E545 Stavros Halkias

Speaker 1 Don't miss Sebastian Maniscalco's new stand-up special, It Ain't Right, premiering on Hulu, November 21st. Filmed live at the sold-out United Center Arena in Chicago.

Speaker 1 Sebastian goes all in on family chaos, aging, non-existent manners, and life's most relatable and frustratingly funny moments as only he can.

Speaker 1 Watch Sebastian Maniscalco, It Ain't Right, on November 21st, streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney Plus for bundle subscribers. Terms apply.
Today's guest is a stand-up comedian. He's a podcaster.

Speaker 1 He's an actor. He has a new film called Let's Start a Cult that he both co-wrote and starred in.
He's got his own podcast, Stavi's World, and he's one of the hottest young comics in America.

Speaker 1 I'm grateful for his time today. I'm grateful for his honesty.
Always,

Speaker 1 no one else I'd rather be sitting down with than Mr. stavaros health yes

Speaker 1 hey hey whoa

Speaker 1 yeah you look so slick huh thanks man yeah

Speaker 1 going with a slick back

Speaker 1 wow

Speaker 1 You like it, bro? Yeah. A little fucking aerodynamic.
Looks very, I'm trying to think of what it even makes me feel like. I love it.

Speaker 1 Explore that, bro. Like a principal, maybe?

Speaker 1 Yeah, maybe. Principal at a very unique school.

Speaker 1 We don't give grades, man. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah. You don't give grades.
There's

Speaker 1 I need some

Speaker 1 socks,

Speaker 1 dude. I think it's a good look.
No,

Speaker 1 I got there. I got three.

Speaker 1 You can't throw ankles out, dude. You can't give me a shot.
I mean, I feel homeless.

Speaker 1 I just felt some wind hit them.

Speaker 1 And my first thought was, I've worked too hard. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Sure, sure, sure, sure. I got the thighs out.
I give out the whole leg for free. Yeah, but you have good legs, man.
Thank you, bro.

Speaker 1 I appreciate that. Yeah.
And do a lot of

Speaker 1 people from your culture have good legs, huh? I think so. Yeah, I think so.
It's a leg, because even the pillars,

Speaker 1 yeah, it's like that's a part of it, huh? There's a lot of hills. Greece is very hilly.

Speaker 1 I think people always. The hills have thighs, dude.

Speaker 1 Over there. They really do.
I think that helps. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Because you see a man like that, it's like, oh, this is a structural man. Sound sound.
I am structurally sound.

Speaker 1 You're not shaking me. Yeah.
You're not shaking me, bro. No, you won't.
You're not like that building 47 or whatever. No, no, no, no, no.
Or whatever that is. Seven? Was it Building Seven?

Speaker 1 Which one is it that keeps falling down?

Speaker 1 Tower. Tower seven.
Tower seven. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, the one that we can't exactly explain or something. Yeah, some guy's like, oh, that's a great time to just fucking get three porn soldiers to drop this one.

Speaker 1 Like, all right, all right. I see what you're doing, man.
Wouldn't have happened if it was made out of Hellenic marble. Yeah, out of some strong baklava.
Some baklava. You can't shake baklava either.

Speaker 1 Oh. As far as desserts go? Very structurally sound.
Structurally sound. You're right.
You're right.

Speaker 1 Stavros Halkias, dude. You have a new movie.
The movie is

Speaker 1 Let's Start a Cult. Yes, sir.
And is it kind of your new movie, is it kind of like,

Speaker 1 what's the, is it a 12 Years a Slave type of thing? Is it like a Lincoln lawyer? Like, what's the,

Speaker 1 those are your two references. Or what's the arc of it, you know?

Speaker 1 I don't know. 12 Years a Slave, which is like a serious slavery drama that won Oscars and the Lincoln Lawyer, just a middle-of-the-road Matthew McConaughey entertaining movie.

Speaker 1 I think it's, which are, they're both good movies, by the way. Lincoln Lawyer, pretty good.

Speaker 1 It was a little long. They could have done it.

Speaker 1 They could have done it in eight years. Nine years of slavery.

Speaker 1 Seven-minute slaves.

Speaker 1 We didn't need to see all 12 of the years. Yeah, dude.

Speaker 1 The last two years, it's like, we kind of get how we get it.

Speaker 1 we get it um but yeah what's the story arc you know like what yeah what do we expect it yeah dude so it's it's way less um way way smaller of a budget than those two honestly the movie is i just love dumbass comedies like the stuff we grew up on like the sandler you know spade farley you know to will ferret to all that stuff that was just like silly as shit good you know like the first movie i was obsessed with was billy madison right and just like goofy technically a premise, but it's like, would this ever happen in real life?

Speaker 1 No, but we just need, it's there to just as like a skeleton for jokes. Yeah.
And let's get goofy. Let's get silly.
Let's get a bunch of funny people in it. And that's what this movie is, dude.

Speaker 1 It was like, I just wanted, you know, I wanted the opportunity to make something that I loved. And like, I don't consider myself an actor.
I'm a fucking comic.

Speaker 1 And comedy movies, I think, are an extension of just like, I'm not trying to make a good ass movie. I'm trying to make

Speaker 1 a fun time, 90 minutes. And, you know, I'm proud of it.
Don't get me wrong. It's not fucking dog shit like it's not.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's not like Amistad or like

Speaker 1 something else I've seen recently. No slavery.

Speaker 1 I don't know what's going on with your reverences. No, sorry.
Amadeus, maybe? No, Bridges Over Madison County or whatever. Sure, sure.
I didn't see that one.

Speaker 1 The Bridge to Terabithia. Oh, you saw that one, huh? That's a child's movie.
I saw that as a kid. It's about a, it's a, something happens to somebody, I remember.

Speaker 1 I haven't seen, I haven't seen it since I was a child is it like a allegory for something wrong well someone's handicapped something I remember somebody was trying to do um

Speaker 1 the life of Jesse bridges to terabithia and adolescent changes when he befriends Leslie the class outside of the children created an imaginary world called terabethia which is inhabited by all manner of rights so basically no it's not like that either

Speaker 1 it's not like the breach of terabethia yeah So, okay, so it's not like that. It's just fun, dude.
And I think like funny movie, good comedy. Funny.

Speaker 1 Turn your brain off.

Speaker 1 off no lessons you're not gonna be a better you're not gonna be a better or worse person yeah yeah you know what i mean you're just gonna have a good time you're just you can get high as you know what i mean like yeah you can you can make some popcorn yeah you won't miss plot points you might want to go back and miss and see if you missed a joke but you get the movie right you know what i mean the whole point is like the basically the like bullet point is

Speaker 1 What if a guy was so annoying his cult committed suicide without him? Like they left him out of the, left him out of the final ritual. And then he tries to start up his new, his own cult.

Speaker 1 And that's the like, and so I'm just, I'm that guy. I'm the fucking annoying idiot who's just like, you know, with a heart of gold, classics, classic comedy shit.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And I just like, you know, we meet a bunch of funny people. We have.

Speaker 1 Really funny comics in it. Bobby Kelly is in it for a little bit.
Tom Papa's in it for a little bit.

Speaker 1 You know, a lot of really funny, just like Wes Haney, who is the, who co-wrote it with me and Ben Kitnick.

Speaker 1 It was basically like, me and my friends got a chance to make a movie and I was like yeah fuck it what the fuck like no one no one lets them no one lets

Speaker 1 no one lets me star in a movie yeah you know what I mean so you just gotta do it so yeah it's nice to have a movie where it sounds like you just can just go look at a movie go look at a movie and the jokes are like I'm not I'm not trying to make any commentary on anything.

Speaker 1 I'm just trying to make you laugh.

Speaker 1 And it's like that, it has been, even some of my favorite movies, like towards the end, they all kind of had weird lessons where they just kind of got like even 40-year-old virgin, it's weirdly like an allegory for virginity and like find saving yourself from, you can read into a lot of those movies.

Speaker 1 You cannot read into this movie. There is nothing, there is no, there is no subtext.
There is no, it's a fat, it's a lovable fat guy getting into hijinks for 89 minutes. Not even 90.
You'll be out.

Speaker 1 You'll be out. And if you fast forward through the credits, we get that to 87 and a half.
You know what I'm

Speaker 1 nothing like a thick guy coming in short you know

Speaker 1 absolutely absolutely okay so i get the movie and they we they need good comedies it's like you need it's like you go to a thing now and it's like

Speaker 1 yeah some stuff it doesn't even make you laugh you're like what is this about or whatever and then like everybody at the end is kind of like handicapped or something at the beginning like what is this right you know it's like elliot gets a rainbow or something like what is this it's not you know and it's like the guy always has a heart transplant sure but his his new heart is

Speaker 1 like a libertarian or something. So, yeah, so now he's like, I'm going to kill myself because

Speaker 1 I would rather die than have a heart that's against public school systems or something, you know? No one will be committing seppuku at the end of this movie for their political beliefs.

Speaker 1 It's called homeschool heart, that movie.

Speaker 1 It's a movie where somebody gets our transplant and that heart is a homeschool teacher. Who's a homeschool teacher?

Speaker 1 That'd be great. That would be fun.
Yeah. Yeah.
It's either, it's either, it's like both. It's like, and even independent movies, it's like, I don't know.

Speaker 1 Cause I, and, you know, I'd love to talk about just more comedy stuff too. But yeah, but this is interesting because it's a new time where someone is making their own film.

Speaker 1 Well, that's, that's the thing, dude. It's like, I don't know how you feel, but I feel like I hit the jackpot of all jackpots, right? Like, I never thought I'd be fucking podcasting.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean? Like, I wanted to just do comedy. I never thought I would have to like build my own fan base to just like make a living.
And then, like, got really lucky.

Speaker 1 And, and, like, so when you get lucky, what do you do with it? And it's like, I've never been the kind of person that just wants to chase. I don't want to get super famous.

Speaker 1 I don't want to get super rich. I want to be able to make the stuff I fucking love.
And like, that's what this was.

Speaker 1 It's like, I think, you know, there's some people who like we have a chance, like, building our own fan bases where it's like, we can make what we like. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And instead of trying to desperately get into like a mainstream studio system or, you know, not that I won't make a fucking, you know, so, you know,

Speaker 1 studio wants to make a movie, I'd love to do it.

Speaker 1 But instead of like waiting for years, like, I think, I don't know, I think a bunch of like a generation of comics found out you can go through the internet, make up a fan base, and then it's like, what do you want to do with it?

Speaker 1 And for me, it's like, let me just fucking do make a fucking movie.

Speaker 1 Like, no, the way no one, the way no one, it's stupid that I get to like sell out theaters it's stupid i get to make movies but that's what i want to fucking do and instead of just like being broke and trying to be an actor and all this other shit it was like i know at least some people will see it my fans will see it hopefully you know some of your fans will see it like that's the cool thing about building like a network where it's like you just hit up your friends it's like i'm not on i got on npr because the lady liked my movie what like a lady on the weekend thing liked my movie but it's like we don't even have a mainstream way to to put it out there so i don't know man i just think it's cool and it would be sick if people just started doing that shit.

Speaker 1 If you started doing whatever you're passionate about because you have this fan base and you've built your own thing and tires is like that, that was really inspiring. That was the best thing.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that was something amazing about tires. It was like you heard jokes on there for the first time.
There was jokes about everybody. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And it was just normal stuff you would probably hear in a very alarming rubber shop. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's a bad tires. You know, you're like, God, this place.
Exactly.

Speaker 1 And it's like, no one's saying that that's the only comedy that has to exist. You know what I mean? I want to see shit from everybody, but it's like, go make your own shit.

Speaker 1 Everybody gets to make their own shit. So that's why my version of that is just like a goofy ass

Speaker 1 Let's Start a Cult. Let's Start a Cult.
And it's on VOD. You can rent it, rent it or buy it right now.
You can do that right now. By the time this is out, you can go rent it.

Speaker 1 Right now they can get it. Yeah.
And it's like, and it's like, VOD, like, what is that? So I know it means video on your name, but where? Like, what is that? Apple, Amazon, just wherever you rent.

Speaker 1 You can go to Amazon. Yeah, yeah.
Put in Let's Start a Cult, and you'll be able to watch your movie. Exactly.
And now, what's that price point? How do y'all figure that?

Speaker 1 I don't actually know, but hopefully low. I'm trying to get it out there.

Speaker 1 I'm trying to get there. What do you mean low? You're talking $9.99?

Speaker 1 Yeah, maybe lower even than that. Well, that's.
Yeah. I just want people to see it.
Yeah, but you don't want. Yeah, yeah, I get it.

Speaker 1 But you're right. I think probably $9.99.
If somebody's like, I can get this or I can get some Mac Nuggets.

Speaker 1 It's not that they're going to debate between the two. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But then they're kind of like, hey, I want both for $14.99. Right.
Maybe we should want a $15.

Speaker 1 Maybe we should talk to McDonald's.

Speaker 1 We could do a tie-in. You remember those glass cups for Batman? You remember those, dude? Those were sick.
Uh-uh. Batman, I believe, Batman Forever, which was not a good movie.

Speaker 1 It was like the Jim Carrey.

Speaker 1 Oh, I forgot that he was Batman. No, no, he was the Riddler.
Oh, he was the Riddler? Yeah, yeah. They had those glass cups.
Oh, wait, with the,

Speaker 1 yes. Oh, yeah.
You remember those, dude? Oh, yeah. I had the fuck out of those.
Like the two-faced ones. But one loser shattered one of those in the ball pit

Speaker 1 and ruined him yeah oh people were dealing with that yeah that one that one's an iconic one the the tommy lee jones one that movie was awesome and the one after it with mr freeze was even more awesome they had joel schumacher who was just like the gayest guy of all time he's the man he's he's a great director but he made it fun as like those movies sucked coming off the tim burton batmans because they were like went from dark and like moody and kind of cool and comic bookie to like truly the campiest.

Speaker 1 It was like essentially Batman going to like drag brunch. Yeah.
And then like people weren't ready for that now, but throw those on now. You'll have a great time.

Speaker 1 You'll be like, wow, this is so over the top, but it's fun, dude. You know what I mean? Like they got jacked guys, they got sexy ladies just parading around.
It's, it's very fun.

Speaker 1 Alicia Silverstone's Batwoman, Bat Girl. Oh, I remember.
She's looking pretty good. When did this happen? Because I saw the one with Hugh Ledger and then I saw Heath Ledger.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 And then I saw the one

Speaker 1 where it was like the two old guys in the cave running around, you know. Remember that one? I don't remember that.
Batman and Robin.

Speaker 1 Batman versus Superman? When they're like a rock or something? Batman and Robin. Yeah, can you bring that up? Oh, you mean like the old ass ones?

Speaker 1 Yeah, the one where they're like running around in the same cave over and over again. With Adam West.
Yeah, and one of the guys. Oh, there you go.
Yeah. And one of the guys is like, I'm Batman.

Speaker 1 And the other guy was like, I'm just here, you know.

Speaker 1 I'm here for the party. That

Speaker 1 Well, they were actually part. Adam West was absolutely getting pussy in this era.

Speaker 1 He's like notorious for fucking and sucking. Really?

Speaker 1 Yeah. And I believe.
With men too? I don't think men. Well, I don't think.
And long pussy.

Speaker 1 Is that what man ass is? Is that this long pussy? I think they call it that.

Speaker 1 Because, dude, if you look at it, they were, you know,

Speaker 1 Wiener.

Speaker 1 Wiener is just long pussy.

Speaker 1 Oh, you mean the dick is long pussy? Like an inverted. Okay, I thought you were the ass.
Oh, yeah, dude.

Speaker 1 A wiener is just like a pussy that's reaching for something.

Speaker 1 Look at this guy. Now, this just looks like

Speaker 1 this looks like

Speaker 1 it's awesome. He refused to shave his mustache, so they just painted it over.
This is how little they gave a fuck about the Batman TV show. The guy was like, I'm not shaving my mustache.

Speaker 1 They're like, we don't give a fuck, man. He's like, I got to play tennis tomorrow.

Speaker 1 Not shaving this fucking thing.

Speaker 1 But Burgess Meredith, who played The Penguin in this and also played Mickey and Rocky, I believe him and Adam West were absolute coos hounds. They were just fucking so much in these in these times.

Speaker 1 And by that, I mean, I saw one TikTok about it, and I love to think of that. Well, they didn't even have condoms at this time, did they? I don't believe so.
When did condoms really start?

Speaker 1 They probably had them, but they weren't using them. You think? It was like a luxury good.

Speaker 1 It was like a fancy thing because they probably had like, I bet you like cavemen were like putting their dick in like sheep's like intestines not to have killed children at a certain point.

Speaker 1 Oh, just to get it out of their system? I think they just figured out condoms pretty quick.

Speaker 1 Condoms have been used for centuries, but became more popular at different times for different reasons. 18th century, condoms became more well-known and the market grew despite opposition.

Speaker 1 Opposition to condoms. That was the first time the church was like, this is unnatural.

Speaker 1 And I absolutely, yeah. The church was against them.
I promise you, the church was against them because they got a nut. The whole point of life is procreation.
Right. So for them.

Speaker 1 And mother nature was probably against it. Nature has to be because nature wants things to have sex.
Sure. Right.
That's what nature needs that. Yeah.

Speaker 1 So I wonder if nature put that in the minds of people. Like, we can't stop it.
Yes. You mean like

Speaker 1 Mother Nature planted that thought into your head? Or Or she's not going to let that not happen. Like, that's her only goal.
Right. It's just smash and party.
But is it people, though?

Speaker 1 Because people were doing her harm. Maybe Mother Nature wanted condom so rabbits

Speaker 1 so rabbits and plants and shit could fuck and bring back, you know, the eco, because we're fucking polluting, especially if this is the 18th century, Mother Nature probably.

Speaker 1 The Industrial Revolution happens, we start polluting shit. Yeah.
She's like, these motherfuckers are no good. Yeah, you got to get, we got to get them out of here.

Speaker 1 We got to get them nutting inside of plastic bags inside of pussies instead of free and clear. Yeah, that's a good point.
You know, yeah, it started to become sort of this. Um,

Speaker 1 oh, look at this. It was like blue blockers for pussy kind of or for

Speaker 1 sex, you know,

Speaker 1 19th century. Yeah, go on, what you said, we're gonna say, despite opposition, they were sold in pubs, theaters, and barbershops

Speaker 1 when the lineup's so crispy, you know, you're gonna get pussy.

Speaker 1 You're like, now this, that's it. That's a good marketing ploy.
It is. You're going to need one of these, pal.
I lined you up so nice. Yeah.
Good day, sir.

Speaker 1 And then you get a bad cut, and the guy's like, you're not going to.

Speaker 1 We'll see. You don't have enough.
We have eight for the whole city.

Speaker 1 And by the way, wash it out and tie it back on when you're done. These things are expensive.

Speaker 1 I know.

Speaker 1 You see them on the clothesline?

Speaker 1 Those are the days. Don't nut in it too much.
I know, huh?

Speaker 1 Hey, come on over. I stole my neighbor's condom, man.
Yeah, we'll go

Speaker 1 in half on a condom with your boy. Tonight, tonight, Judy.
I'll be like, dude, jack off before you fuck.

Speaker 1 I don't want the first nut of the day going in this thing.

Speaker 1 We need the second. The weaker one goes in this one.

Speaker 1 We got to keep the foundation intact on this thing, dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 This thing can't handle. It can only handle about seven PSI.

Speaker 1 It's not rated for the first nut of the day loads. It's not rated for that.

Speaker 1 That's crazy. And then 19th century, it says rubber condoms became popular.
However, condom use was mainly limited to the upper class due to a lack of sexual education. And the working class is, wow.

Speaker 1 That makes sense. Oh, for sure.
Like, these people can barely, you know, if this guy's making shoes all day. Yeah, he's cobbling.
Yeah, he's cobbling.

Speaker 1 Or would cobbling be like a hierarchy job, you think?

Speaker 1 Oh, like you mean, you mean they're in the shoe factory. The cobbler is kind of a

Speaker 1 an artisan. A bespoke, yes, artisan.
You're right. Yeah, yeah.
He's probably somewhere in between the two. 19th century, so we're talking the 1800s.
You still got both.

Speaker 1 You still got cobblers and shoe factory workers. They wouldn't let them have condoms.

Speaker 1 It's a little bit of both, I would say, where it's like the education keeps them not understanding how useful it is. So the working class has kids.
Working class women have to have kids earlier.

Speaker 1 They're trapped. They don't get to fucking, you know.
I mean, it's a classic thing. The working class always gets tricked in this fucking,

Speaker 1 in all of human history, while while the fucking the barons fucking suck you know what i mean they're on their fucking couches they're on the chaise lounges yes

Speaker 1 the the the factory workers they don't know any better but then they're just letting them have sex and make more factory workers which seems bizarre

Speaker 1 well that's good for again the upper classes they want disposable working class people oh i see in shitty living conditions what do they care right and so if the if people have more kids it keeps them in poverty because then they have to spend to take care of the children

Speaker 1 and they get more workers and then wages go lower. Right.
So, you know, keep them going. Keep condoms just for the rich.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Condoms in the 1950s and 1960s, condoms became a popular birth control method with 42% of Americans of reproductive age using them for birth control between 1955 and 1965.

Speaker 1 So that's about when we're, to bring it full circle, that's when Batman, I believe the first Batman was shot. So they probably mixed it up.

Speaker 1 They probably had condoms, but those guys look like raw doggers to me. Those guys.

Speaker 1 I think Adam West. Can we do a little research on Adam West's sexual history? Yeah, but

Speaker 1 I think Adam West and Burgess Meredith, they're old school guys. They're not putting on condoms unless absolutely necessary.
What do you say? Well, look at this. Adam West.

Speaker 1 His stories of romantic conquests, including the infamous night with eight women. Wow.
Have become the

Speaker 1 sort of lore surrounding his life and career.

Speaker 1 While some might view West's candid revelations with a mixture of astonishment and disbelief, they also offer a glimpse into the complexities of living under the spotlight. Yeah.
Oh, wow. Sounds bad.

Speaker 1 Real tough. Got to fucking suck before smartphones.
Yeah. Lord knows what Adam West was up to.
There was no way he was fucking. Well, he had that bat phone, didn't he? Sure.

Speaker 1 Hey, what's that? He used it to get head. Oh.
Mayor, give me the woman with the largest tits in Gotham, ASAP. Bring her over to my trailer.
You've got it, Batman.

Speaker 1 He just shines that bat light just across into his neighbor's arms. He's a fucking dick.

Speaker 1 He has a bat light, but he also has a dick light, whether he's horny or not.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Squish.

Speaker 1 The crazy part was when they would, like they had to run like this or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Well, they would go up a wall. Yeah.

Speaker 1 They'd pretend to go up a wall and they literally just put the camera up sideways. Yeah.
It's pretty fun to watch it. Yeah.
We need more stuff like that.

Speaker 1 But, you know, we just need more stuff that's entertaining. More goofy bullshit.
Yeah. And no, we did not have as much sex on the, I don't think.
Yeah, is there a love story?

Speaker 1 Is there a love arc in there? There, you know, I will say there is a there is a sex scene. Really? There is a sex scene.
It's, and it was probably my favorite.

Speaker 1 I wrote the movie, like I said, with my friends. So of course you write in a sex scene, dude.
I used to.

Speaker 1 I used to have acting class, and I would just like, we'd have to do scenes and stuff, and I would always bring a scene where there's like possible making out.

Speaker 1 That's hilarious. And sometimes it would just be like two people are walking and they're in an argument, and then for no reason, they kiss or whatever.

Speaker 1 You wrote it. And Janix would all be like, this is crazy.
Yeah. Like, yeah, it is, dude.
Janet presses her tits against Mark

Speaker 1 vigorously.

Speaker 1 They're like, Theo, don't put, don't add actions, please.

Speaker 1 I just think it should be clear. Yeah.
I think it should be clear. It's a vigorous tit press.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 It was, I had to, I had to.

Speaker 1 Now, yes, you had a sex scene. Wow, first one you've ever done?

Speaker 1 Like in a film or something? Yeah, yeah, I think it was. I mean, without hiding your phone on a cabinet across the room.

Speaker 1 Without being like, oh, yeah, I don't know why that teddy bear is blinking red.

Speaker 1 That's weird. I'm going to go turn it off.
Then you just put a fucking piece of black masking tape over it. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I'm trying to think because I will. Yeah, how did it take place? Was that a nervous day? It was weird, man.
So, yeah, there is a sex scene. And I don't want to spoil too much, but it is a wild one.

Speaker 1 And I will say

Speaker 1 there was an intimacy coordinator. And that's the person I felt bad for the most.
Cause this person's job is if you're, I had a nude scene. And so if you're nude, some lady has to put a little like.

Speaker 1 a rubber triangle around your dick and balls. Really? Yeah.
One of those bibs you get at a crab joint? Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 It has a lobster with a fork and a, and a knife in its in its claws uh printed on it it is honestly not that far off from that though it is just like a it's like a plastic thong essentially no and so so you're naked that day

Speaker 1 yeah perhaps i am what's perhaps i am

Speaker 1 so nervous yeah i mean it sucked and then it's like you know and the person's naked the woman um i won't divulge who i'll just say i'm naked okay you know that's you know and uh so i am definitely nude and and one and a woman has to tape, literally tape my dick and balls to this fucking thing because you want to look naked, but you don't want, if, you know, you don't want people to have to look at my dick the whole day.

Speaker 1 So yeah, you want to put like a plastic sheet over it. But this woman's job, anytime that thing like slipped, she had to just like get in there and just this poor lady, man.
Really?

Speaker 1 She had to re-tape my shit up.

Speaker 1 She's just like cutting edge with it, huh?

Speaker 1 And she's just, it's like the way like, you know, they would, they would tape up your ankles at a high school football game she had the same demeanor as just like a grizzled you know you're gonna be fine

Speaker 1 yeah i've seen worse yeah

Speaker 1 he's a couple min m's

Speaker 1 it was tough but wow no dude i so there's a lot of little layers in the film huh yeah there's a lot of a lot of you know anything again anything for a laugh and i wanted you might never get a chance to make a movie again so it's like let's Yeah, let's leave it all out there.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean? And so,

Speaker 1 and the way there is always, I love, again, I used to love when there was over-the-top sex scenes in those movies we're talking about. So, I was like, let's put one of those.

Speaker 1 And there's some, there's some physical, other physical stuff. I had to run a lot, which is hilarious.

Speaker 1 I didn't think about it. Yeah.
Any acrobatics or anything for you? I wish next time, dude, next time I'm going to fucking spend a year learning how to do a backflip.

Speaker 1 Or the cartwheel that never stops. Yeah, that would be sick.
The Greek cartwheel. That would be awesome.
Just fucking rattle that bitch. Just eliminate the Albanians with it.
I would love that. Yeah.

Speaker 1 That's just a joke, Albanian.

Speaker 1 That's just a joke, Albanian. That's just a joke.

Speaker 1 One of my dear friends, that's the classic racist thing to say. My best friend is Albanian, which is actually true in my case, but it's like the classic.

Speaker 1 And what was the budget of the film? What does it cost you?

Speaker 1 It was $750K. Wow.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 So it started at like 200K. And we did it with, I want to say, you know, Dark Sky, Dark Sky Films, which is, it's a smaller production company.

Speaker 1 They've actually, they've done a lot of cool shit, a lot of cool horror movies and stuff, but lower budget stuff. And they were just fucking awesome to work with.

Speaker 1 They just saw a short that we did, and they thought we were going to write like a one location because the short takes place in one place.

Speaker 1 But we were like, if you're going to let us make a movie, we're going to fucking, there's going to be wild shit in it. And so we pretty much pushed it to the amount.

Speaker 1 Because it's such a weird, you also learn so much about this kind of shit where it's like, if you go over.

Speaker 1 What'd you learn? What was the number one thing you learned? You like? Well, I mean... Well, I interrupted you.
If you go over what?

Speaker 1 No, no, like one of the things I learned is that like, you can't really go over a certain budget because then everything becomes more expensive.

Speaker 1 And you have to like, you have to get like more, just like for, you know, union reasons, you have to get more people involved. It becomes like a harder job.

Speaker 1 Whereas like the lower budget you make a movie, they kind of allow you to like. A lot of people can do different jobs.

Speaker 1 You can, you know, obviously you have to follow certain rules and you can't overwork people, but there was basically like a limit where they're like, look,

Speaker 1 if you spend any more than this, we have to pay all the actors more. We have to pay everybody else more.
And, you know, we pretty much lost, I mean, I lost money. So you put some of your money in.

Speaker 1 No, but like just not working. I took, I like canceling dates.
I like, you know what I mean? It was like time cost, yeah. Totally, totally.

Speaker 1 And like, and I've, I'll probably lose money just like traveling to promote it and stuff like that. But again, who gives a fuck? It's about making cool shit.
And it's like, I'm not hurting for money.

Speaker 1 And so, but yeah, you just learn a bunch of, you know, and you also think like, you think a movie's going to be like this fucking actors fucking talking about each scene and shit like that.

Speaker 1 And they're like, dude, we have fucking 12 minutes to get this. And oh, it's actually the most crucial scene in the movie.
Well,

Speaker 1 good luck.

Speaker 1 And this dog has to be asleep in a half hour. And you're like, what? We're putting the dog down.
Yeah. We're putting the dog down unless you nail this scene.
I'm like, huh?

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's just cheaper to put him down. Union rules.
I don't know, bro. Either nail the scene scene or the fucking shih tzu gets it.

Speaker 1 I didn't want to kill a dog. Then you shouldn't have fucked with the teens.

Speaker 1 Like, dear God.

Speaker 1 Right.

Speaker 1 You think you'd be able to make your money back? I think so. We did pretty well.
You know, we didn't do crazy.

Speaker 1 We had a release in theaters just because I just think it's important to see.

Speaker 1 That's what's amazing about it. It's this, you know, like we had Kevin Smith on and he's done this, you know.

Speaker 1 But now it's certainly that there are creators that have their own world and they want to make a film sometimes.

Speaker 1 Me and Spade wrote a movie and we have a chance to do it. Right.
And so

Speaker 1 we're finally going to do it. It just took forever to get it together.
And like, nobody in Hollywood wants to finance or anything, but it's cool to see people just making their own stuff.

Speaker 1 And so that's why I called you even last week and I was like, hey, tell me about this. I just want to know because it's just brave.
You're trying something. Thanks, man.
Yeah. And it's

Speaker 1 antio, what you want to do. Nobody can kind of tell you what's supposed to be on the script.
The only limitation was budget. And for me, I think that's so much, that's so much cooler.

Speaker 1 And you get to actually be an artist about it, not to fucking suck my own dick. It's a movie about, you know, a fat guy and you see my nuts in it.
It's not like I'm fucking, again, we're not making.

Speaker 1 You see both your nuts in the movie? I will also mention this. They didn't let me show my real nuts, which is a big problem for me.
Well, how much? Because the nuts looked little.

Speaker 1 And I have pretty nice nuts. Foundation.

Speaker 1 I have a nice foundation. Truly,

Speaker 1 the dick is more of an ornamental piece. Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's like the little star at the top. The dick is the nose.
The lung.

Speaker 1 The dick is the nose.

Speaker 1 The nuts are the lungs.

Speaker 1 Absolutely. They go deep.

Speaker 1 They go deep. They go deep and they're full.
Deep breath. Let's just say.
Lungs of the heavens. Yeah, brother.
I got Michael Phelps' lungs.

Speaker 1 Nice capacity on those lungs. Nose, not so much.
Cute little button nose.

Speaker 1 Michael, yeah, yeah, dude. Or a, yeah, it's nothing to snowman.
No, it's not a Michael Imperioli nose.

Speaker 1 It's very loose, it's almost like a burn victim nose.

Speaker 1 Right, right, right, right, right. Again, yeah.
You know, shaved off. They've made it out of a little ankle bone.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 They're like, look, we'll do our best.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's kind of a Voldemort situation.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Kind of more of a...

Speaker 1 I've got a penis like a cat's nose, you know?

Speaker 1 It's cold and wet.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I mean, I guess this kind of

Speaker 1 stays up all night. It stays up all night.
Yeah, yeah. Wandering.

Speaker 1 It'll bother you. It'll bother you all night.
It'll fucking

Speaker 1 fucking bat your eyes out of your face while you're resting.

Speaker 1 It'll keep nudging you until you give it a little attention. It'll beat a jingle bell to death on your Christmas tree.

Speaker 1 Wow. But yeah, but I didn't get to show my real nuts, which is a problem.
But again, these are the artistic sacrifices we have to make sometimes to get our movie no one prop 24

Speaker 1 whatever

Speaker 1 yeah absolutely yeah but that is crazy and there's michael phelps has small nuts you cannot nuts are these i bet you he's got a nice pair he's a large guy he's a huge guy though nut to the fucking

Speaker 1 they show okay you can have big back tires on a fucking swimmer i think he's got a nice pair dude no he doesn't look at this No, I will not. I bet you he's tucked them underneath his ass.

Speaker 1 You have to almost tie them in your ass. There is, there is, okay.
There is an image, I believe. They tried like.
Wow, look at that. He's fucking jacked.
He's probably got a nut.

Speaker 1 I mean, he's a big dude. He's got a nice pair.
Now, I would say probably

Speaker 1 size to size.

Speaker 1 Pound for pound, I think I have pretty nice nuts. Oh, yeah.
And not weight. I'm talking about frame.
Okay. We're not going to go.

Speaker 1 We're talking about what my body should be on the, on the, because nuts, that's a big disadvantage for the fat man. Titties get bigger the fatter you get.
Dick and balls stay the same size.

Speaker 1 Is that true? Absolutely. Dick, my dick got plumper the fatter I got.
That's

Speaker 1 beautiful. That's this time of year.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. The leaves change.

Speaker 1 The nuts are getting plumper with every slice of pumpkin pie.

Speaker 1 Every helping of squash,

Speaker 1 your fucking dick gets a little bigger. No, if your dick got bigger the fatter you are, I would be 800 pounds.
I would just be, you would have like feeders trying to get dicks as big as possible.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Which doesn't happen.
So

Speaker 1 yeah, I think you want those smaller nuts. you want less drag if you're a swimmer.
That's true. You want to do that? I think you're Roy Jones Jr.'s, you know,

Speaker 1 dude. Why don't they have Roy Jones Jr.
mints? That's a great idea. Roy Jones Jr.

Speaker 1 kidding anymore. Yep.
They'll knock out bad breath. Yeah.
Done and done, dude. Yeah.
Something chocolatey that knocks out bad breath. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I love that. Just a hint of chocolate.
Oh.

Speaker 1 Well, so that movie is out now. People can go check it out.
Yeah,

Speaker 1 please go see it. Congratulations, man.
Thank you, dude. And yeah, I think it's, you know, so it's cool cool to support, you know, it's obviously my movie.
I

Speaker 1 believe in it a lot, but it's like anytime creative people that you like make shit outside of a system, I think it's kind of important to go support that shit.

Speaker 1 Yeah, well, it's kind of like a new realm, you know? And also

Speaker 1 some movies that are billion-dollar movies are horrible. There was one Ryan Gosling with, and my mom and I went and saw it was horrible.
Yeah. I went and saw something the other night.
It was

Speaker 1 A Chance in Time or something. Can you look it up for me? We live in

Speaker 1 there you go well here's what i don't like that bad that looks i like those actions it was sweet it was cute but every shot was so close on their faces after a while you're like where's all the money they spent on sets who you can't even see the set so what starts to happen for me i notice in movies is they shoot things so tight nowadays right like it's just this yeah yeah yeah right

Speaker 1 and your brain there's no like your imagination if there's more going on your imagination has to process things on the screen.

Speaker 1 So your imagination is interested in what's going on.

Speaker 1 But if there's nothing to even really think about, it's so dumbed down, everything is this tight, you're not, you're just kind of like, you just start to lose interest because I think there's a part of you that's not working, you know?

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. It's like when they shoot comedies now, it's like they shoot everything so tight and it's just about.

Speaker 1 You don't get, you don't see people's body language stuff.

Speaker 1 They just, I feel like they miss out on a lot of things just because they think we need need it to be so simple yeah well i think that is another thing that i learned about movies which i didn't think about at all is that it is such a visual

Speaker 1 you think it's about the writing you think it's about your jokes and especially being a comic you're like it's all about the writing it's all about the jokes and you don't think about like it's a visual medium it's like a bunch of interesting pictures strung together ultimately is what it is and it was interesting to like like talk to our cinematographer and a scene that I thought was like pretty straightforward, just two people talking, kind of what you're describing, just faces.

Speaker 1 He's like, nah, let's fucking play it. Why don't you guys lean on the car? Why don't we make it a little more interesting?

Speaker 1 And like, that was a fucking sick part of it to like, yeah, because you don't think about that. I just think about the jokes and I just think about my words getting laughs.

Speaker 1 And then it's cool to watch a movie and be like, oh, you just do something with your face and that's a laugh. And you just fucking, you run funny and that's a laugh.
You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 And it's like, that was a cool thing. Again, I love comedy so much and I'm just trying to figure out every way to be funny.

Speaker 1 And I think like, yeah, what you're saying of like making it interesting, having the visuals being really interesting, that's a huge, a huge, again, it's a cool learning experience.

Speaker 1 And that's what I, I don't know if you feel this way, but it's like, that's the nice thing about, oh, yeah, about like learning new shit is just how can we be funny?

Speaker 1 And like, the, the time I felt the most engaged in my life was like, when I was an open mic or learning how to do comedy.

Speaker 1 And it's cool to get the chance to make a movie and like feel like, I don't know, dick. I'm a fucking dumb as shit.

Speaker 1 like let's figure out how to how to make all this stuff yeah I'm a recovering Greek yeah yeah yeah I don't know I'm fucking I'll never kick that

Speaker 1 I had fucking a I had a Yido yesterday bro

Speaker 1 yesterday dude I'll never sorry man I thought you had some time under your belt

Speaker 1 you know I've sometimes I put on

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who. Not I.

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I like Tommy Johns. I like them male negliges they got for you, them underpants because they smooth.

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Speaker 1 God, they feel so good. I want them on right now.
I'll put them all over myself. What I love about him is the waistband isn't super tight on them.
Some underpants, you get them.

Speaker 1 The waistband is so tight. So I have one sip of water and then I got to go pee-pee.
I don't like doing that.

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Speaker 1 You have an annual calendar, dude, which is pretty crazy.

Speaker 1 Is that coming out? That's out now. Yeah, that's out now.
Yes, the 2025.

Speaker 1 Dude, you're out.

Speaker 1 You can already buy it, the 2025. Look at the calf on this guy.
You like that, dude? Look at the

Speaker 1 kettlebell, you're hungry. It's popping, brother.
Yeah. Wow, you got that Rogan head now.

Speaker 1 Nuts and calves. That's all I got.
Oh, fat nuts and calves. And, you know.
Oh, you know. And is this real? Yeah.
Yeah. I'm on fucking Mount Everest right there.

Speaker 1 That's me. That's some beautiful.
Some of it's real. Some of it is the work of my brilliant producer, Benjamin Butt Cheeks.
Benny Butt Cheeks, Ben O'Brien, who also directed my special.

Speaker 1 He helps me with the calendar as well.

Speaker 1 Squirtember, of course.

Speaker 1 The get heads, baby. That's you right there.
Wow.

Speaker 1 Now, if you zoom in on those, there's a lot of fun. A lot of fun things to see, right? The set, right? It adds to it.
Moby Kock. Do you

Speaker 1 giserables? Wow.

Speaker 1 Oh, the different books on that bookshelf.

Speaker 1 A lot of Easter eggs in here, huh? A lot of Easter eggs. A lot of Easter eggs.
And then we have Halloween right there. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 And this is very Chelsea Lynn. You guys, she has a calendar as well.
Yes, I saw that she had that.

Speaker 1 I've been doing a nude. This was the first thing that was successful in my career before I had anything going on

Speaker 1 i was i sold a nude calendar when i was like basically a feature i was hoping for boppy kelly and dude this was the first thing that ever made me money i've been doing a calendar for legitimately probably i think nine years really yeah okay and i used to print

Speaker 1 i used to print them myself i used to sell them out of my fucking honda civic and now it's like and now it makes a shit ton of money but i would make like a couple like back in the day i would make a couple thousand bucks and i was like i'm fucking rich dude and now the the headliner starts to to hate you dude he sells you that was always a thing the headliner and the feature selling stuff well that's why i mean bobby was the man and he he knew me and i was like then and he was cool with it and i also would just like i would just sell it on instagram and like mail it personally to people for sure like i had no

Speaker 1 just like sell it out of the back of my

Speaker 1 trunk at like i would be headlining shitty little fucking you know like a restaurant in uh frederick maryland i think just be 12 polaroids a year cost or whatever

Speaker 1 and you just throw a different month on each one.

Speaker 1 You're like, what if you only had 11 Polaroids? You're just like January, February, spring.

Speaker 1 June, July, August.

Speaker 1 Do you ever audition other men to be in it? Because I was wondering if there should be more.

Speaker 1 I mean, you do a great job, right? Thank you, thank you. But would there ever be the possibility to creating

Speaker 1 something around the idea of getting other men in there? Interesting. A diversity of body types.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I don't know. I've never considered.

Speaker 1 I did think at one point to get to make it like a collaborative calendar where every month there's like a guest that's a different type of person, you know, like maybe men, maybe women, some non-binary motherfuckers, just some different body types.

Speaker 1 Sagittarius. Yes,

Speaker 1 yeah, yeah, yeah. Get them all.
Barbecue lovers, whatever. Yeah, yeah, some

Speaker 1 centaurs, some

Speaker 1 half short legs. Yep, yep.
Long life.

Speaker 1 Short legs. That is true.
The taller you are, the quicker you die. Is it? That's what I'm saying.
Timber.

Speaker 1 Yeah, short people live longer. Bring them down.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. Enjoy all that pussy, six, six guys.

Speaker 1 You should be nice, dude. Now, I'm not going to go into the obesity metrics right now.
We're just going to keep it. We're just going to keep it just on hype.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I'm going to take my wins where I can get them, brother. This ain't about me, dude.
This is not about me. Some people say fat.
some people say foundational.

Speaker 1 A good foundation. You're not knocking me over in the wind.
It would be cool if you got guys on there. Just get like, you can get a lot of union workers.
Sure. I would love to get, yeah, you're right.

Speaker 1 I should get lay them down. Put some grapes on their chest.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely. Dude, grapes will, and that'll fucking, that'll greak out any union worker.
Sure. I think they're close.

Speaker 1 I think you show them a little, you know, any of the most hard-edged union worker, you show them a little bit of the forbidden fruit of what it can be like to be to be a fat, you know, just you, they would trade in a heartbeat.

Speaker 1 Oh, some Rubin-esque cement worker.

Speaker 1 Yes, yes, yes, yes. Absolutely.
That's what we should, that's what we should figure out here. We should set up a situation where it's like, look, we got DMs coming in.

Speaker 1 We're not going to be able to fuck everybody who wants to fuck us. We don't want to fuck everybody who wants to fuck us, right? What do you mean? What are you saying?

Speaker 1 I'm saying both of us, I feel like, have, I'm sure you're, I don't check my DMs too much. I'm checking DMs coming in.

Speaker 1 I'm saying those women you're doing. Young ladies that want to, you know, are attracted to a style of guys, older ladies across the board.
We're not going to fuck all of them.

Speaker 1 We should be able to find, in my case, Rubinesque

Speaker 1 union workers. In your case, I don't, you know, I don't know exactly guys that run rehabs or

Speaker 1 guys that run rehabs.

Speaker 1 I've been offered

Speaker 1 a couple free 30-day stays, I'll tell you that.

Speaker 1 But, you know, little mullet guys, you know what I mean?

Speaker 1 Theo-style gentlemen. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Neighbors of farmers. Neighbors of farmers.
Yeah, they don't do any farming themselves, but they got the same zip code. They got farmland zip code, but they don't own a tractor.

Speaker 1 Oh, but they'll sit on their porch and look at the other guy's place and be like, oh, look at these soil fats over there. You know?

Speaker 1 So, yeah, there's.

Speaker 1 We should be able to hand them off some of the DMs. That's all I'm saying.
I think that would be a nice thing to do. Yeah, yeah.
Like, donate a DM to someone.

Speaker 1 Donate a DM almost like create love connections, you know? Ooh, I would love to see a dating site if you would put one together. I'd love to do that.
I'd love to host a dating show, actually.

Speaker 1 That would be awesome. You'd be so good at it.
That would be awesome. That could be maybe your next movie.
You host a dating show and then you find love somehow. I love that.
A little romantic comedy.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I remember you saying one time about like,

Speaker 1 one of the reasons that you got on a comedy was for dating, right? A lot of guys. Purely.
Without question. Okay.
And I think maybe. And is that still a good reason?

Speaker 1 Do you feel like what's that evolved like a little bit? you know, or to get laid? Like, does that work? You know, and what's the dangers also of having sex in some places, some regions of the country?

Speaker 1 The regional dangers of coitus? Yeah.

Speaker 1 If you're ever in the bus belt, you know,

Speaker 1 well, you can't let it fly like Adam West used to.

Speaker 1 I'm definitely using condoms. I'll put it that way.

Speaker 1 I guess the dangers of the bus getting, you don't want to get stuck in the bus belt. Yeah.

Speaker 1 You can vacate, you can have a nice visit, but you don't want to be a father that has to check in court-ordered once a month at the bus belt. That's the biggest danger.

Speaker 1 Especially if it's a layover to get to your child.

Speaker 1 Oh, no. How many children lose out

Speaker 1 on a father because there's a layover? Right, because Jet Blue doesn't want to fucking fly direct to Akron.

Speaker 1 Oh, dude. And we just used Akron in a joke last week.
This is crazy that you did as well. Because we did, we did the same night.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah. We were there at the same time.
That was, that's why I thought of it. That was fun as shit.
It was fun. But yeah, what are the side effects now as you see that?

Speaker 1 You've been out in the, you know, you've been out in the world over there, you know,

Speaker 1 glazing. Sure, sure, sure, sure, sure.

Speaker 1 Glazing the, you know, different

Speaker 1 literal glazing, not the metaphorical, like sort of pumping somebody up. Yeah, yeah.
You mean actually glazing? Yeah, you just, uh, yeah, or, you know,

Speaker 1 whatever they call it. Letting it fly.
Yeah, filling the man, you know, doing the manicoti or filling the manicoty up. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Filling up the manicot.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 You've been more. Creaming the cannoli.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
Absolutely. I got you, brother.
But yeah, and what is it? What does it look like over time? Do you feel like? Oh,

Speaker 1 not good. Not good at all.

Speaker 1 I mean, that's, that's something I'm facing kind of.

Speaker 1 I don't know if it's head on. I don't know if I, it's one of those things.
There's a couple of things remaining in my life that I feel like I need to conquer. And that's long-term health.

Speaker 1 Like I have, I took a lot of time off and I lost some weight this year. I lost like 45 pounds but in the month that i've been shooting tires promoting the movie doing stand-up again

Speaker 1 i've gained 10 pounds you know what i mean it's like yeah because because you look more organized your body does thank you yeah yeah yeah it was a it was a mess before it was like uh when you go remember when you just that show where they would open up random uh storage units yeah that's kind of what my body was like you never knew once the shirt comes off you don't know what you're gonna get

Speaker 1 you know what i mean there is a little more now you open up a storage unit at least it's got some rusty shelves that all the all the all stuff is in in little boxes. Curios.

Speaker 1 Okay. It's a cabinet of curiosity.
Curio Curiosity.

Speaker 1 There's a little something, you know. Absolutely.

Speaker 1 I've been working out and so I still am lifting weights and stuff and I feel better. I literally city biked over here from Queens.

Speaker 1 Yeah, because you're a little wet when you got here. I was this guy.
I had a sweat. I was fucking city biking, listening to Sexy Red, you know, the Insexy We Trust.
A lot of bangers on that.

Speaker 1 Nothing like listening to bad bitches when you're working out, in my experience.

Speaker 1 Because because it puts me in that in that headspace you know oh i see of that like you know there's something a little more there's something a little more um

Speaker 1 you know sure i love she's back oh i love she's back honestly the one about the uh the gentleman being outside i don't remember which uh i don't remember which one it is it's sort of like uh you know

Speaker 1 an anthem for for the gals to get ready maybe it's outside

Speaker 1 outside yeah it's basically a song about hey gals uh you know look real hot. There's a bunch of sexy gentlemen outside.

Speaker 1 And even though I don't want to fuck the guys, I could gender flip that and be like, fellas, there's whores to be gotten. Let's fucking put on our nice shirt.
Let's get out there. There's opportunity.

Speaker 1 There's opportunity to be gotten. Yeah, because I'll go in the bathroom sometimes at a bar and there'll be guys in there and I'll yell like fucking piss and get back out there.
Yeah, boys, come on.

Speaker 1 You've been shut. You've been shut down three times in a row.
Actually, maybe go home. And now that I think of it,

Speaker 1 you're kind of fucking the vibes up. I just thought about it for a second.
Please leave. Both the ratio and the vibes are being fucked up by you.

Speaker 1 I'm more like a eupises-es Grant when I'm in there. I'll just start.
You rally the boys?

Speaker 1 Get back out there. What do you mean? What do you mean you coked up, you little quill? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
What do you mean? There's no way your dick works.

Speaker 1 Remember people who used to slap people like that?

Speaker 1 I really want to do that once in my life. Three stooges.
You could be in one of the three stooges. Absolutely.
I would love to.

Speaker 1 I would love to do some physical comedy, but I would also love to bring one of my friends to his senses when he's having a psychotic break with a nice

Speaker 1 get yourself together, man. That would feel awesome.
Yeah, yeah. Get yourself together, man.
The markets are closed.

Speaker 1 And that's all it used to take. Yeah.
You didn't have to send someone to a fucking mental institution.

Speaker 1 You slabbed them once in a public street.

Speaker 1 Simpler times. Different times.
Now, did he go home and hit his wife and not deal with any of the mental issues? Probably. We can't say.
We don't know. Maybe it is better.
Again, on second thought.

Speaker 1 There wasn't a lot of accurate reporting back there. Right.
We don't know the numbers.

Speaker 1 Do you, what was that like taking a year? You took a year off stand-up. Yeah.
Was it a year?

Speaker 1 It was about six months, but yeah, I didn't tour from February until I had like one date. But did you still practice or no? No, I was, I didn't, I didn't do any stand-up.

Speaker 1 And it was, it was

Speaker 1 the thing that sucks is it was awesome like i felt peaceful i didn't have to travel every week being unemployed yeah it was yeah exactly it felt like that right i would i would go on long walks i would go to i would go to like the supermarket and just see what was on it's like what's on special today i had like i've never heard somebody say i'll go on long walks yeah through the super to the supermarket to like to the supermarket not through no no here's this guy who's fucking i'm pulling up to a Safeway and hitting.

Speaker 1 I'm hitting all the aisles at the grocery store. It's like, oh, what do you mean there's not a mile marker by the Graham crackers?

Speaker 1 The way they have old people walk through malls, they have fat people walk through grocery stores. Like, come on, these are your favorite things, little buddy.

Speaker 1 You pass the ice cream eight times, you get the, you get a lick, you get a, you get a fucking thing, a whole halo top. Um, no, I would, I would fucking walk by the water.

Speaker 1 I was in Baltimore. I would take long-ass walks.
I would buy like one piece of meat, grill it up, eat it with some veggies. It was a beautiful, beautiful, simple life.

Speaker 1 But I also love, that's the other thing. It's like, and then I did stand up.
I was like, damn, this is awesome. Yeah.
But I think the, the, the lesson is to not do three things at once.

Speaker 1 It's a lot. So I think like next year when I tour, I'm not doing anything else.
Like right now, I made the mistake of going from nothing to tires, the movie coming out.

Speaker 1 My back to my stand up, back to my podcast. I'm also, I have a tour that I'm announcing.
I think actually probably if it comes out next week, it'll be then. But the Dream Boat Tour, I'm doing a big

Speaker 1 all across like on the water.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that would be fucking sick. I should have done that.
I should have chartered a sailboat, but no, it's more of a metaphor, metaphorically, the dream boat tour.

Speaker 1 Can you imagine fucking chartering a sailboat to go to your shows?

Speaker 1 That would be fucking awesome. Where is Star Wars? Like, he's on the horn.
He's on the

Speaker 1 horn of Africa, the horn of, yeah. He got caught.

Speaker 1 The Gales of November came early and caught him.

Speaker 1 He's marooned off Vancouver Island. Off the Seychelles.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he only sold 40 tickets through the Suez Canal.

Speaker 1 He's still got to go. He's still got to go.
Are the Greeks the blacks of...

Speaker 1 Some people say

Speaker 1 some people say that the Greeks are the blacks of Europe. Who are these people exactly?

Speaker 1 Bring up someone. Bring up.

Speaker 1 Google.

Speaker 1 Now, people say that all the time.

Speaker 1 I'm serious, man.

Speaker 1 Hello, bro.

Speaker 1 You'll be wandering past an olive shop

Speaker 1 and

Speaker 1 the door will open and you'll hear someone. Are you talking about your internal monologue, CO? Are you talking about every time you see a Greek person? That's what you think.
I'm just saying.

Speaker 1 There is a lot of people call them

Speaker 1 black olives. Okay, that's all I'm saying.
There's a lot of conversation about black olives. Sure, sure.
Hey,

Speaker 1 I'll take that with pride. Black people are the cool.

Speaker 1 They make things cool. They're the culture drivers of America without question.

Speaker 1 In some ways, I guess that's, you know, maybe ancient Greece. What's democracy if not the original hip-hop? Yeah.
You know what I mean? How everything filtered out from that.

Speaker 1 Kind of, you know, the same way. Love it when you call me Big Socrates, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 The same way music's been taking from black people forever, everyone's kind of been taking our shit between philosophy and democracy forever.

Speaker 1 He's a Pompeii

Speaker 1 Pompeii, I believe, was

Speaker 1 that the Roman Empire? Don't be a hater,

Speaker 1 fuck Rome. No, no, they took our whole shit.
Sorry, it's in Greece.

Speaker 1 So, don't kill our

Speaker 1 Louisiana public school system.

Speaker 1 Cheaper globes. Cheaper globes if they're from 1820.
30 countries.

Speaker 1 They mash Europe together. Yeah.

Speaker 1 So no comment on that, huh?

Speaker 1 I say

Speaker 1 I'll take that. Like I said, you know, I had a joke in my special where if you think of it, really, I think Greeks are probably the most light-skinned Arabs.
It's really what we have more cultural.

Speaker 1 We're pretty similar people. Loud, you know what I mean? Like loud, kind of flashy, you know what I mean?

Speaker 1 But I think people,

Speaker 1 British people loved England, or England loved ancient Greece so much that they were like, we got to make them white because then white people were, you know what I mean?

Speaker 1 Like ancient Greece was white. When in reality, I think we're probably light-skinned Arabs.
Yeah. Very loud, you know, touchy-feely.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean? Like, it just, it's the same vibe. The gold jewel, you know, I'm wearing jewels.
Yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? Something.
Yeah, for sure.

Speaker 1 Very, yeah, warm, intense people. We're not, we're less, you know, I feel like grape.
What's that? Like grapes? Like grapes. Grapes is a very Middle Eastern food, isn't it? We'll take grapes.

Speaker 1 We'll take grapes. Dates, all that type of shit.
Oh, yeah. A date's nice.
And me personally,

Speaker 1 I like that kind of

Speaker 1 style of woman as well. Nice curly hair, big nose type of situation.

Speaker 1 Anywhere from like, you know. You go Spain to the Middle East kind of.
I met a beautiful Greek girl one time in Florida. Ooh, okay.
And got got popped a couple of wiener pills or something.

Speaker 1 This is early when the gas stations just had. Sure, sure, sure.
You need to ask. What are we talking about? Street Overlord, Rhino.
This was before Rhino. Wow.

Speaker 1 This was like, I think these were Healthy Dose or something.

Speaker 1 Or

Speaker 1 The Last Captain, I think he was called.

Speaker 1 It was like,

Speaker 1 these were hopeful ones. Love it, love it, love it, love it.
And I remember I took a couple of them, dude.

Speaker 1 And then I was like trying to make out this girl and my nose started bleeding

Speaker 1 right onto her chest, dude.

Speaker 1 Oh. Oh, what a shame.
That could have been your wife, dude. She was so cool, too.
She's talking about a curly-haired woman, dude. I agree.
I actually, my favorite.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you know, they're crazy if their hair had to come out like that.

Speaker 1 You know, like,

Speaker 1 you would have been a great 17th century doctor.

Speaker 1 Well, you can tell she's suffering from bouts of insanity. Look at her hair.
Look at the wave in her hair.

Speaker 1 My God. Look at the print out here

Speaker 1 this is

Speaker 1 she's lying

Speaker 1 look how far apart her eyes are that's a space for deceit see this that's the deceit zone right here

Speaker 1 she's just holist let's calm down but they look at uh they it's like the um you're a lie detector test whatever yeah yeah

Speaker 1 what else is going on wow the boner pills huh that was

Speaker 1 bro i took most of my life because i just had so much anxiety oh dude believe me. See, I'm lucky that I only caught the tail end of the, of the

Speaker 1 gas station air. Those are horrible.

Speaker 1 Now you can get them online pretty easily, but I also want in the in between one time I convinced, I had an old Italian doctor and I convinced him I had some other, I read that like if you have some kind of prostate issue, you can also take sialis to like relieve that.

Speaker 1 I just kind of read it as like, I was doing my research. Yeah, for sure.
And I was like, dude, I think my fucking prostate's fucked up. Acting up.
Yeah, my prostate's acting up.

Speaker 1 He was picking up radio stations.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And he was like, and he had to put his finger up my ass.
And he realized the prostate was fine. But then he was like,

Speaker 1 okay, I give you the cup. He knew what I wanted, which is also like, why'd you have to put your finger up my ass?

Speaker 1 But I guess he just was hoping I was onto something. And then he was like, listen, I give you this and no more.
But he was like he knew i was just i was like 20. he had short fingers wide fingers up

Speaker 1 like come on he was awesome and he just gave me a couple dick pills and dude those were like that was my holy grail i had like a sample pack oh yeah

Speaker 1 oh so when that yeah when those sample sialis and stuff hit the streets they were breaking people's windows to get those dude i went when i first went to college i went and lived with my buddy's dad he had a viagra prescription right he lived in a one-bedroom apartment

Speaker 1 Where the fuck were you living? This is something to watch.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's awesome. And we would take turns like sleeping on the couch with the bed, right? And so, and there was you and his dad.

Speaker 1 And the reason I did was because he got boner pill subscriptions, right? So you could, so I could nip it. Stiphen a little, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
But he only got like eight of them.

Speaker 1 And I'm like, fuck. It's so hard to steal off.
Steal out of eight. Because you can kind of like the third day you can pull one.
You're like, oh, he got drunk. He took two.
He got no.

Speaker 1 But then you have to cut one directly in half. Like, well, how did one

Speaker 1 just get just take it in half? Yeah, you got to take it in half. You got to make that last.
Oh, yeah. You got to make four.
And then, but it's

Speaker 1 that's a fun, that's a fun kind of Passover parable. It was horrible.
Making the one dick pill last

Speaker 1 12 days.

Speaker 1 We're just nibbling on it just a little bit. We had one can of oil and we made it last for 64 days.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. One dick pill, 100 milligram of Viagra.
We made it last for 12 weeks.

Speaker 1 And we each took took one lick of it.

Speaker 1 Me and my friend's dad.

Speaker 1 Shabbat shalong. How long? Yep.
Shabbat

Speaker 1 shashlong.

Speaker 1 How long were you living with your friend's father? Six months, one semester of school.

Speaker 1 God.

Speaker 1 How were you crazed that semester?

Speaker 1 Here was the crazy part. We had a wall.
There was like a half wall. There was enough.
It was a loft. The bedroom was a loft, and there was a living room.
It was a nice building.

Speaker 1 They did have a pool at the building. That was pretty cool.
Okay. And I was learning to play guitar at the time.
And so I would go in there.

Speaker 1 He'd have some every now and then he'd have a chick stay overnight, go in there and play

Speaker 1 Tears and His On the song about Eric Clapton's son dying. Is that what it's about? Yeah, that's a song you would play while a guy was getting pussy.

Speaker 1 Oh, dude, it's about his fucking son falling out of a window.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 No way. How was his son? Was he in the military? No, he was like a little ass kid, dude.
It's a tragic song.

Speaker 1 Oh, dude.

Speaker 1 I'm sorry, you're.

Speaker 1 It's alive. He's alive, yeah.
Oh, man.

Speaker 1 So your friend's dad, who's giving you shelter, is getting pussy with one of his eight Viagras.

Speaker 1 And he has to battle. That Viagra's up against that old man's LED and the saddest song, one of the saddest songs of the 90s.

Speaker 1 A poor rendition, by the way. There's no way you were good at it.
You're butchering it. And it's sad as shit.

Speaker 1 I saw you.

Speaker 1 Bink, bink. Oh, sorry.
Sorry. Bink, bink, bink, bink, bong.
Oh, so my bad.

Speaker 1 Dude, but I would go in there, and one time after a couple, they would request him to come back. Wow.

Speaker 1 You were the fucking, you were the music for them fucking. Well, they had usually post-coidal that would bring me in.

Speaker 1 And I also then eventually played

Speaker 1 Every Rose Has Its Thorn. I rocked that form a little bit.
Okay. And I did eventually a

Speaker 1 widespread panic. Okay, nice.
Yeah. That's good, man.
So that was your three songs. Hallelujah, yeah.
Yeah,

Speaker 1 very poor rendition.

Speaker 1 A lot of hand beating on the fucking shit.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Try and dress it up.
You can barely play guitar. You have a little Viagra to keep me going.

Speaker 1 Like a mouse with a little piece of chicken. And that dude was hammering, dude.
And I was having so much sexual issues and shit. And he'd be in there just fucking.

Speaker 1 I'd almost have a basic cinnamon in there. Yeah.
Just go up the hill, man. Come on.
Climb up his bunk bed. Climb up the top bunk.

Speaker 1 Turn around.

Speaker 1 That's a very interesting living room. Like, it was crucial.
Roommate Dynamic. And we had an eclipse.
His son had an eclipse because this dude was struggling. His son had

Speaker 1 an eclipse yeah mitsubishi eclipse but it wouldn't turn off right you couldn't turn it off so you had to just

Speaker 1 siphon gas no you just have to keep putting gas so we'd keep like well done

Speaker 1 it never turned off you could

Speaker 1 You could, but you'd have to fucking, it was so hard to get back on.

Speaker 1 So we would just, we'd keep like extra cans of gas at the fucking parking space. We had an underground parking space.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that was it, but it was a green one.

Speaker 1 That's a nice car, man. It was a green one.
And it had good rims rims on it, too. I don't know if they have that.
Oh, not that green. That is very

Speaker 1 more of a seafoam. Yeah.
I would go with that one to the right of the horizontal one, of the vertical one. Left, left, right there.
Nice. Something like that.
Yeah, dude. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 Not as nice as that. But yeah, we get the idea.
Yeah. But that bitch,

Speaker 1 we would keep a couple cans of gas because it got great mileage. You could fucking keep it going.

Speaker 1 Look at the mileage if you have to keep the gas just to keep it running i would drive that bitch over to i went to loyola university i'd drive that bitch loyola where in there's one in you in in new orleans yeah and since you kept it running people didn't you could park in a weird spot and be like oh the guy's just coming and going

Speaker 1 and how long would it be there idling fucking two hours i'd fucking be in class

Speaker 1 I'd be in class, dude.

Speaker 1 But it was kind of nice right when you got to it, got right in. Sure, sure, sure, sure.

Speaker 1 You don't have the fucking that hassle of doing this.

Speaker 1 Turning your fucking forefinger one inch.

Speaker 1 But it was a flex to the lady. Like, damn, that guy's a chauffeur.
Keep it running. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Like, it's him.

Speaker 1 It's you from the past.

Speaker 1 But that's my chauffeur.

Speaker 1 Sorry, guys, but rides here. My rides here.
No one stole it, huh? No. They respected the eclipse.
I guess, I mean, sometimes I would put the plasters on.

Speaker 1 I think it's like, there's a lot of reverse psychology there, you know? It's a lot of General Sherman. Hiding in plain sight.

Speaker 1 Very much.

Speaker 1 Very much of the Angonquin,

Speaker 1 how they behave.

Speaker 1 I love the idea. And how old was that guy at the time? Is that depressing to think about? 52.
Okay. Handsome.
Pretty good at tennis. Handsome.
He could wear short shorts. Love that.

Speaker 1 He's a foundational guy. Foundation.
Plus-size guy?

Speaker 1 Middle-size.

Speaker 1 Mid-size. Yeah.
Love that. I see.
I love to drink. He's a vodka orange juice guy in the morning, even

Speaker 1 morning drinker. And I guess a divorced man.
Yeah. If he was hammering.
I'd live with his family before that.

Speaker 1 Well, through the divorce? Yeah. And then he got you in the divorce.

Speaker 1 He's like, how the fuck did I end up with my son's adult friend in the divorce? This bitch got the house. I got Theo playing fucking tears of heaven while I'm trying to keep a heart on.

Speaker 1 And meanwhile, you can can barely hear the song because there's a missoupic eclipse

Speaker 1 idling

Speaker 1 the fumes are coming up through the underground garage you have poison you have co2 poisoning

Speaker 1 oh man dude that's awesome that's crazy dude was that your weirdest that was probably one of my craziest living situations but i always lived for cheap man i slept under my buddy's bed for probably

Speaker 1 seven months out in floor in uh in los angeles when i first got out there. I lived in this little cupboard that was in a living room.

Speaker 1 They had like these two cupboard doors, and it was like four or three feet high,

Speaker 1 four feet wide. Just a bed? No, there was no bed in there.
It was just a floor, right?

Speaker 1 But it was long and it was like probably eight feet deep. So it was perfect.
Like I'm going to bed, boom, get in there, like a bird, little bird house or whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 And someone's like, come out right on the hour, you know?

Speaker 1 But I was always sharing, dude. I I slept on my buddy's floor for $150 in college in a sleeping bag, and I'd fucking yell at him, complain about shit.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. But he needed the money.

Speaker 1 It's so fucking funny. I did the same.
I similarly, I convinced my friends to give me a shitty room in their house in Baltimore. I lived for 300 bucks

Speaker 1 a month. I had a room.
They were just like, I was literally living on the, my go-to meal was beans and eggs on one, I would bake them and put them on one sheet.

Speaker 1 And that way, I could just use the sheet as my plate. I wouldn't have to do dishes.
I just, after I'm done eating the beans and eggs, into the washing machine.

Speaker 1 Directly into the washing machine with the condoms from the 18th century. Yeah.
And hang it off the fucking clothesline.

Speaker 1 Don't mind if I

Speaker 1 please hang them. Let the neighbors see.

Speaker 1 We're fully operational.

Speaker 1 No, no one eighth of a Viagra needed.

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Speaker 1 What did I see in the news? Oh, I saw, did you see that Mark Wahlberg restaurant? Wahlbergers?

Speaker 1 It burned down, though. He had a new restaurant.

Speaker 1 A fancy one?

Speaker 1 Let me see. Mark Wahlberg's new restaurant in Las Vegas burns down opening day.
Opening day.

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 2 Mark Wahlberg was excited about today because he's supposed to open up his new restaurant, Fletcha Cantina.

Speaker 1 Fletcha went up in flames just hours ago.

Speaker 2 Check this out. This is town square, and it's obviously fully involved with fire here.

Speaker 2 And we have gotten a ton of emails to this station inviting the cameras out because Mark Wahlberg was going to be there around 4:30 this morning.

Speaker 1 Oh, no.

Speaker 1 Oh, no, you can see the flames inside.

Speaker 2 They were going to get the oversized scissors out and welcome everyone everyone in for the grand opening.

Speaker 1 Oh, no. So obviously that's.
Wow, the defrauded, dude.

Speaker 1 You think that's just a plate of fajitas that was sizzling too much? You think that got a little out of control?

Speaker 1 Do we know it's not just a really intense fajita?

Speaker 1 It is Fletcher Cantina, after all. Go back and show that window right there.
That does look.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Like, and they spray that flavor on it, smoke or whatever.

Speaker 1 Like, Greece, we have.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah, that could be like

Speaker 1 maybe a flambay.

Speaker 1 We do a Saganaki, Greek people, the cheese you set on fire. Oh, yeah.
A lot of different stuff it could be. I don't think we should draw conclusions right away.
Yeah, dude. That's crazy.

Speaker 1 I thought it was a burger shop he was doing, but that's wild. We had walls.

Speaker 1 Fletcha. Yeah.
Doesn't sound, I got to be honest, does not sound appealing. Flecha.
Sounds too much like flech.

Speaker 1 Fletcha. Flech.
If you're just a regular person, like, I'm going to Fletcha. fletcha cantina, no thanks.
Yeah, it's kind of bizarre. Cantina, I'm okay with.
He's done some interesting things.

Speaker 1 You know, he had an alcohol, but then he said he didn't drink, and then he came out with a tequila, which I thought was kind of wild. Interesting, interesting.
What do you think that's about?

Speaker 1 I don't know. I think it was just when, when, when like celebrities were coming out with tequilas, it was purely a business move, yeah, like when George Clooney came out with one.

Speaker 1 Sure, one time I was in Toronto, I'm sitting there, it's like probably 12:30 or something, you know, a.m. I'm just sitting on my computer in the lobby, dude, um, hoping to meet my wife or whatever

Speaker 1 at 12:30 on your computer, desperate for attention, probably.

Speaker 1 I don't know. That's fucking awesome.
I can't remember why. After a show, you're just there.
I think I was doing shows, yeah, gotcha. I was just hanging out.
Um,

Speaker 1 because yeah, it's funny. After shows, you don't want to go to like bars and shit, yeah.

Speaker 1 It's like you go to a bar, you're gonna see a lot of people from the show, sometimes it's gonna be overwhelming.

Speaker 1 Definitely, and then if I don't drink, it's hard to be there, so it's like you don't, there's nowhere usually to go. Sure, no, that's true.
Restaurants are closed usually, yep.

Speaker 1 So then you can go to like a gas station, sometimes ice cream or your hotel. Sure.

Speaker 1 But I'm sitting there and I feel something on my neck right here when it's fucking Mark Wahlberg, dude. Pretending to have a gun? Yeah.

Speaker 1 He's like, caught you slipping. You know, or however.

Speaker 1 You have failed the

Speaker 1 keep it on you challenge or caught lacking challenge. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 1 You failed to call lacking challenge. It was like Mark Wahlberg.
He's like, look at this fucking boondock saint out there. Was he in that movie? He was not.
Oh, damn.

Speaker 1 He was not, but one of the jokes didn't last.

Speaker 1 But he does embody the spirit of the Bean Doc Saints. He thought he was a question.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He thought he was in it.

Speaker 1 But I said that, and then he invited me the next day to his tequila opening. He was actually really nice.
He had a nice group of friends, really chill.

Speaker 1 He seems nice, but it's also like that level of fame where people start to go insane in a like polite way.

Speaker 1 Like a guy, like it doesn't seem sinister, but it's insane to wake up at three in the morning to work out and play golf. And like, it's just crazy.

Speaker 1 3.15, yeah go to 315 wake up pray for one hour i mean i know you know whatever this i don't know if you yeah 230 i mean that's not a time to wake up 2 30 a.m wake up 2 45 a.m crypto prayer yeah

Speaker 1 315 breakfast 340 to 515 workout that's a long workout that's a lot post workout meal only two hours after breakfast that's wild shower he gets an hour and a half for shower

Speaker 1 that can't be real right hey dude i have definitely taken some sad showers yeah but that's not when you're when you when you're a regimented like planning an hour and a half shower you don't plan hour and a half showers you're so up that you take an hour and a half shower i've taken some of those too theo i'm not judging but that's when i'm hungover as and i'm like Should I just fucking do drugs at 7 a.m?

Speaker 1 Like, that's like that you're spending 45 minutes convincing yourself not to take pills. That's what those long showers are, man.
They're not thinking about the Lord and my fucking biceps.

Speaker 1 I'm so high, I should go in the shower.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe if I'm in the shower, I won't purchase a prostitute.

Speaker 1 That's what that shower. Maybe if my hands are wet, I can't fucking use my phone, so I won't fucking buy pussy and hate myself the second I nut.
That's what that shower is about.

Speaker 1 That shower is not reflecting on your 3:15 a.m. breakfast.

Speaker 1 And look, we're cross-promoting our own lives here with Mary.

Speaker 1 We're not talking about Mombaw, but this is from Mars. This is about,

Speaker 1 we're putting a little of the personal into this riff.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 But it's just got to be wild. But you open a restaurant, dude, opening day and that thing cooks.
That's crazy.

Speaker 1 But that, you know, I think I'm trying to think of anything good burnt down bus when I was growing up. Ooh, any good fires? I don't know if we have.

Speaker 1 I only have hate crimes in my neighborhood, which are not fun to talk about. Just idiots that didn't understand that Indian people weren't.
Like after 9-11, some fucking idiot in Baltimore.

Speaker 1 Get fucked. Yeah.
They just burnt, just a guy, a Sikh guy who wore a turban. He's like, he's Osama bin Laden, so I'm going to fucking burn down his fucking mini mart.

Speaker 1 You're like, that's fucking, that guy's a librarian.

Speaker 1 That guy runs a

Speaker 1 7-Eleven little library in the middle of it. Yeah, literally.
He was like a fucking nice guy.

Speaker 1 I just went to a nice Indian restaurant here the other day called

Speaker 1 Bungalow. Nice.
I love that. I like a nice Indian.
Yeah, there it is. This Indy.

Speaker 1 Oh, Vic Vicas. Vicas is the chef there.
Vicas. Dude, he let us sit at the chef's table.
They put a little table

Speaker 1 right by the kitchen.

Speaker 1 It's fancy, but it's not crazy fancy.

Speaker 1 I got this guy on the podcast. It was just fascinating to like

Speaker 1 eat Indian food, learn like just about some of the energy and why they have certain things. It was

Speaker 1 that looks awesome. I'll check it out.

Speaker 1 A ton of Indian people, and he said a lot of Indian people don't go out to dinner because a lot of them cook at home, yeah, and they always want they always believe their cooking is better than other places.

Speaker 1 I get that, I understand that. I mean, I do not believe that at my place, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Well, what's your traditional quesadilla smoothie? Yeah, yeah, yeah, a Slim Jim quesadilla

Speaker 1 that's what you grew up on, and nobody can make these better than my mom:

Speaker 1 Owl, meat, fried rice.

Speaker 1 A little bit of squab in there. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
From the holidays, yeah, yeah. Maybe a nice, maybe a nice possum rib roast.
A little bit of Piagon, we call it, huh?

Speaker 1 A little bit of fucking sidewalk oysters.

Speaker 1 You know what I'm talking about.

Speaker 1 What were we just talking about? The Indian people will not go out to eat. Right, but that restaurant was really great, man.
Went there. That was kind of cool.
I love that. I was in England.

Speaker 1 I was was in London, and I had Indian food, and it was so incredible. Yeah, they're there, yeah.
Well, you know, that's the one upside to the fucking British Empire.

Speaker 1 It's like if they brought Indian food along, if they fucked up India, the least I can do is go enjoy a nice meal as a result. You know, they're there either way, yeah.
So, but it was good as fuck.

Speaker 1 It was uh, you'd be a good Indian, I think. Thank you, man.
Yeah,

Speaker 1 thank you. I appreciate that.
100%, man. Yeah,

Speaker 1 I've got some Buddha qualities.

Speaker 1 I just think,

Speaker 1 yeah, they would herald you actually.

Speaker 1 Well, they do respect the cow. So I have a bull, kind of like a bull.
Yeah, I think they would just, yes. You kind of like a bull.
You could be like an Indian sumo wrestler. I would love that.

Speaker 1 Yeah. We can start.
Back in one of your another movies. It's like you go to India to be the first Indian sumo wrestler.
Right. Put you in some semi-off-brown face.
Yeah. I don't know about that.

Speaker 1 I don't know if that works. Yeah.
Maybe I just get a nice tan. Huh?

Speaker 1 I can get pretty crispy, dude. Can you? Greek Mediterranean blood, you know, maybe that's it.
Maybe that's what happens.

Speaker 1 I get such a tan that someone mistakes me for an Indian, makes you up, signs me up to be the first Indian sumo wrestler. And there we go.

Speaker 1 India's first female sumo wrestler defying odds and empowering women.

Speaker 1 Hital Dave is her name. Hital.
Shout out to Hital. Hital Dave's journey.
Sumo wrestling is not just about personal triumph, it's about rewriting what's possible for women in India. Love that.

Speaker 1 Push them around, Hital. Love interest?

Speaker 1 Yeah, I could smash an indian sumo wrestling woman no problem that's love dude that's love absolutely i can't really tell i'm gonna say yes i'm gonna give it a a uh hesitant yes from that picture

Speaker 1 that i would smash i'm gonna for the movie that she could be your yeah and i'm saying you know i want to do it for real let's see what happens

Speaker 1 yeah let's see what kind of sparks fly on set yeah

Speaker 1 that's all it is dude you know you think a romance maybe is possible between you and spade maybe you guys just have like a come become gay later in life. No, there's a gay,

Speaker 1 there's, I think Tim Dylan might be in it. Okay.
Small part are just. Who do you think sucks who off then? Not it.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 TBD, bro.

Speaker 1 To be Davis.

Speaker 1 TVD to be Dave.

Speaker 1 So we'll see what God wants out of those guys. I love that, yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I could see Tim doing that.

Speaker 1 What about the election over there happen, man? Did people go crazy out here in New York? Did you feel any of that energy? Where was I? I just felt so glad that I was filming.

Speaker 1 I don't know. Philly taping? Yeah, we were taping.
We were doing tires. Doing tires, right? How exciting is that, too? Tires fucking rules.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 What's it like between the second season and the first season? Is the set different?

Speaker 1 Set's not different. Same.
But we, yeah, we're in the same spot. And

Speaker 1 it's, I think it's going to be fucking great. I mean, the first season, I didn't even know when I agreed to do it, I thought it was going on YouTube.
Like, it was like Shane texted me.

Speaker 1 There was no like agents involved. There was nothing.
He was like, hey, we're doing this thing. They didn't have scripts.
We were kind of writing shit as we were going.

Speaker 1 Like, I was supposed to have a small part. And we just had like so much fun doing it.
They kept like adding me. It was like so fun.
And we felt like we were just making a fun web series.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean? Like, because I loved Gillian Keeves was so fucking funny. Their sketches were so good.
And I almost was in one and then it like fell through.

Speaker 1 And so I just wanted a chance to work with those guys. So when Shane hit me up, I was like, I don't need to know shit.
Let's just fucking do it.

Speaker 1 And it's insane that this thing that we didn't, honestly, dude, we did it in a few weeks. And then we did like a couple days of reshoots.

Speaker 1 And it was a fucking show that was top 10 on Netflix for like two weeks. It's insane.
My mom liked it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 And so, and so I think, I mean, we've been shooting from, I think we started in October and we end in the middle of December. And so it's, you know, much more time.

Speaker 1 They actually had a real writer's room. They went over the scripts.
We have, I don't want to, you know, I'm the least important.

Speaker 1 I don't want to give away too much, but there's like a bunch of cool actors in it. You play the brother, right? I play, I'm basically like their,

Speaker 1 I'm basically like. Or the dad, the other manager? No, no, I'm the, I'm the guy who's not in the family, basically.

Speaker 1 I'm the guy who's like, it's like a family attire shop and I'm like the kind of middle manager GM who's just kind of in the middle of it. You can't tell if I'm good at my job or not.
Oh, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 I'm just kind of a pig.

Speaker 1 Again, pretty hard role, a horny idiot. It was really hard for me to get into the character.

Speaker 1 But it's going to be fucking good, man. I mean, and those guys are great.
I mean, is it shot on sticks or is it shot like the office? I've seen it. It's just been probably four months.
Both saw it.

Speaker 1 I mean, it depends. But it's mostly, I would say it's mostly handheld.
They have some, some, you know, steady shots, but no, it's, we have the whole crew is fucking awesome Oh, it's so much fun, man.

Speaker 1 That girl in it is so good. Kyla crushes it.
Well, that's that's what's awesome about like

Speaker 1 you got to love Shane because he legit brought his friends along in like a very Sandler way. But the second he could, like, Steve Gerbin, who is, you know, so good.

Speaker 1 He's the man, he's the lead, but it's like they did open mics together. You know what I mean? Like,

Speaker 1 that whole crew, Kyla, the same thing. And, and McKeever, who directs it, is so fucking good.
He's such a great director. Shane's a great actor.
And it's awesome.

Speaker 1 It's just great to see that kind of shit. And that's quite funny shit.
And it's again, people saying queers, people fixing tires. Yeah, yeah.
Well, he's country was founded on it.

Speaker 1 Right, right, right, right, right. Misogynists fixing tires.

Speaker 1 Yes, you're going to have to deal with a little bit of misogyny, but we're going to get you back out on the road. Yes, I think.

Speaker 1 You want the chassis tightened up or not? That's been the story of our history.

Speaker 1 But yeah, I mean, it's a re if you're sending us some shit in a tire shop. That's how those motherfuckers behave.
You know what I mean? Like, you got to be realistic about it.

Speaker 1 Like a trans male swimmer in there or something.

Speaker 1 Oh, that would be interesting. Yeah.
But we need better tires. Yeah, that would be good.
These tires ain't tied on the way enough. On the way to the, maybe, maybe on the way to the meat.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean? Bring them in. See, get the fellas.
Reginald has a magic tire. Yeah.

Speaker 1 You're like, what the fuck is

Speaker 1 No, you need a fucking all people want is just

Speaker 1 art to reflect life, man.

Speaker 1 And if your thing is set in a tire shop, that's how those guys have to behave. Yeah.
I'll watch the Trans Swimmer show. Yeah.
That's fun.

Speaker 1 And they can go do, you know, they can fucking talk the way they actually talk. And if you have tire guys, talk the way they talk.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's what you just need. I think that's people just want the reality of stuff.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And I agree. And those guys are funny as shit.
My dad's a contractor. Those guys are hilarious.
Growing up around these fucking morons, they're stupid as shit. And

Speaker 1 they rag on each other so much. Oh, yeah.
It's fucking awesome. It's great.
And the office was set in an office. And yeah, you can't really say wild shit in an office.

Speaker 1 So it can be a little bit more mainstream. But if you're going to do some shit

Speaker 1 in a family-owned attire shop, it's like anything goes there.

Speaker 1 We're talking. Yeah, that is the wild west.
Yeah, absolutely. A family-owned, like...
That's the Gaza Strip of fucking shit. There's no oversight.
Yeah. There's no oversight.

Speaker 1 No matter how many reports the UN writes, you're not stopping that. You're not stopping the fucking family-owned tire shop from saying racist shit.
You just, you can't do it. It's, that's how it goes.

Speaker 1 Same thing with diners. I mean,

Speaker 1 you can't. I would, don't let, don't let a teenager work in a Greek diner.
Okay. Just don't do it.
You're going to have, don't let, don't let the hostess work for some guy.

Speaker 1 the evil variant of me from a different universe that has same hair, open black polo. You know what I mean? You don't want him fucking, you don't want him sexually harassing the hostess.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean? No, well, I just, as long as the guy who's making my food has a like a thing of toilet paper stuffed up one of his nostrils,

Speaker 1 I don't give a fuck. As long as one of the line cooks is going through active withdrawals,

Speaker 1 hey, you want your eggs scrambled

Speaker 1 just by his hand, just holding there with a spatula? Greek restaurant, same thing.

Speaker 1 Look, there might be some chest hair on your lamb chops, but it's going to be the best lamb chop you've ever had in your life. You really want to get the fucking food safety people involved in this?

Speaker 1 You want a bland, hairless lamb chop? Be my guest.

Speaker 1 God, lamb, huh? The pussy of beef.

Speaker 1 I agree, gamey. It really is, kind of.

Speaker 1 It's good as fuck. You're like, what part of the lamb is this? This is good, dude.
Oh, I love a nice fucking lamb chop.

Speaker 1 How does it feel? You're kind of, you've become a staple of your favorite football team. How does that kind of feel every time? That's awesome.
I love the Ravens. It's fucking sick.
And I have a show.

Speaker 1 I have a show at the Lyric, which is, I did it last year. I did a bunch of shows.
This year, I'm doing a couple for the holidays.

Speaker 1 It's fucking nuts to go to your favorite, the team you grew up rooting for. And it's like, They fucking put me on the jumbotron, dude.
You get a big pop.

Speaker 1 I got to fucking, yeah, you get to, I got got to meet players. I get to meet this guy.
What player is that? That's Real Fan Dan. Oh, okay.
Who is,

Speaker 1 yeah.

Speaker 1 He does the R-A-V-E-N-E S Dan. Oh, he gets it.

Speaker 1 He gets it going.

Speaker 1 He's got some.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, the Chappelle version.
Chapel Raven, dude. Chapel Raven.
That's me, dude.

Speaker 1 And yeah, they put this on the Ravens Instagram account. The official Ravens Instagram account.
Let me put on fucking a helmet. Yeah.
You got to rip a dart on there next time.

Speaker 1 They wouldn't let me, they wouldn't let me mention guns

Speaker 1 or Suboxone. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Which is crazy. Also, Suboxan Wilson is a player there, too.

Speaker 1 Great on the edge. Great on the edge.

Speaker 1 Not allowed, dude. Bro, the Saints have

Speaker 1 the Saint. Someone keeps tweeting about the, the Pope keeps accidentally tweeting about the New Orleans Saints.

Speaker 1 Can you see if you can find that? Yeah.

Speaker 1 That's really awesome.

Speaker 1 Are you an LSU guy? Are you a

Speaker 1 Saints guy? I'm the Saints guy, but they've been under

Speaker 1 delivering for the past few years. Yeah.
And that's been

Speaker 1 Pope Francis keeps accidentally tweeting about the New Orleans Saints. So that's where we are.
Hashtag Saints are formed by the Beatitudes.

Speaker 1 Poor, meek, merciful, hungering and thirsting for justice, seeking peace. Okay, yeah.
See that some issues with the refs. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I think the Saints, the postman up before the the saints lost to the lowly Carolina Panthers marking their 73 degree. God is not on your side.

Speaker 1 They took it out, but in the actual tweet, it was showing the saints logo every time he hashtag saints.

Speaker 1 What scenarios out there? Thank you for your prayers, Pontiff. We need them.

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 1 Interesting. But that.
Now, does that prove, there it is, does that prove the Catholic God is not real? Because a tweet from Pope Francis doesn't even get you to beat the fucking Panthers.

Speaker 1 That's a good point. I'd like to see, you know, a Muslim guy tweet about you.
I'd like to see this. It's a good way to see who wins.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is how we can tell who's right.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Each religion tweets about your own saints. Twitter, start your fingers.
And they rattle off. Then they rattle off.
We get to see. And you can see who really gets.
Is it Islam? Is it Judaism? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Buddhism. They all get a shot.
They all get a shot. Wiccan.
Catholicism. Wicke.
Yeah. Get some fucking fat bitches with black lipstick

Speaker 1 to put a curse on your opponent.

Speaker 1 Tear out a raven's heart. Oh, dude, one time I was walking on the beach in like Destin, Florida at night, and we were like, we were kids, and we got to go to the beach.

Speaker 1 And I met this girl out there, pretty rubinesque girl. Love that.
And so she's like, I want you to hold me in the water or whatever. And it was like,

Speaker 1 I'd hidden like a bottle of wine that I'd storm from someone in the sand earlier in the day.

Speaker 1 So I'm out there literally digging in the fucking sand by myself under like probably pretty decent moonlight, right? Sure, sure. She was just fucking digging in there.

Speaker 1 And like, like I'm one of those, like, like watching the Grunion run or whatever, like, like, I'm a pregnant turtle. Trying to see how many of your babies make it to sea.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Literally, I'm just looking for a bottle of Zinfandel,

Speaker 1 putting my hand in.

Speaker 1 And then she came up and we had a couple sips out of where we were talking and stuff. She's like, I want you to hold me in the water so then we're out in the fucking water, dude.
Love that.

Speaker 1 Kissing is fucking ridiculous. Was she any Wiccan or she was a Wiccan, yeah? Interesting.

Speaker 1 Interesting.

Speaker 1 Did she do any chants or enchantments to you no she just said some stuff that she didn't believe in this and that and she was wicing interesting and that she had to be pregnant by a certain time or whatever

Speaker 1 and you didn't oblige you're like I'm out you want this white tail or not

Speaker 1 I was like this infidel

Speaker 1 is got a fucking Go Fidel

Speaker 1 um did you did you encounter any like

Speaker 1 Because I think about like New Orleans, it is, they have some spooky, some spooky shit.

Speaker 1 Any witches, any like voodoo do you ever encounter any of that stuff i stole money one time off of an altar there and i know and my life was bad for like seven months

Speaker 1 swear to god i believe you're the crazy part i stole the money and then used the money to buy peanut butter m's right

Speaker 1 Hexed for peanut butter MMs. And so that was horrible.
And I finally, and I, I was on the road for a while. And then I finally got back home and I put them, I went and put twice as much money back.

Speaker 1 And it was all good after that? Well, we grew up, there was a lot lot of pro, like, uh, there was like uh snake fucking Protestants, you know? Sure, sure, sure, sure, sure.

Speaker 1 Now, hold on, what kind of altar and where was this altar? This was in the French quarter outside, like on the edge of the French quarter. Gotcha, and it was just kind of out there, yeah.

Speaker 1 This had a thing put together, and it's interesting how many different that because Greek people have like when somebody died, we have like the kind of like a little altar for like your past loved ones.

Speaker 1 And if you think about it, it is even though we're Greek Orthodox, that's so clearly like a

Speaker 1 pagan ritual. You put a little altar for the for the deceased.
That's not in like Christianity anywhere. It's just, you know.

Speaker 1 But I wonder, well, I wonder if we should spend more time communicating with the deceased, you know, like helping relieve, you know, or is there anything that they need to tell us?

Speaker 1 It's like, we're just like, fucking be, you know, like, once they clock out, we're like, you are off the fucking.

Speaker 1 We're going to Mangiano's, having some pasta in your memory, and that's it. Yeah, they just like, because the Mexicans do that every year.
They let them out. Yeah, that's true.

Speaker 1 You know, they let all the, you know, let them out for one

Speaker 1 last fiesta yeah like on ms 31st or whatever

Speaker 1 halloween night they let all of like their family members come back you know you ever see coco the movie about that uh yeah i think joey diaz is oh no that's i'm thinking of

Speaker 1 joey diaz is cocoa i thought he was in it

Speaker 1 that's awesome tremendous you gotta deal with your generational trauma you cock sucker

Speaker 1 stop depending on your grandfather to sin to turn your life around that's I think she did try to watch this on a plane or

Speaker 1 legitimately. It destroyed me when I saw it.
What happened was, so me and my brothers,

Speaker 1 we had a tradition where we would

Speaker 1 take some kind of hallucinogenic, whatever big like Hollywood release was out that, you know, like a big fun action movie or like, like Star Wars, the first, the, the first time we did it was the new Star Wars prequels where it was like, we didn't give a fuck about Star Wars that much, but you take some fucking acid.

Speaker 1 You watch Star Wars. Oh, yeah it's gonna be fucking awesome so we would do that on christmas or around christmas

Speaker 1 yeah

Speaker 1 yeah you really you really will actually

Speaker 1 did cause some issues

Speaker 1 surprise attack with a catalytic converter out there boy i'm fucking oh so yeah we did that and then one year we were gonna it was aquaman was coming out oh yeah forgot to buy fucking tickets ahead of time thought for sure there's no way you know aquaman's gonna be sold out and then we forget so it's sold out we get there i'm already on ass oh my god and we're like all right let's just get back to the house asap we're all on ass

Speaker 1 we didn't have we couldn't so then my brother's like um

Speaker 1 cocoa is pretty like colorful this could be fun dude it's a story all about family debt like my best friend's mom had just died we were like it's a story all about like family and death

Speaker 1 and dude i'm just tripping my nuts off just sobbing and being like dude i thought i was gonna watch Jason Momoa fight a fucking punch a fish in the head.

Speaker 1 And now I'm thinking about my dead grandparents and if they're proud of me or not.

Speaker 1 It was so fucked up, dude. Wow.
And then my brother, I was like sobbing so much. Afterwards, my brother's like, all right, man.
And he just put on Thor Ragnarok for me to just fucking calm down.

Speaker 1 He's like, like, I was a fucking baby. You gotta,

Speaker 1 like, here's your fucking dumb movie. Cause I would watch that on acid a bunch.
That was a fun thing I would do. He puts on Windy Weatherfoot

Speaker 1 on YouTube? Yeah, he puts on softcore pornography with huge titted women. He's like, here you go, buddy.
Your favorite stuff.

Speaker 1 Wendy Weatherfoot is a children's. Oh, no, sorry.
I was just thinking,

Speaker 1 I don't know what Wendy Weatherfoot is. I was just going into stuff I liked.

Speaker 1 Yeah, Wendy Weatherfoot is a nature-based animation series on YouTube.

Speaker 1 If you like children in nature, you might like it.

Speaker 1 Right, that would have been a better thing to calm me down. Yeah.
But yeah, it was fucked up how much cocoa on acid when I was not emotionally ready to deal with it. How fucking destroyed me, dude.

Speaker 1 Destroyed me. But, you know, acid is just such a wild thing that they make.
Yeah. Because first, you're like, you're telling me this little bitty square of paper

Speaker 1 is going to remodel the way I

Speaker 1 experience the world. Completely fucked my brain up.
Is going to make me hide behind the car in your yard

Speaker 1 and cry about how your parents met each other.

Speaker 1 I don't know, guys.

Speaker 1 Same thing.

Speaker 1 The last one we did was Avatar, and I literally was fucking crying at that too. But that was more like the movie was affecting me.
I was like, oh, fuck, dude. The fucking little guy's gonna die.

Speaker 1 And I was fucking crying. And like moments before I was laughing at what a stupid movie it was.
And then they kill a character. I'm like, oh, he's fucking dead, bro.

Speaker 1 My brothers weren't just laughing at me. They weren't as fucked up as it was.
And it's just the attendant is just shining a flashlight right in your eyes. You give him your license.

Speaker 1 That's when you're fucked up at the movies. Yeah.
You give him your flashlight.

Speaker 1 You hand the guy your driver's license.

Speaker 1 The guy's just shining a light on you.

Speaker 1 Dude, I've been watching all those, like, around the holidays, I'll start watching a lot of those military people come home videos. Oh,

Speaker 1 that's, that'll fucking do it to you for sure. Surprise at the school.
While we look for that one more time, I was on Acid at the movies.

Speaker 1 I was

Speaker 1 the people in the theater thought I was a special needs because I was. What was it? What gave it or what gave them the impression? I was again on, I was actually on Mushrooms and Acid at the time.

Speaker 1 Okay. And it was a packed one.
And you know, you're familiar with Babu Frick? He's a little Star Wars guy. He's a little Star Wars Muppet.
Okay.

Speaker 1 And every time Babu Frick would come on, I would be like,

Speaker 1 yeah, I would be so happy because I was so on acid.

Speaker 1 I was so that I had kind of returned to being a fucking baby and so he was just a cute little Muppet guy and every time he'd come on I'd be like yeah

Speaker 1 Babu Frick

Speaker 1 couldn't stop laughing

Speaker 1 People were mad and then they looked at me and then I saw I saw them be like

Speaker 1 Like their faces soften because they're like, oh, this guy's special needs. There's like, there's no way.
They thought I was like some teenager. They just looked around.

Speaker 1 It's like, there's no way a man this old and and fat is not special needs if he's reacting to Babu Frick this way.

Speaker 1 And they looked at my brother and my brother's like, sorry. And they were like, oh, no, no, it's fine.

Speaker 1 Dude, I

Speaker 1 don't even know what to say now. Some memorable acid.

Speaker 1 You're not an acid on movies. Me and my buddy, well, I told this story recently.
There's just one that I remember.

Speaker 1 We went to the waffle house in our town, right? I love that. And we got there at like 4:30 in the morning, and there was a gay,

Speaker 1 or there was a homosexual urban male in there, waiter.

Speaker 1 We'd never seen a gay black guy, right? Wow. How old were you? We were probably 14.
Okay. That's big.
Yeah. It was big, dude.
We're very excited. That's some of the funnest.

Speaker 1 That's one of the funnest type of guys in the world. Oh, we're so high, dude.
Yeah. And we're so high that all we could do is fucking laugh.

Speaker 1 On hallucinogenics or just like a little bit of a little bit of a little bit tickets from LSD. Cool.
And so we went there because it was open.

Speaker 1 It's the only place that had lights out where you could be somewhere and be young and not have to. As long as you were buying food, you had a legal reason to be

Speaker 1 here. I'm legally here for breakfast, right? Yes, yes.
Well, we started laughing so hard. May I use the hash browns defense?

Speaker 1 I would like to enter the hash browns defense.

Speaker 1 Sorry, go ahead. No, it's

Speaker 1 so you guys are fucked up. Oh, and we're so fucked up.
My buddy starts laughing so hard and starts fucking choking. He's laughing so hard.
The guy, the witness, starts giving him the fucking

Speaker 1 maneuver, dude. So there's a, bro, I wish

Speaker 1 I fucked my that's, I mean, that would destroy me. My body was coming out of my fucking body.
Yeah. I was doing like this.
I was like, and my buddy's just getting fucking remodeled by this

Speaker 1 breakfast brother, dude. Just fucking reshaping him, bro.

Speaker 1 Smothered him. Fuck.
And what style of gay guy are we talking? Does he have like eyeliner? Small but strong. Small but strong.
Yeah. Small but strong.
Like just posture and the way he talks.

Speaker 1 What do you mean? Go shorts or short with his words. Had flare on,

Speaker 1 but didn't need to have it on. Right, right.
That's not mandated by so much on you. You almost thought he was like one of those people that blows up the balloons or whatever.

Speaker 1 You're like, what is this guy? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's selling them.
He's like, he's like, yeah, blow up some breakfast. Yeah, he's being fun.
Yeah,

Speaker 1 he's being fun. Great attitude.
Great guy. Great attitude saved your friend's life.
Yeah. I went to SNL the other night, too.
That was pretty cool. Oh, hell yeah.
They saw Burr. Fuck yes, dude.

Speaker 1 That was cool. It was cool just to be there.
You ever been there? I've never been there. No, I want to go.
And I have, I mean, I have friends who are on the show now.

Speaker 1 And like, it would be cool to go, but I just, you know, always traveling, never here. Saturday, it's a hard night to be.
They'll probably ask you to do it this year, I bet. No, I don't think so.

Speaker 1 I'd love to, but would you? I would absolutely love to. Yeah.
I mean, I don't want to fuck, you know, it seems like, because I have friends who are on the show, and it's like, seems like a hard job.

Speaker 1 That's the thing.

Speaker 1 As much, as stressful as it is to have to put out shit constantly and be touring, like you're still your own boss.

Speaker 1 I can't imagine as that's a great, you know, that's a huge comedy show that people still watch, but you're somebody's fucking employee. Yeah.
I can't imagine doing that anymore, dude.

Speaker 1 Even if it's a cool fucking job, just being worried about my performance at work, I can't do that shit, dude. That's fucking crazy.
But I would love to host. It's a dream to host it.

Speaker 1 But if I, yeah, that's why I say, like, I'm a, uh,

Speaker 1 I work for myself and I'm a hard person to work for.

Speaker 1 yeah, yeah, absolutely. I'm my own boss, and my boss is a fucking idiot,

Speaker 1 and my boss is an asshole, too.

Speaker 1 He's a fucking idiot. Yeah, he's a closeted homosexual as well.
Hey, that's a lie.

Speaker 1 Okay,

Speaker 1 if I saw you in Houston,

Speaker 1 if your name is Mark and we hooked up in Houston, hold on, guys, let me start over.

Speaker 1 I can't help it.

Speaker 1 The dad just,

Speaker 1 had to play in the dark, and that was a challenge. I remember that's good for your understanding of the fretboard.
Yeah. You know, it's more intuitive.
It's more.

Speaker 1 Yeah, SNL was great. It was cool to see.
Well, Burr, Bill Burr dropped into a lot of the characters. He liked the acting part where you're like doing the characters.
He did a really great job.

Speaker 1 He's a good actor, man. Yeah, he really liked, you know, it's like, because some of it was like kind of, you would think it's a little cheesy or whatever.
Sure.

Speaker 1 But he like, you know, you got to commit right there.

Speaker 1 You know what i mean like sketch comedy in general is a little is a little cheesy but if you're gonna do it you gotta fucking do it you know what i mean it was cool mcgee played hell yeah um that was pretty dope i'm trying to think of what else happened any uh

Speaker 1 go to the after party or anything like that i didn't go yeah i heard that it's interesting they line up like limos and people all from the show go get in the limos and they're just waiting outside and it takes everybody to the after party interesting so a show of force yeah kind of like how north korea has a bunch of tanks and stuff s and i was like we got 12 limos Yeah.

Speaker 1 Don't fuck with us. We got what we got.
We got 12 limos going to the Davin Busters in Times Square. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And all of our drivers are addicted to porn if you're in North Korea. Did you see that? That's awesome, dude.
Salute to those guys. That they made a big mistake.

Speaker 1 Once someone gets a little taste of pornography, you tell me they're going to go back to no porn. This could legitimately lead to the toppling of the North Korean regime.
Little dab will do you, dude.

Speaker 1 North Korea soldiers in Russia gain internet internet access view lewd videos

Speaker 1 this is from ukrainianworld congress.org where the are you getting your news man

Speaker 1 the same place everybody is dude ukrainianworld congress.org what the this is a website we made a half hour ago

Speaker 1 this is all news now it's whatever you want it to be a usually reliable source this is from this article

Speaker 1 tells me that the North Korean soldiers who have deployed to Russia have never had unfettered access to the internet before. As a result, they are gorging on that.
Gorging on pornography.

Speaker 1 That's awesome. Gorging is crazy.
Gorging.

Speaker 1 What's gorging like the equivalent of? Because I've gorged on food. Yeah.
Probably mouth up a couple, use a couple of phones only at once.

Speaker 1 I don't think it's their best soldiers. I think they're sending expendable guys.
There's no way Kim Jong-un is sending his best

Speaker 1 soldiers out there. They're sending.
He might want to get

Speaker 1 the masturbators out of his ranks. He might have sent the masturbators out.
100%. Let's zoom in on a couple of people.
Can I just say, he looks awesome. Look at that fit, bro.
Wow.

Speaker 1 I want to dress like that for real. You can do that, man.
I need those pants. I need that fucking leather jacket.
Is that goat leather? Yeah, yeah. Where do they get it from? It's shiny.

Speaker 1 He's looking awesome. Oh, he looks great.
I think, especially over the years.

Speaker 1 He's really figured his lookout.

Speaker 1 He's come into his own. They say he gets massages every day.
And interesting. And facials, too.
I'd love that. I would love to live like that.
I would love him.

Speaker 1 Look how high the one dude is on porn right above your cursor to the right. Zoom in on that guy.
Right there.

Speaker 1 Right there. Just zoom in on that guy right there.
There we go. I can't go any.
Oh, you can't, Sarah.

Speaker 1 Enhance. Let's get a shot of that guy.

Speaker 1 So you see. The hats are pretty.
The hats are pretty high. Great hats.

Speaker 1 I've watched that much porn before.

Speaker 1 Where one of my ears turns really red.

Speaker 1 That's crazy, man. Yeah, that's a lot.
Because he's lost all the blood from that ear and it's gone translucent because that's all pumping to his cock. It's all being used, brother.

Speaker 1 All non-essential blood is being redirected to your dick when you see porn for the first time in 40 years.

Speaker 1 Oh, dude, I remember at school when I would have to take tests, I would fucking tie my legs off like this to keep the blood like up by my brain. Oh, so

Speaker 1 I'd be able to have more oxygen in my brain to help me think.

Speaker 1 Where did you find out about that? Who told you about that? Was that just you know what I mean? Good idea, just good idea. Did it work? Yeah, I think it was pretty good.
Pretty good student, you know.

Speaker 1 I love that, dude. Yeah, it was fun, man.
It's being alive back then.

Speaker 1 Fucking beautiful leg skin. Oh, yeah.
What's the leg skin looking like these days? You don't really show off the gams too much. I don't that much.
Yeah, I mean, I put them away today. That's not bad.

Speaker 1 You know, it's not bad. I mean, yeah.
Yeah, they won't be in Westminster, but you know, they won't be in the dog show,

Speaker 1 but I do saw, I think, if I get in the gym for a couple of weeks, I'll show them, you know, please do, I will, thank you, man.

Speaker 1 Please do, but see, that's the thing, that's a blessing of being a foundational man. Yeah, yeah, we got some thick, and I'm even hiding the calves, too.

Speaker 1 I, what, what bothers me is I love, I'm a little too milky white up here. Oh, you got those force five walls right there, baby.
Those things are

Speaker 1 category three.

Speaker 1 Yeah, oh, yeah, fucking, you could hang out, dude. You could hide two bitches behind them.

Speaker 1 You could, you could you could take shelter behind my calves. No problem.
I would love that. Yeah, dude.
What else is happening, man? Anything else?

Speaker 1 What we want to talk about?

Speaker 1 Police seized a goat from an 11-year-old girl and she won a $300,000 settlement.

Speaker 1 What is up with cops taking fucking animals, dude? Yeah, something happened with a monk. A squirrel.

Speaker 1 I don't understand why people are fucking...

Speaker 1 It's just like bureaucrat, like, who gives a fuck? And good for this girl. She won 300K.
Now, I don't know all the facts hopefully this goat wasn't biting people's dicks off or whatever

Speaker 1 it turns out the goat was a piece of shit but if he was just a nice little goat vanessa shakib

Speaker 1 yeah it's tough to know um the goat was seized by sheriffs go back to the top a little bit sheriff's deputy in 2022 while living at a north carolina farm and was later slaughtered Why?

Speaker 1 Did they eat him? As outlined in court documents. You can't slaughter a goat for no reason.
For no reason. I agree.
No, not for fucking reason.

Speaker 1 Look, if they had a cop like, nah, we're getting this guy out of here.

Speaker 1 And the goat's just like,

Speaker 1 yeah.

Speaker 1 The sheriff's deputy did nothing, then enforced the law. Yeah, right.

Speaker 1 Who knows if this is even right? And then they got this squirrel or whatever. He did something.
Some dumb bitch snitched.

Speaker 1 They shouldn't have killed Peanut, but the bitch who snitched is obviously the biggest villain in here. But also the cops overstepping.
Cops love killing a fucking animal when they can, man. They do.

Speaker 1 They'll shoot people's dogs for no reason. They just like killing

Speaker 1 him down it's just a karake yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah he had a gun yeah the parrot had a gun

Speaker 1 oh man what do you think of the world right now things feel okay now to you are you scared

Speaker 1 really because i know there's the there's the the election right yes do you what are people truly scared of do you think when they talk about trump because but what is it i'm i kind of start to wonder what do people be scared of i can tell you right, I mean, the thing, so for me, you know, I didn't love either candidate here.

Speaker 1 I didn't, I really didn't understand being enthusiastic about either candidate. Um, I think, you know, I'm not a Trump guy, obviously.
I think he's, he is dangerous.

Speaker 1 And the things that I'm scared of the most, and the thing that made me, that made me lean towards Kamala was more than anything, was the Supreme Court and that

Speaker 1 it would be, if it's put under like far-right control for the next however long, we've already seen, you know, women's right to, you know, over their bodies, the abortion, you know, Roe v.

Speaker 1 Wade's been overturned, which I think is really dangerous. That's going to like really affect women's health care.

Speaker 1 Already in states that banned it, you see they're getting less, just general OBGYN care because it's more dangerous to be a doctor in those states. So we don't think about shit that trickles down.

Speaker 1 So like it's harder to get. just general health care, let alone abortion in Texas now for women.
And that's only going to get harder in rural states. And I think for me, that was the number one issue.

Speaker 1 That's really fucking scary to me. Well, especially with the border being open and they're letting rapists in.

Speaker 1 You know what I'm saying, though? It's like you're just.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Well, yeah.

Speaker 1 I mean, I don't know if it's the best time to repeal that. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, if we're going to follow your logic and you claim they got rapists coming in, maybe we should also keep abortion. But, you know, I think we got plenty of homegrown rapists too.

Speaker 1 But, you know, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We've got our own.
Sure, sure.

Speaker 1 Union guys.

Speaker 1 We've got some heirloom American rapists for sure.

Speaker 1 Jesus Christ. But I think that's my, the number one thing that scares me is about that, because it's not only that's the first step.

Speaker 1 And I think you could really see stuff that we take for granted as progress. Gay marriage is another thing.
There's a really weird cultural. I think this is what happens anytime

Speaker 1 the party that's backed by

Speaker 1 the, you know, the powers that be big business, the rich people, the richest people in the world want far-right politicians. And I think if they still, absolutely, without question.

Speaker 1 I feel like tech is now, I just feel like the party. Elon Musk

Speaker 1 is a huge Trump guy. That's a good point.
I think rich people will support whoever's in power, number one, but they want to transfer wealth from the poor to the rich.

Speaker 1 They've been really good at doing it. The biggest issue...
I think the reason the Democrats lost is because they pretend that there is no problem. That it's like, that's fucking crazy.

Speaker 1 You have to tell people that, yes, there are issues here. Shit is more expensive.

Speaker 1 I think inflation, I think a big, a big part of inflation is that companies realize they can just charge you more and say it's somebody else's fault. A lot of it's price gouging.

Speaker 1 That's, you know, that's fucking true. And the, but you should everything gets so much more expensive.

Speaker 1 And companies are, some of it is just real inflation, but some of it is companies are hiding behind inflation. And like there was no, Democrats did nothing to stop price gouging, right?

Speaker 1 They didn't even say they were going to do it.

Speaker 1 You can't tell people that things are going good when they're just clearly not.

Speaker 1 And there were just no, it sucks because they offered the Democratic Party has become like, they were going after fucking Dick Cheney and who's like,

Speaker 1 it's crazy because they're going after policy-wise,

Speaker 1 moderates, Republican, Republican people who most working class people don't agree with the economic stuff that they're saying.

Speaker 1 And then culturally, it's not, it bothers me when you become a party of like tattletales. It's like it's become a party of like middle managers that want to get mad at you if you say the wrong thing.

Speaker 1 And it's like, that's not fucking, that's not the most important issue. The most important issue for people is that things are fucking more, they have no health care.

Speaker 1 Wage inequality is out of fucking control. We're not,

Speaker 1 people's wages have not kept pace with how much bosses are earning. Yeah.
Well, what percent, I mean, Bernie Sanders said greatly that he thought if AI starts to happen for companies, right?

Speaker 1 So companies are making more money because of AI because they don't need people. Yeah.
Right. Then some of that money should go to the employees

Speaker 1 as opposed and cutting, cut down their hours for the week. Now you give them a better life instead of just making it where, well, fucking well, we don't need you anymore.
Yeah. You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 So you don't get anything and we keep all the fucking profits. And I do think, I mean, I think we talked about it a little bit last time where it's like AI as a tool to fucking do creative shit.

Speaker 1 It's so weird when it's like it should be making normal people's lives easier. It shouldn't just be for rich people to be able to charge less.

Speaker 1 Like there should be some protections for workers and we should be able to like, you know, you should be able to fucking buy a house. All these fucking regular issues that weren't really hit on.

Speaker 1 It was just.

Speaker 1 Well, you got to vote for us because the other person's worse. And even though I think that is true, that's not a winning message.
That's nothing, especially when the other side is offering.

Speaker 1 They're at least saying shit's bad. Well, yeah, they're saying it's for the wrong reasons.
I don't think it's immigrants' fault.

Speaker 1 It's definitely not fucking trans people aren't the people buying up houses and not letting you buy it. You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 Like, I don't, but at least they're saying something's wrong and they're saying some fucked up shit, in my opinion. They're trying to make it culture war stuff.

Speaker 1 They're trying to divide people who should be on the same side by saying, uh, oh, gay people are bad, trans people are bad. When it's like, the people trying to fuck you are rich people.

Speaker 1 That's how it's always been. That's, that's the fucking, that's, that's a tale as old as time.
Like, and it's weird.

Speaker 1 Some people think they're going to be fucking billionaires when they're, when it's like, they don't make

Speaker 1 off crypto or whatever. And they're like, well, when I'm that rich, I don't want to be taxed.
And it's like, you fucking don't.

Speaker 1 You live in, you're, you're sharing a loft bedroom with your dad's friend's dad who's taking dick pills. You don't have to worry about fucking tax rates going up on you.
Don't bet on your, yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Bet on yourself now. Bet on yourself right now, man.
How about a, How about we raise some of some fucking, some taxes on the, on the richest people and you get some fucking health care?

Speaker 1 It just, I don't know, man. I just, maybe I shouldn't have had it.
It's a lot. It's a lot.

Speaker 1 It's frustrating because I,

Speaker 1 but even having said all that, I think what people are scared of the most with Trump is just, yeah, man, the Supreme Court being taken over by like

Speaker 1 ideologically really right-wing. Because now the Senate is Republican and there's like, you know, taken over by that.
That's scary.

Speaker 1 That is scary to to me because we could see a lot of stuff rolled back that is, that we take for granted as fundamental and stuff that's just progress.

Speaker 1 We can argue over like, you know, economic issues, whatever, but some of those things, that does scare me. Yeah.
And it's like, gay, like women's rights.

Speaker 1 It would be so wild if you got groups in there that were like, well, you can't do gay in anymore. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 We're taking away gay marriage. But then you'd have to all the gay dudes have to pretend they're straight again.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, back in the closet, boys. Yeah.
Like, oh, come on. I just threw away all my straight.
I just threw away all my Dockers.

Speaker 1 I just threw away all my fucking plaid shirts. I just fucking burned all my Doc Martins

Speaker 1 and just lay in bed holding my high school girlfriend.

Speaker 1 What are you doing? Gay guys and lesbians have to get married again

Speaker 1 and then fuck other fuck on the side. Hey, you know what? There was something admirable about those days, though.
Look, you got, I respect getting a nut anyway against the against everything.

Speaker 1 Well, just the hard work, just the, you know, the effort that people put into being gay. Sure.
Whereas now, fucking, some dude's just like all day being gay.

Speaker 1 Just willy fucking nilly, just burning the gay candle at both ends. Both ends.
Yep. Yep, doing Pilates.
He's the only guy in the class. Which is the gayest thing you do.

Speaker 1 I used to have a gay roommate for about four months, and he would chew gum in his fucking sleep. And I was like, what is going on? Did he have a defined jawler? He was a figure skater.

Speaker 1 He could jump over a Toyota Turcell the front. front wow just the front yeah side to side couldn't go side to side

Speaker 1 and he could jump literally at an angle and kind of oh he do it the spin the axle crazy that's awesome he could axle over a figure skater

Speaker 1 yeah where'd you meet him we met him um

Speaker 1 we were shopping my buddy and i were shopping for firewood and we met him at a Vons one afternoon. We just moved to Los Angeles.
He was doing tricks in the parking lot?

Speaker 1 Yeah, he was just doing that fucking pirouette. Your buddy's like, hey, pal, ease off the Turcell.

Speaker 1 I just got rid of the Mitsubishi. I can turn this fucking car off.
The last thing I need is a gay heel going through my windshield.

Speaker 1 I tone it down, huh? Tone it down. Hey, just buff.
He's just buffing it with his feet as he passes over.

Speaker 1 Well, I do think some things that

Speaker 1 I do think, I will say this, though, also, Donald Trump campaigned harder than fucking anyone for a

Speaker 1 year old man yeah it's unbelievable yeah i mean i think he loves the attention of oh i agree you know what i mean but to even do it yeah like

Speaker 1 i just can't even believe i mean that like blew my mind just how um

Speaker 1 how much he could do you know i think that's his favorite part though you saw him he was all he was electric on the fucking mic bro yeah he loves

Speaker 1 he loves getting he loves crushing dude he's like he loves getting in front of this crowd just riffing like i dude you think that motherfucker wants to be in meetings or you think he wants to be right talking to the nelk boys about how he used to get pussy in the 80s or whatever the fuck he was doing like that's the part he likes he doesn't want to listen to reports about

Speaker 1 stats and numbers and shit no he wants to eat a Big Mac drink a Diet Coke and go on bussing with the boys like paratha

Speaker 1 oh yeah yeah yeah so cut the mics let me tell you a little something Suzanne Summers yeah yeah funny I will say I think one of the funniest guys ever had, though. Entertaining.
Without question.

Speaker 1 That's the thing. I'm not going to sit here and tell you he's not fucking.
He's funny as shit, which is, I think, why things are so, that's why he was able to sneak through.

Speaker 1 If somebody was saying the exact same shit with no humor at all, it would be horrifying. It would, it would be.
It's fucking crazy. He says insane shit, but it's funny as fuck.
He seems gay.

Speaker 1 That's the other thing. He's a New York gay guy who happens to be straight off gay.
Well, he behaving. I mean, come on.
His mannerisms is a little pursing of the.

Speaker 1 He behaves like a gay guy, is what I'm saying. He's got Queen.

Speaker 1 He seems like a gay guy from Queens.

Speaker 1 He's from Queens. He has like that little

Speaker 1 spray tan. No, he's from Queens.
Oh, he is? Yeah,

Speaker 1 spray tan.

Speaker 1 I'm saying, I don't think he's gay, but he does have gay mannerisms. Okay, well, this is

Speaker 1 doing this, doing this, like his little fucking. We're the gays for Trump.
That was the best.

Speaker 1 like where are they they're here yeah yeah couple gays for trump no no squirrels for trump they're here look at them where's my african-american

Speaker 1 blacks for trump where's gays two of them right there let them loose

Speaker 1 let them loose guys

Speaker 1 somebody whispers in his ear uh good to see you boys harriet tubman's here

Speaker 1 dude the best was he brought up nikki jam he thought it was a woman he's like nikki jam is here beautiful and it's a

Speaker 1 dude some dude off some guy named nikki jam some dude with a mouthful of zen bro

Speaker 1 just spitting stay awake juice into the audience no he's

Speaker 1 so but that that like i'm not gonna sit here and tell you the guy's he's so funny i wish like i but so it's a courts so that's one thing that people because i i just hear that a lot people like i'm so scared i'm like what are you fucking like that's the part i don't i just never believe the government's gonna affect my life that much i agree with with you.

Speaker 1 The president doesn't have that much power.

Speaker 1 And if it wasn't for the Supreme Court, I would be like, who really gives a fuck? The Democrats didn't run any kind of coherent campaign.

Speaker 1 They don't want to, I hope, I hope this will make, because look, my politics are further left than that. I'm not a Democrat registered.

Speaker 1 Bernie is the only guy I liked in a long time because I thought he was the only human being who was like a real person of integrity.

Speaker 1 I think Donald Trump just is a, the idea that he's different from politicians is crazy. He's a rich guy who has, you know, he grew up rich.
He's a class president for sure.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And it's like his dad, you know, he was like a, his dad was a fucking slum lord.
He's just a rich guy who's fucked over people on deals forever.

Speaker 1 He's, I don't like, I, you know, I have class issues, right? I don't, I tend to not trust super rich guys and, and I don't see how he's going to do anything different.

Speaker 1 I think it's naive to think he's going to be different than, I understand not trusting the democratic establishment, but it's like to me, Trump's funny, but he is, he's a fucking billionaire propped up by other billionaires.

Speaker 1 That's, I think he's part of just the, the complex that runs our country. And I don't think he's any different.
Right. The only person that I like.
It's going to be a challenge to see if he is.

Speaker 1 Like, I mean, they'll think, you know, he was already. That's the other weird thing.
He was already, we're talking about him like he's the shaking up force. He was already fucking president.

Speaker 1 It's not, he's not new. That's what's happening.

Speaker 1 Both of them were that. That was a fallacy.
Both of them had.

Speaker 1 It was like, and Kamal's like it'll be different like well it's fucking i know and then go home and make it different right now and that's why i absolutely you're in off you're in power right now do something god knows joe ain't doing that guy's been having ice cream for six months i know and they pretended and when they that's what that's what lost me as a as a democrat when they that's when they lost me was when they lied about or when they just i just didn't like the way they treated that old man yeah you know it's not fucking cool because then he believes he's doing great totally so he wakes up every morning different he's listening to to the music.

Speaker 1 He's fucking riding for his bike. He's looking for fucking

Speaker 1 what are they doing here? He's looking awesome. What is it, honestly?

Speaker 1 Is this the end of an amazing race

Speaker 1 to heaven?

Speaker 1 It looks like he's just about to finish a fucking marathon. Yeah.

Speaker 1 But he just got out of his car. And they're still pretending every day.

Speaker 1 They just told him the other day he's the fucking mayor of Wisconsin. He's like, and they're giving him unlimited.
Can I have some cheese curds? Yeah. Unlimited ice cream and milk.

Speaker 1 Well, and that's why I agree with you. I I think they made a fucking huge mistake in running him again.

Speaker 1 Like when he ran the first time, it's like, I get it. People were scared of another thing of Trump.
So like put some fucking, you know, put some middle-of-the-road ass Democrat.

Speaker 1 But then they should have had an open primary. Like

Speaker 1 a railroaded thing. People could actually vote on the issues they care about.
And they just didn't do that. And she even had an opportunity to, if she came out with any fucking,

Speaker 1 you know, I'm just pissed off. She didn't release any new music.

Speaker 1 yeah there was nothing new that's it was all biden remixes and nobody liked biden yeah and you can't just hit and she's trying to go after blacks with a mixtape you gotta fucking

Speaker 1 little production yeah it was she dropped a lot of diss tracks yeah but no yeah nothing new no yeah just didn't hit yeah but look man i think it's just crazy how um

Speaker 1 i don't know it'll be interesting it's a lot of pressure to see. I'm most excited about RFK and

Speaker 1 JD Vance was super cool when he came on the podcast. He's a human.
Trump's hard to get to know.

Speaker 1 I don't know that JD, to me, he seems like a traditional just say whatever it takes to get elected snake, to be honest with you.

Speaker 1 I know, you know, you had him on, he was cool here, but he was a guy who said he hated Trump. He said some fucked up shit about women.

Speaker 1 Like, I just think he's a and venture capitalist guys are fucking worms to begin with. I don't trust J.D.
Vance at all. I think he's a piece of shit also.
So, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 I mean, just, I think he's a cut in the fucking regular ass Republican that'll say any fucking fucked up thing to get into power.

Speaker 1 He sucked Trump's cock after saying he was, he called him Hitler or whatever. And he made a complete turn when he realized it was politically advantageous to be on Trump's side.

Speaker 1 I think he also is just a run-of-the-mill piece of shit politician.

Speaker 1 Like, I just do. And that's the thing.
I think politicians is a weird thing to be.

Speaker 1 But that's what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 That's what I'm saying. It's like, I've never been excited about the politics I've been excited about was Obama when I was 18.
Same I voted for Obama.

Speaker 1 And I think he did have a real opportunity to do something, and it turned out he didn't really do shit. And then, and then he did.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but that's the foul. That's the thing that always happens.
Yeah. At least that was something that was like, and I think part of that was Obama was just too inexperienced.

Speaker 1 I think if he had a little more, you know, he didn't know what he was doing with the Senate.

Speaker 1 The healthcare thing got completely fucked. And Universal Healthcare.
I had Obamacare. It was bad.
It was, they didn't, they, they ended up. They sent him some cups.

Speaker 1 I saw some set of cups they sent me. Nice, dude.

Speaker 1 You got a mug? That's the, yeah. No, it's like kind of like some plastic cups of it.
I still use them.

Speaker 1 But he got worked over by thinking he could

Speaker 1 actually,

Speaker 1 you know, find common ground with the Republicans. They should have just rammed the legislation down their throat.
They had both houses at the time. Anyway, whatever.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And the only person I was excited about was Bernie because I think he was actually in that run in 2016. He was like...
It would have been cool.

Speaker 1 Would have been cool, but the Democrats shut that shit down. I, hey, man, well, one, I like Vance as a guy.
He seemed like a nice guy. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I know that, like, like, he's like, you know, they say like Peter Thiel is like the guy that got him in office, that sort of thing. Yeah.
But then you start to see that all these guys have backers.

Speaker 1 Will things be different with some of these guys? I don't know. I think, but one thing that's cool is that we both like Bernie.
I like Bernie. Yeah, yeah.
I would have voted for Bernie.

Speaker 1 And see, that's the is, I think those ideas unite people because he's just saying, like, look, we have issues to deal with. There's real issues.
We're not going to pretend shit's good when it's not.

Speaker 1 And let's find real ways to do it that everybody gets. And every, that's real equality.

Speaker 1 He wants to help everyone because it's not about, it's not, it's not a fucking, it's not about like, you know, cultural shit. It's about economic shit.

Speaker 1 And more people are disaffected because of the, you know, people at the top. And I think that's a message that everyone can agree with.

Speaker 1 And I think when people aren't looking at things ideologically, ideologically, if you just ask them about issues, people agree on a lot of fucking issues. I said that.

Speaker 1 They want to be able to fucking buy a house. They want to be able to afford shit.
And they want to be able to fucking, you know, get healthcare. How many people do we know?

Speaker 1 Like, I have, you know, I know people, extended, extended family and stuff like that that are struggling off shit that they shouldn't, because somebody got sick and it derails your whole fucking family.

Speaker 1 We talk about that all the time. It's fucked up.

Speaker 1 The number one cause of, I mean, we say this all the time now because it's one of the few facts I know, but the number one cause of bankruptcy in America is medical debt. Crazy.

Speaker 1 And so it's a fucking, the whole system is a money laundering scam. Yeah.
And I don't know why that hasn't changed.

Speaker 1 And you would think at some point one of these fucking groups would be able to change the shit.

Speaker 1 I mean, there is so much money in politics. And I was.
Right, but it's just the, it's so, people are so fed up with the fucking system. I just, you almost want there to be

Speaker 1 a war to end it all.

Speaker 1 I know what you mean, man. You know what I'm saying? I do know what you mean.
And some people do believe that. Some people think there's no.

Speaker 1 Something has to change because this is not changing over time, right? Yeah. Some people believe revolution is the only way to fucking do it.

Speaker 1 Hey, Tony tried to start one.

Speaker 1 That was the main reason, cop, like Shane said it too on his podcast. It would have been so funny to be able to blame Tony.
If Kamal won. It would have just been like, you bombed so hard

Speaker 1 that the part of your candidate fucking lost. How fun would that be to tell Tony for the rest of his life?

Speaker 1 That's actually the thing I'm most pissed off about. Supreme Court is number two after being able to mock Tony for the rest of my life.

Speaker 1 That's what I regret the most about the election.

Speaker 1 Oh,

Speaker 1 he was sweating. I sat there and watched it with him.

Speaker 1 He was sweating, man. I think we could do, I know that we could do better in this country about being making useful things.
I was just looking the other day in Japan.

Speaker 1 Is it in Japan where they have the sidewalks turned, power a fucking building? You're walking by them. The fucking building's powered by people walking on that's fucking cool.

Speaker 1 Yeah, our infrastructure is so fucked too. It's like our trains don't even work.
High-speed rail, we need like dude.

Speaker 1 Our trains, if you're on a train, the other day it got robbed by a bunch of people on horseback.

Speaker 1 Like

Speaker 1 getting the fucking 310 to Yuma treatment.

Speaker 1 It's unreal. Dude, you go to the post office, you go in there, you're like, yeah, I'm looking for this package.
You give him a piece of paper.

Speaker 1 The guy comes back two days later and asks you who the fuck you are, right? You're like, quicker, man.

Speaker 1 I know. You're like, what is even going on? It's falling crazy.
It's crazy. It's falling around, dude.
Yeah, but it's like, meanwhile, we have all these homeless people wandering around town.

Speaker 1 If you put them all in an area, yeah, you can set up one of these because this floor in Japan turns footsteps into electricity. Play a bit of it there.

Speaker 1 So you're thinking Japan, even walking generates electricity. Tokyo Metro.
I don't like this guy's voice.

Speaker 1 The trains of power.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I mean, but if you could get 50 or 70 homeless people to power a Jamba juice or something, I agree with you, dude. How fucking great would that be?

Speaker 1 They come out, they dance for 12 minutes or whatever,

Speaker 1 and bam, the fucking exercise for them.

Speaker 1 It's good electricity. The blender's cut on in there.

Speaker 1 And they get a free smoothie for their trouble. What do we get?

Speaker 1 But instead, everybody's like, they need pills, you know? It's like, fucking.

Speaker 1 That's a perfect example, though, of homelessness. It's like, give them homes.
Yeah. We have the ability.
We know what it takes. Like, make fucking apartment buildings.

Speaker 1 And like, that has been shown to work. And most people just don't have access.

Speaker 1 But there is all this weird, like, you, we'll create nonprofits to, to help the homeless that cost more than just getting them little apartments. We'll give them recipe books.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. And we'll just keep busting them back and forth in different cities.
Like

Speaker 1 it's basically political parties play Red Rover with them. I know.
What they should do is, instead of busting them, sign them up for Southwest Miles, and then they get some fucking miles out of it.

Speaker 1 Give them a Southwest credit card every time you ship them from Texas to New York to fucking wherever the fuck. And then they can go on vacation.
You know, they can earn some miles.

Speaker 1 You're not free to cough about the cabin.

Speaker 1 I'm just hacking up a fucking dead sparrow in his throat. And I only say that because I was in San Francisco one time.
My guy threw a fucking bird at me for no reason. My God.

Speaker 1 It was a sparrow.

Speaker 1 It was small enough. Small enough.
It could have been

Speaker 1 a warbler, but I'm going to get him back.

Speaker 1 We'll see. You put an air tag in his, in his bindle, and you're tracking him.
You're going to get him back. Every time I close my eyes, I still see what he looks like.

Speaker 1 That's horrifying. Birds to me are unsettling creatures.
To have one thrown at you is very tough. The dirtiest surprise.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Starboard. Man, the new movie.
Let's start it called

Speaker 1 out on VOD right now. Go to Apple, Amazon, wherever you like to rent video movies.
Go check it out, please. I'm begging you.
We got the calendar. We have a new tour coming out, the Dream Boat Tour.

Speaker 1 And yeah, I really appreciate you having me on, dude. It's always so fun.
This is my favorite podcast to do. It's so much fucking fun.
Really, dude? I love it. You're the best.
Thank you so much, man.

Speaker 1 I'm going to come back in December so I can do yours in. Please, yeah.
Would love that. Remember, I didn't even know you were the guy from Cometown that I liked.
That's so fun, dude.

Speaker 1 You're like, I met that guy once. I was like, it was me, dude.

Speaker 1 That's crazy, dude. But I love that.
That's awesome. Would it be?

Speaker 1 We'll fucking play some clapton. I'll have you play a little guitar while I get my dicks on.
It's gonna be like old times, dude. Just take those old records off the shelf.
Thank you, Soph.

Speaker 1 You're the man. Now I'm just falling on the breeze, and I feel I'm falling like these leaves.
I must be

Speaker 1 cornerstone.

Speaker 1 Oh, but when I reach that ground, I'll share this peace of mind. I found

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