Every Tattoo Has a Story: Here’s Mine

Speaker 1 Taking care of your money can help bring clarity and peace of mind.

Speaker 1 With Experian, your big financial friend, you can check your FICO score, explore ways to save, and get matched with credit cards that fit your lifestyle.

Speaker 1 And when you apply for no ding decline credit cards, your credit scores won't be impacted if you aren't approved. Download the free Xperian app and take the first step toward financial peace of mind.

Speaker 1 Applying for no ding decline cards won't hurt your credit scores if you aren't initially approved. Initial approval will result in a hard inquiry, which may impact your credit scores.

Speaker 2 Experienced.

Speaker 1 This is your life. If you want to reinvent yourself, it's time.
Southern New Hampshire University offers over 200 degree programs to help you take the next step.

Speaker 1 Courses are available online 24-7, so you can balance work, family, and everything in between. And with low online tuition rates, Southern New Hampshire University makes it easier to invest in you.

Speaker 1 Don't wait for someday. Start today.

Speaker 1 Visit snhu.edu slash mel to learn more. That's snhu.edu slash mel.
Today's episode is sponsored by vital proteins. You know, if you've ever wondered, I wonder what Mel has every morning for breakfast.

Speaker 1 I just make a huge smoothie, lots of strawberries, veggies, spinach, and of course, vital proteins. It's a collagen peptide supplement, and it supports healthy hair, skin, nails, bones, and joints.

Speaker 1 And since adding this to my smoothie, my skin and hair never look better. Vital Proteins keeps my skin feeling silky, smooth, extra hydrated, and super glowy.

Speaker 1 Get 20% off by going to www.vitalproteins.com and entering promo code MEL at checkout. These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration.

Speaker 1 This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease.

Speaker 1 Hey, it's your friend Mel, and welcome to an episode of the Mel Robbins podcast that will leave a lasting impression.

Speaker 1 Woo! There is something in the air today. I cannot wait to jump into our topic.
It is not only empowering, it's hilarious, it's fun. And my husband is going to be joining us in just a minute.

Speaker 1 And I know you guys love it when Chris is here on the show with me. And in case you're new, I just want to say welcome.
I'm Mel Robbins.

Speaker 1 I'm a New York Times best-selling author and one of the world's leading experts on change, motivation, and habits.

Speaker 1 And I have a knack, this is my skill, my superpower, of of taking highly complicated and scientific and research-backed topics and simplifying them so that absolutely anybody can apply the deeper wisdom into specific actionable tools that will help you create a better life.

Speaker 1 And I believe you can create a better life. I've coached people for more than a decade and

Speaker 1 there is no doubt that locked inside each and every one of us, including you, there is a desire to create a deeper connection and meaning in your life.

Speaker 1 There's a desire to be able to express yourself and live out a life that is the truest expression of who you are.

Speaker 1 And that's why I started the Mel Robbins podcast, because twice a week, I wanted to not only remind myself of that, I wanted to remind you of that too, that you are capable.

Speaker 1 of creating more in your life, more happiness, more meaning, more love, more connection. And it will require you to show up more as you, to tap into that courage and confidence.

Speaker 1 And that's what we're talking about today, because there are simple things that you can do based on research that will help you express yourself and will help you dream bigger.

Speaker 1 And today, we're going to share a really fun example of that. And I got some amazing stories to tell you.
But first, let me just welcome Chris Robbins in the house. My husband, Chris Robbins, is here.

Speaker 1 Hey, Chris.

Speaker 2 Hi, Mel.

Speaker 1 And I had to get Chris here because I am going to answer one of the most frequently asked questions that I get. And it is a question that is very personal.

Speaker 1 In fact, so many of you are curious about this that you've gone to Google to try to figure out the answer to this personal question about Mel Robbins, just like one of our listeners, Jonathan did.

Speaker 3 Hi, Mel. It's Jonathan.
I'm a big fan of the podcast. I often watch the video version on YouTube.
I noticed in one of the recent recent episodes that you have a tattoo on your wrist.

Speaker 3 I tried looking it up online. I found a bunch of people who have the five-second rule tattoos, but I couldn't find the story behind your tattoo.
So I know everything in your life is very intentional.

Speaker 3 So I'm curious, what is it and why did you get it? Thanks, Mel.

Speaker 1 Jonathan, I love that you asked this question. I love that you went to Google and saw all the five-second rule tattoos.

Speaker 1 And I get asked all the time about this tattoo that i have on the inside of my right wrist just last week i was speaking at this major event for all of these leaders that are figuring out advanced solutions for diseases like cancer and can you guess chris when i opened it up to q a what the first question was that i was asked by this audience of pharmaceutical executives what's your tattoo sister yes and even last night, we had three couples over.

Speaker 2 And what were we talking about? Tattoos.

Speaker 1 Tattoos. And this morning, many of you know, if you've been listening to the podcast, that I have a really good friend and colleague named Amy.

Speaker 1 And Amy always pulls cards in the morning that helps us set an intention. And this morning, she pulled a card.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 what was on that card, Chris?

Speaker 2 All about tattoos.

Speaker 1 All about your intention and it being etched in with like this permanence, like a tattoo. And so I'm like, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.
Something is going on here.

Speaker 1 The universe is saying we have to talk about tattoos. And so I have dragged Chris here and our dogs are also sitting here sleeping at our feet.
So we're going to dig in to the story about the tattoo.

Speaker 1 But I want to just say something. The tattoo story, it's just the tip of the iceberg.
What we're really talking about today is a really important subject that both of us believe.

Speaker 1 And that is

Speaker 1 that there are simple tools that you can use that act like lifelines in your life. And those tools are meaningful mantras,

Speaker 1 temporary or permanent tattoos, or there are ways that you can use even a simple post-it note as a environmental cue. That's what a researcher calls it.

Speaker 1 You can use a simple post-it note to act like a lifeline, to remind you that you have the power inside of you to face something.

Speaker 1 And in those moments where it really counts and you're trying to level up, that, yes, you can show up in this moment and you can perform your best.

Speaker 1 And so while we're going to start with the tattoo story, which is a great story, we're going to get to a deeper topic here.

Speaker 1 And by the time you're done listening to this episode, you're going to have a phrase that you've identified that will act like a lifeline for you moving forward.

Speaker 1 And because I always say this is not just a listening podcast, it's a doing one. I'm going to ask you to do something specific.
And no, it's not to go get a tattoo. So on the topic of tattoos,

Speaker 1 if you have a tattoo or you know someone who does, you know that every tattoo has a story. And mine begins just a few weeks before our 15th wedding anniversary.

Speaker 1 We've been married 26 years. So this would have been 11 years ago, right? 11 years ago.
Yeah, 11 years ago. 11 years ago was 2012.
And Chris, let's just set the table for everybody.

Speaker 1 Cause 11 years ago, our life looked really different. 2012.
You were still in the restaurant business.

Speaker 1 We were 800 grand in debt. We were struggling with drinking issues.
And we were trying to make the ends meet.

Speaker 2 And we thought a tattoo was going to save us.

Speaker 1 We thought it would distract us. We decided that on

Speaker 1 our anniversary. And so we decided that it would be cool if we got tattoos on the date of our 15th wedding anniversary.

Speaker 2 Provided it wasn't the same tattoo.

Speaker 1 Well, see, this is the thing. I wanted to get matching tattoos.
I thought it would be super cool if you and I got the exact same tattoo on our 15th wedding anniversary. And what was your response?

Speaker 2 Never.

Speaker 1 I think it was no fucking way.

Speaker 1 I think you said, that is so cheesy. We are bound for divorce if we get matching tattoos.
We are not doing that. And so that was kind of my idea.
And Chris just shot it out of the sky.

Speaker 1 Boom, not happening.

Speaker 2 And so we got to- Do you remember what my reaction was to even getting a tattoo? We had been talking about it maybe a little bit.

Speaker 2 I don't remember. Do you remember yours? Was it an out-of-the-blue idea that, hey, let's do this for our anniversary? Or we had talked about it before?

Speaker 1 I think we had talked about how we both wanted to get one. And then we decided we'd get it for our 15th.
And I thought we'd get matching. You said absolutely not.

Speaker 1 And then all of a sudden, we went into our corners and we were individually thinking about our tattoos. And as the

Speaker 1 date of our anniversary, August 24th, came closer and closer to the appointment,

Speaker 1 I started to panic because I had no idea what I wanted for my tattoo. And then all of a sudden, you guys, Chris

Speaker 1 walks into the room one day and says, I've figured out what my tattoo is going to be. Why don't you tell him the story? Because I wanted to kill you when you told me what it was going to be.

Speaker 2 I grew up as a ski racer

Speaker 2 and

Speaker 2 was competing in races every weekend in my teenage years.

Speaker 2 And I was always that kid in the starting gate that

Speaker 2 was

Speaker 2 shaken like a leaf and worried about

Speaker 2 not the race, but the outcome. You know, I was in my head thinking about what was going to be my time and how it was going to line up.

Speaker 1 And would it freak you out?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 It was always about the result.

Speaker 2 Yep. You know, the end game, if you will, for me.
Or at least this was the observation that ultimately my dad had of me. And my dad was often at these races.

Speaker 2 And he helped me see the racing and the course a little bit differently by constantly suggesting that I

Speaker 2 just take it one gate at a time.

Speaker 2 To just

Speaker 2 rather than think about the big picture or the end game, just one gate. one gate at a time.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 along the years, my dad and I would converse about this

Speaker 2 without ever necessarily giving it a name of a philosophy, if you will. But he wrote a letter to me about it one day.

Speaker 2 And I decided to pull the handwriting off of a letter my dad authored about just taking

Speaker 2 things one gate at a time. Even up until his last year, he was writing letters to me about taking life one gate at a time.
So that became

Speaker 2 that became my tattoo idea.

Speaker 1 And so describe where it is and what it is.

Speaker 2 I

Speaker 2 put this tattoo on my forearm, on my left forearm.

Speaker 2 And I didn't necessarily have a vision for having it kind of be

Speaker 2 oriented such that I could

Speaker 2 read it really easily, but ultimately it was the tattoo artist who who suggested kind of the

Speaker 2 right placement of it. But it's, yeah, it just says the word one and the word gate, one gate written in my dad's handwriting.

Speaker 1 It's beautiful.

Speaker 1 And so being the shallow piece of shit that I am at times, when Chris announced that he had figured out his tattoo and that he was going to take his dead father's handwritten letter to a tattoo artist and have that tattoo artist lift those two words, one gate, in his father's handwriting, and put it on his left forearm where he could see it and have as a reminder.

Speaker 1 I thought,

Speaker 1 that is the best damn idea. And now I have no idea what the hell I am going to tattoo on my body.
I was so pissed and so jealous that you had such a good idea.

Speaker 1 And you guys, I freaked out and stressed out until the night before we were supposed to get tattoos. The night before we were going to go into this appointment, our 15th wedding anniversary.

Speaker 1 I still had no idea what I was going to put on my body.

Speaker 1 And then luckily, a friend of ours who was one of my very first clients when I became a life coach, Dava, who owns the amazing store in Boston called Matsu,

Speaker 1 she stopped by to say hi. And we started talking about the tattoo.
And I said, I have no idea what I want. She agreed.
Chris's idea.

Speaker 2 That was a a really good idea, really good idea.

Speaker 1 And I

Speaker 2 didn't know Deva was the origin of this idea for you.

Speaker 1 Yeah. So what happened is I started saying, I don't know what to do with it.
And she said, well, I know what it should be. And I'm like, you do? What should it be?

Speaker 1 And she said, it should say it shall be.

Speaker 1 I said, what?

Speaker 1 What do you mean? It should say, it shall be. She said, you say it all the time.
I said, no, I don't. She said, yes, you do.
I said, no, I don't. She said, Mel, you have coached me for years.

Speaker 1 You always say, if you put in the work and you hold the belief that it'll happen at some point,

Speaker 1 it shall be.

Speaker 1 I had honestly never realized that I had used that phrase when coaching other people.

Speaker 1 And as she said it in that way, it just kind of went clunk. That's what I'm going to do.
I'm going to put the words, it shall be, on the inside of my right wrist.

Speaker 1 And it'll be both a reminder to me that if I do the work, if I have faith, if I keep my head down and if I give up my timeline, it shall be.

Speaker 2 It'll all work out.

Speaker 1 It'll be fine.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 so that was that. Now, meanwhile, there's another twist to this story.
Because do you remember what happened on our actual 15th wedding anniversary?

Speaker 2 Do I ever? That's the funniest part of the whole story. Oh, yeah, that's true.
Don't we need to take a break?

Speaker 1 Oh, yes. Yes, yes, yes.
We do need to hear from our sponsors. But you guys,

Speaker 1 this

Speaker 1 part is hilarious. And we'll tell you the rest of the story when we come back.

Speaker 1 Every December, we host an office cookie swap. But check this out.
I don't bring any cookies. Instead, I roll in with a tray of iced sugar cookie lattes from Starbucks for everyone.

Speaker 1 It's kind of become my thing. And at this point, if I actually brought cookies, I think everyone would be disappointed.
And there's just something about that drink.

Speaker 1 It's a Starbucks blonde espresso milk over iced sweet sugar cookie flavor topped with festive sprinkles. It's like a sugar cookie in a cup.
I just love it. So does everybody else.

Speaker 1 Now, here's the funny part. That quick stop at Starbucks, it's like a little ritual.
Five quiet minutes in the car. You got your drink in hand.

Speaker 1 Before the holiday chaos starts, it's where you can take a little pause and ask yourself, what do I want to carry into the new year?

Speaker 1 Aside from a tray of iced sugar cookie lattes, you need to steal this idea at your next cookie swap. Come together over your holiday favorites at Starbucks.

Speaker 1 You know that feeling when you want to get a good night's sleep and then your partner or the dog who's on the bed is tossing and turning and stealing the covers and suddenly you're the one who's wide awake at 2 a.m.

Speaker 1 Then there. It's frustrating when someone else's restless night becomes yours.
If you're ready to stop letting these little sleep disruptors ruin your night and your day, Mattress Firm can help.

Speaker 1 Their sleep experts will help match you with a bed designed for deeper rest, like Temper-Pedic. The unique temper material absorbs motion.
So when your partner moves, you don't.

Speaker 1 It helps minimize those nighttime disruptions, whether it's from your partner, your pets, your kiddos, and it gives you the kind of personalized sleep sleep your body has been craving and needs.

Speaker 1 Upgrade to a Temper-Pedic and get next day delivery so you can start sleeping better right away. Because when you sleep better, you feel better.

Speaker 1 Shop Mattress Firm's Black Friday sale and save up to $500 on select Temper-Pedic adjustable mattress sets. Restrictions apply.

Speaker 1 Next day delivery available on select mattresses and subject to location. See store for details.
This episode is brought to you by Saks Fifth Avenue.

Speaker 1 The holidays can feel so overwhelming between between the shopping lists, the planning, the pressure to make it all perfect, but it doesn't have to be that way.

Speaker 1 The season is really about creating memories, connecting with loved ones, and celebrating what matters most.

Speaker 1 Saks Fifth Avenue is a destination for holiday inspiration because it makes shopping personal and effortless.

Speaker 1 You can find thoughtful gifts for everyone on your list, cozy essentials that make staying in feel just as special as going out. and pieces to host unforgettable holiday dinners.

Speaker 1 And for parties, travel, or festive gatherings, Saks has world-class designer looks that bring confidence and ease to every occasion. This year, how about you shop smarter, not harder?

Speaker 1 That way you can take the stress out of the season and there's more energy for what truly counts, connection, family, and joy.

Speaker 1 If you're looking for shopping to be personalized and easy this holiday season, then head to Sax with Avenue for inspiring ways to shop for everyone on your list.

Speaker 1 You know how you have that one friend that you always go for relationship advice to or the mentor at work who's got your back when it comes to career moves?

Speaker 1 Well, when it comes to travel, Expedia has your back. Trying to decide between a vacation rental and a hotel, Expedia makes it simple to compare options and find the right fit for every trip.

Speaker 1 Plus, you can book flights, rental cars, cruises, hotels, vacation rentals, even activities all in one place.

Speaker 1 Bundle and save on your next trip with Expedia by adding a hotel or vacation rental to your flight. Book your next trip with Expedia today.

Speaker 1 Welcome back. I'm Mel Robbins, and I'm here with my husband, Chris.
And we're telling you the story behind tattoos that we got on our 15th wedding anniversary.

Speaker 1 And we're also going to dig into the power of creating a meaningful mantra in life. And our story is now taking a very unexpected turn

Speaker 1 as we think we're going to be heading into Boston to now go get tattoos.

Speaker 2 And that's not exactly how it played out. Okay, well, tell everybody.
Well, you were in radio at the time.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it was when I was a radio host. So you guys, Chris was still in the restaurant business, struggling financially.

Speaker 2 She was doing some show in Boston, and

Speaker 2 you had had some show talking about tattoos, right? Throwback.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 1 all these people called in.

Speaker 2 And they suggested like the best tattoo parlor in town.

Speaker 2 If you're going to get a tattoo, you have to go to this guy. And you, of course, took it upon yourself to book us the appointment, which was, at that point, had to have been six months out.

Speaker 1 Yes. And they had a huge wait list.
So you couldn't even get in until like four months out. We booked this thing six months out, you guys.
So you put out this big ass deposit for our anniversary.

Speaker 1 We have a babysitter. We're going into Boston.

Speaker 2 We got our appointment.

Speaker 1 We're about to pull on the mass pike.

Speaker 1 And what happens?

Speaker 2 No, we're pulling out of the driveway. And you're like, well, where are we going? Let's get the address of this place.

Speaker 2 And then you said, well, let me just call them just to make sure, let them know we're coming. And you call him.

Speaker 2 And sure enough, the guy says, Oh, no, no, we got you on the books for next week.

Speaker 1 And I start pleading with him. Oh, no, no, you can't.

Speaker 1 We made this six months. No, no, no, no.
It's next week. It's a week from today.

Speaker 2 But that's not our anniversary.

Speaker 1 I never would have screwed this up. This must be a mistake.
Can you just fit us in now? No.

Speaker 2 And we were going away. We could like, we couldn't even make the following recount.

Speaker 1 Also, the thing was, is it was supposed to be on the anniversary. So now here we are with a babysitter.
We have our tattoos. You've got your letter.
I've got my phrase. We have no appointment.
I start

Speaker 1 calling tattoo parlors because we decide, let's just head into Boston. And I'm like, how hard could this be? Do you know the first five or six tattoo parlors that I called were booked?

Speaker 1 Like no openings. I didn't know you couldn't just walk into a tattoo parlor.
Who the hell is getting all these tattoos? So I finally call

Speaker 1 the sixth or seventh place.

Speaker 1 And it was a place that was right around the corner from this apartment that we used to live in in Cambridge, Massachusetts when we first moved to Boston before we had kids for you to go to graduate school.

Speaker 1 And the guy answers the phone and he says, sure, come on in. And then he says, what's the name? And I say, Mel Robbins.
And he goes, you mean from WTKK, Mel Robbins? I thought I recognized this voice.

Speaker 1 I love your show. My wife's a huge fan of yours.

Speaker 2 Come on in.

Speaker 1 It turned out to be a guy that listened to my old radio show. So we drive to this place.

Speaker 1 The guy is this amazing big bearded teddy bear of a guy. He gives us this big old bear hug.
Chris goes first because here's the next next twist that happened.

Speaker 1 It had completely been lost on me that I hadn't even picked out a font or handwriting.

Speaker 1 And so I had the phrase, it shall be, but I had no idea what I wanted it to look like or how big it was going to be.

Speaker 1 So while Chris got his tattoo, I pulled up Microsoft Outlook and I started going through the font choices.

Speaker 1 and ended up picking the only font that looked somewhat cool, which turned out to be something called like Zaftigs or Dab Bigs or Zad. It was like a Z, printed it out on his printer.

Speaker 1 And that became what I permanently put on my body.

Speaker 1 And I was having like doubts and second guesses, and Chris's looked so good, but I was just like, why didn't I think that I should have like thought about the font?

Speaker 2 It looks a little bit like your handwriting, though. So that's good.

Speaker 1 It's a, it's, yeah, it's okay. I mean, it's fine.
I, it's, I love my tattoo. I love my tattoo.
And so I've got these sort of curved,

Speaker 1 it shall be right on my inside wrist. If you're watching this on YouTube, you can see it.
We'll put it on the stories.

Speaker 1 But

Speaker 1 yeah, that's our tattoo story. That's our tattoo story.
And the thing that I love about this, and this is why it's so important for us to talk about meaningful mantras today and

Speaker 1 environmental cues that you can use

Speaker 1 to help you stay steady, to help you tap into that courage and that confidence and that power that's inside of you. And over the years, I can't tell you how many times I've looked at this tattoo.

Speaker 1 And these words, it shall be, they are a lifeline for me. You know, when I think about moments where I was failing at something or life was going off the rails, I would see those words, it shall be.

Speaker 1 And I'd take a deep breath and I'd put my head down and I'd say, Mel, you just got to keep believing it's going to all work out. You got to keep putting in the work.

Speaker 1 If you're a good, kind person, it'll happen. Maybe not on your timeline, but just

Speaker 1 keep

Speaker 2 going.

Speaker 1 When times were tough, these three words, it shall be, reminded me that this is just a moment. And like all moments, this will pass.
It shall be.

Speaker 2 No, but it really,

Speaker 2 thinking about the question that Jonathan wrote in and saying how you're so intentional in everything that you do,

Speaker 2 it was a very thoughtful question. And I would agree that your application of that in life is very pronounced and interesting how you didn't necessarily see it like Dava saw it.

Speaker 2 And how

Speaker 2 the only thing that was not intentional about it was the scramble to get the right tattoo before the evening itself.

Speaker 1 Well, you know what's great about this?

Speaker 2 Actually, I shouldn't say that because you booked the appointment. We had it on the anniversary.
Like we were, we were, we were organized. We were ready to roll.
There was intentionality.

Speaker 1 The entire story of the tattoo is a demonstration of the philosophy it shall be

Speaker 1 because nothing went according to plan. And yet we just took it one gate at a time.

Speaker 1 And I was fierce in my belief that it was all just going to work out. What are the odds that the appointment is on the wrong date or that the first five places I call

Speaker 2 are

Speaker 1 not available for appointments, but the one that is happens to be a guy that listened to my little local Saturday radio show and recognized my name and voice?

Speaker 1 This phrase, it shall be, it's just a little bit of optimism that acts like a lifeline for me and it reminds me that it's going to work out that i have the power within me to face things that's how i've been using this phrase it shall be over the last 11 years because these have not been

Speaker 1 the easiest 11 years of our life

Speaker 1 i would argue some of the hardest the hardest for sure I mean, when I think about the state that you were in when you left the restaurant business just two years after I got this tattoo and you just checked out of life, you're like, I'm getting getting sober.

Speaker 1 I have to heal. I have to take care of myself.
And for two years, you were just

Speaker 1 comatose

Speaker 1 and I'm like in survival mode. And I would look at this, my tattoo, it shall be, it shall be.

Speaker 1 And it gave me faith that if I just kept working hard, we'd figure it out, that we'd figure out how to pay the bills, that I would figure out how to build this business, that you would figure out how to heal and find your way back to yourself and to me.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 even things like moving

Speaker 1 up here to southern Vermont and how hard that was and feeling like

Speaker 1 I've just turned my whole life upside down.

Speaker 1 And yet there was this deeper knowing

Speaker 1 that drove our decision to move. and to change our life profoundly from living outside of Boston to being in this tiny rural town.

Speaker 1 And on those days that I just felt so lost, I would look at my wrist and go, it shall be.

Speaker 1 It's going to work out. I can do this.

Speaker 1 And even with the podcast,

Speaker 1 everybody was like, you know how crowded that is? You know,

Speaker 1 there's 5 million podcasts. I was like, you know what? I'm playing the long game.

Speaker 1 I'm not, I'm, it shall be. I'm going to put in the work.
I'm going to go for it.

Speaker 1 And, and I even feel that like when our kids are struggling, it helps me this phrase, it shall be, to put almost like a beacon out in the future.

Speaker 1 It's a reminder that at some point the road ahead is easier and great things happen. And it gives me faith to keep going.

Speaker 2 I think the location of that tattoo is also properly aligned with you and your own just being reminded of that, right? Because if you had that tattoo on the back of your shoulder

Speaker 2 where you weren't seeing it all day, every day, you would always wanted to put it right, something, whatever it was, you were thinking.

Speaker 1 Why get a tattoo and hide it?

Speaker 2 Right. You know?

Speaker 1 How has One Gate, as a phrase, a meaningful mantra, a lifeline for you, a philosophy? How has that helped you

Speaker 1 on your journey in the last 11 years?

Speaker 2 I mean, I would say just even right this minute, as I'm putting together this

Speaker 2 online program for Soul Degree.

Speaker 1 What is Soul Degree for people who don't know?

Speaker 2 Soul Degree is a men's retreat that I've hosted for the last six years,

Speaker 2 often taking place in the wilderness, away from it all. And this year I'm trying to

Speaker 2 spark the conversation online.

Speaker 1 So you're doing like an online program? Yeah. I love that.
You know, what you guys don't know is, so Chris created this men's retreat called Soul Degree six years ago.

Speaker 1 Something that he desperately wanted for himself, he created. And the thing is filled up organically

Speaker 1 every time you lead an in-person retreat for the last six years. And so now Chris is trying something new.
He's going to

Speaker 1 create a webinar and create a online course and a digital version of this for men because you have a huge mission to help men discover themselves and to help men create deeper connections with other men.

Speaker 1 And you are so driven to do this and yet you've never done it before. And I can tell that you're scared.

Speaker 2 Yeah, like even the word webinar makes me like cringe. I'm like, are you fucking kidding me?

Speaker 1 Chris is scared about this. This is why he's

Speaker 1 in the starting gate, right? You're like the little kid in the starting gate going, is anybody going to sign up for this digital course? Oh my God.

Speaker 2 Some of that is present, but some of it also is just in the act of having to put something out there. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And to do something that makes me feel uncomfortable, which is being in that marketer seat

Speaker 2 and having to speak out loud and

Speaker 2 be in front of a microphone and a camera, which is really,

Speaker 2 it makes me,

Speaker 2 yeah, I'm in the starting gate for sure, looking,

Speaker 2 wondering about whether I'm going to make it to the bottom.

Speaker 2 So, but no, OneGate is a perfect example of just one foot in front of the other, like just take it one day at a time and

Speaker 2 get up and think about what I, what I want to share or how I want to write it or, and not get wrapped around the axle about how it's all going to play out.

Speaker 1 And now we can't wait to see what you create because we're all like, ooh, what does Chris Robbins look like? So what does one gate do for you?

Speaker 1 How does that even help you?

Speaker 2 It slows me down. It allows me to just take it one step at a time, one gate at a time, just one foot in front of the other, like I said, and

Speaker 2 not losing myself in what it's going to look like, but instead just being present to the experience I'm in right now, putting the pieces together.

Speaker 2 I love that.

Speaker 2 I absolutely love that.

Speaker 1 So I now want to turn the mic over to you. When we come back from a word from our sponsors, you are going to learn how to create a meaningful mantra for yourself.
Stay with us.

Speaker 1 The right holiday outfit is nothing.

Speaker 1 Without the right foundation, honey love bras and shapewear give you comfort and confidence whether you're in glam at a holiday party or in full cozy mode with family.

Speaker 1 Honey Love is a female-founded brand whose products are designed by women for women. Their shapewear actually enhances curves, not squishes them, and their bras are supportive and wire-free.

Speaker 1 Treat yourself or someone you love to Honey Love this holiday season, and right now you can save 20%

Speaker 1 at honeylove.com slash MEL. Just use our exclusive link, honeylove.com/slash MEL, to grab your discount.
After you order, they're going to ask you where you heard about Honey Love.

Speaker 1 So please support our show, the Mel Robbins Podcast, and let them know Mel sent you. Celebrate the season feeling confident and comfortable with Honey Love.

Speaker 1 As life changes, it's worth revisiting the systems that support you, including the car you drive. The Volvo XC40 is a compact yet spacious SUV designed for every you.

Speaker 1 It gives you flexibility to enjoy more of life with smart storage, bold design, and comfort that keeps pace with your daily routine or your next adventure.

Speaker 1 The XC40 fits your life now and the one you're building next. Learn more about the Volvo XC40 at volvocars.com slash US.

Speaker 1 I feel like this should be a public service announcement because you want to get a head start on the holiday shopping, right? Well, here's your friendly reminder. Right now is the time to start.

Speaker 1 Black Friday's here in Pandora Jewelry is giving you up to 40% off-store-wide and site-wide now through December 2nd.

Speaker 1 You could get their timeless charms or maybe pick up some modern rings or elegant bracelets that look gorgeous in any season.

Speaker 1 This is your chance to get going and find something special now so you can enjoy the holidays later. Save up to 40% on the jewelry you love.
Shop at Pandora.net or your local Pandora store.

Speaker 1 Exclusions apply.

Speaker 1 Welcome back. I'm El Robbins.

Speaker 1 I'm here with my husband, Chris, and we're talking about meaningful mantras and how they can create this really grounding force and they can help you tap into your power and your optimism and your resilience in life.

Speaker 1 So, I now want to pass the mic to you.

Speaker 1 Wherever you are, listening in a car, taking us on a walk with you, doing errands, wherever you are right now, I want you

Speaker 1 to

Speaker 1 think

Speaker 1 about

Speaker 1 your own

Speaker 1 guiding phrase, your own mantra that's very meaningful to you. And I want you to stop and ask yourself

Speaker 2 today

Speaker 1 at this point in my life, what is a mantra?

Speaker 1 that I'd really love to live by? Something that could act like a lifeline, some form of reassurance, something that maybe

Speaker 1 you wish somebody else would say to you.

Speaker 1 You know, it's interesting that we're having this conversation because Kendall, who is our middle child, who's 22, she's about to graduate from college, she's been talking about getting a tattoo, talking about getting a tattoo when she graduates, but she doesn't know what it might be.

Speaker 1 And she's been thinking in the form of symbols.

Speaker 1 But for the purpose of this conversation, I really want you listening to us as I pass the mic over to you to be thinking about a phrase, whether it's a phrase like Chris's one gate that maybe one of your parents would say to you, or it's a phrase like, it shall be

Speaker 1 that a friend of mine reminded me that I say all the time to her when I'm trying to get her to push through her fears and to believe in herself.

Speaker 1 As you start to formulate in your own mind, what could that phrase or that word be for you? And I find this to be really interesting. See, mantras cut both ways

Speaker 1 because

Speaker 1 there are good mantras and bad mantras. There are mantras that work and mantras that don't.
See, here's the interesting thing about mantras.

Speaker 1 Mantras are powerful, but they don't work

Speaker 1 unless you believe

Speaker 1 what the mantra or the phrase says. And I'm going to unpack this because I think this is super important.
It's why so many of us get positive self-talk or self-love completely wrong.

Speaker 1 A mantra is only going to work if you believe intrinsically in what the mantra means. And so I'll give you an example.

Speaker 1 If you've been beating yourself up for 40 years, there is no way you can stand in front of a mirror and say, I love myself.

Speaker 1 Or if you've been just hating on your body for decades, you're not going to be able to stand in front of the mirror and go, I look beautiful. I want you to feel those things.

Speaker 1 But if your behavior and your own mindset

Speaker 1 proves day in and day out that you don't love yourself,

Speaker 1 that you not only don't think your body is beautiful, you think it's disgusting or you think it's gross or you think it's this or you think it's that.

Speaker 1 Simply saying a mantra because you think you should, it will not work. It actually makes things worse worse because your mind is like, oh, what do you mean?

Speaker 1 You know what you said to yourself all day yesterday? No, it's not true. And your mind starts to fight against it.
And so it makes your negative beliefs worse.

Speaker 1 And so one of the things that I want you to think about is that as you come up with this phrase for yourself, rule number one, it has to be meaningful.

Speaker 1 And what I mean by that is a meaningful mantra is one that you can get behind. It's one that when you say it or somebody else says it to you, you're like, yeah, I can get behind that.

Speaker 1 So for example, if you struggle with how you look, instead of saying, I'm beautiful, when you don't quite feel it and believe it yet, start saying, I deserve kindness.

Speaker 1 I'm trying my best.

Speaker 1 I deserve to feel better.

Speaker 1 My body needs me to take care of it.

Speaker 1 Those are all things that you can get behind.

Speaker 1 And so oftentimes, one of the things that I say, if you're just kind of new to thinking about some guiding phrase or a meaningful mantra or some sort of word that you're going to use as your theme or your lifeline, is like, bring it down just a little.

Speaker 1 Like, don't jack the mantra up like, I am the best.

Speaker 1 Because some days you're not going to feel that way. And so if you have that tattooed on your wrist, you're going to be like, I don't feel like the best right now.

Speaker 1 You want to ratchet it down just a little so you can always get behind it. I'm trying my best.

Speaker 1 Anybody can get behind that. Here's some other ones: what if it works out?

Speaker 1 Talked a lot about that on the podcast. I love that one.
What if it works out?

Speaker 1 So many people don't even realize that their guiding philosophy right now is: what if it doesn't work out?

Speaker 1 Imagine adopting the meaningful mantra: what if it works out?

Speaker 1 Another one that I love is courage.

Speaker 1 Courage.

Speaker 1 We often sit around and feel self-doubt or feel unmotivated. In those moments, courage,

Speaker 1 that courage inside you, to act, to say something, to show up when you don't feel like it.

Speaker 1 Courage is what you need first. And so courage is a beautiful reminder.

Speaker 1 You got this. You got this as just encouragement.
I believe in you. I love that phrase.
I believe in you. One day at a time.
That's sort of like one gate, isn't it, Han?

Speaker 2 Yeah, it is a little bit like that. But I think what you're speaking to also is

Speaker 2 that

Speaker 2 like everything that you just mentioned almost alludes to a way of being or an attitude, certainly a reminder. What do I really need in those times

Speaker 2 to be reminded or to be encouraged.

Speaker 1 You just gave me a huge breakthrough.

Speaker 1 One way that you could figure out a meaningful

Speaker 1 mantra or this sort of guiding phrase for you

Speaker 1 is think about the future you,

Speaker 1 the person that you want to become.

Speaker 1 And just assume that it all works out. Just assume that

Speaker 1 you become the person that you dream about becoming.

Speaker 1 How about you let the future you

Speaker 1 give the present you

Speaker 1 that

Speaker 1 assurance and that advice so that the tattoo or the post-it note or whatever it is, the mantra that you say to yourself over and over, that it is a reminder.

Speaker 1 from the person you're becoming that you got this. Believe, courage.

Speaker 1 all of that is incredible whoa I love that you know Tracy who's also a friend and a colleague she has a great one that's been on her bedside table for a year every day I'm learning and growing

Speaker 1 I love that every day I'm learning and growing every day I'm learning and growing and by simply repeating it over and over and over again you will

Speaker 1 because what you you know they always and that's on her bedside table not on her body.

Speaker 2 Yes. That's an option too for anybody, right? Well, yeah.

Speaker 1 That's how you, that's the reason why tattoos can be so powerful is because a tattoo is what researchers call an environmental trigger.

Speaker 1 An environmental trigger is something that you encounter visually

Speaker 1 in a space that cues a certain thought or behavior. And a lot of us are aware of triggers in the negative sense.
Oh, you trigger me. Oh, that sound triggers this.

Speaker 1 But you can use environmental triggers in a very positive and profound way.

Speaker 1 And I talk about environmental triggers extensively in the episode that we did called Five Essential Hacks to Make New Habits Stick. And I love environmental triggers.

Speaker 1 And so for sure, this tattoo and your tattoo, that is a visual reminder that triggers a certain positive way of thinking. But you can use a post-it note.

Speaker 1 In fact, this is the assignment, everybody.

Speaker 1 I want you to come up with a phrase and you can borrow one that you've heard us say today and try it on for size because it's sort of like you got to see if it fits.

Speaker 1 And how do you know if the phrase fits? You're not resisting it. You're not arguing against it.
You're not saying the phrase, I'm beautiful, yeah, but.

Speaker 1 No, you got to come up with something that feels right. It's sort of like Goldilocks and the three bears, right? One's too little, one's too big, one feels just right.
That's how you try this on.

Speaker 1 Then I want you to take a Sharpie, a permanent pen, and write it on a post-it note and stick that sucker on your mirror or on your laptop somewhere in your physical space that you're going to bump into it, your bedside table, the way that Tracy does.

Speaker 1 Heck, if you're thinking about a tattoo, before you get a tattoo, make the tattoo in a Sharpie on your arm. I so believe in this.
Don't you believe in this?

Speaker 2 Absolutely. Yeah.
I mean, the environmental trigger piece

Speaker 2 just makes such a difference.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 You have an interesting environmental trigger on your bulletin board.

Speaker 1 It's a photo of you.

Speaker 2 Why are you getting?

Speaker 2 I knew somehow you were going to raise this topic again.

Speaker 1 Why?

Speaker 1 Guys, he is the cutest photo that our friend Jenny Maloney took. And it's a black and white photo of Chris.
And he's looking off to the side and he's sort of smiling.

Speaker 1 And he posted it, he pinned it to his bulletin board, and he wrote in a Sharpie, you with an arrow pointing at himself.

Speaker 1 And it sits right on his bulletin board at his desk. And I can see you tearing up.
What does that photo mean?

Speaker 1 What does it trigger you to think?

Speaker 2 Just to,

Speaker 2 I was prompted to print the picture and tack it on my board

Speaker 2 as a

Speaker 2 piece of a homework assignment

Speaker 2 in a class that I'm taking

Speaker 2 where I

Speaker 2 just need to be reminded that I am

Speaker 2 that I'm perfect the way I am, that I am,

Speaker 2 I am,

Speaker 2 yes, I'm good enough, or

Speaker 2 that

Speaker 2 who I am is who I am. And so

Speaker 2 it was a spontaneous response to

Speaker 2 work that I was doing in this class to say

Speaker 2 This was one of those hacks or habits I was going to develop was to look at that picture every day and see me as I am

Speaker 2 and embrace and love that person.

Speaker 2 Oh,

Speaker 1 this is for your masters in psych?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 That's pretty cool. I think everybody's going to steal that one too.

Speaker 2 I mean, I don't have a mirror in my office, so I put a picture of myself.

Speaker 1 Environmental trigger, everybody. I'm really serious about this.

Speaker 1 Positive triggers in the environment triggering positive thinking patterns and positive physical change. And I want to keep inspiring you.

Speaker 1 So I'm going to share a couple things that some of our listeners have shared with me on social media. And the first one is from Denise.
Hi, Mel. It's Denise from Phoenix, Arizona.

Speaker 1 The meaning of my tattoo, which says, love yourself first,

Speaker 1 is a reminder that self-love is not selfish.

Speaker 1 It is necessary.

Speaker 1 As a single mother, I have learned that in order to be present for them, I first need to be present for me.

Speaker 1 Show up for me.

Speaker 1 Love yourself first. That's a great one.

Speaker 1 That's a great one. That doesn't hit for me, though.
I mean, it's great for Denise, might be great for you, but this is why it's important to try it on. Love yourself first.

Speaker 1 When I think about it on my wrist, that doesn't like give me the tangles.

Speaker 2 Well, I think what you had said earlier was really cool about just that this is um

Speaker 2 that a mantra like this can help you on your path of becoming

Speaker 2 rather than

Speaker 2 the tattoo needing to be a reminder of the end game

Speaker 2 or being

Speaker 2 symbolic of something that you aspire to complete rather than just this is

Speaker 2 this is my evolution I love that.

Speaker 1 That sort of shifted how I feel about Love Yourself First for me. Because you're right, it is part of the becoming.

Speaker 2 I believe in you as a good one.

Speaker 1 I believe in you.

Speaker 1 I believe in you. For years, though, that probably,

Speaker 1 well, if I think about it from me in the present moment,

Speaker 1 it wouldn't sink.

Speaker 1 Because there have been plenty of moments where I didn't believe in myself.

Speaker 1 But

Speaker 1 if I think about it as a message from the future, Mel,

Speaker 1 the person I'm becoming,

Speaker 1 as if she

Speaker 1 was saying to me,

Speaker 1 I believe in you, Mel.

Speaker 1 And I know what's coming. And that's why I believe in you, that would go,

Speaker 2 ooh, I love that.

Speaker 1 That's really, maybe that'll be my next tattoo.

Speaker 2 But it's interesting how you describe that as though it's something outside of you or a voice or something

Speaker 2 external.

Speaker 2 Like I don't think of one gate as like I don't hear my dad talking to me per se. Like I don't see my dad all the time.
I think of it whereas what you were just describing is

Speaker 2 some larger voice, which is profound and and can be powerful, but it's

Speaker 2 it conjures up a visual.

Speaker 1 It shall be is a larger voice for me.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 And it doesn't have to be a tattoo, you guys. Again, this is not an episode about tattoos.

Speaker 1 This is an episode about using research to create a lifeline to your power and to optimism and to resilience and belief in self. And I love this example from another listener named Monica.

Speaker 1 Hi, Mel, it's Monica from Italy. I don't have tattoos, but I think the best sentence for me right now would be the little things.

Speaker 1 It helps me keep going when I think that my goal is too big for me, too far away, and that I'm just wasting time. And it also reminds me to enjoy the small, beautiful things of my life.

Speaker 1 Bye.

Speaker 1 Ooh, that's a good one, too.

Speaker 2 I love that.

Speaker 1 That reminds me of the thing that Oakley said at the end of the episode that we did just recently about anxiety, where he refers to

Speaker 1 your ordinary, extraordinary life,

Speaker 1 finding the extraordinary in the ordinary.

Speaker 1 The little things, if you will.

Speaker 2 Wow.

Speaker 1 Love yourself first.

Speaker 1 The little things, one gate, it shall be.

Speaker 2 Yeah, the little things is, it's got a calming tone to it a little bit.

Speaker 1 I love that we're kind of dissecting these because I think it's really important

Speaker 1 that

Speaker 1 you truly pick a phrase that feels a certain way to you, whether that's calming or uplifting or energizing, or it just feels like the truth, that no matter what's going on in your life, you can count on that this phrase is true.

Speaker 2 I think that's what makes it also somewhat hard is that that feeling,

Speaker 2 like I think most people's reaction is to react swiftly to how that phrase or mantra sounds or feels in that moment, and then they move on, as opposed to, as you say, kind of sitting with it, letting it marinate,

Speaker 2 posting it on a wall, putting it by your bedside, but allowing it to seep in

Speaker 2 over time a little bit to see truly, like, how does that feel?

Speaker 2 Try it on.

Speaker 1 You know, I now want to get another tattoo because of this conversation.

Speaker 1 Maybe I'm going to get my mom to write something.

Speaker 2 Remember, this show is not about getting a tattoo.

Speaker 1 Okay, now listen. Are you saying I shouldn't get a tattoo?

Speaker 2 No, not necessarily.

Speaker 1 Well, I will tell you what I do want everyone to do. I do want you to take us passing you the mic very seriously.

Speaker 1 And I want you to try the power of creating a meaningful mantra or a word or a phrase that you can turn to every day.

Speaker 1 And I do want you to get a post-it note or a piece of painter's tape or something that you can write your phrase, word, or mantra that's meaningful to you on it.

Speaker 1 And let's take it a step further. I'd love to see these.
So take a photo of you and your post-it note or you and your sharpie

Speaker 1 and

Speaker 1 share your phrase or word or mantra and tag me, Mel Robbins. Tag the podcast, the Mel Robbins podcast.

Speaker 1 You might even be featured on our social media channels, but mostly I just want to see you and give you a virtual hug and a high five.

Speaker 1 And I want to get inspired by you. Speaking of meaningful mantras that you say to yourself, there's something I want to be sure to say to you.

Speaker 1 In case nobody else tells you this today, I wanted to tell you that I love you.

Speaker 2 I love you too.

Speaker 1 And I believe in you.

Speaker 2 I believe in you.

Speaker 1 And I believe in your ability to create a life that you love one gate at a time.

Speaker 1 And if you do, it shall be.

Speaker 2 Oh, let's go get tattoos.

Speaker 1 Oh, one more thing. It's the legal language.
This podcast is presented solely for educational and entertainment purposes.

Speaker 1 It is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional.

Speaker 1 Stitcher.

Speaker 4 What if you could cover your gray hairs without damage? With K-18 Molecular Repair Hair Mask, you can have strong, soft, bouncy hair and keep your root touch-ups.

Speaker 4 Because it doesn't just cover up damage, it's a deep damage fix. Patented K18 peptide repairs on the molecular level.
So no matter what you do to your hair, K18 will be there to fix the damage.

Speaker 4 Shop at Sephora or get 10% off your first purchase with CodePodcast at k18hair.com. That's code podcast at k18hair.com.

Speaker 5 Hey everybody, it's Babs. You know, one thing that makes the holiday season so magical is the traditions we share year after year.
And that's why I'm so excited to tell you about Birch Lane.

Speaker 5 Their classic furniture and festive decor is carefully crafted to bring joy to every seasonal celebration. Plus, it's delivered fast and free so you can start spreading the holiday cheer.

Speaker 5 Shop my hand-picked Birch Lane collection and more classic styles at birchlane.com.