I'll stream.

And

then this weekend, I don't know.

Something fun.

I'll come up with something.

I got all sorts of stuff to do.

And

yeah, that's I'm just

free balling.

Freeballing?

That's right.

That's what I'm doing.

Freeballing.

Freeballing.

Yeah, I love that.

Shout out to my mom who just texted me and said that she's watched Geekeenders Live for the first time ever.

Oh, dear God.

Hi, I'm so sorry.

But now you can join my mom in embarrassment of me.

So that's fun.

They should have a group chat.

Yeah.

Yeah, where they talk about how embarrassing Jesse is.

Dacha is lovely.

Jesse's a mess.

I think they'd have plenty to say about both of us.

Good and bad.

Because they love us and we're adorable.

Yep.

You know?

Yep.

Hey, gang, I'm going to be out of town.

I'm going on vacation with my little family.

But

in a week from now, I'll be back.

And who knows what I'll be into?

Who knows what I'll be doing?

You know, I might start playing something weird while I'm gone.

I don't know.

So you will not be here next Friday is what you're saying.

I will not.

Maybe I'll have to bring in some ringers and do a Jesse Cox super

sode.

Super sode?

That's right.

Yeah, do the Jesse Cox super sode.

They'd love that.

They'd.

The people.

The people.

The people would love it.

The people.

They love that.

Yep.

The people would.

They have to go.

Goodbye, everybody.

If you enjoyed watching this, hey, we're here almost every Friday, maybe next Friday for a super sod.

But all of the previous episodes are on youtube.com slash jessecox and on all of the podcasty things that you can listen to.

There's plenty now.

We've been doing this for a hot minute now, so there's lots that you could listen to.

Go

back,

don't they're all bangers, they're all amazing.

But we appreciate you very much.

Have an amazing weekend and week, and we'll see you next time.

Bye, y'all.

Yeah, yeah, you know what time it is.

It's time for the geek in this podcast.

Mega Rand, Jesse and Dodger, what up?

Let's go.

Yo, it's the weekend.

Yeah, it's time to geek out.

Let it begin.

Go on, stream and shout.

It's Jesse and Dodger.

So give them a follow and see what the geek enders are all about.

Yo, it's the weekend.

Yeah, it's time to geek out.

Let it be kidding.

Go on, stream and shout.

It's Jesse and Dodger.

So give them a follow.

Number one geek podcast without a doubt.

Yo, another end of another long week.

Got a job and a kid, I know that you all beat.

So take a second, grab a drink and vibe While we catch you up in just a matter of time On gaming, comics, whatever you're doing If you're nerdy like us, then you know you should tune in Thank you for sharing our world with us Now follow, subscribe, and turn this up Yo, it's the weekend, yeah it's time to geek out Let it begin Go on, scream and shout It's Jesse and Dodger, so give them a follow

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