Try It For 1 Week: 3 Small Habits That Change Your Body, Energy, And Life

Speaker 1 Hey, it's your friend Mel, and welcome to the Mel Robbins podcast.

Speaker 1 Are you confused by all the health advice out there? I know I am. I mean, one day it's keto, then it's vegan, then plant-based.
No, wait, carnivore is the answer.

Speaker 1 Lift heavy, go for a walk, Pilates, hike a mountain, train like a Navy SEAL.

Speaker 1 I mean, it's like you're supposed to biohack hormone panels, cold plunge, add salt, cut caffeine, track your sleep, eat more protein, or was it less? Oh my God.

Speaker 1 anybody else out there feel like you got wellness whiplash? No wonder you and I are so confused and overwhelmed and ready to just throw our hands in the air before we even start.

Speaker 1 So, here's what I did: I went back through 53 conversations here on the Mel Robins podcast with world-class experts who have appeared to talk about how to be healthier.

Speaker 1 Now, I'm talking about conversations with the smartest minds in medicine, science, physiology, muscle structure, psychology to figure out what actually matters when it comes to living a healthier life.

Speaker 1 And I'm going to be honest with you, when I crunched the data on 53 episodes, I was surprised. There are three health habits that move the needle more than anything else.

Speaker 1 That's what all 53 health, happiness, and medical experts agree on. Three, not 30, not 300, no,

Speaker 1 three simple things backed by decades of research that will change how you feel, how you age, how long you live, how you feel as you're doing it.

Speaker 1 Its impact is almost immediate. And today, your friend Mel is sharing these three habits with you.
This episode is the health reset.

Speaker 1 No fluff, gimmicks, no shame, just a clear science-backed cheat sheet because this doesn't have to be complicated. In fact, it's gotten so complicated we're not doing anything.

Speaker 1 Let's make it simple because you don't need to overhaul your life. You just need to start with the right three habits.
So if you've ever thought, could you just tell me what works?

Speaker 1 You're in the right place.

Speaker 2 Let's get into it.

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Speaker 1 Hey, it's your friend Mel, and welcome to the Mel Robbins podcast. I am so excited that you're here with me right now.

Speaker 1 I am fired up for what we're going to talk about today because you know I love making things simple and we are going to simplify health and wellness today with some world-renowned experts.

Speaker 1 And I also want to tell you, if you're a new listener, I just wanted to take a moment and welcome you personally to the Mel Robbins podcast family. I'm so glad you're here.

Speaker 1 And because you made the time to listen to this particular episode, here's what I already know about you, even though we may not have met in person yet.

Speaker 1 I know you're the kind of person who truly values your time because you've made the time to listen to something that could help you be healthier.

Speaker 1 I want you to have the cliff notes because the health information out there, it is so complicated. You know, you think, I really want to feel better, but where do I even start?

Speaker 1 The one thing that I hear again and again and again from you and from your fellow listeners of this podcast is, okay, all of this is incredible and I feel a lot smarter, but I only have 24 hours in a day and I only have 20 minutes to truly prioritize for myself.

Speaker 1 What do I focus on, Mel? And that's why I did the hard work for you. I went back with my team and read through 53 podcast episode transcripts.

Speaker 1 53. That means 53 conversations that I've had with world-leading doctors, pioneering scientists, and researchers.
I poured over their research, their tools, their advice.

Speaker 1 And after digging through all of this,

Speaker 1 something became very clear. Living a healthier life isn't complicated.
There are three simple habits that make the biggest difference.

Speaker 1 Three small science-backed steps that are going to improve your health, boost your energy, and change how you feel. And I'm talking like immediately.
And you're about to hear

Speaker 1 the most compelling moments from four of those experts who summarize the three habits that everybody agrees on.

Speaker 1 Just take a minute. If you had to guess, what are those three habits?

Speaker 1 Like if you had to bottomline it, I was going to put you right on the spot right now. You're on the Mel Robbins podcast.
What are those three habits? Sleep? Nope. Drink more water? Nope.

Speaker 1 Diet?

Speaker 1 Nope. You got to buy some supplements or some fancy equipment? Nope.

Speaker 1 In fact, I'm going to come right out and predict that two of the habits aren't even on your radar.

Speaker 1 And while two of them are going to be a surprise, one of them probably isn't. And that's the one we're going to start with.
It's exercise. Now, don't turn this off.

Speaker 1 I know you've heard everybody talk about how you got to move your body.

Speaker 1 But when you hear the first two experts that I'm going to bring on in just a few seconds, they're going to make a case for why exercise is like numero uno. This is the most important thing you can do.

Speaker 1 When you hear how they talk about it, you're going to be like, I'm in. Then the second expert that I'm going to bring on to talk about this is going to tell you the simplest way to do this.

Speaker 1 And it's not that hard and you don't have to buy anything and you're going to just love this. Because today on the Mel Robbins podcast, we're making health easy.
We're bottomlining it for you. Okay.

Speaker 1 So you're ready for this because we got three habits. We got four experts.
The first habits exercise. This comes up again and again.
and again and again.

Speaker 1 And so even though I hate to have to exercise, I know I got to move my body and so do you. In fact, 18 medical experts that have appeared on this podcast has said

Speaker 1 the number one thing you have to do for better health, for longevity, for happiness, it's exercise. That's the number one habit.
And let me be clear about something.

Speaker 1 I'm not talking about losing weight. This isn't about pushing some kind of workout or chasing the perfect body.

Speaker 1 We're going to talk about how exercise is the single best habit that will help you be healthy, that will help you feel great as you age, that will help you have a longer life.

Speaker 1 It's going to help you effectively beat disease. Exercise is how you create the energy so you can show up for yourself in your life.
Exercise helps you become more focused at work.

Speaker 1 Exercise is going to help you be more connected with yourself and others. Every expert, I'm talking every single one, even the psychologists say the same thing.
Exercise, it's not optional.

Speaker 1 You're designed to move. And I think you know this, but sometimes you have to hear it and you have to hear it from somebody who is so well respected and just has a way of talking about it.

Speaker 1 And you also need to be told, you don't have to spend 60 minutes doing this. I can't wait till you hear the prescription.
of what to actually do to get the benefits of exercise immediately.

Speaker 1 Because the fact is, the most reliable, most effective thing that you can do to boost your mood, protect your heart, sharpen your brain, and add quality years to your life. Can I get an amen?

Speaker 1 This is the baseline. You want to feel better? You got to start here.
Move your body. Why?

Speaker 1 Because every world-class medical expert and researcher that I talk to says the same thing, including the single most respected scientist in the entire world. I'm talking about none other than Dr.

Speaker 1 Eric Topal. Check out the credentials on Dr.
Topol. Dr.
Topol is in the top 10 most cited medical experts alive today. His work has over 365,000 scientific citations.

Speaker 1 Let that sink in. 365,000.
Dr. Topol is a pioneering cardiologist, a longevity expert.
He's the founder of Scripps Research and a leader in genomics, AI, and precision medicine.

Speaker 1 His latest New York Times bestseller is called Super Agers. That book and his research in the book, research he's about to share with you, has been endorsed by five Nobel Prize winners.

Speaker 1 Your friend Mel Robbins, I'm not kidding around. I pulled in the heavies today, even though we're going to make this simple.
And based on 30 plus years of research, Dr.

Speaker 1 Topal can boil down health to this. Exercise is the one thing that helps it all.
And, you know, I'm about to bring Dr. Eric Topol on, and I really want to set up what you're about to hear.

Speaker 1 Because world-renowned Dr. Eric Topol has crunched all the data and research on this, and even he

Speaker 1 is startled by the findings. He's about to explain to you that exercise is the single habit that can reverse your biological age.

Speaker 1 Take a listen.

Speaker 4 Turns out that exercise is the only thing we know that lowers our biological age. Okay.
So

Speaker 4 the gap between your real age and your biological age is widened. There's nothing that we can talk about that exceeds exercise for decreasing our aging process, our body-wide aging process.

Speaker 4 And again, we wouldn't have known about this if it hadn't been all the science of aging.

Speaker 1 So let's just say, Dr. Tobel, that I'm sitting in your office and I've brought along my husband and he has not been taking good care of himself.

Speaker 1 And I have a feeling that you are often finding yourself being both a marriage therapist and a medical doctor with your patients.

Speaker 1 And I also have a feeling that there are a large number of people around the world who are going to not only be excited about what you're sharing for themselves, but they're going to share this.

Speaker 1 with somebody that they care about. And so what would you prescribe as one of the most respected and cited researchers and medical doctors in the world in the science of aging?

Speaker 1 What is your prescription for the minimum, the minimum amount that we should be doing every week? What would you say?

Speaker 4 As long as you are getting at least 30 minutes of constant motion, getting your heart rate up, you know, taking your body out on the highway, if you will. Yep.

Speaker 4 At least 30 minutes, five times a week, ideally every day, if you can do that.

Speaker 4 But if you're getting five days a week, typically when I talk to my patients, I'll say, All right, when are we going to do this? What time of day works for you? You know, you're not a morning person.

Speaker 4 You're not going to

Speaker 1 also,

Speaker 4 how are we going to do this? Are you going to go to the gym? Do you have some equipment at home? Or, you know, can you go outside and walk or whatever?

Speaker 4 To fit that in, and it's not just the aerobic side, but then, you know, things like bands to increase resistance, they're very inexpensive and they can be so much of a plus for promoting muscle strength.

Speaker 4 And things like, like, you know, standing on one leg for a minute, alternating your course on each foot.

Speaker 4 And you'll notice quickly as you do this for weeks that, wow, I am more fit than I've been in a long time. I have better posture.
I have better balance.

Speaker 1 My golf swing is better. Everything.
Everything.

Speaker 4 And so we just can't do enough of this.

Speaker 4 And of course, the byproduct of this is we get that lesser biologic age, which is going to be helpful across the board for the major age-related diseases, cancer, cardiovascular, and neurodegenerative, like dementia, Alzheimer's.

Speaker 4 Those three diseases take more than 20 years to take hold. So, if we plan enough in advance, we can prevent those diseases from ever occurring, and particularly those people who are at high risk.

Speaker 4 So, it's an exciting opportunity that we're only realizing now that we have ways to prevent age-related diseases.

Speaker 1 I mean, let's be honest, when he really, in his most respected scientist sort of way, just lays it all out there, it's kind of unbelievable, right? Because it's right under your nose.

Speaker 1 I've already said this, but Dr. Topol is legit one of the most respected medical researchers alive on the planet.

Speaker 1 And he's telling you and I that we got to exercise because it just stimulates all of this natural amazingness that is in your body that helps you live longer, feel better, fight disease, have more energy.

Speaker 1 And it's not just him. Some of the most trusted, popular, and acclaimed medical experts that we have had on this show that range from all kinds of disciplines, like Dr.

Speaker 1 Stacey Sims from Stanford, who studies physiology and the science of exercise as it relates to women. Dr.

Speaker 1 Wendy Suzuki, who's at NYU, and she is a neuroscientist that teaches about and studies the brain. Dr.
Rangan Chatterjee, who's UK's number one doc. Dr.

Speaker 1 Gabrielle Lyon, who has a PhD and studies the physiology of muscle structure, which is the largest organ in your body. Dr.
Mark Hyman, who's a renowned holistic health expert. Obi-Gin, Dr.

Speaker 1 Jessica Shepard, and menopause expert, Dr. Mary Claire Haver, have also said the same thing too.

Speaker 1 Number one intervention. exercise.
And here's what I really want to underscore for you. Doesn't have to be hard.
He didn't say you got got to run a marathon.

Speaker 1 He didn't say you have to sign up for a gym membership or buy fancy leggings or jump into some trendy program. He didn't say you have to get a weighted vest or do some weird like warm-up routine.

Speaker 1 You can just walk. Just get moving.
That's it. According to a recent Harvard health study, the average person spends 10.4 hours a day sitting.

Speaker 1 That doesn't even include the eight hours that hopefully you're laying on it because you're sleeping. And look, I get it.
I'm not placing blame on you.

Speaker 1 This is one of those conversations where I'm kind of talking to myself here and I'm talking to you while I'm talking to myself. But I sit when I work unless I'm on tour.
I do have that problem too.

Speaker 1 I'm sitting too much. Well, here's what it tells me.

Speaker 1 If you have the chance to move, even if it's 15 minutes between meetings, even if it's getting up and taking a walk during your lunch break, move because it's not only going to give you more energy, it's going to make you feel better.

Speaker 1 It's going to improve your overall health. And according to what Dr.
Topal shares, it reverses your biological age. Did you get that? I love that.
Simply exercising reverses my biological age.

Speaker 1 What he's actually talking about is slowing down.

Speaker 1 the aging process in your cells. I'll have some of that because that's kind of cool.
I love that I can do that by moving my body rather than putting some substance in it to try to do that.

Speaker 1 And I love how Dr. Topal said, did you catch it when he said, you'll never be disappointed when you choose to exercise.
It's so true. I say this to myself all the time.
I never regret moving my body.

Speaker 1 You're never going to regret moving your body. It's so true.
Why do we hate exercising so much? If the second that we're done with the walk, we're like, I'm so glad we went on that walk.

Speaker 1 The second that you decide to put on that streaming class, you're so happy when it's over. The second that you dance at the wedding, you're like, why don't I dance more often? I feel better after.

Speaker 1 It's like you have this little spark of pride. Like, yeah, I did that.
That spark, it adds up and it pushes you forward. It reminds you of what you're supposed to feel like, right?

Speaker 1 That's why it feels so good because you're like, oh yeah, if I wasn't sitting on my ass 10.4 hours a day, this is what life would feel like. Well, Dr.

Speaker 1 Topal is here to tell you, you want to feel happier. You want to feel healthier.
You want to live longer. You want to have more energy and more focus.
Exercise. I know exactly what you're thinking.

Speaker 1 I'm bought in, Mel. I got to move my body, but

Speaker 1 let's just be honest with each other. I'm also confused about what I'm supposed to do when it comes to exercise.
Pilates, yoga, resistance training? Am I doing hit classes? Am I skipping rope?

Speaker 1 Am I lifting weights? Am I stretching? Am I doing hot yoga, yin yoga? I don't know what to do. How long should I walk? It is so confusing.

Speaker 1 And this is what I love about our second medical expert that is going to weigh in on our number one habit, which is exercise.

Speaker 1 I absolutely love her because she is going to recommend a simple way for you to just start moving your body. These are the simple things to do.
You can do it without any equipment.

Speaker 1 You don't have to spend any money. It doesn't matter if you're in shape or you're out of shape.
You need to do these three things. And she's going to explain what they are.
Who am I talking about?

Speaker 1 I'm talking about none other than Dr. Vonda Wright.
Dr. Wright is a renowned double board certified orthopedic surgeon.
She specializes in hip preservation, musculoskeletal aging, and sports medicine.

Speaker 1 She's treated over 100,000 patients at the University of Pittsburgh. She was the medical director of the UPMC Sports Complex.

Speaker 1 She also ran some of their biggest research programs, including the Performance and Research Research Initiative for Masters Athletes. Dr.

Speaker 1 Vonda Wright is internationally recognized for her research on movement and longevity.

Speaker 1 And her work, it has deeply impacted how I think about my own body and not just the importance of exercise, but the kind of exercise that matters, because her research proves something that most of us get wrong.

Speaker 1 She says, getting older doesn't mean getting weaker, it means getting smarter about how you move.

Speaker 1 See, there's a different possibility for how you can experience your life and your future and energy and what you can tap into if you not only exercise, but you think about exercise a different way.

Speaker 1 And even if you've let yourself go for years, even if you're listening to me right now and you're like, oh my God, Mel, I sit on my butt for 20 hours a day.

Speaker 1 10.4 would be really good. I am in the worst shape of my life, woman.
Where do I even start? We're going to start with Dr. Vonde Wright.

Speaker 1 This is how you get back into shape, and this is how you keep yourself in good shape.

Speaker 1 And she's going to show you a simple science-backed protocol that will help your body function better and work for you.

Speaker 1 And she's going to give you a whole new way to see the intelligent, miraculous design of your body and how to leverage it for the rest of your life. You can get stronger.

Speaker 1 If you're in your 40s, 50s, 60s, heck, 70s, your muscles are designed to get stronger until the day you drop dead. Your body loves this.
It knows how to do it. It responds to it.

Speaker 1 You can feel better at any age, no matter how young or old you are, no matter how fabulous or how flabulous you are right now. Okay.
And here's what I want to do.

Speaker 1 I want to hit the pause button so we can give our amazing sponsors a chance to share a few words. And I want the importance of this first habit to really sink in.

Speaker 1 And I also want you to share this with people that you care about, because I think everybody's overwhelmed about what we're supposed to be doing and all the conflicting advice.

Speaker 1 And these three habits are doable and they're life changers. And when we come back, Dr.
Von der Wright is going to make it real simple.

Speaker 1 There are three things that she prescribes to every single patient that comes and sees her privately in her clinical practice based on all the research. These are the same things that...

Speaker 1 almost every other expert is recommending.

Speaker 1 And what I love about these three different things you can do do is that you don't have to buy anything, doesn't cost you any money, you can be in the worst shape of your life, and you can start doing these three things today without even leaving your home.

Speaker 1 So don't go anywhere. More from Dr.
VondeWright on this first habit that's going to keep you healthy and live a long life when we return. Stay with me.

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Speaker 1 Welcome back. It's your buddy Mel Robbins.
Today, we are simplifying health and wellness, boiling it down to the three habits that 53 different experts say after being on the Mel Robbins podcast.

Speaker 1 These are the ones that matter most. This is how you can jumpstart being healthier, feeling better, more focused, more energized, and living longer.

Speaker 1 And we've been talking about the first habit, which is exercise. And so let's just jump back in.
Dr.

Speaker 1 Vonde Wright is with us and she is about to tell you the simple way that you need to be moving your body and you can start today. Check this out.

Speaker 5 If we were designed to sit still night and day, we would not be designed with our strongest muscles below our belly buttons.

Speaker 5 We would be sessile like a mushroom with this giant stalk and all the good stuff on top, right?

Speaker 1 What does sessile mean?

Speaker 5 So, you know, Job of the Hutt had this, you remember from Star Wars, this guy in the bar

Speaker 5 had this giant blubberous appendage he kind of laid on.

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 5 Mushrooms have this giant stalk, which doesn't go anywhere, right? So if we were meant to be immobile, we would have been designed like one of those two beings, but we were not.

Speaker 5 We were designed with the strongest muscles below our belly buttons. We have two legs.
What is the first independent skill we ever learn?

Speaker 4 Walking.

Speaker 5 We need to be spending at least three hours a week walking,

Speaker 5 broken up into 45 minute sessions. So put on your favorite podcast, go learn all week, right?

Speaker 1 So that's four,

Speaker 1 go for a walk four times.

Speaker 5 At least four times a week, right? At a brisk pace, not so fast that you're out of breath, but not so slow that you can solve world peace in your conversation.

Speaker 5 A minimum of twice a week, minimum of twice a week, we must learn to lift heavy. And listen.

Speaker 1 How heavy? Yeah, I know.

Speaker 5 I don't expect you to power lift right out the door, but what I do expect you to do is learn to lift your own body weight. Every woman should be able to do 11 push-ups, regular push-ups.

Speaker 1 On the knees, okay. No.
Oh my God.

Speaker 5 But listen, you can build up to that. I used to teach classes at Pittsburgh called Start,

Speaker 5 and I did it for nine years. My starters started out with 51% body fat.
They could not hold a plank and literally couldn't walk around the the track.

Speaker 5 Over a three-month period, we met with them twice a week. We did a variety of weight-bearing exercises.
They not only completed a 3.2-mile walk run,

Speaker 5 they could hold a plank for two minutes.

Speaker 1 Wow. I know.

Speaker 1 So 11 push-ups. 11 push-ups.
We got started on our knees, but we got to be able to get to 11 push-ups. We got to be able to get up.

Speaker 5 Her body strength is critical for women. Got it.

Speaker 1 So we've got walking four times a week at a brisk pace. We have 11 push-ups.
You got to be able to lift your body weight.

Speaker 5 We have to start by learning to lift our body weight and progress until we can lift heavy. And listen, I have plenty of examples of women starting in their 60s.
There's no age limit on this.

Speaker 5 So heavy is an individual thing and it just is something we work towards. So walking, lifting at least twice a week.
And then I work on balance every day when I brush my teeth.

Speaker 5 We're designed to move, remember? So, so mobility helps keep us healthy.

Speaker 1 And what I think is very exciting is

Speaker 1 putting the power back in our hands. And as you're listening to Dr.
Wright, she's basically saying your body is actually designed in this extraordinary, glorious way

Speaker 1 to work for you, to make you feel better, to build muscle, to help you. live a full and amazing life.

Speaker 1 And if you really just consider all the science that you're sharing and the common sense that we'd be built like a mushroom if we were meant to sit,

Speaker 1 And that your biggest muscles are from the belly button down and you've got legs to move them, or if you're in a wheelchair and you can't move, like you've got arms to roll yourself.

Speaker 5 Absolutely.

Speaker 1 That when you work with the intelligent design, the intelligent design works with you. Oh my gosh, I couldn't have said it better.
What is Dr. Vonda's approach? Smart, simple, doable.

Speaker 1 And here's the thing that I love: 60,000 people have already tried this recommendation after she appeared on the podcast.

Speaker 1 And I know that because 60,000 people have made videos of themselves and posted it on social media doing one of Dr. Vonda's recommendations.

Speaker 1 What is the recommendation that people made 60,000 videos of themselves doing?

Speaker 1 I'm talking about the 11 push-up challenge. Maybe you've seen this.
Maybe it's popped up in your feed. It went crazy viral on TikTok.

Speaker 1 And if your first reaction was anything like mine, you probably thought, wait a minute, 11 push-ups? Like in the military? 11 push-ups? But here's the thing.

Speaker 1 Thousands of women in particular, all ages, all sizes, all backgrounds, proved they could do it. Because the 11 push-up challenge starts where you are.

Speaker 1 Go up to the wall and do 11 push-ups against the wall. Or if you're like me, drop it to the knees.
Do the 11 push-ups on the knees.

Speaker 1 And eventually, as you do 11 push-ups against the wall, you can do that at 8.30 at night before you go to bed against the wall in your bedroom.

Speaker 1 You can do that holding on to a cane with one hand against the wall. You can do that.
And here's what I loved.

Speaker 1 When 60,000 of you make a video where you take on the 11 push-up challenge, here's what it proved.

Speaker 1 I loved seeing how many of you, all ages, all sizes, all different backgrounds, all over the world taking it on. Now, I tried it.
First time I tried it, I got to four on the knees.

Speaker 1 My triceps, not that strong. They're getting stronger though, because now I'm up to 11 on the knees, just to be clear, on the knees.

Speaker 1 I could do 11 against the wall from the beginning, but on the floor with gravity and the leverage and everything else and terrible form, four.

Speaker 1 But I did four and I felt proud because I showed up. And I'm working toward that 11 off the knees.
That's what matters. It's not about perfection.
It's about progress.

Speaker 1 You were built for strength. And look, I get you maybe looking in the mirror like, it doesn't look like I'm built for strength.
Yes, you are,

Speaker 1 because strength isn't about looking a certain way. It's about functioning in a different

Speaker 1 way. I don't care if you're in your 20s or your 70s.
Imagine how different you would feel. Like just even take take this on for a second.

Speaker 1 If every day you went for a brisk walk, if every day you balanced on a foot while you're doing the dishes and you got a little less wobbly, wobbly, I can't even say the word, you got a little less that.

Speaker 1 And every day you did 11 push-ups. I mean, just stop and think.
You'd feel really good.

Speaker 1 Because here's the truth, based on what Dr. Topal and Dr.
Von der Wright are teaching you. Exercise isn't just good for you.
Exercise isn't just for gym rats.

Speaker 1 Exercise isn't just for fitness influencers. It's not just for people who are feeling young or people who are skinny.
No, exercise is the single most powerful intervention you've got.

Speaker 1 And I know you've heard it a million times, but we're talking about it today because two of the world's most respected experts, Dr. Eric Topal and Dr.

Speaker 1 Von der Wright, are here to tell you, you already have within you everything everything that you need to have a healthy life. And exercise is the secret to unlocking it.
And don't make it hard.

Speaker 1 Make it simple. Step one, walk.
Just take a walk. My husband and I take a 12-minute walk every day.
We walk out the driveway and down to a certain point, and then we walk back up.

Speaker 1 So roll out of bed and go to walk. Walk on your lunch break.
Walk when you're overwhelmed. Walk after dinner.
Frustrated with your partner? Take a walk.

Speaker 1 Hit a wall on that project and you don't know what to do next? Take a walk. Move your body.
Step two from Dr. Von DeWright, 11 push-up challenge every day.
11 push-ups.

Speaker 1 Can you imagine how different you would feel in three months? Heck, three days. If you try 11 push-ups every day.
You can't do 11 yet? That's okay. Do three.
Do one. Walk up to the wall.

Speaker 1 There's no shame in that. Do a push-up on your knees like your friend Mel Robbins.
Just start. And if you want a pro tip, set an alarm.
Set an alarm.

Speaker 1 I'm not one of those people that can roll out of bed and just drop to my knees and do the pushups. A lot of people knock them out that way.
Not your friend Mel Robbins. Set an alarm.
Set it for 11-11.

Speaker 1 We're going to use angel numbers. 11-11 is the time to drop down to those knees, step up to the wall, punch out 11.
We're ready to go. Step three, train your balance.
This is so easy. It's crazy.

Speaker 1 While you're brushing your teeth, lift a leg. You're exercising.
I mean, you're brushing the scum off your teeth and you're working on your balance. How cool? Then switch.

Speaker 1 You're washing dishes, lift a leg. There you go.
That's how you do it. And I want you to start using your body the way it was built to be used.
Alrighty, enough with habit number one.

Speaker 1 Any guess what habit number two is? Simple habit.

Speaker 1 The benefits are immediate. Going to make you live longer, less stressed, be healthier.
What do you think this habit is?

Speaker 1 Again, think 53 episodes, scientists, researchers, medical experts, psychiatrists, psychologists, happiness researchers. What's the health habit number two?

Speaker 1 You ready?

Speaker 1 Put

Speaker 1 the phone

Speaker 1 down.

Speaker 1 Mm-hmm.

Speaker 1 It's so obvious. Less scrolling.

Speaker 1 Less screen time. Just stop and think from a health perspective.
What is it doing to your brain?

Speaker 1 What is it doing to your nervous system? We're talking about your health, both your mental health, your physical health, your relationships, your time, your life, your energy, all of it.

Speaker 1 Everybody, including you, is addicted to their phone. You, me, everyone.
I am a recovering addict, period.

Speaker 1 The phone is glued to your hand and you don't realize how much it is not only draining you of your time, but is draining you of your life force and making you unhealthy.

Speaker 1 And you might be thinking, oh, come on, Mel, that nightly scroll on TikTok and Instagram, that's not bad. It is.
It is. According to Dr.

Speaker 1 Adam Alter, a top researcher at NYU and a best-selling author, if you add up the amount of time that the average person, that's you and me, the average amount of time in your life that you spend scrolling, how much of your life do you think you're going to waste scrolling?

Speaker 1 Nope.

Speaker 1 It's way worse than what you think.

Speaker 1 20 years, 20 years of your life gone, gone into what? Meta?

Speaker 1 Into.

Speaker 1 Where is it?

Speaker 1 Like, just let that sink in. I don't think anybody gets to their deathbed and they're like, oh, God,

Speaker 1 I should have spent more time on my phone. I really blew it.
I really blew it. Oh, my God, my life would have been so much better if I had just spent more time on my phone.
Of course not.

Speaker 1 You know, and here's the thing. That's a real number.

Speaker 1 In fact, the Pew Research Institute says 31% of Americans are online almost constantly, two and a half hours a day, just scrolling through social media.

Speaker 1 And over a full month every year, just flipping through content as if your time doesn't mean anything. And you wonder why you feel anxious, unfulfilled, disconnected.
I used to feel that way too.

Speaker 1 You wonder why you feel lonely and you're surrounded by people.

Speaker 1 It's because you're in a relationship with your phone and you're pouring 20 years of your life into a screen. How is that healthy?

Speaker 1 Literally, how is that healthy? That's why the next health habit, health habit number two, is not about cardio or macros or supplements or hydration. It's about presence.

Speaker 1 It's about waking the hell up and reclaiming your time and your attention and your peace of mind. And yes, your relationships.

Speaker 1 Because if your phone is always in your hand, your attention is in the phone. And if you've got kids at home this summer, and the nagging's already started, right? You're the one doing the nagging.

Speaker 1 Get off the phone. Turn the video game.
Do you really need to play that video at full volume? And have you ever noticed when you're doing that, you've got your phone in your hand?

Speaker 1 I've said those things too.

Speaker 1 The truth is, I've been pointing fingers when I should have been holding up a mirror because it's not just your kids' tech habits that are the problem, or your friends' tech habits, or your partner who plays video games, or any of it.

Speaker 1 This is my problem too. And this is your problem too.
And the best part about this as a health habit is that you don't have to add anything. This is something to remove.
And what do you get in return

Speaker 1 when you remove the phone from your hand? The health benefits are incredible and they're immediate. You feel more connection, more joy, and yes, you have better health.

Speaker 1 You know, in fact, there was a study that came out a week ago.

Speaker 1 This is a peer-reviewed study that has been widely reported now where researchers and scientists restricted people's access to a smartphone for 72 hours. And check this out.

Speaker 1 In just 72 hours, let's talk about the health benefits to your brain. They saw brain activity changing in the areas of the brain that are about impulse control and cravings.

Speaker 1 And more importantly, 72 hours of restricting access to a smartphone resets your dopamine and serotonin systems. This is so important.

Speaker 1 And it's also about connection. Because the more that you're present, the more you're present with the people that you care about, the more connected you are and in the moment, the more joy you feel.

Speaker 1 And yes, the healthier you are. You want to know why you're so stressed out all the time.

Speaker 1 It's all this time you're pouring into staring at other people living the lives that you think that you should be living. It's reading these headlines that are making you panic stricken.

Speaker 1 It's constantly being online and lying to yourself and saying that you got to be online all the time or you're going to get fired. It just breeds more stress.

Speaker 1 And so if you want to live longer, if you want to enjoy your life more, if you want to be healthier and happier, of course you do. Habit number two,

Speaker 1 restrict the amount of time you spend on the phone. One of the ways that I do this, this has changed my life.
It has changed my life as much as exercise is I don't have my phone on my person.

Speaker 1 I know it sounds like a weird way to say it, but if I have my phone in my back pocket or it's on me, I will look at it. And people constantly tell me, I can never get a hold of you.

Speaker 1 Why didn't you respond to the email and the text? I'm like, because my phone's not on me. I am so much more present.
I'm so much more less stressed out. It's like absolutely amazing.

Speaker 1 I cannot highlight this enough.

Speaker 1 And in order to bring habit number two home, I wanted you to hear the reason why this is so important from one of the most powerful voices in psychology and parenting today, Dr. Shafali.

Speaker 1 And the reason why I'm bringing in parenting is because, you know, we often tell our kids what to do, but that's not actually how you parent. Your kids are watching.
They're watching your example.

Speaker 1 So as you're shouting at everybody to get off their phones and to be present, and then you turn back to your phone and start scrolling again or working, you're not modeling what you're saying.

Speaker 1 Now, Dr. Shafali is a clinical psychologist with a doctorate from Columbia University.

Speaker 1 She's one of the most cited and respected voices in the field of family dynamics, and she's also known as the pioneer of the conscious parenting movement.

Speaker 1 Now, her work blends Western psychology with Eastern philosophy in a way that's both simple, but profound,

Speaker 1 and very, very practical and relatable to life in the modern world. Dr.
Shafali is a New York Times best-selling author of seven books. Uh-huh.
Seven.

Speaker 1 She hosts an incredible podcast called Parenting in You. And here's what she has to say about technology.
She says it's affecting the way you show up for yourself and for the people that you love.

Speaker 1 Like, just think about that. Technology isn't just robbing you of your time because you know that.

Speaker 1 And that's not causing you to change your habits because technology is designed to make you addicted to it.

Speaker 1 But when you start to think about it as impacting your health negatively, I mean, of course it does because it makes you depressed and anxious and stressed out.

Speaker 1 It wastes your time, which makes you depressed and anxious and stressed out. It shoves all these examples and comparison in your face, which makes you stressed out, anxious and depressed.

Speaker 1 And when you're looking at your phone that much, guess what you're doing? You're sitting on your rear end. And so you're sedentary.

Speaker 1 But when you also add in the way that your addiction to technology is making you miss your life and it's making you not be present for the people that you love, you got to have boundaries with it.

Speaker 1 And I want you to listen really closely because I'm going to begin with a question to Dr. Shafali because I think it's important to get the

Speaker 1 Google Earth point of view.

Speaker 1 How is social media from a health standpoint and relationship standpoint impacting kids and in particular, their relationship with their parents and their friends? This is what Dr. Shafali had to say.

Speaker 2 You know, and I know it's being talked about a lot, but I think it's never enough. Yes.

Speaker 2 How disconnecting social media is. You know, what used to be a photo on your fridge being commented upon by your nasty auntie is now out there for the world to comment on.

Speaker 2 And young children, teenagers especially, are not equipped. to handle that degree of self-criticism, that degree of scrutiny, judgment, scorn, degradation, racism, ageism, sexism.

Speaker 2 they're not yet equipped. So when we allow our children to be exposed to this vast milieu of strangers and their toxicity into your child's life, you're actually not protecting your children, right?

Speaker 2 Just like you wouldn't let them go and travel the world when they're eight, because who knows who they will meet and can they navigate the scary, risky territories of the unknown foreign country?

Speaker 2 In the same way, giving your child access to strangers in such an indiscriminate way is like saying, here, go, go, go.

Speaker 2 If you get raped, if you get, you know, damaged, if you get stolen from, oh, well, you know,

Speaker 2 that's what's happening to our children's psychology. And that's why our children are showing acute signs of distress.
Are we listening?

Speaker 1 No, we're not. We're not.
Right.

Speaker 2 We've disconnected even more, right?

Speaker 2 And this is because we as parents are not grounded in our own present moment. The present moment scares us so much that we're so relieved, right?

Speaker 2 If you look at any bus stop, any train station, where are we looking down on our phones? I'm guilty of this 100%.

Speaker 2 And I have to catch myself and go, oh my goodness, where did the last 10 minutes go? And life is telling us,

Speaker 2 life is always reminding us, hey, listen, I'm fragile. Don't waste me.

Speaker 1 I'm not here forever.

Speaker 2 Pay attention to me. I'm beautiful.
I am your greatest dopamine hit. I am the greatest intoxicant of euphoria.
Pay attention to me. I'm for free.

Speaker 2 Life is always beckoning to us, but we're not paying attention. Then we have children and we don't pay attention.
Then we have the relationship and we don't pay attention.

Speaker 2 And then we have the terminal illness. Maybe then we'll pay attention.

Speaker 1 Well, the invitation today is to wake the hell up and start paying attention. Yes.

Speaker 2 So parents who are listening may be thinking, oh my goodness, I've missed it. I didn't know this.
And they're sitting with regret or feeling blame and guilt and shame. Okay, I understand that.

Speaker 2 The reason you have guilt and shame is because you're missing the power of this message, which I'm about to say. It's not about the past anymore.
So it's about the present moment, right?

Speaker 2 So now, what do I do tomorrow or today with my child, right here, right now? Well, we don't tell our child, you know what? I heard Dr. Shifali and Mel talk about the phone.

Speaker 2 Let's throw away our phones. You don't do that.
You don't come attacking with your sermons and your lectures and your wisdom. You begin to show up with a curiosity about who it is they are.

Speaker 2 You begin to show up with this desire to know who it is they are as humans. No human, I believe, will turn away from another human who's genuinely curious about them.
Show up as interested.

Speaker 2 Look at them as if they're the most amazing human being.

Speaker 2 Every single bud of a child will blossom into a flower under that gaze.

Speaker 2 There's no human being, it may take time depending on the ravages of the wreckage of the past, but no human being will turn down from somebody who's looking at them as if they're the only person on earth now if you begin to look at your child and give them that unconditional whole presence without tarnishing them without seeking to fix micromanage do their hair change their clothes give them advice they will blossom under your gaze they will come to you like a flower to the sun it is human nature this is what we are seeking at the most desperate level.

Speaker 2 This is the reason why we go to our phones. So if you go beneath to the need, why are our children going to the phones? Why are we going to the phones? It's because it gives us safety.

Speaker 2 It gives us security. It allows us to check out from our anxiety.
Okay, so now if I can provide that for my child and for my loved ones, they will come to me. They will prefer me over the phone.

Speaker 2 But you have to become that energy. You have to become the energy greater than the phone.
You have to be the dopamine hit bigger than the phone. You have to be the attractant larger than life.

Speaker 2 And I'm not saying wear a clown suit and do gymnastics and back wheels.

Speaker 2 You just have to show up with that unconditional curiosity and acceptance and validation and celebration of the other human being and they will come to you.

Speaker 1 I love this. I love this because it's within your power

Speaker 1 to shift yourself. Yes.
And to radiate something different. Yes.
And

Speaker 1 I can see. that I often in the past have led with, I'm going to criticize.

Speaker 1 I am going to try to control what you're doing.

Speaker 1 If I shift that to how can I be connected to you and how can I be curious about you.

Speaker 1 So lead with the curiosity and the connection. Let that radiate.

Speaker 2 Yes. I tell every parent when you are sitting with your child or another loved human being, check your energy.
How are you showing up? You take care of how you are showing up,

Speaker 2 the shine in your eyes, the tilt of your chin toward them, the unremitting gaze upon them.

Speaker 2 And if you keep aligning to that presence,

Speaker 2 sooner or later, the person in your presence will feel that energy and they will gravitate. They will be magnetized to you.

Speaker 2 That's why we go to spiritual teachers because they've done that work. We feel free in their presence.
So that's the calling that I want parents to rise to.

Speaker 1 Isn't that such a beautiful invitation? I want to read some of this to you because we just went from health to holy, moly,

Speaker 1 profound.

Speaker 1 I just love what she said

Speaker 1 because your phone is robbing you of this power

Speaker 1 that you've forgotten. She says, because we don't believe we have that inner power, We don't capitalize on it.
See, here's why I think the phone is so damaging.

Speaker 1 It's not that you don't think you have that inner power. You have given that that power to the phone.

Speaker 1 The phone has stolen your energy and your presence, and you don't even realize how valuable it is, how powerful you are.

Speaker 1 And Dr. Shafali said it best.
I'm going to say it again because I want you to hear this.

Speaker 1 You have to become the energy greater than the phone.

Speaker 1 Just stop and think about that.

Speaker 1 Why are we giving that much power

Speaker 1 to some dumb device?

Speaker 1 This is habit number two, because when you create boundaries with your phone,

Speaker 1 you tap into this greater energy inside yourself.

Speaker 1 You become present

Speaker 1 to life itself instead of just throwing all this time away. And, you know, if you're anything like me, you're probably sitting there thinking, God,

Speaker 1 she's so so right.

Speaker 1 Why'd she have to hit me so deep with this? My God, I thought we were just going to get a lecture about not sleeping next to this thing.

Speaker 1 And she's talking about spiritual beings and transformation and holding energy and being a beacon. You've been around people like this, haven't you?

Speaker 1 Where you walk in the room and they're just so present that you're drawn toward them.

Speaker 1 You're wired like that. No, I'm serious.
You are wired like that too. You are a beacon.

Speaker 1 And you don't remember that when you're on your phone. And you've had that experience, haven't you?

Speaker 1 Where you've been sitting next to somebody that you love, you're in the same room, maybe you're sitting on the couch, and you're both on your phone.

Speaker 1 Two beacons that have the ability to generate magic and energy and connection, just completely checked out and disconnected. And then you wonder, why am I so lonely? Why do I feel so disconnected?

Speaker 1 Look at your hand. You gave all the energy, you and this incredible beacon that you are, poured it right into the phone just to make Meta wealthier.
Let's stop that and let's get real.

Speaker 1 That's why getting off your phone is one of the top three health habits. It's why it matters.

Speaker 1 It's why it goes so much deeper than all the research that we know, that it's completely rewiring your brain and screwing up your serotonin and your dopamine and your reward centers and your cravings and impulse.

Speaker 1 And it's making you stressed and worried and anxious and all that stuff. And it's designed to keep you on it.

Speaker 1 It's making you miss out on so much of your life while you're spending all your time watching everybody else's life unfold online.

Speaker 1 And, you know, I mentioned that I am boiling this down to three habits because we looked at the transcripts of 53 podcast episodes from the Mel Robbins podcast.

Speaker 1 And expert after expert after expert brought up the phone. Harvard's Dr.
Kay to MIT and King's College of London's Dr. Tolly Sharit, to Harvard Medical School's Dr.
Aditi, to MIT's Dr.

Speaker 1 Jeff Karp, and so many others agree. The phone is killing you.
And you don't need a massive detox.

Speaker 1 You don't need to throw your phone in a lake, although I'm sure there's days that you've considered it.

Speaker 5 Just start small.

Speaker 1 An hour a day, that's it. Put the phone in a drawer, a basket, your purse, keep it in your car, put it in the corner of the kitchen like I do.
Make it a habit to not have it on you.

Speaker 1 Have it somewhere else. Set an alarm.
Let the phone remind you that it's time to get off your phone.

Speaker 1 When you take a walk, zip it in your fanny pack with the doggy bags because that's where it belongs, where the poop goes, because it is not a positive thing.

Speaker 1 Dinner time, morning coffee, keep it off the table. Because one hour changes everything.
72 hours resets your dopamine and your serotonin, according to recent research.

Speaker 1 But one hour will help you take your life back. I mean it.
I know I sound like really like pie in the sky, but this has been a huge change for me, a huge change. I do feel that energy that Dr.

Speaker 1 Shafali is talking about. I look at that phone and I'm like, not right now.
I'm more important than you are. I don't have time to waste.
I want to stay present.

Speaker 1 If you do the same thing, you're going to start to feel differently. You're going to get time back.
You're going to find yourself more focused. You're going to be present to the people around you.

Speaker 1 And they're going to be noticing that you notice. And there's this really cool thing that Dr.
Alter talked about that you stretch time when you're not on your phone. It's called time dilation.

Speaker 1 Those moments where five minutes feel like five hours because you were

Speaker 1 present for it.

Speaker 1 Just think about that. When's the last time you spent five minutes with somebody that you care about? And it felt like five hours.

Speaker 1 If you can even remember when that happened, I guarantee you, neither one of you were on your phone. That's the gift you can give yourself, and it doesn't cost a thing.
So let's be really clear.

Speaker 1 Habit number one, exercise. It is the number one health intervention that is designed to work with your body.
Habit number two, get off the damn phone, period.

Speaker 1 Get off it enough so that you feel more powerful than that stupid device. Get off that phone enough every day so that you start to reclaim your life and your power and be present for your life.

Speaker 1 And the other thing I got to say is it's time to hit the pause button so we can hear a word from our sponsors.

Speaker 1 They're the reason I get to sit down with the most brilliant minds in health and bring you this life-changing research to you for free. And while we do that, will you do me a favor?

Speaker 1 Because I know you love to support people that support you.

Speaker 1 I want you to share this conversation with somebody that you care about because that's a way for you to stay present in your life. That's a way for you to use the phone for good.

Speaker 1 That's a way for you to connect with people. And don't go anywhere because we've just covered two of the habits.
We got a third one. You can't guess what this one is.
This one's going to surprise you.

Speaker 1 And it's just as good as the first two. And I'll tell you what it is after this short break.
I'll be waiting for you. I'll see you there.

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Speaker 1 Welcome back. It's your friend Mel Robbins.
Thank you so much for being here. Thank you for listening to this point and watching to this point.

Speaker 1 More importantly, thank you for making time to listen to something that can help you change your life.

Speaker 1 Now, so far, we've been talking about health and we've covered the first two habits that every expert after 53 episodes that we took the look at the transcripts transcripts on, these are the first two habits that make a real difference.

Speaker 1 Number one, move your body. Second, put the damn phone down.
Okay.

Speaker 1 I want to hammer home the third one, because the third one is connected to the phone. And this is research that people brought up over and over and over and over and over again.

Speaker 1 And that's building connection and relationships with the people closest to you and even with total strangers.

Speaker 1 Because the third habit, this is a health habit and it might surprise you, is prioritize and strengthen your relationships.

Speaker 1 And I know, I know, just like the other two, it sounds obvious on its face, but the others went kind of deep, right? So hang with me for a minute. Because you do know that relationships matter.

Speaker 1 And I also know because I read all of your letters and I see that a lot of you are feeling lonely. You don't know where your friends went.
Some of you that are older, your friends have died.

Speaker 1 Those of you in your 20s, you feel like you don't know where your friends went because everybody's scattered after school. In your 30s, people are starting to get married or have kids.

Speaker 1 You may be single. You may be moving.
And so it can feel like it's hard to stay connected to people. But here's the thing.
And I don't want you to just hear me say this.

Speaker 1 I really want you to allow the truth of this to sink in.

Speaker 1 Because if you just sort of roll your eyes and you just listen to the podcast or watch the podcast on YouTube, you're going to miss that this third habit is the most powerful thing you can do for your physical, emotional, and mental health.

Speaker 1 It's not what you eat or how often you work out. It's your relationships that determine how long you live and how good you feel while you're living your life.
Now, let me say that again.

Speaker 1 Your relationships are the number one predictor. of health, happiness, and longevity.
Now, that comes straight from one of of our most cited guests that have ever appeared on the Mel Robbins podcast.

Speaker 1 I'm talking about Dr. Robert Waldinger.
Dr. Waldinger is a medical doctor.
He is a Harvard professor.

Speaker 1 He is the director of that Harvard Study of Adult Development, which is the longest-running study on happiness and health in human history. It started all the way back in 1938.

Speaker 1 It is still going on today. He is the fourth director of this study.

Speaker 1 And here's what the data shows: the people who live the longest, who stay the healthiest, and who feel the happiest, they're not the richest. They're not the most disciplined.

Speaker 1 They're the people who have worked at maintaining and creating strong, supportive relationships. Now, I want to tell you about the part of the study that shocked the researchers the most.

Speaker 1 The single biggest health benefit wasn't just emotional. So let me say that again.

Speaker 1 When you cultivate and prioritize strong and supportive relationships, the health benefit isn't just that you feel better, because of course, you'd feel better. If you have friends, you feel better.

Speaker 1 If you're close to your family, you feel better. You're not so lonely.
But the biggest health benefit was physical,

Speaker 1 warm, meaningful relationships. They reduce your risk of chronic diseases like diabetes and heart disease.
Why? Well, because relationships help you regulate your stress.

Speaker 1 Like, you know how you feel when you see somebody who just gets you? You know how good it feels?

Speaker 1 Like your shoulders just drop when you hug a friend or a family member, your breathing slows, you can exhale.

Speaker 1 But when you don't have people to lean on, when you don't have great friends, when you're not connected to people in your community, you know what happens? Your stress hormones stay high.

Speaker 1 Your immune system gets fried because you're alone and that makes you feel unsafe. And slowly but surely, you know what happens? Your body starts to break down.
I hate this.

Speaker 1 I mean, this makes me so sad. And get get this.
Researchers could predict who would be healthiest at 80 just by looking at people in their 50s. And they didn't measure cholesterol.

Speaker 1 They didn't count their steps. They didn't look at body mass index.
They didn't see like how many bench presses they could do or how far they could run.

Speaker 1 They simply asked one question of people in their 50s. How happy are you in your relationships? One question.
How happy are you in your relationships? Let me ask that to you right now.

Speaker 1 How happy are you in your relationships? Now, you may be sitting here thinking, okay, Mel,

Speaker 1 I am not happy. I don't have the kind of connection right now.
I am alone. Like, now you're making me scared, woman.
I want you to hear this. Loneliness isn't a flaw.
It's a wake-up call.

Speaker 1 It's a signal. It's kind of just like hunger.
You know how when you get hungry, that's your body going, a ding, ding, ding, dummy, you need to eat something.

Speaker 1 Or when you get thirsty, that's another signal. Ding, ding, ding, need some water over here.

Speaker 1 Your body sends you signals as a way to wake you up and tell you, hey, there's something that we need over here in order to live a good life. I need some food.
I need some water.

Speaker 1 I need to move my body. Otherwise, I feel ugh.

Speaker 1 I need to get some sleep. Otherwise, I feel tired.
When you're lonely, You're just missing connection. That's it.
There's nothing wrong with you. Heck, maybe something happened.

Speaker 1 Maybe you went through a divorce. Maybe you lost a job.
Maybe you lost somebody you love.

Speaker 1 Maybe your good friends moved away. Or what's happening with my parents right now? A lot of their good friends are starting to die.
I mean, that's so sad to say.

Speaker 1 Or maybe you're in your 20s and people are going off to graduate school or they're moving in with their significant other. People are moving to the cities they've always wanted to live in.

Speaker 1 And now you're starting to go, I'm kind of lonely. There's nothing wrong with you.
This happens in all different ways and times in your life. And it's just a signal.

Speaker 1 You're missing connection to other people. And you don't need to fix your whole life to feel better.
You can do this. You've met people your whole life.
What if I told you?

Speaker 1 What if I told you that some of your most favorite people are not in the past? You haven't even met them yet. They're on the road ahead.
And if you're thinking, but how do I do? I'm not great at this.

Speaker 1 I'm old. I'm young.
I'm in a new city. I don't know how to start over.
I broke up and everybody sided with them. And now I'm alone and I don't know what to do.

Speaker 1 You're about to get an answer you're going to love. Okay.

Speaker 1 I've called in a really incredible expert to help us with this last one.

Speaker 1 Because once you know what you need to do and that you're not broken and that relationships really matter, they matter for your health. They matter for your happiness.

Speaker 1 And there's some simple things that you can do in order to build relationships when you feel lonely. And that insight is going to come from none other than Dr.
Lori Santos. Now, Dr.

Speaker 1 Lori Santos is a Yale professor, a cognitive scientist. She is the host of the award-winning The Happiness Lab podcast.
She's also the woman behind Yale's most popular class of all time.

Speaker 1 That class was called Psychology and the Good Life. And you deserve the good life.
And part of the good life is having good relationships. And by having, you know what I mean? Creating them.

Speaker 1 You can create them. Over 5 million people have taken this course.
And so today, Dr. Santos is here to bring the classroom to you.

Speaker 1 She is going to give you the steps that you need so that you feel more connected, even if you're lonely, even if you're introverted, even if you don't know where to start.

Speaker 1 You don't need to know where to start because Dr. Santos is going to tell you exactly where to start.

Speaker 1 So I want you to listen to the research Dr. Santos is here to share with you.
Check this out.

Speaker 6 Pretty much every available study of happy people suggests happy people are more social.

Speaker 6 People who self-report being happier physically spend more time around other people, less time alone, and they also spend more time with their friends and family members.

Speaker 6 So they prioritize time, not just with any old human bodies floating around there. They pick time with people they care about.

Speaker 6 And this seems to be true both for introverts and extroverts.

Speaker 1 Really?

Speaker 6 Yeah. So the key that

Speaker 6 other people matter for introverts and extroverts is some work by Nick Epley and his colleagues.

Speaker 6 He does these studies where he just basically forces people to be a little bit more social than they normally would. So he walks up to people.

Speaker 6 He's at the University of Chicago, so he does this on the L train.

Speaker 1 Oh, I know the study where he forces people to talk to strangers on the train and to work.

Speaker 6 Yeah, and just for a $5 Starbucks gift card, everybody's willing to do that.

Speaker 1 People sign up for that to talk to a stranger?

Speaker 6 People will do anything for a $5 Starbucks gift card. It's really the engine of all social science research.

Speaker 1 Wow. People are like, I don't want to do that.

Speaker 6 It's like, $5 Starbucks gift card.

Speaker 1 You're like, okay, fine. I'll talk to someone.

Speaker 1 Because that, and now notice my reaction. And as you're with Dr.
Santos and I, you probably had the same reaction as you're listening to us.

Speaker 1 Like, I wouldn't, I wouldn't want to, I would do that for a $5 Starbucks gift card.

Speaker 6 There's no way you would talk to, I mean, like, you just got to talk to some rando person.

Speaker 1 But I think the important thing here is that our reaction is that this is not going to be fun.

Speaker 1 And our reaction is so much so, I don't want a gift card to do that.

Speaker 1 And so we all would go into that situation and say, ooh, right. But what did the research find? Well, Nick actually did that comparison.

Speaker 6 He asked people, hey, if you were in these two conditions, like, first of all, would you do it? And, you know, how would it feel? And people said exactly what you're saying, Melan.

Speaker 6 What I'm sure if you're listening, the person listening, right, I was thinking you were like, no, I don't want to do that. It would feel terrible.

Speaker 6 Not just it would feel neutral, but it would feel actively awkward or yucky or whatever. And what he finds is that it's just the opposite.

Speaker 6 People who spend their train ride talking to a stranger experience positive emotion. They feel more energized.
They feel less lonely.

Speaker 6 And in fact, enjoying your solitude on the train kind of makes you feel a little anxious, yucky.

Speaker 6 I mean, we can kind of simulate you're like, oh, yeah, if I tell you, yeah, just don't talk to anyone, enjoy your solitude, what happens? We start ruminating, we get in our head, right?

Speaker 6 And so just this simple act of talking to a stranger makes us feel good. But the reason I love Nick's research is he tested this extrovert-introvert question.

Speaker 6 And what he finds is that there's no difference in the happiness boost that extroverts and introverts get. Where there's a difference is on that prediction question.

Speaker 6 If I ask you, hey, how bad is it going to be to talk to someone on the train? Extroverts think pretty bad, but introverts think like bad,

Speaker 1 bad, like the most horrible thing.

Speaker 6 But what's striking is there wrong.

Speaker 1 You know, I do think it's a skill to just learn how to talk to people. Let's say we're ordering an egg sandwich.
As a person's ringing me up, I'm like, hey, how you doing?

Speaker 1 And most people kind of look at you like, oh, hi. And I'm like, oh, my gosh, I love your nails.
And oh, well, thank you. And a compliment.

Speaker 6 Yes, huge.

Speaker 1 And a smile. Like what I find is it's almost like popcorn.
If I walk in and I'm a popped colonel and I'm warm, there's something about.

Speaker 1 complimenting somebody's socks or complimenting their nails or being like, even if they serve you the cup of coffee, you're like, oh my gosh, that's so beautiful. Thank you.
Oh, I really needed this.

Speaker 1 There's something about your warmth that always gets returned. And then I feel lifted by that interaction.

Speaker 1 And it helps me. Yeah.

Speaker 6 And this was something that Nick Epley said on my podcast. He said, look, Lori, nobody waves, but everybody waves back.

Speaker 1 Like if somebody waves at you, you're going to wave back, right?

Speaker 6 And then that just kind of gets the social connection off the ground. And for both individuals, it winds up feeling better.

Speaker 1 I could listen to Dr. Santos all day, and I want to just hover on the big takeaway here.
and then we're going to unpack it together, okay?

Speaker 1 And that is nobody waves. It's so true, but everyone waves back.

Speaker 1 In order to implement this third habit, be the person who waves.

Speaker 1 And I want to give you some examples of how to do this, because when you're really lonely and you're either starting a new chapter or you feel like you have no idea where all your friends went and you're starting from zero, that kind of advice can make you go, be the one who waves.

Speaker 1 Seriously?

Speaker 1 So I want to dig into this more because I wrote about this very fact in the Let Them Theory book.

Speaker 1 See, when I was in my early 50s, my husband and I moved from a place that we had lived for 26 years to a tiny town of 3,000 people. I didn't know anyone my age.
I was lonely.

Speaker 1 And even when you move somewhere that you want to move, when you get there, you realize, oh my God, I don't have any friends.

Speaker 1 And boy, your health is going to get impacted because you're going to feel sad and you're going to feel lonely and you're going to feel very stressed out about it. And so this is really important.

Speaker 1 So how do you implement be the person who waves first? So one way you wave first, Dr. Santos just talked about.
Compliment people. everywhere you go.

Speaker 1 This is the easiest way to strike up a conversation. This is what I did when I moved and had to create all new friendships in my early 50s.

Speaker 1 People love to be complimented because they feel seen and appreciated. It is a foolproof way to break the ice with someone without feeling weird.
Second, once you got that, be curious.

Speaker 1 Ask them what they're reading. Ask them what they ordered.
People love to talk about themselves.

Speaker 1 And even if it doesn't go any further than the other person saying thank you for the compliment, you get points for being the person who goes first.

Speaker 1 Three, smile and say hello to anyone and everyone you pass or meet. Be warm and approachable.
It's a skill. And if you practice this, it becomes a way of life.

Speaker 1 And when you move through life with this welcoming spirit, I wave first,

Speaker 1 life opens up to you. Be the person who waves first.
How many times do you wait for the other person to send the text, to make the plan? I know you, I used to do that, to say hello. How about you?

Speaker 1 take this conversation today as a sign that it's time for you to make the first move. It's time for you to prioritize your relationships because the science is clear.

Speaker 1 People who spend more time with other people, friends, family, even just the people you say hello to at the coffee shop, they're not just happier. They're healthier too.
Get off social media.

Speaker 1 Choose connection when it counts. Stop waiting for everybody else to go first and just become the person who waves.
Because those tiny moments of connection, they add up. They matter.

Speaker 1 They matter a lot.

Speaker 1 And how reassuring is it to know that the number one predictor of your health and well-being isn't whether or not you stick to the diet or you wear a certain pant size or you keep up with the latest workout, but it's how you connect with the people who are already around you.

Speaker 1 So I promise that we are going to make this simple. So let's bring this home and just bottom line this.
You want to feel better? Then do these three things because 53 different experts all agree.

Speaker 1 These are the biggest bang for your buck. Move your body, get off your phone, and make your relationships a priority.
That's it.

Speaker 1 These three habits, every single expert from Harvard researchers to Yale professors to doctors all over the world, to people crunching the data in the science labs, they all agree.

Speaker 1 You don't have to download another app. You don't need some complicated routine.
You don't need to buy any equipment. Just use your body the way it was built to move.

Speaker 1 And your body will be like, oh, thank you. Thank you for this.
I've been waiting for you to balance. I've been waiting for you to walk.

Speaker 1 I have been waiting for you to step up to that wall and do those 11 push-ups a day.

Speaker 1 Thank you for recognizing that I got more that I'd like to do on this time here on Earth and sit on my rear end and turn into a mushroom. Second thing, get off the phone.
Come on now.

Speaker 1 You are so much more powerful. You are a beacon.
You're built to be present. You have so much energy.
Stop wasting it by staring at the phone. Stick it in the corner.

Speaker 1 Remove yourself from it and take back control of your life. And finally, Take your relationship seriously.
Reconnect with old friends. Be the first one to wave.
Be kind and warm to everybody.

Speaker 1 Stop waiting for other people to make the plans and start being proactive about making the plans. Reach out not because you expect an invitation back, but because you know it matters.

Speaker 1 Your relationships do matter, and you deserve all the benefits that come from feeling like you have prioritized strengthening them and creating them where you are right now.

Speaker 1 But mostly, don't overthink this. I did all the hard work for you.
I simplified this this just like I said I would. This is your health reset.

Speaker 1 Three simple things, things that you can do right now, that you can start right away. That's what we did today.

Speaker 1 I'm so proud of you for listening to something that not only simplified all of the amazing research about health, but made it accessible and I think really important to do.

Speaker 1 And in case no one else tells you today, I wanted to be sure to tell you. that I love you and I believe in you and I believe in your ability to create a better life.

Speaker 1 And now that you have the science and you've got the three simple habits, go put it into practice and know that your friend Mel, I'm going to be right here cheering you on every step of the way.

Speaker 1 And certainly I'll be waving at you. Alrighty, I'll see you in the very next episode.
I'll be waiting to welcome you in the moment you hit play.

Speaker 1 I love this. Who cares? I am also like that with sizes.
You know what I mean? Like if it fits, it fits. All right.
This is how we do it.

Speaker 1 Mine or yours? Dude, Faxon is like, I got to find a word that's like axon. Faxon is

Speaker 1 between the deodorant and the.

Speaker 1 Oh my God. How are we doing, Faxon?

Speaker 1 Here we go for Faxon. We're going to try them out.
Regular push-ups. On the knees, okay? No.
Oh, my God. Of exercise.

Speaker 1 Excuse me. Okay.

Speaker 1 Oh, and one more thing. And no, this is not a blooper.
This is the legal language. You know what the lawyers write and what I need to read to you.

Speaker 1 This podcast is presented solely for educational and entertainment purposes. I'm just your friend.

Speaker 1 I am not a licensed therapist, and this podcast is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional. Got it? Good.

Speaker 1 I'll see you in the next episode.

Speaker 1 Serious Axem Podcasts.

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