#2296 - Big Jay Oakerson

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Speaker 1 Big J.

Speaker 1 What's happening? Hell yeah. You went with the three nose rings now.
You're getting crazy. Yeah, it's getting carried away.
I went to go, I had a cold, and I think I blew my nose, one of them out.

Speaker 1 So then I went to go get it re-put back in, and and I was like, throw another one in there while you're at it. Fuck it.
I'm just me fighting age, I think. Is that what it is? Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 There's something weird when you're fighting age. Like, you know, you're doing it, but you can't help it.
Oh, yeah, absolutely.

Speaker 1 Like, when people make fun of me, it's the way I dress or whatever, coloring my hair, my piercings,

Speaker 1 and they always like, is it going to change at some point? And I am hitting an age where I'm like, I can't just do a hard shift one day, but it is funny to think, like, I can't see myself at 65

Speaker 1 doing some of the stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I don't know. Why not? Who gives a shit? You can, but it's also like, I feel if I saw it, I'd have a million and one jokes about it.
Right.

Speaker 1 But it's still at the end of the day, you're like, you know, I'd walk out, I'd go, oh, I forgot my pocket scarf. I got to go back upstairs.

Speaker 1 I forgot my kudos. As long as you're still funny, you can pull it off.
But when you're bombing with red hair and three nose rings. Shit, that's true.
That becomes an issue. That is true.

Speaker 1 As long as you stay funny. That's why I think when I first started, I tried to blend in whatever I was.
I started in that black black circuit, so like I had so much foo-boo shit on. Oh, there you go.

Speaker 1 And just like, yeah, jerseys and stuff. So I definitely played it up.
The funniest was having a big silver chain with a cross that I'm Jewish.

Speaker 1 But I just really was like, I think they'll like me more if I have a cross.

Speaker 1 When I first started, I thought you had a dress like those guys on Evening at the Improv, so I got a blazer and I rolled the sleeves up, and I had like a wacky t-shirt that I wore.

Speaker 1 The costume? Yeah, the costume. Have a button on your blazer, some wacky button.

Speaker 1 I watched all those shows growing up, even at the improv carolines comedy hour the evolution of comedy is insane it's pretty insane yeah the evolution of just like the fact that uh these guys i've watched uh like who always laugh and go back to bill kirschenbauer do you know that was that was the guy

Speaker 1 he played uh he was the coach on a sitcom he got a sitcom called just the ten of us where he had like eight kids or something he was like a coach it was a spin-off show of some sort but he was just like a a zany comic you know he just would go on stage and he was just loud and weird and yeah Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 But these were the guys who made the rounds. Right.

Speaker 1 Monologists. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Well, it's almost like their act just got them to a sitcom. Like, that was a real strategy back then.
You had an act that could get you to a sitcom. That's all everybody wanted.

Speaker 1 When I did New Faces at Montreal,

Speaker 1 my manager, at the time, terrible,

Speaker 1 just gave me, I mean, he was just pushing the old advice. He was like, everything was like, don't be yourself at all.

Speaker 1 Like, write a set that's going to be, what's your sitcom, basically, and dress, you know, a certain kind of dress like for stage.

Speaker 1 And I don't know what I was, I didn't know how to, like, what he meant in nice clothes. So I had like black loafers and straight-legged,

Speaker 1 like, dark blue dungarees

Speaker 1 and like a short-sleeve button-down shirt. You had a switcher and you had black loafers on.
And

Speaker 1 a short-sleeve, like, blue, button-down shirt. It looked ridiculous.
And it was so dramatic. It's also funny, too, doing it as long as I have now 27 years, I think, I'm doing it.
Like the

Speaker 1 hilarious, like, fake emotion you put into things. I remember having my daughter was a baby when I did New Faces and talk into the picture backstage before I went on stage.
Oh, wow.

Speaker 1 All right, we're going to go do it. And then had a mediocre set, and all I got from New Faces was like a MTV2 talking head one-off, like, what were they thinking?

Speaker 1 What were they wearing? MTV2 presents. You remember those things where you would just start talking shit about people? That's it.
Yeah, and they would just clip it up.

Speaker 1 They took, they wouldn't, I did a couple of them. They didn't air most of it.

Speaker 1 And the one I always remember, because when I would go back to MTV for anything, they would always be like, we still passed the, like the segment around of you doing that, what were they thinking?

Speaker 1 Yeah. And it was Fiona Apple on an award show years ago to accept her award.
She got there and started quoting. She's like, the great Maya Angelou or something.
And I was like, Maya Angelou.

Speaker 1 I was like, what is she talking about Maya Angelou for? Look, we all loved her as Weezy Jefferson, and I enjoy her pancake syrup.

Speaker 1 And then they were like, yo,

Speaker 1 you can't call my Angelou Aunt Jemima. I'm like, but I'm kidding.

Speaker 1 But I'm kidding, though. I know who Maya Angelou is.
Wasn't it funny that they took Aunt Jemima off of Aunt Jemima? But that was an actual lady who was an entrepreneur.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and they just could get rid of it because no one's paying attention to why.

Speaker 1 They decided to dress like that anymore.

Speaker 1 They just decided that Aunt Jemima was racist. Uncle Ben.
But that's true, right? I mean, this is not a TikTok myth, is it? Make sure that's true.

Speaker 1 I might have got fooled by TikTok.

Speaker 1 I should say reels, because I'm not really on TikTok.

Speaker 1 Whether or not Aunt Jemima was a real entrepreneur,

Speaker 1 I'm pretty sure it's true. I think it's based on a real woman.
And I think she just was like an awesome cook and put together some

Speaker 1 fucking pancakes. Some great pancakes? Yeah, there's a lady.

Speaker 1 Nancy Green, it says.

Speaker 1 Oh, so her name wasn't Jemima? Right there.

Speaker 1 That's the real lady? I mean, this is the first ads, I guess. You could tell me that's

Speaker 1 hold up, hold up, hold up, hold up. That looks like racist propaganda.
Look at this. Look at this.
Eyes in town, honey.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 All arguments are out the window. Eyes in town, honey.
Okay, unless you are an actual black person saying that, you can't write that down.

Speaker 1 Like, you know, that was some fucking egghead advertising executive that put that together and then the poor guy the poor guy the printing press had to keep double checking he was like are you sure we're going to do this i apostrophe yes okay yes it's how they speak oh i don't know man oh bro i don't want to get involved in this oh damn that was a crazy picture i just saw i went to a uh that's so crazy i was looking at an art gallery in philly recently that had like a dr seus uh exhibit at it and i forgot that dr seus had all those like crazy racist drawings and stuff.

Speaker 1 Right. What were they? What were they? It was just like, you know, a hunter, like with like a savage with like giant lips and stuff like that.
That's right.

Speaker 1 You know, it's like the most crazy racist shit that caught me off guard was R. Crumb.
Yeah. You know R.
Crumb, the like 70s sort of psychedelic comic book guy?

Speaker 1 He was very popular when I was a kid living in San Francisco and when I was an artist. And I was like, I used to love his stuff because I was like, God, this guy's so weird.

Speaker 1 And then I saw some of the like the super racist ones. And you're like, yo,

Speaker 1 what the fuck?

Speaker 1 It really is. The explanation is like, yeah, it's a different time.

Speaker 1 He had some just weird shit, man. Like, he liked riding on giant women.
You ever see the documentary they did on him? No, but I know what it is. Yeah.
No, I've never seen it. It's very interesting.

Speaker 1 It's like, because his brother is super weird and his mother is super weird.

Speaker 1 And, you know, here's this guy, like, wearing a tie, and he's a real pervert, and he's like openly a pervert, but like a brilliant artist. That's great.
Yeah, really fascinating.

Speaker 1 I've heard of it before. It is amazing, though, that the stuff.
I was, I went to a

Speaker 1 musician, a musician's house for New Year's Eve when I first moved to New York, so 20-some years ago.

Speaker 1 And I just invited me and Kurt Metzger, and we went to his apartment, and it was covered in like Sambo paintings, like real. Oh, geez.
But there's like black people at the party.

Speaker 1 It was just like, yeah, it's art. And I'm like,

Speaker 1 I don't know if I'd cover my house and something. I had to explain every one of them to people.
I go, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you have a lot of choices. You can have puppies, flowers.
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Speaker 1 This offer is for new customers only. I see it's so funny when someone makes strong decisions if they change their ways.

Speaker 1 I used to drive strippers to bachelor parties to be the bouncer with zero skills to handle that whatsoever. I took the job as like fat kid that wanted to see naked girls for free.

Speaker 1 And I ended up at a bachelor party with two brothers. It was one of the brothers thing and he was covered in like swastika tattoos and all kinds of crazy shit.

Speaker 1 And the strippers were not both white for sure, but there's also black people at this party and stuff like that.

Speaker 1 And I don't know the explanation these guys have to give, but I talked to one of their black friends and was like, hey, is it weird to ask?

Speaker 1 But like these guys guys are all covered in like swastika and racist tattoos. And they're like, oh, yeah, they just got caught up in some bullshit when they were teenagers.
They're good dudes.

Speaker 1 Like, wow.

Speaker 1 And they're still wearing short-sleeved shirts, huh? That seems strange. You think these guys would be wearing Terrell Owens bodysuits, like to cover that up?

Speaker 1 It's like one of the arguments why you shouldn't be able to get a tattoo until you're 25.

Speaker 1 Is that when the brain's fully formed? Yeah, when you're a boy, your brain's women mature younger, but when you're a boy, your brain is fully formed at 25, where you're able to make solid decisions.

Speaker 1 What decisions do girls make for tattoos that are that great? Very few swastikas. Very few swastikas.
Like, what are the numbers of swastikas on girls versus on dudes?

Speaker 1 Like, if we could Google that, please.

Speaker 1 What percentage, like, what percentage of this is? I think it's just that one girl, the character that Fyruza Balk played in American History X.

Speaker 1 Did you, I just read a thing recently. This made me laugh so hard.
You know this movie, American History X? Yes, I remember that movie. That movie was crazy.
Great movie. Crazy movie.

Speaker 1 Ending is such a question mark on on it. Right.

Speaker 1 And if you recall, like, you know, he goes to prison. He reforms himself.
He comes out. He tries to get his brother out of that mindset of being a white supremacist.

Speaker 1 And then he succeeds, basically, in telling him the story of what happened to him in jail. And then the next day, he walks his brother to school.

Speaker 1 His brother gets killed by a black kid, shoots him in the chest, and he dies. And then he goes in to save him.
Or he goes in there and just cries, screaming, like, what have I done?

Speaker 1 You know, his brother's dead now. And then they end the movie.
The director, who apparently was a lunatic, him and Edward Norton like fought the whole time. Oh, really?

Speaker 1 Over like how the movie should go. But the director's ending he wanted to do

Speaker 1 was after the brother gets shot by the by the black kid, they were going to show Edward Norton in the mirror and then with the big swastika tattoo on him.

Speaker 1 And then he was going to smirk in the mirror and walk off. I was like, they should have played Back in Black after that.

Speaker 1 He's back. And he's racister than ever.

Speaker 1 I was almost paying for a move.

Speaker 1 Just imagine me smiling at him. Can you imagine a Schwarzenegger movie ending to American History X? That is so crazy that he wanted to do that.

Speaker 1 I mean, not the song, but that is.

Speaker 1 They should have played the song. Yeah, the image was smirking.

Speaker 1 The song would have been, everybody would have been so mad. Can you imagine if you cheesed it up just at the end?

Speaker 1 Like you have this brilliant movie, and at the end, just total cheeseball, curveball ending. Oh, man.
I remember taking a date to go see a,

Speaker 1 it was was a girl I lost my virginity to, who's a little bit older than me, and a very hippy-dippy girl. And we went to go see, um, oh, what the fuck

Speaker 1 was the movie? It was a John Singleton movie.

Speaker 1 Boys in the Hood? Fuck. No, no, no, no.
It was the one on the school campus.

Speaker 1 Why am I blanking on it? Omar Epps was in it. Tyra Banks was in it.
Michael Rappaport was great in it. Oh, Higher Learning.
Higher Learning.

Speaker 1 I took this girl to see Higher Learning, and the movie is crazy. At the end of the movie,

Speaker 1 Michael Rappaport goes crazy. He becomes, he gets roped into being a white supremacist with the skinhead group on campus.
Never seen that. These guys were, I mean, like, hardcore on-campus skinheads.

Speaker 1 But they still got loans.

Speaker 1 It's a science fiction movie. They're like, white power.
All right.

Speaker 1 I got social studies in a few minutes. On campus.
I got to go.

Speaker 1 Hey,

Speaker 1 can you finish nailing these crosses together? What year is this? 95. 95.
So crazy. Yeah, right when I graduated high school.

Speaker 1 And I take her to see this movie, and it said the movie is Michael Rapport joins the skinhead group.

Speaker 1 Black people on this campus, a lot of things. There's like a black party going on.
I think a white kid

Speaker 1 tried to rape a girl, Christy Swanson, and then all the black guys go to help. and like kind of beat up the kid who raped her.

Speaker 1 And then the cops, of course, come and get mad at the black people and save the rapist. Then Michael Rappport goes nuts, goes on top of the school and starts picking off black people.

Speaker 1 In a 90-minute arc. Oh, yeah.
Starts picking off black people.

Speaker 1 One of them kills Omar Epps' girlfriend, Tyra Banks. Oh, God.
And then he gets into a fight. Omar Epps and him get into a fistfight.

Speaker 1 And then the cops break it up, start beating the shit out of Omar Epps. And then Michael Rappaport pulls a gun out on the cops when they're trying to stop him.

Speaker 1 And I know the scene's trying to be like they're trying to keep the situation calm so nothing more crazy happens, but they're going like, it's okay, okay son everything's gonna be okay we're okay you know while he's like holding the gun and then uh i think michael raport kills himself is how that ends and then at the end there's like a concert happening and they just put the word unlearn across the screen and you can just hear black people in the audience go what the fuck and i was like yo let's go

Speaker 1 let's go and she was like what I was like no no no let's go like do not let these credits start let's get in the car and I mean I don't know how bad it got out there but it was a yelling, a lot of yelling.

Speaker 1 It was an inflammatory movie. Wow.
There's no point in a movie where a white person got their due. It was always like a white person fucks over black people, and then the cops are like,

Speaker 1 you're fine.

Speaker 1 Jeez. Hey, shit happens, man.
You can make a movie like that before the internet. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You know?

Speaker 1 Yeah, because there wouldn't be a...

Speaker 1 a million signature proof that this shouldn't be a thing or whatever. Well, it's also preposterous, like

Speaker 1 patently preposterous. Just to argue it? Well, if you're pretending there's a white power group on a college campus,

Speaker 1 how about ever?

Speaker 1 Like this is crazy. Like you found the one, that shit was just a study, the one college that has a white power group in it and like open, openly.
Openly. What? Walking around, tattoos out.

Speaker 1 And all the cops are openly racist. Like, not just like there's a racist cop, just like there's a racist fucking postman.
You know, there's racists everywhere.

Speaker 1 There's a racist dentist out there somewhere. Yeah, but they make it like that at the today's meetings, like, all right, let's round up some blacks, make sure these whites are okay.
So crazy.

Speaker 1 So crazy. You can make a movie like that.
I think you'd still be that kind of inflammatory. They go for it.

Speaker 1 I just watched that adolescence thing, which I thought was

Speaker 1 this

Speaker 1 new, it's a four-part mini-series on Netflix. It's British.

Speaker 1 I watch things so open-minded and just looking to be entertained that I miss messages a lot.

Speaker 1 But by the third episode, I realized it's about a little boy gets immediately accused of Tout starts of killing a classmate and he's getting arrested. Each episode is one shot to me.

Speaker 1 It's like a play and the acting is unbelievable.

Speaker 1 But what it whittles down to, it's apparently like a, from the videos I watched Beyond, like this show explained, because I look at all those, and it was like an anti-like toxic masculinity like message.

Speaker 1 And the idea was just like

Speaker 1 the kids watched porn and his dad's a tough guy. So that's why he thought he can kill a woman or why he can kill a girl.
Wow. And they shout out,

Speaker 1 and again, I don't know a lot of this guy's stuff other than the basic idea, but they shout out Andrew Tate. And when I heard that name, I was like, oh, that's what this is.
But here's the thing.

Speaker 1 There is,

Speaker 1 that could be a real guy. Like, that's less preposterous than the white power group on campus.
Oh, yeah. Like, there's kids that get radicalized.

Speaker 1 They got an evil parent who, who, you know, who fucking. They didn't really make it that dad was evil.
They were making it more like the porn and like the idea that like

Speaker 1 mom should be in line and cooking. Those guys who grow up without a mom, those guys can definitely, if they have a shitty dad and no mom, those guys could definitely be.

Speaker 1 And if you have psycho in your DNA. I had too much mom.

Speaker 1 No, you didn't. No, you had the perfect amount to make you.

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Speaker 1 I had my little dad, lots of mom, just tendencies when I was my step-pop, man, he swooped in and saved my ass from really being as

Speaker 1 twirly as possible without being into cocks.

Speaker 1 I mean, I was like the prime for the take, and I'm sitting there laying on my tummy as a kid watching Falcon Crest in Dallas with my mom.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God. That's what I know Lorenzo Lama's from.
Falcon Crest, not Renegade, like everybody else. Was Renegade the one where he was the karate guy? He was the karate guy,

Speaker 1 but he was sent. He was a bounty hunter.
That's right. On a motorcycle.
But wasn't he like a karate guy, too?

Speaker 1 I'm not making that up. Well, no, no, he would fight his fights with karate.

Speaker 1 But Stephen. He was beautiful.
He was gorgeous. So handsome.
I know. It really is the sadness of a guy that handsome because he got a girl that was smoking hot.
And then, what's it, Shauna Sands?

Speaker 1 Look at him. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I think he married Shauna Sand, was like a Playboy girl. And then they break up, and she gets crazy surgery.
She looks like a lunatic.

Speaker 1 She starts doing porn. Oh, no.

Speaker 1 And he still looks pretty great.

Speaker 1 He's had a ton of fucking series, those weird series that you like flip through in the middle of the night. Like, he's a motorcycle detective or something.
It's like, there's a bunch of those.

Speaker 1 How many series?

Speaker 1 He's one of those guys that always has a series. I mean, the alliteration of the name, he was handsome.
It was all kind of perfect. Yeah.
Does he have

Speaker 1 a career? Does he keep the long hair? No, there's no way. Because he's still rocking.
Like, Fabio still rocks it. He's not letting go.
Damn.

Speaker 1 Respect. No, see, he's got short hair.
Look at him. Even older with white hair.
Handsome as fuck.

Speaker 1 But I mean, comparatively, too, if you look at the ex that was like his holy shit wife. She fell apart.
They all fall apart. That surgery is a crazy way to go because you can't see what you look like.

Speaker 1 It's like anorexics or bodybuilders. You get dysmorphia.

Speaker 1 Your brain starts playing tricks on you and you think your lips aren't big enough and your tits aren't big enough and your face is, you know, like there's some skin on the side of your ears.

Speaker 1 You can pull it back and you can tuck this and pull that and your ass would stick out more if they put the implants in. And that would probably get me

Speaker 1 a better guy. I get a fat ass.
I always say I crowdsource it. If the audience will pay for it, I'll get a fat ass.
Let's find out what they do because I'm bewildered.

Speaker 1 So I know that there's an operation where they take fat out of other parts of your body and they stuff it in your ass, and your ass looks like a bag of cheese.

Speaker 1 There's bad ones. I mean, maybe there's good ones.
Maybe there's good ones. Maybe I'm being judgmental.
There's probably a doctor out there. Hey, I do it under the surface of the fat.

Speaker 1 So the battle is a bad thing. There's always a smooth smooth area on top.
Some wizard with a BMW.

Speaker 1 But at this point, there are good breast implants. At this point, there are.
They exist. Yes, they feel real.

Speaker 1 But also, they look real, and they don't have like the where you have like the, you know, you see rib cage between them. Yes.
But here's the thing.

Speaker 1 You are putting something that's similar to breast tissue where breast tissue would be. So with this, your butt is a muscle.
Yeah. You know, it's like muscle and fat.
A male.

Speaker 1 Why'd you say male, Jamie? He's a male. How dare you? What do you mean? Can expect to retain anywhere from 60 to 80% of the fat that is initially transferred into the butt.

Speaker 1 I like when they say butt like that, I really think they're, you know, professional.

Speaker 1 Look at you talking about surgery. Into the glue.
You're calling butt surgery? Yeah. What kind of a fucking doctor? Let me see your diploma.

Speaker 1 Now you're going to want to be gentle when you take a shit for the next three weeks. The rest will be reabsorbed by the body over time.

Speaker 1 The results you see immediately after surgery and in the weeks following are not permanent. Around 90 days post-op,

Speaker 1 your butt will finally stabilize into its new shape and size.

Speaker 1 The procedure itself is semi-permanent as opposed to permanent. As your body responds to natural aging process and normal weight fluctuations, so too will your buttocks.

Speaker 1 Depending on the precautions you take during your recovery and the lifespan you maintain in the time following, your BBL may last several years to even decades.

Speaker 1 I saw a dude at the mall the other day with a BBL. For sure? 100%.
No way it's real. Gay? Yeah.
Super.

Speaker 1 How dare you ask that? Imagine it wasn't a gay guy. Imagine straight guys start getting BBLs.
It has to exist. A hops has to.
There's definitely a guy.

Speaker 1 It's probably a whole website dedicated to normalizing straight guy BBLs. Daddy Makeover.
Daddy Makeover. Just lift way too fucking pussy.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I mean. Just go to the gym and do the work.

Speaker 1 Shut your mouth and stop it with your BBL. And listen, I'll put it out there again, unless the crowd pays for it, I will get a fat ass.

Speaker 1 Here's the thing. I think there's other ways to do it.
And this was my question, because I know there's an implant as well.

Speaker 1 So there's butt implants, which is kind of even crazier, because then you're taking the risk of having something, a foreign object in your ass where everyone's scared to get cancer.

Speaker 1 Like if you're scared to get cancer, what's the place you're scared to get the cancer the most? Ass cancer. You don't have to shit in a bag, you know?

Speaker 1 So like you're thinking about these plastic things that you've inserted into the muscle tissue surrounding your, what kind of inflammation is going to be caused by that?

Speaker 1 What about the plastic leaching into your body as you're in the sauna? What the fuck are you doing? Yeah, it's a weird thing. You know, I can't believe they still haven't

Speaker 1 perfected dick surgery, dick lengthening, or thickening surgery. But what's crazy is there are procedures and people get them.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I couldn't imagine getting a procedure that's been done like under a thousand times yet.

Speaker 1 Wait, here's the thing, man.

Speaker 1 You didn't want to be the first tonsillectomy, and that's like routine. Isn't it kind of shocking that no one's figured out a way to make a bigger dick? It's kind of shocking.
It is shocking.

Speaker 1 That's what I'm saying. I'm surprised that hasn't been the thing.
There's the butt enlargement. Intramuscular buttock implants.
So now when they say butt talk, I feel a little more comfortable. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I feel like these are real pros. So you're going to take those plastic.
What are those things made out of, Jamie? Let's find out how to get it. But hey, what? Those ones are dirty.

Speaker 1 They pulled him out of a butt. Oh, they took him out.
He's a detransitioner.

Speaker 1 Okay, so what does it say?

Speaker 1 Butt augmentation is most commonly performed by fat injections.

Speaker 1 Men can do like women's synthetic... Oh, while men can do like women's

Speaker 1 synthetic filters, fillers, oh, synthetic fillers, oh boy. And fat injections, they often are less tolerant to the procedures that require multiple treatments and whose effects are more modest.

Speaker 1 Interesting. They're often smaller and flatter buttocks, are more resistant to augmentation efforts with stronger intergluteal muscles and a thinner subcutaneous fat layer.

Speaker 1 So he's saying, I can do it to dudes, but it's not going to come out good.

Speaker 1 Isn't it crazy that the only real end game of this...

Speaker 1 Because like, what's the benefit in your life? It's a dick. But it's like money.
It's like ultimately it's like finding someone who's going to like your weird body more.

Speaker 1 You think it's money for dudes? It's like, oh, for dudes. Yeah, these are dudes.
That's a dude. Oh, that's just gay, probably.
Gay as fuck.

Speaker 1 Or maybe the guy was also crowdsourced, and maybe they paid for it. Maybe.
Maybe it's just, yeah.

Speaker 1 Solid, ultra-soft silicon buttock implants of 400cc were placed and a layered muscle and incision closure done. No drains were used.
His long-term results showed good improvement. Scroll up, please.

Speaker 1 His buttock size and shape is even probably better in that regard than I thought could occur. Ew.
Do some squats. It looks fake.
Like there's a lump. There's a lump where you have a tumor in your ass.

Speaker 1 Like, look, there's like a little ridge where all of a sudden the implant is. That's so weird that I'm staring at this guy's butt.
I also don't think it's the same guy. It is the same guy.

Speaker 1 I trust these people.

Speaker 1 Why would the internet lie? They're buttock people. Why would the internet lie? They wouldn't lie.
But the penis surgeries are like nutty thing from like cutting a tendon.

Speaker 1 Yeah, to make it just poke out a little more. And then there's other ones where they thicken it up.
They get in there with a mesh and thicken it up.

Speaker 1 Nice sauce.

Speaker 1 When I was heavier even, I went to, I got a consultation, free consultation at a plastic surgeon. I was like, I bet if I, I'm fine with my hard dick, but I hate my soft hang sometimes.

Speaker 1 And I was like, I bet if I got my gun sucked out, liposuctioned, it'll make it

Speaker 1 look bigger, soft,

Speaker 1 particularly. And I'm like, so I went to the consultation.
It was a male doctor. So you're like, okay.

Speaker 1 And he gets you. I mean, I knew he was going to have to look ultimately at one point.
But this guy

Speaker 1 takes me to me. He goes, he goes, all right, drop your pants.
I dropped my pants. And I also have Dr.
Dick. You know, like, it's like I'm also a guy, so I'm like, shit.

Speaker 1 And you can't, like, I didn't want to try to like

Speaker 1 fluff it before he walks in his weird

Speaker 1 balls.

Speaker 1 So I go.

Speaker 1 So I

Speaker 1 he fucking comes in and he's like, drop your pants on.

Speaker 1 And he goes, walk over to this mirror, which I was like, oh, God, don't make me do this. And I stand in front of the mirror and he goes on either side of my dick with his hands.

Speaker 1 And he goes, right now it looks like this. And I can make it look.
And he just pushes my fat back and goes, like this. And I was like, his dick is just inches from your face.

Speaker 1 I was like, the whole time. Uh-huh.
And then I pulled my pants up like a victim and left the office and never even thought about it again. That was crazy.
That's a weird look.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he was like, just getting in there. And then here.
I'm going to move my face six inches from your dick, but don't worry.

Speaker 1 I went to school. I thought they're looking up at you.

Speaker 1 Do you like that?

Speaker 1 You see the frame diploma? This is fine. This is fine.

Speaker 1 This is a safe space.

Speaker 1 What does your dick taste like? I wonder. Oh, man.
There's no way way he doesn't go out and talk to those hot-ass nurses about my little wiener. Yeah, definitely.

Speaker 1 Oilless dick. Oh, my God.
It smelled like cheese. I don't know.
At this point, they exposed so many people. Do you believe anybody's genuine goodness anymore? It's hard to believe.

Speaker 1 You know, I went down a deep dive looking at doctors who use their own sperm in fertility clinics.

Speaker 1 I was researching this one case. I was just, you know, I just wanted to find out, like, God,

Speaker 1 how did they catch him? What happened? And then I found there's like hundreds of cases. Oh, it's yeah, it's got hundreds of cases.
There's hundreds of cases of doctors doing this.

Speaker 1 There's doctors using their own sperm, and then people finding out on 23andMe because there's like fucking everybody in the neighborhood is related.

Speaker 1 It's just their kink just to like jerk off in the vials. It's just such a crazy thing.
There's so many fucking psychos out there.

Speaker 1 What do we got to tickle at while you're injecting a girl with your jiz?

Speaker 1 I had this guy on yesterday that spent 25 years as an undercover FBI guy that infiltrated biker gangs and neo-Nazis. And

Speaker 1 bro,

Speaker 1 like you talk to a guy like that and you start really, really wondering, like,

Speaker 1 where's the good in the world? Like,

Speaker 1 how many creeps are there? Like, how many really fucking psychotic people are out there organizing right now in the world? It's a wild thing to go with, like, different groups undercover, though, too.

Speaker 1 If they ever overlap someday,

Speaker 1 and you go, hey, you were a skinhead two months ago. When'd you become a biker? Yeah, exactly.
And this guy is,

Speaker 1 look at him. I'm going to show you a picture of him.
Just a big fucking giant dude with a goatee and pulled back hair and tattoos all over his arms. So he like blended right in with all these psychos.

Speaker 1 Thank God. I used to have a, when I was young, I had a joke about the concept of like with the hookers where you have to, they go, well, if you ask them if they're a cop, they'll tell you.

Speaker 1 They'll tell you, they have to tell you, or it's entrapment. And I was like, then what the fuck is undercover work?

Speaker 1 You guys sit doing like five years with the mob and then one day they go hey you know i never even asked you this is stupid but are you a cop like shit man yeah i think that was like you were at my kids christening i know man you never asked i swore at this point i thought you were never gonna ask i think that was like a dumb thing they made up for tv show you know and then everybody thought it was real it was like some dumb plot point are you a cop No.

Speaker 1 Yeah, of course you could say no. Right, because the good guy who was the cop always had to be honest.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 He would never lie.

Speaker 1 He was telling me about he had to do cocaine with these people. They had to beat people up.
And he's like, if shit went down, man, I had to be a part of it.

Speaker 1 The prostitutes' things they would do on cops were always, they'd get in the car and they'd be like, are you a cop? And he'd go, come on. Do I look like a cop?

Speaker 1 Bro, this guy got busted wearing a wire and got away with it. Really? They didn't find the wire.
No shit. They came that close.
He said they were inches away.

Speaker 1 They were rubbing his clothes, like checking all his clothes. He said they were inches away, but he was like arguing with them.
I can't fucking believe you guys, like that kind of shit.

Speaker 1 After I mysteriously showed up three weeks ago, and now I'm working my way through the ranks. Now you're going to start patting me down.
All right. And I'm helping you run guns and drugs to Mexico.

Speaker 1 Guys, come on up. Yesterday morning.
I'm that guy. I'm that guy.
I am your brother. I'm the dude.
And meanwhile, they all go to jail eventually. Fucking stuff.

Speaker 1 Also, when they do undercover, it still seems like when they would go home at night, still, come out of their biker clothes.

Speaker 1 How was it, hon? These guys are animals. I hope one of them didn't happen to follow me home.
Well,

Speaker 1 he was not doing things that were anywhere near his home.

Speaker 1 He would go away for long stretches at a time and go back and forth, and he had all these reasons for doing so, different businesses that he did, that he was involved with. Did he ever find himself...

Speaker 1 I mean, you kind of hang with somebody that much time and they think you're their friend. Do they ever get sympathy for them?

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, definitely. That's one of the more fascinating parts about it.
It It was like he, this guy that he had to put in jail, he's like, that guy was like my friend.

Speaker 1 He's like, we finished each other's sentences. We were just like each other.
Other than the fact that he was a criminal and I was an FBI agent.

Speaker 1 And I was like, do you think that you could have gone down that road if you had the wrong lives? Like, absolute fucking lootly, man. Absolute fucking lutely.
He goes, all of us could have.

Speaker 1 I go, that's what I think, too.

Speaker 1 I think. That's what happened to Michael Rappaport in higher learning.

Speaker 1 He chatted with the wrong crowd. He was a regular guy with good intentions.
Next thing you know, he's shooting women.

Speaker 1 Super normal in a 90-minute arc of a film. It was so much, so fast.

Speaker 1 How does he change? Unless he's the star of the film where they follow him every step of the way. He was a clockwork orange for black people.
They put like it's like for 90 minutes, you just blame.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Michael Rappaport is a skin.
It is hilarious. You got to see when the cops, it's when the cops have him at the end and they're like, son, everything's going to be fine.
You're white. Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 rappaport does a really good job of complaining about things like he's always got something that he's fucking screaming and yelling pretty hyped about israel it seems it seems like it yeah i've only seen him hyped about two things israel and ari

Speaker 1 it's the only two things that have ever hyped up a rapper port

Speaker 1 and also i think uh the rising of the black race also i think pissed him off the scene in that scene in that scene but to his credit that was the 90s yeah Nobody knew better back then.

Speaker 1 Well, that's so funny for him also. If you remember his first big role, great movie called Zebra Head.
Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 And he was like,

Speaker 1 because that was more of his thing. He's more of like a drink.
He was in Do the Right Thing, too, right? Was he in Do the Right Thing? I don't know. I don't know if he was in that.

Speaker 1 True Romance, for sure. That was great.
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Speaker 1 Do the right thing with Spike Lee's first big hit, right?

Speaker 1 I think he was in that. May have been.
Was he in it, Jamie?

Speaker 1 I didn't watch a lot of Spike Lee. Oh, he had some bangers in the early days.
Mo Beta Blues made me feel lazy because I remember Denzel Washington would practice every day.

Speaker 1 You know, like he was an artist, he would practice every day. And his girl was trying to fuck.
And he was like, no, no, no, I have to practice. And I was like, wow, I wish I was like him.

Speaker 1 I wish I would practice more than pussy. I would think about that, like, as a comic.
Like, even when I was a professional comic in the early days, I didn't spend my whole day writing.

Speaker 1 I was fucking off and playing pool and hanging out with my friends. You might be thinking of True Romance.
He was in that. No, no, I thought it was a.

Speaker 3 Sorry, on Do the Right Thing.

Speaker 1 His first movie was in 92. Oh, really?

Speaker 1 Interesting. You're thinking of Danny Aiello.
I don't know who I'm thinking of. Who am I thinking of? Go to Do the Right Thing cast.

Speaker 1 Terturo? Maybe I'm thinking of Toturo. That is probably who you're thinking of, actually.
That is who I'm thinking of. It's hard to see in that picture, but when he was younger.
He's younger.

Speaker 1 I mean, Michael's a lot younger. But zebrahead, yeah, he was like his like his whole thing is like a hip-hop guy.
That's right.

Speaker 1 So it's so funny that he plays this like a major role as like a white fucking white supremac.

Speaker 1 You've got to take what you can get.

Speaker 1 It's acting, bro. Do you think Robert De Niro really was a psycho and taxi driver? No.
No? Maybe. Go watch that movie again.
Woo.

Speaker 1 You know, it's funny, the building I lived in in New York on 57th Street is the old taxi depot that they shot taxi driver in. Really? And they keep

Speaker 1 downstairs, like where the gym and stuff is, they have the sign still. They keep the original signs

Speaker 1 for the parking lot. That was a good movie.
That was a fucking great movie. And if Robert De Niro just never gave a political speech, I would think about him that way.

Speaker 1 You can't make a movie like that with a budget anymore.

Speaker 1 Well, you can't do that. You can't make every movie with balls.
It has to be an indie flick. 100%.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Or you have to be some beyond reproach director that they just let do whatever they want, like a Tarantino.

Speaker 1 Like, there's no way once upon a time in Hollywood went through some sort of an executive focus group. Yeah.
There's no fucking way. He's killing women, smashing their head on a mantle.
Spoiler alert.

Speaker 1 I mean,

Speaker 1 dogs are eating dicks. What a brilliant, what a brilliant ending, though.
Oh, that movie's great. It's so good.
It's so good. I love that movie.

Speaker 1 I don't know if I've seen that final scene where they flip history.

Speaker 1 I've never had an audience in a movie theater communally laugh like that since the Jackass movies. Right.
The Jackass 2.

Speaker 1 It was a cheering moment, too. That was a fucking great movie.
He's got all bangers. He's the only guy that I could say as a drug.

Speaker 1 There's a few others that you probably could put in that argument that have zero movies where I'm like, eh.

Speaker 1 Oh, that have no, everything's good. Tarantino, there's not one that I can think of that wasn't.
I love David's Nice Piece.

Speaker 1 I liked a movie that you have to try to figure out, but when you can't figure it out and other people can't figure it out, you're like, this is just a hunk of shit then. Right.

Speaker 1 You can't be so artistic that nothing makes sense. James Cameron's on some fucking bangers.

Speaker 1 Do you watch, like, I've gone through on the road and watched, like, the 25 most disturbing movies of all time? No, I don't like being disturbed that much. Do you? Yeah, I think so.

Speaker 1 I mean, I just kind of see how far people will go in a movie. There's some, I mean, Serbian film's the most notorious.
Yeah, there's some fucking psycho movies.

Speaker 1 Like, who's that one, that evil clown that kills everybody and doesn't talk?

Speaker 1 The Terrifier? Oh, Terrifier, yeah, yeah. Bro.
These movies are fucked up. Yeah, but there can't be on purpose.
Like, they're so over the top. There was violence in there.

Speaker 1 There was a whole category of film. I was really into horror movies when I was young, and there was a whole category of films that were just gore films.

Speaker 1 They were called gore. It was like a gore, it was so it was guys will, like, chop women up with an axe and pull their guts out and rub them all over their face.
Like, fuck.

Speaker 1 They also had excessive nudity in them. Oh, I was.
Those were

Speaker 1 the horror boxes at the video store that were bigger than everything else. Like those, like, I spit on your grave movies like that.

Speaker 1 Like, the box was way bigger So you really had to walk up like a piece of shit

Speaker 1 I'm gonna watch this rape revenge movie with my other teenage friends. Thank you

Speaker 1 Nothing like a good slasher rape revenge movie. Yeah

Speaker 1 is that we're so dumb. We like to just sit there and watch this guy kick everybody's ass.
Yeah, fuck him up. Yeah, it's robocop

Speaker 1 fantasy. Did you ever see sisu?

Speaker 1 No. I think it's my favorite.
It's next to John Wick. It's my favorite.
It's probably right up there with John Wick as my favorite revenge movie of all time.

Speaker 1 It's about a guy, and the whole movie has no English in it. It's in World War II.
Is it Finland? I think so.

Speaker 1 And this dude is a soldier who retired from the war and became a gold miner and made a little score and was trying to get to the town with his score and he runs into the Nazis. And it's so

Speaker 1 fun.

Speaker 1 It's so fun. Because you could tell this guy does not want to do this,

Speaker 1 but he's got to kill everybody.

Speaker 1 And they all get cocky with him.

Speaker 1 What do you think the mindset is?

Speaker 1 Noise.

Speaker 1 So it turns out this guy was like famous in the war for being impossible to kill. He has scars all over his body.
He's like the absolute worst guy.

Speaker 1 And they found him. And he kills everybody spoiler alert and it's fucking great it's just fun what do you think the mindset is between

Speaker 1 behind like a liam neeson who i mean there's a movie comes out almost bimonthly of him getting revenge for something

Speaker 1 hey it's a living i get like bruce wills started doing that towards the end bruce wills at the end started doing that did he yeah just movies that were just like two words or something well i think he was suffering from that um illness for quite a while you know what it is?

Speaker 1 It's called aphasia. Yeah, yeah, it's dementia, right? It's not good.
Yeah, it's bad. It's real bad.
I don't know what causes it, whether it's genetic or what have you, but people they slip away.

Speaker 1 And he might have, you know, towards the end. I mean,

Speaker 1 he just goes, the scout. He's got a lot of them.
They all look the same. They're all him with a gun.
Like, it's all him with a gun. And here's the thing.

Speaker 1 That him with a gun shit started later in his life. Yeah.
That's what's crazy. He became like a guy who fucks people up in his 60s.
Yeah, he was like Oscar Schindler. How old is he now?

Speaker 1 How old is he now? He's 72 and he's fucking people up in movies.

Speaker 1 Oscar Schindler. Schindler's list.
But when you're 72, it's hard to get out of bed. You know, you're like, oh.

Speaker 1 When I saw Schindler's list, it made me think of, now I give the prices of everything and amount of Jews I could have saved. Like, how much is this TV? Is it about 12 Jews?

Speaker 1 It's, what was that you just pulled up, Jamie? You were showing me? Remaking the naked gun. They are with Liam Neeson?

Speaker 1 I don't know. Well,

Speaker 1 there's a few movies that people have gotten, a few AI things passed through, and everyone takes as real. Like, I've seen it.
Oh, right. I've seen these movies.
I believe those every day.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I saw Keanu Reeves as Dracula, and I was like, really?

Speaker 1 God, they stuck me right in. I'm like, Keanu Reeves is going to be Dracula now? That's crazy because he was in the Dracula movie back in the day, and he was Dracula's girlfriend's boyfriend.

Speaker 1 They always get me with like a Rob Zombies remaking something you love.

Speaker 1 They're always listening. He's cool.

Speaker 1 Have you had him on? Yeah, he was a cool guy to talk to.

Speaker 1 I toured with him. I've met him a handful of times.
He's good friends with Tom Papa. We've been introduced in that regard.
And whenever I see him, it's the blank of like, nope.

Speaker 1 I went on stage right before him the entire tour. And he has no recollection.

Speaker 1 One time,

Speaker 1 this is a great story. I was,

Speaker 1 we had tickets to go, or passes to go see Rob Zombies. I think it was the Halloween, the original Halloween remake he did.
Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 And comedian Julian McCullough had these passes, four of us. It was going to be me,

Speaker 1 Nate Bargatzi, and I'm trying to remember Dave Smith. Yeah, it was Dave Smith and Julian McCullough.

Speaker 1 And I'd auditioned for a TV show the morning of that. And it was the first audition I ever did that it went well, went really well.
And I got it. I got the part.

Speaker 1 The show was on for two years called Z-Rock.

Speaker 1 But they go, this is how much acting is not my passion.

Speaker 1 They go, we need you to come back in at like four for a table read we're going to do. And all I thought was, I was like, shit, that Rob Zombie movie starts at like six o'clock.

Speaker 1 I was like, how long are we going to be here for? They're like, it should only be like an hour or so when we get back here. And it was going, it was running late when we got back there.

Speaker 1 So I told Nate.

Speaker 1 Bargatzi to go, I'm like, hey, go down there and get in line, you know, to make sure we get into this thing. I don't know if they're overselling it or not.

Speaker 1 And he goes, all right, so I get out of this thing and I'm rushing down. We're walking to this movie theater.
And I call Nate.

Speaker 1 This is so defeating. I go, hey, you're down there? He goes, I don't know if I'm at the Rat Theater.

Speaker 1 And I went, what do you mean? He goes, I mean, there's a big line for something. And I was like,

Speaker 1 go get in that line, Nate. And he was like, oh, that's it? So we get there.
We're so far back in line. There's no way we're getting into this movie.
And I'm like, shit, Julian's very handsome.

Speaker 1 So we send him up to kind of schmooze the girl up front. No dice.
And then I see Rob Zombie walk into the diner next door. And I go, this might be our chance.

Speaker 1 We just are loosely connected. And, you know, maybe I can get him to remember.
And we go in there. It's my best interaction with him ever.
I go up, I go, hey, Rob, I go, Jay Oakerson.

Speaker 1 I go, we met it through Tom Papa before and Bob. And he's like, oh, yeah.
And he shoots the shit with us for like five minutes. And then I go, well, anyway, man, I'm really excited for the movie.

Speaker 1 I hope we get in. You know, we're like super far back in line.
He goes, you'll be fine. Just

Speaker 1 and we did not get in. We brought a hot subway home together, staring at Nate.
Oh, no, you'll be fine. Yeah, he goes, yikes.
Nah, you'll be fine. You'll be fine as I'm not going to help you.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 It really wasn't a flight out. He goes, this has been great, but leave me alone now.
The thing about it, though, is like, does he save tickets? Like, does he have a block of tickets saved?

Speaker 1 For sure.

Speaker 1 For sure.

Speaker 1 Not for the guy at the diner, though. There's some people you just don't resonate with in the world, I think.
Wow.

Speaker 1 I don't know. Dave Chappelle is another one.
Dave Chappelle, I've met over the last 25 years a dozen times. I did some punch-ups on season one of Chappelle's show.

Speaker 1 He bumped me and Kurt Metzger off a weekend in the thing, and we were there, and we hung out with him there. And every time I see him still, it's completely unfamiliar.
Chris Rock, same thing.

Speaker 1 I do not make an impression with these people. That's so weird.
I also shut down around celebrity. Oh, maybe that's it.
So

Speaker 1 I can't inject my personality out of the gates

Speaker 1 in a situation where I'm like intimidated by like some, I'm like, I'm like, where I go, not intimidated, but I go, man, I really want them to like me.

Speaker 1 Isn't that weird? Because you know so many famous people.

Speaker 1 But you know what I mean by wanting to like me, but I go, if I try to be funny and I whiff,

Speaker 1 this sucks. You just feel nervous.
Right. So I'm like, I could just lay low and not take the risk of being not funny by accident.

Speaker 1 That's hilarious.

Speaker 1 It's hard to think. There's no one who intimidates you anymore.
I mean, the people you have in here and just strike a conversation with is unbelievable. No, people don't intimidate me anymore.

Speaker 1 They inspire me. Some people are fascinating.
They inspire me.

Speaker 1 Every time I have like a big guest coming in that I don't know on me and Bobby Kelly on the radio show, and someone's coming in, I get like, when they're like, all right, we're going to go get them now.

Speaker 1 I'm always like, wait, all right, wait, okay, go get them. Because I'm like, shit, what do we even start with?

Speaker 1 I used to be like that on Opie and Anthony. Yeah.
Yeah. When I'd go on Opie and Anthony and like they'd have famous guests there, I'd be like, holy shit, you know, that's this guy.

Speaker 1 Holy shit, that's that guy. Yeah, that's weird.
The first time I went there, I got bumped back to the couch for Ace Freely. It's a party who's like, this sucks, but wow, that's Ace fucking freely.

Speaker 1 I met Ace Freely when I was a little kid. Really? Yeah, my uncle was an artist, and he was working for

Speaker 1 this

Speaker 1 advertising agency in new york city where they made album covers so they made album covers for kiss so my uncle was one of the artists that made the album covers for a lot of the kiss albums no yeah so i was in his uh office hanging out with him during the day i was probably

Speaker 1 eight or something like that i was fucking young man and maybe i was a little older than that i can't remember it's hard to remember but i was a little kid it was pre-high school and um this guy walks in with like you know long hair looks weird just like a weird dude and he made some like weird noise like

Speaker 1 it was real strange and then everybody goes hey ace hey ace and i was like what like that's that's ace freely with no makeup on like this is crazy he looked old and he uh signed a napkin for me

Speaker 1 do you have it yeah well no i don't think i have it anymore maybe my mom might have it i'll ask her i doubt it it got lost somewhere but uh it was the craziest thing i was like wow that's the famous guy with no makeup.

Speaker 1 Because everywhere they went,

Speaker 1 people were paparazzi were always trying to catch them. You know, like Gene Simmons would wear like a bandit's mask.

Speaker 1 And they were always trying to catch them without their makeup on. Has the celebrity ever let you down? Like when you met them?

Speaker 1 Not really. No.
Honestly, no.

Speaker 1 No, there's not like, no, no. I've always worried about that.
Like, Marilyn Manson was always somebody I wanted to meet. And then when he went through all this shit, did not want to meet.

Speaker 1 So stay away. But then I want to like, I very much would like to meet.
I think he's such an interesting character.

Speaker 1 but like, I'm like, it can only, I'm such a fan since I was a kid that I'm like, this could only let me down somehow. I met him.
He's very interesting. He's an artist.
Yeah. Yeah.
He's a, you know,

Speaker 1 if you think of some of the songs he's made, like, beautiful people,

Speaker 1 you don't make that unless you're out of your fucking mind. Like, that's part of the.
That's part of the package.

Speaker 1 You want brilliant, fucking wild music. You got to get a dude who's out of his fucking mind.
Do you have any theories on why people can't, like, classic, amazing bands can't make a classic again?

Speaker 1 Comedians can still write their best joke

Speaker 1 and it will be accepted.

Speaker 1 Everyone's looking for that. What's the new thing? But, like, if Guns N' Roses got everybody back together again and sat in a room for three months, they can't make Welcome to the Jungle again.

Speaker 1 They're not the same guys. You know, that's part of the problem.
And then also part of the problem is I went to see Guns N' Roses in Athens. I saw them in Greece.
It was just a total coincidence.

Speaker 1 I was there with my family, and I ran an Axel Rose at a restaurant. This is more recent? Real recent.
Okay. Last summer.

Speaker 1 Yeah, like last summer, the summer before last? Summer before last, I guess. And, you know, it's one of those weird moments.
I'm like, God, I hope he knows who I am. You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 Like, if I go say hi, I'm going to be a dick. And this is after my friend tried to say hi to him and he got shooed away.

Speaker 1 So I went over to his table and he was like, oh, hey, man, what's up? I'm like,

Speaker 1 I go, really nice to meet you. I'm a huge fan of this thing.
He's doing a concert here tomorrow night. You want to see it? I'm like, fuck yeah.
And so my whole family went to see Guns and Rose.

Speaker 1 We were backstage watching. It was amazing.
Three-hour performance. These guys are in their 60s.
Yeah, yeah. They're fucking rocking hard.
I saw them on the new tour. Three hours.

Speaker 1 But the thing is, they have so many hits.

Speaker 1 If you want them to do all the songs you love, it's going to take a long time. And if they're going to add new songs.
Isn't it crazy, too, that it's essentially four albums? Crazy.

Speaker 1 All of that from four albums. Bangers.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 They did great.

Speaker 1 I was pretty impressed with

Speaker 1 from again the age. Dude, Welcome to the Jungle to this day.

Speaker 1 I'll hear that song go god damn that was a fucking good song i took my parents to see it in that in uh madison square garden and it was such a weird i got so strange the things i get emotional about are ridiculous i got like teary-eyed emotional when it starts welcome to the jungle you know they start playing the riff and uh i got immediately teary-eyed because i was like it just took me back immediately to a time it was like a time travel and i was like holy shit i'm like 11 12 years old got this album and my mom was like what is that shit you know and now my mom's like here with me watching them as a classic rock band what year did welcome to the jungle come out 87 i want to say 86.

Speaker 1 i remember being right out of high school at the gym lifting weights the first time i heard it they were you know at the gym everybody would just play what's on the radio you know w-c-o-z

Speaker 1 and

Speaker 1 you we were listening to the uh i think it was w b cn the rock of boston appetite for destruction 87. yep so that was two years out of high school And I was like, wow, listen to this.

Speaker 1 Do you know the first time I heard it and like kind of backwards tracked it from there? I think that came out, pretty sure it came out first, was the movie Deadpool. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 Or The Deadpool, Clin Eastwood. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 And the scene was Jim, pre-famous Jim Carrey plays a rock star junkie, and they're shooting his music video, and the song they're using is Welcome to the Jungle. Really?

Speaker 1 Yeah, you can see it's a pretty popular scene. If you look that up,

Speaker 1 The Deadpool.

Speaker 1 Deadpool Jim Carrey. When did Motley Crew come out with Kickstart My Heart?

Speaker 1 That's probably 86.

Speaker 1 That was my favorite workout song of all time.

Speaker 1 Look at that. Jim Carrey.
That's Jim Carrey. Isn't it funny? Even though he's not being funny at all, he's still, it's like his movements are so Jim Carrey.

Speaker 1 I can't play it all. Like again,

Speaker 1 right? But like again, you don't get get to be Jim Carrey unless you're out of your fucking mind. No, no, he's showing that now too.

Speaker 1 You don't get to be that guy. You don't get to be Fire Marshal Bill unless you're out of your fucking mind.

Speaker 1 I'll make a lot of concession for someone's process, but when I watch that documentary about him doing the Andy Kaufman movie and him coming into the makeup thing every day and really like

Speaker 1 screaming and bothering the shit out of everybody, you see almost, you see Judd Hirsch's face in the documentary like, that's plenty. We're good.
I get it.

Speaker 1 You have to get into your mode or whatever but like come on apparently he would go nutty if he fucked a scene up and like smashed things yeah exactly and it's like this is not that was not his personality when he was talking out of his ass cheeks you know i mean or when he was doing vanilla ice on in living color you know i mean like that's what's that personality shift where you become a guy who's kind of like rude to interviewers and stuff like that like strange well i think when you're trying to get into a character there's like a thing that the some of these guys do where they are just that guy the whole time like when

Speaker 1 Dan,

Speaker 1 who was it that played Lincoln? Daniel Day-Lewis. Daniel Day-Lewis, right? Yeah.
So when Daniel Day-Lewis was playing Lincoln, he was apparently Lincoln. Yeah, they said all day long.

Speaker 1 All day long, all the time. Yeah.
So if you're playing Andy.

Speaker 1 You shouldn't let him eat modern foods then. That's catering.
Right.

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Speaker 1 You're mutton, Mr. Lincoln.
Right, you got to go full old school shit in a hole in the ground, sir.

Speaker 1 We're having Chilean sea bass you a bowl of gruel some deer jerky yeah like

Speaker 1 and no teeth no toothbrushes yeah we haven't figured out toothbrushes yet when did they figure out toothbrushes that's a good question like when did people start brushing their nasty fucking teeth imagine what breath smelled like in like the 1500s my producer brings it up all the time uh because he watches a lot of like period peace shows like that and even like the uh like peaky blinders what

Speaker 1 those old shows they always they always have like attractive people in these like the deadwood times right like deadwood and then the girl you know she'll like lift her skirt up and you're like god i bet it smells like a murky dungeon down there

Speaker 1 and then when she bathe and then all they there's no shower so they have to just bathe in it and just hope that whatever's in there washes to the surface

Speaker 1 what did people smell like back then that's what i mean it's like prostitutes stuff you go it's like what's the best they could do and by the way they probably smelled better than the people living in the cities the people in living in the cities were all just using public outhouses The cities were filled with shit from horses.

Speaker 1 It's like, oh, coming home and kissing your wife at the end of the day.

Speaker 1 You're tracking shit everywhere. And so is your dog and so are your cats.
Everyone's tracking shit all over your house, all over your tables. There's shit everywhere.

Speaker 1 Yeah, just wooden floors with dirt all over them. Shit.
And just little scabs of shit everywhere. There's just shit everywhere you go.
And everyone has smallpox.

Speaker 1 That's why, yeah, no one kidding. If

Speaker 1 your husband died, you have to marry his brother. That's why anybody talking about the good old days, shut your stupid mouth.
This is the good old days. With basic hygiene?

Speaker 1 Yeah, books and medicine and shit. What the fuck are you talking about? Oh, I wish I lived back in the 1600s when I died if I broke my ankle.
No, but if I could have picked...

Speaker 1 Again, it's so hard because moving backwards, you're like, well, I would take all the technology of now, of course. Well, you can't go anywhere.
Then you can't make it like a hybrid deal.

Speaker 1 No, no, it's not a hybrid deal, but if I was saying if I have to just let go of that and see what the most fun time would have been to be like a teenager in 20s, 70s, I think.

Speaker 1 Well, just listening to Ambrosia, fucking, you could wear a silk shirt on, ironically. We were all real confused.
If you were chubby, nobody even cared.

Speaker 1 Chubby guys got puzzy in the 70s if you had a beard. Did they? As long as you had a beard and some long hair.
And you knew how to get cocaine. Yeah.
And if you knew how to get cocaine.

Speaker 1 I'd grow a long pinky nail so people wouldn't know my house was the party spot.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that used to be a thing. You see a guy with a long pinky.
That long pinky nail was like, oh, that guy parties. That was like when there was a bad guy in the movie had a long pinky nail.

Speaker 1 A long pinky nail. Yeah.
Which is so gross. That's so disgusting.
I mean, think what, what, that's how bad people want cocaine. They'll snort it off some dudes.
Stinky fucking fingernail. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 I went to a,

Speaker 1 I did a gig opening for Bobby Slayton.

Speaker 1 years ago at the West Palm Improv, the old West Palm Improv.

Speaker 1 That was a great room. The guy, yeah, the wide, shallow one.
That was a great room. And I forget the name of it.
Joey Something was the guy who hosted, but he was like local,

Speaker 1 local legend, this guy. And

Speaker 1 he brought us back to his house. He took us to the strip club and it was like everyone knew him kind of thing.
Yeah. And then brought girls back to his house.

Speaker 1 And I am always impressed with the level of like

Speaker 1 a person who carries their morbid obesity with like a not give a shit and also

Speaker 1 have no give a like no care that the girls are gonna suck his dick or fuck him because he's got coke you know what i mean like i'm bad at the like fuck me for something

Speaker 1 thing and like but this guy we went back to his house i mean his underwear and like a robe open you know what i mean with all these girls around just giving him coke and shit was wild but he had a cabana in the back of his house but the most interesting thing about him that i found out was the next day he wanted to take me somewhere to eat so he picked me up and he was a narcoleptic And every time there was a red light, he'd fall asleep and snore,

Speaker 1 not just fall asleep, snore. And he's driving.
Yeah, and you have to acknowledge it. You got to go like,

Speaker 1 hey, man.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God. Hey, you okay? And you just never acknowledge it.
You go, yeah, I'm good. And you just go.
And as soon as he hit a red light,

Speaker 1 like loud, aggressive snoring. Now, is he a second actual narcoleptic, or does he have severe sleep apnea? Because if he's a big fat guy, he's probably never rested.

Speaker 1 Eyes closed, head goes to the shoulder. Cold instantly.
Instantly.

Speaker 1 What is narcolepsy from?

Speaker 1 Like, do like healthy people have narcolepsy? Like, is there any athletes that have narcolepsy? He said Ron Jeremy was the person who had it. And he's another guy who's big and fat.

Speaker 1 He came to the cellar one time with a Dennis Hoff guy,

Speaker 1 which, yeah.

Speaker 1 That was a guy of the people, like quote-unquote celebrities who would come in that I could never pay like homage to and have like the thing was that I didn't want to meet was like a Dennis Hoff. The

Speaker 1 wipe of the bunny house. Yeah, I don't know why it was so celebrated.
I know it's like it's legal, but like

Speaker 1 his personality is kind of skeevy as shit. Well, there was a weird time where,

Speaker 1 for whatever reason, they were kind of celebrating pimps and prostitutes. Like, do you remember Pimps Up Hose Down? Sure.
Yeah, I mean, that was like a famous documentary. Mr.
White Folks. Yeah.

Speaker 1 He was the best. Yeah, I watched all those.

Speaker 1 But they were like celebrated. Like, people liked.
And then there was American Pimp. Remember that film? Yeah.
Yeah. No, it was

Speaker 1 it was. Well, that was like the

Speaker 1 small window of like pro-sexuality and go-be-horrors girls. And then it immediately became Me Too.
That's what that happened in the middle of the day.

Speaker 1 It was weird, though, because it was the exploiters of those women. It wasn't like it's okay to be a prostitute.

Speaker 1 It was it's cool to be the man who exploits all these women and gets them to go be prostitutes for him. I think it took 20-some years for people to realize that Joe Francis was a terrible guy.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean? He was celebrated as hell. I just heard a Howard Stern clip the other day where he had Joe Francis on.

Speaker 1 I'm sure if you asked him about Joe Francis now, he'd be like, what a terrible piece of shit. Yeah.
But when Girls Gone Wild was a thing, everyone was just like, who cares how it gets done?

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's crazy, right? Like, Girls Gone Wild. That's how when the internet wasn't around, you could buy tapes of drunk girls at the bar flashing their boobs and pay for it.
Yep. You'd pay for it.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And it had like a production value.
Oh, not only would you pay, you'd pay for it, and then you were part of a subscription service that. Is that what it was?

Speaker 1 Yeah, and then every month it would be like, girls going wild, girls on campus too, and girls covered in bubbles. Was it one of those things where they would trick you into subscribing? Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's Columbia House. Oh, Columbia House for titties.
Yeah, yeah. Crazy.
Oh, I've ruined Columbia House and me have ruined the credit of all my pets in my life. Did they get in your credit?

Speaker 1 Columbia House got in your credit? No, no, no, I'm saying you just put it, you send the penny and

Speaker 1 you put your cat's name down, and then they just send you 10 CDs. But it doesn't doesn't ever really what was the checks and balances on that? None.

Speaker 1 I always thought that that was a fluff-up scheme for the record business where they could say they sold more records than they did. That's possible.
That's actually not a bad move.

Speaker 1 Kind of a good move if you want to get a gold record or a platinum record. Sell as many as you can.
Give you 10 CDs. When it went up to a dollar, send a dollar is where it stopped.
Enough.

Speaker 1 But a dollar. They're willing to give you a penny.
Yeah, to me, a dollar really was like... No, I just usually tape a penny to a postcard.
But what a concept, too. Tape penny here, it said.

Speaker 1 It was the dumbest concept ever. You give them one penny, and if you get give them one penny, they give you a bunch of CDs, and you're supposed to give them money.
You're like, what?

Speaker 1 You get to pick them. Oh, yeah.
You pick your first tip. C C D C.
It was my taking, it was my, before I had

Speaker 1 porn magazines readily available to go into a bathroom or anywhere where there was a bathroom where I felt I could quietly look at porn magazines, it was the TV guide.

Speaker 1 Take the TV guide in the bathroom, do the crossword puzzle, and then pick my 10 CDs for a penny.

Speaker 1 Because it was always an insert on the the tv guy that's right it was just a postcard yep tape a penny here and you send it in and all of a sudden you get cassette tapes are in the mail oh boy yeah oh boy it was so great but isn't it a smart move on their part because it probably introduced people to a lot of music Because if you think about it, you're only listening to the radio.

Speaker 1 The radio is only playing what they play, and they can only play so many songs, right? And if there's a hit, they're going to play that hit over and over again.

Speaker 1 You're going to hear this, and there's Rolling Stones, and there's the Led Zeppelin, you know, you don't have a lot of time for for other music. No.

Speaker 1 So this is a good way, even if you're giving it away to people, which mostly are. Like what percentage, let's find this out.

Speaker 1 What percentage of people actually paid for their Columbia record and tapes? I think adults would definitely end up paying for it because I think the deal was you're giving them your address. Right.

Speaker 1 So whatever the fake name you put down, they're billing. I don't remember them chasing me at all.
I didn't feel it, but they have.

Speaker 1 But what they would do, though, is send you more.

Speaker 1 They would send you, I'd get like a CD every month that I wasn't picking.

Speaker 1 90 it reached its peak in 94 it accounted for 15.1 percent of all cd sales yeah it had 10 million members you became a member of a club that was kind of what was happening right um what percentage of people paid them well that's i mean

Speaker 1 it doesn't say it on here but if you think about just that that's almost like more radio right you're putting the song on the radio for free you're sending out these cassettes even if people don't pay that music's getting out there they're gonna maybe buy another rolling stones record or tickets to see the Rolling Stones.

Speaker 1 Well, you know, people didn't complain about being part of Columbia House, I don't feel like, but it's like, remember when, you know, it was like Metallica getting furious about like LimeWire and Napster and those things?

Speaker 1 But it's like, it is sort of the same thing. Like, you're sacrificed.
But it wasn't.

Speaker 1 But they came from a time, though, where the money was from the recording. Yeah.

Speaker 1 But it wasn't taking away from the money of the recording because you couldn't, you know, like, it wasn't that many people doing it.

Speaker 1 When it became something you could just download onto your computer, that got weird. Sure.
And then record sales dropped off a cliff. So they were right.

Speaker 1 But they were wrong that you can stop it. Like you can't, you couldn't stop it.
Right. Once, like, they were trying to put fingers into a broken dam.
There's no way.

Speaker 1 Like, you got to get the buck out of the way. Like, you can't, once it's on the internet, when things are on the internet, you can't say it's stealing to download it to your fans.

Speaker 1 You can't do anything. You just got to realize, oh, the world just changed.
The people that stand off for a while, too, like, was it Maynard did not want to to go on

Speaker 1 Apple Music or Spotify or anything forever? I think Garth Brooks didn't either, right? Kid Rock didn't for a long time.

Speaker 1 And then a lot of them would try to go and like, I'm going to do my own Apple Music. No one did it.
No one gives me that. He did that, right? Yeah, a title.
Did that work?

Speaker 1 I don't. You know, it's interesting.
When I talked to Kevin Hart in Montreal some years back, and he was buying up

Speaker 1 he was buying up things for the LOL network that he was starting, which was like, I guess, an internet network.

Speaker 1 And they made all this news because when he did the pitch show where they were pitching ideas for his network, he apparently in the room bought like four or five of them.

Speaker 1 And when I saw him that night, I was like, are these five five shows you saw today? They're like definite shows. And he was like, no, but it gets your press.
You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 And he was telling me kind of like the whole thing of it. He goes, but the idea he was saying he was doing with that, I'm like, are you going to run a network now?

Speaker 1 And he was like, no, you want to build it until it becomes competitive. And then another company comes along and goes, can we give you money just to go away?

Speaker 1 Is the idea, you know, so it's like the idea is like he wants like Netflix to buy

Speaker 1 LOL or something like that. So it's just probably a good business move, but I don't, do you think that? No, absolutely.
But I think. Do you think like that? No, I have no business acumen whatsoever.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's a weird business acumen to have. But I'm also

Speaker 1 probably effective. I'm

Speaker 1 blown away by, you know, I watch you when you talk to Bert sometimes about that, about his employment of so many people yeah and everything like uh which is great he's got a great thing over there but like production company I feel like the uh

Speaker 1 when you get a lot of money sometimes which is impressive that you haven't done this it's like you want to do almost like too much like well now I'm a producer of things and now it's like this or other businesses that you want to like start that are like outside of comedy like is that what your thing was always like it was never mine like to be like a business owner or anything or some kind of like uh

Speaker 1 you know where I was to have products or something I think what happens is once guys realize the amount of money that they can make they want to just make more sure and it just becomes a numbers thing you just you see it and you're like oh my god I can't believe I'm making this much money but if I did this then I make even more but I'd rather give a friend uh like some capital to like do their special than over you know I mean unless I was taking a job and like I'm gonna direct this and see if I can do that you know but just like the idea of uh like I'm gonna have taking in like I have to take a meeting for a sketch show that wants to be on my network today I'm like I don't know

Speaker 1 you only have so much bandwidth sure and this is what I think people fail to think about like you you you require time to do everything your your time is limited like you really have to think if you oh I could fit it in oh I could do this oh I could do that sure you can but then there's no you time at all and then you're running on fumes and when there's no you time and you're running on fumes you're not the best version of yourself so you got to know like where you're at you got to know where you're at like in terms of like your your sanity.

Speaker 1 Like if you're working all the time, five different jobs constantly and you're never home, you sleep till fucking seven in the morning and then you're up, gone all day and fucking going, going, going, going, going, going, going.

Speaker 1 You don't have alone time. If you don't have alone time, you don't even know how you feel about things.
But you also get used to odd things.

Speaker 1 Like my alone time, I look at as like the hotel, like the hotel room, just watching the bullshit that I want to watch on YouTube and doing it like that.

Speaker 1 It is strange when I think I want to be like off and like stationary for a while. Like I feel like the day, there's like a day here and there where it's like morning till night.

Speaker 1 I just have nothing I have to do. It's rare, but when it happens that day, I tend to not be in a great mood.
I don't know why. Well, it's because what you do, you love, and it's fun.
That's the thing.

Speaker 1 Like if you're doing something all day long and it's just like business stuff and it's just for money and it's not something you love, that's a different vibe, right? That's like a hustle vibe.

Speaker 1 I'm going to get these numbers up and get this going. And

Speaker 1 I'm a worker and I'm going to grind her. I'm going to show you because, look, I got this now and then I got that now.
See, I'm grinding. But as if it's a virtue.

Speaker 1 I always try to say, this is a very important thing that people need to hear.

Speaker 1 Just because it's hard to do doesn't mean it's good to do. There's a lot of things that are hard to do that you don't necessarily want to do.
I don't want to climb Mount Everest. It's hard to do.

Speaker 1 But it doesn't mean it's good to do.

Speaker 1 It might be good to do for you because you need to prove to yourself that you can do this extremely difficult thing but people are dead there's a bunch of dead bodies up there that's not a good thing to do yeah to me in my opinion there's a lot of stuff like that in life and just because you can do things i'll show everybody that i work harder than everybody else like

Speaker 1 maybe you shouldn't sure like you need balance

Speaker 1 you need balance in this life and that's hard to get once you start when you start making money the big fear is what if it all goes away 100 you start you start clutching you start you start having famine instincts.

Speaker 1 Like, yeah, oh my God, what if it all goes away? And so then you start doing things that you think will ensure that it doesn't go away. Well, it's that feeling, you feel like you're running a scam.

Speaker 1 Yes. Because also it's something, especially with stand-up,

Speaker 1 putting a price on things is so strange when you're like, well, I've done it

Speaker 1 more than anything, I've done it for free. Yeah.
Then second most, I've done it for pennies. Do you know what I mean?

Speaker 1 So it's like the same, it's interesting to be like, well, I've done the same job for $50 that I've done for $100,000. You know what I mean? Like it's strange, like,

Speaker 1 it's a strange place to be. And so

Speaker 1 you do feel like, well, what's it going to take until I'm back to like, you know, hey, you want to come do $100? I still get affected. And it's just young comics being young comics.
I don't mind it.

Speaker 1 But like as long as I've been doing it, I know they just want you to come do their show, but they're like, hey, man, I do a Tuesdays at the, you know, at the stand. at 6 p.m.

Speaker 1 Like Lovey Buck can throw you 100 bucks and stuff like that. And you're like, why do you think I'm going to come?

Speaker 1 And why are you naming the money?

Speaker 1 It's like you just asked me to do the show, I'd be less hurt if you were like, I got 100 bucks for you too. Like great.

Speaker 1 Like that feels weird. They're kids.
Right.

Speaker 1 Right. And when you're a kid, 100 bucks is real.
So it's real to him. Oh, shit.
Something I've done for 100 bucks. Yeah.
So it's like real money. It's like, oh, $100 gig in town? Great.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And so he doesn't know any better yet. No, no, for sure.
And like I said, I'm not insulted that they want you on the show. That's great.
It's just the idea that you're like,

Speaker 1 $100 isn't going to sell me, dude.

Speaker 1 Don't say that. Well, I think he's just letting you know he'll give you something.
And so you're like, oh, great. I'll go down there.
No, I'd say, I never write back.

Speaker 1 I mean, that would be, I'm not like that with young comics, though, at all. I'm so bad at like, it's the tough time I have with Kill Tony.
I love doing it. And I always have a great time.

Speaker 1 But like, the initial, like, just going at somebody.

Speaker 1 Like, I feel like I want to, especially if I want to come out of the gates and make fun of them, I almost have to have the lookover of like, I'm just fucking around.

Speaker 1 I know it's so difficult what you're doing right now. A minute of comedy under the stress of how big that show is now.
And for some of them, it's the first time they've ever gone on stage.

Speaker 1 There were some guys, the first time they ever went on stage, they went on stage in Madison Square Garden. Yeah, that's fucking crazy.

Speaker 1 16,000 people and they followed dice. Like, what? What are you talking about?

Speaker 1 Look at your phone for notes. Hang on, Madison Square Garden.
You barely can get to the one-minute mark.

Speaker 1 What you practice in the mirror is just everything's falling apart. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 The running out of time, that was the funniest. Woo! You're like, well, this is three minutes of material or 30 seconds if it doesn't go the way, I think.
Cricket, cricket, Jesus, panic.

Speaker 1 Isn't that the biggest

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Speaker 1 Me, I feel like the biggest milestone in comedy, the action of it, I mean, was not being afraid of quiet, like the crowd being dead silent.

Speaker 1 Even if I said something that I thought was funny and they're still dead silent, that not being like frazzling. You know, where you're like, I don't get shaken by that.

Speaker 1 But that's confidence from a lot of big sets. A lot of sets where you killed.
So you're like, I know I'm good.

Speaker 1 That's what it is. It has to believe the thing.
It's like

Speaker 1 I haven't, it's also like I haven't conveyed it right then. Yeah.
Like it's me, probably, but like they're not just getting what I'm thinking.

Speaker 1 If they just saw my thoughts right now, they'd get how funny this is. Well, here's the thing, too.

Speaker 1 You know, you're going to run run into a jazz crowd every now and then, you know? Sure. Like, when you go to see music, you go to see a band.
You go to see rock and roll.

Speaker 1 You go to whatever club you're going to go. You go to the whiskey.
It's a rock band. We know we're going to go see this blues guy.

Speaker 1 We're going to see a country guy. You go see comedy.
You could get...

Speaker 1 Taylor Swift. You could get ACDC.
You can get anything. You can get all kinds of shit.
You can get the Pixies. You can get all kinds of shit when you go see comedy.
There's so many different styles.

Speaker 1 To call it one thing is kind of weird. And

Speaker 1 you could be a rock and roll guy and you're on stage in front of a jazz crowd. Oh, yeah.
And they don't want your bullshit. They don't like how loud you're being.
Why are you moving so much?

Speaker 1 No, it's what we're here to snicker. You know, I stopped putting in at one point for the

Speaker 1 small room at the stand when I was in town for the weekends because, and this is no fault of theirs. I know they're just booking me because I'm home and they want me on the shows that I can do.

Speaker 1 But they would put those shows, they would book the

Speaker 1 the like the tick tock like celebrity girls like girl comics that were like brand new in comedy but drew the audience and they was and they're also young enough in comedy that they're posting their spots oh my gosh you know i mean like they're if you want to see my schedule is like here so the room's filling up for them and i'd go up i mean the second i'd get on stage you'd see the face and groans of like just like

Speaker 1 oh a man's gonna come what lay it out now and i would even try to play with that idea do do you know what i mean like explain what's going on in the room and they would just

Speaker 1 they and then my last one ever doing up there there was an an asian girl in the front row that i was uh fucking with like going back and forth with her but she was great she was like into it she was laughing and she was busting balls back a little bit which was fine you know i mean she was kind of like playing around with it and then uh i see another girl

Speaker 1 you know, 22 years old or whatever, 23, going into her phone. And I was like, oh, I lost you already.
I go, I lost lost you. And she goes,

Speaker 1 maybe it has something to do with the Asian girl thing. And I was like, what? He goes, you called her Asian girl.
I was like, wait, but she's fine.

Speaker 1 I go, are you, you're getting upset on her behalf and she's fine? And she was like, yeah.

Speaker 1 And I was like, that's retarded. And then a lady in the back of the room stood up, lady, a girl, and literally clutched her.
jacket together and went, you just said the R word.

Speaker 1 And I went, the manager was in the room and I was like, you can you take me off the schedule for the rest of this weekend up here? I go, I'm not even mad at this crowd. I'm like,

Speaker 1 you have to give this crowd what they want. If you put on a three-week open mic gay comic up here right now, he'd murder.

Speaker 1 Like, read the room of what you're booking. You know what I mean? It's like, you have to see what's happening.
It's like, you're putting me up there. This isn't fun for me.
And it's not fair to them.

Speaker 1 Like,

Speaker 1 they've been sold a show that's not what I do. Right.
So I don't have any kind of like gripe on them. I'm just like, don't put me on those shows.
Yeah, you shouldn't be on that show.

Speaker 1 What if people enjoy?

Speaker 1 You're fucking up. Your audience is actually going to like the club less because they think I'm the piece of shit that's always here.

Speaker 1 But then there's another argument where you got to kind of do all kinds of crowds. Of course.

Speaker 1 Because if you only do your own crowd, like one of the things that happens to guys is they start doing theaters and they do real well and then they bring a lame opening act and then they're only playing to their crowd.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah. And you see the drop-off.
You see this like weird creativity drop off. You see the weird impact.
They're not killing as hard. Everything's a little fake and forced.

Speaker 1 And it's pretty noticeable and normal it's like normal it happens a lot if you're not doing clubs well i was gonna say if you're in theaters you're removed from the audience you got to mix it up you have to be doing little little rooms sometimes i think it's like if you're an athlete you have to lift weights you know what i mean i think there's there's something to that oh yeah i like to go uh

Speaker 1 do crowds that aren't my crowds plenty you know what i mean i mean uh but i mean just different sizes too right like oh yeah without a doubt yeah sometimes like one of the great things about the store was like you could come in there on an off night, like a Tuesday night, and do like a 1 a.m.

Speaker 1 Set.

Speaker 1 And when you're doing a 1 a.m. set, there's like 25 fucking people in the room.
And you just like, you get to, and they've seen everything. They've seen five hours of fucking stand-up.

Speaker 1 They came from Kansas. They've seen five hours of comedy, and most of the audience is gone.
It's a shame from a comics perspective. I know from a business perspective, it's great.

Speaker 1 But like the comedy seller, like it's funny for people to not even know anymore or remember.

Speaker 1 There was a time when I got into the the comedy seller there was still when you went on at 2 o'clock in the morning There could be 15 people in the audience right now It's show lets people out another show another show So it's like it's uh it's always sold out and packed but like there was something to that that was kind of like that was the training ground I go up after David Tell almost every night of the week in front of 15 people was like that was great training you do need that for sure and you and I still need that it's it's not so much that I'm just saying to continue I said take me out of that room because it's always this audience and it's just like

Speaker 1 you're putting them through a thing they don't need to be put through right i mean i'll go downstairs downstairs isn't my audience either i'm just like just put me in the room where it's not been sold as this one thing right well that's that's the problem with like some clubs that have restrictions on what you could say on the stage like why no no no you just can't book this guy right like there's a club where is it in is it in portland or Seattle?

Speaker 1 There's some club that these guys got to, Duncan got to, and he sent me a photo of a list of all the things that you can't talk about.

Speaker 1 We don't tolerate, at this club, we don't tolerate racism, sexism, transphobia.

Speaker 1 I wonder if it's the one that

Speaker 1 I don't know what it is. We probably don't even need to say the name.
Oh, I don't know the name of it. There's people in trouble.
I don't know the name of the place, but there was a...

Speaker 1 But just don't book people.

Speaker 1 Know what the fuck they do, and don't book anybody that's not you. If you have a specific crowd you're trying to cater to, that's your prerogative.
No problem with that. Sure.

Speaker 1 Just book the comedians that fit don't don't like have a list of shit someone can't say once they get there like also

Speaker 1 assume that if you're booking somebody though that you'd have to put those rules for it's like you have to like I always like that thing it's like trust the comic to be like a professional not that they'll always come through in that regard but like

Speaker 1 You know,

Speaker 1 you can put me on stage anywhere and assume it's not going to end with me being a fuck you, fuck you with the audience. You know what I mean? Like, we'll get out of it.
Right.

Speaker 1 You'll have to be relatively pleasant.

Speaker 1 Well, you're a guy that's very flexible on stage, which is just a huge benefit you can always fuck around with people and and engage with the crowd like you're so good at it you're one of the best in the business at it for sure thank you you're really good at it but it's also fun and jovial you know how to tie it all together that's a giant skill if you're doing a bunch of different kinds of rooms and different kinds of places but when when a club owner or someone says that you can't breach certain topics because that's what you're saying if you're saying we don't tolerate racism listen i don't either but that's that's not what jokes are.

Speaker 1 And there's a way to touch on race that a super ultra-sensitive person would say is racism, and another person who's more objective would say, no, this is just making fun of the differences we all have and how crazy it is that we would think that any one is superior to the others.

Speaker 1 There's ways to do that. And to say that, you know, that's racism, we don't tolerate racism.
Like, well,

Speaker 1 what do you call it? So you can't just define what the, you can't define hate speech because that's your definition. And you force me to go with your definition.
Yeah, it can't be opinion-based.

Speaker 1 It can't. So you just got to let people speak freely and then you decide who you book or don't book, but know what the fuck they do.
That's part of your job.

Speaker 1 Part of your job as someone who books a fucking theater is, okay, if you have a theater, you own the theater. You don't want anybody come performing that doesn't meet your expectations.
That's great.

Speaker 1 One of the funniest things is I'm always blown away by

Speaker 1 is the people in the audience who

Speaker 1 are hating the show, which is fine. That happens.
You know, some people come, they didn't know what they were coming

Speaker 1 into. Sure, girlfriends get dragged, yeah, podcast fans, which I also tend to like take their side.
If I see that happening, I try to do that. I'm like, why did he make you come?

Speaker 1 You know, why did he put you through this kind of thing? Yeah, is uh, is how I will usually approach that.

Speaker 1 But when you see those faces, when they, if someone like that gets shitty and stuff, it's fun. I'm always surprised how aggressive they are when they realize they're the minority.
Right.

Speaker 1 Do you know what I mean? It's like, I don't know, because you suck and you're not funny. It's such a funny thing to shift.

Speaker 1 How much you can make that person an enemy of the room by just going, she's saying all of you are stupid as shit because you're laughing at it. Then they'll hate her for you.

Speaker 1 Well, there's always going to be a you suck and you're not funny person in the world. Yeah, well, that's a skill you have to get.
That poor girl. That poor girl

Speaker 1 that had the video of her skitzing out on the guy in the audience.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah um that was that was unfortunate people piled on on her which was actually fucked up wow she was gonna like death threaten like why would you death threaten someone who had a bad time on stage it seems weird but she but again that's the that's the situation of um getting an audience uh before you're ready to handle all situations because the the thing about that was the heckle in that video is uh

Speaker 1 I mean, heckling 101, like the thing you should be able to handle is someone going, you're not funny. I'm funny.

Speaker 1 you want me to tell the joke like right give me the microphone this is all like i said these are the lobs they throw you at a pitching pract you know the batting practice to fucking do crowd work like day one of karate yeah it's like they're saying you suck and you're not funny like come on you know right away you could see him he's right in the front yeah like you could pick him apart visually or ask him a few questions make him look dumb there's just ways to like but She wasn't composed because she was leaning into that with like, well, I got this whole crowd behind me, but it just looks like a lunatic.

Speaker 1 When she put it out into the world, everyone's like, You're crazy, and this crowd. Did she put it out herself? Yes, that's the only reason I thought it was fair to talk about it at all.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 well, you know, if it was somebody filming her and being like, Look at this dumb bitch or something, I would be, I don't know if I would have gone at it because I'd be like, if I talked about it, I would be like, It's fucked up that somebody did that.

Speaker 1 Like, you're posting her fucking. Although, that said, I mean, I've watched Pablo Francisco fall off stage 7,000 times.

Speaker 1 What's that? What's that, sir? What's that said?

Speaker 1 Yeah, I've seen that that too. Poor Pablo.

Speaker 1 Funny dude, though.

Speaker 1 Funny motherfucker.

Speaker 1 Yeah, man, the thing about that girl is like

Speaker 1 she ran into all of the fuck you, you're not funny people in the world.

Speaker 1 See, if you have a crowd of 200 people and you got one fuck you, you're not funny girl, that's one thing.

Speaker 1 But if you scale that out to the entire internet, that is so many fuck you, you're not funny people. And those are the ones who are going to comment.

Speaker 1 You know, there's plenty of people that saw that video, like you and me, who are like, oh, God, but you didn't comment. No.
So who's commenting? The fuck you, you're not funny people. Yeah.

Speaker 1 So when there's 30 million people seeing a video, you're going to get 13,000 plus fuck you, you're not funny people who post constantly. So they're each going to post 10, 15 times.

Speaker 1 They're going to be arguing with people in the comments, telling you how you should kill yourself. Yeah.
Yeah. You got to hide.
You can't, and most people don't.

Speaker 1 Most people go online and they read all the things. Like, oh my God, what are they saying about me? You got to just get offline.
Well, then there was another,

Speaker 1 I think, an Asian girl doing an open mic who they had a video of her like throwing shit around and smashing stuff. Well, she's fighting the patriarchy.
So

Speaker 1 let her lash out. But just, I almost wonder, remember that was the fear.

Speaker 1 They were like, people try to create viral moments, so heckling will become, like, people go to comedy clubs, like, I'm going to heckle and make a moment. Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's also a thing about like comics that are trying to find a

Speaker 1 like a lose their shit moment on stage also. Oh, wow.
Do you know what I mean? Do you think so?

Speaker 1 Yeah, we're like like, look at, not even for a thing, not trying to not keep it funny, but like, let me go viral. Go at somebody, like, really hard.
You know what I mean? Yeah.

Speaker 1 So, well, also, some people are just socially retarded, and they think they're really good at it, and they're just not. They're not really good at communicating.

Speaker 1 They think they are, and then they're screaming at the fucking fucking guy.

Speaker 1 Fake anger is hilarious. Fake anger is the best.
Especially when it's a joke that's been told for like 10 years, and you're like, you can't be pissed about this.

Speaker 1 You know what the craziest viral moment was ever in comedy? Heather McDonald making jokes about vaccines and then blacking out. Blacking out and banging her head.

Speaker 1 I only say this because she's okay, but I think she cracked her skull. I think she fractured her skull.
I mean, her head fucking bounces off that hard stage.

Speaker 1 And it looked to the audience like this was like a Pratt fall.

Speaker 1 This is a part of the bit. The timing was so good that it looked like a bit.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 They were laughing and then they were like, oh, oh, my God. She really did just black out.
Yeah, they almost laughed for a second. They're like, okay, Heather, that's plenty.
That's good.

Speaker 1 Historians will study that video. They will not believe.
It might be proof of the simulation. That video might be proof of the simulation.
Because it just doesn't make sense.

Speaker 1 Unless God has some amazing sense of humor. Some amazing sense of humor.
That's a good ⁇ my favorite ⁇ my favorite

Speaker 1 stage moment on ⁇ is still that classic. This is before YouTube and stuff,

Speaker 1 the look of these biceps guy at the Boston Comedy Club. Did you ever see that?

Speaker 1 No. What happened?

Speaker 1 It's an open mic. He's definitely, you find out through the video, he's getting heckled by a girl who also went on stage, but she did well.
You know, she has her friends there, clearly.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 so she did well. And this guy's just like, his comedy is all written.
He came out of the gates. You know, when you kind of fake alpha on stage right away? Oh, no.
So he's just, he's got these jokes.

Speaker 1 It's like, one's like a racist joke.

Speaker 1 He tells at one point. And it's just, his whole personality is just, he gives off a bad vibe for sure.
So he sucks, and this girl in the audience sucks.

Speaker 1 And when he can't take any more of her heckling, he just goes, It's just something about you, you can't even get a girl. He goes, You think I can't get a girl?

Speaker 1 Look at these biceps, and it's so it's such a break, and he means it.

Speaker 1 He means if you look up, look at these biceps, you'll find it pretty easy. Imagine that's all it took.
It looks so old, but this is the old Boston Comedy Club in the village. Oh, that's funny.

Speaker 1 That place was great. That place was, yeah, this guy, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, he looks crazy. I met a girl.
Look at my fucking biceps. You think I can't meet a girl?

Speaker 1 Look at my fucking boxet. You stand right here.

Speaker 1 Hey, man, look at a boy. Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 Anyway,

Speaker 3 before I snap and start throwing stools all over the place, I'm going to give you thanks and say.

Speaker 1 What year is that from? It looks like the 90s.

Speaker 1 I found it over 10 years old, so it's

Speaker 1 late 90s, early 2000s. Android phone for the money.
No, no. Actually, no, it wasn't.
It was the 2000s because it was called Comedy Village at that point, still they changed the name.

Speaker 1 So it was the early 2000s. So that's the old Boston Comedy Club? Wow.
Dude, easy to mantle. This episode is brought to you by Paramount Plus, now streaming on Paramount Plus.

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Speaker 1 Just go to simply safe.com/slash Rogan. That's simply safe.com/slash Rogan.
There's no safe like SimplySafe. I was working in that place back when Neil Brennan was a door guy.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 I became friends with Neil when he was a door guy. It's hilarious.
Kevin was already rolling.

Speaker 1 Kevin Brennan? I don't know.

Speaker 1 Kevin Brennan was, yeah, he was around then. I think he was already doing stand-up.
Well, Kevin was the first one to do stand-up. Oh, for sure.
Yeah, he was definitely way before Neil.

Speaker 1 And then Neil, yeah, yeah, yeah. That place was a great club.
That's where the first club I started. What a great little club that was.
The Barry Katz.

Speaker 1 All the clients worked there. Were you a Barry Katz client ever? No, never.
Steered clear? No, I've just been with the same manager since I was an open micer. No shit? Yeah.
Wow. Back in Boston.

Speaker 1 Well, he found me in Boston. He was a New York guy.
That's why I moved to New York. No shit.
Yeah, I wasn't even supposed to go on stage that night.

Speaker 1 Oh, so lucky because I would have panicked and I would have choked. I didn't know he was in the room.
I had no idea. So he had come,

Speaker 1 he used to manage Bob Nelson. Remember Bob Nelson? Yeah.
Hell yeah. So Bob Nelson.
That's Philly guy, I believe. He became very Christian, and he was going to have his Bible partner,

Speaker 1 his guy, become his manager. He had this guy that they were brothers in Christ.

Speaker 1 And so Sussman was looking for new clients, and he thought he saw everybody that he could see in New York at the time.

Speaker 1 And so he had a good friend that was taking a trip to Boston, and so he went with him. And he said, I'm going to set up some shows at some of these comedy clubs.

Speaker 1 So they had all the local Boston headliners, like big-name guys from the town would all perform for him.

Speaker 1 And I was working, driving limos at the time. And

Speaker 1 while I was driving, I would come up with some of my best ideas sometimes because, you know, I didn't listen to the radio, I would just drive because you couldn't listen to the radio while you had clients.

Speaker 1 And so some of my best ideas came from just driving around. I had this fucking idea.
I'm like, oh my God, I think this would work. And so I called up my friend who was the manager.

Speaker 1 And I said, hey, dude, do you think I could get a guest spot tonight? And he's like, yeah, absolutely. So he hooks me up.
I have no idea. I go downstairs.

Speaker 1 This guy who becomes my manager is walking out of the room to go to another club, which is down the street, and he hears me killing. And so he comes back downstairs and he watches my whole set.

Speaker 1 And I would have never done what I did. How long are you doing comedy at this point?

Speaker 1 Three years. That's fast.
Yeah, three years. So,

Speaker 1 but I was pretty, I had some good sex jokes. I had some great jokes that would kill.
And I would have never done them if he was in the room.

Speaker 1 Because everybody had to be clean back then. That was like, you got to be clean.
You got to be clean. And I was like,

Speaker 1 you had good success in like acting. Was that your, when you got into it?

Speaker 1 I know what I got into it, what I thought was interesting, was I started to do stand-up comedy. It took me a long time to realize, and I love broadcasting.
I think it scratches the same itch for me,

Speaker 1 broadcasting as whatever. I didn't, never got into it to act.
or all these different other things. But as soon as you get into it, especially when you have a manager, you just see the industry unfold.

Speaker 1 You see everyone's like, you don't have a commercial agent. You got to go out and audition for commercial.

Speaker 1 All these things that I was like, supplementary, that I was like, instead of doing that, I'm just going to keep doing the black circuit because I could make some money there.

Speaker 1 Like, I was getting a couple bucks, you know, enough to survive on shows and that.

Speaker 1 And then I'll just go hang out at the mainstream rooms, you know, at night and meet all the comics and get on when I can get on. But like, it was never.

Speaker 1 It's never like I would not go so many times to a demon. I don't fucking.
Yeah, I did a couple. I don't want it.
I don't want it.

Speaker 1 and i ended up sitting on this on this show for two years and it was a great experience in hindsight but like what show did you get on it's called z-rock it was a ifc show what was great about it for me was because uh

Speaker 1 it was like curb your enthusiasm style writing oh so we get to say whatever we wanted really and it was cursing and there was no problems with that so it was a very fun show to do in that regard but it's getting just wasn't my thing wasn't your thing in fact when i uh When I was doing it, I would still go like three of the nights a week.

Speaker 1 We do five shows. Every other night, I would still go do a spot at the cellar, and she was giving me 2 a.m.
spots. And I'd have to be on set at 7 a.m., you know, 6 a.m.
sometimes.

Speaker 1 And when they would get like, you know, I would take naps in between like scenes or whatever. And they would be like, why are you going and doing like stand-ups so late?

Speaker 1 I'm like, oh, because this show will not be forever. And there is 50 people waiting to jump in my spot there.
You know what I mean? And I'm established there right now.

Speaker 1 So it's like, when this goes away, that's the thing that's still going to be there.

Speaker 1 And so I definitely made sure,

Speaker 1 as I said, but also I didn't want to really be an actor. Well, in the 90s, it was just a money thing.
You know, it was

Speaker 1 everybody, there was two things that everybody wanted. As if you were a comic,

Speaker 1 no, you wanted to be the head of a sitcom or you wanted to host the tonight show.

Speaker 1 Those are the two things that everybody wanted, which is why Jay Leno, people to this day don't understand, like, why did Jay Leno want the tonight show so bad that he was like hiding in the closet?

Speaker 1 And, you know, that whole story where they were negotiating? Yeah, yeah. And, you know, he just, they scratched and clawed and everybody was mad at him because he took it from Conan.
Remember that?

Speaker 1 Because he went back because Conan's ratings weren't as good. All that craziness was, that was the golden carrot at the end of the stick.

Speaker 1 So in our minds, everybody wanted to host the tonight show

Speaker 1 or you wanted to be Jerry Seinfeld. So that was what you got.
And so these people came there and that's all the industry talked about because that's where all the money was.

Speaker 1 That's what your agent wanted you to do. That's where all the money was.
And everybody was just pushing you in that direction.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's what it is.

Speaker 1 But it was a push in that direction.

Speaker 1 But it's an antiquated idea that comes from the time of like

Speaker 1 everyone in entertainment was like a triple threat. I watched something a while ago that was a Jamie Foxx.

Speaker 1 Right. But even to go back to like

Speaker 1 the Sinatras and they said a Barney Miller, Hal Linden, there's videos of him like singing on, he went on like talk shows and as a singer. Wow.

Speaker 1 But because everyone had to like dance, you were like a showman. Right.
There was no like phone

Speaker 1 in one direction. Yeah, so the idea.

Speaker 1 The idea that you were like,

Speaker 1 I came into comedy as a mega fan of stand-up comedy. I loved all of it.
I didn't even draw lines on, you know, there's people I liked more than others. And Dice was my guy for sure when I was 12, 13.

Speaker 1 I just hit him at the right time. Yeah.
That I loved that. But I was such a fan of stand-up that when I got into stand-up, I only saw like, now I didn't know what the path was to selling out.

Speaker 1 comedy clubs or theaters or anything like that, but that's all it was. I didn't get into this and I was like, oh, and then I'll have a sitcom.

Speaker 1 And then you just get told right away, like, well, what year did you come along? You're going. What year did you come along? I started in 90

Speaker 1 97. Okay.
Almost maybe 98. That was like the peak of the sitcom days.
That was Friends. That was

Speaker 1 everything was still on the air back then. Right? Seinfeld had,

Speaker 1 what year did Seinfeld end? I want to say that was like 2000. No.

Speaker 1 98? Yeah, I was going to say 97. I think it was then.

Speaker 1 98.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 14th, 1998. Okay, and then there's Friends, which kept going a little while longer, right?

Speaker 1 Yeah, like 2001. You know, and then there was like Caroline and the City.
There was like all these shows that everybody was like,

Speaker 1 that was the goal. The goal was to get on a show, and everybody wanted a network, and everybody got a network deal, and they were handing out deals where you would get like a couple hundred grand.

Speaker 1 You didn't have to do anything, and they never even made a show. And then you get another deal next year.

Speaker 1 There was a bunch of guys who who were always having deals and that a lot of those people when i got into comedy i'd see those people like chest out at the comic strip oh yeah and stuff but then but then

Speaker 1 never heard of it not to i mean i wouldn't mean names but i mean like just it was just weird to see people that were like oh they just got their second deal with nbc holding deal or yeah oh they were convinced it was going to go they would tell you like i got a million dollar backup deal and this and that so they have to do my show it's going to be on the air you should play my brother and then it doesn't it's such a uh

Speaker 1 well you see people getting really weird and acting like they're special before they're even famous. Sure.

Speaker 1 You didn't even get on the launching pad yet, and you're already acting like a fucking crazy person.

Speaker 1 There's a lot of that. So I've been doing it long enough to see people kind of go and be like, shit, the acting thing seems to be going, and I'm going to go to L.A.

Speaker 1 or something in entertainment, like besides stand-up is going. And they focus on that for a couple of years, and then nothing really pans out from it.
And they didn't keep doing stand-up. Right.

Speaker 1 And then they come back and

Speaker 1 try again. And then they're confused because

Speaker 1 I've never had my own sitcom. I've never had anything, but like one thing I never stopped doing was like working the whole time still.
So it's like you're building a fan base still.

Speaker 1 And when people, a lot of people left at a time where it was like, oh, this is where you have to start, you know, they went to go to acting when everyone was like, all right, this is, it's podcast times now and social media times and you have to get all these things going.

Speaker 1 And you connect with the audience and stuff and keep performing. And like they went away and then come back and it's hard to start again.
It's real hard.

Speaker 1 You saw a lot of guys during the writer's strike try to do it again.

Speaker 1 Because there's a few of those guys that are really good that are just writers and they become they become trapped in that velvet prison of getting that, you know, you make good money.

Speaker 1 You got a great health plan, you know, you got a nice house, got a mortgage, maybe started having kids, and you're not really a comic anymore. Now you're working on a sitcom or you're writing.

Speaker 1 And the problem is

Speaker 1 you don't have a backup plan anymore because you can't just go on the road anymore because you don't have a fucking audience. Right.

Speaker 1 So, all those other guys that you came up with that kept their comedy up during that whole time, those guys can still tour. Like, Fitzsimmons was very smart about it.

Speaker 1 Like, Fitzsimmons did a lot of writing gigs, but he never stopped doing stand-ups. He's so funny.
Never stopped doing stand-up. I mean, he always kept getting better.

Speaker 1 And so, like, when writer strikes and things like that happen, Greg's fine. Like, he sells out all over the country.
He doesn't have to worry about it.

Speaker 1 But it's because he's smart and because he saw the writing on the wall. Like, I'm not falling into this trap.

Speaker 1 Well, it's a matter of what you want to do when you woke up in the mornings to go do no news radio were you like thrilled going to work every day or did it was it did it did it this no news radio was really fun it was really fun it was crazy

Speaker 1 it was really fun it was a it was a real fun like environment we had a good time the writers were amazing it was like per perfect best case scenario for a sitcom and it was the second sitcom I was on the first one I was on was like worst case scenario not worst but started off great It was on the show called Hardball with Jim Brewer.

Speaker 1 Jim Brewer was, he played one of the rival

Speaker 1 mascots, and he gets beat up.

Speaker 1 Jim was so funny. It was so funny.
It was a real funny pilot, and it was written by these guys who worked on Married with Children, and they worked on The Simpsons.

Speaker 1 They were really funny writers, Jeff Martin and Kevin Curran. And these guys put together this really funny show, and then the networks just hacked it up.

Speaker 1 They just jizzed into the soup. It was a mess.
They brought in a bunch of people that shouldn't have been there and a bunch of, and the show fell apart.

Speaker 1 But I got to watch these brilliant, really funny guys get their work just shit all over by the network and have it fall apart and become just a joke. Could you have been roped into stopping stand-up?

Speaker 1 Like

Speaker 1 not doing stand-up

Speaker 1 to go in the full-time

Speaker 1 sitcom to sitcom? Well, one thing that I did do for sure is I neglected my stand-up for a few years.

Speaker 1 When I was doing news radio all the time, the problem was in news radio in the early days, they were really long hours because we were trying to figure the show out.

Speaker 1 And, you know, there was a lot of network notes back in those days. And, you know, the network was really behind it, but

Speaker 1 it wasn't owned by NBC.

Speaker 1 It was produced by Brillstein Gray. So, you know, if you wanted to be on the good slots, right? So what Paul Sims would call it, Paul Sims is the creator of news radio, he'd call it the shit sandwich.

Speaker 1 So you'd have friends and married with children and in between you'd have like kind of caca-ass sitcoms. It's like a shit sandwich.

Speaker 1 We got in those spots occasionally and every time we did we were like number two in the country number three or something.

Speaker 1 But then we'd drop down like number 80 because we got moved like nine different times over five years. Nine times over five years.

Speaker 1 So the show didn't really become successful until it went into syndication. Nice.
So it was one of those weird things. But I never audited.
I auditioned for two shows ever.

Speaker 1 I auditioned for that hardball show. I got that.
That got canceled. And I auditioned for news radio.
That was it. Really? It was the nuttiest thing of all time.
So I didn't want it. It just happened.

Speaker 1 So it wasn't something like it was my golden carrot. My golden carrot was just I wanted to be a professional comic.
Right.

Speaker 1 And then as I was like barely making money as a professional comic, like barely surviving, all of a sudden they're like, we'll pay you $25,000 a week. I was like, what do I have to do?

Speaker 1 I was like, I got to act. Okay, now I'm acting.
And I would have moved back to New York 100% if I didn't get an apartment. So I signed a one-year lease on this apartment in North Hollywood.

Speaker 1 And so I was staying. I was like, oh, I gotta stay because I wanted to just go back to New York and play pool and hang out with my friends.
I didn't like it in LA. It wasn't my cup of tea.

Speaker 1 I didn't like being around actors. And it was hard to make friends with some of the comedians.
And the comedy store was weird back then. So I was like, I was ready to go back to New York.

Speaker 1 And I had this fucking lease. So I was like, I can't break the lease.
I don't have that kind of money. I'll go to keep this lease going.
So I stayed there.

Speaker 1 And then I got news radio, like right afterwards. Which is great.
It was crazy. That's a whirlwind for sure.
It is funny, though. It's like just that lead of that, like that you're supposed to do.

Speaker 1 Like,

Speaker 1 to me, it was sitting for whatever the 10th time

Speaker 1 and watching, especially actors, like walking back and forth, like how serious they're taking getting there. And I'm just like holding the sides barely.

Speaker 1 And I'm like, what's like three lines we got to say? Like, relax. And I didn't book stuff, but it's also just like, as I'm sitting there, like, I don't know if I want to be the,

Speaker 1 you know, the trident cinnamon gum guy. Mitch Edward, you just get a lot of stuff.
I don't know if I get a hair. I just don't like it.
It's like, if you get it, it's almost like fantastic.

Speaker 1 That's great.

Speaker 1 If you get it, it's extra money. Sure.
But then once you get all the extra money, you don't have to really do that anymore. And that's when you got to decide.

Speaker 1 One of the things that I had to decide after I did Fear Factor, I was like, okay, no more of that, please.

Speaker 1 But I did it one more time. I did it one more time when in 2011, Fear Factor came back for a brief amount of time.
And that's when they made people drink chiz.

Speaker 1 That's when it got canceled forever. Until Ludacris came back and did it on MTV.

Speaker 1 No jizz. That was then the no-jiz roll.
I was toned down back then. But it was,

Speaker 1 it's just like there's a different thing that's happening when you're doing something just for money. You know, you're just like, okay, it's worth it.
It's worth it for this amount of money.

Speaker 1 And then you got to know what to do with that money. But I used to

Speaker 1 plan your escape. I used to have to like

Speaker 1 talk myself into like when I would get those weird talking head shows. I think on History Channel, we did like I Love.
They were trying to do like a spoof of I love the 80s and I love the 90s.

Speaker 1 They would do like I love the 1880s or I love the 1890s or whatever. And they would give us like history stories and write jokes and you're gonna do talking head things.

Speaker 1 And I would look at it as the burden of that next day. Yeah.
I gotta wake up at 8 to go into the city and like

Speaker 1 to do this thing.

Speaker 1 I look at all the stuff and I'm like, it's network, it's history channel. So it's like, I can't really do exactly what it is I do.

Speaker 1 And then

Speaker 1 because I'm going to go as close as I can to my own voice, that like it's probably not going to get a lot of stuff on anyway. Yeah.
And, but I had to really convince myself, I'm like, you know,

Speaker 1 there was a kid across the street from me when I lived in South Jersey for a couple of years who was in a Fruit Loops commercial, I said, and he, and he said, he might as well have been Brad Pitt.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean? Like, to me, I was like, he's been on television. And I'm like,

Speaker 1 I'm going to do a TV show tomorrow. History channel, anything.
Have you told me when I was 12, 13 years old, that, hey, you want to do a TV show, be on TV on the history channel?

Speaker 1 You'd be like, no, TV, is that possible? You You know, so you have to remember that it is pretty like extraordinary to have some of these opportunities.

Speaker 1 But man, so I try to take them in when I have them. I did it.
I was in the movie Hustlers as the strip club DJ. What is Hustlers?

Speaker 1 It's the true story of the girls at Scores who were like robbed, the strippers that were robbing the money. Oh, really? When did that movie come out? A couple of years back now.
But

Speaker 1 shit, maybe like seven years, six, seven years ago. But I was the strip club DJ in that.
And I really had to

Speaker 1 go there because I look at the, in hindsight of it, it's like, it was two 14-hour days of like nothing, so much nothing going on. Right.

Speaker 1 You're just waiting around and just whiffing when I had these opportunities. But I'm also trying to take in, I'm like, holy shit, that's Usher over there.

Speaker 1 And that's fucking Jayla. It's like, as I'm sitting here, like,

Speaker 1 when do you guys need me again? It's like J-Lo's in a thong, like, you know, twerking on stage, like, doing her scene. And you're like, oh, I should really enjoy some of it.
You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 J-Lo was on stage twerking? Yeah, I introduced her.

Speaker 1 What year was this?

Speaker 1 2000. A couple years ago.
18, maybe. Yeah, my voice opens this scene.
Damn, is that really J-Lo? Yeah.

Speaker 1 So this is her.

Speaker 1 10 years ago? 50 years old. Not then, she wasn't.
Yep. She was 50 on set.
Yeah. Wait a minute.
How old is she now?

Speaker 1 You said this is 2000? What?

Speaker 1 200 when?

Speaker 1 20,

Speaker 1 19, 18?

Speaker 1 Was she really 50 back then? Yeah.

Speaker 1 God, six years ago. She's not 56.
She was 19.

Speaker 1 Okay. How old is JLo? She's 56, I guess now.
No.

Speaker 1 Is she really?

Speaker 1 Whoa, that's crazy. Yeah.
Bro, what is she doing? I don't know, but she looked fantastic. And it really shined a light on this girl's narrow.

Speaker 1 This girl's narrow Asian ass really shined a light on that.

Speaker 1 When they were choreographing them together on stage, it looked so

Speaker 1 shitty. That's

Speaker 1 yeah, she looks great. It's incredible.
Good for her. She seemed nice.
I tried to talk to her once and I whiffed hard. Did you? I just get panicked.
I planned to. You thought you could be number six?

Speaker 1 I planned what I was going to say. That's what the problem was.

Speaker 1 Oh, you did? Yeah. How bad? It was bad.
I said, when she

Speaker 1 next time she turns around, because she seems nice, she's going to like, at some point, she's going to talk to me. We're doing this one scene together where she hands me money.

Speaker 1 And I say, like, a line. And every time they yell, cut, she'd put her robe on, turn around, talk to her assistant.
But I'm like, she does seem nice.

Speaker 1 And she's going to turn around and ask me some version of, how you doing. Right.
And I'm going to say, you know, I'm just living the life of a fake strip club, DJ. And that's going to make her giggle.

Speaker 1 And then we're best friends for life. And instead of waiting for her to say anything, the next time she just, her eyes just cross my eyes, I went, living the life of a fake strip club, DJ?

Speaker 1 Like, followed her face.

Speaker 1 And she was like, excuse me? And I was like, oh. And then her assistant started laughing at me.
And then I demanded to go outside to get a soda. They were like, we'll get you a soda.

Speaker 1 I'm like, please let me go outside and reset this moment. I hate this.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you can't have a diva roll her eyes at you. That'll fuck your confidence up.
No matter who you are. No.
Jennifer Lopez rolls her eyes at you. That would hurt so much.
How does she look so good?

Speaker 1 I don't know, but she really did. It's pretty extraordinary.
It's that thing, it's a person that's in a room and you're like, oh, a celebrity's here. Okay, give that off.

Speaker 1 Right, but it's like, think of her beauty and then that other lady that you said that did a bunch of shit to her face. Probably the same age, right? Oh, yeah.
Isn't that crazy? It is crazy.

Speaker 1 You know, it was also in that movie, by the way, a young, only one song out Lizzo. And everyone was so excited for her.
And I didn't know who she was.

Speaker 1 And they go, they were talking about the celebrities that are going to be there today. And she's playing a stripper.
And I was like, hmm, I'm wondering who it is. And then

Speaker 1 hours later, my next question was, I'm like, who's the big fat stripper wearing the fishnet outfit? And they're like, that's Lizzo. Yeah.
Like, that's Lizzo.

Speaker 1 I was like, Christ Almighty, are they making her do that?

Speaker 1 And again, it's my own fat insecurity that I put out on other people. Almost like I said, that guy earlier who was like the robe open.
There's got to be guys that aren't.

Speaker 1 I'm impressed by that because what I have is much more, which I always found interesting.

Speaker 1 Chris Farley.

Speaker 1 You know,

Speaker 1 this most famous thing ever is the Chippendale sketch with Patrick Swayze.

Speaker 1 I've always thought, and I just know this from, I'm good friends with his brother and from years of reading stuff about it, like that's, if you want to trickle back what killed him, it's essentially that.

Speaker 1 Do you know what I mean? It's like he hated, he was willing to do it, like I'll be the fat, gross guy, but he hated it. He didn't want everyone to think he was like fat and gross.

Speaker 1 So it's like, I have a hard time with like, with those kind of things.

Speaker 1 So I'm impressed also with someone who's like, Ladies, you know, with like their fucking fat rolls on their sides, welcome to the party.

Speaker 1 Well, how do you do it man and lizzo just like fuck it i'm wearing a thong like don't you don't have to it's one of those things where it's like you want to celebrate people that don't care like yeah you go but also yikes yeah it's also yikes it's always lies too by the way she's lost 100 pounds well also remember when she was accused of fat shaming all the girls that she worked with and making them

Speaker 1 making hookers yeah making each tripper pussy and shit yeah like whatever whatever was going down whatever she was accused of i don't know if it was real but it's like the Chris Farley thing, I never would have imagined that he hated doing that.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah. No, he loved making people laugh, but he hated that it was at the expense.
I don't think I'm speaking at a school here.

Speaker 1 But it never seemed like that stuff did bother him, I think.

Speaker 1 He wanted girls to like him. He wanted,

Speaker 1 you know what I mean? So that's why he got big into drugs. Are you basing this on conversations that you've had with people that know him?

Speaker 1 Conversations because I've watched so much stuff like on him. Yeah, yeah.
And you could see, like, you know, they, again, it's people reading in this stuff and sure.

Speaker 1 But yeah, but I think also from talking to his brother and stuff. I met him.

Speaker 1 I met him once when he was in the throes of it. Really? Yeah, there's a couple of people that I met where their skin looked like wet cardboard.

Speaker 1 Like it was the consistency of wet, like gray cardboard, like sweaty gray cardboard. So he was on the set hanging out.

Speaker 1 There was always like a lot of fun people that were on the set that you got to meet. And he wasn't working on the show.
He was just there to hang out. And so

Speaker 1 I ran into him like during the craft service table area and he was just looked terrible.

Speaker 1 And I don't know like what year did he die?

Speaker 1 I think late 90s also.

Speaker 1 So this was around 97-ish, somewhere around then. So news radio was 94 to 99.
End of 97, December, week before Christmas, 97. That's when he died.
33. So it might have been the year he died.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Because he looked like hell. He looked like he was just so sweaty and so gray.
He just looked fucked up.

Speaker 1 The one other time, there was a dude that I ran into at the improv, and he couldn't form sentences.

Speaker 1 He had like the same gray skin, and he was talking to me, but nothing made sense. But he just kept talking, and he couldn't form sentences.
And I was like, this is the craziest thing I've ever seen.

Speaker 1 It's also weird to get into that and then still be around comedy. Just be around public.

Speaker 1 You're hanging around with people at a bar and

Speaker 1 you're so gacked up, you can't even form a sentence. I have a hard time with the, I mean, I can.

Speaker 1 I can get caught up in

Speaker 1 the dramatic conversation of like the science of comedy and like the all the internal things and the manipulation of it. But at the end of the day, it's so silly when like...

Speaker 1 It's taken so seriously in some way, too.

Speaker 1 It's not like, you know, unlike Daniel Day-Lewis, who has to be Lincoln all day, someone can go, Jay, they're calling your name on stage. And you can go up there.
I don't have to, like, find my place.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean? Like, oh, I'm not even,

Speaker 1 you know, oh, hang on. Okay.
You know, you just go on stage and be like, shit, I didn't know they were calling me. Sorry, everybody.
But also, you're doing sets multiple times a night.

Speaker 1 You're doing multiple sets a week. You're so comfortable with being on stage.
It's not like, action. Right.
You know, you're Lincoln. Go.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 They were score and seven years ago.

Speaker 1 And you mess up a line. They got to go change the gate.
They got to do a bunch of fucking things. Yeah, and there's always someone who wants to come in and touch up your hair.

Speaker 1 And then there's fucking people moving around. And there's always so many support people, it's hard to just keep your fucking concentration.
Some people like being doted on.

Speaker 1 Dan Soder, I've always been, he likes acting, and not even just acting. He likes the day.
He takes the day in the trailer, and he said he'll write jokes and, you know, do whatever.

Speaker 1 Happy dude. Dan Soder seems like he's always happy.
It's hard to imagine him being even angry. Like he was talking to me about somebody who ripped off one of his jokes.

Speaker 1 And even that, the way he's talking about the guy ripping off his joke and confronting him about ripping off the joke, it's still, he's like, he's being silly. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 He's being silly and laughing about it. I'm like, wow.
Oh, he's the best.

Speaker 1 Great demeanor. So that's like a glass is always half full guy.
He's fine with doing a little acting here. But if you, you know, what he wants to do is stand up.
He's a great stand-up.

Speaker 1 No, no, he's great stand-up. He does want to do stand-up.
And he wants to make shows. He's got a lot of interest that I think he'll be great at all of them.
I'm just saying more like,

Speaker 1 you know, I'm losing my train of things. Well, you don't have to do all that other stuff.
And the thing is, like, back in the 90s, we all thought we had to do that other stuff.

Speaker 1 I would have never imagined like quitting a TV show just so I could do Stand Up on the Road. First of all, you needed the TV show so people could come to see you.

Speaker 1 That was a big thing. Back then, people came to see you if you were on the tonight show or if you had an HBO special or if you had a sitcom.

Speaker 1 That's why I was so impressive of a person like

Speaker 1 Regan. Yes.
Brian Regan. I was just going to bring him up.
He's like, you did it straight through comedy. Just organic.
And got to theaters. Yep.
Huge theaters.

Speaker 1 And sells out instantly just because he's so good. You know, it's funny, the quietest, the people who are the most surprising.
There's huge earning comics that

Speaker 1 you've never even heard of and stuff. I always look up like Shonda Pierce is a lady,

Speaker 1 just like an old lady from the South, but she's multi-millionaire, sells out. She performs at like like churches and stuff.
Really?

Speaker 1 Yeah, but it's just stand-up, and it's just like the most mundane, like, but it's like, it's not for me, obviously, but I mean, with this

Speaker 1 kind of whatever, you know, like act that you know, wouldn't impress anybody, she's making millions. Christian comedy is a tough sell.
Yeah, well, but there's a market for it for sure.

Speaker 1 There is a market for it. I remember there was a bunch of people that went into Christian comedy.

Speaker 1 There was like a Christian comedy tour back in. Oh my god.
Yeah, it was terrible. It was terrible.
To want to go to that seems boring.

Speaker 1 Even if you were religious, like, well, I don't want to go watch religious comedy.

Speaker 1 But it was like the most aweshuck, stupid shit about, like, the guy's dumb, and my wife always tells me I'm dumb, and she's right.

Speaker 1 It's why Nate Bargetts is so impressive to me and always has been, is because he's clean in that way. You can call him a Christian comic, and it doesn't matter because.

Speaker 1 If you just watch the comedy, if you're not listening to all the labels being put on him, he's just brilliant. Yeah, it's just brilliant.

Speaker 1 More than brilliant, hilarious. He's fucking hilarious.
Hilarious and squeaky clean. Yeah.
And you throw them on anywhere in a lineup. Yeah, I thought Gary Goleman was so impressive in that way, too.

Speaker 1 It just didn't have to be dirty. Like, almost like

Speaker 1 subjects, you were someone who said to write a joke about this subject. You're like, nah, dude, that's corny.
Well, Gaffigan. And then they do it and kill it.
Yeah, he's great too.

Speaker 1 Gaffigan's been killing it forever. Squeaky clean.
You know, there's, you know, there's a market. Like, again.
But everyone shouldn't be that. Right.
That's the Hannah Gatsby argument she made.

Speaker 1 That's really

Speaker 1 whatever my opinions about her comedy are are meaningless.

Speaker 1 It was an article she did where she was like, like, if you're not using your comedy to like move society forward in some way, like you're wasting time.

Speaker 1 Yeah. That's hilarious.
Like, you're wasting time, basically. Like, you need to come and talk about your rape, or you're wasting time doing comedy.

Speaker 1 And it's like, or did I even say you're not being personal?

Speaker 1 I go, so you're saying like David Tell, Brian Regan, Carrot Top, you saying people just shouldn't be in comedy because they're a different like faction of it than you? That's insane. It's insane.

Speaker 1 And God forbid, if everybody started doing Hannah Gatsby style quality, she's fucked. She's not going to be the best at it.
You know what I mean? Right. It's like, why are you welcome?

Speaker 1 It's like, why don't you stay, keep your lane and be happy with everything? That's the other thing about comedy. Like,

Speaker 1 you should be funny first.

Speaker 1 If you want to do all that other stuff too, but if you want to do all that other stuff and you call it comedy, but it's not funny, like you're doing something where you're just trying to educate people, hey, that you missed the whole mark of this whole thing.

Speaker 1 And to say that that's the most important thing, the only people that would say that are people who aren't funny. That's it.

Speaker 1 That's the only people that would ever think that the most important thing is to move social justice forward with your comedy. If somebody told me I made them think on stage, I'd go, about what?

Speaker 1 About what? Listen, you could be as social justicey as you want. You could talk to your phone.
You can make long rants on reels. You could do podcasts.
You could do whatever you want.

Speaker 1 Talk about issues. But when you're on stage, what you're supposed to be doing is be funny.

Speaker 1 Now, if you can be funny with some sort of grand message that makes everybody, Bill Hicks, clap at you, that's great. But that's not the goal.
The goal is to just be funny.

Speaker 1 And if that's your goal, you want to be funny with a social justice,

Speaker 1 great. Nothing wrong with it.
But you got to be funny.

Speaker 1 You can't like fake it and get clapped or think you're anything I would even say with passion on stage, I could end just as easily by going, or not, you know, or maybe I'm completely wrong.

Speaker 1 I don't know. Definitely.
How the fuck would I know? Remember, guys would do this when they were bombing. Hey, how about a nice round of applause for the ladies?

Speaker 1 Give a round of applause for all the ladies in the crowd.

Speaker 1 How many at the Black Comedy Circuit, it was,

Speaker 1 those are the funniest, how many they would give. He goes, how about for the lady?

Speaker 1 He goes, how about for a brother doing the right thing, staying out of jail, doing the right thing, trying to do the right thing? Yeah, they get a collapse, yes, yes. And then it was positive energy.

Speaker 1 But we all in your way. But we all use some crutching.

Speaker 1 I went, I think, so, I mean, not just because I was like, you know, obviously inspired by like the dices and stuff of the comics that I like, the dirtier guys.

Speaker 1 But I would go dirty because I found out pretty early, if you go dirty, even if you don't get the laugh because the joke wasn't good, you're going to get the groan and it was a noise. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Because that was it to me, again, I said the silence was the thing. Once it was silent, I was like, someone please save me from this.
It's going so bad. Yeah, if you get a few, oh, God.

Speaker 1 Yeah, at least you're like, ah, they're with me.

Speaker 1 You can kind of laugh that off yourself. Yeah.
And then if you're laughing genuinely, maybe people will start smiling.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's a fucking weird art form, dude. But,

Speaker 1 you know, kudos to you for just doing that. Because that's the way to do it.
And then Legion of Skanks, too.

Speaker 1 Like, what Lewis and you guys and Dave, what you guys have done is so interesting because you did it all without ever worrying about being like removed from youtube you know because he did it all on his network gas digital i mean he started gas digital essentially for legion of skanks more or less so smart and it would have like a plateau they really can't get rid of yeah because it limits your reach a little bit but over time people figure it out that's why skank fest is so fucking huge skank fest is nuts dude it's fun it's funny doing new orleans this year i should have got in when i could have done it because now it seems like i don't i i just i don't there's too many people i'll get anxiety there's a lot of people for sure but it's amazing how like you'd have a blast it's such a celebration of people just being stupid and having fun absolutely and there's no like you know no pretense no and i said they all look the part but they're such great comedy fans that's and by the way also

Speaker 1 I mean that in the sense that there's been so many people who have been like, Skank Fizz isn't my thing. I'm like, dude, they're going to fucking lose their minds for you.
Yeah, you don't even know.

Speaker 1 It's like like they're comedy fans. They're not just like our fans exclusively.

Speaker 1 They're also fans of people that are willing to do real comedy in this fucking bizarre world where you're being told that the most important thing is for you to do social justice on stage.

Speaker 1 Which I shouldn't say that's the world now because it's not. It was the world like four years ago.
Four years ago, you heard that a lot. Oh, yeah.
And that's kind of died off.

Speaker 1 And there was a bunch of things that killed that. But I think the real nail in the coffin, the final one, was the Tom Brady roast.
Yeah. I think that was the grand nail in coffin of woke comedy.

Speaker 1 Well, all you had to show people was that there was like, if you stick with something for a minute, like there is an audience there.

Speaker 1 You're just listening to a bunch of lunatics screaming with nothing to do with their lives. It's like, but if you give it a second, like

Speaker 1 conversely, a bunch of people who are writing, they're angry about this. There's a bazillion people who just like it.
Yeah, you can't cater to the people that are upset at what popular

Speaker 1 thing there is out there. Can you imagine writing a letter to ACDC? Like, this last record sucked.
First, second song's okay, but third song blows, and the fourth one's like.

Speaker 1 That's the fuck you, you're not funny person in the crowd. There's always going to be a percentage of them.

Speaker 1 It's an unavoidable aspect of human nature. There's a bunch of people that don't do anything, can't contribute, and want to knock down everything they see in front of them.

Speaker 1 There's a bunch of people that were born with amazing genetics that just have this superiority over everybody that they believe is real.

Speaker 1 And they, you know, especially if you're pretty and everybody wants to fuck you and you think you could yell at anything at the guy on stage. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Maybe you hate men because your ex-boyfriend's a piece of shit and you've had a couple of cocktails and fuck him and fuck this guy. Don't fucking say women can't do it.
Men can't.

Speaker 1 It's the funniest. So you're just trying to break down your bit?

Speaker 1 Oh, that's the best. I had a lady heckle me once where I was trying to explain.
I was doing this bit about, I had a bit about the guy who broke into the White House. Because this guy...

Speaker 1 Some fucking maniac broke into the White House. He just hopped the fence, ran across the lawn, and broke in, and there was a lady guarding the front door.

Speaker 1 And he smacked her to the ground, just ran through the, and he got tackled by an off-duty Secret Service guy.

Speaker 1 He was like getting a cup of coffee and sees this fucking guy running through the White House, and he tackles him. And the joke was about a woman being a security guard at the White House.

Speaker 1 And the joke was supposed to be,

Speaker 1 I know, because guess what? I shouldn't be a security guard at the White House. I go, and you know how I know? Because I met Shaquille O'Neill, and his dick is where my face is.

Speaker 1 It was like, if the White House is experiencing a shack attack, I'm the wrong dude to save the world. You know, shit.

Speaker 1 So the whole joke was about that, and I couldn't get it out because this lady's like, bullshit, bullshit.

Speaker 1 So the joke was, women can't do everything men can do because men can't do everything men can do. That's why we have the Olympics.

Speaker 1 There's some people that can just do shit that regular people can't do. And one of those things is guarding the fucking White House.

Speaker 1 Like, you should be a big fucking giant dude who's capable of extreme violence. But this bitch wouldn't let me get this out.
She's like,

Speaker 1 and I tried to explain to her, this is how the joke goes. And then I went further into into the joke and she chimed in again.
I explained the joke and then she was with, she was like, okay.

Speaker 1 I'm like, yeah, I'm saying I can't do it. I've gone hard at female cops so much.
It's so great when I meet female cops. They're like, they usually have great sense of humors about it, quite honestly.

Speaker 1 But I will film and send to like Soders who I'll do it to. I watch cops still a lot, like clips of the show cops.
And there was one I watched recently that was just about,

Speaker 1 it's a female cop. Whoever it's a female cop, I'm like, I get my phone ready in case I have to film this because I got, it's always always going to be something hilarious.

Speaker 1 And they're always in the way somehow or something. And they're trying to stop this guy.
You know, he's on foot, black dude. And this lady's like, let me see your ID.
Let me see your ID right now.

Speaker 1 And then the guy's just slowly backing away. And then he just decides to go start running.
And he runs. And this girl is chasing him.
This black guy is so far away from her, it's ridiculous.

Speaker 1 And then just coming zipping right past her is a dude cop who just catches the guy and tackles him. And then the rest of the time is her standing over and breathing hard.

Speaker 1 She's like, son of a bitch, got away from me.

Speaker 1 And it's like, lady, what are you doing? What are you doing? I saw

Speaker 1 one time I was waiting outside of a doctor's office in New York and I saw a guy who was naked with his hospital gown on the floor next to him.

Speaker 1 This isn't outside of a hospital, by the way, just a doctor's office. This guy left the hospital clearly.
He's naked, still has his bracelet on. He's flapping his dick around.

Speaker 1 So I call the cops and I go, hey, I think there's a guy who got out of a hospital here. He's naked and he

Speaker 1 seems pretty unruly. He's like screaming shit and he's being kind of weird.
And they go, will you stay on the phone with us and let me know when the officers get there? I go, sure.

Speaker 1 And then a big NYPD van pulls up and two tiny little ladies get out. And I started laughing on the phone and I'm like, yo, I don't think these ones are going to be able to handle it.

Speaker 1 You might want to send somebody else. And they go, why? I go, because it's like two tiny ladies, miss.

Speaker 1 And I'm like, and this guy's like, Like, I'm going to have to get involved now, and I don't want to. And then the guy stood up and he's walking towards them.

Speaker 1 And and the ladies are like, first of all, already touching their guns, which is like, again, not really necessary. The guy's naked.
He doesn't have a weapon, but it's just, they're so tiny.

Speaker 1 Like, how many options do they have? Well, they have to. If he goes at them, right? That's the thing.

Speaker 1 If you're a small woman and a naked guy is coming your way and you don't know how to fight and you have a gun, you're grabbing your gun.

Speaker 1 And the guy just went up to them and just stood about seven feet in front of them and started pissing at their feet.

Speaker 1 And then finally, another cop car came with a guy who just, I mean, got out of the car right away, grabbed him by the arms. you know what I mean, put his arms behind his back, and they put the

Speaker 1 thing back over him, his gown back on him. But it was just like...
The guy had a pee. What's the problem?

Speaker 1 He couldn't find his clothes. But it's just so wild that I'm like, why are these two a team at all?

Speaker 1 Yeah, I mean, I would like to say that women could do everything men can do. But I think in that circumstance, you'd probably want a big man.

Speaker 1 Field police work? That's crazy. You're dealing.
One of the scariest videos that I ever saw was this guy.

Speaker 1 This lady pulled him over on the highway, and the guy gets out, and he's beating the fuck out of this lady cop, and his daughter, the guy who's beating the cop, his daughter is saying, daddy, stop.

Speaker 1 Daddy, stop, because he's just beating the shit out of you. Oh, yeah, yeah.
Unconscious lady. It's so scary.

Speaker 1 It's so scary because there's no way she should have been in that situation. There's no way.
A chubby female cop, to boot, is the funniest too. You're like, what is happening? All the time.

Speaker 1 What is the problem they're going to solve? All the time. But they're in the way.

Speaker 1 Like, I was at a casino once, and this person who I thought,

Speaker 1 air quotes, was a woman. And I was talking to, and it was a security guard, like 5'5, like, shorter than me.
Security guard. Woman.

Speaker 1 I thought. Thought was a woman.
It wasn't. disturbed by the fact that she was a security guard.
None of it.

Speaker 1 But then at the end of the night,

Speaker 1 I had been talking to these people. You know, the show was over, and I was like, well, ladies, it was really nice to meet you.
And she says, actually, I'm a man.

Speaker 1 And she says it like with a woman's voice. And I and I'm like, stuck.

Speaker 1 You know, I probably had a couple cocktails, just did a show. And I'm probably going to go,

Speaker 1 are you,

Speaker 1 for sure?

Speaker 1 Like, what? So I said, I'm sorry. I didn't mean anything by it.
I didn't know. I gave her a hug, hugged everybody, and I left.
And I felt proud of myself that I didn't say something.

Speaker 1 You You should have nut checked her. I was just like,

Speaker 1 nut check. It's just like, you definitely, you're not, but, you know, whatever.
Like, to think that I should have known, like, that's crazy. And I had something.
Did you identify as a man?

Speaker 1 I had something turn on me so bad with that. Not even a mustache.
At a diner.

Speaker 1 It was me, Josh Adam Myers, and

Speaker 1 my girlfriend went to a concert, and they went to a diner afterwards.

Speaker 1 And where they sat us this diner, our table was facing the booths that are going across and the booth right across from where I'm staring is a cute girl and what I thought was a goth guy

Speaker 1 I thought it was like a goth dude he's wearing like kind of fishnet stuff and everything and they are making out hard up like going they're going for it and I'm like

Speaker 1 you know we're kind of like laughing it off almost at first you know like all right I guess like they're going but then it starts getting like they're like like she's like getting in a position the girl uh the only girl i thought is when like the the goth guy he's rubbing like her pussy over the pants and she's like writhing around and stuff and it's going on then they stop in a diner yeah then they stop then they start again it's a point where i go laughingly though too i kind of go all right

Speaker 1 come on and they're like and they're like they have like an oh my god what the fuck is wrong with you thing Now there's people, they're in a booth and we're the only people who see them.

Speaker 1 We're facing them. These booths are other people, but they're just not paying attention to what's going on there.
I'm just happening to look at it. I'm like, all right.

Speaker 1 And they're like, what's the problem? And I'm still just kind of laughingly going like, I get it, but like, you know, I'm doing like a, guys, I'm like, you're fucking at the table.

Speaker 1 I mean, like, it's crazy. We're in a diner.
And they're getting shitty about it. And then I'm just like, I don't know what the problems.
I'm like, that's crazy, what you're doing and everything.

Speaker 1 And I'm like, we're not wrong here. And then she was, and then she goes, would you have a problem if we were a straight couple?

Speaker 1 And I was like, I thought that was, I thought that was a guy I said I didn't know it wasn't a straight couple and then uh whatever it all kind of calms down and then like our food's coming which is weird we still have to sit there and I go yeah I'm gonna go outside and smoke a cigarette and like regroup here a little bit biggest mistake I ever made because I went outside and I'm it's like a big glass front restaurant, you know, diner.

Speaker 1 And I'm smoking right outside the diner. And I'm watching the narrative get created in the room without me being in the room.

Speaker 1 Like the people behind and the staff coming up and being like, we're sorry, things,

Speaker 1 people have to still act like that.

Speaker 1 People still act like that today.

Speaker 1 And when I go back in the eat, I mean, we are pariahs, I just feel like. And then the host guy who like, you know, seats everybody as gay and he's side-eye.
It's just, it was so uncomfortable.

Speaker 1 And I was like, did you explain yourself? We didn't do anything. No, there was nothing to explain.
You just wanted to kind of awkwardly give us our food. And I'm like, you guys are mad somehow at me.

Speaker 1 How much spit do you think you ate? Oh, so much. So much spit.
It was shitty food. Then I told that story on my radio show.
It was funny. And somebody messaged the Yelp or whatever the thing.

Speaker 1 And they were like, that guy was being transphobic. And this is a welcoming restaurant who allows anybody in.
It's like, how is this the narrative of what happened? They got me.

Speaker 1 They got me. They got you.
Completely created around me. I wouldn't have cared if it was trans.
I thought it was a straight couple fucking in a diner booth that I wanted to stop.

Speaker 1 Yeah, people are good at spinning a tail. If, and by the way, I said it's always the in-betweens too.

Speaker 1 In full disclosure if the guy like had her what i thought was the guy had that girl's like shorts to the side and i was watching him finger i wouldn't have said a word i would just sit there and just drank it all in interesting it was just it wasn't going hard enough it wasn't soft enough or hard enough

Speaker 1 it was goldilocks right in the middle and i don't want to see i don't want to see you guys dry hump while i'm eating either finger where we could all see or fucking take it down the road that's hilarious that they put that put transphobia on i mean you thought it was a guy.

Speaker 1 The whole diner, when we went back in, was like, oh, these intolerant people go, I don't care if that's a girl. It means nothing to me.
They didn't see it.

Speaker 1 Also, maybe if they announced it was a girl out of the gates, I might have not said anything either.

Speaker 1 Just two chicks going at it. I'm like, look at these two wild motherfuckers.
Right, you just thought it was crazy that it was a dude doing that. Yeah.
That's funny. Isn't that funny?

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Weird.

Speaker 1 It's weird how we look at that. Oh, yeah.
But I said you get wrapped up in a thing and you're like, you're transphobic. You're like, that has nothing to do with any of this.

Speaker 1 It's a problem because that label, you could just slap on someone when you're talking about like

Speaker 1 male athletes that identify as women competing in girl sports. Like, that's not transphobic.
That's just, we're talking about something crazy. Can I be transweirdic?

Speaker 1 Is that a term? Just be like, or it's like, I think that's weird that

Speaker 1 there's a six-foot-seven woman beating up an actual woman in a ring. There was some lady who was just arguing that there's no biological difference between men and women.

Speaker 1 I'm going to send you this, Jamie, because it's so kooky. You're like, Doctor Who.
You can't really think that this is true. This is...
No biological difference?

Speaker 1 There's no difference between men and women's strength. Pennsylvania state senator said there's no biological advantage for men in women's sports or disadvantage for women in men's sports.
This is...

Speaker 1 That's a woman? A woman said this. This is so crazy.
I just sent it to you, Jamie. It's so kooky.
You're like, come on.

Speaker 1 Look, I know you wanna believe this, but if you're gonna be on TV saying things, it has to make some kind of fucking sense.

Speaker 4 Female bodies are just as strong, as

Speaker 4 fast and capable as male bodies. I want all girls to know that there are elected officials like me who would never underestimate your ability to beat a boy at their own sport.

Speaker 4 Because that's what the premise of this bill assumes, that female bodies are less than male bodies.

Speaker 4 For what reason, other than political gain, are we spending time and taxpayer dollars on a completely made-up issue?

Speaker 4 Female bodies are just as strong.

Speaker 1 That's so crazy.

Speaker 1 Well, she just got caught up in the woke bullshit. She lives in an echo chamber, probably.
All the people around her are all either in academia or in some sort of left-wing fucking ideology.

Speaker 1 And they really believe that. And they believe that you should say that.
Because if you're saying, if you're not saying that, you're saying women are less than men. That's not what anybody's saying.

Speaker 1 Strength and speed and athleticism is not all of life. Well, you made the point.
There's men that are less than men in different areas. Yeah, of course.
They're called coders. They're out there.

Speaker 1 Like, you know, they're in cells. They're online.
They're making apps. You know, there's a lot of different roles for people.
people in this life.

Speaker 1 It doesn't make you a man just because you can run faster than everybody else.

Speaker 1 But to say that men can't run faster than women is just, you're denying statistics and science and all the information that we have gathered forever. We have so much data.

Speaker 1 High school 15-year-old boys beat the women's soccer team, the professional team.

Speaker 1 So shut the fuck up. This is stupid to say.
This is stupid to say. It's not transphobic, homophobic.
It's not genderphobic. It's not misogynistic.
It's just a fact of physical nature.

Speaker 1 But also, if you hit hit the pinnacle, the fight's over. Do you know what I mean? If you go like women's sports is highly attended, it's given the same amount of TV time as men's sport and everything.

Speaker 1 It's like, yeah, not enough. Not really.

Speaker 1 Now I want to be in men's sports also. That's the craziest one when the WNBA players want as much money as

Speaker 1 the NBA players. No, the NBA actually generates extreme amounts of revenue.

Speaker 1 Somebody wrote a joke about it, that the WNBA wanted what their just pay was, and so they owe $400 million because that's really how it balances out. It's like a losing venture.

Speaker 1 It's never been profitable. Do you know

Speaker 1 what those things?

Speaker 1 Again,

Speaker 1 it's like you're helping the one to hurt the many in so many things, too. It's just like that video Shane showed me this years ago, the blind kid playing football.

Speaker 1 It's like a little boy playing pop water football, and he's blind. And I'm like...

Speaker 1 Who's this for?

Speaker 1 It's your dad. Why is he letting you do that? Who is this for?

Speaker 1 And the kid gives a speech. In In the video, he gives a speech and he goes, he goes, a lot of people say blind people can't play football.
And you're like, yeah, everybody.

Speaker 1 And you've never seen this video? No. This is maybe my favorite video on the internet.
Blind Football, Jamie, if you could.

Speaker 1 This is, it's a 30-second video. The song they pick for this is the greatest thing in the world.

Speaker 1 So here's the thing about like the WNBA. If you love the WNBA, that's great.
There's a certain amount of people that love the WNBA.

Speaker 1 It's great that women have an avenue for professional sports, but you only get paid as much as people are willing to go to see you. And if they're not willing to go to see you, I'm sorry.

Speaker 1 Because they want to see dunks. This kid's blind.

Speaker 3 It's that kind of confidence that continues to amaze people who watch Dylan play.

Speaker 1 Oh, this is so crazy.

Speaker 3 Blind.

Speaker 1 Oh, this is so crazy.

Speaker 3 But this courageous youngster has proven those those people wrong.

Speaker 3 What the fuck is going on?

Speaker 1 I mean,

Speaker 1 you can't play football by smell. That's impossible.

Speaker 1 But it's again, it's like, what you're actually doing is making this game not fun for anybody else out there. Right.
You can't hit the blind kid. No one's going to hit the blind kid.

Speaker 1 And if you do, you're a dick. You're just running around so you have one less player, for real.
Yeah. It's just like your team has decided to be on a handicap so you can get on the news.

Speaker 1 We used to play basketball on a story every Wednesday, and Nate Bargatzi one time brought his friend Nick Novicki, who's a little person, comedian, and he brought him, and we were like, oh, he's going to play?

Speaker 1 Like, all right, I guess. And we let him play, and every time he'd get the ball, the defense would lay off him and let him shoot, and he'd make it or miss it, but it was what it was.

Speaker 1 And then he started

Speaker 1 when everyone would lay off on defense. Instead of shooting the ball, he'd try to run in and do a layup, and we're letting him.

Speaker 1 So eventually Nate Bargatzzi, of all people goes over and just cleaned his shot right into like the projects. He just sent away he's like, I can't just, we can't just let this happen the whole time.

Speaker 1 It's really becomes not fun for everybody. It was

Speaker 1 there was a when I was a kid, I remember very few stories, but there was a handful of like the girl that fought to get on the men's football team. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Football is such a violent sport that to let girls play it, they have to put them in lingerie. But the lingerie football league is

Speaker 1 the only visible women playing football sport. I don't don't know, but I wanted to start taking bets on it.
That was a thing, right? At one point in time. Oh, yeah.
And they hit hard.

Speaker 1 They hardly derby. Never saw Roller Derby low.

Speaker 1 There's also buns in basketball where they have morbidly obese black chicks wear thongs and play basketball. I haven't seen that.
Oh. But Roller Derby is like

Speaker 1 a really hardcore lesbian type activity, right? Oh, yeah. I would imagine.
I would assume, yeah, yeah. Like really,

Speaker 1 hardcore dyke bar girls with fucking weird tattoos. And there's some element of wrestling to it, also.
It's like not not fully real. Very aggressive.

Speaker 1 They slam into each other. They get fucking crazy.
Dude, lingerie football, if you look up lingerie football's biggest hits, it's nuts what they do.

Speaker 1 It's not lingerie, but I saw that they made a deal for something to air on ESPN 2 this year. This is like a women's tackle football league.
Oh, really? Championship game from last year. Wait a minute.

Speaker 1 These are chicks. Yeah.
Come on. Go back.
That was a hell of a play.

Speaker 1 Whoa.

Speaker 1 That's nuts. 30, 40-yard pass.
Caught it. Oh, my God.
That's crazy.

Speaker 1 Dude, they look look pretty good yeah this looks better than the wnba maybe they found it maybe women's tackle football is what's up because you're gonna see a lot of tackles oh yeah yeah i don't know if they get jacked up like they do in the like the nfl or anything but well they have to they're running into each other

Speaker 1 well here's what's funny about this these hits are pretty good but they're wearing actual football pads lingerie football's biggest hits are they're wearing shoulder yeah they're wearing shoulder pads and lingerie they look like the fucking like the legion of doom they fucking used to come out

Speaker 1 Dude, they wail each other. Do they really? I mean, it's crazy.

Speaker 1 Well, the titties never come out. That's crazy.
They must have the thing strapped down. That's ouch, ouch.
Shit's like these pileups are crazy.

Speaker 1 How much staff infection is coming out of these fucking things?

Speaker 1 I've seen a lot of staff. I'm seeing a lot of staff happen in the future, these ladies.
I mean, they blast each other in the sky. You're going to get scratched up bad.

Speaker 1 You're going to get staff for sure. Well,

Speaker 1 the fact to get 22 girls on a field who are not fighting the idea of like, oh, so we just got to dress like sluts to play football. They just go, yeah, we'll dress like sluts and play football.

Speaker 1 Fuck it.

Speaker 1 Why are they shamed?

Speaker 1 And buns and basketball. If you find buns and basketball,

Speaker 1 we should buy a franchise, dude. I'll go Halvesies with you.
Oh, Jesus Christ.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 There's a couple of BBLs on the field. Actually, see if you could find the Bunsen basketball leg break.
There's a girl who fucking

Speaker 1 has a Paul George-like fucking leg break just because she's just fat and she just falls under the weight of her dribbling.

Speaker 1 How bad is it?

Speaker 1 It's pretty gnarly. It's not the worst I've ever seen.
It's not Tom Segura's arm bad, but it's close. That was bad.
That was so bad.

Speaker 1 This is when he pulls it back and it's flopped.

Speaker 1 It's the Anderson Silva retracting the flopped leg. No, his arm still is fucked.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's still not 100%.

Speaker 1 His grip is still fucked up. He had a bunch of nerve surgeries and shit.
Yeah, that was gnarly. Dude.

Speaker 1 Imagine if anyone's playing defense.

Speaker 1 Going for a layup.

Speaker 1 It just cops. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Speaker 1 Yep.

Speaker 1 Yep.

Speaker 1 Oh,

Speaker 1 God.

Speaker 1 It just snaps.

Speaker 1 For buns and basketball, of all things. Oh, it just snapped.
Oh, my God. Hey, I can tell it's going to rain tomorrow.
How do you know that? Old buns and basketball injury?

Speaker 1 Bro, those are bad injuries. The femur's a real bad one because you got to get blood flow to it.
Sometimes it takes takes a long time. Sometimes it doesn't fully heal.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I know a couple of people with broken femurs.

Speaker 1 That's the most painful one. Yeah, I know a dude, Frank Muir.
He was a UFC

Speaker 1 champion. He got hit by a car when he was on his motorcycle and he got thrown through the air.
And he was a giant fucking dude. He came back, too.
It took a long time before he was really back back.

Speaker 1 It took well over a year and a half, two years before he was really performing at the same level. I mean, you'd have to ask him.
Then he came out and fought Brock, right?

Speaker 1 He was like like the right away. Yep, he fought Brock.
He knee-barred him. Yeah, that was all after the accident.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Man, UFC really has straightened out your belief in other people from other sports saying, like, I can come do

Speaker 1 mixed martial arts. Very few could ever pull it off, but Brock pulled it off.
I mean, the funniest one for me was, again, just that blind belief I had in Kimbo's slice.

Speaker 1 I don't know why I didn't think that Roy Nelson would just hold him on the ground and mush his face until a referee was like, hey, leave him alone. That's crazy.
Well, Kimbo,

Speaker 1 obviously. If he was fighting just stand-up only, he's very dangerous.

Speaker 1 Like, if he was involved in, like, if bare knuckle boxing was around back then, he would have been a huge star of bare-knuckle boxing. He would have fucked a lot of people up bare knuckle boxing.

Speaker 1 But once you add in the wrestling, and Kimbo had a bunch of knee injuries from football, and you know, it's you can't really grapple at full capacity with knee injuries and learn grappling at 35 or however old he was.

Speaker 1 But dude, kudos to that guy for having the courage to actually just get into the UFC ultimate fighter. That's crazy.

Speaker 1 With very little grappling against Roy Nelson, it was a jiu-jitsu black belt, Henzo Gracie black belt. Like, Roy Nelson's fucking legit on the ground.

Speaker 1 He was crazy. If you don't know, he was so fun.
He was so heavy, too, because he had a big, big old belly. He was able to roll people down.
And he was like, he would shut up Burger.

Speaker 1 He'd go to Burger King after the fights and stuff. He also could fucking punch, dude.
That guy could punch. He had some of the craziest one-punch knockouts ever.
What is that?

Speaker 1 Does that career amount to, like, is he sitting on money now, like a guy like that?

Speaker 1 I don't know. I haven't talked to Roy in forever.
I don't know. He wound up fighting for a bunch of different organizations.
You know, when he left the UOC, I think he fought for Bellator.

Speaker 1 But

Speaker 1 that guy has some crazy highlights. He knocked out Shaub one shot.
He knocked out. Oh, yeah, that's right.
He knocked out a lot of people, dude. He'd connect on people.
They would go night, night.

Speaker 1 It was nuts, man. He knocked out the your bone.
He knocked out a lot of fucking big, tough dudes.

Speaker 1 When anybody comes and show up, I'm always like, it's not even the wins he's had more than I'm like, this guy's not afraid of you.

Speaker 1 Like, he's been punched by like the best. And like, I promise you, whatever you think, he thinks you could do to him, it's not as bad as that.

Speaker 1 He's been beaten up by world champions, and he's knocked out world champions. He knocked out Mirko Krokop, which is crazy.
Like, Mirko Krokop back in the day was the fucking man. Sure.

Speaker 1 He was like the first

Speaker 1 elite kickboxer to really excel in MMA. He was the first guy to show all these other strikers that you don't even know what you're talking about.

Speaker 1 When he started fighting in Pride, it was like, this is another level.

Speaker 1 He would kick people in the body and you would see like there's a photo of him kicking Heath Herrig and his fucking shin is halfway into his rib cage. It's so nasty when you look at the photo of it.

Speaker 1 You just go, the amount of power that that guy could generate in his kicks. Like there was nobody like that before him in kickboxing or in MMA, rather.
I felt so bad

Speaker 1 that first UFC coming back during quarantine was so important to everybody.

Speaker 1 I don't know if it was the first one or the second one that came out, but that was when I was like, man, you got to really pick your timing of when you're going to shout out what you're dedicating a fight to.

Speaker 1 Because there's that poor guy. He lost a stepdaughter,

Speaker 1 and then he came out wearing the shirt. of the stepdaughter who passed away and it was all dedicated to her.
I mean, you can see as Alistair Overem beat him into submission with punches,

Speaker 1 the referee was even kind of going like, come on, man, please try to fight back.

Speaker 1 I said at the end, Aleister Overem should have been like, it's okay, everybody. I was also fighting for his stepdaughter.
Like, yay.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's tough. I mean, but to shout that out, like, it's tough.
Before, yeah,

Speaker 1 those are great YouTube compilations. The cocky fighter comes in the ring to lose.

Speaker 1 Oh, there's always like the guy pushes the guy at the weigh-ins and starts shit at the way ins and gets knocked unconscious.

Speaker 1 There was one, a guy came in the ufc cage i forget who it was but the way he entered the ring like he did a thing where he hung on the outside of the cage and like swung into the ring and did some crazy like move and then just it was like an immediate knockout it's like a 30 second or

Speaker 1 well it's like you planning to talk to j lo you just got to let things happen just you can't you can't play you can't plan to let things happen the inauthenticity of your planning will come to haunt you

Speaker 1 yeah also the shit you talk through life is also in broadcasting as you start to get guests sort of starts to haunt you.

Speaker 1 It's like the thing like Howard Stern had to make a gazillion apologies, I assume, by the time the guest he got on, because we've done it. Man, we fucked up so bad.

Speaker 1 We came in one day, we saw Brett Michaels in the fishbowl. It was when me and Soda were doing the show still.
The fishbowl? It's the fishbowl. Siri XM.

Speaker 1 It's like there's a studio that you could see into right in the front there where they'll do performances and stuff. Okay.
And we were up

Speaker 1 in the fishbowl one time. We saw Brett Michaels when we came in talking to somebody.
And then we go on air and almost like for the bit, we're like, how do we never get offered these guys?

Speaker 1 There's always like celebrities here, and they weren't even brought to us as we can get them. It's so fucking crazy.

Speaker 1 And I go, right now, as we speak, Brett Michaels is out there, and we said something about like

Speaker 1 his bandana being attached to his hair.

Speaker 1 And like, and I think Soder said, like, they lower his bandana and hair onto him like Darth Vader. He just sits there.
They lower it.

Speaker 1 And then they come back and they go, he said he's willing to come in.

Speaker 1 Oh, no. Then he comes in and he's lovely.

Speaker 1 This guy was making future promises with us of what stuff he wants to do with us and hang out and come be a part of his summer festival and broadcast from there because he loves us so much.

Speaker 1 But his manager was listening the whole time and he said, as soon as he left the studio, they went, those guys are not your friends. And you're like, ah, shit.
Fuck shit.

Speaker 1 He's got to understand they didn't know you.

Speaker 1 That's what it is. I've met you.
Oh, they know you. Corey Feldman shit.
It's not. Corey Feldman hates my guts, and it's like...
What'd you do? Well, I've never non-stopped talking about him.

Speaker 1 I've seen the videos. Yeah, yeah.
We've never stopped talking. Oh, yeah.
You hate on his dancing? Yeah. Maybe it's getting better.
We're not even hating on it at all. I love it.

Speaker 1 I want to do nothing different.

Speaker 1 And I wish they tried. He tried to have us not allowed it at his show when he opened for Limp Biscuit.
Not allowed? Yeah, and this head of security was a fan.

Speaker 1 He came over to me and Bobby Kelly, and he was like, yeah, he goes, he was asking if you guys were coming. I said yes.
Then he asked if he could know where you were.

Speaker 1 Then he asked if we could not let you in. And I was like, well, they're not doing anything.
They're not threatening you or anything. They're coming to watch a show.

Speaker 1 And he was like, well, can I at least know where they're sitting at and he goes it'll be wherever the most excited people are and son of a bitch were we i mean we were a sprout of grass on a dirt field of people i mean we were the only ones we were hyped i know all the words he's the best

Speaker 1 but i did that was the genius of howard stern that i fucked up um when i started getting the broadcasting i broadcasted always like it was going to be me talking to a friend or friends shooting the shit right not that you're going to come across these people so i would have played more what howard stern was always great at: take the lunatic, but he's always going to be like, no, you're great.

Speaker 1 Dude, you're the best. And let the world make the joke.
Right.

Speaker 1 And instead, like, I go at it, but I was like, man, I would have loved to just have Corey Feldman come in bi-monthly to do, hey, you got a new song? Play it, dude. I'll bite my fucking finger.

Speaker 1 Poor Corey.

Speaker 1 The thing about Corey that really does bother me, like legitimately. We were so happy.

Speaker 1 Oh, this is him? Let me hear this.

Speaker 1 He yells at his band. It's such a weird.

Speaker 1 The guitar solo.

Speaker 1 He doesn't know how to play the guitar. That's so crazy.
But he just does a solo. How can you do a guitar solo if you don't know how to play a guitar? Does he actually not know how to play a guitar?

Speaker 1 Like, do you know how to play? No. No, no, but you don't have to know how to play to know he does not know how to play.
I could do what he's doing for sure. But then here's what he did.

Speaker 1 I don't know what the trickleback is, but I said after that was going viral, the guitar, I was like, why doesn't this guy just come out and say, like,

Speaker 1 if he's kind of like, no, I get it. I get the joke too.
Like, then it kind of puts people in there, stops them in their tracks. And then he kind of did that.

Speaker 1 He came out and he goes, of course it's the worst guitar solo ever. Of course.
That's why I'm doing it. Like, it's funny.
And it's like, no.

Speaker 1 And Fred Durst came out to watch watch him do it to prove he was doing it. Because Fred Durst is smart, like Howard Stern.

Speaker 1 He makes him think he's his friend, but he's a way bigger enemy than I could ever be to him.

Speaker 1 Because he's going like, dude, go make an ass of yourself in front of all these people. He's a young star guy that grew up to become a man, and they're all weird.

Speaker 1 There's no way you could be a star at six years old and come out normal. You don't have a normal life.
It's impossible. Is there nobody? I don't think there's one.

Speaker 1 Everyone that I've met, I mean, there's some really talented people like Miley Cyrus and people that were childhood stars that are cool to talk to, but they struggle. It's a struggle.

Speaker 1 All of them struggle. Everybody struggles.
Like Punky Brewster's probably fine right now. I don't know.
I don't even know what that is. Punky Brewster? You don't remember that shit? I don't remember.

Speaker 1 So Leo Moon Fry. She had the biggest titties when we were kids.
Yeah, that's right. She made a great documentary a few years ago.
That's right.

Speaker 1 But didn't she became like a mom and got out of the business? Yeah, you can do that. But if you want to.
But you're saying

Speaker 1 if you're still clamoring for the fame. Yeah.

Speaker 1 But I don't, I mean, I don't know how many people came out of the fame as a young person and were fine. But the people that stay and keep doing it, they're not fine.
Most of them.

Speaker 1 I mean, maybe there's a few.

Speaker 1 I mean, I'm not saying it's impossible to do, but I'm saying the challenge of becoming a normal person with like a normal view of the world when you're getting doted on when you're six and you're the money maker in the house when you're a little kid.

Speaker 1 Like your parents stop working to manage you, like that kind of shit. Like those Carter kids.

Speaker 1 I mean, that's brutal. That Aaron Carter kid was

Speaker 1 lost. He's doing gay porn at the end.
Not gay porn, but like gay, like cam stuff. Oh, really? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Just whacking off on camera with face tattoo. They didn't have like a boxing match against Lamar Odom.
I'm supposed to. I don't know if it ever ended up happening.
They did. I think they did.

Speaker 1 And it's so crazy because he's like this skinny guy with not a muscle on his body. And Lamar Oldham used to play for the

Speaker 1 NBA. Isn't that true?

Speaker 1 They did have it. Yeah.
It did happen? Yeah, Lamar just beats the brakes off him. I mean, you'd have to assume.
He's a former professional athlete.

Speaker 1 The fact that, and Chuck Liddell is the fucking, look at the size difference. This is so crazy.
Look at him. He's trying to punch him.
Aaron Carter's, he's letting him hit him.

Speaker 1 He just kind of touches him once.

Speaker 1 He's like letting him hit him.

Speaker 1 Oh, man. It's sad to watch.
It's almost like it looked like, oh, there he hit him on the left hand. What's really sad about it

Speaker 1 is people is

Speaker 1 it's not just people watching you fight that wigs me out so much.

Speaker 1 It's that there's something that knowing how to fight and the form of what you're doing looking any kind of good, especially if you're fighting street fights, I mean, when they de-evolve into like, you know, like men swinging like this, you're like, oh, man, we really all suck at the end of the day at this.

Speaker 1 Like, it's so hard to keep like a... a fighter's composure on a street fight.

Speaker 1 Shit's going down. Yeah, unless you do it all the time.
I remember watching these two guys fight in front of the comedy store. And

Speaker 1 it was across the street when the House of Blues was over there. So it was right in front in the parking lot.
These guys start yelling at each other and blah, blah, blah.

Speaker 1 And they get out like almost in traffic. They're like on the sidewalk, like right where the street tumbles out.
And I see these two guys facing off.

Speaker 1 And I see the white guy, there's like a white guy and this

Speaker 1 looks like an out of shape. African-American fella.

Speaker 1 And the white guy starts swinging with it almost like with with his eyes closed and then the bus goes in between them so i can't see them and then as the bus goes back the white guy's unconscious

Speaker 1 flat on his back spread eagle and the black guy's already running away he's he's out cold they were just squabbling in front and I don't remember how it was. I just remember this.

Speaker 1 I remember this, and then the bus.

Speaker 1 And then out cold.

Speaker 1 Do you have to deal with, because I mean, I know from like when Lewis was working with BizBing and stuff, and he'd go to Vegas, he'd be like, they were all surprised at how many drunk guys at the casino try to like give him shit.

Speaker 1 Oh, there's a bunch of idiots. Do people come to you all the time? It's like, you know, you know karate for real, dude, this kind of thing.

Speaker 1 If you hang out with enough drunks long enough, someone will just avoid those areas. Yeah.
It's just, it's drunk people.

Speaker 1 But if you're one of them and you're hanging out and you're drinking with people, yeah, there's a bunch.

Speaker 1 These people used to get stupid with Chocolate Dell when Chocolate Dell was the light heavyweight champion. He was the scariest fucking human on the planet.
And people would get stupid with him.

Speaker 1 They're on Coke, they don't know what they're doing. They're out of their fucking games.
I don't think you could win that fight. People are

Speaker 1 dumped, funked up.

Speaker 1 They're crazy anyway. They're schizophrenic.

Speaker 1 People are, there's so many nuts out there in this world. The most thing about fighting, too, is endurance.
That's what most people don't have in any kind of fight.

Speaker 1 If it's not over in 30 seconds, everyone's holding each other. One of my favorite things I watch, I watch a lot of like body cam crime shit on YouTube.
And there's one.

Speaker 1 It's a Key West. It's a couple.

Speaker 1 The guy's hammered. He essentially, he's got money for sure.
This guy, he's just trying to pay his bill with a library card or something, or he's like, he doesn't know what's going on.

Speaker 1 And he's barking at the staff. And then someone on the staff pushes his face and then breaks into this melee.
But it's

Speaker 1 50-something-year-old white people getting into a fight. And one guy

Speaker 1 gets him in a side headlock, useless.

Speaker 1 And then they both sort of fall down, the husband and this guy who intervenes and the guy who intervenes eventually puts his like legs you know puts in his hooks basically but does do nothing does nothing doesn't choke the guy out nothing they're just kind of sitting there two old exhausted guys ten minutes later at least they get up and they kind of have like the you're a pussy you're a pussy kind of thing and they leave then it cuts back to the the cops outside and they want to talk to the guy who intervened not mad at him they just want to get his side of the story what happened and this guy is so he's just an old man, and the cops are questioning him.

Speaker 1 And they start to lose their patience because he just wants to keep telling his hero story. He just watched what happened.
It's just two old men holding each other on the ground.

Speaker 1 He goes, Guy came out of nowhere and punched me. And I grew up doing this shit, man.
So, you know, I told the guy, I go, You got two ways this can go tonight, man.

Speaker 1 He goes, You could, you could knock it off, or I could beat the fuck out of you.

Speaker 1 He's telling this to the cops.

Speaker 1 Yeah, if you might be able to find, we're very classy.

Speaker 1 Body cam. We're very classy people.

Speaker 1 Maybe, hopefully, you could find it.

Speaker 1 But when he's telling the cop, then he goes, he's like, I told him, oh, I could beat the fuck out of here. He goes, all right, so then you were able to subdue him?

Speaker 1 He's like, yeah, he goes, I took him down and I'm like, he goes, I don't want a problem with you. And I go, you want no parts of what I'm about to bring to you, my man.

Speaker 1 And it's all this, none of this happened. You just watched the video where he just grabbed them.

Speaker 1 They flopped on the ground and laid there exhausted for 10 minutes while the while the lady screams it's nothing and it's just like just a guy talking with that that belief yep that's it so this is the video

Speaker 1 let me see some action so that's that's just them getting on the ground and he just puts me some volume wow will we get in trouble

Speaker 1 will we lose the youtube rights what happens every step is okay okay don't don't don't give me any volume then

Speaker 1 yeah

Speaker 1 so that's them

Speaker 1 You could always fast forward. Yeah, they just stay there and eventually get up and have the hands on each other.
Yeah, they're up

Speaker 1 Now wait no no no, it's right after the video, but we're not gonna be able to play it. Oh, you can't play the audio? No, they'll they'll fucking get us on YouTube.
I think it's the one without the

Speaker 1 commenting on it. It's commentary.
Are you allowed to? It depends.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's this guy.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I probably got punched. Some

Speaker 5 jumped out of nowhere.

Speaker 5 Give shit to the employees and I just said, hey, you might have a job right here.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 5 Okay, so were you the first one to go ahead and grab him the transformation? Well, no,

Speaker 5 I was probably the first guy, these guys, fucking with the waitresses. I said, dude, what are you doing? The guy fucking punched me.
I said, dude, you don't want to get into this with me.

Speaker 1 I grew up doing this shit.

Speaker 5 And I said, don't do it. I dragged him to the ground.
I said, you got two options. Either stop or I'm going to beat the living fuck out of you.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 5 So I said, that's how it's going to go. And he said, I want a problem with you.
I said,

Speaker 5 you want nothing to do with what I'm going to bring to you.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, no, it's right there. And then he goes, there's only one more thing where the cop cuts him off.

Speaker 5 So you were on the ground with him holding on to him. I held on to him and said until he was.

Speaker 1 Yeah, right there. The cop cuts him off.
He doesn't want to hear what he says anymore. He goes, so you were able to get him on the ground? He goes, got him on the ground.
And I said to him, he goes,

Speaker 1 you had him on the ground. Like, stop telling us your...

Speaker 1 I mean, the way this guy speaks, it's like, the Bushido code states that if the weapon is drawn, it must taste blood before put away. This is hilarious white people fighting.
That's what this is.

Speaker 1 It's hilarious. And it goes nowhere.

Speaker 1 No one's going to the ground. What's going on? This is a lie.

Speaker 1 Oh, here. Now they're on the ground.

Speaker 1 But he's like, I drug them on the ground. Really, the husband drags him on the ground, technically.
Yeah, it's a disaster.

Speaker 1 But telling us, my friend Justin Silver used to have my favorite joke about

Speaker 1 that kind of personality, though. He's like, because I'm a liar, he goes, I lie about everything.
And he was like, I'm the guy who

Speaker 1 gets into a situation with somebody in the street

Speaker 1 and then I don't do anything.

Speaker 1 And then I go home, shadow box, box and call my friends and tell them all the things that i wish i did like it actually happened and his line was if i did all the things i told my friends i did my name would be indiana bonjovi balboa

Speaker 1 when you're a kid and you uh you have a situation like that happen the rest of the day you play it in your head like what i should have said oh man i wish i had another chance i would have said well fuck you because this and that that's the worst when it goes away yeah some internal dialogue things like for the rest of the day what should i have said And you like plot it out and plan it, scheme.

Speaker 1 I'll find him again one day. One day I'm going to.
I'll find that asshole. I've done dumb things, though, where it's like, I don't even know with

Speaker 1 no

Speaker 1 real trained preparation for any of these situations. But like, I also, when I

Speaker 1 always had a car. And when you're younger and have a car, it's destroying you financially usually.
Like at how much it costs to have a car.

Speaker 1 So it means a lot to you. No matter how shitty it is.
When people would fucking hit my cars, New York's a big thing with that.

Speaker 1 You know, you you stop short, and a pedestrian just like, you know, slaps the front of your car or something. Dude, to this day, I would get irate by that.
To this day, I think about one guy.

Speaker 1 I had a little Honda CRX, and I was driving in New York, and I was making my way into this intersection, and I got stuck in between lights, and then people started walking, and I tried to find like some space where I could not be in the intersection.

Speaker 1 There was a nice gap, and so people, this guy wasn't close to the car, so I started moving forward, and he whacks my fucking car with a briefcase. And I was like, I'm going to pull over.

Speaker 1 I'm going to put this guy in the hospital.

Speaker 1 This crazy wild thought, like, I'm going to pull over and I'm just going to go smash this dude. And I said, no, just drive, just drive, just drive.
And like for years,

Speaker 1 I would think about that guy. For years, this arrogant cocksucker hitting my car with a fucking briefcase.

Speaker 1 It's what...

Speaker 1 Unites me and Lewis. We both have a crazy need for justice.

Speaker 1 It's why I like those stupid revenge movies.

Speaker 1 So it's that. It's the thing.
It's like the guy who did that thing. I have like a, I bet he won't do that anymore.
I bet he won't do that anymore after I've sorted this situation out.

Speaker 1 But I mean, it's so dumb. Like,

Speaker 1 it's a dude thing, too. Getting out of the car.

Speaker 1 I mean, one time so early when I was coming to New York and I had my, what became my ex-wife, we were just dating at the time in a car, driving a Saturn guy trying to impress two girls he's with and he goes by just like slaps the front of the car and it stays and then they walk into Washington Square Park

Speaker 1 and I like just stewing in it like I bark some shit out the window no no no for seconds

Speaker 1 I'm stewing in it and then I pull over with my new girlfriend I go wait here and she goes what and then I begin to run after this guy into the park What I'm not thinking about is as I'm running, when I finally find this guy on the other side of Washington Square Park, I turn around, dude, he could have pushed me over with a feather.

Speaker 1 I was like,

Speaker 1 what's up, motherfucker?

Speaker 1 You want to fucking slap people's cars? And luckily, I just scared him with my size, I guess, ultimately, or something, because like he didn't do anything.

Speaker 1 But I was like, as soon as I got there and spun this guy around, I'm like, I'm done. I'm so exhausted from running.
I never run.

Speaker 1 I sprinted to find him without thinking that I'm giving all my energy to that run. And I'm like,

Speaker 1 you need like a half hour to recover. You just fucking hit my car, man.
And he was like, luckily, like, apologetic and like, whoa, dude, I don't want any trouble. You're like, fucking ain't raining.

Speaker 1 It's fucking rain. I don't want any trouble.

Speaker 1 I took 10 extra minutes walking back to the car, leaving my girlfriend in the car because I didn't want her to see how heavy I was breathing.

Speaker 1 I had to get it all back together and just come back to the car and be like, scared that pussy.

Speaker 1 Such a dumb thing to do. Because you could do it to the wrong guy.

Speaker 1 Of course, my instincts are terrible on it because I do.

Speaker 1 I don't get out thinking like, and then as soon as someone would pull out a gun i'd be like none of this was worth it guy just slapped my car every now and then you'll see someone do something stupid and the person they're doing it to actually knows how to fight those are very satisfying so satisfying yeah there's a one with cops look

Speaker 1 check the uh terrence mckinney the UFC fighter put it up on his Instagram page today.

Speaker 1 So this cop tries a shitty double leg on this guy and the guy knew how to fight and the guy sprawls and the cop tries to hit him and the guy cracks him and the guy tries to tell him, hey, stop.

Speaker 1 And then the cop, watch this. Like, look at the cop.
Shoots a shitty double. Nice sprawl.
Look at this. Pushes him off.
He's got him in a headlock. Lets him go.
Cop punches. Bam.

Speaker 1 Drops him with one shot.

Speaker 1 Hits him a couple more times. Hits him again.
Rocks him. The cop is

Speaker 1 getting ready. Jesus Christ.

Speaker 1 And the guy wasn't doing anything. He was just arguing with the cops.

Speaker 1 I don't know if that was a cop. Is that a cop? It's some kind of like some security, something.
He's got a badge. And he's wearing white gloves on.

Speaker 1 The gloves are.

Speaker 1 He gets his dukes up.

Speaker 1 Like both of them, he had some training, but he massively overestimated his ability. Look, look at this shitty double leg.

Speaker 1 Show me that shitty double leg again. Watch the shitty double leg.
Look at that. Terrible.
No drive at all. Scared of the concrete, so he's trying to double leg without his knees going to the ground.

Speaker 1 He doesn't want to really drive forward. There's a great video of a very in-shape cop, and he's going at it with a teenager who's really talking shit.

Speaker 1 And he's like a wiggery kid doing like a, yo, man, take off that badge. You know what's up? Take off that badge.
Take off the vest, boy. You know what's up.
And he just keeps going to him.

Speaker 1 And the cop's eventually like, hey, you keep balling up your fists, man. Like, what are you doing? Just relax.
Like, I'm just, what are you doing here? I'm just seeing who everybody is, you know?

Speaker 1 He's like, yeah, you know what's up, pussy. Take that vest.
And he just, when he gets in his face one time, he just grabs him by the shoulders, puts his foot behind him.

Speaker 1 I mean, places him on the concrete. And how fast the kid's like, oh, okay.
Okay. Whoa, we got a little nuts back there, huh? I saw that one.
Yeah, those are fun. Well, kids are shocked.

Speaker 1 Just fat women getting tasered. That's my other favorite thing.
I bet that young man was under 25. Oh, no doubt.
His brain was mush. No doubt.

Speaker 1 But it was funny when they have to come back and they go, I was being crazy back there. That's why they send those young boys out to war.
Because they're all fucking piss and vinegar.

Speaker 1 All piss and vinegar with a non-fully deformed brain. Yeah.
Non-fully formed brain. These fucking take that gun and hear some meth.
Let's fucking go. There was a guy in the audience last night.

Speaker 1 We did Story Wars at Mothership, and there was a guy in the front who wears a brace around his body. Like, we asked him why

Speaker 1 he was stabbed in Afghanistan, hand-to-hand combat. Oh, Jesus.

Speaker 1 It was a gunfight, and it ended up being hand-to-hand combat. He said he beat, he knocked the guy down, didn't confirm that he was out.

Speaker 1 And then when he took his attention away, the guy reached up and said, stabbed him right in the fucking chest, basically. It's pretty wild.

Speaker 1 And we were like, and we're looking at this guy, we go, in Afghanistan,

Speaker 1 he was 18.

Speaker 1 He was 18.

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 1 I think he said the 16-year-old was the kid, the kid who stabbed him was 16. Jesus Christ.

Speaker 1 It's such a wild thing. It's intense.
It's a little too intense. Don't get in fights, kids.
That's our message, right? If you can avoid it. Absolutely.
I've avoided all of them.

Speaker 1 I got into a road rage thing where I knocked a guy out. He wasn't very big, and I basically got out of the car, and he was right away, didn't want to do anything.
And I mushed his face.

Speaker 1 He was drunk, and I kept mushing his face until he would throw a drunken punch. And then I hit him and I caught him.

Speaker 1 Only time in a fight in my life where I caught him first shot and he literally like folded on the ground. And then I got in my car, drove away with my current girlfriend, Christine.
And when

Speaker 1 we got like a few blocks away, my adrenaline started going down. And I was like, and so jokingly almost, I just look at her and I kissed my bicep like one shot.
And she goes,

Speaker 1 She goes, she was like really pissed. Like she didn't think it was funny or anything.
And I was like, but it wasn't even kind of hot that I just knocked that guy out one shot.

Speaker 1 And she was like, no, like, what if you killed him? Like, his head bounced off the ground. Like, what it's all for what? And I was like, yeah, it is a great point, I guess.
It's a real good point.

Speaker 1 I'm like, what a great fucking point. Because I'm walking away from that.
Like, hey, I didn't even get touched. And I got sweet, beautiful justice, you know, the way I'm always searching for.

Speaker 1 And she was like, no, what if you killed him? And I'm like, yeah, there is a point there. I often think about that with that guy.
What about yourself getting killed? What if you kill somebody?

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, for sure. Yeah, you never punch somebody in the face on the concrete if you can.

Speaker 1 Like a good trained fighter, probably punch you in the body

Speaker 1 just because they don't want to go to jail forever. One of Kevin James' friends went to jail for like seven years.
He was a bouncer at a nightclub in Long Island.

Speaker 1 Knocked the guy out, the guy falls, hits his head, dies. Happens.
Yeah, but didn't Harry Houdini get killed from a gut shot? Something like that. Yeah, like a punch to the stomach.
He died days later.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Because like an organ busted.

Speaker 1 You never think about that. You want to give everything you got to a face punch, and then you're like, boy, I sure hope I don't blind him forever.

Speaker 1 These are all things could happen all things that could happen all right jay i love you to death let's wrap this bitch up can i plug uh yeah please dosta mike uh first half of double crowd work special go uh them is currently out second half they is coming at 420.

Speaker 1 uh all done at uh at the denver comedy work so thank you we're almost at a million best fucking clubs on earth that club rules that club's so great it's so good well you guys do the same thing everyone's facing forward yep and yonder bags oh yeah i thought about that when i was designing my club i was almost gonna do the seats like she has them when they're all locked down.

Speaker 1 Yeah, Wendy's the best. Shout out to Wendy, we love her.
All right, thank you, brother. Thank you.
Bye, everybody.