Best of The Program | Guest: Sheriff Mark Dannels | 3/29/21

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Hey!

Today's episode should maybe be taken with a grain of salt, maybe a pound of salt,

because

I opened a bottle that said, you know, don't ingest any of this, you know, if you operate heavy machinery.

And I'm like, I'm not driving a bulldozer today.

I'm fine.

And for the most part, the show went really well until the last part of the podcast revolving around George Washington's Washington's hair.

Yeah, you have to think that the effects of the medication, you can feel them slowly increasing throughout the episode.

Yeah, this might be one for the records,

you know, or possibly, you know, at my tribunal before I go into the gulag.

Possibly.

But you don't want to miss today's episode.

Really good story that we begin the episode with on how the Suez Canal was built, and it revolves around a really fat kid, a French man, and macaroni.

How do you get the Suez Canal out of that?

Oh, believe me, I found a way.

It's a great story.

We also talked to a sheriff down in Arizona on the border.

Some really frightening things happening on the border, and we need to wake up.

And I put a plea out in that segment of the show.

And then, of course, George Washington's hair, where it all goes to hell.

from there.

Very true.

BlazeTV.com slash Glenn.

The promo code is control.

You'll save 20 bucks off.

That special is still going on.

Make sure to take advantage of it.

And rate and review this podcast.

I mean, we're going to hope you guys don't put it in for five stars.

I don't know.

We'll see.

It could be like, whoa, I don't know what happened.

We're telling you now.

Yeah.

Drugs.

Don't play this episode for your kids and say, this is what happens.

And tonight on Stu Does America,

we're going to go into the George Floyd thing a little bit because today was not the right day to go.

For some reason, Stu kept saying, let's not.

You shouldn't comment on this.

No one's thinking about that Floyd thing.

That's not a big story.

Not at all.

Make sure to subscribe to Stu Does America as a podcast as well.

You can read and review there as well.

We'd appreciate it.

Here's the podcast.

Good luck.

You're listening to

the best of the Glenbeck program.

This

is the Glenbeck program with some good news.

They just

colon blowed that thing out of the canal.

So it is free.

Yay.

Yay, it's free.

$9 billion a day in trade were blocked by that.

And all they needed to do, Egypt needed a little bit of fiber, and they won't get blocked like that ever again.

And I think that's...

That's a good thing.

Yeah.

It's good.

Yeah.

It's good.

Okay.

So

we're here with Pat Gray from Pat Gray Unleashed.

And welcome to the program.

Thank you.

Good to be here, Glenn.

So

I was at church yesterday, and

I'm about to lose my mind on the whole mask thing.

Yeah.

I talk about this almost every week after church because I am coming out of my skin for that hour.

Yeah.

Because I hate the mask.

It's so hot.

Yeah, it's so hot.

And so hot.

Then you start singing in it.

Well, I'm not going to.

With a mask, I'm not singing.

First of all, we're every other pew.

So we're already, we're a million miles away from everybody.

The six-foot thing was arbitrary.

It's three feet for

the WHO.

Why aren't we going with WHO standards?

I thought they were so great.

Anyway,

so we're sitting there and we're singing, and then people started coming up.

Did you get the vaccine yet?

Have you had the vaccine?

No.

Oh, you're going to get the vaccine?

No.

You're not going to get the vaccine?

No, I've already had COVID.

I had COVID.

My whole family had COVID.

We were

for a long time.

We were sick.

We had COVID.

I got it.

So you're not going to get the vaccine?

No, I'm not going to get the vaccine.

Only your kids are going to get it.

My kids aren't going to get the vaccine.

My kids.

Well, so you're not, you don't want, you don't want your family to get the vaccine?

No, it's not that I don't want my family to get the vaccine.

We already had COVID.

Don't need it.

We don't need it.

You know, if I wanted to get it, maybe I would.

I don't recommend to my kids that they get it because it's generally good

with kids.

I mean,

my kids don't need it.

It's not that big of a deal.

So when are you going to get it?

And nothing has changed here in Texas.

Nothing has changed.

Yeah, Pat and I were just talking about this.

Because they did this big, remember Joe Biden did this Neanderthal thinking speech where he was saying that Texas opening up to 100% was going to cause the crash of all humanity.

There are going to be piles of dead bodies on every street.

And I will tell you that we still club women here in Texas and then just drag them by their hair in Texas.

Obviously, everybody knows that.

Of course.

That's all we do.

And it goes without saying.

That's with or without a mask.

Yes.

So, yeah.

That was way before COVID.

I mean, we've been doing that since 1836.

And now you've had 18 consecutive days of downward motion in our numbers here in Texas.

In hospitalizations, in infections, in death, in all of it.

It's all going down.

The opposite happening in Michigan right now, where the numbers are going up considerably,

where they have not been open 100%.

And it's funny because there's two ways this has gone.

One is the Neanderthal thinking, Gavin Newsom says this is reckless behavior and all this nonsense, everyone thinking that it was going to blow up.

And, you know, all of us in Texas sort of yawning and rolling our eyes.

And on the other hand.

Nothing has really changed.

No, I mean,

you can have more people in a restaurant.

That's about it.

That's the other side.

I see a lot of people using this as like, well, this proves lockdowns don't work.

Not really.

We didn't have lockdowns before this, and we don't have them now.

It really doesn't seem any different than it was before we made the speech.

Do what they think is the right thing to do.

They do.

So, you know,

Texans are not all walking around just like, I've got a French kiss everybody I see today.

It's not happening.

It's not happening.

They're still wearing masks.

And then I'm going to shoot them with my six gun.

That's not what happens here.

Well, well, once in a while.

Yeah, once in a while, the shooting with a six gun, but only those who deserve it.

Right.

Right.

Hey, by the way, speaking of guns, did you hear about Hunter Biden's gun?

You know, the...

Yeah.

Why do you say it that way?

With an accusatory kind of...

Because, like, what do you think?

We're stupid?

Is that what you're doing?

Well, I don't think there's a lot of people.

People informed?

I don't think there's a lot of people in the audience that do know this.

Okay.

Now I don't want to share it.

Now I don't want to share it.

I feel judged.

No, this is an unsafe environment.

This is an unsafe environment.

I don't mean to make you feel uncomfortable.

Well, I feel

my feelings that really matter.

You know, my apology won't matter either.

So

you're right.

You're right.

So

while the president is pushing gun control, I would just like to stop at the little Hunter Biden story that

we apparently talked about a long time ago, and I'm going to to pretend that I don't remember it.

Really?

Yeah.

Why would you pretend that you don't remember talking about it?

You like to take credit for every prediction that you've made.

Well, I'm going to pretend.

I read a story, and they were like, the only people that were talking about this was Glenn Beck and the Blaze and all the research they did during the impeachment.

And they were the only ones that talked.

I'm like,

damn right.

You didn't remember the.

Oh, of course I remember.

Of course you do.

Anyway.

I'm just pretending not to.

The story begins in 2018 with Hallie Biden.

Now, Hallie.

Haley.

I think.

Why don't you tell the story?

Said Haley?

Why don't you just tell the story?

Well, no, it's your story.

I'm just helping with it.

Well, you remember.

Did you hear the macaroni?

You initially talked about it so often.

All right.

It was yours.

Before you did join.

And by the way, did you hear my macaroni story on the Suez Canal a few minutes ago?

Don't correct my stories.

That's right, okay.

They are airtight.

So Hallie Biden.

Yeah.

With Bo Biden.

You want to correct me there?

No.

Okay, so Bo is, Bo's dead, and Hallie, the widow, starts, you know, with Hunter, and

she's going through Hunter's truck due to a, quote, suspicion she had.

Hmm.

Now, we don't know what that suspicion she had was,

but then she found a.38 revolver, and

it belonged to him.

And apparently, it just ended up in a trash can behind a grocery store across the street from a school.

It happens.

It happens.

Guns go off by themselves.

And sometimes they're like, I am so sick of being, I am not going to be treated this way and under a seat in a truck.

I am worth more than that.

I want to be in that trash can across the street from the school, behind the grocery store.

And so it went off.

Now,

the police are saying that that kind of thing doesn't happen.

So she returned to the store later to recover the gun, as Hunter had directed her to do, but it couldn't be found.

She told the grocery store about the missing gun.

Could you imagine that conversation?

Hey,

Did you guys find a gun in

your trash cans by any chance?

Can you imagine having that conversation?

No, I mean never.

If somebody walks into the store and was like, if somebody came to me and said, Hey, here at the studios, you know your dumpster in the back?

Did you guys happen to find, you know, like some weapons in there?

I would immediately call the police, right?

You'd be like, uh-huh.

Yeah, you know what?

We did.

Why don't you wait here for about 10 minutes?

So she went to talk about the

missing gun, and this is where things got weirder

the missing gun is

particularly worrisome because the school is right across the street they were afraid that it would be used you know by a used in a crime while police were questioning Hunter

He also appeared to racially

he also appeared to racially profile two Mexican grocery store employees, telling officers they were probably illegals.

So when the cops go to talk to Hunter about the gun that was in the,

he immediately throws them under the bus.

Oh, okay.

All right.

Then the police,

then the police and the FBI go in

and the police or the FBI tell the police, you know what, we got a federal investigation going on.

And so two Secret Service agents with badges and identification cards reportedly pay a visit to the gun store where Hunter bought the firearm earlier that month and told the owner to turn over the firearm transaction record from the purchase.

Now, why would you do that?

Oh, we want no record of that.

We'd like you to give us all the records on that.

Well, the store owner was like, I don't think you actually want this for an investigation.

I'm guessing you want to make all this stuff disappear.

So the store owner held on to the paperwork until the ATF came in and they reviewed the forms and the Secret Service said oh we no we didn't send anybody out we don't know what you're talking about we didn't we didn't send anybody out

it also appears that Hunter may have lied on his federal background check no did I don't think there's any way no he may have lied how is they may have lied he said it's a little fuzzy on those federal forms when they ask you about

previous drug abuse drugs and you say no and blatantly you're on record having

convictions and stuff when you were doing Coke in a Hertz rental car that you turned back with Coke lines still

on the dashboard.

It's unclear.

It's unclear.

You could easily, it's like, what is it, Peter?

Are you an illegal alien?

No, I'm not from space.

Why would you call me an illegal alien?

Right.

And since when do we ban people from space coming?

And can it be abuse when it's so much fun?

Right.

No.

You know,

abuse drugs?

No.

Damn it, they abused me for years.

So

now he answered no to a question in the firearms transaction record asking if he was an unlawful

user or addicted to marijuana, any depressant, stimulant, narcotic drug, or any other controlled substance.

And his answer was no.

His answer was no.

That's a felony.

But don't worry, kids.

He's part of the elite.

He's not going to pay any price for that, I'm sure.

But I just love that this is coming out now.

As daddy is saying we have to

tighten the restrictions.

And ban certain guns.

Ban certain guns, yeah.

But I just like we have to really tighten the background checks because as his own son has just proven,

people lie all the time.

People lie all the time.

If you want a drug, let's say you're a drug abuser and you want a gun, you're going to go find one and you'll buy it not necessarily from the gun store.

Because you're already buying drugs from a drug dealer.

It's not like, I've got my lines.

my favorite one was with this Boulder shooting you know one of the first narratives after they were like oh it's got to be a white guy once that went away they were like well did you know that 10 days before this shooting they

banned they were the a judge overturned an AR-15 ban in Boulder and 10 days before that and this guy bought the the AR-15 like six days before that do you believe this well he bought it in another town where they didn't have an AR-15 ban

That is why.

That is why we must have it.

It's federal.

No, that's why we must have it federally.

I think it needs to be global because

we need to keep these borders open.

We can't come up with a disconnect as to why we're fine with open borders, but we need gun laws all over here because obviously they could just bring the guns across the border.

It's not like you have nefarious people like drug cartels right on the border that are actively making money,

doing things, human trafficking, drugs, guns.

There's none of that happening.

No.

These are just good people.

Good people.

Good people.

Good people.

Bringing people to a better life.

This is the best of the Glenn Beck program.

Recently, an Arizona sheriff named Mark Danels shared an urgent letter on Facebook.

And I would love for you to read the whole letter, but I want to share just a couple of excerpts from it.

He writes, The current conditions on the border are impacting public safety in our communities and by any reasonable measure constitute a humanitarian crisis.

We remain immersed in politics rather than solutions.

In Cochise County, Arizona, they have a sophisticated camera system along the migrant routes across the border.

These cameras detect significantly more traffic than our federal partners report capturing.

In fact, our estimates are that only 28% of the people crossing illegally are taken into custody.

Now, I want you to think about the numbers that we have.

Think about the numbers that have crossed already.

If that's only 30%,

the numbers are staggering.

And where are these people?

TCOs, transnational criminal organizations, are exploiting the migrant crisis to ensure the redirection of law enforcement resources away from the interdiction of illegal drugs into this country.

They know that increased migrant traffic, especially children, overwhelms resources and essentially gives them the unfettered ability to traffic drugs into the U.S.

Make no mistake, this is a deliberate tactic.

On top of a public safety and humanitarian crisis, we may now add a public health crisis.

There should be an outcry from those persons who have expressed concern about the COVID pandemic.

Arizona's border sheriffs are not interested in the politics of the current crisis or perceived political ideological victories.

We need policies from Washington, D.C.

that discourage rather than incentivize undocumented immigration.

The time for politics and partisanship has passed.

Sheriff Daniels is exactly right.

The COVID situation alone should be enough to seal the border, especially for those who are panicked over the COVID crisis.

Right now, we have in the center of Dallas, Texas,

we have a convention center that is filled with illegal aliens who have not been tested and can come and go apparently as they please.

Due to Mexico's extremely low rate of testing,

we have no idea how bad it is.

The death toll, however, in Mexico is probably around 300,000.

Just last Friday, Argentina suspended flights from Mexico.

All of our schools are closed.

Yet migrants and minors are flooding over the border and we're housing them.

And we are not giving money to the cities, especially down on the border.

On President Biden's first day in office, he signed an executive order halting construction of the border wall.

Now Sheriff Daniels is here to point out that the unfinished portions of the border have simply provided infrastructure, mainly roads, for the drug cartels.

It is, according to a study, it is now a multi-billion dollar business for these cartels, human trafficking.

The same report finds that in order to pass through the territories of drug traffickers, migrants have to pay drug taxes or cartel taxes, as much as $180 million

a year.

What

are we doing?

Our elected leaders refuse

to come back to common sense.

Some issues must be apolitical, and this is one of them.

And if they won't make it apolitical, we must insist that they do.

And we must insist not to play politics on the border.

Just talk about the real facts.

Sheriff Daniels is here with us now.

Sheriff, how are you, sir?

Good, Glenn.

The letter says it all.

It really does.

It is very, very clear.

Tell me what is happening in Cochise County.

Well,

to understand where we're at today, it's best to understand where we came from.

And you hit it in your intro with me, was the fact that President Trump, I worked as border for 37 years.

President Trump was the first president to actually emphasize and do everything he can within his power to secure our border.

It's not immigration, two different programs, border security.

And we were very close with him: sheriffs, police chiefs, mayors, governors,

DHS CBP, all the way through in his administration.

When President, and we've come so far, we truly have.

It's the best it's been.

The ranchers tell me, everybody asks, well, how do you know it's the best it's been?

First of all, our stats show us that.

Second of all, the people who live on the rural border down here, the ranchers, the farmers, the citizens, say this is the best it's been in three decades.

So that's the the best measure of a test.

So we come to current time when President Biden signed the executive order day one, which obviously was politically driven, ideology driven.

When he did that the first day, it sent a message to the cartels and to those vulnerable people that,

hey, we're coming across.

We're opening up the border.

And he stopped the construction on the border, which stopped subterranean technology, revenue, resources, and the physical barrier.

My three checkpoints are shut down in my county.

I got a board patrol station shut down in my county for a respond to help my deputies.

I got my Aerostat shut down.

And I just learned Friday, they removed me from the Homeland Security Council.

Oh my gosh, because of the letter?

I think it was a collective effort that, and they realized what they did.

They removed the majority of every member on the Homeland Security Council, which was formed after 9-11, to help advise DHS for communities and for this country.

So all but three people were left on the advisory council, the chair, vice chair, and a past chair.

The rest of us got letters unannounced.

And it starts off like this, Glenn says, I'm honored to address you in the first paragraph.

Second paragraph, it removes us.

Oh,

what a kick.

But it's the first time in history that a president and secretary, this administration, has removed anyone.

from that council.

And what a worse time.

We're in a chaos crisis on this border.

And you're going to take the group that's been selected throughout the country to help advise you into the future, help you navigate these issues, and then you remove them.

So, wait, wait, wait, wait.

So, this is because I am concerned about the humanitarian crisis, but I am equally concerned, I'm not blinded by that, by what the drug cartels are doing, but also

the, you know, other than Mexicans, the

Iranians, the Syrians, the fact that the drug cartels will smuggle guns and drugs and terrorists into this country.

Nobody's talking about those things.

So tell me,

this was developed after 9-11.

What could their reason be for flipping everybody on that board?

Well, and the first thing comes to my mind, Glenn, is politics, political ideologies.

They want to have their own.

They want the avoidance of this and having people on the advisory council that speak very loud, their business, their consultants, their federal judges, all the people that have come through that, sheriffs, police chiefs that have been now removed on that,

it silences that voice.

Once again, and one thing I've seen since this has happened is the lack of transparency, the lack to share any kind of plans.

In fact, in the letter, it talks about we're going to develop a plan.

Well, don't you think any logic on this would you have a plan in place before you get rid of your current members?

We have served honorably, have served.

I worked on the sub the technology committee.

I've worked on youth violence.

I worked on faith violence.

I mean, spent a lot of time to help our communities.

And with this, again, stroke of the pen, we're gone.

We're gone.

So, again, it silences everything.

There is no transparency with this.

And I've spoken to DHS at senior leadership,

working with the National Sheriff Association.

They have no answer for us.

We're past due on questions and answers in this country.

I'm just, you know, Sheriff, I'm just looking at your

resume.

You are

really, really,

your background is right

exactly what we need, especially in a place like Cochise County.

I'm stunned now that

they're not listening to you.

Tell me what the border wall was doing and why it was so bad to stop it on day one.

What has that done?

Well, besides sending a message to the cartel that we have an open border, and that's literally the message that's been sent.

We hear that from those coming across illegally because the opportune is now.

And truly, they're coming across for that reason.

In my county,

When they stopped the physical barrier, the technology and the resources, what that's done is left my border in disarray down here.

President Trump was the first president after three decades to push beyond what the physical barrier was in the early 90s from Operation Stone Garden, or

excuse me, Operation Gatekeeper and Hold the Line were two programs that kicked off our physical barrier and what it is today.

President Trump pushed beyond that, the first president in three years, or 30 years, to do that.

So by now we have a border that was under construction.

We have six-foot trenches, just wide open.

We have low-lying areas where they're putting in bridges where the cement coverts are in there and they're putting the cages over so you can put the cement in there to finish the bridges that just sitting there, open cables hanging out of the ground.

It's in disarray.

It's like building a house halfway and stopping and then walking away from the project.

What worries us in a couple months when our monsoon season, our wet season hits, it's going to wipe out these, what they're supposed to put a brand new road along the southwest border here in my county.

That's not going to happen.

The whole thing's a mess.

We're in worse shape now than we were when we started this project.

And so it's

and you said there's you said that there is infrastructure that the drug cartels are using, the roads, et cetera, that were made for the construction.

Is that in your county?

You are correct.

And what they did was up on the backside of a very

frequent smuggling area for the cartels because it's been concealed up there behind the mountains.

They blasted roads.

It took them six months to a year to put the infrastructure in behind the mountains back into the flatlands just to get the equipment and the trenching up there to put the fence in.

Well, they got the infrastructure in, but they never got a chance to put the physical barrier in.

So now we have, I call them walking paths that are better in most national parks where they come up and walk right down into the flatlands.

And once again, once again,

there was no reasonable

closure to this project.

And as a result of this, we have chaos on our border, just on the technology and physical barrier side.

So nobody is talking, we are all talking about these kids in cages

and the humanitarian crisis.

What is left behind are the small communities that are right there on the borders that are getting dumped.

All of these people are coming in.

You know, it's a crisis because the federal government doesn't have space for them.

Well, the ones that they really really don't have space for, they're just putting on buses and they're just sending to cities all across the country.

And the border towns are the first ones to get hit hard.

And there's no help from the federal government.

There's not.

You look at back in 2019, Glenn, where the caravans and surges that President Trump took on and addressed.

In the first nine months, we had 141 countries hit our southwest border.

And I've got to say this.

I know the focus is on the children.

In the first nine months, we had 3,500 children that were being exploited by the cartels.

And what that means, they were coming across with an adult expedited into the country because they had a child with them.

Then the children were brought back to Mexico and recycled back in the U.S.

just to get people in the U.S.

This cartel has a thumb and hand on everything going on in the southwest border.

In my county, it's $6,000 a head to come across our country, into our country, excuse me, and then they become servants to the cartels, whether it be sex drave, drug, gangs, enforcer, whatever it may be.

And unfortunately, the national media is painting a picture of these poor kids.

And I agree.

I agree.

In 2014, when the CAGES first came alive, that was actually under our President Obama.

And again, we've evolved.

And I do like your point that it seems like nobody can fix this problem.

We have the most powerful leader in the country, and that's our presidents.

But we fight it, including President Trump, who put a lot of effort on this border.

I have gone through a lot of presidents in my 37 years.

I'm telling you,

it's rather disgusting because it's like we're left out of the U.S.

when it comes to security, being American, our constitutional rights are on the southwest border.

What can the American people do to help you?

They need to stand up and be united because why we're the attention of the national media

exclusively when it comes to the children?

What's happening is everything on the southwest border, whether it's drugs, whether it's national security issue, whether it's a health pandemic issue, COVID, whatever it may be, it's coming into your neighborhood.

We might be the gate to it all, but it's coming into your neighborhoods.

They're not staying in my communities until they can find the means or

the non-government organizations can get them out of here.

Right now, we see charter buses all the time, $1,500

a hit to get kids out of our county.

$1,500.

You see almost every day, you'll see them pulling out of my county.

So the only thing holding my county right now, Glenn,

with some kind of balance, is Title 42, which is the health pandemic central travel only, which means internationally we restrict who's coming to the country.

In Texas, what they're doing is the state below Texas and Mexico will not let the U.S.

expel them back into their state, Mexico.

In my county, the state of Sonora is still allowing that.

April 21st, that's supposed to expire.

If that opens up, our southwest border will be flooded.

Not just in Texas, but flooded.

Mark, we will stay in touch with you.

I'd like to talk to you some off the air.

So,

thank you for everything that you're doing.

But we'll be in touch.

We're not done with the coverage.

And I appreciate your letter and I appreciate your willingness to speak out.

Stay safe and don't give up on the rest of America yet.

I know you're not going to.

I'm not going to.

I have hope in my hope.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Mark Dannels.

This is the best of the Glen Beck program.

program.

So

they have dislodged

the giant cargo ship in the Suez Canal.

And the reason why I put you on duct tape alert is

because

we may be having another toilet paper crisis.

Now,

I mean,

it's been a year.

Why not have another one?

Just for the anniversary, why not?

Why not all go panic and buy a bunch of toilet paper?

They're saying because of the Suez Canal being shut down,

the world may experience a toilet paper shortage.

And I have to tell you, there are many things, air conditioning being one of them.

I think air conditioning and toilet paper are my no-go zones.

You know what I mean?

If they say, Glenn, you can't have air conditioning and sorry, no more toilet paper, bad for the environment, I say let the planet burn.

It's just, it's just my line, you know?

Indoor plumbing is

also, is also on that line.

Refrigeration.

Anything refrigerated,

you know, that involves any kind of refrigeration, my house, my actual refrigerator.

Certainly electricity would fall into this.

Got to have that well if you could find another way to get the air conditioning running and the lights.

I guess lights are also I think there's a lot of there's a lot of things on my we're what Here's what we're willing to do nothing Okay, we're not gonna do anything I'm willing to separate my garbage, but not really not really I'm gonna put them in the same garbage can I mean I'll separate them and then I'll put them in the garbage can and then

knowing that my city is just going to dump them in the same place.

Oh, yeah.

The only actual use for recycling is the extra garbage can.

You have more capacity.

Yes.

That's the only thing.

Yes.

Yes.

And they're usually big, like the big green garbage can.

You can fit a lot of non-recyclables in.

Right.

So it's great.

It's great.

And so we appreciate the environmentalists for that.

Anyway,

they're now saying that toilet paper may be a shortage because of the Suez Canal.

And I'm wondering,

I'm wondering, are those little teeny tugboats that they're using, are those really, is that the best we can do?

I mean, as a planet, is that,

has anybody thought of just taking a like a big old battleship?

You know, one that we don't even care about, make it like a demolition derby.

And they're like, I'm going to take the battleship and I'm just going to ram that thing until it comes unlodged.

I mean,

is this really the best we can do?

Have you seen the little toot out there?

Like, I can do it.

I can do it.

Can we get bigger boats?

It doesn't seem that intimidating.

You need to like.

You need to look.

But I mean, I don't think destroying the boat in the middle of the canal would work very well.

Really?

Because that's the way.

I mean,

you know, the history of the Suez Canal.

I have zero life.

No.

Zero life.

And something tells me you're about to confirm that.

I am.

The Suez Canal is a fascinating story about how it came.

It actually started because a kid was really, really fat,

and his dad wanted him to lose weight and he hired a French guy to help him.

That's honest to God, this is how the Suez Canal started.

His dad, looking at his son, he's like, you are going to die from an early death.

This is in the 1800s, okay, when everybody, when fat was beautiful.

So you can imagine how fat this kid had to be.

And he's like, you're going to die from, you're too fat.

You're too fat.

You'll never amount to anything if you're that fat.

And he couldn't get his son to stop eating.

So he hires a French guy.

Now, why would you hire a French guy to do it?

The only reason why this French guy happened to be in town was because Napoleon was in town.

It was Egypt.

And so this French guy is like, oh,

I can help your son lose weight.

And he gets to know the fat kid and he likes the fat kid.

And he's like, look,

don't tell your dad, but

I got a little busta for you, huh?

And so he starts feeding him macaroni.

He smuggles in macaroni for the fat kid.

And the fat kid's like, I love macaroni.

Thank you very much.

The French are the greatest.

And

dad just thinks, my son, look, I am doing everything I can, huh?

And dad is saying, well, my son's not losing any weight.

Don't look at me.

So this goes on for a while.

And then there's all kinds of wars and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

And,

you know, millions die.

Sure.

Blah, blah, blah.

And things change.

And dad dies.

And the fat kid's like, finally, finally, my dad's dead.

And he becomes king.

He's now the ruler of Egypt.

And with all of these things that are changing, though, with the Crimea War and everything else,

the planet is changing because everybody was getting all of their goods and services either over land and the Ottoman Empire was really in trouble at the time.

So those trade routes were being lost or you go down south around Africa, which took too long.

So that's when the French guy,

who was strangely not a dietician, I don't know know what exactly he did.

I think he was like an engineer.

I mean, he was a guy who wanted to build the Suez Canal for a long time.

And he says, look, I smuggled the macaroni to you when your papa was saying, hey, Verdive,

stop eating so much.

It was me with the macaroni.

And so the fat kid's like, okay, we'll build.

I mean, I'm...

This is the gist of it.

You'd have to.

This isn't a historical quote.

This is not exactly the historical quote.

But we don't know.

I wasn't there and neither was a historian.

They didn't have tape decks back then.

So he's like, I got to do it because I want more macaroni.

And so he builds the, he starts to build the canal.

The problem is,

is it takes so many people.

There's not enough slaves.

And he is telling everybody that

you have to build the canal.

And you're a slave.

And so, you know, you're a peasant.

So you work for me.

you're a slave, and now go build the canal.

Well, at the time this is happening, something else in the world is happening.

Now, this is the part where

you can look at everyone who says, The United States never did anything, the United States is just a horrible place.

We are just, you know, what we are, we're all about slavery.

That's all this country has ever done.

Okay,

Suez Canal:

60,000 people are are slaves building this canal.

Something interesting happens.

It's called the Emancipation Proclamation.

Ah, crap!

No, I don't have slaves.

I'm not going to get any macaroni.

Because in Egypt, the Emancipation Proclamation, as it did all around the world,

shook the world.

And so the 60,000 slaves that were digging the Suez Canal also were freed.

In fact, the 20 million slaves in, they were called serfs in Russia, they were also freed because of the Emancipation Proclamation at the time.

But I digress.

Back to the fat kid with macaroni.

So they build the

they build the canal and all kinds of stuff is happening all around the world at this time.

We are building all kinds of stuff.

I mean, it's in the 1860s, and so

you're looking at the building of some of the greatest

things in the world, the greatest construction.

We're building canals, we're building tunnels, we're building bridges, everything around the world.

Suez Canal is

dug, and now it has to be opened.

And they have the big opening ceremony and a guy comes and he's like, I've got an idea.

Maybe for the opening, I unveil a big statue for you, right?

And

put it right here at the opening of the canal.

It's going to be based on the Colossus of

Rhodes.

And they're like, I don't,

I like macaroni.

So they don't build the statue.

Instead, they build the statue, a 35-foot-tall statue of the guy who snuck the fat kid macaroni.

And that was sitting at the opening of the Suez Canal

until the Egyptians took it from the British in, what, 18 or 1950s, and they blew up that statue.

But that guy was Bertoli.

That guy was rejected for that statue, and he went on to build

the Statue of Liberty.

It was originally made for the opening of the Suez Canal.

Now, the reason why I'm stopping here is because that was unveiled on the opening of the Suez Canal, the small little statue of the macaroni guy.

And

that's his official name?

If history were taught like this, every kid would know history.

They would know the macaroni guy.

They would know the macaroni guy.

They'd get the gist of the story.

And so then all of the kings and queens and everybody from all over the world, they're on a barge and they're all going to go down the Suez Canal.

And what happens?

A boat gets stuck.

Right before the opening, a boat gets lodged sideways, exactly like what's happening right now.

And so, what did they do?

They blew it up.

I'm just saying, little toot ain't gonna get the job done.

Blow it up.

And that is the story of the Suez Canal.

Kind of.

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