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Here's to the finest crew in starving.
When it comes to my crew, you won't get any argument from me.
This is a parody.
Paramount wants the sun.
Welcome to Greatest Trek.
It's a Star Trek podcast.
Wait, are we doing Greatest Trek?
No, we're doing Greatest Gen.
Oh man, don't scare me like that.
Welcome to the Greatest Generation.
It's a Star Trek podcast by a couple of guys just a little bit embarrassed about having a Star Trek podcast.
So grateful
that we're doing Greatest Generation and not Greatest Trek at this very moment.
I'm Adam Franica.
I'm Ben Harrison.
Boy, you really, you know how to keep a Star Trek podcaster on his toes, little buddy.
When you accidentally do the intro for the other show on the show you're there to record, That's as stressful as it gets to a podcaster.
That's like the end of whiplash.
Like when you sit behind the drum kit and the band counts off and then, oh shit, I don't know this arrangement.
Yeah.
Like, are you going to cue me in?
What?
Yeah.
Yeah.
We had an important meeting last week that I completely
fucking failed to call in for.
And you like texted me right after it.
Like, you want me to catch you up?
And I just had that exact same feeling a second time.
Like,
that that sounds passive-aggressive.
And I want you to know that I edited my text to you a couple of times to soften it up.
Oh, so it wasn't as passive-aggressive as it was initially.
I'm trying to be better at text-based communications.
Uh-huh.
How about this for a text-based communication?
Hey, Ben, we've been in the call for three minutes and you're not here yet.
Given what I understand to be going on in your
I was happy to just take the meeting.
I thought it would be doing you a solid to just catch you up later.
All right.
Well, fair enough.
I was very scared that I had watched the wrong Star Trek thing and had stepped to the mic today unprepared.
And I'm so happy that I'm prepared.
And
what a fun episode.
I love when Star Trek references itself, but I specifically love when Star Trek references Star Trek VI, The Undiscovered Country.
No half measure here when it comes to the reference.
Like, specific dialogue choices, even taken straight from that movie.
It's big fun.
I mean, yeah, like, this is the kind of fan service that I can always get behind.
And I wonder if the the costume on the advocate was like the one from the movie, like that, that like hood thing with the metal and the costumes and the minds yeah that all looked very familiar too Ben do you think Star Trek believes Star Trek 6 is a fan's favorite Star Trek and Star Trek to reference given how often it is used in this way like it's been used now in several mainline episodes of TV series and like I think you if you had to bet and I think you're a betting man in areas like this oh wait.
When there's no stakes?
I love it.
Wrath of Khan might be the fan favorite.
And yet you don't really get any reference at all to the SETI alphas or the things that go inside ears for mind control.
Right.
Or like Khan occasionally.
You get La-Ahan and Strange New Worlds.
I think you get a lot of Khan.
references, but it's never like settings and premises of Wrath of Khan.
The way they really love Star Trek VI for us.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's a happy place.
I don't want to, I want to tarry no longer.
I want to get right into it.
All right.
Let's gavel ourselves in.
Ben, for Enterprise Season 2, Episode 19,
Judgment.
And we open right in on the ball, gavel.
Yeah.
Bring in the prisoner.
I didn't have to wait at all.
I I just busted immediately.
You know, sometimes you try to warm a Star Trek viewer up a little bit.
No, this one goes straight for penetration.
Do we understand
the metal claw that the magistrate has for a forearm in hand?
Is that a hand-in-glove situation or is that a replacement apparatus for a severed forearm?
This is a great question because
on the one hand, like we learn a lot about the structure of Klingon society, that there is a warrior class, but there are also other people that do other shit.
But not enough when I have to ask a question like this.
Yeah, presumably a judge wouldn't have been in a situation where he was out, you know, on a girder learning that his greatest enemy was also his father and getting his arm chopped off, right?
And yet in Star Trek VI, that that magistrate also had metal arm, glove, holding giant ball.
Is this the spiky bird of Kronosh?
Kind of feel that way.
I think it might be.
I think the glove and the ball are one thing.
You're a warrior just doing your warrior shit, swinging the batleth around in battle.
All of a sudden, whack!
Off goes the forearm.
Oh!
Oh, it's so terrible.
What am I going to do now?
And your buddy rolls up to you.
He's like, no, man.
No, it's okay.
You have a future in the Klingon Empire.
And it's called law school.
Yeah.
And becoming a judge.
Yeah.
You have a bright future in the judiciary.
Okay, here's a question about like not what we see in world, but how it is made for television.
Do you think that the actor's fingers are in the claw or do you think that the actor's fist is just in the ball?
I think it's fist in ball.
Yeah.
Because I think it would become exhausting to hold something that large.
Like, consider the size of the ball.
It's like palming a basketball at a pop-a-shot hoop at a video arcade.
It's uncomfortable to hold for long periods of time, I bet.
Even though those balls are a little bit smaller than regulation NBA balls.
Yeah.
I actually did a little research on this thing just to see if I could get a a shot of the backside of it.
And unfortunately, in the process of filming, a couple of the fingers did fall off.
But they did auction the prop off.
And
Garrett Wong got it.
God fucking damn it.
He was stating the obvious again.
This is right up there with the props you want.
I know.
This would be so fucking cool to own.
Especially if the ball is permanently affixed into the hand,
up to the the forearm.
Yeah.
God.
Imagine if this was making your large spherical ice.
Worth the weight, I say.
Oh, man.
How about just drinking out of the
glove?
Like it's a glass boot at a German restaurant.
It would be nice.
Do you think hands smell worse than feet over the long term in this context?
Like
the smell of a hand and that metal thing.
Yeah.
That can't be good.
Yeah, I don't know.
I feel like feet maybe smell worse.
I don't know.
They just have to, right?
I think that, like, probably hand does smell really bad after a while.
But, like, I think about gloves I've owned for a long time.
It's not like they're bad in the way that shoes that I've owned for a long time are.
What's more famous, smelly hand or smelly feet?
We had a friend whose kid had to do that helmet, you know, like when the skull isn't the right shape, and and you see a baby in that like white plastic helmet yeah a buddy of mine had a had a kid come out footbally a little bit yeah and apparently that is just the worst smell known to science that that helmet gets very smelly you see it all the time uh parents love the smell of baby heads baby heads are the best smell it's such a it's such a tragedy to make it smell bad it's supposed to smell good
maybe more babies need helmets
Maybe cool it in the smelly head department, babies.
So we have a prisoner standing trial, accused of conspiring against the Empire.
The shocking reveal is that Jonathan Archer is that prisoner.
That's our cold open, baby.
I'm not guilty.
You might be wondering how I ended up in this Klingon tribunal,
like record scratch style.
Archer's got 24 hours to somehow construct a defense for himself before court convenes the next day.
And after the theme, we get a little more background into what exactly happened.
We're on Kronosh,
and Archer is in a cell that's,
all things considered,
not super gross.
It's spacious, you know?
It looks like it's been cleaned.
Here's a very hot take.
This cell looks more comfortable than the quarters Riker is given on board the Pach.
Great call.
Yeah.
Yeah, I would take these over those for sure.
Lock me in.
Give me some of that undercooked targ.
We got Flox escorted in, Dr.
Flox, and the prison guard with him is kind of put off by the idea that the doctor is there to care for Archer with a highly transmissible disease.
And they kind of talk about this between each other in a way that's easily eavesdroppable, right?
Like, hey, the open sores seem to be looking a lot better, Archer.
What's that about the sore throat and cough?
The implication is that he has no disease.
They just needed the cell guard to give them some distance.
But I'm sure that the Klingons have listening device.
Like, if they have cloaking device, they've for sure got listening device, right?
They probably cloak the listening device.
Oh shit.
Right?
Whoa.
Yeah.
How would we know?
It's cloaked.
Yeah.
You like bump into like a like a microphone on a stand in the middle of the room.
I swear I'm not usually this clumsy.
That's why the cell looks so clean.
It's just multiple cloaked surveillance things inside.
Surveillance things that are just, you know, SM58s on standard issue bike stands.
So we learned that the Enterprise has been in orbit for a couple of days, but they've been having a tough time convincing the Klingons to let them even talk to Archer.
The idea that Archer had a highly infectious disease was the only pretext that they could get to visit him.
And Flox is kind of like muttering under his breath, like, you know, like, we kind of hope the trial will go okay and you'll get out of this.
But if not, we have some ideas about a bust out if the diplomacy and the normal course of justice don't do their job properly.
If you're Archer,
are you kind of assuming that Flox keistered something for him?
Or like
has brought
anything to make life better for him?
Hmm.
Like a or just like a sauce packet for the targ, you know?
Like he scans it and he's like, good protein source, but like, it clearly tastes bad.
I suggest you eat it.
Follow-up question.
Does Dr.
Flox have the same facility with his ass as he has with his mouth
in terms of expansion?
Because if so, I think you could bring a lot of contraband into this cell.
You see Flox on the dance floor making it clap and it smiles real big at you.
So Dr.
Flox is told to leave by Kolos, and he's the legal counsel that has been given to Archer to act in his defense.
Hey, Adam, did you recognize this guy?
Because
fun little Star Trek fact.
We've seen this guy before.
Yeah.
But with an eye patch.
See, this is why I didn't clock him initially.
He has two open eyeballs.
That's one of the many reasons reasons Archer is uncomfortable with him.
It's weird to have legal counsel who doesn't want to hear your side of the story.
Yeah.
He just wants to go right out onto the football field and play the game.
And Archer's like, hey, I'd like to know the rules.
And ideally, I'd like to play some of it.
In my defense.
It's like, you know, like, I know that water pole is a little different from football, but I've got some game.
You know, I can move.
Colos is like, nah, actually, the way it works around here is I will speak for you.
And that's just the way it is.
I was glad after this scene that this episode did not go in the Cardassian legal system direction, which is a bell that Star Trek, I feel, has rung a few times.
Like the you're guilty until proven innocent, but nobody will try to prove you innocent.
And that's just the way it is and the way it always has been.
Like this is not that episode.
It's not like a comically evil justice system.
It is a justice system that has principles that have been corrupted.
There's an argument in the fan community that goes something like, how did the Klangons ever achieve space exploration technology when all they ever want to do is fight?
And I think in this example and in the example you brought up, Ben, about the Cardassians, it's like it's less about having the technology and more about the ability to hold tribunals.
Like tribunal is representative of technology
in a way that makes all the rest possible.
If you can do one, baby, you got the other.
Yeah.
So we go back to the trial, and our first witness, our only witness really, is introduced.
Holy shit, Adam.
If you thought you were done seeing this episode reference other Star Trek shit,
You were wrong because this witness is Duras.
Of House Duras?
The founder of the House.
Amazing.
Yeah.
How about that?
Things feel pretty bad from Jump, right?
Like when the prosecuting attorney walks in and he's like greeted with a Benjamin R.
Harrison amount of cheers when the live show starts.
Like huge pop for him.
Less of a pop for Duras.
Why?
He's endured a little bit of, I don't know if it's dishonor, but demotion.
Yeah.
He's been disgraced and reduced in rank.
He was the captain of a ship, and
prosecutor Orok makes like a big show of being like, wait, what?
I thought you were this.
You're not.
Tell us why.
And that's how we get into.
I'm just a Klingon country lawyer.
I don't know the current events whatsoever.
I've been tending my bloodworm farm and minding my own P's and Q's.
Please tell me how such a noble warrior such as yourself could have come to be a second weapons officer on a barge.
I am so looking forward to the end of the trial where I can kick back on my poets
and drink my half-blood wine, half-assed tea.
I call it a K-Arnold Kapomer.
Delicious.
Wave myself with my extra big Panama hat designed to fit over my prodigious loaf.
A warrior, a plan, a canal
to Panama.
So.
This is going to be kind of Rashimani, right?
We're going to get the version of events according to Duras.
And we see those by FS.
Adam, is this the Rashiman Maru?
It is.
It is.
Were you just referring to your notes?
So we got that in?
Yeah.
Got that joke.
All right.
All right.
You know what?
It's funny that you call it that because it is very much a ship in distress kind of marucky.
Helping a ship in distress and Klingon show up is
what happens.
Absolutely.
So it's great.
So what you did, that was great.
You know, we'll see if I get the ding.
I'm guessing not.
I don't think my timing was great on delivering on that joke.
So what they make sure to ridicule during this testimony, I think, is
great.
The weapons capability of the Enterprise before engaging with them.
Duraz is like, yeah, we roll up on the ship.
We don't really understand where it's from or what it can do.
But God,
are we serious with the grapplers?
I need something to do with this shit.
Come on, fair enough.
We use those to go targ hunting from orbit.
Some of those that hunt targ, like, don't disagree with the purity of that.
They think that we should be, like, on the ground hunting for targ instead of like zooming over them,
shooting our grapplers out.
But
you can catch more targ that way.
I love it when they do this, when the flashback is told by a unreliable narrator.
And so you see...
You see how capable Archer is at defending his crew.
Yeah, but also Archer calling it his ship like a battlecruiser.
Yeah.
Those little details are fun.
Yeah, this is a version of Archer that I wish we got more often.
Death to the Empire.
He reps Battlecruiser and...
You know, Duras is saying that like the Chancellor of the Klingon High Council wants the rebels that Archer is aiding and abetting.
And Archer's like, fuck your Chancellor.
I don't give a fuck what he wants.
What's the opposite of Stovacore?
That's where you're going to go.
And I'm going to send you there
with my grapplers.
Do you guys have any kind of barges that you might travel to that place on?
Yeah.
I don't know about any of that stuff yet.
So this turns into a little bit of a firefight, and the Enterprise bugs out into the rings of a nearby planet.
After shooting first.
Yeah.
And when they do shoot, their torpedo explodes in the rings of this planet and it blows really big and knocks out Duras' ship.
And all through this, like Archer has been kind of complaining that this is false testimony and that Kolos should be like objecting and registering his complaints.
with the trial.
And Kolos has been kind of like saying, hush, hush, hush.
This is a process.
You need to trust the process.
When you're in a legal entanglement, you want to feel like your lawyer is doing something.
And the thing that you want them to do is just a ton of objections, right?
That's that'll make you feel good as a client.
Like, you want the lawyer from Seinfeld who's like outraged at the implication of what the person who wronged you has done.
Yeah.
I am shocked and chagrined.
Mortified and stupefied.
This trial is outrageous.
That is just not Kolos.
So, yeah, this is how Duras got busted down to like some way shittier job.
Kolos does not do any cross-examination of the witness.
And prosecutor Aurok moves that this testimony alone should be enough to condemn Archer to experience jock, the most severe punishment our laws decree.
Jock!
So, Archer's pretty bummed.
And I mean, it seems like all the Klingons in attendance are pretty happy, right?
They're waving their spears in the air.
I was surprised that they were able to get these spears into the courthouse.
Like, every time I go to a courthouse, you got to go through a metal detector.
I think you just lay those things down on the belt and they go right through, right?
I guess, like, yeah, from the perspective of anyone, you know, it's probably like a 12-inch span of conveyor belt that they can see at a given moment.
They're like, yeah, this is nothing.
I think what they want is folks not smuggling in blood wine because they want you to buy it from the concession stand inside.
That's how they make their money.
That's how all the money is made.
Yeah.
Were you like distracted at all by the judge not being like incredibly old and crusty?
I was not distracted by that.
No.
I mean, he really does fit nicely into a composition with like the giant hood and the hood with a piping of lettering around it.
I thought those details were neat.
The last role on the curriculum of T of Granville Van Doosen.
What a name on that guy.
Holy shit.
Granville Van Dusen should have been a judge.
Like
that sounds like a southern lawyer.
That does sound like
the honorable Granville VanDoosen.
Please cross-examine the witness, Granville.
Representing myself in the matter of 756 parking tickets in the city of Knoxville, Tennessee, the Honorable Granville Van Dusen, Esquire, introduces himself to the court.
May I just say, as the judge of the 8th Circuit of Knoxville, it is a joy for me as judge to preside over a case
with my favorite.
I just love coming to work every day when I get to preside over a case speech with Granville Van Dusen.
Archer speaks up a lot, though, and gets cattle prodded for his trouble.
Do you think those things are tuned way down for humans?
Like
one star at the Thai restaurant for grandma type of pain?
Like there's probably a pictogram for this, right?
Like a dial where on one end a fierce Klingon warrior face is and on the other like a human baby.
And it's probably dialed down for baby, right?
Yeah, it's probably on the bar mitzvah boy setting for Archer.
Yeah.
The speaking up is like specifically forbidden, it seems like they Kolos keeps going, like, shut up, dude.
Like, you're not supposed to talk in this.
I am the only one that's supposed to be doing the talking from our side, and you're not helping yourself.
I mean, if I'm not watching this episode and just listening to it, I would rather listen to J.G.
Hertzler instead of Scott Bakula myself.
Yeah.
You know, that voice.
It's so good.
It's delightful.
Faith of the fart.
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If you're enjoying Greatest Generation and Greatest Trek, but you haven't dipped into our other hit program, Wholesome, you're only getting part of what we do.
That's because on Wholesome, me and Ben and Adam Ragusia talk about all kinds of things that make us happy.
With each episode being hosted by one of us, where we share what we're enjoying at the moment and have a conversation about all the little ways it makes our lives better.
With topics about movies, neighbors, ice cream, mid-TV.
It's a weekly dose of good vibes every Wednesday, and you can get it at patreon.com slash wholesome underscore pod.
So listen to wholesome.
Maybe it'll inspire you to share something that you think is wholesome with your friends.
Every Wednesday at patreon.com slash wholesome underscore pod.
You know, we've been doing my brother, my brother, me for 15 years.
And
maybe you stopped listening for a while, maybe you never listened.
And you're probably assuming three white guys talking for 15 years.
I know where this has ended up.
But no, no, you would be wrong.
We're as shocked as you are that we have not fallen into some sort of horrific scandal or just turned into a big crypto thing.
Yeah.
You don't even really know how crypto works.
The only NFTs I'm into are naughty, funny things, which is what we talk about on My Brother, My Brother, and Me.
We serve it up every Monday for you if you're listening.
And if not, we just leave it out back and
rotten.
So check it out on Maximum Fun or wherever you get your podcasts.
All right, we're over 70 episodes into our show.
Let's learn everything.
So let's do a quick progress check.
Have we learned about quantum physics?
Yes, episode 59.
We haven't learned about the history of gossip yet, have we?
Yes, we have.
Same episode, actually.
Have we talked to Tom Scott about his love of roller coasters?
Episode 64.
So how close are we to learning everything?
Bad news.
We still haven't learned everything yet.
Oh, we're ruined.
No, no, no.
It's good news as well.
There is still a lot to learn.
Woo!
I'm Dr.
Ella Hubber.
I'm regular Tom Lom.
I'm Caroline Roper.
And on Let's Learn Everything, we learn about science and a bit of everything else too.
And although we haven't learned everything yet, I've got a pretty good feeling about this next episode.
Join us every other Thursday on Maximum Fun.
And you will never take the greatest gym alive.
Ben would dathered.
So back in the cell, Archer is
trying to suffer through his targ meat, and Kolos comes and visits him.
And he's like, hey, man, like, so we've got you a deal.
You don't have to die if you give up where the rebels are.
And
Archer's like, well, what about, like, what's going to happen to them if I tell you?
And Kolos like wordlessly gestures toward the severed targ leg.
Like,
yeah.
But in his gesture, he bumps a mic stand.
He's like, oh, shit, you're not supposed to know that's there.
Archer is feeling like this is the guy that's supposed to be defending me, but is now pumping me for information the way a cop or a prosecutor would.
Yeah.
And he's like, I'm not telling you anything about them.
Like, those are good people that don't deserve your fucked up version of justice.
And they talk about like, why would you sacrifice yourself for these people you barely even know?
Kolos gets kind of introspective in this scene about how, you know,
there used to be a time in the Klingon tribunal system where
you could pipe up in your own defense.
You could work the boundaries a little bit if we're going to continue to use the sports analogy.
You know?
Like,
I kind of crave those old days where a southern Klingon lawyer could
wax on and on philosophically,
going in no particular direction or another, just going wherever the whim takes him.
Unfortunately, those days have long passed, and Archer is like, well, man, like,
I don't know what your deal is, but it's like pretty important to me that we stand up to this judge and mount a real defense here.
And he kind of gets Kolos nostalgic for the old days when his job was not just stand there and take it.
And
so the next day, Kolos is like kind of fired up.
And he tells the judge, like, okay, like, we're going to do our thing now.
And everybody's like, wait, what?
I really wish this was a two-part episode because I would love to go home with Kolos after this moment.
Like,
like his wife's like, hey, how was work?
Kolos is like, you know,
this guy I'm representing had some interesting points about the Klingon justice system.
Oh, man, like, like mid-90s legal drama vibes put that shit in my veins.
Yeah.
He's the humble like ambulance chaser who gets like pursuing some civil action against a polluter in a small town in West Virginia, and he like finds his heart and soul again.
It's sepia tone, it's 100% humidity, it's weeping willow out in the front yard.
Everybody is so sweaty.
Now, part of what my case pivots around is the lack of air conditioning in the municipal courthouse system
in this town.
In our perish.
Oh, that's the word.
Yeah.
Okay, so we're right back in there.
It's another day in Klingon Court, and it begins with Archer giving testimony in his own defense.
And there's some argument about whether or not it's too late for this in the process of the legal proceedings.
And Kolos jumps right in, and he's like, you know, wasn't that just the way things used to be in Klingon Court?
Kind of appealing to the magistrate's...
potential interest in that.
Like the presumption that he's down to play that kind of game seems like a leap, but it's not.
It's unorthodox, but he allows it i love the fact that all kolos has to do is make it a matter of honor and everybody's like okay yeah we do have to do this yeah
it is the calling of marty chicken in a back to the future movie it totally is
they talk to one of the refugees in Six Bay about he and his people came to be in this busted ship to whose distress call they're responding.
And this guy's like, yeah, like we lived in this colony and unfortunately it got annexed by an empire and
they were supposed to be, you know, providing economic benefits to us.
But instead they just like stripped the environment around us for parts and abandoned us and we were like starving and unable to do anything.
And like they've been dying in this tin can that they escaped their planet in.
Like there, there's only a few of them left after like dozens of them left the planet.
This story is made more compelling for the episode we saw not that long ago, where we saw what it's like to be a colony that's been annexed by Klingons that just come by from time to time to take their rip.
Yeah.
Yeah, it kind of like makes me go back and think about how much Worf loved being a Klingon and be like, really, man?
Like, I would be kind of trying to distance myself from that if this was the history.
Yeah, I don't know.
I mean,
not not all Klingons, I guess.
These are just these ones.
Yeah.
It helps that the folks that we see, like the refugees, look especially pitiful.
And I don't mean that pejoratively, I mean that, like, they look like they are deserving of pity, like, they've really been through some shit.
Yeah,
they've had it bad.
This day of the trial is so much more exciting.
It's like Kolos giving it to Aurak and Aurak trying to give it back.
Yeah.
And, you know, they get like kind of dip back and forth between the testimony and the trial.
And, like, when we're in the testimony, we get a scene where Archer is talking to Tepal about how the vessel is beyond repair.
Like, there's no, there's no fixing it up.
And he's like, well, we should probably try and drop them off at the place that they were headed to.
It's like not that far from here.
And Tepal is pretty sanguine about it.
She's like, yeah, I mean, we could, but it's probable that the Klingons will just annex that in a minute and make their lives miserable again.
Archer's like, well, what if we chop them off in a place that's shitty that like not even Klingons would want to annex?
How about that idea?
TePaul's like,
I mean, you could.
Thinking about like a SETI Alpha 6 type of place?
That would be a great way to bring.
the Wrath of Khan reference in alongside the Undiscovered Country reference, you know?
Great thinking.
Yeah.
But this is when Doras showed up.
So they got called up to the bridge and they look at this incoming Klingon cruiser that's like 14 minutes out or whatever and start to stress about like what's going to happen.
And when Archer starts talking about this, Aurok is like, oh, so you like, you wanted to like get in a fight with these guys the second you saw them coming.
Like this is, this was not you helping a ship that you just thought had sent a distress signal.
This was an act of war.
Like you were actively meddling in Klingon affairs and spoiling for a fight, which I think is a good angle for him to pursue as a prosecutor, you know?
Sure.
Yeah, that it's not just the one thing.
It's like a track record.
Yeah.
Doesn't make Archer look good at all.
And even worse is what he describes about the McLaughlin group they had about a way to beat this more powerful Klingon ship that's bearing down on them.
Yeah.
Which is like they pre-planned the ignite the plasma in the rings around the planet so that they can blow up the damn ship.
Yeah, they had much weaker defensive capabilities they could have chosen, like a grappler.
For example, why didn't you shoot a grappler?
No one's going to hurt anything with one of those.
And the judge is like, can you describe this grappler?
And Archer's like, well, you know the thing that you've got around the ball?
Is that attached to the ball, by the way?
Because if it wasn't, like, you're kind of not that far from what it looks like.
Imagine your forearm holding that ball were attached to a kind of chain, a length of chain,
that's either feet or kilometers long.
I'm not familiar with the distances of things, really.
How does a Kelecam compare to like a yard?
Have you played the 8-bit video game Mega Man?
In Archer's recounting of the standoff, Duras shot first.
Yeah.
And they bugged out and ducked behind a big rock
in the rings and did their blow-up the plasma gambit.
And we get to see this whole effects shot just the same shot one more time.
That's value, baby.
And the question is asked, like, why
after that, like, his ship was knocked out.
Like, he had no webs, he had no propulsion, like, you could have finished the job.
Why didn't you destroy the Bortas?
This is kind of Archer's clincher line, because Duras is not my enemy.
Hmm.
Hmm.
But isn't he?
The pivot here
is,
I don't know.
surprising slash irritating to Archer because his own counsel is like, oh yes,
he is guilty, isn't he?
And he goes on and on with how guilty Archer is without saying exactly of what.
He's like, Archer is guilty of so many things.
Let me list them.
There is the shooting of the plasma, the giving safe harbor to annexed alien species.
Let's just say Kolos would be an awesome judge on a reality show about cooking.
He'd be like,
this dish is disgusting.
It makes me want want to pick up the plate and throw it across the room.
I would punch my mother if she gave me this dish.
Because I would be mad that she hadn't given it to me earlier.
It's delicious.
I'm angry at all the times I've eaten something that was not this.
It has ruined Cuban food forever for me.
The line here is that, like, this is actually somebody that has, like, done the Empire several solids in the past.
And everything that we learned from his testimony goes to further that point.
Like, he is not here to fuck with Klingons.
He is here to be square with them.
And, like, he's a plain-dealing dude.
And he was not trying to mess with Duras.
and Duras shot first and the chancellor like knows this guy like we should we should probably like be deferential to that it's funny to hear the words that Kolo says spoken by a J.G.
Hertzler type
like
the vocal effect given to what are very like kind descriptions of Archer is such a fun mismatch to experience.
If the prosecutor had watched the pilot of Star Trek Enterprise, we might not be here.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So afterwards, they wait in a cell together for the verdict, and it's a verdict that's taking longer than it usually does.
What else are you going to do but slug back some blood wine?
Should help make the wait more pleasant.
And it's in this scene that Archer learns more about Klingon Society.
It's not just all warriors.
Kolos is like, yeah, my parents weren't warriors specifically.
We grew up in Coberkelee.
You'd actually love it.
And he talks like wistfully about Klingon society having had more chill in the past.
Like the way the justice system is going is sort of symptomatic of a larger thing that's going on where the like martial aspirations of average Klingons walking around seem to be getting you know more and more exacerbated.
It's interesting how like you could presume if you didn't know much about Klingon culture, the way things used to be there would be rougher and worse.
Yeah.
No, but he's kind of a mock mu ga.
Well put.
Anyways, we get our verdict from the judge and he says like, yeah, like
we should be deferential to Archer.
He has done us many salads.
But, however, the law was violated, and whether or not, you know, you know, the law is no, is no defense, and Archer must be held accountable.
He is guilty as hell, but he's not going to be sentenced to death.
He's going to be sentenced to Rora Pente!
And like, a disco ball drops from the ceiling, and like sparkling lights go around the room, and everybody's like, Yeah,
Rora Pente!
It's so funny how to a Star Trek fan, this is a good conclusion.
Like you, you somehow want this in a sick way.
Like the captain of the show you're watching has been sentenced effectively to death.
And because it's to a place that you're familiar with, you're like, oh, this is going to kick ass.
This is going to be so fucking cool to go back to Rurapente.
No guards, no watchtowers, no stockades, etc.
Oh man, I hope that guy gets up on that crate and yells that stuff at them.
I want to see that underbite dog.
Oh, man.
Both of the lawyers are pretty pissed about this.
Aurak is like, not harsh enough.
Kolos is like, maybe too harsh.
Like, what are you doing?
I love that the prosecutor's like, slow death penalty is not as pleasing as fast death penalty, which is what I was hoping for.
Right.
And that's what Kolos is saying.
Like, nobody survives at Rurocante.
So, like, a a life sentence there is not very long.
Yeah.
Like, what are you talking about?
And he starts talking about like maybe the judge is a bit of a patach for handing down a judgment like this.
Maybe, maybe he isn't such an honorable guy.
And oops.
Can't say that.
That's how you get sent to Rurapente.
Yep.
A year for contempt.
That's what happens to Kolos.
Which is very funny right after we learn that six months is kind of the life expectancy of your average Riropente
person.
So we cut over to Enterprise where the crew is given the update by TePaul.
This is not something they've been permitted to watch on screen.
They're just getting the minutes or whatever.
Right.
And Enterprise has been invited to leave the system now that the trial is over.
I mean, there's been so much that has been in direct reference to Star Trek VI.
Trip asks a very Star Trek VI type question.
What about a rescue?
Can we do that?
And TePaul's like, no, no, you'll have to wait five movies before you see something like that.
And then TePaul tells Trip that, look, there may be some far less exciting measures we can take, like going through the bureaucratic channels that I have available to me that I'll be able to do off-screen.
And Trip's like, do you think I could talk to that country lawyer guy?
I kind of feel like he and my vibes aren't that different.
Maybe I can, you know, get something going here.
Paul's like, no, come on.
He specifically said not to put the ship at risk, Drip.
Yeah.
Yeah.
We cut right over to Ru Repente after this.
I couldn't believe it.
Yeah, we're there.
It looks great.
I love being here.
Here's a question.
Is one of the reasons it feels so good to be there because for a mine, it's very bright.
It's not like charcoal dark in there.
And they call it a mine.
The brightness of the ice, I think, really does a lot.
Yeah.
A mine.
Yeah, I mean, like, I think it's darker in the movie version of it.
But yeah, this is like the Star Trek cave, but they went in with the Christmas tree flocking and sprayed everything down.
Yeah.
And like, yeah, I mean, it's like they got all the extras.
Everybody's got the like fur gators on and
they're
doing the hard labor and pushing minecarts around.
It's a pretty big set for like, you know, the last five or so minutes of the episode that they spend here.
I mean, we've always been Star Trek fans, but like there's something just about seeing this type of forced labor that I just fucking love.
Really scratches that Star Trek 6 itch, Ben.
Yeah, the only thing that would make you happier would be if there was a little baby kitty there doing forced labor, right?
I know.
We just didn't have the technology back then.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So Archer like makes a little effort at starting a prison riot, like tries to beat up a guard.
Like, I don't think that guard is who they mean when they say you're supposed to beat up the toughest guy you meet on the first day in prison.
I thought Archer was going to die here.
The fucking balls on this guy.
He takes the painstick and starts painsticking the guard with it.
Yeah.
But it was still set to baby.
The guard is like, come on, this is.
The dial is turned all the way to the left, and it just actually has your face
on that setting.
You know, we actually made these after the trial in your honor.
Yeah.
It's like Feklar to the far right and Archer to the far left.
We like to keep things fun down here.
Yeah.
You know, let it never be said that Re Repente doesn't have a sense of humor.
Yeah.
Anyways, some new arrivals show up at the prison, and one of them has kind of a hood down low over his face, a great big pickaxe, and it kind of looks like he's stalking up on Archer, getting ready to kill him.
And
Advocate Kolos gets in his way and is like, no, man, leave him alone.
And the hood comes back.
Not who I was hoping it would be.
It's good to see you, son.
You too.
Yeah, pretty disappointing reveal here, TBH.
I mean, like, like, I guess Reed needed to get some lines, and, like, I guess this would be him.
No one else is in this episode from the bridge crew.
Basically, it could be anyone.
Yeah, like, at least Tapala has, like, super Vulcan strength.
I feel like she'd be, like, in a better position to survive the harshness of Roropente.
Hey, let's run the scene back to the beginning.
Okay.
Like, like, the fresh fish get beamed down.
A couple of them walk through.
One of them is suspicious.
Hood down low.
Giant axe.
Totally open midriff exposing a completely jacked eight pack and like the muscles on the side of the waist that like you really have to work hard to define yeah
hood comes up it's mayweather
just like being back in the wood
who are you in some travest mayweather
parents must be very proud when i was a kid we called it the sweet spot who are you i'm the helmsman i guess growing up a boomer has its advantages and your mom very proud that's true It takes practice.
Other than keeping Nintendo Mayweather up at night, I'm not sure what we expect to accomplish here.
Anyway, so Reed describes how they like paid off a corrections officer and they have a way out here.
And Archer's like, all right, like, we're going.
And Kolos, come with us.
And Kolos is like, no, man.
I'm not going with you because like, A,
I have to atone for all those years that I stood by and let men of honor like you go to horrible places like this.
And B, I think I'm going to outlive that six-month life expectancy because I have something to live for now, which is going back and I guess like reforming the Klingon justice system.
The fucking hubris,
Captain, before you go,
might you have any tinned fish or cigarettes
for me to trade with the population.
Don't just leave me here.
I can't remember when that guy was doing the speech on the surface.
Did he say there was also no commissary?
Surely you have anything to give me so that I might have a better chance of survival.
They just fucking turn and leave him.
Not a great look, I thought.
Yeah.
Rough one.
A long, luxurious camera move back through the mine ends the episode, Ben.
Did you like this episode?
I like this episode a lot because I think that Rashraman in Star Trek is a is a move that we're used to.
and could be done in a way that is stale and boring.
And I think that this is like fun interesting klingon world building which you know like is also a move that they've pulled a million times in star trek but this manages to have a fresh take on both like
it's fan service in that it's referencing my favorite star trek movie but it's also like an interesting story in its own right and like exactly the kind of trouble archer would get himself into and i think exactly the kind of way archer would get out of that trouble yeah it walks right right up to the derivative line and then like takes a full step back from it.
Like it's not a total retread.
Yeah.
In a way, it just gives you the flavor, but not the entire dish of that first delicious meal with Star Trek VI, you know?
I love it, and I love a JG Hertzler being involved.
Totally.
Give me more of that guy.
His hair is so fucking long and silky in this.
Like, he's kind of got the like kung fu master from Kill Bill level hair situation.
Real talk, though.
Kolos dies in two weeks, right?
And if we can agree that that is what happens to him.
Because he's talking about how he's so out of shape and stuff.
He's kind of dumb, right?
Like, and if you think that,
I think you kind of have to ding the episode a little bit.
Right?
Yeah, that's fair.
I mean, I wanted to love it, but I think the logic of that last moment, it's made to make Kolos
feel heroic and noble, but
those qualities are only predicated on his survival.
Were he to die, you don't receive those flowers.
Yeah.
You're just dead.
That's what I think.
Yeah.
All right, I think I'm going to go check the priority one messages.
You coming?
Let's do it.
Priority one message from Starfleet coming in on secured channels.
Need a supplemental income.
Supplemental income.
Supplemental.
Supplemental.
Yeah, it's extra.
But the interest alone could be enough to buy this ship.
Adam, this is an episode that came out during the Max Fun Drive, so no P1s on today's episode, but we are always looking for more P1s on future episodes.
So if you're listening to this back in the stacks, head to maximumfun.org/slash jumbotron to get one today.
Hey, Ben.
What's that, Adam?
Did you find yourself a drunk Shimoda?
Drunk Shimoda!
Yeah, I'm gonna give it to JG Hertzler to Kolos.
Like, I think you're right that that's like a very dumb decision that he makes at the end, especially after he's made such a big deal about being not in his prime and not really up for the physical labor of it all.
I'm sure this cough means nothing.
The little specks of purplish pink blood on the napkin that I just coughed into, notwithstanding, I think I should probably stay here for honor.
I think I just inhaled the fur from a targo.
Real fun to see him in this episode.
I love bringing back a Star Trek that guy.
Yeah, mine's going to be the same.
For the same reason, even.
Come on.
Come on, Colos.
Know your own age.
With special citation for Granville Van Dusen for just being a lot of fun as the magistrate and
having a real peach of a name.
Absolutely.
Faith of the fart.
But do we have a peach of an episode coming up?
That's a great question, Adam.
The next episode is season two, episode 20 Horizon.
Mayweather discovers his father has died and that things on his old home, the ECS Horizon, have greatly changed.
A Mayweather episode.
Yeah, Mayweather's dad,
open casket, but just like the midsection
so his widow can appreciate that ripped and exploded body one last time.
Yeah, live at Warp 2 and leave a beautiful corpse.
Yeah, absolutely.
Well, Ben, I'm going to take it on over to the game of buttholes in the Will of the Riker Quantum Leap, where currently our runabout is on square 75
and after the roll of this hundred sided die could be anywhere can't wait you're required to learn as you play roll
Ben I have popped us on down to square 63
did I win hardly it is so achingly close to a porthos cheese plate square where we would be forced to eat and review cheese
on the next episode.
No, we're not going to do that.
We're just going to wonder what could have been and record a regular old episode.
All right.
Looking forward to next week's episode
and looking forward to seeing how great this episode has done for us in the Max Fun Drive.
This is a Max Fun Drive episode.
If you're listening to this after the fact, of course, it's no longer a Max Fun Drive.
But we really appreciate all the great support that the friends of deSoto come through with every year and we especially appreciate whitney pretty our producer and editor support is appreciated the whole year through maximumfund.org slash join that's how you support the show got to thank rob adler our social media director follow at greatest trek on all social media and uh sign up for our mailing list at goch.biz slash mail
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We love him so.
He is also who you will talk to if you slide into the DMs to get our address to send something in for a future Code 47 episode.
Oh, yeah.
And we sure hope you do that because those are a lot of fun.
Dr.
Materia made the music you're hearing now.
Adam Ragusia, the third host of our Side Project Wholesome podcast we do together with him.
Ragusia made our theme in interstitial music and has for the last several iterations of Greatest Gen and Greatest Trek.
Sure has.
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Do all the things, be all the places, and come on back next week for another great episode of Star Trek Enterprise, an episode of the Greatest Generation Enterprise, where Adam and I can get ripped and exploded.
for one special episode.
I've got a week to just do nothing but abs.
Yeah.
That'll feel great.
Eight-minute abs?
No, I'm talking about like 1,800-minute abs.
That's what it would take to reveal them.
I just have one ab,
just one great big ab.
Yeah.
Yeah, me too.
So.
Make it so.
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