Butt Micro Pony (ENT S3E14)

Speaker 1 Here's to the finest crew in Starlink.

Speaker 4 When it comes to my crew, you won't get any argument from me.

Speaker 3 This is a parody.

Speaker 6 Paramount owns the song.

Speaker 8 Welcome to the greatest generation.

Speaker 10 It's a Star Trek podcast by a couple of guys just a little bit embarrassed about having a Star Trek podcast.

Speaker 12 I'm Ben Harrison.

Speaker 4 I'm Adam Pranica. This time I'm the one

Speaker 4 ready for decontamination.

Speaker 13 Yeah, so we...

Speaker 8 This is our second time rolling this new square, the decon chamber square, where we have to record in our undies, as is done in the decon chamber.

Speaker 19 And I showed up shirtless to the record last time.

Speaker 22 And then you got the big reveal moment.

Speaker 24 And I was like, oh, that was fun.

Speaker 13 Adam took his shirt off. We should save that moment.

Speaker 26 And next time we do that, we should do that moment.

Speaker 27 Yeah.

Speaker 4 Now, now. This time I focused on the gel itself.
Ben. Oh.
The last time we did this, I was just in my underwear. Right.

Speaker 4 I didn't have the gel, but I found in between last episode and this one a bunch of aloe vera gel.

Speaker 28 Wow.

Speaker 4 And I was like, what better gel could there be in a household for this purpose? So I slathered myself in aloe vera. More aloe vera gel than I've ever put on my bardy in my entire life.

Speaker 4 I don't know what this dose could do to me, but it is a weird sensation. Like it feels

Speaker 30 cooling.

Speaker 4 Can you see it? Does it look glossy?

Speaker 31 Yeah, you're glistening a little bit.

Speaker 4 I think the gloss has kind of went away.

Speaker 4 I think the thing with aloe vera is that it gets in.

Speaker 33 It soaks right in.

Speaker 12 Yeah.

Speaker 4 So I don't know how long this is going to last, but this is what I came to the show with.

Speaker 34 I love it. I mean,

Speaker 39 I think that today, more than any day in the history of the show, I'm glad that, generally speaking, we record the podcast in two different places because I don't want to rub aloe vera all over your body, which would be...

Speaker 4 I would refuse the offer, Ben.

Speaker 29 Well,

Speaker 33 I'm just going by the show.

Speaker 38 It seems like you have to get your buddy when you're in the decon chamber.

Speaker 44 Yeah.

Speaker 15 That's why it's so lonely when you're in there by yourself.

Speaker 20 Like

Speaker 47 you don't have anybody to rub the lotion on its skin.

Speaker 4 Have we seen a solo operator in there doing the rubbing? Or

Speaker 4 does that, for some reason, look like a ridiculous depiction of the decontamination chamber? Everything else, just fine. We can't show someone by themselves in there.

Speaker 29 Right. Lubing up.

Speaker 40 Fox is like, you'll need to rub this on yourself 40 to 50 times in the next few weeks.

Speaker 4 Do you think Dr. Flox, and this might be reasons he biased, do you think he might be the best doctor to have in real life if he were a real life doctor? Dr.

Speaker 4 Beverly, almost unimpeachable as far as like top of the list, but if you had to knock her off.

Speaker 49 Pulaski's going to like raz you the whole time, but she's going to fucking get shit done.

Speaker 4 I'd like Pulaski. I like an older doctor.

Speaker 20 I like a sassy doctor for sure, but I think just pound-for-pound competence.

Speaker 4 I wouldn't like the wormplay of Dr. Flox, though.

Speaker 4 I think that's too far for me.

Speaker 51 Yeah.

Speaker 28 Yeah. Maybe if there's like Nitrous on offer at Dr.

Speaker 13 Flox's office, like

Speaker 39 just to take the edge off of some of the stuff he's going to do to you, you know?

Speaker 4 He's got it with the bedside manner. I can't get with the menagerie of roaches and leeches and stuff.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 42 All right.

Speaker 22 Well, I'm gonna get in into the spirit of the thing.

Speaker 4 Oh, yeah, do that.

Speaker 53 Disrobe for the show.

Speaker 36 I'm I'm sorry I didn't get the memo

Speaker 7 before.

Speaker 4 Just for the folks who aren't watching the live stream, Ben has disrobed. He didn't go up over the top.
He did a sensible unbuttoning. No snap buttons on that shirt.

Speaker 37 I don't have any cowboy shirts these days.

Speaker 55 I used to have a lot of of them in my wardrobe, and they just all wore out, and I didn't replace them.

Speaker 4 You tore open the buttons one too many times.

Speaker 4 Ben,

Speaker 4 what we've got across Ben's chest, his upper chest, are the words star and turk.

Speaker 4 A tattoo of some permanency, it looks like.

Speaker 36 Yeah,

Speaker 25 I had the Deep Space Nine combadge lasered off, and

Speaker 17 I went, like, this guy, the artist that I went to is supposed to be good, but he just didn't get the letters.

Speaker 60 Yeah.

Speaker 55 Like they're the right letters in the right order, but they're just not, they're like, there's some scale and alignment issues and some kerning issues, let's just say.

Speaker 4 I think maybe the folks in school who weren't the best scholastically were often drawn to the arts.

Speaker 4 And that's no surprise to a lot of people. But I think with the tattoo art specifically,

Speaker 4 the reading and and the comprehension and so forth can be just a big, big deal when it comes to putting letters on a birdie the way that they have to from time to time.

Speaker 36 That's true.

Speaker 33 Yeah, this guy, I didn't like ask to see

Speaker 27 his diploma or anything before getting in the chair.

Speaker 4 Or a doctor's note about any sort of latent dyslexia

Speaker 4 could be an issue in his line of work.

Speaker 15 Yeah, I thought about doing it on my knuckles.

Speaker 53 You know, Jesse Thorne got play ball across his knuckles, which I really love.

Speaker 18 And Star Trek would fit, you know?

Speaker 4 He got play ball on his knuckles, really?

Speaker 62 He has play ball on his knuckles.

Speaker 63 Yeah.

Speaker 4 You know, he got to the point, like, where there was P-L-A-Y-B.

Speaker 4 He could have gone Playboy. Like, I wonder if there was a moment...

Speaker 4 during the lettering where he could have he could have taken a turn.

Speaker 64 With an exclamation point on the on the last string, on the last pinky.

Speaker 24 Yeah, yeah, playboy.

Speaker 4 He had a chance.

Speaker 31 I think that there's an inked-up FOD out there

Speaker 67 that is like looking for their next tat, that's still got the knuckles available, that is willing to get Star Trek tatted on the knuckles.

Speaker 48 The way Radio Rahim has love and hate on his knuckles.

Speaker 53 I guess he has those as knuckle dusters,

Speaker 53 not as tats, right?

Speaker 4 I'm sorry.

Speaker 4 I just got a really unusual smell in the studio.

Speaker 71 I think you got gas?

Speaker 17 Or is it aloe vera gel?

Speaker 4 I wonder if it's the aloe vera that's making a weird smell. Like,

Speaker 4 honestly, it smells like patchouli. Oh.

Speaker 4 And I don't wear any patchouli products. Yeah.
Not some fucking dirty hippie.

Speaker 56 Is there a ninja hippie?

Speaker 23 creeping around

Speaker 17 in your studio.

Speaker 27 Oh, God.

Speaker 4 There might be. I'm looking way up high.
You know, my studio's got these high ceilings. They could be up in a corner.

Speaker 26 You got to be careful.

Speaker 15 A ninja hippie could come from any angle.

Speaker 27 Yeah.

Speaker 11 The only thing that foretells them is their distinctive scent.

Speaker 27 Yeah.

Speaker 4 And, you know, when you get one, when you beat one in single combat, they'll have fallen ninja hippie hair, which is just like one white guy dreadlocked

Speaker 4 crossing their face.

Speaker 47 Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 48 You know, the worst is when you get into a one-on-one, you know, single combat with a ninja hippie, and it's one of those levels in the video game where you can break through the floor because technically that does count as going to a second location, and you don't want to do that.

Speaker 4 Yeah, it's weird. I don't smell it anymore.

Speaker 27 All right.

Speaker 4 Maybe they came to kill me. They saw me in this condition and they were like, no, that guy's got it bad enough.

Speaker 9 You remember in the novel Ender's game when he gets in that fight in the bathroom?

Speaker 72 he soaps himself up so he'll be super slippery and the bullies that came to get him won't be able to get a good grip.

Speaker 22 The ninja hippie saw you and he was like,

Speaker 10 this is like Ender from Ender's Game.

Speaker 28 I don't want that mess.

Speaker 4 I know nothing about the Ender Saga, Ben. And it pains me to say it because friend of DeSoto, friend of the show, Chris Carraba, huge Ender Saga fan.

Speaker 68 No kidding.

Speaker 4 Keeps trying to get me into it.

Speaker 4 I'm not into it.

Speaker 31 I think the first two books are really good, although the second one does get into like some

Speaker 65 patriarchy apologia that maybe isn't so great.

Speaker 4 Oh, maybe I'll start there.

Speaker 4 Sounds good to me.

Speaker 25 That was assigned reading in my middle school, Ender's game.

Speaker 4 As has been said many times before, when you tell a tale of Benjamin Harrison in middle school,

Speaker 4 unusual middle school and high school experience.

Speaker 27 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 35 Weird to go from Latin class to that.

Speaker 51 Let's just say.

Speaker 4 Let's go from Marin to show, Ben.

Speaker 27 Let's do it.

Speaker 4 We're here to recap a very interesting episode of Star Trek Enterprise. It's season three, episode 14.
It's called Stratagem.

Speaker 5 Gotta free speech and time.

Speaker 4 Am I saying that word right?

Speaker 52 Yeah, it's confusing because it is one letter off from the much more popular Star Trek word stratagema.

Speaker 24 Right.

Speaker 4 Why isn't that in this?

Speaker 13 Why does nobody put cow milkers on their fingers in this episode?

Speaker 4 You know, when Archer and Degger are like rooting through the

Speaker 4 storage compartments in their shuttle later, like the cow milker system should like, should drop out?

Speaker 6 Yeah.

Speaker 4 Like the dead face hugger in an alien movie?

Speaker 14 Put your cow milker on before helping others.

Speaker 54 That's kind of the implication.

Speaker 4 Check it out, Ben. Did you read the credits for this one? This was written by Mike Sussman, but story by credit, Terry Metallus.

Speaker 7 Damn.

Speaker 4 About that. The first time I can remember seeing one of those.

Speaker 42 Yeah.

Speaker 33 A little Star Trek origin story of its own right there.

Speaker 72 I heard he has the same tat as me, but he got his lined up right.

Speaker 9 And that's why he's been so successful in the Star Trek world.

Speaker 4 Well, I heard what he did was he he had the original script for Star, and then he found the trek part like from some other tattoo and

Speaker 4 put them together like he did with the Enterprise D in the finale of Star Trek Picard. Sure.

Speaker 28 Well, Degra

Speaker 59 has got quite a bit more hair than we've ever seen him with, and he wakes up in kind of a it looks like a shuttle, like the inside of a shuttle pod may be kind of busied up to look different.

Speaker 63 And Archer also has a lot of hair, and there's like bangers dropping.

Speaker 4 Anytime you can get Scott Bakula into a five o'clock shadow, into a cowboy shadow,

Speaker 4 you gotta do it at this point. He looks great with this.

Speaker 28 He does.

Speaker 14 Like the little micro pony, not

Speaker 13 so good, but like

Speaker 14 everything on the front of his head is rocking.

Speaker 35 Everything on the back is a little bit sus, I would say.

Speaker 4 Ben, would you have an easier time beating in a fist fight one full-size captain archer with a full-size ponytail or a hundred micro-archers with micro ponies?

Speaker 23 I would win, but I would feel bad about the one with the micro archers.

Speaker 47 I know.

Speaker 53 I know. And I would lose the other one.

Speaker 27 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 30 You know, so like both, both kind of feel like choices I don't want to pick.

Speaker 25 But they're getting attacked and Archer really wants Degra to raise shields and Degra goes and tries to work the controls.

Speaker 61 He can't!

Speaker 4 It's one of the situations I like about movies is often that cold open where you're just like dropped into a plot and you got to figure it out. And that's Degra's situation here, right?

Speaker 4 He's like, what the fuck? Where am I? Who is this? And why is he giving me a bunch of orders? Why does he look like he runs a boogie boarding rental company out of a van in a tourist town?

Speaker 44 Like,

Speaker 4 why have I taken orders from him?

Speaker 4 I'm Degra. That much he knows.
He knows who he is.

Speaker 42 Yeah.

Speaker 23 He sees these ships outside the window and he's like, oh, well, those are...

Speaker 48 Those are Zindi ships.

Speaker 55 I can get on the horn and order them to stop.

Speaker 17 Archer says,

Speaker 23 not so fast, Monfreyer.

Speaker 7 They won't listen.

Speaker 4 Yeah.

Speaker 73 You don't have any control over those type of Zindi anymore.

Speaker 4 Yeah, the recognition of them and a possible relationship is meaningless at this point.

Speaker 38 It is a desperate effort to vent their fuel,

Speaker 20 which they do, and we just see this kind of on radar, but they vent fuel, and this, we're told, has the effect of overheating the engines of the pursuing ships, and they cannot pursue.

Speaker 4 So it's spy hunter shit that we love. Yeah.

Speaker 42 Yeah.

Speaker 27 Yeah.

Speaker 25 So Archer and Degra are going to warp out of there.

Speaker 17 And they've just kind of like picked a, okay, there's a quiet system several days travel ahead.

Speaker 43 That's where we're going.

Speaker 54 And finally, we have a moment to breathe and a moment for Degra to ask why he has been abducted.

Speaker 71 And he does not recognize Archer.

Speaker 29 He doesn't know like what Archer is or who he is.

Speaker 12 I don't know her.

Speaker 54 And when Archer drops that he's a human, this is fucking shocking to Degra.

Speaker 4 Is that worse news than being kidnapped? It feels like being kidnapped could be dealt with. That it's from a human is mostly unpalatable to him.

Speaker 38 Yeah, I also wanted to know from Degra, like, does getting a look at what a human looks like change anything for him?

Speaker 66 Because...

Speaker 4 Yeah, didn't you want to know what he would guess they would look like?

Speaker 42 Yeah,

Speaker 7 yeah. Like,

Speaker 38 I mean, Degra is a very interesting character because he's humanoid, but he also comes from a world with intelligent species that look all kinds of different ways.

Speaker 76 So how you like demonize and vilify an alien species you've never seen before is kind of an interesting thought experiment.

Speaker 4 You want to know something?

Speaker 4 It's actually easier not to know what they look like. A few people know.

Speaker 4 I never knew what the hooshnak hushnak looked like before I exterminated them.

Speaker 29 Never knew at all.

Speaker 7 They really put their who in hushnak?

Speaker 4 As they rained a bunch of hellfire onto my planet and my beloved Rashan.

Speaker 4 They did it from orbit.

Speaker 4 Never got a glimpse of them.

Speaker 50 Poor Rashan was working the orbital defense system,

Speaker 50 firing wantonly into the sky, doing nothing to protect herself or anyone else.

Speaker 4 One other thing few people know about my extermination of the hoosnak is that

Speaker 4 the pieces of them that fell through the atmosphere onto Delta Rana.

Speaker 4 Not identifiable, mostly crispy, but many, many pieces of hooschnak had to be then

Speaker 4 disposed of.

Speaker 4 They made my farming. I really bounced back after the orbital bombardment.

Speaker 61 Leishamailon is very impressive.

Speaker 50 Lush, verdant, green in every season.

Speaker 50 That's the pair of hooshnak fertilizers.

Speaker 4 Degra, not quite believing the story of escaping an insectoid prison colony that they've been kept at for three years. And Archer's like, dude, you don't have to believe what I'm saying.

Speaker 4 Believe what your eyes tell you. And he rolls up his sleeve and rolls up Degra's sleeve.
Matching forearm tattoos.

Speaker 23 Yeah, and like, you would think that this would sort of shatter the illusion for Degra and he would have more questions about where he was and who he was talking to, but it doesn't for some reason.

Speaker 43 But like a third arm kind of just comes through a hatch in the, in the wall, and it's got a bunch of nipples on it.

Speaker 28 Yeah.

Speaker 52 And Archer's like, see, different from that.

Speaker 46 And Degra's like, yeah, the conflict is over.

Speaker 29 We both lost.

Speaker 7 I get it now.

Speaker 50 You're never going to let that go, are you?

Speaker 4 Here's a question I bet a lot of FODs have an answer to that I do not.

Speaker 4 Can you tattoo nipple skin? Is there something untattooable about it, or maybe it just hurts so bad no one ever would? I can't recall seeing tattooed nipples.

Speaker 27 I don't know.

Speaker 32 I mean, people get their like mascara tattooed on.

Speaker 38 I feel like if there's exposed skin, you can pat it.

Speaker 4 If you have tattooed nipples out in the audience, send pictures to Ben's email.

Speaker 4 The email account that he shares with his wife.

Speaker 17 Yeah, please do.

Speaker 28 So that's that's our cold open.

Speaker 29 The war is over.

Speaker 25 The insectoids won, and the humanoid Zindi lost, as did the Earth.

Speaker 4 Also a big loser, the inside of Degra's arms, which are absolutely crawling with what we learn are bloodworms.

Speaker 4 Blood worms were used to interrogate them, and they have some pretty nasty side effects, like a loss of short-term memory, which helps convince Degra of of the reality of his situation.

Speaker 4 The reason he doesn't remember is because of the blood worms thing.

Speaker 14 Right.

Speaker 34 I wondered about this because there's like a your memory will come back, but they were interrogating you.

Speaker 38 But we also know that they were in jail for three years.

Speaker 11 So, like, why wait three years to interrogate?

Speaker 4 I mean, if you could only see the backup at this prison, like

Speaker 4 really hard to move them through the bloodworming process.

Speaker 52 It's one of those things where it's like without funding, you know, like even fascism needs infrastructure, you know?

Speaker 4 Absolutely. And a shitload of funding.

Speaker 53 Yeah. So

Speaker 52 Degra remembers going to

Speaker 8 that one star system for the weapons test, but that's the last thing he can remember.

Speaker 75 And

Speaker 77 Archer tells him about like, yeah, the weapons test didn't go great because we sabotaged your chemo site

Speaker 7 and Degra's like, oh, that fucking Graylick.

Speaker 22 I knew he was up to something.

Speaker 46 And Archer's like, yeah, like, Greylick, you know, whether or not he deserved it, got what was coming to him a long, long time ago.

Speaker 4 They beat him to death with wooden shoes, which is kind of an elegant way to do the punishment.

Speaker 78 Hence the word sabotage.

Speaker 60 A very poetic RSVP Greylick.

Speaker 4 Yeah.

Speaker 13 Also, RSVP Earth.

Speaker 20 Yeah. That also died.

Speaker 8 And RSVP thousands of humanoid Zindi, because we learn that while Degra and

Speaker 43 the council were focused on building this anti-earth weapon, the insectoids were secretly building a space armada that they then turned around and used to dominate all of the other Zindi species.

Speaker 4 This sure does seem believable, right? Every time we have an encounter with an insect Zindi, they just seem like assholes. They don't seem very easy to work with.

Speaker 4 They don't seem like a very good faith council member type.

Speaker 7 Yeah.

Speaker 38 They're chaotic evil.

Speaker 34 The lizardmen are a little more like lawful evil, maybe.

Speaker 55 But that doesn't necessarily make good bedfellows, even though they're both on the side of evil.

Speaker 39 Like, I feel like a lawful character is going to

Speaker 80 have more antipathy with a chaotic character than a character that is good or whatever.

Speaker 4 This begins kind of a lot of unwelcome references to the last qualified barbers in humanity being killed by the Zindi that Archer constantly brings up. Yeah.
Unsolicited.

Speaker 4 Like, yeah, I guess I'll never get a good haircut anymore now that all the barbers are dead.

Speaker 22 I don't know if there's anything I can do with this butt, micro pony.

Speaker 4 Yeah.

Speaker 4 Micropony club.

Speaker 4 I got enough hair for the micropony club.

Speaker 4 I'm gonna tie it up into a micropony club.

Speaker 61 Degra's on his way to micropony club.

Speaker 13 He could be in it.

Speaker 24 He is. Yeah.

Speaker 27 Yeah.

Speaker 4 So, Deggra is feeling some pain from the blood worm that he can see crawling under the skin of his forearm. And in a scene that is gross as hell,

Speaker 4 Archer takes a neither sharp nor unsharp instrument to his wrist and cuts a little slit that allows for a tweezing of the blood worm to be just pulled slowly out of his arm in a

Speaker 4 it's really gross dude it is so gross and

Speaker 4 I love the reason for his saving of the blood worm being paid off later you see this thing getting yanked out and you're like why wouldn't you throw it on the floor and step on it but he very carefully and gingerly places it into a little saving beaker and seals it up.

Speaker 47 It's a much more

Speaker 73 slow and leisurely version of the sucking out the

Speaker 72 critter from Neo's belly in the Matrix.

Speaker 29 Yeah.

Speaker 43 Very similar-looking critter, like World's Worst Gummy Worm is

Speaker 38 basically the log line of this creature.

Speaker 39 And I posted a clip of this on r/slash popping, and it was a big hit.

Speaker 27 Ugh.

Speaker 3 If we change the words,

Speaker 3 then it's fair use all day long.

Speaker 4 Later on, Archer finds a bottle of hooch and he's like, hey, Degra, you look like you could use a drink after that whole armworm situation. Degra's not feeling it.

Speaker 4 Instead, they talk more about their time in prison and how

Speaker 4 much time they spent trying to kill each other while we were there. I love this backstory.
They were like itchy and scratchy in there. Fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight.
Until

Speaker 4 Archer came pretty close to death and proposed an alliance. He was like, look, man, you might not know this about me.
I'm the most prolific jailbreaker in the galaxy.

Speaker 4 If you want a chance to get out of here, you've got to partner with me.

Speaker 43 Stick with me, dude.

Speaker 43 And also, at that point, Degra had won his war against humanity.

Speaker 4 Yeah.

Speaker 29 So his new war, the new front is against the insectoids.

Speaker 38 Archer's like one of the only people that can help him with that.

Speaker 27 I know.

Speaker 4 I know. You got to get out first, right? If you want revenge.

Speaker 27 Yeah.

Speaker 52 So they stole a Melosian cargo shuttle, and this all happened despite Degra's memory loss due to blood worms.

Speaker 62 But they are now on the same team.

Speaker 75 And

Speaker 71 we learned like the entrepreneur blew up with all hands aboard.

Speaker 72 Archer is the only survivor of that.

Speaker 44 We start to get a little bit of backstory from Degra now, which is that the council, the the Zindi Council, was originally convened to search for a new planet to house all of their species after the destruction of the original planet and the avian

Speaker 56 Zindi in their sectarian war.

Speaker 54 So the council was already convened, and then they found out about the, I guess, the temporal cold war and got the technology to create the weapon to destroy the Earth.

Speaker 4 Evidently, you can be a pretty high-ranking weapons designer, an expert, and count on your family being safe. He mentions that as far as he knows, they're fine.

Speaker 44 Yeah.

Speaker 4 On a colony near a red giant, is what he says. But they don't get very far into the family backstory that they both have before a coolant leak just rockets gas into the inside of the ship.
And oh no.

Speaker 4 There's only one respirator. And Archer finds it and gives it to Degra so that he can seal the rupture while he's overcome by the gas.

Speaker 13 Wow, amazing move, Archer.

Speaker 30 How generous to give Degra the gas mask.

Speaker 27 I know.

Speaker 41 Degra, I feel like, could have clocked in this moment, the subterfuge at play, because the...

Speaker 31 Do you see the fucking crack that this coolant leak is coming out of?

Speaker 43 It's like a perfect zigzag lightning bolt.

Speaker 4 Yeah.

Speaker 4 It looks made.

Speaker 80 That doesn't look like something that happened accidentally.

Speaker 4 Also, you see the mouthpiece on this respirator? I think you could put two mouths side by side on that thing and start sucking air.

Speaker 62 You're saying it's like the piece of furniture that Rose is on at the end of Titanic.

Speaker 4 I think you could go cheek to cheek and both get some air. I just think there's some discomfort there.

Speaker 53 Let Leo aboard, Degra. Yeah.

Speaker 13 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 74 Archer is unconscious eventually, but the leak is sealed.

Speaker 38 And after their ordeal with the coolant leak, they go to bed.

Speaker 33 But Archer wakes up and gets all sneaky, gets some gadget out of somewhere and injects Degra.

Speaker 4 I mean, congratulations to Degra for sleeping so soundly with a stranger, like the night of a pretty crazy day

Speaker 4 of learning what your situation is. I guess that's enough to tucker you out.

Speaker 63 Last time I got a lung full of coolant like that, I was snoring that night, you know.

Speaker 4 Yeah, I mean, you do a little bloodworm surgery. I think their birdie is going to need some R ⁇ R time.
So I get that. Kind of a lot coming down on them at once.

Speaker 62 So this is when it is finally revealed that this has all been happening inside a simulator, and this is all happening on the entrepreneur.

Speaker 38 They are tricking Degra

Speaker 25 to pump him for information.

Speaker 54 And specifically, they're curious about where Degra's family might be because they think that might be where the final weapon is being manufactured.

Speaker 4 How do you feel about the reveal? The way it was done, the moment of reveal itself, all that.

Speaker 42 I was delighted because it's like, it's not the first time this season that we've gotten an episode that's like, man, this has really strange implications for all of the episodes we've watched up until now that we're like jumping to this point in time or whatever.

Speaker 4 I love that there is like institutional history with

Speaker 4 doing a my name is Barash at someone and not just Riker.

Speaker 4 Like, like, this is way in the past that we were barashing.

Speaker 27 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 4 It goes way back.

Speaker 38 I mean, this is like a story by credit by somebody who loves them some Star Trek, you know?

Speaker 4 Yeah, absolutely. Yeah.

Speaker 47 So yeah,

Speaker 33 there's a discussion where TePaul is like, okay, I think, Archer, this is going good, but you need to be a little bit more direct.

Speaker 63 Like, you just need to like find out where the weapon is being built.

Speaker 56 Like let's not try to like tiptoe around it via figuring out where Degra's family is.

Speaker 11 And Archer disagrees.

Speaker 53 This is too risky.

Speaker 47 Degra will suspect something is up if he comes out with his ultimate question right away.

Speaker 4 What an interesting moment for a time jump. We cut to three days earlier at this point.
Enterprise has returned to the prototype test site.

Speaker 4 And uh-oh, there's a Zindy ship nearby. They didn't see that one on their way in.

Speaker 4 And it's the same kind of ship that was there during the weapons test fire.

Speaker 4 So,

Speaker 4 don't love the look of that. We're gonna see inside of it right away, though.
We cut to onboard that ship, and it's Degra's ship. And they've picked up Enterprise, so they both know about each other.

Speaker 4 Yeah. They both know about each other, and almost immediately Enterprise fires on them.
Like, they don't wait.

Speaker 9 I love how mad Degra is at Thalen, his like second in command, because like he's on a three-man ship.

Speaker 25 This is not the ship you want to go into.

Speaker 52 Like, yeah, as janky in combat as the NXO Bon Entrepreneur is, Dagger is on a runabout, essentially.

Speaker 4 And this is an era where Enterprise fires first, like at all times.

Speaker 24 Yeah, so like Dagger's like, fuck, you didn't tell me about that. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

Speaker 9 And pretty quickly, they are disabled.

Speaker 4 Do you think it blunts it a little bit when it's Reed that's firing first? Like, that's not an actual Enterprise-fired-first situation, really.

Speaker 29 Right? Yeah.

Speaker 4 Like, because what they don't show in the exterior shot is, like, two or three phaser beams, like, missing wildly

Speaker 4 before finally getting him with the fourth.

Speaker 61 The entrepreneur letting seven torpedoes go, and one of them, like, explodes, like, pretty close.

Speaker 4 I think that makes it better, right?

Speaker 29 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 46 There's like a nod and Thalen, this second-in-command guy, sort of gets a wordless order and starts doing something with the computer that looks very distinctly like he is erasing the hard drive.

Speaker 54 And this is confirmed very quickly with the entrepreneur crew now aboard this ship, analyzing the computer and realizing there's very little data left aboard.

Speaker 40 And Hoshi is sort of leading the

Speaker 56 figure out what information we can get out of the remaining data core.

Speaker 4 This is really one of those, oh, Hoshi, I forgot you were there.

Speaker 4 Welcome back to the show kind of moments. Like, it feels like it's been a while since she's been a part of things.

Speaker 42 Yeah, but a cool part, like, like, this sort of is like an interesting linguistic task, like

Speaker 56 understanding what is information that can, you know, have useful shit derived out of it.

Speaker 39 There's lots of personal letters that mention Degra and a place called Azadi Prime.

Speaker 40 So that might be useful.

Speaker 4 Reed hears this, like Reed's in the room when they learn about these personal files, and like the camera finds him. And there's like a moment of recognition.
Like, yes, there would be, wouldn't there?

Speaker 4 Like, you'd have to write letters, like, when the fire's really coming down on you, and you feel like it's the end.

Speaker 64 Is this just the letter he wrote the moment my phaser cannon started hitting the hull of their ship?

Speaker 13 Is that what the letter is, Hoshi?

Speaker 64 I feel like I understand my adversary in a deeper way now.

Speaker 4 Isn't it almost poetic how I, Malcolm Reed, was the one firing the weapons, and yet these Zindi were writing home to their ex-girlfriends.

Speaker 4 Do you think if you're Australian and you have ex-girlfriends, some people might think that you said you have nine girlfriends?

Speaker 63 Oh, like in Roman.

Speaker 43 Yeah.

Speaker 4 Like, Jesus, nine girlfriends? How do you keep them straight?

Speaker 47 We mean Rome.

Speaker 4 Now I know why there's so much drama with your Eek's girlfriends. There's fucking nine of them.

Speaker 27 Who's got the time for all that?

Speaker 44 Yeah.

Speaker 4 Yeah.

Speaker 4 We're never going to be invited to do a podcast festival in Australia after that. We're screwed.

Speaker 63 Yeah. There's an email from our friend and agent right now saying

Speaker 38 I'll look into it, but I'm guessing it's a nerr.

Speaker 4 You beat me to it.

Speaker 4 God damn it. Just subject line? Ner.

Speaker 47 Ner.

Speaker 39 I watched a British video the other day where this guy is saying he had the recipe for the ultimate breakfast sandwich.

Speaker 72 And after the first layer, he added another piece of bread and started stacking other shit on it.

Speaker 37 And he said, now I'm going to add 90% puork sausage.

Speaker 31 The comment section did not disappoint.

Speaker 40 It was all people trying to spell pork.

Speaker 4 If it's 90% pork, what's the 10%?

Speaker 61 Another question that was interrogated deeply in the comment section.

Speaker 4 That 10% is what's pork.

Speaker 4 Then the 90% is something else.

Speaker 29 Very unusual.

Speaker 3 Legally, it's just a fur joke.

Speaker 83 We concern ourselves around here with optimistic views of the future.

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Speaker 21 ZipRecruiter, the smartest way to hire.

Speaker 4 Friends of DeSoto, we survived Star Trek Las Vegas 2025. All seven days of it.
And boy, oh boy, do we have thoughts.

Speaker 4 So many many thoughts that we just had to record a very special bonus episode about our experiences with me and Ben, but also producer Wendy and our social media concigliary Bill.

Speaker 4 You'll get an honest review of things, all the gossip, the stuff that worked, the stuff that didn't, and some big takeaways as we plan for next year.

Speaker 4 So if you want to know what STLV was really like, the bonus feed is how you find it.

Speaker 4 By the way, this bonus episode, like all of our monthly bonus episodes, are available to everyone who supports the shows at maximumfund.org slash join it's easy to do so go to maximumfund.org slash join to get our special episode about STLV 2025 and all the great episodes that we put out every month

Speaker 85 You know, we've been doing my brother, my brother, me for 15 years. And

Speaker 85 maybe you stopped listening for a while, maybe you never listened, and you're probably assuming three white guys talking for 15 years, I know where this has ended up.

Speaker 86 But no, no, you would be wrong. We're as shocked as you are that we have not fallen into some sort of horrific scandal or just turned into a big crypto thing.

Speaker 85 Yeah, you don't even really know how crypto works.

Speaker 87 The only NFTs I'm into are naughty, funny things, which is what we talk about on my brother, my brother, and me.

Speaker 87 We serve it up every Monday for you if you're listening. And if not, we just leave it out back.

Speaker 24 goes rotten.

Speaker 85 So check it out on Maximum Fun or wherever you get your podcasts.

Speaker 78 All right, we're over 70 episodes into our show. Let's learn everything.
So let's do a quick progress check. Have we learned about quantum physics?

Speaker 4 Yes, episode 59.

Speaker 78 We haven't learned about the history of gossip yet, have we? Yes, we have. Same episode, actually.
Have we talked to Tom Scott about his love of roller coasters?

Speaker 41 Episode 64.

Speaker 78 So how close are we to learning everything?

Speaker 78 Bad news. We still haven't learned everything yet.

Speaker 5 Oh, we're ruined.

Speaker 78 No, no, no. It's good news as well.
There is is still a lot to learn. Woo! I'm Dr.
Ella Hubber.

Speaker 14 I'm regular Tom Lum.

Speaker 78 I'm Caroline Roper, and on Let's Learn Everything, we learn about science and a bit of everything else too.

Speaker 78 And although we haven't learned everything yet, I've got a pretty good feeling about this next episode.

Speaker 4 Join us every other Thursday on Maximum Fun.

Speaker 3 You will never take the greatest shit alive.

Speaker 3 Then would rather die. Rather die.

Speaker 5 What?

Speaker 39 There's an attempted interrogation scene in the brig.

Speaker 33 Archer goes down there and tries to ask Degra a bunch of questions.

Speaker 4 Reed, warm up the door that goes to the outside.

Speaker 28 Yeah. Just

Speaker 4 go man that station.

Speaker 77 I need something to do on this ship. Come on.

Speaker 7 Fair enough.

Speaker 18 Degra's not making with the info and power systems are not going great.

Speaker 39 It's a little like embarrassing to try and you know big dog someone when your ship is kind of clearly falling apart like this.

Speaker 4 It's so great. I love that.
I love the reality of this moment.

Speaker 56 Turns out that's the radiation from the weapon debris that's still a big issue in the system.

Speaker 43 And it's messing with their power.

Speaker 4 He tells Reed to take the ship out of the field in this moment. Like, why don't we get on out of here? Hey, hey, Reed, I'm trying to brag about our awesome plan and how much of a badass we all are.

Speaker 4 Like, this whole radiation problem is making me look like an asshole right now. Not the kind of badass asshole I'm going for either.

Speaker 57 Okay?

Speaker 4 So Reed does that, and back to the interrogation. Degra does not appear to be intimidated whatsoever.

Speaker 21 By capturing us, you've accomplished nothing.

Speaker 22 So we got to go back to the drawing board.

Speaker 66 And in Sixbay, Flox is like, hey, I've been studying the physiology of these guys.

Speaker 66 And I think I know how to erase specific memories in Degra's mind.

Speaker 38 We could like erase all of the shit up until we met him.

Speaker 38 And suddenly we are in a McLaughlin group.

Speaker 24 Issue one.

Speaker 25 Like the idea for the fake shuttle and the like building a simulator and starting to trick Degra has all happened.

Speaker 39 And now they're just talking about the practicalities.

Speaker 43 Like, can we do this?

Speaker 11 Archer is talking to Paul about like kind of writing the backstory with him about all of the shit that would have happened in the three years.

Speaker 4 I got a special tingle when the conversation turned toward constructing a flight simulator, like on a gimbal and all that. Yeah.

Speaker 44 It was big fun.

Speaker 4 Trips like, we got a couple of Thrustmaster joysticks could outfit this thing with very realistic force feedback.

Speaker 4 The hide of 1998 technology.

Speaker 29 Phlox is a talented inksman, tattooist,

Speaker 55 unlike the fucking guy I went to.

Speaker 46 This is $10,000.

Speaker 80 You believe that?

Speaker 27 Ooh.

Speaker 4 That is not great.

Speaker 4 Yeah.

Speaker 36 But apparently that used to be all the rage among Flox's people.

Speaker 9 They're also going to, you know, put some loaf on Archer and fix his hair up, but they're also going to fix up Degra's hair and they're going to gray up their hair a little bit.

Speaker 40 We learned that imprisonment and torture will do to your hair kind of what Star Trek podcasting will do to your hair.

Speaker 39 Kind of, you know, take some of the luster out of it, you know.

Speaker 4 I don't know, man. Speak for yourself.
I'm still feeling good in the hair department.

Speaker 53 Yeah, I got a little gray at the temples.

Speaker 9 I feel like that's all this, all this show.

Speaker 4 Oh, it has nothing to do with having two small children.

Speaker 4 Are you sure about that, Doctor?

Speaker 60 They're great.

Speaker 4 Absolutely no stress.

Speaker 71 They're doing fine. They're doing good.

Speaker 14 Big ones pooing on the potty.

Speaker 4 Congratulations.

Speaker 27 Yeah.

Speaker 46 Anyway, so back in the simulator, Archer like sneaks back in, they seal it back up, and Degra wakes up to spatial anomalies causing bangers.

Speaker 11 And he's like, what about that substance you're supposed to coat your hull in the expanse?

Speaker 10 And Archer's like, this is a piece of shit.

Speaker 7 It doesn't have that.

Speaker 22 So we got to take it out of warp.

Speaker 4 Archer's like, look. Degra, I mean, we're kind of stuck here without you

Speaker 4 maybe communicating with your folks. Like, I feel like your contacts could really get us out of this situation if only you could blow in a distress call to them.
Right.

Speaker 4 And Dagger's like, I could, but I will not give you my pin code. I would like to type it myself.

Speaker 4 And so he like gets very close to the pin pad and like covers it with a palm of one of his hands and he types it in.

Speaker 38 Yeah, it's like Pee Wee going to his toy vault in the Christmas special.

Speaker 9 Yeah. Does not want you to see the code.

Speaker 4 I do have a yow, yow.

Speaker 45 This is like a secret comms channel for communicating with primate officials.

Speaker 43 So not even...

Speaker 46 Like arboreals seem like primates, but I guess that's not the terminology.

Speaker 4 Are Aqua Zindi using keyboards? That seems impossible, right? What exactly are they doing?

Speaker 4 Are they nosing a little beach ball into

Speaker 4 a cup

Speaker 4 to do their communications.

Speaker 56 Yeah, I think that's probably as advanced as they've gotten.

Speaker 4 They're like venting their blow holes out onto a keyboard.

Speaker 22 We're told that they're like unbelievably intelligent, but this is as far as they can get.

Speaker 43 You know, it's like, I don't know, guys.

Speaker 4 Look, this might get me into some hot water, but I do not believe Aquas and Debalong at the table for their deal.

Speaker 75 Come on.

Speaker 4 They're kind of a joke.

Speaker 22 You should have seen how fucking crazy the Zindi species, aside from the Aquas, went when a whale probe showed up in orbit of their planet trying to talk to the Aquas.

Speaker 13 Yeah.

Speaker 4 Hey, and when it comes time to evacuate the planet, I don't know, AquaZindy.

Speaker 19 Let's save the bird, Zindi, before the Aquas, right?

Speaker 29 I think so.

Speaker 4 Look, look, we just don't have the ability to build the tanks.

Speaker 70 Yeah.

Speaker 20 This is all happening while we get news from Reed that there is a Zindi ship heading toward the system.

Speaker 37 They're six hours out.

Speaker 56 This may be a problem that they will need to deal with sooner rather than later.

Speaker 4 And so. Ben, you have to make a bet.
You have to make a bet right now. I'm putting you on the spot.
Will we see an Aqua Zindi ship at any point?

Speaker 60 It's just like a fish tank with nacelles.

Speaker 4 It's just a brick-shaped,

Speaker 53 clear tank.

Speaker 4 And it moves so slowly because you don't want to slosh the water inside.

Speaker 38 Yeah, it's like, oh, that's cute.

Speaker 40 There's like a little, uh, a little treasure chest that has like some bubbles that come out of it periodically.

Speaker 4 I don't think we'll see one. I don't think the show has the nuts.

Speaker 7 Wow.

Speaker 29 We'll see.

Speaker 22 So, yeah, Degra has sent a distress call.

Speaker 58 Archer keeps kind of like.

Speaker 55 trying to get a little more information about where Degra's family is.

Speaker 32 So he's like, you know, what's it like where they are?

Speaker 4 I think crucially, he keeps trying to get Degra to drink

Speaker 4 in these moments because everyone knows the most reliable way to get information from someone is to get shithouse drunk with them.

Speaker 4 Like in this scene, Degra's actually enjoying the Andorian ale with him.

Speaker 27 Yeah.

Speaker 52 And talking about how bleak and desolate their colony is.

Speaker 38 And he starts talking about what motivated him to do the project.

Speaker 56 He's like, you know, like, I love my family.

Speaker 58 Even though I like moved them to this desolate, horrible place for my work, I would do anything to protect them in up to and including building a planet killer weapon.

Speaker 60 So yeah, feel pretty good about my life choices.

Speaker 29 And they start to get a scratchy radio broadcast.

Speaker 70 And this person represents themselves as Thalen, but it's actually Hoshi like doing a voice.

Speaker 82 And

Speaker 4 I wish it was more of an impression instead of an effect. Like Hoshi puts on a deep, weird voice.
Yeah.

Speaker 39 Ultimately, every time Hoshi does an impression, it just kind of sounds like Buffalo Bill.

Speaker 4 That's why people don't like Hoshi.

Speaker 50 Would you tell me where Azoti Prime is?

Speaker 68 I'd tell me where Azoti Prime is so fucking fast.

Speaker 4 Degra, it is me.

Speaker 4 Thalen, you're ready.

Speaker 50 Do you know where a Zotty Prime is? That's what we're trying to figure out.

Speaker 4 You remember how when we were kids, we used to run through the hose?

Speaker 4 Over and over, we'd get the hose again on a hot day.

Speaker 4 We go way back, you and me.

Speaker 4 Degra and Thalen.

Speaker 41 Me, Thalen.

Speaker 50 You know, after three years in an injectoid prison, I'm guessing you're going to want to moisturize, and I recommend putting the lotion on its skin.

Speaker 5 I won't cease or desist,

Speaker 4 Are you ever self-aware about

Speaker 4 how often you say your own name in any given conversation? Like this scene made me think of that. Like, I rarely ever say my name in any conversation.

Speaker 4 And when I do, it feels very like official, like we're doing business. or whatever.
But like,

Speaker 43 you're never going like,

Speaker 24 it's me, Ben Harrison.

Speaker 4 Well, there there was a time when we were kids where we'd have to do that, right? When we'd call people on the phone and a family member would pick up and you'd have to say, it's Adam.

Speaker 4 I'm calling for Ben. Can Ben come out and play or something? Yeah.
You don't really do that anymore in the way that Thalen has to. Hoshi Thalen.
Yeah.

Speaker 32 They don't have caller ID on subspace radio.

Speaker 57 Yeah.

Speaker 4 So this is another one of those checks that Degra is still too paranoid to go through, right?

Speaker 4 Like, yeah, it's his buddy Thalen on the line, but he doesn't want to give the coordinates to where this guy is to Archer. Again, he's going to go to the pin pad and keep it a secret.
Yeah.

Speaker 4 But it's not a secret because these pin pad types are going straight out into the simulator room.

Speaker 33 They got keystroke monitoring turned on.

Speaker 68 Yeah.

Speaker 82 And Archer's like, how, how far is it?

Speaker 39 And Degra's like, not too long.

Speaker 58 And Archer's got the like earpiece in.

Speaker 46 So DePaul radios in.

Speaker 39 This is a three-week journey, which is like, this is like the first moment where they're like

Speaker 4 do we want to believe Degra because if we actually go there on the assumption that this is the weapon like this is a long ass trip we might not find the weapon there when we get there it could be that Degra's onto us and is leading us astray I think it also is useful to remember that the Enterprise crew still isn't totally clear on how high up Degra is in this whole thing right right like he still seems to be a part of it but not the apex part of it that he actually is.

Speaker 4 And I think their relationship with, is this worth it, is very different if they knew that.

Speaker 27 Right.

Speaker 38 Like what a high-priority captive they actually have. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 46 A banger gets dropped on this shuttle, and it's not a banger that they were planning on because what is going on is the simulator hydraulics are acting up due to the radiation in the debris field.

Speaker 45 And again,

Speaker 58 they got to get out of the debris field.

Speaker 36 So Tepal orders this.

Speaker 50 And inside the shuttle, Archer is like making a good show of pretending to be at the controls and dealing with whatever turbulence they've encountered.

Speaker 4 It's got to be such a headfuck for Bakula, too.

Speaker 4 Like Bakula, who is now three and a half seasons into a show where he's got to act as though he's on a ship that is like getting bangers dropped on it, now has to be directed into

Speaker 4 not so persuasively depicting the bangers.

Speaker 41 Isn't that wild?

Speaker 4 Like, there's got to be a moment where Bakula takes a beat and he's like, all right, I think I know how to do that.

Speaker 47 Right.

Speaker 7 Yeah.

Speaker 42 Out of the corner of his eye, Degra sees that the window out which they are looking glitches out a little bit.

Speaker 27 That sucks.

Speaker 4 Sucks.

Speaker 27 Yeah.

Speaker 4 Those aren't real Starfield warp streaks.

Speaker 27 Yeah.

Speaker 25 So Degra is now wise and he calls Archer on it, like pretty immediately.

Speaker 49 And he's like, hey, like, we were in jail for three years and became friends over that time.

Speaker 37 What are the names of my kids?

Speaker 49 You surely remember?

Speaker 81 I must have talked about them a lot.

Speaker 4 And in his earpiece, Hoshi's like, we're trying to find out the information right now.

Speaker 4 I don't know why. I can't stop doing the voice.

Speaker 24 It's just very fun to me.

Speaker 50 It is like, genuinely speaking, a very fun voice to do.

Speaker 4 If this is the only impression I can do, I'm actually very okay with that.

Speaker 32 And you know, like, what are the, what are the chances it kind of sounds like Kevin Exbridge also?

Speaker 22 It does.

Speaker 50 I mean, it's not, it's not really a Kevin Exbridge impression at this point. It's more just a voice that you do.

Speaker 4 This is agonizing to Archer. Like,

Speaker 4 because he really needs the answer fast and he's got to create some time for this answer to be found. Peral and and Jaina are the names.

Speaker 4 And Degra's like, cool, yeah, everyone knows that, but which one's older?

Speaker 15 This is when he starts swinging a knife around.

Speaker 60 And this turns into, you know, close quarters combat in a tight space.

Speaker 52 And Archer actually wins this fight, but not before Trip and the Makos like...

Speaker 18 burst into the simulator.

Speaker 4 Yeah, like knife to the throat timing is when the door opens. Yeah.
About that.

Speaker 39 The other thing thing that Degra drops is that what you don't realize is that Azadi Prime is not a place where my people would have been allowed.

Speaker 39 Like in this context where the insectoids sprung a secret attack on all the other Zindi species, like my family would have gone first because there's a huge insectoid military facility there and they would have eradicated all of the non-insectoids right away.

Speaker 32 Despite all that, Archer, like game-recognized game.

Speaker 47 You're very tricky, and that was a really good ruse.

Speaker 11 Like, it was just a couple of little details that fucked it up for you.

Speaker 4 You really barashed me, Archer. Gotta say, I felt very barashed by you.

Speaker 32 Hey, rub some of that aloe vera on me because I got a barash.

Speaker 4 I love Archer in this moment. He's like, yeah,

Speaker 4 maybe.

Speaker 4 We only got this far this time, but how about we just re-rack the billiard balls here, here, wipe your brains once again, and start back from the beginning?

Speaker 39 But we're not sure if we have time for that because what we've been led to understand is that the weapon is very, very close to being completed.

Speaker 4 And like the question of when Degra knew that this was a Sherad is aired in this scene, too, because Hoshi's like, maybe he knew about it later and he just made up the coordinates. Or maybe he didn't.

Speaker 4 How are we supposed to know?

Speaker 22 Yeah, like there is a.

Speaker 26 Do we believe the coordinates he gave us?

Speaker 46 They're three weeks away.

Speaker 38 That could be a wild goose chase.

Speaker 4 Three weeks of weird times inside the expanse don't sound fun to anyone.

Speaker 36 No, there are these subspace vortices that they have observed this indie using.

Speaker 38 Like, could we, like, really quickly figure out how they do that and get there really quickly?

Speaker 4 I think there's something so perfect about the way you said that because learning about a thing very quickly quickly to do something very fast seems very dangerous. Like

Speaker 4 you should do one of those things slow to ensure your survival, right?

Speaker 43 In the fuck it hold my beer parlance,

Speaker 81 it seems like not a great choice, but they're talking about this and suddenly we are trying it.

Speaker 4 I love these cuts. I love talking about it.
cutting right into doing it.

Speaker 4 And Tepal's in command and Archer's given orders from engineering and the ship is underway and it's all bangers all the time at this point.

Speaker 62 It's insane.

Speaker 23 And so Reed goes and gets Degra and Thalen.

Speaker 25 There's that third Zendi guy that doesn't have a name and just like appears to have no responsibilities of any kind.

Speaker 82 It's great.

Speaker 39 He gets left in the brig, but Reed is like bringing them up to the bridge to see if they can help stabilize the vortex because the ship is in such grave danger.

Speaker 45 And

Speaker 35 it's probably the bangeriest sequence we've seen on Enterprise.

Speaker 39 Like, it is really fucking kinetic and crazy for a long time.

Speaker 4 I mean,

Speaker 4 is this just Reed wrangling three Zindi? Like, with all the bangers and him having a phaser, like, he drags him over to engineering and he's like, he's kind of bad lieutenanting the Zindy.

Speaker 41 He's like...

Speaker 4 You, you fixed the slipstream. You, show me.

Speaker 29 Show me how you fix the engine.

Speaker 30 The bangers dissipate.

Speaker 22 We're told like over the radio, this is something that Travis Mayweather did.

Speaker 25 On the bridge, we see a red giant up on the view screen. We're here.

Speaker 4 They made it. Amazing.

Speaker 28 And Archer kicks Degra off the bridge and reveals, hey, we fooled you, motherfucker.

Speaker 60 This was a trick.

Speaker 4 Such a great moment here because...

Speaker 4 Archer lets Degra hang himself.

Speaker 4 Like, it seems like like business as usual when they see the red giant on the screen. Like, all right, time to kick ass.
Oh, by the way, let's get these fucking Zindi off the bridge.

Speaker 4 And almost, like, on his way out, almost over his shoulder, Degra's like, you guys are fucked.

Speaker 4 The perimeter defense is going to get you. God damn it.

Speaker 27 Yeah.

Speaker 13 You should never have even tried to come here to Azadi Prime, the place you definitely were trying to find.

Speaker 31 Yeah.

Speaker 4 Yeah. And so it's clear that Degra has been been double barashed.
A double barashing.

Speaker 88 Thanks for your help.

Speaker 18 Take him to 6bay.

Speaker 10 A barash on both sides.

Speaker 18 Yeah.

Speaker 55 And they knock out Degra and Thalen and unnamed third Zindi,

Speaker 26 re-erase their memories, put them back on their ship, leave it there, and bug out.

Speaker 24 There

Speaker 13 has to be

Speaker 4 a side effect to repeated memory wipes.

Speaker 4 Like, there is no fucking way Degra is 100% after this, right?

Speaker 29 Yeah.

Speaker 7 Degra is going to, like, sue the league for his CTE

Speaker 49 is what's going to happen. Yeah.

Speaker 19 Very, like, brief Archer log to say, like, we now know where to go.

Speaker 13 I hope this is.

Speaker 38 all going to be over soon in a very like famous last words kind of way.

Speaker 4 Yeah, that really is a one way or another kind of way to put it, isn't it?

Speaker 30 It is. But

Speaker 39 did you like this episode? I can't pay. Couldn't plate.

Speaker 3 Got no case. Tempting fate.

Speaker 4 I like

Speaker 4 Truman show style pieces of media like this felt.

Speaker 29 I love a good barashing.

Speaker 4 And it feels like this episode has that.

Speaker 24 It always.

Speaker 31 This is if Nathan Fielder had a Star Trek show.

Speaker 4 It always introduces that little kernel of doubt in my mind, though. Anytime I see a story like this, I can't help but look at my own surroundings with a little more scrutiny.

Speaker 4 I can't help but feel a little strange tingle about my own life, you know, and then that immediately goes away, like very quickly, because of course this is real and none of this is fake.

Speaker 27 But

Speaker 4 to see it, like, you know how there's that way of thinking that goes like we might be in a simulation? Like eventually future tech would advance to such an extent that

Speaker 4 real life as we perceive it today would be like indistinguishable from what a high-powered computer simulator could create in the future.

Speaker 27 Yeah.

Speaker 4 And when I see that this is just like a group of six people on the enterprise putting together a simulation like this, I'm like, they got nothing and they're doing a great job. And they got Degra

Speaker 4 really twisted around the axle of his mind here for for a long time like it would take so little to do that to our

Speaker 4 21st century brains you know yeah yeah it really makes me think in a fun way and not a way that is going to fit me for a straitjacket like it doesn't drive me crazy it's just very thought-provoking in a fun way that i like yeah

Speaker 39 yeah like This is a little after the era of Hollywood where like, you know, there was like open your eyes and the matrix and the Truman show where like yeah there was a real moment for reality is not what it seems

Speaker 52 type movies and I feel like this is like a even more paranoid take on that as an idea because of this like the small scale of it like makes it so much more intense and yeah I also just love like sort of making Degra the main character of the episode.

Speaker 56 Like he's somebody that we've really learned very little about up until now.

Speaker 63 And this is,

Speaker 4 didn't you?

Speaker 39 Interesting way to flesh him out as a character.

Speaker 4 And maybe for the first time, I feel like he's formidable. Like, he was beaten here by Archer.
Yeah. But he did, even in a very weakened state, put up a pretty good fight mentally.

Speaker 44 Like,

Speaker 4 he was up to the challenge here in a way that I respect, in a way that I needed to respect by the bad guy of the series. You know, it was time to know more about him.

Speaker 10 Well, it's also time to learn more about our viewers in the Priority One inbox, Adam.

Speaker 62 Do you want to go over there with me?

Speaker 4 Cannot wait. There's going to be no form of mind erasing that could remove these from the show, Ben.

Speaker 4 Priority one message from Starfleet coming in on secured channel.

Speaker 62 Need a supplemental income.

Speaker 79 Supplemental income. Supplemental.

Speaker 41 Supplemental income.

Speaker 79 Yeah, it's extra.

Speaker 2 But the interest alone could be enough to buy this ship.

Speaker 64 This first one is of a promotional nature, and it goes like this.

Speaker 25 Everybody knows that the Bible is an ancient book.

Speaker 31 What our theory presupposes is it's actually being released now as a streaming TV show that's a big budget hot mess.

Speaker 32 Follow along at Wrath of Pod.

Speaker 28 FODs Marcus and Deanna review every bizarre plot point of this fictional series.

Speaker 71 If you don't take the Bible too seriously, join them to ask, was there some chemistry between Eve and the snake?

Speaker 39 Why is Abraham in trouble with HR?

Speaker 65 And is that a wrestling trophy on God's mantle? Guaranteed track reference in every podcast app.

Speaker 29 And the call to action is listen and subscribe to Wrath of Pod in your podcast app.

Speaker 27 About that.

Speaker 4 What a great subject.

Speaker 4 Yeah, this is great. You don't need to take that too seriously, just as Wrath of Pod does.

Speaker 4 I'm reminded of, I just saw Rory Scoville do an hour in LA, and a big, big part of his set was about the crucifixion of Jesus.

Speaker 4 And holy moly.

Speaker 4 That was an amazing 20 minutes of comedy. Man.
Like you can make fun and funny out of things out of the Bible. And I am very curious to hear what Marcus and Deanna do here.

Speaker 74 I'm into it.

Speaker 7 Yeah.

Speaker 68 The weird old storiness of it is like such a fun, it's such a fun idea to adapt that to a

Speaker 18 like modern streaming TV concept.

Speaker 4 You got to teach the controversy.

Speaker 7 Yeah.

Speaker 43 Sounds like they're kind of early in the book, too, based on some of these references.

Speaker 49 I mean, Abraham and the snake and all that stuff.

Speaker 38 Like, oh, yeah.

Speaker 58 I feel like you could get on board right at the beginning of this thing and write it like a rocket ship.

Speaker 4 Yeah, you don't want to miss too much of the establishing stuff with the Bible. You're just gonna get lost completely.

Speaker 62 Yeah, by the time they're in like the New Testament, you're gonna be like, I don't know what the fuck is going on, you know?

Speaker 7 Yeah, no, yeah, Wrath of Pod is the podcast.

Speaker 70 Go check it out.

Speaker 4 Then we got a priority one message here that is of a personal nature. It's from she who is your lover girl, and it is to he who is my lover boy.
Here's that message: surprise!

Speaker 4 A priority one message. I've so loved voyaging the final frontier with you this past year, aka

Speaker 4 tussling with Paramount Plus.

Speaker 4 Who knew that a round, adorable, predatory bone drinker could beam me back into the trekky life? Let's keep boldly going. Together.
Hashtag justice for Porthos.

Speaker 4 Oh. And a request here at the end.
Play as many moopsy drops as there were tribbles invading Kronosh.

Speaker 32 What happened to Porthos that Porthos needs justice? Oh, no.

Speaker 13 I've heard of justice for Tubics, but...

Speaker 4 Oh, no, man.

Speaker 4 Yeah. Oh, this is dark.
This is a dark thought.

Speaker 27 Yeah.

Speaker 4 Something bad happens to Porthos.

Speaker 61 I'm bracing myself.

Speaker 4 Are we going to shoot him out of a torpedo tube? Hmm.

Speaker 9 Of all the souls I've met in my travels, his was the most

Speaker 14 canine. Hmm.

Speaker 4 Yeah.

Speaker 4 Yeah. Really makes you think just as these two priority one messages made us think and read.

Speaker 4 That's part of the deal with priority one messages. You write out your thing to say.
We say it in a fun, adorable way to our legion of FODs out in the world.

Speaker 4 Commercial and personal messages, both great ways to support the production of our show. And you can do it at maximumfun.org/slash jobotron.

Speaker 13 We really appreciate it.

Speaker 60 Hey, Adam.

Speaker 30 What?

Speaker 51 Did you find yourself drunk, Shimoda?

Speaker 63 Incredible.

Speaker 6 Drunk Shimoda!

Speaker 4 Yeah, there was the interrogation scene. I don't know if it was the second or the first one.
I think it was the second one. Archer rolls in.

Speaker 4 They've thrown Degra in the brig. It's a Mike Vihar episode, and his composition is foreground Degra, background Zindi Hench laying on the bunk in the back in soft focus, totally expressionless.

Speaker 4 Just like chilling the most back there as a witness to what's happening. I just thought that was funny.
Like, he didn't need to be in the composition, but he was. He was the entire time.

Speaker 4 I don't even know if they go to a single with Degra at all. It's just all this two-shot.
And I just thought that was great. Like, Bunk Bed Zindy is going to be by Drunk Shimoda.

Speaker 75 Nice.

Speaker 61 My Drunk Shimoda is...

Speaker 25 Somebody in the crew.

Speaker 72 I don't know if this would be a person in the props department or the sets department or what, but there's that scene in the, I think it's in in the command center when they're talking about like, what if we really quickly figure out how to use Zindy vortexes?

Speaker 75 There's like a star map in El Car's representation in the background, and there is like the Apple mouse pointer just like right superimposed over it.

Speaker 64 Like they didn't move the mouse pointer away.

Speaker 4 Well, you don't want to accidentally trigger the screensaver.

Speaker 26 Yeah, that's the thing.

Speaker 33 So this is at 37 minutes and seven seconds seconds for those looking for the time code.

Speaker 27 But

Speaker 29 yeah, just bump me right out of the episode.

Speaker 13 Like, oh,

Speaker 29 there's a mouse clicker.

Speaker 4 That's pretty great. Yeah.

Speaker 65 Fun stuff. Faith of the fart.

Speaker 72 Well, Adam, we got to talk about what's coming up next on

Speaker 28 the show and how we will be doing it.

Speaker 4 Have to.

Speaker 25 The next episode will be season three, episode

Speaker 69 15 of Star Trek Enterprise.

Speaker 46 It's called Harbinger.

Speaker 71 And the description is: As Archer tries to unravel a mystery of a rescued alien, long-simmering feelings explode among his senior officers.

Speaker 44 Oh, shit.

Speaker 4 Wow.

Speaker 80 Some fucking is going to take place.

Speaker 25 I see Thomas Copachi in the credits list for this upcoming episode.

Speaker 4 Unbelievable.

Speaker 37 A beloved Star Trek, that guy.

Speaker 4 Oh, yeah. Yeah, the old

Speaker 4 Cowboy catheter guy.

Speaker 46 Cowboy Catheter guy.

Speaker 58 He's the

Speaker 20 guy that only sells white socks.

Speaker 7 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 81 He's got a lot of important roles.

Speaker 4 Well, Ben, I rolled last time, and I got us onto this square, the decontamination square. That means we're on square 69.
I'm really curious about what your role is going to send us to.

Speaker 4 What deeply humiliating wave we'll be reviewing the next episode.

Speaker 75 As am I, Adam.

Speaker 39 I've got this hundred-sided dice in my hand, and it could take us anywhere.

Speaker 70 So I'm going to go ahead and roll it.

Speaker 80 You're required to learn as you play.

Speaker 60 Roll.

Speaker 24 Wow, I rolled a 70. Tula!

Speaker 79 Did I win?

Speaker 32 Hardly.

Speaker 13 Rocketing us all the way up through the board and back to square 39.

Speaker 4 Hmm. That looks like a regular old episode.

Speaker 79 That'll be a regular episode for you and me.

Speaker 7 All right. Okay.

Speaker 4 Can live with that.

Speaker 7 Yeah.

Speaker 40 Hey, I can live with the support of the Friends of DeSoto who make this show possible by setting up a membership at maximumfund.org slash join.

Speaker 7 I can literally live with it because that is how I pay my bills and how Adam pays his bills and how all of the employees of the X-Bridge Shimoda Corporation make a living.

Speaker 12 And

Speaker 8 we really, really appreciate the largesse of the friends of DeSoto who make this thing possible for us.

Speaker 4 Without it, we go back to regular jobs and you lose the show. That's the reality.
It would suck.

Speaker 50 Got to thank Wendy Pretty, our producer and editor, makes this show sing every single time.

Speaker 40 I got to thank Bill Tilley, our

Speaker 8 Zindy Wartime consigliary.

Speaker 8 making the trading cards that I laugh at every week when they get published.

Speaker 76 God,

Speaker 2 Bill has not lost a step with those trading cards, by the way.

Speaker 7 Nope.

Speaker 16 Still just like as delightful to me as when they started to show up on social media way back in the day when we first started this show.

Speaker 4 I don't know why we didn't mention this until now. Today, if you're listening to this show on the day it drops, the day of the Prana Cabana.

Speaker 7 is nigh. Whoa.

Speaker 4 It is today. Bill Tilley said he was going to be at Prana Cabana.
So

Speaker 4 if you're in Vegas, come to the Rio Pool Deck area where we will have a Cabana as we do most years. We're going to be partying the most with a bunch of FODs, Bill and Wendy and me and Ben.

Speaker 4 It'll be fantastic.

Speaker 58 We got to thank Rob Adler, our social media director, who runs the at Greatest Trek social media accounts with Bill.

Speaker 20 Also writes the greatest newsletter, which I encourage you to sign up for at goch.biz slash mail, or you can just go to greatest trek.com now.

Speaker 8 Of course, you can sign up for that.

Speaker 33 Put a lot of work into that. It comes out once a month.

Speaker 76 Lots of info about the show and how things are going over here.

Speaker 8 You get the knuck of the month in the greatest newsletter. That's always important information.

Speaker 39 Really solid stuff.

Speaker 4 Sure is. Love keeping in touch with the FODs.

Speaker 8 We got to thank Adam Ragusia, our co-host on Wholesome, our secret patrons-only podcast, but also the very, very talented composer and arranger behind our parody of Diane Warren's original Star Trek Enterprise song.

Speaker 16 And we've got to thank Dark Materia,

Speaker 8 creator of the Picard song.

Speaker 76 With that, we will be back at you

Speaker 39 next week with another great episode of Star Trek Enterprise, an episode of the Greatest Generation.

Speaker 33 The Laramies are working out good.

Speaker 4 Really nice.

Speaker 4 Good job.

Speaker 4 Make it so.

Speaker 4 Make it so.

Speaker 4 Maximum Fun, a workaround network of artist-owned shows, supported directly by you.