E561 Ari Shaffir

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I have some tour dates to tell you about. I'll be in East Lansing.
I'll be in Victoria in the Canada. I'll be in College Station, Texas, Belton, Texas, Oxford, Mississippi, Tuscaloosa, Alabama, Nashville, Tennessee, baby, and Winnipeg in the Canada and Calgary in the Canada.
All those tickets are at theovon.com slash T-O-U-R. This is still the return of the rat tour.
I promise we'll end it one of these days when we've gone all the places that we can go. I'm very grateful that you guys continue to support us.
Today's guest is a stand-up comedian. He's a podcaster.
He's been an integral part of comedy for a long time. Bridges a lot of years and connections between other comics.
He's certainly a type of glue in the humor world. His latest special, America's Sweetheart, is now on Netflix.
You know, you be tripping. And he's currently on the farewell tour going now through the rest of the year.
I'm always excited to spend time with him and catch up. Today's guest is Mr.
Too much burrito. Did you? Ugh.
I fucking have American serving sizes, and they hit you with chips and salsa first. You fill up on those.
Yeah, some serving sizes are alarming. I can't tell if I'm, you know, there's an amount of serving size that you want to get, right? There's, but then some places that give too much, you're like, oh, that's, this is awesome of them.
But then you start having it and you're like, oh, this is- I'm gonna keep eating it. I'm a dog.
And it's not good sometimes. They're just overloading you with badness.
Yeah, shitty fries. We're like, there's no seasoning of this.
And then I ate them all i should have just been like no i'll get fried i have fry money i could go get more fries yeah but i don't like they're right here right now i'm gonna eat them yeah i want like two bites too many would be perfect okay i'm done with like one or two extra bites and then that's it buddy that uh that trump interview was so fucking good i've never seen do it like that where it I mean, this is the way I'm reading it. I'm Theo.
I'm like, you're here for me. Not the other way around.
Really? And you're going to facilitate me being Theo. Oh, wow.
Yeah. Yeah, I don't know.
I just felt, I'd had an exhausted week that week. We'd had like a couple of interviews.
I think it was in New York and in Nashville. And so it was just like a lot a lot of traveling i was like i do not want to do this today yeah you really have to prep for it but it was just like burnt out you know yeah but yeah i think people some people have said that they think it had an effect on the election and stuff i don't really think that i think it was like a neither here nor there he's just sitting there like this for you it's like when i go into bonfire with jay and I would just like, oh, you guys have a routine here.
I'll just sit back and get one tagline in, you know? Yeah. I wish we'd have gotten more time to get to.
I wish I'd have gotten more time to talk to Donald Trump because I thought it would have been just. I knew we only had about like 55 minutes.
So that's that's a, you know, unique amount of time. I hate with those big guys where they're like, we have this much.
And you're like, all right, I'll do that Everybody else is like, let's just go until we're kind of done. Yeah.
But it was interesting. Like, we're going to need to wrap up in the, oh, yeah, fine.
But like, I'm not. There was some guy in the back, some lady.
Like, I should have just been like, wave it off. But I didn't.
Should have been like, I don't work for you. Don't work for me.
I don't work for you. I'm going to keep him here.
Yeah. I wish he'd got, dude dude, I had a dream last night actually that I interviewed Tim Walls actually.

He's the loser guy.

He was the guy that – yeah, he was on the losing team and he was –

What did you interview him about?

What did you talk to him in your dream?

I can't remember, but he was so cool in the interview.

And I was like, dude, people don't know if you're so cool or not.

We have to come.

Let's talk, people.

But I think –

I bet they're all kind of cool. I bet they're like, hey, you know what i want to take power like oh i like that and then when they do it was like fuck you yeah i think a lot of them just probably either want or they want that's the thing it's so hard to know what they're really like as opposed to what you see yeah until i think you get some sort of like avert like something of them that seems like somewhat relatable to you.
Yeah, and then they're all a product too. I saw somebody talking about George Bush Jr.
How would you say nuclear? You know, do I say nuclear? And somebody's like. Wait, how would he say it? Nuclear.
Nuclear. That's how he would say it? No, he said nuclear.
Nuclear. Oh, nuclear's wrong.
Sorry, buddy. Which one's wrong? Nuclear.
Nuclear's wrong. Yeah.
Nuclear. But they were um but you don't think he knew never it's nuclear power nuclear power no matter what you put on it it's always gonna be nuclear okay yeah i've heard it both ways i think i'm not i didn't really know which one was yeah correct but yeah nuclear but they were like you don't think he knew how to pronounce that his father was the president you don't think he knew and he heard nuclear around the house they told him to mispronounce that so he could be relatable wow you think yeah damn he went to like an ivy league school that's true he would have been shaken to that yeah we i think that's that i think people are starting to get hip to like how much of it is um game of thrones like image yeah yeah how much of it is like this person is doing this or they're being told this or this is the plan yeah Kamala did not have a good strategist whoever her business their planner was or whatever who was that who was their that's one thing I bet it wasn't the swam campaign advisor yeah I bet it wasn't that bald guy what's his name he's like the main one Carville James Carville? James Carville? Oh, yeah.
He was cool. Not him.
He would have done something better. He would have done something cool.
He's out of Louisiana. Yeah, that's right.
I went up to him once. I was like, how do you talk to a celebrity? There's no way.
I don't know how to do that. They know I'm talking to them because they're them.
Not just like, oh, hey, cool shirt. And didn't know who it was.
So I saw him on a commercial shoot once. I was like, what do I say? I'm like, I know.
He used to call into sports radio in D.C., and he had a great thing, like always been on the home underdog if there were more than seven points. And I was like, that's what I'll say.
I was like, hey, I used to listen to you on WTEM with Kornheiser way back. And he goes, oh, cool.
Fuck, fuck, even that. Yeah, there's nothing worse.
Because if your planned line doesn't go good for a celebrity you have nothing that's it yes you stand like an asshole like uh oh i've done that it feels so shitty and it's so obvious what you're trying to do i know oh dude that's like there was a night where johnny depp was at the comedy store oh yeah i heard about that and everybody like you got the star oh he was there was nobody like him you know he was um he was everybody dude he was in that movie peter pan he was in that peter pan movie um was he yeah what was it called uh finding neverland finding neverland oh god it's a good movie but anyway every so then like suddenly i'd never even really been backstage at the main room in In the main room, I wasn't getting on stage there much of the time. And I'm like, oh, I got to go back.
Got to go back. Johnny.
So you walk in. The back room back there was packed.
You could barely even move. Everybody's having these fake conversations and kind of has their body lightly turned towards Johnny Depp.
They all try to laugh louder. So maybe he'll join in with our joviality.
I see it with Rogan sometimes. I bet you get it too.
You sit and I'm like, oh, cool. Nobody's in this bar.
I was like, I don't know. Just fill up.
Yeah. It's like word got out.
Theo Vaughn's there. Oh, Rogan.
I could imagine, dude. I feel like you never see.
I feel like a lot of people, you never see him. He doesn't do a lot of.
We get like 20 minutes normal and then it's over. Yeah i'm like yeah i was sitting there all right fucking take it yeah they're like let me tell you about science you know i'll tell you where the aids is you know you're like what's this guy and it's just a gay got his flirting or whatever but um a dude it was like that at the uh oh that was it and he was in the back and And then I think I can't.
Oh, that's Edgar. That's right.
Yeah, he was with Edgar. And who brought him? The guy? Doug Stanhope.
Doug Stanhope from Arizona. And everybody was just like.
Trying to be in his presence. Yeah.
His aura. You could soak it in.
You could just see him. And I can't even remember if I got to meet him or not.
But if I did, I think it was one of those things like, oh, see, things are going good or something like that. Just like we were from high school together.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like you want this – it's never going to be that.
It's never going to be like – the best was Dice one time. Met some guy.
And he goes, oh, we should hang out. So I'm a fan.
And Dice is like, you know how he is. And he's like, sure, give me a number.
And Dice called him and texted him 35 times a day, bothered him at work, to the point where the guy's like, hey, Andrew, I'm working right now. I go, oh, yeah, work's tough.
It's like I remember a couple jobs I had when I was younger. And he's like, Andrew, I've got to go back to work.
The guy just regretted trying to be friends with him. Yeah, that's hilarious.
It does suck. I heard Brody Stevens back there and like either didn't know or now that i realize probably somebody told him and he went back there like oh like like you're not expecting to see anybody let alone johnny fucking depp yeah and he goes oh and then i heard depp had this way to offset he goes hi i'm johnny how you doing or i'm john yeah and then brody's like johnny depp yes heard of it yeah he must have been like this guy's been weird from front of me like no no that's just who he is he's gonna hang himself soon don't worry about that god yeah that's yeah there's nothing scarier than if you have a line for something to say this because your brain doesn't think it's just like oh everything will go good it's not like well if that doesn't get adhered to then what are you going to do after that yeah you plan ahead like once that goes great then what do i do from there i'll talk i'll listen i'll say hey i will then i'll ask yeah maybe we can get a photo or something yeah but god it's so scary when that first line doesn't go good because then you don't know what to do oh it's so embarrassing it is harrowing kind of and that was at a time when celebs there was like a real hierarchy to celebrity then i feel like celebrities gotten very like anybody like it's everybody has like um social media you know everybody has a website everybody could be a star you know you also see the real them now the real real celebrities yeah so you're like oh you're just a guy yeah you do the same you're like oh i see you with your dog you're fine you're normal yeah things have gotten yeah celebrities used to be kept more in this kind of hidden realm kind of yeah i met rob low who's one of those big who did my travel podcast yeah and he was like can i change in the other room was like yeah sure it's i mean it's filthy i had someone sleeping in there yesterday so like but like yeah whatever and then it's just like yeah i don't have to like cater to them you're a guy fucking go in there and change I don't know right yeah and that's how they all are it's just it's weird realizing as you grow up they're not different yeah do you think that's growing up or do you think that it's changed that the like maybe it's changed maybe but I mean I always take out the fact that I'm getting that I'm getting older and growing up that part of the realization of things.
Yeah, somebody said whenever you have a big movie now, they're like, oh, let's get Matt Damon or Brad Pitt. That'll be a big, big star.
But it's like, no one under 28 worships that guy. So it's a 50-year-old studio exec saying, that'll be a headline.
It's like, no, no, get Timothee Chalamet. Get somebody younger.
Yeah, get Timothee Chalamet or get a lesbian who's a timothy chalamet impersonator yeah without even trying yeah yeah but even that would go further with a young generation sure would they'd be like oh yeah like what the fuck um ari shafir man good to see you bro you too buddy yeah are you living are you living in austin now no new york are you still living new york just publicly every time i'm there there's so many fucking pictures so everyone's like i guess you must be there yeah yeah you can't do two feet without somebody posting a picture and they're pretty immediate over there too yeah like the second you're there you show up on social media yeah you're like it's almost like hey how's how's the crowd i'm about to go on i noticed you like oh all right they're pretty good do you are you amazed at the success of austin or with the comedy scene in austin what do you think about it do you it's exciting for sure it's exciting they got some shit to overcome they want to be the real scene yeah yeah the they they need to know where they're weak they don't oh where they're weak the comedians you mean yeah there there's a lot of like ass kissing there it's like we're great we're great and you really got to focus on why we're terrible self-hating was always driving better than celebration oh you know what that's a good i don't know if there's as much self-hatred there yeah the store especially when you started going there like right after me it was it was like nobody was there like we suck we fucking's obvious. No one's here to see us.
So let's try to be better. Yeah, they've kind of started out like doing well.
Yeah. Kind of like the JonBenet of comedy.
Yeah, four-year comics with like serious road draws. Like, oh, you need that fucking struggle time.
You started with a spotter. That's not the best way to work out.
I didn't even really think about that. Yeah, but it's still exciting.
It's a new burgeoning scene, and that's pretty exciting. You know, there's no Hollywood there to fuck it up, to ship people away from what they're doing.
So they're really just concentrating on jokes. Yeah.
Yeah, like at first I was like, what's this going to be like? You know, it seemed like a lot of like, you know, when Joe went, but then also Tom Seg tom segura went which is huge and a lot of comedians went like i think the bigger thing is those five six year comics that are going and in 10 years it's like a long it's a long game to make that scene something and in 10 years they're going to be the biggest the best comics right and they're gonna be austin comics yeah yeah that's kind of the last time i was there i was like you could go up and down that street and do kind of five sets in a night if you wanted and i was like well that is nice yeah that's do you ever i mean i don't know how you are normally you're so big now it's pretty cool but like i talked with shane too i'm like can you go up and like get an honest rep anymore oh that's a good question especially shane i feel like is the biggest guy in the world right now yeah i feel like he's like i don't even know who i would compare him to down he's like the big he's like dane cook yeah at the time when dane was dane shane and dane shane and dane buddy cops where they don't do anything they just get drunk instead and dane just goes come on don drink, don't drink. And Shane just keeps drinking.
And they never solve a crime. Dane has a big idea and then Shane just...
Seems gay. Raises his eyebrow out.
And he's like, all right, I won't. Seems gay.
That's hilarious. That'd be the best.
That'd be the best. Nothing happens every single episode.
I just sit there and kind of half argue. Yeah, you need an honest rep.
There's times where I go up in New York and it's a big applause. And sometimes I go up and it's like, one guy's like that.
And I'm like, oh, nice. Okay, this is going to be a real.
I'll really tell if my jokes are good this time. This is going to be fair.
Yeah. Well, I think a lot of the people from the podcast or that realm or whatever people that podcast, it's like a lot of the audiences know us.
They just see us so much. Going ahead of time time they already know your backstory yeah they saw so many i mean they've seen so many clips are for you or things that are out there you know and a lot of it's stuff that we didn't even make it's like other channels making shit it's like you know like i know there's like legion of skanks has like extra channels that are always just making their shit and putting it out yeah yeah and it's it's great stuff but it's like so then that just gets so much of it out there yeah i remember doing one time i was doing when i was doing that jew special i would do q a's to like what do you want to know about jews and sometimes you'd be like what's the ovan like no no no just jew questions and then one time in houston i was like all right i'm gonna i'm gonna do this they said something about bird i was like i was like all right bird did that whatever and then tom and i was doing that and this black couple this guy so just raising your hand he raises his hand i was like yeah question he goes who are all those people and i was like oh right yeah you don't know the backstory i can't do shit like that yeah well black people started podcasting a lot more last year yeah they just figured out how to get online oh yeah they couldn't figure out the password they keep changing their phone numbers too much it's linked to an old phone number that could be true yeah they're like oh this is my aunt's email account is this your address who's asking who's asking yeah some some guy putting his his home address for his email address disguises to enter into a password like i don't know how it works anyway they finally hired some white Jew out of college to run it for him.
Yeah. Now it's all running great.
I am curious about Austin. I'm curious because last time I was there, just this energy.
There is a lot of excitement. The club will be sold out.
I mean, Joe's club will be sold out forever. So you sold out in seconds.
Yeah. But even you go to some of those other rooms.
You go to Red Band's room next door. to There's the black cat or something.
Uh-huh black rabbit. Yeah, black rabbit.
My problem is also I can't I can't get any on it I'm a star there. Yeah, so that's not it's fun.
It was like remember the Laugh Factory open mic Yes, so Laugh Factory open mic signing up for sitting outside You can only do once a month and that's what kept you in comedy because you're like i will kill and the store open mic was like made you think about quitting yeah but like it was so good you need that once in a while it's just a victory lap that's how austin is for me no matter where i go i'm like all right i can't work on anything here it's probably because you and rogan have been friends for so long you've just been you know so intertwined with a lot of those guys and because you've done so much work yourself but for new comics you can get that honest rep there and that's what's exciting yeah and i think joe also he's trying to build a scene not just a club yeah i think he's doing it i mean he pushes at the end of every episode he asks everybody he's like so you're moving austin oh yeah he tries so hard He tries so hard. I try to tell him the reasons why.

They don't make sense to him.

Yeah.

I'm like, it's like an influencer town.

Yeah.

And he's like, no, you just get a place 45 minutes away with armed guards every mile.

You know?

And it's like, okay, that's not going to be my reality, bud.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

He has people just shooting on it, tablets.

No, it's close.

They just get airlifted into the club and get airlifted back.

It's easy, man.

Yeah.

But it's such a fun time.

It is fun.

Oh, my God.

It's a vacation.

Every time you go there, you can treat it right.

You fill up your own drinks.

Thank you. into the club and get airlifted back.
It's easy, man. But it's such a fun time.
It is fun.

Oh, my God.

It's a vacation.

Every time you go there, you can treat it right.

You fill up your own drinks.

That's how every club should be.

I'm an adult.

I get free drinks.

Why do I got to borrow this bartender?

Yeah.

Let me just make my drinks.

And people are like, doesn't he lose a lot of money?

They're like, a bottle of – it costs $60.

Right.

No.

Like, yeah, if that's that much of the stress, then it's – you guys are having a tough time anyway. Yeah.
Yeah, you make a little money. You see your friends with nothing to do when you're there.
Getting to be in there, people don't realize you get to meet whoever Joe had on his show that day is going to be at the club that night. There's some congresspersons there.
You're like, hello. Anyway, we're about to make some Holocaust jokes jokes do you want to stay in for this or it's it's on you but he's like i wrote a couple myself yeah we're like i think i could fuck aids out of a chick you're like oh i'm sorry your honor um maybe we'll leave but he does feel energetic there i i've i'm seriously considering getting a um trying to get a little house there someplace where i can be there more often because i want to be able to work on comedy more i do feel like i get a real rep for comedy when i'm here actually interesting if it's not a show that i put on yeah yeah right right right then you get up because i don't i feel like la like at least some rep some like that i might know you but i'm not maybe i'm not a ticket buyer for theo vaughn right so you gotta win me over a little bit.
Yeah or maybe I'm not a fan at all.

Right. Maybe I don't like you.

So win me over. The best was one time

when Louis came back we saw

security footage camera. Some chick was

there at the side so we could see her fully

behind Louis. And she was like

just like mad. And then four

minutes in it's Louis CK. Right.
So he's

the talent there is

undeniable. So she's mad.
After about

four minutes she goes

Thank you. just like mad and then four minutes in it's louis ck right so he's the talent there is is undeniable so she's mad after about four minutes she goes and then five minutes later she's like and then by the end she's just dying laughing she's like yeah maybe this guy's all right yeah at the end she's like jerk off in front of me you can do it Don't ask.
I'm not into that. He's changing her whole demo.

Yeah.

Dude, I really think yeah who i think louis bill burr probably the funny they might be louis the funniest guy i've ever seen the funniest person i've ever spoken to he's the most creative i think he's always just making jokes and you put him on a pedestal sometimes but he's not he's just a schmuck he's just a schmendrick a fat blob and like whatever we put on that's us putting stuff on he's just a dude yeah i'll be honest i've been getting a bit more into crypto just hedging my bets on the market in the future if you love bitcoin or looking to get into crypto, then I got the right thing for you. Introducing MoonPay, the easiest way to buy or sell crypto using the payment methods you already feel comfortable with.
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Your face will thank you and so will everyone else. You have a new comedy special coming out.
Yeah, it's out. It's out now? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It just came out. America's Sweetheart.
Nice. Oh, and that's you? That's me.
Wow. So things have changed.
That's right. In America, for sure.
I'm the nice guy. Hey, we'll take what we can get, you know? Like, there's nobody nicer? Like, nah.
Do you find as you've been in comedy for how long? 25 years. Wow.
Right? It's a long fucking time. It's more than half.
I've been more in comedy than not in comedy. I think I just passed that.
Do you feel like in the beginning you were just telling jokes? Like there was a – and now that there isn't any more purpose. I just wonder like I try to look at like do we evolve as comedians? Because you hear some people say we evolve, right? You hear some people say their whole goal, their whole life is just to get up the punchline.
Some people want to start being philosophical, right? Do you feel any difference or notice anything about that for yourself? Yeah, I think it's everybody. It's like, it's not even like you do this thing.
It might even take off or not take off. But then you're like, well, I'm a different person.
Like Sturgill. You know Sturgill Simpson? So he's singing about DMT and mushrooms and stuff.
And then the later albums is about his kids and stuff. And they're like, what about the drugs? And he's like, I mean, I covered it.
I'm in my 40s now. It's kind of gross to be talking about like, can you believe I got so whacked out? It's like it's kind of lame at some point.
So you have to like shift. And the better you get to, you talk to a tail who I think definitely could be the best.

That's a good point.

And you see him and dude, that joke was so funny.

He goes, it was a simple switch.

And like he's on such a higher level that stuff I've been around for a while that I'm like, wow.

He's like, that was a nothing thing.

That was an easy trick I just did.

Yeah.

And he's so far above me, I can't see it.

So yeah, everybody evolves a bit.

I've started using my English degree more.

Really?

Yeah.

Doing pretty much my last two specials.

Like Othello or something?

No, like the five-paragraph essay.

Oh, like having a real plan to it?

Yeah, just like, here's my thesis.

Here's my proofs.

Now here's a wrap-up.

Instead of just a collection of bits.

But once you get pretty good at joke-telling,

then it's like, what do I want to do on top of that?

Right.

So that's what I'm doing with this.

I'm trying to get people off the news.

Yeah, is that what it's about more?

Yeah, I'm sort of like, things are pretty good.

If you're on there too much,

they're going to think it's bad,

but it's actually pretty fucking good.

Yeah, I saw a clip where you were with Harry Mandel. He was talking about anti-Semitism.
Somebody was. How come you can pronounce that well and not nuclear? That's a good question.
Programming. Yeah, you've come in contact with one more than another.
Yeah, yeah. He was so sure that's a horrible time for Jews.
Yeah yeah and i'm so positive it's not yeah yeah i remember he there was one time he was oh i think it was when trump was running for office and nobody could understand how i like i was excited that trump was running because he was a i was like if that fucking dude can win then anybody could go win yeah the way obama gave black people hope yeah he gives trump gives regular people hope oh dude the first time that he won i remember dropping down the street and i've never even been a big trump or i've never endorsed trump i don't think i voted for him the first time i don't remember if i voted for him the first time but i was like fucking anybody can win and like if you're born with a billion dollars, like yeah, but you also say stupid,

and I'm stupid.

Yeah.

So that's the part I'll relate to.

Right.

Yeah.

You're like, anybody could win.

That's the part that was fascinating about it.

But I remember how I was scared.

It was like, oh, no,

when they had that Richmond neo-Nazi,

that Nazi thing in Richmond,

remember years ago?

Oh, yeah.

What was that?

It was like those guys

that bought those cheeky torches or whatever?

Yeah, no, it wasn't Richmond.

Charlottesville? Charlottesville. Charlottesville.
Yeah. There was a statue.
Do you know who the statue was there? No one does. Nobody knows who the fucking statue was.
And it was a flashpoint of everything. Was it Stephen Douglas? Were the symbols of the city's Confederate past? They don't even know who it is.
They're all protesting. They don't even know where the fucking statue is.
Totally normal. Oh, it was Robert E.
Lee and Stonewall Jackson. Two of them.
Now that's New Orleans, isn't it? That's Charlottesville? Yeah, that's Charlottesville. Oh, yeah.
I had a school nearby me called Robert E. Lee Junior High School.
I wonder if it's still called that. Probably changed it.
Probably changed it. Erasing history.
To Bobby Lee. Bobby Lee College of Dropouts.
Dude, how does Bobby Lee not have an elementary school named after that? You gotta. You still look kind of like you're in one.
You could go undercover, Bob. Just shave that stupid stash.
You could go undercover. You look young.
Oh, yeah, with just insane teriyaki lunches every day. Yeah, just these giant meals.
You ever go to eat with Bobby? He just, like, fills up the table.'re like oh is this for us oh no you can order too bobby eats like ralphie may he's a principal he shows up once a year over zoom um you know what i saw the other day oh i was talking to my uh i was talking to this kid and he didn't know what aids was dude what yeah He? Yeah. He doesn't know what AIDS is.
I was like, kid. I was like.
You trying to educate him? I don't think I'm allowed to tell you, but. I was like, dude, what about AIDS? And he's like, AIDS.
And I was like, AIDS, you know? One of the top three things. Yeah, I mean, dude, it's like, but where is it? Like, if kids don't even know about AIDS, man.
It's gone. But that's crazy.

You got to talk to gays, bro.

I talked to Mateo.

Because you can't get it.

We got a force field now.

Oh, they do?

Prep.

Oh, prep drugs.

Yeah, prep.

So it's like, they just can't get it.

So it's back to 80s.

Let's fuck.

Let's be gay the way gay was meant to be.

Yeah.

Let's fuck in the back of the church.

Let's fuck anywhere gays are.

They'll fuck anywhere, huh?

They just go for it.

That's crazy, isn't it?

Imagine just-

I had a guy trying to jerk me off

in the back of a bus in Vietnam.

You did?

Yeah.

And the guy was gay?

I don't fucking know what they're, Thank you. You did? Yeah.
And the guy was gay?

I don't fucking know what their culture is.

That's a big sign usually.

Dude, they're starving over there. They could have been ordering soup.

Dude, any joke that ends in soup, Jewish people love it for some reason. I'm listening.
a little cold i'll eat half and send it back but i like that joke i'll eat half that joke and send it back well hold on almost done yeah uh there's a hair in there it's the biggest problem jews going bald they can't send soup back sorry Howie you're right that's hilarious dude that's fucking hilarious what are we talking about Jesus Christ is this what the president said oh the AIDS the AIDS yeah I miss it it was like a real thing United people United Nation AIDS well I remember yeah they were like at a school or whatever they made us do like a round of applause for HIV or whatever it was it was like something like some some thing they had at our school it was like clap for AIDS or whatever clap for it people you would clap it was like somebody would clap as long as they could to raise money for aids like one of those things like do it as long as you can like a um aids a thon or whatever okay and it was like i just remember being in this gym and people just it was like somebody had to keep clapping so you had to tag in somebody else to clap and then if you got to a certain number of hours then you raise a certain amount of money wow turns out they never got the cure. They just got a pretty much a vaccine.
You did it. AIDS.
AIDS. Dude, that's not funny.
But when you're here, everything's funny, dude. Oh, what is this right there? Oh, an unfortunate product name, A-Y-D-S.
AIDS. I was overweight.
Looked here. Help me lose 46 pounds.
The AIDS diet plan helped me lose 28 pounds. AIDS helps control your appetite so you lose weight yet aids lets you taste chew and enjoy and the appetite suppressant in aids is not a stimulant aids helped me to lose 18 pounds and it doesn't contain anything to make me nervous question why take diet pills when you can enjoy aids aids helps you lose weight without making That's crazy.
That's crazy. Dude, the term, enjoy AIDS.

And people are like, where? pills when you can enjoy AIDS. AIDS helps you lose weight without making a jittery.
That's crazy.

Dude, the term, enjoy AIDS. And people are like, where did

AIDS start?

In chewable form.

That's wild. I mean, what's that

new drug that makes you lose weight? Oh, Zempic.

Oh, Zempic. That's that.
They just rebranded.

AIDS. Zima did it.

They went to Trulia and White Claw.

They were smart. They did, huh?

I forgot. Zima was just an early White Claw.

Zima gives me, what happened there gives me

Thank you. AIDS.
Zima did it. They went to Trulia and White Claw.
They were smart. I forgot Zima was just an early White Claw.
Zima gives me, what happened there gives me hope for society. Because you're within a 10, 15 year age of me.
You remember Zima. It's like there's a cooler stuff and you reach for Zima.
People are like, you sure you want to do that in front of people? You're going to be called gay for a long time. And you And you're like, okay, I won't.
We went away and then Truly or White Club, whichever the first one came back and we all kind of made a deal like let's not call each other gay. Let's just drink this.
Yeah. And we all were cool about it.
And just fucking shit. Yeah.
Yeah. If nobody calls the other person gay, we can enjoy this.
We can do this. Don't be the first one to take that shot in the revolution.
Dude, Zima was kind of was one of a kind because it had caught the bottles and it kind of it was a malt liquor you you kind of had it had a malt liquor idea to it but it was was it lemon flavored citrus oh wow yeah a touch of citrus look at the jolly ranchers nearby it yeah put a jolly is it out can you still buy zimas is the ip still available you can't find zima anywhere else though it is sold in japan i'm going to japan are you i mean now it's a weird reason to go they got a lot of unique stuff over there yeah oh what i see the other day in china there was a did you see this Jackson Hole, the city in China that they built?

Jackson Hole.

When I was there, they just built a city.

Really?

Suzhou wanted to build the district.

So they're just like, do it.

No bureaucracy.

Make it happen.

Just build it.

It was up in six months.

20 skyscrapers.

No waiting.

No codes.

Look at this place. This guy built.
I visited China's $170 million Little America replica town. It's a town of Jackson Hole.
Wow. That's just a, that's the burbs.
Yeah. So it made of Jackson.
It just looks like America. This guy went to visit it.
Those drawers from the sleep in. And everything in it uh wyoming yeah what who does this how can you do this that's wild they built a few of these how big is that who's building it china who's what are you just to just to bring new people in old churches i think rich people it looks like yeah what is it you give me some information on it? So you can live in China but be in America? Yeah, something like that.
Property taxes. Jackson, Old China is a resort town on the border between Huallai County Zhangjiaoqiao, wedged between Taihang and Yan Mountain Ranges.
An architecture is designed by the town of Jackson, Wyoming.

Is there a ski in there?

Damn.

I don't know.

Let us see some of that information.

Cowboy bar.

The Thousand Single Home Development used stock Western home plants from an architect in Oregon.

Adding designs reminiscent of Billy the Kid, Geronimo,coast Station, Big Bear etc Cow hut antler chandeliers, saddle blankets all this stuff, wagon wheels, Navajo rugs, iron light fixtures, wildlife scene, fireplace screens, this is a whole place that's there, the project was completed in 2009, Lu Yang Yang, the developer Yang,

of the community

said his selling point

was more than architecture.

His buyers wanted

freedom and spirituality

so he built a Christian church

in the center of the community

for residents.

According to Smith,

the properties have sold out

and nearly tripled in value

since being built

as the first model

was put up in Beijing

Park for display.

People apparently

went nuts for it.

Damn,

I should have invested in Chinese real estate. I know.
Damn, I invested in Palisades. Wow.
That's pretty cool. Yeah.
Replica town. That's like Saudi shit.
Just interesting. And they have a few of them.
I think there's... Made to be like Venice, the canals? Yep.
Replica is of Paris, London, and Jackson Hole, Wyoming. Just interesting.
Wait, wait, wait, up right there. Hold on.
That's in China? They have an Eiffel Tower in China? Oh, yeah, they do it all. Because they're like, we have so much land.
We have so many expendable souls that we can use to do construction. Yeah.
Why not just build it here? That way you don't have to go somewhere. Dude, I have a map in my studio for my travel podcast.

And it's in China.

You see all the cities on the right side of it.

And then as it goes left, there's just nothing.

There's an occasional dot of a city.

And I'm like, what's all of this?

Yeah.

I think I should have looked it up by now.

What's out there?

Yeah.

What the fuck?

What's in central China?

That's a good question.

There's just no reports from there?

Is that where they're keeping all the people who talk back? What's in central China? That's a good question. There's just no reports from there? Is that where they're keeping all the people who talk back?

What's in central China?

I saw some Korean people yesterday.

Is that what they teach people to butt on the subway before you get a chance to get off?

Is that what they do?

Yeah, they do.

They don't understand, though.

Like, we get off first, then you get on.

Oh, they get off first.

They just get on.

They just push on.

Elevators, too.

Like, let me get out first.

Oh, they say it's up to you. Yeah, it's like you didn't go for it um what else is cracking man it's cracking in the world yeah what do you think of everything what makes you hopeful well i guess negativity what makes you hopeful do you think things are feeling negative right now it seems like they're pushing you to be negative but i don't think you have to be yeah so if you center on something that on something, it's like, wow, I like this.
New Austin scene is pretty cool. We never had a third real scene.
That's a good point. Yeah, that's nice.
And at first I didn't think, I was like, oh, we'll never really be able to compete. But as I've gone back, I feel like, hey, it is.
I don't think it has to compete. That's the problem, too.
You get into that where it's like, I come to L.A. I spent a little time hating it the way I hated religion for a while when I left.
And now I'm like, it's cool. And I get back to L.
I'm like, oh, yeah, I'm going to get some burritos. I'm going to see some friends.
It's great. Yeah.
Yeah. It's just a great new extra thing.
You know? Yeah. It's like, it's not like, which one's better? It's like, well, you don't have to live there.
Yeah. He's always like, you got to move here.
Yeah. But it is cool, though.
The bars are cool. The honky-tonks away from where he built that club is still cool.
Yeah, 6th Street is a violent atmosphere of people vomiting on one another. It always was.
And then they put horses. There's a horse that comes by every 40 minutes and just shits everywhere.
Just shits. Let's add this to the mix.
Let's up it now. You know all this violence and people are ready to go and barf and puke and drunkenness? Let's add horse shit and then sit back and watch from a safe distance atop a stallion.
Yeah, there's just occasionally people, there's just horses shitting out there. And one of the horses they said was an undercover cop.
I'm like, who gives a fuck? I'm like, who's going to let a horse bust him? Who goes up to a horse like does he want to smoke with me oh fuck look at this chick look at don't move what the fuck are you wearing lady have some class when the skirt's so short I can smell your thoughts, you know? I remember going there before it got

kind of meth-y.

I saw some UT guys

walking along.

It's like who we used to hang with

tangentially. Just like

tough frat guys.

They pass some chick, overweight chick.

They're drunk. She goes, you're fat!

I was like,

dude. That's how it always was.
Sixth Street. No one in Austin goes to 6th Street.
Yeah. Once a year for a lark.
Nobody real goes there. Nobody who wants to go do something fun.
At least Broadway in Nashville is based on something. It's based on the old honky tonk area.
Right. There's only one or two left.
But it's based on something. So it comes from a place.
6th Street in Austin. and it's just based on the old honky tonk area right there's only one or two left but it's based on something so it comes from a place okay street in austin it's just it's based on nothing yeah it's got a darkness to it yeah it definitely seems it seems kind of spooky about it it seems like people that are just there to get drunk it kind of has more of a bourbon street kind of vibe to me oh yeah maybe yeah and also you're in this like beautiful place at rogan's club and you're like ah it's like a casino no lights no anything so you're like i'll see you guys later yeah what and then a rickshaw comes by yeah guys like you guys want to get in it's only 50 for some aids and you're like whoa we just want to go two blocks he'll be like i'll get you aids by then okay for sure sure.
I can find some AIDS for you out here. What's this from? That's an Aztec death whistle.
The coroner we had on Toby gave it to us. If you blow it full, it sounds like a woman screaming for death.
That's just a warning. Wow.
It sure does. I've heard a few of those in real life.
Keep screaming. No one's here.
Yeah, I was with Gabby Petito and Brian Laundrie when it happened. Really? But I didn't leave any dumb fingerprints like Brian did.
That's how she sounded. Oh, the darkness.
Gabby, rest in peace. The darkness continues.
Do you think there will ever be, I believe there will be a time when people will live forever and people will not.

And I believe that kids right now that are 15 and under, they're going to live forever.

Forever.

Like they'll have a chance to live forever.

Ooh, like they might get the drug.

Yeah.

But there's going to be this weird thing where there's going to be like –

Hey, can I get it?

Like, no, you're too old.

Yeah.

So like am I just going to age out? Like, yeah, it's been nice knowing you all. Keep in touch with you for a few years, but then you're going to be like.
Hey, can I get it? Like, no, you're too old. Yeah.
So, like, am I just going to age out?

Like, yeah, it's been nice knowing you all.

Keep in touch with you for a few years, but then you're going to get old.

Yeah, but they're going to be like, oh, you're going to die.

People are going to be like, dude, your dad died?

What a fucking loser.

Was he poor?

Yeah.

Oh, man, you guys must have been so poor.

Your dad died of natural causes.

That's so retro. Oh, God.
He was a real. Here's my impression poor your dad died of natural causes that's so retro oh god he was a real here's my impression your dad fucking loser you should have worked harder bro yeah look at timmy's dad but that's what's going to happen i think there's going to be a cutoff and the government will probably say this is the cutoff there will be some bad drugs that will come out of people trying to like get the actual drug yes some

knockoffs or it'll be a chip or something that you get and then slow down all aging in your cellular level i'm in let's do it but then there's going to be so many people who are not and there's going to be less jobs probably so it's going to be it's going to turn very dystopian would you take it if they had it right now it's been tested it's safe Here are the options.

Take it right now.

Wait a few years and decide and see how it shakes out, or not take it. So you have to pick, really, I give you one week to decide.
Yeah. And or, well, this won't be for you as much, but for me, it may be for you too.
It's like you can either take this live forever drug or perfectly workable hair transplants. Full head of hair, back to mohawk, back to everything I always wanted.
I might go with the hair. So hair now or live forever? Yeah.
Because I got to live forever with that. I think bald's cool now, balder.
I'm in. Spread it.
You've got influence. Spread that.
A lot of people are being bald and loving it now. Really? There's bald women.
I saw a bunch of bald. Fat people will love it, too.
Really? Yeah. And we know they're lying to themselves.
Is that a bigger thing, being bald? Yeah, big and beautiful. Big and bald.
It's like bald and tall. Is that a shop? Bald and tall? Big and tall.
Big and tall. Dude, bald and tall.
Bro, bald and tall is a crazy look. Do you burn yourself in the sun too much? Bald and tall is a crazy look.
Yeah. Yeah, Kanye's back on Twitter right there.
It says. God, Hollywood sucks.
Jada Pinkett Smith. Kanye is the most out of control person I know.
What's the point of that post? Yeah, why did she start that? Why are you looking to be in this? Because you're not a center of attention for a second? And then he went right back out of Rapunzel. Rapunzel, let down your hair.
He hit her where it hurt. Damn.
Nice. It was all right, but I heard it just enough you it was like something well it's a little thing got nothing it deserves something thank you so there's something this is very sweet of you little things that keep us alive um yeah what do you think about kanye being back on twitter oh you try to use your song right for his for the intro to your new special yeah i've had this whole big piece about how great he is that's another thing focus on the positive that's the whole message it's like and then like everyone's like kanye's crazy.
I'm like, he rules the music. Yeah, I've had this whole big piece about how great he is.
That's another thing, focus on the positive. That's the whole message.
And then everyone's like, Kanye's crazy. I'm like, he rules the music.
Just the music. What is she writing about anything other than music? Right, to come at Kanye, it's like, yeah, if you're trying to get other stuff out of him, he probably shouldn't be your liaison to anything except maybe creativity and music.
Yeah, exactly. It's like going going to burke kreish for weight loss tips yeah we're coming to comedians for political ideas oh yeah that's another one i heard someone said this about the fires well they're not firemen what the fuck they're just they're just like at a bar talking yeah that's it's crazy i know you go to kanye for anything other than music you're nuts because he's not just okay at music part.
He's great at it. So I tried to get one of his songs, Black Skinhead, for my credits.
I was going up to it the whole tour because I was talking about Kanye a lot. And Christine Oakerson, Big J's chick, was like, hey, I know he's popping off like whatever.
Have you heard Black Skinhead? And I was like, no. And I was like, oh, my God.
His antincensors got me into this song. this song and i played it the whole fucking tour and i was like let me try to get this for the credits and i wrote them i was like listen i can't afford it right so i'm like hey i'm appealing to them creatively and i was like hey i had this whole big piece of how kanye is really great and how people have lost focus on what's important and i want to like close with a song with black skinhead it's one of his most killer songs.
And I think kind of an underrated song,

to be honest.

And they go,

I hope you're not referring to him as Kanye.

He goes by Ye now.

And it's like,

ah, fuck.

I'm never going to build it.

His whole staff is crazy, too.

It's like, yeah,

just the fact that that was their first reply,

you're like,

oh, I got no chance.

I have no chance.

Yeah, I wonder what his mind is like.

I mean, a lot of his.

His mom died.

Give him some sympathy.

Yeah.

What?

His girlfriend is.

His wife is beautiful.

Is that a Photoshop?

What?

She wears like a lot of skin tight suits.

That lady.

Skin tight, but like make it a color.

Bianca Sensori, I believe is her name.

Possibly Italian.

I'm not sure. She's like unveiling herself.
She's a piece of art to him. Might be.
I mean, why wear that heavy a coat if you wear that little underneath? I don't know, dude. Wear a sweatshirt and a lighter coat.
God, I gotta get out more. Jugs.
Jugs. There's a moonshine in that.
My God. Dude, some babies, like.

Oh, my God.

I would slurp if I were her kid.

So he just keeps fucking chicks that look like Kim?

I guess so.

That's a good question.

I mean, you got a type.

I know guys are only the Asian chicks.

I can't say slurp.

That's his wife, isn't it? That was pretty rude.

Is that his wife?

Yeah.

Oh, I'm sorry.

God.

Try it again, but use a different word other than slurp i would she's a beautiful lady obviously she's in the showing her body off though she's got some really like if i were a baby to not show it off right it's a good point if i were a baby dude i would i would not i would just pretend like it was morning all the time just like breakfast yeah god that's gotta be fun when you're a baby huh god it really does underrated part of being a baby yeah yeah if you're a baby you put him down if you put the baby down between and it's a breastfeeding baby between that chick and like I don't even know who, Karen Feehan, who do you think that chick is? That baby's going to go right for that fucking chick. Big fucking lot of food.
Oh, yeah. Makes sense.
Did you think you'll have any children already? What do you think? No, I had a vasectomy. You did? Yeah.
No way. I was taking chances.
You were. I was taking too many chances.
So you were actually trying to have a child? No. What? Sorry, what are you saying then? No, I was just pulling out late.
Oh, you were? Yeah. I don't understand how people do that.
Like, how do you... I know a lot of black guys like to just do the nut or whatever.
I mean, the nut is great. I know why they want it.
Yeah. The nut's great.
Yeah, but it's also great outside of it. It's less great.
Is it? What do you mean, is it? Shut up. I've never done it.
Yes, you have. I've never ejaculated inside of a woman.
Then you haven't lived. Really? This is need to get.
None of this is real. We never said we had done it.

No but I mean this all this is like

a fucking you're just like buying time so you can get a

cream pie. This is all just because

you've never cream pied. Really?

You got a nut inside buddy. What do you mean

you've never done it? What do you mean you've never

cream pied inside of a woman? I never had in my life.

I swear to God. You fucked though.
Yeah

yeah yeah. Oh yeah.

What?

But every time I do I do the What she's like, I'm on the pill? I barely know her. So I'm not believing that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know how many chicks I fucked that said they couldn't get pregnant that I later found out got pregnant from somebody? Really? And I was like, wait, you said...
I was blowing loads in you. I'm like, oh, I thought I couldn't.
Based on what? Oh, you were in there just like one of the Ghostbusters that's throwing ectoplasm in there. Just coating the walls.
I was a salad for some other guy's steak. Yeah, I've never done that in my life, man.
Well, let me recommend something to you. I'm going to end up being a father.
People are always getting, I don't want to be in a lawsuit or something. Find some old chick.
Find some postmenopausal chick. Get to me more.
I want to get a regular wife that likes to. The last of the Golden Girls died.
It's too late for that. Estelle Getty? No.
Maybe. Estelle Getty Museum? What was her name? Not sure.
Who was the last? No, Estelle Getty White. Betty White.
Estelle Getty was so. She was old when it started.
Right. She was the looker.
Rue McClanahan was the one that everybody, my dad kind of had hots for. The youngest of the slutty one.
Yeah. Blanche Devereaux.
God. What a great series.
Hot take. Golden Girls is just sex in the city.
They're both written by gay men about gay culture. this one they made old women play it and the other one they made fucking horse face the chicks play it do you think they will cure um do you think that being gay will be something that will be eternal or one day that that will be hacked or something we can cure it or that would be hacked you know that they'll be able to hack the genetics so if if you were a scientist working on the cure for for gay and you were like halfway there you lost a lot of funding recently oh that's probably yeah they're probably like we're not paying we don't want it anymore you don't think that's a small segment of the population like we got to cure this everyone else just like who cares oh i think most people like who cares but i just mean maybe cure is not the right word right do you think that they would do you think that they'll ever a vaccine vaccine yeah so you won't ever get it in the first place right yeah kid when he's two didn't they say vaccines made kids gay wasn't that a rumor for a while i don't know we're gonna find out soon if bobby kenn Bobby Kennedy gets in there.
Yeah. So wild.
Say no gay kids after a while. Like, I ended vaccines.
Who knows? So all the stuff he says, people are like, that's ridiculous. I'm like, really? I don't even know the words he's using.
Yeah. He's smarter than me.
I don't know shit. I don't even know the earth is round.
I'm just guessing. The latest viral COVID-19 conspiracy theory boosted by QAnon falsely claims vaccines turn children gay or trans.
Wow, I didn't know that. And that's a false allegation that COVID-19.
Yeah, I mean, a lot of kids, I will say, seem very gay, though. Do you notice that? Like, if you talk to like a- They're post-gender.
Is it? Yeah, they don't care. The man can wear a dress like you cross-dressing.
They're like, what? When I grew up, you couldn't wear pink as a dude. You'd be ostracized.
There's no gay color. That's where we're past that.
So those kids are past that shit. They're wearing top hats and skirts.
It doesn't matter. It just doesn't matter.
Okay. Yeah.
So, yeah, we see them as gay, but they're like, oh, dude, we're not even using those terms. Yeah, you're from a different universe.
That's why you go to Bushwick or something, and you're like, oh, this is the cutting edge kids. I've heard rumors that a lot of Haitians moved over there to the parks and stuff and were selling sex and stuff like that.
Have you seen any of that over there? Hookers in Bushwick? Yeah, in the parks over there. Selling their bodies? Yeah, they were selling sex and oral sex over there.
I mean, Haitian.

That's not who you'd want.

I mean, who you want.

I guess it's the, I don't know what the pace, the rate is.

It's just a bunch of dark black, very thin hookers.

I'll check it out.

I haven't heard anything about that.

Yeah, one of my friends was telling me there's a lot of hookering going on over there.

Haitian hookering.

I think they said Haitian. I would have to ask them.
You know what there is, though, for real, for real? Casual hooking. Really? Like chicks who do it like three times a year.
Housewives. Regular chicks who are like, for a little extra cash, I'll hook.
Like, what do you mean? I mean like, oh, your friend seems cute. It's like, hey, my friend's cute.
She likes you. Would you be into it for like a couple hundred bucks? He'd be like, oh, no.
In New York? Yeah. Huh.
Regular chicks just occasionally like, yeah, I'll fuck for money. The guy seems cool.
They're not going to like on the street taking all callers. Right.
But like occasionally for extra cash instead of driving Uber. Do they tell the husband? I don't think so.
Possibly. I don't know everybody's situation.
Would you?

Is there a thing where people let?

You think the Obamas are still together for real?

That's a great question.

You think the Clintons are?

No.

No, right?

So it's a possibility that there are such things as sham marriages.

Yeah.

For sure.

I wonder.

She didn't show up to the Carter funeral.

She didn't show up to the inauguration.

I could see like, hey, I never wanted to be in the public eye like this yeah i just wanted a ball yeah dunk on these bitches yeah that's it yeah that could be it you know yeah yeah i wanted it's a good question that whole inauguration thing was just such a game i had you went yeah i had total game of thrones energy over there what did you think because that's not you oh not at all you're going there the way I go to Comic-Con. Yeah.
I'll just stare at everybody. That was ridiculous.
I don't know. What's Spider-Man? Oh, I was like, I should not be here.
You should not be there. That's how I felt.
At least you're not doing the endorsing thing. Yeah.
That a lot of comics are doing. I thought we were supposed to just make fun of everyone in power.
Did you feel like it was weird that people were endorsing? Endorsing? Who's endorsing? Yeah. What the fuck are you talking about? you have a literal sports team you root for you don't endorse tottenham yeah like it was so wild but all right he's in power now so let's see everybody go after him well i think a lot of people were endorsing just make fun of all of them yeah it it it seemed weird well i think the biggest thing that seemed like it's been on the table for me is just the free speech stuff you start to worry about like a lot of these social media companies limiting speech limiting what's possible me for sure yeah for sure so if somebody's like hey i want to do this like great i love it you know i also loved when trump gave us all 600 bucks during the pandemic got everybody really partying in new York.
Love that. Do you worry about it? Yeah, but I'm not going to get involved in getting it there.
But then some of these guys have a lot of influence, to be honest. But also, they're like, how can you have this guy on your podcast? I'm like, I'll have everybody on.
I had Tucker Carlson on my podcast, the travel one. We just talked about travel.
People are like, why didn't you call him on his shit? I'm like, was he lying about the UAE? That's all I care about, the travel part. I don't want to get involved in this.
So I get that part of it. Somebody seems interesting, a former president.
I'll have him on a podcast. Oh, in a heartbeat.
Yeah, people gave me grief for going to the inauguration. I was like, dude, you don't think I'm going to be.
But if you got invited to the, I don't know, Bush inauguration or the Obama one or the Reagan one, you would have gone? Yeah, I would have gone. It's like, oh, I'm not political.
I got invited to the presidential inauguration. Yeah, it's like, how am I not going to go to an inauguration? I have no idea.
What if it's not even real and there's video? It's the moon landing. Who knows? So I went and at least saw, like, okay.
So what was everybody doing? Did it feel, like, powerful? Did it feel like these guys are deciding fates? Or was it just like the Oscars were all like glad-handing each other and celebrating success i guess i didn't get to be there long enough was there food there was the at the ball the food wasn't gone no it was not good that broke my heart what do you mean tony was there he's like we did it and i'm like the food isn't good we didn't we still have room what do you mean the food wasn't good wasn't that good and then it only like 30 chairs in this whole ballroom and there was probably 1500 people in there 30 chairs that's like my house i have four chairs i have eight people over and it's like we're sitting on we're sitting on amazon boxes so that was the hectic that was the most hectic part but yeah just to be there to be in washington dc, D.C., to see that happen, for sure. I was like, fuck you, I'm going.
I would never be weird. I would never think it was weird if anybody went.
Is that you there? No, but pull those people back up. So this was the part that was fascinating to me.
These were, this was. These are the guys deciding our fates.
Who's the brown in the middle? This is the olajarchy right here. Sunder Pichai from Google.
So he owns Google?

So these guys all decide how we think about the world.

These one, two, three.

One guy, the chick I'm assuming is cleaning the knob of the other one.

There's Zuckerberg.

Yeah, Zuckerberg is the most evil of all of them.

You think?

Yeah.

Because I think he was like cigarettes where they didn't know what they were doing.

And then when they found out, so there's no problem. They're just giving cigarettes.
They didn't know what caused cancer. Then they found out it caused cancer and they go hide that shit.
Zuckerberg at first was like, I don't know. I'm just too autistic to have interactions.
So I want to see a world where we don't have to meet eye to eye. And now he goes, yeah, he made us live like autistic people.
But then he found out that we're all fucking turning on each other and cutting off our uncles. And he goes, pushing it i think he should be up wow i think he should at least be take his company taken away from him and and it should be shut down facebook and instagram should be shut down push the button well it's like it's not making our society better well i agree with that but say i'll say that type of thing people will be like well a government can't decide what can what can and can't make their society better right i think they can i think that it might be abuse but at some point it's like this is too much bad right well i feel the same way about porn about porn channels you know yeah or like let's have some oversight oh yeah porn too it's like it's non-stop like you can't like push porn to kids right they had to stop making uh thc gummies that are in the shape of clowns because like hey we're not actually giving these to five-year-olds and you're kind of marketing to five-year-olds.
Yeah. They had to stop making THC gummies that are in the shape of clowns.
Because like, hey, we're not actually giving these to five-year-olds and you're kind of marketing

to five-year-olds. Yeah.
They had to stop putting...

Steve Simone was eating all of them too, I think.

Yeah.

This is a Steve Simone joke. Love you, buddy.

They had to... Yeah, there he goes.

Look, he's always smiling. I know, huh?

Where are the bodies?

Yeah. He's our Gacy.

He's our John Wayne Gacy. Wow.
On the surface. That's insane to say that.
A kind man. I joke, he's the sweetest guy.
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So they were selling in bulk, but they didn't have anybody or they had very few people moderating any of the content that came through. Yeah, so we have some laws, right? You can't blast music at parks.
Right. Because like, oh, this is kind of infringing on other people's rights sort of here.
There's a privacy. It's quiet.

So there's some regulation.

I don't understand all this.

I don't know what the line is from socialism or not.

I don't get any of that.

It's not my thing.

I just know this is really hurting us as a society and nobody's doing anything about it.

You can't sell guns on a street corner just to anybody.

Right.

And it's like, well, if it was bad for you, you wouldn't do it.

Like, nah.

You need someone to step in.

As a society, that's not allowed.

You're making us hate our brothers and friends and shit.

Yeah.

See the world as a terrible place.

We didn't sign up for that.

I don't like it.

Twitter does that a lot, I noticed.

Twitter definitely can be a place where you can really get trapped in there.

Do you notice that, Nick, you think?

Yeah, I wake up in the morning and just piss myself off by reading all the lines.

Yeah, and start angry. It's not a good way to start, right? You've been on the beach, but when you start pleasant, it's a better feeling when you're at the beach than you're on Twitter, showing you what's to be mad about.
Yeah. There was a guy who used to work in Google to see which of the things had to go to the dark web and which were allowed.
So his whole day was spent looking at snuff films and fucking car crashes and and like child endangerment stuff like that every one of those guys had to go to therapy for the rest of their lives yeah because you're not supposed to see that stuff and we're seeing like versions of that i hate it i hate it god let's let's draw on quarter mark zuckerberg i don't i mean so i i i mean i don't think we should do i don't know what we should do that's lu it just him though? It's must do It's anybody who now knows what you're doing to society And you're not doing anything about it You actually have the power to stop it And you're not doing it So like fuck off Well that's the same thing that I noticed with this woman talking about with Pornhub It was like they would bring up these cases There were cases of people who had been raped And their footage uploaded right right? Oh, my God. Oh.
And you can't just go, what? It's an open source thing. Like, no, no, you're facilitating it.
Right. Right.
That's the thing. People were like, well, we.
And at one point, she said they only had one moderator who would spend. And something had to be flagged like 15 times before.
Before it even comes into. Before it even comes into the moderation queue.
Too late. You're already fucked over.
And the moderation queue would be like hundreds of thousands of videos long that they have to sit there. And then there's just one person deciding adult, not adult, consensual, not consensual.
The problem is you start with like they need to have some oversight. They're going to go too far.
Yeah. And they're going to make like, well, this joke they had about who's on top.
We can't have that. That's not how our society wants that.
You're like, that's too far. And I don't know what it is.
You can't trust the government to regulate. I don't know what the answer is, right now it ain't working well and then you wonder or is is a society is human society supposed to have this success story or is it a unsuccessful experiment or is it just it is pharmaceuticals had to be regulated you can't just give everyone side effects you have to like you have to show your side effects and it barely is right but you have to show your side effects you have to go at the end yeah yeah you have to at least do something but then it's like i think people have lost total faith that their country is going to do a lot they're not going to do shit they're not going to do shit right they're just going to let it go you go to another country you eat like garbage for for a week and you lose seven pounds you You're like, how's this? Oh, there's not that many chemicals in other countries and shit.
Right. But I think we talk about it a lot in here with the Sackler family, the company that made all the drugs.
God damn. They're still alive.
And they're still pushing it to people. You should do Oxy.
You should get on Oxy for pain. My dad had to get on something.
I go, don't take that. Take ibuprofen.
Don't take that. You can't.
If you get hooked on it, you can't kick it. They're still selling OxyContin? Oh, yeah.
Doctors are still pushing it. They're incentivized to financially.
Who's even making money? Is it just to go back to pay for victims? Oh, they're not paying those bills. Those fines, they're not paying those.
Really?

Yeah, same thing with PG&E.

All the forest fires, half of them are caused by PG&E, not doing the safety measures.

Look at how many forest fires in California are started by the utilities.

Hold on.

Let's get this really quick.

Purdue Pharma Sackler Families boost contribution in opioid settlement to $7.4 billion. The company and the once prominent family behind the drug OxyContin agreed Thursday to increase their financial contribution to resolve mass opioid litigation.
The Sackler's and Purdue Pharma boosted their settlement contribution to $7.4 billion. If approved, the new plan would end the costliest corporate bankruptcy resulting from the U.S.
opioid crisis. So they have to pay $7.4 billion over the next 15 years.
How much do they make a year? Go back. This is the same thing as like a...
Scroll uh scroll scroll under the new settlement the terms of sackler's control of purdue pharma ends the 7.4 billion give up the company will go directly to communities across the u.s including states counties cities and territories over the next 15 years well that's good that's good but even this headline is like oh they decided to boost their contribution to the lawsuit. Yeah.
Now they killed hundreds of thousands of people. Yeah.
All the Gulf oil spills, they paid this big fine. It was still less money than it would have been to do the safety measures.
Right. So they're like, it seems like a big number, but not compared to what they're making.
You know? There was a time when if I got a parking ticket, it would break me. Oh, yeah.
And now I've seen rich people like, I'll park here. It's like a little park.
It's like, it's fine. I'll just park here.
Yeah, it's fine. If somebody takes a car, I'll just buy a new car.
Yeah, Chris Rock, instead of pulling into the lot, would just park in front. And they're like, they might give you a ticket.
He goes, I don't care. Yeah.
It's $80. And I'm a millionaire.
He doesn't care. Dang.
It's not going to de-incentivize him. Yeah, I mean, it just- Oh, look at this.
So this is a wildfire.

It's caused by power lines.

Okay, so why are we looking at this?

I'm saying, like,

they're supposed to worry about safety measures.

They don't.

We fine them.

They don't pay the fines.

Look at all those fires caused by that.

And then they just don't do anything

because they know,

what are you going to do?

Not use us?

You could all be, like,

in the dark for your fucking years? Yeah, what are you going to do not use us you could all be like in the dark for your fucking years yeah we use a candle hundreds of forest fires maybe thousands by pg and e and they won't do shit so that's the government's not doing shit it's like why even pay attention to any of it yeah what are you gonna be you're just gonna use yankee candles all day fucking dude some of the candle smells have gotten crazy it's really upping it that's what makes you hopeful yeah the candle game is it's it's bar none the shapes and everything yeah i saw a candle dick in washington square park really and they lit it up yeah no you can oh but yeah i don't know what the smell is i never lit it up i have one though in my house i'm good yeah they have some video of a guy trying to smoke his own dick or whatever he's laying on his back pulled his nut like his legs over his head, tried to put his penis in his mouth and try to light his nuts. Like he was like an Ebola weed.
How'd he do? Huh? How'd he do? The video cuts off early, but just unreal behavior. Yeah.
You know what I'm saying? That's one vote for Trump right there. Did you get to say anything to him? Like you should take care of this.
Is it Trump? Yeah. I always have this dream.
Like there's an outside possibility I can run into him. You know? Yeah.
That's one vote for Trump right there. Did you get to say anything to him? Like, you should take care of this? Is it Trump? Yeah, I always have this dream.
Like, there's an outside possibility I can run into him. Oh, yeah.
It's an outside possibility. And I'm like, if we all get to be like, hey, I just want two things to do, what would you hit him with? Two things to do in the world? Yeah, in America, anything.
I would say sentence the Sackler family to death, I think. I like it.
That would be probably my favorite thing and that would put other people like i mean you grew up in a town that's that's fucked by this well yeah most most of america i mean just the aa rooms alone you see so many more people that aren't alcoholics they're open they're at they're opioid addicts from pain relief straight to heroin and it's a different thing it's like the aa program helps them but it does it's not the same it's like these people their database has been compromised and altered they're i don't know if can opioids affect your genetic makeup over time can they alter lose teeth your dna yeah they can definitely alter your grill is affected by your grin but yeah yes opioids can alter dna which may contribute to opioid use disorder these changes so then you're not even talking to a human then you're dealing with someone who's been compromised by a drug yeah yeah they're not they're not people anymore and why is this not being talked about all the time every city in america i don't know democrat and republican are under this. And no one's doing shit about it.

That's not even what I'd tell them.

At least they stopped them from doing it.

But now they have another new anti—what's that?

There's a new opioid I just saw that they were putting up.

It's Pravis Proc—

You think they just rebranded and came back?

Like a college bar that gets busted for underage.

And they go, it's a new name now.

It's my brother runs it.

It's a different company.

Oh, that's the best, dude. That's the best.
Bro, when I was was in college they had this group of gay fellas that would come and they'd fist fight it was called um i've said it before we'll beat we'll beat this part but it's called fist fights right and there was their company they came it was gay men would come you pay five bucks go there you get a beer and you get to watch fights and they would beat the living shit out of each other, dude. Wow.
Pretty cool. In Texas, they have a bunch of midget wrestling.
Yeah. And it's just like signs for it.
It's not like a hidden back room thing. Yeah.
It's a cockfighting of the – I don't know who it went. Have there ever been to a cockfight? No.
But there is midget versus rooster or whatever. Oh.
Right near the border.

How about midget versus gay?

We got to make odds on all these things.

Three midgets, two gays.

You know, what's the like over under?

Ooh, three midgets versus two gays.

And then what kind of gays are we talking about?

Is it like luck of the draw?

Yeah, are you talking Ariana Grande fans

or are you talking like hardcore?

Mateo can take somebody.

Oh, yeah, he's very strong. Yeah, but can he fight? And can he fight down? I bet he could.
You got to be able to overcut. I think he auditioned for Newsies and got pretty far.
So I bet he could. Dude, don't pick that fight.
You're not going to win that. Yeah, you're going to win this fucking...
Is that Carlos Mencia? Why does he dress like Carlos Mencia?

Is that crazy to say that?

He looks a little like Shane in the face. He's dressed like

Mencia and he's got a face

like Shane. Shane Gillis?

Yeah. How can you even see that's

in eight pixels?

Let me see when he turns. Pause it when he turns

and we see his face.

That's Shane, bro. That's Shane, bro.
He's one of my friends. That's Shane.
Tell me it's not. That is him.
Okay. Love that chicken from Five Five.
That's a new commercial right there. That's him.
Wow. That's great, dude.
He's wearing an eagle's hat that is so great oh that's great what uh what were we just talking oh but what's the new drug you see it nick this is a non-opioid that was just yeah there we go FDA approved novel non-opioid treatment for moderate severe acute pain yeah that's Yeah, this just happened. Journavix, J-O-U-R-N-A-V-X, is the first drug to be approved in this new class of pain management medicines.
50 milligram oral tablets, a first in-class non-opioid analgesic to treat moderate to severe acute pain in adults. But wouldn't you just get addicted using this? But does that mean you don't...
But it's non-opioid. Maybe it's not addictive.
That's addictive that's what i'm wondering do you not feel like melatonin you know what helps you go to sleep not melatonin melatonin yeah but then like sleeping pills will become addictive melatonin is like it just it's fine so there's not opioids in here what the fuck's an opioid too targeting a pain signaling pathway so unlike opioids which act on receptors in the brain And Jernavix works by targeting a pain signaling pathway So unlike opioids which act on Receptors in the brain Gernavix works by targeting a pain Signaling pathway involving Sodium channels in the peripheral nervous system A lot of words I didn't know in that Yeah blocking pain signals before They reach the brain so it's stopping the Signals instead of the Receptors in the brain There's like the difference between LimeWire and Nap yeah it's like pretty much the same but it works different yeah that's a good that's a good comparison thanks evidence of non-addictive properties clinical data showed no evidence of withdrawal or drug-seeking behaviors in patients that's it right the drug does not activate opioid receptors or induce euphoria oh well they said the thing with oxycodone oxycodone whatever was whatever, was that they were like, well, what about getting off it? And like, we haven't seen any problem with that. And they go, did you test for that? And they go, no, we did not.
And so it's like, how do you know how hard it is to withdraw? You've never tested it. Meanwhile, people are just fucking sleeping in fucking baby beds and shit, adults.
God, those lean backs are fucking crazy right now. Opioids are a class of drugs that interact with opioid receptors in the brain and body to reduce pain perception and produce various effects.
They can be natural, semi-synthetic, or synthetic chemicals. There you go.
Well, I don't know. But, yeah, they got to do something.
That's a good one to tell them. Yeah.
Because once you them, the rest are like, let's get approval for this first. Yeah, Yeah.
People will start to I think be a little bit unnoticed. There will be some sort of.
Yeah. Because they're serial killers.
I don't understand how they were not. They're serial killers or mass murderers and they go well it's a company.
Yeah. You know they did in China.
They had a they were testing the for purity for baby formula and so one company like put an additive in to make it test pure, to go from like 96 to 99. But that additive ended up killing 12 babies.
Oh. Yeah.
And the government found out, there's no bureaucracy there, they hung the board. Wow.
The whole board. And they're like, no, the company has it.
It goes, no, you guys killed babies. Is that true? Yeah.
So it's like, we're done with this. Yeah, I want to see that.
They just hung him. You can't break the law and kill babies.
You're out. You're out.
And hopefully this will be a sign to everybody else. There's enough Chinese.
They might not have been the ones. They might have been different ones.
Come on, Theo. I'll say this.
If you show me 40 Chinese, dude, I don't know how I'd feel. You just call the same one over and over again? Be honest.
Well, it's kind of like this. One time this lady paid us to go get her cats in her yard or whatever, and she was very old, and she would give us, I think, a quarter for each cat that we brought in.
Yeah. And me and my buddy William just kept bringing the same two cats in over and over again.
Fucking. When I had to go get my visa to play went in there and they're like, what are you doing there? I'm like, I'm working.
I got gigs. I'm like, you're working.
Where's your letter of invitation from the government? Where's your $50,000? And I'm like, I don't know. It's like early when you go to China.
I mean, Canada, you have to tell them you're just visiting a friend. Yeah.
It was that too. I didn't realize.
So I called the promoters. I was like, i do they go go back only bieber can afford the proper channels to play china go back in there and tell them you're just there to see the great wall and i'm like but i was just in there and he goes so you know how we can't tell them apart it's a two-way street yeah he goes just go right try not to go to that window but if you do it won't matter and i got called in that window she goes hi how you doing i thought she was fucking with me i'm like here to do some traveling in china okay that was it damn did you get did you go with the same group that i went with did you go to i didn't go with that lee guy i went with turner sparks and annie kirtain no it's a different group i think that was one of the best things comedy, man, was just the places you got to go.
You couldn't afford it. No.
And you just never would have been able to do it. And it flew you to fucking Suzhou, China, Guangxi, and all these places.
You're like, dick jokes are paying for this. It was wild.
And you meet the local scenes. I'm like, there's a comedy scene in Hong Kong? That was the best, man.
It was so cool. Iceland.
You're going to Australia. There's weird spots.
Yeah, we went to one right there. That's Guantanamo Bay.
You played Guantanamo Bay. With Mike.
That's in Cuba? Yeah, who's that guy on the right guy? Jewish guy, too. Mike.
E? No. Smooth E? Mike.
Is that Mike Costa with us patrick degear oh that's costa yeah it looks like costa patrick degear mike costa the blind one oh yeah patrick degear yeah he's blind where's that's you on the left yeah they um i had good hair look how angry your hair is yeah and that That kid never nutted inside a chick? Never. What an idiot.
That's a nutter.

That's a nutter that's another guy that was his time bro he nutted in his shampoo you never won a title in your prime yeah wow fuck i was young as fuck bitch damn i was doing good You look like Dane Cook there. Yeah, bro.
Dane and Shane. Get that off the ground.
Come on, NBC. Make a comeback.
So you just went all over. Look at that.
That's the Guantanamo Bay Lighthouse behind you. Went to Guantanamo Bay.
Isn't it so fucking cool you can go out places like that? Crazy. Dude, Guantanamo Bay, I didn't realize, first of all, nice golf courses there.
Underrated. You'd never know it.
We got to see the prisoners play some volleyball. Wow, really? Yeah.
You're playing your jeans and no shirt like in Top Gun? No. They wouldn't let us get that close to them or whatever.
And some of them had blindfolds on or whatever, but they were still playing. Unbelievable.
Just to do like to get out in the yard or whatever and have a. Oh, the oh yeah they had these um they could play volleyball iguanas down there foxes uh rodents unique animals they had a beach this thing called glass beach that had all this used to be glass but it all was rounded out now from this from the tides where else they send you? Where else did you go? I went to Azores.

We went to the Azores, which is somewhere.

I don't know.

Is that Portugal?

Yes.

Off the coast of Portugal, between Portugal and America.

Pretty amazing.

What about you?

I just remember I saw Paul Morrissey today.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Three-point Paul.

He's a basketball player, too.

He's great.

We got flown to Switzerland, Montreux, Switzerland, for a festival. Yeah.
And then we made a deal with each other. Like, let's keep going places.
Yeah, Iceland, Australia, but the China gigs, those weird gigs, Dominican Republic. And you're just like, I mean.
You look at the Dominican Republic? Mm-hmm. And you're just here on their dime.
The Anchorage gigs. Oh, I never did that.
Those were good. They take you on either a thing above the glaciers or deep sea fishing.
Me and David Taylor were deep sea fishing. We cut one open right there.
It had all these dots in it. He's like, what's that? He's like, well, it's eggs.
It's pregnant, so it's eggs. And he goes, is that caviar? Yeah.
Can you eat it raw? Yeah, he showed us and ate it. And David's like, I'll have some right out of the thing.
Every pregnant one we found,id just started filling up on it and then he gets sick so sick you're not supposed to fill up on caviar on a boat especially when you're poor you can barely afford a burrito and you're eating fresh out of the womb caviar oh if somebody brought caviar to me i'd fucking served in a womb i'd fucking serve a sword to their neck dude you can't fucking eat caviar if you're poor dude yeah it's that didn't go your stomach's like chill out you know your system can't handle it god those gigs were good they just fly out somewhere and it was just like on their dime and you're just like they cover the hotel they they let you know where to stay there's no arranging you never made any money yeah right but it was just like broke even maybe but then like you're living like on a vacation to the level i can barely afford now yeah all covered it's it was so cool dude we went one time to what's the blue stuff that they put in drinks it's um they put in like a oh curacao yes boom that place it's an island oh so we went there you went there on comedy yes zoom out from the map I want to see where this is on the map go and then slowly zoom out yeah night near B fuck is this? They keep moving this place. I really don't know content today's yet.
Me neither. Okay, in the Caribbean.
Every couple years, they move this place somewhere else. It's like the island from Lost.
We went. Go look at a picture of it.
Dude, it is like a small place. There's only one area that has a few buildings, and then there's this military base there, but they manufacture this blue liqueur there.
Yeah, that's the area. It's very small.
It's beautiful. It's beautiful, but there's nothing.
I mean, this is it, right? And then we went to this military place. I think we did a show, and then they put us up in these rooms, and then you go into the facility where the rooms were, and it just kind of looked like a bear like um almost like a community college type of like an old high school just like the cinder block kind of wall you know it painted over and stuff then we opened the door to this one room and it was the most eccentric craziest room i'd ever been in dolled up yes like i think fancy like operatives or somebody came down there every once in a while and they put them up in this crazy place and probably get them some chicks or whatever.
But it was unbelievable. We went with cheerleaders from Houston Texans cheerleaders.
What? Yeah. That's when you would have nutted.
Yeah. Should have.
Who's that? That's the room I was in. Wow.
Me and Jay Davis were in in it but every other room was normal and then they had this one room that was crazy had like mirrored ceilings like heavy cocaine vibes me and j davis yeah that was coke by for sure yeah that was crazy it was just crazy there's me and him just wait back back up which one we had some women those you're you in shape there i was in shape. God damn, bro.
I used to freak. Wait, what? Yeah.
That's you on the left. I used to jerk myself off.
That's how good looking I was. Damn, dude.
You need to lower those pants a little bit. Show that V.
What? Oh, boy. What is that? Whoa.
Whoa. Whoa.
Whoa. I'm a BLM, dude.
I don't know what's going on over there. But that was pretty amazing.
That's cool. But yeah, going places like that was unbelievable.
Military, you ever do any of the ones where you were in Iraq? No, I just had Nate and Louis Katz and Joe List on my podcast about going to Kuwait with a stopover in Istanbul. Wow.
And it's just like that same thing. I'm like, what are we doing here? It's all paid for and set up.
Yeah, that was great. And you just thought you were like, this is crazy.
Because when you grow up, you're like, I'll probably never go there, ever. Yeah.
Let alone on someone else's dime. Yeah, they had a woman in a black...
They had a woman gave me a BJ and a... Come soon, you'll be tripping.
What? A Blackhawk. Gave me a BJ and a Blackhawk on the ground.
They arranged that for you? No, she arranged it. She arranged it.
And she said, oh, the airfield is unattended or something tonight. But, yeah, pretty cool.
And then what else? Oh, another time. Wait, wait, wait.
Wow. I know, pretty neat.
I think that was in like- Would she hold your hand and make a man out of you? I don't know what happened. Wait, you got a blowjob in a Blackhawk helicopter? Pretty cool.
Did she leave no man behind or did she like- I don't remember. I remember she had a huge kind of zit on her neck or like a goiter or something.
You're just looking at that the whole time? I think she was from like Philly or something. It's a way to last longer.
But really a sweet gal. Seems nice.
Oh, there was another group that went jogging in the morning in the Air Force, and she slipped over into my little cabin or whatever. She slipped out of line of the jog? And I couldn't get an erection.
I was too freaked out or something. I thought they were going to come over the guns.
I didn't fucking know how the military works. Where was this? This was in somewhere near Kuwait.
Arif John or one of these bases or something. Pretty cool.
Wow. Those were good good time.
It was good for everybody. It was just cool.

They would take you out in the middle of nowhere.

You'd just shoot a bunch of guns, you know, and just.

That was Kuwait?

Yeah. You went to Kuwait?

Yeah, whatever the one in Iraq.

Yeah.

Air of John, that's where we flew in.

They went to these forward operating bases.

I think that's where they went to.

I think it might have been the same one.

It was pretty great.

So, yeah, the special.

Let's get a little bit more about it.

I want to know about it.

Are you touring off of it now? Is there going to be a new tour? I'm not touring off a different hour. Okay.
Yeah, I's get a little bit more about it i want to know about are you touring off of it now is there gonna be a new tour off a different hour okay yeah i'm touring a little bit for like till april then i'm gonna take about a year and a half off yeah off the road you always do a good job of that is taking time you're the one guy who's always like dude you got to take some time off for yourself and i'm like i will and then i never do yeah i always try to get you to yeah you do yeah you could i know one of the day i will yeah one day i'll just take time off forever you know i think that's probably maybe my save it up and then go yeah it's like when people save up their pto or whatever you save it up to the end once you quit like i get all that oh that's the wrong way to live you think should be taken along the way yeah yeah so i'm gonna go backpacking for like six eight months just traveling you've been some pretty great places over the years i I went to Cuba this year with Bobby Kelly. Did you really? Yeah.
We were there for a hurricane. That's not why we went.
We went to get away from the election. No way.
Yeah, we got there on Monday. We didn't find out who won until Sunday.
Wow. They didn't even have elections there.
You're like, what happened to the election? Like, I don't know what that word means electiones no say no say wow what was it like there i mean it was pretty wild you can see like the remnants of what it would have been the extravagance same buildings nothing's they have embargo there that's one thing i tell trump like come on in that already they're just poor people now for no reason and so what does that mean they have an embargo so you can't they won't trade with america they won't trade with anyone who trades with america to a degree i think so so we won't trade with or we did we do that or they did we did that okay and so obama ended it and then and open up travel and everything trump put back on the embargo but you can still travel and then biden also took out stayed no full embargo but you can still travel so there's 20 flights a day from miami and hou. Okay.
So you can travel to Cuba. You can't bring back cigars, can't bring back alcohol.
And we don't do trade with them. Yeah.
And so that means they can't grow extra stuff in trade. All their sugar cane, all their tobacco, there's no reason to grow extra because it'll just rot.
Right. So there's just poverty there.
So it's just poverty, but it's also just the government takes probably like funnels a lot of the money just to themselves yeah sure they're doing okay but that hurricane they evacuated everyone they had to evacuate like really well there was three people rushed to the hospital that's it during a type 3 hurricane that's nice the whole island lost power for two days so there was no power in the entire country for two days. So that was like weird.
But then we just wander around outside afterwards, just like looked at the devastation. Hmm.
U.S. business of conducting trade or commerce.
Current embargo status. With interests.
Yeah. President Donald Trump is taking office for second term on January 25th.
So if you reverse several actions taken by the outgoing Biden administration. Well, that happens a lot.
Like the one – like so for a couple days that things have changed, right? So I think I know what this is. So Diaz told me this.
Give me a clue. They wouldn't – Florida didn't vote for Hillary Clinton because they never forgave Bill Clinton for giving back Elian Gonzalez.
Because they – those Cubans that fled and went to Florida who are all and they breed you know so there are a lot of them they hate the the Castro regime over there and anything you can they tell their grandkids you can never visit Cuba fuck that place and so they're mad at them giving this kid back to his real father he should be in America so they just hate him so it took Obama for like well I've already run twice, so I'm not going to run for a third term. So now I can end this embargo.
If he didn't, Florida goes against him. So Trump, same thing, is like, I want that Cuban vote.
Let's put that embargo back on. Biden too.
I want that Cuban vote. Put that embargo back on.
Yeah. Florida's a big vote.
It ain't Maryland. If it was Maryland, they're like, I don't care.
Florida's a lot of points, right?

So I'm hoping he's like, well, I'm already in.

Dang.

Yeah.

So it's just whatever.

So then when you go, like, can you bring in anything?

Like, yes, light bulbs.

Or it's not even expensive.

Like, we just can't get shit here.

Batteries, a battery charger.

We would love that.

Huh.

Yeah.

So he was like, hey, the hurricane's coming.

We're going to lose power.

Charge everything. Wow.
Yeah, that's wild. You don't even think about the things you would need suddenly yeah so you can see all the buildings they look kind of decrepit but if you like blink and like imagine it with like a clean coat of paint you're like oh yeah this would have been the vacation spot maybe one day it will be again well i guess well you guys went there for a vacation how was it i loved it i had.
I had so much fun. Did you go to the beach and stuff? I went to the beach and nobody was on it.
They cooked you a lobster right there for $10. It was so cool.
It was so much fun and freeing. I got to practice my Spanish.
So it's a great place to go. God damn it.
We didn't get out of Havana. We would have gotten out except for the hurricane, kind of put a damper on it, but it was a cool experience anyway.
But like, yeah, I would love to go back. I would love to go to Trinidad, like the city of Trinidad in Cuba in the east.
Was there a nightlife there when you went? Dancing and music, that Cuban music. We went to what's left of Buena Vista Social Club.
I was dancing. They picked me up to dance.
This fucking hot black chick, like Caribbean black chick. Yeah.
Just dancing dancing with me and I was like I remember a little

salsa class. Saltwater sisters baby

yeah. I was going for it dude

it felt so good. It was so fucking fun

yeah. Everyone's out

everyone's smoking and

just casually smoking those cigars

and just like drinking. Are they

busting on you? Do they bust on you because

you're American? No not at all.

One guy goes I know it's not you. I know it's your government.
I was like, I wasn't even thinking about it. Wow.
We went when I was a student. We went.
I want to get you on my podcast about that year. When I went there? Semester at sea? Yeah.
Did I come talk about that? I never talk about it. I met a guy.
It would go perfect with that pod, but also like. Journey.
What's it called? You'd be tripping. You'd be tripping.
Just about a place you've been, but I haven't had ocean as any. but like I met a guy it would go perfect with that pod but also like journey what's it called the trip you'd be tripping you'd be just about a place you've been but i haven't had ocean as any but like i met a guy in my neighborhood i never talk about that whole trip we were talking he goes do you know theo vaughn i was like yeah yeah it's a friend of mine and he goes i was on a boat with him once and i was like oh weird and he goes no no it was like a six month thing yeah i gotta get his name see if you remember i gotta remember his name semester at sea white guy yeah white guy james james was his name james but anyway yeah and i was like oh that'd be perfect that sounds so cool oh it was great yeah semester at sea it was like a floating school took off out of canada out of vancouver over there and just went around the whole world finished in florida we stopped at cube on the way you did on the way back yeah fidel came and spoke to us too it was pretty crazy really yeah but then but then we just tried to get out oh dude i'll tell you this fun thing that happened so we went out and nobody spoke any spanish or whatever we would just do like that if somebody talked to us in spanish you know we would fucking just do that do that in order a Cuba Libre, you know? Oh, man, they're great there.
Oh, yeah, they have Anacla. Yeah, we went to the Havana Club.
Yeah. We saw a guy picking his nose so hard for so long.
So long. I have a picture of it.
I can't show it because it's being too much hate. Hard workers over there.
No, there's a white guy. There's a white guy getting rid of that fucking pollution.
Yeah, a lot of people travel over there. It's different in Cuba.
The flick goes further. And then, so we were at this thing.
We're just walking down the streets, and finally we find this kind of party going on. It looked like there was some people.
There was like a birthday cake and stuff for this old guy, and these people were drinking, drinking and we were drinking so we all just start kind of dancing in this little kind of foyer area like off this the edge of this house and stuff and we're hanging out and stuff and um we're singing happy birthday and dancing and then you start to realize look over and this old guy is going down on this woman they were hookers that they'd hired for this birth for these two old dudes that hired some hookers for their birthday what and we're just fucking they're like cutting the cake with them and shit we're like what the fuck are we doing bro there's a lot of hookers there yeah was there yeah i didn't get any you see them though i'm like i haven't seen hookers and you notice like oh yeah yeah that oh yeah that they're like hi and you're like yep there's just different yeah that was and then we had to go get bread and cheese you got what we were staying with a guy and they were like should we help should we help because no no i got it i got you and then when the hurricane was coming like should we go out and like get like supplies and he goes yes like he was like oh shit you're worried so we're like on the hunt for bread and cheese and everywhere we went they're like we're out we're out and then bobby kelly was like all right let's go next place. We got to go.
And he goes, well, hold on. There's cookies here.
I'm like, Bob, it's not a cookie time, dude. Let's go.
So what else do you see? An alcoholic with a dessert. It's hard.
It's fucking. It's a replacement.
What else do you see there? What else did we see? We went to a baseball game. Ooh, I miss doing that.
And when we left, we were throwing everything we had off of the edge of the ship, like tennis shoes. And he, just cause they didn't have like, just things that like, we're like, what are we going to do? Take this shit.
We don't even fucking care. Who cares? Cause you kind of made friends with the people while you were there.
They had this guy named Henry that was taking us around and he, um, and it was just, so we're just throwing everything we had just off the edge of this boat. Just it yeah take it here here close all kind of stuff yeah because they could use it it was that was pretty awesome that was really great yeah it's crazy that they don't have access it's weird when you go to another place you see a cultural difference like you hadn't even noticed before like oh i have access to shoes when i want it i might be able to afford them but i can get them yeah and they had horse meat that's what they served us at this conference we went to this conference they said they served us horse meat and then they had also um they like you wore this this this uh translator machine so whenever uh fidel was talking the speakers were talking you could hear what they were saying whoa and then some people got to ask him questions and shit One One kid got him to sign his passport.
Fidel Castro? Wow, that's a perfect thing to sign. Signed somebody's passport.
Wow. Pretty fucking cool.
You met Fidel Castro? Some little slurper. I don't know if I met him.
I don't think I did. But you saw him? Yeah, we saw him.
He came and spoke to us, like 600 students or maybe. And then I'm trying to think of anything else that happened that was super great over there.
I just have them pretty quick. And we just drank with like a lot of like homeless people.
Like a lot of times you would pull in, you're on a boat docks. You were always like around like homeless people and shit and wherever boat docks are.
Right. That's not, that's not the typical vibe of a city.
Right. Like sometimes it was like cool, like Miami.
And then sometimes it was like, you were in like Jersey, you know, like you just, it was hit or miss, you know miss you know some of these ports you went into so you'd roll off thinking like oh we're gonna be in the lap of like some cool area and you just be in like the industrial and the docks you know like in belfast or something yeah exactly who would go here yeah no one in la goes where this ship's dock people just getting fucking wasted it's just at some i've been to sea for nine months get me hookers and drugs now oh dude all the staff that worked on the cruise ship they were from like uh trinidad and tobago and stuff like that and so they were all they would all go get hookers the second that the boat docked you'd see them file out like ants just to go get hookers in these different countries i went last year trinidad and tobago yeah for carnival was it nice it was so much fun for carnival i dressed the whole outfit with the big fucking feathers and you just dance dance and drink for days wow it was so much fun who'd you go with a chick i met my friend my friend's like in line to be the prime minister there from college really yeah his dad was the prime minister and then when I met him, he was the ambassador of America. White guy?

Tobagon? there from college really yeah his dad was the prime minister and then when when i met him he was the ambassador of america white guy tobagan no dark skin black dark skin black yeah they only have indians and blacks there pretty much but yeah but everyone's dancing whining on each other they're whining on me they were playing this not happening for some reason on loop no on loop so like for like four hours a day they were playing this not happening in Trinidad no residuals and so I was getting recognized in Trinidad and Tobago some chick was like are you Ari Shafir can I and I was like yeah she goes can I whine on you I'm like yeah she's just fucking backing it up that's what they do there yeah it's not even sexual it's just like backing it up right on your ass and just rub it. And they just go all the way down.
Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

That's great.

And what do they call it?

Wind on you?

Whining.

Whining.

It's their dance.

Whining.

And it's Tobagon?

I guess so.

Wow.

Steel pan, all that shit.

It was so fucking cool.

I love that.

What do you notice after traveling to some of these places?

What do you, what are the things you miss about America?

And what do you think are the things that

we lose by being such a capitalistic

environment? Food is cleaner

other places. Like in Cuba,

they don't have much, but they don't have

chemicals to put in there either.

And then it's like the

need to work for life.

She's teaching how to whine. I might have watched this video

before I went.

And what do you do? Stand there? Stand there, lift one leg around them, try to go down with them. I mean, you can't do it, but they're all like, it's funny, the white guy trying.
But they're not like mad at you for being there. There's so few whites.
There are? Yeah. Yeah, I think the real one has more.
Whoa, pregnancy. And you just.
That's when you really, that's when your nuts go missing right there wow Jesus lady I know I caught a pickpocket in Croatia one time got a picture with him he pickpocketed you just like that and then you're like I'm not mad at you let's just take a picture let's get a photo and he ran off little guy little fucking fable goes thieving that's crazy no all right yeah fair is fair um yeah it's just like you you notice like oh we have some good things where we are you know you get to appreciate that but then also like the need to work as your method of reward you know it's like nah it shouldn't be that it should be work to play like how much value we put on that yeah it's like never any work till you die and there they're like they work for the for the weekend you get you try to go towards like some fun yeah so there they have like carnival season it's a month plus long parties parties parties it's great juve everyone's like throwing paint on each other and mud juve juve juve it's like joe vert that's in trinidad yeah it's a night before so you're up all all night you get two hours of sleep and go back to drinking and whining yeah that's juve juve j juve dash-R-T. Everyone's fighting with.

Wow.

And they're fist fighting?

No.

They're fighting with paint.

No, they're in a great mood.

It's all pretty safe.

Let's look about Juvet.

Can you find me any information on it?

It looks beautiful.

It's the day before.

So color.

A traditional carnival celebration in many countries throughout the Caribbean.

The parade is believed to have its foundation in Trinidad and Tobago with roots steeped in French Afro-Creole traditions. Wow.
Such as Kanbouleh. Kanbouleh.
What is that? Yeah, it's all so fucking weird. And it comes from some weird version of Christianity and slavery celebrating.
Oh yeah. Kanbouleh is a precursor to Trinidad and Tobago Carnival the festival is also where calypso music has its roots steel drum you know why they did steel drum because they outlawed drumming because they were like you're you're like riling people up so like let's get these abandoned steel drums like the oil drums we'll make music out of that wow go back to that uh information nick it was originally a harvest festival.
It was drum, singing, dancing, and chanting were an integral part. Huh.
Yep. Kanboulae has played an important role in the development of the music of Trinidad and Tobago, for it was the banning of percussion instruments in the 1880s that led to the surreptitious innovations that gave birth to steel pan music.
Oh, that's cool. Yeah, here's me in my fucking costume.
Wow. Isn't that fun? Yeah, Bubba.
It was so fucking fun. So he showed us how to do it.
My friend Brian. Dude, that's so cool.
You look like a native, bro. Yeah, I got lost in it you look so native it was so fun um i mean they party they do it right there's no status there's no any of that like what do you mean they party they go to let loose like a filipino lady and like all the filipinos in like china and stuff when it's the weekend they party they just dance on the docks together right they like, let's let loose.
It's not about like, which table am I at? Who's going to be here? Yeah. It's the party for the sake of party.
And it's like the downstairs on the Titanic. Yeah.
You know? Yeah. Everything else just gets a little bit fucking ridiculous out here.
I think you definitely notice that more in big cities. Yeah.
Club life. Clubbing in Europe is about like doing drugs and dancing and dancing yeah and here it's about like bottle service and velvet ropes prestige yeah yeah that kind of stuff starts to disappear once you even get out of i feel like some of the bigger cities um i always noticed too that australians travel the most i felt yeah it's like their thing they go do it is how they we can't even comprehend it no you see one in the audience like oh what are you doing here it's like I'm on holiday and you're like oh so just LA in the back like no LA, Vegas, Miami and then Copenhagen, London field of dreams we're going to there's always like one outlier thing they're going to see it's like why nobody goes there I want to see Mickey Rooney's grave over there yeah they go for like two months i know it is really incredible huh they'll go it's almost like that amish thing like um what's the aunt where they go rumspringer rumspringer yeah australians almost have that we're like i'm gonna go see the world and australians all they really want to do is try the different cokes from around the country oh they like doing cocaine yeah they love it and they have the worst oh yeah they love it the most and have the worst yeah so it's like imagine you dunking i love to dunk but i can't really do it because i can't really do it but then you go to like the moon and you're like i can dunk now all you want to do is just dunk all day yes just fucking just jumping right past the sun would you see that picture that just came up about mars you see that what about it they found this crazy thing on there's a photo if this photo is real did you see that nick yeah they found like a perfect square on mars that were you talking about yeah what it's kind of fascinating that's unsettling i think perfect mysterious square St The square structure of Mars behind branded wild has space fanatics completely baffled.
Yeah, that's a straight line. Yeah, I'm trying to see if we can get a clear picture of it.
I'm sure they were too. Yeah, facts.
Oh, that's it right there. So you start to wonder like, because your mind also starts to say, well, okay, that's a square.
But also it's like is it just like right there the rocks broke down just that way? That's not – it's like Bigfoot shit. It really is.
Or UFOs. Every time UFOs are like, look at this.
I'm like, I can't see context. That looks like a dot.
And the shittiest thing for me is UFOs have been in the water recently. Do you hear that like a month ago? Yeah.
Why wouldn't they hide in the water? And you're like, okay, so you're telling me this whole time we've been looking up. And they're down.
And they're down. Oh, you tricksters.
It's like part of a Scooby-Doo episode. It's like, what? I'm not worried about them harming me.
This was a... CBS News? Yeah.
Tim Burchard said in an interview on Wednesday that an admirable whom he did not identify told him an unidentified craft moving at incredible speeds in the sea. It's always incredible speeds.
Yeah. And you're like, how about it's far away? Look, look, if you have something really far away and it's moving across the screen like that, you're like, that's slow.
If it's right here, it's like, oh my God, that's so fast. Yeah.
It's just, you can't see the fucking scale. you can't see where it is but also just they've oh they've been in the water that's oh we were looking up here and they're down you never thought to tell us about the water oh gotta discover it you gotta be a real scuba do it kind of makes yeah it kind of that was good that was better than the other you went around but it was what i was like this is so fucking dumb dude now they're in the water it's like so they're not up here it just was so dumb yeah where else they're gonna be yeah where's next in the fridge I know um where do you want to go still Argentina yeah you know a place map that for me let's see where the women swim like for me.
Let's see Bariloche.

Where the women swim like swine.

Let me see it.

You don't know how to spell that.

Yeah, I was going to say, how do we spell it?

It's up to you, really.

Yeah, it's up to fucking you, bro.

It's up to you, boy.

Bariloche.

Bariloche.

Why that place?

What did you hear about that?

You just heard about it from somebody?

It's so funny when you hear about something when you're a kid and you just remember it forever, you know? You're like, yeah, I gotta go there. It's hanging with Bon Jovi.
Wow. Wow.
Oh, so it gets cold there too. Oh, it looks perfect.
It does look perfect. San Carlos de Baraloche.
Looks beautiful. Halifax is beautiful.
You've been there. I just went for the first time.
Did you? I've been trying to go to Eastern Canada for so fucking long, and my Jews just keep telling me it's not worth it for the money.

And I'm like, I want to go.

And they go, fine, only winter.

I'm like, no, no.

You got to be outside during that.

Yeah.

Like, you'll draw less.

I'm like, guys, get me out there.

And I finally went.

I loved it.

Beautiful.

Weird, cool people.

Isolated.

Yeah.

Strange, different people. Real fucking, what's that movie where they put that guy in a box and they burned it alive i think i think one of i think nicholas cage did a remake of it not match dick match wicker man wicker man is it looks like wicker man ish for sure yeah it was great yeah i love that lacros, Wisconsin was a place that I liked in America.
Yeah, outside Mount Pelier. Very beautiful.
It's just like a perfect place. I've been doing that now a lot.
When I meet somebody from another country, I'm like, what's your tips? And they go, oh, we'll go to Buenos Aires. I'm like, no, no, no, no.
You're from Buenos Aires. It can be a restaurant, a bar, or where you go hiking outside of there.
Yeah. And then they tell me, and I put it on Google Maps, and I getting there give me the grass roots i'm gonna write that one down and that's lacrosse wisconsin it's i think it's one of the best little cities bariloche bariloche yeah where the women swim like swine oh yeah there you go there's granddad's bluff over there bariloche oh yeah bro that's what we need more barrel oce in america yeah and then i would say in america probably i would go with lacrosse wisconsin as a place that i really think is a great place to go tour or see just nice it's like if you thought of a like ideal place in america yeah like especially like we're like, the leaves change color.
And, like, it's a cool mountain. But you could still ride your bike everywhere you wanted to in town as a kid.
And you have just enough of a little downtown with, like, some three-story buildings. You were like, oh, that's downtown.
Cool enough. Two bars.
Yes. And everything.
But some cool old shops and stuff downtown where it really feels cool. How many people live there in La Crosse, Wisconsin? 52,818.

So a good enough size too

where it's like,

you know,

you'll have some neighbors,

you have some good sporting events

and stuff like that.

You're close enough

to drive to Green Bay

to cheer for the Packers.

But yeah,

just beautiful.

Right, right.

But far enough away

that like we don't go.

Right,

like this is their downtown.

So everything,

you know,

just kind of perfect.

This is where DeRosa lives

in Pennsylvania,

a city like this.

Yeah?

Yeah.

Like an hour outside Philadelphia.

Pennsylvania's got some beautiful places. Yeah, but like a small downtown just like that.
And he's the mayor. Wow.
Yeah, you got one light. Yeah.
That place is a great spot. That's the kind of thing you do when you're on the road where it's like, all right, I'm going to stay a few days longer or go a few days early, chill out, then do my shows, or stay there and drive in for your shows and go back yeah we have all day yeah i want to do some more like i think it's maybe after this year then i would just get a camper and do like a year where i just go around the country do some like interview just regular people in different places and you're good at that too and just have a just i saw you interview like a school bus driver once go touring who do we interview did you have a school bus driver? We have a hostage negotiator coming on soon.
No, it was somebody more regular. And we got a native American.
A couple years ago. We had a female long haul trucker, a mortician.
Lunch lady. Maybe it was mortician.
Maybe it was lunch. But yeah, that normal shit that you can get a lot out of them.
That'd be fun. Fascinating.
Yeah. Who'd drive the RV? You? Or you could have somebody else be driving it or switch off.
Probably switch off. I've driven it.
Or if I have a family at that point. You're looking? I got to get a family at some point.
Well, if you do that, guess what you're going to have to do first? Nut inside. Nut inside, buddy.
That's it. It's for you.
It's all there. You don't say.
That would be cool. Me and O'Neal and Matt Edgar did one where we did Spokane and we did Tacoma.
Yeah. No, Tacoma and then Spokane.
And then two days there, two days there. And the interim, we found a fire station, a fire lookout station that had been redone.
So it was an hour hike to get up. There's no roads in.
We took all our shit. And we stayed up there for like three days doing mushrooms.
There's hundreds of acres around us.

Wow.

There's nothing up there.

And it was a 360 deck on top, so none of the animals would get at you, but you could be out there.

You just found it?

Yeah, O'Neal found it.

Damn.

And the guy was like, yeah, we own this.

We retrofitted it.

They don't need these fire lookouts anymore.

That's cool.

And so it was like, but that's all there if you're willing to take the week in between.

Yeah.

Skiing, doing anything.

Yeah, I think some things just get like you're like you want to work but then you're like have i done enough work i don't know but then you start working so much you don't even know what you're doing anymore sometimes too just autopilot wasting time it's funny i have two different sets of friends and half of them are like pity me for not buckling down enough and the other half look up to me for for like paying it back in enough i think i look up i think i always admire the fact that you go and do these fun things that seem to keep you alive i got a proposition for you maybe i'll tell you off there okay that's fair yeah i want to come i want to talk about the semester at sea that's what i would like to talk about okay yeah yeah do it and you're doing any new york new york or if we're in austin together we can do it then okay yeah i have a studio there too yeah that'd be fun to go to the different places i've never really gone through and thought about yeah you'll think about you're gonna remember stuff as we go that's what happens to everybody when they're doing it when they do one of the episodes like and then i went oh that chick margaret oh yeah at that moment i love dude we had a girl she fucking hit it did a water slide somewhere in like vietnam which nobody knew they even had yeah broke out both of her front teeth and got knocked up by a mariachi player dude a mariachi player in vietnam i know who what do you mean we had a girl i don't know she was on the she was just on the cruise ship too because that would would be it You'd land in a port with the cruise ship You would take classes while you're on the ship And the program's called Semester at Sea And it's amazing You'd take classes But then once you got to a city People could go do whatever they wanted Be back at whatever? Be back when the ship leaves At like oh 1700 or something So people would come back with drug habits People would come back with amazing stories People would come back with their teeth in their pocket in a wow that's like fantasy island it was just some people would people would stay with a couple people like fell in love this fucking state they're like fuck it couple people got busted with drugs or whatever and they just left them there no yeah rules are rules man yeah wheels up wheels up at this time yeah yeah anchors up so that was all of that was kind of fascinating do you think fantasy island was a precursor for epstein island i'm not sure what fantasy island was it a real place no it was a tv show oh it was yeah i never saw it with herbie villashead or whatever no my buddy's dad was in love boat yeah really what was he? What was he in Love Boat? He was the captain, I think.

What?

He was the captain.

Captain Stubing?

Yeah.

I think so.

I don't know how to spell it.

Yeah, him.

That was your buddy's dad?

That guy.

Slung.

I guarantee you that guy came inside.

You think?

Dead at 90.

He passed away?

He was fucked until he was 88 and a half.

Guaranteed.

Oh, no.

This wasn't his dad then.

Thank you. I guarantee you that guy came inside.
You think? Dead at 90. He passed away? He was fucked until he was 88 and a half.
Guaranteed. Oh, no.
This wasn't his dad then. He was just captain on a boat.
He fell in love on a boat and he was the captain. Yeah, that's it.
That's it. I can't.
No. You're going to not continue.
You're like, no, I'm not lying. I'm not lying about any of these things.
I love there was a clip of Ryo and Rogan when you were like, you're doing the Theo thing. And you're like no i'm not lying i'm not lying about any of these things um i love there was a clip of rio on rogan when you were like you're doing the theo thing you're like i can't do the action like man these these bees are just exploding and joe just starts laughing and you're like yeah they're exploding he's like what are you talking about look it up jimmy and everyone thinks you're a lot and he goes yeah there's exploding bees and he goes yeah what what do you mean every now and then truth you gotta sprinkle away you bring a piece of information that he doesn't have that's when his mind is blown how did you know this well he's a library imagine going to bed when you're a library yeah yeah he's a fucking library it's like you go to the front desk like hey do you have this book and he's like let me see what i have and then he shows up with the information that he had he really remembers quite a lot un-fucking-real that's ifucking-real.
That's, I think, I mean, he has a lot of evaporating. He's a hard worker, but I think he's, he just has a, he has an endless memory.
And a lust for knowledge. Yes.
He wants to keep feeding it. Genuinely curious.
Yeah, I'm already like, I know enough. Dude, I know so little and I gave up then.
I think that was my MO. Ari Shafir, we got the new's Sweetheart on Netflix congratulations man yeah I wanted this one more regular people to see it and less YouTube people there's lower views on Netflix for people at my level but it just takes time for people to get to it too yeah but then also just like i'm trying to really get through with humor of like chill chill everything's nice so hopefully some people i've seen some people feel hey i put down the phone all day because that's special i'm like great getting through to you yeah yeah because that's how they really captivated you yeah it's like man yeah the closer is the darkest one yeah yeah so get to the closer i guess and then i'm on tour cool all over america the farewell tour before i go backpacking man that's gonna be nice dude okay as soon as we're done i want to suggest something to you okay yeah i'm ready to take a suggestion um yep thank you guys america's sweetheartheart Ari Shafir his tour

after the backpack

and or before

what

the tour

yeah

tours now

and then I'm gonna end that

and leave

it's just like

a couple more months

of hanging out in New York

having fun

and then like take off

yeah

take off

then I don't know

but the UB Trippin podcast

will still come out

I'm gone

I'm already like 30 ahead

oh awesome

and what a great idea too

that you can just have

so it's all about trips

to be able to take in

like one trip you took

yeah

come back

tell me about a different trip

Thank you. I'm already like 30 ahead.
Oh, awesome. And what a great idea, too.
So it's all about trips to be able to take in.

Like one trip you took.

Come back, tell me about a different trip.

Come back, tell me about a different trip.

But you just stay in that place.

And it's not like, what am I supposed to do?

It's like, what did you do?

Right.

I fell in love.

Danny Polashik was like, I had dengue fever in Laos,

but the whole time in a sand floor hospital.

Perfect.

Tell me about it.

Fuck. Yeah, I just love it.
Sometimes I the episodes i just like sit there i'm like sigh like i want to go there yeah and sometimes i'm like that was bad i didn't care i think sometimes we do an episode i'm like how was that so um and like that was the best ever i'm like you guys are fucking we're all idiots it is fascinating how uh like you know the idea of planning a trip is so hectic and then you just plan it and then like the day comes where you're sitting on the plane you're like this is the best decision i ever made it's the best you're nervous you're nervous i'll do it later if you just my booker in romania he goes i'm trying to go to thailand i couldn't go and you know what i a ticket. And then I'm going to force myself to go from six months to now.

If I have a ticket, I'm going.

And he did.

And he went.

And he's just like.

And then that thing.

If you get off the plane, you're still in an airport.

It seems familiar.

But when those sliding doors open, you go outside.

And there's a little smell difference.

Yeah.

And you just feel like the signs are in a different color.

And you're just like, oh, here we go.

It hits you.

And you're like, oh.

Yeah.

And you just got to get by. The cab drivers are trying to hustle you and you're just like oh it's like it's just the best yeah god it's good yeah we had a taxi took us in vietnam straight to a bird animal place that had hookers in the back so pet shop front hooker bat.
How do those go together?

Just what a combo.

Hey, kid, play with the puppies.

Dad's going to go in the back.

It was kind of like when you see those Pizza Hut Baskin-Robbins or whatever,

was that merger or whatever.

Uh-huh, yeah.

You're like, yeah, I'll take a couple of scoops.

A couple of scoops and a wing.

Yeah, dude.

I'll take a piece of pie and a fucking, and a gerbil. All right, Shafir, man, you endlessly continue to create content, man, and put your comment out in the world, man.
Yeah, I'm trying to have fun. Yeah, you always do.
Thanks. Thanks for coming and hanging out, man.
Yeah. Great seeing you, buddy.
Now I'm just floating on the breeze And I feel I'm falling like these leaves I must be cornerstone

Oh, but when I reach that ground

I'll share this peace of mind I found

I can feel it in my bones

But it's gonna take a little bit