The Gentleman From Hell |S1| Ep. 15

Rusty Quill presents

Good evening, gentlemen and gentle ladies of hell.

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Hi, this is Zibby Owens, host of Totally Booked with Zibby, formerly Moms Don't Have Time to Read Books.

In my daily show, I interview today's latest, best-selling, buzziest, or underrated authors and story creators whose work I think is worth your time.

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I'm sorry to have bothered you again, Miss Telfer.

I just had no idea if it was available to me.

It's no bother at all, Mr.

Holmes.

There's not a soul in here besides you and I, anyway.

Honestly, I should have left the case open before I left.

Here we are.

Now, let's see.

Which one, which one?

Now this should do the trick.

There you are.

The Kirk Bride Collection.

Whoa,

there's quite a lot of material in here.

Before I start sorting through it, is there anything you could tell me about it?

It's a highly restricted donation from the family of the same name.

It has what I'd guess you could call a time lock on it.

It's not scheduled to be released to the public until the year 2030,

so if you do happen to use any of the information, we would appreciate it if you

cited an anonymous source.

You can count on me, Miss Telfer.

Thank you.

As for what the collection entails, quite a few letters sent back and forth between ancestors of the Kirkbrides.

Most of them about the city that predated the founding of Colt Sparrow.

Isabel.

Apart from another book on the topic, this is all there is concerning the city.

There's also quite a bit of occult material, which is why I think the family required the contents to be sealed.

Not the sort of thing one wants following them around.

Definitely makes sense.

Well, I appreciate you letting me see all of this.

I'm sure it'll help enormously.

You're very welcome.

I'll be up front if you need anything else.

Take as long as you like, Mr.

Oates.

Hello, what's this?

The Curse of the Sparrows

Written by Henrietta Kirkbride.

Okay, Henrietta, let's see what you got to say.

A tale of dead birds.

It came to pass that journeying through the small town of Isabel,

I was told of the grievous events that had befallen that witch-troubled place.

No sooner had a fortnight elapsed since the sparrow children were put to fire and death, than their mother, Hester Sparrow, ran mad and sought to unearth their remains from the distant pit.

Where they had been unceremoniously laid.

He dismissed it say unto me that Hester meant to take them straight from hell itself, retracing the path whence their blackened bones had yielded up the ghost, where they had fallen into hellfire.

For three nights did the grief-maddened woman toil, heeding neither cold nor darkness.

And when she could no longer wield her spade, she tore at the earth with her bare hands.

Upon the third night, the Lord struck her down in her ceaseless labor.

And she fell into the deep pit she had dug toward hell.

When at last her body was discovered, naught was done to prepare it for burial, for her unclean toil had marked her as surely as damned her offspring.

The folk did cast the heaped earth back into the pit she had rolled, burying her therein, her grave left unmarked and unhallowed.

That which compelled me to depart and never more return unto that now witch-cursed town of Isabel was this.

Three days after the old woman had been left in her unhallowed tomb, there came a great tempest, yet not of wind and rain, but of cold dead birds.

Sparrows did fall from the heavens in numbers exceeding raindrops, all of them dead and frostbitten.

So numerous were the dead birds that they required gathering in barrels and sacks.

Yet this was but a harbinger, for three days hence came the plague.

It swept through the village, striking first only those who had laid hands upon the sparrow children, and thereafter those who had danced and sung unto the good lord on the night of the fateful witch burnin.

From the tales I've heard,

The city was seized by the very flames that once gaped open to swallow the cursed children of Hester Sparrow.

Now nothing remains but ashes, lightly mingled with the dust of the sparrow witch.

Who

were raised from death and damnation to revel one last time,

leading to the downfall of all who strove to do the Lord's good and righteous work.

Okay, looks like stopping by here wasn't such a bad idea.

What the

someone forgot to pay the electric bill?

Somebody there?

Hello, Miss Telfer.

The fuck is going on?

Miss Telfer, I'm locked in.

Can you open the door for me, please?

Miss Telfer

Is somebody out there?

Is anyone out there?

Is there anybody out there?

Gotta keep it together.

Are you calling your friends?

If you are, can you tell Phyllis that you're wrong?

We aren't somewhere nice.

Just because we're innocent doesn't mean evil can't touch us.

Evil can take anyone.

Just like it took you, Leon.

Remember when you killed us?

Oh, pick up.

Pick the fuck up.

Shit, sorry about that, Mr.

Prest.

Sure I muted my phone before we came in here.

No harm done

So you were mentioning some of the things that Ben and his father had shipped to the mansion and called Sparrow.

Do you happen to recall any of them?

Uh why do you want to know about that stuff?

Client made reference to some belongings they might have some claim on or a share of the proceeds if they've been sold.

As uh I recall

most of the stuff was old books

but I guess there were a few larger things that came through.

I'm talking

stuff like statues and

paintings, rare art, you know, that sort of thing.

It was just that some of it was um pretty morbid, uh,

you know, um occult stuff,

I guess you'd call it.

Hmm.

Does anything particular stand out to you?

I suppose, um, just a name for the specific uh kind of occult stuff that they were both interested in.

See, uh,

I had to constantly deal with this this one antique dealer out of Connecticut, I believe

Gordy Gordy Willison

real uh sleaze ball

he was the VA's go-to guy for tracking shit down they wanted

so I was constantly on the phone with this prick

he described the stuff they wanted as um

uh

Mephitica that's it

Mephitican books jewelry,

statues.

Apparently, it's some kind of

what do you call it?

Sub-genre of Satanism, wouldn't you know?

Do you think either one of them were, you know, Satanists?

They didn't seem it to me.

But then again,

what the fuck do I know about what a Satanist is supposed to act like?

I mean, look, I didn't know Ben all that well.

So I uh

excuse me.

So I can't say too much about him.

But I did a lot of work

for Red.

And as far as I could tell,

all that devil stuff was...

more or less

academic, you know.

Said he was working on some kind of research.

Never got into what it was about.

I just figured it was

one of those rich guy eccentricities.

You know how the wealthy,

you know, they like to get into

real fringe stuff.

Probably gives them

something to do while they're not worrying about bills and

groceries and other basic normal people shit.

Now, you were named executor of Edward's will, right?

Yep.

I handled all of that.

You happen to remember an audio tape you prepared for Benjamin?

Our client mentioned something about him having to hear some pre-recorded message from his father before he could claim his inheritance.

Uh, geez.

You know, a little detail like that.

Sorry to keep you, Charlie.

No problem at all, Rupert.

Always happy to take a drive into the country.

Now, uh, this is something you forgot to send along with all the other paperwork, or uh...

Not forgotten.

It was one of his last requests.

It needs to be added to the inheritance materials.

Oh, well, that's easy enough.

What is it?

It's an audio tape, but it's got to be handled just so, Charlie.

Ed was real particular how he wanted you to take charge of it.

Are we talking about just a regular old plastic audio tape or

something fancier?

Far as I know, it's just a plastic tape.

But Ed wanted it handled according to some rules.

Got them right here.

Says here, the tape can only be removed from the case in the dock.

Under no conditions can you touch it.

So you're to wear gloves when you handle it.

Benjamin's the only one who can touch it with his bare hands.

Uh,

this thing isn't like, um, you know, laced with poison or something like that, is it, Rupert?

I mean,

we ain't doing something illegal here, are we?

Not at all, Charlie.

See, Ed had some strange notions in life.

You know that.

He dabbled in all kinds of odd things.

Seems there's some kind of ritual or another, something he found in one of them old books of his, that allows a person after they've moved on to the other side to transfer something of their good fortune to another person.

He also set aside a good deal of money for you after your complete delivery of the tape to Benjamin.

It's a little odd, but I guess it shouldn't be a problem.

I got a small room with no windows in my office.

It's where I speak to clients.

Should do the trick.

Oh, there's one more thing.

What's that?

You aren't to speak about this to nobody.

Especially not to Benjamin.

Ed didn't want folks thinking he was some kind of kook.

He was just looking to convey some good luck to the son who ain't never had any.

After he signs those papers, I'd say inheriting billions of dollars is some damn good luck.

But don't worry about a thing, Rupert.

I'll make sure it's all done just the way you'd wanted it.

I'd take a look in

my records for you, but

most of those got lost in the shuffle between moves.

Been downsizing

ever since the big disappearance.

Speaking of that, and on an unrelated note, you ever notice anything weird about the place?

I mean, you were probably in and out of the city all the time.

You know, uh,

I think about that a lot myself.

And for all the time I spent there,

I never noticed nothing odd about it.

Just a

nice little town.

People were friendly,

neat and tidy neighborhoods,

scenic views.

Jesus.

What the hell?

What the fuck was that?

A lot of the TV shows about the disappearance, well, you know, they always talk about cults and secret societies, that sort of thing.

But everyone we've talked to all say the same thing.

It was just a nice place in the middle of nowhere.

We have to go immediately.

Mr.

Prist, seems something's come up, and we've got to hit the road.

But we really appreciate you talking with us today.

Yeah, yeah, sure.

But

what about that compensation you mentioned?

I hope you will find this acceptable.

It's like I'm getting my old

hourly rates.

If this is what

you two are throwing down,

feel free to

stop back.

I think we just might take you up on that.

Have a good day, Mr.

Prist.

What's wrong?

Check your phone.

Leon's called several times.

He's been sending texts, but they're all just gibberish.

Oh, shit.

Ah, he left a voicemail.

I need you guys to come back to eat.

They peace.

something very

wrong here.

Hang on, we gotta get to him fast.

Leave me alone, please.

Do you know how long it took me to die, Leon?

My mommy tried to use her body to keep the fire off me,

But it didn't work.

I could smell her burning.

How her screams turned to a slow, mindless panting.

No, I didn't do it.

It was...

It was you, Leon.

You who decided who should live and who should burn.

All the people in the valley, you thought they should live.

They were good little boys and girls, but not us.

We deserved to die.

And scream and scream and scream

and scream and scream and scream.

It wasn't me.

Yeah, yeah.

I'm over here, Mace.

Leon, are you alright?

Oh, I'm so sorry we didn't answer the phone, we.

I'm fine, Phil.

Just got codnapping, was all.

Oh my goodness.

Is everything okay?

Everything's fine, Miss Telfer.

We just had a miscommunication.

Sorry we spoke to you.

Miss Telfa, was it?

Yes, you must be Mason Rhodes, and you're that psychic Phyllis Chambers.

Guilty as judged.

It's a pleasure to meet you, Miss Talpha.

I really wish we could stay longer, but something has come up and we really need to go.

Oh, that really is a shame.

I just found the key to one of our rarest Isabel exhibits.

We keep it down in a cellar.

But maybe the next time you're in town, you could...

Isabel, huh?

Uh, maybe.

Uh, sure.

Uh, we could probably take a quick look.

Wonderful!

I'm sure you'll find it fascinating.

Just follow me.

Are you sure you're up for it?

I'm okay, really.

Let's just see what's in the basement.

Is this exhibit another restricted donation?

No, but we've kept it securely under lock and key ever since we received it.

You see, it was bequeathed to the society just a few years ago.

A generous and unexpected gift.

Recognizing its potential as an invaluable asset to the community, the board of directors decided to safeguard it until the time was right.

So we've stored it here while finalizing our plans to transform the Veers mansion into a proper museum.

The artifact will serve as the museum's central attraction.

Just wait until you see it.

It's absolutely breathtaking.

Oh, and if you would please refrain from taking any pictures, I'm sure you understand.

There he is, Gil the left-handed king.

It was apparently recovered from a hidden cave near Isabel.

Some believed it could have been the deity the Sparrow children sought to venerate, deep in what is now the Pitchpot Woods.

Mason,

isn't that

the statue?

Yep.

I think me and Lefty already met.

Any race considered a noteworthy novelty was pelted with a genuine tropical

Hello?

Yeah, this is Jolly.

None of your goddamn business.

Who is at my place?

Who?

Who the who the fuck is this?

I didn't promise anything to nobody.

Or else

or else what?

Hello.

Hello.

Some parts of town got as much as six inches of rain in just a few miles.

The Gentleman from Hell is a Meltopia production.

Today's episode was written by Mark Anzalone and performed by Stephen Zivick, Aubrey Akers, Sam Stark, Jesse Van Hove, Mark Anzalone, Kira Stark, and Max Anselone.

Sound editing was completed by Stephen Anzalone and script editing was conducted by Walker Kornfeld.

Be sure to rate and review us on iTunes, Spotify, or your favorite podcast platform.

And follow us on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter at Meltopia.

If you want unique art and animations of Meltopia's stories, visit our YouTube page or click on the link in the show notes.

And for more exclusive content, such as additional lore, stories, and art, be sure to check out our Patreon at www.patreon.com forward slash Meltopia.

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Additional terms and conditions apply for all offers.

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Hi, this is Zivi Owens, host of Totally Booked with Zibby, formerly Moms Don't Have Time to Read Books.

In my daily show, I interview today's latest, best-selling, buzziest, or underrated authors and story creators whose work I think is worth your time.

As a bookstore owner, publisher, author, and obviously podcaster, I get a comprehensive look at everything that's coming out and spend my time curating the best books so you don't have to.

Stay in the know, get insider insights, and connect with guests like Grammy Award-winning singer Alicia Keys, critically acclaimed author Judy Bloom, and Academy Award-winning screenwriter John Irving every single day.

With Totally Booked, you aren't just listening, you're part of the story.

So don't miss out.

Follow Totally Booked with Zibby on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you're listening now.

ACAST helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere.

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