Ari Shaffir: Growing Up Orthodox, How Joe Rogan Saved Comedy, and the Infamous Kobe Bryant Joke

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Speaker 4 don't you also think though that at least i feel this way you can

Speaker 4 feel whether someone's speaking from affection or dislike like it's just like non-verbally i'd know if you hate me yeah you know what i mean yeah that word jew is a great one it's jew or hard jew then it's like so that the special was called jew uh-huh

Speaker 5 did you get any complaints about that No, it came right after all that Kanye stuff, too. So I was a little worried they were going to be like hard line on anti-Semitism and just pull everything down.

Speaker 4 So you didn't worry about

Speaker 5 a little bit. What a special called Jew, yeah.
I worried about a little bit, but but I tested it.

Speaker 5 I tested it everywhere. I tested it.
It was a five-year process of like going to places where there's lots of Jews, going to places with Perth.

Speaker 5 They were like, I don't even know what you're talking about. Iceland.
They're like, what? What's a I've heard of a Jew.

Speaker 4 Was the Jewish community in Iceland outraged?

Speaker 5 Both of them?

Speaker 6 Yeah.

Speaker 5 Yeah.

Speaker 4 Welcome to Tucker Carlson Show. It's become pretty clear that the mainstream media are dying.
They can't die quickly enough. And there's a reason they're dying because they lie.

Speaker 4 They lied so much, it killed them. We're not doing that.
TuckerCarlson.com. We promised to bring me the most honest content, the most honest interviews we can without fear or favor.

Speaker 5 Here's the latest.

Speaker 4 Somebody told me yesterday that you lead the field among stand-ups for death threats.

Speaker 5 Yeah, I was the first one to get them.

Speaker 4 Why?

Speaker 5 I had this when I was, yeah, I don't know.

Speaker 5 What do you mean you don't know? I mean, I don't know exactly. So I had this when I was starting in

Speaker 5 National Lampoons was doing this like fake,

Speaker 5 fake

Speaker 5 reality show pitches.

Speaker 5 It was like a, the idea was they went up, it was all faked, but they all found a box of pitches for a reality show up in like the offices of NBC or something, but the craziest pitches possible.

Speaker 5 One was like, I can throw up on command. Another was like, I watched that.
Yeah, yeah. There's this guy who drank APACAC and just like barfed everywhere.
And mine was called the Amazing Racist

Speaker 6 off the amazing race.

Speaker 5 It was just like a super overboard race. They came to me with the idea and I was like, that's funny, but let's like really go for it if we're going to go for it.
No, but that was a thing.

Speaker 5 I've seen that. Oh, you have?

Speaker 4 You're Amazing Racist?

Speaker 5 Yeah.

Speaker 4 Going to the black convenience store in a clan outfit?

Speaker 5 Yeah.

Speaker 5 So either you get it or you don't. If you're mad, I can see why you get mad, but also like.
But why?

Speaker 5 Because you don't show over the top that of course you're joking. If I'm throwing oranges at a Mexican yelling, go back to Africa

Speaker 5 that you can't see maybe or like, wait, but you're Jewish. I'm like, right.

Speaker 5 So if I'm wearing a clan outfit and I'm a comedian, as a Jew wearing a clan outfit.

Speaker 4 Probably not in the clan.

Speaker 5 Probably not in the clan. You see, it's ridiculous.

Speaker 5 Anyway, so my buddy Duncan Trussell, who's a great comic and hilarious and weird, he

Speaker 5 early websites, he built a website saying, if you prank my friend Ari Shafir,

Speaker 5 send him a prank call,

Speaker 5 record it, I'll give you 20 bucks for the best one. This is before all that stuff came out.
So the National Lampoons DVD came out and then somebody ripped it to the internet.

Speaker 5 So pretty early YouTube was like this, without context of National Lampoons, just me going, hi, I'm Ari Shafir. I'm an amazing racist.
Let me do this horrible thing right now.

Speaker 5 Anyway, so people like saw it, Googled my name. The first thing that came up was Duncan, before you even click on the, you know, the Google search, it just says Ari Shafir phone number.

Speaker 5 So that was it your actual phone number? Yeah. Yeah.
So the, but it was pre-doxing. It was before any of that, you know, before America got dangerous.
Yeah.

Speaker 5 So I would just start getting phone calls. It was great.
Like what? I'll fucking kill you. You think you're so funny.

Speaker 5 One of them was I picked up a bunch of Latinos, Mexicans, saying I wanted you to fix my deck and then drove them to the INS building

Speaker 5 and started yelling La Migra. And they ran out, whatever, whatever.
It was funny. Nobody was hurt in the making of it.
But people took it seriously. People took it seriously.

Speaker 5 My favorite one was, I'll build a deck in your ass, Holmes.

Speaker 5 I would just get calls all the time. I had to put my ringer on mute.
But do you think, I mean, they weren't serious, though. None of them were real.

Speaker 5 So when now, when people go, I've been threatened, I'm like, shut up. This isn't a real thing.
I've been getting it for 20 years.

Speaker 4 But do you think anybody was actually offended

Speaker 5 it's instructive because i got i would get a few like messages facebook back then or myspace even and it was like um fuck you you're a piece of shit i'm mexican how dare you and then i'd like right back like you know it's just a joke i actually paid all those guys 50 bucks and took them back to where they were working um like nothing actually happened um

Speaker 5 and i drove them to a library wasn't even like you know it just looked like the ins building um

Speaker 5 and then they would respond like oh, okay. I actually did think it was funny.
I laughed when I saw it. I'm like, so we went from laughing when you're exactly

Speaker 5 threatening me because you're supposed to.

Speaker 4 And that is what it is, right? People feel this like moral obligation to be mad about certain things.

Speaker 5 Yeah. But your real reaction is you were laughing.

Speaker 4 So do you ever get people walking out of your shows?

Speaker 5 Yeah, all the time.

Speaker 4 All the time. Why do you think they do that?

Speaker 5 Number of reasons. Too dirty is the main.

Speaker 5 I don't want to hear about sex. You know, so that's, that's an okay one.
Yeah. It used to be the dirty comics were like, it's cheap.
You're dirty. Oh, you talk about blowjobs.

Speaker 5 And it was like, okay, fine. And so then the clean comics were like, I'm a well-written comedian.
I can do, you know, whatever.

Speaker 5 And they would just look down on us, but it wasn't a moral thing. Right.
Now it's a moral thing. They put them on a moral high ground.
They put these people on moral low ground.

Speaker 5 So like, you're kind of evil for doing it. Not just like cheap or easy.

Speaker 5 You're wrong. You are wrong.
You're immoral. Yeah.
And it's like, but it's the same thing.

Speaker 4 So sex is one.

Speaker 5 Sex is one.

Speaker 5 I mean, I remember I had a, I had a, at the comedy cell where I'll help people walk out all the time.

Speaker 5 The door guys laugh about it. They're like, every time somebody leaves crying, it's you.

Speaker 5 They walk out past me, literally crying, and it's always a drunk white woman.

Speaker 5 I mean, oh,

Speaker 5 it is on her.

Speaker 5 That's who yells at me.

Speaker 4 What is that?

Speaker 5 They, well, one, they suck.

Speaker 5 Why do you think that? They've never had any problems. So they had the slightest problem.

Speaker 4 Like, this is the worst.

Speaker 5 You ever see rich people? They were like, they're like, my flight was delayed. i like shut up you sat in first class and your flight was delayed an hour and you're bitching shut up

Speaker 5 so you think it's just like any inconvenience never right so this is the worst case scenario is a slight inconvenience i had to hear something i didn't like to hear but in a functioning society you like you have a man at home to calm you down maybe that's part of the problem well you yeah you so you see it at the shows the man that's with them sometimes is either like quiet or they're they're just like like you could see them resigned to like you deal with it bro i'm not gonna fuck i gotta gotta live with it so if i tell her to shut up i gotta this is a month of do they heckle you yeah they'll bet mad so i had a lady walking outside like maybe a year ago and i remember like oh this lady got really mad i didn't notice it but like she was really mad

Speaker 5 um and i was like which joke was it holocaust stuff was it down syndrome stuff was it like war in gaza stuff like it could have been any one thing and and it's not all of them it's the only thing that you feel personally like this is the line is the one that walk out on.

Speaker 5 And I didn't think anything of it. And then I was hanging out, had a drink up there, and then I left like 30 minutes later.
This is always the fun. They want to tell you that they were right.

Speaker 5 And I'm walking out and I pass by some woman. She goes, you're a piece of shit.

Speaker 5 I've gotten that. What did she say? A lady.
I just started laughing in her face and walked away.

Speaker 5 I'm not going to give her an argument. So she stayed to tell you that? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's funny when they leave and then stay.

Speaker 5 It used to be just write a shitty Yelp review if you didn't get the service you wanted.

Speaker 4 And how did she respond when you laughed at her?

Speaker 5 They can't understand it. They're like, No, you should be mad.
I'm like, I'm not combating you. I was just making jokes.
Everybody else is laughing.

Speaker 5 I'm just doing this for everyone, for the joy, but it's also funny when you walk out angry. We're all laughing at you for not getting it.

Speaker 4 And it's, you never rise to the bait.

Speaker 5 I have before.

Speaker 5 Yeah. But it's never a good idea.
No, it's not a good idea. Yeah.
And it's also, it's just fun to toy with them.

Speaker 5 You know,

Speaker 5 to be like, I think you're right and I will learn from this.

Speaker 5 It's just fun to fuck with them sometimes.

Speaker 4 Has it gotten better or worse? It feels like people are freer to say what they think all of a sudden.

Speaker 5 Yeah. You know, internet, everyone feels they have their 40 followers.
So like they're a celebrity.

Speaker 4 No, but I mean it feels like the strike zone is wider than it was two years ago.

Speaker 5 What does it mean strike zone?

Speaker 5 I mean, you're allowed to say more things or there are fewer umpires or they're just we're allowed to say more things or they're figuring people allowed to say more things.

Speaker 5 Everybody's allowed to say say yeah right

Speaker 4 it felt like there for a while there are only like four things you were allowed to say and now i hear people giving opinions gen z is way better than millennials why gen z

Speaker 5 okay so you ski or snowboard yeah which one ski nice

Speaker 4 well obviously don't snowboard i mean come on now yeah

Speaker 5 well so i was a skier In what, late 80s, snowboard started, mid-80s? Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 5 And everyone was like, I'm not skiing. That's my fucking dad.
I'm a snowboarder. It's cool.
And then a generation passed. And now the kids are like, I'm not snowboarding.
That's for my father. Yeah.

Speaker 5 So they go the opposite way.

Speaker 4 I just, I stayed true to skiing and it never changed.

Speaker 5 Yeah. Always.
You still ski? Yeah. Yeah.
All mountains should be no snowboard.

Speaker 4 I completely agree.

Speaker 5 I think there's only one in the night. Somebody jumping out of the fucking Alta and you.
Deer Valley, too. Deer Valley.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 5 Icon's got to work.

Speaker 4 They wreck the snow.

Speaker 5 They wreck the snow. They slide down.
It's mobile city. They get done with it.
And they take out old people, which I will be soon.

Speaker 4 Jump out of the trees. Oh, I know.

Speaker 5 Have a spotter. I know.
Just have a fucking spotter. And they're too high, actually.

Speaker 4 Well, little high is fine, but they're way too high.

Speaker 5 I mean, I've seen snowball. You fell up a lift.
You fell off a lift.

Speaker 5 I was trying to get on. You know the thing where you put your skis under you? So I was like, I saw some cool people do.
I was like, let me do that.

Speaker 5 And I was trying to do it, but then I started getting pushed, you know, by the, and I'm like trying to do it. And then I was just down.
That hurts. It does hurt.
Yeah.

Speaker 4 Your bindings don't release when you fall off a ski lift. Yeah.

Speaker 5 It was on the floor, though. And so I was probably put my head up.
So, oh man, just shove my head back down because it was dropping off.

Speaker 4 So you think people in their 20s are better than people in their 30s?

Speaker 5 Yeah, forward. So anyway, these people in the Gen Zers looked at the millennials, their aunts and their fucking whatever, and they're like, you guys are angry and we don't want to be like you.

Speaker 5 And they understand, at least for stand-up comedy, like, we know they're not serious. You guys didn't know they weren't serious.
We know they're not serious. So when they say,

Speaker 5 I don't know, let's bring slavery about. Let's give it another chance.
We know you're being ridiculous. We know it's Jonathan Swift.

Speaker 5 It's fine. So then they're like, well, now we can laugh.
You don't mean that.

Speaker 4 Are you ever offended by anything? I mean, do you have a red line?

Speaker 5 Well, I wouldn't like

Speaker 5 try to silence it, but some stuff is like.

Speaker 4 No, I just mean, is anything personally offensive to you?

Speaker 4 Have you ever heard a joke where you're like, ah, I'm not into it?

Speaker 5 Yeah, there's certain times.

Speaker 5 Like if I just heard my dad speak about the Holocaust and I hear it a Holocaust joke, I'm like, just not in the mood.

Speaker 4 Yeah.

Speaker 5 but there are other times you're you're but also i'll just quietly leave

Speaker 5 or if it's like political jokes i'm like i don't i don't get the references here right i just don't follow it yeah i noticed that at breakfast this morning you're not governor following politics like is that a good guy but how are you going to deal with i mean

Speaker 5 there are some political stories that are sort of unavoidable like the current one with biden like how are you like what do you make of that with like the like his physical condition his mental condition i just hear people talking Oh, you haven't seen any of it?

Speaker 5 A little like from people referencing on stand-up comedy clips.

Speaker 5 Like Shane had one where he's like talking about how he left the stage real slow and he was talking about like, I've done that drunk, having to like sidestep.

Speaker 4 Oh, but you haven't seen any of the video.

Speaker 5 It's uninteresting.

Speaker 4 Do you live in this country? Yeah. How do you avoid that?

Speaker 5 I do not. For six years, I haven't read or watched the news.
Really? If it's on, I'll avoid, I'll leave the room. Why? It's hatred.

Speaker 5 It's terrible. It puts you in a terrible mental state.
for something you don't affect. Everyone thinks they're making a difference.
They're not.

Speaker 5 I mean, you had a popular show on like a major network. Yeah.
You also didn't make a difference. Rogan doesn't make a difference.

Speaker 4 Well, I got fired.

Speaker 5 Yeah. But like this idea that I'm going to change everything.
Nah, high-level guys who had a reach, who had a reach, maybe you could because you reach a lot of people. I think I did.

Speaker 5 But like, I agree with you. You being upset about Biden or Trump, it's like, what is it doing? It's going to happen regardless.
It's like being upset about the rain.

Speaker 4 You really think so? So it sounds like you don't buy the premise of democracy.

Speaker 5 Listen,

Speaker 5 how should I say this? The black vote matters. Right.
One black vote doesn't matter. Right.
That's, that's correct. Yeah.

Speaker 5 So it's just like, why get involved? In Romania and Slovenia, they just had, well, or

Speaker 5 you just got back from Australia. Yeah.
So like,

Speaker 5 I always loved how they felt about it. Our government's crooked.
We can't do anything. Let's get drunk and do the worst Coke in the world.
And that's what they,

Speaker 5 you did you didn't really participate in australian culture but no i didn't participate it's mostly baby powder is that true and it's the most overpriced in the world too cigarettes are 60 a pack it was wild yeah i left i bought a pouch and i was like and then i was i didn't think about the price i was just like ring it up pouch of tobacco yeah yeah and then uh and then uh i bought another one and um where it was in gold coast and then i was like 63 i'm like no that's

Speaker 5 tobacco yeah and he goes that's how much it is and it's like i thought it was like a tourist tourist spot. And I was like, fuck up, dude.
I just bought it for $40. And he goes, no, you didn't.

Speaker 4 Did you like the lung cancer pictures on the package?

Speaker 5 I did have to trade a pack because I'm like, this one's too graft. It's too gross.

Speaker 4 You almost don't want to smoke. Give me a dead baby.

Speaker 5 I don't want to see the missing tail. The dead baby

Speaker 5 doesn't hurt me.

Speaker 4 Well, it wasn't caused by smoking.

Speaker 5 Yeah.

Speaker 5 It was caused by the ozone.

Speaker 4 So,

Speaker 5 yeah, I just don't pay attention. It's going to happen regardless.

Speaker 5 Why

Speaker 5 lose sleep over it?

Speaker 4 But what about the idea that

Speaker 4 if you don't do anything about it, then it just gets worse and worse and worse?

Speaker 5 If society doesn't do anything about it, it gets worse and worse. If I don't do anything about it, it's not going to change my mom.
It's a moral obligation to vote.

Speaker 4 If you don't vote, you're not allowed to complain.

Speaker 5 Can I tell you something that no one seems to get on my side on?

Speaker 5 If you think the system is corrupt,

Speaker 5 participation in the system is you. co-signing the system.

Speaker 5 So it's like, it doesn't matter which side you're voting on. This corrupt, they both lie lie to you, two party only possibilities, which is what they're revolting in in Hong Kong.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 5 Here's your two possible choices only. Just saying, okay, well, I'll take this one is you saying, yeah, the system, I agree with it.
And I don't agree with the system

Speaker 5 at all. I'm sympathetic to what you're saying.

Speaker 4 I'm actually not dismissing you out of hand because I think you're making a pretty solid point.

Speaker 4 The problem, though, is it could get to a point where they show up at your house and start hassling you directly.

Speaker 5 Who? The government. To vote?

Speaker 4 No, no, no.

Speaker 4 I mean, the government gets in the wrong hands. Like, it can be pretty intrusive.

Speaker 5 Yeah, I guess.

Speaker 5 So, yeah. But, like, here's two problems with that.
One, it's a worst case scenario way of living.

Speaker 6 Right.

Speaker 5 I mean, I've heard the Holocaust is coming back my entire life. This can lead to the Holocaust.
George Bush could be Hitler. Trump was Hitler.
Trump was definitely Hitler. Everybody's Hitler.

Speaker 5 And I'm like, I don't, where? Where is this happening?

Speaker 5 So it's like you hear these worst case scenarios all the time. They don't come to fruition.
And also, it's like you still won't have any effect on it.

Speaker 5 When they were talking about going to war with Iran, they're like, this is a nuclear holocaust. And everyone was bitching about it.
And I was skiing. And I'm like, you guys can lose your last days.

Speaker 5 If there's a nuclear holocaust coming, these are your last days. And I spent it skiing and you spend it arguing online with a stranger.

Speaker 5 Like, who's God going to say did it right? You know,

Speaker 4 that's actually completely different.

Speaker 5 Like you're not actually affecting it. And if enough people.

Speaker 4 There's a whole book in the Jewish Jewish Bible called Ecclesiastes that basically makes this point.

Speaker 5 Really? Yeah. Interesting.

Speaker 4 You should.

Speaker 5 Ecclesiastes. What's that in Hebrew? Do you know?

Speaker 4 I don't.

Speaker 5 Yeah, some of them were like Genesis. I'm like, I don't know that word.
I know the. Oh, is that you went to yeshiva? Yeah.

Speaker 4 They don't call it Genesis. No.

Speaker 5 So I had to like Deuteronomy. I was like, oh, which one is that again?

Speaker 4 How long did you spend in yeshiva?

Speaker 5 Two years after high school, but my entire all-high school. Did you think you were going to be a rabbi? It's a possibility.
Really? Yeah. It was like

Speaker 5 possibility. What What was that like? It was like in pre-law.

Speaker 4 What do you do in yeshiva, by the way?

Speaker 5 Study.

Speaker 4 Pardon my ignorance. Like, what's the schedule? Like, you wake up when and do what?

Speaker 5 That's part of your culture is to be ignorant. Yeah.

Speaker 4 I'm not a chosen person.

Speaker 5 You wake up, you do a little learning.

Speaker 5 That's like choose your own adventure. That's so it might be like prophets,

Speaker 5 one of the side books or something.

Speaker 5 And then you pray.

Speaker 5 Then you go have breakfast.

Speaker 5 That's like breakfast ends at like nine. So nine to one, you learn Talmud.

Speaker 5 Then one to two is.

Speaker 4 Is this just independent study or just reading it by yourself?

Speaker 5 There's classes. And then there's also like, and then also independent, but there's classes.
We're a rabbi.

Speaker 5 Dude, we had a rabbi who was like teaching us one of the, one of the books of the Gemara, the Talmud.

Speaker 5 He was so smart. I forget his name.
Oh, it's embarrassing. That's embarrassing.
Who is it? I don't know, but the house is. You can check it.
No, it's all right. No.
No, tell me who called.

Speaker 5 Oh, it's your mom. Hold on.
Hey, he's busy right now. I'll get back to you later.
All right. Bye, Miss.
Bye, Miss. Bye, Miss Tucker.

Speaker 4 That's what she went by, too. Mrs.

Speaker 5 Tucker.

Speaker 5 Anyway, he was teaching us and then doing it really well. And then somebody went to the bathroom and they came by, I forget his name.
Let's call him Rabbi Jew.

Speaker 5 And they're like, Rabbi Jew, this isn't the right book. And he goes, Oh, yeah, I forgot the, I forgot the, but it was telling him I took the wrong one.

Speaker 5 Like, you've been teaching us from it the whole class. And he goes, yeah, he just knows it by heart.

Speaker 4 It was actually like a John Irving novel.

Speaker 5 It was just a different tracted. It was like the encyclopedia, you're doing the E's and he's reading from F's, but he's still word for word on the E's.

Speaker 4 It was crazy. So he'd memorized it.
Yeah.

Speaker 5 Which is, it was an oral tradition. It was passed down orally for a long time.

Speaker 5 Was it interesting?

Speaker 5 The Talmud? Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 5 So many fun,

Speaker 5 so not fun, but like, yeah, like I was telling you at breakfast. By the way, guys, Tucker Carlson feeds his guest breakfast.
Of course I do. Yeah.
What's your podcast do?

Speaker 5 Yeah, it was like if you accidentally kill someone, like you have to replace

Speaker 5 their wife, you have to pay their wife. This is what I was talking about.
And like a doctor's wife, you pay more than a garbage man's wife.

Speaker 5 And then it's all arguing, like, is a garbage man worth less does he have less value than a doctor and then it's like the arguing arguing arguing that's like no you're just trying to like you have a responsibility to keep her way of life keep her like richness there so you have to pay her based on her income it's kind of like divorce now

Speaker 4 do you debate this in class with yeah so you debate it you talk about it then there's secondary rabbis who all weighed in and no no but do you debate it at yeshiva this do the students say you know what i just don't agree with this at all

Speaker 5 are you allowed to debate yeah 100 it's all based in like say what you think is not right here

Speaker 5 there's a philip roth book conversion of the jews uh it's a short story yeah i never read it it's about uh it's pretty good and uh and uh

Speaker 5 yeah philip roth and um poor noise complaint guy

Speaker 5 yeah

Speaker 5 um

Speaker 5 and it was just about this kid in yeshiva in brooklyn who was like i don't understand if god can create

Speaker 5 everything the animals and light out of darkness he goes that one always got me there was there was darkness and he made light for the first time i always got me and he goes why couldn't he make a son like no god can't have a son's like but what he did all this other stuff how come he can't you're supposed to ask these questions

Speaker 5 so there's no penalty for no penalty it's based in for a hundred percent you should be asking questions we should have answers if we don't then your question is correct and it sounds like a great education it's great i ask everything if it doesn't make sense You got to ask and we should have an explanation.

Speaker 5 You shouldn't be like, don't ask this stuff.

Speaker 4 How many yeshiva students become stand-ups?

Speaker 5 Not many, not many. There's a couple, but not many.

Speaker 4 It seems kind of like a natural training ground for it.

Speaker 5 It was so helpful. The logic basis of it, between that and an English major, where you're also just same thing, kind of analyzing textually.
Like, what does he do? And what does this mean?

Speaker 5 It's just a great way of looking at humanity and then like writing a joke about it.

Speaker 4 What do your rabbis and classmates think of what you do?

Speaker 5 Well,

Speaker 5 so it's the religion part and it's also the culture part. Right.
So the culture part was like, what are you doing? You're not making a living. This is ridiculous.
This is embarrassing.

Speaker 4 They didn't think you were making a living?

Speaker 5 I wasn't for 10 years, you know, temp jobs and whatever. Really? Yeah.
What kind of temp jobs? I worked for the Beverly Hills Chamber of Commerce.

Speaker 5 I just did like data entry in different places,

Speaker 5 moving boxes. Did some commercial.
I got started booking commercials for a while. I had a weird look.
That helped, but that was like five, six years in.

Speaker 5 It was just poverty, which, but it was also great training because now

Speaker 5 you seem pretty immune, immune to finances, to the dangers. To the dangers? Yeah.
You have money, but you seem kind of, I don't know you well enough, but you seem like you're resistant to letting it.

Speaker 5 Like I was talking to you about Jake Hanrahan. He won't take, he won't take advertising money because he doesn't want anybody pressuring him to cover.

Speaker 4 Yeah, I don't think you should worship money.

Speaker 4 I'm opposed to that.

Speaker 5 yeah i don't think it makes you happy debt makes you unhappy right money does not make severe lack of money makes you 100 that is real but i was broke for long enough where i don't need these things anymore good for happy with like oh i got nile seat you know i don't need to fly private or first class it's like it's nice but like not i don't i sleep in hostels you know i love that yeah it's it's

Speaker 4 yeah so i'm free of it and it frees me up to do fun things so you took that experience and did a special on judaism

Speaker 5 Yeah, you got to watch it.

Speaker 4 Why'd you do that?

Speaker 5 I mean, I've been looking at this stuff for forever. I just wasn't good enough to do it, but it was always on my mind.

Speaker 4 If you're wondering how big tech got powerful enough to void the First Amendment to the Constitution of the United States, how did it get big enough to nullify the founding documents of the most powerful company in the world?

Speaker 5 Well, simple.

Speaker 4 They got really rich.

Speaker 4 Money is power. Well, how'd they get rich? From information, your information, which you keep giving to them.
How do you do that?

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Speaker 5 The non-Jews have seven laws of Noah. That's all you got to do.

Speaker 5 And you get into heaven. And they're pretty easy.
They're great. They're pretty easy.
Don't eat an animal while it's still living. Exactly.
Should be a no-brainer. Don't kill.
Don't kill.

Speaker 5 Harder for some people, but not others. Don't rape.
Even harder for some people, but most are still on the right side of it. I forget what the other ones are.

Speaker 4 Adultery. Yeah.

Speaker 5 It's not that hard. And you get to go to heaven and you'll be right alongside a rabbi.

Speaker 4 Well, not only that, they're like very reasonable.

Speaker 5 Yeah, they're not like hard ones to do.

Speaker 4 No, they're, they're all kind of rooted in natural law.

Speaker 5 Yeah. No, I, I read that and I.
Yeah. When you convert, they're like, what are you doing this for? You're just going to make it harder on yourself.
You're going to heaven already.

Speaker 4 Oh, that's interesting. Okay.
You don't feel there's any contempt at all in that.

Speaker 5 There becomes contempt.

Speaker 5 You know,

Speaker 5 at the end, where it's like, well, you're not in our group, so kind of fuck you. But that's not in the law.
I mean, even Jesus is like, accept everyone, take them in, right?

Speaker 5 But people don't really do that, no, you know, not at all, yeah.

Speaker 4 So, but that

Speaker 4 I think I do think that the Sabbath laws are, you know, like if you're using somebody else to do something that you're not allowed to do, yeah.

Speaker 5 Well, I talk about the loopholes and that special where it's like you're actually not allowed to fully ask them, can you turn this light on? Because then that's like you doing it.

Speaker 4 But it's about the implication.

Speaker 5 God, it sure is dark in here. You know, I'm not allowed to turn the lights on.

Speaker 5 Najas are allowed.

Speaker 5 But

Speaker 5 I can't do it. It does suck.
I want to read.

Speaker 5 Yeah, it's so loopholey. It's great.

Speaker 4 But what was the moment where you decided to?

Speaker 5 You can't use electricity. I was in a dorm room in

Speaker 5 a yeshiva that's closed now in Bayer Bagan, Jerusalem. And there was a light, a reading light above my bed.

Speaker 5 And you could use that to like read Talmud before you go to sleep or whatever left it on in shabbos

Speaker 5 and what i was going to do was take a uh hand washing cup there's like a ritual hand washing you do in the mornings and before uh bread um and i was going to put that over the light it was like this like little ball and i was going to put it over like drown the light so with light still on it's just drowned out the cup kept falling kept putting it on there it kept because it's around the bait it just kept falling off it wouldn't stay on and the light was in my eye and it was frustrating you want to sleep and you can't.

Speaker 5 And at some point, I was like, I'm just going to turn it off. It's Friday night, I'm not allowed.
But then, my so the entrance to the yeshiva was like right here, my window is right here.

Speaker 5 So anyone coming in or out would see my light go off,

Speaker 5 and they'd be like,

Speaker 5 We're all these super Orthodox Jews, no light can go on or off. We'll, we'll notice that on a Friday night.
And I was like, fuck, I'll get caught, I'll get in trouble if I do this.

Speaker 5 So I didn't do it, I didn't even do it, didn't break any law.

Speaker 5 But I thought about it for like a couple of years. The fact that I was more worried about a man getting me in trouble than God.

Speaker 5 When it's God's law, it's not man's law.

Speaker 5 Jaywalking, sure, I'll make, look for a cop before I do that, you know, but but the Sabbath stuff, that's all just God. I shouldn't give a fuck about Jews seeing me.

Speaker 5 There's actually in the Torah, there's like a worse punishment for someone who steals in secrecy than it steals brazenly. Because at least stealing brazenly.
Exactly.

Speaker 5 You're not worried about man catching. it.
Exactly. And you're like, well, fuck God either way, but, but I don't give a shit about man.

Speaker 5 So the fact that I was more worried about people getting me in trouble than God, and I was talking about it, I was like, I don't think I believe in him or I wouldn't have done it.

Speaker 5 If I believed there was this like, you know, old man in heaven saying, don't do this. It'll be bad for your mortal soul.
I just wouldn't do it.

Speaker 5 Compared to like, if your dad's in the room, you don't masturbate. Right.
Because you believe he's real. Of course.
And his reaction is pretty obvious, what it would be.

Speaker 5 But you're not just going to start jerking. Like, oh, the fuck, I didn't know you were real, Dad.
You know, you're 100% sure he's real. And I wasn't sure God was real.

Speaker 5 And I was just like, and then I just looked more and more and I was like, I think I'm out.

Speaker 4 Maybe the lesson is you care too much what other people think.

Speaker 5 Maybe, maybe.

Speaker 5 No, I mean, that's another way to look at it. Yeah, yeah.
So anyway, so my friends got mad. They're like, no, you can't leave religion.

Speaker 5 Like, well, if you don't believe in God, take the Torah, the holy sacred scroll, and like throw it in the floor, which is like, if you see it fall, you have to fast for like, I don't know how long um and i'm like no i still respect you guys i'm not gonna like it's so rude but they told your friends your friends a few of them some were angry some were like disappointed nobody was like cool

Speaker 5 nobody

Speaker 5 what'd your parents say pretty mad

Speaker 5 yeah they were like well you're gonna lose the culture they're all fine now so in hindsight it's fine but they at the they're totally fine now so just like but at the time they were like what the fuck they were really mad it was like uh

Speaker 5 yeah they were like even a dog believes in god that's true you're lower than a dog did they say yeah yeah but i was like show me that research what are you talking about who's done a study on that

Speaker 6 um

Speaker 5 but totally fine now so how did you decide you want to go into stand-up from there i always kind of liked being the joker And then my friend Ami Butler was, he was like, you should try it.

Speaker 5 You should try stand-up.

Speaker 4 So you moved back from Israel?

Speaker 5 Moved back from Israel. I went to University of Maryland.
A couple of years. No, first went to Yeshiva University in New York.
That's where I kind of like fully lost the religion.

Speaker 5 And I'm like, what's the point of paying for a split curriculum? Yeah, of course. College.
So I switched to state school.

Speaker 5 Got laid for the first time.

Speaker 5 Ever? Yeah. It was fucking, it's nice.
If you haven't tried it, you should. No, fuck.
I haven't. It's great, bro.

Speaker 5 That's great. You're busy destroying Democrats.
Jewish girl?

Speaker 5 No, no. I have.

Speaker 4 Oh, so you went all the way out then?

Speaker 5 They look too much like me. You know, it's like fucking a mirror.

Speaker 5 It's not the best.

Speaker 5 You're like, I'm legally not allowed to join in on this.

Speaker 5 Yeah, I went. Yeah, I just had, it was nuts.
It was so great. I got a blowjob.
Oh.

Speaker 4 Did you call your friends back at the Inshieve and tell them?

Speaker 5 No, I did not. I did not.
I'm friends with a couple of them still,

Speaker 5 but not many. It's just a different world now.

Speaker 5 Plus, they all have kids. It's like, ooh.

Speaker 4 How many of them got married?

Speaker 5 All of them. All of them.
Yeah.

Speaker 4 So everybody gets married. Yeah, everybody gets married.
At what age?

Speaker 5 And have kids. Sister got married at 20.

Speaker 5 Wasn't that like crazy. It was just like a touch early, but not really.
But all those marriages seem to survive. They really do, right? It's interesting.
I've noticed that. Yeah.

Speaker 5 What's the divorce rate among Orthodox Jews? So low. We had one divorced couple growing up in my neighborhood and was like, whoa, can you believe it? They're divorced.

Speaker 5 We thought it was so nuts. And then when I got to the University of Maryland and everybody's parents were split.
And I was like, what? So what works better?

Speaker 5 I guess this is what you're looking for in your marriage when it's just a union to like be a family unit and raise kids is the most important thing. So like, this is fine, this works for that.

Speaker 5 Or it's like, do I want fulfillment? And like,

Speaker 5 yeah, I don't know. You don't think they're fulfilled?

Speaker 5 I think if you're all you want is family, then yeah, you're fulfilled. You've got a great family, you know, you're part of the community.

Speaker 5 But if you're like,

Speaker 5 yeah, they say it's like, it's like misogynist Judaism because the women just stay at home. But I'm like, no, they're there to raise the family.
Right. It's not like you're not allowed to work.

Speaker 5 It's like, this is your part. This is his part.

Speaker 5 He's raising money for the family.

Speaker 4 Do you think a lot of Orthodox mothers secretly want to work at banks?

Speaker 5 No. Right.
I think they do. Yeah, exactly.
This isn't fun.

Speaker 4 And it's voluntary. You don't have to join this lifestyle, right?

Speaker 5 Yeah, right. Well, if you're raising it, you kind of do.

Speaker 5 It's not legally, but, you know.

Speaker 4 Do you ever have any regrets you didn't become a rabbi?

Speaker 5 No.

Speaker 5 No.

Speaker 5 Uh-uh.

Speaker 5 No, I'm having a great time. Some of them will look down on me and be like, they'll be demeaning, like, you'll be back.
And like, talk down to me. And it's like, oh, you guys fucking suck.

Speaker 5 You don't think you will be back? No.

Speaker 5 What to what? I don't know.

Speaker 5 If you're getting your dick sucked, that's totally illegal in that religion. Is it really? Yeah, Yeah, it's wasting seed.
Oral sex is illegal. Yeah.
I didn't know. It's wasting seed.

Speaker 5 Condoms are illegal.

Speaker 4 But the sheet thing is not real.

Speaker 5 Sheet thing's not real. This is all in Ari Shafir Jew on YouTube now.

Speaker 4 So you got to the bottom of the sheet rumor.

Speaker 5 I was fooled. That's how strong a rumor it was.
I was fooled.

Speaker 4 Did you ever talk about that in your Shiva?

Speaker 5 No, but I thought I had a rabbi who definitely did it. And my friend was like, that's a false memory.
No way. Really? Because it doesn't exist.

Speaker 5 Who spread that rumor that's a pretty uh i think it comes from tzitzit it's like this um when so there's 613 commandments god i lived in this for for fucking five years i forgot about all of it and then i lived in it for five years trying to like go over this stuff again and then i just put it behind me again when you mentioned talmud and i brought up steinsaltz out of like i don't know where that came from i was very impressed yeah i didn't know what the talmud was yeah until pretty recently i'm reading it i actually think it's really interesting it's very interesting but there's this so one of the commandments you try to do as many as you can Some of them are

Speaker 5 big temple-based, so you just can't anymore because we don't have a temple.

Speaker 4 That's in 70 AD.

Speaker 5 Boom.

Speaker 5 They're going to have another one in the Messiah, they say. So those laws will be back.
But you try to do as many as you can.

Speaker 5 They're good deeds and they're bad deeds, but they're all like commandments.

Speaker 5 613 of them. One of them is if you have a four-cornered garment, a poncho.
you have to tie these tassels to the end of them. So sometimes you'll see strings coming out from the scripts.
Okay.

Speaker 5 So they make themselves a four-cornered garment so that they can do that commandment you know and it looks like a t-shirt underneath underneath their shirt it's like you don't even need it but you're like here's our chance to wear it um have you ever worn one oh yeah all the time is it comfortable it's neither here nor there it goes in between a t-shirt and your overshirt so you you barely even notice oh so you're wearing three layers yeah that's a lot that's why they smell they don't wash their how does that they don't do they is that they do smell what is that It's just like soap is expensive.

Speaker 4 So I always thought that was

Speaker 4 bigotry from secular Jews are always.

Speaker 5 Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, they do smell a lot.
It's also like you're wearing, you're fucking dressed like Johnny Cash in the summertime. It's going to fucking, it's going to stink after a while.

Speaker 5 You got to wash that.

Speaker 4 So Jerusalem in August is...

Speaker 5 Oh, oh, it's disgusting. It's like fucking Yangon.
That's actually true. Yeah, yeah.
Jerusalem, Tel Aviv, they're more shower-centric.

Speaker 5 Amazing. It's nuts.
When you get up the road from Tel Aviv, it's a windy road. And as soon as you get over that hill, it's fucking a costume party.
It's fiddling. It's the best.
It's so weird.

Speaker 5 It's like you're living in an ancient time.

Speaker 4 It's the most interesting place on the planet.

Speaker 5 Yeah.

Speaker 5 Three religions, three and a half, coming together on one little small area of an old city. Three and a half? It's like two different kinds of Christian.
No, I'd heard that, but

Speaker 5 they're pretty similar. The Armenians and the

Speaker 5 Greek people.

Speaker 4 Well, the Ethiopians, Greek, Orthodox, Catholic, Protestant.

Speaker 5 But in the old city, it's like, yeah, anyway, whatever. I don't know enough about them.

Speaker 5 Do you still have your outfits? Anyway, so here's where it came from. No, I don't have any of that.
But like, so you wear that four-color garment.

Speaker 5 I think they were hanging up to dry, and it's a sheet with a neck hole in it. Yes.
And I think just some racists were like, they probably fucked through that. That's what that is.

Speaker 5 And it just cut on.

Speaker 5 Interesting. Yeah.
And the hole is so big that the Jews are like,

Speaker 5 let them run with that rumor.

Speaker 4 It took you five years to write that special.

Speaker 5 Yeah. Yeah.
And some of the jokes are even older.

Speaker 4 What's your process for writing it?

Speaker 5 This one was way different because I had to, I never have to fact check my jokes. I can be an idiot in my jokes.
I can, normally I'm allowed to say

Speaker 5 David Trump. And people are like, it's Donald Trump.
I'm like, oh, okay, I don't know. It's fine if I don't get the facts wrong.
You know, I can be a moron.

Speaker 5 It's actually, sometimes I try to like misspeak so that they're like, don't trust me on this. I'm not an expert.
I'm just making fun of it. So I'll try to like throw in wrong details.

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Speaker 1 Terms apply.

Speaker 4 But like, how do you write it? Do you write it out by hand?

Speaker 5 Do you pay for it? No, no, no, no.

Speaker 5 So I started, this one was I would go to the cellar. The comedy cells had a small room and I would do an hour and I would do like, I had like 20 so minutes, something on Noah and the flood.

Speaker 5 That's what it started with, which just became my closer in the end.

Speaker 5 And then a couple other bits. And then I said, okay, I've already set up now that I can make jokes about this stuff.
You guys see, I'm not serious about it.

Speaker 5 Do you have any questions about Jews that you wanted to know? Like anything, I will answer it. And I'll try to riff and make it funny.

Speaker 5 Something I used to do with this guy, Don Barris, a long time ago. We'd do Ask a Jew.
We call it Jew and A,

Speaker 5 late night of the comedy store. And it started with like, hey, you know, yeah, I can be a resource.
And then all the communities would sit around the room and they'd ask questions.

Speaker 5 So first it was like, how many commandments are there? I'm like, oh, good question. 613.
Like, okay. Someone else like, yes, question.

Speaker 5 Like, if Jews are supposed to do such good writers, why is his Diary Ann Frank so fucking boring? Like, okay, well, it's a bestseller for fucking uneducated girl for 30 years or 50 years.

Speaker 5 So you're wrong about that. Hey, what goes in the place of your soul? Like, all right.
Well, probably Naruto would say that there is no such thing as a soul, but diamonds, diamonds go there.

Speaker 5 And then we just fuck around. Occasionally, we get people complaining.
Like, they were so rude to that man. But it was all just comedians.
Jew and A. Yeah, Jew and A.
It was a lot of fun.

Speaker 5 Do you still talk to the jackal that birthed you? It's just like, and I'm like, oh, that's a bit offensive. But it was all my friends.
It was so fun. Late night of the store was so fun.

Speaker 5 The jackal that birthed you. Yeah.

Speaker 5 Yeah.

Speaker 5 So as a mud person, would you say, and I'm like, well, stop you there.

Speaker 5 Yeah, we'd have this thing at the end of it where.

Speaker 5 Don would go, he would run it. He'd be like,

Speaker 5 I saw a documentary on the Holocaust.

Speaker 5 It didn't seem that bad seems like you guys are exaggerating was like i don't know man i what was it what what was the documentary it is he goes it's called hogan's heroes it seemed like bumbling oaths it doesn't seem like they could have done any of that stuff we had a smell test he goes can can you uh can you smell money and i was like yeah i can

Speaker 5 um yeah it's just one of the things we have and then we set up ahead of time he was like all right i need three bills a one a 20 and a hundred and then he like crumpled up like turn and i but we all knew the order so the crowd didn't know and I'd smell like that's like

Speaker 5 that's like it's got a nutty aroma

Speaker 4 hint of saddle leather.

Speaker 5 Yeah. And he was like, is that like a I think it's a 20? And everyone's like, I got it.
One in three shot, you know? And then it, then the hundred like, oh, I love that smell. I know what that is.

Speaker 5 And then he showed me the one

Speaker 5 get it out of my face. It's disgusting.
Yeah. So, wait, what was I going with this? Fuck.

Speaker 4 What did you ask? How you write it?

Speaker 5 Oh, right. So I just asked people, so it kind of birthed from that.
I asked people, what questions do you have? And sometimes they're like, what's with the wigs? I'm like, oh, okay.

Speaker 5 Well, it's a loophole. You can't be attracted to your neighbor's wife.
So hair is something you're attracted to. So you cover up your hair.
So it's not your hair.

Speaker 5 It's some fucking Asian lady's hair, you know, which is actually better hair.

Speaker 5 Oh, it's weird, but it's not you. It's Sung Lee.

Speaker 5 And you just do stuff like, what are the pillows? I'm like, what pillows? What do you mean? Oh, it's your fucking bag that you have for your, for your talus or filling that you carry.

Speaker 5 It looks like a pillow to them. I never, it's just, so it was a way of looking at stuff.
Like, and so the same questions would come up over and over again.

Speaker 5 And I'd riff, try to be funny and I'm like, if the same question keeps coming up,

Speaker 5 this is something I should cover. And if a question came up once ever, then I'm like, all right, that's just one guy.

Speaker 5 One of it's like, why are Jews afraid of cats? I'm like, that was just one Jew you knew, bro. That's not a stereotype.
That was just one Jew.

Speaker 5 And so I would just try to cover everything. Why are Jews afraid of cats? That's not a thing.
100% is not a thing.

Speaker 5 So yeah, I would just try to, and then I would try to tweak it and tweak it and tweak it.

Speaker 5 And then I'd have to do this thing where it's like, I had to see if I was wrong, which I don't ever do in my stand-up, but it had to be correct. I couldn't be wrong.
Oh, about the religion. Yeah.

Speaker 5 Yeah. Yeah.
So, like, I started doing a bit about that fucking through a hole in the sheet. And then my friend was like, that's not a true thing.
I'm like, fuck.

Speaker 5 I had other rabbis. I had this giant bit, a closer about Noah

Speaker 5 and his, and his, his 40, he had 40 children and how his his wife was a real hero because her pussy must have been blown out. And then a rabbi in Copenhagen was like, hey, loved it.
The whole thing.

Speaker 5 He didn't have 40 kids. And I was like, no, he did.
He goes,

Speaker 5 no.

Speaker 5 He had two, two sons. I forget now, two sons and three daughters, whatever.
Yeah, yeah. And their husbands.
Yeah. And it was like, it just wasn't 40.
I was like, no.

Speaker 5 And he goes, he goes, I don't mind. I don't care.
I'm just telling you, I love the whole thing. I'm just telling you that wasn't, that's not right.
And I had to lose it.

Speaker 5 I had to lose a fucking five-minute, like crushing chunk because it wasn't correct. Any other bit I was doing, I could just like, ah, fuck it.
I made up a detail.

Speaker 4 But why were you fact-checking your own stuff?

Speaker 5 It had to be because I was doing a thing about a religion. I was doing a factual informational hour, which I've never done.

Speaker 4 Did you have any complaints? Yeah.

Speaker 4 But like real ones? Any campaigns against you?

Speaker 5 No. No.

Speaker 5 In Melbourne, it was that thing of like, this is hate speech. You're calling them inbred.

Speaker 5 And I'm like, no, it's loving.

Speaker 5 All the Orthodox Jews thought was like a little too much cursing for my taste, but nothing's nothing's really wrong in here.

Speaker 5 It's respectful. So who is saying that? It was a love letter to my religion.
It sounds like it, actually.

Speaker 5 In my artistic way, in the comedy way.

Speaker 4 But people can, don't you think people can smell the intent behind?

Speaker 5 Well, that's what it was. So it was like a couple outliers are like, let's look for something angry in the world.
But she's like, that's all of Twitter.

Speaker 5 I love how I've been telling people to get off Twitter for so long. Do you go on it? No, it's a cesspool.

Speaker 5 And it's like, people are like, oh, but Elon Musk is finding him like, no, no, this way predates him. He hasn't gotten rid of the negativity on there.

Speaker 5 It's, hey, look, there's this cool telephone pole. You know, a lot of people die in the making of that.
There's not enough trees to go around.

Speaker 5 And it's like, Jesus, you guys can find the fucking terrible in everything. So do you, do you use the internet? Yeah, I mean,

Speaker 5 yeah.

Speaker 5 You know, to see if like a pill you found in your closet's good or bad. Expired.
Yeah. You know, something like that.
Like, what is this?

Speaker 4 Like, you don't spend time looking at other people's opinions online.

Speaker 5 No, you still see it though it seeps through if you're on instagram and just like you see people weighing in on stuff it just like it kind of comes into your into like what you think of the world so you think that the reason everybody hates everybody else is because of the internet yeah it it i didn't understand it you saw that movie that um

Speaker 5 half documentary a little bit of like whatever like what's it called the social experiment i never saw it oh you should see it so the acting parts are kind of hokey but it does illustrate like in real time what this would be.

Speaker 5 Like somebody like lost on their phone as this chick he likes is like looking for someone to talk to and he's like lost on it.

Speaker 5 So it's just a little acting scene, but it's just like one possible reason why you're getting lost on this. Instead of talking to your neighbor on the bus, you're like, let me,

Speaker 5 yeah, it's like, and these are the light problems. You know, when I moved to New York, I was like, how do you make friends? And my friend was like, go to a bar, order a beer.

Speaker 5 drink it at a regular pace, order another one, midway through the second beer, you'll be talking to someone. Yeah.

Speaker 5 That time is done. Is it really? Yeah.
You look up to talk, they're down on their phone. And then they look up, let's talk, and you're on your phone.
And you just keep missing the connection.

Speaker 5 It's like...

Speaker 4 Boy, I haven't been to a bar in a while.

Speaker 5 That's depressing. It's depressing.
Yeah. No one's open to meeting new people.
And hostels in like Southeast Asia are still.

Speaker 5 I hear they're slipping, but like, it's still that they can't afford an internet plan. So

Speaker 5 yeah, for a while, I got rid of my smartphone. I had a flip phone for a while.
And

Speaker 4 so you're like Ted Kaczynski, level anti-tech.

Speaker 5 No, I'm on a smartphone now and it's ruining my life. How?

Speaker 5 I'm not present. I'm wasting time.
That's right. You look at your, your, your time used on a, on an iPhone, it tells you you'd think they'd cover it.
If it's over 45 minutes a day, it's too much.

Speaker 5 And it's for most people, it's between four and eight hours. Every day that you're wasting.
Eight hours is sleeping,

Speaker 5 two hours is eating. So that's 10.
So you have 14 hours left, and four to just eight of those are staring at a fucking screen.

Speaker 5 It's, it's, we're all, we're all losing it. We're all losing our lives.
You should just be calling a friend.

Speaker 4 Do you call friends?

Speaker 5 Sometimes it's funny. Do you have old friends when you're like text and they text back, text, text back, and eventually they call it, I can't do this anymore.
I was just talking out.

Speaker 5 And you're like, this is what it should be. So when I had a flip phone,

Speaker 5 it was this, you know, you'd miss the button, you'd miss the T, and you have to go around again and keep hitting it till you get the right letter.

Speaker 5 And it took forever to text anything over two sentences. I'm just going to call you and deal with it.

Speaker 4 So you don't text?

Speaker 5 No, I'm on a smartphone now. So now I text constantly.
But when I had that flip phone, it was fucking, I gotta, I gotta fucking do it. I gotta fucking go back.

Speaker 4 Why'd you get off it?

Speaker 5 I was promoting something, and I thought I had to, and it, it fucking ruined my life. It's the worst.

Speaker 4 So you've actually taken breaks from the internet?

Speaker 5 Well, so when I went to Southeast Asia in 2017

Speaker 5 i changed all my passwords to my email instagram i think i still had twitter back then email instagram twitter what else is there facebook i changed my password to this i just went to the computer

Speaker 5 and i cut and pasted that sent it to a friend and it said do not send me this um

Speaker 5 wow password is like you know just a 17 syllable whatever i was like don't send me this i don't want it i'll get it when i come back i don't want to be able to get in there. So you didn't look.

Speaker 5 So I had no access to Facebook, no access to Instagram, no access to email. And then I left my phone at home.

Speaker 5 I called an Uber to the airport and then put my phone in my desk, closed it, and then I got an Uber and went. Really radical.

Speaker 4 Why'd you do that?

Speaker 5 It was the best.

Speaker 5 It was the best.

Speaker 4 But why'd you do it?

Speaker 4 It's like not something you do accidentally.

Speaker 5 No, it's not something I do accidentally.

Speaker 5 That was the first time I've done it. I've done it since a couple of times went to Guatemala for 10, 12 days, and I was like, I'm not bringing my phone on my computer.

Speaker 5 You're just way freer, you're more social.

Speaker 5 But, and I don't want to be connected to America. I just wanted to be like floating, you know, I just wanted to be like, there's this level of freedom.
And you follow the dead for a while. Yeah.

Speaker 5 Pre-internet. Yeah.

Speaker 4 I found my wife pre-internet.

Speaker 5 Really?

Speaker 4 Yeah.

Speaker 5 What was just like a regular mail-in thing? Yeah, just ordered her, you know, right from Saigon. With no reviews.
No, I went to school with her.

Speaker 5 But I was trying to explain to Rogan about it, about leaving, and I was like, buddy, I can't, I can't, I don't know how to express it, but like, there's this level of freedom.

Speaker 5 It's like a second level of like, hey, I'm, I'm in wherever, I'm in southern Vietnam and I was going to go to the north, but I was just, I was getting sick of white people.

Speaker 5 And I just like, where are there no white people? And it was like Cho Doc. It was like southern small town.
And I was like, oh, I'll go there instead. Just the ability to just swap.

Speaker 5 Someone's like, I heard there's a good hike in Myanmar. You go, oh, okay.
We'll do that instead. And just like, you're just floating, meeting people, talking, interesting talking.

Speaker 5 You didn't feel helpless or afraid without a phone. A hundred percent afraid.
Really? Oh, yeah.

Speaker 5 I mean, the first, I mean, I almost came back right away. I was like, this is a mistake.
The dopamine dropped, you know, from, from being on there.

Speaker 5 That's what they're trying to, you know, get you on there. So that dropped.
And I'm like, I'm not getting my fix. I was going through withdrawals.
Really? Yeah.

Speaker 5 And I was like, this is a mistake. I say, so I went, I just, I was like, I'm not going to make any plans.
I went, I discovered, I decided a region, Southeast Asia. It was cheap.

Speaker 5 It was going to be that or South America. So Southeast Asia seems so foreign.
I just gotten to travel. I did one, one like 17-day tour of China.

Speaker 4 Did you bring a girl with you?

Speaker 5 Go by yourself? By myself. China was fun.
So the comedians would kind of like

Speaker 5 guide it for you, the ones that were out there.

Speaker 5 And once somebody in Shanghai turned to Sparks, like, by the way, it's safe here. Like, they won't touch you here in China.

Speaker 5 You can be a drunk woman asleep with your fucking phone in your hand, like passed out, and you'll wake up in that exact position, untouched.

Speaker 5 The punishments for a violent crime are way too much, and the embarrassment for their families is way too much. So once they told me it was safe, I was like, oh, all my like xenophobia was gone.

Speaker 5 I was like, sick.

Speaker 5 See you guys later. Like, you don't want a guy? I'm like, uh-oh, I'm out.
And I would just walk around and discover. And it was, it blew my mind.
And I was like, I got to get lost again.

Speaker 5 It was so cool. So, I wait, I got my, I got every visa I needed ahead of time.
Like, Thailand's like on landing. You get a visa.
Um, some places are on landing, some places you need ahead of time.

Speaker 5 So, Vietnam, I think I got ahead of time,

Speaker 5 maybe Myanmar, not Cambodia. I think that was on landing.
And they were all like good for six months, a month, any six-month period, you know, for six months, any month, as soon as you land.

Speaker 5 So, and I just waited till like a day before. I was like, where's the weather the best? So there was rain in Vietnam, so no.
There was rain in Thailand, so no. And then Myanmar had like 10 clear days.

Speaker 4 Did you call home at any point?

Speaker 5 No.

Speaker 5 Uh-uh.

Speaker 4 So you just basically disappeared for how long?

Speaker 5 Four and a half months. Yeah.

Speaker 5 God damn, it was fucking great.

Speaker 4 What was so great about it?

Speaker 5 It's that freedom. It's seeing things, seeing the world new,

Speaker 5 seeing a cultures that were different than yours. Meeting, and I didn't meet locals.
The language is a real problem in Asia, but I met Germans at the hostels I was at.

Speaker 5 I met people from England at the hostels I was at. You talk.
I remember talking in.

Speaker 5 Did anyone recognize you? Twice. One time on an island in Cambodia.
I was walking down this kind of deserted beach. Someone's like, it was with their girl.
I was like, Ari Shafir?

Speaker 5 and I was like, Yeah, he goes, What the fuck, man? Fair question, what are you doing here? I'm like, you know, same as you got from Henry Rollins.

Speaker 5 Um, later, when he people, like, what are you doing here? And he goes, I'm here to meet you. What's your story? He would just switch it around.

Speaker 5 But he, I was in Acadia, people are like, What are you doing? Here, I was like, What do you mean? I'm in a national park here to hike. I'm here for the exact same reason you're here.

Speaker 6 Um,

Speaker 6 um,

Speaker 5 yeah, twice ever, which was also great.

Speaker 5 So, I could be, I mean, I've told a bunch of comics this. I'm like, you are losing your sense of reality by being looked up to.
That's not the real, that's not the real world. You don't understand.

Speaker 5 And when Trump got elected, all these liberals that I was around, again, I'm not liberal or conservative. I'm, I'm this third thing, the majority of the country.
I'm the majority. I don't care.

Speaker 5 We could hear them talking like, how could this be like, oh, you've never gotten out of your limo? I know a really rich like woman comic, and I'm like, you've never been to Dayton, Ohio.

Speaker 5 You wouldn't understand disillusionment. There's the recession still going on in a lot of places.
You got to get out and talk to people. So I remember talking in

Speaker 5 Indonesia on an island. It wasn't Flores.

Speaker 5 I forget.

Speaker 5 But over breakfast, this German guy, and he was telling me about

Speaker 5 German workers' rights and the five-week standard vacation time they get. And I was like, what do you mean? Like first year out of college? He goes, yeah, five weeks.
I don't know.

Speaker 5 You do better after a while.

Speaker 5 He's like, how much do you guys get? I'm like, two weeks and you're expected to not take it.

Speaker 5 And he was like, oh, and I'm like, what the? So that kind of like talking to people makes you like realize, oh, some shit, that's wrong.

Speaker 4 Well, you learn more about your own country, good and bad.

Speaker 4 I mean, you're in some places and you're like, God, I wish they did it the American way.

Speaker 5 Right. 100%.

Speaker 4 And in other countries, you're like, I wish we did that.

Speaker 5 Yeah. I mean, when I got home, I noticed the first thing I noticed getting home was like, the toilet paper in my country is so fucking soft.
Oh, it's superior.

Speaker 5 It's like, it's like God takes a cloud and wipes your ass.

Speaker 4 It's like Angora. Yeah.

Speaker 5 And I learned to appreciate that. Yes.

Speaker 5 Yeah. It's like Angora.
Exactly right.

Speaker 4 It does feel to me, I mean, having had, you know, a pretty failed educational experience, but that you learn way more from a month abroad than you would in, say, a year in college.

Speaker 5 The gap year. I met these, these

Speaker 5 four or five Canadian chicks, 18 in

Speaker 5 a city

Speaker 5 in Myanmar.

Speaker 5 And we're all just talking.

Speaker 5 Everyone's so friendly and inviting at hostels. Everyone's like, they'll see you.

Speaker 5 They're not ageists. They're not sexist.
There's not even, nobody even pays for a woman's drinks. They're like, no, no, my money is my time I have left out here.
I saved up 10 grand.

Speaker 5 If I buy a drink for anybody, and it's not expected. It's so, the equality level is crazy.
But they're like, you want to play cards? You know, cards? We're playing a game. You want to sit in with us?

Speaker 5 There's not like, who are you? It's, they just don't have it there at hostels. And I was talking to these Canadian chicks and they were like, we're on gap year.

Speaker 5 And I was like, oh, we don't get gap year in America. No.
But they're like, we don't get gap year.

Speaker 5 We just took a year off. It's not, it's not a thing.
It's not part of the curriculum. I don't know why we don't do it more.

Speaker 5 In between college and high school and college and grad school, that's a year to yourself.

Speaker 4 So, but weren't you worried about coming back to 70,000 text messages?

Speaker 5 messages and emails and yeah a little bit my manager at the time was like what if something big comes up i'm like i don't want it. Tell them no for me.
He's like, what if something you want?

Speaker 5 I'm like, I want to do this. I want to disappear.
Tell them no. I'll just have missed it.
What if there's an emergency? What emergency? What if your dad dies? Then I'll mourn when I get home.

Speaker 5 I don't need to mourn at the right time.

Speaker 4 Why did you do this again?

Speaker 5 What mental place was I in when I did it? I just, I was kind of having a fight with Comedy Central. They wanted me to work nonstop.
Oh, you understand this. Yeah.
They wanted me to work non-stop.

Speaker 5 I wanted some time time off. That friend Duncan, who fucked me over with my name on the internet, with my number on the internet, didn't fuck me over.
It was a fun prank.

Speaker 5 I mean, he used to leave also like glasses of piss in my fridge. So like, so like, whatever.

Speaker 5 When I say fuck me over, it's not in the most respectful way.

Speaker 4 But that's not a respectful way.

Speaker 5 You're in the fridge.

Speaker 4 No, that's not respectful.

Speaker 5 I did it to my friend Bobby Kelly. He was the one who called.
I pissed in a bottle and put it in his fridge. He's like, what if my wife found this? I'm like, right?

Speaker 5 You would have been in a lot of trouble.

Speaker 5 What are we saying? So you're fighting with, I just wonder why Central's like, you got to work.

Speaker 5 And I'm like, it takes me eight months to edit this like storytelling TV show that I was doing with other comics. And I'm like, I need some time off.

Speaker 5 And they're like, no, we got to get back to another season. So Duncan was like, well, you want to see the world.
And this company you work for

Speaker 5 just wants you to not see the world.

Speaker 5 So

Speaker 5 I'm like, yeah, you're right. I got to get out of here.
And I'm just like, hey, you got, I'm trusting you to book the show the next year. I'm trusting you to do this.
I'm out.

Speaker 5 Handle it as best you can.

Speaker 5 But it might get fucked up. You ever read The Fountainhead? Yeah.
So when he leaves for vacation, things get fucked up. Oh, yeah.
And he has to go correct it. He's got to blow some shit up.

Speaker 5 But at some point, you got to trust some people to like, you'll handle this. I mean, they're going to upload this video.
Right. You could stand over their shoulder.
No.

Speaker 5 But you're like, and you, they might mess it up. They might not quite do it the way you want.
I mean, interrupting, we're like, I could tell you're like, I shouldn't interrupt.

Speaker 5 You should just get it right. But then they have to make a decision.
You're trusting them to do it so you can free yourself up to do other stuff.

Speaker 5 Anyway, trusted the people I had to trust and just got lost.

Speaker 4 What happened to your brain not being on text all day long?

Speaker 5 God damn, it was great. So when I first got a, when I first got a flip phone, which is a halfway to that, I was talking at the Stan Comedy Club.
I was talking to Nikki Glazer before she blew up. Yeah.

Speaker 5 But she was still, whatever, funny comic. And we were talking.

Speaker 4 Before the Tom Brady roast.

Speaker 5 Before the time, way before the Tom Brady roast. And

Speaker 5 I'm friends with her, but not like good friends with her. And I'm sitting at the back table.
We're talking. She's like, and this is day one of the flip phone.
Like, I think day one or week one anyway.

Speaker 5 She goes, has it changed at all? What has it changed? I'm like, I wouldn't be talking to you, Nikki. I'd be in my phone looking for someone else.
This phone is shit.

Speaker 5 And man, I loved it. Being out there in Asia with no connection.

Speaker 5 You're just, there was one time in this like northern city in Thailand.

Speaker 5 i i met an american girl started talking about trump a little bit and and then it's like it's the same patterns of discussion we both looked at each other like we shouldn't do this and we're like yeah let's not where else have you been in asia i'm like let's absolutely smart move let's switch a subject

Speaker 5 like what

Speaker 4 yeah it's just like You may have come to the obvious conclusion that the real debate is not between Republican and Democrat or socialist and capitalists, right and left.

Speaker 4 The real battle is between people who are lying on purpose and people who are trying to tell you the truth.

Speaker 4 It's between good and evil, it's between honesty and falsehood. And we hope we are on the former side.
That's why we created this network, the Tucker Carlson Network.

Speaker 4 And we invite you to subscribe to it. Go to tuckercarlson.com/slash podcast.

Speaker 4 Our entire archive is there. A lot of behind-the-scenes footage of what actually happens in this barn when only an iPhone is running.

Speaker 2 TuckerCarlson.com/slash podcast.

Speaker 4 You will not regret it.

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Speaker 4 did you find a distance between what you were expecting and what you found wasn't expecting anything like china for example you said

Speaker 5 yeah so like china it was like it was so it was so foreign what did you expect out of china and versus what no no i told my agent i was like i'm getting this itch

Speaker 5 to travel

Speaker 5 if you find any foreign gigs let me know i still wasn't making enough money to really but i was making some and he goes well i got you a 17-day tour of china beijing shangha cities outside shanghai ending in hong kong cities outside hong kong and he goes doesn't pay very well but you know they'll fly you out there hotels every night and it pays you i think like i think it was like

Speaker 5 it was like three grand four grand and i I was like, buddy, that's more than I was making two years ago. That's great.
And they're going to see, and it's just like tasting food.

Speaker 5 You're like, what the fuck is this? Seeing that they don't take the bones out of their meat. They just cleaver it all.
I was picking up some of the chops. I'm like, what the fuck?

Speaker 5 There's bones in these pieces of meat. And they're like, you need a fork.
I'm like, that's not the issue. Get the eyeball out of my soup.

Speaker 5 Yeah. And it was just like, I don't know what I was expecting, but I told you, like, I was at the Beijing comedy scene.

Speaker 5 They were in the hutongs of Beijing doing blow. And I was like, isn't it punishable by death here? And they go, they don't care about white drugs.
They only care about yellow drugs.

Speaker 4 What are yellow drugs?

Speaker 5 The opium. Oh.
Stuff that the Chinese would lose their lives to. They're like, you guys kill yourselves with Coke.
We don't care. We don't do that.
So it doesn't matter. You can't import it.

Speaker 5 But if you do it, they'll just, somebody actually in the Beijing scene got caught with Coke. They stamped a passport, never allowed to return and sent them home.

Speaker 5 She went home, steamed out that part of her passport, went right back.

Speaker 5 And they don't have computer systems there. So it was, it's like, welcome to China.

Speaker 5 Anyway, we're doing Coke in the Hutongs, having a good time. And then we're walking around.
It was like 3, 3.30 a.m. It was hot.
This was like in June, I think.

Speaker 5 And went to a bodega and bought like a 20-ounce like Heineken.

Speaker 5 And I'm like, you can't do that where I'm from. You can't buy a beer at night and walk around with it.
But there, they're like, as long as you don't skull anybody with it,

Speaker 5 what's the issue? Just, it's like having a knife.

Speaker 5 If you stab someone, that's now a weapon. If you just have it to like whittle, it's not a weapon.
Right.

Speaker 5 And then there's like, so it's like, oh, wow, you can do these fun. And then my friends were like, can you get on Google? And it's like, no, you cannot.
You cannot search anything.

Speaker 5 But that's not a problem for you. Yeah, I mean, still want to find out like, where's a good restaurant in town? But I have more fun just walking and finding a good restaurant.

Speaker 5 You know, it's like discovery is.

Speaker 4 So it, in other words, sounds like like it was freer than you thought it was. So free.

Speaker 5 And then you learn how to like adapt and overcome. I was, they tell you to take a, if you're in a hotel, this is early, I'm better at it now.

Speaker 5 They tell you to take a business card from the hotel so you can show it to someone who does not speak English, get me home to a cab driver. Did not.
It was World Cup.

Speaker 5 We're all at a bar watching it like 2 a.m.

Speaker 5 I was hooked up with this chick who was there. Chinese,

Speaker 5 no, although I did hook up with a Chinese chick, she took me home and their dad came with a fucking bat and chased me out. It was nutty, actually.
Yeah.

Speaker 5 Yeah.

Speaker 5 It was pretty fucking nutty. Yeah.

Speaker 5 But, you know, no harm, no foul. Nothing, nothing happened.

Speaker 4 So you scampered out.

Speaker 5 Oh, yeah. Yeah.
Like putting on your pants, running, you know, it was so fucking fun.

Speaker 5 But then I had to like get this cab home after a World Cup and making out with this chick. And then I was like, the Sheraton? He's like, well, I mean, I may as well just be

Speaker 5 to him, you know, and I'm like, the Sheraton?

Speaker 4 That's Chinese, by the way. Yeah.

Speaker 5 That's pretty close. And then I remembered, like, I got out.
He's like, no, I got to get out of the car. Torrential rain.
And I'm like, fuck, I'm like soaked to the bone.

Speaker 5 Another cab, the Sheraton Hotel, no understanding at all. I'm like, fuck.
And then I'm like, it's near the train station. So another cab.
And I'm like,

Speaker 5 he's like, he said something. And I'm like, sure.
And until we got close enough to the train station, I'm like, forget that.

Speaker 5 I see it. Sheraton, that.

Speaker 5 But you just figure it out. My flip-flop started breaking in.

Speaker 5 in uh

Speaker 5 that was that first trip but on in indonesia they started breaking and i couldn't find 11 and a half size shoes they just people don't come that big in that part of the world

Speaker 5 looked and looked and looked in cambodia found like a bunch of 10 size you know flip and they're like they'll stretch i'm like the bottom doesn't stretch the top that stretches and not a size and a half finally found some um some quicksilver one in like a real store and they broke they were fake they broke pretty fast.

Speaker 5 It kind of flopped, whatever. And I was like, I was going to throw them away, but I'm like, oh, I can't, I won't find more shoes.
So you're like, I have to fix these shoes.

Speaker 5 So you just go look for super glue. You just learn to overcome situations.
The bus is gone. What do I do? How do I talk to people in another language?

Speaker 5 So fun.

Speaker 5 Just getting places. By the end, I ended in East Timor and I was like, I should learn some of the language, some Tetum.

Speaker 5 I talked to a

Speaker 5 Italian lady in

Speaker 5 Indonesia, and she was really learning Bahasa,

Speaker 5 Indonesian. She was like really good at it, like actually learning.
Shahira words, like, what's that word? And you write it down. It was kind of inspirational.

Speaker 5 So I was like, I got to do that for East Timor. So I could get by.
I'm like, place to sleep. I know how to say that.

Speaker 5 If I remember anything.

Speaker 5 Fatim Diskansa. It was like a hybrid of like Portuguese.
I can't fact check that for you. Yeah, Yeah, thank you.
Yeah. So you'd go to a small town.
I'm like, fuck them Discancer. Fatim Disconse.

Speaker 5 And they'd point you to some place. And you get closer.
Like, Fatim Discanza. Like, there, and you're like, fuck them, Disconsa.
I'm like, yeah, come this way.

Speaker 5 And they'd feed you and give you a place for five bucks.

Speaker 4 You know? What's what's Myanmar like? And why is it no longer called Burma?

Speaker 5 Do you know? I don't. Oh.

Speaker 5 So they got a bunch of bad press from human rights violations. Yeah.
Like change the name. Is that really why they rebranded the whole country?

Speaker 5 Yeah, they moved the capital to the middle of nowhere so no one can protest it's like moving dc to two hours outside wichita really who's gonna go there to protest only the hardcore is people

Speaker 5 you know did it feel repressive no

Speaker 5 uh uh because it was only certain regions uh and foreigners are not allowed to stay in those regions so it didn't really come up they're also not allowed to rent motorized vehicles Foreigners aren't.

Speaker 5 Yeah. So they had e-bikes.
They just worked their way around.

Speaker 5 So they had e-bikes in like bagan and places like that you can rent an e-bike just an electronic bike they had to like it's like a you know motorized golf cart versus a electric

Speaker 5 but there was one time we saw there was a bus it took you like this way from

Speaker 5 inley lake to

Speaker 5 maybe mandalay i forget and took you like way over here then all the way back you know like this route and me a couple friends like

Speaker 5 It's like three hours this way or six hours, but it's like 17 hours this way. It's like, meh, let's just get our own way.
Let's not take it like a bus. Let's take it like little shuttles and stuff.

Speaker 5 So we did. We stopped halfway in.
We're like, let's get out of here. Some fucking tiny town.
It was cool. Went to a hotel.
I was like, can we stay here? And they're just like,

Speaker 5 like looking at us. And we're like, like through the bell, somebody comes up and was like, hi,

Speaker 5 two rooms. And they're just like.

Speaker 5 And they're just like kind of talking to each other, staring at us. And we're like,

Speaker 5 is this a hotel? They're just like looking at us. And eventually somebody like calls somebody on the phone.
They like, give me the phone. Someone spoke English in the capital, Yangon.

Speaker 5 They're like, you can't stay there. Foreigners can't stay there.

Speaker 4 How'd they know you're a foreigner?

Speaker 5 Long nose. One of the buddies I was with there was like, I don't want to take my, he's a photographer.
He goes, I don't want to take my camera because they'll know I'm like tourists.

Speaker 5 He goes, you're a six foot one white guy in Myanmar. They're going to know.

Speaker 5 She goes, you can't stay there. She's got to turn around.
I'm like, no, no, we just came. She goes, you got to go south.
I'm like, we just came from south. We're going north.
She goes, no, you can't.

Speaker 5 I'm like, the bus, we're off the bus. It's gone.
And I was like, well, can we stay at a fucking

Speaker 5 monastery? Because like they sort of have to take you in. And she just started laughing.
She goes, you can't stay in the region. And I started like, I'm pretty good at playing pretend.

Speaker 5 So I like, I was pretend poor while I was there. I was just like, whatever you guys's level is, that's me.
So when they're bitching about a $2 more expensive hostel, I'm like, I know, right?

Speaker 5 I could like sell it to myself. You know, I know it's the common people.
You could call your father and he'd like end it all.

Speaker 5 But I just ignored that.

Speaker 5 So I'm like crying. I'm like, but I can't, we can't, we don't have, we can't go south.
We're going north. I don't know what to do.
And she's like, all right.

Speaker 5 So she could, we'll call a local minister to come and talk to you. He came in.
He's like, all right, we found another hotel that you can stay in, but he's doing you a fucking favor.

Speaker 5 This isn't allowed. He's helping you.
I'm like, okay.

Speaker 5 And then we're there. We're walking around.
My buddy shut down the market market by just being white and walking through. It was like the parting of the sea.

Speaker 5 They're all doing their work and they're like,

Speaker 5 like, what the fuck is this guy doing?

Speaker 4 With love and admiration or fear and loathing?

Speaker 5 It's like if you see somebody seven foot eight. Yeah.
It's just weird. Yeah.
It's like, what?

Speaker 5 And you've never seen a white. It's crazy.
They're like, can you take a picture? All through Asia. Can you take a picture? I'm like, yeah, sure.
Do you have fun?

Speaker 5 I'm like, no, no, I want to be on your camera. I want my image to go back to America.
I think it'd be so cool. You know, hold my baby.
Let me take a picture of you holding my baby. It's crazy.

Speaker 5 Every black guy I know, they're like, can we touch your hair? No, they wouldn't ask. They would just touch their hair.
And he goes, excuse me, they're like, right. And it was nuts.

Speaker 5 But so we stayed at a place. Then we started walking.
We're just touring around. We saw a statue on maps.me, like a maps app.
It was like statue. So we're like, all right, let's go to the statue.

Speaker 5 It was near an army base, like a junta base. which is like they have rebels there in these regions.
And some of them work with the government. Some of them are against the government.

Speaker 5 Some of them have deals with each other. I don't fully know.
I wasn't there for the government. Anyway, we're there, taking a picture, hanging out.

Speaker 5 Six or seven army people with machine guns come out, went right at us. What are you doing here? Nothing.
What are you doing? You're taking pictures of that? Like, yeah, it's a statue.

Speaker 5 Give me the pictures. Let me see.
Delete them. Where's your passports? Like, I don't know.
They're back at our hotels. Let's go.
Let's go see them.

Speaker 5 And they just led us, machine gun style, back to our hotel to get our passports. It's just, this is a no-foreigner's region.

Speaker 4 And was there, I mean, anything worth hiding there that you saw?

Speaker 5 No.

Speaker 5 No.

Speaker 4 There's not like a secret nuclear program or anything.

Speaker 5 No.

Speaker 5 It was just some poor people with like makeshift guns and like,

Speaker 5 yeah. And then, and then we got back and the people there were like, what, why? Let's play soccer.
We all tried to do the hacky sex soccer thing. They loved it.

Speaker 5 I got violent diarrhea and food poisoning there. That was more notable than the

Speaker 5 machine gun.

Speaker 4 That's required. So four and a half months on the road, you come back to your country and what what do you notice

Speaker 5 okay that's a good question and actually i can tie that into this this juice special also

Speaker 5 so you see everything fresh when you get back yeah clean clear eyes yes you do yeah even probably what'd you do a month in australia two weeks yeah two and a half weeks even that amount of time for sure off is enough time to be like oh it's just worse for the trees for a moment

Speaker 5 and it was

Speaker 5 a little overcrowded yeah the cities even DC and the metro, like, this is too industrial. Yes.
I went to visit my parents first, surprised them. They were like so stoked.
They haven't talked to me.

Speaker 5 And I went right to them. I just walked through the door.
I was like, what the fuck? Yeah, it was really nice.

Speaker 5 Yeah,

Speaker 5 it's overbuilt, but also very clean.

Speaker 5 But then also, I was in France. I took a writing class in France.
I got back, beautiful city, Paris.

Speaker 5 Got back to New York. I'm like, there's writing on every surface here.

Speaker 5 Someone has graffited every this city it is disgusting compared to Paris, like the whatever around this Paris is pretty disgusting, yeah.

Speaker 5 But that old town, you know, you know, it's great, like, parts of the look at this, yeah, and then it's like, oh, why is everything written on?

Speaker 5 Why is everyone signed their fucking name on every fucking surface? But so you notice those things like that, you don't notice. So I'm trying to remember what I noticed there.

Speaker 5 It was just a lot of anger, a lot of hustle and bustle.

Speaker 5 Toilet paper was soft.

Speaker 4 Did it seem angrier than when you left?

Speaker 5 Well,

Speaker 5 I didn't check my email right away. The lady I sent it to was an employee back then.

Speaker 5 I was like, don't give it to me yet. I'm not ready for it yet.

Speaker 5 And then I did, and it was like, fuck, it was

Speaker 5 overwhelming amount of requests

Speaker 5 I would need and people asking for things.

Speaker 5 Even to weigh in on this or that. I'm like, God, a lot of fucking tasks I didn't realize.
Yeah. I didn't realize how much responsibility that's what it was, the overwhelming amount of responsibility.

Speaker 5 And I'm not in a high responsibility field, you know? That's true. Yeah.

Speaker 5 And it was just like needing to return texts and emails and

Speaker 5 weigh in on this and pay your bill and do that. It's just like, oh, it was so freeing before.
So here's what I noticed when I did the Jew special.

Speaker 5 It was weird because I've never done this before, but I I was living with a ghost for about five years. I was living with a guy who was dead.

Speaker 5 That version of me isn't here anymore, right?

Speaker 5 The yeshiva student. The yeshiva kid.
Yeah.

Speaker 5 He's gone. He's been long gone.
And I was living there and trying to remember this ancient religion and ancient time in my life. And I was lost in it.
It was a very lonely hour.

Speaker 5 Usually it's like in relation to other things.

Speaker 5 And I finished it and I kind of came up for air

Speaker 5 and I looked around and everybody was very angry.

Speaker 5 I came back into the world

Speaker 5 and it was like everyone's mad about everything. Yeah.

Speaker 5 My friends were obsessed

Speaker 5 with stories that I didn't even know were happening. Like what?

Speaker 5 There's some chick with no dicks was swimming with a dick, swimming against other chicks with dicks. Like

Speaker 5 their whole life is fucking worried about it. And it's like, none of this concerns you.
None of this concerns you.

Speaker 5 That there's a trans swimmer or that this COVID vaccine or that it's like, dude, chill out. All of you are mad about every little thing.

Speaker 5 And it was, it's like, I don't know what happened in those five years. People got fucking mad.

Speaker 5 I just came up and I was like seeing it fray. It wasn't like, you know, when a kid, you see a 10 year old, you see him five years later, like, well, you got so fucking big.
Or five to 10.

Speaker 4 Yeah, other people's kids. Yeah.

Speaker 5 But if you see them every month, you don't notice it. So I was like dropped out, popped back in, and everybody was at each other's throats.
Everybody's so actively political.

Speaker 5 How do you avoid that? I don't read the news. I try to change the subject.

Speaker 5 I try to have tools. Change the subject.
How do you change the subject? How do you focus on that?

Speaker 4 Well, you must be the only resolutely non-political person with a public voice left.

Speaker 5 There's a few of us. My friend Big J, we were talking once.

Speaker 5 We did a week together in Miami, probably the worst city in America.

Speaker 5 I heard it was the best. Who told you that? Fucking I don't know.
Real estate agent. Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 5 It's so disgusting. They value only beauty, no intelligence.
If you're a girl growing up in Florida, they will not reward your A-plus in high school. They will reward your new hairstyle.
Yeah.

Speaker 5 Anyway, we got a beach house and we're talking. He goes, I like Biden.
This was.

Speaker 5 Three years ago. I was like, why do you like Biden? You don't vote.
He goes, I hear about him less than the other guy. And I'm like, what a great reason to like one over the other.

Speaker 5 Yeah, we do hear way more about this guy than that guy.

Speaker 5 If you're a non-political, I just want you to be away from me. You deal with it.

Speaker 5 Yeah, you avoid it. You learn how to change the subject.

Speaker 4 But aren't a lot of comedians pretty absorbed with it?

Speaker 5 Yeah, but we don't even know anything.

Speaker 4 Yeah, I've noticed.

Speaker 5 It's like we don't know anything. We're weighing in.

Speaker 5 So here's what I do. It's like you start to get an argument and we're like, well, mainly my stance is, I don't care.

Speaker 5 But if you're asking me to take a stance on Ford versus Chevy, you know, something that doesn't matter, what do you think is better? It's like, well, 95% of my reaction is, I don't know or care.

Speaker 5 Whatever I can get a better deal on is good.

Speaker 5 But with that other 5%, I'm going to say, I think Chevy's better. Why? I just kind of feel that way.

Speaker 5 Okay, so everybody's only publicly weighing in on their 5% and not their 95%, which is, I don't give a fuck.

Speaker 5 No one cares about women's college swimming. No one's ever cared about women's college swimming.

Speaker 4 You don't think so? No.

Speaker 5 I didn't even know it existed. Shut the fuck up.
And they're obsessed with it. They're fucking obsessed.
So what are the issues with women's amateur aquatics? Fuck off. Be the dick.
Shut up, dude.

Speaker 5 What are we talking about?

Speaker 4 What are the issues that get you spun up?

Speaker 5 The Yankees, mid-season collapse. That's every fucking year.
But I know it doesn't matter. I know this is fake.
I'm not pretending it's like an actual real thing.

Speaker 5 You know, I'll bitch about somebody going to a slump, but I know it in the end. They're like, oh, I'm just playing pretend angry.
It doesn't really matter.

Speaker 4 So there are no issues that get you mad?

Speaker 5 Stand-up, people coming after stand-ups.

Speaker 4 Who's coming after stand-ups?

Speaker 5 It's a lot of people. It's an interesting time for my industry.

Speaker 4 But tell me how.

Speaker 5 I love this thing you used to do on your TV show where you're like, play dumb to get an answer. It's really fun.
It's actually really fun. I am dumb.
But that doesn't. Interesting.

Speaker 5 You'd think you would be rewarded for helping a a little woman cross a street.

Speaker 5 And you're saying you were not rewarded?

Speaker 5 That's odd.

Speaker 5 It's called evoking an answer.

Speaker 4 So I'm trying to pull back and keep my many opinions out of this.

Speaker 5 Yeah, it's smart. It's a good way to do it.

Speaker 5 Instead of like weighing in and going, I know, you're right. And weighing in, it's like, keep talking.

Speaker 4 Well, you know more about the topic. No, sincerely, I don't know that much.
I know a million stand-ups and I like a lot of them. But I don't know that much about your business.

Speaker 5 Yeah, so you get a lot of people. It's worse when it's from the inside.
It's other comedians weighing in and saying that crossed the line publicly.

Speaker 5 Yeah, it's disappointing. It's really disappointing because it is already a battle.

Speaker 5 You're trying to get people to laugh at like dark stuff, really dark stuff, school shootings. You're trying to get them to laugh at it.
You're trying to find joy in a terrible thing.

Speaker 5 9-11 jokes, Holocaust jokes, AIDS jokes, rape jokes. You're trying to get them to find

Speaker 5 making fun. Break that down.
We're creating fun.

Speaker 5 You know, people are like, you're making fun of this. Like, right.
I'm creating fun out of a terrible situation.

Speaker 5 That guy, Dom Barris, who used to run the Juan A. Yeah.
There was a time we had a friend die, Freddie Soto, died.

Speaker 5 I don't know what, just in the sleep one day. Really helpful, looked out for everybody, really just supportive guy when we all started.

Speaker 5 And nobody could believe it. I was like, what the fuck? At the time, I was banned from the comedy store for beating up Bobby Lee too much.
I was angry about a chick and I was taking it on him.

Speaker 5 And I was just, every chance I get, I was punching him. And they were like, all right, you're out.
You can't be here. And I lived two blocks away.
And I got the call, Freddie Soto died.

Speaker 5 And I was like, what the fuck?

Speaker 5 And these bans always lasted between a month and six months and then would end. You were always welcome back.

Speaker 5 But at the time I was banned,

Speaker 5 we couldn't understand Freddie Soto dying. It's like, it was the first one that died that I knew of.

Speaker 5 And it was like, I remember walking down the steps of my apartment, then just collapsing on the steps and then like keep walking. And then I I met someone in front of the comic or another comic.

Speaker 5 We just hugged, and we sat on this, on the sidewalk, like with our feet on the streets, and just like sitting there. And Don Barris comes up and he goes, I'm glad you're letting the ban be enforced.

Speaker 5 You shouldn't be in here. It's good you're on the street.
It was just a cathartic laugh.

Speaker 5 He made fun

Speaker 5 out of a terrible situation. And that's what some of us are trying to do.
Others are trying to do like funny, like lollipop jokes.

Speaker 4 It is true that funerals and wakes, memorial services, you know, the kind of the saddest,

Speaker 4 you know, get-togethers that we have, they always wind up in hilarity. Yeah.

Speaker 5 Have you experienced that? Yeah. This guy, Bob Oshak, who ran the memorial for Freddy Soto, it was in the main room of the comedy store, and he starts off.

Speaker 5 He was like really good friends and best friends. They started together.
And he goes, you know, this is a weird time. And he set the tone right away.
He goes,

Speaker 5 you know, I'm here.

Speaker 5 It's just weird that it took Freddy dying for me to finally get a main room spot.

Speaker 5 And there's Mitzi starts laughing. And it's just like, it's just like, hey, we're going to enjoy this.
We're not going to cry. We're going to, but we're going to try not to.

Speaker 5 So that's what we do. And then some people are just not understanding it.
It's almost, it's almost.

Speaker 4 But other stand-ups are policing their colleagues?

Speaker 5 They fall.

Speaker 5 It used to, we just talk shit about them.

Speaker 5 I was doing a blowjob joke a long time ago, and Mark Marin was just like looking at me like, whatever. And he goes, you're smarter than that, man.
That sucks.

Speaker 5 But he, like I said, wasn't, he didn't put me in a moral low ground and him in a moral high ground. He was just like, you're smarter than that.

Speaker 5 And I'm like, yeah, smart people people also like getting their fucking balls drained. They can all relate to it.
It's universal. It works in Romania, in China, and America.

Speaker 5 Everybody can relate to it. I don't see a problem with it.
Some stupid jokes are fine.

Speaker 5 But it wasn't a fight. You know, we would just talk shit about each other behind our backs in a fun way.
Oh, that guy's just doing like alt jokes. He sucks.
He sucks.

Speaker 5 But like, never go publicly about it. But now it's this thing, this moral high ground.
You get activated online where you just feel like.

Speaker 4 Have you been attacked by other stand-ups?

Speaker 5 Yeah, yeah, but also

Speaker 5 far more. The real story is I've been supported by other stand-ups.

Speaker 4 Yeah, I would imagine

Speaker 5 at a 95%.

Speaker 4 Were they attacked? The Kobe Bryant stuff they attacked.

Speaker 5 Yeah. A few.
But even in that, it was mostly positive texts. How you doing? You okay? I thought that was hilarious.
And then a few knuckleheads. That's it, who just felt.
You got punished for that.

Speaker 5 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 5 Yeah.

Speaker 5 Yeah. It ruled out.
I got a call from Milo going, good one, bro. Nice one.
You got a lot of people mad. I'm like, thanks, buddy.
Coming from you, that's fucking awesome.

Speaker 4 So Milo appreciated it.

Speaker 5 Yeah, Duncan was like, I think this might be your best one. I'm like, I know.

Speaker 5 I made a city crumble.

Speaker 5 Yeah, it was great. I turned comedians into hypocrites.
They were all like, if you don't like a joke, just walk away. And now these same guys, because they live in LA

Speaker 5 or they were black, they were like, this is going too far. I'm like, Ha ha, you have no ideals.

Speaker 5 I found your, I found your fucking. It's all, oh, just walk away if it's a rape joke, but if it's a fucking about one of your heroes, you're like, oh, no, I don't like it.
You've never been triggered.

Speaker 5 Now you're triggered. Now you understand those people walking out.
He's screaming as they walk.

Speaker 4 It's also helpful for the rest of us to know who they are, the phonies. Yeah.

Speaker 5 It's just like.

Speaker 4 Did you get dropped by your management for that?

Speaker 5 Manager dropped me. She was also getting death threats at home.

Speaker 5 Because you made fun of of kobe bryant dude laker fans are retarded they're not smart people they've only had winners so they don't understand what struggle is they're just they're dumb they're bad people they're laker fans

Speaker 5 so how when she called you what'd she say you're your man she's like i think that's i think that's i think she might have texted me she's like i think that's the end of the road for us um but i'm getting these like death they're saying they're gonna come to me but they doxed her they're like i'm gonna come to your house and rape you it's like ugh don't deal with that get yeah get out of here he What are you guys doing?

Speaker 5 They upped it. They upped it at that point.
I've never seen them up it like that, where instead of going after you, they'll go after other people,

Speaker 5 like your loved ones, to try to hurt you. And it's like, well, what did they do? What, what, what do you do?

Speaker 5 It's just, it's just idiots, you know, online going, let me, it's like, they're all playing. They don't even, if they actually saw someone, they wouldn't do that.

Speaker 5 You know, they actually, nothing actual in real life, by the way, zero, only online stuff. Really? And I try to calm everybody down.
It's like, guys, I've been getting death threats for two decades.

Speaker 5 This isn't real. This is gamer talk.

Speaker 5 This is just

Speaker 5 true. Yeah.
The best one was this guy was like, if you come to North Carolina, I'll kick your fucking ass. I swear to God.
And then an hour later, he wrote back.

Speaker 5 He goes, Okay, I see you're in North Carolina right now. But if you come to Greensboro, North Carolina, I'm going to really kick your ass.
I'm like, no, you took a shot already. He's a dork.

Speaker 5 You took your shot. Shut up.
Do you see you? I'll kill you. I'm like, my tour schedule's there.
Have some fucking ideals. Come get me.
Do you worry about that?

Speaker 5 I used to in the very beginning, but it's, it was never even a fuck you in person.

Speaker 5 It was never even a like, you're shut up. Fuck you.
It was never even that, let alone actual danger.

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Speaker 4 So you've never had anybody come to your house or hassle you or anything like that?

Speaker 5 No.

Speaker 5 No, but online. And they went off to other people.
And so then,

Speaker 5 but no one, I was never punished from any moral.

Speaker 5 Your manager shouldn't drop you.

Speaker 4 I mean, I felt sorry. I feel sorry for her hearing about it, that she got threatened.
Yeah.

Speaker 4 But you're paying this person to have your back in moments exactly like this, right?

Speaker 5 Yeah.

Speaker 4 Right. So to abandon you in one of those moments is pretty much the greatest dereliction of duty imaginable.

Speaker 5 Yeah, we're not really friends anymore. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 5 Yeah, exactly. Like, you guys, this is the time to what's the whole point? Right? Yeah.
Help me through this.

Speaker 4 Yeah, it's not when you're like, oh, yeah.

Speaker 5 And then my producer pulled out because they were like, I was going to do that special. And then he was like, oh, I can't do it because he was in LA.
LA, people thought it was the end of the world.

Speaker 5 And I was like, what? No, it's nothing. Even, I even had an Uber driver.
I came back from Charlotte. I was doing a gig in Charlotte when it happened.

Speaker 5 And I came back, sat in an Uber driver, and he was talking. He was like,

Speaker 5 did you hear about this Kobe Bryant guy? I was like, yeah. He goes, I was like, what do you think about it? He goes,

Speaker 5 It's just weird.

Speaker 5 I don't know. It's like, it's sad, but like,

Speaker 5 there's him and his daughter and then seven other people. They don't seem to give a fuck about those seven other people.

Speaker 5 And I'm like, right, Riley? That's fair. You got it.
That's, that's where these jokes are.

Speaker 5 When some celebrity dies and I'm mocking them online, it's because like you guys value celebrity life over normal life.

Speaker 4 Well, you have made a pretty biting point, I thought.

Speaker 4 Well, I'll just tell you my reaction, which is I never criticize anyone when he dies okay right so there's that but i'm not a stand-up but i thought you made a totally fair point i'm not against kobe bryant but he was credibly accused of rape yeah they hassled the woman until she dropped the dropped out right started spreading rumors about her seven other people semen inside no during the trial

Speaker 4 right and stuff we wouldn't hold by today and he he admitted that she never gave consent but he implied non-verbally that there was consent and that he strangled her so like there was something there his words although at the time I didn't realize, I now know she does not think she gave me consent.

Speaker 5 It's like, all right. So

Speaker 5 I'm not much. That's his word.
Right.

Speaker 4 I'm not much of a feminist. Even I am like, no, that sounds like rape to me.

Speaker 5 By the way,

Speaker 5 I don't really care. What I'm doing is making fun of our society.
Well, that's exactly. That's exactly it.

Speaker 4 I haven't stayed up late worrying about Kobe Bryant's assault either.

Speaker 4 But these are the same people who are telling me to value all women and believe all women or whatever, but they actually don't care at all.

Speaker 5 It's wild.

Speaker 4 And you made that point on that.

Speaker 5 And I was in L.A.

Speaker 5 as a Laker hater,

Speaker 5 going, well, they're not going to let him off. Like he'll be going to jail, hoping he would because like I want the Lakers to fail.
Yeah.

Speaker 5 And then when it became time for him to go to like, he retired, I'm like, they're not going to let him have a retirement season.

Speaker 5 The women of LA, the liberal fucking women of LA, are never going to let this accused rapist get through his fucking victory lap without mentioning it. And they were so cucky.

Speaker 5 They just were like, no, we don't go after black people. We only go after white people.
That's just the way it is.

Speaker 4 So

Speaker 4 this has been brewing inside you for a while.

Speaker 5 Well, I hate the Lakers. I just like, whatever.
I had a bid on an old, old album.

Speaker 5 It was called hashtag fuck the Lakers. And I was in Denver.
I was like, oh, this is where he fucking raped that chick right here. Did people laugh? Yeah, of course.
Why do you hate the Lakers?

Speaker 5 Well, I don't really. It's just fun.
But it's because they killed comedy shows in L.A.

Speaker 5 Every time they're in the playoffs, it'd be up 3-0 in the first round and a game when they'd be the one seed against an eight seed and you'd have a show and no one would show up because they all had to watch the fuck these bandwagon fans had to watch the fucking Lakers.

Speaker 5 So I'm like, I fucking hate the Lakers. Nobody hates the Clippers.
No.

Speaker 5 So it's like, so you just like lean into it. Like my number one team is anti-Lakers.
That's totally fair. My number two team is the Pelicans.

Speaker 4 When you tell jokes in China,

Speaker 4 do you tailor them to a Chinese audience? And like, what's a funny joke in China?

Speaker 5 So anywhere else,

Speaker 5 it's you get halfway through a joke and realize, ah, shit, you're not going to understand this reference. Like you don't think about it.
Like a dog-eating joke or something like that.

Speaker 5 No, you don't do that. They were just like very clear.
Do not make fun of the government. And I was like, okay.

Speaker 5 And they're like, listen, we're going to tell you twice because I know you're a comedian. We're comedians.
We're going to tell you that. It's going to make you want to do it.
Don't do it.

Speaker 5 We'll get shut down. There's a chance you get arrested.
There's a chance we get arrested. Don't do it.
It's not like it won't be, it won't work. It's going to be painful for all of us.

Speaker 5 And I still did one anyway. I was like talking about anti-government at the time.
And I was like, my country needs a fucking Mao to come fucking murder all our senators.

Speaker 5 And they were like, whoa, whoa. And I was like, no, it's pro-Mao.
It's pro-Mao. I was like, dude, change the fucking subject.

Speaker 5 Yeah, but anyway, that Kobe stuff. So people are just like waiting and got mad.
And they were like, he shouldn't say this. I was like, fuck off.
Wait, other stand-ups said that? Yeah, a few.

Speaker 5 Like, who? Nah. But like,

Speaker 5 they know who they are. It doesn't matter.
Others were mad, but just like personally, like, dude, come on, man. Miss Pat called me.
Was like, Ari, you can't make fun of our heroes.

Speaker 5 Like, make fun of Dennis Rodman. And I was like, all right, or Michelle Obama.
She goes, no, not Michelle Obama.

Speaker 5 I'll tell you, you can make fun of. But she just called and like, and like, would check up on me and stuff like that.
And then other people, she'd be like, fuck that fat bitch for going against you.

Speaker 5 Miss Pat Rules. But like, the normal people would just check on you and never say a word.
You know, some people like fought tooth and nail to be like, defend me.

Speaker 5 Other people were just like, it's not my fight, but I hope you're doing okay.

Speaker 4 Who defended you?

Speaker 5 Mark Norman went hard on me once. Not hard on me, hard for me on a radio show in San Diego, talking about how like the jokes are jokes.
If you didn't like it, it's just you didn't like it.

Speaker 5 Andrew Schultz went on the Breakfast Club, a very black show. Whoa, yeah.
And was like, you guys are way off. You're way off.
I mean, that was ballsy to go on a black show. He was a black hero.

Speaker 5 So just like when Cosby stuff came out and they didn't want to hear it, they didn't want to hear this either. So I like bringing it up.
Again, it's not about Kobe. It's about them worshiping heroes.

Speaker 5 So he was like, no, it's a fucking joke. You guys are getting it wrong.
And then that was.

Speaker 5 How did that go over? They were fighting him and he was fighting back. Good for Hinch has always been on the right side of this.

Speaker 5 Other people, Hinchcliffe, some people, he was like, he goes hard defending

Speaker 5 just to any comic there, air and the side are just defending your art form.

Speaker 5 And don't even say, hey, I didn't find the joke funny, but it's his right to say it. Don't even say that part.
Just say the second part. It's his right to say it.

Speaker 5 Why, why, when everyone's coming against somebody for a joke, be like, I didn't find it funny. Don't say that.
You would never say that normally.

Speaker 5 You would never, in times of peace, go, I didn't find that. But Tony Hinchcliffe defended you.
Tony,

Speaker 5 no, Schultz defended Tony Hinchcliffe. Oh, when he had up, yeah, we all get different fuffles, you know.

Speaker 6 Um,

Speaker 5 who else? Um, oh, Tim Dylan made like really funny jokes about it. Good for him, you know, Tim, right? He was just here, yeah.

Speaker 4 In fact, I texted with him yesterday.

Speaker 5 fit in this chair he's slim these days yeah he's in fighting form yeah he's on a diet of fucking twink come

Speaker 6 um

Speaker 5 i didn't ask him about that i don't i don't think he's really gay

Speaker 5 i don't think

Speaker 5 i don't think that i don't think we'd all be like prove it kiss one guy in front of us totally we do you remember pete butta judge ran for president

Speaker 4 He's supposedly gay and now he's transportation secretary. And I had a, one of my producers was gay and he goes, you know, he's not gay.
I was like, are you serious?

Speaker 5 He goes, no, that's complete bullshit. Wow.
Oh, no.

Speaker 4 He goes, and, you know, they all gays all keep very close track of that stuff. Yeah.

Speaker 5 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 4 And my producer's like, no, that, that's, it's totally opposed. He was dating women just a few years ago.
That's totally fake. He's not gay at all.

Speaker 5 Smart.

Speaker 4 So I said that on the air. People got all offended.

Speaker 5 I thought it was kind of hilarious. It is hilarious.
Yeah, it is. It is hilarious.
Yes. And you're also like, I'm not against gays.
I'm saying he's not one.

Speaker 5 Well, that's what I said.

Speaker 5 So Tim went on and he he goes,

Speaker 5 he plays a good dumb sometimes on purpose. Oh, tough.
Like you do with the questions. He does that with dumb.
He had this thing about when they were trying to ban Apu.

Speaker 5 And he had Giannis Papas has this like old Greek guy character. And he was like asking questions to Pete about Apu, asking questions to Tim about Apu.
And he goes, this man,

Speaker 5 he's a bad father. He goes, oh, no, he's actually a great father.
There's a white character in the show who's a really, he chokes his children. He's a really bad father.

Speaker 5 But Apu is, no, he's got eight kids and he's really wonderful so he uh he's i'm so deadbeat no small business owner

Speaker 5 he goes i don't get it and tim's like yeah i don't know they just don't like a anyway so he did that with me where he goes um

Speaker 5 he goes well ari's actions and his words were terrible to take a hero like that and make fun of her and his and his and his um and his producer's like yeah it's tough it's like i just like you get on on the day of a death to make fun of aretha franklin is so shitty and the producer's like, No, no, no, it's it was not.

Speaker 5 Claude Burr's like, No, no, I read it, he did a thing about Aretha Franklin, and he goes, That was a different one.

Speaker 5 He goes, Oh, so he does this all the time, it's not about this one thing that they hear. No, he said something about Aretha Franklin.
He's like, It's not that.

Speaker 5 He goes, Well, I'm pretty pissed about the Aretha Franklin thing from like three years earlier. It was just his way of saying, Guys, shut the fuck up in a funny way.

Speaker 5 That was like the most creative way to do it.

Speaker 4 Oh, that's so that's inspiring. Does anybody pay any attention at all to the late night hosts?

Speaker 5 No.

Speaker 4 Like, that's not even a category anymore.

Speaker 5 I guess, but that's not even

Speaker 5 so funny. You see them sometimes like crying about something.
You're like, what happened to your industry? You're crying.

Speaker 4 But when you were a kid,

Speaker 5 that's all it was. Yeah.
That was it. You watched the tonight show monologue.

Speaker 4 But when you guys get to, when like you and Tim Dylan are having dinner, you're not talking about what Kimmel said.

Speaker 5 No.

Speaker 5 Occasionally, we will talk. I'm trying to stay positive.
So occasionally we'll talk about how cool Kimball used to be and how that is really him, the cool guy. Yeah.

Speaker 5 And he's, I don't know, playing pretend or whatever. Kimball had a, there was a roast for a, um, a local kind of, kind of lunatic comedian, Peter Chen.

Speaker 5 We had a sort of fake roast.

Speaker 4 As distinct from other comedians? What does that mean?

Speaker 5 He was a bit crazy. The owner of the commissary passed him as a, as a, to like, let everyone else kind of fuck with him.
He was a bit of a, yeah, not a, not me lunatic or you lunatic, but like off

Speaker 5 um and and that's what a stand-up says that it's real a terrible terrible comedy like an un no future no past comedian um

Speaker 5 yeah and so he was just a local like at the comedy store he was like you could just with him all the time he was crazy and angry driven to anger at all times so it was fun to with him um so we had a roast for him And

Speaker 5 everyone, you know, did their thing. And then it's his turn to get up.
And he goes to everybody. He's like, you say this about me, but you are the man.
Nice.

Speaker 5 You wear a plaid shirt, not straight lines. And like he thinks he's getting you.
And then he goes to Jimmy Kimmel was on the on the dais.

Speaker 5 I mean, it's an 80-seater that's got 30 people in it. It's before, he might have already had a show.
He might not have.

Speaker 5 But he goes, and Jimmy, you say I am a snake. You are a snake.
And Jimmy Kimmel cracked his beer bottle. He was like, I'll fucking kill you.

Speaker 5 Held back. That's who he is.
He's a funny guy.

Speaker 5 I don't know what that is, but he's a funny guy.

Speaker 4 What about the other two?

Speaker 6 Um,

Speaker 5 uh, who is it? Fallon, yeah,

Speaker 4 I can't remember,

Speaker 5 and the guy from the daily show, the guy from the daily show, yeah. Um, I don't, I've never seen the daily show that he, his old show is pretty funny, the fake Republican, very funny, yeah, I agree.

Speaker 6 Um,

Speaker 5 you know, Fallon's a fucking,

Speaker 5 he's also, he's so clean on there, but I don't think he's that clean. I think he's like a boozer and a fun guy from what I hear.
I don't know.

Speaker 4 So that's just totally, that's not even a factor in comedy.

Speaker 5 Yeah, I did like, I did like when he goes, when they were like, hey, you're losing the ratings to the other guy, to the, to the daily show guy, you need to talk about Trump and stuff.

Speaker 5 And he goes, that's just not me. I play ping pong with guests.

Speaker 5 So if everyone wants to hear that, then you should go to that guy. But if you want to hear a good lip sync battle, I'm your guy.
Well, good for him. Yeah, exactly.
Know who you are.

Speaker 5 Yeah, I think more comics should do that. Stay in your lane.
Be funny. You can write a tweet against Trump or Biden.
Make it a joke.

Speaker 5 So many comics, Louis said this, because comics fuck themselves over because they were like, it's just a joke. It's just a joke.

Speaker 5 But as an audience member, you're like, but a lot of you guys are not joking. Legitimately, you're making serious statements.

Speaker 5 So how are we, the audience, to know when you're joking and when you're not?

Speaker 5 This guy might be the worst president of all time. That's not a joke.
No. Make it a joke.
This guy's a worse president than Kermit was at being a fucking front. I don't know.
I don't know.

Speaker 5 I don't know.

Speaker 4 But there's a joke possible. So then what do you make of Chappelle?

Speaker 5 In general, he's a great comic. Well, of course he is.

Speaker 4 But there's also a serious, and I'm not, there's not a criticism.

Speaker 4 I've seen it.

Speaker 5 Of what?

Speaker 4 Well, there's a, it's, it's all like his, he did this, the training special he did was like an editorial.

Speaker 4 It was not, he was not joking. He was serious.

Speaker 5 Is that good or bad? There's a thing I'll say that happens to a lot of people.

Speaker 5 You get some, and it's not necessarily him, because everyone's on their own path, but you get some backlash. Yeah.

Speaker 5 And then instead of just allowing there to be backlash, you want, I think it comes from a place of you want to win those people over and explain, you're not the guy, you're not the guy they think.

Speaker 5 And you want to win them over. But then what happens is

Speaker 5 your creative output is spent trying to win over the people who hate you instead of trying to please the people who do love you.

Speaker 5 And that's your core group and keep honoring them. And these other people, it sways them all.
It's so smart. When the people go really, I just got it.

Speaker 4 That is a really smart observation. Thanks, buddy.
It's not just comedy. No, I'm saying.

Speaker 5 Fucking anti-Semite.

Speaker 5 All we can be is a brain. You have a high verbal intelligence, I'll say.

Speaker 4 No, I think that's a really insightful thing to say. It's not just comedians, by the way, who do that.

Speaker 5 Yeah, right, right, right. Yeah.
And then it just keeps going going further and further over until you this warped, fucking gollum version of yourself. Yes.
And you're like, what happened to you?

Speaker 5 And I've seen it. They won, actually.

Speaker 4 They won. Your enemies won.
The critics won.

Speaker 5 Because they've distorted you.

Speaker 5 And it's not even like, let me do a good joke about this. It's, hey, I was already done with that.
So I'm not going to keep doing jokes. I'm not.
So people ask me about when I did this Jew thing.

Speaker 5 It's like, you should come out in a helicopter and do whatever. I'm like, guys, that was a throwaway line out of fucking three minutes.

Speaker 5 You only hear about, so that's what you want me to be. I was never going to cover that again.
That was a one joke about the fucking Lakers.

Speaker 5 I moved on to other stuff.

Speaker 5 You want me to live in that forever? That's crazy.

Speaker 5 So you keep doing, also, artists do this when they get positive feedback. Well, it's like I do a bunch of different paintings, but this ones about deer seem to sell more.

Speaker 5 So, well, I guess I'll paint more deers. And it's like, that's not your natural progression as a visual artist, as a painter.

Speaker 4 So how do you keep in?

Speaker 5 Can't read any of it. You can't read any feedback.
Positive feedback is just as deadly as negative. Yes, I agree.
Yeah. People telling you we like that.

Speaker 4 I knew I liked you.

Speaker 5 This is exactly right. Yeah.
Can't read anything. Can't allow it in.
That's right. You can, you, as a comic, we got something that nobody gets is immediate reaction.

Speaker 5 I can hear the laughs. Yes.
We know when it's good and when it's bad. And sometimes when you're starting, somebody be like, no, no, they were laughing in the back.
You couldn't hear.

Speaker 5 I'm like, they're facing me. I can hear, I got the best seat in the house for the laughs.
And I know when there's good laughs and bad laughs.

Speaker 5 And I know even in that 15-minute minute set that I thought was bad, there was one joke that killed and the other 14 were not good. So I'm aware what the line was for this crowd.
And I failed.

Speaker 5 And it's okay. And they tell you, like, no, this, that.
I can tell from immediate feedback. I don't have to go home and go, who was saying anything about it online? I know what worked.

Speaker 5 Every time they come out with a thing against comics, they're like, and this fucking crowd was laughing. This crowd doesn't know me.
Especially if it's at the cellar, the stand or the comedy store.

Speaker 5 This is not our crowds. They're just there for the show and we're going on.
And if you're making them laugh, that's a bunch of strangers laughing. That's all the feedback you need.

Speaker 5 Or a bunch of strangers not laughing. And that's also great feedback.
You know, occasionally you'll get a comedian go, hey, there's something there. Don't give up on that joke.
Wait, what?

Speaker 4 Everything you're saying is true and wise, more important.

Speaker 4 But there's also the reality of touring for any gig, which is you wind up in a hotel room alone.

Speaker 5 Yeah.

Speaker 4 And there's nothing to do. It's depressing.
And you're on your phone and you're like, I wonder what the reaction to this was.

Speaker 5 that's fair and I should say this I fall to it constantly I'm when I say don't read that it's advising myself read it yeah that's right you know

Speaker 5 we were all talking once at the store in the parking lot and um Gerard Carmichael showed up we were all talking talking about reading comments and stuff and he was like yeah you shouldn't read this before what year was this with him

Speaker 5 I think it was right after he had his first TV show. So he's kind of a star.
I Beyonce knows him, but not like internationally. And he was doing well.
Anyway, whatever.

Speaker 5 And he goes, yeah, yeah, you shouldn't read it. But it is people talking about you.
It's interesting, right? It's Tom Sawyer and Huck Finn. Like, let's go up there and hear my phone.

Speaker 5 You're a performer.

Speaker 4 I mean, you play for people and for their reaction.

Speaker 5 So this is another form of that. Yeah, and you want to hear it.

Speaker 5 But it's just like, do something else.

Speaker 5 It's deadly. Every once in a while, I'll go open up Instagram when I'm bored.
And I'm like, don't fight back one time.

Speaker 5 And it's not like a wholesale, like, I'll never be on here. But I'm like, right now I shouldn't be on it.
I'm in the woods. I'm in the woods sometimes and i go on my phone it's like

Speaker 4 well you do it later you did take four and a half months off without your phone so i don't know anyone else who's done that

Speaker 5 yeah it's just like you set your own line and i'm behind my line i'm i'm about to i've been for almost a year i've been trying to get on this light phone

Speaker 5 you know the light phone no it's company they made it uh

Speaker 5 it's you can do regular texting it's the the the buyers are two people they are people who want to spend less time online and people who don't want to be spied on they're woods people and there's liberals who don't want to follow fall to it i'm in the ladder i guess um

Speaker 5 full texting there's no email on there there's a maps app but not google maps because they don't want those people don't want to be tracked so it's some other maps app i think there is a ride share app um

Speaker 5 and some sort of music playing app, I think, but not Spotify because they don't want anybody algorithming you. The Light Phone 3 is about to come out with a camera unrelated.

Speaker 5 Like it takes a picture on.

Speaker 4 So that's all I use my phone for. So that would be for me.

Speaker 5 Yeah, I want one where I can't get this stuff on there. I can't get email.
I'll check it at home. I want to be able to text and not have to do this, which is fucking annoying.
Right.

Speaker 5 So a full keyboard. They used to have the one that flipped open like that, the LG Envy, and you can text like that.
Flip phone, but you could text like that. It's a breeze.
Loved it.

Speaker 4 I gave up email

Speaker 5 completely.

Speaker 4 No email. I don't do that.

Speaker 5 no email.

Speaker 5 How do you deal with like long form?

Speaker 5 I text.

Speaker 4 That's it. And I try to make, I mean, I'm sure I miss a lot, you know, and I.

Speaker 5 How does someone send you? Well, okay, so they can send you a link you can open, read this.

Speaker 4 Yeah, or a PDF, or I just don't deal with stuff. Wow.
And because I think it's, it's just, it takes too much time.

Speaker 5 Yeah, I think I've lost probably half to a full decade of my life to this. Right.

Speaker 4 And so it might be worth saying, you know, I'm, I'm an artist. I'm a creator.
I'm a little eccentric. I've got a weird personal life and I'm just not playing along with your conventions.

Speaker 5 You could probably pull that off. You're also in a position where you're successful enough where you'd be like, guys, deal with it for me.

Speaker 4 Like, handle this. Yeah, but there's not that much, actually.

Speaker 4 You can bang it out on text. And then you can get to the bottom of it every day.
Then you go to sleep with nothing.

Speaker 5 And you make a phone call. Like, hey, explain this to me.
Let's go over it real quick. It's going to take us 10 minutes.
I'm texting it. It'll take us five hours.
Yeah. I don't know.

Speaker 5 I've got a ton of phone calls. Okay.

Speaker 4 Because you can't do those at two in the morning.

Speaker 5 Yeah.

Speaker 5 Yeah.

Speaker 5 So you, I wish there was a way to send a text, schedule, send a text.

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Speaker 4 Can you make more at some point, will stand-ups be able to make more money on the internet than they made on TV?

Speaker 5 They already are. They already are.
Yeah, they already are. So it's like, it's pretty wild, the lack of caring they have for these conventions.

Speaker 5 Now, some of the comics have made so much money, they've re-imprisoned themselves.

Speaker 5 And that's why they usually come out against the comic who crossed the line because they're afraid of their own money kind of going away instead of just defending their friends.

Speaker 5 When Harvey Weinstein came out, when it came out about Harvey Weinstein,

Speaker 5 they went to Tarantino and it's like, well, you've worked with him. You need to weigh it.
You need to make your statement.

Speaker 5 And he said something along the lines of, hey, guys, I've known this guy for 25 to 30 years. He was at my wedding.
I was at his or vice versa, whatever.

Speaker 5 This has been a friend for a long time. You need to give me some time to think about this.

Speaker 5 And it seemed reasonable enough and they kind of went away. And I don't even know if he ever said anything.

Speaker 5 What's saying anything going to do anyway? Exactly.

Speaker 5 They need more of that, but they're all scared of losing their positions. They sell out their friends.
LA Comics more than New York.

Speaker 4 So the more money they make, the more cowardly they become.

Speaker 5 We all wanted to do another, our own thing. And then this money in prison, they had these jobs.
I mean, I make fun of Rogan once in a while, whereas like, I remember when he was still in L.A.

Speaker 5 and I was like, hey, I'm coming to town. I'm going to go on a hike.
And he goes, I can't. I got to interview some guy.
And I was like, I just cancel. He goes, no, he's coming from Australia.

Speaker 5 I got to fucking do it. And I was like, oh, for your job?

Speaker 5 He's like, shut up. All right.
Oh, you wouldn't do it for millions of dollars. No, I would, but don't ignore.

Speaker 4 Are you worried about getting too successful where where you can't take four months off and go to myanmar i can i

Speaker 5 no

Speaker 5 no

Speaker 5 the problem becomes when you have a like this guy and that guy where like you guys rely on me for money yeah so now it's a separate thing and that's when i didn't realize that's what comedy central did to me um you got employees

Speaker 5 well they were like well there's all these like

Speaker 5 you have all these staff members you have all these people gonna shoot your show we'll kick you out they'll be out of work they're not gonna pay their rent or you can comply.

Speaker 5 And you're like, oh, fuck. How horrible are they?

Speaker 5 They're just really horrible. Like they are, right?

Speaker 2 I get that, that feeling.

Speaker 5 They're done now. They're off, which is sad because it was a good platform for comedians.
I don't take any happiness in their demise.

Speaker 4 So that's actually my last question is about the new platform for comedians. Like, how central is Rogan to all this, to this ecosystem?

Speaker 5 I mean, he is the best. The amount of support he has.
I mean, there's times where he goes, some big guy, some Oliver Stone wants me to have a podcast, but I can't.

Speaker 5 I have this open micer on today or tomorrow. So I'm already booked.
I want to promote this open micer.

Speaker 5 Whereas everybody else would go, well, the name, Oliver Stone will get more hits than this open micer. So I can't.
He's just like,

Speaker 5 I'm the name. I'm Joe Rogan.
So I want to put this guy on or that guy on. And this guy's funny.
I want to push him to a big platform instead of like,

Speaker 5 what's going to help me book my show? It's like, interesting. I'll help me.
He just, the casual talking about the outlawnness of stand-up has helped all of us.

Speaker 5 Whether or not you've been on his show or not, he's made stand-up more popular, you know, so now we, we can all just, I mean, it's succeeding on a level, it's a crazy level.

Speaker 4 So what, like, what's the effect on a stand-up's career of going on Rogan?

Speaker 5 Well, one time is not as big as it once was because now there's thousands of episodes.

Speaker 5 But guys like Theo Vaughn launched off like a good early appearance. Tim Tim Dylan launched off that.
Dave Smith, you know, really became well known.

Speaker 4 I know all three good guys. Yeah.

Speaker 5 Yeah. And you do well on that.
Joey D, but like it was consistent once, you know.

Speaker 5 It's not like, it's kind of like the tonight show with Johnny Carson was a long time ago. It's like, they say like you go on there, you're a star.

Speaker 5 And everyone you talk to from back then, like, no, no, no. You're eighth time on there, you're a star.

Speaker 5 But that whole week, people recognize you.

Speaker 4 But unlike Carson, I mean, Rogan makes the call himself. He doesn't have like scouts in the clubs at night.
Yeah.

Speaker 5 He's like, wow, this lady was

Speaker 5 female open micer. We were all getting high in the back.
And then you have to walk past the original, the room. And you kind of like going there, especially if you're high or drunk.

Speaker 5 It's great watching some high-level unknown comic. You just, it's, it's great.
It's laughs. You know, it's free laughs.

Speaker 5 Yeah, it's like you're passing by a live stand-up comedy show on your way out of work. It's, it's the best.
And he's in there laughing. You were great.
He was always really great.

Speaker 5 Carson, Carlin was like that. He'd sit in the back.
He knew who he was. And if you did well, I'd be like, hey, that was a really good set.
He knew not to just keep that to himself.

Speaker 5 He knew what George Carlin saying good set would mean.

Speaker 4 Did you know him?

Speaker 5 I met him once. Never said it to me, but he said,

Speaker 5 he didn't like your shit at all. Never had a good set in front of him.

Speaker 5 But if he was there and he saw you, he tipped me 20 bucks. to get him a deli sandwich.
And I was like, no, the comedy starts playing for like, I know, it's for you. And I desperately needed it.

Speaker 5 I mean, I was poor. And Rogan was always passing money around.
Really? Oh, yeah.

Speaker 5 Yeah. He kept me in business for a long time.
Rogan did? I opened for him for five, six years on the road.

Speaker 5 Yeah, we're good friends. We're good friends.
But like,

Speaker 5 so, I mean, I can't, it can't pay him back. I just try to be, I just try to pass it.
How many dates do you do a year?

Speaker 5 I try to limit it to 24 weeks a year, and the weeks can either be Friday. 24 weeks? It can either be just Friday, Saturday, or like for the Edinburgh Festival, it's an entire month.
It's four streets.

Speaker 4 How do you not get addicted to heroin doing that? That's so much time on the road.

Speaker 5 You get to be a boozer for sure. Yeah.
Yeah. Heroin is always like, one time I had a thought, like, I might not want to try it.
But I was like, okay, I'm going to do it away from home.

Speaker 5 So I can't find a dealer that I can. And then you realize you can just find a dealer.
if you're an interesting

Speaker 4 you probably pull that off yeah so i just haven't gotten into it but how do you keep your life from capsizing

Speaker 5 sometimes it gets bad and you're like oh i got to take that back a little bit pot also sometimes like i messed up a show a little bit not completely it went from an a to like an a minus be like eh cool being high on stage being high being drunk and like let's get drunk afterwards they asked earthquake once they're like do you drink on stage i love this interview and he goes stand-up comedy is one of the few uh jobs that uh enable you the right to imbibe while you're at work and i like to avail myself of that right and they go does it ever make you worse he goes almost every time

Speaker 5 but uh yeah you just got to keep track of it and not let it get to your you're your own employee so it's up to you yeah but there's a there's a disconnection that happens justify there's a lot of sober comics are there really couldn't handle it joe list i met joe list great comic i met him when when I moved to New York.

Speaker 5 There was like a separation between New York and LA.

Speaker 5 And I was like, hey, everybody here in New York talks about you, like, like kind of reveres you, but I've never heard of you coming from LA. Like, what's he goes?

Speaker 5 You want to know why I'm not as big as my name? Yeah. He goes, booze.
But I've been sober for six months. And now 12 years.

Speaker 5 He's crushing it now. But he had to, you know, he had to do that for himself.
Other guys, I mean, Rogan gets high all the time. He can handle it.

Speaker 4 Yeah, but a lot of, I mean, there's a reason that touring musicians,

Speaker 4 you know, it's just touring, it's the touring.

Speaker 5 There was a DJ who quit, who quit DJing, a high level, I forget who it was. And they were like, he was like, well, I'm doing too much drugs.
I can't do it. So I got to stop DJing.

Speaker 5 And people go, well, just don't do drugs while you DJ. And he goes, you just don't know the world.

Speaker 5 You have to.

Speaker 5 Yeah, I don't know. You try to self.
Yeah, Rogan, he just rules for it. And it's, and it's a way of like, he's like, pay your openers openers well.
He was paying me $150

Speaker 5 a set to MC. The standard rate was 50.
He was paying 150. And then paying Joey Diaz would go with us also.
He's paying him also 150. And the rate for the middle was 100.

Speaker 5 And then one day he called me and Joey and he goes, hey, I'm sorry. I'm giving you guys a raise.
But I'm like, no one's offering us that much. Definitely not more.

Speaker 5 He goes, no, you guys are headliners. You should make headliner money.
I'm giving you $250 a set.

Speaker 5 So we'd come home with like as much money as I would make pretty much on my own headlining that I never got any work by the way but like it would have been the same and also never touched my wallet and went out to the finest restaurants you know it was it was great that's amazing yeah why do you think he does it

Speaker 5 oh I don't know he's a positive guy so for a while he just brought Joey Diaz with him and then um and Joey was pretty coked up back then and sometimes he just would not show up.

Speaker 5 And he could bring a local, but he had to be supportive to the scene. You got to help guys that are struggling.
And he'd bring just Joey.

Speaker 5 And then Joey would, he, he'd get to the airport and he's like, Joey, where are you? Don't answer his phone. And then he'd land in the new city.
He's like, where are you? He goes, something came up.

Speaker 5 I missed my flight. And it's like, I was at the airport.
You missed your flight. He just coke excuses, you know? Yeah.

Speaker 5 And so he's just like, he's unreliable. He might not show up.
It became too much.

Speaker 5 But instead of saying, you can't come anymore, he goes, I'll just bring a second opener. So if you don't come, I I've still got somebody.

Speaker 5 It's, it's nuts to have an employee go, I just don't show up a lot. Like, I guess I'll hire two employees then.
He said, just firing the guy. He was like, he's too funny.
He's got to be supported.

Speaker 5 It's our responsibility. That's remarkable.
Yeah. So I try to do that with like young comics.
It's like, you know, it doesn't. One time I was.

Speaker 4 Wait, so what, when your opener gets too high to show up at the airport, you're okay?

Speaker 5 No, I've never had a guy like that. People are too, whatever.
But like, no, I'm like, I'll pay for your meals.

Speaker 5 If we're out, like at a diner after spots it's like i got it don't worry about it because that's what rogue i remember one of those he was like brand new to la he took us all out for like the standard hotel um late night food and he paid like three times in a row i'm brand new to land this isn't normal for someone you get a round but not consistently get rounds it's weird and we're at carney's we're at a it was a chili dog place and i was like let me get this one i was broke I couldn't afford the standard hotel, but the Carney's, it's $3 each, you know?

Speaker 5 And

Speaker 5 he goes, no, no it's okay i'm like dude dude please let me get this also like a man sort of like hierarchy thing you can't keep paying for me i don't know you like that um

Speaker 5 and i insisted and he goes okay thank you appreciate that and then later we're walking back to the conversation where he goes hey just so you know like it's not a power position when i pay for you it's just like that standard meal for me is is about a quarter to you it's about worth a one five nickels yeah that's why i pay for it it doesn't it's it's meaningless it's not for power power.

Speaker 5 I thank you for buying me carneys, but like, that's all. I have more money.
So take some,

Speaker 5 you know, like if I could just, I could just go get coffee at your spot. I don't have to ask.

Speaker 4 So when Rogan got attacked, when they try to claim he was a racist of all things,

Speaker 5 it had like no effect. It had no effect.
Also, comics supported him. I think this is what you got to do.
When there's this like meteor of hatred coming at anybody, you get it plenty.

Speaker 5 Other people have gotten to play. It's just meat.
It's solid ball. And for a meteor to break up, it needs to start breaking up.

Speaker 5 And you get the image where it's like a piece falls off, a piece falls off in the atmosphere, a piece falls off, a piece falls off.

Speaker 5 So what support does from other people in your industry, either broadcasting or comedy, is it shoots a fucking hole through that meteor, a little hole, and that starts to break it up a lot faster.

Speaker 5 If you have a few commerce, you go, guys, you just don't understand comedy. That's just a joke.
He doesn't mean that. You're out of your mind.
It creates.

Speaker 4 doubt in the story.

Speaker 5 Yes, that's right. And then it breaks up really fast.
But when there's no doubt, it's just fucking ball that, sorry, that fucking blows everything.

Speaker 4 And what happened to, look, I don't know, Louis C.K., but I, I, at the height of that, I always thought he was really talented. So I read about it and I,

Speaker 4 you know, whatever was embarrassing, that story, but it was not a crime that I could tell. How did he wind up getting destroyed

Speaker 5 for that? Puritanical. I think there's something in society like, no matter if you're big, we want you down.

Speaker 5 I think it's because it says something about me that I'm not big. And instead of like, let me rise up to his level, let me take you down.
So in comedy, it works in a few ways.

Speaker 5 You're an evil person, you steal jokes, you're hacky, you're

Speaker 5 racist. Roseanne, racist.
Carlos Mencia, steals jokes. Larry the cable guy, hacky.
These are all things I don't necessarily agree with or not agree with, but this is what they say.

Speaker 5 This guy lied about something. This guy did that.
But they're just like, either way, we're going to take you down. It's not about one thing.

Speaker 5 If it was about one thing, I'd be like, this society doesn't like that thing.

Speaker 5 But since it's about lots of things, it's like, what the common factor is, you're big. You're all big.
Let's take it down.

Speaker 5 Yeah, with Roseanne, she offered like a legitimate explanation. That lady looks white.
I saw a picture of her. She looks like an old Jewish lady.
Yeah.

Speaker 5 And then it's like, that's a believable fucking retort. But it's like, we want you out of here.

Speaker 4 Do you know her, Roseanne?

Speaker 5 I've met her a few times. Great person.
Yeah, I don't know her that well, but.

Speaker 4 Truly a cool, interesting person.

Speaker 5 Lunatic.

Speaker 4 Absolutely 100%, but in touch with something deep.

Speaker 5 She's not a child. She's just a vibe on stage, and it's not even jokes, it's just a vibe, and she just gets people on a wave.
Like, it's pretty, it's pretty special. But, um,

Speaker 5 yeah, I don't know. They go after Rogan, they go after Louie.
I think it was that. I think, because what they were going after him for was puritanical.
Oh, yeah.

Speaker 5 It was, you're not doing sex the way we do. But I mean, when I was in college, I started bringing up verbal consent, and it was

Speaker 5 brought up by virgins who had never really experienced sex.

Speaker 5 If you ask any normal woman how they feel, if a guy's like, May I kiss you? And they say, Okay, yes. May I touch your breast?

Speaker 5 Like, dude, we're done here. Yeah, because you're weak.
Yeah, you're weak. Go for it.
And I'll say no. That's how you know.
It's not like you're not holding them down.

Speaker 5 You're just like, it's like, uh-uh. I'm like, okay.
I mean, I've gone in for a kiss, but like, no, no, I don't see you like that. I'm like, okay, it's embarrassing.
Yeah. I'm not going to do it again.

Speaker 5 I feel shamed. They try to be like, that's okay i'm like when was the last time that happened to you um

Speaker 5 yeah uh a long time ago good yeah just checking yeah yeah a long time ago um

Speaker 5 yeah and it's like but we were like that doesn't work in real life verbal consent and he got verbal consent

Speaker 5 may i do this yes you may Okay, I'm going to do it. Okay.

Speaker 5 Fuck you.

Speaker 5 It's it's and they actually took him out. And they, yeah, they did.
And, and, because then people were like, well, I can't, I think that. So the friends of his were like, no, we'll defend him.

Speaker 5 Other people were like, you're putting me in a moral weird spot.

Speaker 5 You're saying he's this evil guy. And if you defend evil and you're out.
I mean, Norm McDonald's saying, hey, I don't think, I don't think Roseanne meant that.

Speaker 5 And they go, well, now you're off at tonight's show tonight. And he goes, I'm not excusing it.
I'm saying it wasn't the right person.

Speaker 5 If somebody goes to me like, oh, fuck Seth Rogan. He's anti-trans and his podcast only has this.
I'm like, oh, I think you mean Joe Rogan. They're like, fuck you.
Don't tell me what to think.

Speaker 5 You know what I mean? And it's like, you can't even argue with that the, you're getting the wrong, you're at the wrong door. You're at the wrong door.
That's what happened to what's her name?

Speaker 5 That black chick got shot through the fucking wall. They went to the wrong house.
What's her name? Oh, they. Oh, in North Carolina.
Say her name. Say her name.
Say her name.

Speaker 4 I never did say her name, though, so I can't remember.

Speaker 4 Damn.

Speaker 5 Well, it shows you what kind of person I am. But it's like they're going to the wrong house and you're like, you're at the wrong house.
Like, don't you tell me.

Speaker 5 You're an evil person. So they made people feel weird about even defending Louie.
But it was like, what are you talking about?

Speaker 5 Whatever. But it's also

Speaker 5 when you take a step back from it, it's all comical. If you don't take any personal, like, I know that guy, it's so.
Here's a game I play.

Speaker 5 It's called Defend Them. That's what I was going to tell you.
And it doesn't work with full rapists. Okay.
But anyone else.

Speaker 5 Imagine they were your friend. Yeah.
And you had to explain to people, Louie's a good example, of why someone's not wrong. There was a comedian in the UK.

Speaker 5 We were at the Edinburgh Festival, and he was doing a, it was called When Harris He Met Sally. This guy, Finn Taylor, he's a great comic.

Speaker 5 And he takes these long, he goes, one year he did a Whitey McWhiterson was this, was his hour. It was all about just white people and the culture.

Speaker 5 And he takes every side, South Park style, every side. And when Harrisy met Sally, he had some great lines in there.
He goes, men are the only ones that rape ourselves.

Speaker 5 He goes, women, you ever have sex with a guy and it gets weird the next day. He goes, He didn't want to have sex.
You raped him. You talked him into it.
Um, and he did this thing about Louie.

Speaker 5 And he goes, He asked

Speaker 5 some women if he could do that, and they said no. And I guess he did it anyway.
And I saw him afterwards, like, hey, great special.

Speaker 5 Same thing as the other one, but like, just so you know, that's not the facts are wrong. Do what you want, just like that rabbi told me, but like, they did say yes.
He goes, oh, shit.

Speaker 5 And to his credit, he changed it. Just changed.
It was like, I don't want to get it wrong. So he changed it.
He made a still a funny joke, but he's like, let me get the facts right. Definitely.

Speaker 5 So anyway, we're all. Wait.
Fuck. I haven't smoked weed today.
At all? Yeah.

Speaker 5 I know.

Speaker 5 This place is a weird.

Speaker 4 Wait, let me just ask you, who you know, Louis C.K., but are there people you would defend who you don't know?

Speaker 5 Yeah. Okay.
So that's the game. Thank you.
It's defend them. So act as if they're your friend.
And say what happens.

Speaker 5 So with Louis, it's like he asked someone for two girls come back to your hotel room, which, by the way, always implies women aren't idiots. You know what they want, at least.
You know what they want.

Speaker 5 No victim blaming, but if I walk out with a hundred.

Speaker 4 No, but there are no surprises.

Speaker 4 Right.

Speaker 5 This is, you know what this is probably. Exactly.
So you could be like, let's meet downstairs if you don't want that.

Speaker 5 Okay, so you're at least putting a guy in a weird position. If I walk out with a $100 bill in the get in Avenue D in New York and I get robbed, I shouldn't get robbed, but also,

Speaker 5 like, don't do that, you you know?

Speaker 5 So anyway, if you defend him, it's like he asked for verbal consent and got it. And they go, well, as high-powered manager, try to shut these girls up.

Speaker 5 Or this is a defend them game, or his friend, his manager slash his friend was saying, hey, can you shut the fuck up? He's married. Yeah, shut the fuck up.

Speaker 5 And not he's silencing them, but just like, hey, quit saying this shit about my, my fucking friend. Use your head.
He's married.

Speaker 5 That's not the same as like trying to silence a fucking female voice. And Janine said this on a podcast.
She goes, we all thought it was funny when it happened.

Speaker 5 We all thought it was like what a dork he is. Yes.
Which is great. Yes.
A guy who jerks off in his stomach should be mocked. Of course.
But should continue to work.

Speaker 5 Anyway, so defend them. John Gruden.
Remember that? No.

Speaker 5 He was a coach for the Tampa Bay Bucks. Yeah.
It's a sports team. I know you're not into that.

Speaker 5 I've heard of him. Okay.
And he's just a coach for the Raiders. And in the interim, he worked for ESPN.
And he was talking to the owner of the Redskins

Speaker 5 online, his buddy, he was friends with him.

Speaker 5 And they were shitting on Roger Goodell, the commissioner of the league. Good for them.
And he called them the F-word for gays. Yeah.

Speaker 5 Whatever.

Speaker 5 And they were like, you said this. And it was in leaked emails in an investigation into Daniel Snyder, the owner of the Redskins, the old owner of the Redskins.
And they leaked this stuff on purpose.

Speaker 5 And they go, What's that? He said, I go, Okay, it's either a homophobic slur or it's an employee privately with another employee talking shit about their boss. Who's, by the way, hetero.

Speaker 5 So to call up.

Speaker 4 Is he, is that confirmed?

Speaker 5 I don't know. He's more hetero than fucking Tim Dylan.
But so it's just a guy talking shit about their boss privately. That doesn't sound nearly as bad.
Defend them.

Speaker 5 Play the defend them game and you'll realize, oh, actually, people are not these evil monsters that you think. I love that.
Do you have forbidden figures in there too?

Speaker 4 It's only people you know.

Speaker 5 Oh, so you research it. It's almost like a parlor game at a party.
Who do you play this with?

Speaker 5 You could do it at a house party, but people like don't want to be the one defending, especially liberals or actually the other way. Yeah.

Speaker 5 If it's like super Republicans, most of us are in the middle somewhere. 80% of us are in the middle somewhere.
And the fucking vocal parts of each side are way, way out there. It's like Islam.

Speaker 5 It's like the fucking, the ones are running it are the fucking bomb makers. Yeah.
The most of them are just like, hey, you're supposed to love your wife. Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 5 So they don't like it. If you pull fucking AOC out, you know, about something and you're a fucking hardcore Republican, you're like, ah, like, you got a defender, defender.

Speaker 5 And you're like, all right, let me look into this. And it's kind of debate club.
And you realize no one's a fucking monster. The monsters are gone.
Again, it doesn't work with credible acquisitions.

Speaker 4 Is coming in handy through lifelong.

Speaker 5 Like you're looking at all sides of the question. It's a fun game at a party.
You put a people's, you need people's names in a hat and you pick one out and you go, go.

Speaker 4 Have you ever defended someone you don't like?

Speaker 5 Yeah, all the time. And you realize, oh, shit, if that was my friend, I would see the good in him.
That's not the case.

Speaker 5 Or this story was wrong, where they left out a certain part of the story to get their way you know uh the cops in uh in the robbie king beating yeah you know that how they cut out the first seven minutes of course and it's like doesn't excuse beating someone much but it does somewhat excuse it does explain it better exactly when he's fighting to a standstill with three cops by the way if you punch a cop they're gonna punch you back you think they're gonna go hard yeah that's the deal and he's fighting to a standstill with three of them and they come in like you don't do that to our friends but if you start with seven cops beating a guy like he's defenseless you're like well yeah you're not seeing the whole story if i call you a piece of

Speaker 5 and then we cut to you walking alone it looks like you're walking sad alone because i called you a piece of

Speaker 5 but that's not the real story you know we're having a good time exactly

Speaker 5 so anyway defend him it's a fun game i'm gonna play tonight yeah try it again it doesn't work and i will work with great people actually you know i'm gonna do i'm gonna defend you okay yeah all right he's a good guy yeah all right

Speaker 5 thank you buddy it was great to meet you it really was it was awesome to meet you thank you yeah you know i did not tell my mom i was coming to meet you like she's not a fan she's a fan it's all these people and i'm like he's an he was an anti-war guy at fox news who followed the dead he's not how is he that guy that you think he is well you can't be anti-war that means you're a fascist it's racist to be anti-war different with the fa but um with what with the fa if you started saying fascist i thought you're gonna say something else no no no no no no no because i i learned you can't even call roger goodell that yeah exactly

Speaker 5 So I wonder.

Speaker 5 Buddy, it was great to meet you. I want you to do my travel podcast.
Done? I know you've been. Do you have a travel podcast? Yeah.
It's called You'd Be Tripping.

Speaker 5 It's just about a place, no politics.

Speaker 4 Man, there's one thing I've done a lot of is travel. Yeah.

Speaker 5 Yeah.

Speaker 4 And I think it's the most educational thing you can do.

Speaker 5 Yeah. I really believe that.
I don't know why more people don't do it.

Speaker 4 I feel like our rich people in this country, I am one, but they don't travel right. Yeah.
Like they go, they kind of recreate their own lives with better service in a foreign country.

Speaker 4 But the whole point of travel is to learn how other people live.

Speaker 5 Yeah, read the local newspaper if you 100%.

Speaker 4 Yeah.

Speaker 5 Instead of how do I get the New York Times here. Good, call me.

Speaker 4 I'd do it.

Speaker 5 Okay. Perfect.
Okay. You ever New York? No, I don't go to New York.
Okay. Well, or whatever.
Let's do it. All right.
Okay. Thanks, man.
Thanks, buddy.

Speaker 4 Thanks for listening to the Tucker Carlson Show. If you enjoyed it, you can go to tuckercarlson.com to see everything that we have made, the complete library, tuckercarlson.com.