A Spy in the Desert, Excerpt 2

Hey hey, Jeffrey Craner from welcome to Night Vale here.

Apart from Night Vale, we make other podcasts.

If you're already a big Night Vale fan, check out Good Morning Night Vale, where cast members Meg Bashwiner, Symphony Sanders, and Hal Lublin break down each and every episode.

Or if you're looking for more weird fiction, there's Within the Wires, an immersive fiction podcast written by me and novelist Janina Mathewson.

Each season is a standalone tale told in the guise of found audio.

Finally, maybe you like horror movies or are scared of horror movies but are horror curious, check out Random Number Generator Horror Podcast Number 9, where me and the voice of Night Vale Cecil Baldwin talk about a randomly drawn horror film.

We have new episodes every single week.

So that's Good Morning Nightvale Within the Wires and Random Horror 9.

Go to nightvalepresents.com for more or get those podcasts wherever you get your podcasts.

This is another excerpt from our new live recording.

Once again, this is a live album of our recent touring live show, A Spy in the Desert.

We're talking an hour of Welcome to Night Vale that has never been heard on the podcast.

Plus, those who saw that show know that there was an entire monologue that was only ever heard by one audience member each night.

The secret of Cecil Palmer.

And yes, this live album includes the audio of that secret, so for the first time, all of the rest of you can hear what was being whispered on that stage.

Grab this full live show album on nightvale.bandcamp.com or on iTunes and enjoy this excerpt right now.

Plus, we are making a couple bonus guest recordings that were only performed at a few stops on the tour, exclusive to our donor member scouts who helped our podcast get made.

So, if you want to hear brand new material with Steve Carlsberg and Carlos the Scientist, head on over to WelcomeToNightvale.com and click on membership and help us make more of this show for you.

And hey, is that a new shirt?

Looks nice.

So listeners, I am joined in my studio right now by the most vigilant defender of Night Vale and of literature.

Please welcome to the air 16-year-old Tamika Flynn.

Hi, Cecil.

Hi.

Hi, Tamika.

Now, you must be alarmed that there's a dangerous spy on the loose.

Of course.

It's not safe to have an interloper learning our secrets.

But what could they learn that would hurt us?

Oh, lots of stuff.

What if they start uncovering all the plot twists of our favorite novels like Murder on the Orient Express, Agatha Christie's Brilliant?

Who Done It?

What if they read ahead and learned that the murderer turns out?

Spoilers?

I mean some of us haven't read it yet.

Oh, I'm just teasing.

That book doesn't even have an ending.

It's the only murder Agatha could never solve.

But learning secrets can be harmful.

Like one time, I was waiting in line at midnight for the release of the sixth Harry Potter book, and some jerk drove by and shouted, Snipe and Dumbledore are both featured prominently in the new novel.

Ruined.

I've never read the sixth book.

Oh.

I've only read the third and the seventh.

So now the whole experience is ruined.

Well, if it makes you feel any better, I chased that fool down down and I punched him until his bruises spelled out.

Don't mess with a Hufflepuff.

But I do have a plan to catch this spy.

I'll disguise myself as the mink, and then I'll walk around town until I find someone that's dressed exactly like me.

And then I'll grab them and I'll whisper that famous, oh, and then I'll grab them and shout shout at them and I'll say you want to spoil the ending the books pal why don't you try Stephen King's it that whole ending is terrible oh well

come on I like the ending of it

really yeah you know when it just turns out to be the friends we made along the way

you and you and you it's nice

okay anyway Tamiko.

Now, I have a question.

How are you going to disguise yourself as the mink when nobody knows what the mink actually looks like?

Well, I'll just.

But I could.

I know.

Oh.

Yeah.

Fine.

Then, oh, I'll dress up as a manila folder with a top secret stamp on it.

And then when someone tries to take me, I'll grab them and whisper that famous movie speech.

I don't know who you are.

I don't know what you want.

I don't have any money.

But what I do have are a very particular set of skills.

Skills that I have acquired through reading.

Would you like a list of book recommendations?

Here are a few I think you'd enjoy.

Yes.

Oh, man, that is my favorite scene from Say Anything.

Yeah.

When John Cusack holds that boom box above his head outside the terrorist headquarters, I mean,

so good.

Yes.

Now, wait, the mink is a real threat, and they are interested in learning far more than just book spoilers.

I mean, you in particular might be in danger, Tamika.

Cecil,

I'm 16 years old.

I know everything there is to know about taking care of myself, okay?

Okay, all right.

All right, but listen, if you catch the mink, bring them here to the studio because I need to have a moment.

You want to rough them up?

Yeah, like I'll pin them down and then you take this copy of Hanya Yana Gahara's A Little Life and just like, bat, bat, bat.

Bat.

This book made me cry.

Now it's making you cry, sucker.

Yeah, sure, something like that.

Well, I think I'm off to get that mink.

All right.

Thank you, Tamika.

Be safe.

Tamika Flynn, everyone.

And now another word from our sponsors.

Today's show is also brought to you by Assentia.

If you've ever felt anything at all, there's Ascentia.

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Once again, get the complete live recording of A Spy in the Desert at nightvale.bandcamp.com or on iTunes.

I'm Amy Nicholson, the film critic for the LA Times.

And I'm Paul Scheer, an actor, writer, and director.

You might know me from the League Veep or my non-eligible for Academy Award role in Twisters.

We love movies and we come at them from different perspectives.

Yeah, like Amy thinks that, you know, Joe Pesci was miscast in Goodfellas, and I don't.

He's too old.

Let's not forget that Paul thinks that Dune 2 is overrated.

It is.

Anyway, despite this, we come together to host Unspooled, a podcast where we talk about good movies, critical hits, fan favorites, must-sees, and in case you missed them.

We're talking Parasite the Home Alone, From Greece to the Dark Knight.

We've done deep dives on popcorn flicks.

We've talked about why Independence Day deserves a second look.

And we've talked about horror movies, some that you've never even heard of, like Kanja and Hess.

So if you love movies like we do, come along on our cinematic adventure.

Listen to Unschooled wherever you get your podcast.

And don't forget to hit the follow button.

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Join me, Meg Bashwiner and fellow try-hosts, Hal Lublin and Symphony Sanders, as we dissect all of the cool, squishy, and slimy bits of every episode of Welcome to Night Vale.

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Good morning, Nightvale, with new episodes every other Thursday.

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Yes, even there.