#593 - Kevin Gates

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We're getting into the final shows for the Return of the Rat tour.

Gosh, this rat is almost fully returned.

July 9th, we'll be in Philadelphia, Rochester,

New York on July 10th.

Then we're in Detroit after that.

Moving on, we're in Los Angeles, Anaheim, at the Honda Center in Oceanside, California.

You can get all your tickets at theovon.com slash T-O-U-R.

And just thank you so much for your support.

Today's guest is a musician out of Baton Rooch, Louisiana, baby out the boot.

He crosses many genres like rap, RB, soul.

He does it all.

This dog, he a 101.

He a 101.

He's got a new album on the way, Luca Brassy 4.

And he's heading out on a huge tour this October.

I'm grateful to sit down

with my Louisiana amigo, Mr.

Kevin Yates.

It has tough man.

Yeah, I got this from

I collect these kind of hats.

I bought two of them this time because

I put dents in them.

Really?

Every time I travel.

What, just traveling or setting it somewhere?

And they get smushed every time.

Yeah.

Yeah.

A hat is kind of hard to take care of.

That's the only thing I don't love about a hat.

Like if I'm on a plane, I'll put it and then I'll take a nap.

It'll fall off the seat or something.

Every time.

Yeah, you look sharp, man.

Thank you.

Recently, I started feeling in my own life, man.

I wish that I dressed up a little bit more.

It's like how you do anything is how you do everything.

So I'm like, I prepare to,

for something great to happen.

Every time I leave the house, I prepare for something great to happen.

Like even when I go to the gym, I prepare for something great to happen.

Yeah, that's an energy.

I think I just started thinking that.

Like, yeah, I want to just,

because then I want to be excited about how I even look, you know?

Like, I never.

I mean,

I only got.

Well, I got multiple suits, but I only got like four color that I wear.

I got a gray suit.

I got like three or four of them.

I got like three or four black suits.

Got like three or four navy suits.

And I got like three or four, they like different shades.

So I say like a tan and a darker tan.

You like them?

Yeah, I just love suits.

I love them.

They look fly.

You've always been pretty stylish, actually.

I remember you and I went to a Super Bowl together.

I don't know if you remembered it or not.

Yeah, that's when I had the turtleneck on with the slack.

Yeah.

That's when I realized I was like, oh, Kevin's doing something different.

Because you hear rumors about Kevin.

You hear people like, Kevin, you know, Kevin out there.

He's like Bigfoot.

Yeah, he's staring at the moon.

Kevin out there.

He, you know, he hiding in the tree branches and stuff.

You hear a lot of rumors like that.

You know, like, shooting my bow and arrow.

Yeah,

he's out there, he's babysitting bats or something.

Excuse me.

Shout out to Mike at

Cabela's.

He's your guy?

Yeah, he's the one who

dialed my bow and arrow in for me.

Like dialed it in, like set the sights on it for me.

I've got him.

But yeah, you hear everything about that.

Kevin Gates, he's out there, he's breastfeeding pelicans and stuff like that.

You hear a lot of the mystery, right?

The lore.

And I love the lore because it makes things really, it's like advertising without you really doing anything in a way, except being yourself.

But I remember we were on a like a limo bus.

They were taking us to the Super Bowl.

Everybody's on their phones and something like that.

Kevin's just sitting there.

Look, you look like the happiest guy in the

thing I do called breath work.

and

I think I said it one time in another interview but like I'm super into like navy seals and shit.

I like watch

don't don't don't think I'm weird, but I am.

Oh, yeah.

I just sit there and watch like videos of like the training that they do.

And I watch people take the navy seal test and fail and then try to come back and do it.

And I just watch that shit and I'll be watching like David Goggins and shit like that.

And it's like, you know, the first thing they teach them how to do is breathe.

So that's why I be doing the box breathing.

And it really helped with anxiety.

Explain it to me.

You inhale for four seconds.

It's like you pretend like you're looking at a box.

You inhale for four seconds, you hold it, you exhale for four seconds, and then you hold it, and it keeps you super calm.

Hmm.

And does it get a little scary at certain points or hard to remember?

I guess you just get used to the pattern.

If you ever get off, off you just reconnect to your breath because you're gonna talk you're gonna interrupt yourself but then you reconnect to your breath and it keeps you calm like no anxiety yeah oh yeah i get i get rattled pretty easy and i'm an overthinker like especially if i'm about to go somewhere like i put

unrealistic expectations on myself about the outcome.

Yeah.

And we say that we and I might say that I'm going in there with a positive attitude, but.

Oh, I want to know everything.

I want to know how it's going to go.

I want to be able to make sure I'm okay no matter what's going on.

I knew this shit was going to be cool because I was already around you at the Super Bowl.

I was like, man, that dude crazy.

Oh, I don't think anybody could out crazy you at this point, Kevin.

You know,

you lost everybody, man.

It's going to be a little hot.

And you can maybe scoot your life just a little bit.

Do we have any ice?

We don't have any.

I don't need no ice.

I'm good.

Okay.

Like, I was kind of nervous to talk to you because I've known of you.

You You know, I'm from Louisiana, so I know about you.

Like

even growing up.

I remember the first time I ever heard about you, this girl I was talking to from Bogaloosa was like, have you heard of Kevin Gates?

And I thought it was a subdivision.

It is.

It is?

Really?

No.

Oh, damn, I didn't know.

It is now.

Kevin Gates, damn.

I said, I don't know.

I don't know.

You know, I got a friend that lives in Meadowbrook or whatever, but I've never been over there.

And she's like, no, you have to hear some of what this guy is doing.

And it was intense.

it reminded the first time i listened to your music it reminded me the first time i saw ufc i was like some of this stuff is a little too hard for me you know because it's you your stuff is very it's not all of it but some of it's a great it's graphic it is real it's very really it's really raw that's my perception of it yeah um but so that's how i got introduced to you obviously was just from being in louisiana um do you miss those days in louisiana coming up what was that like for you just kind of coming up when you look back on it now i'm grateful for Louisiana because it made me everything that I am right now.

And

the things that we cherish, other people don't really cherish when you go other places.

And then with us having that southern hospitality, they're like, yes, sir, no, sir.

Don't call me that.

You make me feel old when you go other places.

But we used to catch whoopings for not saying, yes, sir.

No, sir.

Yes, ma'am, no, ma'am.

Yeah.

You know, I'd have been beat with extension cards and whatever they could find.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Go get a branch off the tree.

Go get something.

Oh dude, my mother would beat me with my younger siblings.

She would, I like, god damn, both of us getting it.

Grab them by the ankle.

Yeah, like, damn, what?

What were some of the like, did you ever, did you get to work with other artists?

I know people ask you that kind of stuff all the time growing up.

Like, when I was coming up, they had like Mr.

P,

Master P, Mystical.

Me and Master P did a song together.

And I didn't dance.

I didn't work with Wayne.

We talking about owner of Louisiana.

Yeah, I'm just talking about kind of that time.

I done work with Master P.

If you want to go currently, I done work with Fredo Bang, NBA Young Boy, Tick.

Oh, yeah, I heard that song you got with Young Boy.

I just heard it the other day.

I don't know who you say.

I am.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, they had, I'm trying to think, oh, Partners in Crime.

Remember them?

Yeah.

It's that new, Mr.

Amina, what that motherfucker go.

Dude, they had Partners in Crime, UNLV.

Oh, was that UNLV?

Pump the Pump the Party.

UNLV.

They had,

I'm trying to think of who else we love.

Oh, Mystical was the best.

Mystical was great, bro.

I like that bitch.

I like that boot camp click.

Danger.

Yeah, I like that.

He kind of had his own thing, and he had those horns in it.

Yeah, if we're going that way, I like Fiend, Mr.

Magic.

I liked everything that was coming out.

Oh.

You got to say Soul to Slim.

Oh, yeah.

You got to say Soul to Slim.

I didn't, I don't.

Somebody didn't put me onto a lot of Soulja Slim.

You got to say stone and leck.

You got to say the D-Boys.

You got to say all of them.

I think some of that I didn't get put on then.

Yeah.

But I loved, dude.

That was a special time I felt like in Louisiana because every, oh, there was so many eyes were focused on it.

They had like just so much sound coming out of there.

Still do.

Yeah.

Like the sound different.

Oh, yeah.

Well, things have changed so much.

But at that time, I just felt like.

I don't know.

There was something really spectacular about it at that time.

We still got our own signature sound.

Louisiana, like,

that's what a flavor is.

Oh, yeah.

You get a container of juice and you sit it on the table, the flavor falls to the bottom.

You have to shake it up for the flavor to go to the top.

Yeah.

The flavor always signs.

At the bottom.

Yeah.

The bottom of the map.

That's it.

The bottom of the map, man.

The bottom of the boot.

Yeah, dude, I love that time.

That was a special time growing up, man.

What was the styles that y'all had?

And our tan, because in Covington, we had like Jabo jeans,

polo with the big horse remember people wear that sometimes he'll figure polo crazy i want polo crazy i could see that i want polo i could see that dead caps collars jabot jabots um

i did air force ones but my thing was the deed of stan smiles oh yeah i did the deed of stan smils i almost wore those today all day i dream about stacks yeah

Dude, it was similar.

That was a great time, bro.

I mean, all times are great, but that was a special time.

It's just something you and I can, you know, we both have a little bit of similarity of that.

Yeah, I was born in 86, so.

Yeah, you're younger than me.

Well, did you ever get to see Mystical around the way or no?

Uh-uh.

I've seen him a few times when he was out of prison, but I haven't seen him since then.

Yeah.

Yeah, I'm trying to think of, I remember we go to the rec center over at BR Baton Rouge.

By LSU?

Yep.

And Master P and his, they would be in there playing ball

with like silk.

I don't know if See Murder might have been in and out of there, but they definitely had silk was in there.

Yeah, silk stay out here, no.

Does he?

Yeah.

I'd be seeing him at 24, a 24-hour fit.

Let's go.

Every now and then when I used to go there.

Yeah.

I have to see him in that hooping, still hooping.

Yeah.

That was a special time, though, man.

That was a big like explosion for, I felt like, for Louisiana rap.

When you think of, like, I know you, there was a lot of hustling and stuff when you grew up.

What do you, what was it like, like, the hustle?

Like, when people say I had to hustle a lot when I was young, like, what does that mean exactly?

Hustle?

Yeah.

I know what it means.

Like, you have to grind.

you got to stay busy, you got to figure things out.

You got to be locked in and you got to be focused.

Whatever your hustle is, you got to give it 110%.

Because being from Louisiana ain't really nothing to do but die, go to jail.

So whatever it is that you focus on, you got to be locked in.

Like juveniles say, we snatched all the holes and bowls and re-tenants.

We didn't give a fuck.

We balled for three minutes.

I might have said it backwards.

We could edit it into the correct format.

What was some of your hustles as a youngster?

What kind of hustling did you have to do personally?

I started off washing cars.

Yeah.

Just like in the yard, you to put up a sign or you get like a...

Uh-uh.

I started off working at,

they got a car washer on Corset.

And that was my first job washing cars.

With that, like they had an inside and outside?

Yeah, inside and outside.

I started on a vacuum.

Yeah.

And then I started being like, once it come through the washer, you dry it off.

And that's how I learned how to get the fender well, get the fender wells and the door jams last.

Oh, yeah, why?

Because that's where I'll dirt at.

So if you're drying the car, you got to dry the body of the car first.

Then you go back and get the fender, you go back and get the door jams and the fender wells last.

That's where I'll look dirt at.

Because otherwise you're going to get the rag dirty and put it up.

You're going to put dirt on it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And then even when you wipe the rims, you hold the towel and wipe the rims.

You spray the tie off, but you hold the towel and wipe the rims on the inside, clean them real good.

Yeah.

And the best thing to clean windows, I mean, the wipe windows with his newspaper.

Oh, yeah.

No streaks.

Yeah, why was that?

I wonder.

I don't know.

I know it don't leave no streaks, make it look good.

Yeah, that was nice.

Dude, yeah, when I was growing up, washing your car was one of the, it was one of the best things you could do.

Of course.

Because you leave that, that thing felt beautiful, boy.

That was your, that was your office.

Yeah.

That was your office.

That was your escape.

Ain't nothing like a little late-night ride.

Yeah.

Waffle house.

Yeah.

Dude, I remember exactly if I lit

if I lit a cigarette at this one point right when I take off out of work, it would get me all the way home.

I'd pull up right into the driveway when that cigarette was done.

It was like this perfect kind of like kind of seance that I had in my life.

I love that.

That was your first call.

My first car was an 84-ford escort.

That bitch was chill, but somebody.

Your first call was at Nissan Central.

Yeah, really?

What year was it?

I don't know.

The old,

the old old one

pull one up just pull up a uh pull up a the tan one pull up

pull up a 1990 let's see what they got let's see if we close on it

that nissan that was a little newer than that no uh yeah that's a little too old pull up a uh

2001

that's it right there

oh yeah that bitch tasted boy yeah

and so so your first hustle was car washing.

And did you get into stuff in the streets?

Did you get into stuff that was kind of illegal type of stuff or no?

Yeah, a little bit.

Yeah.

Not nothing major, but a little bit.

I did a list of them.

Yeah.

Does it feel like if you grow up in certain areas that you have to do that?

You're going to want to.

Them the only people getting money.

Right.

That's what a girl's like.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

The girls like somebody got a little bit of cash.

Like,

I remember telling Gilly and Wilo, I was like, man, when I was young, I remember all I wanted was a car, some money, a girlfriend, and a gun.

Yeah.

Because that's all you see.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, I got to pull out a bankroll.

That was just, you know,

just to show it off.

Then they started calling it racks.

Yeah.

Yeah.

We got racks.

They went from stacks to racks.

Yeah, I think the name, do you think, like, like over the years, you hear like things have changed, like the hood, the block uh

the trenches the mud like it all there's always kind of this evolution of the name i feel like man we always

i call it the section yeah they from the section they from our section yeah are they from out the section yeah

like if somebody if if you from my section or you from my area where i'm at at the time that i'm like oh yeah he from out the section right or i'm asking or say i'm just coming home from jail and i see new faces like who are they They from all the section?

Yeah, that's such and such people.

That's such and such people.

You know what I'm saying?

Yeah.

Do you feel like do you have to live in fear?

Like

in the section, do you feel like in a black area?

Do you have to live in fear?

Did it feel like?

No, because

anything that you do every day is going to feel regular to you.

You know, anything that is new to you, say if it's new.

If it's new, you're going to be a little apprehensive.

You know what I'm saying?

So you're going to have to sit back, scope it out, and then you fall in.

You in the mix now.

But if you grew up in them type of environments, it ain't going to feel like somewhat dangerous.

It's going to feel like home.

Oh, yeah.

So whatever go on, it just went on.

Right.

You don't know any doubt.

But from the outside looking in, it's like, oh, God, it's so horrible there.

But when you in it, it's like, man, that's my people.

This is my auntie.

This is my cousin.

This is the culture.

Yeah.

It's like.

Right.

A fish don't know it's in water, really.

It's family, you know.

Do you think?

Because you always hear over the years, you hear like we got to change these areas, right?

You hear, like, you'll have people, we got to make things safer, we got to change these areas.

Um, do you think that the people actually in those communities, do you think they really want those communities to change, or that is if given the opportunity, is the question make any sense to you or no?

It makes a lot.

Okay, if given the opportunity, anybody would do better, right?

People do a man,

uh, yeah, this is a wise quote.

A man is what he knows, not what he's told.

And I'll say it in like a vernacular.

A man is what he knows and not what he's told.

You are what you know, not what you told.

You are what you do, not what you say you'll do.

So I could sit around and somebody could tell me, man, you know what?

You should change and you should do this.

And there's so many other opportunities.

But if I've never been exposed to these opportunities, all I know is what I know.

Right.

And that's like, that's what recidivism.

That's people that repeat offenders, habitual offenders, because it's recidivism because they don't know anything but what they know.

And I was like that.

I was locked in, focused on one thing till I started experiencing other things.

I broadened my horizon.

I opened my mind.

Yeah.

Oh, I've watched a lot of interviews with you, man, and a lot of it's been really fascinating, man.

I feel really thankful that you're here today.

I just took a.

What an ambient?

I just read about Laguna Beach.

Like,

this was in 200

maybe 10

or 11.

Because I read a lot of vampire novels and all of that.

Oh, damn.

Yeah, like I read a lot.

I'm a record of reader.

So

this was like way in 2000, maybe 10 or 11 that I read a book.

When I was reading a book, they was talking about going to Laguna Beach.

Last weekend, I just took my son to Laguna Beach for his birthday.

So it was like a kind of like a bucket list.

Not a bucket list, but I was like, it'll be cool to go there.

Like, even like with Palm Springs, I read about Palm Springs before, and I just passed through Palm Springs.

And they had vampires that were there?

And

Rochelle Mead got this vampire academy.

And one of the schools that they went to was in Palm Springs.

Damn, boy.

They said part of the older gay vampires probably.

I don't know.

It was so crazy that you say that.

It's because when you given the opportunity to do better, you will.

If you're never given that opportunity, you're not going to do better.

We could say, yeah, you just got to overcome and stay focused and lock in.

I think me,

the beautiful thing about Kevin Gates is I have a very adventurous spirit and I'm going to try something.

Like,

I love to try new things because it's how you create new neural paths.

Like, even if you, even if you did it and you didn't like it, you still had the experience.

So you created like new neural paths because if you do the same thing every day, you become stagnant in the mind.

You just

become a robot.

You become a cul-de-sac to your own cul-de-sac.

Yeah, like that's like, that's my biggest fear is being complacent.

I don't ever want to get stuck.

So I did that.

I went to the beach and it was like, it unlocked a few things for me.

It was like, we just took a road trip.

It wasn't nothing but like two hours, but we did it.

We did it.

Yeah, we did something different.

We did something different.

Yeah, because I wonder sometimes, like, because you always like, you know, like a lot of neighborhoods, especially if it's like impoverished neighborhoods, you know, they say that type of thing.

Predominantly black.

And predominantly black neighborhoods.

It's like, it's also those neighborhoods that give a lot of the culture its flavor and give it its story, right?

Or some of its story, right?

People say, like, I came out of this.

I came through this, right?

So sometimes I just wonder, like,

it's a bliss.

It's the people that are blessed.

I say that because.

You're looking at people that grew up in hardship and the roughest conditions ever, but we made the best of what we had.

And we didn't even know we were poor until we saw rich people.

That's like when you go to other countries, third world countries, they don't even know they're poor until they see people with more than what they have.

Like I was telling somebody one time, we just wanted a car.

And then once we saw the Bentley, we wanted the Bentley.

And then we wanted this and we wanted that because we saw it.

But to answer your question, about the people that come through that, I believe it's a rite of passage.

It's like a, it's like a,

it's like the movie Leonidas when the boy went off into the wilderness and he came back a man.

Like,

we don't have no father figures or none of that in the house.

We come from mostly single mother.

Your mom at work, your grandmother raised you, things of that nature.

And we had to go out there and just find our way.

So it was like a rite of passage.

And the beautiful thing about me is I had beautiful people in my life that kind of helped guide me and lead me and steer me in the right direction.

Yeah.

I made mistakes.

I bumped my head and I appreciate every one of them because they made me this.

But to answer that question, I look at it more like a rite of passage.

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Thank you.

But a lot of times when we be having like our

body just really needs salt.

Yeah.

We'd be dehydrated.

You know, I noticed that happens more often.

I feel like in when I was a kid, you didn't hear anybody talk about dehydration.

Now I feel like people talk about it every day.

Because we ate salt.

We cooked with seasoning.

Louisiana seasoning.

That's a good point.

People ask.

You don't hear people down there talking about you dehydrated.

You eat a pickle.

Fuck.

Country boy can't survive.

Yeah, bro.

That was it.

Country boy can't survive.

That's a good point.

Everybody had gout too.

Everybody had sugar pressure, gout, salt pressure, everything.

Country boy can't survive.

Everything.

That was it.

Um,

you were practicing Muslim?

Yeah, I'm a Muslim.

Nice.

Nice to see you today.

Um, I oh, like, you're talking about what I got on.

No, I think you know, this ain't got shit.

No, it doesn't look like that.

No, I don't know.

No, because I got the bow tie.

Oh, you thought that was part of it.

I'm so not sorry.

Please forgive me.

No,

I don't know what you mean because you thought it, because I thought the bow tie.

Because

the irony

is ironic that I got the bow tie on.

I'm not that kind, but I'm.

Now Dave Chappelle said, I'm not good at it, but you know,

I do the best I can, you know.

No, I didn't know.

I thought, no, I feel like,

yeah, I didn't know what I thought.

I just felt like, dang, Kevin.

Yeah, I thought you just seemed like a.

It's okay.

Okay.

It's okay.

Dang, that's hilarious.

It was just funny because I had to.

That's one thing I like.

I possessed the ability to laugh at myself.

And once I developed the ability to laugh at myself, life became so much more easier.

Like, if I slip and fall,

like, every time we step outside, we're being judged.

You know, if you went to school and you had to,

oh, God, I got to say it.

I got to, not to get off subject.

I used to hate free dress day at school.

Uniforms saved my life.

Really?

Yeah.

Why you couldn't handle it?

I ain't had no clothes.

Oh, damn.

Yeah.

You just wore the uniform and getting it like Kevin.

Man, for a free dress day, I wore my mama.

I wore a pair of my mama jeans to build a school and

an old Type of M figure shirt and the same shoes I had been wearing to school the whole time.

Man, they teased me forever.

Then, you know, how you got the faded part on the knees?

Yeah.

It was like, why are your knees white?

Would you been on your knees?

Nah, that's the style.

Everybody got distressed dental now.

Yeah.

So that was hard.

That was the worst.

But I said that to say this: if you possess the ability to laugh at yourself, you never have to worry about being ashamed of anything.

Like, what did I?

I've heard you, I've heard you talk about that for.

In fact, man, it's funny because one of the things it's okay to be human, you know what I'm saying?

Well, you know, it was most of my life, it was hard for me to laugh at myself.

A couple years ago, it's so funny.

A couple years ago, there was a moment that happened.

I don't remember what it was,

but I like,

I went,

Theo, I just kind of laughed at myself and said my name.

My whole life, I didn't realize my whole life, it had been this internal thing that had been just judging me always.

And for the first time, we are our worst critics.

But I just didn't realize how infected I'd been by my own, by judgment of myself.

Well, we're taught that because when we come outside, we judge by our peers, we judge by everything.

If you do this, if you do that, and then it's like, you know what?

I'm going to be the best human I could be.

Yeah.

I don't care if I make mistakes.

I'm going to follow my heart.

I don't care what nobody think.

I swear to God, I'm going to be the best human I could be.

And something else I used to do,

before I developed a greater sense of self-worth, I would overcompensate.

And that's still a form of seeking validation.

Like I would overextend and

I would overextend myself as far as just the person I am, not to be liked.

I was doing this because this is what I really wanted somebody to do for me.

Yeah.

So I would overextend and just over share and over love and over everything.

I would do it to the most,

but this is the love that I should have been giving myself.

Bro.

There would be times I'll text this over the past two years.

I noticed this will happen for me.

I'll text somebody, hey man, just wanted to remind you

you're a great guy.

I'm so proud of you, right?

I wish somebody would tell me that.

And as I'm typing it to them, tears will come out of my face.

And I didn't realize, and it's a nice thing to say to them.

And a lot of times it's a person I'll have enough of a connection with where like we share a lot of similar experiences.

So we can, you know, we'll say that type of thing to each other.

But man, sometimes as I'm sending that, because really I just like, that's what I always needed, right?

The dude who did my guns

on my hands, my gun tattoos, his name.

Trevor Spielman, but some people call him Trevon or Trevin.

I call him just T

or my brother.

What is he doing?

He's out of Louisiana or wherever.

I'm about to tell you.

He used to always make jokes.

He used to always laugh.

He used to always check on everybody else.

And

he sent me a text message.

I got on a flight and went to California.

When my flight landed, the last text message, he was like, I don't think I could do this anymore.

Then I found out he killed himself.

So it's like oftentimes the people that's always helping everybody else,

like,

it make you want to start checking on them.

That's why when I did it, and not to bring up nothing with Drewski, but shout out to Drewski.

I did a little show where I was on there, like a blind date.

And he was like, man, you too uptight.

And I'm like, I'm not.

I just.

Most of the time, the people that make all the jokes, I check on their way of being because that's how my brother was.

He used to always make jokes and make me laugh.

And he'd be doing my tattoos.

And I'd be telling him about everything I've been through.

Like, he was like my therapist.

and he even flew out to california one time just to tattoo me okay stayed at my apartment and everything and you never know what people going through internally and that's the reason i like i don't just take people for granted like especially people that's always making everybody else laugh so i'll laugh with you but i'm also want to be here with you to see what's going on yeah so i'm gonna laugh i'm gonna laugh with you but When we finish, I'm gonna ask you, Mike, you show everything okay?

Like,

cause if you need to talk, i'm here yeah like and that's just the type of person i am because he was one of them people he was super funny everything i never would have thought right he would have took his own life and that's what he just was dealing with too much pain

yeah he was dealing with a lot yeah he was dealing with a lot

that's my brother i love him amen trevor tray trey

his name trevon spielman trevon spielman but some people call him trevor yeah And like, he from Louisiana, too.

Trayvon Spielman.

Well, good.

I'm glad we say his name today, man.

Yeah.

it just made me think about that.

Like, the people that give the most, we never

ask them, do they need anything?

Yeah.

Yeah, man.

It's, you know, it's, man, a lot of my life, especially like as an adult in the past 10 years, eight years really has been.

having a journey with myself, right?

I didn't even know who I was.

I don't even know if honestly, bro, I feel sometimes like I've only been alive for about five or six years in some way.

Before that.

Me too?

Yeah.

You too?

Before that, I was alive, but I was just, and I don't even know what was controlling me.

I'm grateful that God was giving me guidance.

You was alive, but you wasn't living.

Man, I was, well, I just didn't even know who.

Only, the only way I was experiencing the world was how you needed me to experience it, you know, kind of type of thing.

But I wanted to say one more time, just that, like, yeah, there was a moment where I laughed at myself.

Oh, hey, I didn't mean to cut you off.

Please forgive me.

No, you didn't.

You just got lost.

No, it's important.

This is good.

And

you're totally forgiven.

And yeah i'm sorry for cutting you off too um

but uh

yeah just to be able to laugh at myself bro and then part of me i felt man my whole life here i am and i won't even give my own self a laugh it's like because i'm not only am i talking but i'm listening to myself at the same time and i wouldn't even laugh every time i'd just been like man that's there's an old thing inside of me you're not enough you got to be perfect or you're not nobody's going to pay attention it's like just a constant system of judgment, you know?

And so, man, to laugh at myself is just

crazy.

My publicist, her name, Alvina, she like,

God give you what you need

a lot of times when you don't even know that you need it.

And me and her argue and argue and argue and argue.

But she always tell me like, you're going to be great.

That's my life's mission, that you be great.

So one of the lessons, we have like a lesson every week.

And one of the lessons for one week, she was telling me, give yourself grace because I'm super, I'm like you.

I'm super critical of myself.

If I don't honor the commitments I made to myself, I'm a bitch.

Yeah.

You know, yeah, definitely.

And here's the crazy thing.

I always did, Kevin, I would go, I would go for a run one day or do something.

And then I'd be like, we grinding every day.

I'm going to go, I'm going to go run a million mile.

Next week, I'm running seven miles.

And then the next day, I wouldn't even go for a run, but I'd have built up all of this steam in my head like i was in the olympics and so then i'd let myself my aspirations were so diabolical and ridiculous that

but when i did let myself down i would let myself fall from the heights of my aspirations not even from you know

where you was at yes you just took one run and you just won neighborhood over and you got yourself at the olympic trials in atlanta like but the the shame i would feel would be the fall from the olympic trials and i only fucking went damn probably 1100 feet that's why everybody that tell me they want to get into fitness, they be like, what you think I should do first?

I say baby steps.

Baby steps.

Take baby steps.

If you walk in the gym and walk out, you still showed up.

You did something that you wouldn't have done yesterday.

Maybe this time you might get on a trail man and walk for maybe two or three minutes.

I don't know.

Who knows?

Start drinking more water.

Baby steps, like

everything is baby steps.

Yeah.

Yeah, I would never even give myself the grace of like, let me have those babies.

And you know something else I used to do?

I used to compare myself to people that was taking steroids and all of that.

And I'm like, I want my body to look like this.

And I'm like,

and

I used to watch them dudes say stuff like, if you ain't got no six-pack, you fat, homie.

And I was like, damn, I'm fat.

So I had unrealistic expectations.

I'm just like you.

And then I started giving myself grace and I'm like,

I didn't even come in it to look like that.

I just wanted my clothes to be able to fit good yeah I just I just didn't want to be titty man anymore yeah yeah he didn't want to have them nice titties on him

breasts I just I just didn't want to be titty man anymore and then

you start comparing yourself to other people and you lose we lose ourselves and what we really wanted what was our goal I just wanted I wanted a bedroom body that's it that's it that's it that's all

I don't want to look good in my pajamas.

That's all.

Yeah, I just wanted a nice little bedroom body.

Now, all of a sudden, I'm just like, man, I want to be Hercules.

I'm like, no.

Oh, yeah.

I want to have muscles on the side of my cock or whatever.

You have them dudes, they be showing flexing a cock.

They got one dude, he could flex his cock.

I'm like, I don't got to see that.

You've been doing the dick lips, huh?

Yeah, you can do it something, bro.

Putting a little

get that fishing, get that fishing string and put it at the end of it with the little weight.

When you drink the sinker, yeah, yeah, yeah, oh, yeah, yeah, and make it flex

with that fishing sinker, that little thing,

Dang, man.

Uh, no, thank you for saying some of that, dude.

Yeah, but the first time I ever laughed at myself, I realized what have I been treating myself this whole time.

Horrible.

I've heard you talk a lot about things like that, man.

And some of the stuff you say, man, just thank you for sharing.

I know you're not a prophet or anything like that, but just thank you for sharing honestly because I think that's the greatest thing we can try to do.

Yeah, I'm far from a prophet.

Yeah, but I feel like it's a we can try to share honestly.

Profitable.

Yeah.

what up only reason i say that because you know when you hear about prophets they like these such perfect people yeah

i ain't perfect i'm gonna make some mistakes today

yeah titty man on the loose today baby they got a dude at the gym his name kevin when i walk in he was like hey

Not titty man anymore.

Yeah.

Oh, he showed up, huh?

Yeah, like, because I did an interview and I was like.

Yeah, sorry for calling you titty man.

No, it's okay.

It's no big deal.

I'm just joking.

It's beautiful because that's where I came from.

I was titty man.

Yeah.

Like I was holding a baby and the baby tried to suck my titty.

I had breasts.

And that was the most embarrassing moment for me ever.

I still talk about that to this day.

And somebody was like, no, you're running like, I said, yeah, I had breasts.

I was titty man.

So then they heard the interview.

And when I went to the gym, it was like, hey.

You're not titty man anymore.

I was like, oh, I used to stay up and look at my buddy had some tits on.

and my buddy.

I was going to do that thing.

I used to think that I had,

what is it called?

Gynoglamastia.

Glanoglamastia.

Gyneglamastia, whatever it's called.

Pull it up, glanoglamastia.

See what it is.

Gynoglamastia.

Where is it in the Middle East?

Oh, gynecomastia.

Whatever it's called.

I don't know how to pronounce the word.

I'll be hearing a lot of people say it.

They like gyno or whatever.

Gynecomastia, a condition where male breast tissue enlarges due to an imbalance of estrogen and testosterone.

And they had this surgery where you go get your titty cut out.

And I was like, man, I do that.

I'm tired of this shit.

And I didn't know you got abs under here.

And when you work the abs, that's what lift.

Like your ab muscle don't just, it go all the way up to the pectoral.

And that's what lift it.

And then doing dips and doing abs, that's what made all of that disappear.

Just lift.

Got that titty off.

Yeah.

God.

Yeah, my buddy had them, and we used to, I used to stay up at night, and he would have his shirt off.

And I'd look at them bitches, bro

i hate that i liked it like when i used to go to the ymca oh yeah which one i used to go to the one on um

on college

the old one though not the not the new the old one put that ymca and baton rouge the one there's one over there by the walgreens it's kind of not on college on foster yeah on foster

the old one on all foster i used to go to that one i'm talking about when i used to come out my shirt they used to free willie talking about the will Oh, damn.

Yeah.

Oh, my God.

Love in life.

I didn't know people were going through that.

Yeah, that's A.C.

Lewis right there.

That's a good YMCA.

Free Willie out there.

Yeah.

Did you go to school over there ever?

Did you?

Yeah.

Did you go to college over there too?

Something like that.

I went to community college.

Where you go, BRCC?

Of course.

Let's go.

My sister used to work over that communications over there, man.

Yeah, my brother went to Southern for a little while.

Dang, bro.

That's why.

What were you studying over there?

Business.

Yeah.

Introduction to business.

And you graduated, bro.

I ain't graduate.

But overall, you did.

Yeah, I graduated.

Yeah.

Big facts, man.

I'm a billion miles past.

Did you get a degree?

At some point, I saw that, or I read

that you got a degree in jail, in prison.

Yeah.

Is that true?

Yeah, that's true.

Wow.

What were the classes like in there and stuff?

What is it?

It wasn't no classes.

You just test.

I got credits by testing.

Oh, so they don't have like a,

do y'all do like,

I'm trying to think of what it's called.

Do y'all have like

group projects or whatever?

No, you have an administrator that administers the test.

Oh, damn.

And you test.

Whenever you're ready to test, you test.

Well, you can't say whenever you're ready to test.

Like you might test once a month or something like that.

But I had a little way that I was able to keep testing.

Shout out to them.

Yeah, yeah.

Shout out to them.

But so you don't have group projects.

I was wondering if you got a group project or something.

What if your group leader gets put in like in a solitary confinement or whatever?

It wasn't like that.

Yeah.

It was not like that in Louisiana prisons.

It's like really every man for themselves.

So you take your test and then like, was it?

You studied a curriculum and then you go take a test.

Dang.

You have an administrator that makes sure you don't cheat.

And but did other people look down on you if you was trying to study in there or no?

No, you're trying to get out.

Just trying to get out the dorm.

Yeah.

Trying to get out the dorm.

Yeah, I was just wondering if you had like a.

Now, when I went to prison in Chicago, when I, what that's Illinois, it was,

I forgot.

It's EMCC, East Moline, but I forgot the place in Illinois that it was.

Now, they had individual classrooms like on the campus.

Y'all would go to class.

Yeah, it was beautiful.

Dang.

That that

last bid I did, it changed my life completely.

That's how I got into yoga.

Like, they offer programs and everything.

At the prison.

At the prison.

And they had weights.

I say that like I would live in weights.

Like, if you wanted to be better, you could become better.

But, dude, that reminds me, you ever been at like a hotel or motel?

You'll be in the gym working out.

They have a family just come look at the gym equipment and then just walk out.

Like,

that just happened to me in,

you say, at the gym?

Yeah, like you'll be in the gym.

That just happened to me in,

i was in south carolina yeah i was in south carolina working out at a hotel in a gym and they had people passing by the gym and they'll look in the gym and open the door and leave out but they was having like a a fraternity reunion there okay

i forgot what fraternity it was but it was like from all over the like country they was there having some kind of reunion like pan-hellenic or something like that maybe

nah they was a they was frets they was fraternity and they told me they was in a fraternity a few of them came in there and talked masons or something nah they weren't masons they was like uh

college oh fraudeltas or something

like chepardart and they was like yeah it was like yeah bro we down here for some kind of get-together they having parties they was oh they drinking yeah we big fans i was like yeah thank you yeah sometimes it's why i'll be in the gym and people will come in and just look at the gym like well look at this if it ain't a gym you know and then they just leave out at least they showed up yeah that's a good point, huh?

That's baby steps.

They showed up.

That's baby steps.

Yeah, because I was just wondering if you're in jail, do you have group projects or is there like most likely to, you know, like that kind of thing?

Like, is it like a real, like most likely to succeed or most likely to

get out of jail or whatever?

It's still individual-based learning, but

you do earn good time by going to school.

I liked it.

The way they had it set up in Illinois, they had programs and you earn good time by going to school.

It's like that in Louisiana and some facilities, you earn good time by going to school, but

the way they had to set up in Illinois was different.

Like they had real programs, like real classrooms that you go to.

They got some facilities that offer that, but it's not the same.

So it was more organized over there.

Yeah, it was, it was,

it was more,

I'm going to say this.

It was based to help people.

It was geared toward anti-recidivism.

Recidivism is repeat offenders.

Anti-recidivism is people that go to jail and become better and don't come back.

It was geared toward anti-recidivism.

Like in Louisiana, it's not geared toward that.

It's geared toward

it's a revolving door.

You're going to come back.

Right.

We'll see you soon.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Welcome back.

That type of thing.

See you next time.

You know, like you going in there.

We missed you.

This is one of the worst things, but it was the most beautiful thing that ever happened too, because I needed this.

They called called me in and they had switched my po

they switched my po so they call me in i go in i'm thinking i'm just going to piss yeah like you know give an update on what's going on yeah put your hands behind your back

took me to jail they say you traveled without uh notifying anybody i'm like y'all switched my po I had been attempting to contact and nobody had ever picked the phone up dang and where'd you go you took a vacation no I didn't take a vacation I was working I wouldn't say anything.

Yeah, in the same spot that the same spot that the PO had already approved travel for.

And that's what made me start getting copies of everything.

Right.

So you got proof of what somebody said.

Yeah, I want.

Can you sign it?

Can I get a travel for it?

Can you sign it?

And I started getting copy.

Can you make me a copy?

And I started keeping a fold and keeping copies.

It was beautiful, though.

It made me be more organized.

Yeah, get some organization in your life and recognize, yeah, you got to have proof of what's going on, even for yourself, because you can't even rely on other people's proof because they'll forget the proof.

They'll alter the proof.

You don't even know sometimes.

I don't believe is that sometimes people get so busy and caught up with what they got going on.

That's true.

That it's easy to forget.

If you're dealing with 100 different people, you're not going to possibly remember little old me until my name starts buzzing.

Right.

Well, that's a good point, too, because that's an interesting way.

Sometimes I'll think, this is the way that I'll think.

I'll think, oh, they're doing that on purpose to me.

As opposed to what you just said, sometimes you're like.

Adversity builds character.

But people got a million things going on.

They're not thinking.

They're just doing their shit.

They say never suspect malice of what could be mistaken for incompetence.

Yeah.

Never take as malice for what could be misinterpreted as incompetence.

And it usually is this.

Usually is just kind of incompetent.

It's not.

People don't just go out of their way to do fucked up shit to you.

They just be so preoccupied with what they got going on, they don't even know that this is what they're doing

until made aware.

But see, there were times in my head, I'd be like, these motherfuckers, that's how they treat you, but it's not anything like that.

You know what I mean?

And I would take that on.

We're going to automatically plex.

I still plex sometimes, like have a developer complex about feeling like I'm being,

you know, mishandled and things of that nature.

But I don't even look at it like that.

That shit be so pity because I look at it now like it's an invitation for me to lower my frequency.

I stay.

What is something you miss about prison?

I don't miss nothing about prison.

Even something little?

No.

I don't miss nothing about prison.

So there's nothing in it.

What about even just getting some rest every now and then?

Was it like that or not?

I can get rest out here.

I need to go to prison for the guy.

You're right.

You're right, man.

I'm trying to, yeah.

What I miss.

Now I'm going to read ads for some of the prisoners.

Somebody coming there, somebody coming up making sure you're in compliance,

bed made up, all that.

I ain't got time for that shit.

I do that on my own anyway.

And what about a cellmate at night?

Like, do people say good night to each other or people just quietly go to sleep?

It depends on if you and your cell are cool.

If you got a cell and y'all cool like that, you know, but with me,

anytime I leave, any cell I have, they're going to always, man, I'm going to miss you, bro.

Because I just, I keep it going.

Yeah.

I run Fs and everything.

And when I say run Fs, that mean like I'm running an episode.

Like we talking about shit.

But it might go, when I first get in the cell, it might go by 90 days.

My seller going to always ask me the same thing.

Hey,

you sleep all day and you be up all night.

you don't watch tv and you don't get on the phone so i be reading

i just read

i read books i got stacks of books

yeah

then i'm then i don't even go to child so like say if you indigent indigent mean don't nobody send you no money i'm gonna ask you your you got family out there they love you They send you money, you're gonna tell me no, that what I'm gonna do, I'm gonna put $100 on your books.

You're gonna give me 80 worth of shit, and you're gonna just keep the 20 for you.

Yeah,

that's business.

Yeah.

So, you know, you eating and I'm eating because I don't even go to child.

So I do hookups every night.

I cook.

So you're in your own space then?

Yeah.

I'm going to cook every night.

So you kind of try to create your own system within that system, do you feel like in a way?

No, that's just how I live.

That's how I do my time.

I do my bus like that.

I don't really go to child unless it's on chicken day.

Right.

And then no judgment on that.

I probably don't go on chicken day

because all the chicken gonna get brought to me anyway.

And I'm going to just

cut all that up and put that in a soup.

Put that in a hookup.

A hookup like where you get a big bowl and you, you know, we cook.

You got your own thing on.

Now, how do you heat the food up in the cell?

It depends on what spot we at.

It depends on what we at.

They got some people they cook on the bump, like on the middle.

They got some people, they got some jails where they give you a hot pack.

But you got to rig it for to make it boil.

It depends.

Some people make a stinger.

What is that?

A stinger that's the thing they hook in the electric socket and a little stinger.

It depends.

Oh, there you got somebody grilling something right there on a bed sheet.

Yeah.

Oh, that's good.

It depends on what spot we at.

They have some good chefs in prison?

The best.

Amen.

Amen, dude.

Yeah, where's that cooking show, huh?

They got people make pizzas, everything.

Anything you could think of.

Stir-fry, everything.

Yeah.

I love that.

They got, I was locked up in Florida.

They got some shit they do.

They called making a brick, where they take it, man, they put everything in there.

Turkey sausage, everything.

And they just, I'm talking about everything you could think of.

They can get out of the kitchen.

They put in a, and they make it.

They, they cook it in a Dorito bag and make it like a holy brick.

Oh, yeah.

Man, I'm talking about the truth.

Good, huh?

You ever do a prison night or something at the house, remake some food like that, or try to, you ever remake any stuff like that for your friends so they can taste it?

Yeah, I done did that for my partners and my little son.

He likes all that.

Oh, hell yeah.

But we come from that anywhere on the street, number ramen noodles and all that.

We come from that, putting anything you can find in it.

Yeah, well, the big thing in our house is.

Oh, yeah, my partner used to make my,

he wasn't my silly, but he was like two dollars down.

About three dollars down.

He used to make burritos.

Oh, yeah.

Did he really is a Mexican guy?

Nah, he wasn't Mexican, but he used to make burritos.

He pretended he was Mexican for me.

You would have thought he was a Mexican.

God.

I love a burrito, bro.

Man, he used to make the best ones.

I didn't like him at first because I didn't want to do, I like sandwiches.

I didn't want to betray a sandwich.

He used to do it with all beef, all turkey, all chicken.

I'm talking about the truth.

My God.

Onions, everything.

Bell peppers, everything.

Oh.

He was putting everything in it.

Now, all the ingredients, you get them through the jail or some people smuggle in a bell pepper.

You get that from commissary, but like...

Like vegetables and shit, all that's going to get broke.

That's coming from the kitchen.

Yeah.

That's going to get broke.

That's broke.

And what about he got any good desserts in prison?

Was there ever like a...

Yeah, they got dudes in that make candy.

They got dudes in that make ice cream.

God dang, really?

Wow, I would love that.

They got dudes who make everything, you know.

Them some of the most creative people you're going to ever meet in your life.

Them some of the most intelligent people you're going to ever meet in your life.

Yeah.

The most intelligent.

You talk about weights.

You talk about yoga.

You got any yoga when you're in there?

Yeah.

I accidentally got in a yoga.

How'd that happen?

My partner kept telling me, man, bro.

But I think a lot of black men, you can't just say, I got into yoga.

I think you have to be like

accidentally.

I was against it.

I was all the way against it.

Oh, yeah.

He was telling me, man, bro, I'm telling you, bro, they got yoga classes.

I say, well, you go in there and bend over.

I'm not going in there and doing this shit.

You going there and bending your ass over.

Yeah.

So that was, I was just, I was like too hard for myself.

Just whatever, whatever, whatever.

So one of my partners from across the hall, he was like, yeah, bro, I'm a hollerage.

I'm about to go do yoga.

I say, for what?

He was like, man, I couldn't even like, he was telling me he had knee pains and all kinds of different pains in his joints.

He said, I don't even have that shit no more since I've been doing yoga.

He said, man, everything on me, like, he says it's been healing my body.

So I'm like, whatever.

Like, two days pass, I give it a try.

Go in the

first, maybe.

Two poses of the shit I did.

I'm thinking it's some bullshit.

Like, you know, when you see on TV, you see people, oh, namaste.

Yeah.

You know, you thinking it's bullshit.

So I did it.

Yeah.

Like,

maybe after the third post, I ran to the bathroom and shitted everything.

Like, it cut my appetite.

It's really what started my, kind of started my fitness journey.

Like, a lot of the people that was lifting weights and doing all that will still come and do yoga because I had read in the

Arna Swansonega Encyclopedia?

That big yellow book?

What's he got on there?

He had a big, it's called.

There you go, right there.

Arna

Agreement Encyclopedia.

That's the one.

But he did yoga.

He was like, whenever a lion wake up, a lion stretch first before they do anything.

So I started looking at it.

And you know, when you,

when you start feeding yourself that, that not, you know, your brain opens up to something different when you reading it because you become like an information freak.

You become like a seeker of knowledge because this is the only thing that's stimulating you mentally.

You know what I'm saying?

You're being stimulated by new information.

So then I was like, man, yeah, I'm going to go fuck with it.

So I started fucking with it.

I came home.

I got off it.

But then I got back on it.

And now I'm like fully committed.

Oh, yeah, dude.

I've definitely done some yoga where you'll, I mean, you will shit.

You have shit.

You're like, damn, this shit been messed up.

You set your appetite and everything.

Yeah.

If I don't do yoga, I feel weird.

Yeah.

Oh, dude, there's nothing better when you get done with yoga and you cut off the computer or however you do.

I love when my yoga coach used to tell me, thank you for allowing me to share this space with you.

Namaste.

Yeah.

I'm like, I bet you not like this at the house.

But in my brain, you know.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, dude, yoga, sometimes, bro, there'd be a pose one time I would do something with my shoulder.

I had shoulder pain, all this.

It unlocked something inside of me, my tears just coming out of my face, just stuck in my muscles.

You know that's crazy?

That happened to me doing a pigeon pose.

And I was just in the pose.

I was laying there.

And I ain't want to lift back up because I was just crying uncontrollably.

And she came and put her hands on my back.

And she was like, the energy that you're feeling right now is not your own.

It's just psychic debris.

You're having an emotional detox.

Damn.

Release it.

And I was just breathing through it.

And then I did the left side.

And then I, whoever tell us about emotional detoxes, I ain't grew up knowing about that shit.

I ain't know that everything that we go through traumatically,

it harness itself somewhere in some type of muscle fascia or somewhere in the fascia.

I ain't know that shit.

Well, there's not a lot of guys talking.

There's not a lot of guys that don't feel like where you're from talking about this stuff, man.

What do you think is really true?

Yeah, I felt like it was, I'm going to be honest with you.

I did prejudge it.

I thought that was for pussies.

Oh, yeah.

When they first told me about yoga, I'm not about to do that bitch-ass shit.

Especially in prison.

I didn't even know they had different sports.

I thought homosexuality was the only sport in there.

First thing I told him, I said, man, you going there and beating your ass over.

I'm not about to do it.

Yeah, fuck me, a little zest.

Next thing I know, I was doing them warrior poses and all that shit.

Hey, you in there, bro.

This shit ain't no joke.

Yeah, you get in there with your little sugar cane in there.

I ain't going in there.

That's how I would think at first.

You know, you get in there with your little spicy baby body.

Nah, you're only the victim of what you entertain.

Yeah.

Oh, but that was, I was all, did I, that's how I was.

I was against against everything.

Yeah, I used to plex like that.

I think in juvenile detention, because you hear so many fucked up stories about jail.

When you go in there, they're going to try to fucking

fucking people.

And you think that's how it's going.

So don't wear no cologne.

And you go in there.

The first thing you do is plex.

And what I mean by plex, you have a complex.

You're in defense.

You're in defense mode.

But when you get there, you really see that prison is structured.

Yeah.

It's really off respect.

It's ran off respect.

Respect run the compound.

Ain't nobody going to pass by you and not say, excuse me.

It's different.

Do you admire the level of respect that was in there in some ways?

I give my respect first, but at the end of the day, I still demand it.

Did you get treated special because you had celebrities in your life?

I wasn't a celebrity at first.

Got it.

Like, you juvenile detention through that circuit, I wasn't a celebrity.

Was it scary to go back to prison?

Like, damn, now they know that.

Juvenile facilities are more chaotic than adult facilities.

Oh, yeah, I could see that.

So,

they way more chaotic.

So, that's what the fighting and all that go on every day.

In adult prison, it's structured.

It ain't like that.

It's laid back.

That shit they be showing on TV, them Mickey Mouse camps.

Yeah.

That's not no.

Right.

It's not real shit.

That's not no maximum security.

That's not no none of that.

Them Mickey Mouse camps.

I used to wonder.

That's not like Louisiana.

Louisiana prisons are the roughest prisons

from my perspective, because I haven't been around a little bit.

I haven't been to prison in Canada.

That sounds nice.

So, man, they had the best food.

Oh, man.

Canada's great.

I would go to prison in Canada.

It was different.

Like, the way they respect you, there is totally the way the guards respect you there is different.

When you get to Louisiana, it's a whole nother story.

Yeah.

Always definitely.

There's a different way that people communicate overall.

Dude, I'll tell you this, even when I noticed about racial stuff in Canada when I was up there, I feel like sometimes in America, especially growing up in the South,

there's some tension between black and white, I feel like, but there's a lot of history, right?

Louisiana, Mississippi, all white boys different.

Yeah.

Oh, for sure.

But in Canada, if you...

They diff in Canada, there's no racial tension.

They're not regular white boys in Mississippi or Louisiana.

They built different.

Well, some of them, some of them got they, some of them seem like.

I got a partner right now.

We is locked up.

If you call him G-White,

you might as well just go and get rid of it just don't even call him if you call because you know that'd be like what up g white you know you say that you're like you know he think he a you know what's like what up g white man they got some white boy they not going for that yeah i'm not going you're not about to call me g white we could fight all hey all we could play with that knife and that's how they come and they built like that yeah it's changed a little bit huh no it ain't changed it's been like that you think yeah you got real and bitch everywhere you go god dang i love it's like It's like...

I'm glad to know that, other guy.

Yeah,

you're only victim of what you entertain.

Yeah.

See, like when you went to the sugar cane, baby, that conversation, I ain't even grin because I'm not in.

Right.

If you grin, you in.

Oh, dang.

That was your conversation.

I'm not talking to me.

Like, when you was like, yeah, I want to be in there with my sugar baby and a yoga thing.

I was like.

I said there were men in there.

I think there's creative men in there.

Yeah, I just, that wasn't my conversation.

Yeah, yeah.

I'm a real Vic, so that just went over my head.

I ain't no new jacket.

Me too, bro.

I ain't about that shit.

Yeah, so when you, like, when somebody had them kind of conversations.

I ain't having them.

Yeah, that just go over my head.

Me too.

Because if you grin, you in.

You're only victim of what you entertain.

I'm chilling.

I ain't smiling about nothing.

I feel that.

Not like if you grin, you in, but if you entertain it,

you know, you open the door for that.

Yeah, not me.

I'm locking that up.

And that's one thing I teach my son.

Like, sometimes he'll see something on the internet, like a comment.

I say, hey, you don't entertain that.

You're a man.

Right.

Don't ever let nobody defeat you with words.

You don't entertain it.

How did you start to get to know yourself, right?

Because you talked about that.

Solitude.

Really?

Solitude.

Because you're one of the few people.

You're one of the few kinds of rappers I feel like that I've met or experienced or paid attention to that I know of that talks about that kind of stuff, their relationship with themselves.

Most of the things that we did, excuse me, I can't say we.

I'm going to say me.

I'm going to speak for me.

Most of the things that i did in my life that people would consider heroic or violent uh that i got stripes for that was out of fear or seeking validation from somebody older than me but how did you start to realize that that that that that's what was going on like that you

like when you say like solitary

being by yourself Being in solitude, spending time alone.

So what was that practice?

Did you have a practice that started?

I mean, you said like a little bit bit of yoga.

So that kind of opened up your idea to like doing something different.

But what like, what was, was there somebody who started to teach you these practices?

Because it's hard to get from just.

When the student ready to learn to teach you a pill, once you start walking this path, like this path led me to doing this right now

today.

And when I leave here, I don't know who I'm going to meet.

that may give me a tidbit of knowledge that's going to propel me forward.

I don't know.

And it just, you pick it up the reward really is in the journey so i just pick up little tidbits along the way yeah or how you say it tidbits my bad yeah tidbits that's that louisiana that's that louisiana my tongue heavy that tidbits oh yeah so i i gotta i talk lazy um

what when you look on your life what's like what are some of the worst pain that you felt like you've ever have ever been in physical emotional emotional probably i would say or mental like

because i've heard you talk about trauma and overcoming past traumas it's just you don't hear a lot of people talk like that you know so like i'm just like

recently um 2020 i was gonna kill myself

damn i had deleted my uh my instagram for like a year and a half i was gonna kill myself

because i only felt appreciated for my ability to do

and then i was always looking at instagram And it was like I was comparison.

I was comparing.

And I spoke about this before.

I was comparing my life to other people's life.

And comparison really is the killer of all joy.

And I didn't understand that until I started looking at my life like, damn, like, I'm seeing everybody highlight real, but at the end of the day, I'm just me.

But everybody else living so great, but that's just the highlights.

That's not what they're going through every day.

And it took me getting off Instagram and getting off social media, period, to see that people really do love me me and enjoy the world and start having gratitude.

Like, think about the things you're grateful for, not what you don't have and not how shit not going, but think about all the good shit and just be thankful.

Like, I'm grateful for this.

I'm grateful for that.

And that's when things started to kind of change for me.

A lot of people say that kind of stuff, but it's not a practice in their life, right?

It's not like a real truth that they're living.

I think that's one thing to me that's interesting about you.

It feels like that's really how you have chosen to live your life.

What we're like practicing.

I'm I don't have, I'm gonna be honest, every day not gonna be a good day

for me, but I'm still gonna go to the gym.

Right.

Because that is my therapy.

And I kind of trained myself to know that whenever I have like a fucked up feeling like the days that I don't even want to go, them the days that I had the best workouts.

I didn't kind of start playing a game with myself.

I know when certain people started texting me and it's low vibrational people, something good must be about to happen.

It's got to be a test.

Something good about to happen.

And I just started training myself to look at it like that.

And that's really how it be going now.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Alternate act, like, yeah, taking the opposite choice, making the opposite choice.

Because everything inside of you is like, take it, take off today, take it easy.

Don't do that.

I swear to God.

Yeah.

Like, I wasn't jogged and everything before I came here.

Amen.

I heard you talk about before about like a lot of men you don't feel like are living their truth, right?

They're not.

I feel like we're in a tough spot

with

like love and the value, the moral value of relationships relationships and stuff like that.

You're not like,

ain't nobody really loving people no more.

I think

I'm the only person right now that's like really living in

my authenticity.

I'm talking about as far as like on the main stage, like people say what's politically correct.

And I don't give a fuck what nobody thinks about me.

Because if everybody likes me, then I'm pussy.

You know what I'm saying?

I'm just, I want to be liked by everybody.

He who is a friend to everyone is a friend to no one.

I'm not a good friend, I'm not friendly, but I'm a great friend.

And that's just my perspective on it.

Like,

it's a lot of people that won't allow themselves to love somebody based on their past situations or the bumps and mistakes that they made,

and for fear of how the rest of the world will look at them.

Yeah, I don't care how the world looks at me,

don't care.

I'm living life out loud.

Damn.

Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.

Really, really.

Dude, I'll tell you this, Kevin.

I remember times in my life I was like, man, I wouldn't date a certain girl because of what my friends would think of her, bro.

And then I spent like a couple of years like that one time.

I had that problem, but.

But then I missed out on a good opportunity.

Man, once I started fucking, man, listen.

Once I started fucking with this little chick.

Everybody told me don't fuck with her.

She ended up being, and still to this day, we still good friends.

She's one of the most solid people i ever met and this back from

when i was still on the block

and we still cool she doing good for herself now she into real estate and now but this from back when i was on the block with it oh yeah she was dancing she used to dance everybody man don't mess with her she a stripper she

and she ended up being one of the most solid people and that's when i realized it's the people that the world say the most up about be the best people and the people everybody praise and be like yeah this person he's such a great great guy, they really be barbaric behind closed doors.

They don't have no morals.

They don't have no principles.

They don't stand for nothing.

So I just noticed like some of your better people be the people that everybody don't like.

Well, I think it's tough for people to be like.

You kind of one of them people, like,

when I say authentic, like, you pretty much do your own shit.

You one of them people?

To me.

To me, like, you live in your authenticity.

A lot of people be like, the stuff that you say, a lot of people wouldn't say it for fear of how it would be perceived.

You just said it.

And I'm like,

I fuck with that.

I can't help but to fuck with it.

That's a good point.

You just real people.

Thanks for the compliment, man.

Yeah, I try my best.

I think the tough part is.

It was the truth.

Like, it was the truth.

Right.

I think the tough part

is just.

I'm just always still trying to figure out who I am.

And I'm amazed at new things that come along.

Most people want to admit that, like, one of my albums that's about to come out is called Don't Know What I'm Doing because I don't know what I'm doing.

Yeah.

Most people won't admit that they don't know what they're doing.

I don't know what I'm doing.

I'm still discovering new parts of myself every day.

I don't know.

People be asking me, so what you going to do today?

I don't know.

I haven't figured it out yet.

How do you keep your ego?

Because this is something I've noticed in my life, right?

Like my ego.

What do I do?

How do I figure out what is my ego and what is self-confidence and self-worth?

Like, do you know what I'm talking about?

Your ego can slip in.

To be honest,

2025,

some people could say that I'm operating out of ego, but I'm not giving to nobody but me.

Like I'm not, I've given everything I had to give and now everybody else can just figure it out.

And as and we can say that's ego, that's cool.

But when I go to the gym, I don't ego lift.

Right.

I don't lift the heaviest weights in there.

I do what's comfortable for me.

I work at my own pace.

Hey, you know,

what I eat doesn't make you shit.

And what you eat doesn't make me shit.

So if you want to go in there and be the world's strongest person, you know, good luck, buddy.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Great for you.

I'll do what works for me.

And

I always make sure, am I getting what i came for i just want to get what i came for like what do you mean by that like when i go to the gym i don't get sidetracked and hocializing yeah what i mean by hocializing is i knew i had this interview today and i already made the commitment so i'm gonna honor that commitment so when i went i'm just giving you an illustration for sure example so when i went to the gym today i went in there to get what i came for i ain't coming here to be friendly i ain't coming here to hostialize and what i mean by hocializing you know your uncle paid by y'all over there hosualizing huh yeah hocializing yeah y'all over there hocializing you lying to him and he lying to you y'all lying to each other

i ain't coming here to host

yeah man i think having parameters for yourself and boundaries for what your goals are that that's i think had i not did what i needed to do to raise my frequency me going to the gym today was committing an act of self-love i wouldn't have been able to do this right i feel great now Yeah.

Yeah.

And you're feel amazing.

Yeah.

Your energy comes in.

And yeah, it's funny because you come in, I feel like, damn, I got a, I want to be on a level.

I want to be in the middle.

Well, you came in when I saw Jesse.

And every time I see Jesse, I'm Jesse is a friend.

And he's always been a good friend of mine.

Lately, something's changed.

If you're watching this, Jesse, shout out to you, Jesse.

Yes.

He was like, every time I see you.

He was like,

every time he sees me, he he makes a song about stealing my fucking girl.

And that's just a joke that we got.

Every time I see you.

Good to see you, Jesse, bro.

Yeah, Jesse, if you're watching this.

He's watching, man.

If you're watching, Jesse, this one's for you, bro.

It's for you, buddy.

It's for you, buddy.

Did you have self-hatred and stuff?

Did you deal with that?

Of course.

How'd you know you had it?

My actions.

You know who told me, who kind of started the conversation?

I was talking to Plaz one day.

Really?

Yeah, and

it may not seem like it, but that's a real intelligent dude.

So he was like, man, Gates,

that's something I be noticing, bro.

He said, Gates, man, you be acting like an ugly nigga, man.

I said, what you mean?

You just be, you be moving around like an ugly nigga, man.

And you not no ugly nigga.

You handsome, but I'm just saying you be like an ugly nigga.

And I'll be like,

what you mean?

Man, you about to have some selfie with you.

Can't nobody be just touching you.

And then we were sitting down at the table and a lady was trying to tell me, say, hold on.

Now I'm delicate.

I ain't know what he meant, but he was talking about setting those energetic boundaries for yourself.

Like, everybody not supposed to have access to you because it's texting on your spirit.

It's draining.

It's draining.

Certain phone calls is draining.

Hello?

Yeah.

What's going on?

They about to tell you some bullshit, some bad news.

I don't want to hear that shit.

Yeah.

Maybe that's my ego.

You act like you don't care.

I don't.

It's not that I don't give a fuck.

I could just give a fuck less.

Yeah.

I care about me.

Right.

Fuck that.

I don't want to hear that shit.

Damn.

Yeah, it's so true, man.

Because a person that don't.

You take it on.

A person that don't,

you not doing the work every day.

Yeah.

So it's like,

I'm doing the work every day.

So a person that's not doing the work every day, it's really nothing you could tell me because I'm doing the work every day.

Like I go weeks sometimes without eating when I'm fasting, when I need clarity, I just stop eating.

I'm three days in, no food.

You wouldn't even go three hours.

Yeah.

I'm hungry.

I have a headache.

That's your body detoxing.

So I don't even listen to people like that.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

People don't care.

People get all fattened out or whatever.

They cook.

Yeah, people just.

I mean,

food could be used as a drug sometimes.

Sometimes food could be used as a coping mechanism.

Because I used to use food as a coping mechanism.

Sometimes I overeat or sometimes I wouldn't eat.

What would your snack be if you had a destiny, like an evening snack, nighttime snack, good night, Kevin, or whatever snack?

Now or then.

Back then.

I used to drink a lot of syrup.

Straight syrup?

No, I used to mix it with like...

The pineapple,

the pineapple sun kiss.

That's when activists was out.

I used to like the cough syrup.

I used to mix it with pineapple sun kiss, sprite, and mountain dew.

Them was my favorites.

Damn, and some syrup?

Yeah.

What kind of log cabin light or whatever?

Uh-uh.

And then I used to have to eat,

what was my thing, my favorite thing to eat?

I liked them little crust, the uncrustables, the little

jelly scent.

I liked them.

And what else I used to eat?

Something else I used to eat all the time.

I don't know if it was Doritos, maybe, or something.

I don't know if it was chicken wings.

It was something.

I forgot.

It was something I used to eat all the time.

I forgot.

I know it was unhealthy.

Whatever it was.

But you're talking about drugs.

Yeah, I used to do it.

Protein syrup.

Yeah.

Okay.

I didn't know you were talking about at first.

Yeah.

Wow.

And you were addicted to it.

I ain't going to say addicted, but you enjoyed it.

I didn't like it.

I loved it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I loved it.

But now.

You never never went to rehab either you didn't

rehabs for quitters yeah

i'm not trying to quit how but you don't do that anymore though because i found a new drug

fitness yeah my new drug of choice do you notice though or are you able to notice a different feeling of how much different you feel making those yeah i miss choices i yes i'm gonna be honest and i hate to say what i'm about to say

when people be like i missed the old kevin i get it because i missed the old eminem when he was on drugs yeah that's the eminem i like

that's the eminem i like i like the eminem that was on drugs oh yeah so i know what people mean when they man i missed the old kevin i'm like i get it i i get it

because you know i miss him too yeah i do but i'm not about to sacrifice the way i feel for that

like i love where i'm at now

well i think that's a trap too is to stay stay where you are.

You know, it's a trap.

Man, you can grow with me or you can grow without me.

But either way, it's onward and upward with me.

But I do get it, though, when people say, man, I missed the old Kevin because I miss the old Immidil.

I do.

I miss the old Immidil.

I swear to God, I do.

Oh, yeah, I believe that.

I missed there's times in my own life that I missed.

There's times in my own life where I felt like I was funnier or like had better ideas and stuff, but things just change.

And sometimes it's different.

I like where I'm at now.

Yeah.

I like where I'm at

Man, I'm a motherfucking supermodel, man.

I love where I'm at now.

This shit different now.

I used to couldn't even do the wheel, the ad wheel.

Now I do that shit effortless.

Really?

I go jogging in the morning effortless.

It's just automatic.

When I stretch, it's effortless.

When I fuck my bitch, it's just effortless.

I do everything better.

And I hate to say what I just said, but it's the God-honest truth.

I just, I wouldn't change this for the world.

It was time drinking, sir.

My dick wouldn't even get hard.

Oh, yeah.

And I had to get off on those sexual related time, but I had erectile dysfunction at 20, what, 23, 24 years old because of all the drugs I was doing.

So

I'm okay.

I would never trade that for this.

I love where I'm at.

Now I can sing better.

Like my singing voice has matured now because I'm not on drugs.

So I love where I'm at.

Now, the music that I make is, I make music that I can work out in the gym too now.

So I, you know, not other, I get it, though.

I get it.

I understand.

Yeah.

But I don't care.

But I understand.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I miss the old gates.

Yeah.

Oh, dude.

Yeah.

I think great.

But I think the New Gates is really

prophetic.

I think the New Gates says some things that are really

old, bro.

Say, bro, I love you, bro.

You scaring me right now.

I am?

Yeah.

Sorry.

I don't want to be a prophet

okay i want that scary like

yeah that's

scary when you say like that like

you know you that's crazy like you the first person that i ever sat in front of that said that to me like

thank you i love you for being able to see me but that's that's scary yeah maybe it's an unnecessary kind of and i don't mean i don't mean it like that it's it's somebody else that's when they see this they're gonna be like see i told you.

Because there's some people that argue with me like, I told you it was a prophet.

I'm like, but prophets are perfect.

I'm not perfect.

Yeah.

No, I don't think that.

I wouldn't have made it in the book.

It's a good thing I wasn't around Jesus.

I'd have made us look bad.

Yeah, yeah.

Instead of a disciple, you didn't need a disciple.

I'd have made us look bad.

You know what I'm saying?

In general, most, let's get prophets ready.

In general, most religious traditions do not consider prophets to be perfect in the sense of being entirely free from error or or sin.

While they're often revered for the divine connection and ability to convey God's message, there's still a lot of pressure.

I just like, man, I like the new bars you have just as much as the old bars, man.

That's what I like.

Hey, at least somebody cares.

That's what I like, dude.

At least somebody cares.

But it's just...

And it's not to say that you're wrong for saying that.

It's just a few people in my camp and my circle.

They'd be like, you know, you're a prophet, right?

And I'm like, no, I don't want to be that.

And I guess it's me shying away from the responsibility of it.

I don't want that responsibility.

If I said something and it helped, take it for what it's worth.

I made a bunch of mistakes to get whatever knowledge and wisdom I gave you.

I made a bunch of mistakes to get to that point.

Did,

how do you be a parent that was different than how you was parented?

Because that's one of the most important things.

We could go anywhere.

Or we could go anywhere.

Like,

because the truth hurts, but it heals.

So, we could go, we could have any kind of conversation.

What makes me a better parent is I was sexually victimized, and I didn't have a safe place to communicate.

I created a space for my children to communicate with me.

So, they say when you work on yourself, you heal seven generations backwards and seven generations forward.

And

damn, I hate to say this, but

somebody before me, they was sexually victimized also.

So it was like something that kind of ran in the family.

Oh, yeah, like a learned behavior.

Or okay, yeah.

It was like they had went through the same thing.

And

by me creating that space for my children to be able to communicate with me, don't nobody never touch you there.

You know, you always talk to me.

I don't judge my children.

As long as you tell me the truth, I'm never going to be upset with you no matter what it is.

I'm here to help you figure it out.

you know that's me so anyway i broke those generational curses or general excuse me generational traumas let's say that they're not generational curse generational traumas so i broke that and the reason i don't really speak on that like

because it was um

My family's still kind of healing from that situation.

That's understood.

Like me and my mother, we got a beautiful relationship now.

Like it's super beautiful, but it was estranged for a while.

Yeah.

Because I wasn't able to communicate.

So now it's beautiful because we communicate.

And me going back and forgiving my mother and forgiving myself and things of that nature, you got to realize

they didn't know what they was doing.

Nobody handed them a pamphlet and said, this is how you rear children.

So when they hear shocking news like that, the first thing they do is panic.

They don't think to act.

But me, I think to act.

I don't think to just say, oh, God,

that's not how you stop bullying.

Fighting solves everything.

I teach my children that fighting solves everything.

Like, I tell my son, like, if you go to school and if somebody says something to you, don't worry about that.

But if somebody put their hands on you, you punch them right in their nose and you don't stop.

You keep going.

When I come to the school, I'm going to be like, I can't believe you did all this bitch ass shit.

I swear to God, I'm going to kill your motherfucking ass.

I'm going to do all that.

I'm going to make it look good when I get there.

Then after that, I'm going to take you and buy you every toy in the store because fighting solves everything.

You gotta, yeah, you gotta.

We don't.

Hey, we don't.

What's that coach that Texas?

What'd he say?

We don't, we don't raise no pussies.

I forgot that

football guy.

Yeah.

He said, we don't raise no pussies.

He died, didn't he?

I forgot the coach name.

I just seen that shit.

Woody Allen.

Yeah, Michael Leach.

He was like, we don't raise no pussies.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But that's just, that's just one of my biggest things when I can say the way I parent is different.

I don't parent like that.

I parent different.

Like, will you like?

I parent like Coach Knight.

Yeah.

But, yeah, I parent like Coach Knight.

I parent like a coach.

Okay.

My grandfather was like a coach.

Like that tough love.

That's how I parent.

Yeah, I think people don't realize like how they look at their children too is important.

If you always look at your child with like, will you go do that or this is wrong or something, then they, that's, they feel like something is always wrong, right?

Like the look you put into your child's eyes, like your, your child is kind of like a cup and you're like a picture.

It is accountability going on.

Like they have to make their beds, they have to go to school, they have to do these things.

And if not, then you can't play the game.

Right.

You're going to have to take accountability.

Like my son and my daughter know.

And my daughter, she's not even 13 yet.

She came to me and told me, Daddy, is there anything I could

help do around the house to make your life more easier?

Like one of her choices is you keep the kitchen clean.

Still got to make your bed.

Still got to go to school, but you keep the kitchen clean.

My son, you got to make your bed, still got to go to school, but you make sure the trash put out.

And I just give them little jobs.

Yeah.

And then you earn what you earn your wages.

Yeah.

I pay them.

I pay them $250 a week.

Do you really?

$250?

Yeah, dang, bro.

I pay them $2.50 a week.

You want Robux.

You want that?

You know, you got to.

I pay them.

Wow.

Damn, they they could have worked.

Because it worked.

Oh, yeah.

They could have a Chevy sedan by September.

That's a good amount of money.

Yeah, my daughter, she like into the furry costumes.

They be dressing up like,

don't kill me because I don't want to say she's real defensive about this.

No, dad, it's not.

That's what it's called.

It's called this.

I don't know the name of it, but they dress up like

animals.

And I did it one time with her.

Okay.

And that was my way of like going into her world.

And she was like, I want to post a video that me and you did on TikTok, but I'm scared people are going to hate on it.

I said, Promise me you're going to do one thing.

She said, What?

I heard Floyd Mayweather say this.

Say, no matter what you do, if you do something good, if you do something bad, if you do something for yourself or you do something for other people, people are going to always have something to say about you.

So just promise me that you're going to make yourself happy.

Oh, yeah, that's me right there.

Watch one.

I'm about to come in on the furry.

Yeah, that's me right there.

Ooh, Kevin, yeah, that's beautiful, man.

Ooh.

Ooh, wow.

And what an animal is that?

I don't know what I was.

I think I was like a little wolf or something.

Yeah, that's a damn little Cajun wolf.

And then, so

she was afraid to post it.

But then once she posted it, the shit went viral.

Like, because she was already lit in the furry community.

Oh, I see.

I hope I'm saying it right, Isla.

If you're watching me, don't.

Yeah, young lady, we're just trying to.

I love you.

Your father's just honoring what you guys got going on there.

But that was my way of going in the whole world.

Right.

And saying, look, I'm proud of what I do.

I spend time with my daughter.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Like, it's important.

I'm proud of them.

Like, just telling them you love them every day, hugging on them and letting them know, hey, I'm proud of you.

Oh, yeah.

Like that reassurance.

Oh, dude.

They're not afraid to make me mad.

You know what they're afraid to do?

Disappoint me.

The same way I'm afraid to disappoint God.

They're afraid to disappoint me.

Yeah, that relationship is just so important, man.

It's so important.

You know, like, yeah, I remember, I, oh,

i was i was so angry as a kid man um

i wish i'd had that relationship i used to get angry like if i see somebody spending time with their father playing basketball i'd be like ass yeah because i wanted it but now i am that

and then i can't be upset with my real father because we had some beautiful times together oh yeah we had some beautiful times together The times we had.

Yeah.

What was a special time?

My mom, I remember one time.

So So my mom delivered like newspapers and stuff, you know.

So

one time, I think I got sick.

I couldn't go to school, but she had to work.

And so I got to go on her route with her.

And she would go,

and then we took a ride.

We went out over by Picune.

And we went, they had a Wendy's over there.

And we got a Wendy's sandwich over there.

And it was like the only time I ever remember doing something, just me and my mom.

But I remember just everything about it, how I was sitting, what we were doing.

Just, we had like a nice day together, you know.

And, but I had to get sick at school to even just, cause my mom always had to work.

So I'm not like whining about it.

It's just like, but I remember that it was important to me, you know?

As we get older, sometimes it lets us know that

the act of love that they had coming from where we come from.

was them sacrificing time with us to make sure that we had food on the table.

Looking at it in hindsight, it's a good place to make me like, damn, like I appreciate you more.

Like even my children understand like in October, I'm going on tour.

I love y'all, but I got to go do this.

But I love y'all.

Right.

So I spend as much time as I can with y'all, but also I got to go do this in October.

But I love y'all.

Yeah, for me to have a new perspective instead of, man, I bet my mom didn't want to leave me to go to work.

Instead, I'm thinking.

What parent does?

Nobody leaves Earth saying, hey, I should have, I wish I could have spent more time throwing the papers out, delivering the papers.

Everybody leave, even the most, the richest businessman

on earth, they leave and say, I wish I could have spent more time with my family.

Yeah.

But it's beautiful because it's about balance.

And I don't beat myself up for the time that I'm not there.

I understand that they understand.

Because I talk to them.

I don't baby talk.

I talk to them regular.

Yeah, I think that's the biggest thing is communicating what's going on, probably, you know?

Yeah, what's different about your tour this time?

How do you feel about it?

Like, do you notice that that changes for you as you grow up?

What's different about my tour this time?

Because in October, it starts, yeah.

Me.

Me.

It's just another thing.

I'm different.

I'm not the same person I was last year.

I'm better.

Okay.

Way better.

And

man, I could go down the list, but I could say one of the biggest things,

I started giving myself grace.

I don't don't beat myself up no more.

I used to beat myself up.

Yeah.

What would you say, like, in your head, what would that be?

Like, you think

you, I beat myself up.

I, the way I will beat myself up is I will replay something I did and it'll bring shame till I almost cringe when I think about it.

Like,

like, no, man, players, like, I tell myself, like, I, well, excuse me, you probably don't know this.

I talk to myself.

Okay.

All geniuses talk to themselves.

And ever since I read that, it kind of gave me the green, like, to start talking to myself more.

But if I do something, I'll be like, players fuck up too.

Oh, players fuck up too.

Players do fuck up.

Players fuck up too.

And I always tell myself, I'm man, players fuck up too.

Learn from your mistakes.

Don't make them.

And I talk to myself.

I used to be hard on myself like a coach.

Like, hey, bitch.

Yeah.

But I'm still like a coach in the gym.

Get in there, bitch.

I'd be like, hey, hey, hey, the weights ain't going to push theyself.

Yeah.

You know what I'm saying?

You got enough strength to do that, but you ain't got enough strength to lift the cover and get up and go to the gym.

You know what I'm saying?

So it's just,

I'm more like

motivational toward myself with that.

But

if it's a, because you know, you have moments that might come up from the past and it might just come up in your, in your mental inventory.

And then when it come up, instead of running from it.

All the the time I go like that.

Yeah, I do that all the time.

And then you know what I start doing?

I sit with it, man.

Play us fuck up too.

That shit ain't nothing.

You the only one remember that, Kevin.

Don't nobody else even remember that shit.

That's crazy.

Don't nobody remember that shit.

The only thing keeping

that messed up moment alive is you.

Yeah, I'm giving energy to that bullshit, man.

Players fuck up too, man.

I'm fly.

Players fuck up too.

Play us fuck up too, man.

I might walk out of here and trip, but I'm going to make, hey, it's going to be a fly.

When I trip, I might do a little dance move or something.

It's going to be a fly trip when I trip.

Oh, ain't nobody trip better than me.

Yeah, man.

That's going to be beautiful, look trip.

Players fuck up, too.

Dude, if I see you trip, I'm going to be like, man, players.

Hey, that's graceful, bro.

Players fuck up.

I'm going to laugh at myself.

Yeah.

I don't care who see me make a mistake.

I've been on stage sometime, make a mistake.

Excuse me, I just made a mistake.

Hey, the beautiful thing about mistakes is it's okay for people to see you make a mistake.

Just don't never let a motherfucker see you quit.

you're gonna watch me make mistakes but you ain't gonna never watch me quit

like i tell people i still don't get tired

i've been up since oh yeah i've heard that in your song too yeah i still don't get tired i've been up since like 3 30 this morning dang bro i'm fired up all of a sudden yeah energy only translates to more energy is that true yeah like energy translate to more energy now once i go eat my meal

supposed to be having a, between me and you, I'm supposed to be having dinner tonight.

Oh.

That's why I had it on this soup.

Okay, it's nice.

Yeah.

Yeah, I'm supposed to be having dinner.

But, uh,

between me.

But anyway, but uh.

You got a date for dinner now?

I'm supposed to be having dinner.

But after I get, after I eat that meal,

kind of get some good rest.

Oh, I love that.

I love getting a good rest.

Do you have, um,

I want to ask you a couple more things before you go.

You, you have a, You are religious man.

Religious smidges.

Yeah.

Religious smidges.

But yeah, I guess.

Or do you feel like a Muslim?

Because people say that you're a Muslim man.

I'm going to be honest.

I'm spiritual.

Okay.

I'm spiritual.

But like the word Muslim in Arabic, it only means believer.

Right.

So I'm a believer, but I'm very spiritual.

Got it.

Like, I believe spirituality is if I walk in a room and something don't feel right and I leave and something bad happen.

I believe I was guided by God to leave.

I done been in a club in New York.

I'm like, come on, let's go.

We go outside.

As soon as we go outside, a fight break out.

Somebody gets shot.

But I just felt like it was time to go.

And I just always been like that.

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Why do you think it's so hard for us to step into what we really believe we want?

Because when I hear you say that, that's what it hits me as.

I've been saying that, though.

I said it in my song.

I said, when Allah said, my new wife, we'll pray together, and I'm going to keep her sacred.

I say that in the song.

So I manifested this.

I didn't know it was going to be her.

But as men, why do you think it's so hard for a lot of men to just,

yeah, it's like, man, I'm just so tired of everything that's not mean something.

Because

you don't get fulfillment.

I done had more holes than clothes.

I never got no fulfillment from having a bunch of different women.

That shit is stressful.

It's vexating to my spirit.

It don't give me no fulfillment.

A lot of men ain't going to say that.

And then I've been on a semen retention journey for the last, what, maybe five years, I talked about like retaining the life force, retaining the semen, not watching porn, not jacking off, taking that sexual energy and transmuting it into something else.

So if I have a craving to go jack off or I'm horny or whatever you want to call it, I go to the gym or I go to the studio, I transmute that energy into something else.

And you most people just out here jacking off.

Man, you realize, though, when you see dudes with a lot of women, but them dude will be stressed out.

Like, you know what I'm saying?

As a man, you're going to see shit that you gonna, you're gonna look, but at the same time, you ain't gonna help me on my mission.

You're gonna take away.

You ain't gonna add value to me.

You're gonna take from me.

You know, behind closed doors, do you speak life into me?

Do you help me become greater?

Are you helping me become greater?

Like, it don't really be that.

And if you are helping me become greater, are you helping me become greater for me?

Or are you helping me become greater for you?

Are you manipulating me?

Are you verbally abusive to me behind closed doors?

You know what I'm saying?

Like, are you using my flaws against me?

You know, it's a lot of women that'll do that too.

And no, excuse me, I can't say women.

It's a lot of people that'll do that.

Oh, for sure.

Because I done had men do that too, like bring up stuff from the past and try to hold it against me to keep you within whatever kind of energetic construct that they have for you because they need your energy.

Everybody's life is great, but we suffer.

So that's why I'm at with it right now.

Yeah, that seems to be something that's kind of vexing our

I wasn't even going to talk about this, but shit, you the one.

You got it out, bitch.

Oh, I wasn't even trying to get anything.

I'm just trying to sell it.

I already know, but it's like, this is going to be healing for somebody.

Oh, it's healing for me.

That's why I'm curious about it.

It's like, cause I'm sick of like, you know, in my own life, but also I'm the one keeping me there.

That's the crazy thing.

It's like I have the ability to change things.

And I do say in my job.

I say in my song, I'm only excited about spiritual things.

And I swear I can't wait to move on.

I'm only excited about spiritual things.

Yeah, I think I'm just amazed sometimes.

That

I don't know, but I'm also, you know, I got a late start sometimes.

Man, I got a late start.

I'm 39.

I just look, you know what I'm saying?

Oh, yeah.

I don't age.

I'm 39, though.

So I feel like it's never too late.

Yeah.

It's never too late.

But when you said that about all the women, that shit was draining.

Yeah, well, just, I have so many of my friends, like, I'm going on this date.

I don't care.

Just like, well, what are we doing?

And then you have people, it's like you're giving yourself away to people.

And I'm not accusing anybody else.

I'm talking about myself and my own life.

And then it's just.

Tell me about it.

Yeah.

Tell me about it.

And it's like, what kind of journey am I making?

What am I really building here?

And then another word, once I start operating and looking for reciprocation, it shouldn't cost anything.

If I fuck with you, it shouldn't cost anything.

If you fuck with me, it shouldn't cost us anything.

It should be reciprocated.

The energy that I'm giving you should be reciprocated.

If it's not reciprocated, then you're not nobody that I even need to know.

And a lot of times,

when you look at relationships,

I could be somebody's best friend, but they not my best friend.

It's not the energy not being reciprocated.

And a lot of people are victims of that, being in relationships that are one-sided.

The door don't really swing both ways.

It may look like it swing both ways, but it don't.

Yeah, it's just a trap, too.

I mean, a lot of the date, like the sex, the dating, just the pornography, because that's been something I've dealt with, you know?

When you stop watching porn, it's going to change everything.

Yeah.

It's going to change the way you have sex.

Once you realize these people acting, this is fake.

This is not real.

This is not a connection.

This is bullshit.

No disrespect to people that do porn.

But they know it.

They know it's fake.

You know, they know it's.

That's just not my cup of tea.

That just ain't no.

Like, how a man told me he was like, you jacking off to another man's success.

Like, I ain't fucking that bitch.

Dang, it's crazy.

God.

Oh, my God.

I'm jacking off to watching another man's success.

I'm not doing this.

It is kind of crazy, huh?

If you think about it, it's psychotic in nature.

And then you got to hide and sneak to do it.

Oh.

They got some people probably just go do it publicly, but

you got to sneak and do it.

Yeah, I sneak.

And then under the guise of I'm having me time.

Yeah.

But then after you do it, you feel guilty.

You feel horrible.

Like, damn, why I did that?

Because that was precious life for us.

I just wasted on somebody else's success.

God dang it.

Listen, I've been there.

I've been there.

I know about it.

So I've been there.

And what was the thing that got got you out of that?

Like, how'd you able to stop that specifically even?

I took baby steps.

I was like, I'm only going to release on Fridays.

Okay.

And I started to talk about it.

Shabbat, Shaboom, huh?

And I started saying, well, maybe this is my creative energy.

When you release your life force, that's your creative energy.

So I'm not going to release my creative energy.

Like, when you boxing, are you preparing for a fight?

Why I'm working on this album?

I ain't going to release no semen.

Or why I'm doing this, I ain't going to release.

And it just, I became better and better and better.

But it was baby steps.

I ain't just start off just saying cold turkey.

Yeah.

But by the time it was like, man, semen has babies in it, which is crazy.

Yeah, if I ain't getting it.

And you taking baby steps.

Yeah, if I ain't getting no pussy, that's raw.

If I ain't getting no pussy, shit, I ain't no shit.

Yeah, what am I doing?

I can wait.

Yeah, I can wait.

That's the thing.

It's just that relationship with yourself, you know, and having like having conversations with yourself.

Like, what am I doing?

What would I really like to do?

And then how do I get through it?

You respect yourself yourself different.

Yeah, your integrity changes.

Like, I respect myself different now that I don't even play around like that.

Yeah, I respect myself different now.

And when you show up, people can see, here's the funny thing: people can see

the integrity you have for you.

You know what people tell me?

They say your aura is big.

I'm like,

I don't know why.

And they were like, what kind of practices do you do?

I say, I practice semen retention.

Yeah.

It's my precious life force.

And they was like,

that's what it is.

You have a glow.

That's back.

Yeah.

That's a semen.

Damn.

It's your life for us.

Oh, yeah.

It's everything you are.

It's your truth.

It's your script.

Yes.

It's just, I mean, that is, that is.

And it's not even your script.

It's a script of all your ancestors.

Just wasting it in a sock.

And you blow.

Yeah.

You blasting it out here in a dang church sock, too, at times.

God.

Oh, my God.

I forgive myself.

Yeah, you're right, man.

Because sometimes I'll have that shame feeling.

All the misfires, I forgive myself.

Yeah.

We learn from our mistakes.

We move on.

But somebody needed to hear this.

No, I think somebody did today.

And I think, you know what?

I think it's like, we need more leaders in the community to say things like that.

We have to get, I don't know, we got to do something has to start to be different.

I feel like.

The greatest teachers teach without teaching.

Yeah, you're right.

The greatest teachers teach without teaching.

So when the student is ready to learn, the teacher will appear.

You'll be amazed where wisdom could come from.

Yeah.

Even the homeless person standing on the street corner that

smell bad the person that you would be afraid to the person that you would look down upon one of those people the wisdom and the knowledge that they can impute you would be amazed

oh yeah they got bars over there yeah i don't care what you do with the money just here

i i committed an act of giving he's just gonna buy drugs with it hey i committed an act of giving whatever he do that's his choice now one lady made me mad though because she was holding a sign talking about she'll work for food and I gave her a sandwich, and she put it in her book set.

And then I said, you know what?

Maybe she had children to go feed,

but I don't know.

Yeah.

She thinks you're going to sell it to me.

Maybe you had children to go feed or something.

So I was like, I did overreact because I got pissed off.

Kevin, not everybody eats immediately when you serve them.

I mean, you know, maybe she was saving it for later.

I don't know.

Maybe she got baby birds in a nest or something.

I don't know.

Maybe she's saving it for her kids or something.

And I just said, you know what?

I ain't tripping.

Whatever you do with it is on you.

I committed an act of giving.

Probably so, Kevin.

I bet.

Yeah, I think she probably's doing something nice, hopefully.

I hope so.

Yeah, I bet she was.

I hope you ain't take advantage of me.

But if you did, that's if you did, that's your carmetic bag.

Right, I did what I did.

You did the right thing.

Right.

I did what I did.

Yeah, kind of like, man, I think one interesting thing is like,

yeah, we just we need, we got to have leaders making things cool.

You know?

I think that's why it's one to me, and this might be,

I guess I'm afraid to say this probably, because it's probably.

Ready to say go.

I think it's cool that to have a black man say something about that because black people notoriously, I feel like make things cool, right?

Like people go to the black community to make something cool.

Like you give a you give a metal plate to somebody in the black community, they say they got a rim out of it.

You know what I'm saying?

They make things cool.

So I think to hear a black man.

Black activity thrives in the darkness.

Okay, perfect.

Well said.

You didn't say anything wrong.

Okay.

So I think to hear a black guy say that to act certain ways,

I think that makes it cool.

Because we all take, I feel like a lot of culture comes from what's cool comes from the black community.

Creativity thrives in the darkness.

So I just.

You're not saying nothing wrong.

Okay.

Yeah.

I think it's, yeah,

it makes it cool, you know.

And we need, we need things that, like, I think have moral value and integrity to be cool.

Like, like, I watch anime because they have have more moralistic value yeah than regular movies yeah

so i watch a lot of anime i don't watch a lot of it israel autosania watches a lot of it you know who he is the ufc fighter the last style bimber yeah he's incredible dude the last style bimber yeah you and him with you and him would be such a neat i mean you guys are i mean both human so whatever i don't even talk about um

I'm trying to think of anything else we want to talk about.

You have a new tour coming up.

Yeah, a new tour coming up.

I got coffee.

You had a new album that came out on my birthday, I think, March 19th or something.

You had one come out.

I'm here.

Nah.

I'm him too.

I'm him too.

Yeah, I'm trying to think: is there anything else that you wanted to talk about today?

If

anybody watched this and

they gained any insight,

I'm grateful for that.

If you didn't gain any insight, I could give a fuck less.

That's fair.

That's it.

That's all.

That's it.

That's all.

Whenever I drop an album, I'm like, get it.

If you want to get it, if you don't, don't get it.

Like, I'm not here to force you.

If you want to get it, if you don't want to get it, don't get it.

It's already going to do what it's going to do.

Yeah.

I didn't do it.

I can say this.

This album that I put out,

this last one, I was proud of it.

Usually I'm upset.

When a project come out, I'm like, I wasn't happy at this and this and that, whenever a release.

But this time I was like, I celebrated myself the whole way through.

And I was like, man, I love this project.

Like, under my other projects, I go back and appreciate them after the next one come out.

But now this one, I'm like, nah, I fuck with this one all the way through.

Why do you think that was?

Because I'm in a different space.

Like, I don't make depression music anymore.

And then if I do make depression music, I'm just venting.

It's my therapeutic release.

I got it all out.

I know there's somebody out there that can relate to what I'm going through but this is how we combat that let's onward and upward that's it does all i don't stay stuck in a sunken place no yeah i don't stay stuck in a i don't stay stuck i don't stay stuck in a sunken place i don't stay stuck in a sunken place amen i'm gonna snap out of it quick that's it nothing changes if nothing changes they say changes if nothing changes yes sir kevin gates man the pride of louisiana uh thank you so much man for spending time with me today man it's a blessing i really appreciate it.

Thank you for having me.

And I just want to tell you this, sincerely.

I mean it sincerely.

Thank you for being you.

This was like the most different type of interview, podcast, whatever you want to call it.

It was just like,

we was just talking shit.

But it was beautiful because not too many people could see me,

like really see me.

Yeah.

And I just appreciate you for that.

Usually when I go places, I have to meet the person at the level of the person.

I had to see where they at.

But with this, it was like the transparency was beautiful.

It was refreshing talking to you.

Like I lost track of time.

If you ever watch, when I go other places, I have to meet the person at the level they at.

And I hate what I'm about to say, but it's the truth.

I look at my watch to keep time.

I didn't do that one time here because it was refreshing.

This is refreshing.

Well, I appreciate you sharing yourself with the world, sharing what's going on in your head and your spirit with the world, man.

It's been some of the things you say make me think, and I'll and I appreciate that because I think

me having a taking time to think is more important than

I knew it needed to be for myself.

Yeah,

so thank you very much, Mr.

Gates.

Thank you for having me.

Now I'm just folding on the breeze, and I feel I'm falling like these leaves.

I must be

cornerstone.

Oh, but when I reach that ground, I'll share this peace of mind.

I found I can feel it

in my bones.

But it's gonna take

a little while.