One of the One-Wayest of Holes (ENT S2E3)

Here's to the finest crew in Starlink.

When it comes to my crew, you won't get any argument from me.

This is a parody.

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Welcome to the Greatest Generation.

It's a Star Trek podcast by a couple of guys just a little bit embarrassed about having a Star Trek podcast.

I'm Adam Pranica.

I'm Ben Harrison.

Hi.

Hello there.

You were so excited to launch the episode.

I thought you might have had something to start with.

Oh, not me.

Yeah?

Not me starting a podcast with no thoughts or premises.

Yeah.

Dependable.

Yeah.

Dependable as ever.

How are things over at your place?

Are you still waking up to a weird alarm?

No, no weird alarm.

Still got tree bees.

And did I tell you about the wasp thing?

Can't wait to hear about it.

There was a wasp nest on the eve of my house.

I think this popped off while we were in Madison for our live show there.

Yeah.

And you never want to leave a wife at home with wasps.

Yeah, and these are like, like, they're like big fuckers, you know, big segmented bodies with lots of little parts that just, they look extra scary.

I mean, I'm not going to body shame them.

I think that's just how they look.

I think they have scary bodies, Adam.

I think that I'm not afraid to shame wasps for what their bodies look like.

I never would have guessed that you'd be the host to do that.

Yet here we are.

I'm going to be quad boxing for wasps in a minute.

But anyway, she got a pest control person to come out and remove the wasp nest.

And then three fucking wasp nests showed up on the eaves of my other neighbor.

So now I've got three bees on one side side, and I got triple wasp nest on the other side.

Yep.

And these wasps, like they just want to be inside for some reason.

Anytime I go in the back door of my house,

like

reliably 10 minutes later, my wife will wander through the kitchen and be like, you got to come get this wasp.

I mean, I know there's nothing you dislike more than the prospect of NIMBYs, Ben.

And yet,

here you are.

Not in my backyard, you say about wasps and bees.

I say we need to slow the amount of development of new wasp housing in the neighborhood until we can figure out what's going on.

Makes sense to me.

Yeah.

That's what happens.

You have one wasp nest move in, and then all hell breaks loose.

There goes the neighborhood.

Yeah.

It's not going great over here.

Fortunately, those neighbors we are like unfriendly enough of terms with that like a quick text was sent and they were like, we're on it.

We're going to take care of that wasp nest situation.

Wow.

You want to know what happened the other day though with the neighbors with the tree bee?

I saw her out in her driveway and I was too nervous to ask.

Too nervous to walk up to her and just say, hey, you got a tree full of bees that like come at my face every time I walk.

Out the back door of my house.

Ben, I actually made a bet on that, and it was such a heavy favorite favorite that it paid me nothing.

Like, I bet all of my life's savings and all of my wife's savings, and I think we got $3.

So,

yeah, not a great gamble for my part.

I'm trying to be the Ben that helps that bet lose you a lot of money.

One day.

Yeah.

One day when you suffer a head injury that changes your

personality,

you'll summon the courage to tell a neighbor about a dangerous situation that's endangering me and my family yeah i mean but them also right you never want to you don't want to live in a place with insects that you're unaware of right you really don't yeah

yeah i gotta deal with the tree bees i gotta talk to this lady yeah you do

you just gotta summon the courage to tell a neighbor about a thing that they want to know about yeah i think the husband is a little easier for me to talk to, so maybe I'll see if I can catch him coming out of his car or something.

All you got to do is set up a lawn chair out on your front porch and wait.

Yeah, this guy, he loves to park like just a little bit into the driveway of my house.

Yeah.

That's yeah, that's that passive aggressive neighbor shit that you just love.

Yeah, where are these guys from Seattle or some shit?

Pretty great.

Yeah, that's the best.

Yeah.

You know, you could do is probably put something on their car, Ben.

That's Seattle passive-aggressive escalation.

Oh, man.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Why did I come to you to learn about how to interact with neighbors?

Of all people.

You should write an Adam-style note, and the note would go like this.

Hi, neighbor.

You okay with how you parked?

I noticed that the way you park makes it impossible for me to put my garbage cans out on garbage pickup day and also leave the driveway of my house.

Do you feel okay with that?

Yeah, that's how you do it.

Now you're speaking my language.

We get a bit of a language barrier on today's episode, wouldn't you say, Ben?

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Some not-so-friendly neighbors today.

Let's get into it.

It's season two, episode three, Minefield.

In our cold open, Mr.

Pineapple rolls through the mess hall on his way to the captain's mess.

He did sort of look like he was looking for something, and I thought pineapple initially

was a reasonable guess of what he would be looking for, but then he's all nervous.

If it's gonna be set out for food, it's not gonna be in the general mess.

It's gonna be in the captain's mess, right?

Right.

It's like honeydew melon forward fruit salad with like red grapes in the crew mess and then like kind of pineapple forward with strawberries and like some good shit in the captain's mess.

It's a sort of energy you don't usually associate with breakfast time, right?

Really nervous breakfast energy.

Yeah.

That really struck me here.

And Reed has arrived in time for breakfast hangs, a breakfast date with the captain.

And

you sort of assume it's going to be a performance review or a counseling notice thing, at least from Reed's perspective.

He's showing up ready to have his palms wrapped with a ruler or something.

And he's like getting his uniform zipped up properly so that

everything's in reg.

Yeah.

This isn't a visit to the principal's office, Malcolm.

At ease.

I kind of get the feeling based on what happens here that Archer did nothing to dissuade him of these nerves.

Like, this was a teacher saying,

Ben, you need to stay after class.

And then the stay after class was just like, I heard you guys moved to a new house this weekend.

How'd that go?

You know,

that's too specific of an experience for that not to be true, Ben.

Like, what the hell, Archer?

Don't do that.

He probably didn't get a wink of sleep last night.

Here's the thing about the Reed-Archer dynamic.

Reed should be used to people being nice to him

so that he could have gotten around the corner of whatever this paranoia he's got with Archer specifically, but generally just interactions with the rest of the crew, right?

Like

a season and the beginning of a second season we've got as enough data to know that this crew is pretty chill and they aren't going to beat your ass in the way that you think it's going to be beaten, Reed.

So you think that this is on read to have read the tea leaves a little bit better.

Not to cut to the end of the episode here, but this is almost entirely on read.

The problems of this episode.

The English breakfast tea leaves?

Hmm.

Yeah.

I think so.

I think so.

Archer's trying to make an effort here, right?

Bringing up topics that he guesses Reed would be into.

Like, hey, you've got an accent.

You must like

soccer.

And what do you think about Batman's butler?

Reed not being a sporto really uh makes me like him a lot more.

I feel like this character's stock is rising for me.

Accent-based assumptions, though, are hilarious.

I've neglected to make you shrimp

from the Barbie.

Oh, wait, that's a different one.

Same Commonwealth, but.

Reed can't help but change the subject to work stuff either.

Like he sees Archer's flailing and kind of

bails him out with this subject change, I thought.

He tries to, but Archer is like scolds him for having a topic that they could both have some input on, you know?

How much clearer could Archer be that he can chill out and just eat your eggs Benny and be social?

Yeah, the famous eggs Benny.

They looked really good.

Yeah, yeah, this chef.

We gotta meet this fucking chef.

No way.

TePaul blows in a call on the wall panel that feels a lot like the bad date call that you ask a friend to give you just in case things go south.

Yeah.

I was wondering if that's what this was until it's revealed that this is actually a real situation happening.

In that scenario, would it have been Reed setting up that call or Archer setting up that call?

No, I think Archer had every right to set up the call knowing that things were going to get awkward and potentially bad.

Because I could see Reed setting it up.

Yeah, but who would do that for him?

He doesn't have any friends.

TePaul, if you can get me an M-Class planet, like I am begging you to, you know, five minutes after I'm scheduled to show up for breakfast, just call something in that will get Archer off my fucking nuts.

Does Reed seem the type to ask a favor from anyone?

No.

Yeah, I just don't see it.

So exciting news from the bridge is that.

Like I said, this character stock is really rising for me.

I really like them a lot.

We got an M-class planet on an uncharted system, so we got to pull the ship over and go explore, right?

Yeah.

They start scanning this sucker.

Uninhabited.

Uninhabited, but not in an L.

Ron Hubbard definition.

Like a lot of volcanoes down there.

Theatin-free volcanoes, hopefully.

Sure.

They're going to get a pod together and go down and check the place out.

This is a dialogue equivalent of like the wide shot when Geordie's facing away from the shuttlecraft windshield when a ship decloaks.

Like, Archer is making very specific plans for landing on the planet in a way that seems unusual even for him.

Yeah.

Find a volcano with a gentle slope, preferably one that's not erupting.

It all sneaks up on them because suddenly there's a banger and when we cut to the exterior, exterior it looks like something big took like a bite out of the hull like this is like the first bite into a hamburger bun kind of a hole that they get one of the first effects on this show that ever made me like really impressed yeah and in awe and it's the detail of it too it's not just a hole in the hull it's it's like stuff has been flayed yeah and cut and i don't know about you ben but i was looking for bodies i was looking for floaters specifically weren't you I was looking for bodies and I was looking for toilets because whenever we see like a room in a starship named Enterprise that has been exposed unnaturally to space, I want a toilet in there.

I thought a lot about that, and then I finally decided that all the toilets are probably

on the innermost part of the ship.

Right.

Because think about how long it took for us to get a window and a lavatory on an airplane.

A long time.

Is there an airplane that has that now?

The A220 has a window in the lav, and it's what makes it a great plane, I think.

But it feels like on this edition of Enterprise, you're not going to get comforts like a window in a lav.

No way.

Is there a travel agent I can call just to like book me a flight somewhere on a 220?

You're asking specifically for a comfortable place to pass out and have a medical emergency?

What's wrong with Ben this time?

Well, I just, I tend to spend a fairly significant percentage of my time in flight going back and forth to the lavatory.

It'd be nice.

You know what's amazing?

You put this bed up on the board.

Who goes to the bathroom more on an airplane, Adam or Ben?

You might suspect it's me, but it is not.

Not by a long shot.

I don't think I've ever seen you get up and use the bathroom on an airplane.

I don't.

Very rarely.

Why not?

It's like one of the joys of going on an airplane, a little miniature bathroom.

I don't like that feeling of putting my head up against the hull

to like hold myself steady.

I don't like how unsteady that feels.

I don't, here's what my fear is.

We hear about a fear that Reid has got later on in the episode.

What is the term for the fear of toilet water shooting up at your face inside an airplane lab?

Because that's the fear that I've got every time I look down.

Is there a risk of that?

There has to be.

There's a hole down there.

It really feels like a very one-way hole, like one of the one-wayest of holes.

I don't know, man.

I know a lot about airplanes.

I'm not so sure.

Hoshi is really hurt.

She's the one that is the hurtest of everyone on the bridge.

How do you like the sequences of shots we get of people like stepping over her?

and otherwise ignoring her during an emergency situation?

Yeah.

Eventually, someone, I think Topal maybe like goes over and sees if Hoshi's not dead or whatever.

Yeah.

We don't get great.

Like, I feel like when the D gets hit by something, Worf is able to announce how many casualties there are, like, shockingly quickly relative to what Malcolm Reed is able to come up with.

Archer has the total kernel from Boogey Knights at Reed in this moment, because Reed's like, yeah, it felt like something really big.

I guess so.

Archie's like, you think so, Reed?

Is that all you got?

I could have told you that.

There you go.

We learn that eventually that there are lots of casualties, but no fatalities.

And we cut down to Six Bay where Flox is having an extremely busy day triaging all of the

crew members covered in burger meat that are coming through.

It just looks like chaos down there.

There's a notable moment with Dr.

Flox here where an injured asks him what happened or supposes on a theory, and Flox is like, do you think I give a shit?

Like, I'm in triage mode.

And I kind of like that about him.

It really does not matter what's going on on the rest of the ship.

And I think it takes that kind of temperament to work in Six Bay.

Like, it really doesn't matter.

It's all that matters is the person walking through the door.

I really like how

Flox is not a ball of stress in that moment.

He doesn't like fly off the handle at anyone.

He's just like, that's irrelevant to me right now.

I'm doing other shit.

You know?

You rarely encounter a stressed out doctor, at least in my mind, you know?

Like, you probably don't want one.

And in fact, you probably, if you're a doctor, want to kind of rewire yourself and your personality in that way.

That's probably a pretty bad way to be.

Yeah, it's funny because, like, when you're in the emergency situation, that like

that kind of thing is exactly what you need in a doctor, it can feel a little bit like, hey, man, like, can you fucking get with the fact that this is a crisis?

Like, you know, like you just walked in here in your crocs and your scrubs, and this is not bothering you, but we're fucking flipping out.

That does not give you comfort,

the all-about-the-business way of doctoring in an emergency situation?

Maybe it would give me more comfort if they were in business shoes.

It's the footwear, isn't it?

The Docs and Crocs situation has gotten me to a point where I'm just like, I don't know, man.

Y'all seem deeply unserious in a way that's very upsetting.

I think when you're serious about hosing out your footwear

based on the job you have to do, that makes perfect sense.

Yeah, yeah.

Anyways, Mayweather reports that something else is touching the ship now.

Yeah.

And they scan around, and a little bit like Kirk spotting the cloaked ship in Undiscovered Country, it is Archer going, like, there it is.

Like, just behind the secondary plasma vent.

You see it?

And it's something on the hull that is cloaked.

This moment really surprised me because, like, after you bust, that is some of the most sensitive moments of a ship's life right there.

And, yeah, probably does not want to be touched in this moment.

Probably something the ship really feels on sensors.

The ship is, like, super sleepy and kind of like, it's kind of fucked up, right?

Because, like, the minefield just wants to connect and the ship is like very distant and weird right now.

I know.

Yeah.

How about Reed?

immediately proposing the diffusing of this mine and that he should be the one to do do it.

I have the ordnance training.

It's almost as if they have another breakfast date in the morning.

Reed and Archer, and he's looking for a way out.

Do you think that for Reed, the captain's mess is the hurt locker?

I think so.

Yeah.

Everyone's coward about something.

I absolutely believe that.

Yeah, so he's going to go out there and diffuse it.

We learn that it's right next to an impulse reactor, so this one going off would be much more dire for the ship than what just happened to them.

So Reed goes to get to work on that, and Archer's like, I bet there's other minds.

Like, we hit two,

and they start scanning around with their future tech, and nothing shows up initially.

Yeah, all TePaul's got to do is hit some switches, and then

dozens.

And then they can scan some bitches.

Reed's putting on a spacesuit, which doesn't look like anything out of the hurt locker bin.

It doesn't have that big neck piece that's supposed to block an explosion from going up into your face.

I mean, why even put it on?

Was my question.

I'm gonna die.

I'm gonna die comfortable.

He makes some observations about the composition of this mine while he's out there close to it, and some things about it suggest that it's been in space for a long time.

Like, it's all pockmarked.

It's kind of like an old paint job on a car that's been driven a lot.

also it's got magnetic legs and that's how it's positioned itself onto the hull i loved the way this mine looked i thought that they did such a great job on this prop it's like

it's so intricate and it like it has like moving parts that look great whoever built this prop really did a bang-up job fortunately for them the mine has not decided that it has hit something.

Even though it's magnetized itself to the hull, it is under the distinct impression that it has not encountered a triggering event would you believe that john rambo thinks that uh the mine is the perfect weapon

in this case given how advanced the tech is here i feel like the the tech would be the thing that throws him off he wouldn't like it you know you know yeah doesn't quite work does it you know times change some people trip shows up on the bridge he's got like soot face like a cartoon character that's uh accidentally smoked a stick of tnt instead of a cigar He's,

you know, given a damage report.

I don't really understand why he had to also report that nobody died after Reid already did that.

I mean, I think it says a lot about the credibility of Reed at this point.

Like,

got to come in there with another take.

I mean, because Reed is my favorite character now, I think it's good that people are just double-checking his work.

You know, do the guy a favor.

Is this one of those coin flip episodes?

What's going on here?

There's this idea floated, and this is the part of the episode where I think, as a viewer, you have ideas too about how the hell you get this thing off the ship.

And the idea in the room is detach the part of the hull plating that this thing is stuck to, let it float harmlessly away, and let it do its miney business somewhere else.

The trouble with that is that the hull plating covers up extremely sensitive parts of the ship, parts that you don't want to just hang out there in space.

So this seems like a plan B or plan C type of option.

They would much rather risk Reed's life at this point than do a non-lethal

sort of dangerous option here at this point in time.

I wish there had been something about how difficult it would be to travel without this plating or how far they are from a place where they could get some dry dock time or whatever.

We see at the end of the episode how much plating is involved with busting this thing off.

It seems like they could cover it up with shuttle pod doors.

Yeah.

Pretty easily, right?

Yeah.

They seem to have spare doors.

They sure do.

Weird, huh?

Well, we get a little visit.

This is a ship that is a very familiar shape to anyone who's seen some TOS.

But this Enterprise crew does not know what it is.

And Tepaul is like trying to fill in for Hoshi and can't really make heads or tails of the language that's being spoken on these hails that are being sent.

Hoshi is down in Six Bay, like begging Flox to let her go back to her station.

And he's like,

You are too torn up, and there's no way I'm letting you get out of here.

He almost has to like shove her back down into the

bed.

Yeah.

Do you think Dr.

Flox is lying to Hoshi?

Because Dr.

Flox tells Hoshi that she's been concussed while at the same time

about to hold a mouth swab up to her and like he's got a Petri dish in the other hand.

What's going on here, Dr.

Flox?

Is he like trying to find out if she has COVID or if she has brain trauma?

Actually, it seems like you were a little bit drunk on the job, Hoshi.

So

in terms of who's at fault for this workplace accident,

it would seem as though our our hands are clean uh yeah Mayweather got real lucky today even though he he was technically steering the ship when this happened faith of the fart

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And you will never take the greatest gym alive.

Ben would rather die.

Shots across the hull, Ben.

A couple of warning shots come really close.

I love getting to see this from out where Reed is.

Yeah.

Really cool.

Yeah, the changing perspectives of standing on the hull versus standing on the bridge is really well done here.

Yeah.

They're like, okay, well, these guys definitely want us to clear out whoever they are.

So we should probably go.

And at this point, they've got their quantum beacons up so that they can see where all of the other mines are.

And so Travis is going to get them out just on maneuvering thrusters.

Because I guess if they go to warp, Reed won't survive that or something.

Unclear.

Yeah, I guess they wouldn't be able to steer through all the mines at that speed.

So anyways, Travis gets

a joystick.

All Star Trek generations for steering on thrusters alone.

They kind of take their time going through this minefield.

Get some good news from Reed, though.

He thinks that he has this thing figured out and he's going to be able to deactivate it.

But he's not super confident about that.

Like he's got a theory.

And then the more he talks about the theory, the more confident he becomes.

But Archer's backup plan, again, is the one that does not risk killing Reed.

And so the question at this point I have for you, Ben, is, is it better for the show for Reed to die a hero here than live on in this way?

in this reedy way that he has?

Like, he could go out kind of a boss here.

He could.

I mean, the boss.

In a very unexpected place, episode three of season two.

I don't think many people would see that coming.

It would be a big surprise.

I feel like I'm just starting to really fall in love with this character, though, so

I don't want that.

Yeah.

But sometimes you have to let your favorite characters go for the benefit of the show.

Anyways, he gets spiked by this thing.

It shoots out another leg.

The bomb's leg goes through his leg, right through his thigh, and pins him to the ship.

And Archer's like, all right, I'll be right out there.

And Trip is like, shouldn't I go, Cap?

I'm actually friends with that guy.

And

for some reason, Archer insists that he is the one that should be out there.

And Trip should stay on the bridge.

Archer's like, look, Trip, haven't you spent enough cooped up time with that guy?

I wouldn't wish any more of that on anyone.

I'm going to like he straightens his tie, like stands up straight, does the whole last words of the bridge.

He's gonna go do the hard thing.

And on the hull, Archer arrives with a suitcase full of doodads.

And one of those doodads tells him that this leg isn't broken, it's just a flesh wound, a thick thigh flesh wound, and he's not bleeding out either, and that's a good thing.

You'll be in 6A in no time.

So he gets out his cutting torch to start cutting through the

bomb leg and Reed is like, no, no, no, no, no,

that

thing has detonation circuits running through it.

So if you cut that, we're all going to blow up.

So

we do have to proceed with the bomb diffusal plan in order to save my life at this point.

So Archer's like, all right, well, I'll get you drugged up.

And I like that there's like a

port in the spacesuit for administering intravenous drugs.

Yeah, it's just too bad that he's not given enough drugs to pass him right on out.

Damn.

You get a version initially of Reed that's a little compromised, a little dopey,

but he becomes less dopey almost instantaneously.

Like, he just seems like he's been given stuff for the pain.

At some point in this scene, Archer gets up and like walks around Reed, and there's a wide shot of Archer facing away from camera.

And unmistakably, Adam, I don't know if you noticed this, there is a zip fly on the butt of his spacesuit.

That's great.

Yeah, that's what you need.

What kind of shit are Starfleet officers getting up to with their spacesuits?

Can you imagine getting shit in a zipper?

I think at that point, you just throw the garment away.

Yeah, the whole spacesuit has to be 86th at that point.

Yeah.

Hoshi has been brought the comm logs down in Six Bay,

and she has translated this language that has been hailed to them.

And the summary is basically, get the fuck out.

We're the ROMs.

This is transmitted to Archer, and he's like, oh man,

I almost read a book about those guys, but Daniel slapped it out of my hands a couple of episodes ago.

Maybe you shouldn't be reading that.

Archer and Reed are going over the plan for this mine, and it's going to go like this.

Reed is going to read instructions to Archer, and Archer is going to be the hands of this operation.

And the deal with this mine is that it's got a bunch of detonators and these detonators individually need to have their

things clipped.

In the modern bomb diffusal parlance, you got to get in there with the wire snippers or whatever.

There's the red wire and the yellow wire.

In this case, it's just a big wrench he's got to turn.

Pliers don't seem like the right tool for this job when it comes comes to like turning bolts.

Yeah.

That's what he's got.

He's like a homeowner with not the right tools for the job.

Right.

He got that like set of tools at Ikea that are just like

they're fine for like 90% of like minimal repairs, but occasionally you find yourself applying them to a job that they're really not appropriate for.

Right.

I thought that this,

again, this prop just looked so great and it like had so many moving parts and things that they could do with it in close-up that really read and looked nice on camera.

Both of these actors do a good job in Act Weightless, too, because, I mean, you got to stick your arm out there with the pliers and you got to sort of float it, you know?

You can't just ram it in there.

You got to be delicate.

Yeah.

I liked how it sounded too, like the kind of magnetized footfall sound effects that they use as they're moving around out there.

So they're like, they're doing bomb diffusal directions, and Archer's trying to like chat up Reed during.

Reed doesn't like this because he has like a Royal Navy bearing where

you don't fraternize with the more senior officers.

It just feels wrong to him when he's a two-pip and Archer's a four-pip for them to be chumming it up like this.

Archer's take is, yeah, I mean, I totally get that when you're on an ocean-faring vessel working missions that last months, but Enterprise is a ship that has a mission that goes on for years and years.

And if I'm going to be in a situation where I've got to rely on other people to save my life, you better believe that I'm going to form a bond with them.

And Reed also has some other opinions about how the ship is run.

He's kind of popping off here about how Archer's a little lax with security and he's a little open to people's opinions and stuff.

Like real bootlicker shit

is what Reed's writing for.

This is what I don't understand about authoritarians.

It's like most authoritarians are like, I want an authoritarian, but not me.

What?

Reed is like, I personally think the captain gets too few blowjobs and

I should be the first in line.

And being that I'm pinned to the hull right now, I'm kind of at the perfect height.

So if you could unzip that.

Oh, that's weird.

The fly is on the back?

I mean, I guess I could eat your ass or whatever.

This is the hard part.

The pushing back in of the firing pins or whatever.

You got to do that in reverse.

Everything Archer began to do, he's got to do in reverse.

And wouldn't you know?

He did it.

So that's the first of several of these processes that he's going to have to do.

And also, at the very same time, Enterprise has left that giant minefield.

So there's a win over over there, too.

Maybe I have just seen too much TV, but the second this bomb was on the hall, I was like, they're going to try and diffuse this, and the last thing they do, they think, well, diffuse it, and it's going to like put the bomb into like fast countdown mode or whatever.

Well, they said in dialogue, the final boss of this mine was the toughest.

Don't you think think you would start with that one?

Or do you want to get the experience working with the machine first, just to sort of get used to it?

Interesting.

Yeah, I mean, like all of the other things have like an order that you have to do them in.

So maybe you have to do the whole thing in order also.

Yeah.

But yeah, I don't know.

I was just like, I want this episode to surprise me with how this bomb diffusal works.

And

spoiler alert, it did not.

But yeah, they're out of the minefield.

We learn that Reed didn't join the Royal Navy because he's a deep-seated fear of drowning.

He had like a great uncle who had the same thing.

So I guess it's like a thing that runs in his family.

Do you think the episode believes that this is Reed's moment?

to tell a dark story about himself, to become more understandable as a person, person to like form a connection with someone because here's why i asked that question you get no accompanying camera move or music to emphasize that idea if that was the point to this it felt like just a dude talking about an uncle who died in a fucked up way well and also like a way that is like so

one-to-one exactly the situation that they're in that it's almost like useless as a metaphor it's like that's just this Like, you're just telling us the story of this episode if it goes badly.

This uncle self Steve Zond himself into the engineering compartment of his submarine so that the rest of the crew could live.

Sounds great for the uncle, but when Reed says that he'd do the same in the same situation

in a scene that does not fully redeem Reed, like Reed saying his uncle is cool as hell and that's how he'd choose to go out, like, that's stolen

Steve's on valor right like you haven't done anything I just want you to know sir that I am prepared

got you and then from here to the end of the episode he's like you gotta let me do it it's the only thing I want to do you know who he is Adam he's fucking lieutenant dan he needed to die in that war and you're totally right won't let him like he should fucking hate archer after this he should he should hate trip too but also like get them invested in the Apple Computer Corporation really early.

Right, right.

Uh things could be worse, Ben.

One of them could have to go to the bathroom.

Oh, yeah, Reed's got to go to the bathroom.

And Archer tells Reed to go in the suit.

Knew I liked this guy.

Just a normal person that likes to use the bathroom on an airplane.

Unclear what would happen if he did, right?

Like, maybe there's an absorbency pad down there.

Maybe there's a series of tubes and reclamators.

And it processes the fecal matter in the thigh pads.

I mean, the other version of that is like you hold the camera on read, and there's like

a rising liquid going up the front of his helmet.

Yeah.

Do you think he pooped also?

That's just it.

He's not specific about if he wants to go 10-1 or 10-2 or 10-3.

Captain,

I've got to go to the bathroom, bathroom, but it's not to go pee or poo.

Being impaled through my thigh has made me very horny.

You see, after breakfast, I ate quite a lot of pineapple.

My ropes are peeking right now, and I don't want them to go to waste.

If he didn't totally release then, he does when he sees two Rymelin ships decloak.

And on the bridge, I'm sort of feeling good about the fact that Tepal's the one in command of the ship here instead of Archer.

Like, taking Archer out of this situation, I think, is actually good for the chances of survival of everyone involved.

Tepal takes a phone call from the Romulan captain, and he has ordered them to detach the part of the hull where the mine is stuck.

They've used their sensors and determined, like, they're already down the road to that plan anyway.

Go through with the plan.

That guy out there, you got 80 more guys.

Probably way better to have breakfast with than that guy.

We've scanned his ropes and they are remarkable, but like you're going to have to say goodbye to that guy.

Jettison the whole segment and leave.

TePaul's like, shit, we got to buy some time.

They're really close to actually disarming this thing, though, when we cut back to Archer and Reed.

They're working on the last circuit, and Archer pushes it in.

The lights go from green to red.

That can't be good.

No, it's never good.

I mean, if they turned purple, it would probably be fine.

Yeah, but purple, very benign sci-fi color.

But it would like, you know, unpack something about their dark history that they had to confront or whatever.

Nobody wants to do that.

Like, we're too far into the episode at this point.

Cut back to Reed, and he's like, there's something about my uncle I never told you.

Something I never told anyone.

They cut back to the bridge before we hear it, but I think we've got our suspicions.

Ben.

Adam.

Why is no one talking about cutting off Reed's leg?

This is never an option.

It would let all the air out of his suit.

You would cut you.

I mean, that kills Reed anyways.

No, man.

You cut the leg, you hustle back in, you let Dr.

Flox either attach the leg or not, but you got Reed surviving at that point.

Why isn't that on the table?

But if Chef got hold of it, he'd be serving Rose Reed for Sunday dinner.

Could they beam Reed out from around that piece of metal?

Great idea.

Great idea.

Why not?

Dangerous.

Why not use a grappler to

grab him and pull him back in super fast?

Just like ribbon his leg as it pulls away from him.

Yeah, you don't even have to cut the leg.

God.

It'd be like eating the chicken wing that's the flat and not the drumette.

Yeah, just pulling all the meat off of the bone.

Yeah, yeah, it'd be great.

Reed, do you want to die anyway, right?

Do you want to die awesomely?

Look at my legs.

They haven't a transporter.

They've used it maybe like twice so far on the show.

And I think that we need to like think about

when they will and will not use it in order to sort of get our arms around what the perceived level of danger of using the transporter is.

And the fact that they don't use it and never even consider using it to save Reed in this scenario.

Yeah.

It says a lot about how they feel about Reed.

Well, anyways, Reid is like, all right, time for me to go like meet my maker and live my destiny.

Ben, do you think you could use the transporter and do the confinement beam?

You know how when you use Photoshop, you can expand or contract the selection?

Can you contract the selection to like upper thigh

on Reed?

Oh, just beam his thigh away and then.

No, I mean, I mean,

his leg floats one direction, his body floats the other.

I want to select inverse of that joke, Ben, and instead like beam Reed absent the thigh onto the ship.

Oh, okay.

I mean, depending on how much you can fine-tune it, I'd rather be Reed absent just the piece of metal going through his thigh, but, you know.

Yeah.

You do you.

I mean, look, what we've done, you and I have come up with way more ideas than anyone on the ship has.

Yeah, they get in a big argument because Reid is like, let me die, Captain Archer.

And he's like unplugging his oxygen hose and stuff.

Archer is not going to fuck with that.

He

chucks his iPad into space and runs over and re-hoses Reed.

What if Urine just dumped out of this hose?

What if Cum just dumped out of this hose?

I love how familiar these hoses look.

Like, if you run a dust-free collection system on a small tool, like this is what these

twisters look like.

They sure do.

He kind of scolds Reed for trying to punch his own ticket.

He's got a great idea.

He goes back inside and requests two shuttle pod hatches to be brought to the airlock.

Go to the shuttle pod garage and the parts bin.

Yeah.

And bring me two of the many doors that we have.

Got so many extra doors.

Yeah.

So what they do, because he's like, they've had this debate about how long the bomb went without blowing up before they like re-unarmed it.

And he figures they've got like 20 seconds to get away from this thing.

So he goes back out there.

They detach the hull plating.

It floats away from the ship.

He cuts through the magnetized leg on the bomb, and he and Reed use these doors to shield themselves from the explosion, which like blows them back toward Enterprise.

And I guess like Mayweather does like a rolling maneuver with the ship so that they just fly right into the shuttle bay.

I mean, it's a very exciting moment that you experience only in dialogue.

You are not allowed to see this.

Instead, we see the aftermath inside the launch bay where they've been caught.

Yeah.

And Archer and Reed are going to be okay, and they are right back to their great relationship dynamic as they had before.

Yeah.

They take their helmets off, piss and shit, just spill over the neck piece on Reed's.

Good thing they're sitting near a floor drain.

And they warp away, never to see the Romulans again, presumably.

Yeah.

Did you like this episode, Adam?

As much as I dislike Reed, I really do appreciate how the show doesn't try to redeem him or make him a better hang at this point.

Like, I think the show has made up its mind about him, because this is the moment that you would redeem him if you could, right?

Interesting story, presenting a weakness or a flaw in the character that helps you understand him more.

A conclusion to a story that maybe

you would think would bring him and Archer together.

They've just gone through a thing.

But Reed and Trip Tucker went through a thing very similar, where they almost died on that shuttle pod.

They're not friends.

Near-death experience does not bring Reed any closer to anyone else.

And initially, I was like, god damn it, another fucking Reed episode, give me a break.

But the more I think about it, the more I'm like, some people aren't obligated to make friends.

And there are personality types on the ship of all kinds.

And I'm fine with Reid just being difficult and tedious.

And like, you remember season one Data?

How, like, Data was probably a nice hang, but he annoyed the shit out of you.

Because he'd give you all the information you didn't ask for or like didn't understand social cues or whatever.

Like, that's Reid.

Right, and like, seemed to not know the definition of words until you, like, clarified, and then he knew, like, 45 synonyms for that word somehow.

I really like Deathwish Reid most of all.

Just a man with nothing to live for.

Yeah.

Everything to lose because he wants to.

I've never identified with a character in Star Trek more.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Is that why you like the episode?

I do like the episode.

I mean, I think that there are like flaws in the app for sure.

Like I called out a bunch of them.

I think that its biggest sin is

how predictable the bomb is just going to seem like it's about to go off thing is.

And I was wanting it to surprise me in a way that it didn't.

Were you surprised by leg?

Leg was super surprising.

Like blood floating in space was

surprising.

I loved the effects in this episode.

Like in many ways, it's like a very bodily episode, right?

Like, there's no,

like, we hear Romulans, we don't see them.

Like, I don't think there's anybody with a speaking part that isn't in the main cast.

Like, they don't go anywhere.

They don't do anything out of the ordinary at all.

It's like all just the ship, but like getting to go out on the hull of the ship is exciting and cool to me.

And like, I'm, I'm just putty in the hands of an episode where a lot of it takes place in spacesuits.

I feel like I think you really get a lot of value on this show whenever you change perspectives because so often it's like bridge, cut to mess hall, cut to engineering, cut to wherever.

But like if you just get a fourth location,

it really, it's like a breath of fresh air in any episode.

And just being out on the hull felt like a field trip.

It was great.

I had one little thought as I was looking at this setup that they're in out on the hull of the ship, they're near like a part of the hull that kind of slopes up.

And

I thought it would have been awesome if there had been like a window into a hallway

right there, and just occasionally crew members would like walk by and see what they were up to out there.

Or, you know, like Tepal could come like talk face to face with Archer without him having to go all the way back to the airlock and come inside.

Yeah, Tepal

not pennies boats him

with like a hand on the window

Yeah, you could do a lot with that you could do a lot with a window Mm-hmm.

Not a lot of windows.

Think about how much window use they got out of that one scene in Wrath of Khan.

That was great.

Kind of a lot.

Yeah.

Nice punch-up.

Yeah.

So, anyways, yeah, fun episode, but not perfect.

You want to see if there's anything perfect in the priority one inbox?

Perfect every time, Ben.

Priority one message from Starfleet coming in on secured channel.

Need a supplemental income.

Supplemental income.

Supplemental.

Supplemental income.

Yeah, it's extra.

But the interest alone could be enough to buy this ship.

Got a priority message here that's of a promotional nature.

That message goes like this.

What my theory presupposes is that you aren't a lazy piece of shit.

Maybe you just struggle with procrastination.

Did you write this, Ben?

I sure do, but I finally got around to writing that book I've been talking about and would love the support of the friends of DeSoto.

Head over to Amazon.com and pick up a copy of You Aren't a Lazy Piece of Shit Today.

I just want to clarify, the title is You Aren't a Lazy Piece of Shit, not You Aren't a Lazy Piece of Shit Today, which I don't know.

I don't want to give notes this early, but I think could have been a fun title also.

Yesterday, you know, that's up for debate, but today, no.

Let's live live in the now.

You'll get practical tips on how to combat procrastination and maybe, just maybe a dick or fart joke, too.

Thanks for all the support, FODs.

And they've requested an O'Brien drop.

I am Chief Miles Edward O'Brien.

This is fucking spectacular.

And here's your call to action.

You can buy you aren't a lazy piece of shit.

from procrastination to productivity on amazon.com.

And it would really help if you left a five-star review, too.

This is coming in from Timothy Scott, the author of the book, and a self-proclaimed procrastinating extraordinaire.

Wow.

Well, Timothy, I'm glad you got around to doing the book, and I appreciate that you got around to leaving a P1.

I feel like everybody dabbles in procrastination from time to time.

This is a book I think I'm probably going to pick up.

I hope everybody else does too.

Yeah, absolutely.

Tim's Smart.

Tim's going after that greatest gen bum.

Thy getting a promotional message.

Good job by Timothy.

Our next P1 is of a personal nature.

It's from Edbury

to Edbury.

Goes like this: Sesca drop.

Sesca drop

of a Jorn Krugman with a Kardashian physiology.

On a dance floor.

She wouldn't do something like this.

Well, Adam, that is the P1s for today.

If folks out there would like to become the kind of person that gets a P1, be that a promotional or a personal, it's really easy to become that kind of person by going to maximumfund.org slash jumbotron and setting one up today.

Our drop jukebox is never out of order.

So thanks, Edbury.

The quarters just course through that thing.

Hey, Ben.

What's that, Adam?

Did you find yourself a drunk Shimoda?

Incredible.

Drunk Shimoda!

I'm going to give it to Hoshi.

I admire the shit out of Hoshi that, like, I got to fight through the pain and get back to the bridge and translate this crazy language energy that she has.

But as a person who has experienced a few little minor medical emergencies lately, I guess I've like discovered something in myself, which is that I am like perfectly happy to just be like, okay, fuck it.

I'm not

going to try and fight through this.

You know,

I'm just going to accept that I am incapacitated right now and wait until I feel a little bit better.

Like, that's maybe the one way I disagree with Reed.

Like, the, oh, what, you're going to get something shot through your leg and you're going to still try and help?

I wouldn't.

I think my Shimote is going to be Archer forever making breakfast plans with Reed.

And I think henceforth, he knows not to do that anymore.

Reed is who Reed is going to be, and Reed's not changing.

If you're a folksy captain, don't just expect everyone to get on your level.

Yeah.

I like Reed a lot.

Good guy.

Good old guy.

Faith of the fart.

Why don't you head to gach.biz slash game and tell us about how we are going to be doing the next episode while I tell you about the next episode, season two, episode four, Dead Stop.

Okay.

Suffering from damage inflicted in the Romulan minefield and unable to complete repairs on their own, Archer orders a distress call to be put out.

How about a little bit of serialization here?

I like this a lot.

Just a dab.

I wonder who's going to pick up that distress call, though.

Hopefully not ROMs.

I mean, also, maybe hopefully not Volks, right?

Yeah.

Oh, because like they'll get a piece of hull plating from the Volks, but it'll be red.

And so everybody, you know, it's like when you get like a primered replacement door for your shitty Honda Civic that you have in college and just like looks really obvious that your car is kind of shitty.

Well, yeah, that, and they just get a lot of guff during that they probably want to avoid.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Ben, our runabout is on square 53.

Pretty much in the middle of this game board.

So many weird episodes could be done from here.

I'm going to roll the die and let you know how we're going to talk about the next episode.

Okay.

You're required to learn as you play.

Roll.

Gok.biz slash game is where you can see all this stuff.

Ben, I have knocked us backwards to square 51.

Tula!

Did I win?

Hardly.

It's a regular old episode, but we've been dancing around Anelix's galley.

Yeah.

So that's what it is.

Regular up for us.

Just on the same row, even.

Just a couple squares away.

How about it?

I like it.

Yeah.

I'm into it.

Well, I love all the support that we get from FODs.

FODs make the world go round.

They make our world go round.

Ben, by supporting the show at maximumfund.org slash join.

Get all the bonus episodes, you get discounts on streaming shows.

You get the knowledge that we can't do this without you.

So thanks we also got to thank wendy pretty our producer and editor got to thank rob adler our social media director and bill tilley our temporal cold wartime concigliary check out at greatest trek on all social medias for uh updates about the show and funny videos and ways to engage with other friends of deSoto it's a it's a fun account to follow no matter which social network you're on.

Also, please get tickets to one of our live shows.

I think we got last one of the three second contact streams coming up.

And

if you get tickets to all three, you can stream all three during the streaming window.

So you get access to two of them instantly.

It's a lot of value.

Sure.

It's probably too much value.

Yeah.

We basically give...

Like if you're a supporter of the show and you get a ticket to the stream, you're basically getting a ticket to three streams for like five bucks more than the price of one.

Tremendous value.

Got to thank Adam Ragusia for our theme music and Dark Materia for the original Picard song.

With that, we will be back at you next week with another great episode, Star Trek Enterprise, an episode of the Greatest Generation Enterprise, where our ship is even more fucked up than the Space Hoopty from Homeboys in Outer Space.

Good pull.

Do you ever watch that show?

Never.

Oh, man.

I love that show.

Thank you,

Captain Jon Lu Picard of the USF Sentinel Cry.

Catching Jonathan Picard of the USF Sentinel Cry.

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