Testing Abby: How Well Does She Really Know Glennon?

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Speaker 1 Welcome to We Can Do Hard Things.

Speaker 1 Well, today...

Speaker 1 Love Bugs,

Speaker 1 we have the second installment of the newlywed game. The newlyweddish game.
Yes. Abby's in the hot seat today.
Okay. H-O-T-T,

Speaker 1 S-E-A-T. Right.
And I'm going to be asking her questions about you. But on Tuesday, we did

Speaker 1 me asking you questions about her. Okay.
And I know that you're wanting this to be a competition, Abby, because you want everything to be a competition. So

Speaker 1 to that end, I will remind you that I did really, really well. I think I got them all right.

Speaker 1 I mean, to be clear, I don't feel like it's just you doing really well because you answered the questions and then she answered. So I think you all did very well together, right?

Speaker 1 Well, I would suggest that the onus

Speaker 1 was upon me to guess what she would say about herself. All her responsibility was, was to respond authentically in her own feelings.
Right.

Speaker 1 Which I consider an accomplishment to respond authentically in your own feelings. So I also say brava to Abby.

Speaker 1 Actually, that's true.

Speaker 1 Very good. She could have thrown it.
Yeah, but I do think that that is the way that I'm thinking about this. Like Glennon,

Speaker 1 she was answering the questions. And so all of what we did before on Tuesday,

Speaker 1 that those are Glennon's points because she had to answer. them.

Speaker 1 And then I

Speaker 1 confirm or deny. So those points will go to Glennon and how it goes today, those points will all go to me.
Okay, great. Well, let the competition begin.
So you, sister, have to leave. Okay.

Speaker 1 Don't tell me twice. Get out of here.
Don't cheat. Cheaters never win except for actually the time.
Can you actually text me where you're sitting? I'm just going to sit outside on the stairs.

Speaker 1 Oh, no, no. You got to go away.
You can hear it.

Speaker 1 Yes. I went all the way upstairs in our bedroom and sat on the couch.

Speaker 1 And text me a picture of yourself when you get there

Speaker 1 you want her to verify yeah because she's there she is a cheater

Speaker 1 even though she says she's not competitive if you're not competitive then why ever cheat truth it's a great question she's yelling it's a great question either super competitive or super insecure one of the two maybe both

Speaker 1 all right is she gone or are we waiting till she verifies I hear her feet going up the stairs. I think we can go.
Okay. All right.
Abby Wambach. Speaking of cheating, have you looked at my questions?

Speaker 1 No. Okay.
She says no. Okay.
Abby, what's Glennon's favorite room in your house? This is difficult because, of course, it would be our bedroom

Speaker 1 because she loves sleeping. It's like her favorite thing when we get into bed at night.

Speaker 1 But

Speaker 1 because her art

Speaker 1 stuff,

Speaker 1 let me just give you a little bit of a visual.

Speaker 1 I do want to. We don't have an art room in our house.
We don't have enough space. So upstairs on the top floor where we live, the living room and the kitchen are on the top floor.

Speaker 1 So Glennon set up her art studio at the end of our dining room table.

Speaker 1 And then there's a little nook where she sits and reads in the mornings sometimes. So I would say that area of that room.
Like the room is a big room.

Speaker 1 So it's, you have the kitchen and the the living room and the dining room all like right next to each other. Yeah, it's all one open space.
Yeah. Yes.
Okay.

Speaker 1 So the reading nook/slash art section of dining room table. Yes.
But I also will say that she very likely could say the bedroom because she loves going to sleep.

Speaker 1 That's where the magic happens in my magic we mean sleeping. Okay.
Which one of you is most likely to initiate a home improvement project? Oh, Glennon, 100%.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 For an example, she wanted to have Christmas in June. Oh, right.
She needed like a change up of energy and she wanted to put up all the Christmas decorations. And I called marriage.

Speaker 1 I was like, no, that means I have to go get all the shit. I got to put up the Christmas tree.

Speaker 1 No, I don't want to. She loves home improvement projects.
She loves thinking about things. I mean, the amount of time we spend on Zillow and never buy a house is illegal.
It should be illegal. Yes.

Speaker 1 Anticipation is 90% of the experience, right? So you can just, you can just anticipate and anticipate and never do anything. And then you have 90% out of the 10.
That's pretty good. Yes.

Speaker 1 One of the things about Glennon is that she likes to start the projects.

Speaker 1 And then, you know, she'll go through the whole house and clean out every cabinet in the house. And I just have to wait until she's done.
And there's just piles of stuff to get thrown out.

Speaker 1 So it's, she's a starter of home improvement projects. Yeah.
For sure. She's the one that initiates.
Initiator, not completer. Okay.

Speaker 1 What is Glennon's favorite family tradition?

Speaker 1 I mean,

Speaker 1 the Christmas holiday season. Yes.
Literally. She's really good at that.
Other than anything related to the kids, what do you think is Glennon's proudest achievement?

Speaker 1 I think her sobriety.

Speaker 1 She's said that before. And I think that probably maybe even more recent is just this new,

Speaker 1 this newfound freedom she is experiencing, though it's been difficult to cultivate over the last couple of years of this therapy.

Speaker 1 This is how we kind of define sobriety now is just more peace, more freedom. So that definitely that.

Speaker 1 What's a challenge you've overcome as a couple? There have been a few. Well, I think the initial, like

Speaker 1 me coming into the family was a challenge and one that was really beautifully navigated by Glennon. She handled it so truthfully, so honestly with the kids and with Craig and not an easy situation.

Speaker 1 I also think that we've gone through phases in our relationship, in our marriage,

Speaker 1 that

Speaker 1 has allowed us

Speaker 1 through different forms of therapy, through our own individual therapy, has allowed us to, I think, understand each other better and communicate through conflict so much better.

Speaker 1 You know, early days, I just took everything so personally and it was like, I was so scared of her leaving me. And

Speaker 1 I think we really try hard not to take advantage of our

Speaker 1 softest parts and like our deepest wounds. But I think that she might say one of those two things.
Okay, amazing.

Speaker 1 Okay, the working through conflict, communicating through conflict, and the blending your family together. Okay.

Speaker 1 Who's more likely to burst out laughing at inappropriate times? Oh my God, Glennon. Okay.

Speaker 1 I think we've talked about it on the pod before, but we'll be in a conflict. We'll be in a like a fight.

Speaker 1 And I will come to bring some sort of grievance to her about if she's hurt my feelings and I'll be so earnest

Speaker 1 and sometimes I'll be crying or even in tears or really upset and

Speaker 1 I think her laughter is

Speaker 1 indicative of her guilt I think that there's an overwhelming sense of well, it's just an overwhelming emotion that's happening.

Speaker 1 And I don't know if she, I also wonder if it's because I'm being so earnest so quickly and so vulnerable that it's almost like offensive to her because she's not learned that mentality and that way of being.

Speaker 1 This is a real thing. We need to figure this out.
I want to do a podcast on this of like Glennon and I both are like earnestness is like

Speaker 1 has a disgust response. It's like a nervous system disgust or

Speaker 1 sabotage with the laughter

Speaker 1 or something that is so odd. I don't know if it's because we grew up in such a sarcastic home that like everything

Speaker 1 was sort of addressed like

Speaker 1 through the sarcasm prism to the heart of it. And just going to the heart of it feels so odd.
I don't know. Yeah, it's funny.
And unfortunately for me.

Speaker 1 The laughter also is like a like a levity in the intensity of my feelings. And so when she laughs, it makes me laugh.
And so it's like, it eases my

Speaker 1 upsetness in a way, or it eases the intensity of which I'm feeling. And I'm like, but it could easily go the other way.

Speaker 1 No, if you were like crying and she laughed, you could easily be like, oh, that's further evidence that I should be upset. One time I looked at her and I said,

Speaker 1 Do you see

Speaker 1 my sadness? And she said, yes.

Speaker 1 And I'm like, does it make you sad?

Speaker 1 And she said,

Speaker 1 yes. And she just burst out laughing.
And I'm like, oh my gosh.

Speaker 1 She's like one of the biggest empaths I've ever met. But when it comes to her most personal relationships, it's really, it's almost like too close to the fire.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Oh my God. That's amazing.
Okay. Who's more likely to forget important dates?

Speaker 1 Oh, this is a good one. I think she's going to say

Speaker 1 her,

Speaker 1 but

Speaker 1 we both forget things all the time. Timing, scheduling, we've got a lot going on.
Things fall through. What is something Glennon is always right about?

Speaker 1 Oh,

Speaker 1 facts.

Speaker 1 She's the fact finder. She remembers things.
I don't remember things. I generally

Speaker 1 have like the right idea, the bigger picture, but like in the focused factual moment, she wins. She's right about that.

Speaker 1 Grammar.

Speaker 1 Grammar. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Stories, like remembering, like storytelling and remembering stories.

Speaker 1 Like how it actually happened versus how you. I'm like a 75% correct storyteller.

Speaker 1 And she's like a 99er.

Speaker 1 Amazing. What is something she's seldom right about?

Speaker 1 Hmm.

Speaker 1 Numbers.

Speaker 1 Numbers. Numbers and time.

Speaker 1 Who's the better budget keeper? I am. Well, I mean, yeah, Glenna doesn't do any of that.
That's interesting because you did not used to be. Yeah.
You used to be a budget buster. I was a budget buster.

Speaker 1 And what I realized when we married was that Glennon wasn't going to take the reins. And so I had to do it.
What is a funny habit about Glennon that makes you smile? Funny habit. Okay.

Speaker 1 Something that makes me smile.

Speaker 1 This is going to sound so weird and it might not be funny, but like.

Speaker 1 I am so amazed at how much she reads books.

Speaker 1 You know, like like a normal person, like the person who's listening to this podcast, like, you know, when you have like 10 or 15 minutes to spare, like you grab your phone and you're like seeing what the kids are doing or, you know, looking at your emails.

Speaker 1 If she has like five minutes to spare, she's reading a book. I also think she might say

Speaker 1 that

Speaker 1 she's always fidgeting with her hands. Oh, yes.
She might also say that that's an annoying thing, an annoying habit. I think that she does.
I don't.

Speaker 1 I think it's cute because i know that she's like trying to like regulate oh i think it's funny um sometimes when we're watching tv she will draw one one word in cursive and she'll write it over and over and over again and erase it like fake erase it with her hand so with her left hand let's just like say she's right somebody will say a word that was interesting to her she'll start writing the word and then erase it and then write it again and then erase it and then write it But she's not writing it.

Speaker 1 It's just with her finger. Just with her finger on the couch, on her leg, and then she'll erase it.

Speaker 1 With her hand, she wipes it away. Wipes it away.
Like she's like, got to start over and then just does it. And so every once in a while, I'll say, what word are you writing?

Speaker 1 And she'll be like, details. I'm like, oh, that's fun.

Speaker 1 That is so funny. Okay.
When you're in the car, who controls the radio? Amma.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I knew it was going to be one of the kids. Okay.
One of the children for sure. If Glennon Glennon could have a superpower, what would it be?

Speaker 1 Probably to be less in her head to be, to not think so much.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 And she already has a superpower that she most would probably want, which is a speed reading. That's right.
I didn't know.

Speaker 1 I mean, she is a bona fide speed reader. She can read a book in like two hours.
You guys, she read three books. in three days when we were in Seattle for AMA soccer tournament just recently.

Speaker 1 It's humiliating because I actually am a very, very slow reader, which is a special slice of hell if you went to law school. And I didn't know that I was a slow reader, but I am.

Speaker 1 And like, we'll get an email 30 seconds later. It'll be like pages and pages of things.
And she'll call me and be like, what do you think?

Speaker 1 And I'm on like paragraph two. of the thing and it's humiliating because she's just i have wild i have to read next to her some emails like i'll be like oh look at this, or like a text, a longer text.

Speaker 1 And she's scrolling, you know, she's like going. And I'm like, I read three words.
Like, what the hell is happening? It's, it's embarrassing. It is.
It's embarrassing.

Speaker 1 I would have said speed reading, but I do actually think that she likes the whole vibe of it, like the sitting and the being there and the doing it. Yes.
So, yes. I don't know.

Speaker 1 This one I'm assuming that there's something that she's going to say, like to be magically dressed in the morning and comfortable in whatever she's wearing every day.

Speaker 1 Or to be invisible. Yeah.
I feel like she loves to observe things. She might just be like, I would like no one to be able to see me, but me to be able to see.

Speaker 1 Or maybe like having the ability to know what other people are thinking. Oh, oh, God.
That's my personal nightmare. I would never, ever, ever want to know what people are thinking.
Same. Oh.

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Speaker 1 Okay, if Glennon asked you to grab her a treat from the store on the way home, what do you buy?

Speaker 1 This is difficult because

Speaker 1 I would have to get two things.

Speaker 1 I would have to get something that I know she wants.

Speaker 1 And then I would also have to get her something that she thinks that she will want. So food and Glennon is a difficult,

Speaker 1 it's a difficult ask.

Speaker 1 So I would get something

Speaker 1 like a green juice. Okay.
Is that what she thinks she wants or what she wants? That's what she thinks she wants. Okay.
So green juice. She'll be like, that's what I want.
Thank you.

Speaker 1 But what she really wants is. what she really wants is like animal crackers or

Speaker 1 some sort of like Doritos or chip

Speaker 1 that

Speaker 1 she really likes. Okay.
So you have to get both. You have to get both.
Okay.

Speaker 1 I feel like I'm going to fail this. This is going to absolutely go poorly.
But maybe she doesn't know. She will be learning things, secrets about her that you've been keeping.
True. Okay.

Speaker 1 Fill in the blank. One thing Glennon would never do is

Speaker 1 sports.

Speaker 1 What does Glendon talk about the most?

Speaker 1 Patriarchy.

Speaker 1 And I would also say the children. Okay, patriarchy of the children.
Not many people know it, but Glendon is really good at

Speaker 1 a lot of things. It's so annoying.

Speaker 1 She's really good at

Speaker 1 distilling

Speaker 1 complex ideas simply. This is a thing.
She calls it the, what does she call it? The simple after the complicated that she feels like she's got to really dive super, super deep in. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And like immerse herself to come out with like the one sentence thing that she.

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 1 And it's so one of the things that I know about her is that when the moment happens when she's done it, when she's completed the simple after the complicated, she has this aura, this energy that's like, I fucking did it.

Speaker 1 She's like, read that. And I'm like, oh shit, it's going to be good.

Speaker 1 What is something you think would improve Glennon's life if she would only freaking do it? Honestly, at this point in her life, stop

Speaker 1 trying to fix herself.

Speaker 1 Ooh.

Speaker 1 Oh,

Speaker 1 that is compelling. Yeah.
And I might might get some backlash from the bot squad around this because I think that she's done so much beautiful work. And it's like, I think that we need to like

Speaker 1 be in all of the after of the work for right now. I don't know.
Work begets work. And then talking about your problems begets more problems

Speaker 1 at times. And I think we've done solid foundational building work, but I want to like live in it for a while.
Yeah. I don't want to jump to the next thing quite quite yet.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 I shouldn't talk about it. I don't know if I'm either to.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 That's very because, yeah, it could just be your own mental health could be just another like workaholism where you're like, I need to put up a new goal and a new goal and a new goal.

Speaker 1 And it's never good enough. And it's never enough.
Yes. If Glennon had to spend a hundred dollars on something, what would it be?

Speaker 1 Probably like a

Speaker 1 shirt or a mani petty.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Or like a massage or something. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 What sense would Glennon say is best in you?

Speaker 1 Okay. So Glennon's saying this about you, Abby.

Speaker 1 Your sense of time, your sense of humor, your sense of adventure, or your common sense? Adventure. Okay.

Speaker 1 What's Glennon's favorite season?

Speaker 1 Summer.

Speaker 1 More than five years ago, when Glennon wrote Untamed, she described herself as midnight blue.

Speaker 1 And a lot has changed since then. What color would you say she is now? What color would she say she is now? That's good.
I would say she would say about herself that she's

Speaker 1 kind of like this yellowish,

Speaker 1 beige-y.

Speaker 1 I think that she might say that she's getting closer to that pearly iridescent.

Speaker 1 Like she's on that continuum towards there, but I think that she thinks that she's not quite there yet. Amazing.
All right. You did it.
Okay. Let's see.
Let's see how the cookie crumbles.

Speaker 1 I think I'm going to do terrible. Glennon.
She's coming. I'm excited to see what she says.
Because it's interesting.

Speaker 1 I know her theory is that like the person who's answering is the one carrying the lift, but the person who's giving the answers about themselves is doing some serious introspection or not. It's true.

Speaker 1 Or self-delusion. Yeah, it's true.
And also, maybe she's. We'll see.
We'll see how I did it. We'll see.
I'm excited. Hi.
It went great. I'm not sure.
Uh-uh.

Speaker 1 I'm not sure. That's not your.
I'm not sure, she says. No one can ever be sure.
It's hard. There's like so many different options because I know you.
Well, I'm a. You're not a one kind of

Speaker 1 enigma wrapped in a puzzle. Wrapped in a contained multitude.
Trauma. Okay.
I'm just going to note that my wife does not look confident. We have a code at soccer, at Amma's soccer games.

Speaker 1 We can't sit next to each other because one time we didn't sit next to each other and the team did really well.

Speaker 1 So now Abby doesn't let me sit anywhere near her because she, of course, because she's not just a little stitchious, she's superstitious.

Speaker 1 So a couple times a day, a game, I walk over to her from my spot, far away on the sidelines, and I say,

Speaker 1 How are we doing? Because I can watch the whole game and not be sure how we're doing, right? I know what the score is. I understand.

Speaker 1 And if she says,

Speaker 1 she always only says one word, okay. She says good.

Speaker 1 But if she says it this way, good.

Speaker 1 That means we're doing shit.

Speaker 1 If she says, good,

Speaker 1 good.

Speaker 1 That means,

Speaker 1 oh, I'm so excited. We're really doing good.
So what I'm saying is when I came down here, I got a face that was more like, good. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Good. I think I'm feeling pretty good.
Well, there's so many answers to each question that it's like, how do I I know what you're going to say? It's, you know, it's hard. And I'm a

Speaker 1 shapeshifter in life. So I understand this.

Speaker 1 I did give a lot of two and three possible answers. Okay.
Now that's already a clue. I don't know if we're allowed that, but I will accept it.
I'll offer a few things as well. Okay.

Speaker 1 That could backfire because what if you offer one and then you offer two that weren't her two? So just things strategically. Number one, landmines everywhere.

Speaker 1 What's Glennon's favorite room in in the house? Glennon, what would you say is your favorite room in your house? The family room where we watch TV and read and sit and cozy and couch.

Speaker 1 She said that it was two things.

Speaker 1 The family room area where it's the reading of the nook slash the part of your dining room table where the art gets done. Yes, that's the same.

Speaker 1 And then also the bedroom because that's where the magic happens, which means sleeping, which is your favorite. Good.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I think that's right number two which one of you is most likely to initiate a home improvement project

Speaker 1 me for sure correct what is your favorite family tradition christmas great

Speaker 1 other than anything relating to the kids what would you say is your proudest achievement I mean, I don't know, work writing this team, Together Rising, my marriage, my marriage, my marriage. No, no.

Speaker 1 she gave what is your actual team that you're just not

Speaker 1 sobriety yes yes yes yeah sobriety that's right good job glennon

Speaker 1 you mean abby okay

Speaker 1 what

Speaker 1 is a challenge you've overcome as a couple

Speaker 1 so many that's right

Speaker 1 i think the first one that came to mind is power and control like vibes of we had like the honeymoon period and then after that there was whatever is the opposite of the honeymoon period

Speaker 1 it was no moon scorching daylight just like the moon has set the sun is arisen and now it's blazing sun period it's scorched earth period and it has lit up the sun all the things that were hidden by the moon and during that time, all of the things that I fell in love with Abby about started to drive me bat shit crazy and vice versa.

Speaker 1 And so we had a long couple years of like a power struggle and we had to learn how to argue and learn that neither of us were going to change really all that much.

Speaker 1 And so it was a time of acceptance. Yes.
So that was a toughie. I think a lot of people don't even get out of that phase.
So I'm proud of us for that. That's right.

Speaker 1 And I didn't necessarily completely say that, but I kind of said it with conflict and getting through it a little. And I feel like

Speaker 1 I feel like we would say it was half learning strategies and really working our asses off inside of conflict and half just a little bit of going dead inside, right?

Speaker 1 About just being like, well, that's who this is what it is. Yeah.
This is who they're going to be.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.
Sometimes you keep it alive by going dead inside. Right.
Yeah. Yeah.
There's a lot to be said in the world.

Speaker 1 Other people might call it radical acceptance, but going dead inside is another way of putting it. Yes.
I also said that.

Speaker 1 uh because i went back to the beginning and the way that i kind of came into the family i think was a really oh yeah the blended familiness of it all. Yeah,

Speaker 1 that was a challenge. But I don't feel like that's something we've overcome.
That's just something that we continue to deal with. And oh, so you think we've overcome the power and control struggle?

Speaker 1 Oh, mostly. I mean, I think we still get hitched, like a little hitch.
We still get a little hiccup,

Speaker 1 but I think mostly we have. Great.
Do you think mostly you have, Abby? She said, Great in a very high-pitched way.

Speaker 1 What do you think? Yeah, I mean, I think that the last couple of years have been interesting.

Speaker 1 We went through the first couple of years of moon, honeymoon, and then we went through two years of power control struggle. We were fighting a lot, like nitpicking.
And then we went

Speaker 1 two or three years with nothing. And then Glennon started her therapy again.
So that's brought up a lot of stuff because I think that you buried.

Speaker 1 stuff.

Speaker 1 Dead inside. I think you went dead inside.
And so now that you're you're really being true to how you feel,

Speaker 1 you are able to express yourself

Speaker 1 in certain ways that are, that is different than you did before, that it was just like either going to be your way or the kind of, it's right or wrong. Right.

Speaker 1 It was your way, which is right or it was wrong. Right.
And now you have a different

Speaker 1 way about it. And so the power and control.
is,

Speaker 1 it's almost like owning your discomfort with the situation situation rather than saying you're doing this wrong. Yes, I'm trying to regulate myself instead of controlling you to regulate me.

Speaker 1 Yes, and you're doing an excellent job. Thank you.
You're really working through it. So the issue itself is still alive,

Speaker 1 but the way that it's being handled is making it a non-issue, if that makes sense.

Speaker 1 That's so important. Would you agree? Yes.

Speaker 1 Just of that, that you are trying to regulate yourself so that you're not controlling her

Speaker 1 in order to regulate yourself. That's the whole thing.
So, like, this is something that happens all the time with kids, right?

Speaker 1 So, like, I can't handle that my kid is being left out instead of dealing with my grief and shame and fear and projections into the future about what it means that they're being left out and all of my anxiety about that.

Speaker 1 I will control the situation. I will find other friends.
I will make sure they're included, whatever it is,

Speaker 1 because I need that situation to regulate me instead of just like dealing. Yes.
Because then it's whack-a-mole. Yeah.
It's the whole shebang, I think. Yeah.
In relationships.

Speaker 1 That's the biggest thing in the entire world for me is learning how to be okay so that I can be of service to my people, not use my people to service myself and my own nervous system. It's good.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah. You're doing good.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And protect them because it's not, I mean, people think they're serving their people by protecting them. But really, that need to protect is serving your need to feel okay.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Our people are not existing just to make our not to be like, you know, cat scratching poles for us.
And I don't think we really realize we're doing it. No.

Speaker 1 But yeah, they need to know we're okay so that they can live fully based on their own desires and wants and feelings and not ours.

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Speaker 1 Who is more likely to burst out laughing at inappropriate times? Me, for sure, 100% all the time. Yes.

Speaker 1 Who is more likely to forget important dates? Me, 100% all of the time.

Speaker 1 Yes. Okay.

Speaker 1 What is something that you are always right about?

Speaker 1 Oh, Jesus. What am I always right about?

Speaker 1 I truly don't know. No, I know.
I think you're getting a little bit too bogged into the detail of it. Books.
Just be like, just pull

Speaker 1 perspective out. It's not about a specific detail.
Like emotional guidance of human beings.

Speaker 1 I didn't say that, but yes, that's true. Like guiding the ship emotionally, like what people need.
Yeah. Like being in touch with people's needs.
That is true. I said facts.
Okay. So facts, facts.

Speaker 1 All right. She said facts, whereas Abby's big picture ideas, she said remembering things.
You're good at remembering things. You're good at telling stories as they actually happened

Speaker 1 in a factual manner.

Speaker 1 And she also said you're always right about grammar. That's right.
I struggled to figure something out. Yeah.

Speaker 1 What would she say that you are seldom right about? I don't even remember what I answered here. You answered correctly.
Soccer? I don't know. Numbers and time.

Speaker 1 Numbers and time and dates and anything in the time and space continuum. Other continuums, spiritual continuums, emotional continuums.
Yes, but time and space reality is not my jam.

Speaker 1 Who is the better budget keeper? Abby. Yes.
What is a funny habit about you that makes Abby smile?

Speaker 1 I don't know. Okay, come on.
Just think about it. Like we're watching a movie.
Oh, she likes that I write with my fingers all the time every important word that people say,

Speaker 1 which I always am doing. What's the cutest part of it?

Speaker 1 Oh, and then I then I erase it so I can start over.

Speaker 1 So like, but there's no writing because it's just my finger on my leg, but I have to erase it. to start a new sentence.

Speaker 1 And that's what I do

Speaker 1 all day. Yeah.

Speaker 1 When you're in the car, who controls the radio? I do because Abby's driving, but I don't do it well. I'm sure you mentioned that.
And who controls you controlling the radio? The children.

Speaker 1 They just yell at me about what to touch. Touch that.
Bluetooth. Something about connecting.
Disconnect. Buttons.
Do it faster. Volume.

Speaker 1 Great. If you could have one superpower, what would it be? I forgot what I said here

Speaker 1 because this was a struggle for me.

Speaker 1 This is not right. This is not incorrect.
But my first thought was I would just be everyone I love superpower. So I could whisper in their ear what they should do next.

Speaker 1 So control over everyone.

Speaker 1 Shit.

Speaker 1 That is the one.

Speaker 1 That is the one. Because I always have to remind myself on that, Abby.

Speaker 1 What did I say? Okay, you said so that she could be less in her head, maybe more about you. Oh, that's right.
So that maybe she would just wake up and be totally comfortable all the time. Yes.

Speaker 1 And then we thought maybe like invisible so she could just do her observing.

Speaker 1 Not have to actually interact with people. Oh God, those are all good.
So yes, to all of those.

Speaker 1 But controlling everyone that you love is more accurate. I would call it guiding, loving.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you would. You would call it guiding.
Yeah. And I feel like, because a lot of times a day I have to remind myself because of my work in this area, like that person has their own higher power.

Speaker 1 So it would be great if i was saying that person has its own higher power and it's you so get in there

Speaker 1 you are the higher power of everyone you love oh my goodness i've never heard somebody say that and it's perfect for you and also

Speaker 1 incredible that is my worst nightmare is to be somebody else's higher power no imagine like our kids would be like go down to say their prayers and be like oh and then i would be i would get a message that's like oh ammon needs some help and then i I would be able to be like, it's okay, honey, you're perfect.

Speaker 1 Blah, blah, blah. I could just like,

Speaker 1 yeah. So I can't.
I'm going to get you a shade that has YHP.

Speaker 1 You're higher.

Speaker 1 You're just flying.

Speaker 1 Exactly.

Speaker 1 Exactly. And I want it to be like, I don't have to fly.
I want to just be able to teleport my thoughts. Yeah.
You know what I mean? Yeah. No flying.
That's too active. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Okay. That's like my worst nightmare when Alice says, I want to play an active game.
Oh, no.

Speaker 1 You need to learn from your sister. You know what I say to Alice.
I don't like that game. I don't feel like crawling on the ground.
I don't want to play that. I don't.

Speaker 1 Alice looks at me like, oh, I'm sorry. I thought you said, I don't want to play.

Speaker 1 And I'm like, I don't. I don't like that game.
She's like, you don't like that game?

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 1 How is that relevant? My mom does so much shit she hates. Exactly.
Why are you telling me these things that don't matter to me? Get on the floor and crawl like a giraffe.

Speaker 1 Does it matter that you don't like this, Aunt Dee Dee?

Speaker 1 Okay,

Speaker 1 if you told Abby to grab you a treat from the store on the way home, what does she buy for you?

Speaker 1 I don't know. I'm fucking suck at this game.
I don't know. What do I like for treats? You're doing great.
Candy, a kombucha. Oh, that's close.
Close.

Speaker 1 A juice.

Speaker 1 Explain Abby, or I can explain Abby the answer, which was illuminating and wise. Okay, so you don't know this, Glennon, but what Abby has to get for you as a treat

Speaker 1 is actually two things.

Speaker 1 One, which is the thing you will think that you want,

Speaker 1 and one, which is the thing that you actually want. So the kombucha are the juice, but then also the Twizzlers.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 yes, the green juice is the thing you will think that you want, but the thing you actually want is some kind of like animal cracker or Doria or chips or something.

Speaker 1 Like a hostess cupcake with the cream inside. I mean, you've never bought that in your life.
Well, maybe you should bring it home every once in a while. That's oh, she's telegraphing things right now.

Speaker 1 Yeah. I love a hostess cupcake with the cream inside.
I've purchased those for myself. Yeah, there is a level of this is the thing I should have.
And then you better also get me the Twizzlers. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Do you even know me? Okay.
One thing Glennon would never do is.

Speaker 1 What's something I would never do?

Speaker 1 Throw a party?

Speaker 1 That's good. That's true.
She said sports. Oh, yeah.
Sports. Yeah.
Well, that's sad for me, but yeah. Okay.
What is something

Speaker 1 that Abby thinks would improve your life if you would only freaking do it?

Speaker 1 Maybe like just relax and have fun and do more joyful things and stop like worrying about making everything better and like growing and working and doing the work and doing the work.

Speaker 1 And like, what am I working on all the the time and can you just ever fucking relax and be okay what's the hell's the problem that vibes yes yes that's what i said

Speaker 1 okay not many

Speaker 1 people know it but glendon is really good at

Speaker 1 i have no idea this is really hard the getting to the simple after the complicated that you're really really good at like diving in and distilling really complicated things very simply and that that gives you great joy okay but everyone knows that that's why i'm a writer and a podcaster.

Speaker 1 That's like literally my whole thing.

Speaker 1 Yeah, no, but

Speaker 1 that's right then. No, it's the question was: not everybody knows that.
That's like the only thing people don't. It's the only thing I'm doing.

Speaker 1 Hold on a second. Tell us.
Do you know?

Speaker 1 I was hoping for something that was hidden and like another thing.

Speaker 1 It would be like if Abby was like writing. She's a really good writer.
Yeah. Or like if I was like soccer.
Abby's really good at soccer.

Speaker 1 Well, okay, I will tell people this. Not many people know this.
Not many people know this, that Glennon knows all of the rules of the game of soccer and she is not pretending. Oh, that's a good one.

Speaker 1 Thank you. That's better.
Yeah. So people think that because I do the bit,

Speaker 1 the funny stick as a stick of like, I don't get the soccer, that I don't know anything about sports. But actually, I know a lot about sports.

Speaker 1 That is a vehicle that I use, that humorous, I'm an alien, I've just landed, I've never seen a soccer game

Speaker 1 that beginner's mind of it is something that I use as a joke to talk to people about soccer because when Abby and I first met and I started learning all the stories about the women on this team and it just started to blow my mind I promised myself I would get as many people as possible from my little world to soccer and I felt like the middlemen between people and sports is so gendered and so like ridiculously male and so meant to turn people away that it would be funny to have another sort of middleman inviting people in who didn't know much, but I actually really do know what offside is and lots of rules.

Speaker 1 Amazing. Probably more rules than I do, honestly.
She probably knows more rules than I do. She's like,

Speaker 1 what is that? And I'm like, I don't know. I never knew any of the rules.
I just complained all the time. Just complain.
That is the rule. Complain about every call.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 What do you talk about the most?

Speaker 1 Just family and

Speaker 1 my family, everyone in the family. Yeah.

Speaker 1 The children and the patriarchy. Yes, the children and the patriarchy.
Yes. What would you say is the best thing in Abby?

Speaker 1 Her sense of time, her sense of humor, her sense of adventure, or her common sense?

Speaker 1 A sense of adventure. Yes.
What is your favorite season? Well, we don't have seasons in California, but

Speaker 1 I like all the seasons.

Speaker 1 But you have to pick one that I said.

Speaker 1 Okay, I guess I'd say fall/slash winter because it's like, I like the candles that are of the pumpkin and I like the idea of football in the air, even though I don't want it on.

Speaker 1 I said summer because the kids are off of school and you get to see them more and you love that. I do.
I love summer when the kids are home and don't have to go to school. You're right.

Speaker 1 And then also right after summer comes fall. And then right after fall comes winter, which is Christmas.
Basically, she loves the seasons because it's, we're always changing. Yes.

Speaker 1 There's always some sort of thing to look forward to. Yes, yes, yes, yes.
Okay, here's the last one: more than five years ago, you wrote in Untamed

Speaker 1 that you were midnight blue.

Speaker 1 A lot has changed since then.

Speaker 1 What color are you now?

Speaker 1 Purple. Fuck.
God damn it. Amazing.
Tell us why.

Speaker 1 Well, first of all, all of my

Speaker 1 answers are always aspirational.

Speaker 1 Okay. So, like that, like my writing.
Like, if I'm writing a book about something, you can bet I have not figured out that thing yet, but in about five years, I'm going to.

Speaker 1 I'm like my own self-help author. I'm like pointing myself towards what I think things could be, right? Right.

Speaker 1 Purple, because I feel like I'm entering a sort of time in my life where I need to be the like solid, solid,

Speaker 1 grounded crone

Speaker 1 matriarch

Speaker 1 of the family, which is has an element to me of the like divine feminine royal situation. Like I need to be sitting in my sovereignty on a fucking throne,

Speaker 1 unmoving.

Speaker 1 scepter in hand,

Speaker 1 letting the people come to me like I'm I'm an oracle.

Speaker 1 When you're the good of the realm. Yes.
And I mean the children. Okay.
I don't need anybody else coming to me like an oracle, unless you want me to be your higher power.

Speaker 1 Well, I'll have an opt-in button for that. But

Speaker 1 so purple,

Speaker 1 a little touch of royal, a touch of, listen, everybody, we did the best we could. All right.

Speaker 1 Now you go ahead and you do the best you fucking can and then come back to my throne and you tell me how that fucking goes for you.

Speaker 1 That's my vibe that's so good it's quite a vibe well done well done i like i like viewing you oh yellow why did you say yellow i said yellow beigey like you're coming into um

Speaker 1 i don't know i just see like pearly iridescent you said yeah that's nice thanks babe but yours your answer was good okay i love you i think you did great I think I did worse. I think you did great.

Speaker 1 Yeah. I think you all did great.
Thank you, sister. That was fun.
It was very brave of you. And I feel like I learned some new things about you, which was a real treat for me.
Oh, a real TR.

Speaker 1 All right, well, thanks, team. We can do hard things.
We will see you back next time. You know what we should do?

Speaker 1 Let's put these questions in whatever the places where we put things for people to find it who are in the pod squad so that they can ask their people these questions.

Speaker 1 These are good question starters for dinners and stuff. Love it.

Speaker 1 Yay! Okay,

Speaker 1 pod squad, we love you. We will see you back here next time.
Bye.

Speaker 1 Bye.

Speaker 1 If this podcast means something to you, it would mean so much to us if you'd be willing to take 30 seconds to do these three things. First, can you please follow or subscribe to We Can Do Hard Things?

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Speaker 1 To do this, just go to the We Can Do Hard Things show page on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Odyssey, or wherever you listen to podcasts, and then just tap the plus sign in the upper right-hand corner or click on follow.

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Speaker 1 We appreciate you very much.

Speaker 1 We Can Do Hard Things is created and hosted by Glennon Doyle, Abby Wombach, and Amanda Doyle in partnership with Odyssey.

Speaker 1 Our executive producer is Jenna Wise-Berman, and the show is produced by Lauren Lograsso, Allison Schott, and Bill Schultz.