The One Way to Get the Truth from Someone (Best Of)

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Welcome back to We Can Do Hard Things. If you have not, go back.
Liar, liar, pants on fire. Yes, everyone's pants are on fire.
Go back and listen to episode number 242, where we're talking about lying and truth and what the hell is lying and why are we all liars. And we're talking to you about what our particular lying style is in hopes that you might figure out what your particular lying style is so that you can have more compassion for yourself.
Yeah. And understand yourself.
And we're going to end it with hot take about the only way that they've identified for how to prevent people from lying to you. Oh.
Wait for it. It's a good one.
Oh, I don't know that thing. And also I'm thinking, why would you want that thing? Well, this is why you have to use it carefully.
Why would you want no one to lie to you? That feels so scary to me. No, no, no.
Not no one to lie to you. If there's a particular person and context where you don't want someone to lie to you about something.
Okay, great. Okay.
Oh, that's so exciting. Okay.
We, in the last episode, Abby identified her lying language as bullshitter. Bullshitter.
Like just someone who makes shit up. Briefly, how would you describe it, babe? In my need to want to seem smarter than I am, to know more than I do.
Everything that comes out of my mouth sometimes is not fact driven. Okay.
It's puffery. And that makes total sense that you came from the soccer world.
If people had to be like, you think you're going to win this game? Of course you had to be like, hell yeah, we're going to win this game. We're amazing.
And I feel fully confident, even though you're like, we're likely going to lose this match. Yeah.
Like, yeah, that never, we never really thought we were going to lose any match. First of all, second of all, there are some times in my family's life that my belief without fact is really good.
I do know that. Oh my God.
She believes with no evidence. It's reckless.
It's beautiful. Your bullshitting ways can be very, very beautiful and helpful.
Also her next book, The Beautiful Bullshitter. Yeah.
And what I would say about bullshitters is, you know, I've had a few experiences where Abby's been out of town and someone's visited me in my home. And what I want you to know is that it's the worst thing that could ever happen.
We just sit there. No one talks.
No one says anything. I don't know what to do.
I don't know what to say. I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing.
There's so many beautiful things about the bullshitters, but one is that they're entertaining and they bring everyone together. And shoot the shit.
Shoot the shit. Whatever shooting the shit is, it's helpful, okay, for other people to do.
So I'm going to need some help figuring this out. I'm going to do my best description of what Abby and I have figured out my lying languages.
I'm calling it a puppeteer. What my kind of lying is, is constantly believing that there is a way to present a fact or information that is the right way that will make everyone who's listening to it feel a certain way.

That is the fact is released in the most favorable light to everyone that believes that there should be a filter on every sentence that comes out of every mouth that is considering the effect of the thing that they're saying on everyone.

So beautiful. So, well, that's sweet.
I mean, it is. It is so beautiful and also.
Exhausting for everyone. Well, for you, it's got to be really.
I'm exhausted just listening to you say what you just said. Yeah.
Okay. So we're trying to think of examples, which by the way, is like every day, but we were thinking of one that you were involved with because that would be fun for you.
So before your birthday, this is like a crossing of both of our lie languages. This one story, which is why we thought it'd be fun to share.
So we gave you a gold chain. Oh God.
Yeah. A gold necklace.
We gave you a gold necklace. So beautiful.
Yes. And we, we were, Abby and I were in bed.
Cause that is of course where most of our stories start. It was 8.04.
Right. Right.
And you were at the foot of our bed. We gave you the necklace and you opened it and said, it's so beautiful.
And then Abby said, I found it on the thing. I was looking through the thing.
I ordered it. I, whatever.
I got that for you.

I thought that you would like it.

I, whatever, whatever.

Okay.

And then you said, Abby, I love it.

Thank you so much.

And then you left.

And then I was quiet.

I was quiet at Abby.

You were quiet in her direction. Yes.
I was extremely quiet aggressively. And Abby always knows right away.
Like, you know, so she knew what happened, but she pretended like she didn't know what happened. So she was saying, what's wrong? What's wrong? What's wrong? You're like, what's wrong? Please don't say what's wrong.
What's wrong? I really want to know want to know I definitely don't want to talk about this yes so here is what I would say about it is true it was true that Abby found that necklace it is also true that we discussed what we were going to get that I had three things on my list that day that she had three things on her list that day that order the necklace was was on her list, that it is true that she ordered the necklace. It is also true that it is a deeper truth that in our marriage, we energetically do things together.
It's like communal property, communal duties, communal gift. Right.
Like for example, on Christmas morning, every time my kid opens a present and all the adults around, I'm not like, hey, kid, I ordered that. I sent it.
I would have. Right? Okay.
So. See you in hell, Santa.
I did all of this. Right.
So this is a crossing of our lie languages because Abby is important for everyone to know what she's done in that moment. It is important for me to control the narrative.
I am always trying to control the narrative. So very recently, we're going to the mall.
One of my kids has asked to get something. The other kid has asked to get something.
Abby and I have agreed that it's more important that this other kid gets this thing, that trip.

Abby will look at the first kid and say, we're not going to the mall for your shit.

We're going for hers.

I might die inside at that moment. That is true.

I might say, we are going to the mall for two different reasons that are equally important. I am constantly wanting to present information in a way that makes everyone feel a certain way.
And so everything that everyone says feels like a minefield to me. I'm constantly going behind people, changing what they just said.
So this person hears it a certain way, changing what you said, changing how you said it, why you said it, when you said it. Why did we have to say that right now? Why isn't that a truth we held back? Why didn't we wait till next month to say it? It's like a God complex or something.
It's a fear of letting things just be. It's the reason why if you relate to the Taylor Swift mastermind song, it just, that made me feel so seen.
It's like this idea that there's a way to control the truth that will take the edge off. That'll take the edge off that will make, I think sometimes

it's selfish. It's like what will make me look the best.
Yes, that is true that that's the reason why I did that. But it's also true that I did it for this other reason.
So can we focus on this other reason? Because that- Oh, I see what you're saying now. I see what you're saying now.
Okay. So like truth, raw truth is not fit for human consumption.
We need to take the truth and filter it through the light most favorable. And on the other side, now it's a consumable.
So this is why you feel the need to put your fingers on and touch and edit things that are happening because you can keep the truth but make it come out in a way that you feel like reflects you better or impacts others better. Yes.
And so what I think is interesting about that puppeteer way, I think a lot of that has

to do with parenting for me. Like I'm thinking about everyone.
I'm thinking about everyone's

feelings. Yes.
And so what I think is interesting about that puppeteer way, I think a lot of that has to do with parenting for me. Like I'm thinking about everyone.
I'm thinking about everyone's feelings, but I am also always thinking about what the way the kids are seeing me as their mom, as their parent. So I'm also filtering it for the way that it's going to, you know, make me feel like a good mom or like a good ex-wife or like a good new wife or like a

good mom or a good writer or whatever. So what I think is interesting about this control freak,

in quotes, puppeteer kind of lying, which is like controlling and manipulating and filtering the

truth, is that I think whereas Abby's core fear is like, am I good enough?

Mine is, am I good? Mine has always been like, if people saw the complete full unfiltered, that would not be good. I understand what you're saying right now.
So you're like the comms director of truth. You're like, I am going to present the truth, but it's too unruly just to have the truth out there.
Like we can't come or we're going to the mall for her, not you. Because that is too subject to interpretation that might reflect in a way that you haven't controlled.
Whereas if you can take the truth and leave no room for interpretation

as to how it is presented,

then you can feel calm because you'll know the way everyone is receiving that.

You can't just leave it up to everyone else to interpret what happens because that is too scary.

Right. I'm just making it more beautiful.

What is the truest, most beautiful version of this moment is my version, right? So the PR, the comms, the truth's communication, truth's public relations. Yeah, that's it.
But I do think at the bottom of that is trust. Am I always willing to let everything be and that it'll be okay? No.
And am I good? Well, I don't know that. So I'm just going to like shade everything up.
I actually get that, that, that comms piece. I think I get that.
I mean, sometimes why it's so jarring to me. If John will just send a text, someone will say like, can you all come over? Can one of the kids go over? And he'll just be like, no, we can't.
And I'm like, well, that was reckless as shit. Like you have to give the context of how the, and I think it's this fear that like everyone's out there just waiting to decide that you're an asshole or something.
But if we just trusted that people are going to receive that information in a favorable way towards us, that would be a more calm way to live.

And I don't do it as much with other people. I would say I do it incessantly and exhaustingly with my family.
Like sometimes when the kids leave and they're not here or the one goes back to college or whatever, I feel like I can breathe in a way that I don't sometimes when they're present because I'm constantly trying to make control everyone's perceptions of everything. So do you think that that was like that pre-divorce or do you think that this is like you feel, I'm wondering if it's you feel so fearful at a deep level that they'll be like, you messed things up for the family by getting divorced.
So you need to prove everything's good. I'm surprised to hear you say that actually, because you seem so comfortable and at ease with your family.
I didn't know that you were so worried about how they would interpret things. I do worry about that.
Don't you think that that's true? Yeah. I mean, I can't speak for before I came, but I've heard you tell stories.
And I also think it's kind of confusing because parenting is a really big art of manipulation. Like it's, you're thinking about so much of what everybody's experiencing.
And I think that at the heart of it, it's so good because you want our children to all have a voice and to all think that they're, that they have been filtered before you say something or before you are doing something. Maybe it's harder for people to understand who have young kids.
Like I think when your kids get older, it's like you start to see them seeing you. They go away, they meet other families, they have their own takes on things and you start to see them in a way where they're seeing you for like the person you are.
They're not seeing you as an all-knowing God. They're seeing you now as like a person who made decisions, who lived a certain way, who makes choices, who is like a certain way about money and faith and relationships and friendships.
And so you're seeing yourself through their eyes for the first time. And part of the filter is trying to explain myself.
Interesting. Trying to like, through every interaction, explain myself.
And it's being this age and looking at your parents and like, you're stuck in the middle. I'm judging my parents.
I'm looking backwards and judging them. And then I'm looking forwards.
I'm looking at my kids judging me or so I think, and it's just very. Do you think that they're judging us? I think that's their job.
Right. That's their job is to like, look at us and figure out what they want to keep and what they don't want to keep.
And I feel like with every truth I'm trying to filter, I'm saying like, I did a really good job. Like I did the best I could.
I'm the best version of a person I know how to be or I can be. And I made all these decisions for that.
I feel like that's what I'm constantly doing. And I would like to not do your work.
You're showing your work so that if they decide you got the answer wrong, they can at least go back and see, oh, this is how, these are all the steps that she, and I see the justification and I see, it's like when a teacher is like, show your work, show your work. That's what you're doing constantly in your head is putting that in the world.
It does not feel relaxing. I was just going to say, you just said that you don't want to do this anymore.
No, I don't. I think having a kid home from college really, it's not, it has nothing to do with the kid.
Like they're not doing anything. They're just like standing there.
And I'm constantly trying to, I don't know what I'm trying to do, but I would like to just relax and be myself and let everything be and not be constantly energetically justifying or explaining or filtering. Not thinking I have to present some correct version of motherhood or parenting.
I'm sure it's not relaxing to them. Do you think that this is like your attempt of, especially as they get older, of creating an environment where they would want to come back to? Is this like biological, like this urge to build this stability of a fortress of a family that they want to be a part of? Because they have to now opt into our family.
I think that what it is, is like, it's transferring this idea that someone's going to pat me on the head and say, good job. You did it right.
You did it well. It's like, okay, I don't do that with whatever God is anymore.
So now I do it with the kids. The kids are God and they decide, this could be totally wrong.
I'm just thinking of it right now, but I do think I have transferred that locus of you get to decide whether I am good or worthy from this idea of a God in the sky to the kids. Their opinions.
They get to decide. They'll justify.
Yeah, which is totally insane.

But that is what i think i mean i'm not i'm not fucking suggesting this anyway yeah i'm not advocating for this approach no and i'm just telling you what's happening no and i did not expect to talk about that but i do think in the particular ways of okay when you give to someone else the power of approving of you or not, you will lie your ass off or filter your ass off or control your ass off to get approval from that person, whether or not that person's asked you and that can make a liar of you. Wow.
I bet a lot of people listening will relate to what you just said.

Or they've turned it off.

No, I don't think it's confusing at all.

I think that it makes perfect sense.

And I also think like it's a super vulnerable thing to say out loud, right?

Because like all of us want the approval of our kids.

All of us want to feel like we're good at parenting.

And all of us want to feel like this whole sacrifice that parenting and all of us want to feel like this whole

sacrifice that you've just made to raise three children was worth it.

And what will it be that you feel like will have been like, oh, now I know that I've done

it.

I've done it right.

What will it be?

Yeah, it's nothing.

Good question.

There's nothing. Damn good question.
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Exclusions apply. Visit the website for full terms and conditions okay sister have you thought about what your lying style is so we have we have abby the bullshitter we have me the puppeteer or the uh truths pr person mastermind the master like the Truths PR person because you're a Truthspin doctor.
Yeah. Yeah, that's good.
I don't have a word for mine yet. Okay.
All I know is that my friend recently, we had some drama going on and she was like, how am I going to deal with this? Because

I just show everything on my face. Like when I see this person, I'm not going to be able to fake it

and they're going to know exactly what's going on. And I was like, wow, I am the opposite of that.
It alarms me and scares me how much I am able to not show on my face exactly how I feel. So that I feel like, I don't know what kind of lying that is, but I kind of admire and I'm jealous of people who have the kind of integrity of their insides with their outsides, who if they don't like someone, it shows on their face.
Or if they're offended or hurt or in conflict that it shows on the outside as much on the inside because I could go a lifetime and not show it. Wow.
It's like the masked, the hiding. Yeah.
An actor kind of. Yeah.
Maybe. I don't know that it made me feel like a real faker baker.
Pretender. Because I'm like, that's cool that you don't have that.
Can you give us an example? If I receive information about someone or something, I have a very intellectual approach to it. I'll be like, let me process that deceit or let me process that betrayal or let me process this new information that I know about you and make it make sense in my head.
And then with that, let me know what I need to know about how our relationship needs to be in the future. But you don't necessarily need to know that.
I need to know it. And what I put out to you, the access that I give you,

the information that I give you about myself

might totally change and you might never notice it.

You might never notice that we're having a different relationship than we had before.

But to me, I know it's a different relationship.

This is so interesting. So it must drive you crazy that I want to say how I feel all the time.
This makes me think of when I'm mad at somebody in our work life and you're like, yes, and we will handle that, but it may not be wise for you to share that you're angry with that person right now. That's what you're doing.
You're like, oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. We'll get them in the end.
But okay, that's fascinating. This reminds me of your threeness with the Enneagram.
You're not feeling it. You're intellectualizing it and planning it, but you're not necessarily getting to the feeling phase or sharing.
So is it about control? Yes. Okay.
Because this is asinine to me. This whole way that people do things, that's when I'm always like, shrewd like a fox, shrewd like a fox.
I know, you always say shrewd like a fox. And I'm like, fuck.

Because it's like, you know, too swift. Never be so kind.
You forget to be clever. Never be so clever.
You forget to be kind. Okay.
So that person has betrayed me. That person is untrustworthy.
I don't trust that person as far as I can throw them. Let me go share with them about that.
wait, what the fuck? You just said that person is not trustworthy, but you're going to go give your insides to that person for them to do whatever with? I actually don't follow the logic. Okay.
So that feels adaptive to me. That's good.
When you have decided someone is completely untrustworthy,

you are of course not going to open yourself back up. You're going to find another way forward.
When does that approach become maladaptive? When you try to work every relationship out inside of yourself. Yes.
Yes. Because what you're missing out on sometimes, like I would say for me, I get myself into situations where I shouldn't have said anything and it's fucking disastrous.
Yes. But what you miss sometimes is the moment where you say, wait, I'm, that hurt my, it's not somebody who is evil.
It's not somebody who is, should be cut off for the rest of the life, but part of relationship and the reason for integrity is not you. I think you think that being in the moment or being integrated is stupid, but it's not always just stupid.
It's because sometimes you say something and there's a magical moment where the other person actually is meeting you there. And then your relationship becomes something bigger than the sum of its parts.
Yeah. But you're keeping it the magic all the time in the sum of the parts because there's no mixing the oil and the water.
It's like we are in relationship and that means I handle my business and you handle your business and I'll see you in hell. I mean, I sometimes it's not even the sum of the parts.
Sometimes it's just me plus what I think about that person in my heart. do you have anybody that you're completely honest with that you feel vulnerable, that you feel like you can do this thing and not figure it out? I have like a, I do.
And I have people that I will never tell a lie to ever, little or big. I do, definitely.
but I think I do

try to over intellectualize and figure out what's going on and figure out if I have a right to feel the thing and figure out whether that's reasonable and figure out instead of just being like, this is the way I feel. Is it a fear of vulnerability?

What are we going to do about that?

Is it like the base of it,

like the bottom of it?

It's like a fear of actually being vulnerable?

Yeah, what's the base, the core?

I think it is.

And then I think it's also like,

I have a huge fear of being a burden or not handling my shit, taking up too much space in the sense of like, I only go to others if I can't handle it in all aspects, right? So make sure you've exhausted your internal resources before you go to anyone for like either help or support or working things out and so by default I think I handle a lot internally and it's like that saying if you only say what you know, you're only going to know what

you know. Like, I think that cuts me off from information.
It cuts me off from different ways

of seeing things. It cuts me off from, you know, what you're saying about the synergies of you

come out with a different output when you add a different input in. But I have a general aversion

when people can't handle their shit. Well, and I think that the world too is like one of the big complaints about women is that we're too much and we're too emotional and like any of those feminine tropes especially around this is probably even more aversive to you you're like fuck that'm going to prove that I can do it differently.
I think that you're actually one of the most audaciously capable people I've ever met. And so that's got to be a double-edged sword there because you're like, I can do a lot.
But in the context of lying, it's like, I have all the information I need. I have come to my conclusion.
You're out. But I'm also not going to let you in enough to know you're out.
Oh, so it's a faking. I can fake it till the end of time.
Yeah, because I guess a different way to be that if you're going to do it honestly would be you've broken my trust and I'm not going to do

this the same way. Totally.
And that would actually be like full of integrity. And if we think back to Janelle's at the last lying episode we did where Janelle was like, I lie to set a boundary.
That's why I was like, no, no, no, no. There's no lying to set a boundary.
You either lie to get an outcome you need or you set a boundary, but you don't lie to set a boundary. So I would have more respect for myself if I couldn't lie with my face.
It's like Lovie used to say to you on stage, if you didn't like whatever speaker was going on and she'd say, fix your because you glennon show what you're thinking on your face i know i do not so i admire that in people whose whole being represents how they feel so i think i would have more respect for myself if i if i would be like you know what love you you're awesome also this is different now. And I can tell you why or not, but I just wanted to explain that this is where I am and Godspeed.
Cool. But I don't.
I get it. Nailed it.
I don't know if it's good or bad. I'm just saying you identified a particular way of lying that I'm sure a lot of people will relate to.
Fake it until you make it. Yeah.
And I understand now. I understand when I email you and I'm like, I'm so upset about this thing.
And you will be like, okay, let's not say that right now. I hear you, but let's not email them.
That makes sense. To me, it feels like it's like passing ammo to your enemies.
I've just determined you're an enemy. Can I arm you? Okay.
And also, but I do want to suggest that it is deep embedded into us, you and me, sister, that the world is made up of very few friends actually who are all on this Zoom or are two producers who are friends. And then everyone else is an enemy.
Okay. So even that like framework is an interesting, nobody can be trusted from your perspective.
You have to control even what people think about us. They cannot be trusted.
And sister is worrying about arming anybody with anything against her. Cause everyone's trying to kill us.
Okay. Here's what we're going to do.
Pod squad, good luck figuring out what your lying style is. We want to know about it.
Yes. And here's what I want to challenge you two to do.
We have some, I think they're not Collins. We're reading these, right? Yes.
And they're so funny. I can't tell them.
Okay. But first I want to tell the people, I promise to tell them.
Oh yes. I'm sorry.
Oh yeah. So here there's all of these things.
Everyone thinks they can tell when someone's lying to them. First of all, polygraphs are not, um, admissible in court.
They're not admissible in court. They're not reliable.
Humans can only tell if someone is lying half the time. So great.
So just go ahead and guess because that's as good as what you think that you've figured out. All the things of like, oh, if they look up and to the left, that's telling they're lying.
No, that's also associated with thinking. So someone might be lying or they might be thinking.
So stop. You can just let yourself off the hook for trying to guess if people are lying to you.
The only way that they have determined that increases your chance of getting people to tell the truth, and it's so simple, it goes back to what we were talking about in the first episode, is if you ask people directly to tell you the truth. And this goes back to my theory at the beginning that there is no social contract that people will be telling the truth.
You actually have to say, I want the truth from you. So if you really need to know something, say to people this, I want you to say to me, I promise I will tell you the truth.
And then they say, I promise I will tell you the truth.

And then they say whatever they're going to say. Having this verbal commitment that they say, they have to repeat it back to you.
There is something in our makeup that when I say with my mouth, I'm going to tell you the truth, it decreases lies by 40%. Wow.
Some people are still going to lie, but I think it goes back to what we were saying in the first episode, which is that nobody knows if you want the truth from them. We're walking around all the time with all these socially acceptable quote unquote lies.
So you're telling someone that you want the truth from them and then you're asking them to commit to that. And a lot of people won't say that unless they're willing to tell you the truth.
Or they might be like, okay, they want it. I will tell it to them.
It's almost like you are creating your own social contract in that situation that doesn't exist outside of that. So when you were talking about that, I wanted to be like, that can't be right.
But actually I'm thinking about when Craig finally told me about the infidelity and we were sitting in a therapist's office and we'd been through four to five fricking sessions of therapy with us not telling each other the truth. And then something came up and the air was charged.
And I just understood and knew in the moment that there was something that neither the therapist nor he was telling me. And I actually did look at Craig and said, I'm going to go to the bathroom and I'm going to come back here and you are going to tell me every bit of the truth.
And he didn't say it back to me, but that worked. That's when I got the whole truth.
That's weird. And it works in any little thing.
You know, when people are like, oh, how did the kids do at the play date? They actually don't want to know half the time that they were fighting the whole time and their daughter was a brat and their son spilled the stuff everywhere and they were cussing the whole time. They don't want to know that.
They want to be like, what's great. See you next time.
But if someone says, no, I actually want to know the truth about this. So I'm working on something.
So tell me the truth. Then great.
Now I know you want to know the truth. I'll tell you.
Yeah. Or like if you call your friend, they're like, what are you doing? And you're like, I'm going to go get my bank.
I'm going to go get bangs cut. And they're going to be like,

okay. Or if you say, I'm going to go get bangs cut.
I want you to tell me the truth about that. They're going to say, do not cut your bangs.
Right? It is a different thing.

Yeah, it is. And it seems so simple, but it's very not simple.
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We're going to read a bunch of lies that love bugs around the world have told.

We are going to judge these lies, okay?

Whether this is a green lie or a red lie, because we're not going with white lies.

You two are going to decide whether these are green lies or red lies. All right.
Let's go. Here we go.
Lie number one. A girl I lived with two years ago thought I was stealing her yogurt out of the fridge.
I told her it couldn't have been me since I'm allergic to dairy. And now I still can't eat dairy in front of her or anyone from that friend group.
She made me a dairy fee-free cake for my birthday and the guilt is eating me alive. So good.
I think you go straight to the grave with the dairy situation. Yeah, this is a green lie for me.
You just don't, you don't ever tell her. No, you can't tell her it's gone.
I, that reminds me of the amazing thing where people are more likely to lie to prevent you from thinking that they are lying. That is one of the top lies that they find.
So it's like you, Glennon, when you're checking out at the grocery and the lady says, what kind of avocados are those? And you tell her they're organic, even though they're not organic, because you're so afraid that if you tell her they're not organic, she's going to think you're lying to get them for cheaper. So you just tell them they're organic.
I do that all the time. I lie so people will know that I'm honest.
That is one of the most common lies. And that's what this girl, she was so afraid to look like a lying thief that she lied and said that she was lactose intolerant.
So she couldn't have possibly been the lying thief that stole your yogurt. And I love her for it.
Yeah, that's beautiful. Okay.
In college, I legally married and then peacefully divorced a platonic friend, so we qualified to live off campus.

I want to call this lie a justice-based lie.

I believe in this sort of lie.

It is not right that marriage is the only kind of relationship deemed worthy enough to get special treatment.

So I believe in this lie. I think we should have more rights for platonic relationships.
Yes to this lie. That was from Alex Harrow on Twitter.
This one is from M Lockwood Porter on Twitter. My best friend and I wanted to go to a Blink 182 concert in high school, but we couldn't afford tickets.
So we told everyone in our extremely Baptist Oklahoma town that God called us to spread the gospel at an evil secular concert, but we needed donations to get in. We turned a profit.
Yes. That is a first class, brilliant, good job, M.
Lockwood Porter, brilliant. Well done.
This one is from Ken. My daughter Bryony had a show and tell day at school, which involved standing in front of the class and explaining all about their chosen subject.
Unfortunately for me, she had told her pals that she was doing it about her father's expedition to the Galapagos Islands and begged me to do the

presentation with her. So not only did I have the shame of having a lying fantasist for a child, but I also had to pretend to be a wildlife conservationist in front of 25 children.
I actually work in IT.

I love this father.

I love Bryony.

She's probably going to be some sort of writer. That is a big green lie for me.
So good. Good job, dad.
So I love that. So they went and planned together their presentation.
So Ken's like, soon then I'll show him the pictures of the huge ass turtles or whatever. And Brian is like, yeah, that'll be good.

That'll be good. Then we'll go to the next

slide. Imagine the teacher's like, I know Ken works at Microsoft.
It's weird that he went on

a Galapagos expedition. Amazing.
I was told that every person gets 10,000 words per month.

If you reach the limit, you couldn't physically speak until a new month began.

All my dad had to say was, oh, careful.

You're already at 9,000 words.

And it would shut me right up.

That's so good.

I have no notes.

So good. I have no notes so good i have no notes

this one's brilliant i tell my son that when he lies a red dot appears on his forehead that only his parents can see it only goes away when he tells the truth can we talk about the levels of parenting in this? So this parent, in order to teach their child not to lie, is blatantly lying to them. That is some good stuff.
That's really good. This one is Dominique Maddy.
One time for my own entertainment, I pretended to not know what a donut was. But my ex-boyfriend's friend mentioned wanting one.
Every time he tried to explain it, I said, oh, you mean a bagel? We haven't even talked about lying just for fun. Yes.
Lying just for fun. I give a big green light too.
I like to do that. Oh, you mean a bagel.
Imagine this person just losing their shit so frustrated. Yeah.
So good. Okay, go ahead, baby.
I recently told my son his soccer game was canceled due to the snow. Oh, yeah, this is good.
In all fairness, it was his third game of the weekend. I knew the team had plenty of subs and it was flurrying.
Oh, my son is only seven. Enough is enough.
Sometimes I adhere to this fully. Big green light.
Big green light. Soccer is never ending and it's too much.
And you really have to take it into your own hands. Yeah.
When they say soccer is life, they mean literally that's your life now. That's exactly.
Football is life. That was Aaron R.
Okay. At work, for whatever reason, when I first started, I told a girl I was married.
I was never married. It got so out of hand that I actually bought a fake wedding ring.
The whole hospital thinks I'm a husband. I've had friends call in pretending they're my wife.
It's so crazy out of hand now that I think I would be fired if the truth came out. That's so good.
That was posted by anonymous. I know how that feels.
That's like when I told the school that Madonna was my aunt. It can go on for a really long time.
I still feel extra close to Madonna. My upstairs neighbor called me Mark in a conversation, but since that is not my name, I didn't realize she was actually referring to me, so I didn't correct her.
The second time she called me Mark, it was from a distance as she was leaving her apartment and I was getting in. I registered that she thought my name was Mark, but I felt it would be weird to shout back that my name is not Mark.
The third time she did this, I had a bunch of friends over on the stoop outside the apartment and I didn't want to correct her in front of a group of kids because I didn't want to embarrass her. All of my friends looked confused that she was calling me Mark, but after she went inside, I explained to them that I was too deep into it now to correct her.
They disagreed since she had only done it three times at that point. That was seven years ago.
I am Mark. Oh my God.
Can we talk about lying because you're sweet? That's sweet. It's like so much of lying is just being sweet.
You don't want to like hurt the other, make the other person feel stupid. So you just are like, I would prefer instead of hurting someone's feelings to be Mark for the rest of my life.
Yeah. But then see Vanessa episodes.
That's how you end up three years into a relationship, still pretending to get an orgasm with the same shit that didn't work three years ago because you're Mark now. Okay.

Trying to be sweet. You get yourself into a situation.
I'm not saying it's not a slippery

slope. It is.
My freshman year of college, I was walking around campus when a very friendly

looking girl waved at me. I'm awkward.
So of course I waved back. The next week, the same thing.

This began the weirdest saga of my life. For the next two years, we greeted each other as old

Thank you. I'm awkward, so of course I waved back.
The next week, the same thing. This began the weirdest saga of my life.

For the next two years, we greeted each other as old friends every time we came across the other.

She knew my name somehow.

I never could figure hers out, and it was way too late to ask.

I just pretended I knew who she was and why she knew me.

Finally, I joined the honors program and entered my classes for my thesis. Who should be in this class? But mystery girl.
I was horrified. I wouldn't be able to pass it off anymore.
First day of class, we are all sitting there chatting and she greets me by name again. I had finally learned her name from attendance, thank God.
Someone asks finally, oh, so you two know each other. Where'd you meet?

Silence.

I stare at her.

She stares at me.

Finally, she breaks down, whaling, I don't know.

I don't know, okay?

We've just been waving at each other for two years and it was too late.

She's standing in my wedding next spring as one of my bridesmaids and very best friends. That's awesome.
That's so good. That's by miscellaneous on Reddit.
This is a good one that everyone should use. You definitely tell your kids that when the ice cream truck music is on, it means that they're out of ice cream.
That's just an old nugget. Also, I can only imagine all the lies we could collect about the Tooth Fairy.
Okay. I told my daughter the Tooth Fairy was delayed by Hurricane Sandy after forgetting her dollars several nights in a row.
And since then, the Tooth Fairy has also been subject to storms, heavy cloud cover, and heat stroke. She is super flaky.
He's stroke is really elaborate.

I like the he's stroke point.

It's just a bed of lies, what we tell them.

I think I've mentioned when Chase finally asked me,

oh, also warning, turn this off for listening with kids.

When I finally told Chase about Santa,

because he looked at me, sister, he looked at me and said, you need to tell me the truth right now. Yeah.
He did. And I said, Santa, the spirit of Santa is real, the giving, the love, the joy, but it's in me.
It's in me and your dad. Okay.
We are, it's real, but it's a different kind of real than you think it is. Right.
And he said,

is that what it is with the tooth fairy too?

And I said,

yeah.

And he thought for a few minutes quietly and then he goes,

is that the thing about God too?

And I was like,

I don't know.

I don't know. Oh, what a tangled web we weave.
I love this one because it just reminds me of my stupid lives when I was little. My friend told me he got NSYNC's autograph.
And when he showed it to me, it was just the word NSYNC. Put it on a post-it note.
I don't know why that makes me so happy. He faked it with just the word NSYNC.
Dominic Cain on Twitter. Thanks for that, Dominic.
Let's end with this love bug who has just, you know, really, there can be such joy in lying proven by Casaville on TikTok.

Fun fact, they say.

You can just lie.

You can just do it.

I do it a lot.

And here are some of my favorite lies I've told recently.

If someone is studying in a major and I know the name of a professor who teaches that,

I'll just be like, oh my God, you're in that major?

Do you know Professor Smith?

He's my dad.

One time I told someone that I've never paid for anything in cash in that major. Do you know Professor Smith? He's my dad.
One time I told someone

that I've never paid for anything in cash in my life. I've never personally handled cash, I said.
If you're trying to make plans with someone and they suggest a bar or something, it is so fun to say, oh no, I can't go there. I've been banned.
And then just not elaborate. bringing joy back to lying.
Thank you. All right, loves.
We hope that you will think of your lying style. What else do we hope for these love bugs? I hope that you will not add being a liar to the list of things that you have shame about because then we should

all just be carrying an equal amount of shame on behalf of the society that we live in which requires us to lie on a daily basis and then makes us feel shame for doing so so I say that. And also try to think about one person that you can in your life have a totally honest relationship with, in which you trust them enough to have accountability to them and from them to the truth, whatever that might be.
Because the studies show that even in the relationships where we have the little lies or the big lies, they're actually less satisfying to us. It's that same thing of like, if you're presenting only part of yourself and someone loves you, you don't actually feel their love because you don't trust it because it's not the real you.
So if you just can think of one person and you trust them enough to say, I've been thinking about it and I was thinking we could have a thing with us where we just are always honest with each other. Like I can always handle the truth from you and I would like to be always honest with you.
How does that sound? I don't think we need many people like that. But I think if you just have one, it's a whole different way of living.
And I don't think we can or should try it with a shit ton of people. But just think about that.
And maybe it's a level of adventure in life that you haven't had yet when you can be in a relationship like that. I love that.
And if you can't do that, just get a diary. I know that sounds silly, but I feel like a diary is people's way of having an honest relationship with someone.
Totally. Like with themselves.
If I ever lost my phone, I'd be fucked. Because my notes section has some stuff that...
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We mean it. We're not lying.
Swear. We'll see you next time.
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