E544 Matt McCusker

Speaker 1 Don't miss Sebastian Maniscalco's new stand-up special, It Ain't Right, premiering on Hulu, November 21st. Filmed live at the sold-out United Center Arena in Chicago.

Speaker 1 Sebastian goes all in on family chaos, aging, non-existent manners, and life's most relatable and frustratingly funny moments as only he can.

Speaker 1 Watch Sebastian Maniscalco, It Ain't Right, on November 21st, streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney Plus for bundle subscribers. Terms apply.

Speaker 1 We've got some spring tour dates that I got warm for you here right off the griddle.

Speaker 1 All these tickets you can get through theovon.com/slash T-O-U-R.

Speaker 1 This is still the Return of the Rat tour, and we will be coming to Toledo, Ohio, Pittsburgh,

Speaker 1 Eugene, Oregon, Kennewick, Washington, Seattle,

Speaker 1 Victoria, B.C. in the Canada, Belton, Texas, San Antonio, hola,

Speaker 1 Durant, Oklahoma, Amarillo, Texas, Amarillo,

Speaker 1 Oxford, Mississippi, Tuscaloosa, Alabama, Tallahassee, Florida, and Rosemont, Illinois. You can get all your tickets at theovon.com slash T-O-U-R.

Speaker 1 And happy early holidays to everyone. Remember, don't buy through a secondary secondary website.
Uh, go through our website so you're not getting those um heightened ticket prices.

Speaker 1 And uh, thank you so much for your support. And we do have new merch items backed by popular demand, the hitter hunting club collection.
We've also got the hitter bait and tackle teas.

Speaker 1 Those are new, baby. If you like to rod and reel them, baby, get all these in more theovonstore.com, the only place to get our merch.

Speaker 1 We are coming to you live today from Austin, Texas at Media Pouch, where we're taping. And we are grateful today to get to spend time with this fella.

Speaker 1 He is performing in New York City this week. You can get those tickets.
And he is one half of the superhero squad, Matt and Shane's secret podcast.

Speaker 1 He just reached five years of marriage. And I'm happy to get to spend time today with Mr.
Matt McCuspe.

Speaker 1 I'll be staying in just a move.

Speaker 1 I went to a steam room today. Did you really?

Speaker 3 Yeah. Just steam.
It wasn't anything else. Yeah, have you been in there?

Speaker 1 I've been in that.

Speaker 3 Is it like just a steam room or like attached to a gym?

Speaker 1 Oh, no, it's attached to the gym. It's like in the the bathroom or whatever.
There's

Speaker 1 like a room of yeah it's intense.

Speaker 3 It's intense. I thought you said you went to a specific place called the steam room like it was a new thing that's just a steam you walk in.

Speaker 1 It's just

Speaker 1 steamy as hell. I wonder if there would ever I wonder if that'd be a good business if you had like a

Speaker 1 another business that also at the same time was a steam room. That's what I'm saying.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 Get your hair cut and just sweat.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 That would be tough.

Speaker 1 Or like a radio shack, you know?

Speaker 3 Oh, that'd be nice.

Speaker 1 You're in there like trying to look at batteries.

Speaker 3 They could have stayed in business

Speaker 3 if they just cranked up the steam.

Speaker 1 Well, Radio Shack was, it was almost like where you almost just go there to get, ask the guy a question, and then you would leave. It became that place after a while.

Speaker 3 It did. Once the internet came out, you'd be like, yo, what kind of battery I need for this? And you'd be like, all right, right on Amazon.
I'd be like, right, nice.

Speaker 1 Yeah. You'd even buy it in front of them.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 3 That's what Best Buy kind of is, too.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 3 And they don't know shit at Best Buy. Like, what kind of camera do I, they're like, oh, I like they

Speaker 3 the last couple of times I went to Best Buy to ask about like cords and shit. They're just like, I don't really know, man.
I'm like, all right, dude, what the fuck?

Speaker 1 What's the point of this place?

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's kind of bullshit. Yeah, they don't know.
And then they'll walk over to another guy. That's the craziest thing.
They're like, let me ask my,

Speaker 1 and they'll be like a co-worker or whatever. And then they'll go over there.
And then the people will just start laughing or the guy was slipping out of joint.

Speaker 1 And then they'll just walk out of the place.

Speaker 3 You're like, it is so. It's sad, man.
Last time I went to Best Buy, it was just two dudes. One guy was struggling at a cash register.
He didn't even have like the uniform on.

Speaker 3 And then two other guys were just talking and it was like 10 minutes of people just watching this guy struggle and i was like yo you guys can you guys come help and they were like

Speaker 3 yeah man i guess and just walked over and i'm like all right well yeah it's crazy yeah customer service dipped during covet it's over now

Speaker 1 that's a great point huh yeah well we told them they were heroes yeah it's true they did they called them all frontline workers and stuff yeah yeah and a lot of them were um

Speaker 1 A lot of them were not heroes. I don't, I mean, some of them were, I guess.
I guess actually, if you're DoorDash was the heroes heroes for sure. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Nurses, remember, they were crying and everything. They were scared.

Speaker 3 They, they were, well, yeah, they actually did suck to be a nurse because you were, they were in like, they were in ground zoo. Nobody knew really what it was.
Right.

Speaker 3 So being around it all the time would suck. If you had to like hold your breath the whole time.
So I wouldn't, I would have tried to breathe as list like, you know, as least as possible.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Oh, that's a good point.
Yeah. You're, yeah, you're just talking to somebody really fast like that.
You're like, I got to get, look, I got to put his talking. I got to get out of the room.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that'd be nuts, man. Yeah, dude, I wonder if there'd be a good steam, like, if you could double, you know, because I like double-style businesses like that.
For sure.

Speaker 1 You know, like a shoe store, but also what?

Speaker 3 Shoe store, barbershop. I'm going to keep using barbershop, but that would be our shoes.

Speaker 1 That would make sense. Yeah.
Wow.

Speaker 3 They come bring a new pair of shoes and you're like, dude, I might as well walk out of here with a fresh haircut and fresh shoes.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 3 Double businesses are a good idea.

Speaker 1 I didn't even think about that. It's time for it.
It is. It's time.
Dog grooming and maybe

Speaker 1 sporting goods or whatever there you go or jiu-jitsu oh yeah you just tussle a little bit while your dogs get yeah

Speaker 3 do you do jiu-jitsu i don't do it anymore man because you did it for a while yeah i'll go back and do it once i'm done uh touring i just kept getting hurt that's the problem with it it's like i did it for a while and it's just like yeah your back gets up and you're like then at the end of it too it's like i could just get a gun yeah like you know it's like you could just defend yourself yeah yeah you could i mean that's the new jiu-jitsu a gun gun, I guess.

Speaker 1 Yeah. But it's like, I wonder, you know, sometimes I wonder like if

Speaker 1 I guess if I had a superpower, maybe it would be, I'd want to do jiu-jitsu. I'd want to know every jiu-jitsu.

Speaker 3 Be nasty at it.

Speaker 1 I mean, just fucking gif wrap a dude.

Speaker 3 True. It's a lot better, too, if you're at like a restaurant to like choke a guy out in front of everyone than just like shoot him in the face.
Yeah. No one's going to be like, dude, nice.

Speaker 3 That was awesome.

Speaker 1 That was sick. Yeah.
And it's messy. You got to clean up.
You got to wait around. Yeah.

Speaker 3 Just spray somebody's brains everywhere. People are going to be like, dude, that was kind of aggressive.

Speaker 1 That was kind of aggro. People are like, God, God, Carl.

Speaker 1 Yeah, bro. That would be a good superpower, I think, to just know everything.

Speaker 1 It was in you. Yeah.
What would you have? You think, if you had a superpower, you think? Fly. Really? Yeah, I'd fly.

Speaker 3 That'd be awesome.

Speaker 1 Would it, though? Think of how, dude, have you even stuck your head out of a window when you're going super fast?

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 3 I'd be chill about it. Dude, imagine if I floated into this room and sat in the chair.

Speaker 1 Dude, those things are tough, dude. Are they? I was struggling earlier.

Speaker 3 You got to use your shirt.

Speaker 1 I'm so happy I didn't do that.

Speaker 1 You got to use your shirt. I was in there, dude, struggling.
Hold on, dude. Stop, bro.
That water is not for weaklings, dude.

Speaker 1 This thing's broken, huh?

Speaker 3 It's crazy. I had to put it on my shirt and just fucking wrench it.

Speaker 1 God, that would be my superpower. I think we'll be able to get in to get in here.

Speaker 1 No, I think my superpower. Hold on a second.
Dude, you know, I'll take a second.

Speaker 1 You got that. Hold on.

Speaker 3 That's a dangerous angle.

Speaker 1 That's a dangerous angle to open water, dude.

Speaker 1 Dude, that angle might have helped, bro. True.
A lot of when you lock your hips in, dude. Very arm bar.
True.

Speaker 1 But,

Speaker 1 yeah, my superpower. I think mine would be if you went into the bathroom, not being able to know if somebody had pooped in there recently.

Speaker 3 That would be nice. Be able to find.

Speaker 3 It was like when you know when you take a dump, it doesn't smell. If you had that for everybody.

Speaker 1 But it's like the second you walk into a bathroom, you can tell if somebody's dumped recently, if somebody with perfume did dump.

Speaker 3 Oh, Oh, you want to know if they dumped or not know?

Speaker 1 I don't want to not know. I don't want to know anything.
So that'd be my superpower to not have, not have, because you can't trick your mind to not know, you know?

Speaker 3 But the seat, if the seat's warm, you're going to be like, oh, that's the worst. And you sit down at like an airport bathroom and the seat's 98.6 degrees and you're like, fuck, dude.

Speaker 1 Dude,

Speaker 1 fuck, man. Bro, and some people do dumps right onto, they won't even flush the toilet at an airport or whatever.
I know. They'll do dumps right on the pee.
Oh, yeah.

Speaker 3 I actually, I've come around, I shit on planes now.

Speaker 3 no you have to because otherwise you're going to fart like a coward and stink the whole plane up so now i do the valiant thing i like walk by everyone i sit down there for like 15 minutes and they all know they all know what i did do you take a newspaper with you i will take my book

Speaker 3 if i'm reading a book i'll take a book with me and i'll just I'm trying to get this, they got to really just get rid of the stigma because it's like, dude, otherwise you're just going to fart silently and just ruin the whole flight.

Speaker 3 Yeah. Which I also do sometimes, but it's like, I now I'm like, no, this is, this is juvenile.
I got to go like a man and shit on this plane. I'll be back a little bit.
Right next from the stewardess.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I'll be back.

Speaker 1 Do you tell that's crazy if you tell the person next to you like I'll be back in a little bit? Hold my calls if you say that.

Speaker 3 Like, yo, man, I've been farting my ass off. I'm going to go take a shit now just so, you know, I don't want to cause you any more grief.

Speaker 3 But yeah, dude, everyone thinks I'm crazy for shitting on planes, but it's like, it's the righteous move.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I never thought like.

Speaker 3 And it's kind of liberating. It's liberating once you're like, I don't need to hold this.
I got to get, this is totally normal and natural. Like everyone has to take a shit right now.

Speaker 1 What's crazy to me is talking to somebody and trying to guess if they have like poop in their body at that moment or not.

Speaker 1 It makes me so feel uncomfortable. It's like, just tell me.
Yeah, true. You know, if somebody are you, can you like?

Speaker 3 I know some people who can't hold it in at all. I can hold it in, I can hold it in for like a disturbingly long period of time.
But now I'm like, why would I do that?

Speaker 1 Well, some people poop every day. That's not to me.

Speaker 3 You don't poop every day?

Speaker 1 No way. You do? Multiple.

Speaker 3 I definitely once

Speaker 1 sometimes twice. Yeah, definitely once.
Oh my gosh, dude. You don't poop every day? Huh? Do you sleep outdoors on a farm?

Speaker 1 You poop multiple times.

Speaker 3 Sometimes.

Speaker 1 When your owner gets home.

Speaker 1 That's crazy.

Speaker 3 Definitely once, sometimes twice. Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 How much do normal people?

Speaker 1 It's three times a day, three times a week. That's what I do three times a week.

Speaker 3 Okay, it's three times a day, two, three times a week.

Speaker 1 Wait, so how? So we're both in, I guess, the range. I didn't know people were dealing it multiple.
That's crazy. Fucking, what are you doing? You're wasting.
How much of your life?

Speaker 1 How long does it take to even do a poop on average?

Speaker 3 It depends if I'm really, if I'm like on my phone, I can, you know, I can sit there literally forever.

Speaker 1 But 12, I mean, come on, man, 12 seconds. On average, a bowel movement takes about 12 seconds.

Speaker 3 That's

Speaker 3 I'm going to show my wife that next time she's on the seat and be like, bro, you got 12 seconds. Get the fuck back in here with these kids, dude.
No shit breaks.

Speaker 1 Oh my God. So it's more of a rodeo than it is, really like a relaxing thing.
I guess I, who made it, who made poops relaxing? 12.

Speaker 3 Someone hit them with the max. A maximum?

Speaker 1 10 to 15 minutes.

Speaker 3 12 seconds is crazy, dude.

Speaker 1 12 seconds is crazy. Who could even do 12 seconds? Oh, that guy that, who's that bull rider?

Speaker 3 Damn, look, they say it's relaxing because it stimulates the vagal nerve.

Speaker 1 If you ride a bull, you could probably poop very fast. There you go.

Speaker 1 JB Moni right there. JB Money? How they say it?

Speaker 3 Money. Mooney?

Speaker 1 I don't know.

Speaker 3 What's his deal? He's like the number one bull rider.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he passed away, though. Did he really? No, he's not.
What did he die from?

Speaker 1 I'm not sure. Yo, what's is he sitting?

Speaker 3 Is he

Speaker 1 oh, never mind? He's on Instagram. He's good.
Okay, he's not dead.

Speaker 3 Yeah, my bad. He was sitting on another cowboy's lap.
If I'm not, I don't care at all. He's a bull rider.
He'll do whatever he wants.

Speaker 1 Look, after you've ridden a bull, I think

Speaker 1 being gay is easy. True.

Speaker 1 True.

Speaker 1 That is true. Yeah, after you've ridden a bull, being gay has got to be like, that's child's for children.

Speaker 3 Eat a piece of cake. That is true.
Being gay after bull riding, gay sex, just staying on the back of a dude.

Speaker 3 You couldn't get that guy off.

Speaker 3 He'd be trying to balk him off you. He'd be no problem.
God. He'd be spinning around on you.

Speaker 1 You'd be like, dude, get off me. Yeah.
You'd be eating funnel cakes. He's just fucking.

Speaker 1 He's guessing your weight while you're fucking.

Speaker 1 Step right up. That's crazy, though.
So you were, yeah, I usually, I will usually

Speaker 1 poop two,

Speaker 1 three times a week. Monday, Wednesday, Friday, usually.
I was about to say you're Monday, Wednesday, Friday.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I'm every day, bro. I'm every day.
Weekend. If I miss for sure, that's when I really chill.

Speaker 1 But if it's like, yeah, it's your weekend. Your shit.
Definitely, dude. Oh, my God.

Speaker 3 I look forward. It's such a like a relax.
The one thing I will say,

Speaker 3 have you ever shit while you're really stoned?

Speaker 3 That's uncomfortable. I've done that before.
Like, I've taken like a strong wheat edible and you have to take a dump in the middle of it. And it's just like, it's the worst.

Speaker 3 I think it's the worst part of it.

Speaker 1 Oh, that seems crazy.

Speaker 3 It's very wretched. Yeah, you get like very much like kind of like, you know, you feel like an animal, and you're like, what am I doing?

Speaker 3 You're just taking a gross shit, and you're high.

Speaker 1 It's not good. That makes me sad.

Speaker 3 Yeah, it is. It literally just makes you sad.
You're like high, you think everything's cool. Then you take disgusting shit.

Speaker 1 Well, imagine, yeah. Say, if you, some people used to get their pets high or whatever, you know, and then watching your dog.
Like, my buddies, uh, it would get his dog high, I guess.

Speaker 1 I think this is when it was legal or something. Yeah.
And he would get it high and then it would start to poop and it would fall over. It would just, it couldn't even.

Speaker 3 It fucks your legs up. Yeah, when dogs eat weed, it fucks their legs up.
If they eat mushrooms, they're sharp as tacks. Really? Yeah.
Inadvertently, my dog ate a little bit of mushrooms one time.

Speaker 3 No problem.

Speaker 1 He had a little bit of weed.

Speaker 3 No, this was back in Philly. He ate a little bit of weed one time and he was,

Speaker 1 he couldn't walk.

Speaker 3 Yeah. I just had to hold him and just, you know, we spent like, we just like watched a movie.
I watched a movie and just held him. Oh, that's cool.
Weed is not good for dogs. Mushrooms, I would argue.

Speaker 1 Yeah. He was chilling.

Speaker 3 And it it would be great to see if dogs started using shrooms or whatever just to see how they kind of started to put new things together that would be pretty fascinating dude i i will say he was kind of more well-behaved i i it could just be me but he like never listened and he inadvertent it was like an accident i had like i made like put something in like a little tea bag and i threw it in the trash and he just ate the tea bag yeah i was like oh and he i just let him outside and he just zoomed around went back in i was like all right that's pretty cool how how do dogs do on mushrooms can we bring that up actually i can't believe this isn't a huge study or something Weed, they get into edibles all the time.

Speaker 3 That is like for real, a problem.

Speaker 1 Yeah, there's always that stone kid in your high school who use that laser and he's like, Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 It's really once you're like, Yeah, it's okay, that's toxic.

Speaker 1 Funny doggy psychoactive shrooms. There you go.

Speaker 3 This guy looks like he's struggling.

Speaker 1 This guy looks like he's not having a good time. Whoa, bro.

Speaker 3 He might have done a heroic dose.

Speaker 1 This little mixed fellow's fucking, wow, bro. Dude, that's like your marriage, dude.

Speaker 1 That's awesome, dude. dude.

Speaker 3 Shortly after this, I rushed into the vet.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God. What we discovered was Roxy had found wild shrooms growing.

Speaker 3 This guy's such a liar. No, they didn't.

Speaker 1 Whoa.

Speaker 3 How the fuck did the vet realize that?

Speaker 1 There he goes. Wow, bro.
Oh, no.

Speaker 1 Super attentive.

Speaker 3 See,

Speaker 3 my dog might have microdose, though, so. Maybe it was just more kind of chilling.

Speaker 1 This person filming him is so wicked.

Speaker 3 She didn't seem afraid. She was afraid of fact the opposite.
She seemed to be enjoying the experience.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 3 I mean, maybe so.

Speaker 1 But this kind of shows you if humans start, like some people say that there's the stoned ape theory or whatever, you know, that if that humans ate, that apes ate mushrooms and that's how we eventually evolved, you could start to see it with this dog.

Speaker 3 Like, damn, he's on, this dog is on to something.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 3 Yeah, dude, I think there is something to that, though, the stoned ape theory.

Speaker 3 I don't think it's that crazy because our brain size, like, I don't know if it like doubled, it like grew very quickly out of nowhere. Did it really?

Speaker 3 Yeah, back in like the day, our brains were like small, and then out of nowhere, they were just

Speaker 1 and they fat. And then it

Speaker 3 they don't know why it happened, they have no idea. I guess they looked at like skull sizes and they're like, see it,

Speaker 3 yeah, something happened where our brains just went nuts.

Speaker 1 According to current understanding, the human brain roughly doubled in size over a period of around 2 million years. There we go.

Speaker 1 With the most rapid expansion happening between 800,000 and 200,000 years ago, marking a significant brain boom.

Speaker 3 My thing, if dogs have been around forever,

Speaker 3 are their brains growing too?

Speaker 1 It's a great question. Have dogs' brains evolved?

Speaker 1 Human brains have tripled in size since the beginning of the human family tree, which dates back around 7 million years ago. Wow.
So our brains are getting bigger.

Speaker 1 See, this for me ties straight into like believing. If you look at an alien, right, your usual picture of an alien, it's this body that has no definition.
Yep. Huge head.
Exactly.

Speaker 1 It's like that's all eventually that's what we'll turn into. We are.
It's like this, you don't need to use any muscle. Everything's there.
Just machine.

Speaker 1 It comes into your body through a tube, leaves out. You don't have to poop three times a week or a day and on weekends.

Speaker 3 They're probably pretty regular, though.

Speaker 1 Aliens? No, you're definitely not.

Speaker 3 That's like, you know, sloths shit like once a month.

Speaker 1 No way.

Speaker 3 They come down from the tree and they just shit every 30 days like an enormous pile of shit.

Speaker 1 Must take an hour. Bring it up.

Speaker 3 It takes a while.

Speaker 3 It's pretty funny. They come down real slow.

Speaker 3 Once a a week my bad my bad so you use poop once a week now that makes sense man daily women sloss daily when they're in heat i must be in heat then that's probably why i'm dumping all the time i'm so damn horny wonder if because i wonder if there's a if there's like um

Speaker 1 yeah i wonder if there's if your body

Speaker 1 wants to have poop in it or doesn't probably doesn't doesn't yeah i would say not i would say it doesn't it's i mean it's you feel so much better

Speaker 3 when you don't have it in you how does it feel so the fact that you do that every couple days is that kind of like beating off where it feels great? Like if you hold it in for three days?

Speaker 1 Well, it definitely feels more of like an organized crime, you know?

Speaker 1 Really? Yeah, it's like more, it's just not, you're not just fucking showing up your shit. It's not like it's a like just spraying bullets in the air.

Speaker 1 You know, it feels like you just got that fucking John Wilkes poop, you know, you fucking rolled up with one fucking purpose. So it's just like you'll bam, very organized, very Japanese almost.

Speaker 1 Really?

Speaker 3 Yeah. You feel it coming.
You're like, I knew this moment was

Speaker 1 fucking, yeah. It's like you paid extra for the rapping.
It's like it's just very

Speaker 1 feels like how it's supposed to happen. Not somebody the second they get a bullet in the gun, they just fucking do this.

Speaker 3 Not like as soon as you wake up every day.

Speaker 1 Yeah, they're just spraying at the neighbors.

Speaker 3 I will say waking up in the middle of the night and having to shit is upsetting.

Speaker 1 Oh, dude. Because then you're attacking.

Speaker 3 You're in total darkness and then you have to like turn on the light. Yeah, that's terrible.

Speaker 1 And wouldn't make it because all you have to do is go back to sleep. You do not have to.

Speaker 1 Nothing in the world is saying, hey, poop now, save yourself some time or whatever. Like

Speaker 1 you can just, you're saying it's like a life hack to shit in the middle of the night.

Speaker 1 That's what some people think, dude. It's like, they think it's a life hack.
I'm like, what? It is not a life hack.

Speaker 3 Well, I've tried to ignore it, but it's like, you know, you can ignore, you can like wake up and you're like, oh, I kind of got a paid, but you're like, I'm good.

Speaker 3 Then you wake up and like your side fucking hurts and you're like, oh, shit. But if you try to hold in and dump and go to sleep, it's like, you just got to get out of bed.

Speaker 1 Well, but the crazy thing is sometimes sometimes you'll get up, so then you'll see, you sit down, right? You sit down,

Speaker 1 and then the problem is you start to doze off, right? That's worse.

Speaker 3 It's how Elvis died, yeah, yeah, he just dozed off while shitting and he died.

Speaker 1 Well, doze and all time, overdose, yeah, he overdosed.

Speaker 3 It's dangerous when you shit while you're sleeping.

Speaker 1 Damn, Elvis is so tired, he ain't coming back.

Speaker 3 Yeah, it is. It just sucks.

Speaker 3 Especially when you turn the lights on from pitch blackness, you just like, you see, like the veins in your thighs and shit. You're just very sad.
Yeah, it's disgusting.

Speaker 1 It's very very sad. And then here's the worst thing that can happen to you.
You know, there's a video of a guy, like his house caught on fire or something. He was on the

Speaker 1 toilet and then his, but his leg, but his legs had fallen asleep. And so then he tries to run out and he can't.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 3 Just you serious?

Speaker 1 That happens a lot. If you're sitting there for a long time, your legs will fall asleep.

Speaker 3 Yeah, that is a problem. Yeah, I've really, I got a nasty hemorrhoid one time.
I'm sorry, the subject matter. Yeah, this stuff.

Speaker 1 We don't talk about this kind of stuff much. So I think it's okay.

Speaker 3 We should talk about it more.

Speaker 1 Because because people should be okay talking about it. It's not crazy, yeah.
It happens all the time.

Speaker 3 This is actually important. I thought you could just sit on the toilet forever and just like scroll your phone and kind of like hide from your family, but I got a hemorrhoid, and dude, that

Speaker 3 I looked it up. And like, if you sit there for too long, because I like to read and stuff on the toilet now, that's why I'm all business, I'm in and out.
It's like, dude, those things suck. Okay.

Speaker 3 And they come from sitting there too long.

Speaker 1 Well, yeah, your body, it's crazy because your body literally wants to get out of your ass, which is like

Speaker 1 it's like you would think your body's happy, like the insides of you, but they're like, like, nah, no, dude, it's non-stop. Come, they're just peeking around the corner.

Speaker 3 Yeah, your body never gets a break. You sleep, thank God, but your cells are still moving.
They brain, you know, it never gets a fucking true rest.

Speaker 1 That's true, man. It's kind of bullshit.
Yeah, man.

Speaker 1 I couldn't believe.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I guess I just, I guess I just, I can't believe how much some people do. Because to me, pooping feels like you have to earn it.
Yeah. You know, if you just,

Speaker 1 if somebody just, you know, yeah, I'll go shit or whatever. I got some time to kill it.
It's crazy to me, dude.

Speaker 1 That is true. You got to wait till you, you know?

Speaker 3 No, you're absolutely right.

Speaker 1 Franz Ferdinand or whatever. He's like the prince of royals or whatever.
Like, what do you even.

Speaker 3 I used to be able to pee. I think I can still do it.
I can pee at any time. I can make myself pee.

Speaker 3 At any point. Any point.
I can get pee on it. It's weird.

Speaker 1 So somebody runs up, gun to the head, pee now.

Speaker 3 Dude, I literally, I, so when I was little, I was like down the beach with like my cousins and stuff. And we were like out of bed.
We were like real little. We're fucking around.

Speaker 3 We're supposed to be in bed. We were just running around.
And my uncle came down. He's like, I told you guys to go to bed.
And I was like, oh, I got to pee. And I didn't have to pee.

Speaker 3 He's like, prove it. And he made me and my cousin fucking pee.

Speaker 1 And I fucking was just like, we'll see.

Speaker 3 And I just peed. And ever since I've just known how to do it.
My, it was like, you know.

Speaker 1 That's your superpower.

Speaker 3 I was about to, it is my superpower. I can pee at any time.
That's awesome. And my, it was like, dude, my uncle was like, go, it was like a fucking, like a probation officer.

Speaker 3 It's like, go ahead and pee. And I had to like put my back to him.
And I was like, come on, come on, come on.

Speaker 3 I was pumped.

Speaker 1 Dude, I would always get nervous in the locker room or whatever that my penis wasn't good or whatever. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And because my brother also was an asshole, he took a marker and write like not good next to my penis. And I was like, what an asshole.

Speaker 1 So I was always like super paranoid, you know, but I would always like try to like shake it against my leg to get it fired up or turn around in the locker room or whatever.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 1 No, that's, dude, that's, that's a real thing, though.

Speaker 3 If you're at a rest stop, I don't know why, but when you're peeing, you can kind of like peripherally see other dicks, like just out like the very corners of your eye.

Speaker 3 And they always look just enormous every single time. I don't know if you've ever encountered that.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I don't have it.

Speaker 1 I don't get that.

Speaker 3 I got it crazy peripheral. Really? And I'm just tormented, dude.
I'm peeing. I'm like, oh my God.

Speaker 1 Just hogs everywhere, huh? It's just hog country.

Speaker 1 It's just wild hogs. Razorback fans.

Speaker 3 It's just wild hogs.

Speaker 1 Bill Clinton is just fucking.

Speaker 3 I just always pull my balls balls up too at a urinal. Just so if anyone catches me, they're like, yo, shit.

Speaker 1 Well, it should be where if you squeeze your balls, that stuff goes into your wiener and makes it bigger. That's what God should have done.

Speaker 3 That would be a good design. Absolutely.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Or make your balls squat. Like, I always wanted to stack my balls.
I always wish that they were

Speaker 1 squared or whatever. I agree.
When you mean business, you're like, all right, motherfucker.

Speaker 3 Stacking them up would be nice. Yeah.
Just roll them.

Speaker 1 Daddy's stacking in a sack right now. Somebody's about to get an ass whooping.
And then I'm going to go shit this weekend.

Speaker 3 Stacking your nuts would be decent. That would would be nice.

Speaker 1 Stacking your nuts to take a shit.

Speaker 3 Or if her uncle's like, P right now, you're like, oh, check this out. He's like, yeah, you stack your nuts.

Speaker 3 You can come drink a beer with me, dude.

Speaker 1 That fellow's an architect, isn't he?

Speaker 1 God damn it. Wow.

Speaker 1 You know,

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Speaker 1 Happy anniversary, dude.

Speaker 3 Thank you, man.

Speaker 1 You just had a five-year anniversary.

Speaker 3 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Thank you.

Speaker 3 Did you guys guys do something special for it or how does that kind of work do you feel like you have to uh no i i don't but you know um i i'm not really like the i'm not big on milestones and stuff you know obviously we like we did something i don't know what we did i think we went off to dinner um but no we didn't really do anything that crazy 10 10 maybe we'll do something cool but especially with little kids it's like you can't really do we can't go on like a trip i mean we could but it's like it's just a pain in the ass you're gone yeah they're freaking out so yeah we just chilled man you know we're just

Speaker 3 five years trying to do five more.

Speaker 1 You know, that's all it is. Does it feel, did it feel kind of exciting? Did you have a moment for yourself where you were like, wow, it's pretty cool?

Speaker 3 Or well, to be fair, I originally, I thought we had been together for 10 years total. So I originally was like, together 10 years, married for five.

Speaker 3 And she's like, dude, we've been together for nine years. I was like, right on, right on.
So I was kind of stoked. I was like, damn, it's like the longest relationship I've ever been in.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 I was like, that's kind of sick.

Speaker 1 Remember you telling me that? Yeah, it's cool. Yeah, five years of marriage is very,

Speaker 1 that's a big deal now.

Speaker 3 Oh, yeah, dude.

Speaker 3 It's the five, they, they claim that the, the true power struggle lasts for five, the first five years are a giant power struggle where you both try to like, you know, who's, who gets to say this, who gets to, like, there's a million little things you have to, like, hammer out agreements on.

Speaker 3 Like, how full, like, it's, I'm not being silly, but it's like, how full should the trash get? Should you put this stuff away? You know, there's just a bunch of stuff.

Speaker 1 I can only imagine that.

Speaker 3 And you have a power struggle, who gets to say what?

Speaker 3 And, you know, so it's like, I think it's, I think it's kind of real because it has subsided a lot in terms of like just bickering over stupid shit.

Speaker 3 Do you look forward to seeing your wife when you get home and stuff i do i look forward i look forward to seeing her the kids especially if they go away yeah dude there's a there's a post that's we were that's you yeah bro that's when i was i was a bad boy back then oh my god that's that was us now there you go look at that dude that's cool but yeah the kids the the kids are the big ones man they run and give you a big hug but it's like it's just nice to have like the central unit every day to go back to did is there ever moments where the kids favor one or the other and that hurts your feelings all the time oh bro all the time time see it all the time that would break my heart they when they're really little they don't want anything to do with the dad for the most part which is like all right i could deal with that and now they're like they're rolling with me but they'll go back and forth between like who they want to put them to bed and like honestly though when they're like we want mommy to put us to bed i'm like right you know i'm like whatever right but i could they would do that they would like they were all about me for a while and i could see it would like hurt my wife's feelings a lot yeah but then they always switch back eventually they'll be like fuck you we want mom and it's like if one of us are away they want the other one yeah it's like the portal in the football or whatever.

Speaker 1 The what? They're like, I'm hitting the portal. I'm going to mom.
Yeah, for real. But she's got NIL launchables over here.

Speaker 3 As long as you're together, I think it's, you know, it's cool. But like the separating, man, that's such a nightmare to navigate, it seems like.

Speaker 3 Because then it's like you have two different houses, you know, and I know myself. I'd make my house more fun than hers.
So you can start doing that shit.

Speaker 1 And it's like, yeah, I'm getting big speakers and shit.

Speaker 3 It'd be so nasty, dude. But it's also like, yeah, it's just hard.
Like, yeah, I think, what is it, like 40? I think divorce is actually going down, but it's still like 45% of marriages get divorced.

Speaker 1 That's crazy. What is it?

Speaker 1 Yeah, I want.

Speaker 1 Do you have a key? You feel like, oh, let me see. In the United States, the percentage of marriages that end in divorce varies by the number of times a couple has been married.
Interesting.

Speaker 3 This is my second too, so I'm not, the odds are not in my favor.

Speaker 1 Wow. So first marriage is 41% of first marriages end in divorce.
Second marriage is 60%.

Speaker 1 Third marriage is 73%.

Speaker 3 Yeah, fourth marriage is just a man.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 3 Fourth marriage is 100% of the time and divorce.

Speaker 3 But yeah, the, yeah, man, it's, you know, what were you asking? If there's any, if there's any like secrets?

Speaker 1 Do you have a secret? Like, do you have something that you feel like you've kind of honestly learned or like

Speaker 1 you've been like, this, this helps, or this is something that I had to adjust about myself or anything like that?

Speaker 3 Yeah. I, for me, it's like,

Speaker 3 I can only speak for myself, but it's like, and I think you could say it to other people, but it's like, you, as a person, you have massive blind spots as like the stuff you do that's like not great.

Speaker 3 And it takes a lot when you get input on those things. It's so easy to be like, fuck you, shut up.
You don't know what you're talking about.

Speaker 3 But over time, it can almost like give you insight into aspects of yourself that you're like, yeah, I could probably change this a little bit.

Speaker 3 Or even in like the heat of arguments, I'll hear something she'll say. And in my head, I'll, before I even have time, I'll be like, fuck that, that's bullshit.

Speaker 3 And then there'll be a part of my brain where like, fuck, that's kind of valid, but I'll be like, fuck this. I'm not losing this argument.

Speaker 3 So you start to like get better at like being like, you're right. That was fucked up of me.

Speaker 3 And then also like, you have to be like, but this is something, you know, so it's just like learning how to communicate.

Speaker 3 And in order to communicate, you had to take in a lot of like kind of bad stuff about yourself without like completely just getting floored to level 10, but you don't even realize it's happening.

Speaker 1 Right. If that makes sense.
Well, I guess you have somebody that you, I guess you were like, okay, I trust my spouse. I care about them.
So I'm going to listen to some of their feedback.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 3 And like, it's one of those, especially if you're, if you're like simultaneously bothering each other, you're programmed to be like, the thing you're doing is worse than the thing you think I'm doing.

Speaker 3 And you have to like take perspective and be like, all right, that's valid.

Speaker 3 And it just like, it literally feels like you're moving like an 800 pound stone to just be like, all right, maybe that is something annoying I do. Maybe that is a personal weakness of mine.

Speaker 3 It's just fucking hard. But you learn how to do it.
I think it helps in the long run.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 3 But, you know, it's just like,

Speaker 3 dude, there's just so many facets to it. Cause then you have kids, then it's like, well, who gets to dictate like the philosophy of the house and the flow of thing? It's just a fucking lot, dude.

Speaker 3 It's just.

Speaker 1 Yeah, do you have to have conversations like about that kind of stuff? All the time.

Speaker 3 You have to talk about that kind of stuff all the time. And it's like,

Speaker 1 how should we parent? Yeah.

Speaker 3 Wow, that's cool, though. But then you can't do it in front of the kids.
But then you're, as it's going on,

Speaker 3 every cell in your body is like, say it now, and you have to sit there and wait. And then like, there's never good times.
Then either it's nighttime, it's like right before bed.

Speaker 3 Like, something that actually bothered me today, it's like, that's not a good time. You can't do it first thing in the morning.

Speaker 1 And you can't do that thing where you're just in the room, but being loud, but being quiet. You ever do that shit? Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 3 I'll do, I'm the king of that. Yeah.
I'll lay down. It's like,

Speaker 3 what's the matter, babe? Nothing.

Speaker 3 Just wait for three days.

Speaker 3 Actually, what was bothering me the other night?

Speaker 1 You've been fucking just picking your skin off in the garage and fucking drinking PBRs back there.

Speaker 1 God, dude. Yeah, that's so wild.
Being loud, but being quiet is the craziest behavior.

Speaker 3 Oh, it's insane in the world i see someone else do it i'm like what are you crazy but i'll definitely be like

Speaker 3 and sometimes you don't even realize you're doing it i'll get into bed and just be like i'll hear her like what's the matter and i'm like why she's like you just sighed heavily and i'm like did i realize i did that yeah so yeah it's uh it's good you know what i mean it's it's one of those things you don't know because it's like

Speaker 3 it's like you hear like Whatchamacallit, like in it, it's not a slam on Matt Reif. He had that special red flags.

Speaker 3 And it's not like that taps into a big thing of like online dating, all the stuff where it's like, if anyone exhibits any sign of weakness, that's a red flag abandonship immediately.

Speaker 3 But everybody has them. And eventually you've got, and again, I'm not slamming the Rife Man for that.
He's tapping into like

Speaker 3 the popular consciousness of the young online daters. Totally.
But it's like this red flag philosophy is like.

Speaker 1 Everybody has red flags. Exactly.
So what are you going to do? Now you're just, everybody's like, fuck everybody. Yeah.

Speaker 3 Not everybody's fucking dope as hell, dude. Everyone's got fucking major issues going on.

Speaker 1 You think everybody spugs McKinsey or whatever

Speaker 3 yeah dude it's like out of your mind that's that's the thing where it's like you have to like you know and i i think couples counseling is a great thing a lot of people like it's a fucking waste of time if you got to do that it's already over and it's like i think it's great because then it enters a it's the best thing when you're arguing it's like i'm the boss i'm the boss and you just clash you give the authority to another figure and then it's like when you do couples counseling if your wife's right it gets to like kind of instead of like hitting you like a laser beam it goes to that person they kind of can relay It's like the, I don't know how to explain it, but it's like every now and again,

Speaker 3 another person with, you know, with like degrees and shit will be like, actually, your husband's right about this.

Speaker 1 And you're just like, it's like he's in Starlink kind of. It kind of is.

Speaker 3 Yeah. You get to, it just, I think it's great for people.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 3 And it's like, it just helps because it's like, you don't want to hear it from the other person. You know what I mean?

Speaker 3 Like, if like my wife's telling me something, I'm like, I don't want to hear this shit. If she tells him, then he tells me, I'm like, that is actually a fantastic point.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 And I'm not trying to be a dick. It just

Speaker 3 works.

Speaker 1 Bro, it's got, I mean, people have to,

Speaker 1 how do you bridge a topic? Say there's something you want to talk to your wife about. How do you kind of do it?

Speaker 3 Dude, so I've learned before I would just boil quietly and then like explode.

Speaker 1 Now what I do,

Speaker 1 just like violent Irish, like the Irish hello. Exactly.
Exactly.

Speaker 1 Yeah, exactly. And another fucking thing.

Speaker 3 What I do now.

Speaker 1 Fucking freckles are flying across the room.

Speaker 3 They're just bouncing off each other. Yeah.

Speaker 3 Well, the problem is it's like, all right, here, I have a piece of information. If I relate to this person They're gonna have a big emotional reaction That's gonna get me all upset.

Speaker 3 So I'll just keep it to myself and so eventually what I learned to do is be like

Speaker 3 I Got to tell you something then this is actually going this could potentially get you upset. So like that way they're they're not caught off guard.

Speaker 3 They're like that catches them and they're like, all right, they have time to prepare themselves. Yeah.
And then you hit them with the information rather than this being like.

Speaker 3 Yeah, that really fucking bothered me like three days ago. And then, you know, they're just like, well, what the fuck is this?

Speaker 3 So you have to like, for me, it's like I have to preface the fact that I'm about to bring up something that could be potentially upsetting.

Speaker 1 That's kind of a good way to do it.

Speaker 3 Dude, it works so much. It works so much better.

Speaker 1 Because then

Speaker 1 they're also not thinking that you also wanted to catch me off guard. So then that's two things you're doing.

Speaker 1 You're telling them something that's going to upset them, and then you're also surprising them.

Speaker 3 Exactly. And with this, you're like, I don't know.
It shows you care to be like, hey, I don't want to upset you, but I have no other choice than to relay this information to you. So prepare yourself.

Speaker 3 Now here's the information. A thousand percent of the time, or it works like a thousand percent better every time.
Because it sucks. you're gonna share stuff constantly back and forth.

Speaker 3 That's just like not great, and that's why I think it is long-term. It's good to be in long-term relationships, I think, but it's like everyone's different.
That's the other thing, yeah.

Speaker 3 So, could be fucking, you know, maybe some people might not be the thing.

Speaker 1 So, yes, it's it's it's tough to figure out. I mean,

Speaker 1 I don't know anything.

Speaker 3 The question then is like, how much flack do you take? Like, how much stress do you take before you're supposed to call or quit? So, there's no real answer on that, right?

Speaker 1 Like, yeah, where do they, yeah, where how does that go yeah i'm watching some friends and stuff go through divorces and it's really challenging but then i'm also watching friends stay together who are trying to just battle it and figure it out because that's what they want the story of their life to be you know i think that can be terrible too because that can get to the place where you just i've been in houses where it's like the parents fucking hate each other they don't talk to each other that's could be even worse honestly yeah dude we had a dude on our street when i was growing up he tried to burn his family down like three fucking times and his wife stayed with him every time i was like what are you guys doing like that's for For real?

Speaker 1 Yeah. Like, you are a dumb lady.
Yeah. He was, and everybody knew, you know, everybody knew how much he didn't like her.
You know, I would say. I would say.

Speaker 3 Just try to cook the house.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Just fucking a dude.
But animals, you know, people,

Speaker 1 people are animals. You know, raccoons will eat their young just so another, so they'll go in the heat so another raccoon will come and have sex with them again.
What? That's crazy behavior.

Speaker 3 They'll eat their babies to get piped down.

Speaker 1 I'm not saying what city this is happening in, but saying that yes, dude. So they'll, for real, that's crazy.

Speaker 3 Because what, just munching your baby puts you in heat?

Speaker 1 Yep. Male raccoons, also known as boars, can kill a baby raccoon, a practice called infanticide.
This can happen for a number of reasons, including sexual dominance. Oh, they'll, oh, they'll kill.

Speaker 3 Okay, so the mom won't, wait, the mom won't eat it. The dad raccoon will kill the baby so.
The mom can't come up with any bullshit excuses.

Speaker 1 Not to want to make love. Yeah.
I was like, I'm tired. I'm like, oh, you think you're

Speaker 1 just gobble the babies and be like we're now

Speaker 3 wow i know you love this you dad

Speaker 1 i'm turning this living room into a soup plantation right now

Speaker 3 that's bonkers damn they're like romantic novels must be crazy too just a cover of a jacked raccoon with a baby in his mouth some woman

Speaker 1 that raccoon that plays dead and he put that broomstick over him to make it look like it hit him you have

Speaker 1 find that video bro

Speaker 1 unbelievable that's crazy i didn't know that though um

Speaker 1 this is the fuck craziest thing i've ever seen in my life they're so raccoons are rad dude i love raccoons they're very un

Speaker 1 yeah they're like fucking mafia squirrels dude they are serious about yeah they're dude they're a bear family which is crazy yeah keep looking forward and find it if you can for me it's a video yeah that sounds awesome um

Speaker 1 what else been happening happening, man? How's things been?

Speaker 3 I got this auto ring, so I've been tracking my biometric data. That's been kind of fun.

Speaker 1 Nuh-uh.

Speaker 3 Yeah, it does stress to sleep.

Speaker 1 It's pretty, it's pretty cool. What? Yeah.
I've never even seen that.

Speaker 3 You can take it off, or you can't. Take it off, yeah.
Check it out.

Speaker 1 So it's just a ring, and it brings up the so it tracks your sleep, it tracks your stress.

Speaker 1 Oh, here we go.

Speaker 1 Dude, great. Look at this.

Speaker 1 What the fuck?

Speaker 1 This is a couple minutes long. Maybe.
Let's see. What is that thing?

Speaker 3 Yo.

Speaker 3 That's a good guy, dude.

Speaker 1 It's a flying squirrel.

Speaker 1 Dude,

Speaker 1 that's nuts. Wow.

Speaker 3 That's on. I just wish this would have happened.

Speaker 1 This is somebody to meet on Craigslist for sure.

Speaker 1 Dude, we got the guy from Craigslist coming on. What? Craig.
Do you really? Yeah, next week. What the hell? Pretty excited about that.

Speaker 3 Dude, you know how many blowjobs that guy's responsible for yeah like for real millions that's crazy free there's got to be a ton of kids out there that happen because of him

Speaker 1 probably too yeah true i didn't think about that bro i met a woman once she we met at a bar right met her off of personal encounters whatever met her at a bar figured it uh

Speaker 1 I didn't, you know, I figured that if she wouldn't be, who knows, I figured she might be a man or whatever, but hopefully she wasn't. Nice.
That was kind of my attitude.

Speaker 1 and then i go there bro smoking hot what i'm like you gotta be kidding this lady's gonna kill me or whatever drink my blood or whatever yeah so goes back to my place she covered anything in my place that had any light closed all covered the vcr thing like every in no light at all i do that by the way you do i don't like fucking lights when i'm sleeping i i would put like no it's a for sex she did it oh she did it for sex oh she didn't want the cam probably you think i'm just gonna invite somebody over just to fucking sleep

Speaker 1 you gotta get to know her dude you think i'm gonna

Speaker 1 bro meeting somebody and then letting them sleep at your house really is a crazy practice now dude it was casual encounters dude that's true that's pretty cash you're right you're right you're right

Speaker 1 trying to make it more than it is

Speaker 1 true

Speaker 3 so she covered every source of light and then had sex with you yeah

Speaker 1 what did you think about that i don't know it was uh

Speaker 1 I was willing to do it. I knew that, but I didn't know much else after.
I just knew it was very very interesting. I couldn't tell if she didn't want to see me, if she was scared.

Speaker 1 Yeah, maybe she was nervous that there was a camera.

Speaker 3 Yeah, what's what's the, if you don't mind asking, what's that Craigslist pussy like?

Speaker 1 Uh, I don't remember it that good, but it was pretty, it was fine, I guess. It was, you know, it was, you know, normal, you know, pretty,

Speaker 1 yeah, like normal,

Speaker 1 a normal woman.

Speaker 3 I'm glad that worked out for you. Every time I've, I've sold a lot of things on Craigslist, just like I've sold cars on Craigslist.

Speaker 3 I've bought like, I think I bought like a Game Boy Advance for for my sister one year for Christmas.

Speaker 3 Do you ever meet anyone to like buy or sell anything?

Speaker 1 No, people are getting attacked. A buddy of mine was buying some walkie-talkies or trying to sell some walkie-talkies the other day, and he got fucking jumped.
Did he really?

Speaker 3 Yeah, dude, everyone I've met from Craigslist, I always just assume they die like 10 minutes after we meet. They always seem like they're on their last leg.

Speaker 3 Every time I sell someone, I'm like, that guy's definitely dead. As soon as I like, he would buy like a car.
I'm like, well, that guy's gone.

Speaker 1 That guy had a heart attack in a car one time on Craigslist.

Speaker 1 We were like, we had a fireplace. I remember the first time I'd I'd ever had a fireplace.
So I was like, we got to use this. Me and my friend were sharing a living room, dude.

Speaker 1 It's my buddy's apartment. So we had like put beds in the living room and we had a fireplace and they're like, let's make it nice.
That's pretty cool. Yeah.
What's really exciting?

Speaker 3 Did you ever tell people that it was your spot, but your boy was just crashing?

Speaker 1 Yeah, I'd say he did from the Army. I would say all the time.

Speaker 3 Me and my friend shared a bedroom in college. Same thing.
I'm like, yeah, I'm letting my buddy crash in that top bunk, man.

Speaker 1 Feel bad for the guy. That's what I want to say.
He's on leave from the Army. And we had a, we even had a fake army bag that was just stuffed with sheets and we put it by the extra bed.

Speaker 1 That's awesome. Make it look legit.
That's awesome. But we, uh, so one day we're like, well, we, we have, we need firewood, right? So that's what you have to have.

Speaker 1 So we find, we look on the thing, free firewood, right? Or something. It's like 13 miles away.
We just moved to LA. It took us an hour and 30 minutes to go get it.
It was out in like Diamond Bar.

Speaker 1 And we drive all the way out there. And it's just like somebody had like literally taken like a big chef a robe or something and just batted it together with it, beating the shit out with an axe.

Speaker 1 and so it's chipped up fucking wood right so it's we have we put it in my buddy's fucking hashtag just fill this thing with chips of wood bring it all the way back dude we burned all that wood in like 12 years of kindling it was gone

Speaker 1 it took an entire day damn that sucks oh la was so hard in the beginning man we bought a refrigerator off craigslist yeah we get it home This was on my birthday and it wouldn't go in the fuck.

Speaker 1 We were literally running against it and trying to push it in, dude. I remember leaning against it and just fucking crying, bro.

Speaker 3 Dude, I had to move myself one time, and I was trying to get a box spring up to the second floor of the bedroom. And same thing, it wouldn't fit.

Speaker 3 And it was, I dropped it, let it fall, and just cried on the steps. Same, it's so frustrating, dude.

Speaker 1 Lest we forget, dude.

Speaker 3 Just moving and not being able to fit something. It's like, I'm like, where am I going to get another box spring from? Yeah.
I just am pissed off. I'm carrying this thing by myself.

Speaker 3 And it's just, you just go clump. Yeah.
You're like, dude, fuck.

Speaker 1 And life just wins and you just can't do it anymore. Yeah.
God. I never got a box spring either.

Speaker 3 That was just it. I just put a mattress down.
I was like, thought I could have a box spring, be a normal guy.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 3 No, it sucks.

Speaker 1 Dude, my buddy, I used to sleep under his bed for a while and he

Speaker 1 would have girls come over and they'd always go to the restroom or something before they were going to make out. And he'd come in there.
He'd wake me up. And he'd be like, don't fucking,

Speaker 1 but he'd wake me up and tell me to don't wake up.

Speaker 3 Don't be jacking off that.

Speaker 1 It was just crazy. Like,

Speaker 1 I wasn't going to wake up. I was being asleep.
Yeah, I was going to be like, dude, don't fucking wake up dude. I got a chick over.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 3 So you were just fucking like vampire underneath.

Speaker 1 Dead asleep. Yeah.

Speaker 1 $150 a month, dude. That's not bad.
That was a great deal, man.

Speaker 3 Were you like for real under the bed like a monster or was it like a loft kind of thing?

Speaker 1 Were you like,

Speaker 1 how much space did you have?

Speaker 1 Like a monster.

Speaker 3 How much space did you have?

Speaker 1 My hand just creaks out the itch.

Speaker 3 Was it like the loft style setup and you were just gonna...

Speaker 1 No, but it was a nice bed, pretty high bed. Okay.

Speaker 1 So, yeah, I had probably, I would say, 20 inches under there. Not bad.

Speaker 3 Did you get scared when you woke up?

Speaker 1 Yeah, probably 19 inches. A couple times.

Speaker 3 You start to adapt. That makes sense.
I only have one experience. I slept at my cousin's house one time when I was little and I slept on the floor, but I would move around while sleeping.

Speaker 3 I ended up with like half of my body under his bed and I freaked out when I woke up. So I didn't know where the fuck I was.
I just looked up and I was like, what the fuck? Yeah. Scary.

Speaker 3 But that must have been sick to be laying under someone having sex late like that.

Speaker 1 Yeah, well, it was, and I think low-key, he did it because he was trying to make sure I knew he was hooking up with chicks. You know, he always like,

Speaker 3 he always like did that. I should have gave him a little, just so he would know, just from the bottom.

Speaker 1 Just push a little with my legs. Yeah, give him a little boost.
Yeah, give him a little.

Speaker 3 His leg press him like a quarter inch deeper.

Speaker 3 That would have been sick. That would have been righteous as hell.

Speaker 1 That would have been cool. Should have been like, holy shit.

Speaker 3 It's a strength of two men.

Speaker 1 She would have loved that.

Speaker 1 Dude, anybody that has sex for more than probably six or seven minutes is out of their fucking mind.

Speaker 3 It's ridiculous, man. Thank you.

Speaker 1 I've been praying about this. I'm like, even to say it, I felt afraid to say it all.

Speaker 3 No, I used to live,

Speaker 3 me and Brittany lived below a couple, and the guy would just, for fucking like 40 minutes, just be like,

Speaker 3 and it was just never ending. We'd be like, dude, come on, man.
This isn't even sexy anymore.

Speaker 3 It was just like, like dude what are you doing yeah it's all yeah it's like what are you doing what is shit yeah dude just go do anything else yeah i agree i it's

Speaker 3 i mean if you're really getting after it 12 minutes top 12 minutes is crazy yeah on a par like on a red um

Speaker 3 six perfect

Speaker 1 yeah yeah one two is like understandable yeah it happens you have to definitely

Speaker 1 yeah i would get so nervous sometimes i would get off i'd be like what was that and i'd run out of there just shit like, you know,

Speaker 1 oh, you hear that or something? I'd run out of the fucking room or something. Wait, what do you mean? Like, if I would get, you know, ejaculate early or whatever.
Oh, true. Yeah.

Speaker 1 What the fuck was that?

Speaker 3 Did you feel that earthquake?

Speaker 1 What the fuck was that? And I'd just fucking run out of the room.

Speaker 1 Come back 10 minutes later with my clothes on, just not even saying anything.

Speaker 3 Although, I feel like women secretly, I mean, not even secretly, they'd much prefer that than like if you just couldn't finish. It devastates women because you can't finish.
Finish, dude. They,

Speaker 3 you know, people like say, guys are bad at being like, oh, fuck, she didn't come. But, like, dude, if a dude doesn't come ever, like, women, women will implode.

Speaker 1 But that's, I think, the new move is not like just coming for just fun, like, just

Speaker 1 party coming or whatever. Like, people are just coming for fun.
I think that's kind of those days are over.

Speaker 3 Yeah. I mean, do you mean like personally or just kind of like

Speaker 1 for me? Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's like, I want to just, I want to be the guy that kind of, you know, ejaculates like with a purpose or whatever yeah build it's like crazy what the fuck am i talking about dude no that's a that's insane

Speaker 1 i think i'm steaming

Speaker 1 ejaculations dude i think i'm

Speaker 3 i have the same fantasy though where i'm like i'm gonna really like dial it in and you know yeah i'll be like tired before bed and it's like i'm gonna beat off even though i'm not horny that's where i'm at oh you're not even you don't even want to but you're that's sick i mean that's abuse really it is and it feels like abuse yeah you finish and you're like i didn't need to do that that was it's crazy Yeah, you feel so much shame.

Speaker 1 I feel a ton of shame happens for me from watching porno and watching myself jerk myself off. Watching yourself.
Yeah, true.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 3 I mean, it's jerk. I don't mind jerking off.
It's pornography. For some reason, like when it's over and I'm still watching it, I'm just like,

Speaker 3 if I can do like a memory beat, those I feel pretty guilt-free. Just drink went out in the shower, just kind of.

Speaker 1 Dude, I had a blind dude that lived with us for a bit, and we would fucking, I saw him watching

Speaker 1 hand porn or whatever whatever it's called no

Speaker 3 reading like braille erotica

Speaker 1 craziest thing ever man really beautiful really i mean gay i don't know i mean like yeah i i mean it was it wasn't gay it was like you know

Speaker 1 but it was pretty cool it was like um i'm trying to think of what movie braille's just shaped like boobs and you're just going oh fuck dude well it was getting pretty crazy you know it's crazy but it's just interesting to see you know it's almost like watching the nature channel yeah that's kind of nuts oh there you go.

Speaker 1 The Braille Superstore Romance film. Fuck, dude.

Speaker 3 I want to learn Braille just so I can do this.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 3 The Love Hypothesis. Damn, their titles are very poetic.
It ends with us. It starts with us.

Speaker 1 Turn around and let me see the sexy body go boom.

Speaker 1 That's stupid.

Speaker 3 No, that was pretty sad. Yeah, that was pretty bad.
Lessons in Chemistry, Crash and Burn. These titles are good.
Ooh, the Manning Sisters. What are they doing?

Speaker 3 That's probably about Eli and Peyton and getting a trans surgery.

Speaker 1 dude is eli does he just get carried along by payton is payton the one with all the pizzazz and eli just gets kind of carried on didn't eli win a did eli win or my payton definitely won super bowls but i thought elon eli won not eli eli won one yeah with the giants he won one beat the pets yeah and peyton what payton won two

Speaker 3 that's a good question he won with denver didn't he yeah i think so oh yeah he did he did because i would i would have thought payton was definitely the guy but apparently eli was kind of nasty as well oh eli was pretty wild man yeah eli is definitely

Speaker 1 funnier to be around when I'm around the two of them. Really? I haven't been around him much.
Yeah. Maybe that sounds like humble bragging.
It's not. No.

Speaker 1 But Peyton went to UT, so you see him sometimes like in

Speaker 1 Nashville or in Tennessee.

Speaker 1 Peyton, probably. Peyton's a great actor.

Speaker 3 He's good at those commercials, man. He actually, yeah, he's pretty good.
He also, he probably whooped Eli's ass, dude. Oh, that's a great question.

Speaker 3 Dude, I can tell.

Speaker 3 He definitely whooped his ass.

Speaker 1 That's a great question. Dude,

Speaker 3 I forgot.

Speaker 3 You're asking me what I've been up to. I've been visiting schools.

Speaker 3 Now I have to look at real schools because

Speaker 3 my oldest daughter is going to turn five. So that's like kindergarten.
So yes, she has to get to the real school system.

Speaker 3 And we were looking at this one place, and they have plainclothes, just like guards now with guns.

Speaker 3 So it's kind of sick. I was like, dude, I really want to retire and become a plain clothes, just

Speaker 3 walk around a school, just grow like a ponytail, and just be a teacher. That's all you do all day.
You You carry a gun, you just wait for like some nerd to pop off, and you just

Speaker 3 blast them,

Speaker 1 dude.

Speaker 1 That'd be that would be honorable, man.

Speaker 1 What if you fucking

Speaker 1 what if you start tripping in your head and thinking that somebody's like, some kid is like plotting?

Speaker 3 Like, I'm like the true detective. I'm Russ Cole of school, school security.

Speaker 3 I'd have to wait till they pop, they'd have to pull out first.

Speaker 1 I think you would set a kid off.

Speaker 1 I'd be like,

Speaker 3 No, I'm sad. You're saying, saying, like, get like all tripped out.
Like, damn, is this kid getting paranoid? Like, I know these motherfuckers.

Speaker 1 Like, oh, Damien's up to speak.

Speaker 3 I know he's packing. No, I would just wait.
I would chill. I'd do my thing.
And the moment one of those motherfuckers pulled out the steel, I would just be there

Speaker 3 ready to die and just walk him down.

Speaker 1 Oh, God.

Speaker 3 That's your job.

Speaker 1 Mr. Walk them down Crayola style.
Walk them down, bro.

Speaker 3 And if I, you know, if I died, I'd die a fucking hero.

Speaker 1 You can't die, dude. He's a fucking kid.
You can't use two hands even to hold him. God,

Speaker 3 what if an adult could, and sometimes like crazy adults could die.

Speaker 1 That's true. Oh, that's what I'm saying.
Yeah, that's better. Let's freak out.

Speaker 3 Yeah, it's like evil nerds or a fucking like just wild adult.

Speaker 3 Either one could get it. Yeah.
Either one could get it. Oh, but it's like, dude, that would be, that would be.

Speaker 3 I was just at this school and it was like, I saw the guy because they were like, you know, my wife said, you have security? And like, we have plain clothes. I'm like, right on.

Speaker 3 And then I saw, I was like kind of sussing out like because I see people walking around.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 3 As soon as I saw like, oh, dude, I'm like, oh, there's the plain clothes security guard.

Speaker 1 Yeah, when I was young, we just had like a MILF with a hammer running around.

Speaker 1 Yeah, like we were lucky, dude.

Speaker 3 Yeah, we didn't have any security, man. Yeah, we didn't have shit.

Speaker 1 We did. Yeah, now you need it.

Speaker 3 Now, you dude, the plainclothes guys at a school, that would be so sick just walking around chilling, knowing, like, yeah, dude, damn.

Speaker 1 All you have to do is chill here. Listen to Desperado in your AirPods, non-stop.

Speaker 3 It'd be nothing but shit like that. Just fucking enter Sandman.
Just, yeah, I would just be getting hype for like 30 years, just being like,

Speaker 1 let's go.

Speaker 3 Let's fucking go.

Speaker 1 Walking tall machine machine gun man. Rooster.

Speaker 1 That's going to be crazy, dude.

Speaker 3 Damn, dude. Yeah, by the end of it, I'd just be tipping my hat to the teachers, like, man,

Speaker 3 all black leather cowboy outfit, dude.

Speaker 3 Like, dude, can you be a little more low-key? Yeah.

Speaker 1 You shit once a week.

Speaker 3 I'd have a little tumbleweed before I walked anywhere. I just kick a tumbleweed across from me.

Speaker 1 Bro, people should have their own tumbleweeds, right?

Speaker 1 Yeah, dude.

Speaker 3 Just throw it on a string, just fish it.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 a hero should have a couple of tumbleweeds in front of him, dude.

Speaker 3 True, just fucking give it. I would just kick it as I walk.

Speaker 1 Or even some Twinks dressed up hiking hay and stuff.

Speaker 3 That'd be nice.

Speaker 1 That would be nice. Spinning around.

Speaker 3 Like a Tonto.

Speaker 1 Like a Tonto.

Speaker 3 But yeah, that was fucking killing me, dude. I kept fucking with my wife.
I was like, bro. Wow.
I love, that's the one thing. We went to Chicago and she was like...

Speaker 3 crushing me because she's from there. So like when we were visiting, her family was like, you got to be careful now.

Speaker 3 Like, and like there, there's, they kept calling them like the hop out boys, which, you know, you shouldn't give these guys like a cool name like that.

Speaker 3 But they were like, dude, you're just hopping out of cars with AR-15s and just carjacking people. So, my wife was telling me about it the whole time.

Speaker 3 She hates when I do this, but I'll be like, bro, I wish a motherfucker would pop out of me with that thing. She's like, dude, it's not funny.
It's very serious.

Speaker 3 I was like, bro, it'd be the worst day of that guy's life. She's like, would you please stop? This is serious.
I was like, I wish one of those motherfuckers would.

Speaker 3 And the whole time we were there, I was like, please, please,

Speaker 1 those guys don't come. But yeah, you got to.
Did you have a Eucadic piece on you? No, I didn't have anything.

Speaker 3 I told her I was going to grab the barrel and tie it in a knot and be like, get the fuck out of here, you punk.

Speaker 1 Bro,

Speaker 1 your wife is gonna be holding the blood in your body, dude.

Speaker 3 I just say that to fuck with her. In the reality, I would have fucking bailed.
I'd have my

Speaker 3 car and the family.

Speaker 1 I'm out of here, dude. Do you think a wife likes it if the husband has a gun on him? Definitely.

Speaker 3 These days.

Speaker 1 I think they love that shit.

Speaker 3 I mean, dude, you could get the most lib lady, but she's going to love.

Speaker 1 All libs secretly, I think I've even talked about this before.

Speaker 3 All libs secretly want just a red-pilled badass,

Speaker 3 in my experience. Well, they want to do with a gun.
I went to social work school. A lot of the women there secretly had like deeply conservative husbands who worked as like financial guys.

Speaker 3 And they were all like, you know.

Speaker 1 They just do it because they feel like somebody has to promote what would be idealistic. I mean, that's what a lot of like, I guess,

Speaker 1 I don't know. I mean, a lot of people's views, it's just like this.
Ideally, yes, it would be awesome, but some of them it's just not practical. It's like, like, I have friends that like, um,

Speaker 1 will talk to me about like, well, you guys have guns there in America and stuff like that. And it's just dangerous.
And why can't you guys figure that out? And people want to have their guns.

Speaker 1 It's like, there's no way to not have it. Yeah.
The bad guys have guns. Already.
It's too late.

Speaker 1 If you do a gun drive, the good guys are just going to give their guns away. I know.

Speaker 3 You just have to have them, dude.

Speaker 1 And what are you going to call a policeman who does it? If he doesn't have a gun, he's not coming to help you.

Speaker 3 He's done. Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 1 What do you think is going to drive by and honk at you guys while you're going to get beaten or shot in the yard?

Speaker 3 Yeah, you can't really do anything about it. But I do think.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I think if you... But ideally, yes, it'd be great if there weren't.
I wish there weren't. Right.
But that has to go away quickly. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Because there are people shooting each other all the time. Oh, yeah.
So you have to get past that idea. Yeah.

Speaker 3 Yeah, you're not going to be able to. The technology chains is going to have to be an interchange because the guns are there.
Criminals are going to have them.

Speaker 3 And it's like, yeah, like, what do you want to not have one when a criminal with a gun comes to you?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 3 Or the government has to be the one who takes them. And then that's a whole other can of worms because it's like, we're not giving you my fucking guns.

Speaker 1 Fuck no, dude. Yeah.

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Speaker 3 It's a tricky thing. Although, I, you know, it's a, right now, a lot of people are gloating on the libs.
I don't want to gloat on the libs.

Speaker 3 A lot of people are gloating on them because Trump got elected. Yeah, me neither.

Speaker 3 I'm not gloating on the libs.

Speaker 1 I'm not into that.

Speaker 3 No, I'm not into that at all. I think we're in.
Dude, how did the Ken Wilber thing go, by the way?

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, Kim Wilbur,

Speaker 1 super interesting guy.

Speaker 3 He has the best take on this whole situation.

Speaker 1 On the

Speaker 1 culture war. Yeah.
Oh, I don't even know if I talked to you about that. It was a lot of listening and learning.

Speaker 3 Was it a lot of stuff?

Speaker 1 Yeah, we, we, but we worked together to make it as effective a conversation as we could. Nice.
But it was really cool. Um,

Speaker 1 uh, just learning about like his philosophy of how, like, we're as a species, we are evolving

Speaker 1 and as uh, and over time, we're just advancing, yeah. So, how those affect you personally, and how, and, and how

Speaker 3 you fucking dude, well, his thing is, no, dude, so it's fucking, did he get into like how there's like holarchies and some of it, there's like cells, and cells turn into like organisms, organisms turn into humans, yeah, you know, blah, blah, blah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, we started going up the chain of command, right?

Speaker 3 And then also how we're advancing as and our worldviews are doing the same thing where we had like, you know, like medieval rulers into democracies, and then the libs are the leading edge of cultural evolution, where it's like everything's being more and more inclusive physically and worldviewly, you know, in terms of worldview.

Speaker 3 It's just the libs lost the plot, or they call it the green wave, lost the plot because they include everybody but

Speaker 3 like, you know, Trump, white type Trump voters. Yeah.
And the whole thing's collapsing in on itself. All they have to do is just love everybody.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 And they'd have the commitment, they'd have the superior worldview.

Speaker 1 It's a good point, actually. I think a lot of people did.
I mean, I don't know, dude. I was a Democrat.
Democrat. I mean, like, I got so angry when they did that stuff to Bernie, you know?

Speaker 1 Like, my dad was an old man. So to me, it also registered like somebody taking advantage of an older person.
So that shit, like, at that point for me, I was just like, what's going on here? And then

Speaker 1 I am super concerned about like the

Speaker 1 big pharma and medicine just.

Speaker 1 using us all and not caring that we're human beings.

Speaker 1 Like, yes, there's a lot of medicine that's helping people, but also like everybody shouldn't be on a on a medicine yeah you know and um there's some commercials for medicines they don't even say what it does yeah then you look it up and it's like

Speaker 3 it's for like heart failure and you're like why the fuck are you this is a baseball game dude i'm not gonna be like yo can i get that heart failure medication yeah you have to request it the wheelchair gum or whatever there's all kinds of now you're like who's what what do you even need that for

Speaker 3 yeah but yeah that's that's the that's the big standoff right now it's like so i liked rfk he was kind of the guy that i thought was neat me too i'm into him yeah i like the fact that he's doing all that stuff against all those things.

Speaker 1 And then I think, I don't think we have the same parties anymore. I don't feel like it's Democrats and Republicans anymore.
There's something else happening. Yeah.
And it's going to keep morphing.

Speaker 3 Well, that's the Wilbur stuff is that the green, it was like orange is like the business science wave. Then the green wave was the one.

Speaker 3 It's like in terms of worldviews, you could have like what he called red was like ethnocentric. That was what he called Trump.

Speaker 3 It's like it's things that speak to like ethnocentric ideals where people get to the point where they can only recognize like people that look like them.

Speaker 1 They can only care about people who look like them, which is like a reality for a lot of people all across the world.

Speaker 3 It's like, you know, every country. And every country is like, we have the best food.
We have the most beautiful. Everybody, you know, does this.

Speaker 3 And then his whole theory is that you slowly grow out of it to more complex and inclusive worldviews. But it was, again, it was like that, the thing that crushed

Speaker 3 Peter Jordison Peter or Peter Jordan. What the fuck is his name? Jordison Peterson.
Jordison Peterson. Jordan Peterson, Jesus Christ.

Speaker 3 His whole thing we call as like postmodern neo-Marxism is that green wave Ken Wolber talks about where it's like the leading edge where all the colleges are like radical inclusivity, but all they have to do is go, Trump guys, you're cool too.

Speaker 3 That's all they have to do. They can't do it.
And now the whole thing's just imploding on itself.

Speaker 1 Well, that's the part that makes you start to think, do they just hate like white men?

Speaker 1 For me, it's like

Speaker 1 in three generations,

Speaker 1 I always say like beige power. Like everybody's going to be beige, right? For three generations, everybody's going to be like, you know, Ben Simmons, Blake Griffins, you know, penguin people for sure.

Speaker 1 Mixed. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And so so it's just kind of weird. How do we want to operate that in the meantime, right? Exactly.
But then I think when people get scared,

Speaker 1 especially with like threats of war,

Speaker 1 fears, they start to, they want to gravitate towards whatever is their, seemed like their people.

Speaker 3 Yeah, like prison. Prison's the same thing.
You go to prison, everyone's, you know, it's all like based on race and all that stuff. Yeah.

Speaker 1 But, but everybody is a jelly roll fan. Yeah.
That's true. That's true.
That's true. Which is pretty crazy.

Speaker 3 Well, dude, it's like, yeah what they where they felt you know this is like if you didn't the will it's hard to explain without like seeing the wilbur thing but it's like if you take what they what's called like a lib or a you know a postmodern neo-marx whatever they want to call it like people who are you know like a radical feminist they built their their thing was right in being like we should be nice to everybody we shouldn't be mean to gay people we shouldn't be mean to minorities they're totally correct the problem was they went and the reason everything's so bad they're like we hate racism in every form every type of discrimination and it's all because of white people and it just like went right back down toward now.

Speaker 3 You're just being racist in a more sophisticated fashion, right? And that's the whole thing.

Speaker 3 That's why it's not if it's a truly like visionary and leading like kind of like evolutionary tip of like our spiral upward into like complexity and greater wholeness people would get on board right clashing next step.

Speaker 3 That's what I'm the next step is like being like okay here's all the good stuff from your worldview and we're gonna apply that to everybody and rather than being like this is the reason everything's fucked up is because blah blah blah because it's like yeah and that's another thing thing.

Speaker 1 I mean, Trump, that's one thing that kind of gets worried, worried about Trump. It's like, is he going to be

Speaker 1 pointing fingers? Is that shit end? You know, is that kind of end?

Speaker 3 And so it is for now, but it's like, I think they're good. RFK's smart where he's kind of like, I don't want to participate in any of this stuff.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 And hopefully he'll kind of get up in his ear because it, I mean, it is so sweet slamming the libs.

Speaker 3 I will give it, it is, there's, I get like a, when I see the libs get owned, I do, there's some part of the libs, the liberals?

Speaker 3 Yeah, it's just like, there's like on the internet, like liberals owned, liberal slam.

Speaker 3 And it's like you watch, they do those, like, uh, you know how they do those like 25 students versus like Ben Shapiro? Yeah.

Speaker 3 That's like slamming the lips porn where it's like him just like taking on 19 year olds. I'm like, actually, you don't know anything about that.

Speaker 3 And then everyone's just like, tell them, Ben, fucking crush the lips. And I will, there's a dark part of my heart that's like, yes, when I watch that.

Speaker 1 Ben Sinner's got that hair wallet on.

Speaker 3 Dude, they did one of them where they make people. run to the chair to tap the chair so that they get the chance to debate him.
And it's, dude, it's embarrassing.

Speaker 3 People are like tripping over themselves to hit the chair and be like, actually, Ben, I think you're a fucking asshole. And he's like, next.
And I'm like, dude, don't run to the chair.

Speaker 3 You're an adult. You're like diving for it.

Speaker 1 Just to be like, actually, Ben, if you ever think of it.

Speaker 3 It's like, so I've been trying to remove. I know I have a bias towards that.
And I've been trying to like remove that from my life.

Speaker 1 Oh, watching that stuff. Yeah.

Speaker 3 Not that stuff I'm like, whatever on, but it's like, I will watch like news clips where like liberals melt down about. And I'll be like, well, I'll check this out.
And I'll be like, yeah, I see.

Speaker 3 I've been trying to erase that because I'm like, it's not because it's not good.

Speaker 1 It's not good.

Speaker 3 It's not good.

Speaker 1 And it's like, yeah, I mean, I don't know. I don't care.
Like, I just want, like, I don't know. Some shit just started to get really weird.
I think, well, Kamala wouldn't come on podcasts, right?

Speaker 1 I thought that that was weird. It was like, and we asked, and they said, well, do you guys give final edit, right?

Speaker 1 And they asked, did Trump ask for final edit? You know?

Speaker 1 Did he? No.

Speaker 3 They didn't ask for anything. They shouldn't, dude.
They didn't ask for anything.

Speaker 1 JD Vance showed up. Dude, there were snipers on the ice.
I stayed up late, like trying to get some questions together and think of some things.

Speaker 1 And we invited everybody those were the them bernie sanders and mark cumin came on he was very much like a um

Speaker 1 uh democrat or yeah largely democratic yeah yeah he but he gets something i didn't realize he gets if if they won he get there's a business incentive you know yeah i didn't realize that some of these things i'm learning as i go right that's typically with billionaires yeah when they're like when they're involved in politics it usually is like yeah i didn't realize that i'm like oh people aren't just out there hooran for no reason there's some reason yeah he's not freaking out over like banned books and schools he's like i need you to, you know, build a railroad from here to there, whatever the fuck he's up to.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 1 But we had common ground and like just different thoughts and stuff. And definitely inspiring to be able to talk to people like that.

Speaker 1 But I woke, so I wake up that morning and it was like an hour until the thing. I was like, I got to get in the freaking ice bath.
I got to make sure I'm in a decent

Speaker 1 try to do something to get hype.

Speaker 3 Do you get spun out when you have level like guests of that high profile?

Speaker 1 Yeah, man.

Speaker 3 I get fucking, I get crunched, dude. I can't handle it, man.
We had RFK on. I could barely like formulate a sentence.

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 1 And neither can he, though, which is great. You know, that's a joke, Bobby.
He'll laugh at it. He will.
He'll laugh at it.

Speaker 1 Dude, watch suddenly he fucking fixes his own voice, dude. That's broke.
It's over, dude.

Speaker 3 It's over. It's over.
And it's, dude, and it's like, yeah, imagine. He is such, he'd be such, he's such an electrifying speaker and thinker anyway.
But yeah, it's, that works against him.

Speaker 1 He's been in it. Yeah.
But yeah, but so, but I wake up. There's fucking, I go in the ice path.
There's like secret service ever. They had Drape put drapes, black drapes in front of the house, right?

Speaker 1 Damn. they shut down exits off the interstate i had no idea

Speaker 1 bro i had no idea there's snipers on the roof on the roof full tactical gear i'll put pictures in the youtube um holy shit and then uh oh my neighbor right

Speaker 1 I fucking look at my phone. He's like,

Speaker 1 what's up? Are you? And then he put blank, like just underlines. And they thought it was one of those things where like suicide in the house, like they were sending people in to get like, oh,

Speaker 1 take a moment life at home.

Speaker 3 That's how we asked you if you killed yourself. He said, Are you?

Speaker 1 Well, he sent like four messages, and so at that point, oh, I got you because I, it was like already 11. I slept in, I was up to probably three, just like getting questions ready.

Speaker 1 So I was like, I have to make sure I sleep. And

Speaker 1 he's like, dude, we were so scared, man. He's like, because we saw them like, they thought they were rappelling into the home.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 3 I was like, what? You thought I killed myself?

Speaker 1 What the fuck, dude?

Speaker 3 We just assumed you fucking killed yourself.

Speaker 1 So, yeah, that's. Oh, and they had a van outside that some weird term on it, like, threw people off.

Speaker 3 Yeah, and the black curtains around your house would be.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I think people thought, but that's what people thought.

Speaker 3 That makes sense. That kind of makes more sense.

Speaker 1 It was morgue-esque, you know?

Speaker 3 Yeah, it was like so gruesome that they were like, we gotta.

Speaker 1 But they also had this like Stan's Bakery van or something. Like, it was definitely, they kind of like play this old cat.
And they're like,

Speaker 1 what is kind of fucking happening here? That's crazy. It was super crazy, dude.

Speaker 3 Stan's bakery used to have snipers and like yeah we just gotta get these cupcakes in we'll be right we'll be right back yeah there's some wake treats yeah

Speaker 1 just so there's a viewing of the body

Speaker 1 hey first come first serve guys

Speaker 1 dude that was crazy though that was one of the craziest things that had ever happened um for sure but he comes in and i was like hey man thanks for coming i was like uh

Speaker 1 you know just want to let you know we don't have any we're not like a gotcha type of show for sure you know just looking forward to having a nice conversation which is what i tell anybody yep and um he's like, whatever, man.

Speaker 1 It's all good. Let's have a chat.
And that was it. And it was fun.

Speaker 1 You know? Yeah, man. It was interesting.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I feel bad. Everyone's so still hyped up about this stuff.
I honestly think if you look at it, I don't hate when people lose anything.

Speaker 1 You know, it's tough when there's a winner and a loser.

Speaker 3 Dude,

Speaker 3 I was in the grocery store the day of, I guess, like he got elected that night. And then, you know, in like three in the morning or whatever, he won at three in the morning.

Speaker 3 And then I was in the grocery store the next day. And they have like magazines in the grocery store.
This magazine was just Kamala or Kamala, and it was just a picture of her.

Speaker 3 I didn't even know what magazine it was. It was just her name and her.
I got like real sad for her. I was like, damn, dude, that's so impressive.

Speaker 3 If I like just lost and I saw like a magazine with just me on it, I'd cry. Yeah.
So I felt pretty bad for her. I was like, damn, that really sucks for that lady.

Speaker 3 She just, I mean, that, dude, that I, people, they've spent, I think, a billion dollars on the campaign.

Speaker 1 It just shows you that it's must.

Speaker 1 But also, then, if that's the truth, if say, okay, they spend that much on a campaign, right? Both these sides sides spend a ton of money.

Speaker 1 But if the, if there's just like these powers in the background doing things, it's just like, why would they, if it's not even real, say the office isn't even, you know, it's just for show. Sure.

Speaker 1 It just seems like you wouldn't waste that much money. So there must really be.

Speaker 3 I think there is, man. I think there really is.
You get in and it's like power. It's just teams.
Yeah. It's like, you're on this team.
This is on that team. You know, could it all be organized?

Speaker 3 Like, that would be pretty elaborate to like set it all up when you can reality just be like, yeah, you know, we're putting this guy in. They could just have the coolest guy ever just come every time.

Speaker 3 Be like, yo, we love this guy. And they can, meanwhile, just be doing whatever.
But yeah, dude, I think

Speaker 3 it all is real. You know, I think it's real.
And they just,

Speaker 3 there's like groups and lobbyists and certain past. I don't, I don't, that's where I kind of lose it.

Speaker 1 It was interesting, that's for sure. And I'll say who made the whole thing happen.
Oh, Kamala reportedly spent $100,000 on building a set for her appearance on Call Her Daddy. Like, dude, why?

Speaker 1 Here is a set in question. So

Speaker 1 they rebuilt their own set, I guess.

Speaker 3 Well, because they wanted, I think, a host to come to her. So I think she didn't want to go anywhere.
So she built the set.

Speaker 1 But I wonder if she has.

Speaker 3 That's such a, I mean, you know, it's just kind of weird. It's like, just go there.

Speaker 1 Right. I wonder if she may have a

Speaker 1 thing where she doesn't like going. Like, sometimes I don't like sleeping at people's houses or whatever.
You know what I'm talking about?

Speaker 3 I wonder if she has that. She can't shit anywhere else but her house, maybe? Could be.

Speaker 1 Which is where people should shit. People who are

Speaker 1 like transient shitting. Hey, man.
Hey, man. Sorry.

Speaker 3 I agree, though, but I always want to be home. That's my thing.
I always want to be. I'm getting a little, I was like pretty guarded about that, but now I'm like just letting it rip.

Speaker 3 I've been flying more, so I'm just kind of like, whatever, man. But I do agree.
Home is where, it's where the heart is, truly. Like, I do want to shit at home every time.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I agree with you. You should get more points.
Like, you should get like money back or something if you shit at home. You should.
You should, dude. Right.

Speaker 3 That should be a tax write, like a credit or something.

Speaker 3 Because it is, but it's, dude, just

Speaker 3 I also, like, the violence of shitting that's occurring in airport bathroom, it's like, it's upsetting. People are shitting so hard in those.

Speaker 3 I don't know why we're back to this, but

Speaker 1 oh, people are shitting at top speed. It's crazy.
That's the craziest thing to me ever is when somebody shits at full blast speed. Like, are you out of your mind? You're going to hurt yourself.

Speaker 3 From what I, like, from

Speaker 1 yourself, guy.

Speaker 3 From here in public bathrooms, most people are

Speaker 1 in there just having like religious experiences, just being being there it's like

Speaker 3 yeah like full ayahuasca dumps

Speaker 1 like blowing it out it's crazy wow just slanging disciples out of your butt everyone's up dude oh they need bobby kennedy to get all the crap out of the food

Speaker 1 shitting to death in the bathroom but bro how i there's also part of me that i feel like do you think we can get more together or do you think we should just have two Americas? Do you think?

Speaker 3 No, because dude, we're like, people don't even realize it, but the parties are rubbing off on each other so much like

Speaker 3 now like on like well most people want the same stuff most people do but i'm saying like the republicans now have been so like let's say conservatives are so annoyed by liberals that now they're like going out of their way to be so not racist like oh yeah you think we're racist check this out we're gonna employ like 47 black dudes now how do you like they're doing it almost i mean i'm not saying they're doing it despite them but it's like they have gotten just way more inclusive like every you know like the conservatives and everything before it was like only pretty much only all white guys now there's a lot of different people in like the conservative movement.

Speaker 3 So it's like, yeah, the liberals bring stuff up. The conservatives are like, shut the fuck up.
And then they actually do kind of do a lot of the stuff, but you know, not even realizing it.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 3 So they're kind of both like bouncing each other, but people, you know, they're all just caught up in like the

Speaker 3 primal and tribal aspect of it. But it's like, things are going pretty fucking well, dude.

Speaker 1 Oh, first you know, White House chief of staff in history.

Speaker 3 Yeah, dude, like all this stuff is happening because it's like they're like amazing Susie Wiles. And she's Pat Summerall, John Madden's former broadcast partner's daughter.

Speaker 1 Oh, interesting!

Speaker 3 Yeah, dude, I'm telling you, once we just like stop the nonsense of like bitterly arguing about everything, it's going to be pretty chill.

Speaker 1 Yeah, Ben Carson, I think he's going to put back into. I like some of his ideas,

Speaker 3 yeah, that guy's kind of cool.

Speaker 1 This he's like a surgeon, oh, rise and shine Carson, dude.

Speaker 1 He's got dead asleep super as well, bro.

Speaker 3 I like the guy, uh, his blood, bro.

Speaker 1 He's got his blood pressure.

Speaker 3 Who's the guy?

Speaker 1 It's just like a synth drum.

Speaker 1 There's not much popping, dude.

Speaker 3 The one dude, like Byron something, he's a black conservative guy from Florida.

Speaker 1 Byron Davis?

Speaker 3 I think Byron. Is it Byron Davis? He's nice.
That guy's, I saw he was on the Breakfast Club. No, not Byron Davis.
He plays basketball. The

Speaker 3 Byron, he's like a governor from

Speaker 3 there. That's my bro right there, Byron Donald's.

Speaker 3 That's a good bro right there.

Speaker 1 Well, it's definitely interesting to see that everything's getting diverse. What was that tweet that Adam McKay had? I thought that that was something when I read that, it resonated with me.

Speaker 1 I think.

Speaker 3 I don't know. But yeah, dude, like I said, it's like...
I have it one sec.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I do. Like I said, I think people are getting real doom and gloom, but it's like,

Speaker 3 I'm of the minority opinion. I think things are going to get pretty sweet, actually.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Who would have guessed lying about Biden's cognitive health for two years? That shit made me so mad, dude.
Just taking advantage of an old man. Like, it's just not cool.

Speaker 1 You know what I'm saying? His family shouldn't have allowed allowed it. I know, dude.
You know, it's just not cool because then you're lying to him also, right? So you're placating him.

Speaker 1 Like, you're just, you're using, it just, it seems like cruelty to a human, right?

Speaker 1 Refusing to do an open conversation for a new nominee, never mentioning public health care, embracing fracking, and year-long slaughter of children in Gaza. That's,

Speaker 1 that to me was one thing that definitely was like.

Speaker 3 Yeah, they blew it so hard.

Speaker 1 I mean, again, if you're some of the stuff, I don't know, but the children in Gaza thing, and I think just taking advantage of Biden, it just just felt like, is this party really doing this?

Speaker 1 Or are they, what's happening here?

Speaker 3 Well, it's like all they had to do was, if she could have came out and be like, bro, we all saw it. Dude's old as hell.
You know, let's see. Like, every percentage like he wasn't.
Let's not fucking.

Speaker 3 Instead, she was like, he's fine. Like, well, why did they take him out?

Speaker 3 It's like, you can't do that. Yeah.
All they had to do was like, obviously, the dude was fucking going nuts and getting old. Come on, let's move on.
It was just,

Speaker 1 they were just lying.

Speaker 3 You know, when someone's lying and you're like, dude, you're bullshitting me. It was just that.
And everyone could see it.

Speaker 3 And And it was just like, and now too, with I, you know, not to, you know, uh, fluff the podcasting too much, but it's like now they can't go on like the sound buddy little things.

Speaker 3 They have to go sit down and like answer actual questions. And people now, like, I didn't know, I couldn't tell what interviews were edited when I was younger.

Speaker 3 Now people are like more savvy about media. So they're able to be like, oh, that's, that was a weird jump.
They cut something out.

Speaker 1 Like, well, here's the whole thing.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 3 So now you have to be able to sit down and actually communicate rather than like hitting talking points and like engineering, you know, people's ideas on things do you think that rogan's endorsement helped trump win or do you think it had any effect i don't it didn't hurt but i i think it uh uh i didn't hurt but hit just what he does i think helped him win for sure just like having

Speaker 1 setting a standard where like politicians now have to go have sit down for at least a two-hour conversation yeah because really what he did over the past years is just investigate i mean he asked so many questions about everything to all types of people so you learned so much and he's he's not a gotcha guy either So he's good at just being like, look, help me understand this.

Speaker 3 And that's when people really get kind of flushed out. Where it's like, if they're not making sense, and you know, he's, he's pretty adamant about, like, I don't get that.
That doesn't make sense.

Speaker 3 You know, I'm a weak interviewer. I'll be like, okay,

Speaker 3 it won't make sense.

Speaker 1 That's cool. I get burnt out.
I get exhausted. He said, dude, I was in there yesterday and it was like, I was just like, I feel like I've been kind of losing my mind this week.
Really?

Speaker 1 Yeah, I don't know what was going on. I just was like, get like a lot of paranoia.

Speaker 1 It's the worst. Yeah.

Speaker 1 and uh i don't know if i met it i don't know if i missed a day i don't know what happened but i was like fucking thought i was going crazy yesterday it's kind of crazy we have days when you start asking people like am i okay you know that's a weird thing yeah that is it's so hard to explain but i'll just be like walking sometimes and i'll just get like a feeling where i'm like bro i'm fucking losing it right now and it's like that is the worst you're like yeah it just kept spent the whole day and it was like the whole day was like that man and then i had to go in there and i felt very nervous so then you felt like you're under a a microscope.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And

Speaker 3 yeah.

Speaker 3 What do you do to keep yourself kind of on the square? Is there like any kind of program?

Speaker 1 Yeah, I usually go to AA meetings.

Speaker 1 That helps.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Do yoga.

Speaker 1 I got hurt a couple, like a month ago. Some guy squeezed me after a football game.
I was in, when Vanderbilt beat Alabama, I was there. And this guy just squeezed me so much.
What?

Speaker 1 And then all the players, some guy on the sidelines. Oh, yeah, some devout just brother had really squeezed me.
I mean, like I was a fucking, like he was going to brush his teeth with me right after.

Speaker 1 That sucks. He got it.
Yeah. I was just like, ah,

Speaker 3 where'd it get you?

Speaker 1 Over here. It's ribbed.
Oh, fuck. Yeah.
But then all the players had just won, and they were like, wow, they were, and then everybody squeezed me, dude.

Speaker 3 Yeah, and they fucked.

Speaker 1 So you couldn't do the yoga for like, yeah, for weeks. And so then my mental starts going down.
Yeah. That's us right there.
Yeah, that's pretty cool. That's Cheryl Jr.
right there, I believe.

Speaker 3 That's amazing, dude.

Speaker 1 We got that coach, Clark Lee. Oh, that's Skinner Jr.
right there.

Speaker 3 Damn, that thing's pretty heavy too, man.

Speaker 1 those coolers aren't yeah decent amount of water in it nice oh yeah

Speaker 1 we got him he's cool that's awesome

Speaker 1 that's awesome damn it's us got squeezed by like the strongest dudes in the country yes yeah that's what happened and then so yeah but anyway i'm yeah i'm not whining about it but it's just like you can't do anything bro you go to open your refrigerator and suction on the refrigerator oh that hurts yeah when your ribs are up it hurts to breathe every breath you're like Fuck.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and then you're pushing on the side of your body while you're doing everything.

Speaker 1 So you're walking around like this all day.

Speaker 1 Like you're fucking like one of these guys, like putting away a pocket watch or something, like in the 20s or whatever, like that little handicapped peanut that they fucking sent out there. Yeah.

Speaker 3 And you, and there's nothing you can do when your ribs hurt. There's no like sling or you can just, you have to, and yoga is just so much breathing.

Speaker 3 Every breath, you'd be like, and then you do like the, like this thing, you, oh,

Speaker 1 that would hurt. So yeah, just that just, and I was just kind of losing my mind, dude.
So then you go in there and you're like, am I saying crazy shit? Fuck, dude. You start to get real paranoid.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 I will say this, though.

Speaker 1 I think the person that won that election i think the person that changed it was dana white really undeniably that's why do you think that because he got trump in the podcasts he made it happen he um he did it yeah

Speaker 1 he

Speaker 1 uh

Speaker 1 is just you he did that

Speaker 1 he made that happen yeah that makes sense he was the one being like you got to do these he's the one who like talked to joe about it for years they've it's been in discussion yeah i don't think Joe Rogan was going to do that.

Speaker 1 And then he did. Yeah.
You know, and

Speaker 3 that put that did kind of push it. I think that helped, actually.

Speaker 1 Yeah, Dana made all that happen.

Speaker 3 Dude, it got like, that was the thing, too.

Speaker 3 It was like, just you, if you want to look at YouTube views, that's kind of like, I don't know if that works with polling, but it's like the Rogan Trump episode, I don't, what was it at?

Speaker 3 Like 30 million?

Speaker 3 It was at like millions quickly.

Speaker 1 The call,

Speaker 3 Call Me Daddy, or whatever, that podcast with Kamala was like.

Speaker 1 I don't know if it hit a million.

Speaker 3 It did. I think it might have.
47 million. 47 million.
If you look up the call her daddy or call him daddy or whatever, or call me daddy, excuse me.

Speaker 3 A call her daddy. There you go.
It got

Speaker 3 812,000. 812,000.

Speaker 1 But that's just a clip. Now, here's the problem with calling her daddy.

Speaker 3 I'm not bragging. My YouTube special could better.

Speaker 1 I'm kidding. I'm sorry.
I'm kidding.

Speaker 3 But that's what I'm saying. That is a gauge of public interest.
And it's like. Public interest, in my opinion, probably translates to voting, I think.
I don't know.

Speaker 1 Or at least people coming to experience the person, you know true um

Speaker 1 yeah definitely interesting well you can't watch the full episodes because they're on serious is that right serious

Speaker 3 yeah they only put a clip yeah so you can't see the full episodes of these podcasts either so you don't know um what really well you know i wish her the best i'm not like yeah that's the thing i'm not like i fucking hate that lady i'm like I felt sad.

Speaker 3 I didn't, I personally didn't really want her to win because I was just like, you know, I think Trump will probably maybe stop the wars wars faster.

Speaker 1 It's my hope.

Speaker 1 Well, I just, I don't know. I just, I don't know what's happening.

Speaker 1 I feel like there's a changing of these parties because you have former Democrats who are now Republicans, but they also don't even get along with half of the people in office. Yeah.

Speaker 1 People are sick of politicians overall. Big time.

Speaker 1 APAC and lobbyists

Speaker 1 have infiltrated what it seems like politics overall. It's like,

Speaker 1 and people, you can't hide the information from people anymore. Yeah.

Speaker 3 Well, dude, the weird thing was, is like

Speaker 3 they started, like the Democrats started being like, I mean, George Bush was great and like, you know, Cheney and all that stuff. And it's like, why, why are they pumped on them?

Speaker 3 That to me was just weird where it's like, they're all dark. And then I think at the last minute, they started being like, yeah, we actually want strong borders and all that stuff too.

Speaker 3 Just because they were like, this is working.

Speaker 3 So, you know, it's, I think it's all part of a bigger process that is for the best where it's like, like you were saying, the Republican Party is totally different, like way different.

Speaker 3 Remember, like 1995, it was like, it was, it was like send people to jail for fucking, you know, 30 years for crack and all this stuff.

Speaker 3 And now it's like, we should get some of these guys out of prison, you know, which, which everyone's doing now, but that's because of like a liberal worldview.

Speaker 1 And that's been kind of, they got to get a couple more brothers in the party, too, I think.

Speaker 3 I think, oh, it's coming, dude. I think it's coming.
But here's the thing, too.

Speaker 3 It's like, so you have like the liberal people being like, yeah, we shouldn't send people to jail for having crack on them for 40 fucking years. And then you're like, yeah, that's a good idea.

Speaker 3 But then with the immigration thing, it's like, I personally have no problem with immigrants, but it's like, you can only have so many, like, that's a reality.

Speaker 1 Right. It's just,

Speaker 3 you can't invite the whole city to your party.

Speaker 1 It won't work.

Speaker 3 So the same thing happens with the border. And it's a shame because people want to escape like, you know, crushing poverty.

Speaker 3 But the Republicans are right in that you can't like, and it's like, if you're like, just thinking on a human level, you're like, I don't want to like kick some guy out or have some guy come against a wall and be like, get the fuck back.

Speaker 3 But you do have to do that.

Speaker 1 But you also, I think there's ways you can do it in an organized pattern yeah true so you're properly vetting people and then they used to have a system where people could serve they could you could almost adopt a homeless person or whatever who came across the border and you were their sponsor that's cool i'm i'm super cool so then you as a member of your country right or that you were born into sure it's a blessing right easy for us to say that but then you get to be part of the uh of immigrate you know it's like there's an actual connection there so you know, I don't know.

Speaker 1 That's a good idea.

Speaker 3 I like that idea, though.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's easy to just say stuff. Let's change the topic.
What else can we talk about?

Speaker 3 But I was saying, too, then you can kind of like set them up in like contests against each other.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 Well, people have had that. I've heard that material before I think of like doing like an

Speaker 1 American Ninja Warrior to come over the border.

Speaker 3 That would be nice, too. Yeah.
I was saying if you had, like, if I adopted a guy, you adopted a guy, we could kind of make them compete.

Speaker 1 Yeah, like Battle Box.

Speaker 3 For the glory of our houses, yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 That's so so sick. That would be awesome.

Speaker 3 In like a fun way, you know what I mean?

Speaker 1 Totally. And you raise money for

Speaker 1 helping people that are coming over.

Speaker 3 Exactly. Fuck.
Winner's family comes over. Yeah.
Loser's family pays.

Speaker 1 That'd be a great. Dude, I had this idea for a game show, right? So check this out.
You get two like kind of

Speaker 1 lifeguard chairs, right?

Speaker 1 And you have,

Speaker 1 you put like kind of cellophane, like kind of like some light blue plastic around them, right? You can still see through it. And at the bottom of the, um,

Speaker 1 at the bottom is a scale, right? And you get two guys who have eaten for like a week, haven't gone to the bathroom. Whoever can

Speaker 1 do the most poop in a given amount of time wins a car or something, maybe not a car, maybe a motorcycle. Dude, that's an awesome game.

Speaker 3 So you're inside the lifeguard chair, you're wrapped in blue. What's the blue wrapping? Just to kind of just because you don't have to see it.

Speaker 1 You don't want to see it. That'll burst people out.

Speaker 1 But if you see the scale going up or something it'll at least excite people you don't think the viewers at home are going to see the pile i think you want to be able to see it but you want to see it vague so you want it to be like opaque like yeah i see your

Speaker 3 just like a general shape yeah have like a like a frosted glass over something yes that's what i mean frosted glass that would be nice yeah that's a great show thanks man that is a fantastic show onto the scale would be nice too i recently just did a thing where you uh you have to poop at home and then like scoop it and mail it to get like results to see like what they think of your body

Speaker 1 dude i swear to god you can do that you can mail it to

Speaker 1 i don't know like a scientist you're a fucking science teacher are you sending that shit a scientist you just sent it to a scientist and they're like oh my god bro this is incredible you've been fucking compromised homie you're mailing poop of your own to someone i did yeah how i want to see it with my microbiome dude i that was the thing i thought you did a whole turd you they like give you a

Speaker 3 like a thing to put on your toilet paper or they put a thing to get on your toilet it's like a paper thing that sticks then it has like a little, like, you know, like the dick part of your boxers, yeah, it has like that, but for a turd, so there's like this thing, yeah, it's like that, and then it catches it, and then you have to like scoop.

Speaker 3 I thought you just picked the turd up and put it in a jar, but no, you scoop like the smallest amount, and then you put it in, like, shake it up in a solution.

Speaker 3 And then, um, they just tell you, like, what's up with your microbiome, tell you, like, if they think you're chill or not.

Speaker 1 That was what it was. It was that one.
What if they told you where your stepdad lives?

Speaker 1 We'll tell you.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I don't know, man.

Speaker 3 I also think a lot of this stuff, too, after doing it, I think it's just a way for companies to sell you vitamins because they could be like, based on this, we recommend X, Y, and Z.

Speaker 1 And once you've made you, once you, yeah, you almost want to buy it so they don't tell anybody about your poop. I feel like you'd be like, don't tell anybody about poop.

Speaker 1 I'll buy the vitamins.

Speaker 3 Like, yeah, let's keep this between us. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, dude, if they could be like, yeah, that guy, oh, we had his poop. We smelled.
I guess we me and Brittany sent him in at the same time.

Speaker 3 And my test was run first. I kept telling her that they opened her vial and shut down the lab.

Speaker 3 I was like, Yeah, the whole place had to evacuate.

Speaker 1 They sent me an email, so they opened yours.

Speaker 3 That's love, dude. That's a fun, that's a fun one.
That's a good thing about having a wife, too. You can just bother them and do cool stuff like that.

Speaker 3 Take shits, yeah, shit in the tubes and mail it, and just both wait for your shit test. It's kind of that was kind of fun.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's like jumping over the broom or whatever in some cultures.

Speaker 3 Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 1 Wow, dude. I uh

Speaker 1 were we just talking about medicine?

Speaker 3 Yeah, I think so. Well, we got off the politics stuff.
So we're off.

Speaker 1 We probably should have, huh? You feel like people are over it. But it's also, it's like, oh, what was I going to ask you? Do you think...

Speaker 1 Oh, look at this. Is this like a new slave or whatever?

Speaker 3 Oh, this is like the Tesla thing.

Speaker 1 Bro. Wow.

Speaker 3 Yeah, dude. I don't know.
Elon rolled out some bots, too.

Speaker 1 What the heck?

Speaker 1 That's a slave? Where is that? This is in Virginia, is it?

Speaker 3 That's like

Speaker 3 Portuguese. Yeah, that's like a different country.

Speaker 1 Yeah, Tesla, Tesla or Musk. Oh, boy.

Speaker 3 I would like a little robo-lawn mower, though, I'll be honest. Damn, look at that guy ripped, dude.

Speaker 1 Dude, that'd be chill.

Speaker 3 That's crazy. They should keep the bots like R2D2.
They shouldn't give them like legs and arms and shit.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you're right, actually.

Speaker 3 Well, you won't need these guys looking like people. Because then somebody's going to start fucking them.
I mean, it's already happened, I'm sure.

Speaker 1 Ugh.

Speaker 3 I like the way that thing's cut.

Speaker 1 That thing's savage. But then your kid will like, you're like, mow the yard.
Your kid's like, I don't want to. My thumb chain.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 That's true, actually.

Speaker 3 That's kind of bullshit.

Speaker 1 Yeah, dude. I'm trying to think of what chores we had.

Speaker 3 Oh, dude, it was ridiculous, man.

Speaker 1 Dude, do you think it's weird?

Speaker 1 This is something that doesn't get talked about a lot is like, where do stepdads go when the divorce happens, you know? Because they kind of don't get to see the kids anymore, you know?

Speaker 3 Oh, I didn't think about that. You're saying when you get, oh, you divorce and you get divorced, you basically break up with the stepdad.
I think they go back to like the apartment, dude.

Speaker 3 They straight to an apartment complex.

Speaker 1 That has a pool at it. Yeah.

Speaker 3 I think like the, I think the representative from an apartment complex comes and picks them up in like a black limousine, takes them back, and they just wait and queue to be stepdads.

Speaker 1 It's kind of crazy. You never think about that because a stepdad gets involved in a kid's life for a couple years, for better or for worse.
Yeah. But then they have to just

Speaker 1 peace out.

Speaker 3 I think some might stay kind of in, you know, I don't know.

Speaker 1 Is that weird, though?

Speaker 3 Yeah, kind of. It depends.

Speaker 3 i feel like if you knew the kid from when it was a baby you should or just keep the phone line open be like bro you can call me whenever you want but yeah i'm gonna go look for some uh but like the first couple years you kind of check in and then you like forget one year it's got to be feel weird yeah eventually or if there's a new stepdad you can't be like hey you got to pass the baton and be like it's a good boy but do those stepdads meet somewhere and like have a do they meet at sabaro

Speaker 3 they meet at sabaro and they ceremoniously split a piece of the guy gives the the new new stepdad the fifth slice and he only has three.

Speaker 1 Hey, what's up? I'm Tom. 2015 to 2017.

Speaker 3 Yeah, stepdadding is like, I kind of.

Speaker 1 It's unheralded.

Speaker 3 Exactly. I kind of wish I was able to experience it a little bit, honestly.
Yeah. But, you know,

Speaker 3 for real, I was always, I always assumed that was just like

Speaker 3 how it would go for me. I was like, yeah, I'll just kind of kick around and eventually I'll just date check with kids and be a stepdad.
But it didn't work out that way. So

Speaker 3 I honestly wouldn't have minded it'd be pretty sick yeah sometimes i have a dream maybe that i meet a lady and she already has a kid maybe or something yeah man just get in there at like 10 you know fucking much that'd be awesome 10 straight

Speaker 3 yeah i guess you're right i guess you're right six get out i'm telling you man it's like the first fucking three years of just no sleep you get all your good sleep you just hop in at six they just started remembering stuff it's perfect it's just fun from then on it's just fun my buddy just had a uh his third kid and he's a black man.

Speaker 1 And he has, and it's funny, the other guys were like, dude,

Speaker 1 you're not even a black dad until you have three kids.

Speaker 1 That's crazy, bro. That's hilarious.

Speaker 1 Like two kids for a black guy. That's nothing, bro.

Speaker 1 That's so funny. That's child's play.

Speaker 3 So now he's official.

Speaker 1 Yeah, now he's really, yeah, like, dang. All right.
So you for real about it? He's really banging. Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's like the first two were just mixtapes, and this is like a real album.

Speaker 3 He's finally signed.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 What else? Any other thing else in the news going on or anything else?

Speaker 3 Dude, I haven't even, I haven't been fucking following the news. I don't know what's going on.

Speaker 3 What else is going on with me? Dude, you know what I've been doing recently? I've been researching. So I've been reading autobiographies.
That's my big, that's my big kick right now. Wow.

Speaker 3 I've just been trying to just study people's lives and see like, at the end of their life, what did they think was good? What did they think was bad? I only got through like once.

Speaker 3 Well, I got through a couple, actually.

Speaker 3 But dude,

Speaker 3 it's been cracking me up because I Bertrand Russell was like this famous mathematician.

Speaker 3 bertram russell bertrand russell yeah yeah he wrote him and like uh this guy whitehead wrote this like big book called principia principia mathematica where they spent i think like 200 pages proving one plus one equals two this was like the type of stuff he was on wow bizarre why just because they're finding ways that you couldn't well not prove it kind of people are coming through and like underlying so apparently math under is like there's like a like a set of axioms that like you just have to assume is true you know they want math there's a bunch of people back in the day who wanted math to be able to like totally explain everything in the universe.

Speaker 3 It's just the way it is. But there is a aspect of faith in math where you have to believe the axioms.
Right. So they were trying to just be like, check this out.

Speaker 1 And they just got real into one plus one in that book.

Speaker 3 But he's apparently like a genius. And I read his and I read the guy, you know, Angela's Ashes.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 3 I read he has one called Tiz. That's his second Frank McCourt.
So the Angela's Ashes was his time in Ireland till he was 19. And then at 19, he moved to New York City in like the 50s.

Speaker 3 And he wrote another book called Tiz that's from the 1950s to like whenever, the fucking 80s or whatever.

Speaker 3 But I've been like, I was reading those both simultaneously. And like, it's so funny how every male memoir is just a guy talking about how horny they were as a kid.
It's, it's crazy. Yeah.

Speaker 3 Horny and want to kill themselves. Bertrand Russell and Frank McCord were like, I just want to so fucking horny.
Do I just want to fucking kill myself? Yeah.

Speaker 3 Like every, I didn't know every guy was just suicidal back in the day. That's what I'm learning in my studies.
A lot of guys are just fucking, just want to fucking kill themselves.

Speaker 1 Well, it used to be very poetic if you killed yourself. Yeah.
Remember, it was very, there was like this Shakespearean, like, I'm taking my life.

Speaker 1 Now you're just like a, you know, you're just like, I'm a 13 Reasons Why fan or whatever, you know, but it used to be kind of, there was something very romantic about it in a way.

Speaker 3 Yeah, you could like stab yourself with a sword. Now it's, you know, it's pussy shit.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's overdosing or whatever. Yeah, it's like, yeah, come on.
Yeah. It is.

Speaker 3 Go back to the drawing board. That's, dude.

Speaker 1 This guy, first person to use Switzerland suicide pod, found with strangulation. And where are these at? They're not the airport, are they?

Speaker 3 The airport would actually be. Your flight got canceled.
Just be like, never mind. Just walk right into the suicide pod.

Speaker 1 Just end it. Oh, that's exactly.

Speaker 4 Bro, that was found with strangulation marks on her neck. Following the death of the 64-year-old American woman, multiple people

Speaker 4 listed, including Dr. Florian Willett, the president.

Speaker 1 They said a woman used it, but they also found strangulation.

Speaker 1 Yeah, what's that about?

Speaker 1 So it sounds like maybe they only put her in for a couple minutes.

Speaker 3 Yeah, but it's just, why would she have marks on her neck?

Speaker 3 Maybe she might have attempted.

Speaker 1 Oh, she was trying to help it or something.

Speaker 3 Or maybe she tried to do the old ceiling and

Speaker 3 something gave away and she's like, I'm going to hit the pod. There was some malfunction and

Speaker 3 the guy was... heard saying six minutes after the process started that she's still alive.

Speaker 1 So I think he had to.

Speaker 3 Oh, he choked her out.

Speaker 1 Because I guess if you go that far, if she lives,

Speaker 1 the product is no better. She'd yelled the pod.

Speaker 3 Yeah. Two stars, still alive.

Speaker 1 Boo.

Speaker 1 Eating breakfast right now.

Speaker 3 Does not work with my lame-ass kids and husband right now. Did not taste the sweet release of death.

Speaker 1 Awkward ride home.

Speaker 1 Husband's like, what are you doing, Back?

Speaker 3 I thought you were killing yourself today.

Speaker 1 Oh, shit. He's already got a new girl over.
He's already on Raya listening to zach brian

Speaker 3 damn dude they still i i do that freaks me out man when they

Speaker 1 do it i've been at an airport dude and if you miss your lajabra i'm like i'll go to heaven

Speaker 1 i'm not i'm not waiting yeah akron

Speaker 3 send me to heaven put me in that bitch like i've been that furious at a point where it's just like i'll just let's shut it down yeah you there's no more room for your baggage you're like oh you know what i'm gonna take the pod i don't want to i'm not gonna go walk five seats back and try to go in oncoming traffic to get my bag back i'm gonna take to the pod pod.

Speaker 3 If it doesn't work, you have permission to choke me around.

Speaker 3 That's crazy. That guy had to just be like,

Speaker 1 yeah, he's like, oh, shit.

Speaker 1 A couple of kinks, man. Just

Speaker 3 don't mind me. That'd be nice if the pod just like walls came in and just crushed you.
Oh, it like put you into a dizzying state and then it just vacuum sealed you. Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 1 Just sucked you down.

Speaker 1 I'd have like a little soda with me.

Speaker 3 Just dried you out. But yeah, that I don't like that, man.
I don't like when people, again, it's like if you're,

Speaker 3 if you have like terrible, painful cancer, there's like nothing they can do, I get it, but like that guy looked all right. Was he just modeling the tube or is he actually?

Speaker 1 Yeah, he's just the model. I guess they obviously do not have a,

Speaker 1 there's no budget for the model. I'll say that, you know? Well, but I think you want to have a woman that used it.
She had cancer and she wanted to go use it. And they just hooked her up.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's uh, but here's the thing.

Speaker 3 That's the one product, like Coca-Cola and all those, like, they have like beautiful people always like drinking Coke.

Speaker 3 You don't have like they're gonna have like beautiful celebs like laying in there. That's true, right? They're gonna try to, they want to show you someone who looked like that guy.

Speaker 3 I was like, Yeah, I could see that. Yeah, this guy's got like no muscle mass.
Fucking pants are sagging. I can see him just like 76.

Speaker 1 Hey, come, let me get an 80, man.

Speaker 1 That would be the best. Some dude is fucking in there.

Speaker 3 I'm gonna get one from a house. If my kids piss me off, I'm like, I'm gonna go to the pod.
Yeah, daddy's going to the suicide pod if you guys don't clean your fucking room.

Speaker 1 I'm gonna fucking turn myself off.

Speaker 1 Bro, that'd be crazy, man.

Speaker 3 Yeah. Put them in there.
You guys want to fuck around?

Speaker 1 You guys want to party? I'm scared. I would set that thing for 30 seconds just to freak them out.

Speaker 3 Just microwave them for a second.

Speaker 1 Well, some lady ovened themselves at a Walmart. You see that? No.

Speaker 1 Some lady wandered into an oven. They were doing,

Speaker 1 was it hide and go seek or what happened?

Speaker 3 Wait, we're pulling it up, but there was a woman got stuck in one of the industrial baking ovens at a Walmart, I believe.

Speaker 1 What? And I believe she passed away, right?

Speaker 3 Yes. From the gas, or she burned herself up

Speaker 3 from the burning.

Speaker 1 Ooh. Her cooking.
Let's all say burning. We don't know what happened.
She got it.

Speaker 3 Oh, she was 19? Oh.

Speaker 1 Yo.

Speaker 1 Please say the investigation is complex. That's unreal.

Speaker 3 Oh, the walk-in. So they bake like multiple cakes at a time in Canada.

Speaker 1 Yeah. I guess they have a walk-in.

Speaker 3 That's not a good idea.

Speaker 1 It'd be hard to stay out of it. I bet it smelled good in there.

Speaker 3 Bro, true.

Speaker 1 I mean, this is harrowing. Yeah, of course.

Speaker 1 But I'm saying that it is a fact that that oven smelled delicious oh man the woman who was an employee of the store was located a large walking oven important to note kid investigation has not yet reached a point where the cause and manner of death have been confirmed the investigation is complex

Speaker 3 yeah dude i did not i'm thinking like there was a just a big oven on display and i was like how the fuck did a lady walk into that yeah damn why do they fuck they have walking ovens that's a terrible idea It is, huh?

Speaker 3 It's just feed them in there like pizzas. Just, you know, have like a big thing.
You pull a wooden paddle and pull them out.

Speaker 1 People don't need those cakes, dude.

Speaker 3 That didn't, that shouldn't have cost a human life.

Speaker 1 Those cakes are terrible. Yeah, this is, yeah, you shouldn't, we don't need to walk into an oven.
Oh, dude. That's a terrible thing.
That's a horrible idea. Yeah, that's a well, it's look, that's

Speaker 3 an old idea. It's not the first, it's an old idea, and people should have not done it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but it's like, it's almost like, oh, you now unit an oven. You open the door and it has like that, like the, one of those signs that's on like the ladder that's like, do not step here.

Speaker 1 Like, no shit, dude. That's

Speaker 1 a fucking oven, yeah, man.

Speaker 3 I mean, oh, oh, dude, that is terrible.

Speaker 1 Someone throws you in there, that's what they're saying.

Speaker 3 That's what I'm saying, dude.

Speaker 1 Mm-hmm.

Speaker 3 Oh, that is not nice.

Speaker 3 Because, yeah, how would you shut yourself in there? I don't know. That's a mystery.
It's complex. If I were writing that, I said, This is very complex.

Speaker 1 What's a mystery? And here's the thing. Yeah, what's this all about? It is.

Speaker 3 What's this all about?

Speaker 1 This dude's turn, huh?

Speaker 1 We go fucking in the back of the bus and feel

Speaker 3 This is nice.

Speaker 1 That's awesome.

Speaker 1 This is why you need other countries, dude. Yeah.
People are like, I don't like diversity. You're out of your mind.

Speaker 3 That's true. That guy is as diverse as it gets.
You show me a honky that can do this. I mean, dude, it is

Speaker 3 what a blessing. If you're, I'm just, just assume this guy's like, I don't know where, what country that's in, but.

Speaker 3 Any other time in history, just being like a

Speaker 3 midget born in like the third world. Again, he could be in Palm Beach.
I don't know where that guy's from, but he's pretending he's from another country.

Speaker 3 He, it would just be a pretty tough road, but now he can just make great viral content.

Speaker 1 I know, which makes life good, man.

Speaker 3 Yeah, 3-6, that's hilarious.

Speaker 1 Um,

Speaker 1 are you in tires, the new season?

Speaker 3 Yeah, I have a small, a small role.

Speaker 1 Did you want to have a larger role? Was that ever a conversation?

Speaker 3 You're good. No, I'm good, man.
I'm happy with everything. If I get it, the fact that I was in it again, I was like, fuck you.
So, and I, dude, acting is like so hard, man. Yeah.
It's draining, dude.

Speaker 3 Just doing that every day. It's just like I work myself up into a tizzy doing just like two scenes, like one scene, like from like the different angles.
And it's just like, yeah, you're waiting.

Speaker 1 It takes a lot of patience.

Speaker 1 You sit there all day.

Speaker 3 It's uh, but I, yeah, no, I'm, I'm always like, I'm kind of chilling, man. I'm happy.
Every way anything's going, the fact that I'm not like stuck at a job that makes me miserable.

Speaker 3 I'm like, bro, anything that I can do, let me know. You know what I mean? I don't get like caught up in the kind of like, should be better.
Yeah, there was my played the cop last time.

Speaker 1 Yeah, my mom loved the show. She's so wild.

Speaker 3 she's like have you seen this tires yeah it is it is funny like she's like i i like it i i like put it on and my my daughter was like uncle shane uncle she freaked out uncle shane's on tv uncle

Speaker 3 i was trying to find my part i was like daddy was on tv watching i was like i can't fucking find it like boo get in the oven

Speaker 3 get in the fucking oven white dad do your kids call you white dad that's crazy huh no my my daughter says i'm colored sand she's like dad looks like sand i forget what you called her mom it's all right yeah

Speaker 3 dad sand they didn't have that but they're gonna get it now all the schools it'll it'll all get like they'll start ramping that up but

Speaker 1 you know we'll see i'll tell i'm just gonna hold it down with my daughter be like dude for real i'm black don't worry don't listen to that school you wait yeah i'm black as hell this is a mirage shorty

Speaker 3 just get the loan on the house yeah we'll see but yeah man i i uh yeah dude i'm just pumped man i'm like you know everything's going well i'm like again i'm just biding my time to be a uh plain clothes school security it'd be fun huh i do fantasize about like a nice retirement job

Speaker 1 i would like to teach arts and crafts nothing fancy

Speaker 1 paint

Speaker 1 wire things

Speaker 1 those fuzzy long things what are those called pipe cleaners yeah they'd be nice yeah you can do whatever with those things you just they put out a bag lean over making

Speaker 1 some kid made a noose or whatever you're like yeah this is doing good

Speaker 3 But yeah, that's, you know, for me, I'm just been chilling, man. Just trying to keep myself float, stay positive.
That's the embarrassing thing, too, when like things are going well.

Speaker 3 It's like, I'll still get like bummed out and depressed. And I'm always like, dude, you're such a fucking pussy.
Shut up.

Speaker 3 So I've been trying to just like be even killed and just, you know, just work on little projects.

Speaker 1 And that's it. Yeah, I think some of that's normal too.
It is tough, though, because certainly people have things a lot tougher, you know? And it is tough too.

Speaker 1 Sometimes when your life is going good, it's like not to let your ego start to take over.

Speaker 3 That's that's a thing that gets really scary oh yeah dude because your ego is just like this thing that's kind of grows without you you know really knowing what's going on you can be watering it without even realizing it oh dude i i i was lucky to have like an ego boom like early and it was like come looking back on it it was like really not nothing it wasn't anything great but at the time when i was like 24 25 I was just making so much money selling weed that I was like, it, dude, it went right to my head.

Speaker 3 Wow.

Speaker 3 As soon as I made like a couple thousand dollars a week i was just like oh my god i'm the best and you start buying rings and start i was real low-key about i mean right now it's the most rings i've ever worn right now but the uh yeah dude you just get when you like that it happened to me and i got like you just start getting greedier and i was just like i want more luckily i got wiped out financially like twice and then that has like an evening you go like up and back down you go okay and it kind of brings you back to earth where you're like yeah like don't don't let that anything like that get to your head or like make you act different and again it's it's embarrassing it's like dude i was making two grand sewing weed but it's like it was enough for me at such a young age to be like i'm a i'm the man everyone's a fucking idiot who can't do and it was just like and then i came crashing and burning and i was like all right back to painting houses now with my friends

Speaker 3 it really had like a that for me dude it was real an experience and i was able to be like okay when things are going well a don't be a dick and b

Speaker 3 It might not always forever. Huge chance it won't.
So, you know, be grateful and just kind of like, you know, be nice and just try to help out and don't get too, you know.

Speaker 1 how'd you get wiped out? How'd you get wiped out?

Speaker 3 Just losing money in the mail. I got robbed at gunpoint.
I got, I like had like a couple stretches where like dudes I know would get fucked up on drugs and just kind of like dip out.

Speaker 3 I got robbed at gunpoint. I lost that.
And then I mailed like, I think like $30,000 in the mail and that got snagged by the postal police.

Speaker 3 Yeah, dude, that was scary.

Speaker 1 I like it with 30K in the mail.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I vacuum sealed it and all that stuff.

Speaker 1 And what you, can you just not legally move that much money?

Speaker 3 You're not allowed to mail money like that. No.
And what they do is they're like, come on in. Like they're like, we'll talk to you.
And it was like, I wasn't, my name wasn't on it.

Speaker 3 It was like I tacked it on with my friend. And, well, the trick is you can be like, oh, I was buying a car, you know, blah, blah, blah.

Speaker 1 Did you go in there? Do you wear a mustache?

Speaker 3 Fuck no, dude. I was like, I just called her wash.
I'm like, I'm not going to the fucking postal, you know, post-menal, post-general mass or whatever it is.

Speaker 1 Is there a chance to get it back?

Speaker 3 If you can prove it's legit, they're going to be like, all right, where's your tax return?

Speaker 3 I was going to go, uh, so it was like, you can't, unless you had a legitimate, if I legitimately was doing it, I could be like, hey, here's what I'm doing. I need that back.

Speaker 3 But it's, that's the last place you want to go in and be like, no, it was actually up to no good.

Speaker 1 I bet it's sitting there, but you go in there and talk to them.

Speaker 3 Yeah, right. That's gone.

Speaker 3 Oh, my God. Yeah.

Speaker 1 They probably took it. Are the postal workers?

Speaker 3 I would imagine the post or they maybe, you know, they were like, here you go. But it's like, yeah, that was the big thing back then.
It was just mailing weed.

Speaker 3 You would just get it to your house and write, immediately write return to sender and don't open it.

Speaker 3 Because what they do is either a guy in like an officer pretends to work for the USPS and they come and deliver it.

Speaker 3 And what they were doing first, which kind of fucked them up, they'd like open the box right now and you'd open it and be like, there'd be weed in there. And you could just go,

Speaker 3 I don't know, anyone could mail me anything. So they legally couldn't do anything.
So what they started doing is they let you get the package.

Speaker 3 They wait like 10 minutes and then they come in because people usually get it and cut it right open.

Speaker 3 So what you have to do is you write return to sender, leave it in the corner of the room, wait about like an hour, and then you put it in your car and you drive towards the post office.

Speaker 3 So if they pull you over, you're like, bro, I don't even know what this is. I'm taking it to the post office.
And if you just kind of do a couple of laps, no one's fine.

Speaker 3 You go somewhere else and you cut it open but it's like that was the move because california would mail it over for just like pennies on compared to what it was on the east coast i thought i was the man but then you know you did you start buying anything you buy a nice suit or something i was very very i was like a chinese triad i would just no i didn't spend anything i would like would you start sleeping on your back or something at least

Speaker 3 you know what i would do i would go on trips i would do vacations so i would like go away and like ball out like that um but no i didn't buy i didn't buy the cars i didn't do any of that stuff i kept it pretty low-key were you to cancun or something uh yeah i went to hawaii yeah i did a trip to hawaii did the four seasons it's pretty tight damn see you were balling i was balling out yeah i was balling but then again i lost it all and then you go from like you know enjoying the the perks of that to like i'd be happy if someone gave me 50 bucks right now you know so it's like yeah and at a young age it's the best thing that could have happened because at a young age i got to like get that ego swell and just completely come and there's something liberating when it happens though i remember being oddly like relieved at the time being like oh, this is kind of cool.

Speaker 1 I don't have to worry about all this shit anymore. Oh, that shit is a nightmare, dude.
We sold weed for almost four hours one time. Fucking, it's scary.
It was the scariest shit.

Speaker 1 I fucking almost killed the kid. The guy was like, I started accusing him of fucking shit.
We had like, we literally had $200 worth of fucking weed. Like, we were fucking.

Speaker 3 It was just Alphadog immediately.

Speaker 1 Things went so

Speaker 1 crazy.

Speaker 3 Well, dude, you talk about being paranoid. It's you're in a paranoid.

Speaker 1 Everybody's a fucking narc or whatever.

Speaker 3 Everyone's following you. Everyone's a narc.
Everyone's watching you. Yeah.

Speaker 1 At one point, I would wake my friend up and be like, you fucking watching me?

Speaker 3 Motherfucker. I had a storage unit at one point.
And between me and someone else, we had like 60 pounds of weed in there. And

Speaker 3 I'd have to go in there with a duffel bag in the middle of the day and like look around, load it, and walk back up.

Speaker 3 And the one time I went there at three in the morning, or excuse me, it was like, you know, one in the morning, but I go in there, it's nighttime, and there's a fire alarm going off in the school.

Speaker 3 And I remember hearing it being like, oh, there's a school nearby, which probably wasn't the best place to have fucking 60 pounds of weed.

Speaker 3 So I go in. I'm like, oh, that's weird.
The fire alarm's going off. I load up a duffel bag of like 30 pounds of weed.
I come out of the place.

Speaker 3 Surrounded in police officers are everywhere because they came because of that fire alarm going off in the school. And I'm holding a duffel bag and they're just standing there.
It's like 1 a.m.

Speaker 3 or whatever. And I just come down the steps.
They look at me and I look at them. And I was just like, boys.

Speaker 1 And I just walked in my car and I just was like, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please.

Speaker 3 Got in and took off, no problem. I was shitting myself, dude.
That was like one of the scarier.

Speaker 3 Oh, I can feel the stress of that dude because you feel the second you're when they're behind you you must be like they're fucking they're following me burning in my head you're pulling off you're like you're just waiting for one of their cars to pull off and it was like dude it was a massive giant like hockey bag and it looked i was like this looks so sketchy i'm just coming out like and i like froze it says weed on the side of it yeah just came out like uh

Speaker 1 just stared at them and i was like hey They're like, what the fuck's wrong with that guy? Wow.

Speaker 3 Yeah, true.

Speaker 3 That is, I will say that is one of the perks of being a a white guy yeah easily just seeing the cops at 1 a.m with a giant duffel bag and being like hey yeah what's up brothers what's up guys hi ho neighbor yeah but yeah and you're just in a paranoid delusion the whole entire it's it's terrible for your dude my hair's fucking gray dude yeah you're just worried all the time constantly for years dude you're hiding in your ceiling yeah that's kind of everything just gets scary you're hiding stuff yeah we had like a couple of um fighting dude it's funny because sorry to to cut you off

Speaker 1 you give someone an ounce of weed and you'd watch them they'd be like yeah just like you know sell this and people would start it and it's like people would implode it's just so much pressure or they would just smoke it all and they'd be like whatever yeah but then they're high now you're having to fucking talk to somebody that's fucking high to get you their shit back and then everybody starts knowing you're the we guy so people knowing you're the weak guy there's something cool about it but then there's also this fear because you're like well i'm gonna get busted paranoid yeah paranoid all the time then you hear about other people getting busted and you know it's just and then it gets closer to you and you're like don't snitch or whatever yeah so now I wasn't gonna do anything.

Speaker 1 Burying shit, yeah, we would bury weed in our, we had like seven dime bags we were trying to sell, right?

Speaker 3 We fucking got them in your mouth in the weird little wheelchairs,

Speaker 1 burying them in the yard. It was unfucking believable, dude.
I know

Speaker 3 that's why you didn't get caught, though, dude. You guys were careful.

Speaker 1 It was breaking horrible, dude. That's who we were, dude.
It was just the dumbest fucking thing ever.

Speaker 1 I'm in the front yard just calling my buddy a

Speaker 1 fucking burying fucking dime sacks with a trowel.

Speaker 3 I know someone who

Speaker 1 you're doing.

Speaker 3 I know someone who thought he was selling steroids and he got beat and they were just antidepressants. So he was selling them to like a bunch of people.

Speaker 3 They're all like, dude, they're working.

Speaker 1 I'm getting yoked.

Speaker 3 And they were just on SSR.

Speaker 1 I feel great. Hey, man, it did feel good.
Dude, I bought some steroids once. My girlfriend, while I was away from her house, I was doing something, found him, broke,

Speaker 1 and threw him all away.

Speaker 3 She took your voice. And when I got.
Did you already cycle on them? So did you be like, what the fuck?

Speaker 1 No, I think I had been on steroids at the time and I was not happy when I got there. Okay.
Yeah, dude. It was, do not, look, if you find your boyfriend's steroids, okay? Don't touch them.

Speaker 1 Just, yeah, bring it up to him. Do not get rid of them, though, because it can create a man and become violent.

Speaker 1 I didn't, but you could see how I could. It could be a wild day for someone.

Speaker 3 Dude, I'll say, and this is like, I've interacted with a couple people who did the combination of Coke and steroids, and that's the most lethal. That's like a dangerous combination.

Speaker 3 And then if you're already a little bit bipolar, and boom, like, dude, those steroids, the Coke, and your bipolar mania hit at the same time, it's like, that was the craziest.

Speaker 3 I was out the breakfast one time with a guy like that, and he ordered, it was actually kind of alpha, but he like, we were ordering breakfast. He's like, oh, and I'll take a muffin.

Speaker 3 And can I have that immediately?

Speaker 1 And I was like, damn, bro.

Speaker 3 You just hit her with the immediately. He's like, and I want that immediately.
Not even like, oh, you know, I can have that before. He's like, I want that immediately.

Speaker 1 An immediate muffin. It was boss energy.

Speaker 3 It was boss energy, but it was. I remember being struck by that.

Speaker 1 Being like, Love the muffin. Can have it immediately.

Speaker 3 A little urgency behind that. Yeah.
But yeah, that's a wild combo.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 How long were you on the Reuts for? I was on and off for a few years. I remember the first time I ever did them.

Speaker 3 Pills or did you inject? Shooting.

Speaker 1 Dang, that's awesome. Shooting three-pointers.
One time,

Speaker 1 one time.

Speaker 1 my buddy Sean, he sold me some pills. He actually passed away.
He died. He

Speaker 1 drowned. I think he

Speaker 1 tried to hide from the police underwater.

Speaker 3 No, dude.

Speaker 1 Fucking drowned.

Speaker 3 That's terrible.

Speaker 1 Just,

Speaker 1 yeah, you just

Speaker 1 can't do it. Yeah.
You know,

Speaker 1 you don't think about it when he was so high that he just thought I can hide underwater.

Speaker 3 Bro, I almost passed out in a pool this summer.

Speaker 3 I tried to do a back and forth in front of all my friends and I had my daughter's goggles on and they were, bro, they were crushing the sides of my head so hard.

Speaker 3 I, for real, went out, came up, my legs were all and I was like spitting water out.

Speaker 3 Cause I remember being like, do you ever try to hold your breath super long in a pool and you start like vibrating and shit? I was feeling that.

Speaker 3 I'm like, bro, I'm so close to getting the back and forth. I got that.
And all of a sudden, I black out, come to, and I'm up in the water. My lungs are full.
I'm like,

Speaker 3 and then I took two more steps, passed out again, smacked my chin on the side of the pool. My friends were all just laughing.
They thought I was like fucking around until I got myself on the pool.

Speaker 3 And I came up. I was like, yo, I think I passed out.
They're like, yeah, dude, you passed out twice. Yeah.

Speaker 1 It was. Start the burgers, man.

Speaker 3 Yeah, it was terrifying, dude. He's called Meeting the Wizard.
That's what David Goggins calls it. Really? When the Marines train underwater and pass out underwater.
Bro, it's fucked up.

Speaker 3 I could see when you have people like, oh, he hid and drowned. It's like, dude, if you try to hold your breath too long, you can miss a window and you're just out.

Speaker 1 Well, those Kansas City Chief fans were partying with their buddy wherever

Speaker 1 you had four dudes dead on his poor. That was fentanyl.
Weren't they doing fentanyl, I think? It seemed like something was crazy, you know.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I think they got Coke and they had fentanyl. That shit's terrifying, bro.
Fuck. That's one thing I'm happy I never got involved with.

Speaker 3 Cause that's just like, and everyone's like, everyone I know still does Coke, which I'm like, is crazy. They're like, yeah, but dude, like, we're testing it.
I'm like, no, you're not, dude.

Speaker 3 You're telling me you're drunk at a bar, you score Coke, and you're like, hold up, let's test this first. Like, no, you're not.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you're the same type of person that mails his shit to somebody.

Speaker 1 Can you imagine the mail your shit? You're just some dude at a fucking house, just pounds of shit just showing up at your door every day. You're just counting fucking money all day.

Speaker 3 You're doing it in your garage like Jeff Bezos.

Speaker 1 Your wife's like, what the fuck, dude?

Speaker 3 Babe, I'm going to analyze these turds. Let me analyze these turds.

Speaker 1 Babe, come on. I got a fucking, you know.

Speaker 3 It probably just goes right to a landfill and they're like, you need vitamin D. And they're like, thank you, sir.

Speaker 1 Thank you.

Speaker 3 I think I got tricked, dude.

Speaker 1 Yeah, testing your own.

Speaker 1 At that point, what are you having to do? It's crazy. Yeah.
It's interesting.

Speaker 1 You have some tour dates coming up, I saw. Yeah, man.

Speaker 3 Are you in New York next week? Yeah, I got to go to the New York Comedy Festival, the town hall. That one I'm sweating that one.
I think it should be good, but it'd be fun.

Speaker 1 You're sweating it. What do you mean?

Speaker 3 Ticket sales. It's going pretty well.
I got to do that one and then Capital One hall. They just like, they're trying me in theaters right now.
Like, clubs I feel comfortable.

Speaker 3 Now they're like, let's do some theaters. So I'm like, fuck.
So, you know, just got to sell all the tickets of a weekend in one day.

Speaker 1 I know it's scary.

Speaker 3 Yeah, dude, it is scary. But it's going all right.
You know, it's like, I don't place too much pressure. It's like, it is what it is.

Speaker 3 I try to promote stuff, but I'm not like, you know, if it doesn't work out, that's just what it is. Like, there's nothing I can do.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 3 So, you know, so that's coming up. So I'm going to do that.
And then, you know, I get a bunch of other dates coming up till like basically like May. So they're all on MattMcCusker.com.

Speaker 1 Whatever. But

Speaker 3 come check it out.

Speaker 1 Yeah, man.

Speaker 3 If you want.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And congrats you guys.
This podcast is still doing great.

Speaker 3 Dude, yeah, this is, this is like the dark night of our podcast.

Speaker 3 So whole i'm doing it i'm just holding it down dude shane's doing the tires and i i've been you know i i've set up a new thing now where i i have like headset mics and i stand at a podium with and i have the guests stand at a podium and it's been kind of fun changes the energy when you're on your feet imagine if you're on your feet this whole time it's a whole different energy oh it's a good point huh and you have you have your hands are free you're just on the headset you're thinking you're more creative move around i kind of like it so far and you have like a podium to lean on i can put a laptop on this under count and like you know if i need to look at something i can just kind of yeah it's been fun i've been really fucking around with it it.

Speaker 1 You have been good for you, man. And if you take a walk, sometimes I'll notice if I take a walk with a friend, we have such a better conversation.
Big time.

Speaker 1 Or if I take, like, one of the things I like to do now, sometimes if I'm even going on a date or something, it's just like, let's just go take a walk.

Speaker 1 It's like, you kind of get to know somebody, it's chill, you're in motion, like,

Speaker 1 and you feel like you did something too when you like go on a walk, dude.

Speaker 3 And that's for me, that's the best cure for when you get the mental zoomies, hit the fucking road, just walk. It helps so much.

Speaker 1 Fucking walk till you're a stepdad. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Walk to that new family, dude.

Speaker 1 Best of luck with all the tickets, man. Well, yeah, if you need a guest, too, if I come back, man, I'll have to pop in.
Please, dude.

Speaker 3 Please, that'd be awesome. I got like...

Speaker 1 Because Shane's taping in New York. Is that where they're taping?

Speaker 3 Philly, yeah, right in Philly. I got like...

Speaker 1 Because Stavros is taping with him. Yes.
I think he's going to, I'm going to see him next week. Yeah, man.

Speaker 3 So I got like, I think like seven more weeks of episodes to record before he comes back. So

Speaker 3 we've made it through. So, you know, it's been fun.
It's one of those, like, it's been like a learning experience because it's, you know, it's easy. We can do it.
We'll do it together.

Speaker 3 When it was just me, I was just like, oh, fuck.

Speaker 1 You know. The dogs, man, they'll be excited whenever he gets back, though.
Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 You can hear them barking. They're ready.
They're ready.

Speaker 3 They're ready. Trust me.
They're ready for him to be back.

Speaker 1 Tickets at matt and my custarder.com. Matt, good to see you, man.

Speaker 3 Bro, thank you so much. Yeah, man.

Speaker 1 Have a good one. Chill.

Speaker 1 Now I'm just floating on the breeze and I feel I'm falling like these leaves. I must be

Speaker 1 cornerstone.

Speaker 1 when I reach that ground, I'll share this peace of mind I found I can feel it in my bones.

Speaker 1 But it's gonna take

Speaker 1 a little

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