#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson

Joe Rogan podcast, check it out! The Joe Rogan Experience. Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day! Big J.
What's happening? Hell yeah. You went with the three nose rings now.
You're getting crazy. Yeah, it's getting carried away.
I went to go, I had a cold and I think I blew my nose, one of them out. so then I went to go get it

re-put back in and i was like throw another one in there while you're at it fuck it i'm just me fighting age i think is that what it is yeah yeah there's something weird when you're fighting age like you know you're doing it but you can't help it oh yeah absolutely like when people make fun of just the way i dress or whatever my hair, my piercings, and they always like, is it going to change at some point? And I am hitting an age where I'm like, I can't just do a hard shift one day, but it is funny to think, like, I can't see myself at 65 doing some of the stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I don't know. Why not? Who gives a shit? You can, but it's also like, I feel if I saw it, I'd have a million and one jokes about it.
Right. But it's still at the end of the day, you're like, you know, I'd walk out, I'd go, oh, I forgot my pocket scarf.
I got to go back upstairs. I forgot my accoutrements.
As long as you're still funny, you can pull it off. But when you're bombing with red hair and three nose rings.
Shit. That's true.
It becomes an issue. That is true.
As long as you stay funny. That's why I think when I first started, I tried to blend in whatever I was.
I started in that black circuit. So like I had so much fubu shit on.
Oh, there you go. And just like, yeah, jerseys and stuff.
So I definitely played it up. The funniest was having a big silver chain with a cross and I'm Jewish.
But I just really was like, I think they'll like me more if I have a cross when I first started

I thought you had a dress like those guys on evening at the improv

So I got a blazer and I rolled the sleeves up and I had like a wacky t-shirt that I wore

The costume yeah the costume have a button on your blazer some wacky button

I watched all those shows growing up even the improv Caroline's comedy hour the evolution of comedy is

Insane it's pretty insane. Yeah, the evolution of just like the fact that are these guys I've watched

Like always laugh and go back and go to get Bill Kirshenbauer. Do you know that was that was the guy?

He played out he was the coach on a sitcom. He got a sitcom called just a ten of us where he had like eight kids

Or something he was a good coach. It was a spin-off show of some sort, but he was just like a

Zany comic he's would go on stage and he was just loud and weird and yeah Oh, yeah, but these were the guys who made the rounds right Monologists yeah Well, it's almost like their act just got them to a sitcom like that was a real strategy back then You had an act that could get you to a sitcom. That's all everybody wanted.
When I did new faces at Montreal, my manager at the time, terrible, just gave me, I mean, he was just pushing the old advice. He was like, don't be yourself at all.
Like write a set that's going to be what's your sitcom basically and dress, you know, a certain I would dress like for stage. I don't know what I was.
I didn't know what he meant in nice clothes, so I had black loafers and straight-legged dark blue dungarees and a short-sleeved button-down shirt. I'm just picturing you had black loafers on.
And a short-sleeved blue button-down shirt. It looked loafers on and and a short sleeve like blue button-down shirt it looked ridiculous and it was so dramatic it's also funny too doing it as long as i have now 27 years i think i'm doing it like the the hilarious like fake emotion you put into things i remember having my daughter was a baby when i did new faces and talking to the picture backstage before i went on stage like we, all right, we're going to go do it.
And then had a mediocre set. And all I got from new faces was like a MTV two talking head one off.
Like, what were they thinking? What were they wearing? MTV two presents. You remember those things where you would just start talking shit about people? That's it.
Yeah. And they would, they just clip it up.
They took a, they wouldn't, I did a couple of them. They didn't air most of it.
And the one I always remember, because when I would go back to MTV for anything, they would always be like, we still pass the segment around of you doing that, what were they thinking? Yeah. And it was Fiona Apple on an award show years ago to accept her award.
She got there and started quoting. She's like, the great Maya Angelou or something.
And I was like, Maya Angelou? I was like, what is she talking about Maya Angelou for? I go, look, we all loved her as Wheezy Jefferson, and I enjoy her pancake syrup. And then they were like, yo, you can't call Maya Angelou Aunt Jemima.
I'm like, but I'm kidding. But I'm kidding, though.
I know who Maya Angelou is. Wasn't it funny that they took Aunt Jemima off of Aunt Jemima? But that was an actual lady who was an entrepreneur? Yeah, and they just could get rid of it because no one's paying attention to why.
No, they just decided that it was racist. Black people don't dress like that anymore.
They just decided that Aunt Jemima was racist. Uncle Ben? But that's true, right? I mean, this is not a TikTok myth, is it? Make sure that's true.
I might have fooled by tick-tock I should say reels because I'm not really on tick-tock whether or not aunt Jemima was a real entrepreneur

I'm pretty sure it's true. I think I think it's based on a real woman

And I think she just was like an awesome cook and put together some

Fucking pancakes great pancakes

Nancy green it says oh so her name wasn't Jemima? Right there. That's the real lady? I mean, this is the first ads, I guess.
You could tell me that's... Oh, boy.
Hold up, hold up, hold up. That looks like racist propaganda.
Look at this. Eyes in town, honey.
Okay. All arguments are out the window.

Eyes in town, honey.

Okay.

Unless you are an actual black person saying that, you can't write that down.

Like, you know that was some fucking egghead advertising executive to put that together.

And then the poor guy at the printing press had to keep double checking.

He was like, are you sure we're going to do this? I. Apostrophe S? Okay.
Yes. It's how they speak.
Oh, I don't know, man. Oh, bro.
I don't want to get involved in this. Damn, that was a crazy picture.
I just saw, I went to a- That's so crazy. I was looking at an art gallery in Philly recently that had like a Dr seuss uh exhibit at it and i forgot that dr seuss had all those like crazy racist drawings and stuff right what were they what were they it was just like you know a hunter like with like a savage with like giant lips and stuff like that that's right you know what's like the most crazy racist shit that caught me off guard was r crumb Yeah, you know our crumb the like 70s sort of psychedelic comic book guy He was very popular when I was a kid living in San Francisco And then when I was an artist and I was like I used to love his stuff cuz like god this guy's so weird And then I saw some of the like the super racist ones and're like, yo, what the fuck? It really is the explanation is like, yeah, it's a different time.
He had some just weird shit, man. Like riding on giant women.
You ever see the documentary they did on him? No, but I know what it is. Yeah.
No, I've never seen it. It's very interesting.
It's like, cause his brother is super weird and his mother is super weird. And you know, here's this guy like wearing a tie and he's real pervert and he's like openly a pervert, but like a brilliant artist.
That's great. Yeah.
Really fascinating. I've heard of it before.
It is amazing though. I was, went to a, a musician, a musician's house for New Year's Eve when I first moved to New York, so 20-some years ago.

And he just invited me and Kurt Metzger.

And we went to his apartment,

and it was covered in Sambo paintings.

Oh, jeez.

There was black people at the party.

It was just like, yeah, it's art.

And I'm like, I don't know if I'd cover my house in something I had to every one of them to people I go no no no no no no yeah you have a lot of choices you could have puppies flowers this episode is brought to you by max welcome to your new American dream get inside the lives of the original influencers and now global sports and entertainment superstars Jake and Logan Paul as they launch their newest venture a new family reality series Paul American on Max see behind the curtain of fame into the Paul's high octane lives with an up close and personal look at Logan and Jake their partners and parents love them or hate them, you won't be able to look away. Stream Paul American Thursdays exclusively on Max.
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I used to drive strippers to bachelor parties to be the bouncer with zero skills to handle that whatsoever I took the job as like fat kid that wanted to see naked girls for free And I ended up at a bachelor party with two brothers. It was one of the brothers thing and he was covered in like swastika tattoos and all kinds of crazy shit and the strippers were not both white for sure, but there's also black people this party and stuff like that and I don't know the explanation these guys have to give but I talked to one of their black friends and was like hey Is it weird to ask but like these guys are all covered in like? Swastika and racist tattoos and they were oh yeah, they just got caught up in some bullshit when they were teenagers.
They're good dudes. Like, wow.
And they're still wearing short-sleeved shirts, huh? That seems strange. You'd think these guys would be wearing Terrell Owens body suits to cover that up.
It's like one of the arguments why you shouldn't be able to get a tattoo until you're 25. Is that when the brain's fully formed? Yeah, when you're a boy.
Women mature younger, but when you're a boy, your brain is fully formed at 25. When you're able to make solid decisions.
What decisions do girls make for tattoos that are that great? Very few swastikas. Very few swastikas.
What are the numbers of swastikas on girls versus on dudes? If we could Google that, please. What percentage? I think it's just that one girl, the character that Firuza Balk played in American History X.
I just read a thing recently. This made me laugh so hard.
You know this movie American History X? Yes, I remember that movie. That movie was crazy.
Great movie. Crazy movie.
Ending is such a question mark on it. Right.
And if you recall, he goes to prison. He reforms himself.
He comes out. He tries to get his brother out of that mindset of being a white supremacist.
And then he succeeds basically in telling him the story of what happened to him in jail. And then the next day he walks his brother to school.
His brother gets killed by a black kid, shoots him in the chest and he dies. And then he goes in to save him or he goes in there and just cries, screaming, like, what have I done? You know, his brother's dead now.
And then they end the movie. The director, who apparently was a lunatic, him and Edward Norton fought the whole time over how the movie should go.
But the director's ending he wanted to do was after the brother gets shot by the black kid, they were going to show Edward Norton in the mirror with the big swastika tattoo on him, and then he was going to smirkirk in the mirror and walk off. I was like, they should have played Back in Black after that.
He's back. And he's racister than ever.
I was almost going to get it removed. Just imagine being...
Smiling at him. Imagine having a Schwarzenegger movie ending to American History X.
That is so crazy that he wanted to do that. I mean, not the song, but that is, they should have played the song.
Yeah, the image of smirking. The song would have been, everybody would have been so mad.
Can you imagine if you cheesed it up just at the end? Like you have this brilliant movie, and at the end, just total cheese ball, curve ball ending. Oh, man.
I remember taking a date to go see a, there was a girl I lost my virginity to who's a little bit older than me and very a very hippy dippy girl and we went to go see um what the fuck was the movie was a John Singleton movie boys in the hood fuck no no no no it was the one on the school campus um why am I blanking on it? Omar Epps was in it. Tyra Banks was in it.
Michael Rappaport was great in it. Oh, Higher Learning.
Higher Learning. Absolutely.
I took this girl to see Higher Learning. And the movie is great.
At the end of the movie, Michael Rappaport goes crazy. He gets roped into being a white supremacist with the skinhead group on campus.
Never seen that. These guys were, I mean, like hardcore on-campus skinheads.
But they still got loans. It's a science fiction movie.
They're like, white power. All right.
I got social studies in a few minutes. On campus.
I got to go. Oh my God.
Hey, can you finish nailing these crosses together? What year is this? 95. 95.
That's so crazy. Yeah, right when I graduated high school.
And I take her to see this movie. And it said the movie is Michael Rapport joins the skinhead group.
Black people on this campus. A lot of things.
There's like a black party going on. I think a white kid tried to rape a girl, Christy Swanson.
And then all the black guys go to help and kind of beat up the kid who raped her, and then the cops, of course, come and get mad at the black people and save the rapist. Then Michael Rappaport goes nuts, goes on top of the school and starts picking off black people.
In a 90-minute arc. Oh, yeah.
Starts picking off black people. One of them kills Omar Epp's girlfriend, Tyra Banks.
Oh, God. And then black people One of them kills Omar Epps girlfriend Tyra Banks.
Oh god, and then he's he gets into a fight Omar Epps and him get into a fist fight over and then the cops break it up start beating the shit of Omar Epps And then Michael Rapaport Pulls a gun out on the cops when they're trying to stop him and and I know The scenes trying to be like trying to keep the situation calm so nothing more crazy happens. But they're going like, it's okay, son.

Everything's going to be okay.

We're okay.

You know, while he's like holding the gun.

And then I think Michael Rapport kills himself is how that ends.

And then at the end, there's like a concert happening.

And they just put the word unlearn across the screen.

And you can just hear black people in the audience go, what the fuck? And I was let's go let's go and she was like what i was like no no no let's go like do not let these credits start let's get in the car and i mean i don't know how bad it got out there but it was a yelling a lot of yelling it was an inflammatory movie wow there's no point in a movie where a white person got their due. It was always like

a white person fucks over black people and then

the cops are like, you're fine.

Jesus Christ. Hey, shit happens,

man. You can make a movie like that

before the internet. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You know?

Yeah, because there wouldn't be a

million signature proof

that this shouldn't be a thing or whatever.

Well, it was also preposterous

like patently preposterous just to argue it well if you're pretending there's a white power group on a college campus how about ever as ever like this is crazy like you found the one that was used to study the one college there's a white power group in it and like open openly openly walking around, tattoos out

and all the cops are openly racist

like not just like there's a white power group in it and open openly openly what walking around tattoos out and all the cops are openly racist Like not just like there's a racist cop just like there's a racist fucking postman Yeah, this is racist everything is a racist dentist out there somewhere Yeah, but no they make it like that at the today's meetings like alright Let's round up some blacks make sure these whites are okay So crazy you can make a movie like that that i think you still be that kind of inflammatory they go for it i just watched that adolescence thing which i thought was a lessons it's this uh new it's a four-part like mini series on netflix it's british i'm like i watch things so open-minded and just looking to be entertained that i miss messages a lot. But by the third episode, I realize it's about a little boy gets immediately accused of, it's how it starts, of killing a classmate.
And he's getting arrested. Each episode is one shot to me.
It's like a play. And the acting is unbelievable.
But what it whittles down to, it's apparently like from the videos I watched beyond beyond like the show explained because I look at all those and it was like an anti like toxic masculinity like message and the idea was just like the kids watched porn and his dad's a tough guy so that's why he thought he can kill a woman or why he can kill a girl wow and they shout out a And again this I don't know a lot of this guy stuff other than the basic idea But they shout out Andrew Tate in it when I heard that name. I was like, oh, that's what this is But here's the thing there is That could be a real guy like that's less preposterous than the white power group on campus.
Oh, yeah There's kids that get radicalized. They get an evil parent who, you know, fucking...
They didn't really make it that dad was evil. They were making it more like the porn and like the idea that like...
Well, that too. Mom should be in line and cooking.
There's guys who grow up without a mom. Those guys can definitely...
If they have a shitty dad and no mom, those guys could definitely be... And if you have a psycho in your DNA.
I had too much mom. No, you didn't.
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Or visit your local grocery and convenience stores, Black Rifle Coffee, America's Coffee. I had my little dad, lots of mom, just tendencies when I was in my step-hop man he swooped in and saved my ass from really being as twirly as possible without being into cocks I mean I was right there primed for the take and I'm sitting there laying on my tummy as a kid watching Falcon Crest in Dallas with my mom Oh my god, that's what I know Lorenzo Lama's from a Falcon crest not renegade like everybody else was renegade the one where he was the karate guy He was the karate guy But he was sent he was a bounty hunter that's right on a motorcycle but wasn't he

like a karate guy too yeah yeah i'm not making that up well no no he would fight his fights

with karate guy but steven beautiful he was gorgeous so handsome i know it really is the

the sadness of a guy that handsome because he got a girl that was smoking hot and then

what's it shauna sand look at him yeah he married i think he married shauna sand was like a playboy

girl and then they break up and she gets

Thank you. and then, what's it, Shauna Sand? Look at him.
Yeah. I think he married Shauna Sand, who was like a Playboy girl, and then they break up, and she gets crazy surgery.
She looks like a lunatic. She starts doing porn.
Oh, no. And he still looks pretty great.
He's had a ton of fucking series, those weird series that you flip through in the middle of the night like he's a motorcycle detective or something. It's like there's a bunch of those.
How many series? He's one of those guys that always has a series. I mean, the alliteration of the name, he was handsome.
It was all kind of perfect. Yeah.
Does he have the hair anymore? Does he keep the long hair? No, there's no way. Because he's still rocking like Fabio still rocks it.
He's not letting go. Damn.
Respect. No, see at him even older with white hair handsome as fuck I mean and but I mean comparatively to if you look at the ex that was like his holy shit wife She fell apart.
They all fall apart That surgery is a crazy way to go because you can't see what you look like It's like anorexics or bodybuilders you get dysmorphia You your brain starts playing tricks on you and you think your lips aren't big enough and your tits aren't big enough and your faces you know like there's some skin on the side of your ears you can pull it back and you tuck this and pull that and my ass would stick out more if they put the implants in and that would probably get me a better a better guy I'd get a fat ass I always say if I crowdsource it if the audience will pay for it I'll get a fat ass let's find say it. I crowdsource it.
If the audience will pay for it, I'll get a fat ass.

Let's find out what they do because I'm bewildered.

So I know that there's an operation where they take fat out of other parts of your body and they stuff it in your ass.

And your ass looks like a bag of cheese.

There's bad ones.

Maybe there's good ones.

Maybe there's good ones.

Maybe I'm being judgmental.

There's probably a doctor out there.

Hey, I do it under the surface of the fat so there's always a smooth area on top some wizard with a bmw um but at this point there are good breast implants at this point there are they exist yes they feel real but also they look real and they don't have like the where you have like the you know you see rib cage between them yes but here's the thing you are um putting something that's similar to breast tissue where breast tissue would be so with this your butt is a muscle Yeah, you know, it's like muscle and fat a male. Why'd you say male Jamie? How dare you can expect to retain anywhere from 60 to 80 percent of the fat that is initially transferred into the butt.
I like when they say butt like that. I really think they're, you know, professional.
You're talking about surgery. Into the glutes.
You're calling butt surgery? Yeah. What kind of a fucking doctor? Let me see your diploma.
Now you're going to want to be gentle when you take a shit for the next three weeks. The rest will be reabsorbed by the body over time.
The results you see immediately after surgery and in the weeks following are not permanent. Around 90 days post-op, your butt will finally stabilize into its new shape and size.
The procedure itself is semi-permanent as opposed to permanent. As your body responds to natural aging process and normal weight fluctuations, so too will your buttocks.
Depending on the precautions you take during your recovery and the lifespan you maintain in the time following, your BBL may last several years to even decades. I saw a dude at the mall the other day with a BBL.
For sure? A hundred percent. No way it's real.
Gay? Yeah. Super.
How dare you ask that? Imagine if it wasn't a gay guy. Imagine if straight guys start getting BBLs.
It has to exist.

It has to.

There's definitely a guy. It's probably a whole website dedicated to normalizing

straight guy BBLs.

Daddy makeover.

Just lift weights, you fucking

pussy.

Just go to the gym and do

the work. Shut your mouth

and stop it with your BBLs. And listen, I'll put it out there again.
Unless the crowd pays for it, I will get a fat ass. Here's the thing.
I think there's other ways to do it. This was my question because I know there's an implant as well.
So there's butt implants, which is kind of even crazier because then you're taking the risk of having something, a foreign object in your ass where everyone's scared to get get cancer Like if you're scared of cancer, what's the place you're scared to get the cancer the most ass cancer? You don't have to shit in a bag, you know So like you're thinking about these plastic things you've inserted into the muscle tissue Surrounding your what kind of inflammation is going to be caused by that? What about the plastic leaching into your body as you're in the sauna what the fuck are you doing yeah it's a weird thing you know i can't believe they still haven't uh perfected dick surgery dick uh lengthening or thickening surgery but what's crazy is there are procedures and people get them yeah i couldn't imagine getting a procedure that's been done like under a thousand times yeah wait here the thing, man. You didn't want to be the first tonsillectomy and that's like routine.
Isn't it kind of shocking that no one's figured out a way to make a bigger dick? It's kind of shocking. It is shocking.
That's what I'm saying. I'm surprised that hasn't been a thing.
There's the butt enlargement. Intramuscular buttock implants.
So now when they say buttock, I feel a little more comfortable. Yeah.
I feel like these are real pros. So you're going to take those plastic, what are those things made out of, Jamie? Let's find out how toxic they are.
I'll tell you what, those ones are dirty. They pulled them out of a butt.
Oh, they took them out. He's a detransitioner.
Okay, so what does it say? Butt augmentation is most commonly performed by fat injections, da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. While men can do, like women, synthetic filters, fillers.
Oh, synthetic fillers. Oh, boy.
And fat injections. They often are less tolerant to the procedures that require multiple treatments and whose effects are more modest Interesting they're often smaller and flatter buttocks are more resistant to augmentation efforts with stronger Intergluteal muscles in a thinner subcutaneous fat layer So he's saying I can do it to dudes, but it's not gonna come out good I'm crazy that the only Real endgame of this because like what's the benefit in your life? It's more dick, but it's like it's like money It's like ultimately it's like finding someone who's gonna like your weird body more you think it's money for dudes It's like oh for dudes.
Yeah, these are dudes. That's a dude.
Oh, that's just gay probably as fuck or maybe the guy was also crowdsourced and maybe they paid for it maybe it's just yeah uh solid ultra soft silicon buttock implants of 400 cc were placed in a layered muscle and incision closure done no drains were used his long-term results showed good improvement scroll up please his buttotock size and shape Hell yeah, even probably better in that regard than I thought could occur you It looks fake like there's a lump there's a lump where you have a tumor in your ass or like look It's there's like a little ridge where all of a sudden the implant is that's so weird that I'm staring at this guy's but I don't think it's the same guy It's the same guy. I trust these people Why would the internet lie? They're buttock people.
Why would the internet lie? They wouldn't lie. But the penis surgeries are like nutty thing from like cutting a tendon Yeah, to make it just poke out a little more and then there's other ones where they thicken it up They get in there with a mesh and thicken it up.
Nice sauce. When I was heavier even, I went to, I got a consultation, free consultation at a plastic surgeon.
I was like, I bet if I, I'm fine with my hard dick, but I hate my soft hang sometimes. And I was like, I bet if I got my gun sucked out, liposuction'll make it uh you take more in bro.
It'll make it look bigger soft Particularly and I'm like so I went to the consultation. It was a male doctor So you're like okay, and he gets you I mean I knew he was gonna have to look ultimately at one point, but this guy Takes me to me he goes he goes all right drop your pants.
I drop my pants And I also have dr. Dick, you know like it's like I'm also guys So I'm like shit and you can't like I didn't want to try to like fluff it up fluff it before he walks So I am he fucking Comes in and he's like drop your pants.
I'm dead. He goes walk over to this mirror Which I was like, oh god don't make me do this and I stand in front of the mirror and he goes On either side of my dick with his hands and he goes right now looks like this and I can make it look And he just pushes my fat back and goes like this and I was like His dick is just inches from your face.
was like the whole time uh-huh I pulled my pants up like a victim and left the office and never even thought about it again that was crazy that's a weird look just getting in there and then here I'm gonna move my face six inches from your dick but don't worry I went to school a doctor looking up at you Do you at you? Do you like that? You see the framed diploma? This is fine. This is fine.
This is a safe space. What does your dick taste like? I wonder.
There's no way he doesn't go out and talk to those hot-ass nurses about my little wiener. Yeah, definitely.
Oh my God, it smelled like cheese. I don't know.
At this point, they exposed so many people. Do you believe anybody's genuine goodness anymore? It's hard to believe.
You know, I went down a deep dive looking at doctors who use their own sperm in fertility clinics. Yeah.
I was researching this one case. I just wanted to find out, like, God, how did this guy do? How did they catch him? What happened? Then I found like hundreds of cases Oh, it's yeah, it's got there's hundreds of cases There's hundreds of cases of doctors doing this there's doctors using their own sperm and then people finding out on 23andMe because It's just their kink just to like jerk off in the vials.
It's just such a crazy thing. There's so many fucking psychos out there.
What are your things to giggle at while you're injecting a girl with your jizz? I had this guy on yesterday that spent 25 years as an undercover FBI guy that infiltrated biker gangs and neo-Nazis. Bro.
You talk to a guy like that and you start really wondering wondering like what where where's the good in the world like how many creeps are there like how many really fucking psychotic people are out there organizing right now in the world it's a wild thing to go with like different groups undercover though too if they ever overlap someday like and you go hey you were a skinhead two months ago when you become a biker yeah exactly and this guy is

Look at him. I'm sure you picture him.
Just a big fucking giant dude

Yeah with a goatee and pull back hair and tattoos all over his arms

So he like blended right in with all these psychos that God I used to have a when I was young

I had a joke about the concept of like with the hookers Where you have to they go well if you ask them if they're a cop Hey, they'll tell you they tell you goes they have to tell you or it's entrapment and I was like Then what the fuck is undercover work? I said doing like five years with the mob and then one day they go hey, you know I never even asked you this is stupid, but are you a cop like shit man? Yeah, I think that was like you were my kids christening

I know man, you never asked I swore at this point. I thought you were never gonna ask

I think that was like a dumb thing. They made up for TV shows

You know and then everybody thought it was real. It was like some dumb plot point

Are you a cop? No

Yeah, you of course you can say no because the good guy who's the cop always had to be honest Yeah, he was never lied this guy this he was telling me about he had to do cocaine with these people They had to be people up and he's like if shit went down man I had to be a part of it the prostitutes things they would do on cops Or always they'd get in the car and they'd be like are you a cop? He goes come on do I look like a cop Bro, this guy got busted wearing a wire and got away with it. Really? They didn't find the wire.
No shit. They came that close.
He said they were inches away. They were rubbing his clothes, like checking all his clothes.
He said they were inches away. But he was like arguing with them.
I can't fucking believe you guys. Like that kind of shit.
After I mysteriously showed up three weeks ago, and now I'm working my way through the ranks. Now you're going to start patting me down.
All right. And I'm helping you run guns and drugs to Mexico.
Guys, I bought donuts yesterday morning. I'm that guy.
I'm that guy. I am your brother.
I'm the dude. And meanwhile, they all go to jail, eventually.
From him, they were right. Also, when they do Undercover, it still seems like when they would go home at night still, come out of their biker clothes.
How was it, hon? Like, these guys are animals. I hope one of them didn't happen to follow me home.
Well, he was not doing things that were anywhere near his home. He would go away for long stretches at a time and go back and forth, and he had all these reasons for doing so, different businesses that he did that he was involved with did he ever like find himself You kind of like hang with somebody that much time and they think you're their friend Do they ever get like sympathy for them? Yeah? Yeah, definitely That's one of the more fascinating parts about it was like he this guy that he had to put in jail He's like that guy was like my friend.
He's like we finished each other's sentences We were like each other, other than the fact that he was a criminal and I was an FBI agent.

And I was like, do you think that you could have gone down that road if you had the wrong lives?

Like, abso-fucking-lutely, man.

Abso-fucking-lutely.

No shit.

Because all of us could have.

I go, that's what I think, too.

I think.

That's what happened to Michael Rappaport in Higher Learning.

He got in with the wrong crowd.

He was a regular guy with good intentions.

The next thing you know, he's shooting women.

Super normal in a 90-minute arc of a film.

I don't know. He got in with the wrong crowd.
He was a regular guy with good intentions. The next thing you know, he's shooting women.
Super normal in a 90-minute arc of a film. It was so much so fast.
How does he cheat? Unless he's the star of the film where they follow him every step of the way. He was a clockwork orange for black people.
Oh, boy. It's like for 90 minutes, you just bled.
Yeah. Michael Rappaport is this skin is Hilarious you got to see when the cop it's when the cops have him at the end and they're like son

Everything's gonna be fine. You're white.
Oh my god. Oh my god

Rappaport does a really good job of complaining about things like he's got something that he's fucking screaming and yelling

Pretty hyped about Israel seems it seems like it. Yeah.
I've only seen him hyped about two things. Israel and Ari.
It's the only two things I've ever hyped about Michael Rappaport. And also, I think the rising of the black race also, I think, pissed him off at the scene in that scene.
In that scene, but to his credit, that was the 90s. Yeah, yeah.
Nobody knew better back then. Well, that's so funny for him also.
If you remember his first big role, great movie called Zebrahead. Oh, yeah.
And he was like, because that was more of his thing. He's more of like a bigger kid.
He was in Do the Right Thing, too, right? Was he in Do the Right Thing? I don't know. I don't know if he was in that.
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Do the right thing was Spike Lee's first big hit, right?

I think he was in that.

May have been.

Was he in it, Jamie?

I didn't watch a lot of Spike Lee.

Oh, he had some bangers in the early days.

Moe Betta Blues made me feel lazy.

Because I remember Denzel Washington would practice every day. You know, like he was an artist.
He would practice every day. And his girl was trying to fuck.
And he was like, no, no, no. I have to practice.
And I was like, wow, I wish I was like him. I wish I loved practice more than pussy.
I would think about that as a comic. Even when I was a professional comic in the early days, I didn't spend my whole day writing.
I was fucking off and playing pool and hanging out with my friends. You might be thinking of True Romance.
He was in that. No, no.
I thought it was a... Sorry, on Do the Right Thing.
His first movie was in 92. Oh, really? Interesting.
You're thinking of Danny Aiello? I don't know who I'm thinking of. Who am I thinking of? Go to Do the Right Thing cast.
Turturro? Maybe I'm thinking of Turturro. That is probably who you're thinking of, actually.
That is who I'm thinking of. It's hard to see in that picture, but he was younger.
That's crazy because he's younger. I mean, Michael's a lot younger.
But Zebrahead, yeah, he was like his whole thing. He's like a hip-hop guy.
That's right. So it's so funny that he plays this major role as role as like a white fucking white supremacist gotta take what you can get you know it's acting bro it is robert de niro really was a psycho and taxi driver no no maybe go watch that movie again whoa you know it's funny the building uh i lived in in new york on 57th street is the old taxi depot that they shot taxi driver in really and they keep Downstairs like where the gym and stuff is they have the sign still they keep the sign the original signs The parking lot that was a good movie That was a fucking great movie and if Robert De Niro just never a political speech.
I would think about him that way

You can't make a movie like that with a budget anymore

Well every movie with balls. It has to be an indie flick a hundred percent Yeah, or you have to be some beyond reproach director that they just let do whatever they want it like a Tarantino

There's no way

Once upon a time in Hollywood went through some sort of an executive focus group. Yeah, there's no fucking way he's killing women Smashing their head on a mantle Spoiler alert.
I mean dogs are eating dicks. What a brilliant what a brilliant ending though.
Oh, that movie's great. So good.
It's so good I love that. I don't know if I've seen that final scene where they flip history I've never had an audience in a movie theater like communally laugh like that since the Jackass movies.
Right. Jackass 2.
It was a cheering moment, too. That was a fucking great movie.
He's got all bangers. He's the only guy that I could say as a there's a few others.
You probably could put in that argument that have zero movies where I'm like. Oh, they have no.
Everything's's good Tarantino. There's not one that I can think of that wasn't David some crap I liked a movie that you have to try to figure out but when you can't figure it out and other people can't figure it out You're like this is just a hunk of shit there, right? Like you can't be so artistic that nothing makes James Cameron's on some fucking bangers do you watch like I've gone through on the road and watched like the 25 most disturbing movies of all time no I don't like being disturbed that much do you yeah I think so I mean I just kind of see how far people will go in a movie there's some I mean Serbian films the most notorious yeah there's some.
Like, who's that one, that evil clown that kills everybody and doesn't talk? The Terrifier? Oh, Terrifier, yeah, yeah. Bro, these movies are fucked up.
Yeah, but they can't be on purpose. Like, they're so over-the-top violence that it's silly.
There was a whole category of films. I was really into horror movies when I was young, and there was a whole category of films that were just gore films it was yeah they were called gore it was like a gore it was those guys will like chop women up with an axe and pull their guts out and rub them all over their face like fuck they also had excessive nudity in them oh those were the heart for the horror boxes at the video store that were bigger than everything else like those like I spit on your grave movies like that like the box was way bigger so you really had to walk up like a piece of shit I'm gonna watch this rape revenge movie with my other teenage friends thank you nothing like a good slasher rape revenge movie yeah there's so many movies are the fucking best why is that we're so dumb we like to just sit there and watch this guy kick everybody's ass yeah,, fuck him up.
Yeah, it's Robocop. Love it.
Yeah, fantasy. Did you ever see Sisu? No, I think it's my favorite.
It's next to John Wick. It's my favorite.
It's probably right up there with John Wick as my favorite revenge movie of all time. It's about a guy and the whole movie has no English in it.
It's in World War Two. Is it Finland? I think so.
And this dude is a soldier who retired from the war and became a gold miner and made a little score and was trying to get to the town with his score and he runs to the Nazis. And it's so fun.
It's so fun. Because you could tell this guy does not want to do this.
But he's got to kill everybody. And they all get cocky with him.
What do you think the mindset is? He got gold! Noice. So it turns out this guy was, like, famous in the war for being impossible to kill.
He has scars all over his body. He's like the absolute worst guy.
And they found him. And he kills everybody.
Spoiler alert. And it's fucking great.
It's just fun. What do you think the mindset is behind like a Liam Neeson,'s a movie that comes out almost bi-monthly of him getting revenge for something.
Hey, it's a living. Bruce Willis started doing that towards the end.
Bruce Willis at the end started doing that. Did he? Yeah, just movies that were just like two words or something.
Well, I think he was suffering from that illness for quite a while. You know what it is? It's called aphasia.
Yeah, yeah. It's dementia, right? It's not good.
Yeah, it's bad. It's real bad.
I don't know what causes it, whether it's genetic or what have you, but people, they slip away. And he might have, you know, towards the end.
I mean, he just goes, this guy. Yeah, he's got a lot of them.
What the hell am I to say?

They're all him with a gun.

It's all him with a gun.

And here's the thing.

That him with a gun shit started later in his life.

Yeah.

That's what's crazy.

He became like a guy who fucks people up in his 60s.

Yeah, he was Oscar Schindler.

How old is he now?

How old is he now?

He's 72 and he's fucking people up in movies.

Oscar Schindler.

Schindler's List. Bro, when you're 72, it's hard to get out of bed, you know, you're like oh When I saw Schindler's List it made me think of a now I give the prices of everything and amount of Jews I could have saved Like how much is this TV is about 12 Jews? It's um, what was that you just pulled up Jamie you were showing me remaking the naked gun they are with Neeson Yes, I don't know.
Well, there's a few movies that they've people have gotten a few AI things pass through and everyone takes is real Like I've seen it. Oh, right.
I've seen it. I believe those every day Yeah, I saw Keanu Reeves is Dracula and I was like really Right in like Keanu Reeves is gonna be Dracula now That's crazy because he was dracula movie back in the day and he was dracula's girlfriend's boyfriend they always get me with like a rob zombies remaking something you love they're always listening cool have you had him on yeah he was a cool guy to talk to he was i toured with him i've met him a handful of times he He's good friends with Tom Papa.
We've been introduced in that regard.

And whenever I see him, it's the blank of like, nope.

I went on stage right before him the entire tour.

And he has no recollection.

One time, this is a great story.

I was, we had tickets to go, or passes to go see Rob Zombie's, I think it was the Halloween, the original Halloween remake he did. Oh yeah.
And, uh, comedian Julian McCullough had these passes for us. It was going to be me, uh, Nate Bargazzi.
I'm trying to remember Dave Smith. Yeah, it was Dave Smith and Julian McCullough.
And I'd auditioned for a TV show the morning of that and It was the first audition I ever did that it went well but really well And I got it. I got the the part of the show was on for two years called Z Rock But they go this is how much acting is not my passion or something like that they go We need you to come back in at like Four for a table read we're going to do.
And all I thought was, I was like, shit, that Rob Zombie movie starts at like six o'clock. I was like, how long are we going to be here for? They're like, it's only been an hour or so when you get back here.
And it was going, it was running late when we got back there. So I told Nate Bargazzi to go, I'm like, hey, go down there and get in line, you know, to make sure we get into this thing.
I don't know if they're overselling it or not. And he goes, all right, so I get out of this thing and I'm rushing down.
We're walking to this movie theater and I call Nate. This is so defeating.
I go, hey, you're down there. He goes, I don't know if I'm at the right theater.
And I went, what do you mean? He goes, I mean, there's a big line for something. and I like go get in that line Nate and he was like oh that's it so we get there we're so far back in line there's no way we're getting into this movie and I'm like shit Julian's very handsome so we sent him up to kind of schmooze the girl up front no dice and then I see Rob Zombie walk into the diner next door and I go this might be our chance I we just are loosely connected and you know, maybe I can get him to remember and We go in there's my best interaction with him ever.
I go up. I go Hey Rob, I go Jay Oakerson ago.
We met it through Tom Papa before and Bob and he's like, oh, yeah And he shoots the shit with us for like five minutes and then I go well anyway man I'm really excited for the movie I hope we get in you know we're like super far back in line he goes you'll be fine just and then we and we did not get in a hot subway home together staring at Nate oh no you'll be fine yeah he goes yeah you'll be fine you'll be fine as I'm not going to help you. Yeah, it really wasn't.

He goes, this has been great, but leave me alone now.

The thing about it, though, is like, does he save tickets?

Like, does he have a block of tickets saved?

For sure.

For sure.

Not for the guy at the diner, though.

There's some people you just don't resonate with in the world, I think.

I don't know. Dave Chappelle is another one.
chapelle i've met over the last 25 years a dozen times i did some punch-ups on season one of uh chapelle's show he bumped me and kurt metzger off a weekend uh and the thing and we but we were there and we hung out with him there and every time i see him still it's just completely unfamiliar chris rock I do not make an impression with these people. I also shut down around celebrity.
Oh, maybe that's it So I'm not I can't inject my personality out of the gates In a situation where I'm like intimidated by like some I'm like I'm like where I go not intimidated I go man. I really want them to like me Isn't that weird because you know so many famous people but uh, but you know what I mean by wanting to like not like me But I go if I try to be funny and I whiff Right this sucks.
You just feel nervous, right? So I'm like I could just lay low and not take the risk of being not funny by accident That's hilarious It's hard there's one who intimidates you anymore? I mean, the people you have in here and just strike a conversation with is unbelievable. No, people don't intimidate me anymore.
They inspire me. Some people are fascinating.
They inspire me. Every time I have a big guest coming in that I don't know on me and Bobby Kelly on the radio show, and someone's coming in, I get like...
When they're like, all right, we're going to go get them alright wait okay go get them cause I'm like shit, what do we even start with? I used to be like that on Opie and Anthony yeah? Yeah when I'd go on Opie and Anthony and like they'd have famous guests there I'd be like holy shit you know that's this guy holy shit that's that guy yeah yeah that's weird the first time I went there I got bumped back to the couch for Ace Frehley there's a party but wow he's fucking free i met ace freely when i was a little kid really yeah my uncle was an artist and he was uh working for um this uh advertising agency in new york city where they made album covers so they made album covers for kiss so my uncle was one of the artists that made the album covers for a lot of the Kiss albums. No shit.
Yeah. So I was in his office hanging out with him during the day.
I was probably eight or something like that. I was fucking young, man.
And maybe I was a little older than that. I can't remember.
It's hard to remember. But I was a little kid.
It was pre-high school. And this guy walks in.
It was like, you. Just like a weird dude.
And he made some weird noise. Like, eh, eh.
It was real strange. And then everybody goes, hey, Ace.
Hey, Ace. And I was like, what? That's Ace Frehley with no makeup on? This is crazy.
You look old? And he signed a napkin for me.

Do you have it? Yeah. Well, no, I don't think

I have it anymore. Maybe my mom might have it.
I'll ask her.

I doubt it. It got

lost somewhere. But, uh,

it was the craziest thing. I was like, wow, that's

the famous guy with no makeup. Because everywhere

they went, people were, paparazzi

were always trying to catch them. You know, like

Gene Simmons would wear like a bandit's mask.

And they were always trying to catch them without their makeup on. a celebrity ever let you down like when you met them Not really no honestly.
No No, there's not like no no I've always worried about that like Marilyn Manson was always somebody I wanted to meet And then when he went through all this shit did not want to meet Stay away, but then I want to like I very much would like to me. I think he's such an interesting character But like I'm like you can oh I'm such a fan since I was a kid that I'm like this could only let me down somehow I met him.
He's very interesting. He's an artist.
Yeah. Yeah, he's a you know If you think of some of the songs he's made like beautiful people You don't make that unless you're out of your fucking mind like that's part of the that's part of the package No, you want brilliant fucking wild music.
You got to get a dude who's out of his fucking mind Do you have any theories on why people can't like classic amazing bands can't make a classic again? Comedians can still write their best joke, right and and it will be accepted Everyone's looking for that. What's the new thing? But like if Guns N' Roses got everybody back together again and sat in the room for three months They can't make Welcome to the Jungle again.
They're not the same guys You know that's part of the problem and then also part of the problem is I want to see Guns N' Roses in Athens. I saw him in Greece It was just a total coincidence.
I was there with my family and I ran into Axl Rose at a restaurant this is more recent real recent okay last summer or yeah like last summer the summer before last summer before last i guess and uh you know it's one of those weird moments like god i hope he knows who i am you know what i mean like i'm gonna go say hi i'm gonna be a dick and this is after my friend tried to say hi to him and he got shooed away uh so i went over to his table and he was like, well, hey man, what's up?

I'm like, phew.

I go, really nice to meet you.

I'm a huge fan of this night because we're doing a concert here tomorrow night.

You want to see him?

I'm like, fuck yeah.

And so my whole family went to see Guns N' Roses.

We were backstage watching.

It was amazing.

Three hour performance.

These guys are in their 60s.

They're fucking rocking hard.

I saw them on the new tour.

Three hours.

But the thing is they have so many hits.

If you want them to do all the songs you you love it's going to take a long time and if they're going to add new songs isn't it crazy too that it's essentially four albums crazy all of that from four albums bangers yeah you know they did great i was pretty impressed with uh from even again the age dude welcome to the jungle to'll hear that song and go, God damn, that was a fucking good song. I took my parents to see it in Madison Square Garden, and it was such a weird, I got so strange.
The things I get emotional about are ridiculous. I got teary-eyed emotional when it starts Welcome to the Jungle.
They start playing the riff, and I got immediately teary-eyed because it just took me back immediately to a time. It was like a time travel.
And I was like, holy shit, I'm like 11, 12 years old and got this album. And my mom was like, what is that shit, you know? And now my mom's like here with me watching them as a classic rock band.
What year did Welcome to the Jungle come out? 87, I want to say. 86.
I remember being right out of high school at the gym lifting weights the first time i heard it they were you know at the gym everybody would just play what's on the radio you know wcoz and you we were listening to the uh i think it was wbcn the rock of boston appetite for. Yep, so that was two years out of high school.
And I was like, wow, listen to this. Do you know the first time I heard it, and kind of backwards tracked it from there, I think it came out, pretty sure it came out first, was the movie Deadpool.
Oh, yeah. The Deadpool, Clint Eastwood.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And the scene was pre-famous Jim Carrey plays a rock star junkie, and they're shooting his music video, and the song they're using is Welcome to the Jungle.
Really? Yeah. You can see it's a pretty popular scene.
If you look that up, The Deadpool. The Deadpool, Jim Carrey.
When did Motley Crue come out with Kickstart My Heart? That's probably 86. That was my favorite workout song of all time.
Look at that. Jim Carrey.
That's Jim Carrey. Isn't it funny? Even though he's not being funny at all, it's like his movements are so Jim Carrey.
Like again, you don't get to be Jim Carrey unless you're out of your fucking mind. No, he's showing that now too.
You don't get to be that guy. You don't get to be Fire Marshal Bill unless you're out of your fucking mind.
I'll make a lot of concession for someone's process, but when I watched that documentary about him doing the Andy Kaufman movie and him coming into the makeup thing every day and really like screaming and bothering the shit of everybody. You see almost you see Judd Hirsch's face in the documentary like that's plenty.
We're good. I get it.
You have to get into your mode or whatever. But like, come on.
Apparently he would go nutty if he fucked a scene up and like smash things. Yeah, exactly.
And it's like this is not that was not his personality

when he was talking out of his ass cheeks you know i mean or when he was doing vanilla ice on in living color you know i mean like that's what's that personality shift where you become a guy who's kind of like rude to interviewers and stuff like that like strange well i think when you're trying to get into a character there's like a thing that the some of these guys do where they are just that guy the whole time like when when Who was it that played Lincoln? Daniel Day-Lewis Daniel Day-Lewis right? Yeah, so when Daniel Day-Lewis was playing Lincoln He was apparently Lincoln. Yeah, they said all day long all the time Yeah, so if you're playing and you shouldn't let me you shouldn't let him eat modern foods then that's.
Here's your mutton, Mr. Lincoln.
Right. You got to go full old school.
Shit. In a hole in the ground, sir.
We're having Chilean sea bass. You, a bowl of gruel.
Some deer jerky. Yeah.
And no teeth, no toothbrushes. Yeah.
We haven't figured out toothbrushes yet. When do they figure out toothbrushes? That that's a good question like when do people start brushing their nasty fucking teeth imagine what breath smelled like in like the 1500s my producer brings it up all the time uh because he watches a lot of like period p shows like that and even like the uh like peaky blinders what does those old shows they always they always have like attractive people in these like the deadwood times like deadwood and then the girl you know she'll like lift her skirt up you're like god i bet it smells like a fucking murky dungeon down there and then when she bathed and then all there's no shower so they have to just bathe in it and just hope that whatever's in there washes to the surface what did people smell like back then i mean it's like prostitutes stuff you go it's like best they could do? And by the way, they probably smelled better than the people living in the cities.
The people living in the cities were all just using public outhouses. The cities were filled with shit from horses.
It's like, oh. Coming home and kissing your wife at the end of the day is just a...
You're tracking shit everywhere. And so is your dog and so are your cats.
Everyone's tracking shit all over house all over your tables there's shit everywhere yeah just wooden floors with dirt all over them shit and just little little scabs of shit everywhere there's just shit everywhere you go and everyone has smallpox that's why yeah no one kid and if your wife if your husband died you have to marry his brother That's why anybody talking about the good old days shut your stupid mouth This is the good old days with basic hygiene. Yeah books and medicine and shit.
What the fuck are you talking about? Oh, I wish I lived back in the 1600s when I died if I broke my ankle now, but if I could have picked Again for the so hard because like moving backwards like, I would take all the technology of now, of course. Well, you can't go anywhere.
Then you can't make it like a hybrid deal. No, no, it's not a hybrid deal.
But if I was saying, if I have to just let go of that and see what the most fun time would have been to be like a teenager in 20s, 70s, I think. Just listening to Ambrosia.
Fucking, you could wear a silk shirt on ironically. We were all real confused if you were chubby.
No, it even cared chubby guys got Pussy in the 70s if you had a beard did they as long as you had a beard and some long You knew how to get cocaine. Yeah, and if you don't get cocaine I grow a long pinky nail So people wouldn't know my house was the party spot Yeah, that used to be a thing you see a guy with a long pinky That long pinky nail was like oh that guy parties that was like when there's a bad guy in the movie had a long long pinky nail yeah which is so gross that's so disgusting we think what what that's how bad people want cocaine they'll snort it off some stinky fucking fingernail oh yeah i went to a i did a gig opening for bobby Slayton years ago at the West Palm Improv the old West Palm Improv and that was a great room the guy yeah the wide shallow one and I forget the name is Joey something was the guy who hosted but he was like local local legend this guy and he brought us back to his head he's like he took us to the strip club and it was like everyone knew him kind of thing.
Yeah. And then brought girls back to his house.
And I am always impressed with the level of like a person who carries their morbid obesity with like a not give a shit and also have no care that the girls are going to suck his dick or fuck him because he's got coke. Do you know what I mean? Like, I'm bad at the like fuck me for something thing, and like, but this guy, we went back to his house, I mean, his underwear and like a robe open, do you know what I mean? With all these girls around, just giving him coke and shit was wild, but he had a cabana in the back of his house.
But the most interesting thing about him that I found out was the next day, he wanted to

take me somewhere to eat.

So he picked me up, and he was a narcoleptic.

And every time there was a red light, he'd fall asleep and snore.

And he's driving?

Not just fall asleep, snore.

And he's driving?

Yeah, and you have to acknowledge it.

You got to go like, hey, man.

Oh, my God.

Hey, you okay? And he just never acknowledged it. He'd go, yeah, yeah, go.
Yeah, I'm good and he's going as soon as he had a red like Like loud aggressive snoring now is the second narcoleptic or does he have severe sleep apnea? Because if he's a big fat guy he's probably never Rested eyes closed head goes from the shoulder instantly instantly What is narcolepsy from? Like, do, like, healthy people have narcolepsy? Like, is there any athletes that have narcolepsy? They said Ron Jeremy was the person who had it, and... He's another guy who's big and fat.
Yeah, he came to the cellar one time with a Dennis Hoff guy, which, uh, yeah. That was a guy of the people, like, quote-unquote celebrities who would come in that I could never pay, Homage to and have like the thing was they didn't want to meet was like a Dennis Hoff The the white of the bunny house.
Yeah, I don't know why it was so celebrated I know it's like it's legal but like I don't see his personality is kind of skeevy as shit Well, there was a weird time where for whatever reason they were kind of celebrating pimps and prostitutes.

Like, do you remember Pimps Up, Hoes Down? Sure. Yeah, I mean, that was like a famous documentary.
Mr. White Folks.
Mr. White Folks, yeah.
He was the best. Yeah, I watched all those.
But they were like celebrated. And then there was American Pimp.
Remember that film? Yeah. It's weird.
Well, that was like small window of like Pro-sexuality and go be whores girls and then it immediately became me too That's what that happened. It was weird though because it was the exploiters of those women It wasn't like it's okay to be a prostitute It was it's cool to be the man who exploits all these women and get something to go be prostitutes for him I think it took 20 some years for people to realize that Joe Francis was a terrible guy You know I mean he was celebrated as as hell.
I just heard a Howard Stern clip the other day we had Joe Francis on I'm sure if you asked about Joe Francis now He'd be like what a terrible piece of shit But when girls gone wild was a thing everyone was just like who cares how it gets done Yeah, that, right? Like, Girls Gone Wild. That's how, when the internet wasn't around, you could buy tapes of drunk girls at the bar flashing their boobs.
Yeah. You'd pay for it.
Yep. You'd pay for it.
Yeah. And it had, like, a production value.
Oh, you'd pay for it, and then you were part of a subscription service that- Is that what it was? Yeah, and then every month it would be like, Girls Gone girls on campus too and girls covered in bubbles was it one of those things where they trick you into subscribing yeah it's columbia house like oh columbia house for titties yeah yeah crazy oh i've ruined columbia house and me have ruined the uh credit of my all my pets in my life they get in your credit columbia house got in your I'm saying you just put you send the penny and you put right You put your cat's name down and then they just send you ten CDs What was the checks and balances on none? I always thought that that was a fluff up scheme for the record business where they could say they sold more records than they did That's possible. That's actually not a bad move Kind of a good move if you want to get a gold record or a platinum record.

Sell as many as you can.

When it went up to a dollar, send a dollar is where it stopped.

Enough, guys. I'm willing to give you a penny.

Yeah, to me a dollar really was like, no, I just usually tape a penny to a postcard.

What a concept, too. Tape penny here, it said.

It was the dumbest concept ever. You give them one penny, and if you give them give them one penny They give you a bunch of CDs and you're supposed to give them money You're like what you get to pick them.
Yeah. Oh, yeah, you pick your first time.
It was my taking it was my before I had a porn magazines readily available to go into a bathroom or Anywhere where there was a bathroom where I felt I could quietly look at porn magazines. It was the TV guide, take the TV guide in the bathroom, do the crossword puzzle, and then pick my 10 CDs for a penny.
Because it was always an insert on the TV guide. That's right.
It was the postcard. Yep.
Tape a penny here. And you send it in and all of a sudden you get cassette tapes are in the mail.
Oh boy. Yeah.
Oh boy. It was so great.
But isn't it a smart move on their part? Because it probably introduced people to a lot of music.

Because if you think about it, you're only listening to the radio.

The radio is only playing what they play.

And they can only play so many songs.

Right?

And if it's a hit, they're going to play that hit over and over again.

You're going to hear this.

And there's Rolling Stones.

There's Led Zeppelin.

You know, a lot of time for other music.

No. So this is a good way, even if you're giving it away to people, which mostly are.
Like, what percentage, let's find this out. What percentage of people actually paid for their Columbia record and tapes? I think adults would definitely end up paying for it, because I think the deal was, you're giving them your address.
Right. So whatever the fake name you put down, they're billing.
I don't remember them chasing me at all. I didn't feel it, but what they would do, though, is send you more.
They would send you, like, I'd get, like, a CD every month that I wasn't picking. It reached its peak in 94.
It accounted for 15.1% of all CD sales. Yeah.
It had 10 million members. You became a member of a club.
That was kind of what was happening. Right.
What percentage people paid them? them well that I mean It doesn't say it on here, but if you think about just that that's almost like more radio right you're putting the song on the radio for free You're sending out these sets even if people don't pay that music's getting out there They're gonna maybe buy another Rolling Stones record or tickets to see the Rolling Stones Well, you would he put in complain about being part of Columbia House I don't feel like but it's like remember when you know as like Metallica getting furious about Like LimeWire and Napster and those things but it's like it is sort of the same thing like you're sacrifice But but it was it came from a time though where the money was from the recording you read Yeah touring but it wasn't taking away for the money of the recording because you couldn't you know Like it wasn't that many people doing it when it became something you could just download onto your computer that got weird Sure, and then record sales dropped off a cliff So they were right in the rock that you can stop it like you can't you couldn't stop it right once like they were trying to Like put fingers into a broken dam There's no way like you got to get the buck out of the way Like you can't once it's on the internet when things are on the internet you can't say it's stealing to download it to your fans You can't do any you just got to realize all the world just changed the people stay let's stand off for a while too like was it Maynard did not want to go on a Apple music or Spotify or anything forever I think Garth Brooks didn't either right Kid Rock didn't for a long time and then a lot of them would try to go and like I'm gonna do my own Apple music no one gives a shit that right yeah title did that work I don't you know it's interesting when I talked to Kevin Hart in Montreal some years back and he was buying up He was buying up things for the LOL Network That he was starting which was like I guess an internet network and They made all this news because when he did the pitch show where they were pitching Ideas for his network. He apparently in the room bought like four or of them.
And when I saw him that night, I was like, are these five shows you saw today? They're like definite shows. And he was like, no, but it gets your press.
You know what I mean? And he was telling me kind of like the whole thing of it. He goes, but the idea of he was saying he was doing with that, I'm like, are you going to run a network now? And he was like, no, you want to build it until it becomes competitive and then another company

comes along goes can we give you money just to go away is the idea you know so it's like the idea is that he wants like netflix to buy oh how weird lol or something like that so it's just building a good business move but i don't do you know absolutely but i think you think like that no i have no business acumen whatsoever yeah that's a weird business acumen to have but i'm also but probably But probably effective. I'm, you know, blown away by...
You know, I watch you when you talk to Bert sometimes about that, about his, like, employment of so many people. Yeah.
And everything, like, which is great. He's got a great thing over there.
But, like, production company... I feel like the...
When you get a lot of money sometimes, which is impressive that you haven't done this, it's like you want to do almost, like well I'm a producer of things and now it's like this or other businesses that you want to like Start that are outside of comedy like is that what your thing was always like it was never mind like to be like a business owner anything or some kind of like You know where I was have products or something I think what happens is once guys realize the amount of money that they can make they want to just make more sure It just becomes a numbers thing. You just you see it.
You're like, oh my god I can't believe I'm making this much money But if I did this then I make even more but I'd rather give a friend Like some capital to like do their special then over you know I mean unless I was taking a job in it like I'm gonna direct this and see if I can do that you know but just like the idea of Like I'm taking in like I have to take a meeting for a sketch show that wants to be on my network today I'm like You only have so much bandwidth sure and this is what I think people Fail to think about like you you you require time to do everything your time is limited Like you really have to think if you, oh, I could fit it in. Oh, I could do this.
Oh, I to do everything. Your time is limited.

Like you really have to think if you, oh, I could fit it in. Oh, I could do this.
Oh, I could do that. Sure you can.
But then there's no you time at all. And then you're running on fumes.
And when there's no you time and you're running on fumes, you're not the best version of yourself. So you got to know like where you're at.
You got to know where you're at like in terms of like your sanity. Like if you're working all the time, five different jobs constantly and you're never home, you sleep till fucking seven in the morning and then you're up gone all day and fucking going, going, going, going, going, going, going.
You don't have alone time. If you don't have alone time, you don't even know how you feel about things.
But you also get to odd things like my alone time. I look at is like the hotel With the hotel room just watching the bullshit that I want to watch on YouTube and doing it like that It is strange when I think I want to be like off and like a stationary for a while Like I feel like the day there's like a day here and there where it's like morning till night I just have nothing I have to do.
It's rare But when it happens that day, I tend to not be in a great mood. I don't know why.
Well, it's because what you do, you love and it's fun. That's the thing.
Like if you're doing something all day long and it's just like business stuff and it's just for money and it's not something you love, that's a different vibe, right? That's like a hustle vibe. I'm going to get these numbers up and get this going and I'm a fucking, I'm a worker and I'm going to grind or I'm going to show you because look, I got this now and then I got that now.
See, I'm gonna get these get these numbers up and get this going and I'm a fucking I'm a worker and I'm gonna grind or I'm gonna show you because look I got this now and then I got that now see I'm grinding But as if it's a virtue I always try to say this is a very important thing that people need to hear Just because it's hard to do doesn't mean it's good to do There's a lot of things that are hard to do that you don't necessarily want to do. I don't want to climb Mount Everest.
It's hard to do. But doesn't mean it's good to do.
It might be good to do for you because you need to prove to yourself that you can do this extremely difficult thing. But people are dead.
There's a bunch of dead bodies up there. That's not a good thing to do.
Yeah. To me, in my opinion.
There's a lot of stuff like that in life. And just because you can do things, I'll show everybody that I work harder than everybody else.
Like, maybe you shouldn't. Sure.
Like, you need balance. You need balance in this life.
And that's hard to get once you start. When you start making money, the big fear is, what if it all goes away? 100%.
And you start clutching. You start having famine instincts.
You're like, oh, my God, what if it all goes away? So then they start doing things that you think will ensure that it doesn't go away Well, it's that feeling if you feel like you're running a scam yes, because also it's something especially with stand-up Putting a price on things is so strange when you're like well. I've done it For more than anything.
I've done it for free. Yeah, then second most I've done it for Pennies, you know, I mean, so it's like the same it's interesting to be like well, I've done it for free.
Yeah. Then second most, I've done it for pennies.
Do you know what I mean? So it's interesting to be like, well, I've done the same job for $50 that I've done for $100,000. Do you know what I mean? Like it's strange, like it's a strange place to be.
And so, and you do feel like, well, what's it going to take until I'm back to like, you know, hey, you want to come do $100? I still get affected. And it's just Young Comics being Young Comics.
I don't mind it. But as long as I've been doing it, I know they just want you to come do their show, but they're like, hey, man, I do it Tuesdays at the stand at 6 p.m.
Like, Levy can throw you $100 and stuff like that. And you're like, why do you think I'm going to come? And why are you naming the money? If he just asked me to do the show, I'd be less hurt if you were like, I got a hundred bucks for you, too.
Like, great. Like, that feels weird.
They're kids. Right.
Yeah, right. And when you're a kid, a hundred bucks is real, so it's real to him.
Oh, shit. Things I've done for a hundred bucks.
Yeah. So it's like real money.
It's like, oh, a hundred dollar gig in town? Great. Yeah.
And so he doesn't know any better yet No, no for sure. And like I said, I'm not insulted.
They want you on the show. That's great.
It's just the idea that you're like $100 isn't gonna sell me dude. Don't say that well I think he's just let you know he'll give you something and sure oh great I'll go down there.
I know I say I'm there I never write back like I mean that would be I'm not like that with young comics So at all I'm so bad at like It's my the tough time I have with kill Tony I love doing it and I always have a great time But like the initial like just going at somebody like I feel like I'm like especially if I want to come out of the gates And make fun of them. I almost have to have the look over of like I'm just fucking around Yeah, I know it's so difficult what you're doing right now a minute of comedy under the stress of how big that show is now.
And for some of them, it's the first time they've ever gone on stage. There were some guys, the first time they ever went on stage, they went on stage in Madison Square Garden.
Yeah, that's fucking crazy. 16,000 people and they followed Dice.
Like, what are you talking about? Look at your phone for notes. Hang on, Madison Square Garden.
You barely can get to the one minute mark. What you practice in the mirror is just everything's falling apart.
Oh, yeah. The running out of time, that was the funniest.
Like, well, this is three minutes of material or 30 seconds if it doesn't go the way, I think. Cricket, cricket, biggest To me I felt like the biggest milestone in comedy the action of it I mean was not being afraid of quiet like the crowd being dead silent Even if I said something that I thought was funny and they're still dead silent not not being Like frazzling you know, right? I don't get shaken by that That's common a lot of big sets a lot of sets where he killed so you like I know I'm good That's what it is.
It has to believe thing. It's like I haven't it's also like I haven't conveyed it right then Yeah, but it's me probably but like they're not just getting what I'm thinking if they if they just saw my thoughts right now They'd get how funny this is.
Well, here's the thing too The you know you're gonna run into a jazz crowd every now and then you know sure like when you go to see music you go to see a band you go to see rock and roll you go to whatever club you're gonna go you go to the whiskey it's a rock band you know we know we're gonna go see this blues guy we know we're gonna see a country guy you go see comedy you could get taylor swift you could get get ACDC. You get anything.
You can get all kinds of shit. You can get the Pixies.
You can get all kinds of shit when you go see comedy. There's so many different styles.
To call it one thing is kind of weird. And you could be a rock and roll guy and you're on stage in front of a jazz crowd.
Oh, yeah. And they don't want your bullshit.
They don't like how loud you're being. Why moving so much no it's what we're here to snicker you know i i stopped putting in at one point for the the small room at the stand when i was in town for the weekends because and this is no fault of uh theirs i know they're just booking me because i'm home and they want me on the shows that i can do but they would put those shows they would book the like the the tick-tock like celebrity girls like girl comics that were brand new in comedy but drew the audience and they was and they're also young enough in comedy that they're posting their spots oh my god you know I mean like if you want to see my schedule is like here so the room is filling up for them and I'd go up I mean the second i get on stage you'd see the face and groans of like just like uh a man's gonna come what lay it out now and i would even try to play with that idea do you know i mean like explain what's going on in the room and they would just they and then my last one ever doing up there there was an asian girl in the front row that I was fucking with, like going back and forth with her.
But she was great. She was like into it.
She was laughing and she was busting balls back a little bit, which was fine. You know, she was kind of like playing around with it.
And then I see another girl, you know, 22 years old or whatever, 23 going into her phone. And I was like, oh, I lost you already.
I go, I lost you. And she goes, uh, maybe it has something to do with the Asian girl thing.
And I was like, what? He goes, you called her Asian girl. I was like, wait, but she's fine.
I go, are you, you're getting upset on her behalf and she's fine. And she was like, yeah.
And I was like, that's retarded. And then a lady in the back of the room stood up lady a girl and Literally clutched her jacket together and went you just said the R word and I went the manager was in the room And I was like you take me off the schedule the rest of this weekend up here I go I'm not even mad at this crowd.
I'm like They you have to give this crowd what they were if you put on a three-week open mic gay comic up here right now He'd murder Like read the room of what you're booking. You know, I mean it's like you have to see what's happening It's like you're putting me up there.
This isn't fun for me And it's not fair to that like right they've been sold a show That's not what I do right so I don't have any kind of like gripe on them Just like don't put me on those shows. Yeah, you shouldn't be on that show on that show.
You're fucking up. Your audience is actually going to like the club less because they think I'm the piece of shit that's always here.
But then there's another argument where you got to kind of do all kinds of crowds. Of course.
Because if you only do your own crowd. Like one of the things that happens to guys is they start doing theaters and they do real well.
And then they bring a lame opening act and then they're only playing to their crowd. Oh, yeah.
And you see the drop off. You see this like weird creativity drop off.
You see the weird impact. They're not killing as hard.
Everything's a little fake and forced. And it's pretty noticeable and normal.
It's like normal. It happens a lot.
If you're not doing clubs. Well, I was going to say if you're in theaters, you're removed from the audience.
You got to mix it up You have to be doing little little room sometimes. I think it's like if you're an athlete you have to lift weights You know what I mean? I think there's there's something to that.
Oh, yeah. I like to go Do crowds that aren't my crowds plenty, you know, I mean I mean, uh, but I mean just different sizes too, right? Oh, yeah Without a doubt.
Yeah Sometimes like one of the great things about the store was like you could come in there on an off night like a tuesday night and do like a 1 a.m. set and when you're doing a 1 a.m.
set there's like 25 fucking people in the room and you you just like you get to and they've seen everything they've seen five hours of fucking stand-up they came from kansas they've seen five hours of comedy and most of the audience is gone. It's a shame From a comics perspective, I know from a business perspective.
It's great, but like the comedy seller Like it's funny for people to not even Know anymore or remember there was a time when I got into the comedy seller There was still when you went on at two o'clock in the morning. There could be 15 people in the audience right now it's show lets people out another show another show so it.
So it's like it's always sold out and packed. But there was something to that.
That was kind of like, that was the training ground. I go up after Dave Attell almost every night of the week in front of 15 people.
It was like, that was great training. You do need that for sure.
And I still need that. It's not so much that.
I'm just saying, I said take me out of that room because it's always this audience and it's just like You're putting them through a thing. They don't need to be put through right downstairs Downstairs isn't my audience either.
I'm just like just put me in the room where it's not been sold is this one thing, right? Well, that's that's the problem with like some clubs that have restrictions on what you could say on the stage Like why no no no you just can't book this guy Right like there's a club. Where is it and is it in Portland or Seattle? There's some club that these guys got to Duncan got to and he sent me a photo of a list of all the things that you can't talk about We don't tolerate at this club.
We don't tolerate racism sexism transphobia like okay. I wonder if it's the one that Like I don't I don't know what it is.
We probably don't even need to say the name. Oh, I don't know the name of the place.
I don't know the name of the place, but there was a. But just don't book people.
You know what the fuck they do. And don't book anybody that's not you.
If you have a specific crowd you're trying to cater to, that's your prerogative. No problem with that.
Sure Book the comedians that fit don't don't like have a list of shit someone can't say once they get there like also raise assume that if you're booking somebody though that you'd have put those rules for it's like you have to like I always like that thing. It's like trust the comic to be like a professional not that they'll always come through in that regard but like You know you could put you can put me on stage anywhere and assume it's not going to end with me being like, fuck you, fuck you with the audience.
You know what I mean? Like, we'll get out of it. Right, you'll have fun.
Relatively pleasant. Well, you're a guy that's very flexible on stage, which is just a huge benefit.
You can always fuck around with people and engage with the crowd. Sure.
Like, you're so good at it. You're one of the best in the business at it, for sure.
Oh, thank you, man. you're really good at it, but it's also fun and jovial.
You know how to tie it all together That's a giant skill if you're doing a bunch of different kinds of rooms and different kinds of places But when when a club owner or someone says that you can't breach certain topics Because that's what you're saying if you're saying we don't tolerate racism Listen, listen, I don't either. But that's not what jokes are.
And there's a way to touch on race that a super ultra sensitive person would say is racism. And another person who's more objective would say, no, this is just making fun of the differences we all have.
And how crazy it is that we would think that anyone is superior to the others. There's ways to do that.
And to say that, you know, that's racism, we don't tolerate racism. Like, well, what did you, what do you call it? So you can't just define what the, you can't define hate speech because that's your definition and you force me to go with your definition.
Yeah. It can't be opinion based.
It can't. So you just got to let people speak freely and then you decide who you book or don't book, but know what the fuck they do.
That's part of your job. Part of your job as someone who books a fucking theater is okay.
If you have a theater, you own the theater. You don't want anybody come performing that doesn't meet your expectations.
That's great. One of the funniest things is I'm always blown away by is

the people in the audience who

Are hating the show which is fine that happens, you know some people come and they didn't know what they were coming

Usually going into sure girlfriends get dragged yeah cast fan, which I also tend to like take their side if I see that happening

I try to do that. I'm like, why do you make you come?

You know, why do you put you through this kind of thing?

Yeah is a is how I will usually approach that. But when you see those faces, when they, if someone like that gets shitty and stuff, I'm always surprised how aggressive they are when they realize they're the minority.
Right. You know what I mean? It's like, I don't know, because you suck and you're not funny.
It's such a funny thing to shift How much you can make that person an enemy of the room by just going she's saying all of you are stupid as shit Because you're laughing at it then just they'll hate her for you Well, there's always gonna be a you suck and you're not funny person in the world Yeah, well that's a skill you have to get that poor girl that poor girl in a That had the video of her skitsing out on the guy in the audience oh yeah um that was that was on people piled on on her which was actually fucked up wow she was getting like death threat i mean why would you death threaten someone who had a bad time on stage it seems weird but she but again that's the that's the situation of um getting an audience uh before you're ready to handle all situations because Because the thing about that was the heckle in that video is, I mean, heckling 101, like the thing you should be able to handle is someone going, you're not funny. I'm funny.
You want me to tell the joke? Like, give me the microphone. This is all like, I said, these are the lobs they throw you at a pitching practice, you know, the batting practice to fucking do crowd work.
It's of karate Yeah, it's like they're saying you suck and you're not funny. Yeah, come on, you know right away You could see him.
He's right in the front. Yeah, like you could pick him apart Visually or ask him a few questions make him look dumb.
There's just ways to but She wasn't composed because she was leaning into that with like why I got this whole crowd behind me But it just looks like a lunatic. When she put it out into the world, everyone's like, you're crazy.

And this crowd.

She put it out herself?

Yes.

That's the only reason I thought it was fair to talk about it at all.

Yeah.

Well, you know.

If it was someone filming her and being like, look at this dumb bitch or something, I would be.

I don't know if I would have went at it.

Because I'd be like, if I had talked about it, I would be like, it's fucked up that somebody did that.

Like you're posting her fucking. Although that said, I mean mean I've watched Pablo Francisco fall off stage 7,000 times What's that what's that sir? What's that said? Yeah, I've seen that too poor Pablo Funny dude though so funny motherfucker.
Yeah, man. The thing about that girl is like She ran into all of the fuck you you're not funny people in the world Right, so if you have a crowd of 200 people and you got one fuck you you're not funny girl That's one thing but if you scale that out to the entire internet that is so many fuck you You're not funny people and those the ones are gonna comment You know, there's plenty of people that saw that video, like you and me, who were like, oh god.
But you didn't comment. No.
So who's commenting? The fuck you, you're not funny people. So when there's 30 million people seeing a video, you're going to get 13,000 plus fuck you, you're not funny people who post constantly.
So they're just going to post 10, 15 times. They're going to be arguing with people in the comments telling you how you should kill yourself Yeah, yeah, you gotta hide you can't and most people don't most people go online and they read all the things like Oh my god, what are they saying about me? You gotta just get offline.
Well, then there was another I think an Asian girl doing an open mic who they had a video her like throwing shit around and smashing stuff Well, she's fighting the patriarchy so let her let her lash out but just i almost wonder remember that was the fear they were like people try to create viral moments so heckling will become like people go to comedy clubs like i'm gonna heckle and make a moment yeah it's also a thing about like comics that are just trying to find a uh like a lose their shit moment on stage also oh wow do you know i mean like uh yeah with? Yeah. Not even for a thing.
Not trying to keep it funny, but let me go at somebody really hard. You know what I mean? Yeah.
Well, some people are just socially retarded, and they think they're really good at it, and they're just not. They're not really good at communicating.
They think they are. And then they're screaming at the fucking, fucking...
Fake anger is hilarious. Fake anger is the best.
Especially when it's a joke that's been told for like 10 years. And you're like, you can't be pissed about this anymore.
You know what the craziest viral moment was ever in comedy? Heather McDonald making jokes about vaccines and then blacking out. Blacking out and banging her head.
I only say this because she's okay. But I think she cracked her skull.
I think she fractured her skull. I mean, her head fucking bounces off that hard stage.
And it looked to the audience like this was like a pratfall. Oh, yeah.
This is a part of the bit. The timing was so good that it looked like a bit.
Yeah. That she was talking about.
And then they were like, oh. Oh, my God.
She really did just black out. Yeah, they almost laughed for a second.
Like, okay, Heather, that's plenty. That's good.
Historians will study that video. They might be proof of the simulation.
That video might be proof of the simulation. Because it just doesn't make sense.
Unless God has some amazing sense of humor. Some amazing sense of humor.
That's a good... My favorite stage moment on, it's still that classic, this is before YouTube and stuff, the look of these biceps guy at the Boston Comedy Club.
Did you ever see that? I didn't see that one, no. What happened? It's an open mic.
He's definitely, you find out through the video, he's getting heckled by a girl who also went on stage, but she did well. You know, she has her friends there, clearly.
And so she did well, and this guy's just like, his comedy is all written. He came out of the gates, you know when you kind of fake alpha on stage right away? Oh, no.
So he's just, he's got these jokes. It's like, one's like a racist joke he tells at one point.
And it's just his whole personality is just, he gives off a vibe for sure so he sucks and this girl in the audience sucks and when he can't take any more of her heckling he just goes it's just something about you can't even get a girl he goes you think I can't get a girl look at these biceps and it's so it's such a break and he means it he mean if you look up look at these biceps you'll find it pretty easily. Imagine if that's all it took.

It's so old, but this is the old Boston Comedy Club in the village.

Oh, that's funny.

That place was great.

That place was, yeah.

This guy?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, he looks crazy.

Hey, girl.

Look at my fucking bicep.

You think I can't meet a girl?

Oh, my God.

Anyway, before I snap and start throwing stools all over the place, I found this over 10 years old So it's it's that looks late 90s early Android phone actually no no actually no it wasn't it was the 2000s because it was called comedy village that point still they changed the name So it was the early 2000s. So that's the old Boston Comedy Club.
Mm-hmm Wow I was working in that place back when Neil Brennan was a door guy. Yeah, I became friends with Neil when he was a door guy It's hilarious Kevin was already rolling Kevin Brennan, I don't know.
Oh Kevin Brennan was yeah, he was around then. I think he was already doing stand-up then.
Well, Kevin was the first one to do stand-up. Oh, for sure.
Yeah, he was definitely way before Neil. And then Neil, yeah, yeah, yeah.
That place was a great club. That's where the first club I started at, too.
Oh, what a great little club that was. The Barry Katz.
Yeah. All the clients worked there.
Were you a Barry Katz client ever? No, never. Steered clear? No, I've just been with the same manager since I was an open miker.
No shit. Yeah Wow Back in Boston.
Well, he found me in Boston. He was a New York guy.
That's why I moved to New York. No shit I wasn't even supposed to go on stage that night Oh, so lucky because I would have panicked and I would have choked I didn't know he was in the room I had no idea so he had come he was he used to manage Bob Nelson remember Bob Nelson Yeah, hell Nelson? Yeah.
Hell yeah. So Bob Nelson, uh, he became very Christian and he was going to have his, his Bible partner, his, his guy become his manager.
He had this guy that they were brothers in Christ. And so Sussman was looking for new clients and he thought he saw everybody that he could see in New York at the time.
And so he had a good friend that was taking a trip to Boston. And so he went with him and he said, I'm going to, you know, set up some shows at some of these comedy clubs.
So they had all the local Boston headliners, like big name guys from the town would all perform for him. And I was working driving limos at the time.
And I, while I was driving driving I would come up with some of my best ideas sometimes because you know you didn't listen to the radio just drive because you couldn't listen to the radio where you had clients yeah and so some of my best ideas came from just driving around I had this fucking idea I'm like oh my god I think this would work and so I called up my friend who was the manager and I said hey dude do you think I could get a guest spot tonight and he's like yeah absolutely so he hooks me up I have no idea I go downstairs this guy who's becomes my manager is walking out of the room to go to another club which is down the street and he hears me killing and so he comes back downstairs and he watches my whole set and I would have never done what I did how long you do a comedy at this point Three years that's fast. Yeah three years so um But I was pretty I had some good sex jokes I had some great jokes that would kill and I would have never done them if he was in the room Oh, because everybody had to be clean back then that was like you you got to be clean.
You got to be clean. And I was like.
You had good success in like acting stuff. Was that your, when you got into it was, I know when I got into it, what I thought was interesting was I started to do stand up comedy.
It took me a long time to realize that I love broadcasting. I think it scratches the same itch for me.
Broadcasting is whatever. But I didn't never got into it to act or all these different other things.
So as soon as you get into it especially when you have a manager you just see the industry unfold you see everyone's like you don't have a commercial agent you got to go out and audition for commercial all these things that i was like supplementary that i was like yeah instead of doing that i'm just going to keep doing the black circuit because i can make some money there like i was getting a couple bucks you know enough to survive uh on shows then I'll just go hang out at the mainstream rooms at night and meet all the comics and get on when I can get on. But it was never...
I would not go so many times until I'm like, I don't fucking... Yeah, I did a couple of those.
I don't want it. And I ended up sitting on a show for two years.
And it was a great experience in hindsight, but like... What show did you get on? It's called Z-Rock.
It was an IFC show. What was great about it for me was because it was the Curb Your Enthusiasm style writing.
Oh. So we got to say whatever we wanted really.
And it was cursing and there was no problems with that. Oh, wow.
So it was a very fun show to do in that regard, but it just wasn't my... Wasn't your thing.
In fact, when I was doing it, I would still go like three of the nights a week. We do five shows.
Every other night, I would still go do a spot at the cellar, and she was giving me 2 a.m. spots.
And I'd have to be on set at 7 a.m., you know, 6 a.m. sometimes.
And when they would get like, you know, I would take naps in between like scenes or whatever, and they would be like, why are you going and doing like stand-up so late i'm like oh because this show will not be forever and there is 50 people waiting to jump in my spot there yeah i mean i'm i'm established there right now so it's like i when this goes away that's the thing that's still going to be there yeah and so i i definitely made sure as i said but also i didn't want to really be an actor well in the 90s 90s, it was just a money thing. You know, it was everybody.
There was two things that everybody wanted. As if you were a comic.
A deal. No, you wanted to be the head of a sitcom or you wanted to host The Tonight Show.
Those are the two things that everybody wanted, which is why Jay Leno. People to this day don't understand.
Like, why did Jay Leno want The Tonight Show so bad that he was, like, hiding in the closet? And, you know, that whole you know that whole story where they're negotiating yeah yeah and you know he just they scratched and clawed and everybody was mad at him because he took it from conan remember that like well because he went back because conan's ratings weren't as good that all that craziness was that was the golden carrot at the end of the stick everybody wants like so in our minds everybody wanted to host the tonight show or you wanted to be jerry seinfeld yeah so that was what you got like and so these people came there and that's all the industry talked about because that's where all the money was that's what your agent wanted you to do that's where all the money was and everybody's just pushing you in that direction well yeah that's what it is it was like it was a but it was a push in that direction because it was like you're but it's an an antiquated idea that comes from the time of like everyone in entertainment was like a triple threat. I watched something a while ago that was a...
Like a Jamie Foxx. Right.
But even to go back to like the Sinatras and they said a Barney Miller, Hal Linden, there's videos of him like singing on... He went on like talk shows as a singer.
Wow. Because everyone had to dance.

You were like a showman.

Right.

There was no focus in one direction.

Yeah, so the idea that you were like,

I came into comedy as a mega fan of stand-up comedy.

I loved all of it.

I didn't even draw lines on,

you know, there's people I like more than others,

and Dice was my guy for sure when I was 12, 13.

I just hit him at the right time.

Yeah.

I loved that, but I was such a fan of stand-up that when I got into stand-up, I only saw...

Now, I didn't know what the path was to selling out comedy clubs or theaters or anything like that,

but that's all it was.

I didn't get into this, and I was like, oh, and then I'll have a sitcom,

and then you just get told right away, like, that's who you're going for.

Well, what year did you come along?

What year did you come along? I started in 90 97 okay, so maybe 98 that was like the peak of the sitcom days that was friends that was science That was everything was still on the air back then right Seinfeld it with head when what year did Seinfeld end? I want to say that was like 2000, no, 98? Yeah, I was going to say 90s ended. 98? Yeah.
Yeah. Okay, and then there's Friends, which kept going a little while longer, right? Yeah, like 2001.
You know, and then there was like Caroline and the City city there was like all these shows that everybody was like

That was the goal the goal was to get on a show and everybody wanted and everybody got a network deal

They were handing out deals where you would get like a couple hundred grand

You didn't have to do anything and they never even made a show and then you get another deal next year

There's a bunch of guys who were always having deals and that a lot of those people when I got in the comedy

I'd see those people like chest out at the comic strip oh yeah and stuff but then but then Never heard of again nothing. I mean I wouldn't name names But I mean like just it was just weird to see people that were like oh They just got their second deal with NBC holding deal or yeah Oh, they were convinced it was gonna go they would tell you like I got a million dollar backup deal and this and that So they have to do my show it's gonna be on the air you should play my brother and then it doesn't it's such a Well, you see people getting really weird and acting like they're special before they're even famous Sure, you didn't even get on the launching pad yet and you're already acting like a fucking crazy person But also a lot of that I saw I've been doing it long enough to see people kind of go and be like shit The acting thing seems to be going And I'm gonna go to LA or something in entertainment like besides stand-up is going and They focus on that for a couple years and then nothing really pans out from it And they didn't keep doing stand-up right and then they come back and it's like try again, and then they're confused because I've never had my own sitcom.
I've never anything but like Like one thing I never stopped doing was working the whole time still. So it's like you're building a fan base still.
When people, a lot of people left at a time where it was like, oh, this is where you have to start. They went to go to acting when everyone was like, all right, this is podcast times now and social media times, and you have to get all these things going and you connect with the audience and stuff and keep performing.
And they went away and come back It's hard to start again. It's real hard They saw a lot of guys during the writer's strike tried to do it again because there's a few of those guys that are really good that are just writers and They become they become trapped in that velvet prison of getting that, you know, you make good money, you got a great health plan,

you got a nice house, got a mortgage, maybe start having kids, and you're not really a comic anymore.

Now you're working on a sitcom or you're writing. And the problem is you don't have a backup plan

anymore because you can't just go on the road anymore because you don't have a fucking audience.

Right. So all those other guys that you came up with that kept their comedy up during that whole

time, those guys can still tour. Like Fitzsimmons was very smart about it like Fitzsimmons did a lot of writing gigs but he never stopped doing stand-up so never stopped doing stand-up and he always kept getting better and so like when writer strikes and things like that happen Greg's fine like right he sells out all over the country he doesn't have to worry about it but it's because he's smart and because he's like saw the writing on the wall Like I'm not falling into this trap Well, it's a matter of what you want to do when you woke up in the mornings to go do knows news radio Were you like thrilled going to work every day or did it what's it if it did it? No news radio was really fun.
It was really fun. It was a cast is crazy.
It was really fun It was a it it was a real fun like environment We had a good time the writers were amazing It was like perfect best case scenario for a sitcom and there was the second sitcom I was on the first one I was on was like worst case scenario not worst but started off great But it was on the show called hard hardball with Jim Brewer Jim Brewer was he played one of the rival

mascots and he gets beat up it's Jim was so funny it was so funny it was a real funny pilot and it was written by these guys who worked on married with children and they worked on the Simpsons they were really funny writers Jeff Martin and Kevin Curran and these guys put together this really funny show and then the networks just Get up they just They just jizzed into the soup. It was a mess They brought in a bunch of people that shouldn't have been there and a bunch of end of the show fell apart And but I got I got to watch like these brilliant really funny guys get their work Just shit all over by the network and have it fall apart and become just

a joke could you have been roped into stopping stand-up like not doing stand-up to go in the full-time like no no no no from sitcom to sitcom but one thing that i did do for sure is i neglected my stand-up for a few years when i was doing news radio all the time the problem was in news radio in the early days, they were really long hours

because we were trying to figure the show out. And, you know, there was a lot of network notes back in those days.
And, you know, the network was really behind it, but it wasn't owned by NBC. It was produced by Brillstein Gray.
So, you know, if you wanted to be on the good slots, right? So what Paul Sims would call, Paul Sims is the creator of news radio, would call it the shit sandwich. So you'd have friends and married with children.
And in between, you'd have like kind of caca sitcoms. It's like a shit sandwich.
We got in those spots occasionally. And every time we did, we were like number two in the country, number three or something.
But then we'd drop down to like number 80 because we got moved like nine different times over five years. Nine times over five years.
So the show didn't really become successful until it went into syndication. Nice.
So it was one of those weird things, but I auditioned for two shows ever. I auditioned for that hardball show.
I got that. That got cancelled and I auditioned for news radio.
That was it. Really? It was the nuttiest thing of all time.
So I didn't want it. It just happened.
So it wasn't something like it was my golden carrot. My golden carrot was just I wanted to be a professional comic.
Right. And then as I was like barely making money as a professional comic, barely surviving, all of a sudden they're like, we'll pay you $25,000 a week.
I was like, what do I have to do? Well, they're going to act? Okay, now I'm acting. And I would have moved back to New York 100% if I didn't get an apartment.
So I signed a one year lease on this apartment in North Hollywood. And so I was staying and I was like oh I gotta stay.
Because I wanted to just go back to New York and play pool and hang out with my friends. I didn't like it in LA.
It wasn't my cup of tea. I didn't like being around actors.
And it was hard to make friends with some of the comedians. And the comedy store was weird back then.
So I was like I was ready to go to go back to New York and I had this fucking lease So I was like I can't break the lead. I don't have that kind of money I'm gonna keep this lease going so I stayed there and then I got news radio like right afterwards which is great.
It was crazy That's a whirlwind for sure. It is funny though It's like just that lead of that like that you're supposed to do like I to me it was sitting for whatever the 10th time And I think I'm watching especially actors like walking back and forth Like how serious are taking getting there and I'm just like holding the sides barely and I'm like It's like three lines.
We gotta say like relax and I didn't book stuff But it's also just like as I'm sitting there like I don't know if I want to be the you know the the trident cinnamon gum guy Mitch I don't know if I care I just don't like it's like if you get it it's almost like fantastic you know like that's great but if you get it it's extra money sure but then once you get all the extra money you don't have to really do that anymore and that's when you got to decide like what do you like one of the things that i had to decide after i did fear factor i was like okay no more of that please yeah i did it one more time i did it one more time when uh in 2011 fear factor came back for a brief amount of time and that's when they made people drink jizz that's when they got cancelled forever until ludicrous came back and did it on mtv no jizz that was then the no jizz rules they toned it down back then, but it was

Is it just like it?

There's a different thing that's happening when you're doing something just for money, you know, you're just like okay

It's worth it. It's worth it for this amount of money and then you got to know

What to do with that money like I used to have to plan plan your escape. I used to have to like

Like talk myself into like when I would get those we're like talking head shows I think on we did like, I love, they were trying to do like a spoof of I love the 80s and I love the 90s. Right, right.
They would do like, I love the 1880s or I love the 1890s or whatever. And they would give us like history stories and write jokes and you're going to do talking head things.
And I would look at it as the burden of that next day. Yeah.
I got to wake up at eight to into the city and like To do this thing. It's never I look at all the stuff and I'm like it's network.
It's history channel so it's like I can't really do exactly what it is I do and then Because I'm gonna go as close as I can to my own voice that like it's probably not gonna get a lot of stuff on anyway Yeah, and but I don to really commit myself. Like, you know, there was a kid across the street from me when I lived in South Jersey for the couple years who was in a Froot Loops commercial, I said.
And he said he might as well have been Brad Pitt. You know what I mean? Like, to me, I was like, he's been on television.
And I'm like, I'm going to do a TV show tomorrow. History Channel or anything.
If you told me when I was 12, 13 years old that, hey, you want to do a TV show, be on TV on the history channel, you'd be like, no, TV, is that possible? You know, so you have to remember that it is pretty, like, extraordinary to have some of these opportunities. But, man, so I try to take them in when I have them.
I did, I was in the movie Hustlers as the strip club DJ. What is Hustlers? It's the true story of the girls at Scores who were, like, the strippers that were robbing Really? When did that movie come out a couple years back now, but uh Shit, maybe like seven years six seven years ago, but I was the strip club DJ in that and like I really had to Go there because I look at that in hindsight of it.
It's like it was two 14 hour days Of like nothing so much nothing going on right you just waiting around yeah and just Whiffing when I had these opportunities, but I'm also trying to take in I'm like holy shit That's usher over there. That's fucking jail.
It's as I'm sitting here like What did when do you guys need me again? It's like JLo's in a thong like, you know twerking on stage Like doing her scene and you're like oh i should really enjoy

some of it you know i mean j-lo was on stage twerking yeah i introduced her her big dance

2018 maybe yeah my voice opens this scene damn is that really j-lo yeah so this is her 10 years ago

50 years old.

Not then she wasn't.

Yep.

She was 50 on set, yeah.

Wait a minute.

How old is she now?

You said this was 2000 what?

2000 when?

2019, 18.

Was she really 50 back then?

Yeah.

God, that's six years ago.

She's not 56.

She's 19.

Okay. How old is J-Lo? So she's 56, I guess.
No. Is she really? Whoa! That's crazy.
Yeah. Bro, what is she doing? I don't know, but she looked fantastic.
That is crazy genetics. It really shined a light on this girl's narrow Asian ass.
It really shined a light on that. When they were choreographing them together on stage, it looked so shitty.
Yeah, she looks great. It's incredible.
Good for her. She seemed nice.
I tried to talk to her once and I whiffed hard. Did you? I just...
Did you get panicked? I planned... You thought you could be number six? I planned what I was going to say.

That's what the problem was.

Oh, you did?

Yeah.

How bad?

It was bad.

I said when she... Next time she turns around, because she seems nice,

she's going to like...

At some point, she's going to talk to me.

We're doing this one scene together where she hands me money.

And I say like a line.

And every time they yell cut, she put her robe on,

turn around, talk to her assistant. But I'm like, she does seem nice.
nice and she's gonna turn around and ask me some version of how you doing right and i'm gonna say uh you know i'm just living the life of a fake strip club dj and that's gonna make her giggle and then we're best friends for life and instead of waiting for her to say anything the next time she just her eyes just crossed my eyes i went living the life fake strip club dj followed her face. And she was like, excuse me? And I was like, oh.
And then her assistant started laughing at me. And then I demanded to go outside to get a soda.
They were like, we'll get you a soda. I'm like, please let me go outside and reset this moment.
I hate this. Yeah, you can't have a diva roll her eyes at you.
That'll fuck your confidence up. No matter are no Jennifer Lopez rolls her eyes at you.
It hurts so much. How she looks so good.
I don't know she really did It's pretty extraordinary. It's that thing.
It's a person that's in a room and you're like always celebrities here I could give that off right but it's like think of her beauty and then that other lady that you said that did a bunch of shit to her face probably same age right? Oh, yeah

Isn't that crazy? It is crazy. You know, it's awesome that movie by the way a young Only one song out Lizzo and everyone was so excited for her And I didn't know she was and they go they were talking about the celebrities are gonna be there today and she's playing a stripper And I was like hmm.
I'm wondering who it is and then Then, hours later, my next question was, I'm like, who's the big fat stripper and i was like i'm wondering who it is and then uh hours later my next question was i'm like who's the big fat stripper wearing the fishnet outfit and they're like that's liz yeah like that's liz i was like christ almighty what are they making her do that and again it's my own fat insecurity that i put out on other people almost like i said that guy earlier who's There's got to be guys that want to see that. I'm impressed with that because what I have is much more, which I always found interesting.
Chris Farley, you know, this most famous thing ever is the Chippendales sketch with Patrick Swayze. I've always thought, and I just know this from, I'm good friends with his brother and from years of reading stuff about it like that's if you want to trickle back what killed him It's essentially that do you know, I mean, it's like he hated he was willing to do it Like I'll be the fat gross guy, but he hated it He didn't want everyone to think he was like fat and gross So I it's like I have a hard time with like with those kind of things.
So I'm impressed also with someone who's like ladies, you know, it's like they're fucking Fat rolls on their sides. Welcome to the party Well, how do you do it man? And Lizzo just like fuck it.
I'm wearing a thong like don't you don't have to It's one of those things where it's like you want to celebrate people that don't care like yeah you go But also yikes. Yeah, it's also yikes.
It's always lies too. By the way She's lost 100 pounds Well also remember when she was accused of fat shaming all the girls that she worked with and making them Making hookers.
Yeah making each trip her pussy and yeah like whatever whatever was going down whatever she was accused of I don't know if it's real, but it's like the Chris Farley thing. I never would have imagined that he hated doing that Oh, yeah, no, he loved making people laugh, but he hated that it was at the expense I don't think I'm speaking at a school here.
They said that uh But it never seemed like that's that stuff did bother him I think he wanted he wanted girls to like him. He wanted uh, I mean, so that's why he got big into drugs Are you basing this on conversations you've had with people that know him or like conversations? I've watched so much stuff like on him.
Yeah Yeah, yeah. And you could see, again, it's people reading in this stuff.
But yeah, but I think also from talking to his brother and stuff. I met him once.
Real conversations. I met him once when he was in the throes of it.
Really? Yeah, there's a couple of people that I met where their skin looked like wet cardboard. Like it was the consistency of wet, like cardboard like sweaty gray cardboard so he was on the set hanging out there was always like a lot of fun people that were on the set that you got to meet and he wasn't working on the show he was just there to hang out and so I ran into him like during the craft service table area and he was just looked terrible and i don't know like what year did he die i think late 90s also so this was around 97 ish somewhere around then so news radio was 94 to 99 december week before christ's when he died.
33. So it might have been the year he died.
Yeah. Because he looked like hell.
He looked like he was just so sweaty and so gray. He just looked fucked up.
One other time, there was a dude that I ran into at the improv, and he couldn't form sentences. He had like the same gray skin and he was talking to me but nothing made sense but he just kept talking and he couldn't form sentences and I was like, this is the craziest thing I've ever seen.
It's also weird to get into that and then still be around comedy. Just be around public.
You're hanging around with people at a bar and you're so gacked up you can't even form a sentence. I have a hard time with.
I mean, I can. So I can get caught up in like the the dramatic conversation of like the the science of comedy and like the all the internal things and the manipulation of it.
But at the end of the day, it's so silly when like it's taken so seriously in some way, too. It's not like, you know, unlike Daniel Day-Lewis, who has to be Lincoln all day, someone can go,

Jay, the... like it's taken so seriously in some way too it's like it's not like you know unlike daniel day lewis who has to be lincoln all day someone can go jay they're calling your name on stage and you can go up i don't have to like find my place right you know i mean like oh i'm not even you know oh hang on okay you know you just go on stage and be like shit i didn't know they were calling me sorry everybody but also you're doing sets multiple times a night You're doing multiple sets a week.
You're so comfortable being on stage. It's not like action, right? You know you're Lincoln go You mess up a line they gotta go change the gate They got to do a bunch of fucking things Yeah And there's always someone who wants to come in and touch up your hair and then there's's fucking people moving around, and there's always so many support people, it's hard to just keep your fucking concentration.
Some people like being doted on. Dan Soder, I've always been, he likes acting, and not even just acting, he likes the day.
He takes the day in the trailer, and he said he'll write jokes, and do whatever. He's a happy dude.
Dan Soder seems like he's always happy. It's hard to imagine him being even angry.
He was talking to me about somebody who ripped off one of his jokes. And even that, the way he's talking about the guy ripping off his joke and confronting him about ripping off the joke, it's still – he's being silly.
Yeah, yeah. He's being silly and laughing about it.
I'm like, wow. Oh, he's the best for sure.
Great demeanor. So that's like a glass is always half full guy.
He's fine with doing a little acting here. But what he wants to do is stand-up.
He's a great stand-up. No, no, he's a great stand-up, and he does want to do stand-up.
And he wants to make shows. He's got a lot of interest that I think will be great at all of them.
I'm just saying more like, you know, I'm losing my train of thought. Well, you don't have to do all that other stuff.
And the thing is, like, back in the 90s, we all thought we had to do that other stuff. I would have never imagined, like, quitting a TV show just so I could do stand-up on the road.
First of all, you needed the TV show so people would come to see you. That was a big thing.
Back then, people came to see you if you were on The Tonight Show or if you had an HBO special or if you had a sitcom. That's why I was always so impressive,

a person like Regan.

Yes, I was just going to bring him up.

It's like you did it straight through comedy.

Just organic.

And got to theaters.

Yep, huge theaters.

It sells out instantly, just because he's so good.

You know, it's funny, the quietest,

the people who are the most surprising,

there's huge earning comics that you've never even heard of and stuff. I always talk about like Shonda Pierce is a lady, just like an old lady from the South, but she's multi-millionaire, sells out.
She performs at like churches and stuff. Really? Yeah, but it's just stand-up and it's just like the most mundane like but again it's not for me obviously but i mean with this kind of whatever you know like act that you know wouldn't impress anybody she's making millions christian comedy is a tough sell yeah well but there's a market for it there is a market for it i remember there was a bunch of people that went into christian That there was like a Christian comedy tour back in like yeah, it was terrible It was terrible to want to go to that seems boring even if you were religious like well I want to go watch religious comedy It was like the most aw shuck stupid shit Yeah, about like the guy's dumb and my wife always tells me I'm dumb and she's right It's why Nate Bargett's he's so impressive to me and always has been is because he's clean in that way.
You can call him a Christian comic and it doesn't matter because if you just watch the comedy, if you're not listening to all the labels being put on him, he's just brilliant. Yeah, it's just brilliant.
More than brilliant, hilarious, fucking hilarious. Hilarious and squeaky clean.
Yeah, and you throw him on anywhere in a lineup. Yeah, Gary Goldman was so impressive in that way too.
It just didn't have to be dirty. Almost like subjects, you were someone who said the right joke about this subject.
You're like, nah, that's corny. Well, Gaffigan's the best example.
Yeah, he's great too. Gaffigan's been killing it forever, squeaky clean.
There's a market, like again. But everyone shouldn't be that.
That's the Hannah Gatsby argument she made. That's really whatever my opinions about our comedy are meaningless.
It was an article she did where she was like, if you're not using your comedy to like move society forward in some way. Should I say that? Yeah.
That's hilarious. Like you're wasting time basically.
Like you need to come and talk about your rape or you're wasting time doing comedy. And it's like, or you're not being personal.
I go, so you're saying like Dave Attell, Brian Regan Brian Regan carrot top You think people just shouldn't be in comedy because there are different Like faction of it than you that's insane. It's insane and God forbid if everybody started doing Hannah Gatsby style quality She's fucked.
She's not gonna be the best at it. You know, I mean, right It's like why you welcome it's like why don't you it is.
Here's the other thing about comedy. Like, you should be funny first.
If you want to do all that other stuff too. But if you want to do all that other stuff and you call it comedy, but it's not funny.
Like you're doing something where you're just trying to educate people. Hey, that you missed the whole mark of this whole thing.
And to say that that's the most important thing. The only people that would say that are people who aren't funny.
Yeah. That's it.
That's the only people that would ever think that the most important thing is to move social justice forward with your comedy. If somebody told me I made them think on stage, I'd go, about what? About what? Listen, you could be as social justice-y as you want.
You could talk to your phone. You could make long rants on reels.
You could do podcasts. You could do whatever you want whatever you want talk about issues but when you're on stage what you're supposed to be doing is be funny now if you can be funny with some sort of grand message that makes everybody bill hicks clap at you great that's great but that's not the goal the goal is to just be funny and if that's your goal you want to be funny with a social justice great nothing wrong with it, but you gotta be funny I can't like fake it and get clapped er and think you're anything I would even say with passion on stage I could end just as easily by going or not You know or maybe I'm completely wrong.
I don't know definitely How the fuck would I know remember guys would do this when they were bombing? Hey, how about a nice round of applause for the ladies? How many at the in the black comedy circuit it was a Those are the funniest how many they would give you goes how about for ladies? How about for a brother doing the right thing staying out of jail doing the right thing trying to do the right thing? Yeah, they get claps. Yes.
Yes, and then it was positive energy But we all use some crutching that I went I think so So, I mean, not just because I was i was like you know obviously inspired by like the dices and stuff for the comics that i like the dirtier guys but i would go dirty because i found out pretty early if you go dirty even if you don't get the laugh because the joke wasn't good you're gonna get the groan and it was a noise yeah because that was it to me again i said the silence was the thing once it was silent i was like someone please save me from this it's going so bad yeah if you get a few oh god yeah at least you're like ah they're with me you can kind of you can kind of laugh that off yourself yeah and then if you're laughing genuinely maybe people start smiling yeah it's a fucking weird art form dude but you know kudos to you for just doing that because that's the way to do it and then legion of skanks too like what what lewis and you guys and dave what you guys have done is so interesting because you did it all without ever worrying about being like removed from youtube you know because he did it all on his network sure gas digital i mean he started gas digital essentially for legion of skanks more or less so smart and it would have like a platwood that they really can't get rid of. Yeah, because it limits your reach a little bit, but over time, people figure it out.
That's why Skankfest is so fucking huge. Skankfest is nuts, dude.
It's fun. It's nuts.
It's been great doing New Orleans this year. I should have got in when I could have done it.
Now it seems like I don't... There's too many people.
I'm getting anxiety. There's a lot of people, for sure.
But it's amazing how, like, it's such a celebration of people just being stupid and having fun. Absolutely, and there's no, like, you know.
No pretense. No, and I said they all look the part, but they're such great comedy fans.
That's what everybody says. And by the way, also, I mean that in the sense that there's been so many people who have been like, Skankfizz isn't my thing.
I'm like, dude, they're going to fucking lose their minds for you. Yeah, you don't even know.
It's like they're comedy fans. They're not just like our fans exclusively.
They're also fans of people that are willing to do real comedy in this fucking bizarre world where you're being told that the most important thing is for you to do social justice on stage, which I shouldn't say that's the world now because it's not. It was the world like four years ago.
Four years ago, you heard that a lot. Oh, yeah.
And that's kind of died off. And there was a bunch of things that killed that.
But I think the real nail in the coffin, the final one was the Tom Brady roast. Yeah.
I think that was the grand nail in the coffin of woke comedy. Well, all you had to show people was that there was like if you stick with something for a minute like there is an audience there You're just listening to a bunch of lunatics screaming with nothing to do with their lives.
It's like but if you give it a second like Conversely of much people are writing. They're angry about this.
There's a bazillion people who just like it. Yeah, you can't Cater to the people that are upset at what popular Thing there is out there.
Can you imagine writing a letter to ACDC? Like, this last record sucked. The second song's okay, but the third song blows, and the fourth one's like— That's the fuck you.
You're not a funny person in the crowd. There's always going to be a percentage of them.
It's an unavoidable aspect of human nature. There's a bunch of people that don't do anything, can't contribute, and want to knock down everything they see see in front of them there's a bunch of people that were born with amazing genetics that just have this superiority over everybody that they believe is real and they you know especially if you're pretty and everybody wants to fuck you and you think you could yell at anything at the guy on stage yeah maybe you hate men because your ex-boyfriend's a piece of shit and you've had a couple of cocktails and fuck him and fuck this guy.
Don't fucking say women can't do it.

You're going to try to break down

it's the funniest.

You're going to try to break down your bit?

Oh, that's the best.

I had a lady heckle me once where I was trying to

explain. I was doing this bit about

I had a bit about the guy who broke into the

White House because this guy

some fucking maniac

broke into the White House. He just hopped the

fence, ran across the lawn and broke in. And there was a lady guarding the front door and he smacked her to the ground, just ran through.
And he got tackled by an off duty Secret Service guy. It was like getting a cup of coffee and sees this fucking guy running through the White House and he tackles him.
And the joke was about a woman being a security guard at the White House. And the joke was supposed to be, I know, because guess what? I shouldn't be a security guard at the White House.
I go, and you know how I know? Because I met Shaquille O'Neal and his dick is where my face is. It was like if the White House is experiencing a shock attack, I'm the wrong dude to save the world.
You know shit. So the whole joke was about that.
And I couldn't get it out because this lady is like, like bullshit bullshit So the joke was women can't do everything men can do because men can't do everything men can do That's why we have the Olympics There's some people that can just do shit that regular people can't do and one of those things is guarding the fucking White House Like you should be a big fucking giant dude who's capable of extreme violence, but this bitch wouldn't let me get this out She She's like, and I tried to explain to her. This is how the joke goes.
And then I went further into the joke, and she chimed in again. I explained the joke, and then she was like, okay.
I'm like, yeah, I'm saying I can't do it. I've gone hard at female cops so much.
It's so great when I meet female cops. They usually have a great sense of humor about it, quite honestly.
But I will film and send to Soders, who I'll do it to. I watch Cops still a lot, like clips of the show Cops.
And there was one I watched recently that was just about, it's a female cop. Whenever it's a female cop, I'm like, I get my phone ready in case I have to film this.
Because I go, it's always going to be something hilarious. And they're always in the way somehow or something and it's they're trying to stop this

guy you know he's on foot black dude and this lady's like let me see your id let me see your

id right now and the guy's just slowly backing away and then he just decides to go start running

and he runs and this girl is chasing this black guy is so far away from her it's ridiculous

and then just coming zipping right past her is a dude cop who just catches the guy and tackles

him and then it's the rest of times her standing over breathing hard she's like son of a bitch got

I don't know. ridiculous and then just coming zipping right past her is a dude cop who just catches the guy and tackles him and then it's the rest of times her standing over breathing hard she's like son of a bitch got away and it's like lady what are you doing what are you doing i saw uh one time i was waiting outside of a doctor's office in new york and i saw a guy who was naked with his hospital gown on the floor next to him.
This isn't outside of a hospital, by the way,

just a doctor's office.

This guy left the hospital clearly.

He's naked, still has his bracelet on.

He's flapping his dick around.

So I call the cops, and I go,

hey, I think there's a guy who got out of a hospital here.

He's naked, and he seems pretty unruly.

He's like screaming shit, and he's being kind of weird.

And they go, will you stay on the phone with us

and let me know when the officers get there? I go and then a big nypd van pulls up and two tiny little ladies get out and i started laughing on the phone and i'm like yo i don't think these these ones are going to be able to handle you might want to send somebody else and they go why i go because it's like two tiny ladies miss and i'm like and this guy's like like i'm gonna have involved now. And I don't want to.
And then the guy stood up and he's walking towards him. And the ladies are like, first of all, already touching their guns, which is like, again, not really necessary.
The guy's naked. He doesn't have a weapon.
But it's just they're so tiny. Like, how many options do they have? Well, they have to grab their guns.
If he goes at them, right. That's the thing.
If you're a small woman and a naked guy is coming your way and you don't know how to fight and you have a gun, you're grabbing your gun. And the guy just went up to them and just stood about seven feet in front of them and started pissing at their feet.
And then finally another cop car came with a guy who just, I mean, got out of the car right away, grabbed him by the arms. You know what I mean? Put his arms behind his back and they put the thing back over him, his gown back on him.
But it was just like. The guy had to pee.
What's the problem? He couldn't find his clothes. But it's just so wild that I'm like, why are these two a team at all? Yeah.
I mean, I would like to say that women could do everything men can do. But I think in that circumstance, you'd probably want a big man field police work that's crazy you're dealing

one of the scariest videos that i ever saw was this guy this lady pulled him over on the highway and the guy gets out and he's beating the fuck out of this lady cop and his daughter the guys who's beating the cop his daughter is saying daddy stop daddy stop because he's just beating the shit oh yeah unconscious

lady it's so scary it's so scary because this there's no way she should have been in that situation there's no way a chubby female cop to boot is the funniest too you're like what is happening all the time what is the problem they're gonna solve all the time but they're in the way I was at a casino once

and this person

who I thought

air quotes was a woman and i was talking to it was a security guard like five foot five like shorter than me security guard woman uh i thought thought was a woman and it wasn't disturbed by the fact that she was a security guard none of it right but then at the

end of the night um i had been talking to these people you know the show was over and i was like well ladies it was really nice to meet you and she says actually i'm a man and she says it like with a woman's voice and i's and i'm like stuck you know i probably had a couple cocktails just did a show and I probably gotta go

nah are you

for sure

like you know i probably had a couple cocktails just did a show and i probably gotta go are you you

for sure like what sorry i said i'm sorry i didn't mean anything by it i didn't know

i gave her a hug hugged everybody and i was i felt proud of myself that i didn't say something

you should have nut checked her i was just like you know nut check it's just like you definitely

you're not but you know whatever like to think that I should have known like that's crazy and I had something you identify as a man I had something turn on me so bad with that not even a mustache at a diner It was me, Josh, Adam Myers, and my girlfriend went to a concert and went to a diner afterwards.

And where they sat us this diner, our table, was facing the booths that are going across. And the booth right across from where I'm staring is a cute girl.
And what I thought was a goth guy. I thought it was like a goth dude who's wearing like kind of fishnet stuff and everything.
And they are making hard up like going they're going for it and i'm like uh you know we're kind of like laughing it off almost at first you know like all right i guess like they're going but then it starts getting like they're like like she's like getting in a position the girl uh the only girl i thought is when like the the goth guy he's rubbing like her pussy over the pants and she's writhing around and stuff. And this is going on.
Then they stop. In a diner? Yeah.
Then they stop. Then they start again.
It's at a point where I go, laughingly though too, I kind of go, all right, come on. And they're like, they have like an oh my God, what the fuck is wrong with you thing.
Now there's people, they're in a booth and we're the only people who see them. We're facing them.
These booths are other people, but they're just not paying attention to what's going on there. I'm just happening to look at it.
I'm like, all right. And they're like, what's the problem? And I'm still just kind of laughingly going like, I get it, but like, you know, I'm doing like a, guys, I'm like, you're fucking at the table.
I mean, like, it's crazy. We're in a diner.
And then it's getting shitty about it. And then I'm just like, I don't know what the problem is.
I'm like, that's crazy, what you're doing and everything. And I'm like, we're not wrong here.
And then she goes, would you have a problem if we were a straight couple? And I was like, I thought that was a guy. I didn't know it wasn't a straight couple.
And then, whatever. It all kind of calms down.
And then our food's coming, which is weird. We still have to sit there.
And I go, yeah, I'm going to go outside and smoke a cigarette and regroup here a little bit. Biggest mistake I ever made.
Because I went outside. And this is like a big glass front diner.
And I'm smoking right outside the diner. And I'm watching the narrative get created in the room without me being in the room.
the people behind and the staff coming up and being like the we're sorry things people have to still act like that people still uh act like that today and when I go back in the eat I mean we are pariahs I just feel like and then the host guy uh who like you know seats everybody is gay and he's side. I, it just, it was so uncomfortable.
And I was like, how'd you explain yourself? We didn't do anything. No, there was nothing to explain.
It just was kind of awkwardly give us our food. And I'm like, you guys are mad somehow at me.
How much spit do you think you ate? Oh, so much, so much spit. It was shitty food.
Then I told that story on my radio show. It was funny.
And somebody like messaged like the Yelp or thing. And they were like, that guy was being transphobic.
And this is a welcoming restaurant who allows anybody in. It's like, how is this the narrative of what happened? They got you.
They got me. They got you.
Completely created around me. I wouldn't have cared if it was trans.
I thought it was a straight couple fucking in a diner booth that I wanted to stop. Yeah, people are good at spinning a tail.
If, and by the way, I said it's always the in-betweens too, in full disclosure. If the guy had what I thought was the guy, had that girl's shorts to the side, and I was watching him finger, I wouldn't have said a word.
I would have just sat there and just drank it all in. Interesting.
It wasn't going hard enough. It wasn't soft enough or hard enough.
It was Goldilocks right in the middle and I don't want to see you guys dry hump while I'm eating. Either finger where we can all see or fucking take it down the road.
That's hilarious that they put transphobia on because you thought it was a guy. The whole diner when we went back in was like these intolerant people go, I don't care if that's a girl.
It means nothing to me. They didn't see it.
Also, maybe if they announced there was a girl out of the gates, I might not say anything either. Just two chicks going out of the thing.
I'm like, look at these two wild motherfuckers. Right.
You just thought it was crazy that it was a dude doing that. Yeah.
That's funny. Isn't that funny? That's weird.
It's weird how we look at that. Oh, yeah.
But I said you get wrapped up in a thing and you're like, you're transphobic. That has nothing to do with any of this.
It's a problem because that label, you can just slap on someone when you're talking about male athletes that identify as women competing in girl sports. That's not transphobic.
We're talking about something crazy. Can I be trans-weirdic? Is that a term? Just be like, I think that's weird that there's a six foot seven woman beating up an actual woman in a ring.
There was some lady who was just arguing that there's no biological difference between men and women. I'm going to send you this, Jamie, because it's so kooky.
You're like, come on. Doctor who? You can't really think that this is true.
This is- No biological difference? There's no difference between men and women's strength. Pennsylvania state senator said there's no biological advantage for men in women's sports or disadvantage for women in men's sports.
That's a woman? A woman said this. This is so crazy.
I'll just send it to you, Jamie. It's so kooky.'s so kooky you're like come on look i know you want to believe this but if you're going to be on tv saying things it has to make some kind of fucking sense female bodies are just as strong as fast and capable as male bodies i want all girls to know that there are elected officials like me who would never underestimate your ability to beat a boy at their own sport, because that's what the premise of this bill assumes, that female bodies are less than male bodies.
For what reason, other than political gain, are we spending time and taxpayer dollars on a completely made-up issue female bodies are just a straight that's so crazy what guy heard her well she just got caught up in the woke she lives in an echo chamber probably all the people around her are all either in academia or in some sort of left-wing ideology and they really believe that and they believe that you believe that you should say that. Because if you're not saying that, you're saying women are less than men.
That's not what anybody's saying. Strength and speed and athleticism is not all of life.
Well, you made the point. There's men that are less than men in different areas.
Yeah. Of course.
They're called coders. They're out there.
Like, you know, they're incels. They're online.
They're making apps. You know, there's a lot of different roles for people in this.
Like, it doesn't make you a man just because you can run faster than everybody else. But to say that men can't run faster than women is just you're denying statistics and science and all the information that we have gathered forever.
We have so much data. High school 15-year-old boys beat the women's soccer team the professional team So shut the fuck up.
This is stupid to say this is stupid to say it's not Transphobic homophobic. It's not gender phobic.
It's not misogynistic It's just a fact of physical nature Also, if you if you hit the pinnacle the the fights over do you mean? If you go, like, women's sports is highly attended. It's given the same amount of TV time as men's sport and everything.
And it's like, yeah, not enough. Not really.
Like, now I want to be in men's sports also. Well, that's the craziest one.
When the WNBA players want as much money as the NBA players. The NBA actually generates extreme amounts of revenue.
Somebody wrote a joke about it.

The WNBA wanted what their just pay was, and so they owe $400 million.

Because that's really how it balances out.

It's like a losing – it's never been profitable.

Do you know with those things, but again, it's like you're helping the one to hurt the many in so many things, too.

It's just like that video Shane showed me this years ago, the blind kid playing football.

It's like a little boy playing Pop Warner football, and he's blind.

And I'm like, who's this for?

Where is your dad?

Why is he letting you do that?

Who is this for?

Is it Daredevil?

And the kid gives a speech.

In the video, he gives a speech, and he goes, a lot of people say blind people can't play football. And you're like, yeah, everybody.
And you've never seen this video? No. This is maybe my favorite video on the internet.
Blind football, Jamie, if you could. This is a 30-second video.
The song they pick for this is the greatest thing in the world.

So here's the thing about the WNBA.

If you love the WNBA, that's great.

There's a certain amount of people that love the WNBA.

It's great that women have an avenue for professional sports.

But you only get paid as much as people are willing to go to see you.

And if they're not willing to go to see you, I'm sorry.

Because they want to see dunks.

This kid's blind.

It's that kind of confidence that continues to amaze people who watch dylan play oh this is so crazy this blind oh this is so crazy i can't see and a lot of people think that i that a blind person can't play football but this courageous youngster has proven those people wrong. What the fuck is going on? I mean, you can't play football by smell.
It's impossible. But it's again, it's like what you're actually doing is making this game not fun for anybody else out there.
Right. You can't hit the blind kid.
No one's going to hit the blind kid. And if you do, you're a dick.
You're just running around. So you have one less player for real.
Yeah. It's just like your team has decided to be on a handicap so you can get on the news.
We used to play basketball on a story every Wednesday. And Nate Bargatze one time brought his friend Nick Novicki, who's a little person, comedian.
And he brought him and we were like, oh, he's going to play? Like, all right, I guess. And we let him play.

And every time he'd get the ball, the defense would lay off him and let him shoot.

And he'd make it or miss it, but it was what it was.

And then he started, when everyone would lay off on defense, instead of shooting the ball,

he'd try to run in and do a layup, and we're letting him.

Until eventually Nate Bargazzi, of all people, goes over and just cleaned his shot right into the projects projects He just sent away. He's like I can't just we can't just let this happen the whole time It becomes not fun for everybody.
It was a There was a when I was a kid I remember very few stories, but there was a handful of like the girl that fought to get on the men's football team Yeah, such a violent sport that to let girls play it. they have to put them in lingerie.
The lingerie football league is the only visible women playing football sport. I don't know, but I wanted to start taking bets on it.
That was a thing, right? At one point in time? Oh yeah, and they hit hard. Roller derby.
Never saw roller derby live. There's also buns in basketball where they have morbidly obese black chicks wear thongs and play basketball.
haven't seen that oh but roller derby is like let's buy a team like a really hardcore lesbian type activity right? Oh, yeah, I would imagine I would assume yeah Yeah, really get the bang in the chips core dyke bar girls with fucking weird tattoos And there's some element of wrestling to it. Also.
It's like not fully real very aggressive They slam into each other. They get fucking crazy.
Lingerie football, if you look up lingerie football's biggest hits, it's nuts what they've done. This is not lingerie, but I saw they made a deal for something that aired on ESPN2 this year.
This is like a women's tackle football league. Oh, really? Championship game from last year.
Wait a minute. These are chicks? Yeah.
Come on. Go back.
That was a hell of a play. Whoa.
That's nuts.

30, 40 yard pass. Caught it.

Oh my god. That's crazy.

Dude,

they look pretty good. Yeah.

This looks better than WNBA.

Maybe they found it. Maybe women's tackle football

is what's up.

Because you're going to see a lot of tackles.

Oh yeah. I don't know if they get jacked up like they do

in the NFL or anything. They have to.
They're running into each other well here's what's funny about this these hits are pretty good but they're wearing actual football pads lingerie football's biggest hits are they're wearing the shoulders yeah they're wearing shoulder pads and lingerie they look like the fucking like the Legion of Doom they fucking used to come out they whale really? I mean, it's crazy. And titties never come out.
That's great. They must have the thing strapped down.
That's, ouch, ouch. It's like these pileups are crazy.
How much staph infection is coming out of these fucking things? I've seen a lot of staph. I've seen a lot of staph happen in the future, these ladies.
I mean, they blast each other into the sides. You're going to get scratched up bad.

You're going to get staffed for sure.

But I will say, the fact you get 22 girls on a field who are not fighting the idea of like,

oh, so we just got to dress like sluts to play football.

They just go, yeah, we're just like sluts to play football.

Fuck it.

Why are they shamed?

If you finds in basketball,

we should buy a franchise, dude. I'll go have these with you.

Oh, Jesus Christ.

Oh, my God.

There's a couple of BBLs in there. Actually, see if you can

find the Buns in basketball leg break.

There's a girl who fucking...

She has a Paul George-like fucking leg break.

Because she's just fat and she just falls under the weight of her

dribbling.

How bad is it?

It's pretty gnarly. It's not the worst I've ever

seen. It's not Tom Segura's arm bad, but it's close.
That was bad. That was so bad.
It's because when he pulls it back and it's flopped. It's the Anderson Silva retracting the flopped leg.
You know, his arm still is fucked. Tom's? Yeah, still not 100%.
Oh, I'd have to assume. His grip is still fucked up.
He had a bunch of nerve surgeries and shit. Yeah, that was gnarly.
Dude. Imagine if anyone's playing defense.
Just going for a layup. It just pops.
Oh, yeah, here we go. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Whoop, dip. Whoop, dip.
Oh! Oh, God! It just snaps. For buns and basketball, of all things.
Oh, it just snapped. Oh, my God.
Hey, I can tell it's going to rain tomorrow. How do you know that? Old buns and basketball injury.
Bro, those are bad injuries. The femurs are a real bad one because you've got to get blood flow to it.
Sometimes it takes a long time. Sometimes it doesn't fully heal.
I know a couple of people have broken femurs. That's the most painful one.
Yeah, I know a dude, Frank Mir. He was a UFC UFC champion.
Oh, yeah, yeah, sure. He got hit by a car when he was on his motorcycle, and he got thrown through the air.
And he was a giant fucking dude. He came back, too.
It took a long time before he was really back back. It took well over a over a year and a half two years before he's really performing at the same level I mean you'd have to ask him then he came out fought Brock right he was like the right away He fought Brock knee barred him.
Yeah, that was all after the accident. Yeah man UFC really has Straightened out your belief in other people from other sports saying like I can come do you mixed martial arts.
very few could ever pull it off, but Brock pulled it off. I mean the first one for me Was again is that blind belief I had in Kimbo slice I don't know.
I don't know why I didn't think that Roy Nelson would just hold him on the ground and mush his face until a referee was like hey leave him alone That's crazy Well Kimbo is's a tough motherfucker obviously i mean he was fighting just stand up only he's very dangerous like he was involved in like if bare knuckle boxing was around back then he would have been a huge star of bare knuckle boxing he would have fucked a lot of people up bare knuckle boxing but once you add in the wrestling and kimbo had a bunch of uh knee injuries from football and you know it's you can't really grapple at full Capacity with knee injuries and learn grappling at 35 or however old he was Yeah, but dude kudos to that guy for having the courage to actually just get into the UFC ultimate fighter That's crazy with very little grappling against Roy Nelson was a jiu-jitsu belt, Henzo Gracie black belt. Roy Nelson's fucking legit on the ground.
He was great. Big country.
He was so fun. He was so heavy, too.
Big old belly. He knows how to hold people down.
And he would shut up Burger King. He'd go to Burger King after the fights and stuff.
He also could fucking punch, dude. That guy could punch.
He had some of the craziest one-punch knockouts ever. Does that career? Amount to like does is he sitting on money now like a guy like that or is he like don't know I haven't talked to Roy in forever I don't know he wound up fighting for a bunch of different organizations You know he let when he left the UFC.
I think he fought for Bellator but uh That guy has some crazy highlight. He knocked out job one shot.
He knocked out, yeah, that's right We knocked out a lot of people dude. He'd connect on people.
They would go night night It was nuts man. He's so funny He knocked out a lot of fucking big tough dudes anybody comes at Shob I'm always like it's not even the the wins he's had more than I'm like This guy's not afraid of you Like he's been punched by like the best.
I promise you, whatever you think he thinks you can do to him, it's not as bad as that. He's been beaten up by world champions.
And he's knocked out world champions. He knocked out Mirko Krokop, which is crazy.
Like, Mirko Krokop, back in the day, was the fucking man. Sure.
He was, like, the first elite kickboxer to really excel in MMA. He was the first guy to show all these other strikers that you don't even know what you're talking about.
When he started fighting in pride, it was like, this is another level. He would kick people in the body, and you would see, like, there's a photo of him kicking Heath Herrig, and his fucking shin is halfway into his rib cage.
It's so nasty when you look at the photo of it you just go the amount of power that that guy could generate in his kicks like there was nobody like that before him in kickboxing or in MMA rather I felt so bad the first that first UFC coming back during a quarantine was so important everybody I don't know if it was the first one or the second one that came out but that was was like, man, you got to really pick your timing and when you're going to shout out what you're dedicating a fight to. Because there's that poor guy.
Like, he lost his stepdaughter and then he came out, like, wearing the shirt of the stepdaughter who passed away. And it was all dedicated to her.
I mean, you can see, as Alistair Overeem beat him into submission with punches, the referee was even kind of going like, come on, man, please try to fight back. I said at the end, Alistair Overeem should have been like, it's okay, everybody.
I was also fighting for his stepdaughter. Like, yay.
Yeah, it's tough. I mean, but to shout that out, like, before, yeah.
It's crazy. It's a lot of weight on YouTube.
Those are great YouTube compilations. The cocky fighter comes in the ring to get to lose Oh, there's always like the guy pushes the guy at the weigh-ins and start shit at the winds and gets knocked unconscious There was one a guy came in the UFC cage I forget what was but the way he entered the ring like he did a thing We hung on the outside of the cage and like swung into the ring and did some crazy like move and then just it was like an immediate knockout It's like a 30er.
Well, it's like you planning to talk to J-Lo. You just got to let things happen.
You just got to let things happen. You can't plan things out.
The inauthenticity of your planning will come to haunt you. Yeah.
Also, the shit you talk through life is also in broadcasting, as you start to get guests, it starts to haunt you. It's like the thing like Howard Stern had to make a gazillion apologies, I assume, by the time the guest he got on.
Because we've done it. Man, we fucked up so bad.
We came in one day. We saw Bret Michaels in the fishbowl.
It was when me and Soda were doing the show still. The fishbowl? What's the fishbowl? Of SiriusXM.
It's like there's a studio that you could see into right in the front there where they'll do performances and stuff. Okay.
And we were up in the fishbowl one time, we saw Bret Michaels when we came in talking to somebody. And then we go on air and almost like for the bit, we're like, how do we never get offered these guys? There's always celebrities here and they weren't even brought to us as we can get them.
It's so fucking crazy. And I go, right now as we speak, Bret Michaels is out there and then we said something about like his bandana being attached to his hair.
like and i think soder said like they lower his his bandana and hair onto him like darth vader and then they come back and they go he said he's willing to come in so oh no then he comes in and he's lovely this guy was making future promises with us of what stuff he wants to do with us and hang out and Come be a part of his summer festival and broadcast from there because he loves us so much But his manager was listening the whole time and he said as soon as he left the studio they went those guys are not your friends Shit Fuck shit. He's got to understand.
They didn't know you That's what it is. I know you Corey Feld Cory Feldman hates my guts and it's like what you do well.
I've never non-stop talking about him Yeah, we've never done. Oh, yeah hate on his dancing.
Yeah, maybe it's getting better. We're not even hating on it at all I love it.
I want to do nothing different And I wish they tried he tried to have us not allowed at his show and he opened for Limp. Not allowed? Yeah, and this head of security was a fan.
He came over to me and Bobby Kelly, and he was like, yeah, he goes, he was asking if you guys were coming. I said yes.
Then he asked if he could know where you were, then he asked if we could not let you in, and I was like, well, they're not doing anything. They're not threatening you or anything.
They're coming to watch a show, and he was like, well, can I at least know where they're sitting at? And he goes, it'll be wherever the most excited people are and son of a bitch were we i mean we were a sprout of grass on a dirt field of people i mean we were the only ones we were hyped i know all the words he's the best but i did that was the genius of howard stern that i fucked up um when i started getting the broadcasting i broadcasted always like it was going to be me

talking to a friend or friends,

shooting the shit.

Right.

Not that you're going to come across these people.

So I would have played more,

what Howard Stern was always great at,

is like, take the lunatic,

but he's always going to be like,

no, you're great.

Dude, you're the best.

And let the world make the joke.

Right.

Instead, like, I go at it,

but I was like, man,

I would have loved to just have Corey Feldman

come in bi-monthly to do it.

Hey, you got a new song?

Play it, dude.

I'll bite my fucking finger while I...

Thank you. Instead like I go at but I was like man I would have loved to just have Corey Feldman come in bi-monthly to do hey you got a new song play it dude I'll bite my fucking finger while

The thing about Corey that really does bother me like legitimately. We're so happy

This is him let me hear this He yells at his band.

It's such a weird...

The guitar solo.

He doesn't know how to play the guitar.

That's so crazy.

But he just does a solo.

How can you do a guitar solo if you don't know how to play a guitar? Does he actually not know how to play a guitar like do you know how to play no no no? But you don't have to know how to play to know he does not know how to play I could do what he's doing for sure But then here's what he did You know, I don't know what the trickle back is but I said after that was going viral the guitar I like, why doesn't this guy just come out and say like,

like if he's kind of like, no, I get it.

I get the joke too.

Like then it kind of puts people in there and stops them in their tracks.

And then he kind of did that.

He came and he goes, of course it's the worst guitar solo ever.

Of course.

That's why I'm doing it.

Like it's funny.

And it's like, no.

And Fred Durst came out to watch him do it to prove he was doing it.

Because Fred Durst is smart, like Howard Stern Stern He makes him think he's his friend, but he's a way bigger enemy that I could ever be to him Because he's going like dude go make an ass of yourself in front of all these people He's a young star guy that grew up to become a man, and they're all weird There's no way you could be a star at six years old and come out normal You don't have a normal life. It's impossible.
Is there nobody? I don't think there's one Everyone that I've met I mean there's some really talented people like Miley Cyrus and people that were Childhood stars that are cool to talk to and but they struggle. It's a struggle.
All of them struggle. Everybody struggles Like Punky Brewster's probably fine right now.
I don't know

Punky Brewster you don't remember so Leo moon fry she had the biggest titties. Oh, yeah, that's right She made a great documentary a few years back.
That's right

But didn't she became like a mom and got out of the business? Yeah, you can do that

But if you want to say you try if you're still if you're still clamoring for the fame

Yeah, but I don't mean I don't know how many people came out of the fame as a young person and were fine. But the people that stay and keep doing it, they're not fine.
Most of them. I mean, maybe there's a few.
I'm not saying it's impossible to do, but I'm saying the challenge of becoming a normal person with a normal view of the world when you're getting doted on when you're six. And you're the moneymaker in the house when you're a little kid.
Like your parents stop working to manage you. Like that kind of shit.
I like those Carter kids. I mean, that Aaron Carter kid was lost.
He was doing gay porn at the end. Not gay porn, but like gay cam stuff.
Oh, really? Yeah. Just whacking off on camera with face tattoos.
Didn't he have a boxing match against Lamar Odom? I was supposed to. I don't know if it ever ended up happening.
I think they did. I think they did.
And it's so crazy because he's like this skinny guy with not a muscle on his body. And Lamar Odom used to play for the WNBA.
Isn't that true? Yes. They did have it.
Yeah. It did happen? Yeah.
Lamar just beats the brakes off him. I mean, you have to assume.
He's a former professional athlete. The fact that Chuck Liddell is the fucking, look at the size difference.
This is so crazy. Look at him.
He's trying to punch him. Aaron Carter, he's letting him hit him.
He's just kind of, he touches him once. He's like letting him hit him.
Oh, man. It's sad to watch.
It's almost like he looked like, oh, there you hit him with the left hand. What's really sad about it is people is it's not just people watching you fight that wigs me out so much.
It's that there's something that knowing how to fight and the form of what you're doing looking any kind of good, especially if you're street fights. I mean, mean, when they devolve into, like, you know, like, men swinging like this, you're like, oh, man, we really all suck at the end of the day at this.
Like, it's so hard to keep, like, a fighter's composure on a street fight. Oh, especially if shit's going down.
Yeah, unless you do it all the time. I remember watching these two guys fight in front of the comedy store.
And it was across the street when the House of Blues was over there. So there so it was right in front in the parking lot these guys start yelling at each other and blah blah blah and they get out like almost in traffic they're like on the sidewalk like right where the street tumbles out and i see these two guys facing off and i see the white guy there's like a white guy and uh this looks like an out of shape african-american

fella and the white guy starts swinging with almost like with his eyes closed and then the

bus goes in between them so i can't see them and then as the bus goes back the white guy's

flat on his back spread eagle and the black guy's already running away he's out cold they were just squabbling in front and i don't remember how it was i just remember this i remember this and then the bus and then out cold do you have to deal with uh because i mean i know from like when lewis was working with bizbing and stuff and he'd go to vegas uh he'd like, they were all surprised at how many drunk guys at the casino try to like give him shit. Oh, there's a bunch of idiots out there.
I was like, do people come to you all the time? It's like, you know karate for real, dude? No. If you hang out with enough drunks long enough, someone will just avoid those areas.
Yeah. It's just, it's drunk people.
But if you're one of them and you're hanging out and you're drinking with people, yeah, there's people who used to get stupid with Chuck Liddell when Chuck Liddell was the light heavyweight champion. He was the scariest fucking human on the planet.
And people would get stupid with him. They're on coke.
They don't know what they're doing. They're out of their fucking minds.
It's just the idea you think you could win that fight. People are gacked up, fucked up.
They're all, they're crazy anyway. They're schizophrenic.
People are, there's so many nuts out there in this world most thing about fighting too is endurance That's what most people don't have and then you kind of fight if it's not over in 30 seconds Everyone's holding each other one of my favorite things. I watch I watched a lot of like body cam crime shit on YouTube And there's one it's a it's a Key West.
It's a couple The guy's's hammered. He essentially, he's got money for sure, this guy.
He's just trying to pay his bill with a library card or something where he's like, he doesn't know what's going on. And he's barking at the staff, and then someone on the staff pushes his face and then breaks into this melee, but it's 50-something-year-old white people getting into a fight, and one guy gets him in a side headlock, useless, and then they both sort of fall down, the husband and this guy who intervenes.
And the guy who intervenes eventually puts his, like, legs, you know, puts in his hooks, basically, but does nothing. Doesn't choke the guy out.
They're just kind of sitting there, two old, exhausted guys. Ten minutes later, at least, they get up, and they kind of have like the, you're a pussy, you're a pussy kind of thing, and they leave.
Then it cuts back to the cops outside, and they want to talk to the guy who intervened. Not mad at him.
They just want to get his side of the story, what happened. And this guy is just an old man, and the cops are questioning him, and they start to lose their patience because he just wants to keep telling his hero story.
And he just watched what happened. There's just two old men holding each other on the ground.
He goes, guy came out of nowhere and punched me. And I grew up doing this shit, man.
So, you know, I told the guy, I go, you got two ways this can go tonight. Oh, no.
He goes, you could knock it off or I could beat the fuck out of you uh he's telling this to the cops uh yeah if he might be able to find we're very classy uh body cam we're very classy people um maybe hopefully you could find it but it's uh but when he's telling the cop then he goes he's like i told him i could beat the fuck out he goes all right so then you were able to like subdue him He's like yeah, he goes I took him down I'm like he goes I don't want a problem with you and I go you you want No parts of what I'm about to bring the you my man and it's all this none of this happened You just watched the video where you just grabbed them They felt they flopped on the ground and laid there exhausted for ten minutes while the while the lady screams It's nothing and it's just like, just a guy talking with that belief. Yep.
Is it? So this is the video. Let me see some action.
So that's just them getting on the ground. Give me some volume.
Will we get in trouble? Will we lose the YouTube rights? What happens? Every step is it. Okay, don't give me any volume then.
Yeah. So that them you can always fast for yeah, they just stay there and eventually get up and have like the hands on each other Yeah, they're up Now wait no no no it's right after the video, but we're not gonna be able to play it.
Oh, you can't play the audio No, they'll they'll fucking get us on YouTube If you're commenting on it, it's commentary. Are you allowed to? It depends.
It's this guy. Huh? Yeah, I probably got punched.
Yeah. Douchebag jumped out of nowhere, giving shit to the employees, and I just said, hey.
Knocked it off. Yeah.
Okay, so were you the first one to go ahead and grab them to try and move water? Well, no. I was probably the first guy.
These guys fucked with the waitresses. I said, dude, what are you doing? The guy fucking punched me.
I said, dude, you don't want to get into this with me. I grew up doing this shit.
I said, don't do it. I drug him to the ground.
I said, you've got two options. Either stop or I'm going to beat the living fuck out of you.
Okay. So I said, that's how it's going to go and he said, I want a problem with you.
I said, you want nothing to do with what I'm going to bring to you. And then, oh yeah, no, it's right there.
There's only one more thing where the cop cuts him off. So you were on the ground with him holding on to him? Yep, I held on to him and said until he decided.
Yeah, right there. The cop cuts him off so he doesn't want to hear he says anymore he goes so you were able to get him on the ground goes Got him on the ground and I said to him.
He goes, I am you had him on the ground Like stop telling us you're I mean it's the way this guy speaks It's like the Bushido code states that if the weapon is drawn it must taste blood before put away This is hilarious white people fighting. That's what this is hilarious, and it goes nowhere Where no one's going to the ground.
What's going on? This is a lie. Oh, now they're on the ground.
But he's like, I drug him on the ground. Really, the husband drags him on the ground, technically.
Yeah, it's a disaster. But telling us, my friend Justin Silver used to have my favorite joke about that kind of personality, though.
He's like, because I'm a liar. He goes, I lie about everything.
And he was like, I'm the guy who like, you know, gets into a situation with somebody in the street and then I don't do anything and then I go home, shadow box and call my friends and tell them all the things that I wish I did like it actually happened. And his line was, if I did all the things I told my friends I did, my name would be Indiana Bon Jovi Balboa.
When you're a kid and you have a situation like that happen the rest of the day You play it in your head like what I should have said oh man. Yeah, I wish I had another chance I would have said well fuck you because that's the worst when it goes away Yeah, I'm internal dialogue things like for the rest of day.
What should I have said and you like plot it out and plan and scheme I'll find him again one day one day I'm gonna find that asshole that I've done dumb things though where it's like I don't even with no real trained preparation for any of these situations, but like I also when I I always had a car and when you're younger and have a car It's destroying you financially usually like it how much it costs to have a car. So it means a lot to you.
No matter how shitty it is. When people would fucking hit my car.
New York's a big thing with that. You stop short and a pedestrian just slaps the front of your car or something.
Dude, to this day. I would get irate by that.
To this day, I think about one guy. I had a little Honda CRX.
And I was driving in New York. And I was making my way to this intersection and i got stuck in between lights and then people started walking and i tried to find like some space where i could not be in the intersection there was a nice gap and so people this guy wasn't close to the car so i started moving forward and he whacks my fucking car with a briefcase and i was like i'm gonna pull over I'm gonna put this guy in the hospital So this this crazy wild thought like I'm gonna pull over and I'm just gonna go smash this dude And I said no just drive just drive just drive And like for years I would think about that guy yeah for years this arrogant cocksucker Hitting my car with a fucking briefcase.
I it's what it It's what unites me and Lewis. We both have a crazy need for justice.
It's why I like those stupid revenge movies. It's justice.
So it's that. It's the thing.
It's like the guy who did that thing, I have like a, I bet he won't do that anymore. I bet he won't do that anymore after I've sorted this situation out.
But I mean, so dumb like it's so I mean it's a dude thing to getting out of the car I mean one time so early when I was coming to New York and I my what became my ex-wife uh we were just dating at the time in a car driving a Saturn guy trying to impress two girls he's with and he goes by just like slaps the front of the car and it stayed and then they walk into washington square park and i like i'm just stewing in it like i barked some shit out the window no no for seconds i'm stewing in it and then i pull over with my new girlfriend i go wait here and she goes what and then i begin to run after this guy into the park what i'm not thinking about is as i'm running when i finally find this guy on the other side of washington square park i turn around dude he could have pushed me over with a feather i was like what's up motherfucker you you want to fucking slap your scars and luckily i i just scared him with my size i guess ultimately or something because like he didn't do anything but i was as soon as I got there and spun this guy around I'm like I'm done I'm so exhausted from running I never run I sprinted to find him without thinking that I'm giving all my energy to that run and I'm like you need like a half hour to recover he just fucking hit my car man and he was luckily apologetic and like whoa dude I don't want any trouble and you're like it's fucking ain't right it's fucking right you don't want any trouble it's a i took 10 extra minutes walking back to the car leaving my girlfriend in the car because uh i didn't want her to see how heavy i was breathing i had to get it all back together and just come back to the car and be like scared that pussy oh that's such a dumb thing to do because you could do it to the wrong guy i watch my instincts are terrible on it because i do i don't get out thinking like and then as soon as someone pulled out a gun i'd be like none of this was worth it guy just slapped my car every now and then you'll see someone do something stupid and the person they're doing it to actually knows how to fight those are very satisfying so satisfying yeah There's one with cops. Check Terrence McKinney, the UFC fighter.

Sure.

Put it up on his Instagram page today. So this cop tries a shitty double leg on this guy, and the guy knew how to fight, and the guy sprawls, and the cop tries to hit him, and the guy cracks him, and the guy tries to tell him, hey, stop.
And then the cop, watch this. Like, look at the cop.
Shoots a shitty double. Nice brawl.
Look at this. Pushes him off.
He's got him in a headlock. Let's him go.
Cop punches. Bam.
Drops him with one shot. Hits him a couple more times.
Hits him again. Rocks him.
The cop is getting rocked. Jesus Christ.
And the guy wasn't doing anything. He was just arguing with the cops.
I don't know if that was a cop. Is that a cop? It's some kind of security.
Some security, something. He's got a badge.
And he's wearing white gloves, too. White gloves.
The gloves are... He gets his dukes up.
Like, both of them... He had some training, but he massively overestimated his ability.
Like, look at this shitty double leg. Show me that shitty double leg again.
Watch this shitty double leg. Look shitty double look at that terrible no drive at all Scared of the concrete so he's trying to double leg without his knees going to the ground.
He doesn't want to really drive forward There's a great video of a very in shape cop and he's going at it with a teenager Who's really talking shit? And he's like he's like a wiggery kid doing like a yo man with to take off that badge You know what's up take off that badge take off the vest boy you know what's up? And he just keeps going to him. And he's like a wiggery kid doing like a, yo, man, take off that badge.
You know what's up? Take off that badge. Take off the vest, boy.
You know what's up? And he just keeps going to him and the cops eventually like, hey, you keep balling up your fists, man. Like, what are you doing? Just relax.
Like, I'm just, what are you doing here? I'm just seeing who everybody is, you know? He's like, yeah, you know what's up, pussy. Take that vest.
And when he gets in his face one time, he just grabs him by the shoulders, puts his foot behind him. I mean, and how fast the kid's like oh okay whoa we got a little nuts back there i saw that one yeah those are fun well kids are fat women getting tasered that's my other favorite i bet that young man was under 25 oh no doubt his brain was mush no doubt and then but it's funny when they have to come back and they go i was being crazy back there that's why they send those young boys out to war Because they're all fucking piss and vinegar all piss and vinegar with a non fully deformed brain Yeah, I'm fully formed brain.
They fucking Gun and here's some meth. Let's fucking go there's a guy in the audience last night We did story wars at mothership and there's a guy in the front who's wears a brace around his body like we asked him why He He was stabbed in Afghanistan, hand-to-hand combat.

Oh, Jesus Christ.

It was a gunfight and it ended up being hand-to-hand combat.

He said he knocked the guy down, didn't confirm that he was out.

And then when he took his attention away, the guy reached up and stabbed him.

Right in the fucking chest, basically.

Jesus Christ.

Pretty wild.

And we were like, and we're looking at this guy.

We go, in Afghanistan, he was 18 He was 18 Wow, I think you said the 16 year old was the kid the kid who stabbed him was 16 Jesus Christ Such a wild thing. It's intense.
It's a little too intense don't get in fights kids That's our message right if you can avoid it. Absolutely.
I've avoided all of them. I tried to, I got to know a thing, a road rage thing where I knocked a guy out.
He wasn't very big. And I basically got out of the car and he was right away, didn't want to do anything.
And I mushed his face. He was drunk and I kept mushing his face until he would throw a drunken punch.
And then I hit him and I caught him. Only time I'm in a fight in my life where I caught him first shot and he literally like folded on the ground and then I got in my car drove away with my current girlfriend Christine and when we uh we got like a few blocks away my you know my adrenaline started going down and I was like and so jokingly almost I just look at her and I kissed my bicep like one shot and she goes uh she goes she was like really pissed like she didn't think it was funny or anything and I was like but it wasn't even like kind of hot that I just knocked that guy out one shot and she was like no like what if you killed him like his head bounced off the ground like what it's all for what and I was like yeah it's a great point I guess it's a real good I'm like what a great fucking point because I I'm walking away from that like, hey, I didn't even get touched.
And I got Sweet Beautiful Justice, you know, the way I'm always searching for. And she was like, no, what if you killed him? And I'm like, yeah, there is a point there for sure.
I often think about that with that guy in front of the comedy store. What about yourself getting killed? What if you'd kill somebody? Oh, yeah, for sure.
Yeah, you never punch somebody in the face on the concrete if you can. Like a good trained fighter probably punching the body.
Yeah. Just because they don't want to go to jail forever.
One of Kevin James' friends went to jail for like seven years. He was a bouncer at a nightclub in Long Island.
Knocked a guy out, the guy falls, hits his head, dies. Happens.
Yeah, but didn't Harry Houdini get killed from a gut shot? Something like that. Yeah, like a punch to the stomach.
He died days later. Yeah.
Because like an organ busted.

You never think about that.

You want to give everything you got to a face punch, and then you're like, boy, I sure hope I don't blind him forever.

These are all things that could happen.

All things that could happen.

All right, Jay.

I love you to death.

Let's wrap this bitch up.

Can I plug up?

Yeah, please do.

My first half of Double Crowdwork special.

Let's go.

Them is currently out.

Second half, they.

It's coming up 420.

All done for comedy work.

So we're almost at a million.

One of the best fucking clubs on earth.

That club rules.

That club is so great.

It's so good.

Well, you guys do the same thing.

Everyone's facing forward.

Yep.

And yonder bags.

Oh, yeah.

I thought about that when I was designing my club.

I was almost going to do the seats like she has them when they're all locked down.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Wendy's the best.

Shout out to Wendy.

We love her.

All right.

Thank you, brother.

Thank you.

Bye, everybody.