97 - Josefina

Here's something I say a lot, but it's just the truth.

We couldn't make this show without our Patreon.

It is by far the biggest way we are able to pay everyone working on the show, from the writers to the actors, to Jessica, who does original artwork for every single episode, to Joella, who does all the back-end business stuff.

All of these people are able to pay their bills, and we are all able to put out the show because of our Patreon.

We try to give some cool rewards as a thank you.

Four bonus episodes a year that are not released on the main feed, ad-free versions of our episodes, monthly Zoom hangouts with the Nightfall Writers, director's notes on every episode, a brand new book club we are launching led by the Nightfall Writers, and even the chance for you to appear in future Nightfall episodes as a character.

So, all of that is there, but also just the knowledge that this thing exists in the world that otherwise wouldn't, and you are part of that.

So, consider heading to welcometonightvale.com and clicking on Patreon and becoming a patron or upgrading your existing membership.

We deeply, truly appreciate it.

Thank you.

CRM was supposed to improve customer relationships.

Instead, it's shorthand for customer rage machine.

Your CRM can't explain why a customer's package took five detours?

Reboot your inner piece and scream into a pillow.

It's okay.

On the ServiceNow AI platform, CRM stands for something better.

AI agents don't just track issues, they resolve them, transforming the entire customer experience.

So breathe in and breathe out.

Bad CRM was then.

This is service now.

Why do birds appear every time you are near?

It's likely they planted a tracking device on you.

Welcome to Night Vale.

Listeners, I've been thinking about Old Woman Josie a lot lately.

She broke her hip a couple months ago and has been recovering at home with her daughter Alondra, as well as several beings named Erica, whom Josie refers to as

angels.

Now it's illegal to acknowledge the existence of

angels in Night Vale, but it's certainly not illegal to point out how loving and kind those beings, whatever they may be, have been to Josie.

I really miss having Josie around, especially since bowling league started back up last month.

Apparently her hip healed, but she has had a series of infections that led to her going back to the hospital where doctors told her there was nothing they could do about the polio virus.

Alondra said that her mother didn't have polio, but the doctors explained it didn't matter.

The virus existed in the world and there was nothing they could do about it.

Alondra pointed out that there was a polio vaccine, had been one for decades.

The doctors closed up their books, snorted, and walked briskly from the room saying, good day, without making eye contact.

The angels tried to physically carry the doctors back into the room, but Alondra just got an antibiotic prescription and took Josie home.

In today's show, I wanted to share a little bit with you, Nightvale, about Josefina Ortiz, her life as a Nightvale citizen, lover of the arts, and friend of mine.

But first, a word from our sponsors.

Today's show is brought to you by Walmart.

For every product you can think of, home, office, garden, automotive, toys, clothes, groceries, there's your neighborhood Walmart and our always low prices.

For every product you cannot think of, repressed memories, forbidden knowledge, an incorporeal twin sibling dwelling in the back of your brain, antimatter, uranium, there's also Walmart.

We will sell you anything, whether you can comprehend it or not.

Walmart will sell it to you.

Sentient maple leaves?

Walmart has it.

Alternate timeline that avoids a climate change apocalypse?

Walmart has it.

Immortality?

Walmart has it.

And we will beat anyone else's price.

Walmart.

Save money.

Live in an alternate timeline.

Apocalypse avoidance not guaranteed.

Lack of climate change does not preclude nuclear winter, asteroid impact, or solar flares.

Please consult the Oracle before making any purchases at Walmart.

Low price guaranteed, not available in Michigan.

To tell some of her fantastic stories today, I've asked Josie to join me on the show.

I have her on the line now.

Hi, Josie.

Are you feeling up to league night this week?

Hi, Cecil.

I'm always up for league night.

I'll be ready next week, or the week after that.

I've asked my friend Sarah to fill in for me while I'm gone.

She's never bowled before, but she's a quick learner.

She is also a fist-size river rock, so I'm not sure she can even pick up a ball and roll it.

But like I said, she's a quick learner.

Our team will be just fine.

Josie, we are talking today about your history in Night Vale.

I think more than anything, your love of opera has been your greatest gift to our town.

My favorite opera growing up was Puccini's Tosca.

My mother had a copy we played on our Victrola, which we disguised as an icebox so that the secret police did not know about it.

Listening to music was illegal then.

A minimum 90-day sentence for anyone caught hearing opera, jazz, or symphonies.

Even hearing someone walking in rhythm could be construed as a crime.

It wasn't legalized until John Cage wrote 4 minutes 33 seconds.

The sheriff had to arrest anyone caught sitting in silence for that length of time, and our prisons became quickly overcrowded, so they decriminalized listening to music.

This was great for my father, who had run the old Nightvale Opera House since it was built in 1904.

His early productions were rich with colorful, ornate sets and glorious costumes, professionally trained singers who were only allowed to describe what they would sing with their gorgeous booming voices, and orchestras who shouted out, loud music here, or whispered, soft music here, underneath the text.

When listening to music became legal, I begged Poppy to make Tosca the first opera he performed with full singing and orchestration.

It's about an Italian singer whose city is invaded by Napoleon.

A young man falls in love with her, but she doesn't notice because she's also the general of the Italian army, and she crushes Napoleon and brings peace to Europe and frees the enslaved people of Switzerland

of Leontine Price singing the famous aria from Tosca.

What was that called?

It was called, What Up Switz?

You're free now.

Sadly, the old opera house sat dormant after its last performance in 1983, and ultimately, we had to tear it down in the 1990s because of a puppy infestation.

When we began demolition in 1994, I first met the angels.

They wouldn't reveal themselves to me for another 18 years, but they were very tall and they promised to help me.

They had no money and no skills and no real knowledge of opera.

I gave them a dollar and told them to get lost.

Just so the surveillance van across the street can hear, I totally don't believe in angels.

Thanks, Josie.

More stories from your time in Nightvale soon.

First, let's get to some news.

Intern Kareem reports that Hiram is in surprisingly good spirits for a five-headed dragon who is on death row.

His execution is slated for later this month.

His sister, Hadassah, and her five-headed dragon lawyers have been negotiating with Mayor Dana Cardinal for his release, but talks seem to have stalled late last month when the dragons destroyed most of Night Vale.

Hiram spelled out a pretty elaborate escape plan.

He told Karim he had been watching the patterns of the guards in the prison, befriending a few key members of the security staff, and had gotten a friend of his to slip in some contraband to help with breaking the shackles constraining his five necks, wings, tail, and feet.

Hiram would not identify the exact name of his friend, but he said she was a faceless old woman who secretly lived in your home.

Wow, Kareem, your report is really hard to read.

God, it's all crossed out.

And then you wrote a bunch of stuff

in black marker over it.

What does this mess even say?

Off the record, do not read on air.

Oh.

Okay.

Um.

None of what I said just happened, listeners.

Hiram's in prison.

That's the news.

And now back to Old Woman Josie.

Tell us more about your life in opera.

My mother passed away when I was 28, and Poppy did not last long after that.

They were in love since they were 15 and did not want to be apart for longer than they had to be.

So I joined the Night Vale Board of Culture in order to stay active with the Opera House and to support other artistic endeavors in town.

In my 50 years on the Board of Culture, we started a youth orchestra society, founded the Knightvale Community Theater, ordered the removal of all French horns from the high school marching band, and supported a performance art initiative to put tarantulas in bags and leave them in the back seats of unlocked cars.

The arts have always thrived here in Knightvale, and many people have applied to serve on the Board of Culture.

During my last few years of service, several of the beings who call themselves Erica began applying to be on the board.

They still had no money or skills, but they seemed to know a lot more about opera and music and theater.

But the city would not allow them on the board because they said the beings named Erica did not exist.

I didn't understand it at the time, so I asked them all to serve on an unofficial advisory committee I made up to get more arts lovers involved.

I didn't believe in angels, certainly, but I did believe whatever they were, they cared about art.

Let's take a news break here, and then we'll return to Old Woman Josie.

The Knightville Transit Authority today announced that they would be reopening the subway, which was closed three years ago, less than half a day after it opened.

Spokespersons from the Transit Authority, wearing deer masks and performing a ritual dance involving waving hands above their heads while squatting with their legs spread outward, distributed roaches to citizens.

Upon each roach was a single word.

Sometimes the word was something obvious like train or service or schedule, but others had less mass transit related words like crates and desert and destroyer, and on one particular roach, just the word

hunto car.

After several hours of people screaming and swatting at their hair and pants, reporters determined that all of the word-marked roaches comprised a press release detailing all of the pertinent information about the subway reopening.

So as soon as we find all the roaches and place them in the correct order, we'll bring you more information on the subway.

Speaking of reopenings, Josie, you managed to construct the new old Nightvale Opera House last year.

It was three years before that when I realized it was possible.

The angels, who had served for 10 years in a secret advisory capacity for the Board of Culture, finally revealed themselves to to me.

I was changing light bulbs on my porch and my back and balance were not what they once were and I fell off my stepladder.

These tall winged friends, all named Erica, lifted me before I hit the ground.

A bright black glow illuminated the air around them and me.

One of the angels gently twisted out the old bulb and replaced it.

They handed the burned bulb to me and said, we can change things.

I told them, yes, you are angels.

I believe in you.

You are angels and you can change things.

We, we can change things.

And then the same angel said, I just meant the light bulb.

We can change light bulbs.

But I wanted to change the burned out opera house.

I wanted to build a new one.

And the angels called upon Night Bell's richest citizen, billionaire Marcus Vanson to join their ranks.

And they bought the Strex Corp Corporation, liquidated its assets, things like office computers, military-grade helicopters, and mind control collars.

The angel who used to be Marcus managed the Strex Corp Foundation and used those funds to build the new opera house.

I always wondered what happened to Marcus.

Opera is vital to this city, more than you know.

Alondra is a good daughter moving back to her hometown, a town she never liked much, to take care of her ailing mother.

I'm getting around.

I really am better, Cecil.

But Alondra, oh, she's treating this hip thing like hospice or something.

She's asking me about my will, about where I keep my records.

She's going through my stuff, asking what things I want to keep and what we can get rid of.

She's always been a high-strung and organized child.

I'd like your bowling ball if you're getting rid of things.

It's yours, Cecil.

Thanks, Josie.

I won't need it for a long time.

I'm sure of that.

Let's finish up our retrospective of Old Woman Josie in just a moment, listeners.

But first, let me get to the weather.

I'll find you everywhere.

If you don't exist, I don't care.

I'll find you

everywhere.

Waterfalls are in the air.

If you don't see them, I don't care.

They're waterfalls

in the air.

I saw you looking into the mortal mirror.

I could see right through you,

even though you were right here.

You're a crystal chandelier,

your prisms ring so clear.

Crystal

chandelier.

I'll find you everywhere.

If your tongue says I don't care, I'll find you

everywhere.

And when I saw you, you were hanging out with your friends.

I knew that it was over.

But I didn't know it had come to an end.

Hey, it's Jeffrey Kraner with a word from our sponsor.

You're on a desert island, but not a deserted island.

Someone else is there.

Something else is there.

In the water, surrounding you lurks a mythical beast with two large eyes and many long arms.

You're just now hearing of this beast, but you're not afraid because you don't plan to swim, though that water looks nice.

You're good at talking yourself into things, and soon you are in the sea, frolicking and splashing.

You even squeal, thinking you're all alone.

But you forgot what I just said.

You're not alone.

Something wraps itself around you.

It lifts you high in the air, waving you about at dizzying heights.

You look down and see the mythical kraken.

You start to scream, but in its other tentacles are bottles of kraken black spiced rum and kraken gold spiced rum.

I love kraken rum, you say.

It's bold, smooth, and made with a blend of spices.

You high-five the beast as it sets you back down on the island, along with the bottles of Kraken Rum.

It winks and tells you Kraken Rum is ideal for Halloween cocktails and disappears back into the dark, briny depths.

Visit the official sponsor of Welcome to Night Vale, Kraken Rum.com to release the Kraken this Halloween.

Copyright 2025, Kraken Rum Company, Kraken Rum.com.

Like the deepest sea, the Kraken should be treated with great respect and responsibility.

You chose to hit play on this podcast today.

Smart Choice.

Progressive loves to help people make smart choices.

That's why they offer a tool called Auto Quote Explorer that allows you to compare your progressive car insurance quote with rates from other companies so you save time on the research and can enjoy savings when you choose the best rate for you.

Give it a try after this episode at progressive.com.

Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates.

Not available in all states or situations.

Prices vary based on how you buy.

We're back in the studio with Old Woman Josie.

Are you and Alondra getting along okay?

Alondra is a good girl, but she never wanted to live in Nightvale.

I haven't seen her for almost 20 years and she's doing fine living wherever she's living.

Akwahama, I think she called it.

Apparently, it's an actual state, but I couldn't find anything about it when I looked it up.

I think it's in Texas somewhere.

Either way, I left Alondra mostly out of my will.

I mean, family things like photo albums, ancestry records, and any of the hot milk I keep in in my hot milk drawer, I left to her.

I don't want her to not have anything.

I love her.

But I left Strex Corp to the Angels, to the Ericas, who helped establish the foundation, who managed the foundation, who have done nothing but support opera and all the arts here in Nightvale for decades.

Well, that makes perfect sense.

Is she mad, though?

I mean, that none of the money you have is going to her.

Not at all.

She understands.

Plus, she's built a comfortable life for herself.

She doesn't want or need money but the city does not recognize the existence of angels cecil without me they cannot legally run strex corp so it will be left to my next of kin which is alondra alondra doesn't want to manage an arts foundation she doesn't want to stay in nightvale to underwrite new play openings or poetry shaming festivals or sculpture punching gardens She plans to close down the foundation and donate the money back to the city.

That sounds

great.

Cecil, the Ericas built that foundation.

They built that opera house.

Everything they have worked for will be liquidated and given to the very city which denies their existence.

Cecil, I need your help.

The angels need your help.

The opera needs your help.

Josie, I...

The angels are real, Cecil.

Say it.

Josie, you said it yourself.

You're feeling better.

You're up and about.

Alondra's just reacting to stress, but she'll get to go home soon, now that you're healed.

You're right, Cecil.

We'll talk about this more next week at League Night.

We're not done here.

Okay, Josie.

Oh, and before we go, thanks, everyone who's been bringing food by the house while I've been under the weather.

Your old friend Earl came over.

I remember you two used to be joined at the hip wearing your Boy Scout uniforms and neckerchiefs and baseball gloves.

Huh.

I don't remember any of that.

Earl brought me a delicious apple pie he baked himself.

He used a buttercrust and fresh picked macaan apples.

He even added some cranberries, capers, and metal shavings.

What a clever chef.

So thanks to Earl and you, Cecil, for looking out for me.

Thanks for sharing your life with Night Vale, Josie.

Stay tuned next for the sound of a balloon popping.

Stay tuned.

It will happen

eventually.

Any minute now.

Stay tuned.

And as always, good night, Nightvale.

Good night.

Welcome to Night Vale is a production of Night Vale Presents.

It is written by Joseph Fink and Jeffrey Kraner and produced by Joseph Fink.

The voice of Night Vale is Cecil Baldwin.

The voice of Old Woman Josie was Reda.

Original music by Disparition.

All of it can be found at disparition.info or at disparition.bandcamp.com.

This episode's weather was everywhere by XPEX.

Find out more at xhexband.com.

Comments, questions, email us at info at welcometonightvale.com or follow us on Twitter at nightvale radio or meditate for hours in silence.

Check out WelcometonNightvale.com for more information on this show as well as books we make, because we make books as well as podcasts.

And while you're there, consider clicking the donate link.

It's how we make the things we do.

Today's Proverb: If there's not a race to get to the dance competition on time, then your screenplay isn't finished.

I'm Amy Nicholson, the film critic for the LA Times.

And I'm Paul Scheer, an actor, writer, and director.

You might know me from the League Veep or my non-eligible for Academy Award role in Twisters.

We love movies, and we come at them from different perspectives.

Yeah, like Amy thinks that, you know, Joe Pesci was miscast in Goodfellas, and I don't.

He's too old.

Let's not forget that Paul thinks that Dune 2 is overrated.

It is.

Anyway, despite this, we come together to host Unspooled, a podcast where we talk about good movies, critical hits, fan favorites, must-season, and case you missed them.

We're talking Parasite the Home Alone, From Greece to the Dark Knight.

We've done deep dives on popcorn flicks, we've talked about why Independence Day deserves a second look, and we've talked about horror movies, some that you've never even heard of, like Kanja and Hess.

So if you love movies like we do, come along on our cinematic cinematic adventure.

Listen to Unspooled wherever you get your podcasts.

And don't forget to hit the follow button.

Hey y'all, it is Jeffrey Kraner speaking to you from the year 2025.

And did you know that Welcome to Night Vale is back out on tour?

We are.

We're going to be up in the northeast in the Boston, New York City area, going all the way over to the upper Midwest in Minnesota.

That's in July.

You kind of draw a line through there and you'll kind of see the towns we'll be hitting.

We'll also be doing Philly down to Florida in September.

And we'll be going from Austin all the way up through the middle of the country into Toronto, Canada in October.

And then we'll be doing the West Coast plus the Southwest plus Colorado in January of 2026.

You can find all of the show dates at welcometonightville.com slash live.

Listen, this brand new live show is so much fun.

It is called Murder Night in Blood Forest, and it stars Cecil Baldwin, of course, Symphony Sanders, me, and live original music by Disparition, and who knows what other special guests may come along for the ride.

These tours are always so much fun, and they are for you, the Die Hard fan, and you, the Night Vale new kid alike.

So feel comfortable bringing your family, your partner, your co-workers, your cat, whatever.

They don't got to know what a Night Vale is to like the show.

Tickets to all of these live shows are on sale now at welcometonightvale.com slash live.

Don't let time slip away and miss us when we are in your town because otherwise we will all be sad.

Get your tickets to our live U.S.

plus Toronto tours right now at welcometonightvale.com/slash live.

And hey, see you soon.