They Paved Over Urquat With a Parking Lurquat (ENT S3E3)

Here's to the finest crew in starving. When it comes to my crew, you won't get any argument from me.

Welcome to the Greatest Generation. It's a Star Trek podcast by a couple of guys just a little bit embarrassed about having a Star Trek podcast.
I'm Adam Peranica. I'm Ben Harrison.

Adam, we have an important business meeting later, and we were talking about should we

not drink the coconut drink?

You know,

should we kick? Should we reschedule the business meeting? Should we reschedule the record?

I mean, just to be clear, you were the one with these concerns. I feel fine about having a meeting with our friend and agent more than an hour after the end of this episode.

Yeah, I mean,

I was shocked by that because you've canceled. I mean, not you haven't canceled, you've just not done the assignment because you had a stationary bike session planned for later.

Yeah, I come up with all sorts of reasons not to do what we're supposed to do. Last episode, you rolled, I did, and we hit a Coco Nono square.
I almost forgot

another Coco Nono.

Credible,

Coco Nono. It's a hell of a combination.
Drink will be gone. I think I've had enough already.
This is gonna help me.

another Coco no bullshit.

Another Coco no no, Coco Coco no Coco no no Coco no no more

isn't better

which it should be known is distinct from a read alert

because this is just a tiki themed drunkisode and a read alert is a pineapple drink drunk esoe. Right.
So similar, like here's the thing.

A read alert drink could be a Coco no no drink, but I don't think a Coco no no drink could necessarily be a read Alert drink unless it had pineapple in it.

Yeah, I think that you know, it's like a square is a rectangle, but not all rectangles are squares kind of a thing. Absolutely, yeah.

Yeah, I think we rolled a one for the first time in the history of the hundred-sided die, also. Yeah, a critical fail on a dice that makes it very hard to do that.

Should bring you to roll craps with me. If you can roll a couple of those in a predictable way, that could be very profitable.

If you want to win, you you got a hit

what a fun callback

anything special in particular about the uh the beverage you've made today yeah so my wife and I just over the weekend we were talking about the the plan that we've had we've got kind of a a patio backyard with a couple of areas

under under these

They're not pergolas, right? What are they? I think pergolas

is the term. I mean, some of them,

your backyard is distinct among any backyard i've ever been to in terms of like it's not i i don't want to make anyone think it's like a huge backyard but it is very distinctively it's weird full of areas there's so many little areas it's not my favorite part of this house But one area in particular is basically unused.

It's the area between the studio building, the ADU that was turned into a studio, and like the main house where we live.

And this is the place where we stick our garbage cans and this is a place where we park one of our cars. This is like a wasted space.
Like

we don't know what to do with it. And so many months ago, we thought maybe this would be a fun place to do a tiki bar.

And it's a shock that my wife would even be into this because I brought this up.

when we lived in our Seattle house and we had a basement and a basement feels like a tiki bar more than an outdoor area. Right.

But when I mentioned this, it actually got some traction with her. And we were just talking about it over the weekend.

She, a little more derisively about it, was like, you know, if you want to do a tiki bar, you better start

making with the tiki drinks, you know?

Because

we've done martini Fridays for the last few months.

Like, we're doing cocktails fairly regularly, but we're not doing tiki drinks nearly as regularly as we should if we style ourselves as a future tiki bar situation.

I can understand the instinct of not thinking your wife would be into tiki bar, but she's a very festive person. She loves a fest.

I think that like a fun weird Z is kind of right up her alley in a cool way. And this area is such a trash place.
Like there's nothing there. Nothing's going to be there.

If we put something there and then we move away, we can easily like tear it down,

which I think cuts against what we'd want to do if we were to build a tiki bar out there, which would be like, make it fun and nice. Yeah.

So, as we go to tiki bars over the last few months, we've been like taking pictures and noting things that we liked about how they're decorated. Putting a Pinterest board together.
Yeah.

So, who knows if that will ever happen, but it is a nice thought. But what it did is kick off a more regular tiki drink making

kind of situation for us. And one of the drinks we made over the weekend ended up being something that I really, really enjoyed.
So I remade it again as a double.

This is a recipe that I got from the Smuggler's Cove tiki cocktail book, which is a fantastic book. If you are tiki cocktail curious in any way,

probably the gold standard of what you want to go off of. What sucks about this book is that it is so good.

It also requires specialty ingredients for a lot of stuff that you tend to accumulate over time if this is something that you're going to make your deal.

Anyway, we found a recipe that we could make on zero notice called the piñata.

And the piñata is three ounces of pineapple juice,

one ounce fresh lemon juice, a half to a quarter ounce of Demerara syrup, which you make yourself, an ounce of ginger liqueur, a half an ounce of allspice dram, an ounce of black blended rum, and an ounce of blended lightly aged rum.

Yeah.

I happen to have all these things. We made the syrup syrup out of the sugar we already had, but a viewer sent us ginger liqueur.
I believe that was Jonathan Heffler that sent us that ginger liqueur.

Jonathan Heffler coming in clutch with our ability to make the piñata. Yeah.

So you shake and strain all these ingredients together and then top with freshly grated nutmeg and you will get what I have poured here into a 10-forward glass. It kind of looks like a

like a hazy IPA. It looks more eerie than it does tiki,

but it's delicious. I love this cocktail.
And if you'd like to see the recipe or any of the pictures of it, we'll post it to our social media. Yeah.
For tastings, testings, and

whatever else they say on Test Kitchen.

Yeah, and then you're like, fuck, I have to pay for this? God damn it.

And then you're like, fuck, I already do pay for it.

Why am being run through a bunch of password hoops constantly yeah what are you making and drinking ben

listen i've gotten to a place in my blender cocktail journey where i'm not really measuring things you're the bartender pouring away the profits

I am. You've become what Taffer hates the most, Ben.
Shut it down.

I know, but I'm not selling these. and I

feel like it's more that I can see the matrix, you know? Like, you are far more experienced at cocktail making than I am. I need the recipe for sure.
So, I'm going to give this a guess.

My guess is that this is about

an ounce and a half of Coco Real or similar, like a coconut cream, like the, it's the sweetened condensed milk of coconut milk, basically.

Like that. And this comes in a squeeze bottle a lot of the time, but it's also sometimes in a can.

So ounce and a half of that, two ounces lime juice, three ounces rum, fist full of frozen pineapple chunks from the like smoothie ingredient aisle in the freezer section. Yeah.

And then like scoop of ice blender until smooth, and then I topped with some

black pot still

goslings.

So that's about what I did. And, you know, tweak to taste after that, you know, if it's too tart, more sugar.
And if it's too sweet, more booze.

That was a killer move that I learned from you when you were doing the drink about it show. Is like, you don't just have to accept that it tastes a certain way.
Like, you really can tweak it. Yeah.

Yeah.

What I don't like about my drink is that there was no suggestion or instruction to pour over ice. Yeah.
Instead, it was

pour it into a hollowed out pineapple. I didn't have one of those.

You didn't have a safe in the corner of your office with a hollowed-out pineapple signed by the president? Ritter has like a giant gun safe just full of hollowed-out pineapples.

And I wanted to pour this into like an insulated cup to keep it cold, but then I was like, that's not going to look good for the people watching the stream. So I'm just going to.
This is what I did.

I took the Yeti insulated cup that our friends at Stage Pilot sent me one year and

kept it cold. That's a great move by you.
I'm just going to try to drink as fast as I can. How's that? Hey, you know what?

Right before our meeting with our friend and agent, I'm going to just whip up one more of these and I'll take a nice picture in a, you know, in a good-looking glass so that

I can be shithouse drunk for our important business meeting. And also we have something for the socials.
It's going to be great. Rob's going to kill me if I don't do that.

One way or another, after this meeting, we're going to have something for the socials.

Something for the show, though, Ben, is what's next. What do you say we get into our

comedic review of this episode of Star Trek Enterprise? It's Star Trek Enterprise Season 3, Episode 3. It's called Extinction.
Gotta free speech and guitar.

So we've got some spacemans, and they're chasing a red man through a Searce Garden Center at night. I mean the man isn't red.
His clothes are red. I couldn't really tell.
He was running too fast.

He does that thing though when you're running away. Why does everyone trip? Pick up your feet if you're running for your life.

This always happens. It really does.
Yeah. Here's what I'll tell you.
If I ever have to run for my life, the way I'm getting got isn't by tripping over my own feet. Tell you that much.
No.

I'm going to get hit by a car by running out into the street, or someone I didn't notice up ahead is going to thwack me in the face with a bat or something. Like there's an accomplice.

Yeah, yeah, exactly. It's not going to be on me.
I think accomplice would get me, for sure. Accomplices always get me.

One thing I really like about our space-suited goons is they are brandishing a weapon you don't often see space-suited goons have, which is flamethrowers. Yeah.

This is a big surprise because initially they just look like rifles. Yeah.
But then they turn them on. These are rifles with pilot lights.
Yeah.

It becomes clear that they are incinerating this poor schmuck. This guy's well done.
And that's our cold open.

After the theme, Enterprise is underway and T'Paul is underdressed in her quarters or dressed just right for a massage session with Trip Tucker. You sure I'm I'm not bothering you? Not at all.

In exchange for her mentoring in this area, Trip has brought a gift of fresh Georgia peaches, and she doesn't even have to eat them in front of him if she doesn't want to, but he kind of does want her to, and so she does.

And I think she likes it. It's hard to tell when a Vulcan tastes something, if they're digging what they're tasting or not.
I think surprise to a Vulcan often looks like liking a thing because

I played this this moment back a couple of times. Like she does kind of look surprised.
She only takes that one bite though. Yeah.
You know?

Like,

is this just Drip sending her a peach emoji?

That's really funny. That's really fun.

Yeah.

The fact that there's two in that weird dish that he brought them in seems suggestive also, but she's a little bit salty with him because he's canceled a bunch of these Vulcan acupressure sessions and he hasn't been sleeping well because of it.

So she's like, you know, you're only hurting yourself by not showing up for these. And he's like, this always takes so long.

It's mostly about time management. I love it when they get down to business and Trip leaves his shoes on.
Hold on, you never said anything about feet. Is that a problem?

She wants Trip Tucker to post feet on Maine and he won't do it. So they get to work and there's a moment in here where it sure looks like Trip has released his tension.

And before they get to do the, you know, like, I brought this up before, Ben.

I don't know if it was familiar to anyone else, but like, when you do the college back rub, there is then the moment where that is reciprocated.

Before there's a chance for that to be reciprocated, it's interrupted by a call to the wall thingy. Wall thingy

interrupt us, and it's the captain calling to Paul to the command center, where he has his Zindi database up on the screen. He's found evidence of another species of Zindi.

This one evolved from arboreal primates. He's also figured out how their navigation logs work.
And so the ship that they discovered, they can backtrace it to the planet it visited most recently.

And that is why they decided to go to the place that they go to.

Do you think they styled Captain Archer as bedraggled here, or is it just too dark to know? Because I feel like the show wants us to believe that Archer's like, he doesn't have any hours.

He's just working around the clock.

He's obsessed with cracking this case. I wish he had like a little after-five shadow or something

in this moment because it does seem like not his job to be going through the database page by page, line by line. Yeah.

Like something that maybe a team of people could be doing to greater effect and, you know, he could be getting some sleep from time to time. Yeah.
This sort of implies that he's not sleeping. No.

The thing about this planet that they call up on the map is that they're only a day away from there. So why don't they go check it out? So they do.
There's some discussion about, like,

I mean, we found a Zindi ship. Are these the Zindi that killed Florida? Are the Zindi a monolith?

You know, like, would you hold these Zindi responsible for the crimes of other Zindi that they don't even know? Yeah. Would you want that to happen to you with humanity?

Seems like maybe no. Yeah.
I feel like an entire episode of TNG was like elighted in three lines in the scene.

Archer's like, man, I wish when they took out the drawer with that dead Zindi in it, I took a picture because it was such a crispy critter in there. Like, am I really sure this isn't that?

And that isn't this? I mean, that's sort of to Paul's side of the conversation. She's like, cool, you found

ape Zindi. Neat.

But as stated in a previous episode, like, there are many different sorts of Zindi, and we don't know if they're affiliated in any way. I mean, from the...

Zindi Legion of Doom scenes that we've seen, it does seem like each race of Zindi sends one representative to speak for all of them. Yeah.

So maybe the arboreals are a monolith and the aquatics are a monolith, but who knows? These Zindi have chosen to be that voice.

So they show up at this planet and find no signs of humanoid life, but they do find a little island that has landing craft on it.

And so it's time to pile into a shuttle pod and go down to the Sears Garden Center playset. Aboard the shuttle is Archer, Reed, TePaul, and Hoshi.

And on the surface, they're looking around the scene we saw in the cold open.

It's night still. They got flashlights out.
They're skulking around. And they finally find this craft.
And the craft has the doors open. And Archer clocks it as a Zindi ship.
And Hoshi...

ages it at being there for about two weeks. It's got an amount of decay

that's consistent with a ship that's had its doors open on the on the surface of a jungle planet for two weeks. That blew my mind.
Yeah, yeah. I believe this, right?

Like, if you've ever, like, been in a snowy place and seen somebody that left their window open a crack overnight during a, you know, and their car is totally full of fucking snow.

I bet jungle does the same thing, you know? Like, or locally, like, LA is a very dusty place. I know precisely what a car looks like if it hasn't been washed for two weeks.

I drive them.

Yeah. So does the computer on this thing still work? That's a good question.
I mean, there might be more intelligence to gather. Right.
They only got 90% of the database.

Could they grab the last 10% here?

Could they also grab a dead crispy body on the ground not far away or another dead crispy body? These aren't Zindi dead crispy bodies.

Yeah, they do seem to keep finding bodies that have been mostly incinerated.

It's like that scene in Dirty Work where Norm McDonald keeps popping trunks during that commercial they're shooting for the car dealership, and they're just awful at dead hookers.

That wasn't a dead hooker! Hell, I know a dead hooker when I see one. Like, everywhere they walk, it's just a totally crispy, dead body.
Yeah, because Hoshi finds one, and Reed finds one, and

Reed is complaining about like the humidity. God, my tiki drink is kicking like a mule.
Are you feeling yours at all? This is what I was worried about. We've got a fucking meeting.

No, I'm glad it's happening soon.

We're gonna, here's what's gonna happen. Rocket ship to top altitude and then

soft descent into meeting. That's what's happening.
All right. I'll take your word for it.
I feel like I don't like the humidity is low-key.

adjacent to character coughing into a little hanky and there being a spatter of blood.

Like, you know, somebody is not going to be great going forward in a show when they start complaining about the heat.

Yeah, and that, I mean, here's the thing, though, that they make Reed the person to articulate it first also makes it seem as though, like, yeah, Reed complains about everything. Maybe it's nothing.

He's feeling a bit peckish,

but he plays it off like the guy who's been bitten by a vampire. As much as my autocorrect,

my horny autocorrect would love this to be the truth. Tapal does not have load appearing on her face.
Only once. On Ryza.
She has loaf appearing on her face.

And this seems to be like rippling and warping around and causing her some discomfort. It doesn't matter what TV show or movie it is.
I think Cabin Fever did this maybe the most effectively.

But like when stuff is under your skin moving,

that's horror to me. And especially on your face.
Yeah.

oh,

I remember in The Devil's Advocate, Charlize Theron is out trying on fancy clothes in a changing room with a lady, and she's like topless, and that happens.

And it like takes a scene where you're like, all right, naked lady to ah,

terrifying naked lady. You've never enjoyed naked lady since.

Totally put me off naked lady. It's good faith to believe

I can do it.

Reed suddenly looks like a frog man. Tin Mao.
Yeah, like the mutation really flies off a cliff pretty fast. We are speed running something.

Like, there's the episode of TNG where Jordy turns into Invisible Guy. There's the episode of Voyager where

Tom Parris turns into a horny amphibian that fucks horny amphibian Janeway. Yeah.
This happens so much faster than that.

I feel like this question is closely related to the question of like, do you want to die in a nuclear blast initially or do you want to survive for a long time and then die in pain?

Like, do you, if given the choice, do you want a fast mutation or do you want to like see it happening?

I mean, I think that there's sort of like the American werewolf in London midpoint where it's fast enough that it's not like excruciating pain that lasts for hours,

but it's not so fast that you don't get to enjoy it.

That's funny. I guess you're right.
Like, if I'm going to mutate, I at least want it to be a ride. Yeah.
Like, I don't want to just snap my fingers and, like, all of a sudden I'm transformed.

The makeup department did not have to come up with that many different intermediate phases of the loaf for these moments.

And I think what you're saying is that it's that decision wagging the production dog here. Yeah.
We even get like a zoom in on Archer's guts at some point. This is so good.
I love this.

I love it every time I see it. The punch in inside the chest.
I've never seen so many ribs. Yeah.
They do this in gremlins. Did three.
Oh, they do do this in gremlins.

I was thinking Three Kings was like

the thing I could cite. They did it in Magnolia, too, when they were introducing the old man with cancer.
Sure, sure. So, yeah, his guts are even warping about.

And Mayweather, up in the big chair, left in command. Why?

What?

I paused the episode at this point.

Well, the captain was leaving the bridge, and he was like, all right,

you've got the con.

And he looked around the room, and Mayweather just turned around and gave him that beautiful fucking smile. And he's like, Mayweather! Winning smile.
Yeah. Just like being back in the war.

Who are you? Captain Travis Mayweather.

Parents must be very proud. When I was a kid, we called it the sweet spot.
Who are you? I'm the captain. I guess growing up a boomer has its advantages.
And your mom, very proud. That's true.

Takes practice.

Other than keeping into Mayweather up at night, I'm not sure what we expect to accomplish here.

To Paul, like distress calls, and

it is a, you know, something is changing us. Something fucked up is going on down here.

And... Something's fucked up down here, and it ain't us.

And to some extent, it is us.

She gets attacked by the captain and Hoshi. She shoots Archer, but then Hoshi gets her.
Japal tries to run, but it sort of seems like she's like, she's like not breathing that well, maybe.

Yeah, I mean, her changes have been stunted a little bit. There's also a bunch of like crosstalk between mutant hoshi and mutant archer.

There's like some gibberish. They're the unintelligible X-Men

kind of talking about what they're supposed to do. They tie DePaul up and make like a pretty elaborate makeshift carry-all

for a captured body. This was so weird.
This is, I think, low-key an important detail to the transformation because it's not as though you are transformed and there's any part of you left.

Like your body is transformed, but also your mind is transformed in such a way that it has specific interests and knowledge.

And one of your areas of expertise is like building an improvised stretcher out of the jungle that's around there. Bushcraft, I guess.
Yeah.

Yeah.

Like they watch

a million hours of the primitive technology YouTube channel or something.

Like the next thing they make is one of those like cone-shaped baskets and catch fish in a brook. Yeah, it's really great.
They're ready for Naked and Afraid.

They take her to a clearing and she's trying to convince them to untie her and Hoshi, Crow Hoshi, doesn't really want to untie her, but Crow Archer is

sort of displaying some like dominance in the group and does it anyway. You know, it seems like he's like sort of scent-based.

He does a lot of smelling of TePaul and other things throughout this episode.

We've got to talk about the physical performance attributes of our actors who have been transformed here. Because

it's one thing to say that they've been mutated and they're covered in loaf and whatever. But there is a third element to this, which is a sort of like they're clowning a little bit.

Like, like so much of their performance is physical. It's the gibberish too, but like it's posture.
It's the weird clicking they make. It's, it's like the headcock

of things. They're a little bird-like or like velociraptor-like in the way they react to stimuli.
I want to say this. I don't give a lot of flowers to Scott Bakula.
Bakula disappeared in this role.

His voice didn't sound like himself. Everything about him physically seemed different.

The fucking goofy wigs that they have to wear, like, I tell you what, if you've got to be a mutated creature on Star Trek, a big goofy wig is really going to help you sell it.

I thought the wig carried a lot of this episode. Yeah, I mean, I think that it's also just instructive of like a choice that Star Trek makes.

over and over again, which is not to make aliens like this that much. Right, because if you can't sell it, if you can't commit to looking fucking dumb, which these aliens look, they look fucking dumb.

Like, you got to go all the way. You must disappear in this role or you're going to be reviled and made fun of.

And the show would just be so much more annoying if this was like a mood that we were in a lot of the time. Yeah.

And it's remarkable restraint not to do it because it's kind of like, I feel like if, hey, they're aliens, they're going to be like really weird and different. Yeah.

Like you could see them going down this path more often than they do. It feels like the improv class where you're made to act like an animal.

And there might be someone just off screen in this episode going, no, like feel your body.

Like really be the monkey. And there's like three people, because this is like a 101 level class.
There's like three people that are really doing it. These are the true believers.

The other nine people in the class

who signed up because they like don't have a lot of friends and they're just kind of new to town are like, I can't. There's no fucking way.
Yeah.

You don't have a future in improv unless you can commit to this.

No!

So up on Enterprise, Dr. Flox is at the big board with Trip Tucker.

And from what we saw before, acting Captain Mayweather, that part isn't confirmed in this scene, but what they got is life signs on the surface. The data is all weird, though.
Where are you?

I mean, if they're the Dustbuster club they sent down there, they should not be alien life signs, wouldn't you?

And that's kind of consistent with what TePaul said in her last message. They're being altered.
I like that Flox seems to have gotten a transcript of

the distress call.

He watched Star Trek on Star trek he is saying the thing about their being altered maybe we should take that literally like and trip is like you know we don't have time to like worry about

how

uh we're going down there in the other shuttle with ev suits to try and get them back trip's like i've been altered before

i know what it's like i'm still altered i have a special ev suit with milkers in the sleeves you're never gonna let that go are you i don't like how you treated me.

We should treat them a little bit better, wouldn't you say?

The golden rule of Star Trek is treat the altered the way you would want to be treated if you were altered.

There's a real like energy to Trip's performance where he's like, hey, yeah, we're going and we're bringing EV suits. Happy, Doctor? EV suits.
I'm on the way.

Get the decon chamber ready for us. Oh, yeah, you better have a fucking shitload of goo for us to lube up with after we get back.
All right, Doc?

get a vat of gel ready yeah so one of the big struggles in that scene where they untied to paul was to paul convincing hoshi who seems to be the most suspicious of the crow-mag crew and also like linda park's physicality throughout the episode maybe the most commitmentist yeah yeah like Linda Park is what my experience of 101 at UCB was which was Nicole Bayer was in my class and I was like what the fuck?

Like, what are any of the rest of us doing here?

Yes.

So, yeah,

they've gotten the universal translator working. And so now we can communicate with the Cro-Mag crew.
And all they want is to go to Erquat.

That is what matters to them most. And, you know, Hoshi doesn't trust Tepal, but...
TePaul like kind of forces Hoshi's hand by saying like, yeah, Erquat. That's what we should be looking for.

I think that's a capital idea. Great move by TePaul to kind of change the temperature of the conversation.
Like, yeah, Erquat sounds good. We're in alignment.
We're all together on the Equat thing.

I hear it's beautiful this time of year. So together they continue the search for whatever that is.

And look at that. Reed can climb a tree like a denobulin.

And what he brings down is a rotten coconut full of maggots and then archer and reed start fighting over eating a coconut full of maggots and uh when it looks like archer's gonna kill reed he gives up his maggot filled coconut and their skirmish is over you know what i never understood why that lady didn't accept a cocoa no-no from jordy all those years ago yeah Now that I've seen what's in a coco no-no, I get it.

Yeah, the thing about a lot of coconut drinks is that like they jam the straw into a hole and then you don't see what's inside. There's a lot of trust with hollowed-out coconut beverage, isn't there?

Sure is. If we change the words,

then it's fair use all day long.

Japal does not want or like their food. No, thank you.

I would say that finger gruel has been bested. Like this show came up with something more desperate to eat than finger gruel.
Can you tell me if I'm right or wrong with

my understanding of a Benjamin R. Harris in a social situation? You would have eaten this.
I give it a try. I'll try anything once.
Yeah. Yeah, that's what I thought.

I'm going to go cash that ticket, though.

Another thing I want to say about the scene, we've called things effectively gross before. There is something about this scene that is powerfully gross.
It really works.

And it's not just about how excited and hungry they are and eating. It's not just the close-up shot of the maggots.
It's not the darkness or the loaf or the wigs or whatever.

It's everything working together to make this whole scene. Like, Tepal is great because she isn't grossed out by it.
She's a Vulcan. Right.

But, like, even her being there helps sell the idea that, uh, this isn't right. This feels bad to watch.
Yeah. You're right.

There's like a gestalt of repulsion that you get over the course of seeing how they open the pods

to get at the stuff. What's in there? The color.
These things don't want to be eaten. You know, it's like eggs that have turned.

The three-finger spoon you make out of a hand.

Reserve that for pasta salad when you're high on LSD in the Santa Monica Mountains, okay?

It's a very specific callback. Look at the wiki for just click Benjamin R.
Harrison in the wiki. Stories About is the subsection.

And then you'll find LSD in the Santa Monica Mountains. You'll read a sub-subsection.
Yeah. Read a bunch of that stuff.

Tripping, a couple of the Makos show up, and the Cro-Mag crew lose their minds and kind of scatter. And

this turns into a scene where, like, they're being hunted, but Trip does not have Predator Cam fish in the way Archer does. And Trip is like very close to Archer, not seeing him at one point.
Yeah.

Oh no!

Chang goes down first, and then Palmer.

Not Chang!

Not Palmer.

I love how there's like a moment of great emotion when they go down.

Like we even recognize who they are through the face screen of the EV suit. And like we even know who they are at all.
Yeah. Outside of a brief dinner conversation at the table of Hoshi.
Yeah.

Like Daniel Daykim, very recognizable now, but I think was kind of...

Not even yet of that guy at this point in his career. So yeah.

They do feel a little bit like red shirts the way they go down. Yeah.
And Reed comes after Trip and gets stunned for his trouble.

And then the captain starts like clubbing Trip in his spacesuit with a big piece of wood. Tepal is able to like break up the fight.
Take Lieutenant Reed back to 6.

What about you? I'm staying with them. What's up, Commander? There is a real confidence that Tepal has that she's going to be with it enough to do what she needs to do.

Like, this is kind of an inflection point to the whole episode. Like, a rescue team has been dispatched.
Do you accept rescue? You could go with them. Tipal's like, no, I do not accept.

I'm going to follow Mutated Archer around.

I mean, this is what Mitch from Baywatch would have done, too.

Is it? I'm not rescued until all of us are rescued. It is.
Yeah, you put it that way. Yeah, Tepal's mitching around.
She really is. For sure.
Flox gets like,

he has like FaceTime into the decon chamber at 6 Bay and is watching Reed just tear himself apart in there. Like, they should have padded the walls of the decon chamber for this.

How much smarter is TePaul in a compromised state than Reed? Like, TePaul, TePaul was taking off wall panels to escape. Yeah.
Cro-Magnon Reid is just totally unable to escape in a comedic way.

We learned that his blood was absolutely chock-a-block with a virus that transforms any humanoid into a different species. But Tepal

has something in her blood, a K chromosome, or something. Her vulcan-ness keeps her from transforming completely.
And Dr.

Flox has the idea: well, if we just had a little bit of her DNA, maybe we could make a cure out of this.

And by we, I mean me, because I'm Dr. Flox.
And you're Trip Tucker. We never addressed the nipples, did we, Trip? Like, I probably could have cured that.

That's not something you wanted to cure for, and now they're just the nipples in the room, aren't they?

There would have been like a gene therapy option, could have gotten you back to square one, but no. I want my nipples, I need my nipples.
If there's a K chromosome,

are there Vulcans that are where their chromosomal pattern is KY?

Yes,

I like that a lot.

That's good. Are there also Vulcans that have a KKK

chromosome? I would say that that's not logical.

Okay.

So two ships show up. Is now a good time for two ships?

Doesn't matter. Here they come.
These are your classic Star Trek guys saying, you didn't realize that this is restricted space. I'm pretty surprised by that.
And Trip is like, it wasn't well labeled.

In my memory, I often get UPN and the WB

confused back when they both existed. I think there was some definite charascuro between those two networks where it wasn't entirely clear which was which.

The generic WB network superhero that appears on FaceTime here

made me believe this show was on either network or both at the same time. I don't know.
But this guy, this guy's super super something,

whatever he is, and he's got a warning. You're under quarantine, Enterprise, because of this dangerous virus.
Also, get ready to be boarded by folks with flamethrowers.

Trip, I think, rightfully takes great umbrage with this. He does not want to be burned to a crisp

because Reed is a part of their crew that's been infected. But this WB superhero guy on FaceTime asks some pretty incisive questions like, does he still look like Reed?

Or is he still off-putting and hard to be around like Reid? Or has this person recorded any messages to their ex?

If this person has not done any of these things, they might be a candidate for flamethrower.

The only course of action is to neutralize the outbreak. They are told to quit their bluster.
And Trip is saying, like, we actually have an idea about, like,

how how to save these people. And the guy's like, yeah, we'll look into it.
We'll go down there and find them for you.

We're actually prepared and experienced in this area. We will lasso them with our

flame lassoes.

I really love Trip in this scene. We make fun of him for being folksy or whatever, but he is really practical in the, hey.
This is day one for us.

Why don't you give us the rest of the day to figure out what we want to do instead of rushing over here and flaming everything? Right, like we're still in orbit.

You can shoot us out of the sky if we try to leave orbit.

Yeah.

Yeah, don't just come over uninvited. Archer discovers some Star Trek caves.
You know, you hear about this all the time, like abandoned commercial real estate. Like, what can we do with it?

And this is really clever. They've adaptively reused these Star Trek caves to make housing.

He's like discovering discovering a nice spacious apartment that has a balcony that overlooks a beautiful underground city. There's a whole civilization here.
Was this intentional or unintentional?

How,

you know, we get a panning of the wide shot across this territory. It feels very

giant model in the lobby of a city planner or architect

kind of situation. Like, we've seen the show do better at this territorial view, but is it not supposed to be good because this is a dream? Something about it just felt off the entire time.

I think what is wrong is that they are doing lots of like populating the public squares of these things with very janky-looking 3D models of people walking.

They should stop with the walking. Yeah.

Yeah. And just like have it be far back enough that you see like cars and like hover vehicles going around, not close up enough to see the people whose arms aren't close enough to their body.

You know, they should do what people tell me all the time, which is stop with the walk-in.

It's not good.

You're walking.

I got to say, Adam, not to dunk on our buddies over at the Flop House, but I listened to an episode of the Flop House the other day where some walk-ins were being done and I was like, Adam's is better.

That's really kind of you to say. Yours is fine.

I do not have a good walk-in.

Yours is excellent. So he also sees like an unmodified version of, you know, non-Cro-Mag Archer.
Yeah, what's he doing there? Uh-oh. And that's when he like starts awake.

And it turns out this was all a dream that Cro-Mag Archer was having.

I bet there are a lot of Star Trek fans out there, a lot of FODs that have a really interesting or fun dream, and then Archer shows up and they're like, Huh!

Nope, I'm awake now, and uh, and I'm the sort of awake that can't get back to sleep. I guess I'm gonna start my morning routine at four.
Yeah, you want me to go back there? No fucking way.

Legally, it's just a fart joke.

You will never take the greatest shit alive.

Ben would rather die.

I love how when Mutated Archer wakes up, he's excited. And Hoshi's excited about the possibility of Urquat being real and being near maybe.

And as their hope balloon inflates, there is Tepal to pop it.

Over and over she pops their balloon. There are no cities on this planet.

You're wrong. She doesn't take any joy in this though.
She's being practical. Yeah.
Like, look, look, this thing you're thinking you're going to go to, it isn't here.

You should come to Enterprise instead. It's too bad that TePal doesn't have the same uniform as them because I understand why Tepala.

I think a generation of young men would argue that she's wearing exactly the uniform that she should wear.

Yeah, I mean, I'm not saying it's too bad generally. I'm saying in this specific case, because like part of the discussion among the Cro-Mags is,

you know,

why don't we remember anything before waking up in the jungle with this broad?

And if she could be like, look at my uniform, look at your uniforms, we're the same kind of guy, you just got, you know. This is a great point.
Her uniform gives her away as maybe not one of them.

Her uniform and her lack of loaf, like, like they both work against her completely. You're right.
There's no way to establish trust aside from being like, yeah, Urquat.

And along with the balloon popping, it's no good. The whole package, it's bad.
It totally ruins it for them. But yeah, they're excited to find Urquat even more because, oh, it's below the surface.

No wonder we were having a tough time finding it. When we cut back to Enterprise, I was shocked that WB Superhero was aboard already and in Six Bay.

And they're checking out the mutated Reed in the monitor.

And what we learn in this scene is that tens of millions of people on his world were infected with what Reed's infected with, and then subsequently destroyed.

Destroyed, like the word used when animals need to be euthanized. Yeah, it is hardcore.
This is the bird flu of people, essentially.

The thing about the Lo-Kek, which is who these aliens are, they made the virus, and it killed them. But the LO-Kek were wet market enthusiasts who loved eating bats.

And they loved eating bats as much as they couldn't fuck. And so they tried to make a drug that turned every living thing into one of them.
And

oopsie doodle. Yeah, you know, like, would it have killed you to program an off-switch into this thing? Yeah.

Yeah.

WB superhero gets a call in the scene. Uh-oh, there's three infected on the planet.
And so he relays that a flamethrower club needs to go down there to investigate. And Trip's like, hey.

Do you think I could go too?

And WB Superhero just kind of insists that it's a solo mission and leaves him out of it.

But when he leaves, Phox is like, hey, Trip, you got to get me to Paul's DNA, and it's got to be in less than two hours, or it's over. This mission's done, and we're going to lose him forever.

But where will they get it? Trip is like, remind me where DNA comes from? All right, it's in your blood.

The only class I passed was that one. It's because the cartoon spoke to me in my language.
This is the first time I've really seen myself in media.

It's why representation counts.

Here's the fucking crazy thing. Trip walks right into DePaul's apartment.
Because you can in Star Trek. Yeah.

He grabs the container where the fruit gift was, opens it up, and there is a bitten once peach. Put back into the container with the other peaches.
Who does that?

Does that kill your theory that she liked the peach? No, because some people, when they like a thing, just want to take one bite and save it like forever. Oh, save for it.
Tipal could be one of those.

Yeah, I had a friend who did that with Redwall books. He would read one page a night,

stretch it out. Love the Redwall books.
Yeah. Brian Jacques.
Yeah.

The best. That was a whole thing.
God. Why didn't Brian Jacques get super rich? Why did it have to be fucking J.K.
Rowling? I mean, Brian Jacques crawled so J.K. Rowling could run and be problematic.

Be a horrific person.

They could never do Red Wall, though. Like, Red Wall was deserving of a movie franchise, and it never worked.
Yeah.

Did you like when Tripp got the peach out and then he pulled a piece of TePaul's hair and pulled it tight between his fingers?

I I mean, that part was a lot better than when he grabbed the peach with the bite out of it and he held it up like exactly to the outline of his mouth and like pressed it in.

I live, you to pal.

A shuttle heads down, and Crow Mag Archer finds this passage that he saw in his dream.

It's been kind of bouldered in, like, rocks have been piled up in the aperture of the entry to the Star Trek caves, but they

pull them aside and they go in there. The entrance to this area is sort of an over-the-entrance boulder holder.

Indeed. They find another dead inside there.
Yeah.

Unclear whether this is

them.

Like, did you get a good look at this purple dead alien? There was a lot of color in this crispy corpse. Yeah.

is that because it had been flamethrowered yeah was it supposed to like be red hot or something that doesn't make sense it's covered in cobwebs or or like a black and blue steak you know burned to a crisp on the outside but cool and purple on the inside pretty nice yeah anyways uh they also go to that same

balcony and the camera zooms over Archer's shoulders and we get the ruins of a quat. It's been destroyed for a really long time, and this is

a real bummer. This really takes the wind out of the sails of the Cro-Mags.
Yeah, if you've ever seen an ape disappointed, that's the physical acting we get here.

TePaul wants to turn this disappointment into action, though. She's like, hey, we got nothing to stay for.
Erquat is fucked.

Why don't you come back to Enterprise, get some maybe mutant reversal antibiotics, and

we talk things over. Mutant Archer, if he wasn't suspicious of Tepal before, is very suspicious now.
And he's like, I couldn't help but notice that your uniform is different from ours.

Maybe it's your people that did this to our beautiful homeworld. Yeah.
Uh-oh. Uh-oh.
Someone's approaching, though. It's the Flamethrower Club.
Yeah. And they've been spotted.

It's sort of saved by the Flamethrower Club, but sort of another opportunity for Tepal to win their trust because she's like, come with me. I will lead you to safety.
Yeah. From flamethrower guys.

And

the team, the flamethrower team has been ordered by WB superhero to get the Vulcan woman and destroy the others because he is also kind of curious about this DNA chromosome that can resist the virus.

Flamethrowers are so fucking cool. Why aren't they the substitute for, like, you know, the Washington Bullets basketball team? They're not the Bullets anymore.

We can't have, we can't have references to firearms. They got to be something else.
Like, flamethrowers are cool, right? No one's used a flamethrower in a mass shooting.

Let's make that the thing. Hey, I play basketball for the Washington flamethrowers.

Awesome.

Why isn't that a thing? Dylan Firebold and Eric

Charis.

You're making a Columbine reference there?

Okay.

Yeah, that's a variation of the theme I'm going for.

I'm struggling on this episode, Adam, because I think I could have run my blender for like 15 seconds longer.

I'm getting that thing where you've got little chunks of pineapple that are getting caught in my straw.

I can't get anything through it. And so then I have to push out.
Can I tell you? I'm hearing you. I'm hearing you suck on Mike.

You got to take that away from the mic, man. Wendy's going to kill me, isn't she? Yeah, she is.
Fuck. And you deserve it.

You blew it. God damn it.
You blew it. I'm just going to stop trying to use straw.
I think that's the solution to this. Straw's the problem.
Hey, I got a question for you. We've got a blender.

We've had a blender for like 10 years, a fancy blender. Yeah.
It's a Brevel. Oh.
Which is not a Vitamix, but it's like the competitor's Vitamix. Sure.

And it's great because it is, it's bullet and flamethrower proof. But it started leaking oil out of its

differential. Like,

it just started.

And I'm kind of freaking out about it because we rely on it for a lot of things. And now

I feel like it's dying. And there's no way 10 years later, it's still under warranty.
No. I'm scared for this thing, Ben.
Can you fix it?

I'm not asking you to fix it. I'm saying, can a person fix it? I bet there's like a rubber gasket that just gave out because age, you know, it's why I didn't make this drink with the beverage.

And by that, I mean a blender today.

I'm going to be great in this meeting, by the way. Like, it's more than an hour away.
I got this.

Yeah.

Have you seen on social media the guy that repairs KitchenAid stand mixers?

I have not seen this. There's a guy who's like, he is like the most energy of anybody on planet Earth.
And what he does for a living is, he might be in Seattle, actually.

I think people just bring him in their, you know, 15-year-old KitchenAid and go, like, this isn't working anymore.

And he takes it apart and shows you all the parts and the, you know, the orbital gear. And he, like, you know, take, he strips it down and like puts it all back together better than new.

Those folks are miraculous because they cut against the hole made by a man can be repaired by a man. And by man, I mean person.

But like the quality of our small home electronics and appliances these days is like you can't work on them yourself. Yeah.

So I wonder if there's a guy like that for Blender.

I need to take my vacuum into like a vacuum repair person, which I think is still a thing, right? It's absolutely a thing. Yeah.
Yeah.

Yeah. I'm not buying a new fucking vacuum.
Are you kidding me? There was a shop that was a specialty coffee machine, espresso machine repair up in Seattle. I love that place.
I've been there.

In Seattle? Yeah.

I know exactly what place you're talking about because I went there with my buddy Mahad when we were doing that film shoot in Seattle. Yeah.
And that guy is full of stories.

He was like employee number three or four at Starbucks and like remembers what it was like in the early days. If you had to choose,

I would definitely choose Blender. over Coffee Maker and Vacuum for once you dig through the guts and get to the core, the disgustingness of what you might find there.

Yeah, yeah, it's going to be relatively fine compared to the other. You go into the core of a vacuum, you could find anything.
Yeah, there's dead bodies in there for sure. Absolutely.
It's good faith

to believe

I can do

it.

Speaking of dead bodies, around this crispy dead body, there's a great big Star Trek fight in this cave.

And DePaul actually stops Cro-Mag Archer from killing his attacker. But it's too late for the attacker because Cro-Mag Archer put a hole in his suit.
And

you can hear the air escaping. And his buddies in their spacesuits come around the corner with their...

Flamethrowers and they're like, oh, hole in your suit. Sorry, man, nothing we can do about it.
And they fucking torch him.

I love how there's absolutely no suggestion of, hey, we know each other, right?

Like, you get none of that. These guys wheel around the corner and it is done.
Yeah. It's mercy killing on high heat.

It kind of reminds me of that

scene in Starship Troopers where they like sniper a guy that's been gotten by one of the flying bugs. Yeah.
Yeah. You know? That's great.
Got to take him out.

And if it was me, I'd trust one of you to do the same thing.

Yeah. I hope when the day comes, Ben, you can summon the courage to do that to me.
I don't think so.

That's how it would go. Wish I could help you, buddy.

Ben, you got to kill me.

I got to live with myself, you know what I mean?

Ben, I'm telling you, everything depends on you killing me. You just got to do it.
See, this is why you don't have power of attorney over me or anyone else. I have power of attorney over some people.

You'd be surprised. Let me just say,

those people have made a terrible mistake.

So they get outside and they're surrounded by flamethrower spacemen. Amazing.
And this is great because it's like, we got TePal. She's our hostage.
And it's like,

do the flamethrower guys really care that much about bringing her back alive? Like, I don't know.

Like, you can't do the thing that i love in action movies where the the hero is such a a good shot that he can yeah bullseye you know right in the forehead of the guy that's holding someone hostage to a flamethrower everything looks like a nail that's how these guys are feeling

but a team of makos beam down with trip and save the day Tepaul is able to talk Cro-Mag Archer and Cro-Mag Hoshi into leaving leaving Irquat, even though they have been programmed on a genetic level to want to be in Irquat.

Yeah.

They paved over Urquat with a parking Lurquat.

It's never coming back, mutant archer. So they got to kind of get out of there quickly.
And Tucker is like radioing up to Captain Mayweather, like, go to warp the second we've docked our shuttle pods.

The bad guys chase them

and Trip returns to the bridge and they're like firefighting with the WB Superhero ships, which I like the design of those ships, by the way.

We didn't talk about the way those ships looked, but they were pretty cool. Yeah, I liked them a lot.
The real drill bit ships. Yeah.

And WB Superhero calls on the FaceTime, and Drip is like, man, I told you we just needed a little more time. What the hell is wrong with you?

And WB Superhero

have been like, hey, you left orbit. That was like the main thing.
Yeah.

Yeah.

Kind of broke the contract that I thought we had with each other. Yeah.
By running. He is sort of stopped in his tracks by a

not entirely unloafed, but somewhat less loafy Crow Mag Archer and Hoshi.

who show up on the bridge with Flocks and go like, hey, we're back to normal. The thing worked.
Yeah, I feel like the direction is act like TePaul did. Like affected but not compromised.
Yeah.

That's what Archer looks like here. Yeah.

And so, hey, you know, not all heroes look like they're on the WB, but this one does, and he stands down. Great Dr.
Flox moment here. He's like, hey, I had some time.
So I whipped up some super lube.

And look at them now. And you'll never get any if you destroy the ship.
So why don't you stand down your weapons? And so they do. We get an elliptical cut to later.
Archer's log. Dr.

Flox has made enough super lube to share with the USS WB early 2000s Friday night lineup ship. And the hope is that future outbreaks and the need for flamethrowers is gone.

In Six Bay, Flox shoots up Reed with some drugs to help with like long-haul mutant symptoms that he's had.

Yeah. Food doesn't taste right.
Yeah. All I want to eat is maggots.

Fox can help with that. You're welcome to some of the moth larvae.
I feed my Pirithian bat. When Reed leaves, Archer walks in, and it's clear that he's feeling pretty beat up, too.

They have that thing, like that solidarity of like,

we both really got down on those maggots and the coconut, didn't we? Yeah.

If it's the maggots and the coconut, it's a gross memory.

I love Archer here. Archer is being a great manager.
He's like, look, because I have experienced what my subordinates have, I'm going to grant us some time off.

So a couple days off sounds like it's a good idea, right? Right. Reed agrees.
He's gone. Reed leaves.
Dr. Fox asks Archer, hey, I got the last little bit of the wet market virus.

I'm about to throw it into the crematorium. And Archer's like, no.
Dr. Fox is like, why?

Archer's like, if we did that,

this species that tried so hard to preserve their themselves, they'd go extinct, right?

And we don't want to be like this Indy. We don't want to become what we hate the most.

So let's keep this one last wet market open with one last dead bat inside. And we'll keep it next to the half-eaten peach.
in TePaul's room. That way it'll be safe, right?

I feel like it's being set up like a now we have a bioweapon aboard. I hope it's not that,

but I understand why it would be. Archer's expressed feelings about this are so

like sentimental and I think he's a little close to the situation, don't you? I do, yeah. I mean, he's still got fucking loaf on his face.
Like, ask me in a week, Archer.

I feel like what we don't get in this scene is Dr. Flock saying, all right, Captain, sure, and then turning toward the camera, like,

sure.

Whoops, I dropped it in the matter decombiner. Final moment in the episode, dedicated to Jerry Fleck.
Do you know who Jerry Fleck is? Educator. Jerry Fleck is the show's first AD.
Wow.

And if you've ever been an AD, you know what a terribly difficult and thankless job that is.

being the director under the director, basically the one to tell everyone on the set to do things, freeing up the director's mind to be thinking of creative stuff and so forth.

You're keeping the schedule, and what it means is you're the taskmaster.

Everybody is getting how much time they have left to set up the shot from you, and you are writing them to, you know, to stay on time. I want to say this.
I was a terrible AD

for obvious reasons. If you are a beloved AD the way Jerry Fleck was, deserving of a card at the end of an episode,

it means you did your job well and you were liked. And that seems like kind of a magic trick that Jerry Fleck was able to pull off.

So there's a lot I don't know about him or his relationship to the crew, but I'm just going to presume that that's a really hard job that he must have done well to earn a spot that he did at the end of this show.

Indeed. This, the last show he worked on before dying.
Do you think either of us are going to be lucky enough to have a last show before dying in this podcast? God, I hope so.

I feel like it could be on Mike for us, you know? Honestly, if it's not on Mike, I'll be disappointed.

Weird one for Wendy to edit, but yeah, this is the one where Adam and Ben die at about the 34-minute mark. I swear to God, if we die on the same episode, I'll be so pissed.
Oh, yeah.

Please let me die on my own episode. Christ.

Can I at least have that to myself? It's like coming at the same time. It's very rare, but it's sweet when it happens, right?

Did you like this episode, Ben? I can't pay. Couldn't for late.
Got okay.

Tempting fate. A bit of a shake and bake Star Trek episode.
Like, not ideas that we haven't encountered before

in Star Trek, but

I thought it was well done in the context of this show. And I think to the extent that this new season is like a new

vibe for the show, I feel like every time they are in this amount of trouble with, you know, another alien ship that's like doing damage, it feels like the stakes feel higher because of that.

Oh my god, they're like the only ship in the expanse that can respond to this Zindi threat. And these fucking WB superheroes are making their lives miserable.
What the hell? Yeah, yeah.

So

I think that's actually really working for me right now. How about you? This episode really made me respect the

legion of zombie actors that there are now in Hollywood. Like, to physically act the way that the mutated act in this episode.

You need to do very little to get made fun of on this show. I'm not making fun of them.
Yeah. Like, they went all the the way.
They committed and it wasn't funny in a way that was unintentional.

It was like funny and interesting in the way that it should be.

And my hat is off to Linda Park, to Scott Bakula, to Dominic Keating. I couldn't commit to that level.
I couldn't. I'd feel silly and dumb.
They did it. Good job by them.

That is what I liked about this episode. That is what I'll remember.
Indeed. Well, Adam, do you want to see if there's anything memorable in the Priority One inbox? Let's see if this is the episode.

Priority one message from Starfleet coming in on secured channel.

Need a supplemental income. Supplemental income.
Supplemental. Supplemental.
Yeah, it's extra. But the interest alone could be enough to buy this ship.

Ben, we've got a promotional priority one message here.

Here's how that goes.

Synchronized swatches, the Parker Lewis Can't Lose Rewatch podcast is your twice monthly dose of coolness every other week hosts chris and chip watch an episode of the delightfully cartoonish 90s sitcom then record themselves talking about it we're halfway through season one and recently posted bonus episodes featuring our interviews with series stars corinemic and troy slattin now is a great time to join us so subscribe to our channel at synchronized swatches on YouTube and then follow us over on Instagram and TikTok at swatches pod.

Also, Ron Canada was in episode 8 of Parker Lewis Can't Lose, just saying.

That's pretty cool, right? Wow. Ben, this was a formative show for me when I was growing up.
I fucking loved Parker Lewis Can't Lose.

And I love that they name their show something that like when their rewatch portion ends, like they can they can do another show after

if they they feel like they want to keep going. Great Getz with Corin Nimick and Troy Slattin.
I am a huge fan of this concept. I think it's great.

I have never seen a frame of Parker Lewis Can't Lose. Wow.
Wow.

We got to bring that back for the pilot program or something. I don't want to watch the pilot.
I want to watch the one with Ron Canada. Yeah, got to do that.
That's fun. That sounds like a lot of fun.

I wish Chris and Chip best of luck with their endeavors. All right, our next P1

is from Tiny and it's to Brigo. Happy 13th wedding anniversary from She Who Is Your Wife.

Thank you for seeing Star Trek 11 with me back in the day and double thank you for introducing me to these podcast boys. You might call me Kern

because I hardly remember

my life before

May our union remain blessed

with joy, laughter, and mild embarrassment.

Hey, Ben.

What's that, Adam? Which movie do you think Star Trek 11 was? Don't look it up. Guess.
Star Trek 11. Which movie? Is it Insurrection? No!

Room!

The first J.J. Abrams movie was the 11th Star Trek movie.
Wow. How about that? Oh, I was off by quite a bit.
Dang. Wild, huh? 11.
Yeah.

2009 is back in the day now? Who talks about them in numerals? You can speak to us normally. I don't know.
I like it. Do you think that they meant to say Star Trek 2 and was like, I, I?

Those look like two ones.

It's two ones, clearly, but I don't know. I'm just, I'm throwing it out there, you know? Ben, our final priority one message goes like this.

Today I cut up through the backstacks after finding tgg through an ad on the adventure zone about a year ago whoa

your wit humor tech insights rapport

and

class a wendy editing made this my number one pod

it makes me feel so good to kick adventure zone down a notch

that's great great. You've kept me company on long drives and kept me sane during longer, lonely days in the lab.
Thank you. Can Mark Twain be cross-examined by Klingon Country Lawyer?

Jeremy, how dare you? This is the worst episode to make that kind of request.

Why I do not concede to your cross-examination.

I am a simple

gawk farmer.

I do not know your upscale, fancy,

wild westways.

Oh, me and the judge are good friends.

I do not believe you have passed the bar exam in this district.

Do you think Jeremy is talking about the lab in terms of doing science or the lab in terms of like making rap songs?

Like, I'm in the lab on the laptop with with fruity loops. You know.
You're the only host of this show that would perceive that in that way.

Could be. Could be.
Don't want to rule it out. I don't want to rule it out.
Jeremy, if you've got some sick beats, send them in. Is this the Jeremy that we know?

I wonder. Like, we know a couple of FOD Jeremies.
I just wonder if this is a familiar. Follow up and let us know, Jeremy.
Yeah, I mean, I don't, I mean, we've known Jeremy for years and years. I know.

I know. There's no way this is that, Jeremy, right? Couldn't be.
I mean, it's extremely polite if it's that Jeremy not betraying that it is that Jeremy.

They've been nice to us for a long time, but actually haven't been listening to the show until a year ago. Taking a ton of great pictures of our live shows.
Yeah, that would be weird. But maybe.

Who knows?

Yeah.

Didn't really connect with what you guys were doing at those live shows where I was taking pictures, but then I heard an ad on the adventure.

Yeah, for so many people, it takes an ad on a McElroy show to become interested in us.

If you're interested in a message that we read on your behalf, you can go to maximumfund.org slash jumbotron and we will do exactly that the way we have on this episode.

Get yourself the greatest gen bump

or whatever else we can do for you. It's a great way to support the production of our show.

All right, Adam, I got to sober up before our meeting with our friend and agent. We have exactly an hour to do that.
In that time,

can you tell me if you found yourself a drunk Shimoto?

Drunk Shimoto! I did. I did.

And this one is going to go to...

You remember the alien, the flamethrower alien that had a hole, a hurricane in suit, and then got flame, like Mercy Flamethrowered? Yeah. That guy's Jimmy Ortega.
Whoa.

He's been a working actor for forever.

He's been on Star Trek shows. He was also in Babylon, a new favorite movie of mine.

There's a cold open to the movie Babylon where

it really sets the tone for the whole thing. An elephant and an elephant wrangler are brought to a party and shit ensues.

Jimmy Ortega is a big part of that scene.

And what a fun couple of points to put together for me as a fan of both star trek and the movie babylon that's gonna mean jimmy ortega is my drug shimoda i just love making those connections across star trek and time what about you wasn't he in the pilot of tng didn't he get like frosted by q yeah in incredible the tentacles of jimmy ortega's career across Star Trek.

Wow. Was he ever in an episode of Parker Lewis Can't Lose?

No.

Okay.

I got to give it to Hoshi for this episode. There's, I think it's the scene where they're looking out over the ruins of Urquat,

and Hoshi has just struck the zaniest pose possible behind like TePaul and Archer as they're looking out over this horrific scene.

It's like a moment that lasts a little bit too long for that pose to just be held.

Like I was like thinking, like, God, they must have done like 25 takes, and Linda Park had to like remember that she was standing that way.

Really enjoyed the physical acting of this episode. Yeah, I sure did as well.
God damn, Jimmy Ortega, like, you will get a cramp in your hand scrolling down his IMDB. All of them stunts, except

for Babylon, where he's Elephant Wrangler.

Let me just follow up with some things that I think you'll like.

The Longest Yard, Man of the House, Spider-Man 2, Once Upon a Time in Mexico, Friends, Collateral Damage, Ocean's 11, All the Pretty Horses, Martial Law, U.S.

Marshals, Out to Sea, Spawn, Mars Attacks, Major Pain, Three Ninjas, Walker Texas Ranger, Dracula, Predator 2, Naked Gun!

He's done everything!

Death Wish 4, colon the crackdown? Jimmy Ortega might have the most interesting IMDb resume I've ever seen. 145 credits as a stuntman.
Damn. God, he's so cool.
Speed, our joint first R-rated film.

So good. Faith of the fart.
We got to talk about the next episode we're going to watch here on the show, though, Adam. Have to.
It is season three, episode four.

Rajin, the NX01, gets closer to a showdown with the Zindi when Captain Archer takes on an enigmatic passenger, a beautiful slave named Rajeen.

Hey, maybe Trip can save her. I wouldn't count on it.
Could happen, though.

But will a fun square save the next episode we do? In recap, Ben? For that, we go to gock.biz slash game.

And the game of buttholes,

the Will of the Riker quantum leap. It's my turn to roll.
Sure is. You're required to learn as you play.
Roll. I'm just rolling this hundred-sided die in my hand.
All right, Ben.

Is this a drinker or not? What do you bet?

Man, I feel like the money is on betting against, but you never know when it comes to these dice.

Ben, I've rolled an 88. Tula!

Did I win? Hardly. Whoa.
You know what that means. We've landed on square 29.
It's a regular old episode for you and me. We could have gone anywhere.
That's what makes the game so interesting.

It's been argued that the game is interesting.

Yeah, those who believe that there's no stress on every roll are wrong. Wrong!

Because anything could happen on any roll. This time it was a Coco no no episode,

which I'm feeling. Indeed.
And next time it's a regular old. I'm down for a regular old, you know?

Looking forward to it, as I always look forward to QAing an episode as edited by the great Wendy Pretty,

who edits all this stuff and produces the show and just does a fantastic job around here.

Gotta thank the friends of DeSoto who support all of this by going to maximumfund.org slash join and clicking our shows when they set up their support, getting access to the bonus content, you know?

Yeah. The bonus episode stuff is actual stuff.
Yeah. It's not just like free bullshit stuff.
No. I think that should be made clear.
Probably clearer than we've ever made it.

These are real episodes behind the paywall. It's way better than the prize that you get at the dentist or whatever, you know.
You getting prizes at the dentist? What kind of dentist are you going to?

Are you going to a van dentist, Ben? Have you heard about my teeth lately? Ben's going to a van dentist. Yeah.
Using an ice skate to do extractions, you know.

Oh god. Gotta thank Bill Tilly, our Zindy wartime consigliary.

Go slide into the DMs on the at greatest trek social media accounts if you'd like to send something in for a future code 47. You'll encounter Bill.

If it's a food thing, he will eat it first to make sure it's not poison. Gotta thank Rob Adler, our social media director, running those accounts, making all kinds of funny videos and posting them.

I think they're worth a phone at greatest trick Rob is so good he's so good at that

lucky to have him really class in the join-up yeah much thanks to our buddy Adam Ragusia who made the original parody theme music for our show

and who is also the co-host of wholesome our secret patreon podcast that only patrons get to listen to at patreon.com slash wholesome underscore pod

thank you so much to everyone for listening i think we'll be back at you next week with another great episode of Star Trek Enterprise and an episode of the Greatest Generation Enterprise where

are all slaves beautiful?

To a certain extent.

99 beautiful slaves and one ugly one.

Star Trek 11.

You know what? Maybe that's how we should we talk.

That's how we should we Maybe that's how you would tell Edge of 4

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