181 - C****s

Speaker 1 Howdy, Jeffrey Kraner here. You probably know that Welcome to Night Vale does live tours.
We've done seven of those tours, in fact.

Speaker 1 If you never got to see these tours, or even if you did and you want to relive them, we have live recordings available to you right now over at nightvale.bandcamp.com.

Speaker 1 You can find those seven different live show performances, including our most recent show, The Attic.

Speaker 1 We've also got some one-off events like our Thrilling Adventure Hour crossover show, our first-ever live show, Condos, as well as The Debate. These albums are only $5 and they're so much fun.

Speaker 1 So while we're between tours, tide yourself over with our live albums. That's nightvale.bandcamp.com.

Speaker 2 Hi, this is Vin from the band Caged Animals. You've heard our songs Radio Down and Wildflowers on the weather.

Speaker 2 And I wanted to let you know that we've got a new album called Make Strange Friends, which blends nine character-driven songs with a nightvale-inspired radio play.

Speaker 2 If you're curious to hear it or pick up a copy on Ruby Red Vinyl, you can visit us at cagedanimals.bandcamp.com. Thanks a lot.

Speaker 2 with the radio down

Speaker 2 Don't turn it up for me

Speaker 3 A horse is a horse, of course, of course,

Speaker 3 of course that's a horse.

Speaker 3 Don't look too closely.

Speaker 3 Welcome to Night Vale.

Speaker 3 The City Council is holding a special hearing on the legalization of

Speaker 3 and an end to censorship of

Speaker 3 as well as

Speaker 3 and

Speaker 3 in general.

Speaker 3 This has been a long-standing policy in Night Vale, and many of us thought we would never see a day that the government would even consider loosening these restrictions. But due to the brave stance of

Speaker 3 activists such as Hannah Gutierrez and Janice Rio, we are now facing the reality that the impossible might become policy.

Speaker 3 I myself have mixed feelings on the subject, while I don't mind talking in private with close friends about such subjects as

Speaker 3 or

Speaker 3 in general, are we really ready as a society to let these topics become public? To drop the fortress of shame that we have built around them and act as though there were nothing wrong with saying

Speaker 3 to a friend. Listeners, I am not sure.
I am just not sure.

Speaker 3 In any case, we will be keeping a close eye on the city council throughout the day, and we will report on the hearings as they proceed. But before all that, though, let's have some stock tips.

Speaker 3 Now, there are three ways to get rich. The first is generational wealth.
That's when your relatives give you money and then you pretend you earned it.

Speaker 3 and get angry and defensive when anyone points out that no, no, you didn't.

Speaker 3 This is the most common way to get money, and anyone you meet who is rich probably at least got some money from their relatives, even though they will loudly and angrily tell you that they didn't, until you have to ask them to leave the party.

Speaker 3 The second is crime.

Speaker 3 Crime is a great way to get money, because a lot of people have too much money. and you don't have enough.
Even a child can see the way to balance that equation. And you aren't a child, are you?

Speaker 3 Are you? Are you a child? Are you five years old today?

Speaker 3 Is it your birthday today? And you've gone around the sun five big times. Good for you.
Happy birthday, little one.

Speaker 3 The third is sheer luck. Now, this is the rarest, but it does sometimes happen.

Speaker 3 People who get their money through luck will be even more defensive than the generational wealth people and will probably yammer on at you about how many hours they worked and how no one gave them a break or some made-up junk like that.

Speaker 3 Luck doesn't make you interesting, unfortunately. Just makes you lucky.

Speaker 3 So, those are the three ways to get rich. As for the stock market,

Speaker 3 I don't know. Mutual funds, I guess? Are those a thing?

Speaker 3 Yeah, look into mutual funds, probably.

Speaker 3 Now let's take a second for Cecil's Music Corner.

Speaker 3 Okay, I know, I know I'm not a connoisseur like Michelle Wynn over at Dark Owl Records. And I don't have a fun cover band that plays 90s hits every Friday night at the Pink Berry like Steve Carlsberg.

Speaker 3 But I still have ears. I still can listen to a song and think, wow.

Speaker 3 That sure is music.

Speaker 3 So today, I wanted to shine a light on one of the more obscure songwriters of the last century.

Speaker 3 You may not know Bob Dylan by name, but he's been behind some groundbreaking work, like Green Day's Dookie, which he produced and co-wrote.

Speaker 3 Not to mention the music he put out through the early 2000s under the stage name Kelly Clarkson. But I don't want to talk about his hits.
I want to highlight some of his quieter, more personal work.

Speaker 3 Consider The Trample at Bone Creek, his 15-minute-long narrative ballad that describes the titular event in truly excruciating detail, or his lovely campfire sing-along, oh to be a farseer.

Speaker 3 And he had a sense of humor, too.

Speaker 3 I bet you can't listen to the writhing creatures under my skin forming strange words blues without laughing and laughing and laughing till it hurts. Until it hurts very much.

Speaker 3 Until you are gasping in pain until the muscles stretch and tear with your laughter.

Speaker 3 When considering getting into music, don't just think about the big names putting out big songs.

Speaker 3 Think about the unheralded, independent folks too, doing their quiet work in some quiet corner of the music world.

Speaker 3 Like Bob Dylan.

Speaker 3 This has been Cecil's Music Corner. The city council hearing on

Speaker 3 has commenced with expert testimony from meteorologists and agents of a vague yet menacing government agency. The meteorologists all said a lot of academic jargon like, why are we here?

Speaker 3 And wait, you want me to talk about

Speaker 3 what specifically about?

Speaker 3 And why is everyone screaming in horror every time I say the word,

Speaker 3 wait, don't take me away. no, help! Oh god, help!

Speaker 3 And stuff like that. Honestly, I had trouble following it.

Speaker 3 Rich Mays, an agent of the vague yet menacing government agency, was much more direct and clear.

Speaker 3 Listen, folks, he said in a voice that soothed like lavender and cracked gently like a leather bookbinding. We all want to be able to say all sorts of things, right?

Speaker 3 Me, I'd like to be able to say that the sky itself is a flimsy bit of plywood painted to hide us from the terrifying truth of what is really up there.

Speaker 3 But I can't go around saying things like that, can I? It would cause a panic. There are rules to what we can say.
Sensible rules for a sensible society. Now, I'm no professor.

Speaker 3 And here, Rich chuckled and the city council chuckled too from its many-throated body.

Speaker 3 Horrifying sound.

Speaker 3 But it seems to me that anyone who talks about this subject should be thrown in prison forever. Now, that's merely my opinion, Rich concluded.

Speaker 3 Then he smiled and winked, and the city council cooed in delight.

Speaker 3 The Glow Cloud, which is, of course, exempt from any censorship because no one in the city or federal government can figure out the jurisdiction or how it could possibly be enforced, hummed and flashed various colors in the viewing gallery.

Speaker 3 No one was sure what it thought, and everyone was afraid to ask.

Speaker 3 Meanwhile, protesters outside waved signs about the hearings, but the signs had been heavily censored by the sheriff's secret police, and so it wasn't clear what their message was.

Speaker 3 This all seems quite an uproar. I'll keep my eye on this and report back when I have more.
And now a word from our sponsors.

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Speaker 3 This has been a word from our sponsors.

Speaker 3 The city council hearing on an end to the censorship of

Speaker 3 and

Speaker 3 related material has devolved into shouting.

Speaker 3 As protesters have burst into the room, crying out slogans that contain so much forbidden material, it is impossible for me to repeat them here or play my listeners a recording.

Speaker 3 The city council is calling for order, and the bats that live in the council chambers are just flying around in a frantic swarm.

Speaker 3 We all knew that the question of

Speaker 3 was going to be a touchy one, but we were not prepared for just how controversial this day has gotten.

Speaker 3 There's a bit of a

Speaker 3 though, pun intended. I think we may be reaching the end of the hearing.
I can't imagine that it could go on much longer than this.

Speaker 3 And now, Nightvale Community Radio is proud to present the first ever audio crossword.

Speaker 3 So please create a crossword pattern pattern using whatever materials are around you, be it ketchup on your kitchen table or twigs and leaves on the dirt floor of your rudimentary wilderness shelter.

Speaker 3 The pattern should look a little like how this sounds.

Speaker 3 Got it? Great.

Speaker 3 One down is

Speaker 3 the hat that Henry wore.

Speaker 3 One across is that fleeting feeling after lunch.

Speaker 3 Two down is a basket made from this material can safely hold fear.

Speaker 3 Two diagonal is a tired dog, shortly.

Speaker 3 Three down is Lee Marvin.

Speaker 3 Oh, I'm sorry, that's the answer. I forgot to think of a clue for him.

Speaker 3 Three up is Lee Marvin's favorite flavor of ice cream.

Speaker 3 Four down is a very long tooth abbreviation.

Speaker 3 Four down on the Z axis is that special birthday treat.

Speaker 3 And finally, five down and five across are the same. And they're both your secret name.

Speaker 3 The one you've never told anyone. That you've spent your whole life running from, that you've been terrified anyone would find out.

Speaker 3 So, um, just

Speaker 3 put that name in both boxes.

Speaker 3 Great.

Speaker 3 They know who you are now.

Speaker 3 And unfortunately, it is only a matter of time before you know who they are.

Speaker 3 They're already on their way to collect you.

Speaker 3 They're almost there.

Speaker 3 I hope you had fun.

Speaker 3 This has been an audio crossword puzzle.

Speaker 3 The city council hearing has turned into an all-out brawl, with supporters grappling with deniers, and the city council itself bounding, howling through the fray, a flurry of claws and teeth and wide, wide eyes.

Speaker 3 The sheriff is trying to restore order, and they are doing this by hitting people indiscriminately with a heavy club and sometimes kicking them.

Speaker 3 A calm and sober tactic they hope will inspire everyone to calm down. Oh,

Speaker 3 I never thought I'd see such chaos in my town, a town that is usually so quiet and safe.

Speaker 3 I guess all those people that made discussion of illegal all these years were right.

Speaker 3 Look what happens when we try to talk about them. Oh, but wait, wait, wait, wait.
The city council is regaining the podium and banging gavels with eight of its 17 hands. Enough!

Speaker 3 It cries. Enough! This is tearing our community apart!

Speaker 3 We hereby declare that it is legal and not subject to any censorship to talk about clouds.

Speaker 3 Hold on.

Speaker 3 I wasn't censored there.

Speaker 3 Clouds.

Speaker 3 Thundercloud.

Speaker 3 Cumulus.

Speaker 3 Stratosphere.

Speaker 3 My God,

Speaker 3 this is a freedom like I've never known. Why, what better time than this to talk about the weather?

Speaker 3 Deep in this family tree,

Speaker 3 you'll find ancestry from a time where freedom was the darkest joke.

Speaker 3 We're scars upon our backs

Speaker 3 from every whip that cracks. Show no matter what, our spirits never broke.

Speaker 3 We march for miles to live.

Speaker 3 Laugh love without ending gifts up

Speaker 3 for our story, still goes on.

Speaker 3 But still, the melanin

Speaker 3 is viewed as great as sin in the eyes of this social phenomenon.

Speaker 3 Whatever happens,

Speaker 3 Jim Crow,

Speaker 3 I'm right before your eyes.

Speaker 3 Everything you claim to love,

Speaker 3 burn damned and victimized.

Speaker 3 Where it's all said and done, you'll lay my hand

Speaker 3 down in Uncle Tom's cabin

Speaker 3 when I'm dead.

Speaker 3 Well read with etiquette

Speaker 3 will just cost you more shit as they try to hold you down this pigeonhole.

Speaker 3 No matter how you dress,

Speaker 3 they'll still be less impressed and just blame it on the culture that you stole

Speaker 3 or lack of culture found

Speaker 3 from how you walk to the sound. Ways flowing out your mouth, you'll always lose

Speaker 3 the tragic irony

Speaker 3 of false identity.

Speaker 3 When either side is the one you wanna choose,

Speaker 3 whatever happened,

Speaker 3 Jim Crow,

Speaker 3 I write before your eyes.

Speaker 3 Everything you claim to love,

Speaker 3 aren't damned and victimized.

Speaker 3 When it's all said and done, you'll lay my hand

Speaker 3 down in Uncle Tom's cabin.

Speaker 3 When I'm dead again,

Speaker 3 There is no in-between

Speaker 3 in this society.

Speaker 3 Either too much or you'll never be enough.

Speaker 3 Whatever happened to Jim Crow,

Speaker 3 I rightly blew your eyes.

Speaker 3 Everything you claim to love,

Speaker 3 condemned and victimized.

Speaker 3 When it's all said and done, we'll lay my head

Speaker 3 down in all Winkle Tong's heaven.

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Speaker 3 As a child, whenever that was, time back then being more of a place than a process, more a shady grove to linger in than a road to anywhere at all.

Speaker 3 As a child, I used to sit on my back and look at the clouds, the shapes they would make, and the stories I could tell with those shapes, and the thought of what it would be like to ride the clouds as though they were great ships in the sky, the puffs and curves like the decks and value straads from from which I could adventure the world.

Speaker 3 Life was a thrilling narrative then, as it is for every child.

Speaker 3 Until the plot got away from me until it dissipated into the unsatisfying experimental character study we all end up as.

Speaker 3 The day my mother left my sister and I on our own, the clouds were perfect, fluffy things.

Speaker 3 I wanted them to be gray and foreboding, but they were delightful. And I was angry that they were delightful.
I was furious that any part of the world would be happy on a day so painful.

Speaker 3 The day my mother returned years later, when my sister and I were adults, the clouds then were gray

Speaker 3 and low.

Speaker 3 But they did not seem angry to me.

Speaker 3 They felt like

Speaker 3 how I felt:

Speaker 3 flat

Speaker 3 and sad

Speaker 3 and far away from myself.

Speaker 3 When my Carlos first came to town, a stranger, a scientist, an interloper, the clouds were mostly absent.

Speaker 3 The blue of the sky seared, it cast unearthly light on our earthly town, but still they lingered at the margins of the sky, bustled by the horizon. waiting for their turn to cross our stage.

Speaker 3 And when my Carlos met me at the Arby's,

Speaker 3 and we kissed under the lights above the Arby's, oh,

Speaker 3 there were clouds then too.

Speaker 3 And the lights shone through them in delightful ways, hiding behind, and then casting rays through and then bursting out from behind as the wind escorted the clouds across the sky.

Speaker 3 And when my Carlos married me, in front of the whole town and every eye that watches us implacably from space, there was only one cloud.

Speaker 3 And it stretched long from one side of the sky to the other, an unbroken line of vapor that I took to mean the unbroken line of our love, but that of course is just my projected narrative.

Speaker 3 A cloud does not have a narrative, it exists perfectly in the moment and for the moment.

Speaker 3 Then our son came to us, and on the day he arrived, the clouds were arrayed in ranks like toy soldiers for his delight. Smudge after smudge, like a Georgia O'Keeffe landscape, like sheep on a meadow.

Speaker 3 And our son squalled, and we laughed because the sound would become a difficulty we knew, but in that moment, it could only be a joy.

Speaker 3 And today,

Speaker 3 well,

Speaker 3 today I look outside,

Speaker 3 and there the clouds are,

Speaker 3 lofty

Speaker 3 and small,

Speaker 3 and carried constant by the winds of the upper atmosphere and disappearing over the horizon only to arrive again

Speaker 3 over the opposite horizon.

Speaker 3 A swirling landscape.

Speaker 3 A busy backdrop to our inconsequential lives.

Speaker 3 Clouds don't matter much, I suppose.

Speaker 3 Not being able to talk about clouds doesn't matter, but to have some part of your life taken from you, no matter how small, to have it suppressed, to have to constantly work around the clouds in the sky, it takes a toll.

Speaker 3 And now I feel such freedom and joy.

Speaker 3 And I say, look at the clouds in the sky. They mean nothing.

Speaker 3 And yet they are there.

Speaker 3 And they are pretty.

Speaker 3 Isn't that nice?

Speaker 3 Stay tuned next for our special radio drama broadcast of Journey to the Center of the Earth. Presented on location by the Mole People Players.

Speaker 3 And from one cloud seer to all cloud seers out there,

Speaker 3 good night, Night Vale.

Speaker 3 Good night.

Speaker 5 Welcome to Night Vale as a production of Night Vale Presents. It is written by Joseph Fink and Jeffrey Craner and produced by Disparition.

Speaker 5 The voice of Night Vale is Cecil Baldwin, original music by Disparition. All of it can be found at disparition.bandcamp.com.
This episode's weather was Whatever Happened to Jim Crow by Black Guy Fox.

Speaker 5 Find out more at facebook.com/slash blackguyfoxmusic or at blackguyfoxmusic.bandcamp.com. Comments, questions, email us at info at welcometonightvale.com or follow us on Twitter at nightvale radio.

Speaker 5 Or go outside into the cold, cold air and pretend that it's refreshing. Check out welcometonightvale.com for info about our live stream for our 2015 touring show, The Investigators, happening soon.

Speaker 5 Today's proverb.

Speaker 5 So sometimes you write an episode in early December, and then it turns out that the episode reflects a number of January news stories in ways that you could not have intended because they didn't exist.

Speaker 5 But it's just that we all live in Night Vale now.

Speaker 6 Hi, I'm here to tell you about Good Morning Night Vale. Welcome to Night Vale's official recap show and unofficial best friend food podcast.

Speaker 6 Join me, Meg Bashwiner, and fellow tri-hosts, Hal Lovelin and Symphony Sanders, as we dissect all of the cool, squishy, and slimy bits of every episode of Welcome to Night Vale.

Speaker 6 Come for the insightful and hilarious commentary, and stay for all of the weird and wild behind-the-scenes stories. Good morning, Nightvale, with new episodes every other Thursday.

Speaker 6 Get it wherever you get your podcasts. Yes, even there.