E527 Lobster

Speaker 1 Don't miss Sebastian Maniscalco's new stand-up special, It Ain't Right, premiering on Hulu, November 21st. Filmed live at the sold-out United Center Arena in Chicago.

Speaker 1 Sebastian goes all in on family chaos, aging, non-existent manners, and life's most relatable and frustratingly funny moments as only he can.

Speaker 1 Watch Sebastian Maniscalco, It Ain't Right, on November 21st, streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney Plus for bundle subscribers. Terms apply.

Speaker 1 I have some new tour dates to tell you about. These are new.

Speaker 1 I'm going to let you know Colorado Springs in the Colorado, October 23rd, Casper, Wyoming, October 24th. Billings, Montana, October 25, and Missoula, Montana on October 26th.

Speaker 1 Looking forward to getting into that beautiful part of America.

Speaker 1 Also, we have shows this weekend, Las Vegas, August 30th and 31st. Then Bend, Oregon, Spokane, Portland, Vancouver, Oklahoma City, Northern Little Rock, Springfield, Kansas City, Sioux Falls,

Speaker 1 La Crosse,

Speaker 1 La Crosse, Green Bay, Moline, Lafayette, and Beaumont, Texas. Get all your tickets at theova.com slash T-O-U-R.
And thank you so much for supporting live comedy.

Speaker 1 And make sure you go through that link. Otherwise, you'll end up on a secondary site.
And

Speaker 1 those aren't the prices that we are charging. Gang.

Speaker 1 Hope everybody's well today.

Speaker 1 I was touching my legs earlier. I never touched, I know, you know, I realize as I get older, I never touch my legs.

Speaker 1 I just, you know, I'll touch the top of them a little, but rarely do I just, I put my hands just along my entire leg on each one. And it just,

Speaker 1 I enjoyed it.

Speaker 1 I um

Speaker 1 I enjoyed it. So um

Speaker 1 good to be here and uh hope you're having a good day. I

Speaker 1 what's going on? Um

Speaker 1 we just did a run of shows up through

Speaker 1 um

Speaker 1 uh Connecticut and

Speaker 1 uh Maine and then out to Moncton

Speaker 1 which is in New Brunswick which um

Speaker 1 most people didn't know existed, to be honest with you. Nothing against them.
People just,

Speaker 1 nobody knew.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 then we went out there to Halifax. And

Speaker 1 just beautiful, beautiful in the summertime. That whole

Speaker 1 stretch. And,

Speaker 1 you know, and people like Lob. They like lobster out there.
I noticed that.

Speaker 1 People like lobster.

Speaker 1 And at first, you know, you get like, it's interesting because

Speaker 1 as you go along that coast up there, it gets,

Speaker 1 you know, how people communicate about

Speaker 1 lobster

Speaker 1 gets, it changes. I noticed that for sure.

Speaker 1 Like you're, if you're in Providence, Rhode Island, a guy will run up with a gun and be like, hey, you want some fucking lobster?

Speaker 1 You know, but as you get further, if you,

Speaker 1 you know,

Speaker 1 it's, it gets less aggressive and just more like into the word as you get up towards Maine.

Speaker 1 You know, they're like, lobster, you want some lobster. And then

Speaker 1 about to banger Maine, like, you want some lobster.

Speaker 1 They just keep saying, like, everybody, like, I don't care if you say it or not, but everybody you talk to wants to talk about lobster.

Speaker 1 And then you get further out to New Brunswick and Halifax and they're just like, yeah, I want some lobster.

Speaker 1 You want, yeah, you want some.

Speaker 1 And it just, I, I, I, I'm amazed how just I just,

Speaker 1 I guess I'm amazed how much people

Speaker 1 love lobster

Speaker 1 and

Speaker 1 that it

Speaker 1 just that it, people get it, it's involved in every, you know, conversation as you go up that stretch of the country and of the nation and of the world,

Speaker 1 and we'll put some of it up on a map so you can see what I'm talking about. But

Speaker 1 everybody, it's just like you want some lobster.

Speaker 1 No matter who you're talking to, they're like, Yeah, we're going to

Speaker 1 have some lobster.

Speaker 1 You know,

Speaker 1 Tiffany's having a baby, and so somebody's cutting up a lobster

Speaker 1 over there. So

Speaker 1 just fascinating to witness that. And just, we were really on the up on that lobster trail up there.

Speaker 1 But beautiful to see. And the

Speaker 1 God, it's just like nature is just showing her cooter up there. It is that whole area

Speaker 1 is just like, God dang. Mother Nature got some new tits.
You feel me? It's just like that, that kind of vibe up there. So

Speaker 1 that was beautiful. We got to do that.
What else?

Speaker 1 Went to a farmer's market

Speaker 1 yesterday. I don't know if you've been to one of those recently.

Speaker 1 We get there. There's a guy like selling a mitten.
You know, he had one mitten or whatever. And he's trying to,

Speaker 1 he was saying like, well, if you have, once the one hand is warm, then you put it on the other hand. I'm like,

Speaker 1 if I'm doing mittens, dude, I'm doing both mittens.

Speaker 1 You know, I'm not trying to be like a creep or whatever, but I just, I want to, I want to do both mittens.

Speaker 1 I don't want to, you know, I don't want to be some guy who's just swapping, putting a fuck, you know, changing his mitten onto a different hand each day or each 40 minutes or whatever.

Speaker 1 So that was like a concept a guy had, this guy, like one mitten Andy or whatever his name was. He had like a little booth and that

Speaker 1 they just have the weirdest shit, you know. They had a guy selling secondhand tomatoes.

Speaker 1 And I'm like, dude, you know, I don't want,

Speaker 1 i just want tomato i just

Speaker 1 i want the tomato i want my own tomatoes you know i want tomatoes that have no mileage on them

Speaker 1 when i get that bitch i don't want a bunch of old fingerprints on it or like

Speaker 1 you know i don't want um

Speaker 1 the tomato i want to i don't want to look at the tomato and it remembers its old family or whatever i just want

Speaker 1 the tomato for the first time, you know,

Speaker 1 and I feel like at farmers markets, that's the stuff you get. You know, you get like a lot of, like,

Speaker 1 you just get like a lot of crazy stuff at farmers markets. You know, you'll get, um,

Speaker 1 they had a dude with like a bunch of lamb eggs or whatever. Like

Speaker 1 he had like 11 lamb eggs. And I'm like, how do you even egg a lamb? How do you even get an egg out of a lamb? You'll see some dude who had like the freshest milk or whatever.

Speaker 1 It's like fresh as milk is so so fucking fresh. You know, and there's like

Speaker 1 the most natural dude is like,

Speaker 1 just has milk just pouring down his fucking chest. And, um,

Speaker 1 and it's just like thick milk. And, uh, and if you put your ear up to the little jug of jar of milk or whatever, um,

Speaker 1 you can hear the cow whisp, you know, it's that fresh. You can hear like the

Speaker 1 cow just being like, this is my milk or whatever just real super fresh stuff over there they had everything's like farm to table and like

Speaker 1 they had farm to table tables they had actual tables and i was like damn that's that is that's that is that's farm to table you know um

Speaker 1 And then there's like little tents where like there's like bitches selling whispers and shit. And you're like, what? And yeah, for like $3,

Speaker 1 some bitch will whisper to you. uh

Speaker 1 so that was crazy they had everything there they had like um

Speaker 1 they had like paleolithic eye drops or uh some dude in it with a baby born with like a dachshund in it or something and he's just giving him just fresh milk boy and he just just bottle feeding a fucking dachshund some dude and um

Speaker 1 Yeah, and they have like real farmers and stuff. And then they have just like like lesbians that get up early or something are

Speaker 1 saying that they're farmers or whatever it was um

Speaker 1 i don't know it was just it was a farmer's market man you've been there they got carrots they got fucking um

Speaker 1 you know you can get your you can get your name carved in a carrot or something you know uh

Speaker 1 Scotty was here or something, 1997 or something. You know, just shit like that.
They'll do that kind of shit, like carrot carvings.

Speaker 1 You know, there's people, they'll fucking,

Speaker 1 there's some girl with big lips and she'll just suck earwax right out of your skull for fucking nine bucks. That kind of stuff, man.

Speaker 1 So that was that.

Speaker 1 That was,

Speaker 1 yeah, that was, I guess, kind of some of what's been happening. A lot of touring.
Thank you to everybody that's come out recently.

Speaker 1 I'm a little tired today. I'm going to like a wellness retreat for a few days.
So I'm looking forward to that.

Speaker 1 What else?

Speaker 1 Well, there's more. We'll talk about it, man.
We'll talk about it in just a second.

Speaker 1 I want us to get into the episode.

Speaker 1 So, yeah, I feel a little all over the place, but that's okay. You know, that's sometimes how we feel.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 yeah, I just, I wanted to,

Speaker 1 yeah. to just spend time today, baby.
Praise God. Let's get into it.

Speaker 1 Gang, baby.

Speaker 1 This is There is a light.

Speaker 1 Whenever you're down

Speaker 1 out in the cold,

Speaker 1 faithless and dark,

Speaker 2 your story's untold.

Speaker 2 Come take my hand

Speaker 2 and walk there with me.

Speaker 2 I know a place

Speaker 1 where we can be free.

Speaker 1 There is a light

Speaker 1 shining for you,

Speaker 1 guiding your way,

Speaker 1 helping you through.

Speaker 1 Shadows and glue

Speaker 1 are all that you see.

Speaker 1 We'll find a place

Speaker 1 where we can be free.

Speaker 1 Gang, baby, that is There is a light by the stone keepers featuring David david manuel

Speaker 1 and if you like that music uh or that style of music then you like it

Speaker 1 and that's okay um

Speaker 1 what's going on um

Speaker 1 been oh yeah been a quite a time i went to uh professional bull riding the other night And I've been involved in some pretty,

Speaker 1 you know, some naughty stuff, baby. You know what i'm saying i've done some things with some ladies that you definitely

Speaker 1 you know you'd cover the kids eyes type of behavior but i never seen

Speaker 1 any of the uh

Speaker 1 this the

Speaker 1 i don't want to call it romance or whatever that's going on

Speaker 1 but they just because they get these young fellas a lot of them and they put them on these animals backs and i don't know if the if the bulls are male or female that's the part that

Speaker 1 you know because i'd ride a you know

Speaker 1 i've been on some thick things baby but you know

Speaker 1 and that's

Speaker 1 hell that's you know if you don't if you can't afford heat baby that's what you got to do baby you know a thick girl baby that's just that wiener mitten baby if it's winter you know that it is what it is baby that's love that's the dang lord's freaking love baby um

Speaker 1 but uh

Speaker 1 what was i saying oh yeah but i don't so yeah i don't know if there's any i guess there's no eroticism in it but i'm sure for some of the fans there is

Speaker 1 um

Speaker 1 but watching that was fascinating my buddy matt west he's been on this podcast before um him and jess lockwood came on and

Speaker 1 He invited me over there to PBR to

Speaker 1 watch the games go on and it was fascinating man it's great if you get to go do that or rodeo you know i talk about that a lot i love those events um

Speaker 1 and i'm surprised that there's not more gay men

Speaker 1 watching rodeo i think you know especially for the times when it's a male rider on a male um animal

Speaker 1 Because you can't see that kind of, you know, you got to pay a lot of money

Speaker 1 to watch some illegal shit you know some illegal streams probably to see some of the stuff that's you can almost witness or imagine when you see some of these

Speaker 1 uh fellas you know just

Speaker 1 i mean just riding these animals god

Speaker 1 and it's yeah it's like i don't know some of it

Speaker 1 Some of it's a lot. But

Speaker 1 yeah, what else, dude?

Speaker 1 We went to interview Donald Trump. And that was crazy, bro.
I'm like, we go up there,

Speaker 1 and there's like a lot of secret service getting into, it was at Bedminster golf course. So there's a lot of secret service getting in there.

Speaker 1 So you got to stop here, and this guy kind of touches your pockets or whatever. And this guy, you know,

Speaker 1 somebody's reading your ribs or whatever. They got a mystic out there reading your ribs.
They got a,

Speaker 1 you know, people patting you down, people patting you up. One dude's patting you up.
I'm like, God, this guy's, you know, obviously doesn't have a wife.

Speaker 1 And so, yeah, you stop. There's a couple locations you got to stop and get frisked and patted and wanded and wizarded.
And

Speaker 1 yeah, they just ask you craziest questions, you know, like they'll be like, what's your middle name? You know, and then they'll be like, oh, does your mother fuck a lot? And you're like, what?

Speaker 1 I don't know, you know, but they're trying to, you know, see where you're at and see if you know anybody from Russia or whatever.

Speaker 1 And I had like 40 minutes from when I got there to when it was time to do the interview. So only had a limited amount of time.
And I had to, you know, I had my clothes with me. I had my suit coat.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 I had two shirts. I had one pair of boots, one pair of regular shoes.

Speaker 1 bathroom kit, hairspray, just to, you know, you know, look the look the best that you could.

Speaker 1 and I was super nervous to get in the room and I'm just kind of making sure you know the producers Zach and Nick are there

Speaker 1 my tour manager Bizzle is there

Speaker 1 my right-hand man and so we were you know just getting everything like organized and making sure it all looks you know

Speaker 1 just like we normally do making sure everything is legitimate and and then they had and they had like the flags in the background I'm like holy shit bro we are

Speaker 1 you know, we are,

Speaker 1 this is like the damn Pledge of Allegiance came to life, bro. It was,

Speaker 1 you know, it just felt super real at that moment. And there's like a,

Speaker 1 there was a secret service guy

Speaker 1 kind of over just like in one corner of the room. I believe it was.
It was just a guy. And he was kind of by the, near the restroom.

Speaker 1 And so I was like, I'm kind of afraid to go piss or whatever because I didn't want,

Speaker 1 you know, I don't know if they, if they're like listening to you piss or whatever. I don't know what they're,

Speaker 1 everything that they do or whatever, you know, if he's like, thinks I'm like, you know, using

Speaker 1 peepee or piss or whatever to do like Morse code into the water or something. You know, I, I don't know all their training or whatever.
So I'm like super scared in there.

Speaker 1 And I was, I, yeah, I ended up just peeing in what they had a cup, like a red solo cup that I brought in there with me.

Speaker 1 I peed in it and then just poured it into the toilet, dude, like along the side of the toilet wall. So it would be real quiet.
You know, I just, I was kind of, I think I was getting super paranoid.

Speaker 1 And then, um,

Speaker 1 so anyway,

Speaker 1 it starts to get like, uh,

Speaker 1 we talk with his advisors. People start to kind of come in just to make sure everything's cool.
Um,

Speaker 1 and this room has all been like uh searched or whatever. And, uh,

Speaker 1 you know, drug dog, bomb dog,

Speaker 1 sword I think they had a sword dog come in

Speaker 1 two dogs just came in we're like who the fuck are these dogs dude you know and one of them ate a thing of peanut butter crackers that my buddy had but

Speaker 1 so anyway so we're sitting there and like

Speaker 1 you know I'm going through like my questions and my thoughts and you know

Speaker 1 And yeah, I was just nervous. Like,

Speaker 1 you know,

Speaker 1 yeah, I was just kind of mostly I was just nervous I think you know I'd met Donald Trump before a few times at UFC and

Speaker 1 I'd met his sons enough so that

Speaker 1 you know right when I saw him I could say hey you know I met you with Dana White and yeah so he comes in and I kind of walked over after he came in because he was like not in the little place where we were shooting yet and just like you know said hey and um just let him know i was thankful for his time.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 then we sat down and

Speaker 1 sorry if this is getting boring. I'm just trying to think.

Speaker 1 We sat down and yeah, and then, yeah, we just went through the interview, you know.

Speaker 1 And I thought one thing that was nice, I thought it was nice that he said that his

Speaker 1 son

Speaker 1 had

Speaker 1 been the plug to have me come in, you know.

Speaker 1 i know dana white had had obviously helped a ton and made it happen but um that he'd asked his son is this a guy's uh podcast that i should do so i thought that was kind of neat just to know that he like you know checks in with his son baron or whatever about um

Speaker 1 about different stuff you know uh

Speaker 1 so that was that was yeah it was cool it just went so fast i only had a kind of a limited amount of time

Speaker 1 and it went so fast and the next thing you know, we had to wrap it up. And I was like, I couldn't, I wanted to ask like one more good question, but I didn't know what to ask.

Speaker 1 And I know that,

Speaker 1 sorry, I'm saying um a lot, guys. I think I'm nervous even reciting this for some reason.
I think I just feel,

Speaker 1 yeah, I just feel like uh

Speaker 1 a lot. I think I just feel like a lot of energy or something.
I'm not sure.

Speaker 1 I feel kind of activated, I guess. That's where I'm at today.

Speaker 1 So,

Speaker 1 oh, so I had one more question, and I wanted to ask him, Michael Jackson used to live in one of the buildings that he owned.

Speaker 1 So I wanted to ask him about that because, you know, we've been trying to learn about Michael Jackson.

Speaker 1 So,

Speaker 1 yeah, that was it. And then it went pretty quick.
And then he had to go do something. There was some, you know, the next thing that he had to go do.

Speaker 1 And then some of the workers came up that worked at the golf course. And we walked around and took some photos.

Speaker 1 I got to meet

Speaker 1 Ivanka Trump and her husband, Jared, which was pretty cool. And it's rich there, dude.
They got a nice,

Speaker 1 they got a pool where all the umbrellas are nice.

Speaker 1 You know what I'm talking about? The umbrellas are nicer than

Speaker 1 it's the kind of umbrella where they take it away when the rain comes.

Speaker 1 You ever been to somebody's place like that? Like when it rains, they put the umbrellas away because they don't want them to get messed up. And if I'm like, well, that's its job.

Speaker 1 So they had nice umbrellas. They were like probably 200 thread count or 700.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 yeah, and the umbrellas, I think, had a special pattern on them or something.

Speaker 1 This is what somebody was telling me, one of the security guys was telling me there's a special pattern on the umbrellas where birds will not defecate on that on that umbrella if they're passing by because it's like an optical illusion or something.

Speaker 1 So, I thought that that was pretty cool, man. When you got enough money or enough nice stuff where you're, you know, the birds aren't even shitting on you.

Speaker 1 You're like, damn, that's nice.

Speaker 1 You know,

Speaker 1 and that's crazy to know that just because if you're poor, the birds shit on you. So that was like, that kind of blew my mind.
I was like, damn, I want to make enough money one day

Speaker 1 where the bird, where, where,

Speaker 1 you know, I'm free of these,

Speaker 1 you know, these chains of bird shit or whatever that bind us.

Speaker 1 What else was interesting about it? I'm not trying to brag about it. I just think that some people would think that it's interesting.
You know, I wanted to talk with him.

Speaker 1 I wanted to learn more about just his family a little bit if I could. Yeah, I wanted to ask that Michael Jackson question and I forgot.

Speaker 1 I wanted to ask if I thought that, if he, if he thought that he had a better chance of running against Biden or Kamala.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 yeah, and then I just wanted to talk to him. You know, I wanted to, you know, I know he had a brother that passed away from alcoholism and

Speaker 1 I wanted to just to talk about that, just to learn about it a little bit. and

Speaker 1 see what that was like, you know, because I know that a lot of times we talk about that stuff on here. And if people, if there's a way to talk about it with people.
So,

Speaker 1 but yeah, I was super nervous. It even makes me nervous.
I think even thinking about it,

Speaker 1 I wore like a suit, coat, or something.

Speaker 1 And that made me nervous. You know, that just makes you fucking nervous.
You know, you just feel like a damn stuffed animal when you put those things on.

Speaker 1 You feel like just a little teddy bear or something. You know, you feel like you're just supposed to do, you know, like you're just supposed to get angry at your secretary or something and

Speaker 1 then cheat on your spouse or whatever. You know, just, you know, you just feel

Speaker 1 like you just can't handle it kind of shit. Like those jackets kind of make me feel like that too.
But I wanted to

Speaker 1 be respectful.

Speaker 1 You know, it's definitely

Speaker 1 a respectful environment.

Speaker 1 And I've never gotten to talk to a president. I mean, you know, I'd gotten to say, you know, see one kind of in passing,

Speaker 1 but it was just fascinating. So that was, yeah, that was fascinating, man.

Speaker 1 And then, oh, this was one thing that was really cool. So afterwards, there's a restaurant at the at the golf club in Bedminster.

Speaker 1 You know, it's really, I mean, it's beautiful. But the grass all looks like it actually

Speaker 1 went to super cuts, you know, not like just somebody did it with a mower. It's like, you know, like somebody,

Speaker 1 you know it's like the the the the lawn looks like it waited in a chair for its appointment with a barber it's just nice and um

Speaker 1 oh and there's secret service this is the craziest part so there's people playing golf and then there's just secret little setups of secret service people with can i don't know if they're cannons or whatever you know hand cannons or something

Speaker 1 you know artillery just placed in different spots so

Speaker 1 yeah i think you just got to be careful where you hit your ball over there. But so there's a restaurant.
So we go up there and I'm sitting and I'm eating dinner.

Speaker 1 Before I have to leave, I'm getting some dinner with one of his staff members. And we're sitting at a table.
It's just me and him.

Speaker 1 The guy I've been communicating with. His name is Alex.
Nice guy.

Speaker 1 Really creative guy. And then Trump comes up for dinner at some point.
I didn't know this. And they play the song, Proud to Be an American, when he comes up, right? Which is kind of, it's crazy.

Speaker 1 You know, it's a vibe.

Speaker 1 And,

Speaker 1 and, uh, but they play it. And so the song, so everybody's standing up and kind of clapping.
And, um, and you think the song's over, right? It's a kind of a long song.

Speaker 1 And then it's like, you think it's like over. And then it's like, and I'm proud.
It does it one more time. You're like, all right, let's go for this ride again.

Speaker 1 And then he sits there. He keeps at his table.
He keeps the iPad with the Ox chord or whatever. And so throughout the meal, he's just playing songs.
You know, he played,

Speaker 1 what did he play? He played some poison, I think Unskinny Bop at one point. I think,

Speaker 1 trying to remember.

Speaker 1 He played, oh, during soup, they played Trick Daddy, which I thought was,

Speaker 1 that was awesome. You know, I've never had soup to Trick Daddy.
And then

Speaker 1 baby, cause I'm a thug.

Speaker 1 And then, oh, at dessert, I, during dessert, they played smooth criminal, which I thought was the best thing ever, bro. Uh,

Speaker 1 so anyway, the whole thing was,

Speaker 1 it was just interesting, you know, it was like, and it all happened so fast. And then I left immediately to the airport.
So it just all happened so fast. Um,

Speaker 1 if you're like me, you're constantly thinking of ways to keep things safe around you, especially in today's world. You know, it's risky out there.

Speaker 1 About a year and a half ago, my truck got broken into, and I thought, well, the next thing really is my home. My home's right there.
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Today's episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Yep.

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Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 and that's what went on, man. You know, that was the interview and

Speaker 1 what else? Oh, something great that happened recently. We got to go over to Stove, Vermont

Speaker 1 and go swimming. They had like a beautiful,

Speaker 1 it's like a beautiful town. If you've never been there, it's really great.
Even in the summer, I think it's a skiing place.

Speaker 1 But apparently the skiing, I think, is like...

Speaker 1 It's like East Coast skiing, whatever that means. I'm not sure what it means.

Speaker 1 But during the summer, it's nice. They have all these places you can swim swim and cliffs and we went fishing up on this like kind of small mountaintop or this like really high hill um

Speaker 1 yeah and that was pretty magical i'd never gotten to be in that area so that was pretty stunning to be up there and uh

Speaker 1 and just be even close to where people start talking about lobster

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's like however you can say, whoever says lobs is

Speaker 1 the deepest is like the best person in town or whatever. It gets to be the mayor.
Once you get into Maine and up there, out in

Speaker 1 that eastern Canada, it's like, oh,

Speaker 1 lobster,

Speaker 1 lobster.

Speaker 1 Every now and then, there'd be like a Mexican guy, and he'd be like, Lobster,

Speaker 1 and he'd be like, Hey, Lobster, and he'd be like, ha ha ha ha ha, this guy, he's doing it differently, you know, because there's all there's the old-fashioned white guy who's like, Lobster.

Speaker 1 And then you'd have the Mexican guy that's like, Hey, Love,

Speaker 1 you know,

Speaker 1 lobster.

Speaker 1 And then you'd have a brother in there and be like, lost, all. Lost at all.

Speaker 1 Lost all.

Speaker 1 Where is Jose? Lost a lobster.

Speaker 1 So anyway, that's what's going on over here. You ever had a

Speaker 1 lobster? Riley Mao. You ever had any lobster? I have.
Nice, brother. And where did you have it? Is that a traditional food in your

Speaker 1 aquarium or whatever?

Speaker 1 uh it is not okay

Speaker 1 okay and where'd you have it at buddy bear i had it up in boston oh yeah

Speaker 1 that's where they'll fuck they'll punch the fucking lobster to death

Speaker 1 they fucking fist cook it they'll be like get it get it get it get out

Speaker 1 they hit it 45 times in a row you know

Speaker 1 That's where some girl up there will give a lobster freaking BJ wearing a

Speaker 1 Kevin Eucalys jersey or something.

Speaker 1 You know, or a Dustin Pedroia jersey. And she's up there BJ in a lobster.

Speaker 1 Was it good up there, buddy? It was.

Speaker 1 Nice, man. What's been keeping you busy, Riley Mal?

Speaker 1 You know, just

Speaker 1 working. Oh, yeah? Yeah.
And you're feeling good. How's your health in your body and everything?

Speaker 1 Really good. Really good.

Speaker 1 And how do you know if you're healthy? What signs do you get from your body?

Speaker 1 Um, you know, just if I feel good, then I feel good.

Speaker 1 Alrighty.

Speaker 1 Anything new in the dating world?

Speaker 1 Uh,

Speaker 1 kinda.

Speaker 1 Yeah, what you got, you little squirrel buddy? What happened? Um...

Speaker 1 Well, back in March, I had a little

Speaker 1 incident with

Speaker 1 a girl. You had an incident?

Speaker 1 And you mean like was cops involved or it was.

Speaker 1 No, it was more

Speaker 1 I met her at a bar

Speaker 1 and then

Speaker 1 went home with her that night. Whoa, whoa, bro.

Speaker 1 And where was the Lord, brother? That's what I want to know.

Speaker 1 He was up there. Wow.

Speaker 1 Okay, bet, man.

Speaker 1 All right, we'll come back. I want to talk to you about it in just a minute, man.
I want to take a couple of calls. I want to look through a little bit of news here.

Speaker 1 What happened? I see. Oh, Trump brought out RFK Jr.
in Arizona.

Speaker 1 You know, we got to have Bernie Sanders and Donald Trump come on. You know, I loved Bernie Sanders.
I felt like he got really just screwed over by his party. I thought that that was really messed up.

Speaker 1 I'd always hoped that they would have had a Trump and Sanders ticket. I thought that that would have been interesting.

Speaker 1 You know, I know people don't like politics and stuff, and I'm not,

Speaker 1 I'm not, I don't really care who people support,

Speaker 1 you know, I think it's good to vote for sure. I sometimes wonder what our vote means anymore, but, but that's out of our control right now.

Speaker 1 You just do the best you can and you go vote.

Speaker 1 That's what I feel like. For me, you know, I'm not telling anybody to do, you do whatever you want.

Speaker 1 But I thought this was interesting, though.

Speaker 1 Oh,

Speaker 1 because I always thought it would be interesting if you had

Speaker 1 like whoever didn't win the presidency should be the vice president.

Speaker 1 That way you still, you have to have like a, not an enemy, but somebody who has different views in your same thing so that you guys have to like negotiate and figure out the best thing.

Speaker 1 For everyone, you know, that's something that I always kind of wished

Speaker 1 that that's the way that things were, you know?

Speaker 1 So like if a Republican won, then the Democratic nominee was the vice president, and if the Democratic one, then the Republican nominee was the vice president.

Speaker 1 I always thought that that would be interesting because then it creates constant, constantly where it would seem like you're having to work together to get

Speaker 1 a solution. on different topics and stuff.
But I'm novice and things like that. I don't know.

Speaker 1 But yeah, getting to meet with Bernie was amazing as well. I'll talk more about that next week.

Speaker 1 What else was I thinking? Oh, but Trump brought out RFK Jr.,

Speaker 1 you know, and I love Bobby Kennedy. You know, he and I have been friends for years.

Speaker 1 He is

Speaker 1 people can think whatever. He's an awesome guy.
You know, he's just a good guy.

Speaker 1 I feel like he's just dedicated. He cares.
He's smart.

Speaker 1 And I think he wants wellness for people. And so that's why I think it was pretty fascinating that

Speaker 1 Trump offered him a spot if he gets the election. And the Democrats kind of shot themselves in the

Speaker 1 wiener or the trans wiener or whatever people have to have. And I'm not claiming anybody has anything, but because they should have,

Speaker 1 you know, they didn't really make it, they made it so hard on Bobby to get on the ballots that he didn't really have a choice except to

Speaker 1 kind of join a side with

Speaker 1 the hopes and the promise, it seems like, that he will get to be

Speaker 1 in charge of or spearhead the things that he cares about most, which are people's health

Speaker 1 and

Speaker 1 getting like big pharma out of

Speaker 1 our bodies, you know,

Speaker 1 and out of our influence and everything, I guess. I don't know.
I'm rambling. I'm going to get off politics now because people have different thoughts about it.

Speaker 1 But anyway, I just thought that that was interesting. It's funny because it seems like Trump is just being different.

Speaker 1 You know, even when you saw, like, when he brought out Bobby Kennedy, he, like, it was just more, it's felt more thoughtful than he had, like, spoken in the past.

Speaker 1 You know, I don't know. Just seemed kind of interesting.
But that, but I thought that that was, that that's super, that, that Bobby has a chance to get a job, uh, or not a job, but a uh

Speaker 1 because he doesn't need a job,

Speaker 1 but that he has a chance to get like,

Speaker 1 to do what he really cares about. I thought that that was pretty super.
So,

Speaker 1 and then people, you know,

Speaker 1 you know, people say,

Speaker 1 oh, well, Trump,

Speaker 1 you know, people often refer to Trump as like a shady businessman.

Speaker 1 But it's funny because politics now, it's not like who's the best person or anything anymore, anymore, really.

Speaker 1 Politics, the whole thing is a shady business.

Speaker 1 It's a dirty fucking business that's compromised at every corner. It's not about who's the best.

Speaker 1 It's about the it's

Speaker 1 so

Speaker 1 you need a dog in there, I think. That's one thing I'm realizing.
You need a dog in there.

Speaker 1 Because yeah, politics is just a dirty business. So yeah, you don't you don't you don't hire a peacekeeper to do a thug's job.
I know that.

Speaker 1 So anyway, what else happened? There's a U.S. pilot, it says here, who took magic mushrooms and tried to cut the engines while they were in midair, I guess.
Oh, this is pretty interesting.

Speaker 1 An Alaskan Airlines pilot who attempted to shut off the engines of a passenger plane mid-flight after ingesting magic mushrooms said his actions were unfathomable in some of his first public remarks after he was indicted on 83 counts of reckless endangerment.

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 1 Unless he was listening to that song, I just wanna fly by Sugar A. If he played that while he did it, that's kind of a vibe.
I don't know. I've never been a pilot on drugs.

Speaker 1 What else? The Taliban says it wants people to visit Afghanistan.

Speaker 1 I'm good.

Speaker 1 No, you know, I'm good.

Speaker 1 And yeah, that's what we got, man.

Speaker 1 We're going to get to some calls here in just a second, and then we'll check back in with Riley Mao and see what's going on, baby, and seeing if that little bust guppy has some,

Speaker 1 if he's been churning that buttar, baby. You know what I'm saying? If he's been buttering that lobster,

Speaker 1 we'll be right back. Man, when I put my Tommy Johns on, I feel good.
I feel comfortable.

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Speaker 1 And when you show up in that bed, if it's just you or if it's somebody else, God, you look good.

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You know, when I started podcasting online, the furthest thing from my mind was having a shop.

Speaker 1 You know, we have a shop online where we sell different

Speaker 1 shirts and merchandise

Speaker 1 that relates to the podcast. And

Speaker 1 in the beginning, we sold one shirt and we sold it out of a basement near Akron, Ohio, and there was some alcohol issues or whatever. And then we had to change speed.

Speaker 1 And now, years later, we've evolved into a full-blown store.

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Speaker 1 all right

Speaker 1 let's take a couple calls here

Speaker 1 and as always the hotline is nine eight five six six four nine five zero three

Speaker 1 um

Speaker 1 yeah and sorry i'm all over the place today guys i'm it's

Speaker 1 it uh

Speaker 1 last week was just it was crazy man man. You know, it was crazy.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 yeah, everything's good. I'm just looking forward to having a break.
So here we go.

Speaker 1 Hi, Theo.

Speaker 1 I am calling from

Speaker 3 Nashville slash Franklin, Tennessee.

Speaker 1 Nashville, Tennessee, baby. Beautiful area.
Small city.

Speaker 1 Big town. Can't cheat on your wife.
Not that kind of place.

Speaker 1 Somebody will know. Onward.

Speaker 3 I have a little

Speaker 3 story/slash

Speaker 3 issue

Speaker 3 I wanted to get your thoughts on.

Speaker 3 I have a friend who has been dating this guy for three months, and

Speaker 3 she already doesn't have a whole lot of security, not a whole lot of money.

Speaker 3 And now she's just revealed to me that this guy is

Speaker 3 he is homeless.

Speaker 3 So I just wanted to get your thoughts on that.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Well, guys are homeless. You know, there's guys, sometimes you see them

Speaker 1 and they don't

Speaker 1 they don't have a home around them.

Speaker 1 You know, and that's the guys we're talking about. And

Speaker 1 yeah, I think, look.

Speaker 1 First of all, if she's dating a homeless guy and she's probably, I'm guessing they're probably making love if they've been dating for three months, Then,

Speaker 1 you know, a vagina is just a little home, bro.

Speaker 1 You know what I'm saying? It's just a studio apartment for you, Wayne or baby. And so

Speaker 1 it's a start, you know?

Speaker 1 So it may not have the square footage that he's looking for, but I think it's a start. And so I'm just glad to see that.

Speaker 1 I mean, nothing will make that dude want to get a home more, probably.

Speaker 1 You know?

Speaker 1 i mean definitely i did i touch a nice tit i want to make sure you know i want to buy a damn jeep cherokee or something you know you want to get you want to get something you know it makes you want to

Speaker 1 you know keep trying so praise god to that and i'm glad that she's out there servicing those boys you know i see some homeless guys a lot of times i give them a dollar but i'd love to give them you know half a can of puja or something you know that they could you know that they

Speaker 1 you know that they'd really enjoy or something.

Speaker 1 They should have a dang can push that. So you could just, you know,

Speaker 1 you know, crack open a can and give it to,

Speaker 1 you know, Big Samuel or whoever, you know, whoever's over who's over there just, you know, just nibbling on his own sweater

Speaker 1 and hoping God sees him, you know. Praise God, baby.

Speaker 1 Let's take another call here.

Speaker 5 Thanks for you, first time caller to this podcast or any podcast.

Speaker 1 Thank you for the call, brother. And as always, the hotline is 985-664-9503.

Speaker 1 Onward.

Speaker 5 I wanted to call in and say I thought you did a really good job with the Bernie Sanders interview. I thought your questions were well prepared and smart.

Speaker 5 I thought that you raised sort of good counterpoints to some of Bernie's ideas that I feel like, you know, people might want to hear addressed.

Speaker 5 Overall, just a really strong interview. Thanks for doing it.

Speaker 1 Thank you, man. Yeah, I appreciate it, dude.
I was so excited. I mean, I was,

Speaker 1 yeah,

Speaker 1 yeah, I'll talk about that a little more next week, about what the exact experience was like. But,

Speaker 1 yeah, I was just, yeah, it was crazy, you know, because here's a figure that I thought was really neat. And, you know, I admire some of his policies.

Speaker 1 And I, you know, and some people can say, well, these guys are all shills for this. And I don't know about all that.

Speaker 1 You know, I know that politics is very dirty. And I know that even these men will say that democracy is,

Speaker 1 it's money-based.

Speaker 1 So it's bought and paid for. I mean, you know.

Speaker 1 But yeah, I liked, well, some stuff that I learned from talking with Bernie, I was able to ask Trump about, you know, so it really helped me.

Speaker 1 But I like,

Speaker 1 I just like his vitro. It just, you know, I like seeing a, you know, my dad was really old when I was a kid, so that's my reference for, I mean, Bernie, you know, Bernie's the age.

Speaker 1 How old is Bernie Sanders, Riley?

Speaker 1 He is

Speaker 1 82. He's 82.
Yeah, so when I was 12, my father was 82. So I see him, you know, just like,

Speaker 1 you know, I think there's,

Speaker 1 I don't know, there's something about

Speaker 1 i i don't know i can't explain it exactly but so to see those men still you know going and doing things and having determination um

Speaker 1 for things that they believe in

Speaker 1 you know and then and then i choose to believe that they believe in them and uh yeah i don't know i there's something about it that that's all that that's awesome to me

Speaker 1 So, yeah, thank you, bro. It was definitely,

Speaker 1 what was that like? It was so, sick. He just,

Speaker 1 I'll talk about it next week. I'll talk about it next week, man.
Next Tuesday's episode, I'll talk about it a little bit. But yeah, I just, I can't even believe it.

Speaker 1 You know, I got to see these folks and have them come on. And, and yeah, and, you know, the simple fact about the health care, it's just, it's, it's sick.

Speaker 1 There's a huge, it's a huge scam.

Speaker 1 And everybody. We're all just living in this scam and our politicians aren't protecting us.
It's unbelievable. So that shit gets me activated, bro.

Speaker 1 You know, when people are sick and you take advantage, just

Speaker 1 but thank you, bro.

Speaker 1 Not trying to get into policy or, you know, I don't know about policy.

Speaker 1 What else?

Speaker 1 Let's do one.

Speaker 1 Here we go. Hey,

Speaker 1 this is Richard Ayton from Mississippi. Hey, Richard from Mississippi, brother.
Welcome, brother.

Speaker 4 A long time fan, first time caller. And I just had a thought yesterday.
I was, you know, I was on the lake.

Speaker 4 I was surfing, having a good old time, and we're driving by, and I see this woman on this pontoon boat. And I'm telling you, she may be weighed a buck 50,

Speaker 4 but those breasts probably took up 125 pounds of it, son.

Speaker 4 And I looked at her, and I didn't even get aroused, per se.

Speaker 1 I just thought, I was like, man,

Speaker 4 you need to get on my credit score.

Speaker 4 You know, you ever seen a woman that's so beautiful, a rack, so nice, whether it be a man, a woman, or hell, if you're into it, maybe a damn animal that just, you know, makes you want to feel like you got to better yourself and seek opportunities in life.

Speaker 4 Like, something that makes you know that you want to go for that promotion.

Speaker 1 Amen, man.

Speaker 1 Yeah, thank you for calling, especially from out on the water. And

Speaker 1 yeah, I was just saying, I was just, we were just talking about this. We're just talking about,

Speaker 1 you know, something that that just keeps you in the game you know riley what were we what were we just saying about um

Speaker 1 i was just

Speaker 1 you know i'm talking about correlating something with this guy's call

Speaker 1 i'm not sure

Speaker 1 all right um

Speaker 1 shit i can't remember but yeah dude sometimes you see a one sometimes you see like that some girl had that dang mount chess more she'll just have a

Speaker 1 she'll have damn four presidents and two tits you know, and you're like, God,

Speaker 1 you know, for those about to rock, we salute you.

Speaker 1 It's just that's a thing, boy. She'll have those fucking peanut butter falcons on her, baby.
God, baby. She'll have those fucking land bears.
You know what I'm talking about?

Speaker 1 Those just

Speaker 1 huddled up in herber nation, baby. Them things just staying warm for winter, boy.
She'll have them fucking milk lobsters.

Speaker 1 God, baby. And you just want to fucking baptize a mule

Speaker 1 in the milk of those things, brother. You just want to fucking wash a little,

Speaker 1 just wash a little man's ass with that

Speaker 1 with the beautiful splash that comes out of those bad dogs.

Speaker 1 God.

Speaker 1 All right. Sorry.
I'm falling apart here, but everybody's okay. Let's take another call here.

Speaker 4 Hey, Theo. This is John from Kansas City.

Speaker 1 Hey, John, thank you for calling.

Speaker 4 And I got a question for you.

Speaker 4 So, my dad is currently, you know, doing that

Speaker 4 powder,

Speaker 4 and he's been doing it for a while now. I just he'll get these episodes where he's just angry,

Speaker 4 and I don't know what to do about it.

Speaker 4 So, I've always I wanna try to figure out how to help him get back to normal, get back to being the dad that I remember. Because it's scary.

Speaker 4 But anyways, I just wanted to see your thoughts about it. See if you could maybe,

Speaker 4 you know, give me some insights on what I should do.

Speaker 1 Gang, man.

Speaker 1 Thanks for calling, dude.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I'm sorry that your dad's going through that.

Speaker 1 You know,

Speaker 1 I don't know if he's an addict or if it's just something that he's doing for fun, but obviously it's affecting you. I think,

Speaker 1 yeah, I mean, maybe just try to sit and talk with him and say, hey, Dad, I feel like,

Speaker 1 you know, don't accuse him, but say, hey, you know, maybe I feel like this is something that's going on.

Speaker 1 You know, do you feel like that's something you want to be doing or do you feel like it's a problem?

Speaker 1 You know, I don't know.

Speaker 1 You know, the only things, the only way that I

Speaker 1 have had success is through

Speaker 1 12-step recovery. That's the only way I've had success.
And,

Speaker 1 you know, I've had some relapses, but that's the main way that I've

Speaker 1 found sobriety in my life.

Speaker 1 And,

Speaker 1 you know, they have NA, Narcotics Anonymous, for drug use.

Speaker 1 And there's probably even a CA for cocaine use. There is.

Speaker 1 So.

Speaker 1 I don't know. Maybe you could offer to go to a meeting with him.

Speaker 1 Maybe you could go to a meeting and ask some people there if they had any suggestions.

Speaker 1 But yeah, just let him know that you care.

Speaker 1 You know.

Speaker 1 And then, you know, you could even ask him, if he doesn't want to talk about it, you could ask him, hey, is it okay to ask you about it again? you know, in a few weeks or something.

Speaker 1 Is it okay if I check back in with you about this?

Speaker 1 Because even then, you're opening a little, if he's willing willing to say yes you're opening a little bit of a door

Speaker 1 you know because people have to be willing to get help for themselves I think and I'm not preaching this is just

Speaker 1 some of my own experience and things that I've seen

Speaker 1 we have to be willing to get help for ourselves but sometimes I'll notice

Speaker 1 like if

Speaker 1 like if like I have a friend that's used that trick on me before and it's a trick, really, but it's not really.

Speaker 1 You know,

Speaker 1 he'd ask me about something. If I was having a problem with something, he's like, Do you want to talk about it? I'd be like, I don't want to you know, I don't want to talk about it.

Speaker 1 But then he'd be like, Hey, is it okay if I talk to you about it again? If I ask you about it again sometime, can I check back in with you about it again in a few weeks?

Speaker 1 I want to make sure you're okay.

Speaker 1 And by saying, and I would agree to that, and by agreeing to that, I'm it's it's slowly making me a little bit willing

Speaker 1 to hear something different, right?

Speaker 1 Because that's all you're, that's all you're,

Speaker 1 that an addict needs is willingness. They just have to get a little willing, and then willingness will grow, right? So sometimes that's a way that you can maybe,

Speaker 1 you know, I'm not trying to trick your dad, but it's also a way where you can create a way, hey, look, I'm going to check back in about this.

Speaker 1 And then when you do check back out in with an addict, it reminds them, oh, this person cares. And

Speaker 1 connection is is the

Speaker 1 is really the

Speaker 1 is one of the biggest remedies for addiction is connection

Speaker 1 um

Speaker 1 so anyway i'm not sure if some of that makes sense but you want to get a little bit of willingness out of somebody so sometimes if you get a no it's like hey can i check back in with you about it um

Speaker 1 but i'm sorry you're going through that man and i'm happy that you care about your dad and

Speaker 1 and i bet he's not happy about it

Speaker 1 you know and he probably doesn't know where to start

Speaker 1 but

Speaker 1 yeah it's you know people have to want to help themselves but sometimes we can

Speaker 1 we can help plant a little bit of seed of willingness by creating some patience and

Speaker 1 a chance for a little bit of mild accountability in the sense like, hey, can I check back in with you? So anyway, man, I love you, brother. And hang in there.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 we'll holler, man. I'm coming to Kansas City.
And if you want to bring your dad out to a show, I'm happy to get you guys some tickets. We don't have to say anything about this.

Speaker 1 But that'd be my treat, man.

Speaker 1 Let's see if we can get one more call.

Speaker 4 Hey, Theo, this is Alex from Little Alina, Wisconsin.

Speaker 1 Hey, Alex, from up there in Wisconsin, brother.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 glad you're here with us today, brother. Onward.

Speaker 1 I

Speaker 1 call here with some good news today.

Speaker 1 Today, at the date of this call, at this exact time, my mother is 100% cancer-free.

Speaker 1 She said, she texted me. She said she rang the hell out of that bell.
So

Speaker 1 that's, I thought I should just.

Speaker 1 Let's go, baby.

Speaker 1 I'm upstairs.

Speaker 1 Gang, dog. Congratulations, man.

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 1 I can hear the relief in your voice, man. I want to play it again.
I want to hear it again.

Speaker 1 Today, at the date of this call, at this exact time, my mother is 100%

Speaker 1 cancer-free.

Speaker 1 She said, she texted me. She said she rang the hell out of that bell.
So.

Speaker 1 Let's go.

Speaker 4 I thought I should just

Speaker 4 bless you, David, some good news, just as I was.

Speaker 5 And, yeah, man, I just want to say, I listen to your podcast every day at work.

Speaker 4 Get me through it, man. I appreciate what you do.
Me and my girlfriend are going to see you in Green Bay. Come to Green Bay.
And she surprised me with tickets, which I was very grateful for.

Speaker 4 She's amazing. I will praise God, baby, Gang Gang.

Speaker 1 Gang Gang.

Speaker 1 Wow, dude. That's awesome, man.

Speaker 1 Wow. Sounds like you got two really great women in your life, man.
It sounds like you choose well.

Speaker 1 Man, that's so cool.

Speaker 1 Man.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 I can't even imagine.

Speaker 1 God.

Speaker 1 Yeah, the peace y'all must be able to feel for a little bit.

Speaker 1 You know, we don't know sometimes the stresses that are going on in the back of our head. Man, it's like,

Speaker 1 yeah, one day a friend called me and he said, man, I'm finally getting in a recovery, you know, or in a rehab.

Speaker 1 And man, I just suddenly just started kind of breaking down. I didn't realize that

Speaker 1 a part of me, it was almost like having a browser window that was open on your computer, you know, but that you're not on the page, had just been running, you know,

Speaker 1 or just worrying, you know, the same things that we all have.

Speaker 1 You know, just part of me had been in, you know, invested there and to get to have some peace there,

Speaker 1 you know, just to feel a little bit of like hope,

Speaker 1 you know, a little bit of hope for relief and a little bit of relief. So, that's beautiful, baby.
Gang, son.

Speaker 1 Let's go, boy.

Speaker 1 Benign, homie.

Speaker 1 If I'm playing bingo, they call him benign.

Speaker 1 I think benign means that means the tumor's okay, Riley.

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 1 You sure?

Speaker 1 You think?

Speaker 1 I think. All right.

Speaker 1 All good, brother.

Speaker 1 I think it is. And no judgment, man.
It's

Speaker 1 who knows?

Speaker 1 Alex's mom, baby.

Speaker 1 She's off that Chimo, baby.

Speaker 1 Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. That's cool, man.
Thank you for sharing that, bro.

Speaker 1 Yeah, when you share that, it just puts something in me, you know? Makes my eyes get up.

Speaker 1 Makes my eyes create a little bit of weather in them.

Speaker 1 You know?

Speaker 1 And that's all right, daddy. That's all right.
I got these transformer shades on today. Hair is doing good.
Let me see what's up.

Speaker 1 Hair is doing good. I'm fucking thug Amish today, dog.
You know what I'm saying? Where the butter at, babies.

Speaker 1 Gang, dog. Let's raise a barn, homie.
I'm about to raise a barn in my pants, dog. You know what I'm saying? Because we seeing B, B, big teeth

Speaker 1 out on the water and cancer-free on the land, baby.

Speaker 1 Rally Mal.

Speaker 1 Let's get into it, man. So what's going on? You had some romance or take me on a...
So you said you met a girl and where'd you meet her, you said? I met her at a bar. Oh, okay.

Speaker 1 And did you just meet her point blank or you had arranged to see her?

Speaker 1 No, I just met her there. Hmm.

Speaker 1 And did you make eye contact, or what was

Speaker 1 she wearing anything? Was she eating anything?

Speaker 1 Yeah, she was wearing a dress and eating wings. Ooh, damn, boy.

Speaker 1 And you said, damn, baby, I know what'll go with them wings, baby, this little banana pepper, huh? And so, what happened then? Did you approach her? Did you bring her some of those little wet napkins?

Speaker 1 What happened?

Speaker 1 Yeah, there was an open chair next to her, so I

Speaker 1 sat right next to her. Wow.

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 1 And did you have a wing? Did you?

Speaker 1 Uh, I did. Okay.

Speaker 1 Okay, so now you guys have something in common. You both are enjoying a wing.

Speaker 1 And then,

Speaker 1 I guess, what occurred from there? Because it sounds like things escalated. Yeah, we just kept talking for about an hour.

Speaker 1 And then she wanted to... Hold on a second.
If you had to use four words to describe this woman, because we want to get a visual picture. Four words, right?

Speaker 1 All of them don't have to be the most positive. They can just be general words.
Some of them obviously should be positive because she seems like a special or she seems like a neat girl. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Blonde. Okay.

Speaker 1 Cute.

Speaker 1 Female.

Speaker 1 And.

Speaker 1 that's all right. That's good.
That's good. Three's good, man.

Speaker 1 You have one more in here, or what do you think? Um

Speaker 1 nope.

Speaker 1 All right,

Speaker 1 all right, put that one down, actually. Um,

Speaker 1 okay, man. So, blonde female

Speaker 1 was the third one.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 1 What else happened, man? So,

Speaker 1 Jesus.

Speaker 1 Yeah, so

Speaker 1 I was talking to her for about an hour, and she wanted to get in my car and leave.

Speaker 1 Now, did she say it or you said it?

Speaker 1 She said it. And what did she say?

Speaker 1 She said something like, hey,

Speaker 1 did you drive? And I said, yeah.

Speaker 1 Good answer. She was like, cool,

Speaker 1 you want to leave?

Speaker 1 And where'd y'all go?

Speaker 1 Back to my house? No!

Speaker 1 And now, Riley, at this point,

Speaker 1 you still in, and your

Speaker 1 ejaculatory,

Speaker 1 promissory note with the Lord is still intact, right? Correct. Okay.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 you've never ejaculated. You have a woman now at your house.
Right when you bring her inside, what do you do? Are you playing any music or anything? No. No, it was all quiet.
No, you're fucking

Speaker 1 you're one of those silent guys bro put a song on dude

Speaker 1 uh but that's okay that's okay man and so what happens and you you guys come in the house where do you sit down at

Speaker 1 well

Speaker 1 we didn't we didn't sit down yet you didn't sit down yet so you walk in yep and what happens you guys just started

Speaker 1 kissing no

Speaker 1 and was she how was she taller than you a little? A little bit. So you'd have to go up on the feet, up on the toes a little to kiss her?

Speaker 1 A little.

Speaker 1 That's okay, man. That's fine.
That's a lot of that's gravity. People, you know,

Speaker 1 in space, everybody's the same height.

Speaker 1 That's one of something

Speaker 1 that's, you know, so who even knows what's happening? But, um, okay, so you got, you guys are smooching in the living room, and where are the roommates?

Speaker 1 Um,

Speaker 1 they were both gone. Wow.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 so then

Speaker 1 after that, we just went upstairs to my bedroom. No!

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 1 And now were you starting to get nervous, or how were you feeling, man? It's got to be crazy for you, right?

Speaker 1 Yeah, no, I was pretty nervous.

Speaker 1 And were you wearing, what were you wearing, shorts or pants? Pants. Fuck yeah.

Speaker 1 A, a, a move, dude. Okay, so you get upstairs,

Speaker 1 and then what happens? You go in your room? Yeah, go in my room. Perfect.
And then what happened? Did you guys lay down or were you listening to any music or it's still silent? Still silent.

Speaker 1 Oh my God, bro.

Speaker 1 Why is it so silent, dude? Are y'all fucking sneaking up on someone? Is it hot? Are you guys playing hide-and-go seekers? Why is it so quiet?

Speaker 1 I don't know. I just didn't think of putting any music on.
Do you have any pets or was there anything moving around in the distance or anything? Nope. Hmm.
Okay.

Speaker 1 What happened, Riley? Take us there, buddy. Yeah, and then

Speaker 1 we just started, you know, doing a lot of things. No, you guys laid down on the bed or just standing up? I'll lay down.
Okay, so you lay down on the bed. Were you closer to the wall or on the outside?

Speaker 1 I was on the outside. Wow.
It's kind of a, yeah, I think sometimes you're supposed to be closer to the wall so that the woman doesn't feel like you're trying to like

Speaker 1 capture her or something. I read that somewhere.
But, um,

Speaker 1 okay. So, and what now were you guys nude or whatever?

Speaker 1 Um,

Speaker 1 kind of. So she had everything off.

Speaker 1 Uh, what?

Speaker 1 And I still had my pants on. God, is she from freaking New Jersey or something?

Speaker 1 I don't know where she's from.

Speaker 1 And you still had your pants on? Yeah. No shirt, huh? Yeah.
Wow, like a fucking 70s actor, dude. Okay, and then what starts to happen?

Speaker 1 We just kept kissing. Mm-hmm.
And then,

Speaker 1 I don't know, I just

Speaker 1 started

Speaker 1 doing

Speaker 1 things to her.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God, little buddy. Were you touching her body and everything? Yeah.
Okay. And that was your first time ever touching a woman's body like that? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 1 You're going to hell, buddy.

Speaker 1 I'm joking, man. That's a joke, dude.

Speaker 1 And did she touch your body as well? Yeah. No.

Speaker 1 So what happened? Did you end up? I mean, like, how did it end, dude? You know what I'm saying? Like, did you end up, you know, creaming that little nugget or what happened?

Speaker 1 I did. No,

Speaker 1 what?

Speaker 1 Riley Mao.

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 1 It's still coming out of your nose sounds stuffed up, actually.

Speaker 1 Wow, brother. I can't believe it, dude.
You've been yerping that little freaking pants pencil, huh?

Speaker 1 God, baby. You've been balking that little choi, huh? Yeah.
Wow, dude. You've been burping that little yellow Muppet, homie.
Gang, gang, dog.

Speaker 1 Good God, boy. And was it like, did you let her know it was the first time? Yeah, she knew.
She knew.

Speaker 1 How did she know?

Speaker 1 I think she has watched the podcast before. Oh, wow.
Oh, man.

Speaker 1 Damn. So you really got compromised then.

Speaker 5 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Do you feel a little bit taken advantage of? No.

Speaker 1 Respect.

Speaker 1 Wow, buddy.

Speaker 1 Damn, boy, that 11th toe, baby.

Speaker 1 That'll get you, dude. dude.

Speaker 1 That 11th toe, baby, that Asian wiener, baby, praise God.

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 1 That,

Speaker 1 wow.

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 1 And it was like,

Speaker 1 what part of her body was she? Did you have sex or no? Yes. You, what?

Speaker 1 Oh, my God, bro. I thought you said you were waiting until you were married.

Speaker 1 Things change.

Speaker 1 Not in the eyes of the Lord at home, brother.

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 1 You had freaking SCX, dude, with a woman. Yep.

Speaker 1 Way to go, man. F, bro.
That's crazy, dude.

Speaker 1 And how many times did you guys engage? Or what did you do after? Did you hug after?

Speaker 1 No, we both fell asleep. Oh, God.

Speaker 1 It's romantic, dude.

Speaker 1 And then what happened? Did y'all engage in the morning again?

Speaker 1 No, that was it with her.

Speaker 1 And has she ever come back around? Nope. No.

Speaker 1 My God, brother.

Speaker 1 I can't believe she snuck in. And stole that freaking batch, baby.
Stole that first picture of Kool-Aid out of mom's Christmas closet, dude. I can't believe that.

Speaker 1 And did you try to engage with her again?

Speaker 1 Not with her.

Speaker 1 But you've been talking to other women? Yes. And

Speaker 1 you haven't engaged in sex with other women?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 1 Bro, I feel like I don't even know you anymore.

Speaker 1 Sorry, man. That's kind of guilt-tripping you, dude.

Speaker 1 I don't mean to be like that, bro. It's just crazy, dude.
I just can't believe that

Speaker 1 you've been out there just nutting all over and everything or just meeting people or whatever gosh

Speaker 1 yeah because i noticed you look a little different man you got more like i noticed you had some necklaces and stuff on do you is it like do you feel different

Speaker 1 yeah

Speaker 1 what do you feel like

Speaker 1 i don't know i just feel more uh alive

Speaker 1 Hmm.

Speaker 1 Do you feel now when you're talking to a woman like they know that you are about that, you know what I'm saying? You bout that fucking

Speaker 1 that hot pocket, homie, you know what I'm saying? That you're about that fucking low smile, you know?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 You do? Yeah.

Speaker 1 So you feel more of a sense of bravado? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Dang, baby. Praise God.

Speaker 1 Wow. And did you have to pray about it or talk with your pastor about it? Because I know you were intent on waiting for marriage, man.

Speaker 1 No, yeah, no. I haven't uh

Speaker 1 talked to them about it. Have you even emailed your pastor or whatever? Nope.

Speaker 1 Yeah, what,

Speaker 1 bro? You said you were waiting for marriage, and now you're out here just nutting around, you know,

Speaker 1 the town or whatever large town. And you know, now you're out here getting people to pet that baby lobster,

Speaker 1 and you didn't even email the church?

Speaker 1 Yeah, no,

Speaker 1 damn, boy,

Speaker 1 And you've been squirreling around that young gravy, homie. And dude, if you'd never ejaculated,

Speaker 1 the clarity, the post-nut clarity must have been insane, huh?

Speaker 1 Yeah, a little bit. I mean, you must have just been like, what the fuck, dude?

Speaker 1 I'm a little Asian guy.

Speaker 1 You must have been just mind-blown, brother. Wow, man.
Congratulations, man. Thank you.

Speaker 1 Congratulations, dude. I don't see a lot of that.
Come over here and shake my hand real quick

Speaker 1 i just want to shake the hand of a man that's

Speaker 1 come recently this year

Speaker 1 congratulations man thank you good to see you brother

Speaker 1 all right go back

Speaker 1 um

Speaker 1 wow dude

Speaker 1 oh

Speaker 1 And was there anything afterwards? You just like, did you sit in silence after? Do you bow or whatever? Like, what do you...

Speaker 1 um

Speaker 1 no uh

Speaker 1 no

Speaker 1 did you tell your parents nope

Speaker 1 who was the first person you told

Speaker 1 um

Speaker 1 my uh

Speaker 1 who did i tell

Speaker 1 i don't remember

Speaker 1 wow man that's crazy brother

Speaker 1 people are beating cancer

Speaker 1 People are beating off Asians. People are

Speaker 1 the world is blossoming. Our lives are blossoming.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I guess they are. I don't know.
Did you wear a condom, brother? You know what I'm talking about? Or the Lord is your condom?

Speaker 1 I did. You wore a condom.

Speaker 1 And what type of condom did you get, a special kind?

Speaker 1 I just got like one of those, i don't know regular trojan ones okay just the regular yeah the um

Speaker 1 i think it's i don't know if it's pleated or whatever i can't remember what some of them are um

Speaker 1 that's crazy man

Speaker 1 did you feel uh did you feel like it was romantic at all uh what the first one no

Speaker 1 Okay, but there was a the second one was romantic. Yeah, that happened to be last week.
Wow.

Speaker 1 And where'd you meet that girl at?

Speaker 1 I've been friends with her for

Speaker 1 a while.

Speaker 1 And finally, you guys just took it to another level? Yeah. And is it you guys still talking to each other? Yeah.
Okay, so there's something there?

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 we're still seeing each other.

Speaker 1 Damn. Yeah, dude, I can hear your nose is even stopped up with all of that.
I think when there's so much in your system,

Speaker 1 yeah, I can't believe you didn't just lose weight in your legs, bro. Cause if you'd never ejaculated, that's just

Speaker 1 God is with us here.

Speaker 1 Oh,

Speaker 1 gosh.

Speaker 1 I feel like it's the day after Christmas now, man.

Speaker 1 Are you relieved that the journey's over?

Speaker 1 Somewhat, yeah.

Speaker 1 Do you miss it a little? A little bit. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, there's something, it's always like, people always say it's about the journey, not the destination.

Speaker 1 And I think thinking about sex sometimes is exactly when you think back on after you've had sex for the first time, sometimes it's some of that's like that. It's like

Speaker 1 the not knowing, the curiosity, the

Speaker 1 uncertainty, all of that is,

Speaker 1 that's really,

Speaker 1 that's where the story is.

Speaker 1 You know, the other part's the ending.

Speaker 1 And I'm not, that's sounded like I was preaching preaching there. I was like reading out of a damn reader's digest or something.
Ah,

Speaker 1 man.

Speaker 1 Well,

Speaker 1 I'm happy for you, man. Welcome to, you know,

Speaker 1 being like a biological male or whatever they call it. And I can't believe you didn't play any music, bro.

Speaker 1 Bro, if you're the first,

Speaker 1 bro, if you're putting on some sex or something, dude, you got to play something romantic, bro. Play some Z-Z-Top.
Play some usher.

Speaker 1 Well, I didn't know about the music, but

Speaker 1 after I found out what she she does as a job, I figured she would have.

Speaker 1 Does she have a specialized job?

Speaker 1 Yeah, she's a stripper. Oh, so she's a

Speaker 1 dancer or evening dancer, they call them somewhere. Yep.
Or yeah. Or sometimes they call them like,

Speaker 1 you know, pole babies or whatever, whatever it's called.

Speaker 1 candy cane pussy or whatever. I don't know what they even call it.

Speaker 1 Okay. Wow.

Speaker 1 And do you think she just came down, slurped you out because

Speaker 1 she knew about it and wanted to just get that gumption out of you? I think so. God damn, dude.

Speaker 1 Was she Vietnamese or something? No, definitely white. Wow.

Speaker 1 And did she keep the

Speaker 1 I'm not sure what it's called, Sebum or whatever? Or like,

Speaker 1 did she keep the

Speaker 1 frosting? I don't even call it.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 1 The unjackable. The Titanic has sunk.

Speaker 1 They freaking came in

Speaker 1 and freaking...

Speaker 1 They freaking...

Speaker 1 Somebody came in and just permed that little baby corn

Speaker 1 on Riley Mao. Yeah, and I noticed you just came in with more swagger.
I see you got some jewelry on. What is all that?

Speaker 1 Yeah, just

Speaker 1 a couple new things I've got. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Just a couple new things I've got, baby.

Speaker 1 Just a couple little

Speaker 1 couple little ornaments on this little obsta.

Speaker 1 I love you guys, man.

Speaker 1 Thank you for supporting me. And thank you for supporting yourself.

Speaker 1 Thank you for, yeah, just letting us be a part of each other's worlds. You know,

Speaker 1 I don't know what exactly we're supposed to be doing, but I feel like we're supposed to do something big. I just don't know what it is yet sometimes.

Speaker 1 But,

Speaker 1 but yeah, just hang in there, you know, and give yourself some grace, man.

Speaker 1 If you're being hard on yourself, if something's bugged, give yourself some grace.

Speaker 1 You know, that's something recently that I've just like,

Speaker 1 man, it's like, look, man, give yourself some grace, Theo.

Speaker 1 You know,

Speaker 1 you're trying, you're, you're, you know, give yourself some grace. So I'm not preaching at you.
I'm just kind of sharing. I guess sometimes I'm just sharing things that I need to hear.

Speaker 1 But yeah, I can't believe we got to go interview some of the people we did last week, and that was exciting. And,

Speaker 1 yeah.

Speaker 1 I'm just excited. Football's back, and there's exciting things to think about and be a part of.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 sure to just be good to yourself, baby,

Speaker 1 because you deserve it, baby. Gang, gang.
Riley Mao, man.

Speaker 1 Oh,

Speaker 1 we thought that nut would never get out of you, brother.

Speaker 1 You have any final words after all of that?

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 Checks out, brother.

Speaker 1 We'll go out the way that we came in here, man. Um,

Speaker 1 with There is a light right here, baby.

Speaker 1 There is a light by Stone Keepers featuring David

Speaker 1 Manuel.

Speaker 1 Whenever you're down

Speaker 1 out in the cold,

Speaker 1 faithless and dark,

Speaker 2 your story's untold.

Speaker 2 Come take my hand

Speaker 2 and walk there with me.

Speaker 1 Riley Mao. I know a place

Speaker 1 where we can be free.

Speaker 1 There is a life.

Speaker 1 Raleigh, did you make like a sound or whatever when it happened finally?

Speaker 1 Uh, no,

Speaker 1 nothing.

Speaker 1 I mean, just breathing out.

Speaker 1 Savage. All that you see

Speaker 1 will find a place

Speaker 1 where we can be free

Speaker 1 from the mountain tops, out of the deepest

Speaker 1 valley.

Speaker 1 Hear a voice calling you.

Speaker 1 It's the rising sun

Speaker 1 shining in the darkest valley.

Speaker 1 Can't you see? You will be free.

Speaker 1 I have been far,

Speaker 1 I had them wide,

Speaker 1 searching for peace

Speaker 1 somewhere to hide.

Speaker 1 Now I am free,

Speaker 1 open and pure,

Speaker 1 fearless and bare.

Speaker 1 I am secure.

Speaker 1 There is no doubt

Speaker 1 that can be lived.

Speaker 1 Gang, gang, baby.

Speaker 1 You guys be good to yourselves, baby. You deserve it.
And

Speaker 1 love y'all. Praise, baby.