180 - U-View

and I don't just write Welcome to Nightville, we also write books that are not about Nightville, and here are some of them.

Alice Isn't Dead, a lesbian road trip horror love story for fans of Stephen King.

The Halloween Moon, my book for kids of any age about a Halloween where things really start to get weird for everyone.

The First 10 Years, a memoir from me and my wife about our relationship told year by year without consulting each other about our differences in memory.

And from Jeffrey, You Feel It Just Below the Ribs, an apocalyptic novel that takes place in the same universe as the Within the Wires podcast.

No matter what you're looking for, we've written a book just for you.

Find them where you find books.

Okay, bye!

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Like sands through the hourglass, so are the days of our lives, in that they're tiny and tumbling out of control.

Welcome to Night Vale.

First up, a quick notice.

The Mahala family is requesting the return of one particular VHS tape.

Now you might remember that the Mahala family used to run the video rental annex in the Ralphs back in the 90s.

Yeah, Yet we all enjoyed browsing their shelves, looking at cardboard boxes that promised more than most could deliver, wondering if we were children at the mystery that lay behind the little curtained corner, and feeling if we were adults a little embarrassed as we passed the threshold of that curtain.

All of that ended after the blockbuster hordes rode through town.

the terrible thunder of their hooves ringing out for miles around, burning every independent video store to the ground.

That should have been it for the U-View, VHS, and Laser Disc Rental Annex, but according to the Mahala family, there is one loose thread to this story that is of deep concern to us all.

Yeah, there's a VHS copy of Heat that we lent out the day before Blockbuster invaded and left us with ashes and grief, explained Lakshmi Mahala.

And it's really important that we get it back, like super important, she concluded, hissing from a shadowy corner in my studio.

I'm really not sure how she got in here.

Unfortunately, the records of who rented out the tape were lost when the annex was burned, so please keep an eye out.

It is a regular VHS copy of Heat in the plastic green case with the U-View name and logo.

If found, please return to the Mahala family immediately, or just, you know, hand it to the nearest owl.

They'll know what to do with it.

More on this, if there is more on this.

But first, the city of Nightvale and the Sheriff's Secret Police are scrambling in the wake of the recent verdict in the case of the family of Frank Chen vs.

Nightvale.

The verdict, as I'm sure you remember, required that the city provide the family of the murder victim, Frank Chen, with one living, Frank Chen, in exactly the condition he was before.

You know,

before the murder.

Failing this, after one year, control of the city will be turned over exclusively to the family of Frank Chen.

The city council has charged Sheriff Sam with the task of returning a living Frank Chen to his family.

The sheriff has been delving deep into the resurrectionist arts, and they are exploring every avenue possible.

First, they hired some folks that went by the job title Resurrection Men, which seems like it would be related, but it turns out their actual work was unhelpful and frankly, pretty gross.

The sheriff asked them to leave.

Second, they have considered the simple matter of time travel.

This obviously is the most straightforward.

All they would need to do is go back in time, collect Frank Chin from the moment right before he was going to get murdered, and just bring him to the future.

Unfortunately, after our last brush with the future, that whole frozen brain scam, all time machines in Night Vale were declared forbidden and destroyed.

except one that was placed in the Museum of Forbidden Technology.

The sheriff demanded to use that one, but apparently even they are not allowed to enter the museum because it's forbidden.

After that, the focus on the sheriff's efforts turned to magic.

Not just any magic, the kind with a K at the end.

They acquired several rare grimoires at a dusty old bookstore on Wormwood Avenue.

No one could remember the bookstore being there before.

In fact, no one could remember there being a Wormwood Avenue in Nightfale at all, but there it was, an old-fashioned main street with a general store and a butcher shop, and of course, the sightless eye, used, and rare books.

When an officer of the Sheriff's Secret Police asked to purchase tomes of spells and power, the owner of the bookstore merely cackled and handed the requested volumes over for free.

You will find, she whispered, that the price is built into the practice.

Right, said the officer.

Well, you have a nice day then.

But he realized the bookstore owner was no longer there, nor was the bookstore, nor Wormwood Avenue.

He was just standing alone in the sand wastes, holding a stack of ancient books.

Yeah, I'm sure that will just turn out fine.

The Mahala family have asked me to reiterate how important it is that we find that VHS copy of Heat.

last seen in 1998 when it was rented by an unknown party moments before the video rental annex was burned down.

If we don't find it, Palevin Mahala explained, the consequences could be dire.

Dire, he repeated while hanging upside down from my studio ceiling.

Again, I'm not quite clear how he got in here, but it sounds like it's in all of our interests to try and find that tape.

I know it might be hard to pick out a single VHS among all the VHS tapes around your house.

I mean, who amongst us isn't constantly digging through VHS tapes thinking, huh, what should I watch tonight?

But just keep an eye out for that classic U-View sleeve with their lovable hand-drawn mascot, Lenny Laserdisc, with his grimacing face cautioning us to rewind or regret.

Oh man, I love the U-View rental annex.

They even had like a little popcorn machine and sure the popcorn was nearly inedible, like brutally salty, and always tasting a little of stale oil.

But I love to get a bag and munch on it my way home.

Green U-View VHS sleeve under my arm.

Not heat, though.

I'm pretty confident I never rented heat.

You know, I was more of a musical and horror movie fan, like preferably a musical horror movie like cats.

Let's have a look at today's horoscopes.

Leo, stop itching it!

I think you're just making it worse, and that color is definitely not good.

You should have a doctor look at that.

Doctors love to look at gross things.

Virgo, word to the wise,

pelican.

I mean, that's this month's password to get into the club where the wise people hang out, and if you don't know where the club is, then, well, it probably isn't meant for you.

Maybe go hang out at the TGI Fridays instead.

Libra?

Everything you needed was inside you all along.

You only had to look within.

Use a surgical scalpel and this flashlight.

The stuff that you're looking for will be in a blue velvet bag.

Good luck.

Scorpio.

The fates would like you to know that while your scones are definitely delicious, they are maybe

just

a little dry.

Just like a little more milk, maybe?

I mean is it faded that you make less dry scones, Steve?

Sagittarius.

While usually how much wood can a wood chuck chuck is a fun children's riddle, today it will become for you a life or death question.

Capricorn.

You will achieve your dreams.

Every single night you will fall asleep and achieve dreaming your dreams.

Good job.

Everything else is up in the air, but at least you have that.

Aquarius.

Well, okay, this one just says, what's the worst that could happen?

And how hard can it be?

Pisces.

Follow your passions.

Success is entirely based on luck and generational wealth.

So you might as well.

Aries,

winking smile, emoji.

Graveyard, emoji.

Thumbs up, emoji.

100, emoji.

Taurus, today will be a good day.

Not necessarily for you, but for someone, surely.

Gemini.

In answer to your next five questions, one, yes, two, at the bottom of the sea, three, an off-brand lemon soda.

Four, no, no, please no.

Five, your twin brother, Philippe.

Cancer.

No horoscope today.

Your fate is boundless.

The world is yours.

It sounds terrifying.

Better you than me.

A quick news bulletin.

The Night Vale 51st Annual Rodeo has been cancelled.

Due to the fact that it has never happened before, we weren't sure who planned it and announced announced it, and there didn't seem to be any venue or animals organized for the event.

There were just flyers everywhere advertising the Nightvale 51st annual rodeo at the Flaky O's Expo Center.

Which also does not exist.

The address given led to an old gas station on Oxford Street, where a man sat in a low plastic lounge chair, chewing on a straw and answering any query with a tired, Yup.

Given that no rodeo had ever happened in Night Vale and no one seems to have actually planned one this year, the Night Vale 51st annual rodeo has been cancelled.

Thank you for your attention.

Okay, so I've been digging through my old VHS tapes.

Wow, I haven't looked at some of these in a while.

The Day the Earth Stood Still.

Ah, that's a classic.

The Day the Earth Went Really Fast.

Kind of a disappointing sequel.

Day Earth Still, Still, Hobbs and Shaw.

A surprisingly decent spin-off.

But no, none of these seem to be heat.

Lakshmi Mahala would like me to remind you that finding this tape is of the utmost importance.

She declines to give details or to explain how she got into the vents here at the station, but she does keep hissing, utmost importance at me.

Dana Cardinal, former mayor of Nightvale, put out a request on the Night Vale next door to see if anyone had seen the tape.

Someone immediately answered, yes, with seven exclamation marks, but then replied again 30 seconds later, sorry, my mistake, I was looking at my cat, Ernest, and got mixed up.

Another reply suggested that perhaps the tape got accidentally returned to the Nightvale Public Library.

A few people half-heartedly began to organize an expedition into the library to check, but since the VHS and Laser Disc Media section is reportedly one of the most active hunting grounds for librarians, the planning quickly petered out.

Night Vale, please.

I'm not sure why it's important, but it seems important.

If you have the VHS copy of Heat, last seen at the Mahala family's rental annex in the Ralphs, contact the station immediately.

And now for a children's fun fact science corner.

Today we're going to learn about mold.

Now, mold might seem scary and gross, but it actually serves many necessary functions.

Did you know that the very first antibiotics were made from mold?

Yeah, it's true.

Did you know that the best way to tell if jam has gone bad is to see if it has mold on it?

Also true.

I mean, how would we know not to eat bad jam or protect ourselves from bacteria without mold?

So mold doesn't seem so gross anymore, does it?

That wasn't very nice of you.

Holding ill thoughts about mold.

You were wrong, and you owe mold an apology.

Face the part of your location most likely to have mold.

Hint, it's probably a kitchen or a bathroom, but if you're outdoors, well, good news.

The spores are likely just floating in the air all around you.

And say out loud, I'm sorry, mold.

I'm sorry for disrespecting you.

Offer to shake its hand, and then remember that it doesn't have anything like a human body and apologize again for your insensitive offer.

That's good.

This is your first step in making things right with mold.

This has been the Children's Fun Fact Science Corner.

And now a word from our sponsors.

I took a walk on the cool sand dunes, brittle grass overgrown, and above me, in the night sky above me, I saw.

Blood pooled thick in my mouth, but whose I did not know.

The moon barked a laugh at me.

It is always taunting me.

Someday I will show it, but not today.

Today I stumbled into the water.

Let the salt make patterns on my feet.

Today I was a momentary doubt.

Tomorrow I am a glamour forever.

Forget what you thought you knew about calendars and transit.

Learn new languages that snap like poultry bones between your teeth, that taste like chalk and green wood.

I took a walk on the cool sand dunes, brittle grass overgrown, and above me and the night sky above me I saw.

This message is brought to you by CokeZero Cherry Vanilla.

Abandon old gods.

A huge lead has been found on the search for that all-important VHS copy of Heat.

It seems that Larry Leroy out on the edge of town has what he thinks might be the tape in question.

It no longer is in in its rental store sleeve, having been found in a loose bin of tapes that Larry had in his storage shed with the label Miscellaneous Sequential Storytelling, but he has vague memories of being excited by the name of the movie, as he had misread it as Heath,

and thought it was a gritty live-action reboot of America's favorite comic strip Cat.

Instead, it was just some long, boring movie about men yelling at each other in diners, and he had tossed it aside.

He said he had planned to return it the next day, but when he went back to the video annex in the Ralphs, the annex had been left a burnt-out shell, strewn with the hawkish banners of the Blockbuster Horde and a sign from Ralphs that said, Oopsie, under construction, come back soon, and a little apologetic smiley face.

Luxme and Palevin Mahala are rushing over to verify if this is indeed the tape they seek.

Oh, this is so exciting.

I mean, what great and cursed reason could they have for needing this particular object?

While we wait to find out, let us find out now about the weather.

In the beginning, we were banished.

Then we stoked the fires

Scrapped our songs for salvage

Built a funeral pyre

Watched it sinking slowly

In a reverberating dance

Knelt along the shoreline

Held our hands to our faces as we wept

We were boxes full of broken hearts on routes to empty business parks Set us down

Out past the exit signs and scattered plasts The highway tore our hearts and half the edge of town

We found this failed city project

A couple acres clear to build some kind of complex Their tools tore up the crown and they had to halt their progress

When their funds ran out packed up and cut their losses.

During Lay in all its glory,

we'd took up refuge in the shelter of the quarry.

You'd bring your dad's guitar and swipe a couple of 40s.

We'd bass them back and forth and sing each other's stories.

We'd gather there from far and wide, in the towering shade.

And the quarry would contain the cries that our voices made.

Our echoes ringing out and still,

I can hardly hear.

I closed my eyes and stand real still,

but I disappear.

We'd spend our days composing eulogies to everything we used to be before the crash

And our nights performing song and dance for some celestial audience

for they'd clap

And with laughter Arielle recited sonnets

Each line well rehearsed

Shortly after Terry and recorded scripture

Chapter and verse

And through the dust we saw it rising up before us

Halfway through the herd

We looked around and found these rock walls were a fortress

We built with nothing but our words

We built with nothing but our words

We built with nothing but our words

We ducked down when we heard the sound

And the machines drew near

So sure that we could wait them out

till the coast was clear

We could hear the engines throb and hum in a distant dim.

We swore that day would never come when the dirt bored in.

So with our stories finally spent,

we began to roam.

Could wander forty years years and yet never find our home

We'll crawl upon our hands and knees and embrace this curse

As prodigals and refugees to the wasted earth

As prodigals and refugees

To the wasted earth

As prodigals and refugees to the wasted earth.

Hey, it's Jeffrey Kraner with a word from our sponsor.

You're on a desert island, but not a deserted island.

Someone else is there.

Something else is there.

In the water surrounding you, lurks a mythical beast with two large eyes and many long arms.

You're just now hearing of this beast, but you're not afraid because you don't plan to swim.

Though that water looks nice, you're good at talking yourself into things, and soon you are in the sea, frolicking and splashing.

You even squeal, thinking you're all alone.

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It winks and tells you kraken rum is ideal for Halloween cocktails and disappears back into the dark, briny depths.

Visit the official sponsor of Welcome to Night Vale, Kraken Rum.com to release the Kraken this Halloween.

Copyright 2025, Kraken Rum Company, Kraken Rum.com.

Like the deepest sea, the Kraken should be treated with great respect and responsibility.

You chose to hit play on this podcast today.

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Brother and sister Palevin and Lakshmi, the last of the Mahala family, the rest reposed eternally in Rattlesnake Rest Cemetery, gathered around the tiny TV and Larry Leroy's home office, next to a picture of Larry's adult children taken three Thanksgivings earlier, and a hand-built model of the Starship Enterprise with a nice little stand and working transporter beams.

Silently, Pelevin pushed the tape into the VCR.

The click, the whirr, the pop of static as the image came up.

The usual FBI warning, followed by the usual CIA warning, and the usual warning from a vague yet menacing government agency, the one that says, what have you done?

in increasingly horrified tones for several minutes.

Then that classic title card, Heat,

a cool movie about dudes robbing bros.

That great soundtrack kicked in, you know, the one that's like,

that one.

But then something unexpected.

The screen went black.

It blipped a couple of times.

And up came a video of a man playing piano.

He was playing moondance and singing along to it.

His voice was smooth as whipped chocolate, as sturdy as a concrete foundation.

He was sitting in the living room, kids wrestling and laughing on the carpet below, and both Palevin and Lakshmi began to weep, holding each other by the shoulder.

Our father, Lakshmi explained, this is the only video we have left of him.

Our mom accidentally taped over this copy of Heat and then somehow it ended up back in our stock and it was rented out.

And after our parents died, we thought we had lost them forever.

If this little piece of them really was left somewhere out there, then we just need to find it and nothing could be more important.

On the footage, a woman puts down the camera and joins the man by the piano.

She sings along as the kids laugh and those same kids, now adults, hunched over Larry Leroy's tiny TV, laugh as well.

A distant echo of remembered joy.

And for one more time, the Mahala family was together again.

Larry Leroy said they could obviously have the tape, but he would like a new VHS copy of Heat in exchange.

I mean, fair is fair.

Stay tuned next for a sudden loss of gravity.

So maybe hold on to something?

Good night, Night Vale.

Good night.

Welcome to Night Vale as a production of Night Vale Presents.

It is written by Joseph Fink and Jeffrey Kraner and produced by Disparition.

The voice of Night Vale is Cecil Baldwin.

Original music by Disparition.

All of it can be found at disparition.bandcamp.com.

This episode's weather was Prodigal by David Werzig from his new album by the same name.

Check it out at davidwerzig.bandcamp.com.

Comments, questions, email us at info at welcometonightvale.com or follow us on Twitter at nightvale radio or become uncomfortably aware of your own throat.

Check out welcometonightvale.com for info about our holiday double feature live stream happening in just two days.

Today's proverb, success is 1% inspiration, 3% perspiration, and the rest is made up of corn.

Martha listens to her favorite band all the time.

In the car,

gym,

even sleeping.

So when they finally went on tour, Martha bundled her flight and hotel on Expedia to see them live.

She saved so much, she got a seat close enough to actually see and hear them.

Sort of.

You were made to scream from the front row.

We were made to quietly save you more.

Expedia, made to travel.

Savings vary and subject to availability, flight inclusive packages are at all protected.

I'm Amy Nicholson, the film critic for the LA Times.

And I'm Paul Scheer, an actor, writer, and director.

You might know me from the League Veep or my non-eligible for Academy Award role in Twisters.

We love movies and we come at them from different perspectives.

Yeah, like Amy thinks that, you know, Joe Pesci was miscast in Goodfellas, and I don't.

He's too old.

Let's not forget that Paul thinks that Dune 2 is overrated.

It is.

Anyway, despite this, we come together to host Unschooled, a podcast where we talk about good movies, critical hits, fan favorites, Must Season, and Casey Missed Thems.

We're talking Parasite the Home Alone, from Greece to the Dark Knight.

We've done deep dives on popcorn flicks.

We've talked about why Independence Day deserves a second look.

And we've talked about horror movies, some that you've never even heard of, of, like Kanja and Hess.

So if you love movies like we do, come along on our cinematic adventure.

Listen to Unspooled wherever you get your podcasts.

And don't forget to hit the follow button.

Hi, we're Meg Bashwiner.

And Joseph Fink of Welcome to Night Vale.

And on our new show, The Best Worst, we explore the golden age of television.

To do that, we're watching the IMDb viewer-rated best and worst episodes of classic TV shows.

The episode of Star Trek, where Beverly Krusher has sex with a ghost.

The episode of the X-Files, where Scully gets attacked by a vicious house cat, and also the really good episodes, too.

What can we learn from the best and worst of great television?

Like, for example, is it really a bad episode, or do people just hate women?

The best worst, available wherever you get your podcasts.