138. Melissa McCarthy: Sex, Nuns & Ghosts

1h 6m
1. What Melissa’s parents said when she told them about her dream – and how those magic words set the course of Melissa’s life.
2. The green and red flags Melissa tells her kids to look for in a relationship.
3. Why Melissa is a shark, and her brilliant strategy to “Run Around the Block” in almost any difficult situation.
4. Melissa’s and Abby’s experiences with ghosts.
5. How Melissa learned about sex – and the way she talks to her kids about it.

About Melissa:
Melissa McCarthy is an award-winning writer, producer, and actor. Her work includes Bridesmaids, Can You Ever Forgive Me?, Ghostbusters,The Heat; Identity Thief; This is 40, The Hangover Part III, The Starling, “Gilmore Girls”, and “Samantha Who?”. She won an Emmy Award and People’s Choice Award for her role in “Mike & Molly” as well as an Emmy for “Saturday Night Live”.

Melissa and her husband Ben Falcone founded On the Day Productions and have produced Tammy, The Boss, Life of the Party, “Nobodies,” “Little Big Shots,” Superintelligence , Thunder Force, “God’s Favorite Idiot,” and Bob Ross: Happy Accidents, Betrayal & Greed.

TW: @melissamccarthy
IG: @melissamccarthy

To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Press play and read along

Runtime: 1h 6m

Transcript

Speaker 1 What if you could bleach and color without wrecking your hair? With K18 Molecular Repair Hair Mask, you can. It's not another quick fix with false promises, it's hair science.

Speaker 1 The patented K18 peptide repairs hair at the molecular level. That's really, really deep.
So you can keep coloring and still have hair that feels soft, strong, and bouncy.

Speaker 1 Because yes, we can do hard things, but your hair doesn't have to be one of them. Shop K18's mask at Sephora Sephora or get 10% off your first purchase with code hardthings at k18hair.com.

Speaker 1 That's code hardthings at k18hair.com

Speaker 2 Hi pod squad. Welcome back to We Can Do Hard Things.
I can't, we have a treat and a half. It's like 12 treats.

Speaker 3 Dozen treats. All right.
We have a box of dozen treats.

Speaker 4 Yeah. I've never been called a dozen treats.

Speaker 2 Oh, wow. Do you hear that voice? Okay.
When we heard that this person agreed to be on our podcast, we had a text chain celebratory moment. We were so freaking excited.
Okay, you all, Melissa McCarthy.

Speaker 2 Hi there.

Speaker 4 Oh, my God. I'm so excited and weirdly nervous to be here.
Sick. I don't know why.
Sick. Sam, I'm really excited.

Speaker 2 Melissa McCarthy is an award-winning writer, producer, and actor. Her work includes Bridesmaids, Can You Ever Forgive Me, Ghostbusters, Gilmore Girls, and Samantha Who.

Speaker 2 She won an Emmy Award and People's Choice Award for her role in Mike and Molly, as well as an Emmy for Saturday Night Live. I'm laughing just thinking about all of my dads.

Speaker 2 Melissa and her husband, Ben Falcone, who we're excited to talk about.

Speaker 2 Your relationship is so beautiful, founded On the Day Productions and have produced Tammy, the boss, Life of the Party, and Bob Ross, Happy Accidents, Betrayal, and Greed.

Speaker 2 Melissa McCarthy, welcome to We Can Do Hard Things.

Speaker 4 Wow.

Speaker 4 What a way to start it off, guys.

Speaker 2 I must be old.

Speaker 4 It's weird to hear a list of that because they're all like, they're such a part of us. But when you hear it in the list, you're like, All right.

Speaker 2 I'll take that.

Speaker 2 Not old.

Speaker 5 Badass.

Speaker 2 Badass. Amazing.

Speaker 5 And I actually want to start with you and I both went to Catholic schools growing up.

Speaker 4 Yes.

Speaker 5 And I wanted to know how your experience was.

Speaker 4 You know,

Speaker 4 it was good and good and bad. I think, you know, I was raised Catholic.
There were certain things about it that I liked. I did find myself often getting kind of sent to the principal.

Speaker 4 for things that now as an adult, I think back and I just had questions. Like I was like, well, I remember one of the sisters saying,

Speaker 4 I think it was like our first foray into world history or world religions. And I mean, I'm from a small farm town in Illinois.
So anything with world in it, I was like,

Speaker 2 I'm exotic.

Speaker 4 I'm wondrously exotic. And I just didn't know anything.
I mean, there was no, you know, there's no internet. You could only, if you didn't experience it, you really didn't know much about it.

Speaker 4 And I was little, you know, I was probably in like third grade. And I remember her talking about other religions.

Speaker 4 And then it was also kind of mentioned, you know, but of course, the best one is Catholicism. And they said, well, why?

Speaker 4 I said, isn't the whole thing that maybe none of them are better? And then the energy changed.

Speaker 2 Yes, it did.

Speaker 4 And I said, how do you know that you were right? And she was like, because God would have told me.

Speaker 4 And I wasn't being as, I really wasn't trying to be a smart ass.

Speaker 4 I said, well, okay, so God would tell you if you're wrong, then why, why hasn't God told everyone else that they're wrong if they are wrong?

Speaker 4 And she just said, you should go to the principal's office. And I'm like, well, I'm like the only nerd that actually had questions.
I'm like, regarding the reading.

Speaker 4 And they just didn't want to talk about it. And I get that you're questioning someone's basic fiber and what they've built their world on.
But I was so ready to be like.

Speaker 4 We'll just kind of talk about it. And

Speaker 4 I never liked the priest to nun ratio. I felt that the nuns got very subservient.
And I remember being in second grade being like, well, that's weird. It's like almost bowing when he came in.

Speaker 4 And I was like, hmm, that doesn't seem right. I didn't know why I didn't like it, but I didn't like that.
And

Speaker 4 so many of the lessons that be kind, love,

Speaker 4 there was so much goodness to it. I don't practice anymore.
I don't think you have to be inside a certain building to have a relationship with whatever you think of as God.

Speaker 4 And if you do and find solace in that, I think it's great. I, I don't.
I think it's become a bit of a business, which I'm sure would really infuriate so many people, including my family.

Speaker 2 But I credit you.

Speaker 4 I can't believe I just said that. I'm in trouble.

Speaker 3 Your principal's knocking, Melissa.

Speaker 5 I credit you, though, because you actually asked the questions, you know, in eighth grade. I was too scared.
The Catholic guilt is real.

Speaker 4 It's real.

Speaker 4 Yeah, I think because I was younger, I didn't even know yet to be like, oh this isn't going to go over well i didn't know it was a trick question do you have any questions means don't have any questions right other than saying boy all those other religions are wrong okay i can always kind of say the wrong thing it's my talent

Speaker 3 it's a beautiful thing something you said that i felt very attached to

Speaker 3 you said

Speaker 3 I'm a shark. I have to keep moving, keep moving.
Like, you know how sharks, they stop

Speaker 3 if they stop moving. And I am like that too.
And I just wondered, is that your way of being? Or do you ever worry like I do that the need to keep moving, keep moving is just

Speaker 3 an effort not to be still?

Speaker 4 Yes, on both sides of the coin. I think it is my natural tendency.
I'm constantly moving. And I do always say, like, I'm a shark.
I have to, I have to be in motion, be moving, doing something.

Speaker 4 I like doing things.

Speaker 4 And I do think I fill my day probably with too much. Sometimes Ben is very calm and very steady.
And sometimes he's like, it is okay to stop

Speaker 4 and just, just be in the room instead of me being like, I haven't lifted that chair in a year and a half. What's under it? He's like, you've been working for six weeks.

Speaker 4 I'm like, I'm going to roll the whole cat. Like he walked, the poor man walks in and like, the couch is literally turned upside down.

Speaker 4 And then I'm down down another wormhole of like, should I put casters on this thing? And he's like, I don't know what's going on. You've worked for six months.
This is your first day off.

Speaker 4 And like you have taken apart furniture.

Speaker 4 But then I'm like, well, I have to, because I want to make it nice for everybody. I'm just constantly moving.
And then I'm trying, it's like something I work.

Speaker 4 I like it because I like cuttering and fixing things for people.

Speaker 4 But yeah, I mean, sometimes Ben's just like, you know, I've come in and like holding up clothes to his back because I like shopped for him. And he's like,

Speaker 4 you know, sometimes it may cross over. It's too much.

Speaker 4 Like I just, I'm like, hey, should we go into your closet and like make outfits?

Speaker 2 He's like, no,

Speaker 4 we should not. We should not do that ever.

Speaker 2 You two.

Speaker 2 Okay. So Abby and I, we've watched every movie of yours again.
This last, we've been hanging out with you and we've been reading a lot about you and Ben.

Speaker 2 And it's just like you work together, you raise your girls and it's beautiful. And the way you talk about each other is so beautiful.

Speaker 2 And Abby, we read one interview i think ben was talking about you and abby looked at me and she goes they remind me of lesbians

Speaker 2 first of all thank you for the compliment yes it's our ultimate compliment

Speaker 4 i'm always like you're such a better human than i am he's just literally like there's no

Speaker 4 There's no other side of Ben.

Speaker 4 He is exactly who he is. He's the weirdest person I have ever met.
And that's high praise. And he's just steady and like endlessly kind.

Speaker 4 Like he takes a minute. I, I mean, he always calls me fists of justice.
Like I immediately, I respond like the second something happens, I'm like, oh my God, what are we going to do?

Speaker 4 This is outrageous. And Ben's like, we could sit and think about it.
And then probably there is a way to help. And I'm already like, my car is in reverse.

Speaker 4 I'm out the driveway, just like flipping off the universe. And he's like,

Speaker 4 you want to come on back? Because there's actually a hotline and we could help the, I'm like, okay. He's like, where were you driving to? I'm like,

Speaker 4 I don't know, but I figured we need to activate. There were two physicists that were like, there's the mosquito and the,

Speaker 4 what is it? Not the barge, but it's like a submarine. And one is just spinning and turning, spinning and turning, and the other just slowly goes.
And they worked together as a team for years.

Speaker 4 And they said, you know, both were, both were great, but they could never have come up with all the things they did without that weird dynamic.

Speaker 4 And there's something to that. Like he is, I mean, you couldn't take two of me.
Right. That seems terrible.

Speaker 4 And probably two of Ben wouldn't be a good balance either. But yeah, he's, he's just the greatest.
I feel like I can't even imagine a minute of my life without him. Like not a minute.

Speaker 5 And I love that he shows himself in certain moments of movies that you star in. And I actually have become accustomed to like waiting for it.

Speaker 2 And we pause it.

Speaker 4 I'm like,

Speaker 2 they're like, oh, kids, kids. That's Melissa's actual husband.
And they're like, we, I know that. You do that every time.

Speaker 4 I mean, it's my. I know.
I always try to get him to do bigger parts in it. But when he's directing, as he usually does with our stuff, he's like.
No, that's a terrible idea.

Speaker 4 So he only takes the littlest parts, but I'm like, or you can take a bigger part. And he's like, no, someone is supposed to be steering the ship.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Right. Right.
But I know that.

Speaker 3 Your fists of justice.

Speaker 3 I've been working into my lexicon lately, run around the block, run around the block. Can you tell us about your skill? Because I, too, I'm a shark.
I too have fists of justice.

Speaker 3 I'm like a way less talented Melissa McCarthy. That is not true at all.

Speaker 4 My God. I often say, because I'm often failing at it.
I'm forever trying to get better at running around the block, which does mean

Speaker 4 to me when something happens that I don't immediately jump up. I think because we do run our own things, I take great responsibility with how people are treated.

Speaker 4 And since I get to have that umbrella that I'm so grateful for, I also take it really serious that if someone is being like treated poorly, that I'm like, what?

Speaker 4 And I'm like, I have to go south of this right now. And I...
I just lurch at everything because I think that just can't happen.

Speaker 4 And if you can do something, and often I I feel lucky enough that I am the one that can come and be like, you can't do that. You can't talk to people like that, or you can't behave like that.

Speaker 4 What I always wish is that I said I would handle things so well if when I heard that, I went, I'll be right back. And if I could just actually run a block, then I would come back and be like,

Speaker 4 John,

Speaker 4 I need a chat with you. Instead, I go immediately to John and I'm like,

Speaker 4 yelling at people.

Speaker 4 And like everything, everything is on like 22. And then sometimes I do run around the block and then sometimes I don't.

Speaker 4 And I always come back in and especially people that know me really well, they're like, did you run around the block?

Speaker 2 I'm like,

Speaker 4 I did not.

Speaker 2 I did not run around the block.

Speaker 4 I thought about it and I didn't run around the block. And then sometimes if I do run around the block, I'm literally like, guys.

Speaker 2 I ran around the block.

Speaker 3 I ran around the block.

Speaker 4 And

Speaker 4 it's progress. It's progress until I don't run around the block again.
So if that made any sense.

Speaker 2 it makes total sense perfection sense and i love that waiting time though that waiting time if you really physically did it

Speaker 4 i i feel like it's like the car ride home where you finally are like well now i know what i would have said yeah or any audition of amazing in my car on the way home yes because you've just waited and calmed down so it's what i'm always striving to be better at my confusion about that with myself is I understand

Speaker 2 fists of justice when I have forgotten to run around the block. But what I don't understand about myself is when I'm about to start fists of justice and I think I should run around the block.

Speaker 2 And then I think, nope,

Speaker 2 it's like purposely overriding self, even when you know that you're going to be apologizing later is an interesting pattern.

Speaker 4 It's the best and worst. It's like, I'm glad that I'm not like, I don't care.

Speaker 3 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 4 I would hate that. I'm sure Ben and many people that know me would be like, we could, we could hit a sweet sweet middle.
We could probably hit a sweet metal middle between these two things.

Speaker 4 But I'm not a great gray area person.

Speaker 4 I'm working on it. It is a study that does not come naturally for me.
I kind of sound like a monster.

Speaker 5 No, the beauty of people like you and my wife and Amanda, because I'm a little bit more like Ben,

Speaker 3 we need people like you.

Speaker 5 because we are here and put on planet Earth to like support and kind of keep peace and we're calm and cool and patient and collected but nothing would go right if you guys weren't around i could not agree more

Speaker 2 could not agree more with that analysis so you and ben are raising two girls they're two teenage girls yeah okay same

Speaker 2 so

Speaker 2 What we have figured out, which is upsetting about parenting,

Speaker 2 is that in order to teach them shit, you have to know what you think. Parenting is, it almost demands that you figure out what you think about things because they're going to ask you questions.
Yeah.

Speaker 4 Yeah. And then you have to back it up.

Speaker 2 Yes. Right.
Evidence. Yeah.

Speaker 4 Gone are the day. My parents, who are wonderful, wonderful human beings, like at that age, if you asked a question that was kind of complicated, they would be like, don't worry about it.

Speaker 4 And like, and we were done. And they said it lovingly.
They're incredibly loving people, but we just didn't delve into things. And

Speaker 4 that's not the way of the world, which is great. But do you feel like you are clarifying

Speaker 4 your thoughts

Speaker 4 more than you thought you would, just because you have to explain it? Yes.

Speaker 2 Our family is always having these ongoing conversations about sex. And I just, I'm like, she usually takes over because she has less shame and guilt and confusion.

Speaker 2 And then she didn't think she was straight her whole life. It's just, it's confusing for me.

Speaker 3 You're like, you're coming to me?

Speaker 2 Did you figure this out? I figured it out five years ago.

Speaker 2 But I'm confused about everything. So I'm like, sex is good and beautiful, except sometimes it's not.
Just be open, except also be closed. How do you talk to your girls?

Speaker 2 If your girls were asked, what's mom's philosophy about sex? What would they say?

Speaker 4 First of all, I think they would be like, oh, I'm so cringing right now.

Speaker 2 Some of us.

Speaker 4 I probably don't do enough. Like we've had the talk, which I did incredibly awkwardly because I knew it was going to come.

Speaker 4 I always thought, I'm like, I'm going to do it so early because we're open about anything and they can come to me for anything. But there is still a Midwestern

Speaker 4 former Catholic person that's like,

Speaker 4 talk about sex, the lightning bolt comes down.

Speaker 4 And so I just very awkwardly.

Speaker 4 Right before she went to school, the day they were going to talk about it at school, I'm like, I'm certainly not having someone else initiate that conversation with my child.

Speaker 4 So we were literally in the backyard picking up after the dog. So it's really a wonderful time.

Speaker 2 And I was like,

Speaker 4 why two people love each other?

Speaker 4 And Vivi just goes, oh, dear God, is this happening? And I was like, there are some

Speaker 4 different parts of bodies. So be it.

Speaker 4 But at least I was like, just let me be awkward and get through it. But

Speaker 4 I think they know that as long as whoever you're with

Speaker 4 is incredibly kind and respectful

Speaker 4 and only lifts you up. We talk about that a lot, that

Speaker 4 whoever your love will be, and it may change and like you don't have to pick a side, you can pick a side, you don't have to pick a side, you never know what's going to happen.

Speaker 4 I said that person has to be incredibly happy when you succeed. and incredibly supportive when you fail.

Speaker 4 And if those are ever switched, I said, that's the biggest red flag on earth and nothing should make you feel uncomfortable. Like,

Speaker 4 you know, we have it. I probably, now, thank you.
Now I have to go have a better talk with them.

Speaker 2 No, it's so good.

Speaker 4 I've been skirting it.

Speaker 5 No, it's so good.

Speaker 3 As the air turns crisp and the holidays draw near, comfort becomes the best gift of all. That's why I love quints.
They deliver layers that last.

Speaker 3 Think sweaters, outerwear, and everyday essentials that feel luxurious, look timeless, and make holiday dressing and gifting effortless.

Speaker 3 Right now, I'm obsessed with their camel double-faced merino wool trench coat. It looks straight out of a designer showroom, but costs a fraction of the price.
The quality is honestly incredible.

Speaker 3 Warm, structured, and so elegant, it instantly feels like you are wearing something very much on purpose.

Speaker 3 I have so many items items from Quince layered underneath, like button-ups and sweaters, but the coat is my current fave.

Speaker 3 And Quince really does have it all: 100% organic cotton cardigans for under 50 bucks, oversized blazers, classic denim, silk tops, and fleece hoodies.

Speaker 3 Down outerwear, everything to make you look chic, and most importantly, be cozy this fall and winter. Step into the holiday season with layers made to feel good, look polished, and last from Quince.

Speaker 3 Perfect for gifting or keeping for yourself go to quince.com slash hard things for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns now available in canada too that's q u i n c e dot com slash hard things to get free shipping and 365 day returns quince.com slash hard things

Speaker 5 It's interesting because I came into the family six years ago, so I'm not biological mom. And so there was a little bit of like easer, easier transition in the conversation for me to have.

Speaker 5 And because of the way that we were brought up, Melissa, I have completely counteracted the Catholicism that lives inside of me. I didn't

Speaker 5 ever get the sex talk. I didn't ever

Speaker 5 get the sex talk.

Speaker 3 And then when we were in Catholic school, it was all, what is the word?

Speaker 5 To not have sex talk.

Speaker 2 Abstinence.

Speaker 4 Abstinence. Abstinence.

Speaker 2 You seem to, it seemed to really stick in with you no i well

Speaker 4 i was i was a rebel from the beginning but it's just it's a very reliable strategy so it's a shame you didn't it's so hard to have conversations it is and they they know so much like my kids are so much more aware of the world yeah and they're such little activists i always say like i don't think anyone will ever tread on them they just won't stand for it which is like i don't know what

Speaker 4 how i could be more proud of them they're just so well balanced and they're not afraid to speak up if something, you know, is really wrong.

Speaker 4 Both of them are like, they will stand up and say, This is not right. This is not okay

Speaker 4 when it's really needed. And I think I do have to talk to them more about all of that.
So they're, they'll be like, oh, geez.

Speaker 4 But then I know the more you talk about it, then they will come to you and they will actually talk to you about it. And I, not a word was ever spoken.
Like with my parents,

Speaker 4 I

Speaker 4 don't think I've ever told this. God, my parents don't know how to get on a podcast.
I think it's okay.

Speaker 4 I remember it was in grade school toward like, it must have been like seventh or eighth grade. And we went to, there was a sleepover at someone's house.
I can't remember.

Speaker 4 And out came some kind of sex book. And I was like, oh my God, like I'd never seen anything.
Before I actually laid eyes on it, people were like,

Speaker 4 somehow parents got brought up. And I said, well, I know my mom and dad don't have sex.

Speaker 4 And they

Speaker 4 how do you well like first of all i think they all knew like how dumb are you

Speaker 4 uh and i said i know for a fact they can't have sex sex because my dad cannot do middle splits

Speaker 4 and i literally thought i was like boom so

Speaker 4 they were like

Speaker 4 are you talking about middle like middle splits and i was like I didn't know that there was an erection. So I thought, well, it points down from what I know.

Speaker 4 And so the only way to have sex is I thought both participants had to do middle splits. And then I guess kind of like

Speaker 4 wedge, keep like wedging. And then somehow that's how a baby is formed.
I literally was like,

Speaker 4 neither of my parents could do middle splits. And just the room of these young girls were like,

Speaker 4 I don't know where to even begin with what you've said.

Speaker 2 Thank you for the rest of that.

Speaker 4 I really thought, I was like, so, and I'm not even realizing like, you have a sister. Clearly, they've had sex at least twice.

Speaker 4 yeah but i was like nope they're not that flexible yeah but you were like they must have been at some point that flexible yeah but i've been taught a lot about the you know mary and the immaculate conception which

Speaker 4 another question that i was like don't we assume that you know there has to be such shame that she can only be good if she got pregnant by not having sex like even as a kid i was like i don't know what sex is but i'm pretty sure it's part of having a baby and they're like no no

Speaker 2 it's not.

Speaker 4 Yeah.

Speaker 4 Here's the thing. You don't have to have sex to have a baby.
I'm like, what a thing to be teaching. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah. The immaculate conception.
The flip side of abstinence is good news. Yes.

Speaker 3 You can have a baby or not have a baby using abstinence.

Speaker 2 Speaking of your parents, didn't you describe your sweet parents as having been carved from marzipan?

Speaker 4 Yes,

Speaker 4 I do, especially my mom. My dad's feistier and he is always on the move.
He's 82.

Speaker 4 He's unbelievable. He remembers everything.
He moves 100 miles an hour. He's constantly like, what do you need? What do you want to do?

Speaker 4 And, you know, and I actually just went home and visited for a week. So I was in Plainfield, Illinois, and we would just sit in the backyard.
And it's primarily just them being like, oh.

Speaker 4 There goes that guy.

Speaker 4 There goes that guy. And it's another squirrel.
Uh-oh, look at this buster over there.

Speaker 4 It's the same squirrel, just in a different position of the yard. And then my dad just walking around with a fly swatter outside

Speaker 4 because he's going to put an end to those flies. I'm like, dad, if you just, we're not being bothered by them.

Speaker 2 You're hunting them. That feels unfair.

Speaker 4 So they're just, they're, I mean, at any given point,

Speaker 4 even when I remember when I called them, because I thought I was going to finish college in New York.

Speaker 4 And after like, I don't even know if it had been 48 hours, I was like, so I'm not going to go back to college.

Speaker 4 I'm going to do stand-up. And I was just waiting to hear the response.
And my mom's like,

Speaker 4 well, okay,

Speaker 4 probably.

Speaker 2 And I was like, what?

Speaker 4 I was like, do you have any thoughts on it? Well, I find those, I find fashion very unreliable. I was like, so you're encouraging me to go into the rock rock steady world of stand-up comedy?

Speaker 4 And they were like, well, and they said, well, why not you? They're like, if you work hard, you're a hard worker. And if you work hard enough at it and get good at it, why not you?

Speaker 4 And it kind of is like the basis for

Speaker 4 why I wasn't like,

Speaker 4 kid from a farm doesn't go to like LA

Speaker 4 and say like,

Speaker 4 I'm going to be an actor. Like it's just those, that math equation doesn't add up.

Speaker 4 I think unless you have parents that are like yeah why not of course you can like you you're a really hard worker like it's their work ethic is so strong i think it's why i work so hard and i enjoy what i do their work ethic is like something it's kind of remarkable that feels filtered into me but also now there was never a thought

Speaker 4 and anything even if i couldn't do back handspring right that's like yes you can you should know how to do it yet

Speaker 4 so go ahead and do it i was like oh okay and then i kicked him in the head quite violently, but this sweetness remains.

Speaker 2 Oh my God, because so many of us try to protect our kids from the world's rejection by rejecting them. Like, we're afraid the world's going to say no to them.
So, we say no first. You can't do it.

Speaker 2 It won't work.

Speaker 4 I know. If I could physically wrap my children in

Speaker 4 bubble wrap, I would be like, I wanted to put a chip in my kids. And then I was like, that's awful.

Speaker 4 And I was like,

Speaker 4 we have chips in our dogs. I said, why can't I chip the kids? He's like, is this really the conference? You want to go to the vet and have them chip our children? And I was like, can we do that?

Speaker 4 He's like, we're not going to have this conversation. I was like,

Speaker 4 we are in it.

Speaker 5 We are in the conversation.

Speaker 2 Because I think about, I think it has something to do with human rights.

Speaker 4 Right. That's what he said.
I was like, they're little. They don't have rights yet.

Speaker 4 They don't own anything.

Speaker 2 They have

Speaker 4 rights. I don't mean that.
They have human rights.

Speaker 2 Human rights. So we're always talking on this pod about generational things we're trying to break.
So do you and Ben have those things

Speaker 2 that you brought that you're trying to do differently

Speaker 2 with your babes?

Speaker 4 Yes, even with my parents so sweet, I went through a really like gothic phase,

Speaker 4 which I loved. I think it's probably why I ended up loving characters so much.
I was like, I don't want to be me, but like you put Robert Smith hair on a five foot Irish gal.

Speaker 4 She's suddenly a little more interesting.

Speaker 4 At least it was to myself. I try to, whenever they're going through phases, I want to never, even if it is something that's like kind of really funny or like, this will be funny later.
I try to always

Speaker 4 think of it as what it means to them that, you know, I'm wearing these

Speaker 4 frozen boots for eight months straight. Georgie went through a phase where she just had these little, like, these little black boots like that Ana Ana wore in Frozen.

Speaker 4 And

Speaker 4 then I was just always like, I, instead of being like, this is so cute, like, you're going to remember this and kind of almost, there's a mockingness to that.

Speaker 4 Instead, I tried to always be aware to be like, those boots are incredible

Speaker 4 because they made her feel good. So I was like, don't diminish.
or make cutesy something that for whatever reason she wanted those boots on and they empowered her.

Speaker 4 My mom lovingly, but would always like come in with the, you know, the disposable camera and be like, you're going to get such a kick out of you later and like take a picture of me.

Speaker 4 And I was like, it's not, it's not a joke. It's not a costume.
As I was like, literally in a full costume. But I try not to do that or I try not to, I'm a real fiddler.

Speaker 4 So I try not to be like, that's great. Or.

Speaker 3 Yes.

Speaker 4 Which I'm a, you know, I'm always like, if I, if I would just have ended the sentence after great.

Speaker 2 Exactly. It's just this constant like project.
And people aren't projects, are they?

Speaker 4 No, especially my oldest daughter. She truly is like, I don't care what it's a shirt.
I have shirt. Sometimes it's an amazing outfit and it's so, she's really has the heart

Speaker 4 of an artist. They're both really creative.
And I get such a kick out of that.

Speaker 4 And then when it's just like, I'm in pajama bottoms and like what I slept in, I'm like, or what about that Victorian skirt?

Speaker 4 What about the hat with like a Doc Martin? Oh, is that fun? And she's like, no, not today. Like she's more bent.
And I'm always trying to be like, throw me aroundstairs and get it.

Speaker 4 And we just look at it. She's like, no, that's okay.

Speaker 4 Like, no malice, but I'm like, and I can always feel myself where I'm like,

Speaker 4 I just, if I could just, again, run around the block instead, I'm like, I'm just going to go get it. It's going to be fun to look at.
And Ben's like, don't do what you're doing. I'm like,

Speaker 5 well, it makes me actually think of like the first thing you do when you get a new role or a character is you go to the wig store.

Speaker 2 Oh,

Speaker 2 why do you do that?

Speaker 4 One, it's my super happy place. I think I love a wig shop because in makeup and costume, it's all such a big part of it.

Speaker 4 I think there's something so altering about a wig that I find really magical because it's not just like, well, it's a different color. It's a, it's a different texture.

Speaker 4 It's a, it's something that you really can't be because I'm not that. And I can put it on and I feel like this is as close as I can truly get to like walking in somebody else's shoes.

Speaker 4 It seems silly because it's such a superficial thing.

Speaker 4 But it's like, I can put on a wig and, you know, try on like 40 wigs. And when I get the right one, I'm like, oh,

Speaker 4 well, she, you know, she loves grape juice and doesn't care. Like I just suddenly have all these very, very weird, specific things that I feel like I know to be true in my heart.

Speaker 4 And I know it's all conjured, but a wig, it's like, it's the fun of acting for me. Cause like sometimes I'm like, I don't always quite know what to do with myself as me.

Speaker 4 But when I step into somebody else's shoes, I feel like, well, I know how they feel about it. Like it's much more, I think, difficult to sometimes state my own opinion.

Speaker 4 Not that I'm, not that I'm tentative at all, but sometimes I'm like, I don't know, but I mean, I see the good and the bad and this and this. But if I'm someone else, I'm like, they don't like it.

Speaker 4 And here's 15 reasons why they don't like it. I can really be

Speaker 4 more succinct with it. I don't know what that says about me as me, but that's cool.

Speaker 3 It's like your respect for your characters. You have such a profound respect for the characters that you play.

Speaker 3 And I, it's wild thinking about you put on the wig and you're like, now I know she loves grape juice. Now I know it's so multi-dimensional, every single character

Speaker 3 that you

Speaker 2 play.

Speaker 4 I truly love

Speaker 4 people that walk to their, just their complete, their own rhythm. I find it like so beautiful to watch.
I find it fascinating.

Speaker 4 I mean, I used to always go, Big Lots was my favorite place to go because there used to be one on Western that was gigantic and it reminded me of home. It was like an old dime store.

Speaker 4 It really was the place I went a couple of times a week and I would just walk around for an hour because you saw the most eclectic group of people. They would never all be in the same place.

Speaker 4 And there was just always somebody in there that's like

Speaker 4 doing their own thing. She doesn't care.

Speaker 4 She's not causing trouble, but it's like, I'm all in purple. And I wear purple and everything on me is purple.
And then I follow them in the car, and their car is purple.

Speaker 4 And then say, stop following people. It's getting, it's getting weird.

Speaker 4 I also think they're the people that like get the eye rolls or

Speaker 4 get like,

Speaker 4 they're so strange, or they're, they're off-putting.

Speaker 4 I don't want people to be, to be mean to people. I don't like that.
But when someone's just like, this is what it is,

Speaker 4 I get up, I put this armor on every day. And if it's all purple, if I only wear plaid and I do these, these strange things, I just love that there are still people out there that can

Speaker 4 like just own who they are. And they don't have to be like, do you? I mean, especially now with, I feel like social media, it's like, did you like my vacations?

Speaker 4 Do you like my holiday decorations? I'm like, what are we doing? Who cares? Why are you showing?

Speaker 4 And, like, so when I see someone who's, I guess, traditionally a little more off, I'm so enamored with those people that when I get to play them, I

Speaker 4 they,

Speaker 4 I really do love them. Like, I feel like I've gotten to know all these different women because of those roles.
And

Speaker 4 I love them for all their flaws and all their

Speaker 4 mistakes and their good and bad points. I just, I love, I just love it.

Speaker 2 And is this why you also are obsessed with, and maybe you're not obsessed. Okay.

Speaker 2 I am projecting that because I share this with you, but I read that you enjoy going to vintage stores and finding random portraits of people. I love a portrait.

Speaker 4 No, I'm, I'm obsessed. It's.

Speaker 4 I love it. And you love it too.

Speaker 2 My whole, the whole entrance of my, and people will say, who is that?

Speaker 4 And I'm like, I don't know, but I i don't know but look at that that's the whole point i don't know i don't know but she loves grape juice yeah she loves grape juice i also think like where why isn't this person with their family i always feel like i have to be like somebody oh my god like i can't i can't leave like bernice

Speaker 4 you know piled in a corner of some thrift store right so i bring bernice home because bernice now has friends because there's 24 of them in my office and i'm like they're alone now all these people are together it's like i just i and ben is very terrified of portraits okay like he's just like they're they're haunting us

Speaker 4 he does not like them at all and he's kind of made now the kids are like no more portraits it's weird

Speaker 4 and i was like i think you're i think you're lying yeah i think you like them and they're like no we're telling you we don't like them they have caught me like coming into the house

Speaker 4 and they're like you have one you promised i'm like i never promised i'm gonna rescue you each time I find one.

Speaker 4 I love them.

Speaker 2 It's something like what you do in your work. I'm just saying.
It's like these people that aren't being seen.

Speaker 2 And then you're like, no, that person does not belong in the corner. I'm going to bring that person up, put them right on the wall.

Speaker 4 Yep. And if she's standing next to a horse very proudly, all the better.
Yes.

Speaker 2 That's exactly right.

Speaker 5 You know what we don't talk enough about? Sleep. I mean, we spend a third of our lives doing it, and it literally impacts everything.

Speaker 5 Your mood, focus, workouts, even how you show up for the people you love. But here's the thing: not all sleep is good sleep.

Speaker 5 That's why I'm obsessed with my Coupe Sleep Goods and my Coup adjustable pillow. It is revolutionary because it's an adjustable pillow where you can remove or add fill to fit your sleep needs.

Speaker 5 Back sleeper, side sleeper, stomach sleeper? This pillow actually adapts to you, not the other way around.

Speaker 5 I got two of these king-size original adjustable pillows after I completed the short sleep quiz, which I highly recommend everyone do. You can ensure you're buying the exact right pillow for you.

Speaker 4 I love it.

Speaker 5 I love being able to take out the fill until it was perfectly adjusted to my neck and spine. You can feel the difference and I want all of our listeners to try this pillow.
Upgrade your sleep.

Speaker 5 Visit coopsleepgoods.com slash hard things to get 20% off your first order. That's COOP sleepgoods.com slash hard things.

Speaker 3 I don't even remember what happened, but I remember reading

Speaker 3 an apology that you gave. It was a video,

Speaker 3 and it was such a gorgeous example of how to apologize that I saved it and I showed it to our whole team and was just like, this is it. This is correct.
So

Speaker 3 what

Speaker 3 makes a good apology? And why

Speaker 3 do 99% of the time we all suck at it?

Speaker 4 Well, I don't know if I was good at it i just thought we we literally were doing 21 days of kindness it was we were i think it was super no good deed goes unpunished melissa gonna have to apologize for that yeah one of the charities we picked which on paper and everything we vetted looked tremendous and then literally the day we're like here's the day send you know support this cause blah blah blah we found out that like they were also doing all these terrible things were completely like homophobic the headline for what the caught the charity was doing was one thing.

Speaker 4 And then as we like got deeper into it, and I thought, my God, I've just literally,

Speaker 4 I'm trying to raise money for this. And it was like trying to catch something in the air.
I felt so bad about it. I just felt terrible.
But I also, I think if you get, oh my God, all I do is mess up.

Speaker 4 If I, if you can't mess up and then go, oh my God, I screwed up so badly. And then just say, in all honesty, I missed it.
We didn't know. Like we never would have done this.
So like, I'm,

Speaker 4 I think if it's just, it's sincere and I don't think it has to be. So I'm sure I was rambling.
It's another thing I try to teach the girls, like, you're going to screw up constantly.

Speaker 4 It's just part of being human. You just have to really own it when you do.

Speaker 4 And you have to own it quickly and you have to own it 200%.

Speaker 4 And I did wonder, I was like, oh, I wonder like, if there's going to be like fury about this, because it really was an organization that would never ever back by five billion miles.

Speaker 4 And at Willoo, people were just like, that's okay. We all make mistakes.
And it was, it was such a nice,

Speaker 4 I was so pleased by the response because I do worry sometimes that

Speaker 4 the concept of one and done, I just, I don't know any humans that are able to do that and fit into that world.

Speaker 4 And if you really sincerely apologize and you mean it, it also takes, I think it takes some of the pressure off of everybody.

Speaker 2 Yes.

Speaker 4 Because if it's okay to go, oh my God,

Speaker 4 I couldn't have done that worse if I tried. I'm so sorry.
Instead of we're all supposed to be perfect and say the right things and use the right words and blah, blah, blah.

Speaker 4 I'm like, I'm going to screw up 20 times a day for sure. And so is everybody else.
So if you're just sincere about it, I certainly felt like I had screwed up by backing that.

Speaker 4 But then I'm like, well, all I can do is say I screwed up.

Speaker 2 Yeah, owning it quickly and completely. I have found that people

Speaker 2 so unused to hearing other people own anything completely that when they hear that,

Speaker 2 they're so amazed by it. They're so excited that somebody finally apologized without excuses and all the,

Speaker 2 you know.

Speaker 5 You can hear a real apology instead of a fake one.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you can tell. You can tell.

Speaker 4 That's the difference.

Speaker 4 The response from so many people now, I always think of, like, I always see people as like giant toddlers that, you you know, if they cover their eyes, they're like, you can't see me.

Speaker 2 And you're like,

Speaker 4 well, I can because you're in the room. And they're like, no, you can't.
Like with so much in the last, especially four, five years of just like,

Speaker 4 you know, you don't have a black headband on. I'm like, no, I'm literally wearing a black headband.
Nope, you're not.

Speaker 4 Like, there's no, I think everybody wants to be like, if I just kind of duck and cover, no one will notice what I did.

Speaker 4 And so nobody either rises or falls. It's just this weird cowering because no one wants to get called out.
I know I would be, I would love to hear a politician just be like, God, I screwed that up.

Speaker 2 Yes.

Speaker 4 I could have screwed that up worse if I like, I would, I think the world would just be so amazed and charmed by that coming from people that are in theory supposed to be helping people.

Speaker 2 Agree. Yep.

Speaker 3 It's so good because wouldn't you just say owning it without the 14 asterisks that are like, but here's what we did, but here's why it shouldn't have happened.

Speaker 3 And here's why someone else is actually to blame, but I'm being big by apologizing. People are then responding to your explanation.
Whereas if you just say,

Speaker 3 I blew it and I'm sorry, then people respond

Speaker 2 to.

Speaker 3 to you saying that, as opposed to inviting them to be like, well, was my explanation sufficient?

Speaker 4 The sincerity of it. We all have that

Speaker 4 little meter and you can tell when someone's bullshitting or not, or

Speaker 4 doing it to be like, I know it wasn't exactly right, but this, these were our motives. You can never trust that person again.

Speaker 4 There's just, there's a, there's a thing that's broken, especially if that's a repeated thing. Like you just need to come out and don't don't couch it.
You have to.

Speaker 4 really throw your whole self into like, you screwed up. There's something really like from that.
I think you can rebuild anything on that basis. Agreed.

Speaker 2 Agreed. I read that you said this recently.
I don't do the thing anymore of, yeah, I don't like how that person treats people or treats me, but they're still in my circle.

Speaker 2 We're not all going to be friends. And if you treat people like garbage, I don't care if you're nice to me.
I can see that and I can take them off the list a lot easier than I used to.

Speaker 2 Can you operationalize that for us? What are the words?

Speaker 2 How do you draw a boundary with someone? If there's somebody in your life who you've just found out

Speaker 2 is an asshole.

Speaker 4 Yeah.

Speaker 2 What do you do? How do you say it?

Speaker 3 Yeah. Like, is it internally being like, that person is done for me? Or is it externally? Do you have to actually do something?

Speaker 4 I think it depends on if it's someone who's like

Speaker 4 really in my heart. It's a conversation.
And is there a way through this? Is this, are you in a bad place? Is something happening?

Speaker 4 And then, if it is like, no, this is really how I feel, then I'm like, okay, then we part ways.

Speaker 4 If it's a business thing, we do crazy checks on everybody because we don't want to work with the person that, you know, is screaming at someone in the room or being terrible.

Speaker 4 But if it's not in like kind of my heart circle, it's very easy, no matter what the offer is. I don't choose to work with people that,

Speaker 4 you know, have come out and said things or just treat people abusively. It's no job is worth that to me.
I'd rather, I'd rather miss out. It's hard when they're people you love.

Speaker 4 I mean, it's really sticky when it's people, you know, in your family or in your tight rings when all of a sudden you're like, oh, we may be completely

Speaker 4 in opposing positions on some pretty huge things in life. That's something that I guess naively I thought I'd never have to deal with, but

Speaker 4 it comes up. And then I try to think about it in terms of

Speaker 4 as much as I wouldn't want them to call me and say, I think everything you think is incorrect. Will you change? Because I'd be like, I can't turn against my basic beliefs.

Speaker 4 And so I do try to hold some space for people

Speaker 4 that I think right now is not the time. They're not able to maybe see a different way.

Speaker 4 So I do kind of put them in a different category of, I know what I'm dealing with, but if I stay the course,

Speaker 4 will I be there for them when they maybe are like, oh, I hadn't thought about that, especially with,

Speaker 4 I think, religion and politics and everything right now gets so crazy. And no one's going to change my opinion.

Speaker 4 I mean, if you're like, well, I don't think two people of the same gender can be married. There's no version of a world where someone's going to talk to me and I'm going to go, huh? You're right.

Speaker 4 I hadn't.

Speaker 4 I'm just trying to hold a space for someone.

Speaker 4 So maybe at the right time, maybe I can be part of them going,

Speaker 4 oh, you know, as long as like, just do no harm.

Speaker 4 Do no, if you do no harm, you don't want someone to tell you what to do. They don't want to be told.
I try to hold space, but I back off a little.

Speaker 4 I've done that with people that I'm still kind of, I'm certainly rooting for them to come

Speaker 4 come around to a more open and loving way of seeing the world.

Speaker 4 But I do worry about if I completely cut them out, again, not everybody, certain people, that maybe they don't have someone that will ever be the influence.

Speaker 4 Or being around my kids might make them be like,

Speaker 4 you know, it's, it's a tricky, sticky,

Speaker 4 there's no way to do it. I think it's a, it's a person-by-person basis and it's, it's messy and it's heartbreaking.

Speaker 4 And I do try to run around the block a lot with that.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 4 So I don't really step in it.

Speaker 5 Okay. So I was so freaking excited

Speaker 5 when i read what you said and you said i believe in ghosts i had an experience with the ghost me too what was your experience what was a ghost

Speaker 5 well i was living in an apartment

Speaker 5 i was living in an apartment and i saw a little girl in a dress white dress And she lived there with me for the seven years that I lived in my apartment.

Speaker 4 But did you see her multiple times?

Speaker 5 Oh, yeah, like 20 20 times.

Speaker 2 Oh my God. Yeah.
I mean, Abby was also on a lot of drugs for a while.

Speaker 5 That was, that was during a pretty intense drinking, drugging.

Speaker 2 But what was your experience?

Speaker 4 Well, I'd had when my great, my great-grandmother lived with us on the farm. And when she passed away, I've had two, two different things.
When she passed away, I was

Speaker 4 just distraught. We were very, very close.
And I was crying in my room. And then all of a sudden, I like just felt a really strong presence.
And she was in my little bedroom. And it was just a look.

Speaker 4 And I just kind of knew everything was okay. And I was like, oh,

Speaker 4 and just kind of went downstairs. And my mom's like, are you feeling better? I'm like, yeah, I saw, because I was upset about my great-grandmother passing away.

Speaker 4 And I was like, yeah, I think grandma, like great-grandma's fine. She was just in my room.

Speaker 4 And I was like,

Speaker 4 she was just like, you're kind of not going to touch that topic.

Speaker 2 She's like, probably.

Speaker 4 and then i kind of said it casually and then i had another thing with my my mom's mom i had i was in la at the time and she had passed away and i had just gotten the call and i was driving and i was crying really hard and my sweet dad had given me his car that was that i had in la

Speaker 4 and i probably had it nine months but I'd never gone in the glove compartment like ever. Like I don't keep anything in there.
I couldn't reach it. I'm too short from the driver's side.

Speaker 4 And I, but I was like, I need a Kleenex. And I was like, he probably had Kleenex in here.
So I'm looking all over. The first time I ever, I opened the little door,

Speaker 4 you know, to the glove compartment and a picture, and I swear I'm not lying. This little picture flipped out and landed on the passenger seat facing up.
And it was a portrait.

Speaker 4 of my grandmother who two minutes earlier I had heard passed away

Speaker 4 that I never like I didn't have it in there. And my dad's like, I don't remember putting it in the glove compartment, but I must have.
And it was just sitting there on the seat.

Speaker 4 And I had the same reaction. I was like, oh.

Speaker 4 And I got the feeling that she was like, for God's sakes, you're driving. Like, get it together.
I should have pulled over, but she was just there.

Speaker 4 And then I had a weird thing in Colorado where, like, we,

Speaker 4 I took the attic because I was like, ha, a bigger room. And then you got up there and you're like, this is haunted by a million souls.

Speaker 4 And like, you would hear things. It was in Boulder, Colorado.
The feeling was so palpable that I would know like which side.

Speaker 4 Like, it was, you know, it was so strong.

Speaker 4 I never saw anything, but you would hear things or like you had to, the only way to get in the kitchen door, you had to like pull up the handle and like hit it with your hip to get in.

Speaker 4 And we were sitting in the living room once and the door just like flew open and there was no wind and it like slammed against the door.

Speaker 4 And so just weird, even a friend that stayed there with me, he's like, we are not alone in this room like at all.

Speaker 5 That's so do they scare you or do you feel like these experiences, did it like make you feel safer?

Speaker 4 Especially with my two, my great and my, my grandma,

Speaker 4 those were like, it was an incredibly calming feeling. And it was, it was funny.
I've actually never thought about that. Both times I was crying about them.

Speaker 4 passing. Like I thought of it separately and they just appeared in different ways.
But it was the most calming thought of like, it's fine. I'm fine.
Like, it's okay.

Speaker 4 And then even in the, in the weird house that we were renting in Boulder, like, I didn't feel it was menacing. It was just so palpable

Speaker 4 that I was always like, well, I know, I know somebody's here, but I didn't know anything about the history. We were the first people that were not.
of the family to live.

Speaker 4 It was like a hundred-year-old house. And we were the first non-family members to rent to have it.
So I'm like, I don't know. But I was sleeping in an attic with somebody every night.

Speaker 3 I see so many products out there for hair care. It's hard to know where to start or what I even need.

Speaker 3 My hair texture has changed a lot over the years, depending on what phase of life I've been in or what my hormones are currently doing.

Speaker 3 And if you're someone who is also coloring your hair, it might mean you want a product that really supports supports the health of your hair i have tried hair masks before with none that have really stood out to me or which might leave my hair soft for like a day then back to dry and brittle the next day but that is why i want to tell you about the k18 molecular repair hair mask this isn't just another temporary fix it's patented k18 peptide goes deep all the way to the molecular level to actually repair damage from coloring bleaching and heat the result Hair that's soft, strong, bouncy, and completely renewed without feeling weighed down.

Speaker 3 Using it is simple. Just a few minutes once a week after coloring and your hair starts to come back to life.

Speaker 3 It's like giving your hair a reset button, leaving it healthier, smoother, and more resilient than ever before. So yes, we can do hard things, but your hair doesn't have to be one of them.

Speaker 3 With K18, you can keep coloring, styling, and creating while your hair stays strong and beautiful every step of the way.

Speaker 3 Shop K18's mask at Sephora or get 10% off your first purchase with code hardthings at k18hair.com. That's codehardthings at k18hair.com.

Speaker 2 So you're not Catholic anymore, but you do have

Speaker 2 a,

Speaker 2 you believe that there's more than we can see here. Like

Speaker 2 how would you describe your spirituality?

Speaker 4 I strongly, strongly believe that this is not it.

Speaker 4 I just, I, in my head, I feel, I feel too much and I, oh my God, I couldn't even, I couldn't even, I can't comprehend a world where I won't see my grandmother or my great grandmother or like, oh God, I can't even finish the sentence.

Speaker 4 I'll start crying. Like the thought of not

Speaker 4 that it just ends. I just think there's too much magic.
Whatever, whatever it is you feel between people, there's no way to quantify that that just ends one day. Like I just couldn't bear it.

Speaker 4 I had my sister once said, we went out ironically for a beer and then she sat down. She's like, I'd like to talk about your salvation.

Speaker 2 I was like, oh boy.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 4 This is a big one. But she was, she was worried.

Speaker 4 And I said, I, you know, I don't think any of us have the same thought of whatever God is, whatever swirling cluster of magic you know is it i don't know what it is i don't think it's a person it's certainly i don't see it as a white dude with a great beard

Speaker 4 um

Speaker 4 but i do think something sarah i talk to god all the time but it's like in my car or i'm just like thinking about things i said it's not that i don't believe in the magic at all.

Speaker 4 I just, I don't think it has, I don't think it has a specific address.

Speaker 4 And I don't think it can be connected to anything hateful. Yeah.
So, if you're saying you're wrong, you're wrong, you can't do this, we don't acknowledge that. To me,

Speaker 4 you know, I think of those old, really old cartoons where it's like you get to the pearly gates. I think so many people that are really religious, I'm like, you're not going to get into that club.

Speaker 4 You're going to have to do it. Like, I do feel like they're going to be like, Boy, did you screw that up? Like, just go back and be nice.

Speaker 4 Like, it's so simple.

Speaker 2 Yes.

Speaker 4 But I certainly don't, you know, I think, I think maybe my sister thought I was like an atheist, which I'm really not. Cause I, I just, I don't know how that, there's too much magic, I think.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 4 Whatever that means.

Speaker 3 It's the

Speaker 3 theme of what you told your daughters about just always finding someone that will lift them up.

Speaker 3 and the way that your mom lifted you up when you said the audacious i'm gonna move and the way that your spirituality is about lifting up it's a really beautiful

Speaker 2 theme of life.

Speaker 3 Theme of life.

Speaker 2 It's really beautiful.

Speaker 4 It's a constant fail and rejigger and try to do it better, but it's certainly, and Ben, I mean,

Speaker 4 Ben's whole thing. I mean, he's just like, if there's one thing, if everybody was just like, is this the kindest, not being walked over, but like,

Speaker 4 is the next thing I'm about to do the kindest version that

Speaker 4 I can do or the kindest version of this moment that I can participate in. He's like, if everybody just followed that, we think about it all the time.

Speaker 4 We're like, can you imagine a world like even 24 hours where everybody like stopped trying to like one up or I'm going to get noticed for this terrible hate shitty remark about someone?

Speaker 4 I look forward to being back in style where doing the right thing also seems interesting. Like that would be so cool instead of like

Speaker 4 just being the biggest dirtbag gets you noticed.

Speaker 2 noticed i'm like oh gosh okay we're about to wrap here tragically for us oh my gosh um what's hard for you right now

Speaker 4 raising raising two women in a country that i feel like women are under attack for i feel like all of my gay friends and women and my god when they're both they're like i got it coming for me multiple ways.

Speaker 4 Sometimes the girls ask me questions about

Speaker 4 just basic human rights and kindness. And

Speaker 4 I am so overwhelmed that I don't have a good answer for them. I can't make it better.
I can't say, this won't happen. We won't, it won't come to this.
People just like to be loud.

Speaker 4 I'm like, we're in it.

Speaker 4 I never thought I would just be kind of fearful to be in this country. And

Speaker 4 I want to take it back. And I just want to look at people and be like, I'm here to tell you, no one's trying to turn you.

Speaker 4 I can guarantee you. Mitch McConnell, no one wants you.

Speaker 4 I don't want to force you to believe anything. And you shouldn't force me.
Just do no harm. And everybody should just be able to like play in the same sand law.
And I... It's really hard.

Speaker 4 I mean, you guys know with kids, it's like they want an answer to

Speaker 4 something that seems insane. It seems like an insane, scary movie that I don't want to watch.
And we're living in it.

Speaker 4 And when there, there is no, I don't have the words because the thoughts aren't in my head of how to how to make it better or even justify it. That's what scares me.

Speaker 4 And I feel, I believe there's more good

Speaker 4 than

Speaker 4 menace 100%. It's just

Speaker 4 the hate is so much louder. I always think of it as a visual visual of like, you have, you're at an intersection.
There's one person that's just screaming like, you're all going to die.

Speaker 2 And I hate you.

Speaker 4 Bah, like just, it's so aggressive and loud. And then there's somebody else on the other corner.
It's like, you're doing a great job.

Speaker 2 You're great.

Speaker 4 You had a great day. Should we have another one today? It's like, there's no way to do that with the same volume.
So I'm always like, do we just have, is it physically being like, Caroline, Craig?

Speaker 2 Like,

Speaker 4 I don't know how to go up against that. It's like one has a microphone and a huge amp, and then somebody else is like talking, like the nice guy's like talking into a milk bottle.
Just like, ooh,

Speaker 4 I know the good outweighs the bad. I try to always, when I feel scared, remember that, but it's so quiet that I think we forget it's there.
So I don't know.

Speaker 4 So I try to remember that, but it's a scary place right now.

Speaker 2 Can we please just have a skit where Melissa McCarthy is screaming on the side of the road at people?

Speaker 5 Just, you're doing great.

Speaker 2 So good.

Speaker 2 I would do that all day long.

Speaker 4 I would just love it. I do yell things at people a bunch.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 I like, I'm very

Speaker 4 weirdly vocal, but it's in, I think it's probably off-putting to people because I'm always like, oh, say it.

Speaker 2 Like, if you think it's say it.

Speaker 4 So I do often roll down the window and I'm like, I'm in love with that star.

Speaker 4 And then they kind of do as if they do recognize me. It's almost like,

Speaker 4 what?

Speaker 4 So I do like, I try to do that more and more because everybody's yelling something.

Speaker 4 I love to throw like a loud, aggressive compliment. Yeah.
The first people are like, what's going on? I'm like, you're not tar reckoning.

Speaker 4 I really encourage it. It's like, it's the best.
And then I feel better for doing it. I think it's that, it's that wonderful ripple effect of like, I'm so glad I did it.
And then I bet that person's.

Speaker 4 within the hour is going to see something nice to that person and then it's going to keep ping ponging. And I want that ripple effect more.

Speaker 5 So good.

Speaker 2 All right.

Speaker 3 That's our next right thing, pod squad.

Speaker 2 If we think something positive,

Speaker 2 we're going to say something positive. And that's going to be.

Speaker 3 See something, say something.

Speaker 2 See something like a new twist.

Speaker 4 See something, new twist on it.

Speaker 2 See something, scream it. Okay, babe.
I'm actually, I'm just going to go with say, okay, because I don't want you doing that around the house. Melissa McCarthy, you are a goddamn dream.
Yeah. You are.

Speaker 4 Well, tell it to the mirrors, guys.

Speaker 5 You're so awesome. And, you know, Bridesmaids is our family's like go-to.

Speaker 2 Although I would say The Starling is now a well, that was just the most special. It just crashed this week.

Speaker 2 Go see The Starlink if you haven't. Get it in your living room.

Speaker 2 Thank you for this hour.

Speaker 3 Thanks.

Speaker 4 I can't. This has been such a delight.
And I just love what you guys do.

Speaker 4 And I love that every day you're just, you're, you're making that ripple effect better and you're making it easier to talk about.

Speaker 4 everything instead of just holding holding in what weighs you down. It's like it's, it's really impactful what you do.
And I just, I can't tell you how much I appreciate it.

Speaker 2 Thank you. We love you, Pod Squad.
We'll see you next time. Bye.
Bye, guys.

Speaker 2 I give you Tish Milton and Brandy Carlisle.

Speaker 2 I walked through fire. I came out

Speaker 5 the other side.

Speaker 2 I chased desire,

Speaker 2 I made sure

Speaker 2 I got what's mine.

Speaker 2 And I continue

Speaker 2 to believe

Speaker 2 that I'm the one for me.

Speaker 2 And because I'm mine,

Speaker 2 I walk the line.

Speaker 2 Cause we're adventurers, and heartbreaks on the map.

Speaker 2 A final destination

Speaker 2 we lack.

Speaker 2 We've stopped asking directions

Speaker 2 to places they've never been.

Speaker 2 And to be loved, we need to belong.

Speaker 2 We'll finally find our way back home.

Speaker 2 And through the

Speaker 2 and pain

Speaker 2 that our lives

Speaker 2 bring,

Speaker 2 we

Speaker 2 can do a hard pain.

Speaker 2 I hit rock bottom, it felt like a brand new start.

Speaker 2 I'm not the problem.

Speaker 2 Sometimes things fall apart.

Speaker 2 And I continue

Speaker 2 to believe

Speaker 2 the best

Speaker 2 people are free.

Speaker 2 And it took some time,

Speaker 2 but I'm finally fine.

Speaker 2 Cause we're adventurers, and heartbreaks on that.

Speaker 2 A final destination

Speaker 2 we lack.

Speaker 2 We've stopped asking directions

Speaker 2 to places they've never been.

Speaker 2 And to be loved, we need to be known.

Speaker 2 We'll finally find our way back home

Speaker 2 and through the joy and pain

Speaker 2 that our lives

Speaker 2 bring

Speaker 2 we can do a hard game

Speaker 2 This were adventurers and heartbreaks on that.

Speaker 2 We might get lost, but we're okay.

Speaker 2 We've stopped asking directions

Speaker 2 in some places they've never been.

Speaker 2 And to be loved, we need to be known.

Speaker 2 We'll finally find our way back home.

Speaker 2 And through the joy and pain

Speaker 2 that our lives bring,

Speaker 2 we can do hard things.

Speaker 2 Yeah, we can do hard things.

Speaker 2 Yeah, we

Speaker 2 can do hard

Speaker 2 things.

Speaker 2 We Can Do Hard Things is produced in partnership with Cadence 13 Studios. Be sure to rate, review, and follow the show on Apple Podcasts, Odyssey, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Speaker 2 Especially be sure to rate and review the podcast if you really liked it. If you didn't, don't worry about it.
It's fine.