659: Burning Question Edition

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Warning, this podcast isn't fucking around when it comes to profanity.

This week's episode of The Scathing Atheist is brought to you by Mint Mobile and by all the other flavors of mobile that so frequently get overlooked.

And now, The Scathing Atheist.

Abracadabra, hocus pocus.

Hey, what are you doing?

Oh, I'm just trying to turn these dirty apes into humans by using my magic spells.

Oh, how's it going?

Not great, not great.

Hey, um, were you guys able to hide those Epstein files with your magic spells?

We did, in fact.

Evolve from filthy monkey men.

Oh, but look at that.

I'm no longer a monkey.

Oh, hey, hey, that one worked.

Check it out.

Ha!

Nice.

It's Thursday.

It's October 16th.

And it's Steve Jobs Day.

And no, you still can't wash your feet in the toilets.

At least you shouldn't have time.

No illusions.

I'm Eli Bosbek.

I'm Heath Henright.

And from Peter, Dinkledges, New Jersey, Ann Arbor, Michigan, and Wake Ross, Georgia, this is the Skating East.

On this week's episode, we'll hate on the wrong way to hate on wrongness.

One Million Moms tells NASCAR their language is a bit too racy.

Ton Ford will be here to help us take the piss out of an epistle.

But first, the diatribe:

Imagine you show up to a funeral and there's a big brought to you by Mint Mobile sign across the back of the casket.

As everybody files in, you're handed a program.

You got to flip past the Mint Mobile coupons to get to the stuff about the deceased.

Everybody finds their seat and then a Mint Mobile rep comes out, says three sentences about the guy in the casket, and then launches into a 15-minute sales pitch for their wireless service.

And of course, you're sitting there thinking, you know, how the fuck is this funeral an extended ad for a fucking phone company?

But everybody else in there is acting like it's normal.

Like it's what the cadaver would have wanted.

So you don't say anything, but your question is answered without even being uttered.

Because as part of the guy's sales pitch, he explains that for the last couple of years of the dude's life, they invested a significant amount of effort hounding him and relentlessly pestering him to dedicate his funeral to Mint Mobile.

They even recruited close members of his own family into it.

And when he didn't seem amenable, they threatened him with torture.

Don't worry, it was imaginary torture.

And so under the threat of imaginary torture, he relented and did agree to have a Mint Mobile-themed memorial service.

Now, I should say right up front, I'm not talking about my dad's funeral.

My dad didn't have a funeral.

We don't really do that kind of stuff in my family.

And as you might have guessed, I'm also actually not talking about Mint Mobile.

I'm talking about literally the only business in America that would even dream of doing something as disgusting as hijacking a fucking funeral for a post-mortem timeshare presentation.

And look, I know I've talked about this on this show before.

Every time a member of my wife's family dies, probably, but it never fails to amaze me how blatant these fucking goblins can be.

I wasn't actually at this funeral.

Lucinda's grandpa recently passed away at the age of 95, and they had a memorial for him on Tuesday.

And apparently he made it to about 94 without much need for church.

He was the kind of guy who'd tell you he was Christian when you asked his religion, but like for all we knew, that was to shut you the fuck up, right?

But then as he approached the twilight of his life, Christianity started hounding him, or, you know, hounded him more.

I'm sure they were doing it before.

One daughter decided he needed to get saved quick while there was still time.

And so she roped him and a few other members of the family into like, you know, set about pestering this poor man about their imaginary friend and the importance of dying with the right flavor of the right religion.

And so, knowing that it would make his extended family happy and knowing he was counting on those motherfuckers to take care of him in his advanced age, he relented.

He was pestered into a church, keeping in mind how hard it is for a person to go any fuckingwhere at the age of 94, got baptized in the name of the Holy Spirit and got a little nice pat on the head.

And for their part, the church got a captive audience at a funeral and maybe a bit of the kids' inheritance.

And look, there are levels of religious sales pitch at funerals.

Like even the smallest is something that should be scorned, right?

If anybody slipped even the smallest plug for their lawn maintenance service into a eulogy, we'd be rightly horrified.

But because religion has made such a habit of it for such a long fucking time, mostly it goes unnoticed if it's small, right?

So much so that even I wouldn't count on it.

But holy shit, y'all, her grandpa's funeral basically had a fucking altar call.

Dude asked everybody to bow their heads and then raise their hand if they weren't saved, you know, so he could give them the hard sell later.

This bullshit followed the bereaved to the graveside too, of course.

At this point, it got downright belligerent.

Nobody had raised their hands for his altar call, and he was pretty sure he could sense a few heathens in that crowd.

So he started making with the threats.

Because sure, grandpa's in heaven, but if you ever want to see him again, you're going to need his special elixir that only he has, that can be yours now for the low, low price.

So don't answer yet.

Now, like I said, I didn't attend this thing.

As weird as it is to say I'm still too sad to go to a funeral, I'd be mourning the wrong person and that would be awkward.

But based on Lucinda's description, I kind of wish I had.

Because I would have raised my hand.

And when he came to find me afterwards to see if I wanted to test drive his religion, I'd have told him the first couple of paragraphs of this fucking diatribe and maybe this last one as well.

Look, if your worldview has merit, you wouldn't have to sneak around at funerals and ICUs trying to sell it to the grieving and the desperate.

You could just start a fucking podcast.

And the very fact that you target people when they're at the nadir of their psychological defenses is an admission that you cannot handle them at their best.

The dude selling Mint Mobile at the funeral should be ashamed of himself, sure, but nowhere near as ashamed as the priest should be because, hey, at least cell service exists.

They're talking about your Jesus.

Joining me for headlines tonight are the large and medium to my small Heath Enright and Eli Bosnick.

Fellas, are you ready to size things up?

Yeah, like a kid at Sears in the 90s being told they'll need the Husky section.

Ready?

Oh, yes.

Yeah, we didn't choose the elastic waistband jeans life.

The elastic waistband jeans life chose us.

Am I right?

All right.

Well, it looks like I've accidentally stumbled onto some childhood trauma or recent trauma in some instances.

So we're going to take a quick break to recover.

And while we do, we'll give you a word from this week's sponsor, Mint Mobile.

Okay, what if we went to a cheeseless cheese tasting?

Nope.

No.

Come on.

Hey, guys.

What are you doing?

I'm trying to get Heath to do stuff I want to do, but he's just so good at saying no.

He really is.

Where did you learn it, Heath?

Oh, from Mint Mobile.

What's

Mint Mobile?

If you're still overpaying for wireless, it's time to say yes to saying no.

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I don't know, Heath.

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All right, Heath, I'm sold.

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See Mint Mobile for details all right he thanks

what if it's a soy cheese tasting worse man

and now back to the headlines in our lead story tonight we've got some encouraging news from our second alternate backup country last week when a uk court elected to overturn the conviction of a man who was penalized for burning a quran despite There not being a law against doing that.

But the first judge to hear the case said it counted as disorderly conduct.

And as evidence of that fact, he pointed out that the guy burning the Quran was violently attacked during the burning.

And, you know, getting attacked isn't orderly at all.

Yeah, sure.

Exactly.

Assaulted and battered guilty.

Not in an orderly way either.

Yeah.

Okay.

So what if I like hand a person a flaming Quran and a glass of water?

Ooh.

Like how long before I can assault them if they don't use the water?

Right, right.

Interesting.

Interesting.

Now, I should get ahead of this right up front.

By all appearances, the guy at the heart of this thing seems to be a Islamophobic bigot.

Sure is, baby.

Well, you might have suspected as much, but I want to be clear that this guy is a bigot.

There are plenty of legitimate criticisms you can make of the Islamic faith, and he does make a lot of those, but he also makes bigoted ones.

And he goes on far right UK podcasts and says that 99% of rapists are Muslims and shit like that.

The guy, from everything I can ascertain, sucks.

But he didn't break any laws.

And in pretending that he did, the judge who heard his case created a de facto blasphemy law.

And that's the kind of shit that really needs to get overturned.

Yeah.

Think about how hard it is to criticize Islam wrong.

This dude nailed it.

He did.

He did.

Absolutely.

And repeatedly.

But the guy at the heart of this thing, he's named Tomet Kaskun, and he's from Turkey.

But he moved to the UK as a refugee in 2022.

And upon his arrival, he had some nasty shit to say about the country he just moved out of.

And, of course, it's an authoritarian leader.

So in an effort to say that shit as loudly as he could, he went to the Turkish embassy in the UK, lit a Quran on fire, and yelled about how Islam is a religion that encourages violence.

A point that honestly would have been easier to make if he hadn't just set the book that proves it on fire.

But anyway, so

while he's doing that, a predictably upset Muslim guy charges him with a knife to prove how violent his religion isn't.

Now, Coxon was not hurt in the encounter.

Fucking half point for Islam.

I don't know.

He's welcome.

Two points for flinching.

Yes.

But when police showed up to arrest the knife-wielding criminal, they also arrested the victim for dressing so provocatively.

Okay.

Do you think the moment before you stab someone for calling your religion violent, you have a moment where you're like, this is a good counter-argument?

Yeah, well, it worked pretty well at the Antifa roundtable.

No, that's true.

Yeah.

Strongly violent.

Yeah.

Anyway, so fast forward to June, and the dude is convicted of a, quote, religiously aggravated public order offense, end quote.

offense spelled with a C because they're British.

The judge in this case justifies this by pointing out that the dude's a total bigot and totally hates Muslims and claims that by choosing a place where he knew there would be Muslims, he was really asking for it.

But again, the place was the Turkish embassy and the thing he was protesting was the Turkish government.

And then the judge read like a bunch of shit into evidence that was from later police interviews with the guy, not the stuff he was actually saying during the protest.

So to be clear, the judge was saying that what he was doing would have been legal if he hadn't been a bigot

which isn't how law works.

Also, worth pointing out, the bigoted stuff he said later, not a crime.

No.

Gross.

Right.

Don't invite him to your birthday party.

Like, the only consequence you're not supposed to do for this behavior is the official law ones.

Right.

Or invite him to the party and do a consequence.

Like,

lots of pranks are technically legal.

Most of them are.

We've learned that.

Well, not most of Eli's, but 10 years in.

We have learned that.

And look, it's awkward when you got to defend the bigot guy, Keith.

Oh,

what?

Am I defending the bigot or am I the bigot?

What happened there?

But if there's a conviction on the book that says this guy criticized a religion wrong and had to pay a fine, that's going to have a damn chilling effect on people's ability to publicly criticize religion in the UK, which could, among other things, really fuck up the final QED, where yours truly will be a main stage speaker, just announced, get excited, first alternate still counts.

And honestly,

maybe this isn't lead story material since it doesn't directly impact most of our listeners, but you're going to have to forgive us for taking a special interest in how English-speaking countries are treating atheist refugees from countries overtaken by authoritarian strongmen wielding theocracy as their fascism of choice for the next few years, I think.

Yeah.

Also, I still get to stand outside of Greg's and explain that their large meal deal isn't actually five pounds, right?

I get to do that.

Yes.

Because it's important.

You got that feud going with Greg's coffee still.

It's not five pounds.

It's not five pounds.

It says on the sign, it's five pounds.

Liars.

All right.

And in Clany West News, we have a story about Michigan's favorite white rapper and Christian right bigot.

Kid Rock is going to be furious to learn that I'm talking about Michigan State Representative

Joshua Shriver.

Oh, I remember.

That guy.

Yep, that guy.

It's about him.

The story about Josh is going to follow the same pattern we keep seeing over and over.

It goes something like this.

Christian bigot politician pushes for a bigot law.

The internet finds a not-at-all shocking revelation about enormous hypocrisy in the bigot's past behavior.

And of course, then the bigot lies and tries to claim, like, I don't know, Antifa is running a conspiracy against him or something like that.

In this case, the bigot law would completely outlaw all of pornography in the state of Michigan.

Not just for kids, everyone, like full ban.

Okay, I'm feeding this into our irony machine.

It says, it will turn out that his name before he changed it was Bang Bus Brazzers.

How'd I do?

Pretty close.

Pretty close.

Look, I only know it when I see it.

So I have to see all of it to know what to ban.

Obviously.

He doesn't know about constitutional law.

So the law introduced by Joshua is called the Anti-Corruption of Public Morals Act.

And it goes way beyond a ban on porn sites.

It would ban any pornographic material in any form of media, including video, animated video, audio, and writing.

So wait, wait, wait.

Like describing a cock or pornographic ASCII art?

I really need to know.

He's going for everything.

Okay.

Of course, the word pornographic is defined by fucking Josh and his fellow.

Christian right lunatics in the Michigan House.

And their definition includes language that would make any depiction of just trans existence illegal, pornographic or not.

The bill makes a big list of stuff that counts as illegal porn, including, quote, a depiction, description, or simulation, whether real, animated, digitally generated, written, or auditory, that includes a disconnection.

between biology and gender by an individual of one biological sex imitating, depicting, or representing himself or herself to be of the other biological sex by means of a combination of attire, cosmetology, or prosthetics, or as having a reproductive nature contrary to the individual's biological sex.

And exact quote.

Wow.

So I'm sorry, wait.

The anti-porn movement wasn't actually about exploited women and was really about Christian bigotry and enforcement of gender stereotypes the whole time?

Who could have possibly warned of this repeatedly?

I like the idea that Josh got home and his wife was like, hey, honey, is your definition of pornography trans people?

Because that says something about you.

You know that says something.

Yes, right.

You know how you can't look at a trans person without getting hard?

That's thinking that it's pornography.

Yes, right.

I can't imagine he's married.

There's no way somebody lives with this guy.

He's the fucking worst.

Maybe he is, though.

It wouldn't surprise me either.

Anyway, before we get to the hypocrisy reveal that I was talking about, just a little background on Josh as a reminder.

He thinks white people are being phased out of American existence in a great replacement.

That's fun.

If only Josh is.

If only.

When the Michigan House voted 105 to 4 to recognize Juneteenth as a state holiday, Josh was, yep, you guessed it, in the four.

He was one of the people.

I thought of him just raising his hands and feet at the same time.

There was a bill to ban child marriage.

Josh voted against that.

Huh?

Oh, came out on the wrong side of that one.

He missed that one.

Yeah, he said he actually argued that kids need to get married, be able to get married, because otherwise they might have premarital sex.

Yep, he got mad about a statue of Baphomet on the state capitol grounds in Lansing, and he rebuked it super hard in a video where he yelled, I rebuke you.

The statue of Baphomet held its ground.

So he's kind of bad at rebuking, is what I'm saying.

Yeah, I know, Gray.

There's a delicious moment in that video where he looks like he expected something to happen, right?

Like where he kind of steps half away for a minute and he goes, God, a little lightning bolt?

A little explosion.

Thank you, guys.

Did anything happen?

Did anything happen?

No, okay.

All right.

I wanted to do a slow walk away, but I can't hear anything happening.

I threw a match behind me.

I don't think that helps.

Just went out in the snow.

Nothing.

He also.

Walk alone.

He also, seriously, this is real.

He posted on Facebook: the mouth and anus are not reproductive organs.

This is the same thing.

Depends on what you want to reproduce.

Yeah, good point.

Good point.

He added that the sin releases plagues of disease, promiscuity, and perversion in our local communities.

Repent, yield to Christ, be fruitful, and multiply.

Shit, accidentally posted my warm-up dirty talk to the wife.

Damn it.

America, ignore that.

Ignore that.

It's not for you.

Imagine your day where you're just like, you know what?

I'm going to hop on Facebook and say that the mouth and anus are not.

Like, what the fuck is that?

Too many people are using butts for reproduction

nailed it all right back to my other activities rebuking stuff okay that brings us to the new revelation according to the metro times josh had an account on one of those live webcam porn and hookup sites where you can you know find sex and get laid tonight Obviously, he's an idiot who got very angry when it turned out there were not horny women in his area, but there's nothing wrong with being on a porn site.

And when he got confronted confronted about this hypocrisy last week, considering his anti-porn bill, he could have just said, Yeah, I used to watch porn and now I think it's bad.

But instead, he's a panicky sociopath.

So he wrote a very angry email to the Metro Times saying the records that they have about his porn account were forged.

So, okay, they're not.

They're not, just to be clear.

The records included his email address, which is from AOL.com.

Hell yeah, King.

You and me, Josh, holding the fucking line.

Which was also connected to a bunch of other accounts, including a MySpace account

full of super joshy-looking stuff on that MySpace account.

So the forgery theory, that would involve like the forger would have to do like a pretty serious, lots of moving parts sci-fi endeavor to make that happen.

We're a really long con, right?

Just a really long, one of these days kind of con.

Again, I just can't get over the fact that my favorite part of this story is that we found the one real person I have ever heard of being on adultfriendfinder.com.

And it's exactly who I expected to be on adultfriendfinder.

I was this for him, Josh Shriver, the white rapper of the Michigan House and the GOP.

Yep.

All right.

One other detail.

When I looked up Josh on Wikipedia to get a refresher, it said this article is part of a series on Christian nationalism in the United States.

And they have a section for, you know, like, if you enjoyed this neo-Nazi, you might also enjoy.

And it had links to Lauren Boebert's page and Michael Flynn and Marjorie Taylor Greene, Josh Hawley, Russell Vogt, and Pete Hagseth, among others.

I bet Michael Flynn resents that list.

I bet he's like, I'm a spy, okay?

A spy.

I mean, any Christian shit.

I fucking betrayed my country for money.

I could be any religion.

Poof.

You don't know.

I threw a smoke bone just now.

You make me hang out with Lauren Boebert.

Spies, spies, spies.

Honestly, though, that list bears a striking resemblance to my suggested videos on Amazon Prime now at this point.

Someone started watching The War on Children.

Our algorithms are insane.

Yeah.

Also, I got a reminder about the worst rap song of all time.

Josh is, I'm pretty sure, triple auto-tuned, the conservative code.

That's C-O-D-E, and it stands for something stupid about like being Republican.

So that video of his, it's one of those videos for me, those like happy video where like, if you're sad, you go watch it.

You know, Bulldogs from Eli, the bigot getting the twisted tea to the face.

That's a song.

Of course, the entire press conference at four seasons total landscaping in its entirety, while Giuliani leaks oil out of the side of his head.

And of course, Josh trying to rap.

So link in the notes if you want to add that to your list of happy happy time videos.

Not the Bulldog videos.

For that, you got to subscribe to the TikTok curation service called Being a Number in My Phone.

I feel, honestly, I feel like the video of Hegseth nut checking himself with the skateboard really needs to be added to the rotation.

That's great.

Yeah, it sure is.

You know, the thing that makes me sad is when I watch real videos of Pete Hegseth, he's not doing the Heath the Drunk voice, and it upsets me.

It's like when I see real Sarah Sanders, yeah, some of me, is that true?

And in Pope Bob News, We've made it through a few popes on our program by now and they all seem to follow the same news cycle They get elected everyone talks about how progressive and great they are They reveal themselves to be unrepentant bigots who think they can literally talk to God and then Everyone stops talking about them till they die.

Well Luckily for the Catholic Church, Pope Bobby is still in that first cycle, which means in a world of war, strife, murder, and death, he took the time to condemn clickbait news headlines this week.

So we're going to talk about it.

No, but to be fair, he had to find a sin to condemn that his church didn't also do, right?

Like he's probably spent this whole time trying to narrow down that fucking list.

Pope told he can't pwn the media with this one simple trick.

Then this happened.

Okay, Heath, giant pin in the joke that you just wrote for our podcast.

Giant pin.

All right.

You already have cancer if you see this.

Right.

So first off, big thanks to Stormy D for sending us this story along with the suggested pun of papal priorities

nuts to scathingnews at gmail.com.

Well done.

Stormy's pun was so fantastic, I couldn't bring myself to pretend even for a moment to have thought of it myself.

But you needn't be the puns person Stormy is to join the fun.

Send us atheist news to scathingnews at gmail.com and you too can be thanked on our show.

Most thankfully, scathingnews at gmail.com.

The longer we use that email, the less involved Eli's promised rewards are, right?

Because it turns out that, hey, possum nipple pizza is exactly as hard to outsource as somebody told him it would be.

Okay.

We're turning up the promises.

Note taken, no losers.

Right.

So quick reminder, Pope Bob is the head of a child rape cabal.

He lives in a city made of Nazi gold.

And in the last 10 years, hundreds of baby corpses have been discovered in mass graves run by his church.

So it makes sense when praising the media this week, he had the following to say, quote, communication must be freed from the misguided thinking that corrupts it i said from my proclamation balcony in my city of gold wearing a cotton candy holder as a hat and waving my scepter of god yeah misguided thinking can corrupt communication

uh-huh he continues from unfair competition and the degrading practice of so-called clickbait free access to information is a pillar that upholds the edifice of our societies and for this reason we are called to defend and guarantee it, not adding,

except for all the stuff we have in our library, that's secret and only our city of secret virgin child molesters can keep that.

Yeah, right, right.

Also, I'm sorry, but the idea that news should be free is part of the fucking problem.

Who the fuck is going to pay the journalists if all the journalism is free?

Yeah, exactly.

No idea.

Anyway, have you guys heard of Bamboo Rayon?

The whole

thing is I only want the best in class, Bamboo Rayon.

Okay, but imagine trying to do this show on nothing but ad money.

Yeah.

Right.

We'd all be delivering fucking DoorDash as we were recording.

And look, I'm not going to lie to you.

A lot of what Pope Bobby had to say about the free press and AI and the importance of journalism is stuff that I agree with.

But the source makes all of that language kind of dishonest at best, right?

This is the church that has spent the last couple hundred years preventing journalists from reporting on their activities, right?

If there are multiple Oscar-winning movies about the times journalists managed to defy you, you'll forgive me if I don't take your commitment to freedom of speech particularly seriously.

Well, hey, if you want to demonstrate said commitment to open information, how about you let one of the independent auditors that examined your handling of the child rape cover-up release their report?

Yes, just let them know.

I'm not asking that all of them get to.

We'll all click on it.

One other thing about this story, if I can pull that pin out from Oliver Heath, because I got to give credit where credit is due.

the article stormy sent us about this story is from the guardian and the headline of the article is you won't believe what degrading practice the pope just condemned

that's excellent and that is the actual reason i clicked on it so in all appreciation of a meta bit congrats to the guardian and to the pope here's hoping his money is where his mouth is assuming his mouth isn't on an underage boy yeah and quick before that can turn into an image in your head we're gonna hand things over to my lovely wife lucid

A man wrote the Bible.

A whores was smart.

If it's a legitimate rare dangerous slut, right?

Cooking can be fun.

Hey, I'm proud of a man.

This weekend.

I think it's safe to say that whenever you don't hear from me for a couple of weeks, it's not because there was no misogyny.

If anything, the news cycle these days gives me choice paralysis, a fact that'll be reflected in how far-flung the stories we're talking about today are.

So we're going to start in South Carolina, which I I know it doesn't seem that far-flung given that it literally borders the state that I'm in, but you have to fling from somewhere.

So it turns out that South Carolina's legislature is looking for ways to make their abortion laws even more draconian, which if you know anything about how bad South Carolina's abortion laws already are, is almost impressive.

But this new measure, Senate Bill 323, would do away with the existing exemptions for rape, incest, and fetal deformity.

It would also outlaw the manufacture, distribution, and possession of drugs intended to cause abortions.

But that's just the warm-up to the fact that it would make having an abortion a felony subject to up to 30 years in prison, on par with murder charge.

Hell, this bill is so bad that I don't even have room to discuss its efforts to make contraception illegal, but they're there.

Now, the bill's sponsors call it a logical next step after passing their already handmade style-esque heartbeat bill.

Of course, that's incorrect because the logical next step after passing a law like that is repealing it.

But if you're on the anti-abortion side, it's kind of hard to argue otherwise.

I mean, call me conspiratorial, but there's something about the we think it's murder, but we'd never dream of punishing the women that had them line that always struck me as disingenuous.

At least half of that sentence has to be a lie, but in reality, both halves.

And from there, we'll fling this segment over to the South Carolina of Central Asia, Afghanistan, where I think we can all agree women's rights aren't doing great.

Since the Taliban retook control, women's rights have been eroding as fast as women's rights in America under Trump.

Yes, I can't really cast stones, but there's actually good news on that front.

Earlier this month, the UN created a committee specifically tasked with investigating abuses of women's rights in the Taliban-led country.

Of course, it's the UN, so they're not going to actually be able to do anything, and I'm sure that women who have been stripped of their rights to learn and vote and work and participate in society won't take much comfort in it.

But it's still important.

The idea is that this group will be putting together and preserving all the evidence that would be needed to convict people of war crimes and crimes against humanity in international courts.

And if that does nothing but isolate the perverse fucks driving this persecution, at least it's doing that.

Yeah, sorry, when I promise good news on this segment, you shouldn't expect much.

But I want to close on something even worse.

See, the whole whole reason the UN thing can matter is because Afghanistan ultimately wants to be part of the international community, and the international community has made a modicum of gender equality a minimum for full participation.

But the New York Times ran a really depressing piece last week that showed how the retreat from women's rights in the U.S.

is leading to a worldwide erosion.

And that should surprise no one.

Commitment to women's rights has long been one of the best proxies for a nation's commitment to democracy.

And with hopes that that chilled your bones as much as it was supposed to.

I'll wrap things up and hand you back over to Noah, Heath, and Eli.

Thank you, Lucinda.

And in trigger warning news, in the past, I've equated religion to a spiritual shakedown.

Right?

These pastors, they bring people in, they fill their heads with esoteric threats of demons and hellfire, and then they ask them for money.

And when you threaten people and then you ask for money to alleviate that threat, we normally call that mugging that person.

So using that logic, I've said things like, passing the collection plate is just a mugging without a gun.

But in light of the story that I'm about to tell you, I want to formally and publicly take that back because sometimes there is a gun.

Like during a September 28th sermon by Harrisburg, Pennsylvania pastor Philip Thornton, during which he repeatedly pointed an AR-15 directly at his congregation.

Yeah, I was going to make a joke about them ruining our metaphors, but then I remembered how often the preachers fuck kids, and I was like, oh, you know what?

We're already.

I'm cool with phasing that one out of our, you know, metaphors toolbox.

Sure, yeah.

So, yeah, so in their response to this, to the outrage that this obviously caused, the church insisted that people who are criticizing the sermon are taking it out of context.

But.

He was aiming a real gun at people's faces.

Doesn't fucking matter what kind of message you were trying to send with it.

Doesn't matter what the gun was supposed to represent.

you're pointing it at people's faces children's faces not even just the people who chose to listen to your homicidal brain fungus and i will admit to not knowing a hell of a lot about guns but when asked about it by local news gun safety experts were at least as incredulous about this as i was Yeah, the argument that you're responsible enough to point a red, white, and blue America-themed AR-15 at children is counteracted by the act of you

doing that.

Or even owning that, yeah.

Or being a pastor.

Yep.

There you go.

It's pretty cool.

But to be clear, though, the context is also stupid.

Not that it matters, but the point he was making was about how people evangelizing their faith need to be more like soldiers clearing out an active battle zone and making sure every single person gets saved.

So yes, the gun was metaphorically getting rid of non-believers.

Which I'm guessing is worse than whatever you expected it to be before I told you about the fucking context.

Context literally makes it worse.

It's very easy to read the whole thing as a call to violence.

And even if you give them the benefit of the doubt on that, the message is still: you need to be more of an asshole to people who aren't like you.

Yeah.

Also, who thinks fucking the massacre at my lie is a good minute for salvation?

And man is all the women are laying in the ditch.

You're saving irrespective of race, age, or gender.

Saving, saving, saving.

You okay?

Pastor?

I'm a pastor.

So

Eli's crazy sketch just now, not that different from what

I'm saying.

So like true, there's a video of this assault rifle themed sermon.

It's truly unhinged.

At one point, the pastor does a little skit along with his tactical camouflage buddy, who also has a rifle, and they mime themselves.

breaking into a room with their guns and like proper opsec you know like they're on an operation and doing the hand signals for like red team go red team they're doing that no it's truly indistinguishable from eight-year-old kids playing with fake guns except it's real grown-ups with real guns and one of them is a pastor who controls a open mic every sunday and they just have to let him use the stage so he does his little skits and also I want to point out that despite giving his whole big fucking hairy man speech about how you need to be willing to stand up for your faith and your beliefs like a soldier on the front lines, since this story broke, the motherfucker's been hiding from the press.

His church isn't answering its phone.

And apparently, when the local news sent folks to his house to ask him about it, he pretended not to be home.

So just another quick reminder: that people who tell you how tough they are are almost always lying.

Yep.

We can see you in there.

No, you can't.

I heard you and see you.

Well, then who turned off the TV?

Who turned off the TV?

Self-doing the I thing at each other.

Pull myself together.

Did it back to me by acting?

Salvation, you right in the fucking face.

And finally, tonight, in in NASCAR,

here at the scathing atheists, we get emails on a pretty regular basis asking us why we haven't condemned this or that silly person on the left.

And the reasons for that are numerous.

The bad behavior being described is often that of an unempowered individual rather than a government.

The behavior in question is rarely motivated by religion.

And this is an atheism podcast.

But the truth is, no matter how ridiculous the bad behavior of some of the left is, it will never hold a candle to the dumbassery of the right, which is why this week we're going to talk about 1 million moms being mad at NASCAR for their new catchphrase, hell yeah.

Hey, you know what?

If it gets in gosh we trust on our money, maybe I just back them up on this one.

Ooh, yeah, get in there.

Okay.

I just did today another scan of the 1 million moms website to check if they're satire.

Again, just to be sure.

You have to keep doing it every month.

They are not satire.

They're real.

They're not.

No.

So, for those of you unfamiliar with One Million Moms, they're a parent activist group with way less than a million moms.

Their current Twitter following is just over 4,000 users, making our very own Heath Enright twice the number of moms they are.

Yes.

Yeah.

No, they're a million moms to the same extent that Thousand Island Dressing is an archipelago.

Okay.

And by the way.

Two of their followers are Tim and Corey Booker.

Yeah, right.

So it's probably way under 4,000 if you take away the ironic followers.

It's probably like way near zero.

Okay, so OMM, 1 million moms, spends their time creating useless petitions, objecting to everything from implied swearing to the existence of gay people.

And this week, they're mad about that first thing.

Here's what they had to say.

Quote.

In preparation for the 2026 season, NASCAR approved a new branding and marketing campaign promoting a return to its roots and a reconnection with blue-collar fans.

NASCAR's new advertisement will include profanity that conservatives find completely unnecessary.

Their ad spot plans to include the profane slogan, hell, yeah.

And in America, we take our holy punishment that's been a punchline to a Bugs Bunny cartoon since the 1940s seriously, darn it.

Okay.

Obviously, they're objecting to the word hell.

But there's a decent chance that yeah

is also a problem for the moment.

Oh, no question.

No question.

Every 1 million mom, when you ask to go to the bathroom, says, I don't know, can you?

Yeah, right.

They have a hay as for horses problem with it.

Yeah, it's a big flip, isn't it?

Exactly.

Offensive.

They continue.

The ad campaign has not yet launched, but in a recent interview with Ad Week, NASCAR announced the hiring of 72 and Sunny advertising agency to, quote, reintroduce its brand in a way that plays up its rebellious, unapologetic Americana roots, satisfying its core fan base while reaching new audiences.

End quote.

NASCAR hopes this move will put the sport back at the center of American culture as an iconic brand.

Okay, all right.

Hey, idea.

If they want to play up their rebelliousness, they should put like right turn only signs all along the track.

Right?

You want to play up the Americana?

Get the Cracker Barrel guy onto your logo.

Yes.

He's dry.

He's just flapping around on the hood.

Yeah, get it out there.

So here's where OMM really takes him to task.

Quote, NASCAR's new brand spot, Hell Yeah, is the biggest oxymoron there is.

There is nothing yeah about hell since it is a

Yale a little bit.

I was 100% joking, but nope.

Since it is a place of torment and anguish, sadly, when a driver wins a race, the phrase is often the first thing spoken through the helmet microphone, exposing families, including children, to this foul language.

This has prompted some fans to stop watching all gas.

Okay.

Hey, if you're ever tasked with finding America's worst person, like just start, your starting pool is people who quit watching NASCAR to protest the drivers saying hell, right?

Just start there.

Okay.

I'm skipping straight to Stephen Miller, but yeah, that's a good story.

Okay,

he probably cheating.

That's a good hero.

That's cheating.

Hey, side note, can we just have everyone from the Democrats anyway running on the platform of jailing these people?

Just like a big announcement with all the prominent Democrats.

They're all on stage.

Just like, hey, Stephen, also Christy Noam, Cash Patel, Pamela, you and everyone in ICE, every single person in ICE, you're all going to jail when we take power again.

You're all definitely going to go to jail.

Like,

announce you have to quit ICE right now, or you're definitely part of the big trials that are coming up.

Mm-hmm.

Just do that.

Sure.

We don't even have to be able to pull it off.

Just the threat of it could be something.

It would be something.

I was telling a fun, we were having fun anyway some lady was mad about nascar saying hell and yeah thank you

they conclude interruptor interrupter topic changer

quote

nascar has deliberately decided to produce controversial branding instead of wholesome ones One million moms finds this highly inappropriate.

Shame on NASCAR executives who air races during prime time when most families are watching.

How damaging and destructive to children!

Exclamation point.

Everyone knows kids repeat what they hear, so NASCAR should be much more responsible in its marketing decisions.

Let NASCAR know that as a parent, you are disgusted by their recent marketing choices.

There are only a few races left in the 2025 season.

72 and Sunny tentatively plans to debut the new Hell Yeah ads around the 2026 Daytona 500 in February of 2026.

Let's speak out.

And let our voices be heard before this happens.

End quote.

We are, of course, on the 1 million moms mailing list.

So I replied to this with hell no, but they haven't answered.

Oh.

Okay.

While I was doing that satire recheck, I saw they're also running a campaign against a progressive insurance ad that shows a locker room, like at a gym with topless old men and also implies bottomless old men.

And okay, I'm against this practice that mostly old men do in gym locker rooms.

They just disagree.

They hang out for hours.

Like they talk to you while they're completely naked.

Like, that's not, nothing's crazy.

They're just talking to you normal.

I love doing this.

You have my lifestyle.

Are you one of the people just

going full naked in the locker rooms?

Of course.

And talking to people?

Yeah.

Of course you are.

Okay.

Well, here's the thing.

If you take down that commercial, you lose the PSA.

So if they're against that, they should be like for the PSA of the commercial.

Also, very importantly, you can submit examples of lewd media that need a crusade of yelly moms to shut it down.

You can submit that at 1millionmoms.com slash report hyphen issue.

Serious inquiries only.

Yes, exactly.

So yeah, we'll see if NASCAR responds to the millionth of a mom, but I hope this story is a good reminder that whenever leftist online spaces feel full of infighting and bitchiness, purity tests and call-out culture, we will never reach a fraction of the insufferability of online Christians.

Yeah.

And with that important reminder, we're going to round out the headlines for the night.

Heath, Eli, thanks as always.

Keymaji.

And when we come back, Don will regale us with fantasy and adventure.

Got to use the grab attack.

I do use it.

We do it.

No, no, no.

It's like the one core mechanical difference between Hades and Hades 2 is the grab attack.

Oh, okay.

You guys excited for FIFA?

You know what?

Fuck you guys.

Hey, guys.

Awesome game.

You ready for Bible Peace Theater?

Just in time.

Oh, hey, Don.

When did you get here?

Long ago, and very far.

You know what?

It does it.

You're here.

That's all that matters.

Oh,

Eli said I could do a Don Ford Spooktacular.

Yeah, he's just trying to get out of the rest of Romans.

He's right, I am.

But you said my version of Patrick Starr's Erica Kirk was Oscar worthy.

It was, Don.

It was.

Okay, where were we in Romans?

Oh, we were talking about salvation.

Oh, let me guess the answer is Jesus.

Yep.

Yep.

Let's head back to the cave.

And remember to believe in Jesus extra hard or no heaven for you, okay?

Hey, Paul, are you still working on that letter?

Yep, yeah.

Cool.

Anything new?

Or interesting in any way?

Okay, I'll have you guys know that I'm working some of the Bible's best poetry into this book.

Are you though?

Oh, yeah.

No, everyone agrees.

I mean, listen to this.

How then shall they call on him in whom they have not believed?

And how shall they believe in him of who they have not heard?

And how shall they hear without a preacher?

And how shall they preach except they be sent?

As it is written, how beautiful are the feet of them that preach the gospel of peace and bring glad tidings of good things.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

What was the last part?

Yeah, I got a little with Christopher Walk in there in the middle.

I heard it.

I heard it.

No, no, man, the foot thing.

Oh, yeah.

No, I just thought I'd throw in a little something in there for the foot fans.

After all, I do have pretty sweet feet.

Do you?

Oh, yeah.

I mean, look at them.

Not

five out of ten at best.

I mean, I also don't know.

Weird man.

You're weird.

Hey, Paul.

Oh, hey, guys.

What's up?

We have another question about this predestination stuff you've been talking so much about.

Yeah, yeah, what about it?

Yeah, if Jews are the chosen people, but now you need Jesus to be saved, does that mean they aren't chosen anymore?

Ooh, I was actually just writing about this in the letter.

No, so the Jews are still chosen.

It's just that now God has chosen chosen them as the people to see nothing, hear nothing, and know nothing.

Oh, wow.

Well, that's quite a shift.

I mean.

Yeah, well, yeah, I know.

That's why God gave salvation to Gentiles first, to make the Jews jealous.

To make them jealous.

Yeah, yeah, but don't worry.

Everyone in Israel will be saved eventually.

But actually, it's only for their ancestors' sake.

Wait, so God made the Jews blind to Jesus, but they'll all eventually accept him as part of his covenant with the Jews?

Yeah, I mean, look.

Everyone knows that everyone who doesn't believe in God is only doing it so that they can believe in God again later.

That's

psychotic.

Well, that they're doing it for like a dramatic tension thing.

Dramatic tension, where the ending is spelled out in the book.

I mean, sure, but how many Jews are going to read this?

It's not a bank statement, am I right?

yikes

too far I felt it yeah

yeah

hey guys oh hey Paul so I know you were feeling pretty down about some of the stuff I wrote in my super sweet letter I mean yeah that's pretty much true yeah Okay, so I wrote a bunch of stuff that I know you guys are going to like, like about being generous and helping the poor and being hospitable.

Right, yeah, that stuff's all great, but you spent the whole first half of your letter telling people in no uncertain terms that none of that really matters.

Yeah, like you just said that they can do all that stuff, but if they don't believe in Jesus, they'll still go to hell.

Yeah, oh, yeah, definitely.

Sorry, do you think I should clarify that here as well?

You mean, like after the section on doing good stuff?

You mean the right thing?

Yeah, like explicitly.

No?

I'm going to toss it in there so people don't get confused.

I am going to

great.

yeah

okay i got the section that is gonna cheer you guys up okay what is it now paul okay what if we tell everybody to

pay their taxes what pay their taxes seriously yeah so i was thinking god must love kings wherever there's a king otherwise he'd have smited them so make sure to pay your taxes okay god okay so just to be clear good deeds do not matter.

Generosity, kindness, all those things are laudable, but pointless.

But God has appointed all the kings, and people should pay taxes.

Yes.

That's what you're doing here.

Hey, you get like, you get like punched a lot?

I do, yeah.

Okay, guys, I definitely have something you're going to like this time.

Do you?

Okay.

You guys like the Ten Commandments?

No, nothing in there about brains.

Okay, well,

sorry, I thought you guys were going to say yes.

So get a little more excited because that's okay, because I cut the commandments down to five.

Okay,

which are they?

Thou shalt not commit adultery.

Thou shalt not kill.

Thou shalt not steal.

Thou shalt not bear false witness.

And thou shalt not covet.

Okay, there's still nothing about rape in there.

This is the good part.

Are you ready?

And

if there be any other commandment, it is briefly comprehended in this saying, namely, thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself.

Love worketh no ill to his neighbor.

Therefore, love is the fulfilling of the law.

So

six commandments.

Technically, yes.

I mean, the other list has the wrong number, too.

That's true.

It does.

Man, this book is really repetitive.

Tell me about it, Don.

Okay, but trust me, you guys are going to love the next chapter.

Really?

Of the Bible?

Yeah, I love it because this next chapter of the Bible is

all about being nice to vegans.

There's a chapter of the Bible about being nice to vegans.

Yeah, let him which eateth not judgeth him that eateth.

I mean, no.

It is good neither to eat flesh nor to drink wine nor anything whereby thy brother stumbleth or is offended or is made weak.

Meat doesn't make you weak, no.

Emotionally weak, psychologically weak.

So, Eli, this chapter is about undoing Old Testament like deuteronomical food commandments.

So it's not about being vegan.

Also,

also,

let he

who eats herbs choose

the

restaurant

you guys can find something good on the menu that that's in the bible but you just said

cool so i'll just look that up real quick don't

in conclusion i would really like to come visit you say hey to phoebe for me and marry

oh and fuck if you're gonna say hi to people i think you should probably say hi to junia she's an apostle so i'm sorry wait junia is an apostle the fuck is that?

Oh, it doesn't matter.

She gets a shout-out in the Bible.

That's the only time we're going to talk about her.

Hey, make sure you kiss when you see each other.

Also,

dude, toothbrushes won't be invented for like such a long time here.

I said big old smooches on the mouth is what I said.

And anyone who doesn't want to kiss is defying God.

And actually, now that I think about it, they hate him and they only think of themselves.

Plus,

I'm the only one who can say anything about Jesus the end.

And that is Paul's letter to the Romans.

Huh.

Got it.

Not a lot in there, huh?

Well, story-wise, no, but theologically speaking, it's pretty important.

It really solidifies the idea of predestination, damnation, faith over works.

So like all the worst parts.

Yeah, pretty much, yeah.

Okay, what's next?

1 Corinthians.

What's that?

Well, it's Paul's letter to the church in Corinth.

Basically, he's telling them everything they've gotten wrong since he left.

Oh, my mom sends me those emails.

Exactly, yeah.

So interestingly, this is the first Pauline epistle with a known amanuensis.

Oh,

interesting.

Yeah, interesting.

You don't know what an amanuensis is, do you?

I do not.

Yeah, no, it means a scribe, but it's like a...

It's more official because you're taking down parts of the Bible or another important text.

So maybe just say that.

Anyway, this letter is being written down by Sosthenes, who, if you'll remember, got his ass kicked in Acts.

Oh, yeah.

He was like the Jesus story, but with kicks in the nuts instead.

Exactly, yeah.

So shall we jump in?

Sure.

Thanks so much for the clarification, Paul.

No problem.

After all, I want everyone to be ready for when Jesus comes.

Oh, of course.

And when will that be

oh we're tackling that right up here at the yeah uh

uh soon

soon like like days or weeks or months or what are we talking

I think we're gonna be wrong about that enough times in this book and it's best not to nail down a specific time in this particular

okay got it So,

hey, what needs clarification since I left?

Okay, so people are a little confused about who they're saved by.

Some people are saying they're saved by Christ.

A few are saying they're saved by you.

And like four guys are saying they're saved by Apollos.

Who the fuck is Apollos?

Oh, he's one of the guys that he was preaching with you back in Acts or whatever.

Oh my God.

I'm supposed to remember all those guys?

I mean, apparently, sir, they're also going to make up some new ones as well.

Oh, that's confusing.

Okay.

Either way, everyone is baptized in the name of Jesus, not the person who baptized you.

Okay, what about you?

Did you baptize yourself in the name of Jesus or what?

No, no, Jesus baptized me, I don't know, in his own name, I guess.

Okay, okay.

So, nobody can be baptized in a name other than Jesus

or themselves, except for Jesus, right?

And John the Baptist.

Okay, got it.

That's clear, right?

That doesn't, that feels good.

Oh, no, no, that totally, totally.

Okay, cool.

You tell me if it wasn't clear.

All right, Sothetans, it's time for some wisdom.

It's Sashanese, sir.

Sothans.

Sosthanes.

Then

why would you even start with a different letter?

You know what?

This doesn't matter.

Let's not do this.

Look, I want to hit the Corinthians with this.

All right?

Listen to this.

The only way to become wise is to be a fool.

Oh, I see a bit of Socrates in there, sir.

Right?

It's like, I know nothing except for Christ.

Oh, indeed, sir.

That's that's good.

Like, like, what's a bird?

I don't know.

All I do know is Jesus.

Okay, I think we got an idiot for

Are you making fun of me now, sir?

That's a little much.

No, that was, I was doing a problem.

Okay, I felt it, though, and I've pulling it back.

Yeah, this is probably best.

All right, sir.

Some questions about fornicators.

Oh, yeah.

Hey, I heard one of you guys is having sex with his stepmom.

What?

No,

there is one, sir.

Okay, well, that's fucking gross.

Okay, don't

do that.

In fact, you know what?

Give that guy to Satan and destroy his body.

Oh, got it, sir.

Avoid all fornicators.

Okay, well, okay, relax.

I didn't say avoid all fornicators, just the believers who fornicate.

So, non-believing fornicators are okay.

Sure.

I mean,

who else are you going to fuck?

Well, that's a good point.

All right.

Next up, there's been a bit of legal troubles between believers.

Do they take each other to regular court or is there like some kind of supreme court?

No.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

Listen, listen.

Never take another believer to court.

Oh, man, we really aren't Jewish anymore, are we?

Exactly.

Look, we're going to judge the whole world someday, okay?

We're going to be the judge of the angels someday.

We can't be judged by normal courts.

We're going to judge the angels?

We are.

Yeah, we sure are.

I wonder what that will be like.

What that will be like.

What that will be like.

So, to be clear, you ate the turducken with the bones.

Bones are the best part.

Yep, guilty.

Guilty.

Whatever version of guilty we can do, I voted.

Come on.

It wasn't even a dog.

And on that note, we're going to call things for the month, but we'll be back soon with even more Bible peace theater.

Before we slither back to where I rock, I want to confirm that yes, I will be giving my talk on tarot at this year's QED.

Yes, it's sold out, but digital tickets are still available, so you can watch my talk plus my panel.

And I think Heath's doing a panel, and Heath, Eli, and I are all going to be doing Incredulous together.

Definitely worth checking out at QEDCon.org.

Anyway, that's all the blast memory we've got for you tonight, but we'll be back in 10,022 minutes with more.

If you can't wait that long, be on the lookout for a brand new episode of our sister show, The Skeptic, debuting at 7 Eastern on Monday, and an even new episode of our Sister Show's Hot Friend God Open Movies debuting at 7 Eastern on Tuesday, and an even newer episode of our Half-Sister Show Citation Needed debuting at Noon Eastern on Wednesday.

Somehow I say that worse every time I say it.

Obviously, it wouldn't feel very episode full if I neglected to thank Heath Enray for being awesome, Lucind Illusions for being awe-inspiring, Eli Bosnick for being award-worthy, and Don Ford for being awhile shucks charming.

I also want to thank Alton for providing this week's Farnsworth quote.

Incidentally, if you sounded a little weird to yourself, it's because I changed the audio a bit to differentiate the voices a little more, but great job.

But most of all, of course, I want to thank this week's best bipeds, Victoria, Matthew, C.S., Lil Buckaroo, Brian, and M.

Victoria and Matthew, whose IQs are too high to pass a field sobriety test, C.S.

and Lil, who are so bright cutting them off in traffic counsels and eclipse, and Brian and M, who are so hot they have to apologize to global warming activists.

Together these six deceptively dangerous disbelievers deign to donate to our disassembly of DFIC dupery this week by giving us money.

Not everybody has the money it takes to do that shit, but if you do you can make a per-episode donation at patreon.com slash scathing atheist whereby you'll earn early access to an extended ad-free version of every episode or you can make a one-time donation by clicking on the donate button on the right side of the homepage at scathingatheist.com.

And if you'd like to help but you can't do it financially, you can also help a ton by leaving a five-star review, telling a friend about the show, and following us on social media.

And speaking to social media, Tim Robertson handles that up for us, and our audio engineer is Morton Clark, who also wrote all the music that was used in this episode, which was used with permission.

If you have questions, comments, or death threats, you'll find all the contact info on the contact page at scathingadeist.com.

Am I still Patrick Warburton just aside?

Or is this?

Yeah, okay.

Or Patrick stars Eric or Kirk, because, yeah, yeah, whatever you want to do, follow your heart.

Let the art carry you.

All right.

This content is can-credentialed, which means you can report instances of harassment, abuse, or other harm at their hotline at 617-249-4255 or on their website at creatoraccountability network.org.

The preceding podcast was a production of Puzzle in a Thunderstorm LLC, Copyright 2025, all rights reserved.

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