Kitchen Gadgets

Summer's very much over, isn't it?

It's quite sad, isn't it?

I was at my wellies this morning.

You in your wellies?

Were you in with the hogs?

I was in with the hogs with the wellies and my cagool and my hog gloves.

Yeah.

Just having a little wrestle.

Just tending to the the autumnal hogs.

Yeah.

So that's about covering them in um it's an apricot sort of reduction, isn't it?

That's right.

Yeah.

In which they based until full winter is upon us.

And this is just to maybe explain to people who don't live in Britain, everyone in Britain will know about this,

a wave of wild hogs goes across Exeter at the beginning of autumn.

That's how we know autumn begins.

Yes.

There's often the hog warning winds that come immediately before, so it gets a bit gusty.

Yeah.

And you know, summer is over.

And then you hear the whine and the trample of hooves and you know.

But it's announced, of course, by the hog fawn, isn't it?

Which is a bar bastardation of

a fog horn, isn't it?

Yeah, which is half pig, half man.

It's not just in like easily separatable halves.

It's spread throughout.

It's marbled throughout.

It's a mosaic.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So it's human ears, human nose,

pig's eyes, and mindset.

Yes.

It's hard to tell with the eyes, of course, because pig and human eyes, of course, are identical.

Oh, yeah.

So it's hard to tell.

But one of the eyes will be seeing the world

as a pig would see it.

Yeah.

And one will be seeing it as a human would see it.

So it's basically the one that's crying is likely to be the human one, isn't it?

That's the...

And the one that's trying to conquer is the hog.

Yeah.

And that hog fawn, of course, becomes the Archbishop of Exeter for the year, doesn't he?

So

he has to be caught and installed in the cathedral.

That's it.

In full regalia.

It can be a hog, bull, or sow.

But

the Archbishop of Exeter, what happens is his left...

Well, it's a nod to the schism between the Catholic and Protestant church

and, of course, the whole

that whole period of history.

Which we don't have time to go into.

We don't have time to go into now.

And you're pretty naive, Henry, if you think that's part of history.

Let's put it that way.

People on the streets of Exeter don't think that's part of history.

It's very much a live event, isn't it?

And there's still to this day, there's still a reward for the capture of a papal bull, isn't there, in Exeter Town Centre.

Yeah.

Or the leader of a Methodist gang.

Yeah.

But no, so one of his legs will be treated as a Spanish ham

representing the Catholic side of the church.

And his other leg, so that'll be like a sort of Serrano ham.

It'll be possibly soaked in port and hung.

Yeah.

And hung.

And the other will be a Presbyterian bacon.

That's right.

That's right.

Yeah.

So it's more of a sort of Danish,

isn't it?

It's more of a sort of pink Danish.

Or it might be slow-boiled.

It could be a Brussels pate.

or an american salad

as as we've as we've come to learn or a refreshing american side salad

ham salad ice blast

the new drink for the summer the refreshing salad drink or vape flavor

menthol pork yes canned ham of course is um it's one of those things that just hasn't traveled across it across the the pond, has it?

But still,

it's the biggest drink in America, isn't it?

It's canned ham.

Really, really brackish.

That was brackish.

Intense.

When the wave comes across Exeter, the people who live in Exeter, yourself included, Mike, that's your chance to grab some hogs, your yearly's portion of hogs, basically.

You get to grab.

It's a free-for-all.

It's the big hog grab.

So you were out grabbing this morning with your wellies on?

I was out grabbing.

Had a pretty successful grab.

Managed to grab a 300-pounder.

Pretty pleased with that.

Ooh, wonderful.

It's a wonderful time, isn't it?

Where the local gentry and also just a local butcher's child

can go toe to toe in the way they've been wanting to all year.

Well, they're equal for one day, isn't it?

Because, you know, it doesn't matter what class you're from, it doesn't matter how much money you've got, doesn't matter who your parents are, when you're wrestling a hog on the ground, none of that matters.

In the ham crucible,

all are equal.

It's a great leveller, isn't it?

And of course, everyone's naked.

That's the other thing.

You have to be naked.

So there's that true democracy of nudity where you can't even tell if someone's rich or poor.

Which is as unmarkable aspect because the pigs are naked.

Exactly.

Why shouldn't we be?

But you can leave your wellies on.

You can leave your wellies on.

And of course, every seventh year, this will be according to tidal movements.

Yeah.

And of course, sightings of the great crow.

Yeah.

Which big government is trying to tell us is some sort of comet, but we're not having it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

This year, the big crow is called Alison.

And she works in human resources, but almost all is from home, isn't it?

So it's.

She was one of the first to do it.

Yeah.

Because she started off, wasn't it, on Fridays she would.

Well, she would don the crow outfit Monday to Thursday, then on Fridays would go home.

But now she finds she can do

she can do both, can't she?

I'm confused as what do you mean?

So she's.

Do you think she's doing her crow work from home or she's doing HR at home and then going out once a week?

And we should clarify, she does put a crow costume on, but she also is a crow.

Okay, so just to be absolutely.

It's a crow in a ceremonial crow costume.

Yeah, yeah.

So it's hard when she does her sort of her striptease dance, it's hard to know sometimes, isn't it, what point she's at in it?

She's just revealing more crow.

That's why it's not taken off.

That's why it's not taken off.

It's not even if it says it's non-crow doing the great crow taste.

Fine-tuning over the centuries, it gets fine-tuned.

But yes, as I was saying, in the seventh year, great crow sighting dependent, and of course, depending on whether it's a left or right-handed solstice, and also depending on pollen accumulation,

isn't it?

All these things factor in.

Yes, and whether or not

at the springtide,

will a turd float or sink?

That's the

druids will do that test.

In the Tamar?

In the Tamar, yeah.

Is that the name of your Lickle River?

I can't remember.

No, it's the X, isn't it?

The X.

Yeah.

Okay.

But we wouldn't do that in the X.

We do that in the Tamar.

We go down.

Okay, we travel down to Plymouth.

Yeah.

The X, of course, is a river named by Elon Musk.

That's right.

So every seven years...

Every seven years, depending on all those factors

factored in, and of course, depending on

whether the prevailing slug movement is clockwise or anti-clockwise,

which is why

all extra slugs have to be tagged, don't they, at birth

in order for that to be, well, that can only be spotted, doesn't it by Elon Musk's satellite?

Yeah.

Which is why he managed to trade off, he got given the river, didn't he, in return for the slug light, 3,000.

But according to slug moves,

it can be, and I think this year was the case, that it can be combined with the great extra cheese roll.

Yes.

So that

the cheeses can be rolled downhill.

And actually, a lot of those pigs, the hogs are being taken out by cheese concussion wounds.

So that's quite a sight, isn't it all those cheeses rolling downhill smashing into the hogs and then you've actually you've actually almost got

live in front of your eyes ham and cheese sandwiches being made mid-air that's true haven't you that is true and then all of the yeah the cheese is is put within a a giant actual roll granary roll and the feasting begins and sometimes there's a car boot sale once you've got the attention of people once everyone's there yeah yeah you capitalize on that you capitalize on it have a clear out you know it's very much a car boot economy in this neck of the woods.

I've not been to a car boot sale for probably 15 years.

They're good stuff.

Is it still cash in hand?

Is it still a cash economy or has everyone got little swipe machines now?

No, I think sure.

I think if you get a debit card out, you get punched to the ground at a car boot sale.

It's cash.

Cash is king.

Cash is king.

They say, don't they, with the car boot sales?

So whenever I used to go, you'd turn up at about 10 o'clock or something.

Oh, you've got to get there early.

Basically, it's over.

You need to be there at sort of 4.30 a.m.

Yeah.

So you get there there at 4.30 a.m.

and you can get yourself a superb

sort of mug with Princess Anne on it.

Yeah.

And a VHS of the Abyss.

Starring Princess Anne.

The Princess Anne cut.

We're trapped 20,000 feet under the ocean surface and Princess Anne's gone crazy.

It doesn't get worse than this.

She thinks everything's a ribbon.

She's kept ribbons without ribbons.

That's the oxygen pipe.

Princess Anne, stop it.

No!

She made sanctuaries into a ribbon.

That's my aorta.

We were trying to prove whether Princess Anne could operate a certain magnitude of pressure beneath ground level with our huge scissors.

And the idea was we'd turn her into the perfect weapon.

But instead, we're all trapped and she started guffing barehead.

high pressure guffs high pressure guffs they're like it's like a bullet they'll instantly give you the bends

and she's been eating meat battenberg cakes her whole life

those guffs are proper

a proper ripe

yeah it's a difficult it's a difficult watch it's a difficult but david cameron was a visionary was a film completed so absolutely essential it was the studios that cut out insisted on cutting out all the princess and stuff And the reference to the Meek Battenberg cake, all of it.

Because of course, the studios brought in James Cameron to deal with the David Cameron original edit.

So that's.

Yeah, that's right.

So

they swapped Camerons out, didn't they?

And the young David Cameron, who would have been only about, what, 17 at the point at which he was directing that film?

Yeah.

He was so angry about it.

It was that period of time she was being cut out their front and centre.

Top Gunn, I mean, the original Top Ann, of course.

Top Ann.

Rain Ann.

I mean, that was very much.

Rain Anne.

Yes.

Dances with Anne.

Dances with Anne.

and with wolves which they released at the same time it's a bit of a marketing disaster and of course the horrifying ridley scott um terrifying uh sort of space horror annie anion

versus predator no alien

alien

versus predage prince andrew

but yeah david cameron was so distressed wasn't he by having that film taken out of his hands that as a young 17-year-old, he became that was when he got his passion, wasn't it?

To become Prime Minister of Britain and to bring in all those policies that he brought in over to you, such as the Brexit referendum.

The Brexit referendum.

The idea of the big society.

Big society.

Yeah.

Wearing quite colourful shorts on holiday once.

Swinging public cuts with his strongman.

Osborne.

Yeah.

Hugger Hoodie.

Hugger Hoodie.

He He was Hugger Hoodie, yeah.

Hugger Hoodie.

Bloody hell.

It was a simpler time, wasn't it?

His big thing, wasn't it?

I remember when he first came on the scene, when he first became toy leader, was that he was going to be really green.

And he did a photo shoot with him and loads of huskies on the North Pole, and he was getting dragged around by some huskies.

And that kind of went by the wayside, didn't it?

It was clearly just absolute bollocks.

Was he going to try and build the first Husky superhighway from London to Manchester?

Which was going to revitalise the north.

Starting in Svalbard.

Oh God, I'm looking at that picture of him with huskies.

What the fuck was going on?

I think, was it pre-social media this?

It sort of was, yeah, pretty much.

They probably just had a sort of dog-based spin doctor or something, right?

Because if you put a dog in it, the British public's going to get behind you.

It's a bit of a drink big time.

They also had the phrase, vote blue, go green.

Do you remember that?

Oh, yeah.

It was really strange to imagine that that was what they were going for back then.

So it's quite green.

So the husky thing was probably quite green, wasn't it?

It does look nice, the photo of him with the huskies, because it's quite heartwarming.

But they don't show the photos of three days into the mission when he was like, we're going to have to eat the huskies.

It's either that or we eat Princess Anne.

Princess Anne.

And she's so bloated on meat Battenberg.

I dread to think what fire off what's going to taste like.

But no one talks about the Husky community now.

They've just been left behind.

It's just a photo.

So chewed up, photo op.

They look beautiful.

My next-door neighbour's just bought a husky.

I'm living the husky life.

Really?

An actual husky, a proper husky.

Actual Husky, yeah.

They're quite hard to manage, aren't they?

Huskies.

I think they need at least 400 nautical miles worth of exercise a day.

Yeah.

And they can only kind of de-stress after that because that's hugely

punishing on their muscles.

They have to do it.

They can only de-stress after that with a good 16 hours of howling.

Intense howling.

And if they can't cool down in an igloo, they get very crotchety.

They get very crotchety.

Yeah, they need an ice bath.

Well, Huskies became very popular when Game of Thrones was on.

It was a classic.

Closest thing to a wolf.

Closest thing to a dire wolf.

So people were buying it.

It was a classic case of people buying

animals when a TV show's on.

And then, and then not the same thing happened with Vietnamese Sean Bean-faced piglets,

which everyone was buying.

When Sharp was big.

And actually, you could train them to oink and go,

you bastard.

You could train them to oink and say, you bastard.

That was huge.

There was a lot of people when Sharp was big trying to buy their own cavalry as well, weren't there?

People were trying to buy their entire cavalry hordes.

Obviously, Dances with Wolves.

Obviously, the first edition of The Abyss, people were trying to buy Princess Anne, weren't they?

Yeah, and sentient water.

Those are sentient.

And a lot of people were conning people by selling them sentient water, and actually, it wasn't sentient water, it put the warmer water.

It's really hard to prove.

I've never seen Dancers with Wolves.

Have you not?

What's it about?

And how is there sentient water in it?

Sentient water is the abyss.

Oh, okay, so Dancers with Wolves is a, it's just your classic sort of, it's sort of Greece, isn't it?

But in the Outback, it's

an American Civil War soldier,

meets a young Olivia Newton-John.

He goes walk around, he goes walk about with Olivia Newton-John.

Yeah.

And he ends up competing with the sexiest dancer

in Adelaide,

which is a wolf in stilettos.

What actually does happen in Dancer Wolf?

He survives a battle.

He's sent to a remote outpost on his own, where I think he's supposed to be keeping the, from memory, the native population under control.

What side of the Civil War is he on?

Big Moustache.

He's North.

Big heavy side.

Big Moustache side.

Big heavy mustache.

He's north.

He's winning side.

But yeah, big, big, heavy, northern, big, heavy north moustache.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, northern.

Yeah.

Well, the Confederate Army.

The other one.

He's with the Union.

Exactly.

But he then,

he he befriends after a difficult time, he befriends a local tribe who are having a war with another tribe and

becomes sort of part and parcel of their tribe.

And he becomes called Dancers with Wolves.

That's his sort of Native American name, is it?

Because he's seen playing with wolf cubs.

I'm going to suggest Shag's the chieftain's daughter.

He gets his end away with one of the Native Americans.

I can't remember exactly what her relation is to the chieftain.

But

it's Costner, right?

So Kessner, Costner always gets his end away.

He doesn't, there's

Costner's never been filmed in a television or series or a film about at some point.

We know, by the way, he is getting it, just in case you're worrying.

He is, he's absolutely getting it.

But this is this Hollywood Insider thing.

It's called Costner's Tab, which is any script that is sent to him has a small pink post-it sticking out.

It's Costner's tab, which is the scene where he gets his end away.

And he'll read that first.

And based on that, he'll decide to whether or not to continue with the project.

Cost of us time.

But

I saw it in the cinema.

It was the first movie I'd ever been to where there was an interval in the middle of the film.

Oh.

That's a classic case.

That film won so many Oscars.

It was crazy.

I think it won eight.

Did it?

I think it maybe broke all the records for Oscars.

Okay.

But it's...

Not a film that anyone on earth, except Mike Wozniak, remembers at all.

The level of memory you have on that, Mike, you could go on mastermind with that.

That is mad.

No one knows that much about it.

Well, no, I only watch it every couple of weeks or so.

Okay, yeah.

So you just top up, don't you?

You just top up, top up.

But isn't that the case with a lot of Oscar winning films?

Like, Who Remembers Argo?

Right.

Did that get Best Picture?

Yeah.

Yeah.

And it was a fine film.

I'm not saying it was a bad film, but loads of Oscar winning films are kind of weirdly forgettable, aren't they?

It's an interesting point there.

Whereas something like Die Hard, which we do watch every single Christmas, genuinely, is not.

And didn't bother the Academy Awards, I would imagine.

No, no, not one, not one iosa, an elf, do you know what I mean?

Or and have yourself a Wayne Rooney Christmas.

That's great for a rainy bank holiday in Mays.

Yeah,

ho, ho, ho, everybody.

He hasn't got that kind of soft voice, Henry.

He does.

I've noticed this about Wayne Rooney recently.

Well, he does have one of the because he plays all the parts, doesn't he?

He plays all the parts, yeah.

But no, he does.

He has a very, very soft, really lovely, soft voice that you so wouldn't associate with him based on his football style, his career, and you know, to put it bluntly, his love-making habits.

His love-making habits.

But he's quite, you know, he's got quite a sort of boiled face, hasn't he?

You'd expect his voice to be quite sort of blunt, but it's actually very, very delicate and quite soothing.

Is it in kind of the same way that, you know, as a footballer, he was quite heavy-set.

Yes.

But then he could do that kind of magical lightness of touch to dink it over the keeper, keeper, for example.

Yes.

You know what I mean?

That's right.

He had that low centre of gravity and an incredibly sort of

rounded head.

Like a bollard covered in fairy dust.

For any listeners outside of the UK, Wayne Rooney is perhaps, well, I was about to say England's greatest ever forward, but probably not.

Hugely celebrated.

Certainly in the top five.

But he looked like a classic.

He somehow looked like

a classic old school footballer, didn't he?

Yes, and did from the get-go, because he was very young when he entered the public consciousness.

Yes, right.

So he wasn't light on his feet.

He didn't have delicate ankles.

He had a low centre of gravity, bollard-shaped body, a bit like a tic-tac.

Imagine a tic-tac, but the size of a human.

With a red face.

With a red face, so sort of rounded and bulky.

And he would barrel through players, but did extraordinary skills at the same time.

Yeah.

He did have a delicate touch.

but also a man who's had hair replacement therapy and is therefore a traitor to uh all bald people.

So, um, may a curse reign upon his house for 2,000 years.

That's something I just have to say as a bald man,

because he's betrayed the bald community.

We're getting hair replacement therapy, but he's got what has he got sort of velvet toilet tissue voiceover?

He's got this lovely, he's got this absolute velvet.

How do you do?

I can't do it, but it's it is Liverpool, isn't it?

It's Liverpool, but incredibly soft.

It's lovely, it's quite ASMR-esque.

Give us a bit more Rooney, Henry.

So, so what's Scalsa again?

I'm physically going to Liverpool tomorrow, and I feel like I'm going to have to apologise in advance for even just that sound.

And this is Scalcer's like,

He likes me, sir.

So, Rooney is,

yeah, all right.

He makes Scals sound so diminished.

I'm very bad at accents.

Have yourself a very happy Christmas in a movie New Year.

Why is it eight octaves higher than your normal voice?

Why do you put them in death throw mode?

Have yourself a happy Christmas in a very mirror.

I can't do it.

But wait, Rooney's got a kind of soft voice.

Have yourself, have yourself a very Merry Christmas in a nice new

You know what?

I'm going to hold my hands up and say,

I need some work, that voice.

No, I can't.

I genuinely can't do Scouse.

I can't do Rooney.

Because he's got a new podcast, right?

He's our new competitor.

Is it?

BBC Sounds have launched the Wayne Rooney podcast.

Oh, wow.

Is it whimsical's slightly surreal chat based on sent-in topics?

That's right.

On all of his own jingles.

But best of like Wayne Rooney.

The best of luck to him.

He does seem like a nice man, Wayne Rooney.

He does.

I like his chat.

He's got a good chat

and a lovely voice.

Let's turn on the beam machine.

Yes, please.

Okay.

This week's topic, as sent in by, I don't know how you say this name, T-Y-M-O-N.

Timon?

Yeah.

Okay.

Timon.

Anyway, thank you, Timon, for sending in kitchen gadgets.

So I think

people have got different takes on kitchen gadgets.

For example, my partner quite likes a kitchen gadget and will often buy something, and I will see it as an encroachment on sort of counter space that I think is much more important.

Don't you do more of the cooking as well in?

I do more of the cooking, yes.

You're very much a first principles cook as well, aren't you?

And you're like you like a big

it's it's it's it's just blades and spoons, isn't it?

If you can't do it with a blade or a spoon.

Exactly.

You know, you can make your own mortar and pestle out of a blade and a spoon if you try hard enough.

Or a skull and a fist.

Exactly.

It's much the same.

Yeah, I have some sympathy with that.

They tend to be quite expensive.

I mean, I have, is this a, I have used a kitchen gadget only today, but is this a gadget?

It's the microwavable rice cooker.

Is that a gadget?

Yeah, we've got one of those.

Isn't that a microwave?

A microwavable rice cooker.

It's basically like a plastic bowl.

Yeah.

Yeah.

With two lids.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So I've got the same one.

Is it red?

It's got a red lid.

It's a white, the bucket area is white, but it has a red lid.

Whenever I use it, which is quite a lot, I just think.

Bring on the microplastics.

Come on.

Come on.

Come in.

Really disrupt all my hormones and stuff.

It's very good.

I made some rice.

Yeah, Pam had a bit of a dicky tummy overnight.

So it's

so you gave her, you thought, we're going to give her more curry.

Give her another

lamboona, but this time that settles her.

This time, loads of peel-al rice.

It's the only thing that will settle her down is eight samosas.

And a jar frazy.

Do you give Pam rice then?

If she's got a dicky tummy, she likes a bit of, yeah, she'll have a bit of rice.

Mike, I'm not a vet, but I don't think dogs have evolved to eat rice.

Call me mad.

They know they are currently evolving to eat rice.

Pam and I are part of that process.

Oh, I see.

So you're trying to be sort of frontrunners.

She's got a little bit of rice, a little bit of chicken.

And she's

having a nice snooze now.

Pam.

Pam.

Pam.

Pam.

Pam.

Pam.

Pam.

Pam.

Good girl, Pam.

Good go, Pam.

Oh, Pam.

Pam, Bam.

Pam, Pam.

Bam, Bam, No, Nam, Bam, Bam, Bam, Bam.

Gadget-wise, we don't have many beyond that, that and the electric scales, I would say.

Can I say I bought an electric scales?

Yes.

And it was Tuai Bluebell.

R.I.P.

Bluebell,

bluebell,

soft and gentle, and wise and kind.

Bluebell,

blue bell.

But no, you don't mean a kitchen scales, do you?

Basically, it's good to keep track of the weight of your cat.

So, but would she stay on it?

You can't put Pam on a set of scales.

I've got to get on a set of scales and then pick up Pam and do it.

And then deduct Pam's sales.

Do you have to deduct Pam's weight from yours?

Yes, or the other way around, which other way works.

Yeah.

But you don't know what she's doing.

So I then submit to the vet either mine or Pam's weight, depending on whether or not I've done the maths right.

So the vet says, well, according to these stats, if it's you, you need a lot of worming.

If it's Pam and you, one of you needs worming.

If it's just Pam,

you need to contact the Guinness Book of Records because

she's the most remarkable dog of all time.

Does the vet put you on a bone meal diet?

She has done, yeah,

okay, so it's quite confusing, but it looks like it turns out Pam has to express my anal glands.

It's going to be very complicated, messy, and painful.

It's going to be love crying.

Yeah.

So it's a fiddle.

Not as much of a fiddle as when we have to do each other's toenails.

Of course.

I mean, that really is a nightmare.

Paint them.

Yeah.

Trim them, paint them, buff them.

For a night out.

Rewarding each other with peanut butter through the whole process.

Without getting too graphic.

Yeah.

A dicky tummy with a dog

in a house, that's code brain, right?

I mean, that's terrible.

No, he was actually

sick on the floor.

Oh.

That's how the day, that was my alarm call for the day came at 10 to 6 this morning, was with the sound of a visler hacking up what turned out to be a large clod of grass.

I was going to say Sidney Polak.

She's Sidney Polak to the

kitchen, but that's the wrong thing.

And then I was thinking Polanski.

Who's Sidney Polak?

I'm trying to rely the art thing.

I'm trying to reach for

Jackson Pollock.

Jackson Pollock!

Sidney Polack.

No, it was far more.

It was far more contained than that.

Who's the guy who did those smooth metal sculptures?

Oh, Jeff Kootens?

No.

Henry Moore.

Henry Moore.

It was more of a bilious Henry Moore.

Okay.

Electric scales came up.

Yes.

Now, I once bought an electric scales

to weigh bluebell.

Yes.

Because for health reasons, it's good to weigh bluebell sometimes.

Yes, yes.

I hadn't thought of Mike's thing, which is all I should have done is the same thing as I do with luggage when I go on holiday, which is...

One of those luggage weighing machines where you should go to Gatwick

and stand on

Gatwick.

Stand the scales and say, check her in,

check her in, then call in a fake bomb threat for the flight to the fighters.

And it's

all the luggage has to be put out on the runway.

I drive up

to bracket the geese by deploying my mock cages.

You apply to the army's bomb squad,

you get trained, get everything blown up except Bluebell.

And me and Bluebell are on the M4, back to London.

Nobody's none the way.

So I got an electric scales because I tried to get her onto my bathroom scales.

Yeah.

But I couldn't get people onto that.

So I thought I'll buy these ultra-sensitive electric scales you get.

And I bought, I can't remember, I think it was

a celebrity chef's

scales.

Really?

Is it Anthony World Thompson?

It may have been Anthony World Thompson.

I can't remember.

But it was some sort of branded celebrity chef.

Excellent.

Anyway, so I bought these scales.

And because I think, because the idea,

I think they're one of those classic things where so I prefer so for a kitchen scales I've got

should I bring it over is that worth it probably not I think it'll work it'll work on a sound level okay

he's

did you get something

it's the overacting of the folio artist artists, isn't it?

If the foliarist would be fired on day one, he's doing too much, mate.

You're supposed to bleed into the background.

It's a Ken Loach film.

It's not bloody loony tunes.

Footsteps and cloth, that's it.

I'm sorry, Barbara.

The fact is, I've turned to booze because

I've been made unemployed.

The fact is the welfare state is structured in such a way that it's incredibly hard to get any support.

The first Ken Loach audio drama

starring Henry Packer with Foley by Henry Packer.

So, my kitchen scales, my classic kitchen scales is this.

Yes, which we've heard about before.

Is that the one you needed a tiny nut for?

Yeah.

That's what I needed a tiny nut for.

Yeah.

It's a handsome specimen.

It's a terayon.

It's classic.

And

it's

not expensive.

It's got that nice kind of 50s creme colour.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So just to explain to the listener, this is a kind of mechanical one.

There's a big spring inside or whatever, and that's how it works.

So I generally favour the kind of retro classic

look in my kitchen appliances because actually it's true with kitchen gadgets, there are sort of two philosophies, aren't there?

There's your German clean lines Bosch,

which is what Mike likes.

Function.

Function, function, function.

Yeah.

Digital.

It will take you at least four hours to work out how to set the clock.

Is it that kind of thing?

What a lovely way to spend a rainy Saturday.

But what a lovely way.

Yeah.

You know what?

Why not stick on Dances with Wolves in the background as well?

But the Princess Handcut.

The Princess

So, you're no, you're right, Henry.

There's two there's there's sleek or there's

slightly bullshitty 1950s style, yeah, and that is that's your chunky, that's your chunky design.

So, that's your smeg.

I think smeg is in that, is that yeah, that's smeg fridge, yeah.

Smeg's chunky, powder blues, it's um, raspberry, raspberry ripple pinks, yeah, right, everything it's 50s, 50s colour palette, hair curlers, it's stratocaster red, stratocaster red, you want to live the life that was sort of promised to 50s new families by the time,

basically.

Exactly.

You've got one of those fancy toasts.

It's common with who they're made by.

It's duel it.

Duel it, yes.

So, yeah, it's chunky, it's metal, it's very much

you cook yourself a waffle for breakfast and you

do in a commie

just before lunch.

And then you start making a sort of a

sort of lamb head moose

to welcome your your husband home from work

because he's bringing around one of the partners from the firm mr and mrs skudelheim yeah but he doesn't know that they're russian illegals

but i didn't mention it and you have a lovely evening yeah

and so basically that's yeah that's the experience i have every morning when i descend my toaster

it's don draper isn't it basically when you say it's dom draper i get i like a little chunk of that lifestyle yeah my my toasters are morphe Richards.

Ah, what is so?

What are they?

What's their vibe?

Where are they from?

Because this is an area where there's a lot of, we've just talked about this before, but there's a lot of essentially national stereotyping around devices.

Yeah.

So, for example, if someone says to me, so I bought a dishwasher once, it was an Italian, what's the, there's a famous Italian Zanussi, it may have been Zanussi.

And I instantly thought to myself, well, it's going to be a charming dishwasher, but it's,

but it might end up

a bit of a rogue.

It'll look bloody good on a Vesper.

And it'll eventually possibly end up killing me in a sort of revenge in a revenge grotting.

But it will revolutionize independent cinema.

With my scales thing.

So this was my scales, my classic 50s scales.

Yeah.

Obviously, it was no good trying to get blue button into that dish.

No.

Because

cats know when someone's going to cook them.

Do you know what I mean?

They're clever animals.

And when you're being literally put into a kitchen scales,

the cat's thoughts are, I need to change this relationship.

So that's why I went online to buy.

I thought it was a brilliant idea to buy one of these

flat digi scales.

I'm moving across to a different type of kitchen

paradigm.

But different kitchen paradigm it's smooth it's digi yeah it's it's it will have a system for setting up the uh clock and timer and temperatures which will make me give me the kind of kind of level of panic i would have if you hogtied me and threw me down a lift shaft

that's the level of panic i mean i literally get i literally get a sort of physical panic when it comes to opening up small small instruction packets and things to do with setting because it's always like there's like a for they've had to they've had to um come up with a menu system

to express i remember this happened with the digiscales when i was trying to set it up they've come up to come up with a menu system whereby you can kind of

define and lay out all these different options but only just through two metal buttons so one metal selects menu the Once you've pressed that, that opens up a different range of options for the second button, which now can move within that menu.

Press both buttons at the same time for four seconds to go back to the home screen.

Do you know that kind kind of thing?

Yeah, I hate that kind of thing.

There's now a flashing picture of a chicken.

I don't know why.

There's a picture of a chicken.

You need to stick with the attractive analog versions.

BP, I can imagine, Ben, I can imagine you going quite hard into the Internet of Things,

everything operated in the house from a single kind of

sort of digital throne somewhere.

And I walk into the kitchen and all the appliances go, Hello, Mr.

Partridge.

We're so happy to serve you today.

You are better than Mike and Henry.

your partner tried to buy an electronic whisk we have destroyed it yeah and we have put her in the punishment cube

um can i say though just just on my on the subject of my partner what happens is she will buy a kitchen gadget i'll roll my eyes and go oh we don't need that and we oh i can't there's no space now to chop on the but you've got that then and then within like two weeks i'll be like this is the greatest machine

really yeah i i like them you get into it she's right that's interesting She knows you better than you know yourself.

Yeah.

When it comes to the

kitchen gadget.

The worst case of Digi Interface replacing good old-fashioned analog hoik it, yank it, righty-tighty it.

Get some brasso out.

Twist it off.

Twist it off.

Punch it.

A nice bit of QL, QL, QV, BND, LDZ, QMV, VLD, MBB, P13,

LDV.

What's it called?

Spray it on through a little red straw.

Spray it on through a little red straw.

What's it called?

WD40.

WD40.

Heck it.

I would have got there eventually.

You probably did in the mix there.

If you do a bit of a word search on what you just said, it's in there.

Yeah, it's all in there.

This is what terrifies me about the Elon Musk space project.

Yeah.

But it's the fact that the spaceship's in our touchscreen, so everything is...

So you're hurtling towards the sun.

And you've got to press a touchscreen thing, which is select menu.

Go back to the...

Why is it a picture of chicken flashing?

I don't know why I did cat down,

I don't want to change the temperature in my bath bathroom.

I want to not die.

Do you know what I mean?

That's what's going to happen now.

Oh, no, loads of embarrassing photos of me are coming up for my 12th birthday.

That's so embarrassing.

And I'm about to say that.

I'm printed into space.

Anyway, I bought the scales, right?

The electric scales.

It was a fucking absolute shit fuck show to set it up.

It really fucks me off.

Old days, you stick it on the fucking thing, you get a small screw from a man called Rumpkin, that's the worst it's gonna get.

But this electric one, to set it up, I had to start grappling with what is zero.

How can you have an absence of weight and give it a name?

I was having because you had to set the zero level.

Fuck off!

Don't make give me that amount of power.

I don't want the power of a god.

I'm trying to weigh a cat.

You had to set the zero level.

Fuck, what do you mean?

Because you could, because it gives you the option to set it.

Yeah, which is very useful.

So you can put a bowl on it or something and then set that as zero.

And then whatever's in the bowl is being weighed.

Oh, you do that on your old one because you've got a little knob.

Yeah.

You mean...

Do you mean twist a little crank round?

That took me three seconds, not even three seconds, because it was crank twist technology.

All you have to be able to do is master the concept of clockwise and anti-clockwise.

It's basically right etiquette, you left.

That's everything.

So it's all did you hold the button for two seconds until something starts flashing, and then you press another button, and the numbers you were looking at now mean something else because different things are being measured on the same screen.

And at that point, you know what happens, don't you, Henry?

There he is.

It's the little flashing chicken.

It's the little flashing chicken again.

Complete nightmare to set up.

I managed to get my head around the concept of zero and establish zero.

And I put Blue Bill on the scales and she just bugged it off.

She wouldn't get on those scales either.

So I'd gone through a huge, long, I thought, quite heroic journey of thinking of getting electric scales, buying them, setting it up.

But of course.

And she would have warned you.

Oh, yeah.

You know, and if you weren't so engrossed in what you were doing, you could have turned around and seen her expression and known she'd have been like, I'm not.

It's not.

I'm not getting on board with this, Henry.

Yeah.

Yeah, you can't.

You basically can't wear a cat, I think.

I think that's always what we've learned.

Yeah.

Is what we've learned.

I then tried to sell that.

I then tried to sell.

The concept of you can't wear a cat.

I tried to sell that to a philosopher.

So I went on a sort of philosopher's notice board on the internet and thought, I've got a great concept here.

Because the best concept you could have sold would have been the concept of zero.

Because

it's quite useful in sort of algebra and all that kind of stuff.

Yes.

Unfortunately, it was already had been discovered by ancient Aramaic civilizations

or something.

No, ancient.

Who is it?

Someone.

It would have been a Sumerian fishmonger or something like that.

Right.

Who's fiddling about with some scales?

It was...

Because what we'll do is, guys, don't keep this in, but to make me sound a bit cleverer, I'm just going to re-record this bit.

Sorry, I've just remembered.

Zero wasn't actually discovered by one person.

It was developed independently in a few different cultures.

For example, Babylonians,

probably around 300 BC, sorry, sometimes they say sometimes they say 1000 when I mean 100 gets me in trouble.

Yeah, and it's coming back to me now that the Indian, the Indian mathematicians,

Arabata and

Brahmagupta,

they

chunk some ideas around, I think it's pretty relevant.

But, you know,

it's certainly the Islamic world that it spread through, isn't it?

Came around to Europe, eventually becoming actually the cornerstone of European mathematics.

Anyway, yeah, whatever.

Move on.

Time to read your emails.

Oh, yes, please.

When you send an email,

you must give thanks

to the postmasters that came before.

Good morning, postmaster.

Anything for me?

Just some old shit.

When you send an email,

this represents progress.

Like a robot chewing a horse.

Give me your horse.

My beautiful horse.

We'll start off with a little short email before we move into what is becoming a rich seam of correspondence.

Oh, really?

That's exciting.

But first, Isaac says, Dear Beans, as a resident of Putney,

I feel it necessary to refute Mike's comments about our fine district.

Yeah.

Let's just remind the listeners what you said about Putney, Mike.

I said that they had an optics problem.

I wasn't trying to suggest that everyone from Putney is the same.

He's backtracking.

He's backtracking.

Putney has a reputation.

There's a Putney cliche, a Putney type, an archetype.

It's not one anyone would choose.

Is it posh knob?

Yeah, sometimes posh knob, not necessarily always ultra-posh, but

there is a

G Lay wearing

entitled

Posh Stagdo type.

yeah.

So, Gile,

rugby top,

loud voice, loud,

speaking really loudly, but when you approach doesn't doesn't actually seem to be making a particularly good point, yes,

yes.

Uh, so Isaac writes, uh, Putney is a diverse community containing people from all backgrounds and walks of life, from twatty estate agents to purely evil investment bankers.

We have it all.

Yours faithfully, Isaac.

I think Isaac knows what I'm getting at.

So now we're going to move on to the

what I'm going to call a deep seam that I believe we've probably only just scratched the surface of.

Okay.

And it's potentially quite bad podcasting.

Oh, it's never stopped us in the past.

Because it is sexy cartoon animals in food shops.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, very good.

Yes.

This is a good seam, isn't it?

Just to remind people, I think this started when I talked about going to a pub in Germany whose logo was a sexy fox with human boobs.

Yeah.

Then somebody sent us a very suggestive bear that is the logo for pizza restaurant in America.

Yeah.

And we got quite confused about the different signals because it's about, from the illustrator's point of view, it's about how do you anthropomorphize the beast?

Do you give it a bear's legs but human breasts?

Yes, it turns out.

In that case.

There are clear answers to be found.

Or do you give it

human legs, but like the 16 teats of a grizzly?

And there are so many different ways you can play it.

So we've been sent lots and lots and lots of anthropomorphized sexy animals being used to advertise food establishments.

As we say, it's very visual.

So I think with each one, we need to give a good and fulsome description of what we're seeing.

Okay, so we're starting off with this one.

This is from Elizabeth.

She describes this as a horrible trick and tempters from Lewisham.

What the flip?

Twerkenjerk.

Twerkenjerk.

So I'm assuming this is.

Oh, my God.

I'm assuming they're saying jerk chicken, are they?

Is that jerk chicken?

Yeah, but there's a double entendre going on in there, isn't it?

Because it's a highly sexualized image.

There's a very sexualised chicken who's got...

She's got booty.

She's got booty.

She's got...

She's got big booty.

So she's sitting facing away from us, but is turning her head towards us.

It's a cockettish angle.

It's a cockettish angle.

So her hairstyle matches her sort of tail style.

It's flame red.

It's all very low.

There's an interesting illustrator's decision here, Henry, that I'm interested in

your take on.

Obviously, a cockerel like this or a chicken has a big tail, which obviously interacts with the buttocks, right?

Because it's got human buttocks.

Yes.

Because chickens don't have buttocks, right?

As far as we know.

I mean, chicken science, as you understand, as we all know, it's one of the last great wildernesses, isn't it?

Yeah.

No one really understands.

It's the deep blue sea.

Chicken buttocks.

What's happening at the back of a chicken?

The furthest reaches in outer space, the nature of a human consciousness,

the deep fishules in the bottom of the deepest oceans, and just basically what's a chicken.

And could it have buttocks?

Could it have buttocks?

So we've got a chicken.

It's wearing a bikini, basically, and filling out the bikini is a pair of human, humanoid buttocks.

And it's very much filling out that bikini, isn't it?

But they have given it also a chicken's tail.

Now, the chicken's tail interacts with the buttocks because it's nearby.

And what they've done is they've created in the bikini a sort of tail hole, I think, that it's going through.

Would you say that's what they've done?

Yes, I think we have to assume that's what they've done.

I think what also makes it more difficult,

and Papa says that that apart from the sort of sexy bear we got sent last time,

is that this

chicken, she may well be out of twerk, but she's about to go in a deep fat fryer.

That's true.

You're about to consume this.

But

that's the irony that hovers just beneath the surface of all food logos, really.

Yeah, like Mr.

Porky's pork scratchings, where it's a pig dressed as a butcher.

Yeah, that's particularly sinister.

Yeah, that's top of the tree.

Larry the Lamb is about to get his shanks removed.

Yeah.

Isn't it?

Porky Bill.

Yeah.

None of these characters are going to live beyond cheeky cheese.

Even cheeky cheese is going to get melted and put on a...

I think, though, it's possible that this particular chicken, Mike, may have dressed in this suggestive way in order to try and get out of being jerked.

Oh, in the only way she can.

Which is.

She's essentially offering the farmer a different form of jerk.

Oh, God.

Because the other, so there are so many odd decisions that have been made by the by the illustrator.

So so on the tail, because this is the kind of challenge that I might come across, and I've had to solve similar sorts of problems.

So with the tail, for some reason, they've gone for a fleshy protuberance through the essentially the problem

they've come up against is this.

They've wanted to give the chicken a big, sexy arse.

That's not messed about.

Yeah, that's not a point of debate.

That's not a point of debate.

So they've given the chicken a big sexy arse and they've stuck it it in some lime green sort of

bikini bottoms.

But what they want is they want to keep it looking like a chicken and a human.

So there are certain things you can't leave out.

So the chicken has to have the tail.

Otherwise, it might look like a human woman, but with a chicken's head.

And already, and facially as well,

it looks a bit mask-like, I would say.

It's a bit masked ball to me.

The beak and there's something about, yeah.

If you'll allow me, we'll come to the face in a minute, Sean.

Allow the illustrator to lead on this one, please.

Yeah?

Sorry.

Sorry.

You don't ruffle the feathers of an illustrator.

Mid-monologue.

But they can't have the.

So they need to stick the tail on, but they can't have the tail going through the.

How do you have the tail and the bikini bottoms?

If you remove the bikini bottoms, she's now wearing a bikini top but not bottoms.

It's too sexual.

Bearing in mind twerk and jerk.

Yeah, this is in a public space as well.

It's public space.

There's going to be family money that they can get on the weekends.

So it's something for the dads, Sure.

And Mike, I've already seen Mike

screen saving this.

I can read from your shoulder movements you've been doing

throughout all of us.

Well, it's something to look at in the interval of Dances with Wolves, isn't it?

But so they could have had the tale breaking through a hole in the...

in the big knee balls, but instead they've, I think they essentially they've chickened out, as it were,

of

making a proper decision because they've got a kind of fleshy protuberance

growing out of the bikini bottoms onto which the tail is grafted, whereas it'd be a lot cleaner if the tail was just coming straight through a hole in the bikini bottoms.

I would answer that.

So I think what you think is a fleshy protuberance, I take

as

some frilliness in the pants.

How interesting.

But it's the same colour as the chicken flesh.

I had also taken it as a fleshy, a fleshy protuberance, a bridge, if you will, from flesh to feather.

Oh, I see.

Okay, interesting.

Okay, so it's time for the next one.

The next one is also a chicken.

So this is an interesting point of

comparison.

Are you ready for another chicken?

Yeah.

So this chicken has been sent in by Nairi, and it's in Korea.

Blimey.

So for me, as an illustrator, this is much more successful.

Okay.

I mean,

this is really.

This is great.

They've illustrated it.

The chicken looks naked.

yes which is impossible she's pouting hard with a beak

hard to pout with a beak

she's also crossed her cloaca

she's crossed her cloaca suggestively

she's got she's got slightly old hollywood vibe yeah yes she's got

she's classy she's classy so much

she's hourglassy she's yeah can i say if you look back at the old chicken now the previous chicken looks looks so rough

how unattractive does that chicken now look compared to this one that's the chicken you used to date

or a yeah chicken like what is it where somehow there's a proper melding which you know you'd expect from a disney film or like high quality illustration work the eye rests comfortably on this kind of humanoid chicken that is quite sexy quite old hollywood really nice nicely done we've got a few in the in the inbox we'll save some for another week but this will be the last one for today.

This one is extraordinary.

It isn't a food place.

It's a tattoo that someone's had.

Okay.

Good.

My jaw just literally dropped.

Oh,

God.

There's nothing.

I mean, there's nothing I can say about that.

The expression on the fish's face.

So what we're looking at is an extremely distressed.

fish and what kind of fish is that it looks like a trout in it yeah yeah maybe a screaming trout A screaming, curled-up trout.

Quite a photorealistic trout.

Yeah,

with a pair of

unsupported boobs hanging off its chin.

I think it's fair to say idealized human boobs.

Its chin.

But

idealized to you, Paps, Henry.

Everyone's got their own.

Do you know what I mean?

Everyone's got their own thing.

My ones happen to be hanging off.

It doesn't have to be a trout.

It could be a sandwich.

Any kind of freshwater fish.

and certain kinds of prawn fine

what I don't like about this one is the ones we've seen so far have been quite cartoony.

Yeah.

Whereas with this one,

they're shooting for realism.

They are in the end even

without the bosoms, it would be quite a haunting image because the fish is looking right at you, but it's obviously in a state of abject despair.

So you've got the full body of the fish and it's kind of curled like it's jumping through the air or it's like maybe trying to get upstream or it looks like it's jumped out of the stream and it's the moment just before it realizes it's about to land in a in a bear's mouth basically yeah that the the fish is in a pose of extreme motion where it's curled yeah there's a lot of motion but the bosoms are completely static yes that's a mistake from in a way from the point of view of the illustrator there's no movement in the boobs is what you're saying there's no movement at all yeah so they should be sort of flying hither and thither

that would make the picture more or less distressing i don't know is there any sort of explanation to go with this this was sent in by Mountain.

Okay.

Mountain writes, not mine, but something I saw a long time ago.

Oh.

Is it something that's maybe big in the Angler community?

I think our angler's a bit more

Hell's Angel-y.

There's more crossover between Anglers and Hell's Angels than people realise.

Is it that?

Is it an Angler Gang?

It might be the insignia of an Angler Gang.

But more to come.

Apparently.

Yeah, I'm looking forward to more.

That's a very good.

Yeah, I'll hold some back.

Very good thread.

I'm enjoying this.

For next episode.

We've got

some real horror to come.

How can people see those, Ben?

On the Instagram?

We'll stick them on Instagram, maybe.

Yeah.

We'll stick them on Instagram.

They're good stuff.

Final email from Lyra.

Hello, Lyra.

We had a lot of emails like this.

Hello, Beans.

I wanted to share my condolences at the passing of Bluebell.

I always enjoyed hearing Henry talk about here, as it was evident that he loved her very much and that she enjoyed a great life under his care.

I shall be giving my own cat, brackets Natty.

Extra 11 treats tonight in honor of Bluebell's memory.

Much love Lyra.

Well, thank you very much, Lyra.

And there's been lots of lovely messages that have been coming in and I've received.

Very grateful for all of them.

And yeah, good to have Bluebell sort of back in the show.

And the Battersea

is rather lovely, isn't it?

So some very nice listeners to the podcast have set up

a Just Giving page at Battersea Dogs and Cats Home in memory of Bluebell.

It's thriving.

The target was 50 quid, and I think it's over 2,000 currently, which is brilliant.

I will put a link in the show notes if you want to donate in Bluebell's memory.

Yes.

Thank you, B.

Yeah, really nice.

Thank you so much.

It was a lovely, lovely idea.

Tommy Mills.

I'm so sorry to hear about Bluebell's passing.

I still think about her shagging that eight-eyed arachna form.

Yes.

Who we assume is dead.

It's worth remembering because even in grief, it's okay to acknowledge that people have complicated pasts.

Yes, exactly.

It's not about whitewashing Bluebell's history.

She single-handedly murdered over 500 moths.

So, you know, it's um

we're all a complex picture,

but um, but yes, Blue Bell was very special.

It's time

to play the ferryman.

Patreon.

Patreon.

Patreon.com.

Forward slash free bean salad.

Thank you to everyone who signed up at our Patreon.

Yes, thank you.

Patreon.com forward slash three bean salad is the place to go.

You can get video episodes.

You get lots of bonus episodes in the months that we're not doing episodes on the normal feed, we keep going through that month off over on Patreon.

And if you sign up at the Sean Bean tier, you get a shout-out from Mike from the Sean Bean Lounge.

You certainly do.

Where Mike was last night.

And

lovely Christmassy feeling in the lounge last night, wasn't there?

Because it was the

annual autumn nativity.

It was indeed.

Thank you, Benjamin.

And here's my report.

It was the autumn nativity last night at the Sean Bean Lounge, celebrating the autumn equinox in the style of Sean Bean's pagan beaker people ancestors.

Charlie, Catherine Holloway, and the Bishop of Bass and Drums with thanks to James hollowed out pumpkins for the players who, as tradition dictates, would wear the pumpkins over their heads then be naked from the neck down.

Jason Barnett, Nedley, Helen Ferguson and Andy Syme decorated the stage with hay bales and a compost made of leaf litter, herbivore turds and decaying farmers.

Lighting was by Carly Young, Nick Banbury, Julie Heyman, Rosie Rose and Tim Dobbs using tar-soaked flaming wicker hats.

Son of Son of Hosiah and Ketto opened the show with a traditional Neolithic stone dance, which was violently interrupted by David Rockley, Tim Goodings, and Kelly Tyson portraying Neanderthal raiders.

These were in turn subjugated by Iron John as a Roman, Jacob Horton as a Visigoth, Charlotte Ferber as a plantagenet, and Nicola Lord as a new romantic, before Alicia Hendrix, Nathaniel Adams, Alice Barry, Mika Bell, Tom Souter, and Rosie Stephen exploded onto the stage as the righteous Beaker People army on pigback and forced their vanquished enemies to become human grain silos.

A musical number followed with Zack, Tim, Shane Varley, and Alex Dodds singing Hotel California in the original Beakish.

This was accompanied by sacred Beaker People instruments including five-string flask played by Michael Phillips, Graham Smith on Double Readed Mud Chalice, and Zeb Taylor and PJ on Zilo Graduated Cylinder.

In the closing act, Peter Irwin had the honour of playing The Turnip Child, Jen Watling, Ali C and Kathy the Three Druids on sabbatical, McCull Waters and Winchester Moonbeam played themselves, and Isabel, Nick Severn, Mark, Jim Reilly, Catherine Hurley, Abby Sue, and Chris O'Brien played the seven stages of Sean Bean.

For an encore, David Siddle came on as a harvest mouse and was skewered, rotisseried, and eaten with a side of onion rings by Lucy Foley and Sarah McClory Rollings.

Thanks all.

Okay, we'll finish the show with the version of our theme tune.

Sent in by one of you lot now.

This is from Harold.

Hello, Harold.

In Finland.

Dear Beans, I'm writing to you from a cabin in the woods on the southern coast of Finland.

Where I have somehow managed to spend the summer listening to your podcast and not injuring my hand doing various bits of DIY around the place.

I work in classical music, currently as a music librarian for the Danish Radio Symphony Orchestra.

And I've thought for some time now that the main theme of the podcast would scan quite well onto the piece Jupiter from Gustav Holst's Suite the Planets.

Oh.

I finally sat down the other day to try and make it, and I think it's fair to conclude that I was half right.

So I attached the digital rendering of the co-slash recomposed jew bean ta the bringer of beans by gustav holst and ben partridge along with a full orchestral score so he has also sent the score yeah anyway uh so i look forward to listening to that uh harold thank you very much thank you and uh see you next time see you next time cheerio thank you bye bye bye

I thought that was absolutely triumphant.

It was really lovely, wasn't it?

That was good.

That was really, really, really good.

But I loved it.

Yeah.

Thank you, Harold.

Yeah, thanks.

Thanks, Harold.

Bye.