6pm Tits (ENT S2E2)

Here's to the finest crew in Starlink.

When it comes to my crew, you won't get any argument from me.

This is a parody.

Paramount wants the song.

Welcome to the Greatest Generation.

It's a Star Trek podcast by a couple of guys who are just a little bit embarrassed about having a Star Trek podcast.

I'm Ben Harrison.

I'm Adam Pranica.

I'm in pain, Ben.

Oh, fuck.

I think I've got a sciatica thing.

Oh, yeah, you got back pain.

Low back into the leg.

Hmm.

I'm a, I'm famously, I'm a standing podcaster.

Right.

I'm wondering if I need to start sitting down.

Because I do all my work standing up.

Maybe I, maybe I've gone the other way with it.

Because you've heard, like, basically the worst thing a human being can do is sit at a desk for any amount of time.

Right.

I've gone the other direction.

Maybe you stood too much.

The second worst thing you can do is stand.

Hmm.

I've had some back pain lately, too.

You know, I did that like reverse somersault when we did our Sub Rosa show in Madison.

I will never forget that, Ben.

I don't know if this is related, but no joke, I've had like, I had like a bloody nose the next day.

Oh, what's wrong with Ben this time?

I mean, rusty pipes for you.

I mean, when we're out on tour, that'll happen.

Oh, yeah, you know.

Get a little bit of an after party.

No.

Any show that Raz and Plavim go to,

you can expect the party favors to come out.

I can't feel my face.

And then I was having that thing where you, like, blow your nose in the morning and it's brown because there's, like, dried blood somewhere.

I think I've been internally bleeding since I did that.

That's what I'm trying to say.

Yeah, I mean, maybe get that checked out.

I don't know.

Or not.

I mean, not, you know.

I don't want to have to explain why I'm like this.

I might just try to convince you to stay out of the medical

facilities in your life.

Don't see the doctors that you typically see.

Stay away.

Yeah.

Doesn't seem like it's doing me any good.

No.

More harm than good.

You know what I think might make me feel a little bit better, Adam?

The Lord.

Oh, God.

It's good to see you all in church.

It's called the Bible.

That's the way God wants it.

I don't know why, dude.

All these questions?

Is a little blind fate too much to ask?

A piece of the world not with you, Ben.

Piece of my back not in the right place anymore, apparently.

I'm going to do some leg stretches while you're reading the Star Trek Enterprise show Bible to us.

I

have been really really wanting to read the entry about Tapaul, who is referred to as Tapau in the Bible.

Mm-hmm.

And so I think I'm just going to cut right to that.

Do it.

If you don't mind.

Subcommander, Tapau.

Vulcan female.

Austere, but sensual.

She's the science officer assigned to...

She's beautiful, but she doesn't know it.

She's hot, but in a very approachable way.

You know, if someone just bet that they couldn't take her to the ship dance,

jujure up a little bit.

The turbo lift slowly descends into the mess hall.

Is that TePaul?

Oh my god.

Holy shit, she cleans up well.

She's the science officer assigned to oversee our progress.

In exchange, for star charts and tactical information, the Vulcans insisted we include one of their officers on the Enterprise.

Starfleet Command reluctantly agreed, not everyone is happy with this addition to the crew.

Why do we need a Vulcan watching over us like we're children?

Tapow isn't thrilled with this assignment either.

She was hoping for a Vulcan commission.

The last thing she expected was to be living among a primitive, irrational species, but she's resigned to this hardship post because she had no choice.

She's not comfortable around the crew or the emotions they display.

Or their menu smells.

Yeah.

I'm curious to see if there will be mentions of the smells.

Secretly, however, she will begin to envy humans.

Now that she lives among them, she can't help but develop a fascination with their cultures.

In private, she likes to sample their food and catalog their behavior.

She even studies their mating customs.

Tapow has a grudging respect for Captain Archer, who has proven to her that humanity has the potential to exceed its limitations.

She simply doesn't understand Spike, however.

She finds that he embodies all the baser instincts humanity has to offer.

I don't understand Spike either.

Totally inscrutable is Spike.

Tapow gravitates toward Dr.

Flox as a fellow outsider.

He's the only one she can confide in about her experiences among humans.

The two of them will often debate humanity and its foibles.

At one point, we'll give her a nasal numbing agent.

She can't stand the smell of humans when they're anxious.

Specifically, anxious.

She would hate me.

I mean, there's the smell of your own sweat when you're working out, and then there's like the anxiety sweat that is so fucking gross.

Everyone loves their own brand.

Yuck.

She's older than everyone on board, but she won't reveal how old.

Hoshi is always asking her about her age.

To pow, in human years or Vulcan years.

A special note to fans of the original Star Trek series in the episode Amok Time, a powerful ancient Vulcan woman named Tapau will share a great adventure with James T.

Kirk.

Could this be the same Vulcan?

Perhaps.

So what's up with that?

Why did they change?

They didn't want this to be in the continuity with Kirk or something?

Guess not.

I am fascinated.

I'm really

not into doing research, but I kind of want to research what happened there.

Yeah, I wonder.

We had the credited screenwriter of this episode, Chris Black, was on The Greatest Discovery years and years ago, back in the day when

I was still living in Echo Park.

I wonder if he would know.

I think he started on season two or like late in season one on this show.

But

he worked on Severance.

He's like still in in the game.

He's still doing big TV shows.

How about that?

Yeah.

It is possible to have a successful career in Hollywood.

Amazing.

I mean, I'm hearing this description of

who we know as TePaul.

And it's a very short list, Ben, but I'm thinking of my favorite female characters on Star Trek.

And by that, I don't mean like Beverly Crusher, Deanna Troy, Catherine Janeway, like the ones that are obviously great characters.

I'm thinking about like Kaylar.

Kaylar is one of my favorite characters in Star Trek.

And one of the things about Klar, I think, is that like she's sexualized in a way that is only like for whorf kind of.

Right.

And not for everyone's leering gaze.

Right.

You got to be a Chadich to hit this.

And that's kind of like the...

Not a Chadic.

What?

Parmakai.

God, fuck, fuck.

The difference that I crave with Tepal is that kind of thing.

Like, I feel like a lecherous creep watching this show when they put her in a tank top and lube her up and stuff.

Like, she's super hot.

And I like looking at hot women.

But, like, it's...

It's done in a way that feels like you're looking through a hole in the wall in the girl's life life

in this show.

That is what it feels like, and that part of it is too bad.

It doesn't have to be this way.

It really doesn't.

This episode, man,

we should get into it.

This episode's big fun.

Yeah, why not?

Why not start telling the story about an episode that tells another story?

It's Star Trek Enterprise Season 2, Episode 2.

It's called Carbon Crick.

TePaul is going to party today.

She's going to have an ounce and a half of red wine at dinner with Archer and Trip.

We got something to celebrate, Adam.

One-year anniversary.

It seems significant, especially for how many times they almost didn't make it this far as a crew or a ship.

Yeah.

I mean, as recently as last week, they were fighting for their very existence as a thing.

They bust out the tablecloths for this dinner.

It's not just dinner in the captain's mess.

It's wine glasses and something a little special for the occasion.

And that's neat to see.

What the fuck is wrong with Archer bringing up performance review at a celebratory event?

Just formality.

I understand.

Even if your performance review is good, good,

nobody wants to fucking hear about it when they're trying to chill.

The thing that I've always resented in my career having jobs that aren't Star Trek podcaster

is that review time only goes in one direction in my experience.

Yeah.

That managers review subordinates and yet a subordinate can't review a manager so that a manager's manager can know how they're doing.

Right.

That seems like total bullshit to me.

Yeah.

It really does.

And that's what's going on here.

Like they're like, oh, TePaul, it's review time because it's your once a year anniversary.

And like you look at TePaul and she's like God if only I could review these clowns I guess she gets to when she does a report back to the Vulcan command but like she's evaluating them too

but it's like I bet Admiral Forrest and that group of idiots would appreciate like her report on Captain Archer it was that commander that was hanging around with them yeah where did that guy come from what's his job a guy who's only shot in profile

yeah what a jawline anyways they're like hey so like we were looking back at like your curriculum vitae and at one point you left the vulcan installation there in sausalito traveled around and went to a old mining town in pennsylvania why'd you go to an old mining town in pennsylvania she's like that is because I was curious about the site of first contact between Vulcans and humans.

And they're like, no, no, no, no, we've all seen first contact.

We know where it is.

It's outside of Bozeman.

She's like, no, no,

there's a different first contact

that's secret that you don't know about.

Do you know that there's a place in North America with an even higher concentration of

women

and money

than Bozeman, Montana?

It's Carbon Creek.

TePaul knows this.

It's rhetorical nonsense.

TePaul says that her great-grandma was one of the first Vulcan visitors who was at Carbon Creek, and that's why she went there.

And if you're interested, I could tell y'all the story.

Are you interested, Adam?

Archer and Tripp are like, hell fucking yeah.

Story time with TePaul?

They each pour themselves a few more glugs of red wine.

Tuck in.

Pop like four gummies.

The camera pans over, and Raz and Plavim are there with a mirror with a bunch of rails on it.

Tapal uses a fork and knife to cut through her gummy.

Under the circumstances, I'll allow myself a small indulgence.

Make mine a large indulgence.

So after the theme, we cut to Earth, 1957, and there's a Vulcan ship cruising toward the planet, and there's a Sputnik up there, and bangers getting dropped on this Vulcan ship.

And it is a real emergency, an emergency that necessitates an emergency landing.

And TePaul's great grandma is played by Jolene Blaylock.

So you know which one is her.

So this is Tamir,

and they have some problem with the ship, and they have to make a crash landing.

Thought the crash landing sequence was really good.

The way

like we see the city lights of Earth as the pot is coming down, and then it like blows some trees around as it crashes.

The captain of the Vulcan ship does not make it.

RSVP, that Vulcan.

Yeah.

We cut right back to the captain's mess and Archer Dripper are like, how have you guys not been telling us about this?

And she's like, it's not actually a secret.

The information is out there.

You just didn't ask anyone about it or like go look it up in the Vulcan library or whatever.

This is that Saval shit where like, yeah, I guess you didn't ask me what I knew about the Enterprise in Trouble or whatever.

Yeah.

I don't love that,

but she makes it clear that like this is not necessarily something that the Vulcans have hidden.

The incident is well documented at the Science Directorate and the Space Council.

We cut to

the Vulcans like camping in the woods.

They are five days past all of their rations,

and they like blew in an emergency distress signal, but never got any indication that it was received.

So they're not really sure how much time they're going to have to wait because they don't have a working radio, and they haven't eaten anything in five days.

They think about eating some deers,

but they quickly abandon that on the logic that they're not going to result to extreme barbarism.

just because there's a crisis and they have no nutrition in their systems.

Tapal is in charge here with the captain being dead, and she's the one to

put down the idea of murdering a deer and eating it.

And Mr.

All's like, cool, well, if you're not going to let me murder a deer and eat it, I'm going to go into town and find something to eat there, which seems like an incredibly dark plan B in my mind.

Like, you get one taste of delicious, delicious human meat.

None of this stuff ever satisfies you ever again.

Let's talk a little bit about how they look.

Yeah.

They are wearing brown leather from head to toe.

Yeah.

And it was very exciting to me to think about what these two folks are going to look like sauntering into an old mining town or whatever in head-to-toe brown leather.

Rebels without a cause.

Yeah.

They do get to like kind of get the lay of the land a little bit before anyone notices them.

And

they're seeing miners off to work the pits.

They're like, okay, like we do kind of stand out based on the way the rest of these people look.

So we're going to have to steal some clothes.

And I thought this was a nice callback to that

Kirk and Spock back in time episode where the beanie cap went on the head of Mistral to hide his ears.

Yeah, that was neat.

This episode was shot in Crestline, California, which isn't far from Lake Arrowhead.

It had real Lake Arrowhead vibes to me.

It really did, yeah.

Being up there.

A totally insane sequence when they're stealing the clothes, though, because they do the like sexy lady casting a shadow on a bedsheet effect.

And it is like so revealing.

It is so important that you show nipples in this scene.

They like almost should have tiled that out, I feel like.

Just an incredibly horny moment right here.

I got the Bems because like the establishing Carbon Creek footage is like real Michael Bay Wankfest type stuff.

Like this is

an American town with American values.

This is what we stand to lose if the Japanese win.

Yeah.

Or if the Transformers or whatever, you know, doesn't really matter which film.

Tamir puts her dress on backwards, which just necessitates another duck behind the bed sheet to do her thing.

Got to get two bites of that apple, right?

Yeah, I'm surprised they didn't rule a threes this, honestly.

So with the new costumes on, they walk into town making their little observations about what they see, and they're fairly withering about how

these people somehow launched a satellite.

These fucking clowns?

Amazing.

I mean, they came to town for one thing, to get something to eat, and they don't really know much about what's going on here.

So

they

find

a bar and

go inside, but immediately notice that currency is being exchanged for goods and services, and they are not in possession of any currency.

One of the weirdest transitions that I've seen on a Star Trek episode in a long time is Tamir and Mistral standing there.

Every head in the place turns to look at them, and we fade to black.

And then the credits start, and that's the end of the episode

amazing but no it fades back up and what do you do when you're at a bar and you don't have money you better fucking pray that there are like some free bar snacks some pub mix yeah up on the bar and that's what they get they get uh past some bar pretzels yeah and the bartender is played by ann cusack uh the third cusack sibling i guess she did not look familiar to me like as a a QSAC.

You know, like, the Cusack genes are fairly strong, right?

Yeah.

Yeah.

I did not read Cusack from The Bartender.

She's been in a ton of shit.

She was on that show, The Boys that you like.

I do like the boys.

I mean, like, I feel like if I went into a bar and I was like, what's free?

They would be like, get the fuck out of here.

I mean, they'd say that before you asked the question.

Yeah.

Seriously.

Paul gets free pretzels, and there's like a guy that,

you know, they have to lie about.

I mean, I guess it's not really a lie.

It's just an obfuscation when they say our vehicle broke down outside of town.

There's a guy offering to give him a ride to a mechanic.

But he also wants to play pool.

And there's like a, hey, maybe we could get some money by playing pool with this guy conversation where Mistral is like, this is like the simplest fucking game I've ever seen.

I can defeat him.

You don't even know the rules.

It's simple.

So ordinarily, in order to gamble in a pool game, both parties need to have money money to gamble with and this guy is like well i mean if you don't have money you do have that foxy lady with you how about how about some time with her you can gamble with two things money

or women

you hear these people talk and you're like is that just how everyone talked

all like affected Zephyr Cochran speech

This triggers a little bit of a like Soto Voce kind of argument between Mr.

All and Tamir because she's like, I don't want to fucking have a beer with this guy.

He sucks.

And Mr.

All's like, nah, this game is so easy, a Vulcan baby could win it.

Hitting pause here, Ben.

What's the funniest outcome here for the pool game?

Because

you have a moment to think about what that could be.

I thought it would be hilarious if Mr.

All got his ass absolutely kicked.

Yeah.

So there's like, there's the tough break, right?

And

Billy, this guy, goes goes first and he's good.

Like it's clear that he's quite a good pool player.

He goes on a run right away.

I thought it would have been really fun if Mistral had, you know, he'd finally like failed to sink one and it was Mistral's turn and he like, you know, like cracks his knuckle and steps up to the table and just immediately sinks the eight ball

because he doesn't know the rules, you know?

That would be great.

Or like it's clear that Mistral is losing and then we cut to the exterior.

And what we hear is just Mistral taking the bar apart, like

throwing people through windows.

Could have been fun.

But no, Mistral wins.

And like, we cut to them leaving a grocery store with a couple bags full of groceries that they're able to purchase with their winnings.

And then we cut to them having like established themselves in town to the extent that they have jobs.

There's a moment in this episode where they're like, Well, we can't just gamble forever.

And I was like, Yes, you can.

You really can.

Because what if this episode turns into like the Sting or the Cincinnati kid or whatever?

Like, that would be an amazing Star Trek episode.

Like a road trip, every pool hall and every backwater has some guy named like Minnesota Tex.

And

because it seems like Mistral and Tamir would be really good at that.

Yeah.

She sits by the bar and like solicits dates with guys and she's like, you know, you can take me to bed if you can beat my boyfriend at pool or something like that.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Have you seen me standing behind a

bedsheet hanging on a drying line?

Yeah.

Really hot.

It seems like Tamir and Mistral are having all the fun.

Strawn

does not.

I mean, I guess I should say, like, Mistral gets a job in the coal mine.

That's not fun.

Yeah.

But Strahn ends up cleaning hairballs out of a neighbor's pea trap.

And

that's a life he is excited not to live for any longer than possible.

Yeah.

We are also reminded by this episode that this is the mid-50s.

So lots of A-bomb testing going on.

And this sort of casts a pall over a conversation at the bar where they're like, man, like, sure hope.

humanity doesn't annihilate itself.

That's kind of happening when Jack, the bartender's son, comes in.

We learn he is going to be a college boy.

He's the smartest little guy in town.

He's off to college as long as the town can get together enough money for him to go and buy books and shit.

And that's all being collected in a big mason jar that's just left out on the bar in the open for anybody to just grab.

There wasn't ever a point where Jack was on screen that I was not thinking that he was going to make a move at tamir like he is a red-blooded american boy in proximity to a tamir and just look at tamir

so i was definitely like uh that snake sound effect

whenever he walked in i was like okay keep an eye on that guy yeah tamir

The Vulcans are all living in an apartment together.

And another direction I thought it would have been really fun for this episode to go was just like 50s sitcom bits about their their like odd thrupple lifestyle together.

Where are you going?

To the ship.

Why?

I need to go now.

I love Lucy is on tonight.

Did it seem to you like they kind of red paperclip their way into the house?

Hmm.

How did they get a house?

It happened so fast.

Yeah.

Like, they got jobs like sweeping up and mining.

And suddenly, I guess maybe if you work for the mine, there's like labor housing or something.

Is that what it is?

I don't know, but I really craved a stitch of dialogue.

Would have been nice, yeah.

So we learned Strawn is like a warp field engineer and he's very, very disappointed that they've been stuck here for this long.

Yeah.

Catching shit by the fucking Mabor kids.

Yeah.

Sucks.

He's just done with plunging out toilets.

And they're talking about like, can we build a subspace transceiver?

And he's like, no, I've thought it through.

We just don't have the materials.

There's no fucking way.

And they start talking about like these

newly atomic weapon and space launch capable humans and whether or not they can handle all of this awesome power that they have recently come into.

Yeah.

They are kind of on different sides of the whole is there hope for humanity argument.

Yeah.

Tamir isn't too hopeful about humanity's humanity's chances.

Mistral is on the opposite end, and Strahn just wants to get the hell out of here.

I don't think he has a strong opinion either.

Yeah, he doesn't even care to argue about it.

Faith of the fart.

We concern ourselves around here with optimistic views of the future.

And the future of hiring looks much brighter because Zip Recruiters' latest tools and features help speed up finding the right people for your roles.

So you save valuable time.

And now you can try ZipRecruiter for free at ziprecruiter.com slash scarves.

Listen, we got over 320,000 new resumes added every month, which means you can reach more potential hires and fill roles sooner with ZipRecruiter.

Four out of five employers who post on ZipRecruiter get a quality candidate within the first day.

If you go to ziprecruiter.com slash scarves right now, you can try it for free.

Again, that's ziprecruiter.com slash scarves.

ZipRecruiter, the smartest way to hire.

If you're enjoying Greatest Generation and Greatest Trek, but you haven't dipped into our other HIIP program, Wholesome, you're only getting part of what we do.

That's because on Wholesome, me and Ben and Adam Ragusia talk about all kinds of things that make us happy.

With each episode being hosted by one of us where we share what we're enjoying at the moment and have a conversation about all the little ways it makes our lives better.

With topics about movies, neighbors, ice cream, mid-TV.

It's a weekly dose of good vibes every Wednesday and you can get it at patreon.com slash wholesome underscore pod.

So listen to wholesome.

Maybe it'll inspire you to share something that you think is wholesome with your friends.

Every Wednesday at patreon.com slash wholesome underscore pod.

You know, we've been doing My Brother, My Brother, Me for 15 years.

And

maybe you stopped listening for a while.

Maybe you never listened.

And you're probably assuming three white guys talking for 15 years, I know where this has ended up.

But no.

No, you would be wrong.

We're as shocked as you are that we have not fallen into some sort of horrific scandal or just turned into a big crypto thing.

Yeah, you don't even really know how crypto works.

The only NFTs I'm into are naughty, funny things, which is what we talk about on my brother, my brother, and me.

We serve it up every Monday for you if you're listening.

And if not, we just leave it out back and goes rotten.

So check it out on Maximum Fun or wherever you get your podcasts.

All right, we're over 70 episodes into our show.

Let's learn everything.

So let's do a quick progress check.

Have we learned about quantum physics?

Yes, episode 59.

We haven't learned about the history of gossip yet, have we?

Yes, we have.

Same episode, actually.

Have we talked to Tom Scott about his love of roller coasters?

Episode 64.

So how close are we to learning everything?

Bad news.

We still haven't learned everything yet.

Oh, we're ruined.

No, no, no.

It's good news as well.

There is still a lot to learn.

Woo!

I'm Dr.

Ella Hubber.

I'm regular Tom Lum.

I'm Caroline Roper, and on Let's Learn Everything, we learn about science and a bit of everything else too.

And although we haven't learned everything yet, I've got a pretty good feeling about this next episode.

Join us every other Thursday on Maximum Fun.

And you will never take the greatest gym alive.

Ben would rather die.

Rather die.

So much is made about the bomb being like the thing that represents whether or not humanity has a chance.

Where in 1950s America, I was kind of hoping for Mistral to be like, and I've also been invited to something called the Clan.

you know like there are more issues with humanity in this decade than the bomb yeah and it felt to me like let's complicate the story a little bit more and make it less about just the one thing it was kind of a craving that i had it feels like by setting it in a rural pennsylvania community you can kind of like get away from some of the like bigger geopolitical things.

Yeah, because what do people in Pennsylvania Pennsylvania know about anything?

It's almost as if

they shouldn't be given the power to control what happens to the future of this country.

Wow.

We're recording this at an interesting moment in October.

It will be interesting to see how that takes, Aegis.

Yeah, let's find out together.

By the time this episode comes out,

yeah, so Mistral makes an excuse about needing to go get something from the ship.

It turns out he's not actually going to the ship.

He's running around with that bartender lady.

and Tamir knows all about it.

She sees this happening.

What I love about this sequence is Tamir is in the street with crossed arms watching Mistral get into this lady's car.

And then we cut to after this date happens.

And it appears as though Tamir has not moved from that spot.

She's waited.

She's waited the entire time.

Like through an entire baseball game.

Yeah.

They didn't even have the pitching clock in this era.

So it's probably a long time.

This was a five-hour stand that Tamir had to do there.

Yeah.

We learn a little bit more about Maggie the bartender.

Her husband and Jack's dad ran off to Phoenix and doesn't seem to be in a position to help out with the college fund.

So Maggie is like open and available for Mestral if he'd like to make a move.

And he does not really seem to pick up what she's putting down.

She has to do all the leaning in and the planting of kisses.

Which is great.

Good for Maggie.

Yeah.

And it seems like the first time he's ever

done this.

Like, he didn't know about this.

Vulcans aren't into kissing, I guess.

There's the moment in the car where Mr.

All doesn't quite know what to do socially.

Like, before the kiss, I mean, it's clear that their time hanging out is over.

And with him not leaving the car, I think Maggie thinks, oh, yeah, well, it's on.

Let's go ahead and do that.

Cuts to a wide shot of the car and it just starts bouncing up and down on its suspension.

Yeah.

Pleasant is how Mr.

All describes the kiss.

Something that Maggie takes a little umbrage with.

I did say very pleasant.

Before Mr.

All is like, no, that's actually the highest compliment

people where I'm from could possibly call a thing.

Is it okay to give something an accurate review?

Yeah.

Maggie?

Like, would that be fine with you?

Yeah.

Yeah, this mood, though, is shot when they noticed Tamir

locked in place for five hours.

And who?

Boy, is she pissed?

So angry.

He'll never find a waveform discriminator in Doylstown, unless by waveform discriminator, he means the female orgasm.

And Doylstown is his thick Vulcan cock.

I thought his rebuttal to this was pretty interesting.

Like, hey, we might be here forever.

It's time that we start to wrap our minds around that and get used to the fact that they probably did not receive our distress signal and we don't have any way to send a follow-up one.

This is the moment where the chain of command starts to fall apart, right?

Because this is like a shipwreck where the crew is on an island.

Like, do you still have to obey the captain?

This is what Tamir is making the case for.

Like, I'm still running the show.

What the fuck are you doing?

And mr.

All's like shipwreck, baby Mm-hmm.

I'm ready to fuck in the bar.

We get a little like hang where Jack talks to Tamir

It did like feel like this would be the scene where he would like try to pick her up and either his game is so smooth that it just doesn't read that way or he's not trying to pick her up It kind of begins with a little bit of a jump scare, right?

Like Tamir lights the candle.

She feels like she's going to have some private meditation time.

That's when Jack shows up and And it's like.

Is she thinking about fucking that candle?

When she opens up her eyes, it's like, ugh, oh, there's Jack there.

And the thing about their conversation is that they really do have a lot of common interests.

Like astronomy being one of them.

Meditation?

Yeah.

And when he invites her to see Sputnik, I mean, it's clear she's seen Sputnik before, but is she familiar with Spit Jack?

You're talking about a Haktua situation?

I think I am, yeah.

Jack was the first Haktua.

Wow.

Wow.

If only podcasts had existed in his day.

I know.

We got to cut over to the coal mine where we need to be reminded that this is where Mr.

All works.

And coal mines are dangerous places.

Yeah.

And this one is no different.

There's a cave in there, and Mr.

All manages to escape.

But unfortunately, a bunch of people are trapped in there.

i'm sure that it happened in an earlier scene and i just didn't notice it but it was the first time i realized that they'd just given their real names to these humans

like i'm mistral how you doing nobody had any questions about that they're from up north or whatever that's all yeah so anyways he gathers at the ship with the other vulcans and he's like i need you guys to help me find a particle weapon so i can go back down into that mine and start shooting holes in walls so that i can rescue the miners because their equipment is not going to cut it.

Those men are going to starve or suffocate in there or whatever if I don't get them out.

Deer don't just wander through the mine that you can choose to eat or not.

It's not how it works down there.

They get in this debate about whether this is like a misplaced emotional reasoning by him.

Like it's it's this smacks of compassion and that's an emotion and you shouldn't be doing an emotion given that you're a Vulcan.

And he makes a pretty persuasive case, at least to Tamir.

It feels like Strawn is just never down to do anything with regards to the humans.

But she gets on the radio and kind of like guy in the chairs him as he goes through the mine and like uses this phaser to punch holes in walls and rescue the trapped miners.

I was shocked that he found an opportunity to shoot lasers in a place where there were so many people.

He just like went in from another side of the mine, I guess, where nobody was there to see him.

So he blasts his way through and he finds a pile of the miners and they're looking

pretty messed up.

And back on Enterprise, like we cut back to Enterprise quite a few times, just kind of for story react purposes.

What?

The eel doesn't get it.

I'm explaining to you because you look nervous.

At this moment, Trip and Archer are like, holy shit, Mistral,

total hero.

They should build a statue of that guy.

I mean, not that they ever would, but you know what I'm saying.

That guy sounds great.

Right, like holding his hand out, like looking off toward the future.

Yeah.

I gotta take a leak.

She says that he did have kind of like a heroic status in the town for a while, but they just hung out and kept toiling in their menial jobs for three more months.

Yeah.

I mean, if you're Mistral, you probably get a couple of days off paid from the mine, right?

You don't just go back to work the next day.

Don't know if you

have read much about how mining companies are.

I mean, that seems reasonable to assume.

If you save the entire operation,

I think you give Mistral a couple of days.

Yeah, I'm I'm just saying, like, I'm guessing no.

Based on other mine things that I've read about.

Lots of good things happened in 1950s America, Ben.

I'm going to assume that that's one of them.

He's trying to catch a tune, and it's probably a minor.

Three months later at Carbon Creek, Tamir gets a message from a Vulcan rescue ship.

Turns out they did pick up the distress call, and they're going to be there in three days.

So get ready to get picked up.

Yeah.

Three days is such an interesting amount of time, right?

It's not like we'll be there in half an hour or something.

They have some time to think about it.

Jack is thinking you can have an entire relationship in three days.

That's what I was thinking.

Because when he rolls up on Tamir, he's sad that Tamir is leaving, but also sad that he's not going to college.

Why?

He can't afford it.

And he might as well go work at the mine to earn more money until he has enough to pay for tuition.

I'm going to have black lung, and I'll never even know what it looks like for a girl to change clothes behind a white sheet that's really well lit from the back.

Yeah.

Eavesdropping mom has heard this whole thing.

She explains to Tamir that

Jack is smart enough.

He should have gotten into college.

He tested great.

Yeah.

But the money is the problem.

The money is the problem.

And it's real sad.

So Tamir trudges back to the crashed ship and is like rummaging around in like a foot locker or something.

She finds something

in there.

We get a scene of her riding on a train and then a scene of her in a city.

And she goes into an office where like a rotund man is like very excited to receive her and her great invention.

And she demonstrates Velcro to this man.

From the Velcro bag, she pulls out a flashlight and puts it on his desk.

And holy shit.

Can you imagine what a flashlight would do in 1957?

Imagine seeing the first flashlight, you know?

Like, we accept them as just a texture of our reality now.

Of course we do.

Accept it.

That's what the flashlight is.

What a big old wad of cash she gets paid for this thing.

Cash money on the barrel head for.

It feels to me like the real challenge with the invention of Velcro is how do you manufacture it.

I mean, I don't know anything about manufacturing, but like making Velcro seems like it's tricky, right?

This guy thinks he's got it figured out.

He's on his way to wealth beyond the dreams of Avarice at this thing.

She comes back.

The Vulcans meet up.

Strawn is talking about how much he has hated being here overall.

Just like Yelp review for Earth is

like one star.

Nothing good to say about the place.

Frozen fish sticks.

The constant threat of nuclear annihilation.

I mean, three months of plunging shit and taking shit from the neighbor kid will do that to you.

I get it, Strahn.

But Mastral had a decidedly different experience.

He loved it, and he is like, I think this place is really interesting.

I'm going to stick around and I'm going to document it.

I'm going to watch these people

go through all of the phases of development that they have ahead of them.

Like, there's so much that's going to happen in the next few decades for these people.

I think it's going to be really interesting.

I think I'm going to stick around.

I mean, maybe I'm going to dump in Maggie.

See what happens.

See what happens there, right?

Yeah.

Like, how's he going to explain it to the doctors when the baby comes out with pointy ears, though?

God, I don't know.

Maybe they're semi-pointy.

Yeah.

Well, I mean, Spock was full point.

He was.

Yeah.

But maybe sometimes they're not full point.

Yeah.

Maybe it just depends.

Maybe you get all kinds.

Yeah.

They do like the operation to like, you know, cosmetically repair the ears to make them look standard issue human.

And they're like, oh my God, this baby's blood is green.

This whole stay behind and fuck the bartender plan, that's not exactly going to fly with high command.

Right?

No.

That's what Tamir says.

Yeah.

She's not in love with this idea, but the rescuers show up to get them, and it's her and Strawn.

And Captain Tellis is like, where's everybody else?

Like, there was the captain and then other guy on your ship.

And she's like, well, the captain died.

And also, other guy died.

Adam, a lie?

A choice.

One of the weird odd jobs that they got that we don't see any footage of is working at the crematorium.

Very convenient, wouldn't you say?

They burned the bodies.

Here's the question I had for you, Ben.

Wouldn't the sensors detect a Vulcan out there?

Like still on the planet?

What's up with that?

Vulcan life signs.

Maybe it's like so far back in the past that the sensors aren't even that good

on a Vulcan ship?

Maybe not.

I don't know.

That big wad of money, Maggie finds it in the tip jar.

I guess Jack is going to get to go to college after all.

I I mean, or Maggie could spend it on herself and

make Jack figure it out.

He's an adult.

Like, she's heard a very exciting new sex toy has recently gone on the market and she places an order for one.

And she's like, what the fuck am I going to do with this?

She wants to be one of the first investors.

Wow, that's really putting your money to work.

Exactly.

Yeah.

I like that.

So we cut back to the future and Trip and Archer are like, what about Mistral?

Like, did he die on Earth?

Did he get his dick wet with Maggie?

Like, what happened?

And what happened when he did die?

Like, he clearly died with his hat on, but someone like the coroner or whatever is going to take that hat off, right?

Like, here's what you're going to do.

You're going to do this

and then you're going to do that.

Right.

Do you think that he necessarily had to go out the same way the T-1000 did?

Like,

he was like, I'm at the end of my life.

I need to find a steel foundry with an open pit of molten metal to throw myself into, so there is no evidence of my existence.

Goodbye.

And he lowers himself on a chain, but instead of the thumbs up, it's

the vlog and prosper.

How great is that?

Oh, that's solid as Sears.

That's how this should have ended.

So they are totally incredulous.

And Tabal's like, haha, got you.

You asked me to tell you a story.

And they're like, another lie?

Another choice, I guess.

Yeah, I guess.

Damn, Captain.

She put one over on us.

She goes to her quarters and she gets out a big Velcro bag and she pulls out an ancient flashlight.

How would she have that if this story wasn't true?

It's made of wood?

Incredible.

Did you like this episode, Adam?

I really did.

I think reflexively, whenever there's a let's go back in time style episode, I'm like, ah, how is this going to get ham and cheesed?

Because this is something that Star Trek loves to do, is go back to a specific decade, like the 50s or the 60s,

and make fun of it a little bit, and make fun in a fish-out of water way about what it might be like for future people to be in the past.

I feel like they've gone to the 50s and the 60s, the 80s and the 90s.

Have they ever gone to the 70s?

Is that the donut hole in the Star Trek time travel past?

Maybe.

Maybe we'll get there.

Maybe Crewman Daniels will take us there one day.

I want to see like a time travel away mission in NAM, you you know?

Yeah.

Be fun.

But this episode is better than that.

And it's for one specific reason.

There's a conversation about whether or not they're going to free the miners, you know, using the particle weapon.

And there's an argument about like we cannot risk cultural contamination.

And Mistral is like, what about

compassionate contamination?

That's what I'm writing for.

And it's interesting to hear a very similar argument happen between Vulcans as we've seen it play out on board the Enterprise when it's time to make a decision like this.

Do we fuck this past culture up by saving them, or do we lay back in the cut and watch them die?

And it's just interesting to see that you don't have to be on a Starfleet vessel to have questions like that.

It works for everyone.

Yeah.

I wish there was that moment where we cut back to Carbon Creek right before the credits appear on screen, and you see like Vulcan skeleton, like partially buried Vulcan skeleton.

Like we're put in a new housing development.

Like beep, beep, like

Earth Mover.

Yeah, yeah, and it tumbles out of the berm.

Dan, Dan, we got bones.

Holy sh.

What is this thing?

What the fuck?

Yeah.

Maybe that's a little ham and cheese, but I would have appreciated something like that.

That's where my head went.

That could have been how we got to the 70s, you know?

Yeah.

But this guy's supposed to have lived for another like 150 years, right?

That's true.

Yeah.

What about you, Ben?

Did you like it?

Yeah, I liked it a lot.

I thought it was a lot of fun.

Fun, subtle throwbacks to other time travel episodes, like selling the patent or whatever for Velcro is a nice callback to inventing transparent aluminum.

Fun throwback to horny as 80s movies.

Yeah.

I thought.

Yeah, if I do have one criticism, it's that the sheet doesn't blow off of the line and reveal everything going on behind it.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Missed out on that for sure.

Just too bad.

Too bad that they, you know, missed opportunity or whatever.

But other than that, I thought it was a hoot.

So yeah, I thought this was a nice episode.

How about if we see if there's anything nice in the P1 inbox, Adam?

Let's see if we can see nipples on any of these P1 messages.

Priority one message from Starfleet coming in on secured channels.

Need a supplemental income.

Supplemental income.

Supplemental.

Supplemental.

Yeah, it's extra.

By the interest alone could be enough to buy this ship.

Adam, our first P1 today is of a promotional nature.

Goes like this.

Are you so tired of trying to book a vacation?

You can't actually enjoy your trip?

Does the 30 open tabs of ideas trigger your anxiety and you just want to scrap the whole thing?

Hashtag road drop.

Brian with BTGO

or BTGo travel is here to help.

From cruises to European vacations to all sorts of trips between,

he can assure you have the trip you want without the stress you don't need.

He can even get you to STLV so you don't have to stay at the Rio.

That is a value proposition right there.

No kidding.

Thanks to the Facebook FODs for helping with my logo.

Visit btgotravel.com to book your next vacation and use code FOD in the contact box for a gift at booking.

Wow.

Amazing.

Travel agents aren't just for old people anymore.

When I tagged a week in Italy onto our experience at London Podcast Festival, my wife and I actually used the services of one.

Because of how Brian described this, like the thousands of tabs, all the research, all the pressure to like make every day interesting and special

felt like an enormous burden.

And if you can work with a professional to just be like, hey, we got seven days.

We want to take some tours.

We want to see some museums.

We want to stay in a place that's in walking distance to the things we want to do.

And here's our budget.

Like, if you're going on vacation and you're already splashing for a vacation, I think it makes sense to, like, consider a professional.

And consider a professional that's an FOD that rules.

btgotravel.com is the website one more time.

And

yeah, I think this is a capital proposition.

also don't stay at the rio you don't have to stay at the rio at stlv no one has to do that i was just reading r slash vegas about someone's experience at the rio evidently not every room has been refurbished and this is yeah they're they're doing it in phases from what i understand this person had a very bad experience in a unrefurbished room that a benjamin r harrison probably stayed in previously

Ben, we've got a prior to one message here from Jundy.

What's up, Jundy?

And it's to Ben and Adam.

Their message goes like this.

Just at the London show.

Got there too late to write down my shared embarrassment.

So here it is in a P1 instead.

The time when I was 14 in my bedroom and my brother walked in on me.

Singing along to the enterprise theme.

Thanks for coming to Blighty.

Hope you come again, despite the financials making no sense.

And thanks for all the great pod.

Jundy knows what's up.

Yeah.

Took a fucking bath on that trip.

And at the same time, extremely worth it to do a fun show at London Podcast Festival and meet a bunch of FODs.

Like two straight years, we do a show at London Podcast Festival.

The show's a total riot.

The crowd of FODs absolutely lit.

And then we hang out afterwards for, I feel like, a period of time longer than the show itself.

We were just out in the hall meeting FODs, hanging out, taking pictures.

It was a blast.

We should just like make that a slightly more like, well, we're just going to be at this pub down the street next time and uh make it a real hang because like uh don't need to stand in line let's just hang out with each other ye old f-od

that's where we should do it

adam our final p1 here is from katie and it's dependent adam goes like this my ex introduced me to tgg in 2020 but because of work and life i never made it through tng i decided last year to watch every episode of trek and listen to every episode of the pod along the way today

on the 17th of september 2024 i finally caught up with enterprise season one episode 19.

it has been a rough year so thanks for the much needed serotonin enjoy the scarves damn katie that's awesome we got your back katie That's a huge binge that you did and I'm especially grateful that you stuck with the show even though it was recommended by an ex.

I'm sure that like a lot of exes recommending something to a lot of people might make them be like, nah, fuck that.

I'm never going to listen to whatever that is.

Yeah, ours is more powerful of a force than that.

That's pretty great.

Yeah, so it sounds like whatever happened between you two wasn't so sour that it turned you off us.

So I hope you don't mind if I say thanks to your ex for recommending us.

Oh yeah.

As Ben said, your ex did nothing wrong.

On your way out of a relationship, it is customary to recommend the greatest generation.

That's really spiking the emotional football, isn't it?

Yeah, it sure is.

If you'd like to spike the emotional football, head to maximumfund.org/slash jumbotron and set yourself up a P1 today.

We really appreciate it.

Proceeds from Priority One Messages go a long way in supporting the production of our show.

Hey, Adam.

What's that, Ben?

Did you find yourself a drunk Shimoda?

Incredible.

Drunk Shimoda.

I mean, I know there's a moment on set when they're blocking the whole Mr.

Allen Tamir change into a period-appropriate clothing scene where they're like working out, okay, the camera is going to be here.

You guys are going to be there.

Here's the sequence.

Put a 5K over here so that the light is really, really perfect for this.

What happens here isn't on the page, though.

There's nothing on the page that says, Tamir gets changed, wiggles her hips out of her

leather pants,

takes off her leather top,

and exposes like

rock-hard nips in profile.

There's just nothing about that on the page.

Yeah.

And that's what we get here.

And there's nothing more Shimoda-like than a decision like that.

Bunch of fucking boys making a little sexy thing.

Let's make it as sexy as we can.

Yeah.

I mean,

it was very sexy.

I mean, I'm just going to say, like, hot as hell, but unnecessary.

That's my drunk Shimoda.

Just that, how do you get there?

Yeah.

How do you get from the page to that moment?

That is a Shimoda.

How about you, Ben?

I feel like I set a bit of a precedent with my Shimoda on last week's episode, and I'm going to follow that precedent.

I'm giving my Shimoda to Tamir for being unnecessarily sexy, like showing that off, off, you know, in front of everyone.

Much in the way that Hoshi made excuses to get her top off in the last episode.

Hey, hey, Ben.

Uh-huh.

Is season two of Star Trek Enterprise the sexiest season?

I mean, if you're into boobs, so far, yes.

I mean, we haven't even lubed anything up.

I know.

A lot of sexiness going around.

Wow.

Maybe that was the note in the offseason.

Yeah.

Sexy it up.

Studio Studio was like, more tits that you can show at 6 p.m.

Yeah, 6 p.m.

tits.

Faith of the fart.

Adam, we got to talk about the next episode.

Oh, yeah.

Tell me and everyone else the chances of tits.

Next episode is season two, episode three, Mine Field.

Whilst attempting

to explore a new planet, Enterprise triggers a cloaked mine.

While the crew deal with the resulting damage, it is discovered that another mine is stuck to the hole.

To the hull.

Hole.

Hole.

Hole.

Hole.

So that's that.

Let me go over to goch.biz slash game, and I will tell you if we have any modifications on next week's episode.

Could be anything because, of course, at the game of buttholes,

the will of the Riker quantum leap, we are rolling a hundred-sided sided die for this series and uh that means anything could happen yeah yeah keep it on the table when you roll it yeah no

and our runabout is starting from a position of square 35 right on the doorstep of a his eyes uncovered square you're required to learn as you play roll

And we are also on the doorstep in this roll.

We narrowly missed hitting a Neelix's galley, jumping over it to square 53 reg

next week.

Tula!

Did I win?

Hardly.

Probably gonna see something delightful.

Maybe even a couple things, right?

Great.

Horny season.

That's season two of Star Trek Enterprise.

Yeah.

Gotta thank the friends of DeSoto for supporting this program.

Maximumfund.org slash join.

You know what to do.

We got to thank Wendy Pretty, our intrepid producer and editor.

We got to thank Bill Tilley, our temporal Cold War time consigliary.

Rob Adler, directing our social media accounts at Greatest Trek, go follow him.

Fun stuff over there.

Maybe you'll get to see one of Bill Tilly's trading cards featuring nips.

It's higher likelihood this season than ever.

We've been doing a lot of streaming shows online the last couple of weeks.

Bill and Wendy and Rob and you and me

were up in the chat while we're watching those on the premiere dates.

If you want to see a streaming live show,

GreatestGenTour.com is how you can find out

how to watch them.

Indeed, I think we've got two out at this point.

That's true.

And one left to come.

So if you missed the first two, you can still catch them.

Yeah.

They will be available through the end of the second contact streaming window.

So go check it out, GreatestGentour.com.

Gotta thank Adam Ragusia for our parody theme music and Dark Materia for the original Picard song.

And with that, we will be back at you next week with another great episode of Star Trek Enterprise and

an episode of the Greatest Generation Enterprise, where there's a couple of minds

like guitar from

SNL sketch.

No clothesline.

Maximum Fun, a worker-owned network of artist-owned shows, supported directly by by you.