League Pass Rankings Part 1 with Rob Mahoney

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All right, coming up on the Zach Lowe show, Rob Mahoney joins for the first ever podcast version of my league pass rankings.

Rob did his own league pass rankings.

I did mine using my normal crazy formula.

Five categories, one to ten score in each for each team.

The categories are zeitgeist.

Do normal people know about this team?

Stars slash highlight potential, self-explanatory.

Strategy and system style of play.

That's the coaching thing.

League pass minutiae.

commentators, courts, jerseys, art, and then Bill's favorite category, Grandfathered in, unintentional comedy, the JaVail McGee category.

I don't think Rob did the scoring like that.

I did.

Then I combined our rankings into one super ranking, the official league pass rankings for 25-26 NBA season, which starts in like 29 hours or something by the time you're hearing this.

Craziness.

We're already there.

Who came last?

Who came first?

Who did Rob and I disagree on?

All coming up on the Zach Low Show.

League Pass rankings.

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welcome to the zach low show it is a very special day on monday october 20th rob mahoney is here the nba season somehow tips off tomorrow with two marquee games And it's also a very special day because it's League Pass Rankings Day.

I've done League Pass Rankings, except for last year, about 15 straight times now.

This time we're experimenting with a podcast version, but I used my same formula, Rob Mahoney.

I did not foist it onto you.

No, thanks.

I used a formula that is

taken down from the basketball gods.

It exists on parchment paper somewhere.

It got dug up in Bill Simmons' backyard when he was doing construction on his newest pool.

We found it and we have obeyed it.

My five categories are zeitgeist, do people care about you?

So that favors the good teams.

Stars, highlights.

Okay, that's self-explanatory.

Style of play, Iso, Iso, Iso, are you like fun to watch?

League Pass Minutia.

I may weigh this one too heavily.

It's the courts, the uniforms, the announcers.

And by the way,

there's a separate discussion.

Like, is League Pass just, is this it for League Pass with all the games on national platforms every day of the week, more inventory on national TV.

So, this might be a swan song for League Pass, an ode to the days of yore when League Pass was the whole thing.

And then, Bill's category, Unintentional Comedy, which is unofficially the JaVail McGee category.

I score every team one to 10, add them up.

I have a list, you have a list, I combine them.

We're going to go worst to first in two parts.

Are you ready?

I am absolutely ready.

Although, I do have a question about your system.

I mean, is this proprietary?

Like, is the Zach system trademarked?

Are you looking to market it?

Are you putting it out in in the world for other people to use?

This is a

sacred formula.

Mortals can't really even understand it.

It's got all sorts of notations and graphics and shapes that look like hieroglyphics.

It belongs to the world.

It belongs to the sport and all of those who love it.

Okay, 30th.

We had the same team dead last on both of our lists, both of our metrics.

The Brooklyn Nets come in at at number 30.

They were actually 29th when I first did it.

And I did the rare step of enacting a sub-rule called the I and Eagle corollary.

I made that up.

It's not on the parchment paper.

And it just exists in cases in which when Brooklyn's A-plus announcing team and generally pretty good art, I like the black and white.

I like the notorious BIG koogie stuff, which I can't say it's notorious BIG, but it is for trademark purposes.

I like all that, but when that takes them too high, like in the rankings, when it's clear that basketball-wise, they should be lower, we invoke the I and Eagle category, eliminate that score, and shove them down.

They are 30th.

They played hard.

They'll play hard again.

Cam Thomas is going to take a lot of shots.

Michael Horter Jr.

is going to take a lot of shots.

Oh, yeah.

Nick Claxon is going to call for the ball and not get it.

Sarah Kustock is going to tell you exactly what's going on and pretend to really be enthusiastic about all the young players on a team who are throwing the ball into the the stands and not into the hoop.

Creative, fun young guys.

You know,

it's creative, fun young guys.

Come watch all these 19-year-old big, tall point guards pass the ball around.

It's a tough sell to the normies, Rob.

It's a tough sell for us, to be honest with you.

I mean, that's what it comes down to: it's not just can you market it towards the average NBA fan or the average Nets fan, but at the point where you're even losing guys like us who, in theory, I love watching a big tall point guard go to work.

I just don't love this many of them, and most importantly, I don't love a team that I think is going to be this plotting and this bad and this hopeless.

Like, what am I supposed to cling to at that point?

Noah Clowney?

I guess.

I know.

I mean, there's, there's, it's.

Good luck, Jordy.

Jordy Fernandez deserves the Will Hardy Memorial contract extension on top of contract extension, on top of contract extension.

They were also 29th in dunks last year, by the way.

This is the kind of thing I chart for the Lee Petrics.

You think I'm sitting here just going on vibes?

I got got stats.

I got all sorts of things.

They don't even freaking dunk.

No.

And then they'll trade their good players.

Brooklyn, I don't have a lot to say.

Love the crew.

Love the colors.

Love the uniform.

I like that they've stuck with black and white.

I like the herringbone court.

That's kind of gray.

That's cool.

I'm actually into it.

They were the first team to do that.

I like all of it.

The arena is...

As dead as a professional sports arena can possibly be.

That bleeds into my broadcast experience.

Okay.

Bye, Brooklyn.

Enjoy the show.

quick question about Brooklyn one you know you mentioned that they will play hard and I think that might generally be true but will they have the two-week stretch where they kind of win some games and are vaguely competitive because like last season when they pulled that off it was like a little defense forward and I look at this team which as you said is full of 19 year olds and also Cam Thomas's and Michael Porter Jr.'s and I'm like do they even have that like feisty moment in them?

I don't even know that they have that.

I think they'll have a couple of feisty moments because Jordy will have them playing hard And Michael Porter Jr.

is like out there auditioning for his Nick contract, shows Cam Thomas, auditioning for new teams to trade for him.

I'll tell you, if they simulcast,

if they spent four minutes of every other game putting in the corner, muting the game broadcast, apologies to Ian and Sarah and everyone else who does a great job there.

And just having Michael Porter Jr.'s podcast clips sprinkled into the games, that might up their score a little bit because it was an outrageous summer of MPJ.

Okay, number 29 on our combined list, 29th for you.

Um, it was actually came in tied for 27th to me, but they come 29th.

You know, I might just sit this one out, Rob, and let you cook for a little bit because I cooked a lot.

I overcooked it, I burned it, I cooked the meal again.

I

bought it, I went to the bike store and bought extra locks.

The Sacramento Kings,

29th.

Yeah,

I'm, I, I'm already, I just got nothing.

I said it all.

Rob, you go.

I just have the feeling that when I watch the Kings play this season, it's going to ruin my whole night.

Like, there's going to be one too many gummy possessions leading to one too many dumb shots.

You might want to take one too many gummies.

Look, that might not be a bad pairing as these things go.

I just think that when I watch them, I'm going to be in a bad mood.

And this is just one of those teams that...

is so clearly less than the sum of its parts.

And so whatever it is that I like about Domas Sabonis or DeMar DeRosen or Zach Levine is muted by them playing together.

The one variable I had as far as them being this low in the ranking is does adding Russ make them more or less watchable from a league pass standpoint?

And where I landed was like, they're less watchable on an everynight basis.

If you are a Kings fan, that makes it harder to live with every up and down of the Russ experience.

But if you're just parachuting in like we are for stretches or periods or games at a time, I actually think he might make them more watchable.

You know, it's a great point.

I executed the sacred formula before Russ was acquired and then was too lazy to redo it.

He absolutely adds to the watchability skill because it's like a car crash.

Or

it's like a high-speed NASCAR race, but with like one too many cars in the race where it could be exhilarating or it could be so disastrous, like miss at the rim, fall over, yell at the rev, fast break the other way.

Another miss at the rim that like just goes off the backboard so hard you worry for the integrity of the glass in the backboard.

But then also like four offensive rebounds on one possession, he's screaming.

Do you think Dario Sarich knows he plays for the Kings?

Do you think he wakes up every day like,

am I on Sabona?

Like what, where am I?

What's going on in my life?

How did I arrive at this moment?

I think he was informed the other day when Doug Christie was like, by the way, you're starting for our actual NBA team.

That was a thing that just happened in the preseason.

And granted, it's the preseason, but Jesus Christ.

Like, who are these guys going to play without Keegan Murray?

I can't anymore.

I'm alarmed.

I can't.

They don't even play fast anymore.

25th in dunks last year, despite having Zach Levine on your team.

Nothing strategically all that interesting about them.

I don't like the broadcast very much.

There's too much purple.

You know, I will say this.

I'm excited for Neek Clifford.

I want to see what Neek Clifford brings to the table.

Okay, that is number 29.

Number 28, pretty similarly ranked on our respective lists.

At least they're going back to the mountains and the snow in their uniforms.

The Utah Jazz, full of kids who are going to be interesting, fun to watch.

We're going to learn about them.

Ace Bailey bumped them up a few spots from the basement for me.

Lowry Marketing, Will Hardy's always doing fun X's and O's things with Lowry Marketing.

He's coming off pin downs, inverted, pick and rolls.

Got a lot of guys I kind of sneaky like to watch.

My sense of all is like come in and make some mid-rangers and look like an old school mid-range scorer.

Flip.

I like flip.

Ryan Smith really committed to the backwards hat.

Respect that.

The neon highlighter uniforms, much bally hood, those have been lit on fire and we will never.

They are like poochie.

It's like they went back to their planet and we'll never speak of them again.

No acknowledgement.

I like Taylor Hendricks.

I am super hard.

I am a Taylor Hendrix guy.

And so it hasn't been great yet.

And we'll have to see.

I mean, generally speaking, he's been a little bit of a hit and miss kind of flashes in the pan kind of athlete and defender in particular, but I'm glad to see him back out there.

I mean, I don't.

Is there any, can I interest you in Walker Kessler at all?

You know what?

As an X's and O's,

let's have a 30-second

guy who's been in trade rumors for preposterous amounts, guy who the jazz very early on were like, we're not going to even really do a serious negotiation with you for an extension because we value the cap space and your cap hold more um how like what's the apex version of walker kessler to you like every every part of his game hits the ceiling what is he

quality defensive anchor low mistake offensive player who not only is like getting you offensive rebounds and finishing well inside but is low turnover and i think can like maybe do some very very basic hub things but ultimately not a guy you want the ball in his hands very much all all of which is to say like a version of Rudy Gobert, you know, like

a vintage of that particular model, which is not a bad player at all, which is a quality guy you could build at least your defense around.

It's one of the lowest rankings for a Kyle Anderson team in league pass rankings history.

Just one of the more deep-cut basketball nerd.

Yep.

Like, what is happening here?

How does he make it work?

And early on in his career, I realized he actually is so slow that he has weaponized his slowness.

Oh, yeah.

All of his moves are so much slower than NBA players expect them to be that they're constantly lunging in the wrong direction, assuming that he will be there in that place on this crossover dribble.

And he just hasn't crossed there yet.

He'll get there, but by the time he gets there, you're going to be lunging the other way.

Shout out to Slow-Mo.

A little tease.

City Edition jerseys have not been released yet.

Utah fans are going to like them.

Okay.

27 are we up to?

27.

A team that you and I had ranked almost in the exact spot on our respective list.

You had him 26th.

I had him tied for 25th.

Team playing

the fastest playing team last year.

Sure.

And a team who Matas Buzelis is on a mission to make us regret ranking them 27th.

You're Chicago Bulls.

So there are two reasons this team is watchable for me.

Matas Buzelis, as you mentioned, I also love watching Kobe White cook just

like dip and dive.

Like the way he moves off the dribble is so unique that I cannot help but be entranced by it.

Everything else about the way the Bulls play makes me feel like I'm going kind of insane.

And they are fine in a lot of things, especially offensively.

The stuff they're doing is like kind of right.

Like they have a decently functional offense with a guy who can pass and it's geared towards the right kinds of outcomes, but it's all just so whatever that I'm left in this like uncanny valley of kind of good, not really good.

I'm looking for any reason to be excited about what they're doing.

And it's just so hard to come by other than those two guys.

Boozelis has a chance to be really exciting.

Yes.

I did a deep dive on him a few months ago and talked about the flashes of ball handling craft mostly as a secondary ball handler last season, coming off a pin down catch, go right into a pick and roll.

We've seen a little more primary in the preseason.

He's got a little shimmy to him.

He's got a little nasty to him where he'll hit hit you with a shoulder, bump you off, get a floater.

The Franz Wagner kind of like physicality.

He'll go at your body at the rim and

say to himself, I'm still going to be ascending when I hit you, and

you're going to descend and I'm going to dunk on your face.

But to the blondness,

sadly enough, Vuch has really come to symbolize the blondness and the good outcome blah result part of this.

Like five out, center.

Josh Giddy sets him up for looks.

Defenses are like, yeah, cool, shoot.

And Vuch had a good shooting year last year, sandwiched around a bunch of bad shooting years.

And he, he's, and, and, symbolic of the way he plays, dead last in dunks, the Chicago Bulls by, like, a lot last season.

Love the red and black.

Love Benny the Bulls.

Love the Allen Parsons project.

Um,

we don't really get to see that on the broadcast.

Maybe we'll get to see that more with NBC or Amazon.

Like, that should be mandatory.

It's the most exciting thing about about the Chicago Bulls games right now is the Allen Parsons Project.

Don't love the army of what do they do guys on the wing that just like you can just, you know, like Charles, like if they still do who he play for on TNT/slash ESPN, Dalen Terry, Julian Phillips, like Charles is going to have no shot.

Isaac Okoro even, maybe, maybe, you know, not identifiable.

Honestly, Pat Williams, who he play for?

You know, does he play for the Chicago Bulls?

Some nights you would not be able to tell.

Well, it's a good thing they're paying him $90 million to play for them.

I spent a long time on Pat Williams Island.

I lost my investment.

I do like Stacey King a lot, by the way.

I think he's unfairly maligned by Bulls fans.

Give me the hot sauce.

Okay, what are we up to?

26 now?

26.

Another team.

You had him 24th.

I had him tied for 25th.

I think they're going to outkick this ranking.

Canada's own Toronto Raptors.

Shout out Matt Devil and Jack Armstrong.

Get the coffee, Joni.

Here,

we all know the starting five is going to be a weird,

maybe interesting, maybe so clunky that the interesting parts are not that interesting

test for them.

I don't know, Jakob Pertle takes a lot of floaters.

Jamal Shedd gets India on defense.

They fouled the bejesus out of everybody.

They were 29th in opponent free throw rate.

I told you to bring stats to this because you know what sucks to watch, Rob Mahoney?

Opponent free throw fests.

Sucks to watch.

27th in dunks.

And yet, I'm interested.

Like, I'm into this.

I'm into the Brandon Ingram part of it.

How does he fit in?

I'm into just they pass the ball all over the floor.

Whether their passes are productive, I have no idea, but they sure like run the three-man weave and pitch the ball back and forth and do some crazy passing stuff.

They do.

Like the courts, like the dinosaurs.

We're getting out of the Drake uniform business this year.

I like that.

Less Drake equals good.

I don't know, man.

I'm surprised they're wherever they had them.

26th?

I am not surprised.

I feel like even if they're pretty good, and like, look, there's a decent chance this team is pretty good if enough of the variables break their way.

They're going to be pretty good by grinding out games with good defense, by not having a lot of spacing.

And I don't think it's going to be particularly fun to watch.

I don't think it's going to be like a good consumer product, Toronto Raptors basketball.

And I say that acknowledging some of my biases.

Like, part of this for me, as a theorist, I am interested in Brandon Ingram, Toronto Raptor.

As an, you know, just someone interested in like the aesthetics of the game, I actively dislike watching Brandon Ingram play basketball.

There is a like, every decision he makes is a half beat too late thing that he does that drives me absolutely crazy.

And when I see him in concert with RJ Barrett, with Scotty Barnes, I'm just like, I'm wondering, not just about the starting five as a whole, but even within the starting five, are any of these specific synergies going to work?

Are any of these guys going to benefit playing with one another?

I have so many questions about that that I'm like a little pessimistic on, which is why I think they end up in this part of the ranking for me.

I just, I want to see it in action, but I'm not enthusiastic about what it's going to look like.

Brandon Ingram is the most interesting player on the team.

Emmanuel Quickley is the most pivotal swing player.

Is this going to come together?

glue kind of player on the team.

Scotty Barnes is the most important player on the team, short term and long long term.

Ingram is so fascinating for everything you just said.

I have long struggled to put into words what it is about his game that doesn't add up to his statistics.

Like you look at his stats, you're like, oh my God, 25, 5, and 5, and you watch him, and it doesn't feel like he impacts winning at that kind of level.

And impacts winning is such an empty calories cliche.

It means nothing.

And I've always struggled to put it into words.

And I've just defaulted to like defensively,

his passing decision making is, and maybe you just put it into words, like it's just not dynamic enough, not fast enough.

It's one step ahead behind instead of one step ahead.

The volume of threes has gone up and down and then way too low.

It's all of that together.

And yet,

when he plays with a little bit more verve, and I've talked to him about this, I've talked to him about like you're so long that you're closer to the rim than you think you are sometimes.

And if you you just go, you'll get there and draw fouls.

When you make the right pass quickly, maybe even a simple pass to the shooter on the side and get the machine moving and cut and move,

there's something more there.

It just doesn't come out.

And like, I even think back to the playoffs in 2022, Pelican Suns, Pelicans overmatched against the Suns team that was a 60-plus win team that year.

27-6-6 on 48% shooting and looked every part of the...

You're kind of scared that this guy has the ball late in games to kill the suns and

just hasn't really appeared as much since then um

they're also i think the raptors are also going to like press they're going to be like a pacers kind of team that presses and closes out like madmen and uses their size forces a lot of turnovers that could be kind of fun if you're going to foul a lot at least do me the courtesy of creating a lot of fast breaks that's the least you could do Anything else on our wraps?

The dinos.

Dinos are back, like the dinosaurs on the court and in the uniforms.

A big fan of the dinosaurs.

I mean, did they ever truly leave?

I I feel like they, I guess for a period, they did, but I feel like they've been around in secondary, tertiary jerseys, alternate logos, enough of the merch, certainly.

Like, they've been in the air for a while, but I'm glad to have them back more formally.

Last time I was

in Toronto, I almost bought a purple dinosaur 15 Vince Carter jersey.

Yeah.

And then I realized at that time, I'm 47 years old.

Can't wear a jersey.

It's just not going to look good.

Can't wear a t-shirt under a jersey because that's just surrender.

Nope.

There was no t-shirt of it.

There was a sweatshirt of it.

I kind of want a sweatshirt without a hood.

I kind of like that, though.

It's bulky.

It wasn't working for me, Rob.

But I really wanted one.

Okay.

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Number 25, and now we get to a team that you and I differed quite a bit on.

You had them at 28th.

I had them at 20th.

They met out here.

The Phoenix Suns.

Why did you hate this Phoenix Suns team so much?

I'm a little intrigued by, I think they're going to play hard and be a little feisty and see what these young centers can give us.

I like the uniforms, courts, Eddie Johnson's just talking trash throughout the game on the announce with

Kevin Gray.

There's some things to like, but you're not in.

You're out.

I am distinctly out.

I mean, look, for two fundamental reasons.

One, I have seen over-taxed Devin Booker before, and I did not find it enjoyable to watch.

I suspect that's going to be a lot of the case again this season.

I also find Jalen Green just to be one of the most frustrating players in the league.

He's just not your cup of tea.

Like, he just screams, Rob Mahoney's going to hate watching this guy.

I really,

it's just, again, constantly leaves you wanting a little bit more in the moments where you really need him to deliver.

And he'll be really great for the stretches where it doesn't matter so much.

And that's just ultimately the balance of some guys' games.

I'm impressed when he is good.

I'm just like constantly

begging for Jalen Green to turn the corner and he has not done it yet.

Maybe this is the year.

Maybe that makes them super watchable in the grand scheme of things.

Otherwise, yeah, there's some guys who are going to play hard.

Yeah, there's the Charlotte Hornet center rotation.

I'm okay with those things, but I'm not eager to tune into them, especially with all the other teams on the board.

Jalen Green might end up being a cautionary tale for me in five years, where

I have to remind myself, even though I am cognitively already aware of it, that you can't get too seduced by the athleticism and assume the decision-making will catch up.

Because the tools look to be, I mean, there's a reason he's a number two pick in the draft, and you watch a player like, this is a top 1% NBA athlete.

Yes.

And when you put him against other NBA athletes, even if he's a little better, he's not huge.

And because they're all great athletes, the decision-making, the shaky decision-making sort of undoes a lot of what's there.

I still, I'm intrigued enough that I don't mind his contract.

I don't mind the sons taking a shot at him.

Don't love the fit with Booker.

Don't love the fact that once I get by Booker, I don't really trust anyone to handle the ball very much.

No.

Except Colin Gillespie, I trust, but it's just not that exciting.

I will say,

does Grayson Allen always look kind of sad to you?

That hurt the score here.

He's just like a sad visage to me.

Just like he moves sad, he looks sad.

That hurt.

I don't like that hurt their score like a little bit, a tenth of a point.

Is it a look or is it an energy?

Like, is it just how he carries himself or is it his demeanor?

I don't know.

It's a little bit of both.

Maybe I could just be

projecting.

All right, next up, another team that I had a little higher than, well, significantly, six spots higher than you, because I am admittedly

seduced by the hardest playing, roughest, toughest, meanest

heat culture.

That court is gone.

That helped their rankings tremendously.

The Miami Vice stuff is coming back.

Peak Vice, that up their rankings, well, tremendously.

They were 21st on my list.

I suspect a lot of your

trepidation,

lack of of interest in watching this team a million times has to do with the fact that their offense has just been stuck in mud for so long.

They don't run, they don't dunk,

they don't do really anything all that exciting on offense.

It really does come down to that, doesn't it?

It does.

It's very hard to get excited about a team that's going to be pretty solid defensively and rank like 23rd on offense while not only not doing any of the exciting plays on like a moment-to-moment basis, but there's not even

guys on this roster who I am locked in and surprised actively by what they do.

Like Bam has settled into this groove of his career.

He does what he does.

That stuff is really important.

He's a high-level player.

Otherwise, this is going to be a lot of Tyler Hero when he comes back again, which I, you know, played the best basketball of his career, technically speaking, didn't result in all that much.

This is going to be a lot of Norm Powell.

who I like cooking.

I don't know if I like cooking to the degree that he's going to have to cook.

It's going to be a lot of like Nikola Jovich.

It's just a lot of guys who are fine to pretty good, who are stretched beyond their limits in roles that are unsustainable for them.

And that's not what I'm looking to tune into on my Thursday night.

They don't get any points for Simone Fontechio's three-point celebration, traveling south.

Hey, yeah,

of course they do.

Any team that employs Simone Fontechio gets a one-spot bump, but this is still where they are.

Bill has accused me of

pan-Yugoslavian bias and just being overly excited about anyone whose last name ends with itch.

I'm very hyped.

I'm excited about Nikolajovich.

I'm sorry.

Yakachunis, we'll see if he brings anything to the table.

Yep.

I mentioned the vice court.

I just love the heat.

I think the heat's just general core look is underrated.

I like the blood red.

It looks sometimes orangey to me, but I think it's blood red.

I like the flaming ball going through the hoop.

I like all that.

I like Spo, the most enthusiastic waver when he's trying to get his team to run.

He's three steps on the court, full extension on the arm, and wave, wave.

It always reminds me of like when swim coaches, I grew up a swimmer.

Swim coaches will stand on the pool deck, and when you're swimming by them, they'll point like, go,

go,

go.

It's like, I already know I got to go in that direction.

Like,

what kind of coaching is that?

Like, go.

I already know the point is to get to over there fast.

It's, I, that's what I think of when I see Spo waving.

Like, is that our players like, oh, yeah, let's now I'm going to go faster.

He's looking at wave.

But do the heat know, genuinely, do they know that they should be going faster?

It's one of the league's great mysteries.

He's getting cardio out there.

Spo is getting a workout in the, all right.

I even like the broadcast now.

I like, you know, whatever.

I only had them 21st, but okay, where are we going next?

Let's see.

Above the Miami Heat, surprisingly, well, maybe not surprisingly low because their best player, you just don't know how often he's going to play.

Yeah, we had them both in this area.

Number 23, the New Orleans Pelicans.

You know, obviously, if Zion gives you 70 games, this score is going to be higher.

Significantly.

Sadiq Bay once scored 50 points in a game.

Yep.

Jordan Poole.

How can I say this nicely?

Bad Jordan Poole sequences are going to hit the unintentional comedy scale really hard.

Jake,

like shimmy, shimmy, shimmy, 20 on the shot clock.

Maybe a guy wide open over there.

Step back 28-footer, hits backboard only.

Jordan Poole just looks puzzled by the entire turn of events, like, oh, I thought that was going in.

Meanwhile, the team, other team leaks out behind him, his guy scores, and he's just sort of like, well, okay.

Jose Alvarado sneaking up behind people for steals.

That's always crouching in the corner, literally hiding in the game.

I like the broadcast, obviously, like Zion.

I like Herb.

Give me all the Herbs and Herb's arms.

Derek Queen, boy, he better be good.

Too much pressure on him, Frank.

Is this too low?

It's too low for their high outcome.

But look, I think there's teams in these rankings where you don't know what to expect, and that's a great thing, right?

It feels like a mystery box.

Every night is a gamble in a way that could really, really pay off.

The Pelicans, both with the combination of players and their injury luck and history, feel like a mystery, and I don't know what to expect, but in a way that just makes me hard to get like riled up about the experience of watching this team overall this season.

Like, I think they're probably going to be okay,

but again, okay if Zion Williamson doesn't play enough games versus if he plays the whole season, look and feel totally different.

So I don't know.

Again, this is one of those teams that just feels so muted to me in the middle here, and some of it is going to come down to just like who plays and when.

Can Trey Murphy broaden out his game even more can he take more of a responsibility handling the ball running the offense i'm excited for that fears i think has got some juice more broadly does this ranking signify that we are scarred by his absence and are taking for granted a little bit what peak zion looks like on a basketball court because he was single-handedly like a top five league pass ranking three years ago

i think there's probably something to that i think there's also something to way the way that all of these pieces intersect where it's like even if we get peak zion is peak zion getting looked off for those jordan pool like low lights that you described how does that impact his investment his off-ball movement his energy level like what is the version of zion we get in conjunction with these other players there's some of that we know right like zion and herb zion and tray murphy Him and Poole, I don't know.

Him and Derek Queen, I don't know.

Kavan Looney already injured, genuinely a bummer because somebody's going to need to rebound all those Jordan Poole shots.

We're always hopeful for the Zion experience.

And I think there's reason to believe in it given the transformation of his body and where he is right now, just as a human being.

But I'm going to need to believe it.

I'm going to need to see it to believe it.

I guess that's fair.

I just.

Haven't we been hurt too many times?

Like, at some point, we just have to default to low expectations and then have him hurdle over them, if that's what it comes down to.

That Lakers game when he got hurt and hasn't been the same since then.

It wasn't the same last year when he was on the court, by the way.

He ascended a little bit as the season went on, but the finishing, the explosiveness wasn't quite the same.

That dude, though, that peak guy, there's just nothing you can do with him.

Like, he's getting to the basket, and if he misses, he's going to get off the ground before anyone else on the floor, and maybe twice if he needs to pogo stick his way to his own miss.

I hope we see that guy.

Your remarks about being scarred and hoping for the best and expecting the worst are a perfect transition into number 22 on our list.

You had them at 23.

I had them a little higher than that.

The Philadelphia 76ers.

I think we know, you know, there's a lot of, I'm going to just say this.

This ranking is going to be low.

And I think we're all coming into the season a little too low on the Sixers, myself included.

They were a universal triple under for me, Bill, and House at 42.5 wins.

We all know why.

PG hasn't played yet, and Bi played one game, looked okay, looked okay.

Yeah, I think that, but for this, for this ranking, for this just fun times ranking, I think this is too low for like Maxie, Edgecombe, Grimes.

Okay, I think that's going to be a ton of fun.

This Adembona Embiid double big thing, is that going to be a thing?

I don't know.

I hope not.

Nick Nurse always looks a little anguished, like at all times.

Elite catchers crouch on the sideline, too.

Like, they're brought back to Iverson uniforms and the Iverson court.

All their art is A.

Have to say, I don't love the broadcast.

It's

Pravda level Sixers propaganda.

Don't enjoy it.

Trend and Watford's floater, I do enjoy.

Always.

But yeah, is this just it

and one thing about Embiid, if he's healthy and he plays, we talked about free throws and fouls.

Philly games are slow, and he's a little bit of a grifter.

I think that's that's okay to say.

All the great ones are.

They use their greatness to grift a couple extra free throws here and there.

It's just like a lot of free throws, but at least he makes them.

He's one of the all-time great big man free throw shooters.

Very true.

I just think 2022.

I actually think the Sixers are going to be pretty deep, like a pretty good team.

I think in terms of actual performance, they are a little better than this.

But in terms of the watchability,

Zach, life is like complicated and terrifying and unendingly unendingly stressful.

And I don't know if I want to invite the anxiety of every time Joe Ellen Bi falls over into my life on an

ongoing regular basis.

For the rankings, is like, I mean, he did get hurt for a little bit when he, his most, maybe his most spectacular play ever, when he threw the ball off the backboard to himself against the Knicks and dunked it and then fell.

Yeah.

And are like, are we just, is every, and nobody falls more.

And he's talked about fouling as falling as a strategy.

Okay.

But it is, it is, like, I get anxious.

I can't imagine being like Daryl Maury or Elton Brandon, Nick Nurse.

Like, they need EMTs on staff.

Yes.

Like, they are, my ideal basketball experience is, yes, there's ebbs and flow.

You're feeling the energy and the course of the game.

And then you get these pops of excitement.

Right.

And my worry with the Sixers is there's just going to be a low hum of anxiety watching this team all the time because of Embiid, because of Paul George.

And then, yeah, you're going to get Edgecombe making incredible eye-popping plays.

And that guy is

a genuinely jaw-dropping athlete who has the quick Twitch stuff that will make you jump off your couch.

But is that going to feel the same without the normal feeling game underneath?

If everything is always so anxious, how am I going to feel about the best of Sixers basketball?

I honestly don't know.

Here's what I want back.

I want back the feeling that we had so often in his MVP season and when he had the 70-point game and 50-point games and all that.

When we're in the middle of a game, like a capital G game for Embiid, where he's completely unstoppable, and every single possession is just get the ball to Embiid at the nail.

Like the post-ups are cool.

He's a great post-up player, and they'll mix that in, but like 10 possessions in a row, give me the ball at the nail.

Watch how the D, and I'm going to hold it with one hand, with one giant hand, and I'm just going to watch.

People are going to cut.

I'm watching for what the defense is going to do.

Where's the help?

Where's my driving lane going to be?

What are my choices?

Because my options are infinite.

I can just shoot.

I can back you down from the nail.

I can pump and go.

I can finish with either hand.

I can bait you into a foul.

I am in that moment, Joelle and Biade, in complete control of everything that's happening in the game.

I am the game.

And those, and when he's in the middle of a great game, the buzz, the excitement, the anticipation in the crowd for him just to get the ball before he even gets it is palpable and exciting in a way that only like five basketball players at any given time can make you feel.

Completely.

I hope we get some of that.

I also think it's what separates him from even some of the other best players out there.

Like there is a, there is a mental gear shift that allows Joe Ellen B to be an absolute killer in that specific way.

In like, I have already used five straight possessions and I don't feel the need to defer because I know what I've got and I know I can score.

And it's something that you'll like, you'll see Nicole Jokic feel guilty after scoring a couple of times in a row and he wants to get other guys involved.

You'll even see Giannis like take his foot off the gas sometimes after he scored a couple times in a row.

It's like a normal human nature aspect of playing a team sport and what makes some of the exceptional scorers so exceptional.

And I think Joel is really good about this.

I think Aunt Edwards is really good about this is like they can push through that momentary hesitation and guilt over being as dominant as they are.

And

when Joel does that, it's what makes him so watchable.

You know, despite the grifting, despite the falling, despite whatever anxieties you may have about his game, that version of this guy is one of the most watchable players in the league.

We forgot about Jared McCain in the You Should Watch This Team for the Guards monologue at the beginning that I had because he's already injured.

You should watch this team for some of the guards.

Johnny Broom's kind of interesting

as we're naming guys.

And,

you know, he's old now, not sure if he's more a player, more a coach, more a TV analyst.

But at some point during the season, Kyle Lowry is gonna get on the floor and fuck some shit up for some young guy who doesn't know what this dude is capable of, either guarding the post or swiping for a steal or just screening you or something.

And it's gonna be a fun little nod to the past.

Okay, that is number 22.

Number 21 on our list

is the first, we come now to the first good team, legit good team on the list.

And a team so good that you're like, wait, they're here?

How is it possible that they're not above the wizards or any number of mediocrities above them?

And yet,

I just, as much high-wattage talent as they have, as deep and a little bit different as they might be this year because of one or two key moves, I just have never felt like, all right, I'm excited to settle in and watch another Clippers game.

They're just like not that exciting to watch.

I don't know if it's Hardin playing Harden ball, even though he has beautiful chemistry with Zoo and is one of the great passers in the league.

I don't know if it's Kawhi penciled him in for however many games missed.

And when he plays,

is his sort of like mid-range artistry, like, are we not appreciating enough?

I don't.

I don't know if it's the age of the team, but they have a lot of good, a lot of players that like to watch.

Nick Batum just always helping out.

Brooke Lopez, good backup center.

Chris Dunn, just taking people's cornbread all the time.

John Collins, new element of verticality, athleticism, size, dunking.

Love, I mean, Kawhi has been one of my favorite players to watch.

Obviously, there's a whole other Kawhi thing going on.

Why is this team so low?

I think it is.

The elements you described, I would say especially the Derrick Jones, John Collins, vertical, athletic elements of this team are a drop in the bucket.

What is ultimately a super deliberate basketball operation?

Everything is at its own pace.

Everything is like, not just at its own pace, but one tempo.

There's no change.

There's no gradation.

It's one tempo.

It's one dynamic.

They play their style.

That style is awfully effective.

And I think the versions that honestly get my like blood going the most are the Chris Dunn in-your-face defensive versions of this team that get them moving a little bit more and feel like just like a little more frenetic in a good way.

But other than that, they are a plotting team, right?

They are a team that's going to take their time and get into their stuff.

And let me tell you, like adding Chris Paul is not going to change that particularly.

I think

at their most watchable beyond the defense, this version of the team, I think, could be really fun in a, as you kind of alluded to with Kyle Lowry, like the old head in the gym makes the young kid look ridiculous kind of way.

Like there's so much veteran know-how with this team that could be kind of fun.

But other than that, like, they do what they do, and what they do is effective in basketball terms and not necessarily the most captivating to just like tune into on TV.

Fourth and dunks last year, which surprised me.

Zoo is a lot of that.

Yes,

I do love watching Zoo, but a zoo dunk is not necessarily the same thing as a Derrick Jones Jr.

dunk.

You mentioned the old heads embarrassing the young guys.

Harden, once every five games, maybe, maybe even more frequently than that, is good for a drop a dude on his ass,

make him touch earth, and shoot a step back three.

And either way, from that point on, it's massively entertaining.

If he makes it, you have foisted humiliation onto this poor dude.

He's a highlight.

If he misses it, sometimes he misses it badly, and it almost feels like he doesn't really care that he missed because he's taunted the guy for a couple dribbles that fell on his ass.

CP3,

I will forever love

old, short, nasty CP3 using every trick in the book to maximize his odds of success on any given possession.

Amen.

Up to and including enforcing the untucked jersey rule or inbounding the ball from the other side of the court when he feels like it and senses the other team isn't ready for it.

I am a little worried.

You think Ballmer tones it down courtside this year because of all this?

Like,

I want to see the like,

I want to see all, I want to see the gingham shirt flailing in the wind.

I want to see all of it.

Are we not going to see that theater this year?

Zach, I think it's very charming that you think he's capable of that.

That you think he would be capable of toning it down.

Speaking of guys who only have one dynamic level, I don't think there's a lot of modulation that's even possible there.

All right.

Well, so much for the Clippers.

The wall.

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Okay, number 20.

This is where you have to explain yourself.

I'm happy to.

You had this team at number seven, a top seven league pass basketball watching experience for you.

The Washington Wizards, who I had at 29,

for obvious reasons, I'm very excited about a lot of young guys.

They're also going to be very bad.

Chris Middleton, there's like a pathos to Chris Middleton right now that just makes me sad.

Like, I've, like, none of, I don't feel any of like, well, the old gold guy is going to come out and mentor Trey Johnson and Bub Carrington.

And I just feel like he's sad.

Marvin Bagley is sad.

Not a fan of the broadcast or the art.

But you, Rob Mahoney,

I don't know if it's Keyshawn George that's doing it for it, but like seven?

I'm glad you identified Keyshawn George off the top because have you seen what Keyshawn George has been doing?

Have you seen what he's been up to?

I've seen glimpses.

I've seen hints of more Keyshawn George happening in the preseason than happened last season.

There could not be a more my guy on a rebuilding team in the league than Keyshawn George.

So I'm holding my stock.

I'm feeling very good about it.

I may just be able to retire on it someday.

Ultimately, I am so completely locked in on the roulette wheel spin of fascinating young guys with the wizards.

And, you know, you have your proprietary system i have mine i'm less concerned with the zeitgeist i'm less concerned with like who is capturing the spirit in the moment of the nba i want like who's the one for me who who's who's the team that i am plugged in on that nobody else really cares about and i can just i can just have this for myself i don't have to share it with the world i don't have to be screaming from the rooftops because nobody cares about my takes about bilal kulabali that much i just i just get to absorb wizards basketball nightly and be like is tonight a cam whitmore night?

Is tonight an A.J.

Johnson night?

Is tonight the night that Alex Sarr scores a basket?

I don't know, but I'm really eager to find out.

I must be higher on Alex Sarr than almost anyone in the world because every time he comes up on a podcast, it's a punchline just like that.

I'm sorry.

How, like, Hollinger was like, will Alex Sarr ever make a basket at the rim?

I call him Mr.

Almost because it's just like everything's right and then the shot doesn't go in or it's like off the wrong leg or on the way down when it could have been much simpler.

look when mr almost irons out the almost part of it i think he's gonna be a pretty damn good player tray j looks every bit the part of just wind him up and put him in a real nba team this is what i'm talking about i actually really like a lot of their young players i think they have a an underrated young nucleus of players would you would you rather be the wizards or the blazers right now just theoretically blazers are on my mind because of all the extensions that we're going to talk about shortly who would you rather be i would rather be the blazers just because i feel a little more confident that I have some tent pulls.

You know, they may not be stars, but like with Tumani, with Denny in particular, I feel like, okay, this is a solid foundation for something.

The reason I like watching the wizards and then have them so high in my ranking is I don't know if any of these guys are that, but the act of becoming is a captivating thing in itself.

And if like Bub Carrington turns out to be one of those guys, amazing.

If he doesn't, honestly, at this point in the game, that's okay.

And so like, I like the, personally, I like the stability of Portland, but as a viewer, I like the chaos of Washington.

I want to watch every A.J.

Johnson minute that there is this year, and there's going to be a lot of them.

This is what I'm talking about.

Like, how are you not hiring us?

I have to reward, there has to be some category that rewards the good and relevant teams.

I picture myself going to a dinner party.

Actually, now I picture you going to a dinner party and just going around the room being like, you ever heard of Cam Whitmore?

No?

Can I show you some, can I give you a brochure?

I have some very interesting pamphlets for you.

Did you you see Bilal Kulabali

attack that closeout last night?

Like the way he kind of paused and Euro stepped in.

No?

Okay.

And I just picture you lonely just wanting to talk about this team.

And I can go to a party and be like, hey, anyone want to talk about Jokic?

And like, yeah, everyone's going to want to talk about Jokic, even casual fans.

I'm just worried about you in the world with this level of Washington Wizards' importance in your brain.

I will be the meme of the guy in the corner being like, they don't know about Bilal Kulabali, but that's okay.

Again, this is kind of what we're after after on some levels.

I would argue, Zach, there are many other mechanisms to reward the teams that are actually good.

Other actual power rankings, the NBA playoffs, general discussion throughout the season.

This is our moment to zero in on the other shit, aka the things that make me interested and excited on the league pass experience.

And the Washington Wizards, to me, embody that part of basketball.

Should they change the name?

And I don't mean should they change it back to the Bullets?

Because I don't think that's ever going to happen.

Or has this name now acquired enough sort of power by inertia that you're happy with the wizards?

They've now they've moved away, like Gandalf doesn't really, is not really a part of their art anymore.

But do you like the name, or should we take it back to scratch and figure out, like, open it up to fans?

Let's have a contest and end up somewhere else.

I don't think there's enough bad funk with this team.

I think there, honestly, there's some other teams we have yet to talk about that feel so cursed, maybe they should consider changing their names.

This one is like so meh, and I actually do like the general kind of like jersey style and aesthetic, Washington-wise, maybe not necessarily the wizards element of it.

I also think the wizards, the actual wizard logo, the gandalfie elements you described, might be the one exception to the cyclical rule of everything coming back.

Like we have seen all of those era jerseys come back into vogue.

I don't think anybody's going to be clamoring for the Gandalfs.

I don't think anyone's going to be clamoring for like the shiny gold joints that they wore one time.

Like, I think there's some things in Wizards lore that are just going to be left for dead.

I am clamoring for the cherry blossom jerseys that were amazing and immediately went away because the Wizards fans just can't have anything nice

stick around.

All right, Wiz, nice, nice.

Oh, Corey Kispert.

Roger Federer or Light with the bandana and the hair, just unbelievable hair.

And by the way, Roger Federer or Light's not an insult.

We're not talking about athletes.

I'm just talking strictly hair, bandana, whatever, headband, combo, A-plus work from Corey Kispert.

Okay, we're up to number 19.

We're in the teens.

Boy, what a disappointing ranking for the Boston Celtics.

Uh, I had them a little higher than you had them, but we had them right smack in the middle.

Uh, they get docked a couple of important things up front here.

Light the black jerseys on fire.

Most black jerseys suck because it's just this, it's the least creative, pseudo-creative ideas.

Like, let's make a black jersey, and we don't have, we don't have any better ideas.

Light them on fire, they suck.

They should start every game down 5-0 when i wear them see

no hold on i i i need to push back on this um black is immortal for a reason right it has never left like the fashion world in any sense it is a staple it underlines everything that happens in terms of color combination coordination i agree it's uninspired i would argue that the problem with the current nba jersey climate is people are trying to be a little too inspired Everything needs to be like, so, oh, we need these city edition jerseys rolling out every year.

We need new and inventive ideas all the time.

Maybe there's a little too much of everyone having a third alternate black jersey every now and again, but I got to say, like, purely aesthetically, I don't mind it at all.

And there's also the thing of like, well, if you squint down at the insert of the shorts, you can see the logo just stenciled in.

from 1972 and are like no one is ever going to see that it's a complete waste of time and space i will say their city edition jerseys i don't know if you saw these they're gold lettering,

white jerseys, gold lettering.

First Boston jersey to not feature green in any way.

I don't like it.

I don't want green should be everywhere.

The green jersey is the best jersey in the NBA.

That, okay, that said, I am legit, we all know it's going to be very, barring a Tatum comeback, maybe, maybe not.

I don't know.

Even so, probably a gap year in terms of championship contention where this team has been for so long now.

I am interested to see how they play.

Absolutely.

Because

there's this, well, Missoula is just going to amp it up to like a million threes per game and do all this crazy stuff.

As I have said before, maybe to you, I would actually like to see it go back the other way.

Like, we will play that way.

We're always going to take a lot of threes.

That's going to be a core principle of ours, particularly when we're healthy.

What else can we tap into

stylistically that we're not doing enough that might translate when we get whole again?

The whole point of this season for the Celtics should be: what are the opportunities we can capitalize on with lower expectations versus when we have our fully available lineup back with Jason Tatum.

And so if you're not thinking first and foremost about how can we deviate from our formula, how can we find the things that augment and complement what we do, I just think you're thinking about this season entirely wrong.

Like they're not going to be good enough to knock up against the best teams in the Eastern Conference.

They're also probably not going to be bad enough to be terrible unless they really start pulling plugs or a lot of guys get hurt.

Or frankly, if like maybe the center rotation rotation is even worse than we fear, though, I like Nemeyesh Keda.

Like, I am interested in that general experiment, so

I think it's going to be fine enough to not be terrible.

Uh, but I agree with you, like, they should be experimenting with these things, they should be pushing on the boundaries of the style of basketball that they've come to accept.

My concern as just like a, as a someone watching the Celtics, is once we get past the mystery box quality of, okay, how are they going to play?

What are they going to do?

What does this version of the Celtics look like?

Is there a ton of mystery?

Is there a ton of reason to tune in?

There's that initial intrigue.

But other than that, like, what is it that I'm going to be coming back to the Celtics for?

I'm not quite sure yet.

I want to see what Hugo Gonzalez and Baylor Scheierman have.

Sure.

You know, that might, if anything, help next season.

I think you and I probably rank Derek White as a top 1% player to appreciate everything he does on the floor.

Yes.

Jalen Brown, there has been a lot of Jalen Brown, like, oh, is he going to shoot so much?

Is he going to shoot too much?

I actually actually kind of like watching Jalen Brown play, and he plays with a violence and a physicality that I find particularly telegenic.

And Missoula is Missoula.

They also played very slow last year.

I think without Tatum, they could be a little faster,

a little bit more sort of pass-happy, cutting dynamic.

Not that they're better without Tatum.

Obviously, they're not.

Okay, cool.

Quick question about your formula as it relates to the Celtics.

Does

what will surely be an endless supply of Jason Tatum injury updates affect your Celtics watching experience at all?

Does that figure into the formula, the fact that every other week, every third game, we're going to get some slight progress report on where Jason Tatum is?

No,

it doesn't affect them.

Nothing whatsoever.

No, it doesn't affect their score.

It doesn't affect their score.

Second best court in the NBA still.

We'll get to my number one favorite court later.

And

a a lot of Brian Scalabrini.

That's that's usually good.

Um, shout out, Scal.

Okay, number 18 as we round out, uh, getting to the end of the first half here, part one.

Uh, you had this team 10th, 10th, and I look, I had them lower than that, obviously, because we're compromising and putting them at 18.

Um, I get it, I get it, I think they're going to be super fun to watch.

The Charlotte Hornets

is Lamello Ball a real thing,

he isn't, he is in my life, you know?

Is he a winning star player?

Or is he a star

numbers player?

Is Tijan Salon anything beyond the hardest working, hardest playing?

Like, he should play for the Heat.

The guy, I mean, he's going after it.

Every rebound he's going after.

We know Miles Bridge is going to dunk.

We know the center rotation is going to be weird.

They didn't foul at all last year.

Hornets games were real crisp.

They didn't foul and they didn't get to the line.

Give me that.

You get points for Eric collins yep hum diddle it

but this is uh 10 feels high

the lamello factor for me is very high again when you're watching so much basketball on so many teams it's like who is doing things that no one else is doing and that is consistently the case with lamello ball despite time and score and circumstance.

Like he will just try stuff.

And frankly, it's not just him.

Like even someone like Musa Diabate, when is he not trying stuff?

When is he not crashing into someone on the glass?

When is he not throwing a pass that he probably shouldn't throw?

And there's like enough of that humming throughout this roster that you have really high energy guys.

Like you mentioned to John Salon.

I would also throw Colin Sexton into that mix, who's like a gunner for sure, but is a gunner going 130% every second he's on the floor in a way that I really admire.

And so you have like a buzzing creativity.

You have some stuff that works and some stuff that doesn't.

You have guys who are playing really hard.

You have a center rotation that is ultimately incredibly doomed, and I'm sure will give up who knows how many rebounds, frankly, in a way that hopefully will lead to some entertaining basketball.

But at minimum, there's like enough interesting stuff going on here.

And I don't think they're going to be good.

I just think that they're going to be my cup of tea.

I've already done my Lamello thing multiple times.

I stand by it.

I'm in on Brandon Miller.

Big, big year for him.

Very.

One of the most important.

Young players in the league.

I assume Bill has the Hornets number one in his personal rankings just because of Con Knickers.

All seems very exciting.

I'm glad you mentioned Sexton because he's been sort of lumped in with some justification in this whole like, does the league just not value undersized

offense first, defensive liability shooting guards anymore?

Is that type of player just being shunted into the, okay, Camp Thomas, take the qualifying offer.

Okay,

you know, whoever, C.J.

McCollum, where are you going to end up after this?

What's your appropriate salary level?

And Colin Sexton is undersized undersized to play the two defensively.

He is a score first guard, hybrid guard.

He might be best as a sixth man, but he plays fucking hard on both ends of the floor all the time.

He is not a defensive liability because he doesn't see the game on that end or he doesn't compete on that end.

He fights of rebounds.

He fights around screens.

He's just a fearless.

balls to the wall player that I've always enjoyed watching.

And I think he's going to help this team as long as he's on the team.

I think he's the kind of player they need.

I'm excited for that.

Yeah.

I think there's something, too, about if the way LaMello experiences the game is in all of these like spiraling loops and convoluted paths.

Like he is taking,

he is taking a route through navigating playmaking that other players don't.

Colin Sexton is a straight fucking line all the time.

And it's like, there is a complementary aspect to that that it works in a yin-yang way.

I don't know if it's going to work in basketball terms.

I don't know if it's going to be enough defense between them.

We'll have to see kind of how it mets out, but I like the experiment of pairing LaMelo with someone who is so direct at doing the things that LaMelo wants to be a little cuter about.

You know what else I like?

What's that?

Turquoise.

I like the mean-looking Hornet that looks like he's going to sting you in his turquoise.

I like the pinstripes on the uniforms throwing it back.

I like the purple.

I like the honeycombs when they throw those on the court.

I like that.

All the art

to date,

first class.

Charlotte Hornets.

Quick, I guess, biological question.

I never really stopped to consider it, but do Hornets even have a honeycomb-like structure to the homes that they built?

I will have to Google between parts one and two and get back to you because God knows I don't know.

I'm just, I hope someone has looked it up.

I hope in the commitment to, as you alluded to, like the faded imprint on the shorts of some like relevant figure in the city's history, like I hope someone has done their homework on what Hornets actually do.

Look, I almost hope it's the opposite.

I hope someone was like, you know what would be cool?

Honeycombs.

And they put the honeycombs on the court.

And then six months later, someone in the research department was like,

a stats guy was like, hey, you guys know that

Hornets aren't bees.

They don't have honeycombs.

And then everyone was like, you know what?

Shut up.

Shut up, Frank.

They're cool.

Okay.

Number 17.

The Indiana Pacers.

A hard team to know what to do with for league pass purposes and for projecting purposes.

They are, Aaron Neesmith told me last week: people think we can't play as fast without Tyrese.

We're going to play faster.

We're going to press more.

We're going to play harder.

TJ McDonald's already hurt, but still,

that was interesting.

Obi Toppin is good for like a couple breakaway 360s per year.

Rick Carlisle is always going to try cool stuff.

Love the uniforms, love the court.

Love, I love Pascal Siakam.

His game every year gets a little more well-rounded, a little more under control.

Like, he used to be a little spastic sometimes.

He's just very spastic.

He's just a really polished, smart, versatile player and does everything really well.

He's become a mature star NBA player that I really like to watch.

He's Furfe.

It's fun to say Furfy.

Furfe.

Anyway,

say that about Pascal.

I think we will have opportunities to say Furfe more this season, but like Pascal to me, one of the great player development stories in modern NBA history, like him going from that kind of frenetic, full court, like we don't quite know what to do with this guy, Chaos Agent, into the stabilizing force of a team that went to the NBA Finals.

And really the reason why you could look at this Pacers team and say, okay, they have a chance to be competitive despite losing their best player.

They have a chance to be competitive despite completely turning over their center rotation to a new free agent and guys who were injured last season.

Like he, he is what holds the team together in a way that is so captivating and frankly, that not a lot of stars can do.

We talk all the time about like, oh, you can't, you know, pull, you can't mess with this star's minutes rotation because they're so particular about the routines and how they play.

You can't move them to this spot because they're actually their kill spots are over here.

Pascal Siakam doesn't really seem to care about any of that stuff.

He will do whatever it is you need him to do from wherever it is you need him to do it with any combination of players on the floor.

And I just have like unending admiration for players like that.

Is Ben Matherin unleashed going to make this team more fun to watch or less fun to watch?

More fun for us, probably a little less fun for Rick Carlisle at times, but it seems like Rick is making his peace with the fact that this team needs Ben Matherin in such a significant way.

I'm going to lean to more watchable because I...

I just have always kind of, I don't know, I like the force that he plays with, even when it perhaps is misdirected or should be directed into passing.

I just like that he plays with force and decisiveness.

And I think, you know, they needed him at times in that playoff run.

He'd come out and he'd have a 20-point game, an 18-point half, whatever.

And Rick is just a super creative coach.

One of my favorite Rick Carlyle strategic wrinkles is when a team plays a zone against the Pacers, he'll recognize it immediately and he does that thing where, you know, TJ or Tyrese will be dribbling the ball up.

All of a sudden, two pacers will come and screen the two guys at the top of the zone.

But normally people screen the outside of the zone.

So you go around the corner toward the sideline.

They simultaneously zigzag in and screen inside the zone, sometimes in like an X pattern to give the middle drive to the ball handler.

Just a great rate.

I'm sure it has a name.

It's a Rick Carlisle thing.

But we're running on like, I don't know, 15 to 20 years of Rick Carlisle being the best anti-zone coach in the league.

Like, he just has those wrinkles for every version of every team he's ever coached.

And I will say, one reason to be excited about this team is like what Rick was able to do with the post-Malice at the Palace Pacers was beyond explanation.

And so, the idea of him taking a team that has maybe not lost its thesis in Tyrese Halliburton, like I think Aaron E.

Smith is right that they are still going to play fast, they are still going to play their style.

It's just going to be a matter of like, what are the mechanisms that make that stuff so effective?

And do they have them?

They may not have them in their star player, but they certainly are going to have them in terms of coaching.

All right.

Last team in part one, number 16.

If your team has not been mentioned, congratulations.

You have made the top half of the league league pass rankings.

Prepare the banners now for your arenas.

A team that we both had almost exactly in the same spot right here.

I'm a little surprised.

The Dallas Mavericks with the presumptive rookie of the year and Cooper flag,

some star power and AD and Kyrie at some point in the season, almost certainly.

Yeah.

Bunch of NBA characters like, hey, there's Clay Thompson hitting some threes today.

And PJ Washington's got his arms crossed and he's scowling and becoming a meme.

And Daniel Gafford, I mean, maybe the most sudden, violent dunker in the NBA.

Like, he doesn't look like he's in a position to dunk, and then he has broken the rim and humiliated some guy under the basket.

Love Derek Lively.

Couldn't be higher on Derek Lively as an all-around player.

Love the, I mean, even if things go badly, that tension in the inner arena could could pop up at any moment again because Lucatra.

Remember when, what's his name?

Patrick Dumont walked in and they all booed him.

And he was like, are they booing me?

Is that for me?

Am I the one being booed?

Can't imagine why.

It's you.

My guess is we both look at this team as like, the size is not going to translate to a very attractive offense to watch.

But tell me why they didn't crack the top half for you.

It is that.

I, temperamentally speaking, I mean, I'm a little allergic to clutter, to be honest with you.

I'm very much like a tidy room is a tidy mind kind of person.

And I'm looking at this offense and being like, man, this is a lot of like Anthony Davis doing a handoff at the elbow when there's absolutely no way for anyone to get to the rim whatsoever.

Like where are these possessions going to go?

The good news is Cooper Flag is the ultimate silver lining to like everything that could possibly be happening for the Mavs.

And so if he's playing point guard, if he's running full court, if he's, you know, connecting dots in some of these like stodgier half-court possessions, all of that stuff is going to be great.

And to be very clear, our version that has Kyrie Irving for the full season would be significantly higher than this.

This version has D'Angelo Russell, and this version has like, you know, whatever kind of makeshift ball handling they're going to be able to ring out of the rest of this roster, which I am not enthusiastic about.

They have a three-man booth,

most games.

Mark Followell on play-by-play, Derek Harper as an analyst, and Jeff Skin Wade is sort of the

a mix of comedy and extra analysis.

Absolutely.

And I think the whole thing works.

The rare three-man booth that I think actually works.

I think everyone goes in at the right doses.

Mark has a great feel for big moments on play-by-play, and Luca gave him a lot.

Yep.

And Dirk gave him a lot.

And I do want to shout them out because they did not shy away last year from both acknowledging the criticism and the booing of Nico Harrison that like they didn't pretend like, no, that's not happening.

And themselves, they did not shy away from their own shock and at times displeasure with the trade, which I felt stood out in an era where loco broadcasts become, I think, more and more, if not homerish, than just sort of kid gloves with the home team at times.

And I thought they handled it exactly the way that if I were a fan of the team, trying to digest what happened, it's exactly the way I would have wanted them to talk about it.

Well, it felt honest.

And like, that's the discrepancy you're talking about: is how many broadcasts do you hear that actually feel honest, that actually feel like they are engaging with the team on all of its terms, good and bad?

And I think that was one of those moments where if you don't do that, you risk really losing everybody.

And I think having any voices associated with the team, especially ones as prominent as on the broadcast, acknowledging those realities is really important.

But it was one of those things I got lost in the moment of, you know, the magnitude of the Luca trade and what it meant for both of these teams.

If you are a person who just works for the Dallas Mavericks, you have been put in an impossible situation.

If you're trying to sell tickets, if you are in charge of communications, if you're on the broadcast, you have invested the last,

how long was Luca Maverick?

It's like seven years of your life in this guy's success and putting him forward and understanding what he meant to the future of the franchise.

And now all of a sudden that's gone.

And so for those people alone, to say nothing about the legions of Mavs fans who were alienated by the trade, like, I'm happy for all of them that Cooper Flag is a part of this team, that there is a version of a path forward that makes sense, that is not just Anthony Davis, who is awesome, awesome, but like there is something to believe and galvanize and something to actually like anchor the hope of the team, which is something that a lot of franchises don't have the luxury of after making a blunder that big.

You know who else worked for the Dallas Mavericks last year?

Who's that?

Worked really hard.

Najee Marshall.

Just shout out Najee Marshall.

I will watch Najee Marshall floaters until the day I die.

Like on my deathbed, just play the reel for me.

Honestly,

I'm going to go out strong.

Swiss Army Knife, whatever whatever you need me to do.

You need me to be an enforcer and scare people and foul them hard.

I'll do that.

Oh, everyone's hurt.

I need to take 20 shots tonight.

Cool.

Like, I'll actually do it with a little bit more efficiency than you think I'm capable of.

He's just sort of a high-speed diagonal slashing player who plays hard and does the right things.

And yet the Mavericks are 16th.

All right, that's it for part one.

I'm going to go change outfits to pretend like this is a different day.

We're going to record this, the top 15, refill my coffee.

Rob Mahoney, Ringer, group chat, the whole deal.

Thanks for indulging my silliness with league pass rankings.

Thanks for doing your own.

We got the top 15 coming up.

Can't wait.

That's it for part one.

Thanks to Rob.

Thanks to Jesse, Jonathan, and Mike.

We'll be back soon for part two, numbers 15 to 1.

Who claims the top spot this year?

It's a new team.

It's a new team.

That's all I'm going to say.

Thank you

to everyone who listened, who watches the Zach Lowe Show.

We'll see you soon.

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