The Magnus Protocol Fluff 1 - Plenty More Fish

Coach, the energy out there felt different.

What changed for the team today?

It was the new game day scratchers from the California Lottery.

Play is everything.

Those games sent the team's energy through the roof.

Are you saying it was the off-field play that made the difference on the field?

Hey, a little play makes your day, and today it made the game.

That's all for now.

Coach, one more question.

Play the new Los Angeles Chargers, San Francisco 49ers, and Los Angeles Rams Scratchers from the California Lottery.

A little play can make your day.

Please play responsibly.

Must be 18 years or older to purchase play or claim.

Hi everyone, it's Billy Hindle, the voice of Alice in the Magnus Protocol.

Today, I'm here to advertise Frights by Fire, a new storytelling and horror anthology podcast that recently launched on the Archee Network.

Frights by Fire is a weekly community-driven series bringing immersive sound design to live performances of spooky stories provided by the audience.

Created and hosted by Jonathan Magno, creator of The Grotto, and Jamie Petronas, creator of The Seller Letters.

Join Jonathan, Jamie, and special guests by the fire, as they bring horror tales written by their community to life.

Episodes are filled with frights, fun, and the fumbles that only performing in front of a live online audience can bring.

Search for Frights by Fire wherever you listen to your podcasts, or go to www.theredactedunit.com or www.rustyquill.com for more information.

Have fun and see you later.

Hi everyone, Alex here to pep you up with big cable-knit jumper energy.

Now some of you might not know this, but after a long, hard day of brutally murdering your favourite characters, there's nothing I like more than sitting down in a big, comfy armchair and enjoying a nice hot cup of fluffy wuffy ooh woo nonsense juice.

Now I know what you're thinking.

Alex, the world is dying held hostage by corporate greed and my epic self-interested political leaders.

I don't have time to check in on my favourite Blorbo's grunkly twink ship drama.

I've got to go eat the rich.

And I hear you, I really do.

Eating the rich is important, but so is self-care.

And sometimes, you've got to slow down to smell the flowers.

So with that in mind, we wanted to give you a little something to help you out, a sousant of silliness to send you on your way.

And so we present to you this lovingly crafted season one bonus fluff episode, affectionately titled Plenty More Fish, which is full to the brim with positivity like friendship, love, and punctuality, and is guaranteed completely organic and free from artificial horrors.

So, while you're waiting for your Amazon Basics guillotine to arrive, why not sit back, relax, and enjoy a taste of our delicious nonsense?

Mmm,

yum.

There you are.

What happened to the usual table?

Already taken.

What?

How are we supposed to mope about in the corner when we're in the middle of the room?

The vibes here are unconducive to bitterness.

Yeah, well, tough.

So sit your vibes down and get drinking already.

Got you a pint of your hipster piss.

IPAs aren't hipster, Colin.

They sell them in Tesco.

Almost thought you weren't gonna show.

And missed the chance of seeing you moaning into your pint.

Never.

It's a better listener than you.

True, I bet it hardly ever calls you a sour old wanker with no taste in women or drink.

Harsh, but fair.

Speaking of,

merry divorce.

And a happy piss-off.

What is it now?

Three years?

Four and twelve.

Still living the bachelor dream.

What, dying alone?

That's the plant.

Is your next of kin still that hard drive where you keep all of your porn?

Ah, you think it's just the one?

Poor naive Alice.

So young, so foolish in the ways of love.

Speaking of.

And there it is.

Go on then, take your shots at poor little Alice.

It's been, what, a month now?

About that.

I still can't believe you got him the job.

After everything you said.

Hey, moaning about exes on divorce miss is just what you do.

He's actually a good guy who just needed to catch a break.

Sure, sure.

Must be hard for you, though.

All those unfamiliar human feelings bubbling to the surface.

Who?

Are you trying to upset me?

Right.

Then up your game, Becca, because I'm a stone-cold emotional fortress.

Oh, good.

Then you probably won't have a problem with what's lurking behind you.

What?

Alice, call in.

Oh, God.

Alice, what is Sam doing here?

I.

Uh.

Hey, am I early?

No.

Did Alice invite you?

Uh, yeah.

She said you were having a divorce party, which I assumed was just her way of saying a bit of a booze-up, so.

You see, Alice, this is what happens when everything that comes out of your mouth is a sarcastic joke.

People get confused.

Oh.

Ah.

Listen, if I'm intruding, I can.

You're here now.

What are you drinking?

Uh, IPA.

Thanks.

Alice?

Okay, so Colin's been divorced a couple of times, and as part of some bizarre cosmic joke, both of them ended up being finalized on the same day of the year.

So he and I...

We've kind of got this little tradition now where on that day, today,

we get together, get pissed, and uh

and

and bitch about our exes.

Oh,

oh, I should go.

Too late for that.

Colin's already gone to get you a drink.

You duck out now, and you're as good as dead.

Sure, but I wouldn't worry.

He loves to see me squirm, so I'm sure he'll have a great time.

Here you go.

Thanks.

Drink it.

Uh, okay.

Well, go on then.

Sorry?

I think what Colin is trying to say is that as the newest member of this particular bitchy subcommittee, you have to spill on your exes.

Um, okay.

So, uh, there was this girl.

I'm right here.

Hey, I'll have you know I have plenty of exes.

What?

Like actual humans?

Get on with that.

Right, yeah, sorry.

So, uh, her name was Kelly, and she worked at my old office in HR.

Nope, red flag.

Did she make you sign a form?

She was nice.

That's not what I asked.

She

may have needed us to declare a potential conflict of interest, but

that wasn't why we split up.

Christ.

What was the reason then?

Oh, it just didn't work out.

Right.

Listen, Sam.

If you're going to hang with the mean girls, you're going to have to do better than that.

What sucked about her?

What obnoxious habit did she have?

What drove you up the wall and made you want to gnaw your arm off?

Oh, I don't know.

Oh, actually,

she had this weird thing where when she laughed, her tongue came like all the way out of her mouth.

It was so weird.

I can't really do it.

It was like...

Right?

And she was into old black and white comedies.

You know, Laurel and Hardy, the Marx brothers, that kind of thing.

I mean, that's annoying, sure, but it's no.

I mean, she was really into them.

As in, every date was around her place, watching old movies, and every time we ended up...

Uh.

I'm sure you looked very fetching dressed up as Charlie Chaplin in stockings and handcuffs.

What?

No, it was nothing like that.

Although she did ask me if I smoked cigars and seemed a bit disappointed when I said no.

Oh, Sam.

my poor little oblivious baby shrimp.

I'm telling you, it wasn't like that.

We were just talking about.

Oh my god.

What?

She bought me a bowler hat.

I'm sorry.

What do you mean she bought you a bowler hat?

It was a gift.

She said she thought I'd look good in it.

I bet she did.

Amazing.

It's not like I wore it out on the street or anything.

Just once or twice when.

Oh, Sam.

I know you think you want normal, but I think it's pretty obvious that deep down you only go for the truly depraved and bizarre.

Sounds about right.

Damn skippy.

Well, what about you then, huh?

I'm guessing it was non-stop horror stories when I wasn't on the scene.

Mate, you have no idea.

You are a well-adjusted genius alpha male heartthrob compared to what Alice has been dating.

I'm not that bad.

Oh no.

So you'd be happy to hang out with Amy again then.

Look, say what you like about Amy.

Alright, I will.

She was a psycho who got you mixed up with your own brother and then stabbed him for being an imposter.

I'm sorry, what?

Okay, Colin is exaggerating.

She barely broke the skin, and in her defense, she was very high at the time.

Jesus.

Obviously, we broke up after.

Yeah, a month after.

A month?

Jesus, Alice?

As I was trying to say earlier, say what you like about about Amy, but she was a fabulous lay.

My theory is, Alice can only get off with people who are properly batshit, you know?

Like...

Ah, God, what was his name?

Ignatius.

That was it.

Bloody Ignatius.

The man who was being hunted for the secret to cold fusion.

Okay, in my defense, he didn't tell me that until the second date.

Sure, because he was too busy on your first date explaining how he might need to go off grid because he was being pursued by...

What was it he said?

Despicable agents of numerous foreign powers.

And there was a second date.

He could have been a sexy super spy.

I mean, I don't know how super he could be if he told you that on the first date.

Oh, stick it up, you bowler heart.

You have no idea how bad it is out there for a trans woman with basic standards.

Alright, so if I meet one, she'll have my sympathies.

You're up, Becca.

Oh, yeah.

This is your divorce party, or whatever, isn't it?

So go on then, weirdest hookup.

I don't do hookups.

I mostly just hate people, marry them, then divorce them.

Speaking of, you're about due to drop down on one knee again, aren't you?

I'd watch out if I were you, Sam.

If I'm on my knees near any of you, Lot, it'll be because I'm finally rigging the entire place to blow with you inside it.

Alright then, how about the first marriage?

What happened there?

He cheated on me with my manager.

Had been for a while.

Shit.

Right, sure.

Tragic.

A terrible breach of trust and all that, blah, blah, blah.

But that's not the real reason, is it, Colin?

Alice, come on, you don't need to.

Colin?

Um

might have been sort of maybe

looking to break off anyway for a while.

Oh, yeah?

Because

he was turning into a crypto, bro.

I'm sorry, what?

Oh, yeah, yeah, laugh up.

You try living with someone when they fill the flat with bloody graphics cards running non-stop.

You never put towards the energy bill, and every conversation was just another lecture on bloody blockchain or blobcoin or whatever the latest bullshit doing the rounds on Reddit was.

That does sound a lot.

Yeah, so when I caught a mess in around Clive, I dropped his crypto wallet in the bog, took a dump, then flushed.

Last time I checked, that shit would be worth about 1.2 million now.

Jesus Christ.

Yeah.

And that, Sam, is why we celebrate this most holy of days.

To drink, moan, and remind ourselves is absolutely the right decision to die bitter and alone.

There's plenty more fish in the sea.

And they're all covered in their own shite.

Hmm.

Well, I don't know if I'm quite at your level yet.

Still got the heart of a romantic, I guess.

Oh, we'll cut that out of you and burn it on the altar as a sacrifice to the gods of messy breakups.

I see.

And would the high priests of heartbreak accept a pair of pints to sacrifice instead?

I suppose they could be convinced to lightly amend our dread litany.

Just as long as it isn't any of that IPA piss.

Of course, Your Holiness.

I expect a full report on him next year after you wreck your life reopening that particular scrawny can of worms.

Bite me.

No, thanks.

Vegetarian, remember?

Then go suck a carrot or something.

I wish I could, Alice.

I really do.

The Magnus Protocol is a podcast distributed by Rusty Quill and licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution Non-Commercial Sharealike 4.0 international license.

The series is created by Jonathan Sims and Alexander J.

Newell and directed by Alexander J.

Newell.

This episode was written by Jonathan Sims and edited with additional materials by Alexander J.

Newell, with vocal edits by Nico Vitesi, soundscaping by Tessa Vroom and mastering by Catherine Rinella.

It featured Billy Hindle as Alice Dyer, Shahan Hamza as Samama Khalid and Ryan Hope Ver Anderson as Colin Becker.

The Magnus Protocol is produced by April Somner, with executive producers Alexander J.

Newell, Danny McDonough, Lynn C.

and Samantha F.

G.

Hamilton, with associate producers Jordan L.

Hawke, Taylor Michaels, Nicole Perlman, Cetius DeRaven and Megan Megan Nice.

To subscribe, view associated materials, or join our Patreon, visit rustyquill.com.

Rate and review us online, tweet us at TheRustyQuill, visit us on Facebook, or email us via mail at rustyquill.com.

Yum.

Coach, the energy out there felt different.

What changed for the team today?

It was the new game day, Scratchers, from the California Lottery.

Play is everything.

Those games sent the team's energy through the roof.

Are you saying it was the off-field play that made the difference on the field?

Hey, a little play makes your day, and today it made the game.

That's all for now.

Coach, one more question: Play the new Los Angeles Chargers, San Francisco 49ers, and Los Angeles Rams Scratchers from the California Lottery.

A little play can make your day.

Please play responsibly.

responsibly must be 18 years or older to purchase, play, or claim.

Martha listens to her favorite band all the time.

In the car,

gym,

even sleeping.

So when they finally went on tour, Martha bundled her flight and hotel on Expedia to see them live.

She saved so much, she got a seat close enough to actually see and hear them.

Sort of.

You were made to scream from the front row.

We were made to quietly save you more.

Expedia, made to travel.

Savings vary and subject to availability, blight-inclusive packages are at all protected.

Hi everyone, it's Billy Hindle, the voice of Alice in the Magnus Protocol.

Today, I'm here to advertise Frights by Fire, a new storytelling and horror anthology podcast that recently launched on the Archee Network.

Frights by Fire is a weekly community-driven series bringing immersive sound design to live performances of spooky stories provided by the audience.

Created and hosted by Jonathan Magno, creator of The Grotto, and Jamie Petronas, creator of The Seller Letters.

Join Jonathan, Jamie, and special guests by the fire as they bring horror tales written by their community to life.

Episodes are filled with frights, fun, and the fumbles that only performing in front of a live online audience can bring.

Search for frights by fire wherever you listen to your podcasts, or go to www.thereedactedunit.com or www.rustyquill.com for more information.

Have fun and see you later.