#601 - Dusty Slay

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Movie.

Today's guest is a comedian from Opa Laika, Alabama.

He has a new special out on Netflix called Wet Heat.

Wet Heat.

He has his own podcast called We Are Having a Good Time.

I'm very thankful to spend time today with Mr.

Dusty Slay.

Yeah, Lo, what's the I see the hat as a cold cold Wetzel hat?

That's a coat, yeah.

But what's the lightning bolt?

I don't know.

It's probably weather.

I mean, they're doing all that weather seating now.

Yeah, that cloud seating.

Yeah, that's true.

Maybe he's involved in this.

He is, he could be.

I wouldn't be surprised.

Get the record deal now.

He looks like he definitely

looks a little humid sometimes.

Yeah, yeah.

You know what I'm saying?

I do know.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But you look great, man.

I appreciate it.

Yeah, good to see you.

Congrats on the new special.

Thank you.

Yeah, I'm pumped.

I mean, it feels good.

I'm, I'm, uh, your third one.

Kind of your third one?

Kind of, yeah, I got a half hour.

But these are, yeah, both self-produced, wet heat, and working, man.

So it's fun to, you know, Netflix does, is not like, hey, we're going to give you a special.

I have to film it and then sell it to them.

Yeah.

So it feels good that they're buying it.

And you do the work, man.

I saw you were trending yesterday or the day before on Netflix.

That had to feel good.

Yeah, it felt good.

I hit seven.

That was, you know, last time I think I hit two.

No way.

But seven is still good, though.

I like seven.

Well, a lot of people are still really stuck in that missing woman off the cruise ship.

Oh, okay.

And it's hard to go up against that.

Yeah, because they put a special up against TV.

So if you watch a full season of a show, then that's like, you know, each episode is a watch.

but you have to watch a special over and over again to get that kind of lying.

I think that's how it works.

Yeah.

Like, if you're watching Seinfeld, every episode is a watch.

Yeah.

And most people watch a comedy special one time.

Oh, if someone's watching it more than one time, they're not.

Yeah,

I think they're probably kidnapped or whatever.

They're not doing that.

They're locked in my basement.

That's a great point, dude.

And they're also called my wife.

Dude, you know what I was thinking yesterday?

Dude, they don't have any more,

there's not a lot of cross-eyed people anymore.

Yeah, you don't see it a lot.

Maybe glasses are fixing it, but yeah, you don't see it.

Were you part of like that cross-eyed realm or whatever?

No, no, I mean, I don't think I was ever cross-eyed.

I might have been in the realm because I remember people with an eye.

Now, I got some land out in McMinnville, and I went into a, I wandered, I thought it was a thrift store, turned out to be be a museum and the guy the guy had a bad eye you know I think he had a glass eye and he I think he was excited I was in there oh yeah because he didn't have anybody to tell stories to he talked to me for a long time that's beautiful so they are still out there they're just in they're hidden away and that's McMinnville Tennessee yeah McMinnville Tennessee you've been there is that a nice community it is nice I got a little land there I got a little cabin where I'm trying to build an orchard but McMinnville feels real tucked away It's a good bit off the interstate.

Wow, that's beautiful looking.

Yeah, mountain town, you got a lot of kayaking, a lot of uh really, yeah, that's the nursery capital of the world, they say because of what, just birth rate or whatever.

No, like uh trees, like plant nursery.

Oh, damn, brother.

Hell yeah.

No, I'm from Opalika, Alabama.

Oh, okay.

Sorry, you're from Alabama, but I got, you know, I just, uh, during COVID, I was, uh, I don't know what was happening.

I had a little money, so I bought uh 10 acres of land.

Oh, yeah, God.

And I was like, if we never get to go back out to stores again, I want to walk around some pasture land.

Yeah.

You know, and McMinnville, I mean, I walked into a restaurant there with a mask on, and that place was packed.

And I don't think they had ever seen a mask.

And I was like, well, that's what I'm talking about.

Yeah.

I ripped it off.

I mean, I was like, this is freedom out here.

Yeah.

Oh, you got to yell

right when you pull it off.

Just to let people know, oh, he didn't mean the mask.

Exactly.

Like,

have gotten the shot, but they'll never get the homophobia out of him.

Yeah, right.

They'll never shake that.

Yeah, I mean, he may end up cross-eyed, I guess.

Oh, dude, yeah.

Because sometimes a cross-eyed guy looks like somebody that wants to yell a racial slur, but just won't let it out.

Like, if he did, it would just fix his fucking sight.

Yeah, I mean, then you don't know who he's looking at when he says it.

That's true.

That's true, dude.

So it could be aimed at anybody.

Yeah.

Yeah, that's beautiful.

But yeah, you don't see it anymore.

I just remember when I was a kid, you would see more of that.

Didn't you think you saw more of that?

Yeah, I felt like there was like always a slower class when I was in high school where you would see them come through the hallway.

And you sometimes, some of them, you were like, I don't know why they're in there.

And others, you could clearly see why they were in there.

And I feel like there would be a guy with real thick glasses and you would not know what he's looking at.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Just like he almost like he should have worked for a submarine, but they discontinued him when they like made the technology or whatever.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Like, oh, he should be the one on top of the sub holding his breath.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, dude, totally.

Bro, the first Wigga they ever had in our town, they put in Learning Disabled, man.

And I've talked about, I actually talked about that on stage, but, and shout out Brian Purvis.

That has put some money on his books, actually.

He didn't do it.

He might have done it, but

I think he's in jail now.

But they'd never seen a white kid that wanted to be black, and they threw him in there.

Oh, yeah.

That's too bad.

The guy just had some style and some flair about him.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But he would just be in the hall like doing like

doing invisible crossovers on all the other hand.

So he was just like playing like just full court offense against the rest of the.

He probably liked that he was in there.

He's like, this is easy.

This is a dream for me.

He probably did, man.

So far to get to the back of the bus.

Yeah, yeah, true, dude.

Yeah, man.

I just, there was times I remember you see that.

Like, I just remember there used to be more disabilities disabilities that were normal, I felt like normalized.

Yeah, you know, like maybe they just didn't know where to put people, right?

So they were just wandering around.

And, you know, I grew up in a trailer park.

So I felt like there was a little bit of that in the trailer park.

You know, you never knew if somebody was just like, you know, real redneck, real country, or if they're just, you know, they got a speech impediment.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, well, dude, even the name Dusty, I mean, I remember there were names that were kind of, I don't want to say weather related, but off like sunny.

like a windy, yes, sunny, windy,

dusty,

drizzle got into like the black kind of country.

Drizzle, yeah, yeah.

But there was other ones, it was like

Misty.

Did we say Misty?

No, we didn't.

Yeah, that was a big one.

Misty was very popular.

Misty felt like, I know some Misty, so I don't want you to talk traction, but it felt like, yeah, it was like they were attractive, but a little loose with it sometimes.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, definitely.

Like they'd put their bra on, but wouldn't touch, like, but wouldn't snap it together in the back.

Yeah, they want, yeah, they wanted people to see it, yeah.

Oh, dude, Misties were usually pretty cute, weren't they?

I think so.

I can't think of an unattractive Misty

ever.

I know a few Misties.

That was kind of country hot, man.

Yeah,

yeah, and you get maybe get a little Misty-eyed around them.

Maybe that's why they named them that.

Yeah, I'm trying to think.

Uh, yeah, Sunny, Dusty, Misty.

Oh, there was one one more.

We had a girl,

Stormy.

Oh, Stormy.

Yeah, yeah.

We had a girl named Stormy Bernard that used to play volleyball in our town and they didn't even have volleyball, but she told everybody she played it or whatever.

Okay, yeah.

She had good legs.

Yeah.

Yeah.

If you have good legs, it's believable that you play volleyball or softball.

Yeah.

That's believable.

Girls with good legs and just a stoutness about them.

Like an attractive stoutness.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, it's nice.

Yeah, dude.

I love that.

I love that about growing up like in a kind of a rural area because we weren't in a trailer park.

We were just kind of like in a white,

just like, it wasn't super redneck bus.

It was just like kind of trashy.

Yeah.

And no judgment.

Shout out to everybody from McGee Street, but it just was what it was.

You know, they know it.

Nobody was fucking, nobody was pretending what was going on.

Yeah, we had a trailer park.

Our trailer park was like half Asian.

We had a lot of Laotian people in Opalaika.

So really?

Yeah.

So our bus stop was, you know, me and the Asian kids.

Oh, that's beautiful.

It was fun.

Dude, y'all should have made a music video or something.

That's beautiful.

It did seem exotic in a way.

As I got older, I felt like when I was getting off the bus with the Asian kids, it made me, it's like, it felt like, because you feel insecure about getting off at a trailer park, but when it's with the other Asian kids, you feel like, well, you know, we got something going on here.

Right.

It's almost like, look, I'm here supporting them.

It gives you that.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I got, you know, I got a vibe.

Yeah.

You know.

God, we're doing something.

You wouldn't even understand.

Yeah, you don't get what we got going on.

Yeah.

Oh, dude, yeah.

If you'd have got off the bus with a bunch of HP people, literally people would have thought on my street, people would have thought that bus came from outer space.

Like, they just didn't even, I'm sure it had to be like that by you.

Like, do you have Laotian friends there?

Yeah, I mean, they were at my age.

Yeah, we were friends.

We hung out.

One guy named Enoy.

We used to hang out.

That was Enoy.

Enoy, yeah.

Yeah.

And we used to hang out.

And there was others.

You know, there was a guy named Chukiak.

He was a little older than me.

And then there was Hook.

And then they had a sister named Sherry.

Ooh, Sherry's pretty hot.

Yeah, Sherry was hot.

Sherry was hot.

I actually found some pictures of Sherry that she gave me when she was, when I was a senior.

It's probably here, like her junior pictures.

Yeah.

I found them in a notebook.

Did you?

I was like, wow, I still got these pictures of Sherry.

That's nice, dude.

Yeah.

God, she sounds hot, dude.

I am.

Namburi.

Namburi was the last name.

Namburi?

Yeah.

Sherry Nambury?

Sherry Namburi.

Yeah.

God, sign me up.

Yeah.

We had a girl named Treasure in our neighborhood, too, and she was.

That sounds hot.

That feels oddly weather related like pie pirate ship like you're out on the waters finding some treasure yeah stormy dusty treasure all those are kind of rain i didn't have any rains but that's a name oh yeah that's a name i know a country ass rain lady that lives here oh yeah i know a like a real country lady named rain what um

What was that trailer park like, man?

How was the vibes over there?

Was it pretty cool?

It was awesome.

I mean, I loved it.

It was like on a dirt road, about 20 trailers, probably, some tucked away a little bit in the woods and then on the front like on the main street was houses so we had some brick houses then behind those was some trailer and then on the end two double wides oh we had a enoy lived in one double wide and then a guy uh he went to a different school nicknamed squirrel uh and uh that was my friend he had an above-ground pool Oh, yeah.

So Squirrel had it going on.

I mean, his parents were fighting all the time.

Yeah.

But they were, you know, he had a stepdad named Sid, and Sid was always yelling at him.

But you could fight all you you want when you're able to cool off in a damn above-ground pool.

Exactly.

Fucking heat things up.

Yeah, we would pull out the tarp, and we had a slip and slide going, some Dawn dish detergent, huge tarp in his backyard.

I mean, that was where it's at.

Squirrel had it going on.

Oh, well, it sounds like he was doing well.

In our neighborhood, they had some dudes were over there smoking and getting BJs or whatever in an abandoned above-ground.

Oh, yeah.

So something had happened.

There had been, I don't know what had happened, but something had happened.

It could have been a gravity thing.

It could have been domestic dispute.

Somebody knifed it out or whatever, but the above ground, the water came out of it.

Oh, yeah.

And then over time or whatever,

like men would hide from their wives over there and probably smoke a little weed or something at night or whatever.

You know, I always heard about that kind of stuff, like these kind of things going on.

I never could get involved in that as a kid.

Really?

Yeah, I mean, I felt like I was like, you know, I was like a good kid.

I never could get involved in that

BJs and the above ground pool situation.

Damn, brother.

And maybe that's for the best.

I think it is.

It turned out, you know, because the cool kids in the trailer park life, they go to jail.

They end up in jail.

Yeah, you're right.

You know what I mean?

Because they got, you know, they're getting into trouble and it seems cool.

But they're going to have a shirt on.

They're tattooing each other.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But then they end up in jail.

And you're like, oh, I'm glad I wasn't like as cool.

Now, I was cool, but I was, you know, cool in the not getting in trouble way.

Yeah, you were like a Laotian hero.

Yeah, because the Laotian parents weren't letting that go down.

They weren't involved in that either.

I don't even know that they liked them hanging out with me, to be honest.

Wow.

Just because you were like, you were close enough adjacent to the other group.

They didn't want you to be a gateway drug to.

Yeah, and I was wearing bandanas and stuff.

You know, I was like, you know, camouflage bandanas, not red or blue.

Yeah, like Willie Robinson or whatever.

Yeah.

Is it Robertson?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

More like that.

You know what?

I'll be honest with you.

I always put a T in there unnecessarily.

And it may have, it may have.

They may have gotten rid of it.

Who knows?

A lot of people are trying to hide from taxes.

Yeah.

You know what I'm saying?

You know what I'm saying?

Yeah.

They're like, oh, no, no, no.

This is Willie Robertson.

I'm Roberson.

Yeah, now I will admit we look, we look similar.

Yeah.

I'll tell you straight up, man.

I'm Roberson.

Are you two hot or cold?

No, I feel great.

Okay, great.

Perfect temperature, really.

Feels good.

Thanks.

Yeah, I feel pretty good.

I'm wearing, I'm trying a different shirt on trying to look a little different some days.

There's a lot of times I don't feel like doing, I want to stay in a similar pattern.

I don't want to try something super new.

But then every now and then, maybe three times a year, I'll get up and like, I'm going to try something different today.

Okay.

You know, and so I try, I thought I would try this

shirt.

Those kind of shirts are hard for me.

I feel like the nips always come through for me.

Oh, really?

Yeah, this is working here.

This is working.

Strong nipples?

I guess so.

I guess I do.

Yeah.

I don't feel like that.

I don't feel like it all the time, but if I wear real thin, like I used to wear thin shirts for work.

And yeah, I could feel like I need the undershirt.

Yeah.

Ooh.

The undershirt.

I never got into the undershirt.

I was a big undershirt guy.

You were.

Yeah.

What took you there?

Well, I guess you just told me.

Well, I feel like undershirts were the thing for a while.

Even t-shirts.

And when I was in school, we would wear two t-shirts.

Oh, that's crazy.

Well, you grew up in Louisiana.

It's a bit hotter there.

That's true.

But you already had a shirt on to flex and be like, oh, because in our neighborhood, we had people with no shirts on.

Oh, yeah.

So to be like, I'm going to wear two shirts.

Yeah.

And some guys like, you know.

It looked like you took his shirt.

Well, it just fucking, he didn't know a lot of math, but I'll tell you this.

that didn't add up.

Or either he was like, you hold my shirt.

If I need it, I'll come to you, but don't wrinkle it.

Keep it on.

Keep it fresh.

Yeah.

Yeah, I did.

I do remember in a neighborhood, like in our neighborhood, like if you got good grades, like that kind of shit wasn't cool, really.

You didn't want to be like too smart.

You didn't want, you know, you kind of just had to play the game of like fitting in, but not fitting too in.

Yeah, you know, my dad would make fun of me for reading, but also wanted me to make good grades.

And I was like, I got, it's one or the other here.

You can't make fun of me for doing the homework and go, why are you not passing?

Oh, you can't have your C-A-K-E and eat it too.

Yeah.

Yeah, if you spell in front of him, he wouldn't get it.

Oh, God, yeah.

Yeah, he would make, my dad has said, I've heard my dad say, I ain't never read a book.

He likes that.

It's a brag for him.

Yeah.

And I'm not a big reader, but I've read a book.

You know?

Yeah, dude.

Oh, in our neighborhood, it was like, if somebody could whistle really good, they had fucking clout, you know?

Oh, yeah.

Like, oh, fucking get Donnie over here.

You can fucking hear, get him over here.

And somebody would go get Donnie and he'd come down on his bike and he'd, you know, he's an adult with a bike.

Yeah.

But he'd get there and he'd pull up and he'd fucking have half a can of beer and then he'd whistle, you know?

It's the weird talents.

Yeah.

It's like you got it, you got a little something.

Yeah.

There was just something like, but I think it was just like what it was like.

That was just the energy around, you know, it was just kind of calm, people doing stuff.

It was just pretty basic back then.

Yeah, like even just having, like, Squirrel had laser disc.

And I remember that.

My mom worked at a plant that made VHS tapes.

Oh, God.

So I told my mom that Squirrel had laser disc, and she got real mad at me because I guess I came home bragging about the stuff that Squirrel had at his house.

And laser disc was a potential threat to her income.

To your family.

Yeah.

You're down there in the other double wide.

Yeah.

Look, swimming in an above-ground pool watching Laserdisc.

Living high on the hole.

Yeah.

God.

Yeah.

Meanwhile, my mom wasn't yelling at me like Squirrel's mom was, but I'm like, these things seem cool.

Yeah.

I could take a little yelling for a few perks.

Oh, for sure, dude.

Oh, my big thing was peeing on the floor in my room.

I remember when I was a kid.

That was like one of my big tricks or whatever.

Like, I never could whistle.

uh and then i'm trying to think of what else have oh what would peeing on the floor give you just fucking

being like i can do whatever i want yeah

like my mom can't do nothing i'll pee in the floor if i want like hey we'll show them you can't be in the floor at your trailer or your house but i can yeah yeah

oh dude i think there was a part of me that thought like one day i'm gonna have my whole room fucking collapse right into the fucking living room i'll show all these motherfuckers oh yeah like an alien spaceship just landing you know?

Oh, yeah.

What else?

Yeah.

Oh, I remember my buddy's dad got his wife.

So my buddy's mom, got her a window, like their window had been out for a while.

And he got him a window and he put it in upside down, right?

So it was like, fuck.

But it wasn't coming.

You just come, let it down like that.

You let it down, like it's a car.

So it was just, yeah.

It wasn't bad, but it just.

He might be sitting out there with his arm propped up on it like he's running in the truck.

Yeah, he just leans into the house like, how you doing, baby?

Misty's out in the yard.

He's letting it down.

Yeah, dude, shit like that, just regular shit.

I've just been in here peeing in the floor.

Yeah, yeah.

Hold on, let me put a cork in my wiener and I'll come out there and take a look at that new.

that's fucking damn that thing works with gravity at window huh that's different yeah

that's the way it really is yeah because the old way where you push the window up that you're defying gravity yeah that's damn wizardry most guys enter the room wiener first yep cork first you heard it

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Yeah, man, there was just stuff like that about growing up.

Was it real poor by you or did it feel organized?

Did anybody have that trailer with the lattice lattice work around the bottom of it?

Well, I think we all had 10.

I mean, I got to think somebody had lattice, but you know, our trailer, we had 10 around.

But you did have that skirt on.

Yeah, we had, yeah, we had it covered.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

I mean,

that's actually not bad right there.

That looks good.

Yeah.

But, you know, then cats can get in there and have babies under the trailer.

Oh, with that lattice work?

Yeah, they can squeeze their little head under there and then they get in there and they start tearing out your insulation and they have babies up in there.

God damn.

And you just hear a lot of meowing all the time.

Oh, dude.

Well, also, a lot of those baby cats are the asbestos cats or whatever, which they're, you know, because a lot of them get up in that insulation.

Like you're saying, they get that asbestos on them.

And then you let them in the trailer, now you're all itchy.

Oh, dude.

Well, I would notice, I'd pet a cat about 40 times, and my hand would have little cuts on it.

Oh, yeah.

God damn it.

You could give a cat allergy.

Oh, dude.

The asbestos cats need to be a group of cats that save a fucking trailer party.

Oh, yeah.

yeah you could line the cats up as insulation if they got enough in there

just put a little bit of tuna paste on the walls in there have them in there yeah god yeah there was something uh they had lattice work i remember that was one good thing you would see dude somebody we had a balcony or whatever we lived in like it was like four apartments next to each other and they somebody stole our bat would steal the wood from our balcony right oh yeah and so like just wood they had laying up there or like

your railing.

Oh, they'd steal it all.

If you can find that photo, it's out there somewhere.

So we come back sometimes, and my sister, each one of the bedrooms had like a door upstairs that would go out to the balcony, right?

And it didn't get you anywhere.

You were still in our neighborhood.

We thought, like, you know, I remember the first time going up there.

There you go, right there.

Now zoom in on that bitch.

Oh, they took your whole porch.

Oh, fuck yeah, they did.

But then you'd see it, you know, three weeks later, you'd see they'd have built a fucking fence or or something in their shit.

And we're like, bitch.

You're like, that's the color of my porch.

Yeah, that's our fucking balcony, bitch.

And I'm like, no, it ain't.

Like, motherfucker.

Who do you think carved God help us into one of those boards?

Yeah.

With my initials under it.

That's why you got to pee in your room.

You can't go out on the balcony anymore.

I mean, shit.

Zoom back in on it, bitch.

I haven't looked at this in years.

But yeah, dude, people would fucking steal the wood and they would steal.

We had a fence right in front of that bottom door downstairs.

And so people would steal that shit.

So you'd have to go fucking find it.

My mom slapped a kid one time because they took it and she had to go to jail.

We had a barn.

My dad had a barn and we used to

take wood off the barn to build a clubhouse.

Oh, yeah.

And we thought the barn was abandoned.

And my dad went out there one day.

He's like, where's all the wood?

And then he sees our clubhouse.

Dude, imagine having such a shitty childhood that you think part of your fucking home is abandoned.

You're like, well, fucking, that's abandoned.

He's like, that's where I work.

You're like, oh, my God.

That's crazy, dude.

Yeah.

But the trailer park that I lived in, it did feel good.

It felt organized.

It felt, you know, but there was, you know, there was, for a while, my sister lived next door to us in a trailer.

So we had a trailer.

My sister and her husband had the next one.

And she married into a guy who had two kids already.

So there was, you know, a bunch of kids.

We had our own little courtyard there in the middle.

And it's nice in, it kind of sounds like.

And then people, my mom had a phone, and people would come over and borrow the phone, you know, landline.

Oh, yeah.

So it have that long cord.

And so people would be out on the back porch on the phone with the door closed.

Like they still want privacy,

even though they're using my phone.

Hey, look,

we're going to listen.

Or I'm saying, if you came over here, we're going to listen.

Yeah.

Oh, dude, that was things like that were so much fun.

Well, one thing that money gets you is privacy, or even just like

that's one thing I even saw, I think, when I was young.

Like when you were poor, everything was right there.

You could hear the neighbors, you know, in the apartment, somebody else would cook something.

It would come through your vents.

Oh, yeah.

So you're hungry and you're like, fuck, they got all that shit.

And now you're yelling through the vents, you know, fuck y'all, you know, but order, you know, but also ordering like a number seven or whatever, you know.

So, you know, it's just like, but you would hear if somebody was doing something bad or whatever, if somebody was domestic dispute, you would hear all of that.

Yeah.

My buddy, his, his mom, he lived next door.

His mom had him when she was real young.

So she was like, you know, we were like, you know, early teens and she was still pretty attractive.

And her and her husband, I heard her boyfriend, I heard them like having sex and their trailer walls real thin.

So I could hear it out in the yard.

And I was like, me and my buddy, not the buddy that was his mom, but another guy were like creeping up to the, and and my mom's out there raking the yard.

She's like, get away from there.

But we're like, you know, we're like, this is pretty fun.

Yeah, what's happening?

Yeah.

We're hearing this attractive lady have sex.

God.

Middle of the day.

Oh, yeah.

That was like, you know, that could have been cinemax for us.

Oh, dude, you don't just get something like that unless God has favor.

Yeah.

I don't think anyway, that's not an accident.

First of all, two people comfortable enough to make love.

And was it drug-induced, you think?

At least alcohol-induced.

Okay.

But yeah, but at least two people making love during the day

and neither one of them is a victim of something.

And they're being loud.

Yeah.

Oh, they're brave then.

It's like, you know, we can hear it.

My mom's doing yard work out.

We're into it, though.

We're like, this is what I'm talking about.

Well, what if you don't really figure out something?

And you see your mom just rubbing the rake across across the ground?

It's like, oh, and you're like, what is she?

What kind of new grass is that?

She just keeps raking.

You're like, I'm like, you're working too hard.

She's like, I enjoy it.

She's trying to cover for him.

Yeah.

She's over there.

Sorry, man.

I'm not supposed to laugh and like this and much, but that's hilarious, dude.

Yeah, I just look like there was always something great about being in like in a shitty neighborhood, kind of,

you know um

because everybody was right if you wanted a friend they were right there they were everybody everything was right there but then also

all the drama and the bullshit was right there like yeah if people were fighting if people were like you know the dad was leaving everything was right there so everybody knew everything you couldn't

it kind of was sad sometimes because you didn't feel like anything was personal to you it there was nothing you could keep for yourself yeah does that make any sense

i think uh living in trailers you're at least spread out a little bit, whereas apartments, yeah, you would be right up.

I mean, because I've lived in apartments since then.

But yeah, we called the police on a church one time for playing their music too late

on a weekday.

Like the church was real close.

I still think about that, that we all agreed at the trailer to call the police on the church.

It couldn't have been that loud.

We could just hear it.

Yeah.

It wasn't keeping us up.

Right.

But we were like, no, I don't think so, guys.

God, this is, I mean, they need to turn that shit because that's how it starts.

I mean, should they turn that down?

And somebody else is like, somebody else has had a beer, and they're like, Well, fuck,

and I can't hear my music, dude.

It just gets weird.

Um, there's always talk like tornadoes is such a big thing.

Was that a part of y'all's thing, or not really?

Well, I think any storm is scary

when you live in a trailer, right?

It's like, you know, we were just talking like about weather and like what storm is the scariest.

And somebody said earthquakes was the scariest for them.

But I'm like, I grew up in a trailer.

Earthquake was the least of our worries.

There's nothing even really to fall on you, but it's tornadoes or tornadoes, even wind.

We grew up under pine trees.

We had an ice storm once that froze a tree limb, and the tree limb fell and it stabbed through the roof of the trailer.

Oh, hell yeah.

And it hit a shelf.

My mom had a bunch of ceramic owls on it.

They went everywhere.

Yeah, it's heartbreaking.

Yeah.

That shit is heartbreaking.

But so all weather.

And so, yeah, tornado.

We had tornadoes blow trees down on our trailer one time.

Oh, well, down in Alabama, I think they have the worst trees.

If a strong storm tornado does show up,

they literally have these tall pines.

You can't really do anything with them.

They drop pine cones.

They're sometimes fun around the holidays or whatever.

They're a million feet tall and literally just waiting to freaking kill someone.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, one One fell across the trailer, another one fell on top of it.

It's almost like they're doing a game, like that, um, like hands on the baseball bat, like whoever gets to the top, you know?

Oh, yeah.

It's like

they're just going to keep falling until somebody, yeah.

And we're, and trailers are just right under.

I mean, the tree weighs more than the trailer does.

Oh, there's more wood in the tree

than there is in the trailer.

Oh, yeah.

It's like the tree is almost like, here, use us.

We're right here.

You're living in this aluminum.

The tree's trying to help.

Oh, God, dude.

Yeah, that kind of shit just fucking, I'm trying to think of whatever else really got me.

Oh, dude.

Well, one time when it froze, when there was a freezing in the South, it was a big thing.

Huge deal.

And one kid, I remember we had a basketball game.

And it was a freezing, and we were playing like the rival town, and it froze, right?

And it snowed at halftime.

And it hadn't snowed in our town in probably 30 years or something.

And so people were fucking going crazy and fucking drinking Dr.

Pepper really fast and just fucking amped up, you know, and stealing gas from each other, that kind of shit.

People were excited.

And one kid, this kid Lucas, had went outside and an icicle, I guess, had formed on a tree at some point and had fallen and hit him right under his fucking eye and messed his eye up really bad.

And his mom tried to like sue the city or whatever and all kinds of shit.

And she's like, I remember, she's like, he was never the same.

And I knew that fucking kid for that.

He was never the same before it happened.

You know what I'm saying?

He was.

Yeah, the icicle didn't really mess up his path.

I think

you didn't get a strong take on your son before that icicle hit him.

Right.

Oh, it's easy to show up once there's a weather lawsuit, you know?

Yeah, the city's eye will show us some of his accomplishments prior to this.

Yeah, and he was just a downward stock out of the gate, I think, you know?

I mean, he couldn't even fucking whistle.

I remember.

He was like, boo.

But yeah, there was something growing up, like in like a place that, like, I don't know, shit like that was just fun, man.

Well, yeah, you just get you got some character.

There's not a lot going on.

You know, I mean, you know, we

made the most of it.

Yeah.

I mean, we were just hanging.

I mean, talk about pine cones.

It's like, we love pine cones.

We used to throw them at each other.

You build fires out of the pine straw, burn pine cones, get a fresh pine cone that's not spread out.

It's real hard.

Oh, yeah.

A lot of spikes on it.

A virgin one or underage one, some guys call it.

Yeah.

Not like these old, old wore out, stretched out pine cones.

Oh yeah.

Like a fresh green one.

We'd throw rocks at each other.

We'd ride the bike.

I remember there were these girls riding bikes up and down and we were throwing rocks at them.

Fuck yeah.

And my buddy missed and hit me in the head.

Oh yeah.

And I was bleeding.

I started crying.

You know,

there's no one to sue.

Well, also,

dude, that's another thing about being poor.

There's no, who are you going to sue the other person?

Nobody has shit.

No attorney is going to support either one of you guys.

Dude, one time we're riding on the school bus and this kid, Jason,

and he came from a pretty shirtless family.

Like somebody got the shirt, but they had to, like, not everybody got it or whatever.

But he on the bus that day, he's like, he found a rock that was pretty good.

And he's like, I'm throwing this bitch today.

You know, he was just fired up or whatever because I think his birthday was coming up.

And he's like, I'm throwing this motherfucker today.

Somebody's going gonna get hit by this bitch and he kept showing it to me we kind of hung out in different little realms of school they had like at our school they had the hick tree uh prep tree um

blacks kind of went out wherever they wanted kind of um

and then hick tree prep tree and one other thing i think it was just like people that listen to sound garden or whatever you know oh yeah like a yeah like a grunge yes yeah like a grunge thing

and so anyway he was over by the hick tree and he's like and i would hang out over by the prep tree.

I just had more friends over there.

And at one point,

he had his Rockies already.

I'd forgot about it.

So at recess that day, I'm fucking hanging out over there.

Fucking Rock comes, hits me right

now.

Of all the people, he didn't even aim at him.

He just hummed that bitch.

Fucking took me right out.

You were hanging out under the wrong tree that day.

I'm like, dude, just fucking, I'm the only guy you know over there.

And he probably was just throwing at the prep tree.

100%.

He's just like, I want to hit somebody under the prep tree.

They think they're better than me.

Totally.

I want to hit people under the prep tree.

That's my attitude.

That would have been my, I didn't throw the rock, but, you know, my mindset was I'd like to throw a rock over there.

Yeah, somebody's going to feel a little bit of my pain today, dude.

And I had friends over there, too.

Yeah.

I had friends in the hick tree, the prep tree, the black tree.

I had friends under all of them.

Yeah.

You know?

God, dude.

And I might have even been over there just bumming money off.

Even the Laotian tree.

Yeah.

They were all my friends.

Oh, dude.

I met some good Laotians.

You know who's Laotian?

There's a comedian named Lucas Seeley.

Oh, I don't know Lucas.

Lucas Seeley, he lives in Montana now, I believe.

He took me up there to, they had a Montana comedy festival.

We had a good time up there.

But he's Laotian.

I met some decent Laotians over the years, and I'd love to meet more of them, to be honest with you.

Well, Opa Laika's the spot.

I think that's the Laotian of Alabama.

Yeah.

Laos of Alabama.

Oh, because Laotian's not the country.

Yeah.

Oh, there you go right there.

It's Lucas Seeley.

I believe he is LaOcean.

He runs a lot of good food there.

His family has a egg roll truck.

Okay.

Wet Heat, man.

That's what you're calling the special.

Yeah, Wet Heat.

And

I like the name because you don't know what the name might mean, right?

You don't know.

It could be, hey,

we're doing a 90s sitcom.

It's It's a little murder, a little sex.

You don't know.

It could be a buddy cop film that takes place in Miami, but it's a weather joke.

Wet heat, humidity.

I go out to Phoenix, you know, and they're always like, oh, I go, it's real hot out here.

And they go, yeah, but it's a dry heat, you know?

And like they're like their heat is better than my heat, right?

And I get defensive and I go, yeah, but I like a wet heat.

So that's what I tell them.

I like a wet heat.

So that's why it's called that.

I like it.

It's a great special.

Like I had another one called Working Man that's on Netflix now.

It's very good.

I think Wet Heat's better.

I like that.

I'm very pumped about it.

I'm all about a full spell.

I got a lot of callbacks.

You know, I got a lot of things that, a couple of themes that come around a couple of times.

And I like that.

It's like a, you know, it's like a Pink Floyd album.

The whole thing matters.

Yeah.

I watched about 15 minutes of it, and I've enjoyed it, man.

I like how I kind of get in.

And then there's some spots where I really just surprised.

Like, I knew, you always know you're going to laugh most of the time, but there's some spots where I really just found myself just like, uh,

surprised.

I can't tell if it was the delivery.

I don't know what it is, but just really enjoying it, man.

Well, I appreciate that.

And, you know, it's about 70 minutes.

So if you watch it 15 minutes at a time, you got, you got about, I don't know, I'm not good at math, but maybe about four more settings.

You know?

Oh, yeah, I can invite friends over and have it in installments.

Yeah.

Come over.

Watch another 15 minutes of the special with me.

Yeah, I was trying to think because I don't know if I'm at the part, oh, I am at a part where there's a lot of urine in it and talking about peeing growing up and how many times men pee or don't pee.

Yeah, I mean, I got, you know, I got a lot of bodily functions in there, probably more so than any special I put out.

But I like, you know, I just, I pee a lot.

I drink a lot of water and I'm out here peeing.

Yeah.

And it's a wet heat.

Yeah, it is a wet heat.

How do you pee is a wet heat?

It's the ultimate, bro.

Wow, that's a that's something I missed.

That's a theme I missed.

Well, I won't even wear, I notice at night, honestly, Dusty, I won't even wear those tight underpants anymore because I don't, it pushes on my bladder.

Yeah, I don't like that.

I didn't even think about this because I've been buying these kind of semi-tight undies or whatever, and

it kind of.

you know, it's tight.

The band up here is tight.

Yeah.

And so then my bladder didn't even get to fully expand and hold a normal amount.

Oh, yeah.

And so all like twice and twice a night, I have to get up extra just because I've chosen tight undies.

Yeah, you got to just get loose with it.

Just let it free, you know?

I want to almost make a good cotton undie because they say a lot of those polyamorous or polymethylene underpants or whatever, the plastics getting in people's nuts.

I'm all about 100% cotton.

I wear 100% cotton underwear.

These socks are not.

Jeans are, shirt is, 100% cotton.

God.

I'm all about it.

I like linen, wool, cotton.

That's where I'm at these days.

Really?

Not together, all on their own.

Oh, yeah.

I don't mix meats, you know what I mean?

I don't want to blend it.

Yeah.

That's yeah, that's where it's at, though.

And I think

I got like a pee paranoia almost.

Like, if I'm getting on the plane, I'm like, nah, I got to go pee, because if I get on the plane and then I, we sit there for a while, I won't have, you know, because you get, you boy, if you board early, you sit down.

That's a good point.

And then by the time everybody else is boarded and then you take off, it's like, it's a long time to get to pee.

There's no way to win that exactly.

Yeah.

And then some flight attendant get goes in the bathroom and they're in there all day.

I'm like, what are you doing in there?

Sudoku.

Yeah.

We know it.

Yeah.

So

we know it.

Yeah.

But yeah, it's like there is no way to leverage that perfectly where you because yeah, if you get on early,

then you have to wait all that time before you even leave.

Whereas if you wait and pee and get on last, that's kind of nice, but then you have to wait all that whole time in that line.

Yeah, I feel like sometimes I feel like I go, no, I want to board at the end.

I'm just going to chill, but I can't.

I can't chill.

I'm like, no, I got to get on right now.

I got to get on.

Let's go ahead and get on.

Yeah.

There's a lot of, I don't want to call it anxiety because I'm not, I'm not anxious about it, but I'm like, nah, I could get on right now.

I'm going to go ahead and do it.

And then I'm on.

Yeah.

Because anything out there, you see the gate agent, you see them.

The gate agent.

They're basically the St.

Peter

with us with a lot of times mental conditions, right?

They don't fucking, they'll be like the gates closed, gates not closed.

They'll be like, we're full, not, you know, I'm saying you don't know how they're going to be feeling.

And they, you know, they don't get treated well by people.

I realize that, but it must be a hard life.

They don't seem happy.

No.

And then you, every, every time you go talk to them, they just do like this.

They just do like this.

They're just typing away.

Yeah.

They're just typing away.

And it's like, what are you typing?

What are you typing back there?

Oh, they're probably just typing down the F word over over and over again.

That's what I'd be doing, you know.

I think anyway.

I'm going to ask to see the screen.

What else?

Oh, you sold pesticides.

Is that true?

Yeah, I sold pesticides.

I was a pesticide sale.

I sold to Lowe's and Home Depot.

That's what I did for years.

I lived in Charleston, South Carolina.

Did you really, dude?

I used to live on King Street.

Oh, you live on King Street?

I used to live above the Bebay store for probably about eight months.

Oh, amazing.

I lived on Burns Alley, which is right off King.

Was it over there by Kicking Chicken or something?

Yeah, really close to Kicking Chicken.

God, it was so good.

I used to tear the Kick and Chicken up.

F, it was good.

God.

Yeah.

Oh, hell yeah.

Yeah, I lived in Charleston for 10 years from

2003 to 2014.

Great place.

I loved it.

So that's where I started comedy, and I waited tables.

Just kicking chicken right there.

Yeah.

But it used to be different.

That must be another location.

They had a downtown, like I think downtown's gone now.

The downtown kick and chicken's gone.

It has been a while.

Yeah.

They had a little alley, and then they had Harris Teeter over there.

Was that Charlie?

Harris Teeter?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Had that joint.

And then I worked at a bar called O'Brien.

I think it was called O'Brien's.

I think I remember an O'Brien's.

It was an Irish bar.

On King Street.

Yeah.

Yeah, I think it was a bad thing.

And they had a band that played in there like once a week.

It was a cover band.

And I would go listen to them.

What was the cover band?

I feel like there was like a Molly janes or a janes

ah there was something like that they were there forever

yeah dude i've tried to remember the name of that cover band for the past five years and i can't remember ah yeah they were there forever i remember hearing them when i first moved there everybody was advertising them and then they were still going And they would play climate safety about widespread panic.

And I would, they played a lot of like songs everybody knew, like sing-alongs.

Yeah.

But they also played climate safety about widespread panic.

And I fucking loved it.

And one time they let me get up there and ring like a

ring a little bell or something during it.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, I mean, like pre-internet, Charleston was like, I don't know.

It was just great.

It was like this nice little hidden city.

I lived on Folly Beach for a while.

Dude, Folly Beach, people would surf out there.

Yeah.

People would get surf angry out there.

And she's like, you dropped in on my wave.

And she'd be like, dude, what are you?

I know.

What is anybody talking about?

I know.

I know.

I know.

We were just supposed to be, yeah, I used to hang out on the beach.

I used to drink all the time on the beach.

It was great.

They They had a place called the Sand Dollar, which I had to get a membership.

They had a place called the Silver Dollar Bar, which was over off across.

That was kind of downtown, but across.

Oh, yeah.

I got beat up outside of the Silver Dollar one time, I think.

I almost did.

Yeah.

So.

Yeah, I think it was the Silver Dollar.

Yeah.

And Portside, they had a place over there called Portside, Silver Dollar.

Yeah, there it is, Silver Dollar.

Yeah.

But there's always people doing blow over there.

Yeah.

Thankfully.

Well, that's, yeah, a lot of that going on in Charleston.

Dude, I was there during 9-11.

I went up there.

Actually, I was, I hitchhiked up there to meet.

There was a girl that I was in love with that moved away and she didn't want me to be around her.

And she was right.

You know, it was getting.

You hitchhiked to see her.

That's

when you're willing to.

This is before Uber.

This is when.

Yeah.

How'd you get here?

I just rode with some strangers.

Anything it took.

And it was like it was 12 hours down from Louisiana, but I got up there and, yeah, it wasn't good.

I remember I was on her porch one night

and I was like, this has got to stop, you know?

Yeah.

And that's when I shut it down and got Maggie together.

Took some of the wood from the porch on the way out.

You're trying to rebuild something at home here.

What am I going to make a shrine to her out of?

Yeah.

Obviously, her porch wood is the best thing to make it out of.

But yeah,

thankfully, nobody caught me over there.

And I just remember I was on that porch petting a cat that wasn't mine.

I don't know if it was hers.

And I was like, God,

I am emotionally,

I've got some emotional issues, you know?

Yeah.

And then 9-11 happened when I was there.

That was kind of wild.

But, but yeah, I love Charleston, man.

Great place.

Yeah, it's awesome.

My friend said you gave a speech at his school in Louisiana.

Missouri, I think, is where he grew up.

I forget the school.

He told me about it.

I believe you.

It was a boy's school.

I can't remember.

Oh, it was a boys' school.

Yeah.

He said, yeah.

It was Rummel or something.

I think so.

Maybe so.

Oh, my God, dude.

That just came back to me.

Oh, it might have been when I was just in student council, but maybe not.

I don't know.

Dude, I fucking forgot about that.

That's crazy.

It's weird how life will go on.

You just remember things that happened.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

I mean, like, yeah, the brain is super weird.

Like, you can just, it feels like channels just open up and you go, oh, whoa, here's a bunch of memories.

locked in here.

Do you think our brain have that all of our memories are available in our brain?

I think so.

But maybe

our brain remembers remembers them differently because people will tell stories about me and I go, that's definitely not how it happened.

But am I remembering it wrong or are they remembering it wrong?

I got punched in the face by a female firefighter one time.

Yeah.

And this guy, my buddy, he tells the story all the time and he always tells what I said.

And I just know that I didn't say that.

But I was drunk enough to get punched in the face.

So maybe maybe I don't remember it.

Right.

And then at that point, if you know you were drunk enough, it's like, well, do I want to disrespect this story by just trying to put maybe my current ego in it?

Even though I, but if I was drunk, I was out of control.

Could that have happened?

You know?

Yeah.

And then it's what I realized from growing up.

A lot of my friends, I'll tell stories from growing up.

My friends are like, dude, I don't even remember that.

I'm like, you don't fucking remember that?

I'm like, dude, that's like the only thing that happened.

That year, that was the only thing that happened.

You don't remember?

Oh, yeah.

I'm just amazed that some people don't remember things.

I think sometimes with us as comedians, like we're spending time thinking about stuff to write jokes about it,

that we can recall all these things.

But like people that aren't trying to think about it, they're like, oh, I can't believe you remember that.

And I go, this is all I do is sit around and think about this stuff.

That's a good point.

And even if it's not me.

actively doing it, there's a part of my brain that I think is obsessed with being young and growing up and like wants to have all of that as much as I can.

Here it says right here, is this perplexity, man?

We started using this perplexity.

Have you heard of this?

No.

It's an AI.

The brain holds and organizes all the memories we are able to form and retain, but it is not a flawless or complete archive of everything we've ever experienced.

Memories can be changed, lost, or difficult to recall.

Not everything is stored perfectly or forever.

Hmm.

That's interesting.

I know.

I wonder if I should get someone to come on sometime who knows really the deepness of this.

Yeah, and how could you open it up?

They used to say acid would open different parts to your brain.

Yeah.

That's what they always said.

That's why we like to take it.

We would, because we didn't think we were partying.

No.

We were like, we're doing an experiment.

Yeah.

We're hiding in an above-ground pool for four hours, laughing at we don't know what, but this is all under

the guise of science.

Yeah, this we're, yeah, we're opening.

We're expanding our minds here.

We want to, I want to listen to this Pink Floyd album and understand what he means.

Oh, dude, I remember my friend.

We did some LSD or something mushrooms.

I don't remember.

And he

had a flashback of an Asian kid that had allegedly lived in our town or something.

And he got so scared.

And then he went and he locked himself in a closet for like five or six hours.

And we're like, fuck, dude.

That's just.

On acid?

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

And

he had anxiety ever since then.

That was a lot for him.

I don't understand how locking yourself in a closet would make yourself feel better.

Yeah.

He needed some better, a better, but I don't know.

What do you do?

You know?

Yeah,

and if I knocked on the door, he got very racial and very like,

I don't want to say anti-Asian or whatever.

He just was going through a lot.

And I was like, I'm not going to fucking bother him.

What am I going to do?

We're having a good time.

Yeah, what am I going to do?

Get a fucking one of those like straw hats and like a fish basket and fucking just go in there and rattle his cage.

Hell no.

I'm going to support my buddy.

And that night we're at my buddy, we're at another dude's house.

And I was like, I'm getting out of here.

And he's like, you shouldn't leave, dude.

You fucking took all your clothes off in the backyard.

And I was like, yeah, well, fuck you guys.

I'm not being caged up by this fucking white hater or whatever.

You know, I just, I get out there.

I go get in my car.

I was in 1984 Ford Escort.

And thankfully, I accidentally got in the back, right?

I kind of stumbled trying to get out of the door, pushed the seat, went forward, honked the horn, the front horn, because I was in the back seat.

The seat moved forward and honked the front horn.

And his mom came out and thankfully shut it down because I could have fucking driven off.

Yeah.

You know,

it was going to be scary, man.

Drugs and driver's licenses.

I've driven on ACID many times.

And it's, yeah.

And it's a blast.

I mean, it is a

disaster.

It shouldn't happen.

But it was, that's another thing.

Small towns, you know, you're out late enough.

Nobody else is out there.

No.

What's the danger, really?

You know?

Oh, yeah.

the birds are gone the dogs even shut down everybody yeah we would drive around me and my buddy we drove around we were like so out of our minds i was like biting the steering wheel while i was driving

oh dude i remember one time we drove pat we just taken this lsd and we drove past a a cop and he stopped us dude

and he's like what the fuck y'all doing blah blah blah and we caused trouble in town before and he's just like uh

i don't remember what his reason was but he's like i don't want i don't want to see you i don't want to see you guys out again tonight and we're like yes sir no problem not a problem no definitely not yes sir no sir right we fucking we covered every base right right

dude fast forward five hours later we are just gleaming on this lsd we are fucking you know what i'm saying like I'm like kind of fucking being like, oh, just saying shit like, oh, I think there's way too many teeth in my mouth, right?

Like,

we're not doing good.

And we realize we are coming up on the same street exactly where that cop is parked, and he's fucking parked there again.

And we're like, motherfucker, we promised this dude we would not, and we're fucked up.

We are, this is not going to do, this is not going to end well.

And we thought if we go,

this is our idea, dude, if we go as slow as possible, he won't see us, right?

He's sneaking by.

boss.

Dude, yes, if we go fast, that's how they catch everybody speeding.

Yeah.

We go as slow as fucking possible, dude.

All looking.

Probably caught us so fast, dude.

Put us all in for the night.

You're like, hey, we're trying to get home.

Yeah.

You told us to get home.

We're just looking for it, man.

Yeah.

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Did you ever run any issues with the pesticide?

You run any good any good tales from the well, you know, I did that for like nine years and i'm just like i i got one joke out of it and i you know i used to you know it was four companies we sold to lows and home depot those four companies uh i dated a girl that was on the competition for a while and i i'm pretty sure she had a boyfriend uh and she was dating me at work yeah i love that so we would just um you know like you had to go to the store and you'd have to call into the office from the store phone.

And then so I would would go in and I would call us both in and then we would go drink for a while and then we

would go back to the store and she would call us both out.

That way the store didn't see us coming and going.

So we had, I mean, we had a wild summer.

I had, I had not all the same territory that she had.

So some days I had to work.

But on those days, I was great.

I mean, we would just party, me and her, and she was like, she was real hot.

And it was like, even the other pesticide reps were like, she's dating you.

Yeah.

And I'm like, I guess so, guys.

I guess things are turning around.

You just take a hit off that side,

off that P side.

That's right.

You know, and it felt good.

And, you know, I should have been fired.

I had, but, you know, I was, my sales numbers were good.

I looked good.

I mean, sometimes it's just, who do we want pulling up to the door to sell pesticide?

Who are people going to believe when they open the door and they see?

Well, I'm just selling to the stores, right?

So I don't have to go door to door.

But I looked all right.

You know, I probably was a little heavy.

I'd been drinking a lot.

I was, I was probably, I was drinking all the time.

So, you know, a lot of times I'd pull up to the store, clock in, go sit in the car, smoke cigarettes, go to sleep, you know, that work.

Right, right.

Yeah, because it's like, hey, dude, look, don't act like I haven't had a job.

Yeah.

And my boss was like, you got to be there at a certain time.

And I was like, it doesn't matter because the stores have no idea if this is my first store of the day or my second store he's like no you got to be there and I'm like well if I got to be there this is how I'll handle it yeah I'll clock in and then I'll go you know eat a bagel in the car and smoke cigarettes or dip

oh yeah I mean you got to find ways to kill time yeah I mean I'm the king of killing time oh that's you got to be your next special yeah I mean I can sit in a car all day it doesn't make any difference to me you give me the radio radio, some nicotine.

I'm there all day.

Yeah, God, I love that shit, dude.

I used to love fucking sitting in a car.

I remember I'd fucking sit in there.

Like a lot of times my dad would go do something.

I don't know what he was doing, but because he didn't have a job or anything, but he would leave me in the car.

And I would try to put all the seatbelts on.

I'd like try to sit in the middle

and put all fucking five seatbelts on, dude.

Yeah.

Just do cool shit like that.

Yeah, nothing like being left in the car as a kid back then.

Oh, with no, yeah, I mean, there was no.

The cigarette lighter thing yeah i had a cigarette i had a bronco the cigarette lighter would like if you didn't have your hand up there it would it's so spring-loaded it would pop out onto the floor

yeah i mean it had some power to it oh you don't wear sandals around this much oh yeah no no yeah i loved it yeah you could i love that the way the cigarettes were built you know you smoke the cigarette and they just hold that thing right up there to it that thing felt real yeah i had an ashtray in there with the ashes in it i mean it wasn't coins in there i was using that oh that was so nice.

Dude, when that cigarette, because when you were a kid, if your grandparents or your parents left you in the car, you could push a cigarette lighter in and you knew it was going to get hot.

You were not allowed around hot stuff.

You weren't allowed to have hot stuff, but that thing, you figured out how to work it.

And then you take it out and you're like, I wonder if it's hot.

And it would be, it was the hottest thing they had.

And then you're lighting paper on fire.

You're putting paper in, but your grandma's like, where's all the receipts?

Yeah.

And

where's my bookkeeping?

Where's my my missing posters for your stepfather?

I don't know.

God, that was fun, dude.

My buddy's dad, my friend Bubby Jenkins, his dad would,

I'd miss the bus or just say fuck it or whatever because I didn't really love the government or whatever.

But

his dad would give me a ride to school and his dad would do my spelling words and blow cigarette smoke in my face to fucking make it harder for me to fucking memorize him to challenge me.

Dude, he'd rip two or three darts on the way there you got to love that kind of help you're like i really i really appreciate that you know because then you're good under pressure yeah like i learned to drive a stick shift with my dad yelling at me yeah like yelling at me about not knowing how to work a clutch that i've just tried for the first time today yeah

and so you're like now i'm good i can drive a stick shift for the rest of my life Oh, yeah, especially when your sexuality is under threat when it came to anything back then.

It was like, you don't know how to do this shit.

Yeah, it's like, this is my first time.

And he's like yelling at me.

And we're on a back road.

There's not traffic behind us.

Oh,

everything was a Vietnam back then at times, man.

It was, and also the pressure, just growing up, everything felt intense, you know, learning things and wanting to get them right and be cool and know the cool stuff.

Yeah, I mean, my dad knows how to do a lot of things, but is not a teacher.

Right.

So like, you like think you're doing it right and you're like there's a lot of pressure to be doing it right yeah but it's never right yeah he's gonna tell you how to do it even if he told you how to do it and you did it that way he's gonna be like nah like this yeah i'm like no this is the way you told me though yeah but do it like this yeah we're not doing it like that i know where you learn that yeah we don't do it like that anymore i'll tell you that

oh yeah dude

yeah i mean i would tell you a story about my dad teaching me something but he didn't teach me shit dude dude.

And then, but he would, once I was tall enough, would expect me to be able to drive in places, right?

Because, yeah, me, my dad was just so old.

And one day he's like, I think you can do it.

And I was like, what?

And he's like, I think you can drive me to Sly Dale.

And I was like, I don't know.

You know, and

how far would that be for you?

Probably 17 miles, right?

Okay.

I was like, I could,

I don't know, but you want to do it.

Yeah.

You know, you want to support your dad or whatever.

And,

and I did it, man.

We fucking got out there on the interstate.

And why would he need you to drive?

He was so old, he couldn't see that good.

Okay.

But we had to get there.

And so it was like,

you know, what are you going to do?

Yeah.

Because he used to do those credit card signups at colleges.

He'd get people to sign up for credit cards and he'd get me out there on the table to call him over and whatever, you know, and make promises to him or something.

And

so we'd drive over to like Southeastern Louisiana University or Delgado or some school somewhere and we'd pull all this shit out and he's giving out free candies or whatever, whistles or something, you know, or it'd be like a whistle that yells a slur or something if you hit the right octave on it.

Or frisbees, you know, shit like that.

So he got he got money for the for signing people up for credit cards?

If people signed up, I think he got like $1.50.

But I think it had to be approved and shit.

Yeah.

But I'd sit there and fill a couple extra out while I was there.

Yeah.

I was just fucking rekilling time.

He had no idea what's going on.

He'd be fucking asleep, awake.

Fucking he'd go to get a sandwich, fucking fall asleep over there.

It's just like, it was fucking, it was like a huge game of hide and go seek.

And that's why you'd need to get to Slidell.

So you're driving, you're working it.

This is learning things.

He may not be teaching it, but you're learning things.

Yeah, that was it, man.

You're learning to hustle.

Yeah, it was the hustle, dude.

It was fun, though.

Yeah, any other blue-collar kind of jobs that you had?

Well,

I did restaurants mostly.

I worked at a restaurant called Hymans in Charleston.

I don't know if you ever went there.

It would have been around.

It was nice.

It was nice.

It's a tourist spot, but it's good food.

Bring it up.

I mean, it's a...

I think I went there not long ago.

It's a hot spot.

They have

the,

they have a lot of...

pictures on the wall of famous people that have been there over the years.

And I finally have my picture on the wall.

I'm finally on the wall.

I was like, that's what I'm talking about.

Let's go, Hymans, baby.

Yeah.

And Hyman's is great.

There were so many employees at Hyman's that I run into people still all over the country that I used to work with.

Why was there so many?

It just is, it took up, it took up three addresses

on the street.

And then it was a second floor,

you know, first floor and second floor restaurant.

That's beautiful.

Yeah, actually, it took up, it was like from 213 to 221, that many addresses on the block.

It was great.

We should go do a show there sometime, man.

We should.

I mean, Charleston is the best.

That would be cool.

I started this, the tour money now.

I started it in Charleston.

And so.

What did you do?

I don't even remember.

It's probably North Charleston Performing Arts Center.

On campus.

Oh, the Guillard?

Maybe.

Yeah.

Very nice.

Yes, very nice.

Yeah, I just did the Gill Yard, too.

Very nice.

I watched the Gill Yard be built.

So I was like very happy to do that.

I mean, because a lot of people that I, that's where I started comedy.

So a a lot of people I started comedy with and people that knew me around that time all got to come there and see me.

Dude, that's pretty exciting.

Yeah, it was a big deal.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Because being a comedian, you're not, everybody thinks you're just hiding from your parents or whatever until you get something people can see.

Yeah.

It's a weird thing to tell people you're doing, I feel like.

Did you feel like that?

Yeah.

I mean, even doing TV,

it can still be like, you could still be

not necessarily seen like you're doing great until they see you in a big venue.

And they go, oh, look at all these people that bought tickets to see you.

Yeah.

It like means more then.

Yeah.

Or on a show, they have to see something.

And they'd be like, well, what do you, you know?

Yeah.

I just did Hollywood Squares.

I think a lot of older people in my life feel like I made it when they saw me on Hollywood Squares.

Oh, definitely.

Yeah.

Yeah.

There's everybody has their own idea of kind of what making it is, you know?

And it could be anything.

It could be from any, you know, it could be some people thinking it's Charlemagne the God show.

It could be some people, oh, here you are right there, dude.

Yeah.

Justin Long and Drew Barrymore were on there.

Yeah, I did another episode with them, and I was where Jeff Dunham's at.

So I was right next to Drew Barrymore.

Wow.

And she was up in my square.

So it was very fun.

She was, you know, I was like, yeah, it felt good.

She's cute.

What some great folks in there.

Yeah.

Dude, that's exciting.

That's like a huge show from growing up.

Ron Funches is on there.

Oh, who's the host?

Drew Barrymore.

Oh, the host is Nate Burleson.

Nate Burleson.

He's awesome.

Yeah, he was great.

Nate's a great dude.

Very nice.

Very funny.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Super talented, man.

I mean, what a neat guy.

I guess I'd be able to have two careers.

Great football player and

does a great job hosting.

Yeah.

I mean,

I don't know how long this goes, but he's really great.

Yeah.

Yeah.

He does a couple of different things.

He does some different stuff.

I'm trying to think of any other blue-collar jobs.

Well, you know,

I was a pizza delivery guy for a long time.

I worked at Papa John's.

I mean, that feels blue-collar.

I mean, it feels like like stoner blue collar yeah that's what i did out of high school i did delivered pizzas and it was great i used to you know i was getting high a lot so it was like you know you're riding around your own hometown you know where everything's at there was no gps back then so you know where everything's at and you're just getting high listening to the radio it's a perfect job you ever whip a slice out of somebody's order or anything no no i was i was very anti that but i would uh and i respect that i want to say that yeah i never mess with people's food i can't do it yeah me either.

I've never done anything like that, you know.

But I had, I used to pick up my friends at the gas station, they would meet me at the gas station, I'd pick them up, and we'd all smoke weed together while I delivered pizzas.

That's fucking cool.

I don't think they had anything going on, but I also think it was cool for them to just ride around while I was working.

Yeah, so I'd pull up to people's houses with four or five dudes in the car, you know.

Had a guy one time meet us outside, and we were still smoking, you know, and it's like a little awkward.

You get you start to get extra polite, you're like, How are you today, sir?

Thanks for choosing Papa John's.

Oh, dude, there's nothing better than that shit, dude.

The awkwardness.

Dude, I used to get fucking high and fall asleep all the time.

And my friends didn't want me to go out with them because they're like, dude, you just hit all, you hit like, and I would, I would hit a lot of the weed.

And then I would literally fall asleep for the next four hours.

Yeah.

And they'd just pick me up and they'd still have to drop me off at the end of the night.

I would just lay in the back of the car or whatever.

And I think I was just growing at the time, whatever.

And your body's just dealing with shit or whatever.

And one night we got so high, and they just started a Taco Bell in our town, right?

And this was like the grand opening.

So people had come, people came from 30 miles.

One guy rode a horse there.

People were coming however they could.

Some people didn't even get out of their cars.

They just drove by.

They honked.

You know, people would drop off their spouses, just do whatever.

They didn't even know what was going on.

That's big day.

And

I got out on my buddy's van,

and they'd all been inside.

I'd fallen asleep.

I wake up.

I open the door and my fucking

folks are right there.

They had just pulled up and I'm so high.

And I'd never seen them when I was high before.

Oh, yeah.

And I'm just trying to pretend like I'm not high, you know?

Like, great seeing you guys tonight, huh?

And they're like, oh, fuck.

That was not it.

That was not it, dude.

You're like, am I talking enough?

Am I talking too much?

Do I look happy?

Do I normally look this happy?

Good seeing you guys here tonight, huh?

This is so bad.

Big deal, Taco Bell.

Big deal.

And then somebody did,

I've told this before, somebody defecated in the meat and they had to shut it down.

And that was a true thing that happened.

That was horrible.

I bet that's happening all the time.

Not just Taco Bell.

I don't know.

It happened in our town.

And I'm not saying, and Taco Bell, I'm nothing against you guys.

I don't go there, but.

Yeah, I'm not even trashing Taco Bell, but I'm like, you know, I don't trust people working these days.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You ever go to a restaurant and see the people working there and go, no, I don't think so.

Oh, yeah.

I've walked in and be like, let me get a good look at it.

Is there anybody in here who's not?

Does anybody look like they care in here?

Yeah.

I don't think so.

I'm going to head on out.

Yeah.

Somebody's just making, and there's even like a guy who's like, he's just doing TikToks of him peeing in people's food or whatever.

And you're like, what's that?

That's insane.

Yeah.

Yeah.

There was like a, there was a, you know, it was a bit bit of a Taco Bell thing going on for a while where people were.

Yeah, tell me.

It wasn't Taco Bell, but they were working there.

And these people would take the hard shells and they would just lick.

They would go down and lick all the hard shells in the stack.

And that was TikToks for them.

That's crazy.

And then there was a thing where people were going around opening ice cream in grocery stores and licking it and then putting the lid back on.

And that was, I think, kind of a black community thing, too.

It's just like, but if you're not putting the plastic over your ice cream, I'm not buying it.

Yeah, here we go.

Look at this guy.

That's the white version of it right there.

But hold on.

You knew he was doing that for you, even fucking.

And that dude should be cross-eyed.

That the thing is, these days, that guy, both of his eyes are functioning well.

We don't know if the other one looks good.

That's a good point at this point.

He may be looking straight ahead on the other one.

That's why this one's so far over.

Dude, we had a cross-eyed dude.

He'd always try to do his hair different.

He's like, How did he be like, dude?

Just fucking do you like no judgment.

We love you.

We fucking love you, dog, but you could have the fucking mohawk and people are still going to be like, damn, that cross-eyed guy is doing wild.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, you see the mohawk on the cross-eyed guy?

Yeah.

It's like, yeah, it's like, God, he must not be doing well.

It's like, you need a very organized cut.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You want to be everywhere else.

You want to be as presentable as possible.

Yeah.

You need a cut that tithes, right?

Your haircut needs to look like he gives 10% a month to the Lord, brother

yeah you want to look like you want to look like something just happened to you yes like oh

yeah i was just i fell out of a business meeting

i lost a wheel on the rolling chair yeah just fell out of a business meeting hit my head really hard fell out of my limousine on the way here

This is horrible to say, but if I were across that, I would just always pretend like it had just happened, like something just happened.

Oh, yeah.

Like, look at this eye, guys.

Fuck.

Just sneezed really hard.

Do I look okay?

That's what I would do.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You know, it's like if you got a zit or something, you're going, oh, yeah, look at this thing.

You know, you would always, I would always point it out.

But, God, my stepdad is patting me on the back real hard.

Do I look all right or something like that?

Or man, I just got bit by a dog.

How do I look?

And people are like, God, you fucking, you know?

Yeah, you'd have to do something like that.

Sudden cross eye.

This is.

What can cause sudden crossed eyes?

That's a good question.

Sudden crossed eyes or strabismus in adults or older children can be caused by serious neurological conditions and should be evaluated promptly by a healthcare provider.

The most common causes include stroke, brain tumor, head injury, thyroid eye disease.

Interesting.

I think I'd go with this cranial nerve palsies.

That's what I'm writing.

That's what I tell people.

Yeah.

Yeah, it's my cranial nerve.

Yeah, I hit a fucking speed bump and my fucking cranial nerves all acted up.

You know, that's what I would say.

Or you could always tell the old lie, two of your friends both threw frisbees to each other at the same time.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Or the uncorrected vision issues.

Just go with that one.

Yeah, just needed glasses and just wouldn't get them.

Wouldn't get them.

Yeah, my dad ain't no pussy, as he says it.

You know what I'm saying?

Yeah, I didn't need to read those books.

Yeah, it's kind of weird because I would have to get two of the same book and just hold them each right here.

Which is very expensive.

It's like two monitors on a computer.

Oh, man, that's ridiculous, dude.

How do you feel?

At this point, you have to start to really feel like you've made it in comedy, right?

Yeah, I feel good.

I mean, honestly, I feel like I never thought I would make it this far.

I mean, I was just messing around with you.

I hear comedy all the time now.

Oh, good.

Yeah, I mean, I was just, you know, I was drinking and I was like, yeah, we'll do comedy.

And it was a good way to meet women.

And I was like, this is something to do on Friday.

And then I won a contest in Charleston.

And I was like, well, maybe I can do something with this.

And then I just started, you know, figuring out how to work the road.

And I started, you know, traveling around and doing road gigs.

And then, you know, I did some festivals and got on late night.

And I was like, oh, this is working out.

And it just feels good.

Yeah.

I mean, this is, because I don't, this is what I want to do.

You know, I don't, I'm not trying to do other things.

This is what I like doing.

Stand up is so fun.

We just did that outdoor festival in Winnipeg.

And outdoor comedy is typically not that fun to me, but this was great.

It was a really fun show.

Yeah.

Yeah, that was awesome, dude.

You saw the trailer park boys there?

Yeah, I did.

I got to hang out with them a bit.

Yeah, they were funny.

They were funny.

Julian, the guy that seems like the real mean guy in the show, was the nicest.

With the big hat, with the black hat on, you mean?

Yeah.

Yeah, he's really, really interesting guy.

Yeah.

I mean, what a lineup they had there.

They had Miss Pat.

There was still smoke in the air when I got there.

That was Miss Pat's friends, I'm sure.

What a lineup.

We had Martin Short, Mulaney.

That's so cool.

Yeah, that was fun, dude.

And just to be up there and see what it was like here.

I wish I'd gotten to stay a little bit longer.

And I called out the mayor too much, I think.

You know, I didn't know who I heard.

I heard you calling out a guy, but I didn't know who the mayor was.

I was like, release the Epstein 5.

Oh, yeah.

Gillingham.

He just had the perfect name to call out.

I have no idea who he is.

I got there a day early and I walked around a little bit.

It was fun.

I liked the area.

Yeah.

I thought I went to a nice steak restaurant.

Turned out I went to like a chain.

The keg is what it was called.

I thought, oh, this seems like a cool spot.

And then my wife, who's Canadian, who brought you a mug, by the way, Tim Hortons mug.

We had a Tim Hortons in Hermitage now.

Are you serious?

They're coming over here?

Yeah.

What's the tariff on those Tim Bits?

I wonder.

I don't know.

I've not been, but I do see the credit card when she spends money.

She brought you a note there.

I don't know if that's a love letter or not.

I hope not.

Oh, it's sweet.

Thank you, dude.

But yeah, we had a Tim Hortons in Hermitage.

But she told me that the Keg is kind of a chain.

It's kind of like the outback of,

which I don't mind the outback.

No, but it's tell her I said thank you.

Yeah.

That is...

Well, dude, my freaking sister used to work at...

What's the one with a birthday one?

Texas Roadhouse.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, I was just in a Texas Roadhouse in Alabama, and

they do quite a birthday thing in there.

Yeah, it's big.

And they would always get Benjamin.

He was like the gay dude that worked there.

And first of all, when you see a gay dude working at a Texas Roadhouse, I support it.

But at first, I feel like there's some conflict of interest if some guy's like, this is supposed to be Texas or whatever.

And then some guy's just over there fucking just like, you know, he's just like, you know, he's just, he's bouncing his dangly earrings off his own shoulders, you know, and he's like, they say it's your birthday.

Because the problem is they're all supposed to sing the birthday song, but they start, they start monopolizing the use of the gay employee to do all of them.

And that would happen a lot, I would notice, at my sister's restaurant, Benjamin, gay Benjamin, or whatever they called him, I didn't call him that, would get out there and he would have to do all the birthday songs.

So he started feeling kind of taken advantage of.

But anyway, I don't know what we're talking about.

Well, you know, I mean, it's, you know,

you work what you got.

You know what I mean?

You got to feel good.

Like they're like, it feels like nobody can take your job.

Ooh, that's a good point.

You know, you're like, oh, you,

before long, birthdays are like, they're coming in.

They're going, hey, it's my wife's birthday today.

Is Benjamin working?

Right.

And Benjamin's not working.

So they're like, we'll come back tomorrow.

Oh, we'll come back when Benjamin's here for the birthday.

We'll come back not even on my wife's birthday.

Yeah.

Because we want the big dog to do it.

Exactly.

It's like going to McDonald's and only grimaces there or whatever.

Right, right.

Where's Ronald?

We want Ronald.

Dude, remember when Ronald used to be at the birthday parties?

Yeah.

I mean,

I don't know if he was ever at my Burger King.

Is it Burger King's McDonald's?

McDonald's.

I don't remember who the crew was.

The Burger King had the king.

Oh, yeah.

That guy is a fucking creep, though.

They just had some issue with mcdonald's what was there something i saw in the news oh yeah that's what it was right

yeah there's some laotians huh yeah that's probably opa-laica it was some mcdonald's news i saw i'm trying to think if i had another blue collar job oh well yeah i used to clean out wishing wells i've talked about that before we had a lot of wishing wells in our town and um they give kids like summer job you could go clean them and uh you have to get down there right yeah and oh dude i remember they had this like a fountain

No, like a wishing well.

Like you had to get down.

Yeah.

So you get, how to get a ladder and get you, you know, get down there and get all this stuff out.

But there'd be money down there.

Oh, and you got to keep the money.

You got to keep a share of it.

You didn't get to keep all of it, but they didn't know.

But you didn't want to be dishonest.

But anyway, the kid I partnered me with was this black kid, and he, I'd go down,

and he was just supposed to keep people from making wishes or whatever while I was down there.

But he, when I got down there, he was like, this is at a time in the world when I think a lot of black people didn't.

They were scared of like magic and shit like that.

Some of that was still,

you know, because

of whatever had happened in the past.

I think, you know, like getting this box and, you know, I'm going to make you a millionaire or whatever, whatever,

whatever trick had been played on in a lot of black communities or whatever.

So anyway, I'd be down there, but when I started just talking up to him, it sounded real scary, I guess, because of the echoes and shit.

So he'd get all fucking scared, right?

And I'd have to go back up.

I'd be like, dude, it's just me.

Like, fuck him,

chill out, dude.

Yeah.

He's a nice kid, dude.

This kid named Alton.

And, and but it

he's like i'm not trying to make a wish yeah

but he'd just be like what do you what's happening to you he gets so he gets so freaked out and i'm like it's just me and be like it's just me you know so he'd fucking run off and get help and shit i was like we're fucking it was horrible there dude it was just fucking a nightmare but he was so freaked out but anyway that was one job i had um

You're down there collecting wishes.

Well, you're getting the money, but there's also a lot of people throw

trash down there.

Oh, yeah.

Crime equipment.

I like to think there's somebody there coming to make a wish and sees you come up with all the money and it ruins it for them.

Yeah.

I hope not.

I hope that, you know, that wasn't witnessed.

It wasn't a lot of money.

It's a lot of bullshit down there.

Oh, yeah.

It's not, I mean, you might get $4 out of there.

Oh, geez.

You know, nobody's coming up the ladder with fucking 75 bucks.

It's not the ye old wish and well.

This is not the original.

Well, it's not, yeah, and they're using dimes and shit.

There was no, you know, there's no dollars.

You're not even trying to get a wish if you're using a dime.

You're just trying to take a little weight out of your pocket.

Yeah.

The well's like, you're never trying to get this wish, are you?

Yeah, the well even is like, boo.

You think it's a ghost?

You're just getting booed.

And then out and runs off.

He can't handle it.

But they should have had some sort of a sensor in there.

If a dime goes in, the well just yells something at you.

Oh, yeah.

Fuck you.

Yeah, it's got to be enough weight to trigger it.

Right.

But, you know, at that, when I was a kid, you don't have, you know, we found a crime, we found some crime equipment in there.

We found a sword, like a bloody sword.

I remember a lot of to-go containers, people just driving out there, throwing, having a picnic, throwing all their shit in there.

Oh, yeah.

You know, people didn't, you know, they, a lot of people, I think, thought it was like just recycling and shit.

Like,

so just shit like that.

But anyway, those are the days, man.

What's happening in the news right now?

What do we got, dude?

Nationwide McDonald's boycott planned for August 1st.

So that's just happened.

Whoa.

So why are people boycotting?

I guess you're finding this out right now.

Yeah, the planned boycott of McDonald's in August was announced by John Schwartz, founder of the People's Union, USA.

Why?

The action has been spearheaded by progressive groups who have expressed a number of concerns over issues, including company tax avoidance and workers' rights.

In addition, a backlash over companies scaling back diversity hiring commitments.

Well, I've been boycotting McDonald's for a long time, I think.

I don't eat there, but not a real boycott.

I just don't eat there.

I don't like it.

I don't think it's good.

That's fair.

You know what?

I think, yeah, is it good?

That's a great question.

I don't think it's good anymore.

I don't think so.

There's no, there's hardly any fast food that I think is good good anymore.

I lived off Hardee's growing up.

I mean, that's all we ate.

There's a Hardee's right down the street from our trailer park.

We had to pass it going to school, from school.

I would eat breakfast, lunch, dinner.

We ate Hardy's non-stop.

Hardy's used to be really good.

I like a Hardy's breakfast still, but I'm not into Hardy's lunch and dinner.

Yeah.

Well, I don't think these places should be doing dinner.

Yeah, I mean, yeah.

Lunch, I'll buy it.

I'll buy it.

You guys are doing lunch, but you're doing dinner.

Now, I will say this, Hardy's is just a Carl's Jr.

in disguise.

A lot of people don't know that.

Well, Hardy's breakfast, though, is banging, though.

These biscuits,

yeah, I mean, biscuits and gravy.

I used to get a loaded omelette biscuit.

This is back when I was drinking, and I was real, I was pretty fat.

I would get a loaded omelet biscuit, and then I would get biscuits and gravy, and then I would put the gravy on the loaded omelet biscuit.

No, it was unbelievable.

And they weren't offering that?

They weren't offering at the time.

I think later they did, but I think somebody found out about what I was

doing in the parking lot of the Lowe's.

One of the fucking ops watching me eat.

Yeah.

That's how it is, dude.

Well, I sometimes will get a double hamburger from McDonald's

and then it's not on the menu.

Wow.

It's not on the menu?

You just have to ask for it?

Yeah.

I want a double hamburger.

And they'll make a sound or somebody if it's a, you know, if it's a black lady, they'll get kind of pissed or whatever for a second.

You can hear them get them pissed even when the mic's off.

Yeah, yeah.

Sometimes.

Well, the drive-thru is like that.

You can hear that.

You can feel the tension.

Yeah.

You can hear it.

Yeah.

But that's it right there, that double hamburger.

See, to me, that doesn't even look good.

And this is the picture to make it look the best it's ever going to look.

It's not even going to come out looking that good.

Oh, this is its Olin Mills photo.

This is its headshot.

And it's, yeah, you're right.

I think, bring up a picture of a hamburger from McDonald's.

I would say from the 1970s.

Let's see what it looked like then.

Okay.

Yeah, I bet they had some sesame seeds on it back then.

Ooh, that's we didn't even put those on.

Probably saves them a millimet.

Oh, yeah.

Look at that.

That's what I'm talking about.

Extra bun in there.

I guess that's probably

a whopper or something.

I don't know what, who has what, but

yeah, look at that thing.

That thing was pretty good.

Now, the Big Mac used to be, you don't even hear about the Big Mac anymore.

Yeah.

And dude, my mom would, we would take us.

I've said this before, but.

We would go sometimes and get a bacon, egg, and cheese biscuit in the morning from McDonald's.

That was something nice that we got to do.

Those were good.

During like Thanksgiving week.

The hash brown was a full thing.

I like that.

I like a McDonald's.

McDonald's hash brown I still like.

It It was good.

Full thing.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It was good, dude.

And my mom, she would order the McFish or whatever, but she would act like after we'd all ordered, I've said this before, but it still blows my mind.

She'd be like, and I'll have, and she would make sure we were all kind of quiet so she could order it.

Yeah.

Like if she was ordering from like a special fucking menu, like we were going to eat in a private room or something, she'd be like, and I'll have.

the McFish.

Yeah, she wants to separate it.

This is what the kids have had.

100%.

Now I'm an adult adult and I'll be eating this.

Guys, go get your sodos.

And she'll be like, and I'll have the makeup.

Well, you know, I do that if I order coffee at like a Starbucks at the drive-thru and I'm ordering for my wife.

I'll go, my wife will have this.

Right.

And then I'll have a black coffee.

Yeah, my wife will have a fucking wedding cake in a cup.

Yeah, I'm sorry to do this to you.

Yes.

This is what she'll have.

Yeah, my wife needs to take a nap in an hour.

So she's going to have so much sugar so that she can do that.

Dude, my ex-girlfriend would put like eight sugars in her fucking coffee, dude.

At like, we'd go to meetings and she put like eight sugars in her coffee.

I'd be like, God,

that's bad.

In my wife's defense, she is just getting cream in her coffee, but still, I'm like, I want you to know I'm not doing that.

Yeah.

Okay.

And this may be a note for help.

We don't know what's really going on.

We don't know what's in there.

I didn't read it.

She did seal it, which I found interesting.

well that's sweet of her dude if it wasn't sealed i could have read it in the car

um

oh there was the jelly roll wrestling i saw that thing you see that i didn't see it this is jelly roll is wrestling now look at this fucking jelly roll dude look how fit he is oh yeah look at that clothesline

oh jelly roll and logan ball

Oh, Jelly Roll's the new Undertaker.

Just when you thought wrestling couldn't be more realistic.

That's crazy.

But I think Logan didn't like some of Jelly Roll's songs, and that's how this happened.

Oh, okay.

So.

And I know Jelly Roll's doing a lot of stuff to lose weight, but this is.

This is like one of those things you get down to South America to get done.

Who's this other guy?

Is this other guy got any albums out?

I don't know.

It's Jake Paul's brother.

Wow.

Through the ends table.

Okay, I think that's enough.

And look, they hug at the or they're trying to fucking kiss real quick.

But hold on, go back.

There's a little bit on this video that is also,

first of all,

great job.

What a move by him, Logan Paul.

Yeah.

Oh, it's Logan Paul is a good wrestler.

That's amazing.

He is what it takes for this sport.

You know, he does that thing.

Have you seen that Down syndrome guy that hits those two beers together and then gets in the

glass?

I only know Stone Cold to smash the.

That's all I know.

Oh, yeah.

I kind of tapped out a while ago on wrestling, but.

But go back to the beginning of the video, please.

You'll see Jelly on the table when they put him on the table.

Watch.

He kind of, this is like me.

Like, say, if I go, if I'm at a girl's place and like, she's like, I'm going to go to the restroom or something.

I'll try to make myself look cool.

I get in the right position.

Watch him kind of scoot over.

Oh, yeah.

He kind of just moves into the right spot so that it works out, dude.

That was pretty cool.

Yeah.

But that's wrestling, dude.

That was big in our town.

Dude, one of our neighbors dated a Hulk Hogan impersonator, actually.

Oh.

And that was pretty crazy.

That was pretty cool.

We'd always get excited.

He'd come in the yard and fucking

rip his shirt off.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You know, Jelly Roll's a real Nashville guy.

Yeah.

My friend used to work at Hooters, and she would say that Jelly Roll used to come in back in the day.

He's always been a rapper in town.

So I think that's cool.

Yeah.

I met Jelly Roll a few times.

Nice guy.

Oh, the best.

Jelly Roll sang to my mom outside of Zane's on the sidewalk one time.

Really?

Yeah.

Yeah.

I was like, that's what I'm talking about.

Oh, he's just so heartfelt, man.

He's just a human hug, you know?

And just his dieting.

How much has Jelly Roll lost?

It's got to be 150 pounds.

It's got to be a lot.

I've not seen him like that.

He looked very thin.

You would think you would want a heavier jelly roll to be in the WWE.

Yeah.

200 pounds, it says, and almost 200 and a year.

Unbelievable.

And his energy, dude, I saw him a couple weeks ago.

I was after Shane Gillis had done his show at the Espies.

We stopped in and said, what's up?

On, he was like outside, just great energy saying, you know, just like his energy level, everything.

Yeah.

I remember seeing him a couple years ago, and I was like, man, it just seemed like he was in unsafe territory health-wise.

I mean, just visibly, you know, you don't know.

But that's pretty amazing, dude.

Yeah, we're going to go to Hulk Hogan's funeral

this week.

Yeah, I'm bummed about that.

I always wanted to meet Hulk Hogan.

I was always a fan as a kid.

I got a little Hulk Hogan alarm clock at home.

I mean, I don't use it still, but I got one.

But I had it as a kid.

Someone sent it to me.

But I had one as a kid, like, you know, wake up, eat your vitamins, you know, say your prayers.

He was exceptional, man.

Yeah.

He was exceptional, dude.

Yeah, dude.

I mean, this dude would come over to date this lady in our neighborhood, and he would do, like, he would get out of his car and do the whole Hulk Hogan thing.

Like, he was going, like when he was going up to the door to knock on her door.

Oh, yeah, doing the, doing the

and he'd play the song in his car, and we'd all get out there and fucking chill.

Oh, yeah.

Fucking party, dude.

Yeah, that's the clock.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I got one of those.

Yeah, man, it's kind of sad.

I mean, when I grew up, yeah, it's like just like my buddy Eddie Joe, my buddy Larry Tisdale,

William Teague.

We used to, on our street, we loved Hulk Hogan, bro.

We loved him, dude.

We loved all of WWE, WWF, NWA, all those guys.

Oh, yeah.

We used to go, I let, you know, in Opal, I had Columbus, Georgia is close, and that's where they had Georgia Championship Wrestling and WCW.

So we used to go there, watch Ric Flair and Sting back in the day.

Yeah.

Steiner Brothers.

Steiner Brothers, dude.

Those guys.

Bushwhackers.

I got a bunch of pictures that we just took on our, you know, our camera of like the, yeah.

Steiner Brothers were the only Jewish mentally challenged people, I think, in the South.

Yeah.

yeah you know they just didn't have that back then that's true but that i mean that just shows you like jewish people are just so like they'll always figure out a way you know they take their two mentally hit against people they put them into wrestling yeah you know and look at them

stacked yeah dude while some cultures we're putting our best people into wrestling yeah

yeah we're giving up good guys for this

Dude, and the crazy part was, though, that guy and the lady, they got in like a domestic dispute

and the cops would think it was just them fucking practicing wrestling and shit.

Like, that was the craziest thing.

If you dated, like, a Hogan impersonator or like a Jimmy Snook impersonator or whatever, because they'd fucking be clotheslining somebody in the yard, and the cops are like, that's awesome.

You know, want it back.

Yeah, yeah.

She's helping.

She's a good wife.

She's helping him practice.

Getting ready.

It was just different times.

We'll miss Elizabeth out here.

Are you worried about AI stealing your job at all?

Do you think about that as a comedian?

I don't think so, but I do think I'm in a good place to,

because AI can't even get the way that I look right.

Maybe the way I look to other people, but it never looks like me.

It can't get my jokes down.

People try to get it to write an AI joke.

It never makes any sense.

And then I feel like my delivery is my comedy.

So I think people tell me all the time, I try to help them write jokes, and they go, well, that's funny if you say it.

Right.

So,

and I'm, but I also think I'm in a good spot to make enough money to where I can

just chill it because I live a normal life.

So I can just chill out if AI does steal my job.

But there is, apparently there is something where they're trying to get some kind of

pass some legislation with AI where it's like, if someone is using your likeness for AI, then you can get royalties off of it.

So maybe AI could do corporate gigs for me.

Ooh, that'd be nice.

Yeah.

I wouldn't get hired for a lot of corporate gigs because I like, just because I have more profanity in my set and your set's pretty clean.

Yeah.

Is your set fully clean?

I wouldn't say it's, I like to say I'm relatively clean, right?

Where I go, I go, I don't want kids to come to my show, but you can watch with your aunt and not be embarrassed that you're watching it with her.

Yeah.

I get, you know, I got, I got a few sex jokes and stuff like that, but nothing too graph, nothing graphic at all.

And nothing, and I like to talk about drugs.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's fair.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That doesn't even look like you very much.

Right.

I mean, it's like people could say, oh, there's a guy that looks like Dusty, but he really doesn't look like me.

Yeah.

Oh, Microsoft just dropped a study showing the 40 jobs most affected by AI and 40 that they can't touch.

Let's look at through these.

Phlebotomus, that's true.

Getting blood out of somebody.

Oh, yeah.

Nursing assistants.

I like that that nursing assistant is listed higher here than like a nurse.

Yeah.

So are they saying hazardous materials, waste

reverse?

What is that?

Removal workers?

Hazardous materials removal workers.

Embalmers?

Fuck yeah.

Yeah.

Tire repairs.

Hell yeah.

Yeah.

Prosthodontist, dude.

People that make prosthetics and shit.

We had a place that made some prosthetics near us and they would throw all the bad ones over the fence, dude, and they'd be in the woods back behind our house.

we'd be fucking humming thumbs at each other and shit oh yeah we'd flip each other off with fucking kneecaps and shit it was awesome my wife read this book uh it was like by klaus schwab like it was like called uh the great reset and it was like it was like covet 19 and the great reset i've heard about that and it wasn't like some conspiracy book it was a book he wrote and he had talked about in there that like entertainment jobs are safe because we're always people are always going to need entertainment yeah But what if we don't have any money to survive?

Do you think people are going to spend it to like rent a film or something?

Yeah.

I mean, if there's no money, that will be tough.

It'd be tough to make money off live performance.

But I think we just make less money.

Like you do it for cabbages or something.

Right, totally.

I think you would still show up and have a tent or something and do it like that, you know, and sell, you know, make it a nickel or dime, you know, whatever the thing is.

I agree.

And maybe that's what it would become.

You're just traveling around with a cart and that's what you're doing.

Yeah, now working for drink tickets wouldn't be so bad.

We're like, yes, please.

Dude, I always had a dream of working under a tent, you know?

Yeah.

I really like a carnival.

Yeah.

And it's peer-to-peer that way, too.

It's just, this is it.

Yeah, that would be, I mean, like, comedy would be so fun in a way that if you could, you just traveled to different towns and just do comedy under a tent and nobody, like the old days of comedy, nobody knows what you're going to be doing.

Yeah.

And you can just do the same act for 10 years.

It was all a surprise.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay.

Here's some at-risk jobs.

Writers and authors,

historians.

That would be one I would be kind of scared.

Writers and authors, that's at risk right now because no one's reading.

Right.

Including myself.

Yeah.

It's different times.

Statistical assistants, data scientists, web developers,

kind of things you would think of, sort of.

Let me see if there's anything out there.

Concierges.

Models.

Well, concierge, because you can just Google restaurants near me.

Yeah, but then you almost do want to be like, hey, what's really good?

You know, you want, I feel like to me, you want, but you're probably right.

Models, I feel like they'll be fine.

Yeah, models, dude.

They need somebody to freaking do blow or whatever.

Yeah.

Who's going to do that?

Yeah.

Oh, now, roofers.

No.

Roofers are already doing drugs of their own.

That's for models.

I did drugs with roofers in Gulf Shores, Alabama one time.

I needed, I was like a late teenager and was looking for weed.

I met these guys real tan on the beach, jean shorts, and they gave me a little weed and then they took me and my buddy back to their trailer and they had all this weed in the freezer.

And the guy had a home, he had a bong, but the slide, the bowl was made out of a piece of two by four and it was carved out.

So he had, you know, still a slide where you take it off to clear the chamber.

And he packed it in and he goes, he was like, let me hold it.

Let me hold it.

And then he wanted to clear the chamber.

And then we both coughed our heads off.

And then we got so paranoid.

It's 4th of July.

Fireworks are going off.

We think it's gunshots.

We're freaking out.

This guy loves it.

He loves that we're freaking out.

And that makes it even scarier.

He's just laughing.

He starts playing an electric guitar to your fears.

That's scary, dude.

When you're scared, and somebody's like, oh, you're really scared right now?

Let me play this electric guitar for you.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And then it was fun.

We got to leave.

But it was like terrifying.

And then you're finally, you never think you're going to get out of there.

And then you're in the car and you're like, ah, and we got some weed.

Dude, is there anything better than you're trapped in someplace you're so fucking high when you finally get out of there and you're like, oh, and it could have just been anywhere.

It could have been a conversation.

It could have been a car ride.

Could have been anything.

Yeah.

And then you're finally out of there and you're like, oh, it's over now.

Free at last.

I'm free.

Yeah.

God, that shit was was fun.

Yeah.

I love that.

What else we got?

Oh, in two separate

recent WNBA games, they've been plagued with a new problem.

Unruly spectators throwing sex toys onto the court.

Hmm.

Oh, God.

Indeed, officials had to pause two WNBA games this week because a person in the stands threw a sex toy on the court.

The first incident happened on Wednesday in Atlanta, while the second happened on Friday in Chicago.

Sounds like they're trying to pump it up.

Yeah, they're trying to get you excited.

Indiana FeverGuard Sophie Cunningham shared on her social media her concerns about people throwing these NSFW items on WMEA courts with an ominous warning, you're going to hurt one of us.

And what are they throwing?

Let me see.

I'm guessing it's.

I saw a picture.

You did?

Yeah.

And what is it?

What's ready here?

Okay.

Okay, we don't get to see it hit the court, though.

Somebody, first of all, great accuracy.

And that lady kicked it just into the stands, which seems crazy.

Hayes gets blocked by my phone, though.

Oh,

that doesn't even make sense.

That second one, I thought, would have, I mean, that second one

was, that was a great shot.

Oh, 35 to 70 bucks.

So somebody's,

you know,

you're not just screwing around out there.

Yeah, somebody's putting putting some money into it.

I mean, it is kind of wild, I guess, to,

but first of all, I'd embrace it if I'm the WNBA, right?

I would shoot those things out of a t-shirt candidate during Pride Month or whatever.

Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

I mean, if things get wild and people start tuning in, that's great.

It's good money, you know.

Oh, you don't want people to get hurt.

And I guess that's disrespectful, but it's like, yeah, make you turn the negative around.

Yeah, let's put a positive spin on it.

I mean, that lady was excited.

You know what I'm saying?

And I don't know if that's AI.

It could be AI.

It's allegedly a picture of a woman.

But that's an attractive lady who is very fired up.

And then maybe you make it like a, there's one minute during the game.

It's almost like where they throw the fish on the ice.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's like this.

There's like, if somebody hits three, three-pointers in a row, they hit a hat trick.

They throw a catfish on the ice.

Or they, they, you know, they trolling sex toys out there, bro.

Yeah.

Make it like a, you know, like a pom-pom.

You know, how, like, uh, like in Mississippi, they they have the bells.

Isn't it like one of like Mississippi State has the bells, the cow bells?

Yeah.

And then, like, you know, you have pom-poms and you have different, you could have little vibrators.

So,

yeah, just a bunch of vibrations.

Welcome to the hive.

Call your place the hive or whatever.

Oh, yeah.

We're buzzing the night.

And then you also have, yeah, like if somebody has three three-pointers in a row, everybody

throw a dilda out there.

You know?

Yeah.

You know, bounce a plastic keck off the floor or whatever.

whatever.

And then you see people taking them home with them after the game.

I mean, look.

It's like I bought a $20 ticket.

I took home a $40 dildo.

I made money here.

Some kid has a collection in his room from like,

you know, I don't know.

I mean, look, I think you have to embrace it.

You don't get free advertising like this a lot.

And

Caitlin Clark's out.

She's been injured half of the season this year almost, or not half, but a decent amount.

So you need people to tune in.

I don't know.

Hey, you got to get those viewers.

TBD.

We're all trying to get views out here.

We're doing what we got to do.

If somebody starts throwing dildos on the stage at my show and it gets people into it, I say, let's do it.

Okay.

You heard him, guys.

You heard him.

Only if it gets people into it.

If it's not driving sales, then we got to shut it down.

But, dude, you telling me a t-shirt can and full of five or six dildas and they just popping them bitches off.

People are catching them in the stands.

That's fuck.

Yeah.

There's a way to do it and there's a way not to do it, guys.

We're just helping you think.

But yeah, yeah, I think the WNBA can embrace more like lesbian style stuff or tactics, people call them.

Okay.

Yeah.

You know?

Yeah.

And we don't have to call him that.

What else?

Oh, comedian Matt Reif buys home of couple who inspired the conjuring, becomes guardian of the haunted Annabelle doll.

This is interesting.

Yeah, I've seen this.

This freaks me out.

I feel like

I'm your friend at the top of the wishing well now.

This is freaking me out.

I didn't know about this.

Matt Reif is pivoting to the paranormal, at least when it comes to his new pad.

The stand-up comedian has bought the former house of Ed and Lorraine Warren, the ghost hunters who inspired the couple played by Patrick Wilson and Vera

Familla in the conjuring franchise.

I've officially purchased Ed and Lorraine Warren's home and Occult Museum.

Where is that?

I don't know, but I saw him talking about that this morning, and I like him, but I think this is scary.

It's interesting.

freaks me out for him ed and lorraine warren's famous house which includes the occult museum and the artifacts featured in many other investigations is located in monroe connecticut the museum housed in the basement in a separate outbuilding at this location contains many allegedly haunted and occult items collected by the warrens um the museum was closed to the public in 2019.

As of recent years, the property is not open to the public due to zoning restrictions.

Visitors are strongly discouraged.

Wow, how much did he pay for it?

How How much does something like that cost?

I wonder.

You like that?

Are you into like this kind of like paranormal stuff like this?

I mean, I don't know if I would want to sleep around that or encourage another portal to hell to be opened in my life.

Yeah.

That's what I'm saying.

I just think there's already a lot of dark arts going on out there.

And I do not know if this is the other type of behaviors we need.

It feels like he's going, this is going pretty well.

Let's try to mix it up a bit.

Yeah.

I mean, you're and he also has a shirt on that says god's country so maybe he's trying to get in there and refurbish some of what yeah maybe so

insane announcement i've officially purchased ed and lorraine's home um i'm incredibly honored to have taken over one of the most prominent properties in paranormal history wow the other guy shirt says rise above fear i mean maybe they're yeah they're trying to yeah they turn it around they could be the new bieber and uh carl lentz yeah i don't know what they did but

bieber and carl lentz where they kind of had joined up and

just had a relationship.

I think that part of it was based on their both of their religious views.

Oh, yes, yes, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, maybe so.

What would you buy if you could buy something like that?

Or if you just like spent money on something wild?

See, I like land if I could just buy a lot of land.

Oh, yeah.

That's what, because land is so expensive now, but it's so valuable.

I'd just love to buy a lot of land.

I'd like to have a lot of woods and mountains and creeks and water.

Yeah.

Where we could just, me and my my kids could just get on the four-wheeler and just ride around out there or just walk and explore, get some animals, get some.

I went to a

museum in, or not a museum, like an eagle thing

outside of Gatlinburg where they have like a lot of eagles and falcons and owls.

Yeah, birds.

Yeah.

I love that stuff.

God, yeah.

I'm all about it.

I want to build a food forest, you know, where everything in the forest is all fruit-bearing, food-bearing,

you know, vines and trees and bushes.

And would it become like a pass-through for starving people?

Like, what's the strategy kind of behind it?

Or just to have it for yourself?

Yeah, just so, you know, me and my kids and family could, and my wife could just go eat fresh fruit and vegetables all the time.

I mean, maybe if you're starving, yeah, you walk through there too, get yourself some food.

Dude, that's awesome.

I'd stop through there if I was really hungry.

I would come by there.

Yeah, that's nice.

I would like to have a

place like that.

If I get a family and stuff, I'm going going to get me a little bit of land, get me a dog or two.

Yeah.

Maybe a cat.

I don't know.

Fucking who knows.

That's crazy.

I'm not getting a cat.

But I will try to get something nice.

But I love that, dude.

But would you, if you could buy something like Matt must really be in the paranormal, I'm guessing, because this seems, that's, it's definitely unique.

Um,

unless they partnered with Matt, this is the thing you have to realize about advertising.

They may have just partnered with Matt.

Let's put this article out and let's revent.

Let's make this museum really pop.

You know, oh, yeah.

Who knows?

Could be.

You

Never know.

But, I mean, that's how advertising is.

Yeah, do you, I'm trying to think of what I would buy.

Maybe like a small castle.

You ever see, like, I don't know.

I think that'd be fun.

A little, have a little, you know, like whatever they call the little,

I don't know what you call them, what on the sides of the castle or

a round thing that goes up.

Have a little tower up there.

Have a little.

Yeah, what is that called?

It looks like a rook in

chess.

Yeah, put a little perplexity on it.

Oh, round part of castle tower.

Yeah, like that's what I'm talking about.

A drum tower.

A drum towers, yeah.

I'd love to have something like that.

God, that would be nice.

A little castle wall, so you have to go through a door, but inside is a little courtyard, and you can have, so you're protected, but you could still have a little village inside.

Get a bunch of my friends to come live with their families.

God, it'd be fun.

Yeah, I wouldn't mind being part of a commune or something one day.

Yeah.

Or group living where you just live off the land and you're kind of.

I'm into that too.

People get so negative about it, but I'm into that.

I don't think there's anything wrong with it.

I think that'd be great.

Yeah.

You don't want to be like a cult, but close to it.

Yeah.

Well, I think they only get negative about it.

It often gets pinned off like on white people too.

It's like,

I don't think if white people, if they're not being racist, they can support other people like themselves.

I don't think there's anything wrong with that.

Yeah, I mean, and I just think it'd be fun to just have a little community where you're like, you know, you're all, you're like, like, one person does this, one person does this, and then you trade.

Like I'm the shoemaker or whatever.

Yeah.

Like, I'll make you something.

Yeah.

You're repairing your shoes and your boots.

And one person's really good at cooking and one person's good at farming.

One person's good at, you know, I don't know, working on cars or raising a horse.

Yeah, I'll do like the little methadone area if we need it.

Yeah.

And you might need it.

Yeah.

Because people likely will come to the commune and need to need a little help, you know?

Oh, yeah, you got to have that area too.

Like, oh, I'll meet you over there in the Methadone TP.

Yeah, yeah.

And eventually that's the most popular TP in the place.

Now, the shoes aren't getting repaired.

That's the thing you start to worry about is how does this all break down?

I'm trying to think.

I just bought Dustin.

I bought Dustin Poirier's gloves from his last fight from his UFC fight.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

I wanted the last one so bad, but

somebody beat me on eBay or whatever.

But I would buy James J.

Braddock something like a memorabilia of his remember him from cinderella man oh yeah

i would buy some memorabilia of his oh yeah the bulldog of bergen baby that's who i would buy some of his

i mean that's just something like a specific thing i would get you know oh yeah but oh yeah when i was just thinking in reference like in the same world of a house like he's bought so i was just like that's why i said castle or but yeah i mean if that i would love just a lot of land i think it just because you can just do so much i got 10 acres that i've been doing all these things i'll be able to build a little swales and put fruit trees and all these different things on it.

I've been trying to cultivate it.

I'm into ponds now.

I want to build a pond at the top that kind of pumps water from the creek and comes down and runs all throughout.

Wow.

And do you have access to a creek?

Yeah.

Wow.

I want to build a lot of water channels.

Do they allow how much water you can access and stuff?

I've not looked into it because I don't live out there in McMinnville.

So I don't know how much I can do right now, but I would, I don't want to steal it.

I just want to borrow it and then channel it back to the creek i like that yeah i love that or

borrow it put a flavored syrup in it channel it back imagine yeah imagine somebody's upstream like oh this is nice water downstream like motherfucker that's sprite yeah yeah

yeah you know and you're like you're just out you think i'll get a nice drink from the creek yeah yeah Mountain Dew.

That's it.

They think you're making a pun because it's coming from a mountain.

And you're like, no, this is, this really is Mountain Dew,

dude.

Now, if somebody's just peeing in the river, you're downstream of that.

That's Mountain Don't.

That's right, that is right.

That's damn Mountain Don't, dude.

Uh, oh, this part: Rife noted that he and Castie

uh plan to open the house for overnight stays and museum tours so you yourself can experience and learn all the haunted history surrounding this amazing place.

I think that's cool, man.

Matt's a creative guy, and uh, oh, yeah, Elton Casti, he's paranormal guy.

Hell yeah.

Fuck him.

Well, fuck all them ghosts, dude, or whatever, dude.

Don't touch them.

I'm in the don't touch them camp, but you know, everybody's got to do their own thing.

Well, look, I'm sad.

We've, you know, I don't know.

I don't really want to walk with Satan.

Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

So I'm not into it, but, you know, people, you know, somebody's got to be.

Yeah, to each their own.

Yeah, I'm glad it's not me, but

good luck to those guys.

Yeah.

That's what I say.

Hot dog spill shuts down highway in Pennsylvania.

Commuter's worst nightmare.

Little hot dog pun in there.

Yep.

W-U-R-S-T.

Oh my God.

Look at all those franks on that freeway.

It's like a WNBA game out here.

Dude, that's the kind of stuff we need.

Yeah, exactly.

Get the news pumped up.

Dude, here's what they do.

Now I have a great idea.

In the middle, in the middle of the court at halftime, you can humma,

humma dilda, right?

Yeah.

Or H A D, whatever they want to call them.

You could chuck a dilda out there.

If it lands in that middle area, the middle circle where they do the tip ball in the middle of the court, if it lands in there, you get a free frank.

Free hot dog.

Yeah, I love that.

That's a good idea.

You know, well, they could call, you know, ring a wiener for a wiener or something like that.

Wiener, wiener, hot dog deener.

Yeah.

You get a hot dog sponsor.

You get some dildo sponsors in there.

You get it all working out.

Yeah.

Everybody's making a little extra money out here.

I like it.

And you're feeding the fans, man.

Yeah.

You telling me a lot of these ladies don't want that hot Frank?

Yeah.

They do.

Well, look at these guys with the shovels, though.

Imagine your day of shoveling hot dogs.

Yeah, lucky, dude.

Let me get a gander at these guys.

All right.

Shrewsbury PA, a truckload of hot dogs spilled across a Pennsylvania interstate Friday after a crash that briefly clogged

the highway in both directions.

Crews were stuck with a job they did not relish.

More play on words, rolling up the scattered tube stakes for disposal.

Heavily traveled artery.

Oh, another one that, yeah, yeah.

Once those leave the truck and hit the road, that's all garbage and it's still pretty warm.

Okay.

So one guy was upset that they couldn't use them.

A front end loader was used to scoop, scoop, which also I'm going to say is what my dad referred to my stepmom as once.

So I'm not saying she got around, but a front end loader was used to scoop up the hot dogs and drop them into a dump truck.

I can tell you personally, hot dogs are very slippery, the fire chief said.

I did not know that.

Okay.

You tell me the fire chiefs ever had a hot dog?

Come on, dude.

Dude, that's their main source of sustenance.

If you've ever been to any firehouse, there is always

a crock pot going with a couple hot dogs in it.

I think he was just like, if this, if you're quoting me, I want you to know I've never touched a wiener before.

Oh, yeah.

A lot of those guys will keep it straight no matter whatever they got to do to get it.

Four people required medical attention, Dowerman said, for injuries that police said were not life-threatening.

Okay.

What happened to them?

God, this hopefully this ends ends up becoming a 30 for 30.

You got to know.

Tie it into the WNBA.

Meanwhile.

Yeah.

Dusty Slay, man.

Thanks for hanging out, dude.

Yeah, thanks for having me.

This is great.

I appreciate it.

Yeah.

Congrats

on Wet Heat.

It's out there now.

People can go watch it.

Yeah, it's on Netflix.

It's streaming.

It's hot.

It's a good special.

It's not a time waster.

No, it's not.

People love it.

And they get to know you too.

I think you have your own kind of pentameter, your own sort of

style.

I mean, most comedians do.

But I think you really feel it here, you know.

Thank you.

I modeled this hat after this one I'm wearing right here.

See, this is a Kodiak Wintergreen, so I can't really wear this hat.

But that one on my head there, modeled after this one.

Oh, they wouldn't let you wear that one.

Well, I think that we were just worried about it.

Yeah.

I don't keep it safe.

And is this a hat that is this your merch?

Yeah.

Oh, that's beautiful.

What does it say on it?

It says, all right.

All right.

You know, because I say, all right.

And then my name.

I love it.

Yeah.

I'll have to order me one of those.

Yeah, go ahead and order me one of those hats so I can have one to wear sometime.

Yeah, there's a limited edition that hat.

Okay.

Because the stripes cost more to put on.

Oh, yeah.

So it's limited edition.

Well, let's get it.

We'll take one.

I like it.

Thank you.

Thank you for my coffee mug to Miss Slay.

And yeah, thanks for all the comedy, dude.

Yeah, well, I appreciate you.

This is great.

Your podcast is great.

I think you're the best podcaster.

You're the funniest guy on podcasts that exist.

And this is great.

I'm happy to be here.

Oh, that's nice of you, dude.

I appreciate it.

I thought you like,

you know, I thought you really carried the load today, but I thought it was super easy for us to chat and hang out, you know, which I thought was really nice.

Didn't feel like we were lifting any heavy lifts, you know no i felt great i had a good time here i mean i've watched uh you on podcasts for a long time and the i still think that there's a there's a video of you that circulates through my tick tock sometimes of you doing uh comedy in a retirement home and you're doing jokes about your dad and it is in front of these really old people it's it's the funniest stand-up it's so good

Well, thanks, bro.

Thanks for the compliments.

When your land, whenever that land, when those fruit trees are ready, it's just just going to get, could shit could get weird in the world.

So, you and I might be out there making TikToks together and selling fruit.

I love it.

And if that's what happens, then I'll be happy to work right there side by side with you.

Um, and we got to get to Charleston and do a show, dude.

We should.

I mean, yeah, I mean, it's great.

Charleston's great.

I mean, it's changing all the time, it's growing, but it's still great.

We should put it together.

We should put it together.

Yeah.

We can do that for later this year, next year.

Um, Dusty Slay, thanks so much, dude.

Uh, are you touring somewhere this week or right now?

You're just letting the special ride.

Uh,

I am touring.

Dustyslay.com's got all my

dates, but I'll be starting in Huntsville, Alabama.

And then I'm all well, I'm doing the comedy store on the 5th.

I don't know when this comes out, but I'm in Huntsville, Alabama on the weekend, Atlanta, and then I just, it just starts from there.

Okay, great, dude.

Yeah, a lot of places you can see them.

Dustyslay.com for his tour dates.

And yeah, man, thanks for the time, brother.

Thank you.

Yep.

Now I'm just floating on the breeze, and I feel I'm falling like these leaves.

I must be

cornerstone.

Oh, but when I reach that ground, I'll share this peace of mind.

I found I can feel it in my bones.

But it's gonna take

a little bit of time.