3 Simple Steps to Change Your Life

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Speaker 1 Hey, it's Mel, and welcome to the very first episode of the Mel Robbins podcast.

Speaker 1 Woo! I am so freaking fired up to be here with you. This has been a long time coming.
Am I right? I have been thinking about doing this damn thing for so long and now the day is finally here.

Speaker 1 I'm sitting here with my mic in my hand. I've been thinking about this moment forever.
I'm so excited to talk to you. I'm just bursting at the seams.

Speaker 1 I got to take a deep breath because I don't want to be shouting at you the entire time that we're doing this first episode. So first of all, thank you.
Thank you for being here with me.

Speaker 1 Thank you for listening. Thank you for inviting me into your life as you work at home, run errands, go for a walk.

Speaker 1 I got to say, your support and how you have shown up for the Mel Robbins podcast, it is blowing me away. I have a hard time accepting compliments, accepting gifts, accepting health.

Speaker 1 It's part of my type A personality. And I am so overwhelmed because of you and your excitement and your enthusiasm and your support.

Speaker 1 This podcast is debuting as the number one ranked education podcast in the freaking world. And that's not all.
We are a top-ranking podcast on every single platform out there.

Speaker 1 I don't even know what to say. Clearly, you are as excited about this as I am.
And I am overwhelmed by your support. I am grateful.

Speaker 1 And I'm also grateful because the day that this episode comes out, it's my 54th birthday. And as I sit here, I just want to tell you,

Speaker 1 your support and you being here listening is the single greatest birthday present I've ever received. My mission with the Mel Robbins podcast is simple, to help you create a better life.

Speaker 1 And everybody keeps asking me, so what's the show about? Well, the show is about you and me creating a better life.

Speaker 1 And every single episode, it's going to be packed with entertaining and actionable takeaways that you can apply to your own life.

Speaker 1 It'll also have the simple science-backed tools and inspiration that I've taught to people around the world that have helped them change their lives and to find the happiness and fulfillment that you deserve.

Speaker 1 We're going to dig into life together. Every single week, I'm going to take you behind the scenes and on the road and into my life in real time.
And I got to tell you, that's somewhat problematic.

Speaker 1 Because right now, if you could see me, I am sitting in the corner of a hotel room on the floor surrounded by a fortress made of pillows and couch cushions and blankets.

Speaker 1 And there's a construction site outside.

Speaker 1 And so I have to stop and then start and stop and then start. But that's my commitment.
I don't want this to be a show. I can't do this thing in a studio.

Speaker 1 I want this to be two friends having a conversation. I want this to be deeply connected to what's going on in my life.
And so that's what I'm going to do.

Speaker 1 And I'm going to be sharing the relatable ups and downs as they happen in my family and in my business and in my head.

Speaker 1 And I'm going going to give you the takeaways and the breakdowns and the secrets as I'm unpacking them and learning them and discovering them. Because here's the deal.

Speaker 1 I am committed to supporting you. And I hope you will support me as we both go after our dreams and we both try to improve our lives.

Speaker 1 Now, I know that there are a ton of new folks listening to this podcast. And so I really wanted to just take a moment before we jump into the topic and say welcome.

Speaker 1 And I also wanted to introduce myself to those of you who may be hearing my voice for the first time. Now, between you and me, I hate it when somebody asks me, so what do you do for a living?

Speaker 1 Because the truth is, I've done a lot, especially in the past 10 years, as my husband and I have clawed our way out of bankruptcy and one by one teed up and faced the problems in our lives and addressed them.

Speaker 1 And as I've done the work to build the business and the following that you see today.

Speaker 1 But when I start to explain my background or list off accomplishments, I just feel really self-conscious because the fact is, I don't think about myself as someone who's done all these things.

Speaker 1 I'm just focused on sharing what I'm learning and helping people.

Speaker 1 And I just figure that, boy, now that I'm on the other side of so many issues I struggled with, if I can save you the headache and the heartache that I caused myself because I just didn't know any better.

Speaker 1 That

Speaker 1 is so fulfilling. And that's what motivates me.

Speaker 1 So, you know, I was sitting here going, okay, I got to introduce myself. How do I do this in a really fun way? How do I make this entertaining? How do I give you an insight to who I really am?

Speaker 1 And I thought, oh, I got a great idea. What if I asked our 17-year-old teenage son, Oakley Robbins, if he would come on and tell you what he tells people when they say, what does your mom do?

Speaker 1 Now. When I first asked him about this, he was like, no,

Speaker 1 there's no, what? I'm not introducing you. Have somebody else introduce you.
I'm like, and I talked to him. I explained why it would really support me and it would really help me.

Speaker 1 And so he acquiesced. He's not that happy about this.
I have no idea what he's going to say. There is not a script in front of him.
And so

Speaker 1 everybody, please welcome Oakley Robins.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 I was asked to introduce my mom. I don't like introducing myself or my mom.
So I just got to jump right into it. Okay, cool.
So let me tell you about my mom, guys.

Speaker 1 She is the most successful female motivational speaker in the world.

Speaker 1 It's pretty big, but not as big as the fact that she was on CNN for four years. Why was that a big deal? Because it's CNN.
I know, but how old were you? Nine. How did you even know what that was?

Speaker 1 Because, like, it's a popular news broadcasting agency. I don't know.
Not important. It is important.
Moving on. She's a self-published book author.

Speaker 1 She wrote two books: The Five Second Rule and The High Five Habit. Boom.
She has six audio books because Audible loves her. I love Audible.
She has a YouTube channel right there, million subs.

Speaker 1 That's big. But on a more important note, people do stop you to say, like, Mel, you've changed my life in this way and this way.
And it's really cool.

Speaker 1 She's an awesome person and the best mom I could ask for. And when I want to chill, I'd say go to dad because he's literally the chillest guy ever.

Speaker 1 But when I literally need anything, I go to this person right here.

Speaker 1 That's true. Like when you called me at midnight on Saturday.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, you can't say that. You can't say that.
You can't say that. Okay.

Speaker 1 He's moving the pop over.

Speaker 1 All right. And we're going to end it right there.
Everybody, ladies and gentlemen,

Speaker 1 OK Robbins. Okay, I got a podcast to do.
Get out of here. Okay.
I'm not.

Speaker 1 Bye.

Speaker 1 Okay. Well, that didn't go the way I thought it would, but it was definitely way more fun than listening to me read some list, right? But so far, nothing has gone according to plan with episode one.

Speaker 1 I have recorded this about 17 different times. I thought I was going to be in some kind of fancy studio, and obviously I'm now in a pillow fort.

Speaker 1 And I've learned the hard way that it shouldn't be in a fancy studio because this isn't a show. That's not my intention here.
I want to have a conversation with you.

Speaker 1 I want this to feel like you're talking to a friend. I want this to be a back and forth.
And you know what I love about sitting here on the floor of my room?

Speaker 1 I kind of feel like you're sitting across from me, that we're just having a cup of coffee or we're hanging out and we're talking about life. And so today, here's what I want to talk to you about.

Speaker 1 I want to talk to you about three simple steps that you can take to create powerful changes in your life.

Speaker 1 And I'm talking really big changes. Yes, the steps are simple, but simple over time creates amazing results.
And simple is important because if it's simple, you can do it.

Speaker 1 As I already said, these are the three steps that led me to launching this podcast. They're the three steps that I used to help me start working on my marriage and making my mental health stronger.

Speaker 1 They're also the three steps that helped me make the move from a very busy and stressful life outside of Boston, Massachusetts, where my husband Chris and I had raised our family for the last 26 years, and make a major move and a major change to a simpler lifestyle by moving to a tiny town in southern Vermont.

Speaker 1 Now, using these three steps, I not only changed my life, I have reinvented every aspect of my life over the past two years. And today, I'm going to share those steps with you.

Speaker 1 I'm going to tell you the whole story and I want to help you. I want to inspire and empower you to make the changes that you have been thinking about as you go about your day-to-day life.

Speaker 1 You know, speaking of life, I think about life as one long road trip. Your past right now is behind you.
It's in the rearview mirror. And the future, it's right out that windshield.

Speaker 1 That's why the windshield is bigger than the rearview mirror because we're not going backwards, people. We're not doing that to ourselves.
We are going ahead. And you know what's in front of you?

Speaker 1 An open road.

Speaker 1 Every single birthday, I believe, is a mile marker on this road trip called life. It's a chance to pull over for a second and think about the open road ahead.
Where do you want to go next?

Speaker 1 How fast do you want to go? How slow? Who do you want to have in the car with you? There's endless metaphors around this and it helps me think about this major topic of reinvention and change.

Speaker 1 Now, I love birthdays. I'm sure you do too.
And I love them for so many reasons. Because every time you're celebrating a birthday, I mean, think about what you're actually celebrating.

Speaker 1 We're celebrating the fact that you're still here. We're celebrating your existence, that you're breathing, that you're alive.
How cool is that?

Speaker 1 And you want to know what else we're celebrating when we celebrate your birthday? We're celebrating the possibility and magic that your life and the future and that next year holds for you.

Speaker 1 Now, there's one part of celebrating your birthday that I want you to really think about, okay?

Speaker 1 You know that moment when the cake comes out?

Speaker 1 Your mom or your dad or your spouse or your friends or the waiter, they bring out that cake and the candles are burning on top and everyone starts singing happy birthday to you.

Speaker 1 And then they put the cake down, you look at the candles, you close your eyes, and you make a wish.

Speaker 1 And for just a moment, time stops.

Speaker 1 Have you ever noticed that as that cake gets closer to you and you start going inside and thinking about the wish that you're going to make, You don't even hear anybody singing anymore.

Speaker 1 You hear something inside yourself.

Speaker 1 You hear something deep from within.

Speaker 1 You close your eyes, you grab that wish, and you blow out those candles as if it's going to magically make that wish come true. And when you open your eyes, you are present to the wish.

Speaker 1 You feel excited for the year, and you can almost see all all the new possibility that you could tap into in the year ahead. Well, researchers have a name for this exact moment.

Speaker 1 It's called the fresh start effect. When you make that birthday wish, you break from your past self and this transformational window of time opens up.
You think bigger. You feel hopeful and inspired.

Speaker 1 And there's some incredibly interesting research that explains why these moments are so powerful.

Speaker 1 I'm looking right now at a study from the Wharton School of Business at the University of Pennsylvania where they've studied the intrinsic motivational power of this fresh start effect.

Speaker 1 Researchers studied moments in our life where we feel motivated to make big changes, and birthdays are an example of that.

Speaker 1 It's as if a birthday hands you a blank slate, a clean page, a fresh start at a whole new year.

Speaker 1 And this feeling inside you ignites an intrinsic motivational aspirational force that's hardwired within you. It's this power to change.

Speaker 1 Now, you've experienced this fresh start effect at other times in your life too. Just think about the new year, January 1st.
Hello, fresh start effect.

Speaker 1 Now, January 1st is one of those moments where all of a sudden last year ends. Boom, slam the door on that year.
And something new opens up. A whole new you, a clean slate, an open road.

Speaker 1 This is why, by the way, so many people start a diet on January 1st. Hello, Mel Robbins.
So many people go to the gym for the first time on January 1st.

Speaker 1 It gives them a natural mental starting line to cross on a new leg of the journey called life. How cool is that? You also experience this fresh start motivation with every new semester in school.

Speaker 1 the start of a new sports season. You feel like this could be our year, right? That's the fresh start effect.
The birth of a child, a breakup, a wedding, a death.

Speaker 1 These are all moments in time where something ends and something else begins. And it's not only happening in the physical space, it's happening in the psychological and spiritual space.

Speaker 1 That's why so much stirs inside you, according to the research. I just realized, you know, this fresh start effect, this is probably why I am addicted to buying new journals.

Speaker 1 Every time I get a new journal, I crack it open and I literally feel like a a new MEL is about to pour out on all those open, empty pages.

Speaker 1 This phenomenon is so powerful that researchers have even created a label to describe anything that triggers that fresh start motivation that stirs inside you, like your birthday, January 1st, that new journal.

Speaker 1 These things are called temporal landmarks. Now let me explain what a temporal landmark is.
A temporal landmark is a date or an experience or a physical thing that marks the passing of time.

Speaker 1 Your birthday is the exact same thing. It's another year, another mile on the road of your life.
And this creates all kinds of new possibilities about the stretch of open road ahead.

Speaker 1 A breakup or a divorce. Now, that's a major temporal landmark because it not only marks time, it also impacts your identity, your life as a couple before, and now your life as you after the breakup.

Speaker 1 The event, whether it's January 1, the first of the month, a Monday, the end of a fiscal year, or making a wish on your birthday, creates a break from the past you.

Speaker 1 The things that you feel are imperfect about you or your life and the things that you judge yourself for.

Speaker 1 When you stop judging yourself and you stop focusing on what you think is wrong with your life, You open up the floodgates to what might be.

Speaker 1 So let's go back to that moment when you you make a wish on your birthday.

Speaker 1 As soon as you see that cake coming with those candles burning, you go in.

Speaker 1 You stop hearing everyone singing. You close your eyes.
Why?

Speaker 1 Because mentally, a new accounting period is opening up.

Speaker 1 You stop caring about the song and the people around you and what's happening outside of you.

Speaker 1 You tune into what you're feeling on the inside, in your heart, in your soul, what you dream about, that thing that's calling from you deep inside that normally you can't hear because you're so focused on all the stupid stuff that we all obsess about.

Speaker 1 No one even has to tell you to close your eyes. You see that cake coming.
You know that you can make a wish. You just do it naturally.

Speaker 1 And when you go inward, You're disrupting the circuitry of your old thinking, your old judgments, and your past habits. For just a moment, you're escaping the old you.

Speaker 1 And then

Speaker 1 you make the wish, a wish for what could be, a wish for what will happen this year, in the next year of your life.

Speaker 1 And the same thing happens when you sit down at the end of the year and you create resolutions, not the one you share with people at a party. I'm talking about the real ones.

Speaker 1 that you write down in your journal. And here's another one.
You know that moment after a really painful breakup?

Speaker 1 This one takes a little bit of time because you basically need to cry and feel bad about yourself for about a month or two, you know? And then one morning you wake up and you realize, oh my God,

Speaker 1 I'm happy that's over. I'm better off single.
And you let go of the relationship and the version of you who was holding on to it for so long.

Speaker 1 And more importantly, in that moment of acceptance, you stop judging yourself and you realize you'll be okay. No.

Speaker 1 You'll be more than okay.

Speaker 1 You're going to be great because of this. And then you start to do the work to create a better life.

Speaker 1 These temporal landmarks are a big psychological deal because something really profound happens inside of you for a second.

Speaker 1 You snap out of all the stressful bullshit that's going on and the relentless self-criticism, and you have this mental freedom, this temporary break from your normal negative thinking, and you allow yourself to consider the bigger picture.

Speaker 1 You allow yourself to envision the future you.

Speaker 1 You tap into your deepest hopes, your wildest dreams, and your most exciting aspirations. You see a vision for a better life.

Speaker 1 You see that, yes, you deserve to be happy.

Speaker 1 And that's exactly what I want you and I to experience today on episode one of the Mel Robbins podcast.

Speaker 1 Let's hold each other's hand and sit side by side and imagine what might be possible in the next year of our lives if we let go of the past and we hold on to our dreams.

Speaker 1 That's the invitation I'm giving to you. Allow yourself to have a fresh start.

Speaker 1 You don't have to wait for your birthday or January 1st to change your life. You can turn the page on the past and start writing that new chapter today.

Speaker 1 And in just a few minutes, I'm going to share the three simple steps that you can use to create that powerful change that you've been wishing, wanting, or dreaming about.

Speaker 1 I know how to create massive change because I just did this in my own life. Over the past two years, I've completely reinvented myself and every aspect of my life.

Speaker 1 The Mel Robbins that you're hearing right now is not the Mel Robbins that I was just two years ago. Two years ago, on the day that I turned 52, I did not wake up and feel like a million bucks.

Speaker 1 I did not see an open road. I saw a dead end.
I was not kicking ass and taking names. Two years ago, when I turned 52, I was sucking wind.
I woke up all alone. I felt lost and stuck and scared.

Speaker 1 Here's what was going on in my life. I had just been fired from my dream job.
And look, I'd been fired from other jobs in the past when I was younger, but boy, at 52, that really stings.

Speaker 1 Then with COVID, the speaking and event business came to a halt. And as a small business owner, I'm responsible for the livelihood and healthcare of 15 families, including my own.

Speaker 1 So I started to panic. As the income dried up, I had no idea how I was going to continue to make payroll.
And to add to that, I had people in my inner circle that betrayed me. They lied to me.

Speaker 1 They stole from me. So I just felt rocked because people that I trusted, that I had counted on, had violated that trust.
That's what made me feel so damn alone. Plus then college was canceled.

Speaker 1 Remember that? So we were all under the same roof with our three kids, two of whom were in college and they were all anxious and angry and sad and grieving.

Speaker 1 I mean, it was like living with caged animals. I bet you felt a lot of these same things.
And finally, my husband Chris, he had just been diagnosed with long-term depression.

Speaker 1 I mean, talk about a shitstorm. I felt like absolutely everything was spiraling out out of control.
So here I am on my 52nd birthday with all this going on.

Speaker 1 And I wake up in the bunk room at my mother-in-law's house where we're quarantining. And I just started crying.
The sadness that I had been trying to push down, it just poured out of me.

Speaker 1 And I instinctually picked up my phone and I just started filming how I felt. I figured someone out there on the internet would relate.
And maybe, just maybe,

Speaker 1 they might even be able to give me some encouragement back. Now, when we come back after a short word from our sponsors, I'm going to play that video that I made on my 52nd birthday.

Speaker 1 And you're going to hear that sad, lost Mel Robbins. And I want you to hear it because I want you to know I've been there and I've been there recently.

Speaker 1 And clearly, if I'm where I'm at now, kicking ass, taking names, going after my dreams, doing better than ever, I know how to bridge the gap from where you are to where you want to go.

Speaker 1 And later in the episode, I'm going to share those three steps with you that I took to make powerful changes and reinvent my whole life so that you can use those same proven, simple steps to make whatever changes you want in the next year of your life.

Speaker 1 We'll be right back.

Speaker 1 Today's show is brought to you by Apple Watch. You've heard me say this before on the Mel Robbins podcast.
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Speaker 1 Okay,

Speaker 1 so let me take you back to that low moment in the bunk room. on my 52nd birthday.

Speaker 2 All right, so today is my 52nd birthday.

Speaker 2 This year is not a normal year. I did not wake up feeling excited.
I woke up feeling lost.

Speaker 2 Because as I thought back over the last few years, it's been an incredible adventure, but I've experienced a tremendous amount of change in my professional and personal life that has just knocked me on my knees.

Speaker 2 The result of all this is I feel stuck in between two lives.

Speaker 2 My old life, which has ended, and a new life that I have yet to create for myself.

Speaker 1 And when I look ahead to the future, I feel overwhelmed.

Speaker 2 I feel lost. I feel disconnected.

Speaker 1 I,

Speaker 2 in some ways, I feel like I don't even know who I am because I feel so disconnected from the things that make me feel alive and happy.

Speaker 1 Oh my God.

Speaker 1 I was really lost. I mean, just hearing 52-year-old me sound like that so sad.
It just puts a pit in my stomach. Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 And look, I can kind of laugh about it now because I'm on the other side of this thing. But when you're in it, it can be overwhelming.

Speaker 1 If I could go back in time and talk to the 52-year-old me, here's what I would do. I would say, first of all, that's a lot.
You should have a good cry.

Speaker 1 Then I would give Mel a big, huge hug. Because in moments like that, we need reassurance.
But then, then comes a tough love. I'd be like, look, Mel, you got to remember who you are.
You can face this.

Speaker 1 And then I would drop this quote on her. Hey, woman, if you want to fly, you got to give up the shit that weighs you down.
Toni Morrison said that. And boy, ain't that the truth.

Speaker 1 You got to give up the shit that weighs you down. And a lot of times, at least with me, what's weighing me down? It's my own attitude.
And I know you can relate to that.

Speaker 1 I just hate that saying, it is what it is. No, it isn't.
It is what you make it to be. The fact is, there is always something you can do to make yourself feel just a little bit better.

Speaker 1 And when you do something that makes you feel a little better, no matter what's going on, that boost in your mood, that boost in your attitude, it is essential to helping you face any challenge and improve any situation and even though in that video i felt lost there were three things that i did and that i continued to do over the past two years and that i continue to do now all of which is rooted in research to pick myself back up and face the mess that my life had become and more importantly to start doing the work to create the life i wanted

Speaker 1 I believe that you are capable of changing. I do.
I've just seen too much evidence over the course of my career, amazing changes that people just like you and me have made.

Speaker 1 So I know you're thinking, well, this is great, Mel, but where do I begin? So step number one, you begin by making a wish.

Speaker 1 Just like that moment on your birthday when you close your eyes and wish for something to come true in this next year of your life. Right now, do the same.

Speaker 1 Close your eyes. And think about the next year of your life.
What do you want the next year of your life to look like?

Speaker 1 Begin by making a wish. That's how I began two years ago.
Yep, my business was upside down, kids were in shambles, my husband was struggling with depression, and I was struggling with everything.

Speaker 1 I had to create a break from that moment of pain and allow myself to see something different. At the time, I had no idea.
what the new chapter of my life would be or could be. Here's what I did know.

Speaker 1 I don't want to stay in this one. And that's all you you need to know.
All you need to know is you don't want to stay in the place that you're in right now.

Speaker 1 That right there is a wish for something better.

Speaker 1 If you know what you don't want, it's very easy to change. As soon as you start removing or letting go of things that aren't working, you'll see all new possibilities.

Speaker 1 So let's go back to that video that I made on my 52nd birthday because once I laid it all out there, I instinctually laid out the three steps I was going to take. I made a wish.

Speaker 1 I identified some things that I could do that would make me feel a little better.

Speaker 1 And I also changed my attitude. And if I can do it, so can you.
So let's go back to the rest of that video. And you're about to hear 52-year-old Mel wipe away the tears and start taking action.

Speaker 1 So what am I going to do about it?

Speaker 2 Part of me honestly just wants to sit here and cry all day and feel sorry for myself, but

Speaker 2 that's not going to make me feel better.

Speaker 2 Here are the steps I'm going to take. Number one, self-awareness is critical.

Speaker 2 So recognizing that you feel lost or disconnected or suspended between your old life and your new life, overwhelmed, whatever you feel, it's so important to name it.

Speaker 2 Because when you name it, you bring it out of the feeling in your body and out into the world. And then you can do things to tame that feeling.

Speaker 2 Number two, the most important thing that you should do is move your body because all this negative emotion is trapped in your body right now and it's only through exercise and motion that you'll move it out of your body and you'll change your emotional state.

Speaker 2 Number three, the best advice about happiness is happy people do things that make them happy and so

Speaker 2 After you move your body and you change your emotional state, do one thing that makes you happy. And for me, I'm going to go out and buy myself some beautiful flowers.

Speaker 2 I've been doing a lot of writing this morning, just dumping all my thoughts onto paper.

Speaker 2 And I think journaling out your thoughts is a really important thing to do when you feel stuck or overwhelmed or suspended. And then finally, continue to remind yourself that this is temporary.

Speaker 2 This is temporary. This moment is temporary.
These feelings are temporary.

Speaker 2 And I think the biggest thing about that mantra that this is temporary is so is your life.

Speaker 2 And maybe that's why birthdays are overwhelming because

Speaker 1 they always make you think about the timeline of your life.

Speaker 1 Way to go, 52-year-old me.

Speaker 1 Mel, if you could only see where you end up two years later, you'd be so proud of yourself, woman. And you know what?

Speaker 1 When you follow these same three simple steps, you're going to be proud of yourself too. And I want to make sure you're not just listening along or watching this podcast episode on YouTube.

Speaker 1 I want to make sure you're able to apply these three takeaways and what you're learning in this episode to your own life right now.

Speaker 1 So let's recap what you've learned so far.

Speaker 1 You've learned about the fresh start effect and how temporal landmarks can trigger a whole new chapter in your life and unlock the intrinsic motivation that's inside you that's going to help you take action.

Speaker 1 Let's create your fresh start right now.

Speaker 1 Step one, you already heard this. Make a wish.

Speaker 1 Just ask yourself one powerful question.

Speaker 1 What do I want the next year of my life to look like?

Speaker 1 Number two,

Speaker 1 no matter how you feel, start taking the actions that align with what you want in your life. Research shows that just a little boost in your mood impacts your productivity for the rest of the day.

Speaker 1 It impacts your focus. It gives you a little uptick in energy.

Speaker 1 Taking actions that align with the bigger vision and the future you, it taps into this huge body of research called behavioral activation therapy.

Speaker 1 Now, you're going to learn a tremendous amount about this therapy modality in future episodes of the Mel Robbins podcast, but here's how I'd summarize it for you.

Speaker 1 Act like the person you want to become in the future, no matter how you feel in the present moment. Look, I know it sounds simple.

Speaker 1 Act like the future you, but this is grounded in decades of research and it works. Every morning, wake up, take one action that aligns with what you want or the person that you want to become.

Speaker 1 That action, it represents one brick.

Speaker 1 And if you keep doing that day by day, brick by brick, action by action, you're going to look up a year from now and you'll realize, oh my God, I just paved a brick path leading to my dreams.

Speaker 1 What the heck? Melwer's right. And step number three,

Speaker 1 in making powerful change in your life, find the proof that you can do it.

Speaker 1 It's all around you. You just need to look for it.
Find anyone that has the life that you want or that has made the change that you want to make.

Speaker 1 The relationship, the career, the body, the family, the friend group. Anytime you see someone who has already made the change you want to make in your life, tell yourself, there's proof it exists.

Speaker 1 Use people as evidence that, yes, you can have what you wish for too, if you're willing to work for it. See people as a light on the path to your future self.
For years, that was not me.

Speaker 1 I was the opposite. I did not see other people as lights on my path.
I saw people as robbing me of the lights that I wanted. I had this really stingy, jealous, and insecure attitude.

Speaker 1 If a friend of mine was renovating their kitchen, I would smile, that tight smile that people have when they're faking a smile. And I'd go, oh, it's so pretty.
A lot of white cabinets.

Speaker 1 But inside, I was seething with jealousy. And the reason why is because

Speaker 1 I believed believed that somebody else's happiness or success somehow was robbing me of mine. It's the opposite.
Their beautiful kitchen means if I can work for it, I can have one too.

Speaker 1 Their amazing relationships means I can create it too. Their success or the business they've built means it's possible for you too.

Speaker 1 This alone, if you just do this third step, this one mindset flip, it is a complete game changer. Here's how you do it.
There is unlimited success, happiness, and fulfillment in the world.

Speaker 1 You're not in competition with anyone.

Speaker 1 The only one that can rob you of the success, happiness, and fulfillment that you deserve is you and your excuses and fears and sitting around waiting to feel motivated.

Speaker 1 We're going to stop that today.

Speaker 1 Correct? Good. I'm glad you're listening because we're not doing that anymore.
You're not going to wait six years to get started.

Speaker 1 You are going to start taking actions that align with what you want now.

Speaker 1 And when you see other people as evidence of what's possible for you, as you start seeing them not as extinguishing your light, but lighting the path that you're now walking on, holy cow, talk about throwing gasoline on that internal fire of yours.

Speaker 1 And by the way, don't you ever forget.

Speaker 1 You are a light on the path for someone else and you don't even realize it.

Speaker 1 Think about that for a second. You are just a step or two ahead of someone else.

Speaker 1 I mean, if you've grieved the loss of a loved one, if you've changed your career, if you've survived heartache, if you've sold a family home, if you've reinvented some aspect of your life, if you've lost weight, if you're able to live with depression, if you were the first in your family to graduate from college, Your life experience proves to someone else that it's possible for them too.

Speaker 1 So you better make sure that as as you start chipping away at your own wishes and goals, that you hold that light up a little bit higher for everybody that's behind you.

Speaker 1 Now these steps sound super simple. So I'm going to go through them one more time because I want to make sure you get how powerful they are.
So let's go back to 52 year old Mel.

Speaker 1 And let me explain how each one of these steps worked for me back when I was sad and lost two years ago. So step number one, you make a wish.

Speaker 1 You got to consider that question. What do I want my life to look like? Now, here's the truth.
I couldn't answer that question two years ago.

Speaker 1 When I was 52, sitting there crying in the bunk room, I had no idea.

Speaker 1 I didn't know what I wanted. I didn't even know how to fix all my problems.
And that's okay. You don't have to know the answers because those will come.

Speaker 1 But I did know I didn't want to stay feeling sad. And that's all I needed to start the change.
Because step two is, once you know one small thing, I don't want to feel so sad.

Speaker 1 I don't want to be lost on my birthday.

Speaker 1 Just take actions that align with that thing that you want. I wanted to be happier.
So I just focused on simple things I could do in that day to make me feel a little better. I get it.

Speaker 1 This isn't rocket science, but it works. But somehow, when you start to apply this stuff, it does feel like rocket science because it does launch you somewhere else.

Speaker 1 So that day I exercised, I bought myself flowers, I watched some stand-up comedy specials on TV. So I would laugh a little.

Speaker 1 I just forced myself to do those things, to start walking toward what I wanted, which was just to feel a little happier. And look, this stuff doesn't work overnight.
It works over time.

Speaker 1 And so every day, I just woke up and I kept making myself do the things that made me feel a little better, even though I didn't feel like it. Simple things, exercising, journaling.

Speaker 1 And I kept on contemplating that question. What do I want my life to look like?

Speaker 1 And over time, day after day, brick after brick, as I added in positive forward action aligned with feeling a little happier.

Speaker 1 And as I started to let go of things that were bringing me tension or sadness or friction, the answers started to emerge.

Speaker 1 I didn't want to to travel so much for work. I didn't want to miss out on my son's high school the way I missed out on our daughter's high school experience.

Speaker 1 I wanted to get reconnected at a really deep level with my husband. I wanted to have time to see friends again and do things in the community.
I didn't want to feel so damn busy and burnt out.

Speaker 1 And I didn't want to fall asleep with a to-do list on my mind and wake up every morning panic stricken because of how much I had to get done.

Speaker 1 I wanted to simplify my life and get serious about being happier and more content in it. And as you ask yourself the question, what do you want your life to look like? Be patient.

Speaker 1 As I got clearer about what I wanted and then I aligned my actions with that new vision, I started acting like the person I wanted to become. Simplifying means saying no.

Speaker 1 It means asking for help. I started getting my mental health in order, slowed down, down, and I created an entirely different relationship with my husband by jumping into therapy.

Speaker 1 I also started being more present with my kids. And as I chipped away at it, I realized something even bigger.

Speaker 1 It was time to sell the house that we had raised our kids in for 26 years outside of Boston, Massachusetts, and create a simpler life. in southern Vermont.

Speaker 1 And as I started to say no and put what mattered to me first, I all of a sudden had more time to do what I really wanted, which is to launch this podcast because I wanted to forge a deeper connection with you.

Speaker 1 Brick by brick, I laid a path with my actions. And now here I am.
And if I can do it, you can do it. And that's why step number three is critical.
Look for lights on the path.

Speaker 1 I looked for other people who had simpler business models and who were doing the fun things that I wanted to do. And I just let them light the way toward the future I wanted.

Speaker 1 I kept telling myself, if they can do it, I can do it. And if you don't have anyone in your life like that, someone that lights the way for you, let me be that person.

Speaker 1 Those little daily moves forward that I was making, trying to just be a little bit happier, moving toward the person I really wanted to become, it changes what you believe about yourself.

Speaker 1 Because doing the small things every single day, especially when you don't feel like it, it proves that you do have a choice about what you do and how you feel.

Speaker 1 And eventually, as you do the small things that make you feel better and better and better, you will feel better and better and better.

Speaker 1 And as you see yourself taking these little actions, you start seeing yourself taking control. And the momentum, the pride, and the confidence builds inside you.
That's what happened to me.

Speaker 1 And I know the same will be true for you.

Speaker 1 And I have proof that this works.

Speaker 1 In fact, just yesterday, I got an email from a woman named Danielle, and I couldn't believe it because in the email, she was writing to tell me that about a year ago, she stumbled upon that video that I made on my 52nd birthday.

Speaker 1 And what she had to say in the email was so profound, I couldn't believe it.

Speaker 1 So I reached out to her, I talked to her on the phone, and when we come back after a quick word word from our sponsors, I really want you to hear Danielle read that email that she wrote to me just yesterday.

Speaker 1 Because not only is it proof that these three simple steps work, I think it's going to truly inspire you.

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Speaker 1 So, yesterday, I got an email from a woman named Danielle. And in the email, she was writing to tell me that she had followed those same three steps in my 52nd birthday video and that they had worked.

Speaker 1 And over the course of the last year, she had turned her life around.

Speaker 1 Now, before you hear her read that email, I need to warn you, it might be triggering. Because Danielle was in a place way worse than I was when I was sad and lost.

Speaker 1 When she saw that video, she she was thinking about ending her life.

Speaker 3 Your birthday saved my life.

Speaker 3 The video made on your 52nd birthday was the first Mel video I had ever seen. And it was the last day

Speaker 3 of my life.

Speaker 3 Or it would have been.

Speaker 3 A couple years previously, I had made a pact with one of my best friends. that if either one of us were thinking about suicide, we would call

Speaker 3 one another

Speaker 3 and we would talk as long as we needed and at the end of the talk i had with him the night before he made me promise him that i would give my life 24 more hours

Speaker 3 because a day can change everything is what he said

Speaker 3 and the next day late afternoon waiting for night to come YouTube said I should watch your video.

Speaker 3 And I promised my friend 24 hours more, which I spent largely watching your videos.

Speaker 3 And I'm still here.

Speaker 3 You know, and it sounds a little bit even silly, but

Speaker 3 I remember at one point in the video when she just, you know, she got to the point where she had laid it all out there, how she feels and what's going on, that she said, so this is what I'm going to do.

Speaker 3 I'm going to go out and I'm going to buy myself some flowers. And I was like, okay, I get that.

Speaker 3 Like, you know, I mean, happiness isn't like a goal that like once you've completed all these things in your life that are wrong with it, then you're allowed to be happy.

Speaker 3 It's something that you actually have to try to do every day. And you can't just do this one little thing and that can make today better than it was.

Speaker 3 And

Speaker 3 that made that made the process of trying to get myself out of the hole that I felt like I was in seem like something I could actually do.

Speaker 3 Because I can go and do one thing today to make myself happier than I am right this minute.

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 1 I get goosebumps just listening to her. You know what's really cool? You can hear she harnessed her own power to change the course of her day.

Speaker 1 She laid just one brick and that brick, it got her to another day. It was the beginning of a brand new path, the first step in a new direction.

Speaker 1 It's the littlest things that make the biggest difference. I got myself flowers.
Danielle got herself ice cream. And that one action created a fresh start.

Speaker 1 See, doing the little things every single day that align with where you're going and who you want to become, that's the secret. It works.

Speaker 1 The bottom line is, you have the power to change your life, period. You have to act like the person you want to become before you feel like that person.
And if I can do it, you can do it.

Speaker 1 Plain and simple. There are things that are locked in your heart and your mind and soul that are calling to you.
Stop denying it. There are changes that you want to make.
Stop ignoring those changes.

Speaker 1 The whole point of this episode is to get you to not only believe that change is possible for you, but to start taking the steps to make the change a reality.

Speaker 1 I want you to claim what you want by the end of this episode. Close your eyes and envision something amazing in this next year of your life because yes, you can change.

Speaker 1 And yes, you can take the actions that will make that change a reality. I mean, is it going to happen overnight? Of course not, but it'll change over time.

Speaker 1 And if you can make today, just a little better, guess what?

Speaker 1 You can make tomorrow a little better. And if you can have a better day, then you can have a better week.
And if you can have a better week, you can have a better month.

Speaker 1 And those months lead ultimately down the path to the life that you envision for yourself.

Speaker 1 You deserve to be happy.

Speaker 1 And I believe that you're listening to this episode right now with Mel Robbins because you are meant to.

Speaker 1 I mean, think you could have picked a million other episodes, but you are on this one right now with me. Why?

Speaker 1 Because you're you're supposed to hear this at this exact moment in your life.

Speaker 1 You needed the reminder that there is something bigger that is meant for you.

Speaker 1 You got so much amazing stuff to do with this next year of your life. You got dreams to fulfill.
You got lives to change. Stop focusing your energy on the stupid crap that weighs you down.

Speaker 1 It does not matter. Your past does not matter.
The things that you're worried about, it doesn't matter.

Speaker 1 I know, I get it. It sucks when you get the courage to ask somebody out and they say no, or you work for months trying to close a massive sale and it goes to somebody else.

Speaker 1 And it's an awful feeling to wake up and have the depression be overwhelming. And you're not going to feel like kicking ass today.
You're going to feel like licking your woods. I got it.

Speaker 1 And here's what I'm going to tell you. Have a good cry, give yourself a hug, and then dig deep and let Mel Robbins remind you of who you are.

Speaker 1 There is power inside of you to face this and to make it better. And you know it.
In those moments when you feel like you just got punched in the gut, you have power within you.

Speaker 1 You have the ability to create this fresh start, to close your eyes, to envision what you want instead of surviving through what you have.

Speaker 1 On those mornings when you wake up with the weight of the world on your shoulders, wake up and get your ass out of bed. Get dressed.

Speaker 1 Get yourself out the door and do the things that make you feel slightly better. I get it.
You should have landed the funding. You did deserve the job.

Speaker 1 It does blow when you don't get into your dream school and your best friend does. But you know what?

Speaker 1 That's not going to stop you from getting what you want because you are going to pick yourself back up.

Speaker 1 You know that this is going to pass. You know that through your actions and your attitude, you can change where you're at.

Speaker 1 And you know that you can make yourself feel a little bit better no matter what you're facing. And you can't tell me otherwise.

Speaker 1 Every single day when you wake up, the clock resets, the past expires, and the future, it is yours to create. There is an open road.
There is a blank page.

Speaker 1 There is a wish that you need to turn into a reality.

Speaker 1 Today is a gift and you get to decide what you're going to do with that gift. Is it one day or day one?

Speaker 1 You decide.

Speaker 1 So go do it.

Speaker 1 This is not a thinking podcast. This is a doing podcast.
So here's what you're going to do.

Speaker 1 First of all, you got to bookmark or save this episode because the next time you feel a little kicked down, trust me, you're going to want a little Mel Robbins motivational magic in your life.

Speaker 1 I will remind you of who you are and the steps to get that power back. That's number one.
Number two, let's make a wish.

Speaker 1 As soon as this episode is over, you're going to create a voice memo from your future self. as if that wish that you have for this coming year has come true.
Here's what you're going to do.

Speaker 1 I want you to time travel ahead of year. Pretend you are in this life.
You've done the work to make your wish your reality.

Speaker 1 Now, turn on that voice memo and act like the future you

Speaker 1 and tell the person today,

Speaker 1 what's life like a year from now? Describe it in detail. What's your day look like? What are you doing? What have you changed? How proud of yourself are you?

Speaker 1 Just like I told you what I would go back and say to the 52-year-old Mel,

Speaker 1 I want the future future you to say, you're going to be so proud of yourself. Let me tell you where all this hard work this next year ends up.

Speaker 1 And finally,

Speaker 1 please,

Speaker 1 find the courage and the confidence that's within you. It's in there.
You were born with it.

Speaker 1 When you go to make that wish and you close your eyes and that fresh start effect takes hold, I want you to imagine something big.

Speaker 1 Don't hold yourself back.

Speaker 1 Really go for it.

Speaker 1 Because here's the deal. You've now got Mel Robbins as a friend.

Speaker 1 And I'm going to be not only a light on the path, I'm going to be here every single week, twice a week, as an essential part of you turning that wish into a reality.

Speaker 1 I'll bring the support, the encouragement, and I will certainly be celebrating you. as you do the work to make that dream come true.

Speaker 1 I want to make this fun and easy for both of us. I want you to feel connected as you're going after your goals.

Speaker 1 I want you to hold my hand as we go through the ups and downs of life because there is no avoiding the challenging moments. So how about we lock arms?

Speaker 1 Let's leave no one behind and let's do this thing called life together from the bottom of my heart.

Speaker 1 Thank you.

Speaker 1 This 54th birthday has already been the very best birthday of my entire life because of you. Thank you for your support.
Thank you for listening to this episode. Thank you for sharing the episode.

Speaker 1 And thank you on behalf of my team for having us debut at the top of almost every freaking chart around the world.

Speaker 1 And one final thing, in case no one else tells you today, I wanted to be sure to tell you that I love you and I believe in you and your ability to create a life you truly love.

Speaker 1 All right, now go blow out all those candles and make that wish come true.

Speaker 2 Stitcher.

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Speaker 1 Hey, it's your friend Mel. If you love the Mel Robbins podcast, you're going to love this.

Speaker 1 If you want to hear all the new episodes ad-free, subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts on Apple Podcasts or visit SiriusXM/slash podcast plus to start your free trial today.