Deeply Fundito (ENT S3E15)

Here's to the finest crew in starving.

When it comes to my crew, you won't get any argument from me.

This is a parody.

Paramount owns the song.

Welcome to the Greatest Generation.

It's a Star Trek podcast by a couple of guys who's a little bit embarrassed about having a Star Trek podcast.

I'm Adam Pranica.

I'm Ben Harrison.

We survived, Adam.

If you say so.

We survived the STLV, or Well,

I mean, we're recording this way before STLV, so who knows?

I know you not to be a betting man, and here you are

betting that we will have lived through the experience.

I'm flying back, you're driving back, somehow.

My plane goes down, and your car goes off of a cliff that isn't even present in between.

LA in Vegas.

I doubt that.

I'm a survivor.

I'm living through this.

Wow.

In the here and now, we are a couple of weeks before STLV.

And like the main concern I've had seems to be becoming more assuaged.

You can speak to us normally.

With every passing day, and that is like more and more people are reaching out, going, Hey, I'm going to STLV.

See you there.

Let's hang out.

And that feels good because what I don't want STLV to be for us is eight hours at a vendor table and then going to night parties at STLV five times in a row.

I want there to be cool and fun hangs and it seems like enough folks that we know are going to be out there where it seems like it's going to be a pretty fun time.

I'm really optimistic and I think

you know, we got to have each other's backs.

We got to be each other's vice buddies.

This is just you wanting to make sure I tell you about all the parties that I end end up going to i know what you're doing ben i don't want to be at those parties not those parties

i'm perfectly happy to wander aimlessly around the rio wondering where everybody went sure yeah

it's gonna be great we're gonna be surrounded by folks that we really like and a few that we really don't and uh people are probably sick of us talking about this at this point right are we are we salting a wound for the people that didn't get to go i mean i think once they they find our bodies, they're going to want to listen to this for clues about what happened.

I think there's a real chance that this gets replayed in court.

Yeah, yeah, the voices from beyond the grave.

So ironic that they said that they survived at the beginning of that episode.

Wendy's on the stand, and a lawyer's like,

Wendy Pretty, do you recognize the voices on the tape?

Are you sure it's not more of a...

Now,

Ms.

Pretty, Pretty,

if that is your real name, do you recognize the voices audible over this digital black box recording?

And the voices getting played are ours, and we're just saying the stupidest shit.

Just the fucking worst.

Like, like, oh.

Like, the one clip you don't want being representative of us and our work is being played in a courtroom.

And Wendy's going to be like, she can't perjure herself.

herself no no she would never how about noob

i mean i guess it's not our problem we're dead we're dead anyways uh

hey listen uh i'm gonna i'm gonna look to the camera when i say this if we die at stlv just make sure wendy and rob and bill are taken care of That would be good, right?

That's what's important.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I look forward to hearing greatest generation, the greatest generation

posted by those three.

That'd be great, right?

Just a bunch of fucking complaints about like, this isn't my greatest generation.

The ship looks weird.

The voices aren't what I'm used to.

It happens every time.

That is how it would probably end, right?

Yeah.

Yep.

Yeah.

Well, let's hope that this Marin isn't a harbinger in the way that maybe today's episode is a harbinger.

Yeah, that's nice.

That's how you do it.

That's how you pivot us right into today's episode, Ben.

It's Enterprise Season 3, Episode 15.

And it is indeed called

Harbinger.

Got me a speech and guitar.

We got a last time on.

This one.

I don't know why, but I got real like Chris Farley show energy.

This is like, hey, remember the spheres?

And remember the makos?

And remember Reed thought that the makos were a threat to his primacy as the security guy?

That was kind of the energy of this one.

It's weird how unusual these had to have been at the time when you can't watch a TV show on any network these days without a package like this up front.

Yeah, it's really true.

This is the language of television, but back in the day, back in 2004, maybe not so much, and especially not on Star Trek.

When you got the last time on on Star Trek, it usually meant something fucked up happened in the previous episode.

Not so much the case here.

It's just serialized.

Remember all those times Trip went to TePaul's apartment and got a rub-down?

We open on one of those.

We sure do.

It's foot stuff, and Trip is

really attentive to that foot stuff.

Then the camera pans up.

That foot is not attached to the person I was expecting.

No, instead it's Buxom Mako Corporal Amanda Cole.

And you know how there's like TV close versus real life close?

Like when two people talk to each other in real life,

you know, you're like a couple of feet apart or whatever.

But when you're on TV talking to someone, you're like in the frame together, so you're more compact.

It looks natural on TV in a way that it would never look natural in real life.

My point is that when Trip is doing foot stuff to this foot, his face is way closer to a foot than any face would be to a foot while you're rubbing it.

Yeah.

You know?

Maybe I'm doing this wrong.

Maybe we should try another position.

I mean like the

ECU on foot with Trip face close in there is like that's a Quintino shot, basically.

I mean, we'd see the underside of the foot if it was Quintino, but my point is a huge amount of foot stuff in the beginning of this.

They are talking about work, which means this massage isn't going to lead to anything.

And when they start talking about Reed, especially so.

I mean, there's no more assured way to have blood drain out of your privates than talking about Malcolm Reed at any point in time with a romantic interest.

There is kind of a, yeah, we agree that Malcolm and Major Hayes butt heads more because they're similar than because they're super different.

Yeah.

Energy to this conversation.

But yeah, like a strange thing to bring up in a, I brought the pretty girl from class home to study for the test.

Yeah.

Quote unquote.

Buxom Mako Corporal Amanda Cole is so grateful for the neuro pressure session from Trip that she gives him a thank you kiss, which

doesn't happen after every massage, but happens after this one.

And it kind of sends the message that it's on.

There was a like,

wow, can't wait for next time kind of energy at the end of this.

The second she said anything about can't wait for next time, I was like, oh, fuck some mako.

Amanda Cole is fucking doomed.

I thought the same thing.

She's as good as dead at this moment in time, I think.

That is the red shirtiest statement that has ever failed to produce a red shirt.

There is going to be some blood on that decolletage

in about 32 minutes.

I know.

We come back from our opening credits and we learn from an Archer's log that it is December 27th and he has pulled Lieutenant Reed into the clarinet rental closet to talk about a new initiative whereby Major Hayes will provide some combat training to beef up Reed's team.

And boy, does this go over badly with Lieutenant Reed.

Yeah, Reed's defense, if you could call it that, is that his team is already trained up.

Has all the training they need, actually.

If anything, we should be giving the Makos the benefit of our experience.

Even though, according to Archer, the instruction that Hayes has gotten is years and years ahead in terms of advancement

from what Reed has been able to provide.

Fuck, he is so defensive.

Like,

as much as anybody else's episode, this is Reed's episode, and and it is Reed's episode to look like a giant fucking piece of shit the entire time.

I was going to ask this question later, but might as well ask it now as we're talking about Reed stuff.

Does the episode want you to like Reed during or side with his position during this episode?

This seems like an episode written against him in many ways.

Absolutely.

He's so prideful, so spiteful,

like defensive, and small, and petty as fuck.

When's the last pro Reid episode we ever got?

Can you think of one?

I think there was like a comic book that came out before the pilot aired, you know, to like introduce the characters.

I guess it might have been the episode where we learn his parents suck.

That was the moment where my needle toward disliking Reed kind of flirped a little bit, like

back toward neutral.

Yeah, he does not like this idea, but it's kind of captain's orders.

And and so that is that.

Did you notice that the selection of very unusual camera angles continues apace as we cut over to Six Bay, and then for some reason ceases?

I thought maybe this was going to be an episode that was fiesta of unusual camera angles, like at every introductory shot.

And I feel like it more or less ends in this moment.

But you can't do it for three scenes and then stop.

Can you?

Anyway, I'm trying to say, like, I missed them after they were gone.

Like, it felt like this is going to be

more repetitious than what we get.

It's like when you're watching a movie and you're like introduced to a bunch of new characters and you're just delighted by how inventive it is.

And then like the second and third act get like more and more paint by numbers.

And you're like, oh man, this had so much potential on the blocks.

And just like it ran out of new ideas.

It's why you're better off so many times just stopping a movie halfway through and going and doing something else.

It's kind of my strategy these days.

Yeah.

I'm following you on Half Letterbox right now.

I want you to know.

Yeah.

It's weird though, because you write your review and then it kind of finds the halfway point and cuts off the back part.

It's a nice little creative constraint in writing, you know.

Yeah, it's like hike instead of haiku.

In six Six bay to paul learns from phlox that buxom mako corporal amanda cole has been getting headaches and it's not something that she's telling tucker to get out of further neuropressure sessions in fact it may be caused by the neuro pressure sessions yeah uh-oh

Dr.

Flox is like, maybe

you could rein in Trip Tucker's freelancing with the neuropressure.

That would be good.

And also, the destruction that he has wrought on Buxom Mako Corporal Amanda Cole.

The only chance for reversing this damage could be your own Euro pressure session with her.

So maybe you could schedule something like that with her instead of doing this whole Vulcan Euro pressure telephone that seems to be happening to Buxom Mako Corporal Amanda Cole.

Does this feel like Fox is like pushing them together going like now you two kiss?

It's just so fucking clear that this is a Berman and Braga joint.

It really is.

Like, right from jump.

Yeah.

It's fucking crazy, like, how transparent that is.

Don't put that on Fox.

Like, Fox is a good character.

Leave him out of it.

Berman and Braga are like the kids with the two Barbies, like, smashing them together on the playground.

That is literally how this scene feels.

Yeah.

If we change the words,

then it's fair use all day

We cut over to Reed and Hayes marching around in the hallways negotiating like time and date of training cadence.

And

God, Reed is so fucking touchy about this.

Just needs to get his special boy way at every turn.

And has no chill in expressing that.

Yeah.

Reed thinks Hayes has circumcised his authority.

I wasn't aware I'd done done that.

And what did you think you were doing when you went to the captain with this proposal?

If I'd come to you first, you'd have turned me down flat.

You're probably right.

Hayes just wants a successful mission, man.

That's the only reason Hayes is here.

It's so interesting as a storytelling device that you give Hayes very little dialogue proportional to Reed, right?

Right.

And in that way, you make him the guy that you root for.

Like, Hayes has done nothing wrong.

There's the suggestion that he like went over Reed's head by taking this to the captain instead of bringing it up to Reed directly.

That is not a reason to have like a full meltdown in the hallway, though, Reed.

I mean, place is another interesting part of this, Ben.

Like, to do this in public also makes Reed seem like a fucking child who doesn't know to take a conversation like this into a room somewhere.

So you're not overheard for being the bitch that you appear in public.

Why didn't Reed have this conversation with Archer first?

Like, I don't like the fact that he went to you with this.

Like, what are you doing, Reed?

I think the reason is the scene that we got before where Reed was just sort of brought to heel about taking instruction from Hayes.

Absolutely.

Well, there is an agreement, and it's just what Reed wanted the entire time.

That's the only thing Hayes can get him to

agree to.

And on the bridge, Archer is talking to Travis about some navigational challenges they're having it's like the stars are just like moving

real weird what Mayweather says makes clear that the ship steers by stars right

yeah it uses the stars to navigate yeah to know where it is yeah and absent the stars or if the stars are moving around that's a big big problem huh sure is I might give Mayweather a field sobriety test here if

if he says the stars are all willy-nilly like he seems to be the only one that believes this right yeah well Topal comes in and backs him up but yeah like it would have been nicer if he was like doing the thing where he like you know reaches reaches in to touch the tip of his nose and Tepal's like nope you can stop I actually do have some evidence of a gravimetric disturbance over here I think he's sober When you think of gravimetric disturbances, I'm sure you have an image in your mind of what that might look like.

Gravimetrically.

Did you at any point when Enterprise drops out a warp in front of this thing imagine space queso?

Because you do not want to touch this plate.

It is very burbly.

It is very viscous.

It looks hot.

Yeah, it looks deeply Fundido and it's not what I expected at all.

It doesn't seem to be...

It seems like

you could lance it and like goo would come out you know you know what i like about it it looks like nothing else we've seen before on star trek as far as a field of something in space yeah

and uh there's something in the the something they pick out a pod with a humanoid biosign maybe some rotel peppers and they're floating around a little bit that's always fun you don't want to drain those you just want to put those right in you know like You hear highly processed foods getting knocked all the time these days, but without a high amount of processed processed- Tell me something more delicious than that.

Come on.

You can't get that texture, you know?

Nope, you can't.

I mean, sure,

YouTube food celebrities will come up with all sorts of ways to turn your cheese into something that's more Velveeto-like.

I don't want any of that shit.

Right, but it's like, I'm not ordering sodium citrate off the internet and pretending that that's better than just getting the processed thing off of the grocery store shelf, you know?

Like, it's still a fucking science experiment at that point.

Look, man, the Super Bowl is once a year.

I'm going to eat absolute shit for 12 hours out of the year, all right?

Give me a break.

Listen, the next day is going to be rough, but it's one day, you know?

Yeah.

I'm happy to pay, you know, later for enjoyment now.

I'm happy to pay a toilet tax for Super Bowl Sunday, that's for sure.

You know, this is late breaking, but make sure you come by the Gray's Generation booth at STLV for a scoop out of our slow cooker.

Yeah.

You're not going going to regret it.

There are no rules against bringing a crock pot to the merch hall, right?

We have got to have some meat dip at the merch sample.

Remain impulsive carnivores.

Yeah.

Ben, you're onto something here.

This isn't a bad idea.

We've been talking about like what do we do to gamify the booth.

This is it.

Anyone who comes by the booth gets one tortilla chip to dip into the crock pot.

No double dipping.

And we film it and we say relishing your body as you eat it.

And you do your best Riker putting food in his mouth impression.

Rob just puts together a reel of reaction shots from other booths looking at our booth like disgusted.

So this is your first time doing one of these, huh, guys?

Oh, how did I know?

I don't know.

Just a lucky guess.

All of our merch has like grease stains.

This is going to be a disaster.

Anyways, they do lance this giant space boil and they pull the pod out.

They have to grapple a couple of times because there's some refraction.

This is like shooting an arrow into a river to catch a fish.

It is very difficult to do.

I like this effect.

You got to aim at where the fish is going to be, but also where it's not going to be.

Yeah.

So, yeah, they start pulling this thing out, but then because of the disturbance in the anomaly, the anomaly starts to get cranky, you know.

Festering, yeah, is maybe what you could say.

Yeah, and it touches the ship and kind of gets like halfway up the saucer to the point where it's affecting the bridge.

The bridge is starting to lose breathable air, and it's all purple and sparkly in there.

Enterprise is not a fully loaded starship at this point of the queso.

And I like that about this scene.

So often in Star Trek, a ship is enveloped completely by the thing.

Yeah.

I like that the saucer is in the queso, but engineering and trip, like, they're not breathing the poison gas.

The systems over there aren't getting fucked out.

Like, they're experiencing this in a very different way.

Trip is able to hit some switches and back them bitches out of the anomaly.

And they pulled their pod into the shuttle bay and opened it up.

And man, that guy loves to party.

He has been hotboxing the shit out of his space pod.

Just an absolute excessive amount of catheters coming out of this guy.

How many is the most amount of catheters you can have in a person?

Now, triple it.

That's what this guy's got.

Well, it's like, you know, we have two different kinds of waste that come from us, but like his species, like it's pee-pee, it's poo-poo, and so many other things.

Like, that's one of the kinds of alien that you never consider in Star Trek is lots of different kinds of

biological byproduct alien.

All cloaka.

All those little creases and folds in his loaf.

Yeah.

Every single one of those leads to cloaka.

We get a better look at this guy in Six Bay, and under the light, the harsh light of the bio bed, he looks like a skinny the thing from the Fantastic Four.

Yeah, he also looked a little bit Sullivan-ish, and I wondered if there was gonna be something with that.

Yeah, yeah, he does not want to answer any of their questions when they wake him up.

He's not interested in whatever they have to offer.

He's like, Put me back.

He's uninterested, but he's also in a lot of pain.

Like, have you ever been in so much pain that you just don't want to talk about it?

That's also this guy's deal.

Yeah, Archer drives right through the stop sign here.

He's like, he wants to talk to him, gets right up in his face.

On and on he goes, but no, he just wants to go back to his ship, this guy says, and then he goes into shock.

And I love that as soon as this guy goes into shock, my catheter's back.

This is such a great moment for Archer because he's like, okay.

And he just leaves.

He does not stay to see how it turns out.

He just goes to the command center where Tepal has learned that the Space KSO is growing fast.

And it's interesting that it is so centrally located between five of the spheres.

And Archer asked TePaul and Tripp to inspect the pod for more information about why this could be the case.

We cut to a training bay where Major Hayes is demonstrating some MMA techniques to the assembled entrepreneur crew.

It's like a lot more bridge crew members than I was expecting.

I kind of thought that this was going to be Reed's red shirts.

And I mean, like, Trip is there, you know, like, and

buxom Mako Corporal Amanda Cole is there.

Like, is she there to help train or is she there to be trained?

Both because of where this moment lands in the episode as a timeline and because of its content, it feels like it would be a montage in a Baywatch episode

instead of hearing the fighting happen in this way.

I thought the Starfleets were pretty badass.

I expected to see the Makos just absolutely wipe the floor with these folks.

But it isn't the case at all.

Like, everyone except Buxom, Mako, Corporal, Amanda Cole wins their fight.

They're doing pretty good.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So Trip and Buxom, Mako, Corporal, Amandicole have played some contact sports with each other before.

And the point of this scene is that TePal is really distracted and gets a pretty rough one to the kisser because she's too focused on what Trip and Buxom Mako Corporal Amandicole are up to.

I get why you don't put the actors in helmets.

You don't want to cover up their beautiful faces.

But like the idea that they're just wearing UFC gloves and fighting without wearing headgear is just insane to me, especially when there's no explanation of a like medical thing that happens after that makes all of this fine.

Like you can get punched in the jaw as hard as possible and be fine after because of something Dr.

Flox has available for them.

They do like a one-on-one demonstration with Travis and Amako.

And he's like Travis...

does some fucking awesome stunt choreography here.

Like he looks great doing it too.

It's a pretty savage fight.

Yeah.

The scrap that Mayweather gets into.

He gets knocked down and he's bloodied up and this pisses Reed off and he ends the training session and in front of everybody kind of big dogs the shit out of Major Hayes.

How big of a big dog is this when you're big dogging is just basically saying we quit.

We want to stop doing this.

And it is my order.

for that to be so.

I'm taking my ball and I'm going home.

Yeah.

Cut over to the launch bay where Tripp and TePaul get right into the freelance neuro pressure sessions topic that he's been doing.

Yeah.

Quite naturally, she disapproves of a novice doing these techniques.

We knew this from jump.

Like, this isn't something that you could just do.

This takes specific training.

It'd be like, you know, somebody that's like, you know, I've like been the nurse during several brain surgery sessions.

I think I could probably do it.

I basically know my way around in there.

It's like, no.

I think maybe a better comparison would be like having physical therapy done on you for an injury and thinking that you could do that to someone else.

Like, oh, you have hamstring soreness?

Let me, oh no.

Oh, God.

What have I done?

I'm a Star Trek podcaster, but I have spent some time in physical therapy myself.

Yeah.

I'm a bit of an expert.

Yeah.

There's a moment here where Tripp is like, maybe if you joined us, it wouldn't be so bad, which I'm surprised he didn't just get shoved out an airlock in that moment.

There's a moment between Berman and Braga where this line is written and one of them is like, that's too much, right?

And the other's like, nope, keep it.

If we're thinking it, they're saying it.

Yeah.

So look, she's suggesting you got to end these sessions with Buxom Mako Corporal Amanda Coe.

In addition, I just gotta say, me, to Paul, I have noticed how friendly you've become with her.

And maybe you don't want to put that out on Maine, right?

Because Buxom Mako Corporal Amanda Cole is not Starfleet, Trip Tucker doesn't see any problem with it.

There's nothing inappropriate about it.

We don't work together.

She's not in the chain of command.

Yeah.

It's just good, clean fun.

Yeah,

where there is a problem is in this pod.

And when the computer starts beeping, they need to go tell Archer what they found.

Yeah.

Turns out this pod is made of the same kind of metal as the spheres.

And there's some discussion of like what this alien is.

And Archer suggests he might be a canary in the coal mine.

They sent him in there with all those catheters plugged in to see what kinds of juices come out of him.

And somebody was getting telemetry from that pod and studying those juices.

There is a relationship drawn between this knowledge and maybe what the religious fundamentalists said a couple episodes ago.

Right.

And

maybe, I don't know.

But I mean,

this guy was put into the queso, and a lot of testing equipment was connected to him.

There must be a reason why.

Yeah.

And in Six Bay, it seems like the best way to find out is to continually interrogate this guy.

And unfortunately, he's dying painfully.

Yeah.

Archer wants to wake him up anyway, no matter how painful he is, because he's Dark Archer now.

Yeah.

Flox doesn't really know how to deal with Dark Archer.

Flox has not developed strategies for Dark Archer yet.

He hasn't.

No, he just takes the Dark Archer orders.

He's like, this isn't ethical.

Archer's like, I don't give a shit.

I blew ethics out the airlock.

Until I get the answers I need, we're going to have to bend a few ethics.

I love what he does with, like, Bakula changes his voice.

He suddenly has a five o'clock shadow in this scene.

Like, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, it's like when Bail's in the Batman costume, you know.

So, in TePaul's quarters, guess who's at the door?

It's Buxom Mako Corporal Amanda Cole reporting for Vulcan Neuro Pressure sessions.

TePaul?

Reporting for duty to apply pressure to that booty.

About this point, I started.

I mean,

if you didn't get the vibes by now, you definitely understand that this is a Berman and Braga production.

And it made me think about the Stephen J.

Connell production logo and how instead of ripping a paper off of a typewriter, the Berman and Braga production is two ladies about to give each other a massage, like ripping off of their bras and throwing them in the air.

Carpenter.

Thank you, ma'am.

Like the art style's the same.

Like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's pencil-drawn, buxom figurines tearing off each other's bras, throwing them in the air.

Yeah.

Berman and braga production.

And it's amazing because they're those kind that clasp in the front.

Yeah.

Whoa, you never see that.

Yeah.

What are the odds?

Extremely low.

This is a scene where we learn that sub-commander is just a rank.

Hmm.

Yeah.

I like how you put that.

There's some interrogation here.

Look, what is your interest in Trip Tucker?

Buxom Mako Corporal Amanda Cole.

As a construction, it's so hard to say.

Really?

I regret it.

She and Trip grew up less than 50 kilometers from each other, which I was shocked by.

I didn't think that they had kilometers in Florida.

Yeah, I don't know how far of a distance that is.

But yeah, like a lot of places in common and no hometown left in common.

So, you know, that's just, that's just really put them on similar footing.

They're very close because of that.

I mean, one area where Fuxom Mako Corporal Amanda Cole has the upper hand is she has living siblings, unlike Trip Tucker.

And she really likes to rub that in his face.

Speaking of things being rubbed in faces, we're back in the training session, and

Major Hayes has a new type of combat training, which is phaser rifle target practice.

And he puts Reed on the hot plate by making him do the first sesh.

This is so mean.

This is the one part where I was like, all right, Major Hayes.

This is a little fucked up.

Because he does not demonstrate the thing he puts Reed through.

He's like, hey, try out this thing for the very first time.

And like, Reed has no idea what's going to happen.

Like, you can see his surprise when he shoots the ball once and the ball turns into four balls.

Like, nobody told him that there was going to be four balls all of a sudden.

No one expects four balls when they see four balls.

No.

It's an impossible amount of balls.

It's exciting, but it's also shocking and disquieting.

He has a really hard time shooting the little balls.

Yeah.

But Major Hayes has no problem getting Reed's balls, which he stomps on in front of everybody.

Not bad for a first go, but you might schedule a little extra practice time.

Yeah, rebuild at level two.

Major Hayes dominates at level four.

I like that Major Hayes gives Buxom Mako Corporal Amanda Cole her flowers when he says, She's even better than me at level four.

You'd never believe how many balls Buxom Mako Corporal Amanda Cole can take on.

Holy shit.

Corporal Cole here has the record.

I was having a lucky day.

You should see her handle those.

Legally, it's just a fur jump.

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Friends of DeSoto, we survived Star Trek Las Vegas 2025.

All seven days of it.

And boy, oh boy, do we have thoughts.

So many thoughts that we just had to record a very special bonus episode about our experiences with me and Ben, but also producer Wendy and our social media concigliary Bill.

You'll get an honest review of things.

All the gossip, the stuff that worked, the stuff that didn't, and some big takeaways as we planned for next year.

So if you want to know what STLV was really like, the bonus feed is how you find it.

By the way, this bonus episode, like all of our monthly bonus episodes, are available to everyone who supports the shows at maximumfund.org slash join.

It's easy to do, so go to maximumfund.org slash join to get our special episode about STLV 2025 and all the great episodes that we put out every month.

You know, we've been doing my brother, my brother, me for 15 years.

And

maybe you stopped listening for a while, maybe you never listened, and you're probably assuming three white guys talking for 15 years, I know where this has ended up.

But no, no, you would be wrong.

We're as shocked as you are that we have not fallen into some sort of horrific scandal or just turned into a big crypto thing.

Yeah.

You don't even really know how crypto works.

The only NFTs I'm into are naughty, funny things, which is what we talk about on my brother, my brother, and me.

We serve it up every Monday for you if you're listening.

And if not, we just leave it out back and goes rotten.

So check it out on Maximum Fun or wherever you get your podcasts.

All right, we're over 70 episodes into our show.

Let's learn everything.

So let's do a quick progress check.

Have we learned about quantum physics?

Yes, episode 59.

We haven't learned about the history of gossip yet, have we?

Yes, we have.

Same episode, actually.

Have we talked to Tom Scott about his love of roller coasters?

Episode 64.

So how close are we to learning everything?

Bad news.

We still haven't learned everything yet.

Oh, we're ruined.

No, no, no.

It's good news as well.

There is still a lot to learn.

Woo!

I'm Dr.

Ella Hubber.

I'm regular Tom Lum.

I'm Caroline Roper, and on Let's Learn Everything, we learn about science and a bit of everything else too.

And although we haven't learned everything yet, I've got a pretty good feeling about this next episode.

Join us every other Thursday on Maximum Fun.

You will never take the greatest kid alive.

Bam would rather die.

Rather die.

What?

In the mess hall, Reed and Trip are kind of post-gaming the day's activities, and Reed is absolutely ruining their situation while eating some mashed potatoes.

He's rueful and paranoid that the security of the ship is going to be given to Major Hayes, taken away from him.

And as gently as Trip Tucker suggests that maybe extra training is good, Reed is not trying to hear that.

One bit.

No.

Reed doesn't care for that take at all.

He sees Hayes as a threat to his job.

Like, not just as a professional rival, but like he thinks that Hayes wants to be head of security for the whole ship.

And Tripp is like, I don't know, man.

I mean, not even in Starfleet.

Reed's like, oh, so subject change.

What's up with Buxomako Koko Mandico?

I've noticed a certain tightness in the sleeves of your uniform whenever she's around.

You're never gonna let that go, are you?

This subject is as sore as her shoulder.

Oh, shit.

Yeah, how about that?

And as sore as the security situation with Reed, neither of them like this conversation.

The pivots just keep pivoting into pressing of bruises.

Yeah.

The rumors are flying, which is news to Trip.

Like, he did not realize that everybody assumed he and Tepal were fucking.

Yeah.

He did not realize that everybody assumed that he and Buxom

a corporal Lavanda Hayes are fucking.

Right.

You're all just friends.

That's right.

What did you make of Tripp's defensiveness here?

I mean, he is telling a version of his truth, which is like, nothing's happening.

Nothing really, anyway.

It's nothing to worry about.

None of his reaction to this is who gives a shit.

And I kind of wanted a little bit of that out of Trip.

Like, like, be above it.

Yeah.

He could be above it.

Let the people say whatever they want.

Yeah.

I mean, maybe it's because he and Reed have this, like, this closeness and this friendship that, like, he can tell that Reed is genuinely worried about how many letters he thinks Trip is going to have to write if they're ever in any kind of mortal danger in the future.

Like,

you can't go through this many women this fast.

You'll just create so much paperwork for yourself.

Yeah.

Oh,

poor guys.

They're really in the hurt box at this table.

Yeah.

Cut to Six Bay, where Archer is interrogating the alien, and finally he gets answers.

I don't know why he gets answers, but here they come.

This dude is from a trans-dimensional realm, and he was sent there against his will.

All he did was respond to a call for volunteers in the jail he was in for an experiment.

And then he woke up there on that little ship.

The experiment is very important to whoever it was that sent him.

And it's also his ticket to freedom.

So he's like, plug me back into all the plugs, put me back in the pod and send me in there, or I'll die.

And they're like, you're going to die in that pod.

That pod doesn't work.

We gave you a bedpan.

You don't need 2,000 catheters.

They put him on like a, like the type of table that you do the Y incision on for an autopsy.

There's no bedpan really big enough on the ship, you know.

That is a bedpan, like

bedpan.

Yeah, the pan is the bed.

Right.

Yeah.

As he begs for his life, like he is absolutely...

In agony at this point, he reaches out his hand and the hand starts getting all glitchy.

What is that about?

We don't learn in this scene.

Instead, we cut to later where Archer records a log saying Enterprise is back underway toward that red giant they were headed for in the beginning of the episode.

And speaking of something red and giant, T'Paul is doing Euro pressure to Trip Tucker.

And is she acting messed up towards him?

She denies it.

Is she jealous?

She denies that too.

But Trip doesn't believe it.

And finally, she tells Trip that Sim admitted that he had feelings for her.

Yeah, I love this game of I'm not attracted to you, are you attracted to me?

Attraction chicken that they play.

Oh, it's so juvenile.

Yeah.

The jealousy runs both ways, also.

You know?

Yeah.

He's jealous of her with Sim.

She's jealous of him with Buxom Mako, Corporal Amanda Cole.

It's like something that they have to set aside.

These two just simmering pots of jealousy.

They set those aside.

They set their clothes aside.

And looks like Tripp and Topala are going to do something that involves more than just finger stuff.

Verily, this is a Berman and Braga production.

Gaze upon that upper half of a butt and know it to be true.

I did like...

In that shot,

you do see Conor Trinier doing up and down.

Do you think you're directed to do up and down if you're Connor Tranier, or do you just naturally know that that's what you need to be doing for the camera to capture that moment?

Do we have an intimacy coordinator?

Should I be doing an up and down, or should I just kind of try to maintain eye contact as well as I can?

Do we have any extra napkins of the kind that we tend to drape over female actors' breasts

and genitals?

I'm going to need one for myself.

We do not get to see it it going in.

What a cut to the engineering section of the ship and the warp core just absolutely pumping.

Then we get interstitially before going back to Six Bay.

This alien guy talks to Flox about mortality and they're just kind of shooting the breeze morbidly when the alien comes behind Flox and is like, got him in like a half Nelson.

He's going to choke Flox, but then his arm goes right through Flox's throat, killing Flox.

RSVP Flox.

Yeah, I wanted to know more about what exactly happened here.

Can

I'm almost positive I know the answer to this question.

If you pass a solid object that is semi-solid through a person's neck, that kills them, right?

Like the lady in the floor of the D is dead, right?

Yes, yes, yeah.

It must be completely non-solid or solid.

There is no in-between, because in-between solid is solid for the purposes of neck.

You're fucking wild about Star Trek the Next Generation.

I can picture that lady's exact facial expression and hairstyle, that lady on the floor of the deep.

I can draw it from memory.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Amazing.

Yeah, it really sticks with you.

Oh, Copache alien can go through walls now.

That's another thing we learn in this scene.

Yeah.

And that's where he goes, somewhere through walls.

Right on through.

Think about this.

He is in an unfamiliar place, an unfamiliar ship.

He's just found the ability to go through walls.

By putting his hand into the like morgue cooler, right?

Like that's like where he is is the freezer that they put corpses in.

There is no way he knows where he's going.

And I think it is just funny to think about him going through this wall at the end of this scene.

But the scene transitions away before we see him coming back out through the wall and going through a different wall.

Not that way.

Nope.

That's actually not where I was going.

If he accidentally goes through an exterior bulkhead, can he breathe out there?

Or like...

I don't know.

He's got to be careful as fuck doing this.

He really does.

No, they're not going to suck.

They got no taste.

Cause parody integrates me.

Cut to them gymnasium where Reed is shadow boxing in a way that is just so obnoxious.

You see this guy in the gym?

Give it a fucking rest, man.

You can do that at home.

You really can't do that.

You need to do that in front of everybody.

Hey, we've got mirrors at home.

Would Major Hayes be down to spar when he walks in with bare knuckles?

Oh yeah, he would.

And it has got to be so humiliating to have your opponent describe and critique your moves during a fight.

Oh, this is rough.

The implication from Hayes is that he is so much better of a hand-to-hand combat practitioner that he is judging Reed.

And when Reed kind of comes back and gets a couple of good licks soon, Reed is trying

desperately to match this condescension.

The only thing more condescending to me is, I'm sure you saw this.

You're more into viral videos than I am, I think.

I get served a lot of golf fight videos, which are fights that happen on golf courses between people who are upset at each other for playing slow or too fast.

And one of the ones I got served this week was a fucking drunk dip shit getting into an argument with a guy he didn't know was a retired Canadian hockey player.

And yap, yap, yap goes this little dog at this Canadian hockey player until finally the Canadian hockey player, sick of his shit, grabs him in the center of his chest by his shirt and starts punching him.

But he says boom every time he hits him

That is like a Costco guy raiding a chicken bake.

Is that more condescending than having your moves criticized mid-fight?

The bang, bang, as he hits him is just

hilarious.

And he's fine.

Like, he wasn't hurt.

My point being is that like when you say stuff during fights, it really brings it to an absurd level.

I really like the choice that Dominic Keating makes here to make Reed's attempt to match Hayes' condescending energy feeble and laughable.

Yeah.

Like he's trying so fucking hard to be like, I am just as good of a fighter as you.

And he is not.

I love how this fight has that they live quality that just kind of spills out of the gym into the corridor.

As soon as it does that, I had no guesses about where and when it would end.

What?

The glasses!

Oh!

In my mind, it could go on forever.

It is a totally over-the-top insane fight.

Like, Reed takes a flying spin kick to the head, which

you're done fighting if you get a flying spin kick to the head, like, you know, without sparring gear on.

Very flashy.

Yeah.

Like, he's down and then Hayes tries to leave and, you know, Hayes made one mistake.

He left Reed alive.

It really feels...

I mean, like, is this as as horny as anything that's going on between Trip and the various ladies on the ship?

I mean, I definitely assumed there would be a grudging respect at some point at the end of this, but it does not happen soon.

Instead, like the fight gets broken up by a tactical alert, and on the bridge, we learn why.

Invisible Capache is walking through walls and disrupting ship systems.

And here's the thing: Capache is on B-deck, but Capachi won't stay on B-deck.

They deploy with the Makos and various Starfleet security guys and a bunch of rifles.

And they're onto Copachi Alien pretty quickly, but phasers don't work.

No.

No, they're just going through that guy, the way he goes through walls.

It seems selective, right?

Like he can climb up a ladder so he can like be corporeal when he needs to be.

I love this moment of urgency, and it happens so fast.

When Capache gets to engineering and climbs up the ladder and rams his hand into the warp core, the bangers are maybe as big as we've ever seen them.

Real cause and effect stuff.

It's great.

Yeah,

I also love that like POV push-in shot.

It was like a very Sam Raimi shot where when Trip is like, oh no, and he's getting got by Copache alien.

It's up to Reed and Hayes to work together to bring this guy down.

And they do some engineering.

They hit some buttons and hit some switches and Capache gets zapped off of the top of the warp core and hits the ground.

Attack over

and it's like the next morning Trip and TePaul have the weird moment by the coffee machine of two co-workers that fucked after the company picnic.

Some night.

Eventful.

It's an interesting moment because you're like, oh, so like Tripp and Tepaul fucked and then Tripp went back to work.

Like

he left her quarters and went to

hang out in the engineering section and got attacked.

And now they're nervous around each other.

It's interesting how they do that swirl around the topic, right?

Like they start with the awkward quietness of two people not knowing what to say.

And the first thing they talk about is what happened in engineering, and that's awkward.

Yeah.

But all Tripp wants to talk about is the other warp core that got blown out.

Right.

Hers.

The neuropressure of the penis penis that they were practicing.

How about TePaul's blogger face she gives while she's holding the mug of tea?

There is something about this composition of her holding the tea, and

if she were wearing glasses, she'd be looking over the top of them

at him.

She explains this away as having been a satisfaction of her own curiosity about human sexuality from a scientific standpoint.

And

they sort of agree to pretend that this little dalliance never happened, actually.

Speaking of expressions, I think Jolian Blaylock does a ton with what she's permitted to show in her face.

The character of Trip Tucker, in his own right,

gives an expression I'm not sure I've seen from him before.

Connor Tranier is giving that embarrassed and taken advantage of

type of rejection feeling that feels very real

and

maybe familiar, you know?

Like, I look at this guy and the way the camera rests on him during this realization

and I felt gutted by this.

Like, oh man, I really like this guy.

This guy might be my favorite character on the show.

And his heart got put in the ball kicking machine really bad here.

It's one of the many aspects of your species which I've been meaning to explore since I left the high command.

It's tough because he's trying to like save some dignity by acting like, hey, no big deal, right?

And it's clear from what we know from Sim

that he really does have strong feelings for TePaul.

Yeah.

and talks his way out of this having been more meaningful than

it was.

We get this scene instead of the scene from several hours before where Trip is spooning a T'Paul that is just laying on her back still and rigid.

And like,

Trip is John Lennoning her Yoko, you know?

And it's like, oh, shit,

I'm on shift.

I got to get down to the warp core.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Archer calls Reed and Hayes onto the carpet and is really mad that they let things get so out of control in their little sparring match.

Great makeup here on both of them.

Yeah.

I mean,

I would not want to get lippy with Dark Archer.

And this is a very Dark Archer scene, you know.

Oh, man.

That is such a great point.

Absent anything else we saw this episode, I'd be like, oh, this is just, this is the fucking scene out of Top Gun where the captain's laying into Maverick and then telling him afterwards that he's going to send him to Miramar, you know?

Right, right.

But with the scenes that came before, yeah, it feels like they're in real danger.

Nobody's going to Miramar.

Yeah.

Closest you're getting to Miramar is going out the airlock.

Yeah.

It's actually what he calls the airlock.

Yeah.

Flox summons Archer to Six Bay.

And there's a great little beat where we are left with Hayes and Reed still standing at attention in the clarinet rental closet, not really knowing what to do.

Yeah.

Just like Maverick and Goose.

Like, it even looks like as a composition, Maverick and Goose.

Yeah.

And we learn this alien really wanted to fuck their ship up.

Like, he came to fuck their shit up, and he tells Archer that once the human race has been taken care of by the Zindi, it's going to be all about him and his people.

Yeah.

He seems almost happy.

to tell Archer this, knowing that he's been fucking with him the whole time.

Yeah.

And when he blurps away, there is a real cool beat-the-seat moment that happens once he's gone.

Like, like the camera rises up into a wider shot, and Archer just fucking rains a fist down onto the padding where he once was, and that's the end of the episode.

Would have loved that if, like, you know, like when Yoda fades into nothingness on Thagoba, Luke had been like, No!

Pounded his little bed.

I don't know if that moment worked for me.

It was a little cartoony.

It was a choice.

But did this episode work for you, Adam?

I can't pay.

Couldn't blade.

Got no case.

Tempting fate.

I am surprised to have been introduced to a new mystery man.

So far down the road of the Zindi story, you know?

Who is this guy?

What's his dark secret?

How is he so happy to have done what he did?

It seems like his mission was a failure.

Capache did not succeed in destroying Enterprise.

No.

All he did was scare people a bunch and walk through people's quarters in a way that made them uncomfortable.

I mean, significant episode.

We saw a butt.

And Trip and Tepal finally consummated whatever their relationship is.

Big episode.

Yeah.

Kind of a lot happened.

I think I liked it.

Also, I gotta say this, the Livingston of it all felt like hand of director was apparent this episode.

Very flourishy, very stylish in a way that I definitely appreciated.

Yeah, like inconsistently stylish, I would say, but like interesting.

The end of the episode made me wonder if this guy was somehow Sulaban affiliated.

Like if this is a future Sulaban or something

like that, or like a client species of the Sulaban.

Yeah, had that thought myself.

Because like the Zindi War does feel like a proxy war in the temporal cold war.

It's a proxy war.

It's a bug war.

Yeah, but it's also a reptile war and an arboreal war and aquatic, you know, etc., etc.

Well, do you want to see if there's anything in the Priority One inbox, Adam?

Oh, yeah.

I head that that way.

See if there are any bug P1s in there.

Or aquatic P1s.

Or arboreal P1s.

Hmm.

Could be.

Priority one message from Starfleet coming in on secured channels.

Need a supplemental income.

Supplemental income.

Supplemental.

Supplemental.

Yeah, it's extra.

But the interest alone could be enough to buy this ship.

Then we've got a promotional priority one message here and it is from the nerdy blogger.

So that goes.

Hey guys, thank you for your nine years of dick and fart jokes.

I've listened from the first.

Wow.

You got me through some tough times.

My brother and mom are passing.

Thank you.

Now, listen to the nerdy blogger, Roe Larindr.

She rocks and Team Plavine.

You both keep me on this side of the earth.

Thank you.

Wow.

How about that?

Is this from the nerdy blogger?

Is this just somebody that likes the nerdy blogger also?

Maybe it's on behalf of.

Yeah.

I'm unfamiliar.

I gotta get hip to the nerdy blogger.

Thank you to Clayton for getting this P1.

And hey, I'm looking at our upcoming P1 inventory.

There's actually a lot of availability on the Greatest Generation, which is unusual.

It's crazy because this show show keeps getting better and better yeah

but if you'd like to be involved in an episode go to maximum fun.org slash jumbotron and set your P1 up today

hey man

what's that Adam did you find yourself a drunk Shimoda

drunk Shimoda I gotta give it to to read this episode.

I think that this is in the script.

This is like Dominic Keating doing a great job with a very strange ask,

which is to take a character that's already been pretty unlikable so far and just dial it up to 11 on every front.

Like make his choices so obnoxious just universally.

And I think he does a good job at it.

I thought he made good and funny and interesting choices with that.

So,

you know, not a good episode for Reed, but a good episode for Dominic Keating.

Hmm.

Yeah.

How about you?

I'm going to make mine to Paul.

I think it's because if you are to believe what she says at the end, that she's just running sexual experiments

that she can learn from,

I mean, what is more drunk Shimoda than that?

The problem is you need to tell the people that you're doing experiments with that you're doing an experiment

so that it's consensual.

This is the heartbreak that we see on Trip's face.

He doesn't know this.

He doesn't know that he's been an experiment.

It's as if he's been told he was a bet.

Yeah.

Is Trip a bet?

Am I a bet?

Am I a fucking bet?

I wouldn't use that term.

But that's the general idea.

He's got bet face.

He's got Lainey Boggs face in this scene.

It's very painful.

It's amazing, though, when he takes off

his overalls that are flecked with paint.

puts on a dress.

What a fucking dime he is, you know?

I know we're going to hear more about this in the episodes to come, but like

I don't like this move by TePaul.

I think it's a mistake.

And I think they're in a bad place.

Yeah.

As pals.

Yeah, not a great choice.

Yeah.

Faith of the fart.

Well, let's start talking about what's coming up, Adam.

Next episode is season three, episode 16, Doctors or Dares.

The fate of the Enterprise is in Dr.

Flox's hands as the rest of the crew must be induced into a coma in order to survive a transdimensional disturbance.

Oh man, transdimensional two episodes in a row?

I gotta say, Ben, I feel like Enterprise is in great hands with Dr.

Flox.

Yeah.

I'm not feeling stressed about the next episode at all.

Yeah, that sounds great.

Let's see if we will be enjoying it in a great way, Adam.

Let's see if we're gonna take our shirts off for the next episode, Ben.

That seems to be the only thing the game of buttholes,

the Will of the Riker, Quantum Leap, wants us to do lately.

You can follow along on our progress at goch.biz slash game.

Currently, our runabout is on square 39.

And at the end of this roll, we'll find out in what way we'll be reviewing the next episode.

You're required to learn as you play.

Roll.

God damn.

Ben, I've rolled a 28.

Tula!

Did I win?

Hardly.

We got so close

to another decontamination chamber.

We're on square 67.

Oh, man.

If we landed on decontamination chamber again, I might just veto it and we'd have to do a quantum leap episode.

Like,

I'm all out of aloe vera, man.

Yeah.

It's expensive.

I think people would also rightly question the legitimacy of the roles in a scenario like that.

I think you'd have to.

Yeah.

Yeah, absolutely.

But as it is, regular old episode for you and me.

It works for me.

I'm looking forward to it.

Yeah.

Hey, what?

I really appreciate all of the people out there who

support the show.

Maximumfund.org slash join.

Keeps the lights on around here.

Keeps us growing and evolving into a better show.

Keeps us paid as it does all of the great folks that help us make this thing for you.

Absolutely does.

Not least of which is our amazing, hilarious producer, Wendy Pretty, who edits just about every episode of this show.

We got to thank Bill Tilly, the card daddy, the social media director, Emeritus.

And we got to thank our boy Rob Adler, who runs the At Greatest Trek social media accounts

and writes the newsletter.

Sign up for that at goch.biz slash mail.

Got to thank Adam Ragusia for our parody theme music and dark materia for the original Picard song.

Get something for yourself at Podshop.biz, you know?

Hey, do you want to get to know us a little better?

We have a show called Wholesome that is mostly about us and our feelings about certain things.

Yeah.

Patreon.com/slash wholesome underscore pod.

We do that with Adam Ragusia.

It's a really good show.

With that, we will be back at you next time with another great episode of Star Trek Enterprise, an episode of the Greatest Generation Enterprise,

where Adam and Ben consider whether this show would be better if they were put in colours.

Might be.

Let's try it.

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