144 - The Dreamer

Hey hey, Jeffrey Kraner from welcome to Night Vale here.

Apart from Night Vale, we make other podcasts.

If you're already a big Night Vale fan, check out Good Morning Night Vale, where cast members Meg Bashwiner, Symphony Sanders, and Hal Lublin break down each and every episode.

Or if you're looking for more weird fiction, there's Within the Wires, an immersive fiction podcast written by me and novelist Janina Mathewson.

Each season is a standalone tale told in the guise of found audio.

Finally, maybe you like horror movies or are scared of horror movies but are horror curious, check out Random Number Generator Horror Podcast Number 9, where me and the voice of Night Vale Cecil Baldwin talk about a randomly drawn horror film.

We have new episodes every single week.

So that's Good Morning Nightvale Within the Wires and Random Horror 9.

Go to nightvalepresents.com for more or get those podcasts wherever you get your podcasts.

Running a business comes with a lot of what-ifs.

But luckily, there's a simple answer to them.

Shopify.

It's the commerce platform behind millions of businesses, including Thrive Cosmetics and Momofuku, and it'll help you with everything you need.

From website design and marketing to boosting sales and expanding operations, Shopify can get the job done and make your dream a reality.

Turn those what-ifs into

sign up for your $1 per month trial at shopify.com/slash special offer.

It's turtles all the way down, but man, it's kittens all the way up.

Welcome to Nightvale.

Our top story today is the PTA Bake Sale from 4 until 8 p.m.

at Nightvale High School.

There will be cakes, pies, cookies, and all sorts of desserts available, and the money goes to a great cause, funding for the Blood Space War.

PTA officers Steve Carlsberg, Susan Willman, and Diane Creighton expect this to be the largest bake sale in more than a decade.

This is because the City Council, in cooperation with the Sheriff's Secret Police, In cooperation with a vague yet menacing government agency, in cooperation with the world government, in cooperation with the lizard people wing of the Bilderberg Group, has mandated that all citizens participate in this spring's PTA bake sale.

A group of men in black suits wearing sunglasses and earpieces gathered around City Hall this morning to confirm this.

Perhaps bring some moist blueberry muffins, one of the mysterious men announced.

Or invisible pie, said another.

Oh, oh, oh, if you have one of those special pans that makes only brownie edges, said another.

And each of the men squealed and clapped their hands, saying, Yes, those are the best.

So head on down to the high school and buy and sell some tasty baked goods for a valiant cause.

It's illegal not to.

In related news, more than 200 soldiers died yesterday in the bloodiest battle yet of the ongoing Blood Space War.

Not all have been identified, but we have learned that Corporal Wayman Davis and Sergeant Yasmin Alphonse, both residents of Knightvale, are believed to be among those killed.

Officials from Intergalactic Military Headquarters said no armistice is in sight, as they are not certain who they are fighting, what they are fighting for, and when the fighting is even happening.

Time is super relative, man, said senior strategic advisor Jameson Archibald, like

mind-blowing how some of the people who are fighting this war haven't even been born yet.

My head hurts just thinking about that.

Space-time?

Can you even believe it?

Just...

Wow.

Archibald concluded.

Why are we fighting this war?

And who is involved?

And beyond bank sales and online crowdsourced donations, who is funding this conflict?

Over the next few weeks, I will try to do my best to answer some of these questions, but beware that these questions may have no answers, or worse, have answers that make no sense.

Today, we will start with what we know.

We will start with the story of Eunomia.

Eunomia grew up on a farm.

Her parents planted invisible corn.

All day, Eunomia would work the fields.

This was the early 1800s, so there were no gas-powered tractors or tillers or combines.

Eunomia would plant each invisible corn seed one by one in long rows over several acres.

She enjoyed this work because she loved the fresh air, the insects, and the birds.

And at dusk, her favorite moment, the stars would come out.

During the late summer, she would lie down in the cornfields, hidden among the tall, invisible stalks of majestic corn, and she thought of all the possible worlds beyond this one.

Eventually, her mother would call her home for dinner, and the next day, Eunomia would dream about those worlds while culling the ripened corn, anxiously awaiting the disappearance of the sun so she could comprehend the infinite possibilities of a life that was not this one.

On her 17th birthday, Eunomia went out to the cornfield, but never returned.

When her parents went to look for her, they found a large, perfectly round clearing.

There was no corn in this circle, only flat dirt, Eunomia's packed lunch, uneaten, her diary, her tools, and the clothing she had worn that morning.

The last time anyone saw her.

In the 1980s, librarians at the Nightvale Public Library found Eunomia's diary, which historians had long thought to be either lost or legend.

The librarians said they found it underneath the second-floor Dr.

Pepper machine.

A bibliophile or historian must have hidden behind the vending machine, trying to escape hungry librarians, but left the artifact behind when that person either escaped or was eaten.

The librarians who found the book placed it on display in a new exhibit called Early Night Vale Life, Cotidian Scrawlings of Delicious Mortals.

It took many years of armed expeditions into the public library and cost many lives for historians to read this entire diary, but their brave efforts eventually paid off, as most of the diary has been transcribed or photographed.

Here are a few sample entries from Eunomia's Journal.

July 15, 1815.

The star I have named Wolfgang has moved from its constellation.

I believe it to be an artificial vessel.

I shall send it a message somehow.

August 1, 1815.

Wolfgang has grown larger and now changes colors.

Tonight, it is azure.

Last night, it was turquoise.

I predict it has seen our earth.

September 4, 1915.

Tonight I have carved a message into the corn.

It is not in English, but in patterns, concentric circles connected by sharp angular lines.

I have carved this message quite large.

I do hope it is legible.

Tomorrow morning, I shall find out.

And just below this entry, Eunomia has sketched this cornfield pattern into her diary.

Her final entry was on September 5th.

A man with a mirror for a face has come for me.

Does not speak.

Farewell.

More on the story of Eunomia in a moment.

But first, breaking news from City Hall.

Pamela Winchell, the city's director of emergency press conferences, called an emergency press conference to announce, and I quote, some crazy blank bull blanks going down over here, y'all.

Holy

blank,

she added.

Winchell was standing near a cornfield on the property of John Peters, you know, the farmer.

She was covering her mouth with one hand and pointing with the other while jumping up and down.

Winchell said, y'all have to see this mess, but also like, don't come anywhere near here.

No way.

But still, like, it's kind of beautiful with all the lights and stuff.

You really have to see it, but you can't.

Don't.

Definitely don't come out here.

Nothing to see, she said firmly, only to continue, cool.

Oh, blank, that's rad.

City Council quickly ushered Winchell away from the microphone and said that they have formed a secret exploratory committee to investigate the lights coming from John Peter's land.

More on this story as it develops.

For weeks after Eunomia disappeared, townsfolk mourned the loss of a young and vibrant girl.

The city declared her dead, and her church held a public funeral service.

Her mother spoke about Eunomia's vivid imagination and penchant for drawing and painting.

Her father, through halting sobs, said Eunomia was a smart girl who loved astronomy and physics.

The crowd gasped at this.

Some of the congregation vocally protested, saying he should not be accusing the dead of paganism.

Eunomia's father calmed them and said, science is not a fringe religion.

Eunomia taught me this.

She wrote about the movement of stars and planets every day.

She dreamed of a time that human beings could leave this gravity and travel into deepest space.

I too thought science was Satan's checkerboard, but now, thanks to my dear daughter, I think science is neat.

The congregation grumbled, but ultimately accepted that a grief-stricken parent must be given room for the madness of sorrow.

The people of Nightvale moved forward with their lives.

Like all tragic loss, they remembered Eunomia sometimes even seeing her, only to realize it was a shadow or a mistake of the mind.

They felt sad.

and empty, but over time the sadness waned and the emptiness filled, as they always do.

Her parents sold the farm and moved into the city.

Consciously, they wanted to be closer to their community, but subconsciously, they feared having to endure the weight of public empathy, so they mostly stayed indoors.

One year, after Eunomia's physical disappearance, the memory of Eunomia had all but disappeared as well.

Night Vale was back to normal.

No one was thinking about Eunomia that day, that anniversary.

They were thinking about something else.

The visitor.

More on this soon, but first, traffic.

Christina and Ricardo Alphonse had just exited Route 800 toward Pike Street, when they planned to turn left toward the hospital.

Ricardo was driving quickly as Christina was in immense discomfort.

She was eight months pregnant when contractions began only half an hour ago.

Fearing the complications of an early birth, Christina did not outwardly panic.

She inwardly panicked.

She grew quiet and still as her body began to convulse and her guts began to churn.

She turned to her husband and calmly stated, Ricky, the baby's coming.

Ricardo, having read nearly a dozen books, including the physiology of pregnancy, the psychology of infancy, and the ontology of relevancy, felt prepared for even this most unexpected of moments.

Inwardly, he did not panic.

Outwardly, he was a blubbering mess.

He rushed his wife into the car and on to the hospital, going well over the speed limit, asking Christina if she was remembering to breathe.

Christina repeatedly asked Ricardo to slow down and confirmed she was breathing.

A minor accident between a top-secret military transport truck and a 2011 Honda CR-V along Route 800 near exit 12 had slowed the couple down by a few minutes.

and during that traffic jam, Christina turned on the radio to take her mind off her body.

She heard a news update about the Blood Space War and the tragic deaths of two Night Vale soldiers, one of whom was named Yasmin Alphonse.

Christina and Ricardo Alphonse knew they were expecting a girl.

They knew they would name her Yasmin, because it is a beautiful name.

Ricardo laughed at the dark humor of the improbable coincidence, but Christina neither laughed nor believed it to be a coincidence.

They arrived at the hospital with plenty of time to spare, and three hours later, their daughter Yasmin was born.

Christina had decided to give her a different name, but when the nurse who was filling out the birth certificate asked, Christina said Yasmin, as she was unable to say anything else.

It was like that moment had already happened, and she was only remembering it.

So,

expect 15-minute delays on eastbound lanes of Route 800 near exit 12.

This has been Traffic.

On the anniversary of Eunomia's disappearance, an astronaut arrived in Nightvale.

The early 19th century villagers did not know what an astronaut was, so what they saw was a puffy silver humanoid with a mirror for a face.

The astronaut suddenly appeared in the center of town, roughly where the dog park is today, and walked silently through the dusty streets.

Crowds gathered and followed the stranger, all the while pointing and warmly shouting interloper, in hopes that the frightening figure would show signs of benevolence.

The astronaut, bow-legged and slow, walked without speaking toward the outskirts of town.

It took hours, and by the time the visitor stopped, nearly the entire city had followed.

There was a greenish aura about the astronaut as they turned to face the gathered mob.

The astronaut lifted their gloved hands to their neck and unlatched the helmet.

There was a loud hiss and a pop, and the mask lifted.

The crowd tentatively approached the stranger, and as the helmet came fully off, the townsfolk cried out in horror.

The face of the visitor was nearly skeletal, a rotted corpse, long white hair peeling down the back of the skull, an incomplete set of elongated teeth visible with no lips to hide them, startled eyes ever staring with no lids to express anything else, and what was left of the skin had shriveled and yellowed.

The crowd had begun to step backward, but one woman stepped forward.

A tired and pale woman approached the decomposing astronaut and said,

You know Mia?

The astronaut opened her mouth slowly and spoke in a hoarse cough.

Mother,

the astronaut said.

Eunomia's young mother touched her elderly daughter's face.

Eunomia broke into dust, and the empty spacesuit collapsed to the ground.

More news, but first,

the weather.

My manic bowels of glory.

All I see is your face.

When the demons try to destroy me,

cover them all in the chase.

I have hurt people I love

with intention

or lack of

And I know you have been hurt too

I give you my word I will

never hurt

you

I have done so many things out of anger

And I have done so many things out of spite

This is not one of them

This is not one of them

This is one of the only things I've done right

This is one of the only things I've done right

Like a flatty on wood

that sees your pain.

Like a bury all of your burden

or start digging up graves

next to my father, you're the kindest man I've met.

Next to the rest, there's no comparison.

La da da, la da da, la da da.

I have done so many things out of anger.

I have done so many things out of pride.

This is not one of them.

This is not one of them.

This is one of the only things I've done right.

This is one of the only things I've done right.

I have done so many many things that are selfish

And I have done so many things that are pride

This is not one of them

This is not one of them

This is one of the only things I've done right

This is one of the only things I've done right

This is one of the

You chose to hit play on this podcast today.

Smart Choice.

Progressive loves to help people make smart choices.

That's why they offer a tool called Auto Quote Explorer that allows you to compare your progressive car insurance quote with rates from other companies so you save time on the research and can enjoy savings when you choose the best rate for you.

Give it a try after this episode at progressive.com.

Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates.

Not available in all states or situations.

Prices vary based on how you buy.

Sweat moves you forward.

Degree Antiperspirant is here to make sure it never holds you back.

Clocking in, sweat.

Lunch meeting, sweat.

Biking home, sweat.

Degree Advanced is for the hustlers who put in the sweat.

The world's number one antiperspirant with up to 72 hours sweat and order protection.

Degree, here for sweat.

Try it today.

Dozens of astronauts appeared in Nightvale over the centuries that followed.

They still occasionally do, but it has been 36 years since the last appearance.

These astronauts are time travelers of sorts.

They are Nightvale citizens who fight for humanity in the blood space war, but are returning home to recruit or retire.

Those who have returned from battle have told us about Eunomia and her incredible leadership and diplomacy.

Her death, in the timeline of those fighting this war, has yet to occur, but in our earthly timeline, she died 200 years ago in a cornfield.

There is so much more to say about Eunomia and the beginnings of the Blood Space War, but we cannot cover all that here.

It is much too complicated a story.

Plus, an empty-eyed messenger child from the city council just showed up in my radio studio to tell me to get the important news of the day.

Thank you, child.

Here's an iPad.

Go play on TikTok and stop staring at me.

I'm really creeped out.

The City Council organized a press conference this afternoon, but before it could begin, Pamela Winchell grabbed the microphone from the City Council and shouted, Surprise emergency press conference!

Hey, so a spacecraft flew down into John Peters' cornfield, and these beings of astonishing structure emerged with two floating pods and inside those pods were dead bodies.

It was sad, but also the bodies looked pretty old, so maybe it was just their time.

Sometimes that happens, you know?

Actually, it always happens.

No one has ever not died.

Anyway, if you've lost an elderly friend or relative, maybe

come identify the bodies.

Sorry for your loss.

Winchell then reached up into her hairline and pulled down a zipper that ran from her head to her waist.

As she opened herself, a Pamela-shaped cloud drifted up and away over the crowd.

A faint voice saying, Pamela out,

could be heard in the sky.

Several Night Bell residents came to view the bodies.

One body was identified as Wayman Davis by his great-great-grandson, Melvin.

Melvin brought a Doguera-type photo of Wayman from 1890.

In the photo, Wayman was 33 years old.

The body Melvin identified looked to be in his 60s, but it was clearly Wayman.

Christina Alphonse, holding her newborn baby in her hospital bed, saw the footage on television.

When she saw the other body, she saw a woman in her 70s with Yasmin's eyes, Yasmin's lips, and even the same thick, low forehead.

Christina held her baby tight to her chest.

You are a brave woman, she said to the infant Yasmin as she kissed her tiny cheeks.

Stay tuned next for the sound of an alarm clock that cannot be turned off and a dream that cannot be awoken from.

Good night, Night Vale.

Good night.

Welcome to Night Vale as a production of Night Vale Presents.

This episode was written by Joseph Fink and Jeffrey Kraner and produced by Disparition.

The voice of Night Vale is Cecil Baldwin.

Original music by Disparition.

All of it can be found at disparition.info or at disparition.bandcamp.com.

This episode's weather was The Only Thing by Allie Holder.

Find out more at allyholder.com.

Comments, questions, email us at info at welcometonightvale.com or follow us on Twitter at NightvaleRadio or lift heavy things until you can lift heavier things.

Check out Welcometonightvale.com for more information on this show and our new script collections, The Buying of Lot 37 and Who's a Good Boy, available for pre-order right now.

Today's proverb, talk to your kids about the birds and the bees.

Never look directly at birds, you should say to them.

And bees, don't get me started.

Hi, I'm Jeffrey Kraner.

My friend Joseph Fink and I created Welcome to Night Vale back in 2012.

We've been writing partners for a pretty long time.

And normally Joseph and I are the ones turning our ideas into narrative podcasts, but we decided that for our new podcast, called Start With This, it's you who will do the creating.

I had always edited my own work in a very specific way, which was basically looking for everything that was wrong.

In my head, if it was good, cool, you don't have to think about it.

You just look for the things that aren't working and you fix them.

And the first time we sat down, we had given each other writing assignments and I had read through yours, and I immediately went into that mode of like, here's some things that I think we could fix.

And you kind of stopped me and were were like, hold on, a way more effective way of looking at this.

And this has changed how I edit my own work, because I think it is a much better way of looking at work.

And it's certainly a better way of collaborating, is instead of looking for, here's the things I think aren't working, is what in here is really good and excites you, and how can we build on that?

On each episode of Start With This, we'll discuss a topic, say like on the value of collaboration.

I think some of it is self-confidence, is the idea of needing somebody to kind of tell you what's good and bad.

You know, if you're cooking, it's nice if you can have somebody there to taste it and make sure it tastes fine.

Because you get caught up in your own process and you feel like, I have one of two gears when I write things, which is, holy cow, this is amazing.

I'm the best writer that ever lived.

And the other is, like, I'm garbage.

Like, I'm an absolute garbage writer and I don't know what I'm doing.

And so it's nice having somebody else to temper that.

Or writing visual descriptions for a non-visual medium.

When you make a show without visual elements, you really have to think about the things that spark visions in your imagination.

If you say someone has green cowboy boots, I mean, I see green cowboy boots, but in a way less vivid than if you kind of write around the visuals and give me more a sense of the atmosphere.

What is this person like?

What is this bar they're in like?

What is this diner they're in like?

The two places you can set a story, the bar or the diner.

Right?

And then after that, we'll give you two assignments.

Something to consume and something to create.

You can share your work on our membership forum to see what other people are up to.

You might even find a creative partner in the process.

We want you to start creating one assignment at a time because the best way to start writing is to start writing.

Not sure where to begin?

Start with this.

So go subscribe now to our brand new podcast, Start With This on StartwithThisPodcast.com or wherever it is you get your podcasts from a podcast tree maybe.

The first episode is March 22nd.

Hey, y'all, it is Jeffrey Kraner speaking to you from the year 2025.

And did you know that Welcome to Night Vale is back out on tour?

We are.

We're going to be up in the northeast in the Boston, New York City area, going all the way over to the upper Midwest in Minnesota.

That's in July.

You'll kind of draw a line through there and you'll kind of see the towns we'll be hitting.

We'll also be doing Philly down to Florida in September.

And we'll be going from Austin all the way up through the middle of the country into Toronto, Canada in October.

And then we'll be doing the West Coast plus the Southwest plus Colorado in January of 2026.

You can find all of the show dates at welcometonightvale.com slash live.

Listen, this brand new live show is so much fun.

It is called Murder Night in Blood Forest, and it stars Cecil Baldwin, of course, Symphony Sanders, me, and live original music by Disparition, and who knows what other special guests may come along for the ride.

These tours are always so much fun and they are for you, the diehard fan, and you, the Night Vale new kid alike.

So feel comfortable bringing your family, your partner, your co-workers, your cat, whatever.

They don't got to know what a night veil is to like the show.

Tickets to all of these live shows are on sale now at welcometonightvale.com slash live.

Don't let time slip away and miss us when we are in your town because otherwise we will all be sad.

Get your tickets to our live U.S.

plus Toronto tours right now at welcometonightveld.com/slash live.

And hey, see you soon.