Life on Your Own Terms

The word self-centered is often associated with selfishness, narcissism, or being full of yourself. But in my world, being self-centered means something else entirely, and it's a good thing.
In fact, it's a prerequisite for being your best self, living your best life, and getting anything you want. At 52, I feel more at peace with myself than ever before.
I'm in the best shape of my life. I'm running a multi eight figure business and I have an amazing family life.
I'm living life on my own terms and loving every bit of it. And I want that for you.
I want it for all of us because it just feels amazing. So today I'm breaking down what it really means to be self-centered.
And I'm sharing the five core concepts of living a self-centered life. And stick around till the very end because you'll want to understand all of the core concepts together.
One without the rest isn't nearly as effective and powerful. Hi, it's Hillary.
Welcome to the Hillary Silver podcast. thanks for tuning into the conversation today.
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Being self-centered in the way I teach it is not about thinking that you're better than everyone else and it's not about thinking that you're above reproach. It's about being fully centered in yourself, prioritizing the relationship you have with yourself.
It's holding sacred your relationship with you, which is the most important relationship in your life. Being self-centered ensures that you're living completely authentically, being true to yourself always, and making choices or decisions that are in alignment with your own values.
When you do this, you are the best version of yourself for you, and then you can show up this way for everyone else too. And I really believe that living a self-centered life is the solution to all of our modern epidemics of anxiety, loneliness, even obesity and opioids.
I know it's a big promise to make, and it sounds grandiose, but it's actually quite simple. And once I explain, you'll see why.
So there are five core concepts to living a self-centered life. Core concept number one, you are the center of your own universe.
You may have heard people say throughout the years growing up, the world doesn't revolve around you. But I honestly believe that is one of the biggest lies that we've been conditioned to believe because the truth is, yes, your world does revolve around you.
Of course it does. You are the center of everything in your universe, just as I am the center of mine.
There is a direct line and connection between who I am and everything in my life, my relationships, my work, my health, my lifestyle, my finances, all of it. Who I am goes with me into each area of my life and determines the quality of those parts of my life.
That is how important I am in my life, how important you are in your life. That is how much power we have to create the exact life that we desire.
The impact that you have is far reaching because everything in your world responds to how you are showing up. So yes, the world, your world does revolve around you.
Core concept number two, in your life, you come first and you go first. So let's talk about you come first, first.
This is more than self-care and putting on your own oxygen mask first platitudes. It's deeper than that.
You coming first in your life allows you to have a rock solid, unshakable relationship with yourself. This means you never waver.
You always get your own back. You trust yourself to do what you need to do to take care of you first.
This self-prioritization provides you essential emotional and even physical safety and security, which of course we all need for our own well-being. So here's what this looks like in real life.
You'll never put yourself in a situation

or stay in a situation that is not good for you, whether it's just uncomfortable or unsafe, because you don't feel obligated to other people. You won't compromise yourself and what matters to you because you know that you will prioritize yourself.
You won't allow yourself to be treated poorly or expose yourself to drama or toxicity just to keep the peace or make other people happy. You make sure your needs, wants, feelings, and desires are considered first because in your life, you matter most.
You are responsible for creating your own safety in this world, and this is how you do it. Going first means taking the lead.
If there's something that you want to change or achieve, it starts with you. For example, if you often feel unappreciated or taken advantage of, it starts by looking at how you value yourself and how you are potentially overgiving in ways.
I tell my ready for love clients, if you want a man to make you a priority, you have to be a woman who makes herself a priority first. Your relationship with you is the model.
You go first and then everything else follows. Core concept number three, you are always both the problem and the solution.
When you become truly self-centered, you recognize that everything in your life is a reflection of your choices and your mindset. You are the common denominator in all things in your life.
So if you're experiencing disappointment or dissatisfaction, look no further than the mirror. And I know that's hard to take.
I call it the bitter pill, but it's also the magic pill all at once. It's the bitter pill to swallow that you're the problem, but it's the most liberating and empowering thing I can tell you because that means then that you are also the solution.
I always want to be the problem in my life because then I can just decide I'm going to figure it out. And then I do, and then I get out of my own way.
The answers always lie within you. And this requires us to take complete responsibility for ourselves, total ownership of how we've contributed to and created the situations and circumstances in our lives.
It's not about blaming yourself, but realizing that you have all the power to change anything in your life. And it's so much easier than you may realize, and it feels a whole lot better than you might think it will.
To learn more about this, grab my free mini video training called This Changes Everything. It's linked in the show notes and in the comments pinned at the top.
Core concept number four, it's not noble to be selfless. As a society, we've all been sold on a false virtue of selflessness, that sacrificing ourselves for others is noble.
We praise people and hold them in high regard if they are the kind of person who would, quote, give their shirt off of their back to someone in need, right? We've all heard that. It's a common sentiment.
It means that somehow we are good when we put ourselves last and put others first. One of my clients told me she grew up with a song.
She literally sang it for me. The song is called Joy.
Jesus first, then others, then you. It's pervasive conditioning in our world, teaching us that we don't matter as much as everyone else, that others are more important than we are, and putting them first makes us virtuous and good.
But this leads to living inauthentically, creates resentment, and ultimately is self-abandonment and self-betrayal. It's not valuing ourselves at all and teaches that our value comes only when we put others first.
But then when we sacrifice ourselves for others, we are often left feeling empty or invisible and unfulfilled. There is a big difference between being giving and generous and being selfless, self-less.
One is healthy giving with discernment, self-consideration, and boundaries, and one is coming from a place of need and lack, a lack of self-worth and a deep need to be needed. Self-sacrifice is not a gift.
It's a lie. Giving something we can't afford to give or don't really want to give like time or money or emotional support is not a gift.
It's a lie. Becoming self-centered requires a major paradigm shift and breaking free from the conditioning that it's noble to be selfless and to know that it is actually harmful to our mental health and well-being.
This is what causes so much of our anxiety and resentment and loneliness, and then all of that leads to poor coping, like eating too much or drinking, being passive aggressive, having a victim mentality, or falling into martyr syndrome. And instead, it's about understanding that no one is asking you or expecting you to sacrifice yourself for others.
It is not required for you to have value in this world. It is more honest to consider yourself first, then intentionally decide who you are and what you want to be and making your decisions from that place of authenticity rather than seeking or proving your value and worth by what you can do for other people.
I really want to drive that home. Core concept number five, the outcome is internal.
This is perhaps the best part of being self-centered. I love this so much.
It's a radical new way of operating in the world to shift the focus on how you measure success. So what do I mean by the outcome is internal? It means that no matter what happens in your outer world, which you often can't control, you win no matter what when your focus is always on what you can control, that which is internal.
You, by letting go of the external outcome of a desired tangible thing and knowing that you succeeded simply by showing up the best version of yourself possible, which you have 100% control of, you always succeed and you always win. An example of this may be having a difficult or vulnerable conversation with someone in your life, not knowing how they will respond.
Maybe they appreciate what you have to share, and maybe they completely reject it and the relationship ends and it falls apart. But if you measure your success, not by what happens in the relationship with this person, but by the fact that you were brave enough to have the conversation in the first place, that you expressed yourself fully, or that you set a limit and got your own back, or you asked for what you need, or that you were really vulnerable, or you stood up for yourself, then you always win no matter what, because you have control over all of that.
The success is in how you represented yourself, took care of yourself, showed up as your ideal self. This is everything because it means then you become fearless and rejection-proof and fail-proof.

Doesn't that make sense?

And funny how it works,

but when you let go of the external outcome and simply focus on being your best self,

your self-centered self,

we often end up getting even more

than we originally desired,

more than we ever could have imagined possible.

Being self-centered opens you up to the infinite

potential of what is available to you in this life. I know this sounds like a lot and it takes

time and practice to make these shifts in your life internally and externally.

Thanks for being here today. I'll see you next time.