Financial Peace Starts With Clear Boundaries

Speaker 1 Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, it's the Ramsey Show, where we help people

Speaker 1 build wealth, do work that they love, and create actual, amazing relationships. Thank you for joining us, America.
I'm Dave Ramsey, your host, Jay Washall, best-selling author.

Speaker 1 Ramsey Personality is my co-host today.

Speaker 1 So we're going to take your calls. The phone number is 888-825-5225.

Speaker 1 Leona starts off this hour in Fairbanks, Alaska. Hi, Leona.
How are you?

Speaker 3 Hey, Dave, I'm great. How are you doing?

Speaker 1 Better than I deserve. What's up?

Speaker 3 Okay, so I'm Colin because I am pretty newly married.

Speaker 3 Not my first rodeo.

Speaker 3 But one of the things I did I made a mistake of is not doing my financial background check on my new spouse. And so

Speaker 3 October, we got married in May. In October, we had realized that we are close to a million dollars in debt.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 wait a minute, slow down. Wait a minute.
Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. I got lost in this already.
I want to make sure I'm with you. So you're how old?

Speaker 3 I am 45.

Speaker 1 Okay. And you've been married before.

Speaker 1 I have. You said not first rodeo.
Okay. So you met a guy and you married him, and you said it was a mistake mistake to not do a background check.

Speaker 3 No, a financial check.

Speaker 1 With

Speaker 2 conversations about money is what you're saying.

Speaker 3 I didn't check to see what kind of debt ratio.

Speaker 1 Did you ask him?

Speaker 1 No. Oh, okay.
So you just kind of walked in blindly. He thought you didn't care.
Turns out you cared. Okay.
Yeah. All right.
I got it. And so you've been married for how long?

Speaker 3 For about nine months.

Speaker 1 Okay. And then you woke up one morning and decided to ask, or he decided to tell you, what happened?

Speaker 3 I wanted to quit my job. And so, in that, I wanted, I asked him if that was possible.
We went back and forth. I said, I really need to see the budget, assuming he kept one.

Speaker 3 And I found out there that he didn't keep a budget. But when I started pulling things together, finding about 17 credit cards, I realized there's no way.

Speaker 3 And he was heavily reliant on my income as well to pay.

Speaker 1 How was he making it before you were married?

Speaker 3 As a bachelor,

Speaker 3 he was just a heavy spender.

Speaker 1 If he couldn't make it without your salary now, how was he making it without your salary before you were married?

Speaker 3 Right.

Speaker 3 He bought

Speaker 3 a $500,000 house since you were married.

Speaker 3 I think my name is not on the title or on the name.

Speaker 1 Since you got married.

Speaker 1 When did he buy the $500,000 house

Speaker 1 uh august it closed so we were married when so you're married you bought a house okay you were aware you were buying a house i was so five hundred thousand dollars is owed on the house and you said there's a million dollars what's the other five hundred thousand dollars

Speaker 3 there's about there's a another house that he had it's a three hundred thousand dollar home um just that we we're we have it as a rental right now what's owed on it

Speaker 1 330. okay so did you not know about the rental?

Speaker 1 No, I did. You just didn't think about it.
All right. So $8.30.
Yeah, it was just moved to $200. $830,000.
And now,

Speaker 1 what's the other $200,000 in debt?

Speaker 3 He has a

Speaker 3 HELOC loan

Speaker 3 and some medical debt, and then about

Speaker 3 almost $200,000 in credit card.

Speaker 1 Okay. And so what's your question?

Speaker 1 I mean, how do I not murder him a it's not his fault it's yours you didn't ask i know i know well he doesn't get murdered you might but he doesn't great

Speaker 1 i mean you walked around acting like nothing's happening and he just assumed it was all okay he's living his life like a you know just happy as he can be happy as a little old clam and then you came along wanted to quit your job and he couldn't do it so You're the one that didn't do anything.

Speaker 1 I mean, he's got a mess. There's no question about that.
We don't need to murder him. Does he want to clean this up?

Speaker 3 So far, he's been doing everything. We have a financial peace university coach right now who's helping us untangle a lot of things.

Speaker 1 Great. So both houses are for sale?

Speaker 3 No.

Speaker 1 Well, they need to be.

Speaker 1 Okay. Y'all are broke people.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Because I'm guessing there's a little bit of equity in these houses you can use to clean up this stupid butt credit card mess. This guy spends like he's in Congress.

Speaker 2 Hey, by the way, what do you guys earn? What's the income between the two of you?

Speaker 3 $200,000.

Speaker 1 You can dig through it pretty quick then. You might even get to keep the house you're living in, but the rental needs to go immediately.
Yeah. And that's where the HELOC's laying too, right?

Speaker 3 I think the HELOC is on the new house, but both our coach and I are both confused about that.

Speaker 1 It's just messy. Okay.
And so, number one, the two of you, next time you meet with a coach, you have to raise your right hand and swear before the judge, I promise to never

Speaker 1 do anything with money ever again without my spouse knowing it. Both of you.

Speaker 1 Both of you. You do not have the right to act surprised after this point, up to this point, because you walked into it begging for a surprise.

Speaker 1 But now after from today on, he doesn't make any moves anymore because he's really not good with money.

Speaker 1 We really can't trust his judgment. He really sucks at this.

Speaker 2 And honestly, you're lucky that he agreed to go through financial peace and has the wherewithal to want to change it.

Speaker 1 You got lucky there. Yeah, I think you guys get on a beans and rice budget.
You sell the rental, follow what the coach is telling you. You may have to sell the big house.
You may not.

Speaker 1 How much you owe on your stupid cars?

Speaker 3 So that's Messi.

Speaker 3 His wife passed, and there are two vehicles. There's one vehicle in her name and a motorhome in her name.

Speaker 1 Was the debt in her name?

Speaker 3 Yes.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 But

Speaker 1 he kept the rest of the estate too, right? Yeah. So it's not messy.
Both of those need to get sold yesterday.

Speaker 1 Did he not probate a will or probate the estate?

Speaker 3 No, he didn't. He just actually told the bank like two weeks ago that she passed away two years ago.

Speaker 1 So that's what I just

Speaker 2 now told the bank that she passed away.

Speaker 3 Yeah, so the bank is pretty upset right now. So because he's had the stuff in possession

Speaker 3 for two years.

Speaker 1 Okay, so this level of denial and deception that he has lived his whole life in has to change or your marriage is not going to work.

Speaker 1 And this level of

Speaker 1 not bothering to ask and walking around with your head stuck in the clouds the way you do it, that has to change or your marriage is not going to work.

Speaker 1 So the two of you have to commit to a clean, clear way of living where we're not deceiving each other or anyone else. All right.
And you can get these two cars sold.

Speaker 1 And do you have any debt on the two cars you guys are driving?

Speaker 3 Well, the HELOC somehow has his truck wrapped into it.

Speaker 1 No, it doesn't. They just use the HELOC to buy the truck.
That's all. Okay.

Speaker 1 So how expensive is his truck?

Speaker 3 I think it was

Speaker 3 like $18,000 that he paid. He told me he paid off.

Speaker 1 That's not too bad. I'm not sure I believe it, though.
All right. So, yeah, you guys just got to dig in, clean all the,

Speaker 1 you know, get all the tangles out of the hair, get everything straight, and then decide what you're going to cut, how much of a hair, how much hair you're going to have left after you finish this haircut.

Speaker 1 And then you got to be clean with each other and everybody else. Quit hiding stuff, both of you.
Wow, what a mess, girl. This is the Ramsey show.

Speaker 1 Jade Washall, Ramsey Personalities, my co-host today. I'm Dave Ramsey, your your host.
Joni's with us in Jackson, New Hampshire. Hi, Joni.
How are you?

Speaker 3 Well, as you said, better than I deserve.

Speaker 1 Much better. Good.
How can we help today?

Speaker 3 Well, and my dad used to say, advice is worth what you pay for it. So that was fun to start the show off with that.

Speaker 3 Okay, so my daughter's, two 40-ish years old daughters, and I co-own a cabin that's across the road from my house, where I've lived at this house for 40 years.

Speaker 3 And we bought the cabin five years ago. We're all three on the deed.

Speaker 3 And

Speaker 3 as you said a few weeks ago, never go into business with anyone. One reason being that they will have different interests

Speaker 3 from you. And that's what we're facing.
I'd like to move from my home to the cabin, which needs some serious work to make it livable

Speaker 3 and my daughters one of them wants to just do as little as possible and make it into a seasonal rental and the other one wants that also but she doesn't want me to have a home there because she can deny it

Speaker 3 because we all have to agree since we're co-owners We all have to agree on work done there. And about

Speaker 3 20 years ago, she was doing a bunch of bad stuff. And I had told her, if you keep this up, you're going to have to leave.
So I had to kick her out of the house, and she wants to punish me for that.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 the way you handle that,

Speaker 1 you have a daughter that wants to punish you, and you decide to buy a cabin with her.

Speaker 3 It wasn't.

Speaker 1 You bought the cabin five years ago. 20 years ago, you kicked her out.

Speaker 3 Well, five years ago, when the cabin came up for sale,

Speaker 3 the owner

Speaker 3 wanted to sell it to my daughters. And so they on paper bought it.
I paid $200,000 for it.

Speaker 3 So I paid for the taxes and the purchase price and all of the repairs that we have done.

Speaker 1 So they put no money in?

Speaker 3 Excuse me?

Speaker 1 They put no money in?

Speaker 3 Right. Oh, gosh.
And I bought my house.

Speaker 1 And do you guys have any kind of written agreement on this at all?

Speaker 3 We have one agreement that they came up with that says we all have to agree on any work that's done.

Speaker 1 Did you sign that?

Speaker 3 Yes.

Speaker 1 Why?

Speaker 1 I don't know why you did any of this. If you had $200,000, buy the cabin, don't buy the cabin.

Speaker 1 Why did you put them on here knowing that this is going to be, that this one daughter is going to be a problem from day one?

Speaker 3 I didn't know that, and that

Speaker 3 miller would not sell it to me alone. She wanted to sell it to my daughters.
Why? So I had no, we either wouldn't get the cabin or the girls would both be on the deal.

Speaker 2 What was initially the use of the cabin? When you first bought it, did you buy it because you said, you know what, I'm going to move in here, and everybody knew that?

Speaker 2 Or was the initial purpose of the cabin to rent it out to

Speaker 2 someone else?

Speaker 3 It was me moving up there was an option.

Speaker 3 We didn't talk about any plans.

Speaker 3 I started doing little bits here and there, having a cabin chinked, making sure the roof was good.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Joni, let me ask you this. How old are you?

Speaker 3 I bought it to protect the value of my house

Speaker 1 so that

Speaker 3 we're surrounded by National Forest.

Speaker 1 Joni.

Speaker 3 And I bought my house for $28,9,000.

Speaker 1 Joni.

Speaker 3 Now it's worth a million.

Speaker 1 Joni, how old are you?

Speaker 3 70.

Speaker 1 70. Okay.

Speaker 1 You have made a mess.

Speaker 1 That's right. This is a mess.
Okay.

Speaker 1 And you're really left with only a couple of options.

Speaker 1 One is to convince your daughters to deed the property over to you, given that they put no money in it to start with. And they have no rights to this morally or ethically.

Speaker 1 Okay. This is an absurd deal.
You should not have done this deal. It was a dumb deal.
It was a bad deal. You You set yourself up to get punched in the nose.
Now you're getting punched in the nose.

Speaker 1 So now the only thing you can do with this is you can convince them to deed it over to you,

Speaker 1 or you can hire an attorney and sue them and force the sale of the cabin and show the judge that they put zero dollars into this.

Speaker 1 and that at least you get your $200,000 back before there's anything split at the sale. Now you get to decide.
Are you going to be able to convince them that you guys are all stupid?

Speaker 1 What you've done here is all stupid. You're not stupid.
But what you've done is ridiculous. It's a horrible plan.

Speaker 1 And your daughters are horrible that they took a third of this knowing that they didn't get along with their 70-year-old mother and she paid 100% of it. That's kind of like being a thief.
Okay?

Speaker 1 That's kind of what that's like. So I don't really like your daughters much.

Speaker 2 And this is not going to be easy.

Speaker 1 And so I don't know that you're going to be able to convince these two dweebs to turn the thing over to you.

Speaker 1 And I'm afraid you're going to be faced with a judge to do it, or you've just gotten screwed out of $200,000 because you've lost control of this because you've got a two-to-one vote and the deed doesn't have any restrictions on it whatsoever.

Speaker 1 You've got three people and they have two of the votes.

Speaker 1 So,

Speaker 1 but a judge can untangle this. And a judge can force the sale of

Speaker 1 the cabin and give you $200,000 $200,000 at the sale. One other option on the persuasion side you could do is you can offer the dweebs some money to go away.

Speaker 1 I'll give you $25,000 a piece if you've got it or whatever to sign the deed over to me. Oh my gosh.

Speaker 1 Which is immoral,

Speaker 1 thievery, blackmail, whatever you want to call it, but it's going to be cheaper than court.

Speaker 2 She's not going to like them much after that, though.

Speaker 1 Well, I don't like them, so it's easy to not like them.

Speaker 1 I mean, they're not likable.

Speaker 2 That's right.

Speaker 1 Who does this to their power?

Speaker 2 I don't know.

Speaker 1 It's weird. You threw me out of the house 20 years ago.

Speaker 1 I said, The only way I'm going to get back at you is I'm going to get you to pay full price for a cabin that I own one-third of, and then I'm not going to let you do anything. Good God.

Speaker 1 This is terrible. How four-year-old is this?

Speaker 1 Needs counseling. Unbelievable.
So, yeah, some people's children.

Speaker 1 But the, yeah, guys, you cannot enter into these things wide-eyed open and expect, you know, a crocodile to do anything but bite your leg off crocodiles it's what they do i just can't understand the i even even if they liked each other right it's what would be ever the purpose of going into something like it makes no sense if she was going to move into it anyway just buy the house for herself well the guy wouldn't sell it to her which is weird yeah that's weird too there's a lot of weird here but yeah

Speaker 1 oh Johnny, I'm sorry. I wish I had a magic wand to make your pain go away, but your pain is not a cabin.
Your pain is your daughter's.

Speaker 1 And that's what you're you're going to have to deal with one way or another. Probably the cheapest way to do this is just buy the dweebs out and get them to sign it over.

Speaker 1 Just, you know, it's a dweeb fee. It's a stupid tax fee.
And I do something stupid and it costs me money, Johnny, I call it stupid tax. You're probably going to pay some stupid tax here.

Speaker 1 You are going to pay some stupid tax here. They better not ask for a third.
You're going to pay a lawyer. Well, they'll ask for it.
You know, these dweebs will. Oh, gosh.

Speaker 1 So you're going to either pay a lawyer, you're going to pay the dweebs, or you're going to lose your $200,000. These are your your three way, but you're going to lose money.

Speaker 1 You're going to lose money. Something's going on here.

Speaker 2 I'm paying a lawyer.

Speaker 2 If it's me, I'm paying a lawyer.

Speaker 2 I don't want to fool with these girls anymore.

Speaker 1 Wow. It's your kids.

Speaker 2 They're dweebs.

Speaker 1 To quote a well-known philosopher.

Speaker 2 Oh, my God. Oh, that's terrible.

Speaker 1 I feel bad, but.

Speaker 1 You know, I was doing a thing with some wealthy people the other day, and they were all worried.

Speaker 1 They They were saying, you know, how do I raise my children when we have wealth and the wealth doesn't ruin them?

Speaker 1 And I told them, I said, the wealth won't ruin them. It's just going to expose if you did.

Speaker 1 If you ruined them, the wealth's just going to give you exposure to that. It's going to magnify.
Because whatever goes on that's in a family is magnified when it gets wealth.

Speaker 1 In other words, the crazy gets super crazy.

Speaker 1 Right.

Speaker 1 But I mean, this is all tied to, you know, $200,000 worth of thievery here.

Speaker 1 Tony, I am so sorry. Your heart must be broken.
Mine's broken for you. I'm angry for you.
I just can't do anything about it except rail about it.

Speaker 1 This is the Ramsey Show.

Speaker 1 Jade Washaw Ramsey personality is my co-host. Open phones at 888-825-5225.
Darlie is with us in Fredericksburg, Virginia. Hey, Darlie, how are you? Is it Darlia? Darlea.

Speaker 1 I'll get it right eventually. It is Darlia, correct? Yes, yes.
Okay. How can we help?

Speaker 3 Hi. Thank you for taking my call.
Sure.

Speaker 3 So my in-laws loaned us $40,000 last year

Speaker 3 at 4.5%

Speaker 3 interest rate for five years.

Speaker 1 So we could buy a house on

Speaker 3 a loan assumption. Oh, Lord.

Speaker 3 And that loan assumption came at a rate of 3.125%. So we couldn't let that pass by.
So instead of going to the bank to get $40,000, we loaned it from that.

Speaker 3 Well, they offered to give it to loan it to us. And we took them up on that offer.

Speaker 3 So I had a baby in December.

Speaker 3 And so now I'm staying at home. But before I

Speaker 3 had the baby and I'm staying home now, We got that loan down to $22,401

Speaker 3 because we're kind of following the baby steps while we're trying to.

Speaker 3 So now I'm not working. My husband is a little iffy about going under $10,000 because currently we have $25,000 in savings.

Speaker 3 And I'm kind of suggesting, oh, should we just wipe out the loan with them?

Speaker 1 What does he make?

Speaker 3 He He makes $76,000 a year.

Speaker 1 Are you living on a written budget with the Every Dollar app?

Speaker 3 Spreadsheet and all.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Cool.

Speaker 1 You're very much in control of every dollar.

Speaker 3 Very much. We know where every single penny goes.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 2 So you said you're trying to follow the baby steps, right?

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 2 yeah.

Speaker 1 Well, wait a minute. I'm telling my husband, I mean,

Speaker 3 he's just nervous about going under $10,000.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but the big...

Speaker 3 When any emergency comes, it's his parents.

Speaker 2 He probably feels comfortable because it's his parents.

Speaker 2 It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter.

Speaker 2 It doesn't matter. You're feeling it, and you're feeling it for good reason.
For two reasons. A, it's debt, and your body's going to feel debt.
And then, two, it's debt that you owe to in-laws.

Speaker 2 Like, let's not make this.

Speaker 1 Thanksgiving dinner tastes different when you eat with your master and the borrower is slave to the lender.

Speaker 2 That's right yeah let's not make a complex situation more complex by adding debt to it right so yeah if you guys have agreed this is the financial plan that we're following then i'd hold him to that i'd say listen if we said we're following the baby steps we need to pay off this debt and then rebuild our savings that's what the steps say that's what the plan is we said we are following that and I don't feel comfortable with this debt as your wife.

Speaker 2 I don't feel comfortable owing your parents. And if for no other reason, this should matter because of that.

Speaker 1 Right? Yeah, I've told him that.

Speaker 3 And he definitely understands. They're amazing people.

Speaker 1 We're not questioning their character.

Speaker 1 You don't need to tell me three times they're amazing people. This was a stupid butt idea, and y'all need to clean it up.

Speaker 1 It was dumb. You shouldn't have done it.
But you did it, and now you have the opportunity to clean it up. Don't do it again.

Speaker 3 I've heard you call so many people dumb that now I'm appreciating that I've gotten to that level.

Speaker 1 You're on the dumb. I didn't say, say, I did not say you are dumb.
I said the idea and what you did was dumb. There's a difference.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 1 I am not dumb, and I have done some dumb butt things in my life.

Speaker 2 Quote, dumb butt decision. That's what it is.

Speaker 1 I have done it. I have done it.
So you guys clean this up. Get it out of your life.
You can feel it. And you can,

Speaker 1 this is not an indictment of saying your parents are bad. Our parent-in-laws are bad people.
They were wonderful people. They were trying to be helpful.

Speaker 1 They were helpful in a bad way, but they were helpful. They're trying to be sweet.
They're trying to get you what you want in life. And they're not being mean.

Speaker 1 They're not calling you every week and looking at your budget and judging you. They're not control freaks.
You didn't bring up any relationship issues. These are not bad people.

Speaker 1 That is not what the point is. The point is you have $22,000 in debt and you have $28,000 or $26,000 or whatever it is in your account.
Write a check today and pay it off. That's the point.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 1 If it was on a credit card, it'd be the exact same thing. That we'd say, that was a stupid butt decision.
You shouldn't shouldn't have done that. Now, clean it up.

Speaker 1 You got the money there, write a check. It's just

Speaker 1 it just complicates, it makes the more dramatic conversation because it's the in-laws.

Speaker 2 And think about it like this. You know, your life has changed since you took that loan.
Now you're staying home with a child. That's an income that's gone.

Speaker 2 You have to ask yourself, okay, if we keep this debt around, what happens if there's another major life change? What if your husband loses his job? What if he's laid off?

Speaker 2 So there's a lot of variables here that a lot of times we don't let our brain think about because it's not pleasant. But when you carry debt, you are holding risk.

Speaker 2 I don't care who it's to because Dave talked about Thanksgiving dinner tasting different. It would taste a lot worse.

Speaker 1 And by the way, we're not going to be at the $2,000 or $3,000 level in this,

Speaker 1 but for about 10 minutes in this account, because you're going to immediately start adding money to it, correct?

Speaker 3 Oh, yeah, right. Yeah.

Speaker 1 So how much would you add to it a month?

Speaker 1 How much would you add to it a month without having these payments?

Speaker 3 $700.

Speaker 3 Yeah, about $700 a month. Okay.

Speaker 3 And he's expecting a bonus soon and hopefully a promotion soon.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and a lot of that will go to the business. So you're going to be, like by September, you're going to be right back up where you need to be, right?

Speaker 1 Well,

Speaker 1 we're going to be down.

Speaker 3 We're going to be down to like $3,000 after we pay it.

Speaker 1 And you got a bonus and you got $700 a month.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 $700 a month if you don't have this payment or currently $700 a month?

Speaker 3 If we don't have the payment, $700 a month.

Speaker 1 All right. Yeah.

Speaker 3 And it does freak them out because

Speaker 3 we were following the baby steps when I was working. And

Speaker 3 when I found out I was pregnant, we were essentially just dumping money to this loan to them. And it freaked them out.
They were like, what are you doing?

Speaker 1 I'm not concerned about them freaking out.

Speaker 1 That's their problem.

Speaker 1 If they didn't want you to repay it, they should have made it a gift.

Speaker 1 They shouldn't freak out. They ask you to pay them back.
You're paying them back. Stop with the drama.
Just write them a check. Pay them back.
Be done with it. And please don't do this again.

Speaker 2 Terrible.

Speaker 1 It's just, I'm telling you guys,

Speaker 1 in the 30-something years I've been doing this, some of the saddest stories are the ruined relationships.

Speaker 1 because somebody did something like loan their kid $25,000 or $30,000 or $50,000 to buy a house, and then something goes sideways, something gets out of hand, and all of a sudden everybody's torqued up and twisted up and formerly nice, sweet people aren't for some reason.

Speaker 1 And it's bad, y'all. You're asking, it's like, if borrowing money on a credit card to do this is stupid, just make it stupid times two to do it with your in-laws.
All right.

Speaker 1 Because you're just, and again, I'm not calling you stupid. I'm saying what you did was stupid.

Speaker 1 And because I don't call people stupid except people in the financial world that tell you to do stupid things.

Speaker 1 But you people that we're trying to help, I'm not going to,

Speaker 1 our job to help you heal is to tell you the truth. You don't want the doctor to go, you know, I think this little bit of cancer is going to be okay.
Why don't we just leave it there? Right.

Speaker 1 You want them to say, no, get it out. Get it stupid.
Try sunscreen, boy. You know, I mean, seriously, right? And golly.
So you want people to tell you the truth if they're going to be healers.

Speaker 1 And we're not going to hold back. We're going to tell you exactly what it is because we got a lot of people to help and we love you and we want you to win.

Speaker 1 And that includes Darlia in Fredericksburg, Fence, Virginia.

Speaker 2 But Dave, there's so many people who they are sitting on savings while they've got debt sitting over there in the corner. And the thought is, I don't like the risk.

Speaker 2 of not having savings, but they don't entertain the other side of the equation, which is you must not care that much about risk because you've got debt sitting over there.

Speaker 1 Because you've already offset it.

Speaker 1 You know, your balance sheet still represents a broke person that's right the math has to math you know i don't want to i don't want to be down less than ten thousand dollars well try going into debt using up all your money then right you know that's uh there's a good way to solve that

Speaker 1 so and by the way you can pass up any housing deal it's too good to pass up no it's not not if you can't afford it no it's not you can pass up a deal on that bentley too because you can't afford it help you with that that louis vuitton that $83,000 purse, you can pass that one up.

Speaker 1 You can pass it up if you can't afford it. It's too good a deal.
no you can pass it up it's possible i see people do it all the time this is the ramsey show

Speaker 1 jade washall ramsey personality is my co-host today open phones at triple eight eight two five five two two five genie's with us in new jersey hi jeannie how are you hi dave and jade how are you better than we deserve what's up

Speaker 3 I need I just need a little bit of encouragement and some clarification on something I heard you say a a couple of days ago or weeks ago, I can't remember.

Speaker 3 I am,

Speaker 3 baby step three,

Speaker 3 I am struggling with getting rid of that last credit card because I want to buy a house next year and I do want to do the manual underwriting. But you mentioned something about

Speaker 3 your like having a credit card is more, even if you're not using it, is more damaging than not having it.

Speaker 3 I want my score to be indeterminable, but can that happen if I have a credit card still open on it? No, it cannot. Just tell me to cut it up.

Speaker 1 Cut it up.

Speaker 1 It cannot be

Speaker 1 indeterminable while you have open credit accounts. Anything? Even if they're zero balances.
Anything.

Speaker 1 Everything has to be completely closed and zero balance.

Speaker 3 Okay.

Speaker 2 As long as it's open, it's still reporting, even if it's reporting a zero balance.

Speaker 3 Okay. I'm already in touch with Churchill, so we're going through stuff, but I couldn't understand you had.
You explained it before the other day, and I just wanted some.

Speaker 1 The damage is that what you end up with when you have one credit card open and a zero balance and no other credit accounts of any kind, you're going to end up with a low credit score because you have almost no credit.

Speaker 1 That's what it amounts to, even though it's not bad. It's just you don't have any.

Speaker 1 You'd be like a 20-year-old or something that just got their first card and the only thing they have in their whole life. They're not going to have a high credit score with one credit card.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 that's back where you are and that's what you're setting up. Because the algorithm is based on how you interact.
The algorithm that creates the credit score is based on how you interact with credit.

Speaker 1 It's not based on anything else. And so

Speaker 1 if you have zero interaction with credit, then that's when you have an indeterminable, a zero credit score.

Speaker 2 Genie, you said you're nervous. Are you nervous because you're unsure of your credit score dropping to zero when you cut this up?

Speaker 2 Are you nervous because now you won't have this credit card in your life where's your nerves coming from specifically i think the nerves are coming from just having that cushion or thinking i have a cushion and i don't want to think that but i just i'm struggling with myself it's just a battle it is a battle look i'm going to validate that because the credit card companies That's what they tell us.

Speaker 2 They tell us, you can't exist without us. You need us to prop up your life.
You can't spend without.

Speaker 2 They've been telling us this for decades.

Speaker 1 Don't leave home without us.

Speaker 1 Don't leave home without without it and i'm 53 so i just started this in in january i'm just like you know i've been that stuff has been drilled in me a long time and you're single trying yes and so you're you feel vulnerable you feel a little bit vulnerable for that reason yeah

Speaker 1 and um yeah that that's very normal but what that tells us is and it that that i went through this you know spiritually myself some 30 years ago it tells me what i'm counting on what am i what is

Speaker 1 in a sense, not a true spiritual sense, but in a sense, what is my God? What is my, what is my provision?

Speaker 3 Oh, my gosh. You know, okay, I'm going to do it, y'all.

Speaker 2 It's so good.

Speaker 1 But I mean,

Speaker 1 that's what I had to cope with. I went, who's providing for me?

Speaker 3 I don't like the way you put that.

Speaker 1 I know, but that's what I had to have here in my head. And it wasn't like a golden calf worshiper.
I'm not saying that. That's not what you're doing.

Speaker 1 But the thing is, this, I figured out I really can't count on them to make my life good.

Speaker 1 I can count on me and my hard work and my diligence and discipline and wisdom, and I can count on God providing for me, my heavenly father who's crazy about me.

Speaker 1 I can count on those two things, but I 100% can't count on Wells Fargo. Look.

Speaker 3 Exactly.

Speaker 2 That's a word.

Speaker 1 That's it. And that's, that's, you know, who is my provider? And that's, that's what they've done.

Speaker 1 They've gotten their tentacles around, their claws around that portion of our heart Yeah. That says, don't leave home without it.
Don't leave home.

Speaker 1 It turns out Daniel Boone did.

Speaker 1 And he was all right. He did okay.

Speaker 1 Yeah, we got it. He actually died bankrupt.
But anyway, but yeah.

Speaker 2 Instead of relying on credit and credit scores, I just say, like, give yourself credit. Give yourself credit that you can

Speaker 2 handle your own money. Give yourself credit that you can budget and you're a big girl and a big boy.

Speaker 1 It's interesting how that word is interchangeable. It is.
Credit as in, I'm going to go in debt or I'm going to give myself credit

Speaker 1 cred

Speaker 1 street credit i'm going to i'm going to give myself the belief in myself

Speaker 1 i'm putting that in the quick read and that that's what i'm thinking yeah you know i i i there but it that's why the credit cards have big and the fico score really when we talk about this don't worship at the altar of the great fico yeah oh great fico provider of all good things we bring you offerings of interest so that you give us a bigger score that has nothing to do with nothing except how much we play Kissy Face with a bank.

Speaker 1 And, you know, we really, this is our provider. Yeah.
Oh, FICO. Good old FICO.

Speaker 1 And I, I think of these bad B movies with like a, you know, like a pyramid with flames coming out of the top and, you know, the, the, the, the, you know, the, the face, the face made out of stone and the smoke coming out the ears.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Great FICO.

Speaker 1 Oh, great FICO. We worship you.
You know, like we're Mayans or something. Oh, my God.
Give me a break.

Speaker 2 No, none of that. Yeah.

Speaker 1 But I mean, not picking on her, but I mean, that's where I was, too. I get it.
We were convinced the best way to become wealthy is to go in debt, stay in debt.

Speaker 1 Buy the people who want you to go into debt and stay in debt.

Speaker 1 No, they've convinced us of that. The borrower is truly slave of the lender.
Good. Hey, another one's down.
She's going to cut it up, Jade.

Speaker 1 She is. She's going to do it.
She's going to do it. Kyle's in Spokane.
Hey, Kyle, what's up?

Speaker 3 Yes, sir. I'm happy to speak with you, Mr.
Ramsey and Mrs. Walshaw today.
I have a quick question. My wife and I are on baby steps four, five, and six.

Speaker 3 We recently sat down with a few of your smart investor pros, all of whom were excellent. Good.
But we've narrowed it down to two.

Speaker 1 Good.

Speaker 3 But there's one big difference between them. They'd both be great to work with, but I hope to get some guidance.
One is strictly fee-based. They assess 1% of the account value annually.

Speaker 3 And that would decrease by a few tenths as the account increases in value. The second is commissioned-based,

Speaker 3 where it's 3.5% of all new money invested.

Speaker 3 In the long term, it seems like the fee-based approach would be way more expensive, but he argues that commission-based guys may use mutual funds with higher maintenance fees to kind of compensate themselves with that.

Speaker 1 Well, that would not be true of a smart vestor. Someone that has integrity would not do that.
So a smart vestor that's wanting to charge you.

Speaker 1 I buy commission-based, but most people do managed funds, like you're talking about. The vast majority of our Smart Vista Pros are managed funds or the 1% plan.

Speaker 1 The vast majority of them are. But there's nothing inherently

Speaker 1 automatically bad about one or the other. And you're right.
Technically, you will come out cheaper with the commission-based than the managed base.

Speaker 1 Technically. Okay.
Over the scope of your life. Okay.
Mathematically. But neither one is a rip-off.
Both are worth the money.

Speaker 1 And so, like,

Speaker 1 I'm pretty sure, for instance, Rachel and Winston have theirs on the 1% plan, and I do the old-fashioned, the old, the, the old-fashioned commission plan. That's more of an old-fashioned style, okay?

Speaker 1 But it is cheaper. They're called A-shares.
You're buying A-shares. And the most you'd get charged is five and three-quarter on the front end, and then nothing after that, nothing ever after that.

Speaker 1 And so what's it take? It takes five and three quarter years to break even on that, right?

Speaker 1 And so after that, you're making money. So 10 years in,

Speaker 1 but either one or five, neither one are going to keep you from getting rich. Having a good

Speaker 1 financial advisor is going to make you rich because they're going to keep you in the game. They're going to have the heart of a teacher.
And I wouldn't turn around and spit for the difference.

Speaker 1 If I were you, I wouldn't pick it based on that. I would instead pick it based on which one of these two your wife likes best.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 2 That's good advice right there.

Speaker 1 Which one did she like best?

Speaker 1 Which one did she like best?

Speaker 3 It's the fee-based.

Speaker 1 Then go with that.

Speaker 1 Okay. She just likes that guy the best.

Speaker 3 Well, he is handsome. I'll give him that one.

Speaker 1 Oh, I didn't mean that. Oh, my gosh.
Oh, my gosh. No, that's not a reason to pick him either.

Speaker 1 Otherwise, no one would ever listen to my advice.

Speaker 2 I was about to say.

Speaker 1 Hey, you weren't about to say that.

Speaker 2 No, I was about to say, I know Dave is not talking about.

Speaker 1 Oh, my. Oh, my, oh, my, oh, my, oh, my.
Who can find a virtuous wife? For her worth is far above rupees. The heart of her husband safely trusts her, and he will have no lack of gain.

Speaker 1 This is the Ramsey Show.

Speaker 1 Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, it's the Ramsey Show, where we help people build wealth, do work that they love, and create actual, amazing relationships.

Speaker 1 Jade Washall, Ramsey Personality, best-selling author, is my co-host today as we take your calls about your life and your money.

Speaker 4 The phone number is 888-825-5225.

Speaker 1 Jack starts this hour in Cincinnati. Hey, Jack, welcome to the Ramsey Show.

Speaker 3 Hey, Dave, how are you this afternoon?

Speaker 1 Better than I deserve. What's up?

Speaker 3 So I've dug myself a hole, and I don't know what the right answer is.

Speaker 3 I probably do know what the right answer is, but I don't know how to get out of it.

Speaker 1 Okay. What happened?

Speaker 3 Well, to make a long story short, my wife and I got married two years ago after dating for about six years.

Speaker 3 We waited until all the kids were out of high school and we could combine households a little more easily.

Speaker 3 After a big wedding, we started trying to pay stuff off, but the minute we got home from the honeymoon and when business became

Speaker 3 the business of a relationship, the relationship changed, and that's where the problem lies.

Speaker 3 So

Speaker 3 in the process of paying stuff off, last July we decided because we weren't making any progress on the four or on the credit cards, we made a really wise decision to take a 401k loan for $50,000 payable in two years

Speaker 3 to pay it off.

Speaker 3 But now the credit cards are coming back.

Speaker 3 So I've got a list if you want a list,

Speaker 3 but just

Speaker 3 not sure what to do with it.

Speaker 1 what's the uh so your core question is what

Speaker 3 how do I fix this and fix my and keep my marriage oh okay okay wow

Speaker 1 all right so you've got a total of how much debt

Speaker 1 120 okay and 50 is a 401k now

Speaker 3 so 35 left that's correct oh 35 of the 120 okay

Speaker 3 35 of that 401k is left. Okay.

Speaker 1 Yeah, so 35 of your 120 is a 401k loan. What is the other 85,000?

Speaker 3 Okay, so we've got credit card with 11.8, credit card with 7,200, credit card with 19.2, credit card with 2,900,

Speaker 3 two cars at 3,18 and 2,24.

Speaker 3 My daughter's car at $2,900, which will be paid off very shortly, and a trailer for my losing business at $4,300.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 And what's your household income?

Speaker 3 About $200. Okay.

Speaker 1 What's the losing business? What's that mean?

Speaker 3 So

Speaker 3 to fund an early retirement, I have a woodworking business that I do on the side. It's taking up six to eight hours a night and every weekend.

Speaker 3 And in the last two years, we've lost about $10,000 a year.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 So that sounds like an expensive copy that's taking up a bunch of money and a bunch of time, both.

Speaker 1 That's kind of an easy decision, isn't it?

Speaker 1 I need the eight hours to spend on my marriage. I need the $10,000 to spend on something else rather than a losing business.
Close it and sell off the stuff. Why wouldn't you do that?

Speaker 1 I could.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you could.

Speaker 1 You'd have eight hours to spend on your marriage. You said you're spending eight hours a night on this?

Speaker 3 Yeah,

Speaker 3 I'm normally in my shop until between nine and ten o'clock every night.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's good for marriage. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 And especially since you're not making any money. I mean, if you were making $10,000 a night or something, she'd probably be tolerant.
But, okay, so

Speaker 1 you have $200,000 income. You have cars coming out your ears, credit cards coming out your ears.
Now, the credit cards are growing back.

Speaker 1 So that tells us that you guys continue to spend more than you make.

Speaker 1 If the credit cards are growing back, right?

Speaker 2 Yeah, you took the HELOC out for the credit cards. Tell me what you're spending this money on.
Is this just putting food on the table? Is this funding your business?

Speaker 2 What's going on, these credit cards?

Speaker 3 So three of those cards are funding the business.

Speaker 3 One of them goes away in a week because I made a big sale.

Speaker 1 Did you cut them up yet?

Speaker 3 They're put away. They're not cut off.

Speaker 1 Okay, there's the problem.

Speaker 1 Okay. No, there's a different problem.
I disagree.

Speaker 1 The two of you

Speaker 1 have not sat down and said with a written budget that we're going to live on less than $200,000 a year.

Speaker 1 Why?

Speaker 3 To be honest, we have, but then

Speaker 3 something always comes in.

Speaker 1 So you just didn't stick to it?

Speaker 3 Pretty much.

Speaker 1 So an example of something that comes in is what?

Speaker 3 A $4,000 collection item from Verizon from four years ago that we didn't know was coming.

Speaker 1 Or

Speaker 3 a foreclosure for her and her ex-husband on timeshare of all things that paid immediately because his credit doesn't need to be affected.

Speaker 1 I'm sorry.

Speaker 3 I know timeshare is your favorite word.

Speaker 1 No, I don't understand why his credit matters to you.

Speaker 1 To his ex-wife.

Speaker 3 She was obligated to pay it in a divorce.

Speaker 1 Oh.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 So she knew she had that, and the Verizon bill was hers too?

Speaker 1 Yes. So

Speaker 1 she knew she had that.

Speaker 1 She just didn't know when they were going to drop. But she knew these are unpaid bills, and if she's an adult,

Speaker 1 I'm missing something here, Jack. Okay, I don't understand why this is ending your marriage.
Because the two of you can't get on the same page or what's the problem?

Speaker 3 So

Speaker 3 the stress of the bills weighs heavy.

Speaker 3 And we go out and we go out and

Speaker 3 we go to like a craft show on the weekend and we make a little bit of money. And all of a sudden we're all in and we're ready to go take this business into early retirement.

Speaker 3 But by Tuesday, when it rolls around and we're back out in the shop, it's oh, holy cow, we got to make, we got to work, work again.

Speaker 1 But you just have the short-term. That's your side hustle.

Speaker 1 Right. You have a $200,000 income and the two of you can't decide to live on that.

Speaker 1 That's what's confusing to me.

Speaker 2 I think that your mindset is, there's some place in your brain where you think you can kind of windfall yourself out of this, whether it's, hey, we'll just take out the HELOC and that'll be our windfall to get out of this, even though it's not.

Speaker 2 Or, hey, we can go to these craft shows and maybe we can make enough money to get a windfall and get out of this.

Speaker 2 And I think what Dave is getting at is you guys haven't truly looked at your behavior together as a team. If you set

Speaker 2 a course and say, we're going to do this, no one else can make you follow that course of action other than the people in the mirror. And that's what we're getting at is.

Speaker 1 So, Jack, if you wanted to like be like dramatic, have some dramatic moves forward, okay, I can give you four things right now that if you go do them, by the end end of the time you do those, which should be within two weeks, you're going to have a completely different scenario in your life.

Speaker 1 Sell both cars, sell the trailer, get out of the woodworking business, sit down with your spouse and do a written detailed budget where the two of you live on less than your day income, and you guys can clean this mess up in no time.

Speaker 1 But you're, you know, you're screwing around with craft shows, losing $10,000 a year and eight hours a night and losing your butt.

Speaker 1 And you can't sit down and manage manage to make it through a $4,000 bill making 200K.

Speaker 1 So you can do this, but you got two stinking expensive cars, you got a stinking expensive hobby that you wish was a business, and the two of you aren't working together.

Speaker 1 That's the answer, right? Those four things. Hang on, we're going to put you through Financial Peace University, see if we can help you too.
This is the Ramsey Show.

Speaker 1 Jade Washaw, Ramsey Personality, is my co-host today. Thank you for joining us.
Hey, folks, we know a lot of people who tune into every single episode that we do. Thank you for that.

Speaker 1 And you know all the answers. You can answer the questions faster than we can.

Speaker 1 But you're still stressed. You're still stuck.
Why is that? Because it turns out knowing what to do isn't the deal. Doing it is the deal.

Speaker 1 You can know what to do and not do it and have no success whatsoever. Thus, the problem with only knowing.
Application is part of wisdom.

Speaker 1 And the proven way to change your behavior with money is by taking Financial Peace University. It's our nine-week class or nine-lesson class.
A lot of people do it in nine weeks.

Speaker 1 You get with a superhero called a coordinator that will encourage you and hold you accountable, act as your personal trainer as you go through, and you're in a class either virtually or in a group class over at your church.

Speaker 1 That's why this class has worked for over 10 million people. And after nine weeks, you will never handle money the same way again.
The typical person has an $8,000 turnaround in 90 days. That's right.

Speaker 1 They typically pay off $5,300 in debt in the first 90 days and save $2,700 in the first 90 days.

Speaker 1 $8,000 is a pretty good turnaround.

Speaker 1 That's a called R-O-I, return on investment. Financial Peace University, check it out, ramseysolutions.com slash FPU.
Ramseysolutions.com slash FPU. Calandra is with us in Shreveport.

Speaker 1 Hey, Calandra, welcome to the Ramsey Show.

Speaker 3 Thank you for having me.

Speaker 1 Certainly, how can we help?

Speaker 3 I have a question about baby step number one,

Speaker 3 and

Speaker 3 I kind of want you to give me a bit of a critique on if you think I'm real serious about this or not.

Speaker 1 Okay, right. What's going on?

Speaker 3 Okay, so I am halfway through baby step number one, working on saving that thousand dollars. And unfortunately, in my CD, well, really in all of Shreveport, Bosier, and some of the architects,

Speaker 3 our power was out. And so I had to throw away my whole fridge basically and refill it.
And it set me back a bit. But that's neither really here nor there.
The electricity's back on. Great.

Speaker 3 But

Speaker 3 it's like every time I start to save my money, if something like this happens to me, and I'm not really complaining about it, I'm a little frustrated, but I am starting to wonder if maybe I just am not making enough money

Speaker 3 to even get to that step.

Speaker 3 Right now, now, I'm making $2,000 a month. I live really, really cheap.

Speaker 3 I don't have a lot of expenses, but I do have a ton of debt. I am making, like I said, $2,000 a month.
I pay $6.50 a month for my rent,

Speaker 3 a couple hundred dollars a month, like $237 a month for my car, plus another $100 for my insurance, $100 for my phones,

Speaker 1 you know, things like that. How old are you?

Speaker 3 I save about $300, $26.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 For the critique, this is, I do want you to make more money, but specifically for baby step one,

Speaker 2 you got like the thing, the thing that's going to keep life from happening to you on this, and, you know, you take one step forward, two steps back, it's speed.

Speaker 2 You've got to come in like a wrecking ball and just pull through this. I mean, you're selling stuff.
You're going so hard in the paint. Most people save this within 30 days.
Like that.

Speaker 2 I wanted to ask you, how long have you been on baby step one?

Speaker 1 Yeah, but $2,000 is you can't do it with $650.

Speaker 2 That's what I'm saying.

Speaker 2 She's got to pick up all the work, do all the things, the babysitting, the housekeeping.

Speaker 1 What do you do for a living?

Speaker 3 I'm a banker.

Speaker 3 I work at a bank.

Speaker 1 Full-time?

Speaker 1 Doing what?

Speaker 3 I'm just a teller at the bank.

Speaker 1 Okay. All right.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I'm not like one of those loan specialists or anything like that. I just got this job like two months ago.

Speaker 3 Well, not two months ago, like in February.

Speaker 1 High school education.

Speaker 3 Yep. I'm back in college.
I'm going for my

Speaker 3 associates in business, and then I will get a better paying job, and then I will continue on with my bachelor's in business.

Speaker 2 How are you paying for the associates?

Speaker 3 Actually, my job is paying for it.

Speaker 1 Great. Great, great, great.

Speaker 2 Yeah, so there's a path.

Speaker 2 You have a path in front of you to earning more,

Speaker 2 which is good.

Speaker 2 But for the here and now, we've got to find ways to earn more. And I'm not saying that

Speaker 2 I like that you're on a path to earning more, but

Speaker 2 you got to pick up more hours somehow. Maybe not, obviously, maybe not at the bank.
I'm not sure what they offer there.

Speaker 1 Let me ask you something.

Speaker 1 When you took the banker job or the teller job at the bank,

Speaker 1 obviously you were looking for work at that point. What were you doing before that?

Speaker 3 Before that, I was a full-time artist, painter, and muralist. I was teaching this part-time job, teaching art to children.

Speaker 1 Okay, so you took the, let me see if I can get in your head for a second. Did you take this job? I took a part-time job.

Speaker 1 Let me see if I can get in your head a second. Did you take this job

Speaker 1 because it felt like it was like you were like being an artist, you might have felt a little bit irresponsible, part-time and all that. This is like a responsible big girl job.

Speaker 1 I'm going to get on a track here to build a career.

Speaker 3 No.

Speaker 3 I actually took that job because

Speaker 3 I took that job because back in the day, I was in school for graphic design. And I was paying for everything out of pocket.
I'm the first person in my family to go to college.

Speaker 3 And when I reached out to get support from not only my family, but for for my counselors as well

Speaker 1 I didn't really get a lot of good support I didn't get very much feedback and I was doing everything on my own and then I think you're I think you're amazing the thing I'm thinking about is

Speaker 1 I would like for you to do something that maybe is not as

Speaker 1 I don't know

Speaker 3 not as whimsical

Speaker 1 I'd like for you to make twice as much money at something that doesn't sound as fun as banking or sound as professional as banking. If you were to clean houses and make $48,000,

Speaker 1 or you can be a teller and

Speaker 1 be $24,000, I'll take the clean houses right now. Okay.

Speaker 2 Look, you're creative. You have a skill set and you have an offering that the average person can't do.

Speaker 2 There is a way that you can monetize that in some way and make more money per hour than you're doing right now.

Speaker 1 I agree wholeheartedly.

Speaker 1 I applaud your move in the direction you're going, and I applaud all the decisions you're making. I think you're an incredible young lady.
It's fun talking to you.

Speaker 1 I would like for you to find a way to

Speaker 1 have a job that might not make everybody around you think you're cool or proud or whatever, but I don't give a crap that makes more money right now. You need some more money.

Speaker 1 Yeah, if you could go make $48,000 on your day job and make another $20,000 on your side job teaching art to kids and create some kind of

Speaker 1 mentoring program or some kind of

Speaker 1 tutoring program or something along those lines.

Speaker 2 Summer workshops.

Speaker 1 So you get paid serious, and if I could get your income, and then that increases your speed because part of the problem is that you're not making any money. That's right.
I mean, it's a problem.

Speaker 1 And it's not a put down because I think you're moving in the right direction. And

Speaker 1 you don't have good

Speaker 1 people around you to tell you. to go do this or go do that.
And so we're going to be those people. Yep.
Okay. We're going to help you.
I want to do a couple things.

Speaker 1 One is I'm going to put you through Financial Peace University, our nine-week program. I also want you to take Ken Coleman with the Ramsey Networks.
He has a show on career and on jobs.

Speaker 1 And he has an assessment, a career assessment. It's $30, but I'm going to give it to you.
Okay. And I'm also going to give you his book.
From Paycheck to Purpose.

Speaker 1 I'm going to load you up, kiddo, because I think you've got huge potential. And we're going to come around you, put our arms around you and love you, hug you, and say, get them, Tiger.
Get them.

Speaker 1 And you call back here anytime and remind us of this conversation and we'll talk to you and and help you we'll be the ones in your corner but right now i would rather you be in a job that is not as um

Speaker 1 uh i don't know what the right word is it's not respectable that's not the right word but it's not it's not as professional sounding yeah you know she's a free spirit she needs a free spirit reflective bankers let me tell you about banking in general okay banking big title, little money.

Speaker 1 Just in general. Clearly, clearly.
Just in general. And tell her bottom of that barrel.
Big title, little money.

Speaker 1 Lots of walking around like I'm doing something, no money. So when someone says they're a banker, I always snicker.
This

Speaker 1 is the Ramsey Show.

Speaker 1 Today's question of the day is brought to you by Y

Speaker 5 ReFi.

Speaker 1 This is an interesting statistic. 93%

Speaker 1 of undergraduate private student loans

Speaker 1 are co-signed.

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Speaker 1 Go to y refi.com slash Ramsey today. That's the letter Y R E F Y

Speaker 1 dot com slash Ramsey. Might not be available in all states.

Speaker 2 All right, today's question comes from Paige in Delaware. My parents live in a different state than my husband and I.

Speaker 2 Everything is fine when they visit, but when they return home, they send us a bill for things that we ask them to purchase during their visit, such as food prep ingredients for meals, toiletries, etc.

Speaker 2 The items are usually incidentals, not the full cost of a meal. Are we wrong to ask them to help with expenses while they are staying with us?

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Y'all are weird.

Speaker 1 Paige, y'all are weird.

Speaker 2 That's shocking to me.

Speaker 1 That's just both of you are weird. The fact that you ask somebody else to pay for stuff when they're staying in your home, regardless of who it is, is weird.

Speaker 1 You have a little hospitality.

Speaker 1 You know, they shouldn't have to buy their own freaking toilet paper. And if you're going to have a meal for a friend or a relative that's staying with you, you pay for the meal.

Speaker 1 And your parents are weird. They go home and send you a bill.

Speaker 1 Yeah. That's weird.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 I'm shocked.

Speaker 2 I truly am. It doesn't make sense.

Speaker 2 The only thing that I could think of where this made sense is if they came and like lived with you for like three years or something, but there's no indication. And even still, I.

Speaker 1 I have never stayed at someone's home and they asked me to pick up something at the store and sent them a bill.

Speaker 2 I can't imagine.

Speaker 1 They let me stay at their home. And I've never stayed at someone's home who expected me to pay for something, but I always try to leave with them with more than when I came.
It's like

Speaker 1 a tally. How about both sides of this grow a little generosity?

Speaker 2 Yeah, that's what's at stake here. It's

Speaker 1 wow. Oh, God.
When someone stays in in your homepage, you should furnish everything and take care of it. You should not ask someone to pay for it, period.
I don't care who it is.

Speaker 1 Oh, by the way, parents, when you stay in someone's home and they ask you to pick something up, pick up twice as much and leave it as a gift to say thank you for letting us stay there and don't send a bill.

Speaker 1 Y'all are weird. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Because where I, listen, if my family comes, I'm the type, I want to give you a little care box. Like, I want the stuff to be in the room.
And I don't want you to think of me.

Speaker 1 You come to dinner. You bring a bouquet of flowers and a bottle of wine.
Yes. Hello.
Wow. God, man.

Speaker 1 Wow. Y'all are weird.

Speaker 2 To itemize.

Speaker 2 You ate an apple yesterday. Put that on the bill.

Speaker 1 Half a roll of toilet paper has been invoiced here. Toiletries.

Speaker 1 I'm just saying. Y'all are weird.

Speaker 2 I'd love to see that receipt. I'd love to see what it looks like.

Speaker 2 Half a bag of Tostitos.

Speaker 1 Oh, God, man.

Speaker 1 You know,

Speaker 1 the first time I got the bill, the next time they came to visit, I'd be going Motel Six over, buddy.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you may as well stay in a hotel.

Speaker 1 Might as well go over there and you settle up with those people.

Speaker 2 There's free breakfast. Yeah.

Speaker 1 You get those towdered eggs, man, six o'clock in the morning. That coffee that's been watered down.
That orange juice that's never saw an orange. Man, you just stay yourself right over there, baby.

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 1 Y'all are weird.

Speaker 1 Tracy's in Boise, Idaho. Hey, Tracy, what's up?

Speaker 3 Hi. Thank you for taking my call.

Speaker 1 I have a question.

Speaker 3 My dad passed away in March of 2023.

Speaker 1 I'm sure.

Speaker 3 My sister and I were originally, thank you, were originally co-executors. A month after my dad passed, things got really volatile, and I removed myself.

Speaker 3 I had my attorney draw up a letter to remove me from my dad's estate, let my sister be,

Speaker 3 and I've had no contact with them since, just via a few texts, a few emails, very generic.

Speaker 3 I received an email on September 3rd from my sister's attorney, the probate attorney, asking me to sign a document regarding my dad's home had been on the market for over a year and had not sold.

Speaker 3 My siblings want to close out the estate and put a renter in there, which is not what my dad's will says. But because I'm an heir,

Speaker 3 I have to sign this document. My question to you is, if I sign this document, am I removing all legal representation that my remaining three siblings are just going to

Speaker 3 you know, honor my dad's will and divide things up according to the will? Basically, my dad's will was very generic, was sell all my assets, pay all my debts, divide everything by four.

Speaker 3 Nothing has been done correctly in my dad's will. Nothing has.
And I've just let it happen. I mean, I stepped away, so I'm fine with that.
But my fear, and my husband and I are in baby step seven.

Speaker 3 We're building a home for cash.

Speaker 1 Okay, what do you want to do with your share of the home? Are you going to just turn it over to them?

Speaker 1 Abandon it and walk away.

Speaker 3 I think that's an option.

Speaker 1 Okay, if you're going to do that, then you can sign the letter. If you want your share of the home, you can't sign the letter.

Speaker 2 You don't need the money. Thank you.
What is it?

Speaker 1 We don't really need the money.

Speaker 3 Nope. Nope.
We don't. And that's kind of where we're at right now.
If we sign the letter, we're worth.

Speaker 1 How much is the house worth?

Speaker 3 Maybe once it sells and the debt, there was still a mortgage on it, we might be talking 200,000 profit.

Speaker 1 It's divided by four, we're talking 50,000 each. Or less.

Speaker 3 Or less each.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 3 There are some other assets that, you know, that's not accounted for, and I don't even care. I just, and is it worth it?

Speaker 1 Is it worth the time?

Speaker 2 Listen, you're at your wit's end. We can hear it in your voice.
You've

Speaker 1 gone around and around on this. Yeah.
So yeah, you got to decide. You got to decide if you want to re-enter the battle or you want to walk away.

Speaker 3 So if I want to re-so

Speaker 3 my position is, and which is what I told my, the probate attorney, I want the house left on the market and it's sold.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 I don't, that's it. That's what the will called for.
That's what the will called for. The executor of the will is supposed to execute, thus the name executor, the will.

Speaker 1 They don't get to make this up. And your sister's been making it up.
And so if I'm in your shoes, I'm going to either go, screw it, it's not worth it. Y'all just take the money.
I don't want it.

Speaker 1 And I'm going to walk completely away and never think about it again. Or I'm going to just tell this guy, when you guys sell the house, I'll take my fourth.

Speaker 1 And no, I'm not signing anything until the house is sold.

Speaker 2 Well, I feel like in many ways you made that decision when you walked away from being an executive, though. No.

Speaker 1 No,

Speaker 1 she didn't lose her rights. No, no, no, no.

Speaker 2 I'm not saying that she lost her rights, but you clearly were worn slap out and were like, whatever.

Speaker 1 No, she didn't want to stay in the day-to-day rough and tumble.

Speaker 1 That's different than

Speaker 1 I understand what you're saying.

Speaker 1 So, you know, the thing is,

Speaker 1 here's what you're really struggling with: is you know how pissed off everybody's going to be when you do this.

Speaker 3 Well, they already are because they've dropped the house below

Speaker 3 estimate or

Speaker 3 right now the house is list below appraisal or value because there's no more money to pay the mortgage. So, which is fine.
I don't care, but I don't want it taken off the market.

Speaker 3 My other conflict, Dave, that this is my sister is also the executor and the realtor, and this is one of our first house spells, which is another request.

Speaker 1 She has the house listed?

Speaker 1 Yes. Oh, how many times can we spell conflict of interest?

Speaker 3 Exactly. Okay, I just wanted to to make sure, like, that's my thinking.

Speaker 1 I mean, I don't know how this attorney has kept his law license if he's allowing this.

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 1 Wow. This probate attorney.

Speaker 1 He should be going, no, ma'am, you cannot do that. The attorney needs to be, oh, my God.

Speaker 2 Is the attorney one of your siblings?

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 You guys are confirming everything that my husband and I have discussed.

Speaker 3 We've been following you since 2008. We became 100% debt-free in 2020.

Speaker 1 Here's the thing. I would just say, listen, I'm not angry.

Speaker 1 I'm not angry about this. This is not about revenge.
I'm just asking simply, very kindly and calmly that you guys do what the will says.

Speaker 1 And we really ought to have a home. Do I need to hire an attorney? No, you just don't need to sign it.

Speaker 1 Okay. If you want an attorney, you could go get one to get advice.
I'm not an attorney, but if you just refuse to sign it and say,

Speaker 1 my instructions as one of the heirs is for you to execute the will properly, and that means the house needs to be sold, not rented.

Speaker 1 I do not want to be partners with these people 10 years from now in this house. I don't want the liability.
No, thank you. Period.

Speaker 1 If they want to buy me out, they can do that too, by the way. That's a great idea.
But they can't even pay the payments, so they're not going to buy anybody out. This is the Ramsey Show.

Speaker 1 Jade Washall, Ramsey Personality, is my co-host today. Thank you for joining us.
Open phones at

Speaker 1 two five five two two five hey we were talking about the real estate market a while ago and how people are sidelined because they can't find a property because of supply they can't they don't want to walk away from their two percent loan uh or they're waiting on the presidential election or whatever um

Speaker 1 really if you're ready to move I wouldn't let any of those things hold me back personally. And if you need some help, get with one of the Ramsey trusted agents.

Speaker 1 All you got to do is go to ramseysolutions.com slash real estate, and our guys can actually help you get a house sold or bought in this weird market and help you help you pull this thing off.

Speaker 1 The other thing you need to know as this particular segment comes to a close,

Speaker 1 the show will continue on the Ramsey app, the Ramsey Network app.

Speaker 1 And if you want to get the entire show every day, YouTube or podcast or whatever, you can get video or podcast. You can get the whole thing on the Ramsey Network app free.
Doesn't cost a thing.

Speaker 1 Or, you know, if you're on talk radio, you're going to get what you've always gotten, wherever it is. Nothing has changed there.

Speaker 1 But a couple months ago, we made the shift to the last portion of the show is now on the Ramsey Network app.

Speaker 1 There was all kinds of data and stuff that went into that decision. And now that we are 60 days or so into that, it has proven to be true.

Speaker 1 So our YouTube listenership or viewership is up. Nice.
Our podcast completion rate and everything is up. And we've still got the same amount of content.
And you go over to Ramsey Network app.

Speaker 1 You can get the whole thing there or at least the last segment there. If you haven't downloaded the Ramsey Network app for free,

Speaker 1 we're not charging a thing for this, okay? You can go get it anytime you want to go get it. So just go over to the Apple store or the...

Speaker 1 Google Play or whatever you're going to do and download the app and get the Ramsey Network app to get started. And so as this segment wraps up, we'll jump over to there with you.

Speaker 1 Or, again, if you're talk radio or whatever,

Speaker 1 you're going to get what you've always gotten exactly. Okay.

Speaker 1 Amanda's in Washington, D.C. Hi, Amanda.
How are you?

Speaker 3 I'm great. How are you all doing today?

Speaker 1 Better than we deserve. What's up?

Speaker 3 Hey, so I have a question. I just discovered you all a couple months ago.
Thank God.

Speaker 3 My husband and I are in about a total of $90,000 debt, and I'm full on board. Like, I don't plan on using credit anymore ever.

Speaker 3 I do own a business, by the way. And so we're going through trying to figure out how to get through the baby steps the best way.

Speaker 3 But he asked me, he said, hey, if you don't plan on using debt ever again, why don't you just file for bankruptcy?

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 wouldn't it be we?

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Is it business debt? Is that why he's looking at it that way?

Speaker 3 Correct. Okay.
Well, no, it's the $90,000 is inclusive of everything, personal and business.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 So why would you file bankruptcy and he wouldn't?

Speaker 3 Well, I guess he's looking at it as

Speaker 3 my debt rather than our debt. And that's part of us getting on board with everything Ramsay, because before then, we didn't have our finances combined.

Speaker 3 So we're kind of still trying to change the language and everything like that.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 2 How long have you been married?

Speaker 3 Three years this November.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 And break the $90,000 in debt down for me a little bit. What are the major categories?

Speaker 3 Yep. So

Speaker 3 I have the student loan about $40K in student loan.

Speaker 3 And then

Speaker 3 pretty much the rest is just like credit cards and personal debt. There's no car.
Well, no, just a little bit of cars, like $1,900, but it's pretty much just credit card debt.

Speaker 2 And is the credit cards you're using to keep the business going? And what kind of business is it?

Speaker 3 Yes. So two of them were used specifically for the business, and then the other were just personal between both of us.

Speaker 1 Is the business profitable?

Speaker 3 It is. It's getting there now.
It's been open less than a year and, you know, every month.

Speaker 1 It's getting there is not what I ask.

Speaker 1 Are you making a profit this month?

Speaker 3 Yes, yes, yes, yes.

Speaker 1 How much do you make this month? Profit.

Speaker 3 Profit-wise? Yeah.

Speaker 3 A little under $1,000.

Speaker 1 Okay. So you currently have a $12,000 a year job, which puts you at the poverty level if you don't get this business moving.

Speaker 2 Which.

Speaker 1 You don't have a debt problem. You have an income problem.

Speaker 3 No, so that's not the only job that I have.

Speaker 1 Okay. Good, good, good.

Speaker 2 I was going to ask about that. I was going to say this sounds a little bit more like a hustle until it's off the ground.
Are you doing anything in the meantime?

Speaker 1 Okay, great.

Speaker 2 So what do you do?

Speaker 1 What's your main job? Yeah, what's your income?

Speaker 3 My income is

Speaker 3 we bring about $8,500 to $9,000 a month together. I'm a nurse practitioner.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 And so we have our income together,

Speaker 1 but we don't have our debt together. So here's the thing.
Student loans are not bankruptable.

Speaker 1 Right, okay. So you have a $40,000 bankruptcy or $50,000 bankruptcy.
You're talking about not a $90,000.

Speaker 1 And you make, make

Speaker 1 and you make,

Speaker 1 you're not going to get relief from everything by filing bankruptcy. You're just going to get relief from about half of it.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 do you own a home?

Speaker 3 Yes. Okay.

Speaker 1 It's going to be in jeopardy depending on how much equity you have. Do you have any equity in it?

Speaker 3 Yes.

Speaker 3 About $130K is the last time I checked. Okay.

Speaker 3 All right.

Speaker 1 Do you actually live in D.C. or do you live in Virginia?

Speaker 3 No, outside in Maryland, actually.

Speaker 1 In Maryland. Okay.
Each, okay. Just for fun of it, I'll explain to this to you, but it's not going to change our answer, but it's good.
But in knowledge, I'll help you. Okay.

Speaker 1 So when you file bankruptcy, you surrender all of your assets to the court and the court starts doling them back out to you.

Speaker 1 So the court would take ownership of your home, not formally, but technically. And then depending on what Maryland has,

Speaker 1 type that into Google right quick. What's the homestead exemption in Maryland, Jade, while I'm yakking?

Speaker 1 And depending on what the homestead exemption is, in Tennessee, it's $7,500.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 And so the court would let you keep $7,500 of your house equity after they sold your house to pay your debt.

Speaker 3 Oh, no.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 If you were in Tennessee. Now, I don't know what it is in Maryland.
Right, right. But in Texas, it's 100% and you get to keep all of it.
It's exempt, and so is it in Florida. Okay.

Speaker 1 So each state's different, but let's say that it's $50,000, just for the fun of it. Jade will have it in a minute.

Speaker 1 But basically, your home equity is going to go to pay your debt is what I'm telling you.

Speaker 1 So your husband's suggestion is

Speaker 1 based in

Speaker 1 not knowing what's going to happen to you if you file bankruptcy. So you find homestead exemption in bankruptcy for Maryland.

Speaker 2 It's there, but it's not clear.

Speaker 1 It doesn't say what it is. Let's see.
It should be just a little chart pop up. Okay.
Anyway, it doesn't matter. You're going to probably,

Speaker 1 unless they have 100%, which I don't think they do, exemption. Okay.

Speaker 1 $2,515. Kelly just found it in the booth.

Speaker 1 Okay. So $75,000 of your home equity would go to pay your $50,000 worth of debt.
So you can't file bankruptcy. You'll lose your house and it'll pay your debts.
Oh, shoot.

Speaker 1 You'd just be selling your house to pay your debts, what you'd be doing.

Speaker 1 You follow me? We definitely don't want to do that. No, we don't want to do that.
No, no, no, no. And still end up with a stinking student loan debt.

Speaker 1 Correct. Yeah, no.
So bankruptcy is off the table. Okay.

Speaker 1 Even if that wasn't the case, you still wouldn't file bankruptcy when you have $120,000, $130,000 income on $50,000 worth of debt because the $40,000 student loan is not bankruptable anyway.

Speaker 1 So even if you didn't lose your house, you wouldn't do that.

Speaker 2 I mean, what if you guys just lived on 80,000 and paid it off in two years? Yeah.

Speaker 3 So I've done all the math and everything.

Speaker 3 He was very hesitant, but is going along now with the plan because we did this back in June.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 3 that's what I calculated was 24 to 26 months.

Speaker 1 That's what I had to calculate.

Speaker 2 And that's how you are now. That's assuming you're not adding any extra income.

Speaker 1 If your business, your side hustle takes off in doubles, you do it in half. You do it in 18 months.
That's right. Exactly.

Speaker 1 So you guys need to get on beans and rice, rice and beans on a plan. You need to combine your debts, combine your household, combine your incomes, and combine your efforts and focus and kill this.

Speaker 1 You're not bankrupt.

Speaker 2 And if you're not using every dollar, you need to get on every dollar because that's going to be the foundation of all of this.

Speaker 2 If you don't have that, you're not going to move at the speed you think you're going to move.

Speaker 1 Yeah, hang on. We'll let them pick up and give you that for free, okay? We want you to not file bankruptcy.
You're not bankrupt. You don't need to file bankruptcy.

Speaker 1 What up, what up?

Speaker 4 It's Dr. John Deloney from the Dr.
John Deloney Show with some amazing news. The latest episode of United States of Anxiety is available right now exclusively on the Ramsey Network app.

Speaker 4 This docu series follows real people from my show as they embark on a 90-day journey to transform their lives, and I personally walk alongside them every step of the way.

Speaker 4 Okay, now here's a sneak peek of what the new episode is all about. And don't forget to click the link in the show notes to download the app

Speaker 2 what's up kelsey so i've lived with crippling anxiety for as long as i can remember how do i stop it from constantly coming up in different areas of my life what does crippling anxiety mean paint me a picture of that

Speaker 5 all right so you ready to jump in i'm ready to jump in we're gonna check in with kelsey 30 days 60 days 90 days i cannot even function because I'm just crying.

Speaker 2 My mom left us when I was four. I truly felt like for a while I had no family.

Speaker 5 She's experiencing things that really hurt a long time ago.

Speaker 1 Tell me about this boy.

Speaker 2 He triggers me a lot. Scared of losing Paul, scared of doing the wrong thing, scared of not being enough.

Speaker 5 It just feels like it would be exhausting to be Kelsey.

Speaker 1 It is.

Speaker 5 Whenever somebody's playing whack-a-mole with their anxiety, when it just keeps moving, that tells me the underlying system's not okay.

Speaker 2 How do I get my inner child out of this relationship? Because I feel like she's running the show.

Speaker 5 One of two people that's supposed to never leave took off.

Speaker 2 I was this,

Speaker 1 I was this burden.

Speaker 5 Your burden, that's right. To the one person

Speaker 5 who should carry it, all of it. Did you ever tell that little girl that it wasn't her fault?

Speaker 2 I don't know what to do.

Speaker 5 You either have to choose to let this guy love you, or you got to choose to let this guy go.