Stop Letting Your Past Define You

The day that you were born to the two biological people that you call your parents, your fate was sealed. It's as if your little soul was plucked right out of the universe, plopped into your little baby body in that house with those two people, and then all the subsequent circumstances and situations and dynamics, what they were and how it all unfolded.
It's like you were put on a train and the destination was determined for you. You literally had no say so over where you were going to end up.
What I mean by this is everything that you saw, what you witnessed, what you experienced, what you observed, what was modeled for you, how you felt, how you were spoken to, how you were treated, all of that went into the formation of your identity. You learned who you are in this world, what to believe about yourself, what to think and how to think, how to talk to yourself.
You learned who you are supposed to be and how you are supposed to be and what your role is in this life. You learned what's possible for you and what you can expect for yourself.
It all went into your subconscious programming and it formed your identity. And all of that happened before you were old enough to have any say-so over what was going on in there.
The problem is at 42, 52, or even 62, so many of us are still on that train, repeating to yourself what was said to you, still believing now what you learned was possible for you, and still acting or behaving in ways that reflect who you think you are. So today on this episode, I am sharing core concept number four of the self-centered model, which is that your identity is a choice, one that you didn't even know that you could make.
So you can get off that damn train, decide for yourself who you are, and that changes everything in your life in the best possible way. Hi, it's Hillary.
Welcome to the Hillary Silver Podcast. Thanks for tuning into the conversation today.
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So many times the train that we are on takes us to a destination that is nowhere we want to be.

We end up with a life we didn't really want, one we didn't purposefully or intentionally choose.

We live out what was prescribed for us, or we unconsciously repeat intergenerational patterns.

When the journey is unpleasant enough, we can try to get off the train by going to therapy,

getting some counseling, going on retreats. We meditate or medicate.
But despite all of that, if you're still stuck, not making real change in your life, either getting past the trouble or problem that you're having or not achieving that next big level goal that you so desperately want to achieve, then you are still on that train despite your best efforts to get off. And that's because the focus of your attempts have really not been on your identity.
So there are four things about this core concept that you need to understand, and I'm going to share all of that with you. And then I'm going to leave you with a few questions at the end to ask yourself.
So first, in this life, we get what we expect. So what you think about yourself, the world, and what is possible for you is essential.
And it's even more important than you may realize. No one ever teaches us this.
It's not mainstream, but it is true. Second, your identity is not your FICO score, your social security number, or simply a label like entrepreneur or single mom.
It is who you think you are, how you conceive of yourself, how you see yourself, what you believe about yourself, what you tell yourself about you and what's possible for you, how you talk to yourself. That is your identity.
Third, our beliefs are not facts and our identity is not fixed. Just because you believe something doesn't mean it's actually true.
Beliefs are nothing more than messages, stories, and statements we have heard or said to ourselves so many times that we then come to believe them. They are like being installed into our brains, like an operating system.
But in fact, our thoughts and beliefs are a choice, which means it is fully within our own personal power to consciously choose our identity. That means we have to reprogram, redefine, remodel, and rewire our brains and how we think.
We get to choose what we want to think and believe. Isn't that so cool? Fourth, identity work is the gateway to everything you want, the pathway to get everything you want, your next level, your new life, which means that this has to be done first before you will ever see any external results.
Before your outer world reality can change, you have to change your inner world reality and the way you talk to yourself and think about yourself. The best personal example that I can give is back when I had my private practice.
I thought about myself as a therapist in private practice, and I was proud of it. But then one day I decided to embrace my business owner identity, and I began to think about myself as a business owner rather than a therapist in private practice.
That propelled me to make some changes in how I ran the business. I stopped taking insurance, and I raised my fees because I wanted to get paid what I was worth and for the value I was providing, which was life-saving, life-changing transformation for my clients.
And then when I decided to launch my online company, I had to change my identity again. And then to go from being an online coaching company to putting myself out there and to becoming a global authority, talking about all the things that I know.
And again, I had to change my identity to becoming a multimillionaire. I had to think about myself differently before I was able to actually make that a reality in my life.
And again, even recently, launching my personal brand with this podcast and an upcoming book. Anytime that I have gotten stuck in the business growth process, it was always because I had not yet expanded my identity.
I hadn't changed the way I was thinking about myself. Can you see how I had to think about myself bigger and expand my own identity in order to build the bigger real world results.
This is how it works, how you think of yourself, your identity. You get to decide who you are, who you want to be, and how you want to live this life.
You are not bound by who you've been, who you've been told you are, or who you thought you had to be. You are free to become the greatest, most expansive version of yourself.
This is the essence of being self-centered, owning your identity, stepping into your power, and creating a life that is intentional and authentically yours. So let me leave you with a challenge.
Take a moment today to notice the

automatic thoughts you have about yourself and write them down. And then ask yourself,

is this really true? What is one belief about yourself that you thought was always true,

but potentially isn't? And it may be holding you back. And then imagine yourself, that next level

version of you, your next level self, the you who has achieved the life that you want, that

Thank you. What does he or she think, believe, and do differently? Let that vision guide you as you step into the person you were always meant to be.
These are questions that you can ask yourself all the time to check in and make sure that you are not limiting yourself in any way. If you're ready to take control of your identity and create a life

that is centered around you, make sure that you subscribe and catch the next episode where I'm

sharing the fifth core concept, which I think is perhaps my favorite, and it will tie it all

together into a powerful framework for transformation. Thanks for listening and I'll see you next time.