Don’t Let Your Present Reality Define Your Future

Speaker 1 Live from the Ramsey Network, this is the Ramsey Show, where we help people build wealth, do work that they love, and create amazing relationships. I'm George Camill, joined by Dr.

Speaker 1 John Deloney, and we're taking your calls at 888-825-5225.

Speaker 1 two two five you jump in we'll talk about your life your money your relationships whatever is going on we're gonna put it out in front of everyone to help you take the right next step Jillian is gonna kick us off in the great city of Scranton Pennsylvania what's going on Jillian

Speaker 2 hi uh thanks for taking my call

Speaker 2 mine is not so much a money problem my parents sold our family farm to my two oldest sisters without telling me, without telling anybody, without a conversation. I found out accidentally.

Speaker 2 I'm just wondering, how do I deal with the lack of respect?

Speaker 3 Oh, man.

Speaker 3 What's the story?

Speaker 2 The farm has been in my family since 1852. It is totally my mother's farm.
I understand that. It is her choice to do with what she wants.
I don't have a problem with that.

Speaker 2 I'm happy it's staying in the family.

Speaker 3 I have a problem with it. I have a problem on your behalf.

Speaker 1 Sounds like she has a problem with you if she left you out of this.

Speaker 3 Why? Thank you.

Speaker 2 Thank you. Thank you.
Thank you. I didn't even have to say anything.

Speaker 3 You're welcome.

Speaker 3 If my mom just gave the kitchen table to my sister without at least letting me know, I'd at least be like, really? Right. I mean, like, that's a huge thing.

Speaker 1 You have a right to be upset. Yeah.

Speaker 3 Be upset. What? Yeah.

Speaker 2 I'm not even supposed to know. Here's the kicker.
I'm not supposed to know. There is no one who is supposed to know.
I found out. Let me rephrase that.
My son found out by accident. So

Speaker 2 I'm really not upset. I'm glad it's staying in the family.
I just, I'm upset because of the lack of conversation that she didn't trust me enough to have a conversation with her.

Speaker 3 That's it. So there's a

Speaker 3 you're right. Mom can do with mom's stuff whatever she wants to do.
And I'll also say this.

Speaker 3 I hear on this show nightmare after nightmare of parents who have land and they just leave it all to all to the kids, right? That's always a disaster too.

Speaker 2 Well, they have the money to to fund it. Now, my situate financial situation is different from my sisters.

Speaker 2 They have the money to take care of it, whereas my financial situation is a little bit different. So I completely understand, and I am not resentful of them for their wealth.

Speaker 2 I'm not resentful of my mother for hers. I'm very glad that they're going to take care of it.
I'm just upset that she didn't trust me enough to have a conversation.

Speaker 2 I don't ask her for money. I don't live with her.
I don't

Speaker 3 have to. Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on.
You don't have to qualify it.

Speaker 3 You don't have to go through a litany of reasons why you have permission to be heartbroken that your mom didn't even honor you enough with a conversation.

Speaker 2 Well, I know why she didn't, but she doesn't approve that I'm divorced. She does not approve of it at all.

Speaker 3 Oh, geez. Okay.

Speaker 3 What about your sister? Why didn't your sister sit down and say, hey, here's the deal?

Speaker 2 Same reason.

Speaker 2 They still have dinner with my ex-husband almost every other week.

Speaker 1 So you were excommunicated from the family post-divorce.

Speaker 3 That's a bigger thing going on. Yes, yes.

Speaker 2 You know that good old catholicism you know an annulment chink you know i was when i got divorced i didn't even care about an annulment my ex-husband went for the annulment and let's just say the the tribunal if you've ever been through an annulment or know anything about it it's not fun it's not pretty no but here's why

Speaker 3 this is this is bigger than the farm this is i mean your parents your family's still having a relationship with your ex-husband. So like there's a very real they chose him over you.

Speaker 2 Yes, yes, they did.

Speaker 3 Okay, so let's just stop there. Put a picture of that's where the pain is at.
You have a right to be upset and sad.

Speaker 2 You know what? I thought I was over because it was 10 years ago. I mean, the divorce.

Speaker 3 I don't want to go into the middle.

Speaker 2 The divorce was 10 years ago, and it wasn't pretty. I mean, he left.
I won't even go into it, but it was just a nasty. Yeah.

Speaker 3 Okay, let's put a period at the end of it. Let's don't go into it.
How can I help you today?

Speaker 2 No, I'm just, I just needed to know that I'm not.

Speaker 3 You're not crazy.

Speaker 2 No. And I'm not being gaslighted like it's not my own mind gaslighting me that I did something wrong here.

Speaker 3 I mean you might have but it was

Speaker 3 10 years ago and adults

Speaker 3 Regulated mature adults have hard conversations and if you're if your mother She's allowed to do what she wants to do with her money and if she feels in her soul that you violated some sort of moral contract that that so to the point that she's going to cut you out of 200 or 100 year old family property, fine.

Speaker 3 But yes, I agree with you that you're worth a conversation.

Speaker 3 Yeah, that's all I was asking. There's a cowardly aspect.
There's a cowardly aspect to I'm going to

Speaker 3 like,

Speaker 3 I'm going to do this thing, but then I'm not going to have the courage to

Speaker 3 be open and honest about my values. I'm going to do it under the table.

Speaker 2 Right. I mean, my sisters, I can understand.
We've never had the best relationship. So I understand where my sisters took a step back.
I totally understand that.

Speaker 3 I don't, but I'll trust you that you do. Here's the thing.

Speaker 3 All of this has happened.

Speaker 3 Period at the end of that sentence. The question that you have to answer is, what are you going to do now? And here's a hard truth I'm going to give you.

Speaker 3 Every second that you choose to dwell on this is a choice for you to be miserable in the present and in the future. This has happened.

Speaker 3 Right. And

Speaker 3 it's not cool, a betrayal, whatever words you want to say, all those are real. But then the big question is, what are you going to do now?

Speaker 2 Well, you know,

Speaker 2 I'm not upset for me, but I'm upset.

Speaker 3 Yes, you are.

Speaker 3 Yes, you are. And be okay.

Speaker 2 I'm upset for my daughter because she loves this property. She loves this land.
She moved in with...

Speaker 3 Is she not allowed to go on it?

Speaker 2 She is. In fact, she's living with my parents.
Right.

Speaker 2 My daughter and I had an argument. My parents took her in.

Speaker 3 Okay, so great. So let's, like, I don't think you're being honest.

Speaker 3 I don't think you're being honest with yourself. You are upset, and it's okay to be upset.

Speaker 3 And it may come a day when your

Speaker 3 sisters sell this to your daughter. That's a problem in the future

Speaker 3 that you have no control over. You have no control over it.
Let's just exhale and say,

Speaker 3 I've got, I can feel my feelings. I'm allowed to be sad.
And my daughter's living with my parents. I miss my daughter.

Speaker 3 Maybe you want to repair that relationship, et cetera, move on, on and on, whatever. But let's stop trafficking in the, here's the thing they did.

Speaker 3 Yes, what they did was not cool yeah i'm all about having values and i'm all about i'm all about putting a stick in the ground but an adult has a hard conversation if they're gonna do something um when it's related to values period okay right and since they chose not to i just i

Speaker 3 ride then like say nothing to them i mean i know but well what's it gonna what's it gonna solve They've already proven themselves what they think of you and your ability to have a conversation.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 3 I mean, so they, they've, behavior is is a language. You can clearly see what they think about your ability to have a hard conversation.
And you've been able to see their character.

Speaker 2 Correct. And I would say it's, I'm going to say it's my mother.
It's not my father. I think he would have had that hard conversation because he's not afraid to.
Is he still alive?

Speaker 3 He's very much one. Oh, yeah.
He's very much

Speaker 3 on the bottom. And he's not absolved of this either.

Speaker 2 No, but it was always in my mother's name. Like it was never

Speaker 2 she came into it.

Speaker 3 Both parents can choose to have a hard conversation. And if one person in a marriage is doing something that lacks integrity, the other person can say, well, I'm going to talk to my child.
Correct.

Speaker 1 He was an accomplice in this. Yeah, absolutely.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, he would have had to sign the papers.

Speaker 3 So all this to say is, yes, you have a right to have your feelings hurt.

Speaker 3 And the question all of us need to ask whenever we find ourselves in hard moments like this, especially when we find out things happened in the past, is,

Speaker 3 we're going to grieve it, and then we're going to ask ourselves, what are we going to do now i'm gonna tell you move to the future man stop dwelling on this because you're just gonna be miserable in the present this is the ramsey show

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Speaker 1 Welcome back to the Ramsey Show. I'm George Camill here with Dr.
John Deloney. Lexi is up next in New York City.
How can we help, Lexi?

Speaker 2 Hi, good afternoon. I was just calling because I've come to the realization that I've made a lot of really bad financial decisions.

Speaker 2 For a while, I was blaming my parents and being upset about it, but I feel like I should also take accountability.

Speaker 3 Yay! It's a big day.

Speaker 3 Yeah, welcome. Welcome to adulthood.
That's awesome. We're proud of you.

Speaker 2 Yes, so I just

Speaker 2 wanted to get some advice because I'm in a lot of debt and I've been working on paying them off, but I still feel like I'm kind of drowning.

Speaker 2 And my mom's currently asking me to help buy a house, and I don't know, like, I don't know.

Speaker 3 That's a hard house, but I just

Speaker 3 don't even know your financial situation and a hard no. Yeah.
How bad is it? How much do you owe?

Speaker 2 So I'm in about $230,000 worth of debts in

Speaker 2 student loans and then some credit card debt. I did pay off one credit card recently and I closed the account.
I got that advice from yourself

Speaker 2 that I'm just working on finishing paying off the other one.

Speaker 3 $230,000 in student loans?

Speaker 3 Are you a doctor?

Speaker 2 No, but that is what my dad wanted me to become. So he talked me into taking out the loans and staying in school.

Speaker 3 But what was the degree?

Speaker 1 And did you finish?

Speaker 2 Yes, I got two degrees. I got an undergrad in public health, and then I got a master's in health administration.

Speaker 1 Oh, geez. And are you working in that field?

Speaker 2 I'm currently working as a care coordinator. I make about $54K a year.

Speaker 3 Yeah, dude, you took out $230,000 for an MPH.

Speaker 3 I mean, what's the highest possible money you could make as a public health administrator?

Speaker 2 Probably like around $75 to $80K a year.

Speaker 3 Gosh.

Speaker 3 Oh, boy. Yeah.
Are these private schools?

Speaker 3 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 2 But the student loans are worth like the government.

Speaker 3 No, I know they are, but this is, this is a, are you a first-gen college student?

Speaker 2 Yes.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 3 So there's the, man, it's such a brutal trap where parents are like, no, no, no, no, no, no. My kid's going to go to this fancy school.

Speaker 1 Make me look good.

Speaker 3 And then they're going to, yeah, they're going to be the, they're going to carry.

Speaker 2 That's what my dad said, because I had realized that freshman year, and I was thinking, I don't know if that's a good idea. Yeah.

Speaker 2 But he seemed so excited about it that I got into a really nice school.

Speaker 3 And all the loans are in your name, right?

Speaker 2 Half of it is in my name, and the other half is in my mom's name.

Speaker 3 So the parent plus loan or what?

Speaker 1 Like, is she liable or are you?

Speaker 2 The parent plus loan.

Speaker 3 Yeah, but she's hitting you up for money to buy a house. And so

Speaker 3 she has no.

Speaker 2 Well, not money. She wants me to put my name down for it because I have pretty good credit.

Speaker 3 No. Oh, gosh.
Hey, listen,

Speaker 3 I say this with all love to your family. They have given you such horrific financial advice up till now.
You've got to stop listening to them. Okay?

Speaker 3 Like you've carried your dream as far as you can carry it because now this is your nightmare.

Speaker 3 If you told me you owed 230 grand and you were finishing up med school, you're finishing up nurse practitioner school, then I would be sad for you, but man, there's a path.

Speaker 3 This is going to be really tough.

Speaker 3 Because even tapping, I mean, the highest possible paying job you could get as a public health official with an MPH master's in public health, yeah, it's 75 or 85.

Speaker 2 So I have a master's in health administration, so I'm looking to go into like administration and hospital management.

Speaker 3 Yeah, but then the federal government just announced they're they're hacking all the NIH jobs and that's going to trickle down through administrative positions at hospitals.

Speaker 1 Okay. Yeah.
I mean you're living in New York City?

Speaker 1 Yes. How are you surviving making 50 grand with 230 in loans in New York City?

Speaker 2 Well, I'm currently renting out a bedroom and paying a monthly rent.

Speaker 1 I think you need to move to a lower cost living area. What's keeping you in New York City?

Speaker 2 My family.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 1 But what are they doing? I mean, just to see them and hang out with them?

Speaker 2 Sadiqa, because I also have a chronic illness, so I originally did want to move out when I started college and go to a different state.

Speaker 2 But my mother didn't think that was a good idea because she was worried that

Speaker 2 I'm taking care of myself pretty well now. I take care of my own self.
I all of my medical stuff. I make my own appointments, go to them.

Speaker 3 Okay. Pretty independent now.

Speaker 1 If that's the case, then I would move.

Speaker 3 I'd find a job.

Speaker 1 If you can make 54K in Idaho, you're going to have a better shot at paying off these student loans in your lifetime.

Speaker 1 But New York City is not the place.

Speaker 3 Here's the thing. You have run up against a hard truth, and this hard truth is math.

Speaker 3 And I know you want to honor your mom and dad by doing whatever they say and carry their dreams forward. I get that.
And I know that's a hard thing that George and I are asking you to do.

Speaker 3 And I know you want to stay in New York City. And I know that you want to make sure that you don't make your mom stressed out with her worrying and all this stuff.

Speaker 3 You have a math problem, a very serious math problem. And that is you owe the United States government $230,000 and you make $50,000 a year.

Speaker 3 It's just a math problem and it's catastrophic. It's really tough.

Speaker 3 And so you're going to have to get serious about where can I live where my cost of living is as low as humanly possible. And what job can I get?

Speaker 3 Can I find a rural hospital that will pay me $100,000 to be an administrator at a small hospital so that I can get to paying this stuff off? I mean, you're going to have to think very radically.

Speaker 3 And you might tell your parents, I'll be back in five years when these loans are gone. And God help you if

Speaker 3 you sign for a mortgage or something like like that. I mean, you just, you can't.
You can't afford that. You know what I mean?

Speaker 3 Have you started having to make payments yet?

Speaker 3 For the student loans? Uh-huh.

Speaker 2 Yes, I started making payments, I was on the SAFE program, but it seems like they're changing that.

Speaker 3 Yeah, they're changing every program.

Speaker 3 And we've been, and not to, you know, you don't know this, but we've been telling people for years, don't count on the federal government coming to your rescue on these loans because you never know what an administration is going to do.

Speaker 3 And then here we go. We've got a new administration that's cutting everything.
And so, yeah, man, geez. I'm sorry.

Speaker 1 What is your take-home pay every month?

Speaker 2 About $2,800 to $3,000.

Speaker 1 And what's your student loan payment every month?

Speaker 2 I was paying about like $100 a month on it, but then I had stopped.

Speaker 3 You know what that's going to do, right?

Speaker 1 Your $230,000 is going to turn into $300,000.

Speaker 3 Because the interest still keeps cooking.

Speaker 1 The interest is higher than what you're able to pay.

Speaker 2 They put it, I forgot the term, they had put it on

Speaker 2 like something they said like for me. You didn't have to pay at the moment because I guess they were figuring out everything as things were changing.

Speaker 1 Well, you got to find out what's actually going on there

Speaker 1 because the interest can still be growing. Even though it's like, hey, you don't need to pay, don't worry about it.
And the interest keeps growing while you sit there.

Speaker 1 And so that's the math for you to solve is I need to make the most money with the lowest living expenses possible.

Speaker 1 Because otherwise, even if you're able to pay a thousand bucks a month toward your debt, which I don't know you could even do, it would take you 20 years to pay off this debt.

Speaker 1 And that's if the balance didn't grow by a cent.

Speaker 1 Okay. And so you're going to have to debt snowball this thing, but I don't want it to take 20 years.
I think Lexi has a lot of likes.

Speaker 3 That's what I've been doing.

Speaker 2 With the credit cards, I've paid one off already.

Speaker 1 How many more do you have?

Speaker 2 I just have one credit card left, and there's $1,400

Speaker 2 to pay on it.

Speaker 1 And then what's your next smallest balance if you split up all the loans?

Speaker 2 No, that's it. And then the next thing I would have to tackle is just paying off the student loans.
That's the only credit card I have left.

Speaker 1 I don't have any. Yeah, what's the smallest loan balance you have out of all the loans? I'm guessing they're split up amongst many loans.

Speaker 2 Oh, no, I consolidated them.

Speaker 3 Oh, no.

Speaker 3 Oh,

Speaker 2 okay. Because I had talked with another financial advisor one day.

Speaker 1 I think you need to stop talking to people.

Speaker 3 Stop talking to people. Stop talking to people.

Speaker 2 And he had said it would be best to consolidate it all together instead of seeing your disappointment.

Speaker 3 Yeah, you got bad advice. I'm sorry.
When two knuckleheads on a podcast that you don't even know are the only ones speaking truth to you, I'm sorry.

Speaker 1 I hate this for you.

Speaker 3 You're going to have to go find some more jobs and you're going to have to get radical about it. And you're going to have to work multiple jobs.
And there's, I mean, there's only one way to do this.

Speaker 3 You can't cut anything from your life. You're going to have to just make more money.

Speaker 1 And if the debt's not in your name, I would not be worried about it right now. If it's in mom's name, worry about that later.

Speaker 3 Focus on the ones that are in your name.

Speaker 1 It sounds like that could have happened. Hang on the line, Lexi.
I'm going to send you a copy of my book, Breaking Free from Broke.

Speaker 1 I hope it gives you some encouragement along what might be a long journey.

Speaker 3 Parents

Speaker 3 asking your kids to mortgage your dreams.

Speaker 3 Statistics show that half of Americans don't have enough life insurance or they don't have any at all. I don't understand this, John.
Why don't people want to take care of their family?

Speaker 3 They think they're not going to die or something. Well, I used to be one of those guys.
I didn't even think about it.

Speaker 3 And one of my buddies said, hey, the only reason to not have life insurance is if you hate your wife and kids. And I immediately went and got term life insurance.
That's a gut punch.

Speaker 3 For decades, Dave, I've sat across people who've lost a spouse. They've lost somebody important to them.
Me too. They don't know what to do next.

Speaker 3 You're going to have a crisis here. You know, you got two options while you're sitting and talking to a young widow.

Speaker 3 She's concerned about how she's going to invest all this money properly and not mess this up, or she's concerned about how she's going to eat tomorrow. That's exactly these are the two options.

Speaker 3 It's saying I love you to your family, term life insurance. Jeff Zander and the team at Zander Insurance makes it easy and affordable.
I've used them personally for 25 years.

Speaker 3 They're the only people I trust. Go to zander.com or call 800-356-4282.

Speaker 3 This is the Ramsey Show, 888-825-5225. I'm John Deloney, joined by George Camill.
Listen,

Speaker 3 Dave Ramsey and I are going on the road. And it is going to be as though my show and the Ramsey Show had a kid without an edit button.
That's going to be amazing, dude.

Speaker 3 We're going to be on stage together talking about money and relationships, everything from

Speaker 3 what's going on with our kids these days and how to raise good kids, how to handle money the right way, how to deal with all the changes that are going economically in the 21st century with money, with family, with kids, with marriages, how to make friends, all of this.

Speaker 3 We're going to be talking about everything. So, we're going to be in Louisville on April 21st.

Speaker 3 We're going to be in Durham on April 23rd, Atlanta in the beautiful Fox Theater on April 25th, Phoenix, May 5th, Fort Worth, Yeehaw, my Texas brethren need to come out. It's going to be 7th.

Speaker 3 And Kansas City,

Speaker 3 we got to right the wrongs that happened in Philadelphia a few months ago, and Dave and I are committed to doing that. We're going to be in Kansas City on May 9th.

Speaker 3 So go to ramseysolutions.com/slash tour. Or if you're checking this out on podcast or YouTube, you can click the link in the show notes.
It's going to be wheels off. I cannot wait.
Pump for it.

Speaker 1 Let's go to the phones. Jared joins us in Brunswick, Georgia.
Up next. Welcome to the Ramsey Show.
Jared, how can we help?

Speaker 2 Hey, y'all. Huge fan of the show.
First off, just wanted to say that. Thanks, man.

Speaker 3 I had a quick question.

Speaker 2 Yeah, of course.

Speaker 2 I had a quick question about

Speaker 2 a situation that I'm in with a car dealership. They sold me a vehicle that the state has now rejected the title on.
And so they did a little bit of digging for me.

Speaker 2 And they figured out that the guy who owned the truck before me, he did not put the right mileage down on

Speaker 2 when he went to the DMV.

Speaker 2 The mileage didn't match up with what the state was seeing on their end, so they rejected the title.

Speaker 3 That is not your problem. That's the car dealership's problem.

Speaker 2 That's what I figured. And so my question today was: they've kind of been trying to give me the run around, and I've been calling them.
And

Speaker 2 I'm kind of just wondering when I need to put my foot down and say, like, all right, well, yesterday.

Speaker 3 Yeah, yesterday, but today. Yesterday.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Well, you need to have the title cleared. And so have you talked to the DMV or the title office to understand what needs to be done to clear the title?

Speaker 2 Yes, sir. So they need a wet signature from the guy who owned the vehicle last, and Toyota has told me they can't get in touch with him because he's military.

Speaker 3 Hold on. But this is Toyota's problem.

Speaker 3 I would get an attorney, and

Speaker 3 I would drive the car back to the dealership and say, you can give me another car that's exactly the same as this one.

Speaker 3 You can refund my money, or my attorney is going to call you because you sold me a fraudulent car, period. That is their job

Speaker 3 to go get the title.

Speaker 1 And they can get in touch with him. It's not going to take a pigeon carrying a piece of mail to get in touch with this guy.
That's right.

Speaker 1 They have all the information when they sell a car from this guy, and they can get in touch with him, and they need to.

Speaker 3 But it's their job to track him down, not yours.

Speaker 2 Okay, great. Well, that answers my question then, because really I was just trying to figure out if I needed to get an attorney and

Speaker 3 get everything straightened out. Yes.
And I would go.

Speaker 3 I like to,

Speaker 3 I mean, before I'm going to sue somebody, I want to make sure I've given somebody an opportunity to do right. And so I would go back to the dealership.
Was this a new car?

Speaker 3 No, I'm sorry. It wasn't.
It was a used car. Okay.

Speaker 1 My question is, can you go to the DMV and request a corrected title?

Speaker 3 Not without his signature. Is that right?

Speaker 2 Not without the wet signature.

Speaker 1 So you need that lean release. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah. That's right.
Yes, sir.

Speaker 3 Well, actually, the dealership needs that.

Speaker 3 Yes, sir. That's right.

Speaker 1 They essentially illegally sold you a car. That's right.

Speaker 3 Okay.

Speaker 2 That's good to know because that gives me a lot of time.

Speaker 1 If I'm in your shoes, like, again, we're not lawyers, but I would contact one and go, hey, we need to put some heat on this to get this done because right now you can't even drive the vehicle.

Speaker 2 That's right. Yes, sir.

Speaker 1 So do you need to get to and from work? What's your situation right now?

Speaker 2 Well, I have a workshop that my company lets me drive.

Speaker 3 Okay.

Speaker 3 Well,

Speaker 3 I would take it to the dealership today, and I would say, here's what's going to happen. You're going to give me a new car right now, and y'all are going to deal with this.

Speaker 3 You're going to refund my entire purchase price,

Speaker 3 title, and license, and everything. And we're going to shake hands and pretend this never happened.

Speaker 3 Or I'm going to get my attorney and I'm going to sue you for the cost of this car plus

Speaker 3 because you sold me an illegal car.

Speaker 2 Okay. Can I follow up with another small question?

Speaker 3 Yeah, sure.

Speaker 2 So I know y'all are going to kick me for this, but I did finance it.

Speaker 3 Of course you did.

Speaker 2 We're done with those ways.

Speaker 2 I've been married for 10 10 months now, and we're completely debt-free, and we decided to get serious.

Speaker 3 So, thank you

Speaker 2 for the motivation for sale. Absolutely.
Okay. Yes, sir.

Speaker 3 So, maybe this is it. Maybe this is your gift.

Speaker 3 I guarantee you they're going to figure out a way to get you another car,

Speaker 3 and maybe they're going to give you a 30-day loaner while they figure this out.

Speaker 3 Right. But

Speaker 1 the silver lining is you're not paying payments on a car that you can't drive.

Speaker 2 That's right. That's right.

Speaker 3 A lender doesn't get a rent.

Speaker 3 How old are you?

Speaker 2 Yes, sir.

Speaker 3 I'm 26. Okay.
This is, I'm saying this not as like looking down at you. I'm saying this as

Speaker 3 I've been in your seat before, okay? This is one of those

Speaker 3 adult conversations. This is one of those like grown man conversations that you never thought you were going to have.
And here, here they are, right?

Speaker 3 Not by your hand, but in your lap. But somebody did you wrong.
And so I'm going to show up there and I'm going to go get this thing taken care of. So well done, man.
Thanks for the call.

Speaker 3 But I would definitely call a licensed attorney and have one in your pocket. For they're going to give you the runaround.

Speaker 3 They're going to look at you and say, oh, he's 26, and we're going to him haul and whatever. Here's what's going to happen today.

Speaker 3 I leave here with a new car, a fully refunded TTNL, and you keep the keys to this illegal car that you sold me, or I'm going to sue you.

Speaker 3 And I have, because I've got to have a car to get to and from around my neighborhood. So there you go.
Man, that sucks. Sorry that happened, man.
That's a bummer, dude.

Speaker 1 Let's head out to one of John Deloney's favorite places, Fort Worth, Texas. Allie joins us there.
What's going on, Allie?

Speaker 2 Hey, how are you guys doing?

Speaker 3 Doing great.

Speaker 2 I had a question, and I've got the perfect people for this.

Speaker 2 What is the long-term effect of pausing retirement to pay off debt?

Speaker 3 You become debt-free faster, so everything in your life gets better? I know it's not what you're asking, but...

Speaker 1 Yeah, so you're saying that the downside of him losing out on my 4% match I was getting for two years,

Speaker 1 what happens with that money?

Speaker 2 Right. And I mean, we're fairly young.
So I'm 31 and my husband's 30. So we still have a long way to go before we even retire.

Speaker 3 How much debt do you have? I know, Beth.

Speaker 2 So we have 20,000 in my car. We've got 32 in my husband's truck.
I know they weren't the smartest purchases, but we're fixing it now.

Speaker 2 I do have $10,000 in student loans, but my grandmother is actually

Speaker 2 going to pay that off this week for me. So it was a huge gift.
Yeah, I know. I'm so grateful.

Speaker 3 What else? I put in,

Speaker 2 well, my mortgage as well.

Speaker 1 Okay, but you just have the car loan and the truck loan.

Speaker 2 Correct.

Speaker 1 So how about this? If we're going to talk about, I don't want to miss out on investing, why don't you just sell the truck and the car today and invest the payment you were making?

Speaker 2 So that is something we talked about.

Speaker 2 When I looked at the different debt snowballs, just to look at all of our options, we're newer to ramsey awesome um

Speaker 2 if we pause my retirement and my husband's retirement that opens up another one thousand dollars in our debt snowball ding ding already at which is already at fifteen fifty so really that debt snowball is twenty five fifty

Speaker 2 um my car would be paid off november of twenty twenty five the truck would be paid off by august of twenty twenty worst case scenario okay

Speaker 1 so we're not talking about a long time if you paused investing

Speaker 3 No. You're talking about a little over a year.

Speaker 3 Correct. Okay.

Speaker 1 So you're talking about essentially your match, whatever you're investing now, that thousand bucks a month that you guys were investing. So 12 grand a year, essentially.

Speaker 1 You'd miss out on 12 grand of compound growth in your accounts.

Speaker 1 But how much are you investing right now? What percentage of your income?

Speaker 2 So mine is about eight. My husband's is about, it's either six or eight.
I can't remember, but I'm not vested.

Speaker 1 I wouldn't be vested until after we paid off both of the cars anyway okay my husband my husband's vested up to about four percent here's here's the good news you guys are going to double your investing rate and so missing out on the thousand bucks a month is not going to make a dent when you guys are doubling that for the rest of your life from 32 to 65.

Speaker 3 and if you want to talk about what you're missing out on you're paying off the next two years depreciating assets that's what you're trading and if i'm in your shoes i just if you want to get to investing that bad sell the car sell the truck buy something reasonable in cash.

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Speaker 1 Welcome back to the Ramsey Show. Christina is up next in Raleigh, North Carolina.
Christina, welcome to the show. How can we help?

Speaker 2 Hi, Dr. John and Mr.
George. How are you guys today?

Speaker 3 So good.

Speaker 1 What's going on with you?

Speaker 2 Yes. To keep it quick, I am stuck in an auto loan that I'm trying to get rid of.
I'm 25 years old.

Speaker 2 I really want to be debt-free in the next couple of years, and I just don't know what to do, to say the least.

Speaker 2 I have no financial literacy, no financial strong background.

Speaker 2 I was silly for getting involved with this car. Now that I found you guys a few months ago, and now I realize how silly I've been with my money, and I just want to be better.

Speaker 2 I really just want to be better.

Speaker 3 Hey, Christina, can we we tell you, George and I have both been there, and we're so proud of you, dude. Welcome to the cult.

Speaker 1 And to learn this at 25 is such a gift. So don't feel like it's too late.
You're right where you need to be.

Speaker 3 Awesome. Welcome to the game.

Speaker 1 We'll help with it all. We'll help you with the financial literacy.
We'll help you get out of this debt. And you are the solution.
And the fact that you're calling tells me you know that now.

Speaker 1 So how much debt do you have?

Speaker 2 I have $88,102.

Speaker 1 I like the exact numbers here. Now, you said you have an auto loan.
How much is that out of the 88?

Speaker 2 So I actually have two auto loans. One was repossessed, and that was

Speaker 2 $24,800, yes. And then the one that I currently have, on my recruitment report, it says $24,102.

Speaker 2 But on the actual statement balance in my account, it says $22,142 that I still owe. I don't know the difference in that.

Speaker 3 Okay.

Speaker 1 So you have almost $25 on one, 22 on the other. That's 47.
What's the other 41?

Speaker 2 So I have 37,809 on student loans, and then collections, 1,170, and then credit cards is $671.

Speaker 3 Okay.

Speaker 1 We can do this. How much do you make?

Speaker 2 Last year, based off the taxes, I made $31,000. I do have another job, and so I calculated that I make about $52,000 if I remain how I am this coming year.

Speaker 1 Okay. What's your degree in?

Speaker 2 I have an associate's in criminal justice technology and I'm currently pursuing a bachelor's in forensic psychology and I'll graduate next spring.

Speaker 3 What are you going to do with that job?

Speaker 2 So my main goal is to my main goal is to be a youth advocate. So right now I just applied for a state position to be a juvenile officer slash counselor.

Speaker 2 I'll come in making making about 40 based off of my current experience in education. When I graduate, that bumps me up to closer to the 50,000 range.

Speaker 3 But you're making more than that now.

Speaker 2 Yes, but I do have to cut back necessarily on the hours given that I do do work in my ministry. And so what I'm finding is that I'm a little too busy.

Speaker 2 for God, and I really want him to be my focus, but I also just want to be debt-free. So I don't know how the balance works with that.

Speaker 1 Well, the balance is ministry is a luxury when you're broke.

Speaker 3 Yeah. Yeah.
Or more importantly, ministry, you made a bunch of decisions for the last four or five years

Speaker 3 that are going to prohibit you from doing what you want to do or really feel called to do.

Speaker 3 If you don't owe anybody anything and you want to go live a life of poverty in order to serve the least of these, I'm all about that all day, every day.

Speaker 3 But you made decisions beforehand now and you've set yourself up to where you don't get to decide what you do next. You don't get to decide to follow God's call.
You got to pay the bankers back.

Speaker 3 You get what I'm saying?

Speaker 3 Yes, sir. And so it's a bummer and I'm heartbroken for you.
And I've met students like you who are so, their hearts are bigger than the state of Texas. And we need more people like you.

Speaker 3 And that's why.

Speaker 3 I really want you to buckle down for the next two years and get all this madness out of your life so you can go do what I think you're called to do, which is just sit with hurting people and help them improve their life, right?

Speaker 3 Yes, sir. All right.
Are you in?

Speaker 3 Yes, sir. All right, because here's what's going to happen.

Speaker 3 You're going to get this forensic psychology degree, and in your last semester, everybody around you is going to start talking about going to grad school.

Speaker 3 And then you're going to have a teacher who brings you in. They're like, hey, we see something special in you.
We want you to go to grad school. And it's only $85,000 to get a master's in social work.

Speaker 3 And you'll make a bajillion dollars more.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And

Speaker 3 you'll make $60,000, right? And so you're going to have to hold the line for the next two years. Okay.

Speaker 2 Yes, sir.

Speaker 3 Are you in?

Speaker 3 Yes, sir. Okay.
All right. Awesome.

Speaker 1 Now, the main thing we need to get out of is this car.

Speaker 1 You said you're stuck in it. What does that mean? Why can't you sell it?

Speaker 2 Okay. So, um, I've been listening to you guys for a few months.
So, I try to do the steps, like, googling, like, Kelly Blue Book. And so, um,

Speaker 2 my car is worth $8,400.

Speaker 2 And, um, when I called my bank, so I just got my tax refund, and I used a lump sum of that to catch up on my payments. And when I looked at my uh statement, I noticed that the money didn't move.

Speaker 2 So, I called them personally, and they said, well, every day that you're late is interest added and my interest is already 23 percent

Speaker 2 and

Speaker 3 yeah so what was the original loan you took out for this car

Speaker 2 um it was originally i believe to the 24 or 24 000.

Speaker 1 okay and you're telling me the car is only worth eight thousand dollars now

Speaker 3 yes sir and i did every is that private party yeah because you had a repo on there and so you had to go to a you had to go to a shark to get get get a new car yeah did you roll a bunch of negative equity into this

Speaker 2 um well the repo, I didn't have anything. I kind of just went in and

Speaker 2 my brother helped me co-sign, and we just got that card straight out from the beginning. So the repossession had nothing to do with this car per se.

Speaker 2 I mean, it hurt my credit, hence me meaning my brother.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but why would a car depreciate that much in value in that short of a time? I don't understand how it's only worth eight grand.

Speaker 2 I have no idea.

Speaker 2 I put in my VIN number direct, so that way they can go pull up the whole entire history.

Speaker 1 And you did private party value, not trade-in?

Speaker 3 Yes, sir. Did you go to a local Toyota dealership or did you go to like Bob's auto lot?

Speaker 3 Like tote the note, no credit needed?

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 2 Oh, no. It wasn't a buy here, pay here kind of situation.

Speaker 2 It was like a regular

Speaker 2 car dealership, but they help people that aren't like financially there.

Speaker 3 So it wasn't like the main brand. They don't help you.
They prey on you.

Speaker 1 Gigantic quotes around help.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 3 They sold you a car for three times what it was worth. Yeah.

Speaker 3 And they prey on people who are desperate for a vehicle.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 3 I'm sorry they did that to you. It's wrong, and it's unethical, and I hate that for you.
And your name's on the note.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And then you still owe the 25 grand on the repo with no asset to show for it.

Speaker 2 Yes, sir. And I try to contact the company, but they continue to send me to another line that just cuts out.

Speaker 2 And so I tried to talk to management and all that, but no one can give me a direct answer if I can start doing monthly pay so I can get that down or get that out. So I don't even know how to do it.

Speaker 3 Have you been sued yet for it?

Speaker 2 No, sir. I did get a letter in the mail saying that they did sell it.

Speaker 3 Okay.

Speaker 2 And that's it.

Speaker 3 What's the difference you owe?

Speaker 2 I think it was still like 20 because it was a total vehicle that they were repossessed. So it wasn't that much of a difference.
But on my credit report, it still shows a full 24 loan.

Speaker 3 Well, what happens usually is they repo your car and let's say it's worth 20 and they'll go sell it for 10 and you're responsible for that gap.

Speaker 1 That's why I'm confused why this amount is so high. If they had sold the car.

Speaker 3 The only way if you bought a $50,000 car and they sold it for $25,000 at auction just to get it off their hands. You'd owe the difference.
You'd owe the difference.

Speaker 1 So you need to do some homework and find out what that car actually sold for and verify this. Otherwise, you dispute it and get it off your credit report.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 Until somebody will be honest with you, I would dispute it. You can send a letter to your credit report saying I'm disputing this charge because it's not factual.

Speaker 1 And they'll have to prove the debt.

Speaker 3 Yeah, they've got to prove. They've got to show a bill of sale for what they sold that car for, and then you're responsible for the difference.

Speaker 1 Yes, sir. But let's pretend in this scenario, you owe all the money.
All 88 is owed. There's no way to get out of this.
You're going to need to go increase your income by about double.

Speaker 1 Because here's the deal. I want you dead-free in two years.
Would you agree?

Speaker 2 Yes, sir. That's my plan, too.

Speaker 1 That means you need to throw $44,000 of this debt every single year.

Speaker 1 Okay. That looks like close to $4,000 a month.
You need to be throwing at this debt. You're not even making $4,000 a month right now.
Do you see the gap in the math? Yes, sir.

Speaker 1 So we need to get your expenses down as low as possible to where you're just able to survive, but we're not doing anything else. I don't care if you have three roommates and four jobs.

Speaker 1 I would rather see you debt-free in two years than hang on to this debt for the next decade. And so it's going to be a lot of hard work, Christina.
I hope the financial literacy helps.

Speaker 1 I'm going to send you my book, Breaking Free from Broke. It's going to come with three months of Every Dollar Premium to help you with budgeting and making every dollar count.

Speaker 1 And that's what you need to do for the next two, three years while you fight these debts.

Speaker 3 We're also going to send you Financial Peace University. So give you a step-by-step plan that will help you out as well.
We're on your team. You call us anytime.
Welcome to the gang.

Speaker 3 We're going to get you cleared up, okay?

Speaker 1 That puts this hour of the Ramsey Show in the books. Thank you to all the folks in the booth, to my co-host, Dr.
John Deloney, and you, America. We'll be back before you know it.

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Speaker 1 From the Ramsey Network, this is the Ramsey Show, where we help people build wealth, do work that they love, and create amazing relationships.

Speaker 1 I'm George Camill, Campbell, joined by number one best-selling author, Dr. John Deloney, and we're taking your calls at 888-825-5225.
Marlis is in Seattle, Washington to kick us off this hour.

Speaker 1 What's going on, Marlus?

Speaker 2 Hi, Dr.

Speaker 2 Well, I've got a bit of a, it's a bit of a financial and a bit of a personal question.

Speaker 2 My husband and I entered into our marriage in 2017 and each came into our marriage with separate assets and I had a greater net worth than he did.

Speaker 2 And we did sign a prenup that said that our separate assets would remain separate.

Speaker 2 After our marriage, we moved into my home, which I can own separately, and it's been our primary residence since.

Speaker 2 And it has greatly increased in value. He's recently requested an amendment to our prenup that gives him an equitable stake in my home, which is at this time my greatest asset, and

Speaker 2 has

Speaker 2 without

Speaker 2 splitting hairs basically said that he's not going to contribute to housing costs anymore or cost of living here as long as I'm not contributing any portion of the equity over to him.

Speaker 2 And so I'm kind of at a loss as what to do financially as I still have the greater net worth.

Speaker 2 And I don't know what other married persons do in this kind of situation where

Speaker 2 he's not,

Speaker 2 I don't feel that he's completely out of line since we are married and we do reside here, but we had an agreement and now he's feeling differently about it. So

Speaker 3 he's throwing a grown-up temper tantra.

Speaker 3 He's throwing an absolute grown-up temper tantra.

Speaker 3 He's being a child.

Speaker 3 I'm going to take my ball and go home if you don't do what I say.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 3 That's not how marriages work. Marriages celebrate each other when

Speaker 3 two people are... Let's take the home equity off the table.
When

Speaker 3 I'm a writer, part of my job at Ramsey's writing. My wife also writes.
She writes historical fiction. It's never going to sell.
There's not a market that would be the same as

Speaker 3 a book on anxiety, right?

Speaker 3 When my book does really well, she cheers. for her husband.
And in her world, her book did pretty good. It did really good.
And I celebrated her. I didn't demand, hey, by the way,

Speaker 3 you sold more than we thought. So you owe me a piece.
That's not how that works.

Speaker 3 I can't imagine this happening. There's not other things going on in your marriage.

Speaker 2 There's truly not. It really boils down to just this one financial issue.
We have three kids together. Other than this, we're mostly happily married other than trivial things here and there.

Speaker 2 When this got brought up, I was a bit blindsided by it, to be honest.

Speaker 2 Do you have a mortgage?

Speaker 3 I do, yeah.

Speaker 1 How do you guys cover the mortgage?

Speaker 2 The mortgage is $4,150 a month, and he contributes $1,600 of that. So I still pay the greater share.

Speaker 1 But he has no stake in this house.

Speaker 2 He doesn't. No, it's just was more when we When we initially moved in together, he was paying X amount in rent somewhere else, right? And And we decided to cohabitate shortly before our marriage.

Speaker 2 And he brought that money that he was paying in rent over as a contribution to this house.

Speaker 1 But essentially, he's renting a house from his wife. Yeah.
So I'm trying to play devil's advocate to see his side.

Speaker 1 And I'm going, yeah, I think I'd be a little bit ticked if I was paying my wife rent, but I have no stake in the equity of this house. It's not in my name.
It's not part of my wealth building journey.

Speaker 1 I want to go buy my own house and build some wealth then.

Speaker 1 Do you see his side?

Speaker 2 I do. I do.
And that's actually the exact phrasing that he uses. And

Speaker 2 I do see that, but I also see it as no matter where you live, you're going to pay for housing unless you own it free and clear.

Speaker 2 You're going to pay for housing no matter where you live. So I do understand that.
But he does own his separate real estate. So he bought a piece of property.

Speaker 2 He owns separately. He's renting it out.
In addition, I assisted him in buying a property in 2021. So it's an additional investment property.

Speaker 3 What do you mean?

Speaker 2 I used my income and credit to help bolster the deal. If he tried to buy it by himself, when he already had the other property, so what's the split on that one?

Speaker 3 Purchase it.

Speaker 2 I get none of it. It's against my credit, but I don't get any of it.
And it is a net positive property.

Speaker 1 You guys have created a real complicated complicated financial situation.

Speaker 3 So y'all came in and y'all said, hey, have both of y'all been through divorces where y'all got burned?

Speaker 2 I have not been married, but I have and I haven't been burned.

Speaker 2 But I've been through some a difficult separation where someone tried to, again, take advantage of me financially just because we were together for so long.

Speaker 3 Okay. So here's the deal.
Y'all signed a prenup that says, hey, what I'm coming into this marriage with, I'm going to keep. What you're coming into this marriage, you're going to keep.
Okay.

Speaker 2 And it specifically stated it didn't stop us from ever having joint property together in the future. Just what's mine is mine, entering, what's his, is his.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but you don't own the house free and clear. And so therefore, I would say in that prenup, here's the equity that I came in with.

Speaker 1 Now every equity dollar that we build together, you're going to have a stake in. That would be more fair to him, don't you think?

Speaker 2 I think that's a great suggestion.

Speaker 3 So I think there's a compromise.

Speaker 2 That's exactly what I was hoping from in this call.

Speaker 3 Well,

Speaker 3 I want to go one step deeper, though. I'm telling you right now, as somebody who works with married couples, your language is unnerving to me.
And here's why. Y'all are not building a thing together.

Speaker 3 You're talking as business partners do. In fact, you're not even talking as business partners do because business partners even talk about ours.

Speaker 3 You're talking about my income and his income and his house and my house. My house and his house and he pays for my house.
That kind of language, I'm going to revise what I said.

Speaker 3 I don't think he's being a child. I think he's realizing how completely exposed he is.
And like George said, he's paying rent to his wife.

Speaker 3 Y'all need to share a single checking account and y'all pay for the mortgage every month.

Speaker 2 Yeah, we don't. We file taxes separately.

Speaker 2 He has a business. He files that separately.
I don't see anything with it. We have separate checking accounts.
Everything is separate.

Speaker 1 Why did you guys get married? It seems like you want to keep your lives separate.

Speaker 2 No, no, we're great friends. We enjoy doing everything together.
We enjoy our family together, our off-time together. We enjoy each other.
But financially, I think it

Speaker 2 and it may have been more me because I have had someone try to take advantage of me financially, but I really try to protect my finances.

Speaker 3 And so I think he's calling that out.

Speaker 3 The data tells me that couples that share a checking account build wealth, greater wealth over time, period.

Speaker 3 It also shows that couples that share a checking account, quote unquote, may be more exposed, but that's marriage. It's both of us with both feet in the same boat.

Speaker 3 And the reality is when you marry somebody, they can hurt you.

Speaker 3 And they choose every day to love you. And that's the way this thing works.
And so

Speaker 3 if there's great wealth inequality when someone's getting married, then I'm okay with the prenup. And

Speaker 3 I've even come around with some different ideas on a prenup. That's for a whole nother call.

Speaker 3 But I'm telling you right now, you guys have got to begin to be on the same page and sharing money and filing jointly together. Otherwise, you're just great business partners who share a house.

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Speaker 1 This is the Ramsey Show. I'm George, joined by Dr.
John. The number to call is triple-8-825-5225.
Eric is in Atlanta, Georgia, coming up next. What's going on, Eric?

Speaker 2 How are you guys doing today?

Speaker 3 Doing great. How can we help?

Speaker 2 Okay,

Speaker 2 so my daughter

Speaker 2 purchased a home, it's probably last year

Speaker 2 with the understanding that in three years she would leave the house to me and her mom once she's got a new position on her job. Well,

Speaker 2 it it come up a little

Speaker 2 sooner than we thought.

Speaker 2 So she's wanting to leave the house to meet me and her mom, but we can't afford the

Speaker 2 the mortgage.

Speaker 2 So she was wanting to put $50,000 to $70,000 down

Speaker 2 on the house and get the mortgage lower so we could afford it. But she was told since she has a FHA loan that she could not

Speaker 2 put that much down and get the payments lower.

Speaker 2 So her next option would be to sell the home and to give us the 50 to 70,000 to put down on us a home. But our

Speaker 2 credit is not up to par yet. So, what do you suggest?

Speaker 1 It sounds like you guys can't afford to live there. Why doesn't you just sell it and you guys go live somewhere you can afford?

Speaker 2 That's what we were thinking.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I don't see it.

Speaker 1 It sounds like this deal sounded nice and now reality is hit. And the math is, she's going to gift you $70,000 to prop up your life in this house?

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 1 Why would she just gift you $70,000 just out of generosity?

Speaker 3 Yes, yes.

Speaker 1 Is she unbelievably wealthy?

Speaker 2 She makes pretty good money. She's not there where she wants to be yet, but she makes pretty good money.

Speaker 1 But where is she going to go?

Speaker 2 She was going, she's

Speaker 2 moving out of state, and she was going to rent an apartment.

Speaker 1 But doesn't that cripple her ability to buy a house in the future if she gives up $70,000? That would have been a down payment?

Speaker 1 Yes. I just, yeah, I don't see a world where this works out, or she's not resentful, or doesn't hurt her financial future.
I would rather you guys live where you can afford to live.

Speaker 1 What is your rent right now?

Speaker 2 The mortgage is like

Speaker 2 $2,700.

Speaker 1 Where you're at right now?

Speaker 2 Yes.

Speaker 1 Okay, And what's her mortgage?

Speaker 2 Well, no, we all stand up together.

Speaker 3 Oh, you live there? She was going to leave. Yes, yes.
Oh, okay.

Speaker 1 So she sells, you got to move out and live somewhere.

Speaker 1 Right. What's your household income?

Speaker 2 We probably make $68,000.

Speaker 3 Okay.

Speaker 1 So could you find a place to live that's, let's say, $1,500 a month?

Speaker 2 Yeah, we could. I mean, it'd be a stretch, but yeah, I think we could.

Speaker 3 I'll tell you what's a stretch.

Speaker 1 Becoming a homeowner when you're broke and can't afford the property taxes, the insurance, the maintenance, the rising costs of all of that over time, plus the mortgage.

Speaker 3 That's tough. Right.

Speaker 2 That's what we was thinking as well.

Speaker 3 Because here's the thing, Eric.

Speaker 1 I don't want you calling back a year from now and you go, man, we can't afford this house.

Speaker 1 We got into it with my daughter trying to front some money to get the mortgage lower, but it's just too expensive for us. And now we're stuck with it.
What do we do? That's the future.

Speaker 2 Right.

Speaker 1 Do you guys have any money right now saved up?

Speaker 2 No, we don't.

Speaker 1 Do you have any debt?

Speaker 2 We have probably $15,000 in debt.

Speaker 3 Okay.

Speaker 1 I would focus on getting a financial foundation for yourselves by getting rid of the debt, getting a fully funded emergency fund in place of three to six months of expenses, and then begin saving up a down payment to where you can do this on your own independently instead of relying on your daughter to help fund this while you guys are still in a bad financial situation

Speaker 2 right

Speaker 1 so i think we have to have a hard conversation that this dream is no longer a reality and that she needs to just go ahead and sell the house take whatever profit she gets and roll that into a future house

Speaker 2 you try also

Speaker 2 taking as well I'm sorry.

Speaker 1 I know it's not the news you wanted to hear, but it's what I would do. If you were my dad, I'd have this hard conversation with you and say, Dad,

Speaker 1 as much as I want you to be able to stay here, it's going to be too expensive for you guys to afford, and I don't want to put you guys in a financial bind in these kind of weird handcuffs.

Speaker 1 Right. Who was wanting this all to happen? Was it more on your daughter's side, or was this your idea?

Speaker 2 Oh, it was her, her idea.

Speaker 2 We had our own spot. Well, we had a town home.
We were living in the house, and

Speaker 2 she was begging us to move in with her.

Speaker 2 She didn't want to stay there

Speaker 2 by herself, and she was going to leave the house to her. So

Speaker 2 we thought long and hard about it, then we just went on ahead and did it against our

Speaker 2 better judgment.

Speaker 3 But

Speaker 2 that's where we're at now.

Speaker 1 If you wanted to keep it, the only way to do it would be like an assumption loan or a refinance. But my guess is they're going to say, hey, we can't grant you this.

Speaker 1 And even if they did, the bank will grant you way more than you can actually afford. They don't care.

Speaker 1 Right.

Speaker 1 And so I think right now the best thing to do is just to go find somewhere you can rent affordably, get rid of the debt, get the emergency fund, and maybe a few years from now, we can revisit you guys buying your own place.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 3 Man, I hope that helps.

Speaker 1 Thank you. That's a tough situation, Eric.
Sidney is up next, joining us in Portland, Oregon. How can we help, Sydney?

Speaker 2 Hi, I had a question regarding insurance.

Speaker 2 So my husband and I, we canceled our IUL plans, and we are applying to get term life insurance.

Speaker 3 Good.

Speaker 2 But we're wondering if you folks have or like recommend some type of insurance that covers like if we get sick and we're unable to work

Speaker 2 or is that what disability is through our employees?

Speaker 1 Yeah, there's a few things. I mean health insurance would would cover you if you get sick.
But if you're talking about replacing income, you'd want to look into long-term disability insurance.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 1 That's what we would recommend. And usually you can get it through your employer.
That's, you know, John and I have that through Ramsey.

Speaker 1 It's very affordable through an employer because of the group plans, but you can get it on your own. It'll likely be roughly 1 to 3% of your annual salary.

Speaker 1 And that will cover about 60 to 70% of your income.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 1 And then for short-term things, just an emergency fund would do the trick. Three to six months of expenses saved up would cover you for the short term.

Speaker 1 And so that you don't need to buy short-term disability insurance. Just get the emergency fund in place.
Do you guys have that right now? Or are you still getting out of debt?

Speaker 2 We're still still in baby's stuff. Yeah, we're still trying to get out of debt.

Speaker 3 Okay.

Speaker 1 How much longer to go?

Speaker 2 We got a weeks to go.

Speaker 3 Oh, boy.

Speaker 1 Is this like a five-year? Is it 10 years?

Speaker 3 Two years?

Speaker 2 Well,

Speaker 2 we have about $200,000 in debt.

Speaker 3 So

Speaker 2 we're making our way. Yeah.

Speaker 1 What's your household income?

Speaker 2 We make $175,000 a year.

Speaker 3 Good, good, good. Okay.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I would focus on...

Speaker 2 We're new to this, so we're, you know.

Speaker 1 Oh, that's great. You're asking really good questions, and I'm glad you got rid of that Index Universal Life policy.
It's one of the worst, most expensive products money can buy.

Speaker 1 And as you probably learned, it combines two things that should never be combined: insurance and investing.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Who sold it to you? Who hates you that much that they would sell you that policy? An old college friend?

Speaker 2 Family.

Speaker 3 Oh, no. Of course.
Of course. A2, Brute.

Speaker 3 Oh, that is awful. Man.

Speaker 1 How much were you paying for it?

Speaker 2 So my policy was around $400, and then my husband's was around $300.

Speaker 1 You guys are paying $700 a month for the pleasure. Yeah.

Speaker 3 What was the payout at the very, very end when they give you part of your own money back?

Speaker 2 Oh, I couldn't tell you. I know, like, if like the death or the death benefit or whatever was like a million dollars for mine and then 500.

Speaker 1 But what was the cash value? Like when you surrendered the policy, what do you end up getting back?

Speaker 2 Oh, I couldn't tell you that.

Speaker 3 I don't know.

Speaker 1 Pennies, probably. It sounds like you haven't had it very long, hopefully.

Speaker 2 We've had it for two years now.

Speaker 3 Okay.

Speaker 1 Just enough to be angry.

Speaker 2 But it was kind of something that just like is in the background, you know, like we just pay it every month and, you know, we just don't worry about it.

Speaker 1 That's how the insurance salespeople like it.

Speaker 3 Yes. Okay.
Well, I'm glad you guys are getting term life. I'm like trying to get rid of it.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Have you got term life in place yet?

Speaker 2 No, but I know to go through Xander.

Speaker 3 That's the one.

Speaker 3 Xander.com.

Speaker 1 They'll get you hooked up. John and I have our policies through Xander.
You're going to be paying a fraction of the price.

Speaker 1 And with the money you're saving, the difference in premium, you can go get out of debt and be free and one day use that money to invest. This is the Ramsey Show.

Speaker 3 All right, business owners, last call. The pre-sale for the brand new book, Build a Business You Love, ends April 15th.

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Speaker 1 Welcome back to the Ramsey Show. I'm George Campbell here with Dr.
John Deloney. The Ramsey Show question of the the day is brought to you by YReFi.

Speaker 1 With YReFi, you can take control of your defaulted private student loans with a plan that works with your monthly budget. Visit yrefi.com slash Ramsey to learn more.

Speaker 1 That's the letter Y, R-E-F-Y.com slash Ramsey. May not be available in all states.

Speaker 3 This is a good one for you, George. Today's question comes from Matthew in Rhode Island.

Speaker 3 All right, so cash is king, but in a digital world where paychecks are direct deposit and bills are paid online, how would you set up your accounts to utilize the envelope system?

Speaker 3 When our budget was cash-based 20 years ago, it was much less stressful. Now banking is digital, and I struggle to set up my accounts.

Speaker 3 I have a savings account, a checking account we deposit everything into, a checking account where we transfer grocery and gas expenses to be paid from. Oh, here we go.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I used to make it super complicated.

Speaker 3 And another account that everything left over from our first two checking accounts is transferred to, and all remaining bills are paid out of it. I feel like I'm over-complicating the process.

Speaker 3 Matthew, my brother.

Speaker 3 I'm going to turn this over to George, but I have been there. I used to have a checking account for almost every bill.
Like, this is my electric bill account. And, and,

Speaker 3 dude, it was chaos. Yeah, that is wild.

Speaker 1 So the envelope system is great for your bills that are more variable and in your control. So things like groceries, where you're like, I don't want to overspend.
I can cash this out.

Speaker 1 But, you know, these days I do more digital style. So I have my every dollar budget, which I don't know.
There was, there was no,

Speaker 1 It says when our budget was cash-based, but you're not mentioning anything about your budget now. So here's what I'll tell you what my wife and I do.
Maybe this will help simplify it for you.

Speaker 1 We have one joint checking account. Me too.
That's where everything, that's all of our spending money for the month. Every bill gets paid.
And we have one high-yield savings account. Me too.

Speaker 1 That's where we have the emergency fund.

Speaker 1 And if you want to have another savings account for a short-term goal like vacation fund, you can set up another savings account for that, auto-transfer some money there.

Speaker 1 I would not have five checking accounts moving money around like some kind of weird shell game. And so, how do you do the envelope system in that way?

Speaker 1 Well, use cash where you can and where you can't, check the budget.

Speaker 1 And so, before you make the purchase, go, how much do we actually have left according to transactions that really happened in our every dollar budget?

Speaker 1 And if you have every dollar premium, this is easy because we track, you know, you track the transactions, but the bank statement will show up right there of what that transaction was.

Speaker 3 Well, either of you can spend, you get a notification on your phone.

Speaker 3 It'll tell you, hey, somebody just bought something at Costco, somebody just bought something at the hardware store, whatever, and it keeps everybody on the same page.

Speaker 1 So, the solution is to track your transactions daily.

Speaker 1 Just once and you know, before you go to bed, pull up the phone and see what transactions showed up from Every Dollar and track it to the right category.

Speaker 1 And you'll know, hey, we have a little money left. And with Every Dollar, there's a cool paycheck planning tool so you can basically digitally fund your grocery bill.
Let's say you have,

Speaker 1 let's do easy math: $500 a month for groceries. So, Every Dollar can fund $125 per week in that line item.
So you know, I have $125 for groceries this week.

Speaker 1 When the next week happens, it's going to fund another $125 in your budget so that you know how much you have left to spend that week.

Speaker 1 So that's a way that's been really helpful to me to set up my budget. I have my sinking funds in the budget.

Speaker 1 I mark them as sinking funds so I know I'm saving up for that long-term purchase, whether it's insurance, a vacation, whatever it is.

Speaker 1 So every dollar, I think, is the key to your problems and where you can use cash and utilize that envelope system method more physically.

Speaker 1 That's the way to do it because you're going to feel more pain and more friction with those purchases. And so, Matthew, I hope you see this.

Speaker 1 If you do, reach out to me and I'll hook you up with every dollar on me and see if that helps with your situation. But I love the intentionality.
Just took it a little overboard.

Speaker 3 Yeah. Well, I mean, this was me.
I was trying to protect myself from myself. So it's like, all right, this is going to be my grocery debit card.
And when it's gone, it's gone.

Speaker 3 And this is going to be my whatever bills paying debit card.

Speaker 3 But I just made it so complicated. That's every dollar is cool because it's almost like digital envelopes.

Speaker 1 And I do think the paycheck planning tool will help him because it sounds like he's trying to make sure that the bills are covered and that we don't run out of money.

Speaker 1 And so another factor that could help is having more buffer in the account.

Speaker 1 And the ultimate goal, if you can get to where all of your monthly bills are in the account, let's say your monthly bills are $5,000.

Speaker 1 On March 1st, if you can have 5,000 bucks sitting in that checking account, that really helps.

Speaker 1 And then whatever amount is over that, come next month, you can sweep the rest into savings and leave that five grand.

Speaker 3 Let me go again. That's right.

Speaker 1 That's the simplest, most freeing way. I know that takes a while for people to get to, but having a buffer will definitely help you.
Great question. Brittany joins us up next in Wisconsin.

Speaker 1 What's going on, Brittany?

Speaker 2 Hi, John and George. It's crazy.
It's so surreal to be talking to you right now.

Speaker 2 Everyone says they're so nervous. I feel it now.

Speaker 1 I get nervous just sitting next to John, so I get it.

Speaker 3 And George is smarter than me, so I feel nervous too. So we're all nervous together.

Speaker 2 Okay, so my question is, will a basic will through mama bear legal forms protect our children's custody and inheritance?

Speaker 2 And the reason why I ask this is because we would like separate people for custody and handling their inheritance.

Speaker 3 When you say custody,

Speaker 3 are you in a blended marriage?

Speaker 2 No, no.

Speaker 3 Okay, so tell me what you mean by custody. You mean like who would who would get your kids in the event that you and your partner died?

Speaker 3 Yes, correct okay that's the same that's the will i used so i had a really extensive over-the-top um estate plan when i was in texas when i moved to to tennessee the attorney who wrote that for me was a colleague of mine at the law school and he said hey by the way this is only good in texas so you got to get a new will And so right when I got to Nashville, that's the first thing I did.

Speaker 3 I didn't even work at Ramsey yet. And I went to Mama Bear Wills just in case my wife and I died in a car wreck going to dinner.
My two kids are sitting here in Nashville and they don't know anybody.

Speaker 3 That was the first thing I did. And since then, I've gotten, I went and sat down with another attorney and had a more a trust drawn up and all that kind of stuff.
But yes, it will be a,

Speaker 3 it would take care of you.

Speaker 1 Yes, there's a, I don't know that we can fully answer it on, in a five-minute call, but the will will allow you to name a guardian for your children, but a court will still have to approve that guardian based on the children's best interest.

Speaker 1 And so there could be more to it there where you want to look into something. You definitely need a will, but you might want something beyond that.

Speaker 1 And again, the will will direct where your assets go, but it won't control how and when they're distributed.

Speaker 1 So if you're looking for something a lot more nuanced, then you could look into a trust later on where you set that up and you can lay out exactly what happens and when it happens versus a will just saying, here's who gets what.

Speaker 1 Here's who will take care of the kids. And so I think a will is a great start and you can talk to, you know, an estate attorney and go, hey, here's my situation.
Does this require a trust?

Speaker 1 But Mama Bear is, that's all I have right now. I just have a simple will through Mama Bear Legal Forms.

Speaker 1 I have a mirrored will, so my wife's will, we just swap all of the names, and that's as simple as it gets.

Speaker 1 And most people just need a basic will, but I don't want to assume based, I don't know all the intricacies of your inheritance and the custody. It sounds complicated.

Speaker 3 Yeah. I think you're using the word custody,

Speaker 3 which I consider a legal term. I think you're considering that with guardianship.
Like, where are my kids going to go live? Right. Exactly.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Okay. Yeah.
No, that's simple enough then. And then again, inheritance, it's just, well, here's who gets what.
Yeah. And so I think a simple will is all you need based on what you've told us so far.

Speaker 1 And Mama Bear will walk you through all of that. And if you feel like, man, I just, I need some more.
I need to get another opinion. You can look into a trust and work with an attorney at that level.

Speaker 1 But it sounds like you're on the right track. I'm glad you're looking into this.

Speaker 3 How old are you guys?

Speaker 2 We're 27 and 29.

Speaker 3 Okay, let's do this

Speaker 3 today or tomorrow. Will you commit in front of America to do that?

Speaker 3 To do what? To get your will, to get online with Mom Bear and get a will.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah, for sure. I was already on the website shopping around, seeing what my options were.

Speaker 3 And by the way, you may have somebody in your life,

Speaker 3 the person who will do the asset distribution to make sure my guitars go where I want them to go

Speaker 3 and to make sure my retirement gets signed over in the right place.

Speaker 3 I've got a very, like a 30-year friendship with a guy, and he's one of my best friends on the planet. He's the executor there.

Speaker 3 My wife is the one who will make the, like, the medical power of attorney calls. And I want my wife, if I were to die, I want my wife to have the

Speaker 3 privilege of being really sad and not having to get in and figure out all the nuances of a 401k transfer. Right.
So I actually have a different executor than I would.

Speaker 3 You can have an executor for one and somebody else is going to make life or death decisions for you. So you can get in there and just, and whatever is going to work for you and your family.

Speaker 3 And it's a good call, George.

Speaker 3 Each person has to have their own will. Right.
Because

Speaker 1 who knows what's going to happen for couples is the option you want on the website. So go check it out.
For anyone listening, if you don't have a will, let this be your wake-up call. Go get a will.

Speaker 3 100% chance you die.

Speaker 1 Go get a will. MamaBearLegalForms.com is the place to go.
It's the ones that we trust and recommend and use ourselves. This is The Ramsey Show.

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Speaker 3 John Deloney live in a city near you on the Money and Relationships Tour. We're covering the real life stuff that matters so you can break the cycles that have left you stuck.
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Speaker 3 So get your tickets for Louisville, Durham, Atlanta, Phoenix, Fort Worth, or Kansas City at ramseysolutions.com slash tour today.

Speaker 1 Welcome back to the Ramsey Show. I'm George Camill here with Dr.
John Deloney.

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All right, let's go out to Gail in Louisville, Kentucky up next.

Speaker 1 What's going on, Gail?

Speaker 3 Hello.

Speaker 3 Hey.

Speaker 2 I could cry right now.

Speaker 3 Don't cry. Or cry.
We haven't even given you a bad answer yet. It's fine.

Speaker 3 Is it happy tears? Yeah, we may give you terrible advice, and you can cry. That would be fair.

Speaker 3 What's What's up? How can we love you? Oh, my goodness.

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 2 long story short, try to make those as quick as possible and our time is limited. But having said that,

Speaker 2 I'm on my third marriage, been together or been married for almost 10 years.

Speaker 2 My husband's second marriage, we both got burned really bad financially. Really,

Speaker 2 really bad.

Speaker 2 Having said that, so when we got near, we had a financial conversation. What does your financial picture look like personally? What does mine look like? We had that conversation.
Extend was great.

Speaker 2 You know,

Speaker 2 what are we going to do? What does this look like, you know, as we're progressing in our relationship?

Speaker 2 Moving forward. Having said that, you know, we open a joint checking account, of course.

Speaker 2 And then he contributes money to it. I contribute money to it.
You know, we pay all of our household expenses out of that. He has his personal accounts.
And then I have my personal accounts.

Speaker 2 I'm following the baby's steps. I've got $2,000 in savings right now.

Speaker 2 My vehicle will be paid off this year.

Speaker 2 And then I am attacking some credit cards that I've got

Speaker 2 personally, which is great.

Speaker 2 I feel really good about this.

Speaker 2 I've been putting in, I don't know, the last two months, 70 to 80 hours a week

Speaker 2 to make sure I make enough money to take care of these things.

Speaker 3 So, how can we help you?

Speaker 3 Sounds like you're doing that.

Speaker 2 Well, yeah, my question is, is that I have had, you know, my husband keeps, and he makes probably $15,000, $20,000 more a year than I do.

Speaker 2 And he's got a lot less bills. And he's constantly screaming about money.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 I'm asking him, what is the problem?

Speaker 2 What is the problem? I don't understand why you're so upset all the time about money.

Speaker 2 After we got married, I have health issues. I'm a diabetic.

Speaker 2 My father died right before we got married, and he had a bunch of insulin left over, which is the exact same insulin that I took. So I didn't have to buy insulin for a while.

Speaker 2 I didn't have health insurance. So

Speaker 2 it cost me about $800 a month for insulin.

Speaker 3 Okay, let me stop right here. This is your third marriage.
This is his second. And I'm telling you right now, because I love you, not because

Speaker 3 there's no judgment. This is me just pulling up a seat at the restaurant, okay? Yeah.

Speaker 3 You're on a trajectory that

Speaker 3 you're going to end this one and he's going to end his second one. And here's why.

Speaker 3 Y'all still have not come together.

Speaker 3 And you're giving the people who hurt you in the past, you're letting them still sit at y'all's dining room table when you only dinner together every night.

Speaker 3 Because you have your money, your bills, your debt, your medical expenses. Let me tell you right now, my wife, if she has an $800 a month medical situation, we have an $800 a month bill.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 3 Because both feet are in the boat. Both of our feet are in the same boat.

Speaker 3 My guess is your husband is walking around. He doesn't feel

Speaker 3 connected. He doesn't feel a whole in his life.
And he's just trying to find something to be mad at and he's picking money.

Speaker 3 And so I love that y'all have that joint checking account. That's awesome.
I want you to

Speaker 3 consider what George and I do, which is we only have one account. We don't have a joint checking account with our wives and then also side accounts where we, like, it all goes in the pot.

Speaker 1 And if

Speaker 1 we, if you got a problem, we got got a problem.

Speaker 3 We got a problem.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And right now, he's just doing his thing, you're doing yours.
And you said you communicated about money. You can look at reality all day long, but no one is actually agreeing to change it.

Speaker 3 Yeah, you got to do the next right thing.

Speaker 3 Is he refusing to do this? Or have y'all even not put that on the table?

Speaker 2 They told me,

Speaker 3 I'm sorry. No, you're okay.
You're okay.

Speaker 2 He told me after we got married,

Speaker 2 because

Speaker 2 where I worked, I didn't have health insurance

Speaker 2 and I couldn't afford it at that time. I mean, it was

Speaker 2 probably just, but anyway, and

Speaker 2 he told me,

Speaker 2 I said,

Speaker 2 thank you so much,

Speaker 2 thank you so much for everything you're doing.

Speaker 3 And is he not willing to pay? He wasn't willing to help you?

Speaker 2 Well, no,

Speaker 2 that's the thing is, is

Speaker 2 you know, I just don't really know. Okay.
But I said, thank you so much. Now I've got insurance and I won't have to pay

Speaker 2 $800,000 a month

Speaker 2 for my insulin

Speaker 2 because now he's got insurance. And he said, well, listen, don't you go crazy going to the doctor because I can't afford that.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 we're elephants and we hold those things, you know.

Speaker 3 I know, I know, I know. And

Speaker 2 still, you know, it hurt terribly. And I said, well, guess what? And I started crying.
I said, you know what? You're not going to have to pay for a dime.

Speaker 3 No, yeah, I know.

Speaker 3 Two wrongs don't make a right on that deal. And he said something he probably shouldn't have said and or that I know he shouldn't have said.

Speaker 3 And that triggered stuff that you've heard from previous two marriages and any number of other years you've been on this planet.

Speaker 3 and you responded by saying I'm gonna take my ball and I'm gonna go home then

Speaker 3 yeah and now you got two people who are co-living in the same house and here's what I want for you and for him I want y'all to be married

Speaker 3 ride or die both of us on the same roller coaster ups and downs and when you got a problem we got a problem

Speaker 3 And when you got a bill, we got a bill.

Speaker 3 And here's the deal.

Speaker 3 The research tells me when you put both feet feet in the boat, both of you do, that over time, couples who are married well, their net worth collectively goes up exponentially, like compound interest in a wild way.

Speaker 3 That's why those of us in our society who are, I mean, you go look at the richest of the rich, they keep getting married.

Speaker 3 Right? It's to their best interest. And I know that's hard to do in the situation.
So I think the best move is a hard,

Speaker 3 I always recommend people when they have a hard conversation use an I statement

Speaker 3 like a couple of years ago when we first got married I got my feelings hurt and

Speaker 3 I said then you're never gonna help me again I'm not gonna accept your help and I was wrong and I'm sorry then hopefully he says I shouldn't have said that too right but we're gonna sit down and say okay we've we've both are healing from our past and now

Speaker 3 Let's both go all in.

Speaker 3 How bad is it for your financial situation? How bad is it for mine? I'm going to send you you Financial Peace University, the course, the digital course for free, the nine lessons.

Speaker 3 You and your husband can watch them together and y'all can decide. Hey, let's get on the same page.

Speaker 3 I don't ever want to see you, my husband, my one love, that you all stressed about money all the time. And hopefully he looks at you and says, I don't want you worrying about your health all the time.

Speaker 3 And we're going to be in this thing together. Is this terrifying and scary? Yes.
Can he look at you in the eye and say, I'm not doing any of this? Yes.

Speaker 3 And you're going to have to deal with that reality, which is another layer here. But let's see what happens if both of y'all say, I'm all in if you're all in, game on.
Hang on the line.

Speaker 3 We'll get you hooked up with Financial Peace University as our gift. We're rooting for you call us anytime.

Speaker 1 Thanks for the call, Gail. That puts this hour of the Ramsey show in the books.