Communication Habits That Build Your Reputation

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Speaker 1 if somebody came and erased my entire reputation in communication and i had to start all over from scratch here's what i would do on today's episode i'm going to give you my three rules for building a communication legacy that lasts Welcome to the Jefferson Fisher podcast, where I'm on a mission to make your next conversation the one that changes everything.

Speaker 1 If you're listening to this podcast or watching it online, I'm going to ask you to go to the place, whether it's with your thumb or on a mouse, go to the place where it says subscribe or follow or where there's a heart or a comment.

Speaker 1 I'm going to ask you to please follow this podcast, subscribe. Why? Because it tells the platforms that what you're listening to or what you're watching is valuable content.

Speaker 1 So for me to you, this is my promise that I'm going to continue to deliver the best quality content that I can.

Speaker 1 I really try to do quality over quantity and give you stuff that's practical, easy, and you can use right away. And if you find it useful, I'm going to ask you to follow or subscribe.
Thank you.

Speaker 1 Today's podcast is sponsored by Cozy Earth. And I love having Cozy Earth as a sponsor because, well, I use the stuff.
I wear it almost every other day. And their sheets are on my bed right now.

Speaker 1 It's probably the most comfortable bed sheets I've ever used. My wife loves her pajama sets.
In fact, my mom is,

Speaker 1 she has heard about it so much. She's getting her own pajama sets.
I'm gifting her one. She's very excited about it.
And I just love it. I love it when I travel.

Speaker 1 If you are like me and you like to wear comfortable comfortable stuff you can go to cozyearth.com slash Jefferson and use the code Jefferson for 40% off cozyearth.com slash Jefferson and use the code Jefferson for 40% off I promise you won't be disappointed okay if my life was on a big whiteboard and somebody came with a rack and just wiped it off and I had to start all over and building a reputation and how I'm going to communicate and make people feel, this is what I would do.

Speaker 1 Here is my blueprint if I had to start all over from scratch. You ready? Number one, I'm going to speak as if every word matters.
I'm going to talk as if every word matters.

Speaker 1 Now, you might think, Jefferson, that sounds like a lot. It's not.
I'm not saying you have to go, oh, just a minute, let me think about it every single time you talk. That's not it.
It is a mindset.

Speaker 1 It is a mindset that what you say today,

Speaker 1 today,

Speaker 1 affects everything about who you will be tomorrow, how you be talked tomorrow.

Speaker 1 In my book, The Next Conversation, one of the first things I teach in The Essentials is that your words have a ripple effect. Meaning what you say today affects everything else in your life.

Speaker 1 Communication touches everything. How you talk to the person behind the counter or the waiter or waitress affects how they talk to their family when they go home.

Speaker 1 How you talk to your friends or people that are strangers affect what they think about you. How you talk at work affects how you move up in your job.

Speaker 1 How you you talk to your kids affects how they will talk to their kids. People you will never meet are affected by your words today.

Speaker 1 And that's including words you say to yourself. I came across something on social media that really hit me hard.
I wish I took a screenshot of it. But the essence was this.

Speaker 1 Every time you act,

Speaker 1 you're trying to make two people proud. or you're trying to honor two people.
That's your younger self and your older self. And that

Speaker 1 was almost a mind-blowing concept to me of when I choose to say something,

Speaker 1 I am saying it sometimes for my younger self to stand up for myself, to make them proud of

Speaker 1 where we've come, you've made it, you're okay.

Speaker 1 And also what I say and do for my older self, the person who's going to have to live with the consequences, the person who's going to have to pay the cost.

Speaker 1 So it was just a great way of kind of putting a spectrum on it. The younger self, the five-year-old, eight-year-old me, I can see it with my big,

Speaker 1 you know, bottle glasses. And my older self, who hopefully still has hair,

Speaker 1 what am I doing for that person that I could be choosing to do today? Every word matters. Your words have a ripple effect.
And so you say, okay, what's the practical effect of that, Jefferson?

Speaker 1 What do you do? Here's what I would do.

Speaker 1 I would

Speaker 1 understand

Speaker 1 that when I speak, I'm going to speak in a positive way, meaning I'm going to use positive words. Why?

Speaker 1 Because then I will be feeling more positive to myself, meaning I'm giving myself positive words and I'm sending out positive words. If I'm being generous with my

Speaker 1 positive, uplifting, kindness, I'm going to receive that back. And it just, it works in a loop.
You know those people they go, oh, they're so nice. They're so pleasant.
You know why?

Speaker 1 Because they're generally nice and pleasant. They say nice and pleasant things.
If you say, I really like that person,

Speaker 1 most likely what you mean is they said nice things to you. Like rarely do we see the hidden act of kindness from someone.
That's rare. Like yes, yes, actions can speak louder than words.

Speaker 1 They're not a replacement for them. It's your words.
You remember how a friend talked to you when you were on the playground, when you were six years old, and if it brought you up or put you down.

Speaker 1 You remember it. You remember what your parents said.
You remember how your grandparents treated you. Everybody has a memory that is tied to how people's words affected you.

Speaker 1 They remember it. I can remember getting in trouble in PE, which was like our recess kind of class,

Speaker 1 because

Speaker 1 This kid and I got in a spat and I remember the the coach coming up and saying sticks and stones may break your bones But words will never hurt you and I thought what an odd thing to say

Speaker 1 I was like maybe seven. I even just remember going, yeah, that's such a weird thing to say.
That's just not true.

Speaker 1 Our words matter. Our words truly matter.
So when you choose to say uplifting things rather than negative things, you're going to start and build a legacy, a reputation that is built upon that.

Speaker 1 You choose the words that you want to make people feel. So your words are who you are.
Put in a nutshell, what you say is who you are. People only experience you based on what comes out of your mouth.

Speaker 1 They only, that's really how they base your entire personality. One of these days, every one of us, we're not going to be on this earth anymore.
And the people that,

Speaker 1 when they are at your funeral and you've been to funerals, all we think about,

Speaker 1 all we think about is how that person made us feel, these conversations that we had with them, these memories that are tied to words and expressions and feelings that are wrapped in conversation, communication.

Speaker 1 So I would first first have the mindset that every single word matters. And I'm going to choose words that uplift.
I'm going to choose words that are warm.

Speaker 1 I'm going to choose a tone that is going to uplift them. I like to say that your tone is your trademark.

Speaker 1 You say, okay, Jefferson, you sound a certain way. Maybe it's my voice makes people feel something or how I treat them.
Everybody has a distinct, unique voice that I can never replicate.

Speaker 1 And you make people feel a certain way. Your tone is your trademark.
So

Speaker 1 how do you want to be remembered? Every single word matters. So choose words that

Speaker 1 serve you better. Choose words that serve the other people better.
Cool? Two, second thing I would do is consistency.

Speaker 1 Meaning I'm going to show up every single time in that same mindset. Let me give a practical application of that.

Speaker 1 When we get into conversation, what typically happens is we only think about the words. We don't think about the feelings after.

Speaker 1 We only think about the current, present moment, we don't think about what comes next. We just think of right now.

Speaker 1 We don't think about episode eight. We only think about the trailer.
We only think about the pilot episode. We're not thinking about what episode nine is going to look like or episode 10.

Speaker 1 So it's very easy for us to say things that hurt or say things that are flippant because we are not paying attention to what comes after.

Speaker 1 Consistency means I'm going to be very careful that when I say things, I'm going to remember the next moment because I have to continue to show up in that consistent form.

Speaker 1 What that says is I want you to think of conversations sometimes as you're watching them. You're watching them happen, as if you're in the audience with popcorn and you're watching the conversation.

Speaker 1 You're going to ask yourself, will I be proud of my performance? Will I be proud of how I reacted? Will I be proud of myself? I can't control a lick of what the other person says or does.

Speaker 1 Not a thing. They have free will.
They can do and say whatever they want. But will I be proud of me?

Speaker 1 Will I be proud of me?

Speaker 1 I can remember my parents getting on to me, my siblings, and

Speaker 1 I would say something, well, my sister did X, Y, Z, and they're going, I'm not talking to your sister. I'm talking to you.

Speaker 1 You can't control anything about how they're reacting. I can only tell you about how you're behaving right now.
It's that same kind of concept. You can't control what anybody else is doing.

Speaker 1 Will you be proud of what you are doing in that instance? Consistency, what I would

Speaker 1 even,

Speaker 1 you want to take this even further? There's something in my mind that I kind of have as signature habits. I would create a signature habit.
And that is, what are you going to be known for?

Speaker 1 And what you continually show up to do. So maybe your signature habit is, I'm somebody who's very quick to apologize.

Speaker 1 I'm somebody who, if somebody wants to get in line, absolutely. I'm going to let them in.
My signature quality

Speaker 1 is that I don't mind if somebody merges right in front of me, go right ahead. My signature, my trademark is how I am going to

Speaker 1 always end the conversation with a compliment or how I shower people with compliments that are genuine or how I end a conversation with, is there anything else I can do to help you?

Speaker 1 What is your signature

Speaker 1 action that it's a habit that you can continually be as yours. Everybody does one.
You probably once already come up to your mind of like, this is what I feel like I do every single time.

Speaker 1 It's become your trademark. It's your signature habit.
And these are important

Speaker 1 because they show up as your continued legacy when you're building that. And that's part of consistency.
So number one, we talked about using words that are more uplifting and using positive words.

Speaker 1 Number two, what I would do is make sure I'm solidified on a signature habit. For me, what I like as my signature habit is I want to feel, make people feel very warm.
That is my habit.

Speaker 1 This is what I love to do.

Speaker 1 I talk the fastest I ever talk really when I am in my car on the social media or on a podcast because you have to get information out pretty quickly.

Speaker 1 In life, I'm a little bit slower, just a little bit slower. And maybe you're listening and going, Jefferson, you already talk pretty slow, man.

Speaker 1 Well, My default is even slower than this, and I like to make people feel really warm. And so I am going to give compliments.
I am going to show gratitude. I'm going to let the other person be first.

Speaker 1 I like the acts of service, even when I'm especially in conversation. And that's how I have been raised.
And that's what relates to me and resonates with me. So that's what I would do.

Speaker 1 Number two is consistency. Number three,

Speaker 1 if I had to start all over from scratch, I'm going to practice the hard conversations.

Speaker 1 I'm going to welcome the hard talks. When there's a difficult conversation, I'm going to have this mindset of, okay, awesome.
Yes, this is my chance.

Speaker 1 Rather than having the mindset of, I don't know, no, I mean, no, we can just put this off. No, it's okay.
Don't worry about it. And finding that I'm always backpedaling, I'm walking on eggshells.

Speaker 1 Absolutely not.

Speaker 1 If I want to build a communication legacy of how I want to be remembered, I want to be seen as somebody who is attacking in the best way possible, difficult conversations, as if it's something I am excited about doing.

Speaker 1 Not in a negative way, but I'm understanding that the difficult conversations

Speaker 1 are the best opportunity to build the best relationships. Period.

Speaker 1 You think of anybody who's important in your life, most likely it's somebody who you've had very difficult conversations with, your best friend, they know you the best, your spouse, a sibling, a parent, whatever it is.

Speaker 1 These are people who've been in it. with you the people who've been in the trenches with you and when you've come out on the other side of it you're much closer Difficult forms bonds

Speaker 1 always.

Speaker 1 So if you want

Speaker 1 a deeper relationship with someone, then you have to have a deeper tolerance for difficult conversations. If you always want surface-level conversations, I'll show you a surface-level relationship.

Speaker 1 You're never going to dig that deep with someone. So when you welcome the difficult conversations, better things happen in your life, especially if I had to start all over.
It's practicing them.

Speaker 1 It's practicing them. They take effort.
They They take time.

Speaker 1 The strategy that I teach in my book, the next conversation, the strategies that we teach in my membership and in my newsletter, these are all things that I am trying to train you to say, practice the difficult conversations because the better you get at them,

Speaker 1 the better quality you have in life. The more people are looking to you as the emotionally intelligent.
The more people are going to look to you as the leader, as the safe one, as the secure one.

Speaker 1 As part of my, I guess this would be my number one, every word matters. I am all about calm energy.
Maybe you picked up on that. I love calm energy.

Speaker 1 That's the kind of thing I want to put out in the world. That's the thing I want to be consistent with, rule number two, and how I spread my vibe, my energy.

Speaker 1 I like calm energy, not hype, not being crazy, not being aggressive, just the sense of comfort and calm and feeling like I'm always in the pocket. When I feel like I'm giving people ease, that

Speaker 1 fills me up when I feel like they can just be calm with me and just sit and give them security and peace and rest for a little bit in the conversation. That's the kind of stuff that touches me.

Speaker 1 So I had to build all over. I'm going to make sure that the difficult conversations are things I never shy away from, ever, ever, ever, ever.

Speaker 1 That does not mean that I'm not going to handle them well or there's going to be times I'm not going to handle them well. It is trial and error like anything else because each person's different.

Speaker 1 Each person is different. I can't have a difficult conversation and apply the same rules to everybody.
Everybody has a different personality.

Speaker 1 So if I had to build it all from scratch, I'm going to welcome the difficult conversations because those are the things that life is about, y'all. That's the thing that grows everyone.

Speaker 1 These are the things of what makes life beautiful.

Speaker 1 You have the hard conversations because when you come out on the other side of them, there are just better things that you feel like you can be really proud of yourself about.

Speaker 1 When it comes to difficult conversations, another thing that I would make sure that I do, and we talk about this in rule number three of my book, is is creating your manual.

Speaker 1 Rather than giving somebody my remote control for my emotions, I'm going to start my manual very early, meaning these are my do's and my don'ts, my instructions, my rules of the game for how to communicate with me and how I'm going to communicate with others.

Speaker 1 That might mean I need to set aside my extremes. I will always do X, Y, and Z.
I will never X, Y, and Z. When I have a, I do not accept, I do not allow, I do not X, I mean, you name it.

Speaker 1 I'm gonna have my

Speaker 1 encyclopedia here of where I need to have a reference guide of if you want to talk to me, here's my manual. So instead of this, you can't talk to me that way.
My manual, if you go to page eight,

Speaker 1 line three, paragraph D, you're going to see I don't accept that tone.

Speaker 1 You hear how that's very different? That's the kind of thing I would start to build right away is making sure I have my manual. I'm not going to people please.

Speaker 1 I'm not going to feel like I am just getting walked over, that I can't speak or be assertive enough. I'm going to understand that my manual is something that I'm going to use to my strength.

Speaker 1 So welcome the difficult conversations. When it comes to building a legacy and communication, you understand that communication touches everything, where you want to be in your life.
And if

Speaker 1 I would be wagering to bet that If you're listening to this podcast, you know that to be true.

Speaker 1 Communication touches every single thing, whether it's at work, how you're doing your job, how you manage other people, your life at home, from the boardroom to the living room, communication touches everything.

Speaker 1 So when it comes to you building your own legacy, your reputation, what I hope and my prayer for you is that one, you're going to remember that every word matters and it starts today. That's the key.

Speaker 1 Nobody has to erase anything. You can actually start today.
You can start today. I can start today.
Everything you want to change can be found in the next conversation.

Speaker 1 You just choose to use better words. Understand every word matters and use words that uplift you, that are more positive.
Be very

Speaker 1 intentional how you give compliments to people and mean them. Share that act of kindness.
Two, show up with consistency.

Speaker 1 Have those signature habits that you are known for and understand that your tone is your trademark for everyone you talk to. And three, welcome the difficult conversations.

Speaker 1 When you always avoid them, when you always put them off or you hesitate to say the right thing because you're afraid of to disappoint them, That does not help anybody, and it only hurts yourself, especially in the long run.

Speaker 1 And if you remember, you're doing it for really two people in your life: either your younger self or your older self. For the sake of those two people in your life, you can picture them in your mind.

Speaker 1 I want you to build a communication and a reputation that's going to make both of them proud. Yeah? All right.
As always, you can try that and follow me.

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