Bonus Episode 6 - The Investigators

Howdy, Jeffrey Kraner here.

You probably know that Welcome to Night Vale does live tours.

We've done seven of those tours, in fact.

If you never got to see these tours, or even if you did and you want to relive them, we have live recordings available to you right now over at nightvale.bandcamp.com.

You can find those seven different live show performances, including our most recent show, The Attic.

We've also got some one-off events like our Thrilling Adventure Hour crossover show, our first-ever live show, Condos, as well as The Debate.

These albums are only $5 and they're so much fun.

So while we're between tours, tide yourself over with our live albums.

That's nightvale.bandcamp.com.

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Hi, I'm Joseph Fink.

What you're about to hear are two clips from our last touring live show, The Investigators, which is now available right now for sale at nightvale.bandcamp.com and will be available on iTunes soon or it might be already depending on when you're listening to this.

This is over two hours of brand new night veil with live music and a ton of guest stars plus 10 bonus tracks of guest stars that we couldn't fit into the main recording.

So even if you saw this show live, there is a ton of stuff in here you have never heard.

Also available on Bandcamp and iTunes are previous four live recordings and the Welcome to Night Vale audiobook.

Check those out.

And we will see you with our brand new live script, Ghost Stories, in the US in July and in Europe in October.

I can't wait.

Enjoy.

And now, an update on last week's power outages.

The Night Vale Electric Utility announced today that there may be more power outages in coming weeks, this time due to sadness.

We've just been sad this week.

The electric utility said, not for any reason, just sometimes we get sad.

What do we need a reason for?

Last week we were feeling vengeful, so power outages.

This week we're feeling sad and we're going to continue expressing ourselves through the medium of power outages.

Now, power outages were, of course, certified by the Supreme Court as a protected form of free speech.

In the 1973 case of the Hayworth Electric Company versus the Hayworth Hospital,

And the court stated that reasonable causes for a power outage include celebration of a special someone's birthday,

expression of undirected anger at an intransigent political system, and periods of just feeling sad for no reason.

But the Nightvale Electric Utility would like me to remind you that power outages are no excuse not to pay your electric bill.

I mean, electricity is, after all, a privilege, not a right.

Failure to pay your electric bill may result in localized lightning storms, shrouded figures standing silently in the back of familiar TV shows,

and

gout.

So.

So, a spokesperson from the Sheriff's Secret Police has just handed me a note explaining that I am not required to attend the Murder Mystery Dinner Theater.

As I was here in my booth broadcasting during the time of the murder.

Oh,

they just handed me another note, but it reads, we don't know where that scientist is.

Please let the scientist know he is required to attend.

Now

look.

Carlos has been busy all day in his science lab

sciencing.

If, if he were even able to leave the lab, he would certainly not just murder a stranger without stopping by the radio station to say hello to me first.

I'm gonna call Carlos right now.

Hey you, I was just thinking of you.

Hi, I'm so sorry to bother you, but I've received some bad news from the secret police.

I knew this would eventually happen.

They discovered that my team of scientists is studying geology, right?

I know, I know,

it's illegal.

And as Francis Scott Key wrote in his famous poem, rocks are just rocks.

Mind your own business, pal.

But I find geology so scientifically interesting.

I cannot believe that they just...

It's not that.

There's been a murder, and the sheriff's secret police need you to attend the mandatory murder mystery dinner theater

oh

but that is great news um

i love dinner theaters i um

i took some theater in college you know so i can play like a bunch of different roles.

Oh, really?

Yeah, okay.

So the part that everyone wants to play in a murder mystery dinner theater, you know who it is?

It's the butler.

Because the butler gets to wear pastel tuxedos and carry this pet rat.

And I can do like a really, really good snooty British accent.

Hey,

I would never murder anyone.

My paps, take your coat, sir.

I don't know if that's really a British accent.

Maybe it is.

Oh, is it?

Okay, all right.

So, like, another great role in the murder mystery dinner theater is the rich heiress.

Ah, the rich heiress.

Okay, she gets to wear this, like, tight black dress and pearls and a feathered boa, which you know I look amazing in.

I do.

I do.

So, the rich heiress, of course, she seems like the murderer because she always carries around this old blood-stained axe.

But that's the thing.

She only carries the axe because her mother was the owner of the world's biggest axe manufacturing conglomerate.

And their family made a great fortune by chopping up people and taking all their money.

Anyway,

the rich heiress has this glorious and smooth Romanian accent.

Please know that that I will never murder anyone.

Now go get me another drink, don't chop, chop.

I'm kidding.

Oh.

Now

I've never been to Romania.

Maybe it's a dead-on accent.

Oh, okay, all right.

Now, listen, Carlos, I'm actually really surprised surprised to hear this side of you.

I mean, I had no idea that you were such a theater nerd.

Yeah,

like, I'm a scientist, sure, but that's not all I am.

You know?

Yeah.

Like,

getting to act in a murder mystery dinner theater would give me the chance to be not a scientist anymore.

You know, like, um...

Like I could be anyone.

Like, like a train conductor, and I'd shout, all aboard.

Or a pizza maker, and I would shout, all aboard, this a pizza.

Or, I don't know, like, oh, like a writer, and I'd shout, I am alone, so terribly alone.

Carlos, I think the idea is that everybody is just themselves.

So that way the police can easily scan the crowd and find out who looks the most guilty.

I mean, I don't think that murder mystery dinner theater is ever supposed to be fun, they are grueling exercises in abrupt and arbitrary justice.

You know who I want to play?

I want to play a librarian.

Oh, I don't think that's very.

Get what's yours: the secret to maxing out your social security by John Grisham.

That felt really good.

That sounded good.

Thank you.

But I would really, really need to work with the director, you know, on how to get the pincers and all the long hairy legs just right.

Ooh, ooh.

And we would really need to rig up a pulley system so that I could fly around the room and then descend from the ceiling like a normal librarian.

Oh, um, Carlos, I was just handed another note from the secret police that reads, no more, please.

Tell him he doesn't have to come to the dinner theater

at all.

But I wanted to come.

Oh.

Yeah, it's no bother.

Well, we will just have to put on our own murder mystery dinner theater this weekend.

Okay.

I love you.

All right.

I love you too.

Oh, you want to hear my Stu Carlsberg impression?

Goodbye, Carlos.

Nightvale.bandcamp.com, two hours of brand new nightvale.

And go to welcome to nightvale.com and click on live shows to see our upcoming tour dates.

I'm Amy Nicholson, the film critic for the LA Times.

And I'm Paul Scheer, an actor, writer, and director.

You might know me from the League Veep or my non-eligible for Academy Award role in Twisters.

We love movies and we come at them from different perspectives.

Yeah, like Amy thinks that, you know, Joe Pesci was miscast in Goodfellas, and I don't.

He's too old.

Let's not forget that Paul thinks that Dune 2 is overrated.

It is.

Anyway, despite this, we come together to host Unschooled, a podcast where we talk about good movies, critical hits, fan favorites, must-season, and case you missed them.

We're talking Parasite the Home Alone, From Greece to the Dark Knight.

We've done deep dives on popcorn flicks.

We've talked about why Independence Day deserves a second look.

And we've talked about horror movies, some that you've never even heard of, like Kanja and Hess.

So if you love movies like we do, come along on our cinematic adventure.

Listen to Unspooled wherever you get your podcasts.

And don't forget to hit the follow button.

Hey y'all, it is Jeffrey Kraner speaking to you from the year 2025.

And did you know that Welcome to Night Vale is back out on tour?

We are.

We're going to be up in the northeast in the Boston, New York City area, going all the way over to the upper Midwest in Minnesota.

That's in July.

You kind of draw a line through there and you'll kind of see the towns we'll be hitting.

We'll also be doing Philly down to Florida in September.

And we'll be going from Austin all the way up through the middle of the country into Toronto, Canada in October.

And then we'll be doing the West Coast plus the Southwest plus Colorado in January of 2026.

You can find all of the show dates at welcometonightvale.com slash live.

Listen, this brand new live show is so much fun.

It is called Murder Night in Blood Forest, and it stars Cecil Baldwin, of course, Symphony Sanders, me, and live original music by Disparition, and who knows what other special guests may come along for the ride.

These tours are always so much fun, and they are for you, the Die Hard fan, and you, the Night Vale new kid alike.

So feel comfortable bringing your family, your partner, your co-workers, your cat, whatever.

They don't got to know what a Night Vale is to like the show.

Tickets to all of these live shows are on sale now at welcometonightvale.com slash live.

Don't let time slip away and miss us when we are in your town because otherwise we will all be sad.

Get your tickets to our live U.S.

plus Toronto tours right now at welcometonightvale.com/slash live.

And hey, see you soon.