Melinda French Gates Reveals All (Pt 3): Life-Changing Lessons on How to Do Hard Things, Navigate Change & Find Yourself Again

You say your inner voice told you clear as day it's time to separate from Bill.

Are you glad you trusted your inner voice?

Coming up in this incredible final part three episode with Melinda French Gates.

She's truly revealing all and it's so inspiring.

Melinda shares stories and insights she's never shared before, including life-changing lessons on how to do hard things.

I feel like it doesn't matter what anyone does.

It's just going to come with vilification or opposition.

How have you handled that when you do something that you're you're like, I believe in this so much, I know that, and then all of a sudden people are attacking it.

My dad always told us when we were growing up, consider the source, navigate change.

Do you ever plan on or would you ever consider running for public office?

Curious if you feel optimistic about the future of our country right now.

How do you feel about the future, all of our futures with AI?

And find yourself again.

I am so excited for this incredible, final part three episode.

Melinda French Gates is a philanthropist, businesswoman, and global advocate for women and girls.

She's the founder of Pivotal Ventures, focused on accelerating social progress by removing barriers that hold people back.

She also co-founded the Gates Foundation, alongside her former husband, husband, Bill Gates.

Melinda's brand new book, The Next Day, Transitions, Change, and Moving Forward is out now.

Make sure you pick up your copy right now.

It is so good.

And whether today you're listening for yourself or because someone that you love shared this episode with you, I want to welcome you to the Jamie Kern-Lima Show podcast family.

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Jamie Kern Lima.

Jamie, you're so inspiring.

Jamie Kern Lima.

You say that you got this feeling that this isn't right anymore

and that you were trying to ignore the whisper, but it got louder and louder.

And in 2020, you went on a trip to Santa Fe

and you say in In the book, you say your inner voice told you clear as day it's time to separate from Bill.

Are you glad you trusted your inner voice?

Definitely.

Yeah.

And it wasn't easy.

It takes courage, right?

It wasn't what I wanted.

I was sad.

Yeah.

But yeah, I feel like I can now be fully true to myself.

Yeah.

You know, I think so many of us are scared of change and we're scared of uncertainty and we're scared.

Well, what if I'm alone?

Or if I leave this friend group that they're kind of mean, but what if I got no other friends?

Or what if I leave this job?

Will anyone else hire me?

And I started crying in your book, Melinda, when you talked about we're not waves, we're water.

And this analogy of how of how the big wave thinks it's a wave, right?

And so many of us, whether we think we're a wave or we think we're so-and-so's mom or we're this job title or we're this whatever, and we're about to come to the shore and it's going to go away.

And we resist it and we resist that change and and and what you share is um this beautiful story in the next day about how oh no no wait we're not the wave we're water we're water we're water

we're so much more than we think we are and we have these constructs of who we think we are but when we endure the change and especially if we can work to not like resist it.

Like in the case of the waves, they're coming up to the beach whether they care about them or not.

Right.

I also use this analogy from Ahmedas of the big wave who's worried and then the small wave.

And the small wave has perspective on the big wave.

And if we can find somebody that has perspective on our life, it's the small wave that says, don't be scared.

And the big wave is saying, but I'm terrified.

We're going to crash in a storm.

And the small wave says, yeah, but...

We're water.

We're water.

We need to have people in our lives who have perspective that we're going to be okay when we get to the other side of that change.

We're going to be okay when we go through the clearing, even if it's tough, even if it's, you know, has stickers and brambles in it, and as we're moving through it, it feels painful.

We're going to be okay on the other side.

And the truth is, when you have something that changes, you end one thing, you're actually creating an opening for something new and you just don't know what it is.

And the point is to not be, try not to be anxious, right?

Like we rush, I used to too, rush across the clearing because I'm anxious.

I need to know exactly what's coming next yeah you know um

but actually we don't yeah right like you probably didn't know you were going to start a makeup company nope you probably didn't know you were going to be able to sell it to l'oreal for a gazillion dollars yeah you probably didn't know you hoped you probably didn't know you were going to host a podcast yeah

all those things have come right but yeah if you hadn't ended some other things there wouldn't have been room for these things there wouldn't have been room and i was so scared to leave uh my journalism job i was like that's my dream job i'm here to share other people's stories with the world and but i'm not that wave i'm water and i just i love this so much and this is okay this is one of the million reasons why everyone needs to pick up the next day because I feel like every single person can relate to this where we're hanging on to the thing or we're scared to write the book and or we're scared to put ourselves out there.

We're scared to let go of the one thing.

And I just think that that is so, I think it's so beautiful.

And I think that, you know, we all go through transitions in different ways, but sometimes we resist them way too long.

Hoda Kotby had just, has just, was just

on my podcast and she talked about this analogy of, because, you know, of course, she left the Today Show, showing something whole new, and everyone's like, what are you doing?

How could you do that?

And

she talks about that so many people hang on to the wave too long and they just ride the wave way, way, way too long.

And

because we're scared to get off the wave or we think we'll never get another wave.

But I love when I read your book, when I was in tears reading this part, I kept imagining a wave hitting the shore and dissipating, but then you're water and you go right back to your now a different wave.

And what does that wave look like?

And how exciting?

And you never find out what that wave can be if you're still trying to resist hitting the shore when you know it's coming.

And I just, it's so beautiful.

Okay, so you've written on articles on the importance of getting more women in public office.

So Miss Melinda French Gate.

Do you ever plan on, or would you ever consider running for public office?

No.

Never.

No.

I like the position I'm in right now and feel like I can hopefully create a lot of change with the partners I work with for women and others from this role.

With everything going on, I think every

day we're always in transition.

And with

the transition, I think everyone in our country feels that they're in right now, whether they agree or don't agree, whatever they feel like, we're all in transition.

And so how,

I'm sure that you're exposed to so much, so many incredible conversations and information that maybe not everyone is.

And so I'm curious if you feel optimistic about the future of our country right now.

We need to pause for a super brief break.

And while we do, take a moment and share this episode with every single person that you know.

maybe they're going through a transition in their life in some way who this episode could inspire because this conversation can truly not just impact our lives but theirs too

In life, you don't soar to the level of your hopes and dreams.

You stay stuck at the level of your self-worth.

When you build your self-worth, you change your entire life.

And that's exactly why I wrote my new book, Worthy, How to Believe You Are Enough and Transform Your Life for You.

If you have some self-doubt to destroy and a destiny to fulfill, Worthy is for you.

In Worthy, you'll learn proven tools and simple steps that bring life-changing results, like how to get unstuck from the things holding you back, build unshakable self-love.

Unlearn the lies that lead to self-doubt and embrace the truths that wake up worthiness.

Overcome limiting beliefs and imposter syndrome.

Achieve your hopes and dreams by believing you are worthy of them and so much more.

Are you ready to unleash your greatness and step into the person you were born to be?

Imagine a life with zero self-doubt and unshakable self-worth.

Get your copy of Worthy, plus some amazing thank you bonus gifts for you at worthybook.com or the link in the show notes below.

Imagine what you'd do if you fully believed in you.

It's time to find out with worthy.

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And here's to becoming unstoppable together.

And now more of this incredible conversation together.

I'm sure that you're exposed to so much.

So many incredible conversations and information that maybe not everyone is.

And so I'm curious if you feel optimistic about the future of our country right now.

I do, despite the fact that change is hitting us very quickly and swiftly, and it feels like there's a lot, right?

But what keeps me optimistic is when you're out in communities, people are so much more alike than they are different.

And they're finding places, you know, where there's the center, where one might believe one religion, another might believe a different one.

Or one might be on one side of the political aisle and another on the other, but they're still working, let's say, to benefit the community, to benefit those who are homeless and on the street, or they're still working on improving that school because it will be good for everyone's kids.

So I see a lot more at the community level where people are knitting together, and it's almost as if they feel they need to because things are so chaotic on the broader national scale, but they're like, if I focus on what's close at home to me, this is the piece I can do.

And what I've always said to people is every little drop in the bucket adds up, right?

And it's the knitting of all these communities together that will get us the change that we want.

So I still remain optimistic when I see the beauty and the connections between small organizations or large organizations or people, right?

Trying to make the world improve the world while they're here.

You know, I think with technology, with social media, for so many people, they're experiencing for the first time that when they go to help or they do something or they use their voice or they speak out or they do really in 2025 anything at all, it comes with opposition or someone's a critic or you know whether they're an Uber driver, they get a bad review or or they're a doctor or a lawyer and they never ever wanted a public profile and now they have them everywhere and they're getting feedback.

And I think a lot of people, or the people from high school 30 years ago, were on a Facebook group and somebody said something and it's just this new thing.

And I'm curious because you do such impactful work on such a global scale

how

you know and again I feel like it doesn't matter what anyone does

it's just gonna come with vilification or opposition how in all the work that you've done over the decades and now how have you handled that when you do something that you're like, I believe in this so much, I know that, and then all of a sudden people are attacking it.

My dad always told us when we were growing up, consider the source.

So I often try and consider the source.

And I think what's so difficult online is you don't know who the source is.

They put their little moniker out there.

I remember saying to my oldest daughter in high school when she eventually did have social media late in high school, and somebody said something rude about her online.

And I said to her, well, We don't even know who that person is.

That could be an 11-year-old boy sitting in his basement.

You know, that could be, you know, like I just gave her like five different

archetypes of what it might be.

And I was like, so how do you know whether you should take that judgment?

And she was like, yeah, right.

So the honest critics, like we need to listen to honest critics, people who are giving us feedback, who are honest enough to say, you know, you tried to do this, but it had a different impact in this community.

But I want to know the source because that helps me know where, okay, they really are being an honest critic or no, they just want to point their finger at everybody and say, you did it wrong.

Right.

There's a phenomenal book I read years ago by Renee Brown called Daring Greatly.

Yes.

And she talks about the leader who's in the arena versus the people sitting in the seats.

In the seats, yes.

Boy, did that help me because I thought, wow, I'm in the arena.

I'm doing the hard work.

It's so easy to sit in the cheap seats and be the critic.

Right?

Yes.

And even I have to look at that about myself.

If I'm criticizing somebody else, I have to say, well, but are they doing the work?

Are they in the arena?

Yeah.

Well, maybe I need to look deeper at that.

Maybe I do agree with them.

Maybe I don't.

But, you know, I'm up here in these seats just looking down.

How do you feel about

the future, all of our futures with AI?

I think we do not know the impact it's going to have on society yet.

We can get glimpses.

Yeah.

We can see some of the good it will do for sure in health.

I see some of the amazing things we're all able to learn.

Even I was just in a different country I'd never been into, and all the things I could learn as I just asked question after question after question that led to another one.

But you know, does it get, is it regulated in the right way?

Does it get in the wrong hands?

We can't answer those questions right now.

So it remains to be seen.

I try to do my homework.

I'm going to ask you a question

that

is going to be on everyone's mind when they read it and listen to it.

Okay, in the very, very end of your book, in the acknowledgement section,

you

say your thank yous and you thank someone who's helped you heal and see beauty again.

And you say you know who you are.

So I'm just going to ask, are you dating anyone?

I am.

And that person knows who they are.

So beautiful.

Your eyes are sparkling.

Thank you.

Right now.

What is your best

piece of advice for a woman who wants to learn to trust herself?

Surround yourself with people who will be truth tellers to you.

Surround yourself with really deep, good friends.

Cherish and nurture those friendships.

but make sure they will tell you the truth and that you will tell them the truth at hard times in their life.

That's so good.

And it's rare, right?

It is rare.

It's so rare.

That's so beautiful.

Yeah.

I'm so grateful that we are able to have this conversation.

Thank you for your beautiful book

that I have read cover to cover and will be gifting to every girl and woman and person I know because we all go through transitions.

And I think that when we share our real stories and you've just like opened up your heart and soul in this book in a way that every every single person is gonna connect to and I think it's gonna help people feel less alone and more enough.

So thank you.

Thank you so much Jamie.

So good.

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episode.

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Before you go, I want to share some words with you that couldn't be more true.

You, right now, exactly as you are, are enough and fully worthy.

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Heal where you need, blossom what you choose, journey toward your calling and stay as long as you'd like because you belong here.

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Do you struggle with negative self-talk?

Living with a constant mental narrative that you're not good enough is exhausting.

I know because I spent most of my life in that habit.

The words you say to yourself about yourself are so powerful.

And when you learn to take control over your self-talk, it's life-changing.

And I wanted to give you a free resource that I created for you if this is something that could benefit your life.

It's called five ways to overcome negative self-talk and build self-love.

And it's a free how-to guide to overcome that negative self-talk to build confidence and develop unshakable self-love so that you can dream big and keep going in the pursuit of your goals.

Don't let self-sabotaging thoughts hinder your progress any longer.

It's time to rewrite the script of your life, one filled with self-love, resilience, and unwavering belief.

If you're ready to take charge of your narrative, build unwavering confidence, and empower yourself to persevere on the path to your dreams, you can grab your free guide to stop overthinking and learn to trust yourself at jamiekernlema.com slash resources or click the link in the show notes below.

Who you spend time around is so important as energy is contagious and so is self-belief.

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In life, you don't soar to the level of your hopes and dreams.

You stay stuck at the level of your self-worth.

When you build your self-worth, you change your entire life.

And that's exactly why I wrote my new book, Worthy, How to Believe You Are Enough and Transform Your Life for You.

If you have some self-doubt to destroy and a destiny to fulfill, Worthy is for you.

In Worthy, you'll learn proven tools and simple steps that bring life-changing results, like how to get unstuck from the things holding you back, build unshakable self-love, unlearn the lies that lead to self-doubt and embrace the truths that wake up worthiness, overcome limiting beliefs and imposter syndrome, achieve your hopes and dreams by believing you are worthy of them and so much more.

Are you ready to unleash your greatness and step into the person you were born to be?

Imagine a life with zero self-doubt and unshakable self-worth.

Get your copy of Worthy, plus some amazing thank you bonus gifts for you at worthybook.com or the link in the show notes below.

Imagine what you'd do if you fully believed in you.

It's time to find out with Worthy.

It's such an honor to share this podcast together with you.

And please note, I'm not a licensed therapist, and this podcast is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional.