The Gentleman From Hell |S1| Ep. 15

Speaker 1 Rusty Quill presents

Speaker 3 Good evening, gentlemen and gentle ladies of hell. First and foremost, thank you for tuning in.
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Speaker 10 I'm sorry to have bothered you again, Miss Telfer. I just had no idea if it was available to me.

Speaker 1 It's no bother at all, Mr. Oates.

Speaker 1 There's not a soul in here besides you and I, anyway. Honestly, I should have left the case open before I left.
Here we are.

Speaker 4 Now, let's see which one, which one?

Speaker 4 Now, this should do the trick.

Speaker 1 There you are. The Kirk Bride Collection.

Speaker 10 Whoa, there's quite a lot of material in here.

Speaker 10 Before I start sorting through it, is there anything you could tell me about it?

Speaker 1 It's a highly restricted donation from the family of the same name. It has what I guess you could call a time lock on it.
It's not scheduled to be released to the public until the year 2030,

Speaker 1 so if you do happen to use any of the information, we would appreciate it if you

Speaker 1 cited an anonymous source.

Speaker 10 You can count on me, Miss Telfer.

Speaker 1 Thank you.

Speaker 1 As for what the collection entails, quite a few letters sent back and forth between ancestors of the Kirkbrides.

Speaker 1 Most of them about the city that predated the founding of Colt Sparrow. Isabel.

Speaker 1 Apart Apart from another book on the topic, this is all there is concerning the city. There's also quite a bit of occult material, which is why I think the family required the contents to be sealed.

Speaker 1 Not the sort of thing one wants following them around.

Speaker 10 Definitely makes sense. Well, I appreciate you letting me see all of this.
I'm sure it'll help enormously.

Speaker 1 You're very welcome. I'll be up front if you need anything else.
Take as long as you like, Mr. Oates.

Speaker 4 Hello, what's this?

Speaker 10 The Curse of the Sparrows

Speaker 4 Written by Henrietta Kirkbride.

Speaker 10 Okay, Henrietta, let's see what you got to say.

Speaker 3 A tale of dead birds.

Speaker 10 It came to pass that, journeying through the small town of Isabel, or I had kin therein,

Speaker 11 I was told of the grievous events that had befallen that witch-troubled place.

Speaker 11 No sooner had a fortnight elapsed since since the sparrow children were put to fire and death than their mother, Hester Sparrow, ran mad and sought to unearth their remains from the distant pit where they had been unceremoniously laid.

Speaker 11 Hady Smith did say unto me that Hester meant to take them straight from hell itself, retracing the path whence their blackened bones had yielded up the ghost, where they had fallen into hellfire.

Speaker 11 For three nights did the grief-maddened woman toil, heeding neither cold nor darkness.

Speaker 4 And when she could no longer wield her spade, she tore at the earth with her bare hands.

Speaker 11 Upon the third night, the Lord struck her down in her ceaseless labor.

Speaker 11 and she fell into the deep pit she had dug toward hell

Speaker 11 when at last her body was discovered nought was done to prepare it for burial for her unclean toil had marked her surely as damned her offspring

Speaker 11 the folk did cast the heaped earth back into the pit she had robbed burying her therein her grave left unmarked and unhallowed

Speaker 11 That which compelled me to depart and never more return unto that now witch-cursed town of Isabel was this.

Speaker 4 Three days after the old woman had been left in her unhallowed tomb, there came a great tempest, yet not of wind and rain, but of cold dead birds.

Speaker 11 Sparrows did fall from the heavens in numbers exceeding raindrops, all of them them dead and frostbitten.

Speaker 11 So numerous were the dead birds that they required gathering in barrels and sacks.

Speaker 11 Yet this was but a harbinger,

Speaker 11 for three days hence came the plague.

Speaker 11 It swept through the village, striking first only those who had laid hands upon the sparrow children, and thereafter those who had danced and sung unto the good lord on the night of the fateful witch Barnan.

Speaker 11 From the tales I've heard,

Speaker 11 the city was seized by the very flames that once gaped open to swallow the cursed children of Hester Sparrow.

Speaker 11 Now nothing remains but ashes, lightly mingled with the dust of the sparrows.

Speaker 4 Who

Speaker 4 were raised from death and damnation to revel one last time,

Speaker 10 leading to the downfall of all who strove to do the Lord's good and righteous work.

Speaker 10 Okay, looks like stopping by here wasn't such a bad idea.

Speaker 10 What the

Speaker 10 someone forgot to pay the electric bill?

Speaker 10 Somebody there?

Speaker 10 Hello, Miss Telfer.

Speaker 10 The fuck is going on?

Speaker 10 Miss Telfer, I'm locked in. Can you open the door for me, please? Miss Telfer?

Speaker 10 Is somebody out there?

Speaker 12 Is anyone out there?

Speaker 12 Is there anybody out there?

Speaker 4 Is anybody out there? Is anyone out there?

Speaker 4 It's just trying to rattle you.

Speaker 1 Gotta keep it together.

Speaker 12 Are you calling your friends? If you are, can you tell Phyllis that you're wrong? We aren't somewhere nice. Just because we're innocent doesn't mean evil can't touch us.
Evil can take anyone.

Speaker 12 Just like it took you, Leon.

Speaker 12 Remember when you killed us?

Speaker 4 Oh, pick up.

Speaker 10 Pick the fuck up.

Speaker 4 Shit, sorry about that, Mr. Prest.
Sure, murder and my phone before we came in here. No harm done.

Speaker 11 So, you were mentioning some of the things that Ben Ben and his father had shipped to the mansion and called Sparrow.

Speaker 4 Do you happen to recall any of them? Uh,

Speaker 4 why do you want to know about that stuff?

Speaker 4 Client made reference to some belongings they might have some claim on or a share of the proceeds if they've been sold. As uh, I recall

Speaker 4 most of the stuff was old books,

Speaker 4 but I guess they were uh a few larger things that uh came through.

Speaker 4 I'm talking

Speaker 4 stuff like statues and

Speaker 4 paintings, rare art, you know, that sort of thing.

Speaker 4 It was just that some of it was

Speaker 4 pretty morbid,

Speaker 4 you know,

Speaker 4 occult stuff,

Speaker 4 I guess you'd call it. Hmm.

Speaker 11 Does anything particular stand out to you?

Speaker 4 I suppose

Speaker 4 just a name for the specific kind of occult stuff that they were both interested in.

Speaker 4 See,

Speaker 4 I had to constantly deal with this one antique dealer out of Connecticut, I believe.

Speaker 4 Gordy. Gordy Willison.

Speaker 4 Real

Speaker 4 sleazeball.

Speaker 4 He was the VA's go-to guy for tracking shit down they wanted

Speaker 4 So I was constantly on the phone with this prick

Speaker 4 he described the stuff they wanted as um

Speaker 4 uh Mephitica, that's it

Speaker 4 Mephitican books jewelry

Speaker 4 statues

Speaker 4 Apparently, it's some kind of um

Speaker 4 What do you call it? Uh, subgenre of Satanism, wouldn't you know?

Speaker 4 Do you think either one of them were, you know, Satanists? They didn't seem it to me.

Speaker 4 But then again,

Speaker 4 what the fuck do I know about what a Satanist is supposed to act like?

Speaker 4 I mean, look, I didn't know Ben all that well.

Speaker 4 So I uh

Speaker 4 Excuse me.

Speaker 4 So I can't say too much about him.

Speaker 4 But I did a lot of work

Speaker 4 for Red.

Speaker 4 And as far as I could tell,

Speaker 4 all that devil stuff was more or less

Speaker 4 academic, you know?

Speaker 4 Said he was working on some kind of research.

Speaker 4 Never got into what it was about.

Speaker 4 I just figured it was...

Speaker 4 One of those rich guy eccentricities.

Speaker 4 You know know how the wealthy uh

Speaker 4 you know they they like to get into uh

Speaker 4 real fringe stuff

Speaker 4 probably gives them uh something to do while they're not worrying about bills and

Speaker 4 groceries and other basic normal people shit

Speaker 4 now you were named executor of Edward's will right yep I handled all of that. You happen to remember an audio tape you prepared for Benjamin?

Speaker 4 Our client mentioned something about him having to hear some pre-recorded message from his father before he could claim his inheritance. Uh, geez.

Speaker 4 You know, a little detail like that.

Speaker 4 Uh,

Speaker 4 maybe

Speaker 4 sorry to keep you, Charlie. No problem at all, Rupert.

Speaker 4 Always happy to take a drive into the country.

Speaker 4 Now, uh, this is something you forgot to send along with all the other paperwork, or, uh...

Speaker 4 Not forgotten. It was one of his last requests.
It needs to be added to the inheritance materials. Oh, well, that's easy enough.
What is it?

Speaker 4 It's an audio tape, but it's got to be handled just so, Charlie. Ed was real particular how he wanted you to take charge of it.
Are we talking about just a regular old plastic audio tape or

Speaker 4 something fancier?

Speaker 4 Far as I know, it's just a plastic tape. But Ed wanted it handled according to some rules.
Got them right here.

Speaker 4 Says here, the tape can only be removed from the case in the dock.

Speaker 4 Under no conditions can you touch it. So you're to wear gloves when you handle it.
Benjamin's the only one who can touch it with his bare hands. Uh

Speaker 4 this thing isn't like, um, you know, laced with poison or something like that, is it, Rupert?

Speaker 4 I mean,

Speaker 4 we ain't doing something illegal here, are we? Not at all, Charlie. See, Ed had some strange notions in life.
You know that. He dabbled in all kinds of odd things.

Speaker 4 Seems there's some kind of ritual or another, something he found in one of them old books of his, that allows a a person after they've moved on to the other side to transfer something of their good fortune to another person

Speaker 4 he also set aside a good deal of money for you after your complete delivery of the tape to benjamin it's a little odd but i guess it shouldn't be a problem

Speaker 4 i got a small room with no windows in my office it's where i speak to clients should do the trick Oh, there's one more thing. What's that?

Speaker 4 You aren't to speak about this to nobody, especially not to Benjamin. Ed didn't want folks thinking he was some kind of kook.

Speaker 4 He was just looking to convey some good luck to the son who ain't never had any. After he signs those papers, I'd say inheriting billions of dollars is some damn good luck.

Speaker 4 But don't worry about a thing, Rupert. I'll make sure it's all done just the way Ed wanted it.

Speaker 4 I take a look in

Speaker 4 my records for you, but

Speaker 4 most of those got lost in the shuffle between moves.

Speaker 4 Been downsizing ever since the big disappearance. Speaking of that, and on an unrelated note, you ever notice anything weird about the place?

Speaker 4 I mean, you were probably in and out of the city all the time. You know,

Speaker 4 I think about that a lot myself.

Speaker 4 And for all the time I spent there,

Speaker 4 I never noticed nothing odd about it.

Speaker 4 Just a

Speaker 4 nice little town.

Speaker 4 People were friendly,

Speaker 4 neat and tidy neighborhoods,

Speaker 4 scenic views.

Speaker 4 Jesus

Speaker 4 What the hell?

Speaker 4 The fuck was that

Speaker 4 a lot of the TV shows about the disappearance? Well, you know, they always talk about cults and secret societies, that sort of thing. But everyone we've talked to all say the same thing.

Speaker 4 It was just a nice place in the middle of nowhere. We have to go immediately.
Uh, Mr. Prist, seems something's come up and we've got to hit the road.

Speaker 4 But we really appreciate you talking with us today.

Speaker 4 Yeah, sure.

Speaker 4 But

Speaker 4 what about that compensation you mentioned?

Speaker 11 I hope you'll find this acceptable.

Speaker 4 It's like I'm

Speaker 4 getting my old

Speaker 4 hourly rates.

Speaker 4 If this is what

Speaker 4 you two are throwing down,

Speaker 4 feel free to

Speaker 4 stop back.

Speaker 11 I think we just might take you up on that. Have a good day, Mr.
Prist.

Speaker 4 What's wrong?

Speaker 11 Check your phone. Leon's called several times.
He's been sending texts, but they're all just gibberish. Oh, shit.

Speaker 11 Ah, he left a voicemail.

Speaker 11 I need your guys to come back to eat. They can't.

Speaker 11 Something serious.

Speaker 4 Hang on. We gotta get to him fast.

Speaker 4 Leave me alone, please.

Speaker 4 Do you know how long it took me to die, Leon?

Speaker 4 My mommy tried to use her body to keep the fire off me, but it didn't work.

Speaker 12 I could smell her burning,

Speaker 12 how her screams turned to a slow, mindless panting.

Speaker 10 No, I didn't do it. It was...

Speaker 12 It was you, Leon.

Speaker 12 You who decided who should live and who should burn.

Speaker 12 All the people in the valley, you thought they should live. They were good little boys and girls, but not us.

Speaker 11 We deserved to die.

Speaker 12 And scream, and scream, and scream.

Speaker 12 And scream, and scream, and scream.

Speaker 4 It wasn't me.

Speaker 4 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 10 I'm over here, Mace.

Speaker 4 Leon, are you all right? Oh, I'm so sorry we didn't answer the phone. We...

Speaker 10 I'm fine, Phil. Just got codnapping, was all.

Speaker 1 Oh goodness is everything okay

Speaker 10 Everything's fine Miss Telfer.

Speaker 4 We just had a miscommunication sorry we spooked you Miss Telfa was it?

Speaker 1 Yes, you must be Mason Rhodes and you're that psychic Phyllis Chambers

Speaker 10 Guilty as charged It's a pleasure to meet you Miss Telfer I really wish we could stay longer, but something has come up and we really need to go.

Speaker 1 Oh, that really is a shame.

Speaker 1 I just found the key to one of our rarest Isabel exhibits. We keep it down in a cellar.
But maybe the next time you're in town, you could

Speaker 4 Isabel, huh? Uh,

Speaker 4 maybe

Speaker 4 uh, sure.

Speaker 10 Uh, we could probably take a quick look.

Speaker 4 Wonderful!

Speaker 1 I'm sure you'll find it fascinating.

Speaker 1 Just follow me.

Speaker 4 Are you sure you're up for it?

Speaker 10 I'm okay, really.

Speaker 10 Let's just see what's in the basement.

Speaker 10 Is this exhibit another restricted donation?

Speaker 1 No, but we've kept it securely under lock and key ever since we received it. You see, it was bequeathed to the society just a few years ago.
A generous and unexpected gift.

Speaker 1 Recognizing its potential as an invaluable asset to the community, the board of directors decided to safeguard it until the time was right.

Speaker 1 So we've stored it here while finalizing our plans to transform the Veers Mansion into a proper museum.

Speaker 1 The artifact will serve as the museum's central attraction.

Speaker 11 Just wait until you see it.

Speaker 1 It's absolutely breathtaking.

Speaker 1 Oh,

Speaker 1 and if you will please refrain from taking any any pictures, I'm sure you understand.

Speaker 1 There he is, Gil the left-handed king.

Speaker 1 It was apparently recovered from a hidden cave near Isabel.

Speaker 1 Some believed it could have been the deity the sparrow children sought to venerate, deep in what is now the Pitch Pot Woods. Mason,

Speaker 4 isn't that

Speaker 4 the statue?

Speaker 4 Yep, I think me and Lefty already met.

Speaker 3 Some parts of town got as much as six inches of rain in every two hours.

Speaker 12 This is accumulated in a butt plane so rapidly that scores and markets

Speaker 4 are awkward. Hello?

Speaker 4 Yeah, this is Charlie.

Speaker 4 What?

Speaker 4 It's none of your gear.

Speaker 4 None of your goddamn business.

Speaker 4 Who is at my place?

Speaker 4 Who the fuck is this?

Speaker 4 I didn't promise anything to nobody.

Speaker 4 I don't promise this helicopter.

Speaker 4 Or else

Speaker 4 or else what?

Speaker 4 Hello?

Speaker 4 Hello.

Speaker 3 The Gentleman from Hell is a Maltopia production.

Speaker 3 Today's episode was written by Mark Anzalone and performed by Stephen Zivick, Aubrey Akers, Sam Stark, Jesse Van Hove, Mark Anselone, Kira Stark, and Max Anselone.

Speaker 3 Sound editing was completed by Stephen Anselone and script editing was conducted by Walker Kornfeld. Be sure to rate and review us on iTunes, Spotify, or your favorite podcast platform.

Speaker 3 And follow us on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter at Meltopia. If you want unique art and animations of Meltopia's stories, visit our YouTube page or click on the link in the show notes.

Speaker 3 And for more exclusive content, such as additional additional lore, stories, and art, be sure to check out our Patreon at www.patreon.com forward slash Meltopia.

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