49 - Old Oak Doors Part B

Speaker 3 Did you know that Nightfall is not just a podcast, it's also books?

Speaker 6 That's right.

Speaker 3 It's like movies for your ears, but in written word form. We have four script collections that are fully illustrated with behind-the-scenes intros for every single episode.

Speaker 3 And then we have three novels. The first Welcome to Nightfall novel, in which two women have their lives turned upside down by a mysterious man in a tan jacket.

Speaker 3 We reveal the origin of that, the man man in the tan jacket in that one.

Speaker 3 Then the New York Times best-selling thriller, It Devours, in which we really try to get to the bottom of a certain smiling god.

Speaker 3 Finally, my favorite, The Faceless Old Woman Who Secretly Lives in Your Home. Part pirate adventure, part haunted house, all faceless old woman.

Speaker 3 Find the three novels and four script books wherever you get books. Okay,

Speaker 3 enjoy this episode of a podcast.

Speaker 9 Once upon a mundane morning, Barbs Day got busy without warning.

Speaker 10 A realtor in need of an open house sign, no, 50 of them, and designed before nine.

Speaker 11 My head hurts. Any mighty tools to help with this pipe?

Speaker 10 Aha! Barb made her move. She opened Canva and got in the groove.

Speaker 13 Both creating canvas sheets. Create 50 signs fit for suburban streets.

Speaker 10 Done in a quick, all complete. Sweet.
Now, imagine what your dreams can become when you put imagination to work at canva.com.

Speaker 16 Without darkness, without shadows, and without secrets.

Speaker 19 Listeners, there is someone knocking on my station door, which must mean Carlos. Carlos, is that you? Come in and welcome home my sweet cart

Speaker 23 No,

Speaker 24 no, no, no, no, no,

Speaker 24 no,

Speaker 2 no,

Speaker 25 Cecil, I was in the neighborhood and I wanted to stop by.

Speaker 6 No, Steve Carlsberg.

Speaker 19 You do not get to just stop by the studio. You are not a radio professional.

Speaker 25 All right, fair, but I've been driving in circles around your station all day listening to the show and it caught me thinking, you know, John Peters, you know the farmer.

Speaker 9 Yes, I do know.

Speaker 31 He was like, Hey, y'all, there's a smiling God and the world is unraveling because I was in 4-H Club.

Speaker 32 And he's mostly right.

Speaker 25 But I think that it's not a smiling god, but a secret underground missile testing site.

Speaker 21 No, listen, the secret underground missile testing site is below the rec center, Steve.

Speaker 25 Well, it's like the faceless old woman recently said while campaigning. She said,

Speaker 34 I'm replacing all of your digital photo albums with classified pictures of secret missile testing sites.

Speaker 35 I think the faceless old woman understands what's really going on, whereas Hiram is like, well, I can't really be bothered with looking into government overspending because I am literally a five-headed dragon.

Speaker 37 And then his blue head is like, when you consider the mathematics, there's no benefit to us.

Speaker 33 And then Grace says, thinking about government interference makes me sad.

Speaker 25 And Violet says, we must be free above all.

Speaker 40 We must be free and also above all other things.

Speaker 36 And then his last head just keeps roaring and saying, Your body burns quickly, soft human protesters.

Speaker 25 But really, I was thinking about what your boyfriend Carlos said.

Speaker 20 Don't you dare, Steve Carlsberg.

Speaker 9 So

Speaker 41 he said, I'm certain I can stop the light from entering Night Vale.

Speaker 41 I have a simple device that will protect us.

Speaker 21 I am not dating a munchkin from the Wizard of Oz.

Speaker 44 That's not. No.

Speaker 45 You sure?

Speaker 16 I'm quite sure.

Speaker 9 All right.

Speaker 46 Fair enough, but look, he's.

Speaker 25 And no offense, Cecil, but he's an outsider.

Speaker 46 He's not from here.

Speaker 25 How do we know he's not part of the super underground secret military government that is testing missiles?

Speaker 21 Steve Carlsberg, did you just accuse my boyfriend of being a secret operative?

Speaker 7 Well, um, yeah,

Speaker 23 because that'd be pretty cool, actually.

Speaker 47 That'd be awesome.

Speaker 25 It's dangerous, awesome.

Speaker 21 But, but it is, nevertheless, it is not true, Steve.

Speaker 42 Plus, how many times do I have to tell you that there is nothing secret about the secret missile testing?

Speaker 15 It is as American as using drug-laced apple pie to test the effects of hallucinogens on innocent citizens.

Speaker 37 I think he brings up a good good point, Cecil.

Speaker 50 You

Speaker 14 how did you get in here?

Speaker 28 Hey, thanks, interloper!

Speaker 9 Whoa!

Speaker 2 Cool eyes!

Speaker 9 Oh,

Speaker 9 thank you.

Speaker 34 I wish I could say the same.

Speaker 34 Cecil, listen, it's hard to get work done when there's all this fighting.

Speaker 34 And it's hard to smile when there's no working. And if we aren't smiling, then what value do we have?

Speaker 4 Watch me smile.

Speaker 52 You

Speaker 53 monster.

Speaker 31 That was really gross.

Speaker 38 Do it again.

Speaker 37 Look at how much better we all feel from that.

Speaker 34 But right now, no one is being productive.

Speaker 29 There are angels.

Speaker 2 Actually, there's not.

Speaker 30 No.

Speaker 18 Nope, not a thing.

Speaker 37 And a desert army out there battling for what?

Speaker 25 For hooded figures?

Speaker 1 For forbidden dog parks?

Speaker 51 For a glow cloud?

Speaker 7 Oh,

Speaker 7 the hail.

Speaker 37 For the constant terror of a secret police who can invade your home at any time without so much as a letter from human resources?

Speaker 19 But they are our hooded figures and it is our glow cloud.

Speaker 7 Oh

Speaker 7 hail

Speaker 56 and this is our town and it is terrible.

Speaker 2 But

Speaker 19 it is ours.

Speaker 47 And we...

Speaker 15 We are fighting for it.

Speaker 34 I used to feel that way about Desert Bluffs.

Speaker 57 So many secrets and conspiracies and darkness in our days.

Speaker 12 It all felt so important,

Speaker 8 so permanent.

Speaker 34 But then then we met the smiling God.

Speaker 52 Oh,

Speaker 7 it was wonderful!

Speaker 41 The sun stopped setting.

Speaker 41 Or maybe there wasn't a sun anymore.

Speaker 37 Maybe there was just that other

Speaker 8 brighter light.

Speaker 54 Who knows?

Speaker 41 I do know that I couldn't stop smiling. None of us could.
And our smiles seemed better,

Speaker 9 fuller,

Speaker 14 wider.

Speaker 57 Soon we had no need for government cover-ups or secrets.

Speaker 29 Everything was transparent.

Speaker 37 Literally, you could see through everything and everyone. The bones, the blood, the scurrying insects inside every human body.

Speaker 52 There was so much work to be done.

Speaker 37 And such a wonderful company to do it for. Even the ones that resisted the most at first soon found that they loved the smiling God

Speaker 59 more than anyone.

Speaker 34 Even the most resistant of radio hosts

Speaker 25 soon found his way to productive work,

Speaker 34 happy songs, and a wide gaping smile.

Speaker 5 So

Speaker 34 Let's do this together, Cecil.

Speaker 38 Believe with me in a smiling God,

Speaker 37 the Greater Night Vale and Desert Bluffs metropolitan area, a town with not one,

Speaker 6 but two happy, helpful voices.

Speaker 33 Listeners, Kevin has just opened up the studio door, only it is not the studio door.

Speaker 24 It is an oak door and light, a blinding light is pouring in and everything is becoming translucent do you see friends

Speaker 37 the beautiful majesty of living as one under the unrelenting love of a smiling god

Speaker 37 wow i mean it's a very pretty light

Speaker 2 you know that company picnic of yours sure wasn't fun but

Speaker 28 I got more done in two weeks than in the rest of my life combined.

Speaker 21 No, Steve, what are you saying?

Speaker 9 No.

Speaker 28 Kevin, before I step into your weird light, let me ask you about schools real fast.

Speaker 28 Now, my stepdaughter Janice is 10 years old, and the elementary schools are okay, but I don't know if I can afford to send her to private school when she's.

Speaker 54 Say no more, Steve Carlsberg.

Speaker 54 Desert Bluff schools are top-notch. Young Janice can take college prep courses as early as 12.

Speaker 37 Our charter schools even have great medical programs where they can heal her of all her problems.

Speaker 28 I'm sorry, uh,

Speaker 46 I don't get it.

Speaker 61 Yeah, um, Janice's uncle here, what do you mean by heal her?

Speaker 1 She can't walk, right?

Speaker 9 Yeah, no, she's burned. She can't.

Speaker 5 Well,

Speaker 37 rather than build all those crazy ramps and elevators, we just fix people so that they can become better and more productive.

Speaker 7 you are awful and gross and i was only being polite about your eyes they are weird now you listen to me listeners steve carlsberg has just picked up kevin by his blood-stained lapels

Speaker 47 you will not change my hometown

Speaker 47 You will not change my stepbrother and Kevin of Desert Bluffs.

Speaker 7 You will not change or fix or do anything at all to my little girl.

Speaker 22 And Steve,

Speaker 47 Steve is carrying him to the open oak door, and he just pushed him through into that blinding, awful light.

Speaker 59 And Kevin is gone.

Speaker 6 I did not like that guy very much.

Speaker 30 Me neither.

Speaker 38 Thanks, Steve.

Speaker 25 Anything for my girl.

Speaker 25 Try and tell me there's something about her needs fixing.

Speaker 15 You know, Steve,

Speaker 15 we have our differences.

Speaker 15 So many differences.

Speaker 19 More differences than nothing.

Speaker 30 But

Speaker 16 I am glad that you are there to take care of Janice.

Speaker 30 And

Speaker 63 she could do a lot worse.

Speaker 30 Cecil.

Speaker 30 Oh.

Speaker 23 Nope, nope, never again.

Speaker 55 No, please leave my studio and just stop barging in here with your stupid ideas about the world.

Speaker 47 Okay, I'll see you around, Cecil.

Speaker 2 Oh, hey there! Steve Carlsberg, aren't you important looking?

Speaker 47 Dana!

Speaker 50 Dana!

Speaker 32 You are...

Speaker 21 You're actually back in the studio. And this is not just an image or an apparition?

Speaker 39 I am.

Speaker 5 I'm home.

Speaker 40 Our time and space finally, finally meet.

Speaker 2 Again.

Speaker 38 This is a happy, happy day.

Speaker 65 I am so glad to see you too, Cecil. But I also came back to talk to the whole city.

Speaker 40 People of Nightvale, there is a light drowning out our sun and our minds. But there are angels and an army of masked warriors fighting back this terrible menace.

Speaker 40 Nightvale, stay safe.

Speaker 40 Stay home and do not get caught in the dangerous crossfire. The desert army and the Angels, they are here to save us.

Speaker 58 People of Night Vale.

Speaker 62 Oh, um, Dana.

Speaker 48 I'm sorry, Dana, but I think that's Tamika Flynn from her secret broadcast site.

Speaker 58 People of Night Vale, hear me.

Speaker 36 Tamika?

Speaker 40 The Tamika Flynn?

Speaker 40 Oh, hi, I'm Dana. I have heard so much about you.
You are an inspiration. You are a hero.

Speaker 58 Thank you, Dana. But I am not a hero.

Speaker 5 Or we all are.

Speaker 58 Or the word has no meaning.

Speaker 58 We must all save our town and ourselves. People of Nightvale, I'm calling you to arms.
There are beings claiming to be angels and this foreign army of giants fighting. Why can't we?

Speaker 12 Well, yes, that's good, but...

Speaker 40 People of Night Vale!

Speaker 40 Angels are definitely real. They are powerful and recently very wealthy, and they are tough to kill, unlike humans who die easily and unexpectedly all the time from all sorts of little causes.

Speaker 40 Just wait and let them save us.

Speaker 58 People of Nightvale

Speaker 58 do not be defined by how you can die, but how you can live.

Speaker 58 It is like the great writer and orator Booker T. Washington once said,

Speaker 58 in all things social, we can be as separate as fingers, yet one as the hand in all things essential to destroying a smiling God.

Speaker 40 Stay safe, Night Vale. Stay indoors, and we will broadcast to let you know when it's all over.

Speaker 58 Get out there, Night Vale. Grab anything you can and fight.
Grab a slingshot and a book, say an Amy Bender short story collection or Milrod Pavich's dictionary of the Khazars.

Speaker 58 Or, if not a book, grab a rock or the throwing stars that come standard in most issues of McSweeney's.

Speaker 58 Grab anything you can and fight. Do not believe in heroes.
Believe in citizens.

Speaker 58 Be a citizen.

Speaker 48 Dana, I know that you have planned this well and you are incredibly smart, but I think Tamika might be right.

Speaker 52 No, I think we have to all do this together,

Speaker 44 and let us not repeat our sin of inaction. I mean...

Speaker 44 Oh.

Speaker 49 It has grown so bright.

Speaker 17 And I cannot see much, but what I can see is nearly transparent, and

Speaker 55 I am forgetting.

Speaker 12 And everything is coming apart, and I can see the great glowing coils of the universe unwinding.

Speaker 26 Nightvale, our time.

Speaker 22 Our time is now.

Speaker 22 Let us raise our fists and shout.

Speaker 53 I can almost hear it.

Speaker 22 I can almost hear a crowd shouting, take

Speaker 38 down

Speaker 53 strikes.

Speaker 26 I can almost hear that crowd, but I cannot quite hear them.

Speaker 55 They need to raise their hands and shout it louder. They need to shout, take

Speaker 2 down,

Speaker 66 strikes.

Speaker 55 Every single one of them, take

Speaker 2 down, strikes, louder, take

Speaker 6 down, strikes.

Speaker 55 And they scream it, take down strikes, and then they stop, not because they do not care,

Speaker 6 but because they are people that are far away and not part of this story.

Speaker 20 They are part of a different story, a different fiction.

Speaker 7 But

Speaker 32 realizing this, they all shrug

Speaker 60 and sadly murmur to each other:

Speaker 18 Take down Strikes.

Speaker 20 Take down Strikes.

Speaker 17 Yeah, take down Strikes.

Speaker 9 And then

Speaker 20 they are quiet and they hope for that rarest element of all.

Speaker 62 They hope

Speaker 14 for the best.

Speaker 20 But in this story, in this fiction,

Speaker 49 I hear the sound of Night Vale fighting back.

Speaker 21 And as the light of this smiling God grows brighter, and as the shouts of this defiant nightvale grow louder,

Speaker 24 and as I reach for my own personal copy of Kate Chopin's The Awakening,

Speaker 61 well, more specifically for the tear gas canisters that came attached to the hardback edition,

Speaker 2 I take all of you,

Speaker 6 all of us that are fighting, all of us together,

Speaker 60 all of us,

Speaker 63 All of us.

Speaker 30 Welcome to the weather.

Speaker 30 Last night, both and big buddy, and I knew you'd be there too.

Speaker 65 Look at us all grown up in college Uh you'd choose to cross the board Just the decent thing to do Wish you could all been introduced You brought your new friend I brought my chain can't speak curtains do

Speaker 7 And it takes it

Speaker 65 You're asking, can't we just be friends? But this bell in my chest still rings. And it's better to just pretend that I can't see you waiting.
Can't hear you call my name.

Speaker 52 I know how much you hate it.

Speaker 38 Babe, I gotta walk away.

Speaker 65 You once said if we were careful, that we could do this all our lives.

Speaker 65 One of us got clumsy, both of us got wise.

Speaker 65 And now we're not so young.

Speaker 7 I wish it was more time.

Speaker 7 We've been living

Speaker 7 too long, too close. And I'm ready

Speaker 7 to let you go.

Speaker 7 I'm ready to move you go.

Speaker 7 I think she lives around here. I see her almost daily.

Speaker 65 All I can do to stop myself from saying something crazy. I don't think badly over.

Speaker 29 I hope she makes you happy.

Speaker 33 It's just a lot to ask to watch your future walking past me.

Speaker 65 And I know that jealousy is a perfect waste of time.

Speaker 65 But left to my devices,

Speaker 65 I've spent about time wasting mine.

Speaker 65 I spent about two more wasting mine.

Speaker 7 We've been living

Speaker 7 too long, too close. And I'm ready

Speaker 7 to let you go.

Speaker 7 I'm ready.

Speaker 7 Call of your ghost.

Speaker 7 And we've been living

Speaker 7 too long, too close. And I'm ready

Speaker 7 to let you go.

Speaker 7 I'm ready.

Speaker 7 Call of your ghost.

Speaker 65 You chose to hit play on this podcast today.

Speaker 4 Smart Choice.

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Speaker 64 Hi, you've reached the voicemail of Cecil Palmer. I'm off doing some important journalistic work.
Or maybe just petting Koshak. But either way, leave me a message.

Speaker 68 Cecil, hey,

Speaker 4 it's Carlos.

Speaker 69 I hate that I got your voicemail, but listen, I figured it out.

Speaker 29 So we can't shut the oak doors unless everyone is back where they belong.

Speaker 69 And every moment those doors are open, more of that light gets through into Night Vale. I couldn't figure out why we couldn't just keep the doors closed for good.

Speaker 52 And it was really frustrating to have a problem I couldn't solve.

Speaker 4 And then I got sad because I couldn't solve it.

Speaker 48 But then I did solve it, and I felt so happy.

Speaker 69 So those are some, but not all, of the emotions that I had.

Speaker 69 Here is what I found.

Speaker 68 Night Vale is a place that is difficult to leave and difficult to enter and connecting a place as weird as that with a place as weird as this was causing a lot of strain on linear time and space.

Speaker 59 So

Speaker 69 those native to Nightvale, Dana, John, the angry woman in the intern shirt,

Speaker 52 all had to return home.

Speaker 68 And the masked army all had to come back here, which they did.

Speaker 68 Just moments ago, the last of them came back through the door.

Speaker 54 It is so exciting when you make a scientific discovery like that.

Speaker 6 I was very happy.

Speaker 30 But then,

Speaker 68 as the last of the masked army members came through the door, it slammed shut and vanished.

Speaker 71 And I remembered that I am not from Nightvale.

Speaker 68 I remembered that, as far as the laws of the universe are concerned,

Speaker 69 it is not where I belong.

Speaker 4 Cecil,

Speaker 71 I don't even remember how I got to Night Vale in the first place.

Speaker 69 I mean, where is Night Vale even?

Speaker 71 But I promise I will find a way back.

Speaker 68 It'll just take a couple of days, a week, max.

Speaker 71 I'll be fine.

Speaker 4 I'm a scientist.

Speaker 4 Cecil,

Speaker 69 a scientist is usually fine.

Speaker 61 Maybe a few weeks.

Speaker 69 I don't know.

Speaker 69 The upside is: Dana was right. I have had 97% battery all day and decent reception.

Speaker 37 So we'll at least get to talk every night.

Speaker 68 Best of luck at home.

Speaker 9 I love you.

Speaker 2 Listeners,

Speaker 21 Night Vale fought together.

Speaker 44 Every citizen.

Speaker 60 High school football coach Nasr al-Mujahid, in response to the strex workers' ghastly smiles, showed them that thing that he can do with his tongue,

Speaker 21 which made many of them stop smiling and run screaming away.

Speaker 19 A Balaclava-clad man wearing a miter, cloak, and a giant silver star, and speaking through a vocoder, you know, the man that we all believe to be the sheriff of Nightvale,

Speaker 21 was dropping heavy bricks down on the invaders from his hover office

Speaker 16 in the clouds.

Speaker 12 Simone Rigideau, the transient who lives in the Earth Sciences building at the community college, found some experimental fish in the lab closet and put them into the fuel tanks of the yellow helicopters, which were already incapacitated by several plastic bags that had blown out of the forbidden dog park.

Speaker 59 And then, you know, wrapped themselves up in the rotors.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 60 Old Woman Josie and her supposed angel friends protected the empty lot where she plans to rebuild Nightvale's old

Speaker 16 opera house.

Speaker 60 The Strex attackers were picked up by her winged friends and flown far into the sky, higher than even the sheriff's hover office.

Speaker 33 And, of course, a group of teenagers led by Tamika Flynn chased out everyone at Strex Corp headquarters by slingshotting copies of Stephen Covey's best-selling self-help book, Seven Habits of Highly Effective People.

Speaker 61 And the civilization of tiny people living below lane five of the desert flower bowling alley and arcade fun complex.

Speaker 30 Well, they did something.

Speaker 21 I'm not terribly sure, but you know, because they're too tiny to be noticed amid all the action.

Speaker 55 Which

Speaker 59 is to say,

Speaker 19 Strex

Speaker 23 has retreated,

Speaker 6 and the blood-covered office workers are gone.

Speaker 5 And

Speaker 32 the old oak doors,

Speaker 45 they are also gone.

Speaker 19 And with them, that penetrating, vicious light, and we are safely in darkness once again.

Speaker 19 A very wealthy-looking and mostly nude being named Erica, who introduced themselves as,

Speaker 72 you know, an angel or whatever,

Speaker 43 then wrote a check to purchase Strex Corp.

Speaker 21 And while they are not technically for sale, there was no one to decline the offer.

Speaker 27 So, according to American business law, that is a legal acquisition.

Speaker 21 it is not yet known what the angels will do with the vast corporation they now own

Speaker 60 and i think at last

Speaker 8 we are ourselves we are nightvale once again

Speaker 12 Even here at the station, the Office of Station Management now

Speaker 16 is just a stone slab covering a dark cave.

Speaker 42 A pulsing red glow around its edges, filling my mind with sad and monstrous visions when I walk past the door.

Speaker 56 So it seems like our old management is back in charge.

Speaker 24 And that

Speaker 38 is.

Speaker 23 Well, I think that's a good thing.

Speaker 67 I think.

Speaker 55 I mean, it's possible that that is, in fact, terrifying news.

Speaker 60 So, I think.

Speaker 30 I guess

Speaker 30 we won.

Speaker 65 Speaking of winning.

Speaker 63 Yes!

Speaker 45 Right.

Speaker 15 The election. Okay.

Speaker 15 Well, it looks like we didn't quite get all of the votes in yet. So we are are going to speed things up.

Speaker 14 Listeners, listeners, wherever you are listening to this, just follow along.

Speaker 45 When I say the name of the candidate you prefer, raise your hand.

Speaker 21 So I will say the name, you raise your hand, and the cameras that are everywhere in town watching your every move will count your vote.

Speaker 43 So

Speaker 45 raise your hand to vote for Hiram McDaniels.

Speaker 45 I thought there would be more.

Speaker 24 Do they not like me?

Speaker 36 Raise your hands for me

Speaker 36 or I will relieve you of the burden of having hands

Speaker 36 up.

Speaker 30 All right. Okay.

Speaker 16 Hands down.

Speaker 12 Now, raise your hand for the faceless old woman who secretly lives in your home.

Speaker 65 I am in your home at this very moment.

Speaker 65 I am, in a way, your guest.

Speaker 65 It would be rude as a host if you did not raise your hand for me while I was sitting right there, unseen, next to you.

Speaker 65 It might make me angry.

Speaker 65 I've never been angry.

Speaker 65 I wonder what I'm like when I'm angry.

Speaker 65 It will be interesting for us to find out together if you do not raise raise your hand for me.

Speaker 59 Oh, okay.

Speaker 9 Okay, great.

Speaker 23 Hands down.

Speaker 48 Now, I am fairly certain that some of you voted for both.

Speaker 18 And thus negated yourselves.

Speaker 19 You'll know if one of your friends did this because they will soon fade from existence forever.

Speaker 55 Anyway,

Speaker 21 that's all the votes in, but of course,

Speaker 17 none of the votes matter

Speaker 21 because the election is decided by the pulses coming from Hidden Gorge. I am now being handed the results by an election official in full uniform, a plague doctor mask,

Speaker 17 an off-brand snuggie,

Speaker 16 and stilts.

Speaker 50 And the next mayor of Nightvale is.

Speaker 73 I just want to thank every person who voted for me.

Speaker 56 You're all winners in my book.

Speaker 70 And we've recorded all of your names right here in this book.

Speaker 65 I just ate one of your highlighters.

Speaker 65 I'm sorry. I'm nervous.

Speaker 65 I'll replace it with a crow's feather just as soon as I am mayor.

Speaker 30 Oh, well,

Speaker 50 it says here that the next mayor of Nightvale

Speaker 15 is Dana Cardinal.

Speaker 25 I'm sorry,

Speaker 46 Cecil, I don't want to get obnoxious about this, but it's pronounced Hiram.

Speaker 38 That wasn't even close.

Speaker 21 I know, I'm sorry, this must be a disappointment to you both, but I'm just reading what the gorge is decreed.

Speaker 40 Former intern, Dana, but she wasn't even a candidate.

Speaker 65 And she's so young and not anxious.

Speaker 19 Dana, the intern who came home, it is, like I told you once, you were always impressed.

Speaker 36 This is unacceptable!

Speaker 7 Prepare the bird!

Speaker 22 And that you were always somebody, and now age has uncovered the you that was always...

Speaker 62 Okay.

Speaker 30 Hiram, please.

Speaker 38 I'm in the middle of doing something right now.

Speaker 15 It's the you that always... No, it's the you that always was, but I can't remember what I said.

Speaker 65 She can't be mayor. She is a murderer.
She killed her own double.

Speaker 45 Well, now, now, now, I don't know if murder should necessarily disqualify someone from

Speaker 35 being irrelevant.

Speaker 29 There is a 50% chance that the victim was Dana original and not Dana double.

Speaker 45 Oh, yeah, thanks, Blue.

Speaker 46 Forget that other thing I was saying about the murder.

Speaker 56 She has no proof that she is not a double of herself.

Speaker 23 That's right, there's no proof of.

Speaker 65 Everybody knows that being a double is one of the few manifestations of reality that cannot be Nightvale mayor. I do not accept these results.

Speaker 65 I am continuing my campaign, and I will make sure that Dana does not stay mayor for long.

Speaker 46 And I find myself agreeing with the faceless old woman.

Speaker 56 We will not rest until one of us is rightfully mayor.

Speaker 36 Or until nightvale burns to ashes and fumes.

Speaker 56 Exactly, Green, yes.

Speaker 55 Now, I really must object to all of this.

Speaker 7 Come, Hiram.

Speaker 65 You and I have planning to do. Yeah.

Speaker 30 Well,

Speaker 45 once again,

Speaker 15 it's just you and me, listeners.

Speaker 50 The bustle of this day has come and gone, and now there is the quiet night.

Speaker 2 The universe is unraveling.

Speaker 43 It still is.

Speaker 24 We won the day. We won the battle.

Speaker 60 We won whatever unit of measurement you care to say that we won.

Speaker 21 We returned to the dangerous equilibrium we had before, which we can only assume or hope or wish is better.

Speaker 9 But, of course,

Speaker 67 we did not stop the unraveling of the universe.

Speaker 21 The universe is not a thing that is.

Speaker 17 It is not a thing at all.

Speaker 38 It is the very action of its going.

Speaker 14 It is in fact its own dissolves and our lives,

Speaker 44 the entire span of human existence going back and back

Speaker 17 and

Speaker 67 if we are lucky, forward

Speaker 43 and forward.

Speaker 49 The entire span is spent within this dissolve.

Speaker 33 So look at the fleeting stars with fleeting eyes and feel how the earth beneath you gives.

Speaker 32 It is all a temporary manifestation of particles and it is all unraveling unraveling back to particulate silence.

Speaker 60 The bustle of the human day

Speaker 60 will come

Speaker 38 and will go

Speaker 2 and then

Speaker 38 there will be

Speaker 17 night.

Speaker 17 But

Speaker 38 how beautiful these moments within the dissolve.

Speaker 27 What a temporary perfection we can find within this passing world.

Speaker 12 Everything good ever done,

Speaker 22 everything good that was done today,

Speaker 43 and all the good people doing it, and back and back and forward and forward, all of that beauty within a universe unraveling.

Speaker 52 Be proud of your place in the cosmos.

Speaker 27 It is small, and yet it is

Speaker 14 how unlikely,

Speaker 6 how

Speaker 66 fantastic

Speaker 42 and stupid

Speaker 43 and excellent

Speaker 24 and

Speaker 16 I'm sorry

Speaker 48 I'm sorry um it looks like I have a voicemail from Carlos

Speaker 19 he must have called during the weather um I apologize, listeners. I have to check this.

Speaker 27 So stay tuned next for more of us and more of me until that inevitable distant point where I and this and everything must end.

Speaker 47 And as always,

Speaker 17 good night.

Speaker 50 Night Vale.

Speaker 45 Good night.

Speaker 40 Welcome to Night Vale as a production of commonplace books. It is written by Joseph Fink

Speaker 40 and by Jeffrey Kraner.

Speaker 40 The voice of Night Vale is Cecil Baldwin.

Speaker 40 The voice of Hiram was Jackson Public.

Speaker 40 The voice of the faceless old woman was Mara Wilson.

Speaker 40 The voice of Deb was Meg Bashwiner.

Speaker 40 The voice of Lauren Mallard was Lauren Sharp.

Speaker 40 The voice of Kevin was Kevin Rfree.

Speaker 40 The voice of Tamiko was Symphony Sanders.

Speaker 40 The voice of Dana was Jasika Nicole.

Speaker 40 The voice of Carlos was Dylan Marin.

Speaker 40 The voice of John Peters, you know, the farmer, was Mark Gagliardi.

Speaker 40 The voice of intern Maureen was Maureen Johnson.

Speaker 40 The voice of Steve was Hal Lovelin.

Speaker 40 Original music by Disparition.

Speaker 40 Disparition is led by John Bernstein featuring Deep Delleranta, Valerie Evering, and Mari Yamamoto.

Speaker 40 Today's weather was Call Off Your Ghosts by Dessa

Speaker 40 featuring Abby Wolf and Paper Tiger.

Speaker 40 Today's proverb:

Speaker 40 Wonder Wall is the only 90s song visible from space.

Speaker 1 Hi guys.

Speaker 6 So

Speaker 73 one year ago we did a one-year anniversary party for Nightvale in a bar in lower Manhattan. There was 115 people there.

Speaker 73 I'm not great at math, but there's a little more than that tonight.

Speaker 73 This is a thing that we love making and we have loved making it since we started it two years ago and we would love to continue making it and whether it's for 115 people or for you people or for anywhere we can do it and we just thank you for helping to make this happen.

Speaker 73 Thank you guys so much.

Speaker 53 Thank you so, so much.

Speaker 4 Hey y'all, it is Jeffrey Kraner speaking to you from the year 2025. And did you know that Welcome to Night Vale is back out on tour? We are.

Speaker 4 We're going to be up in the northeast, in the Boston, New York City area, going all the way over to the upper Midwest in Minnesota. That's in July.

Speaker 4 You know, kind of draw a line through there, and you'll kind of see the towns we'll be hitting. We'll also be doing Philly down to Florida in September.

Speaker 4 And we'll be going from Austin all the way up through the middle of the country into Toronto, Canada in October.

Speaker 4 And then we'll be doing the West Coast plus the Southwest plus Colorado in January of 2026.

Speaker 4 You can find all of the show dates at at welcometonightvale.com slash live. Listen, this brand new live show is so much fun.

Speaker 4 It is called Murder Night in Blood Forest, and it stars Cecil Baldwin, of course, Symphony Sanders, me, and live original music by Disparition, and who knows what other special guests may come along for the ride.

Speaker 4 These tours are always so much fun, and they are for you, the Die Hard fan, and you, the Night Vale new kid alike.

Speaker 4 So feel comfortable bringing your family, your partner, your co-workers, your cat, whatever. They don't got to know what a night veil is to like the show.

Speaker 4 Tickets to all of these live shows are on sale now at welcometonightvale.com/slash live. Don't let time slip away and miss us when we are in your town because otherwise we will all be sad.

Speaker 4 Get your tickets to our live U.S. plus Toronto tours right now at welcometonightveld.com/slash live.
And hey, see you soon.