36 - Missing

Hey y'all, it is Jeffrey Kraner speaking to you from the year 2025.

And did you know that Welcome to Night Vale is back out on tour?

We are.

We're gonna be up in the northeast in the Boston, New York City area, going all the way over to the upper Midwest in Minnesota.

That's in July.

You kind of draw a line through there and you'll kind of see the towns we'll be hitting.

We'll also be doing Philly down to Florida in September.

And we'll be going from Austin all the way up through the middle of the country into Toronto, Canada in October.

And then we'll be doing the West Coast plus the Southwest plus Colorado in January of 2026.

You can find all of the show dates at welcome to nightvale.com/slash live.

Listen, this brand new live show is so much fun.

It is called Murder Night in Blood Forest, and it stars Cecil Baldwin, of course, Symphony Sanders, me, and live original music by Disparition, and who knows what other special guests may come along for the ride.

These tours are always so much fun, and they are for you, the diehard fan, and you, the Night Vale new kid alike.

So feel comfortable bringing your family, your partner, your co-workers, your cat, whatever.

They don't got to know what a night veil is to like the show.

Tickets to all of these live shows are on sale now at welcometonightvelle.com slash live.

Don't let time slip away and miss us when we are in your town because otherwise we will all be sad.

Get your tickets to our live US plus Toronto tours right now at welcometonightveld.com slash live.

And hey, see you soon.

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The Wednesday season 2 official Wocast is available in audio and video on todoom.com or wherever it is you get your podcasts.

Red sky at night, sailors delight.

Red sky at night, the sailors are howling and laughing.

The sailors begin to surround us, and the night sky is so very red.

Welcome to Night Vale.

Listeners, I hate to start our program off with sad news,

but our new station owner, Strex Corp, handed me a missing child alert right as I walked into the studio.

Strexcorp is asking Nightvale citizens to be on the lookout for Tamika Flynn, age 13.

She is described as 5'1,

stocky build, black hair and dark eyes.

Dark.

So dark.

So wise beyond time.

So deep in their understanding that to gaze into them is to gaze into your own death.

It is not important where she was last seen or by whom.

Why do you need to know that?

Why are you asking so many questions?

You are taking valuable time away from important and highly fulfilling work at your place of employment.

The missing child report reads.

Strexcorp asks that anyone with any knowledge of Tamika Flynn's whereabouts should contact Strexcorp Headquarters by picking up a phone and talking.

Don't worry, you're not hard to find.

I asked my new supervisor, Daniel, why it's Strexcorp that is issuing a missing child alert and not Tamika Flynn's family or the sheriff's secret police.

But he just started started shaking and sparking and humming.

Then the hallway got too cloudy and I couldn't breathe and my show was starting so I left him alone.

He's still standing at the studio window staring at me, twitching, sparks subsiding.

But his mouth has fallen open, revealing, is that motor oil?

Tar?

I don't know.

But it's going to be hard to concentrate if he doesn't leave.

Let's go now to the community calendar.

Tuesday, there's a false start.

A mistaken understanding of time.

Tuesday we will wake and walk to our normal places.

Our showers, kitchens, cars, desks.

Only to find the day never began.

We will slowly notice an absence of all matter, all light, all time.

And then, as suddenly as we false started, we will begin our actual day.

And everything will happen the same.

Only, because of our awareness of it all, it will happen differently.

Less differently at first, but more differently later.

Wednesday will take forever.

For

Not literally, but very near literally.

Ugh, Wednesday hasn't even gotten here and I already want it over with.

Thursday, a faint outline of a dull face will appear in the dark as you try to sleep.

You will notice its blank stare,

its straight, expressionless lips, its thick brow,

and the subtle hint of slow, collected breaths.

It will seem to be watching you, curious about you, as if it were not from here.

It is not from here.

You will lock eyes.

You will barely be able to make out the face's humanoid features, but you will know, deep down, it is not human.

Not human at all.

What does it want?

You will think.

Probably nothing.

Let it go.

Get some sleep.

Friday is an open house at the Night Vale Community College.

Thinking of furthering your education?

Considering taking winter semester classes?

Well, it's a trap.

Do not go near the Night Vale Community College this Friday.

Ha!

Nice try, giant worms.

But we know your tricks.

Faking a community college open house is very obvious, don't you think?

I mean,

it was a nice touch, creating a fake press release to get into various news outlets like ours, but

we see through you.

No, we really do.

Your skin is translucent and it's kind of gross.

No offense.

Saturday, everyone is their own person.

You are free to disregard others and recognize yourself as one

for once.

Pour some wine.

draw a bath,

light some incense, and grab a city-approved novel.

It's your time.

Sunday will be full of regret.

Also joy.

Also laughter.

Also conversation.

Also, long stretches of unmemorable moments.

It will mostly be that last thing.

In your old age, as as you look back on your life, if someone were to ask what happened on that Sunday, you remember that one Sunday, with the regret and joy and laughter and conversation, if someone were to ask you that.

You would be hard pressed to come up with a single memorable moment from this coming Sunday.

This has been the Community Calendar

An update on our missing child report.

We just received word that 13-year-old Tamika Flynn is not missing.

This word came from Tamika herself.

Witnesses said they saw Tamika standing atop the pedestal of one of this town's most historical works of art.

The 138-year-old bronze statue of actor Lee Marvin, just outside the Night Vale post office.

Tamika told a gathered crowd that she was not missing.

She has never been missing.

She clarified that she has always been where she has been.

She has always been from where she is from,

and she will always be going where she is going.

Witnesses reported that Tamika had a canvas tote bag full of heavy stones over her left shoulder, a worn-out copy of Willa Cather's Death Comes for the Archbishop in her right rear pants pocket, and that she was still holding the severed head of the librarian she defeated so valiantly in August, saving our town and all of the participants of the library's treacherous summer reading program.

As yellow helicopters began to approach her, Tamika shouted to the gathered crowd to stop looking for her.

I am found.

I am

found.

I

am

found.

She repeated dramatically, rhythmically, the crowd swaying and moved by her homiletic passion.

Stop looking for me and find yourself.

She was last heard crying over the crescendo of helicopters landing.

The remaining crowd, still singing her phrases, still undiluted, inadvertently blocked the Strexcorp agents from reaching Tamika before she disappeared, in plain sight.

Strexcorp has issued just moments ago several dozen more missing child reports.

They say children keep going missing, and they bet that if you find one specific child, one specific, very determined, and difficult child, and they mean that in the best possible way, if you find that one child, you will probably find all of the missing children.

Strexcorp is asking that if anyone has seen Tamika Flynn to contact them immediately.

She is a missing child.

And shouldn't you care about that?

Shouldn't you care about the children?

Strexcorp asked.

Children are the future, they added.

I wish you felt the same way and would help us find this.

this

child,

they stammered, looking slightly agitated.

More on this soon.

Let's have a look now at traffic.

There's a man.

Imagine him.

He's leaning on a fence, shirtless and weary.

He seems wise near the eyes, but his impatient feet suggest insidiousness.

He's marked with dried mud, and maybe some very deep but quickly healing cuts, from the tree branches, most likely, or perhaps the birds.

Okay,

I'm not telling you the whole truth.

It was definitely the birds.

Imagine these cuts and scratches dry and brittle now but tender to the touch.

He is certain he did not offend the birds, but he is uncertain whether his complacency was construed as equal to said offence.

Picture this.

Picture the man leaning on the crisscrossing metal wires, waiting.

The birds are gone, but other things are coming.

He doesn't know specifically what, but he knows it'll come for him.

You know this too,

because I have told you.

The man says nothing.

there's never not something that has been displaced marginalized there's never not something that when feeling pressed to the wall to a place with no room left to run gathers its numbers gathers its forces and turns savagely on its oppressor turns viciously

and without inhibition, even on those who merely look like its oppressor.

Do you catch my meaning?

Can you imagine the scene I am explaining?

How much of the world makes sense to you?

What does it mean to be

a hero,

to be

a human?

The man thinks about his heart.

It beats.

It beats normally.

Earlier it did not beat normally.

Think about your own heart.

Is it beating normally?

Listen.

I'll give you a long moment.

How is your heart?

Do you remember the man?

The one on the fence, shirtless and scarred, with the normally beating heart?

He's not real.

Take him out of the story, but leave the story.

Take him out.

Leave the story.

Do you catch my meaning?

Do you?

This has been traffic.

And now a word from our sponsor.

Deep, deep, deep in the grass, grass, grass, what grows, grows, grows?

Who knows, knows, knows

Strex

Strex

Strexcorp Synernists Inc.

Working hard so you can work harder.

Work harder.

Seriously.

Work

harder.

Strexcorp.

Get to work.

More now on the missing children story.

Several helmeted and sunglassed helicopter pilots have stepped forward to announce that they had nothing to do with the missing children.

Sheila Nowitsky, a pilot for one of the many black helicopters that are routinely circling Nightvale, said she's a harmless spy from the world government and would never harm an American child without a direct order.

Marco Padilla, a pilot for one of the many blue Sheriff's Secret Police copters, said nothing, but you could see in his face he meant no harm to our kids.

And a shadowy haze that claimed, through telepathy, to be the pilot of one of the mysterious helicopters with elaborate murals depicting birds of prey diving, admitted that while their helicopters were the ones that took away all the children in Night Vale several weeks ago, They brought them back.

They brought them back, okay?

And they're fine.

Get off of me, the humid gray haze emphasized.

God,

you take a bunch of kids one time.

One time.

Geez.

Listeners, today I want to talk to you about the dangers of deer.

Are they beautiful?

Yes.

Are they graceful and picturesque, even borderline, majestic beasts?

Yes, yes, and yes.

And are they helpful to the community because real estate agents live inside of them?

Of course.

But deer are also dangerous creatures.

They are terrible, deceitful, and vile animals.

I'm not being mean, this is just basic science.

Look, I know deer are cute and friendly looking.

We all remember adorable little Bambi from the classic animated movie with his sweet voice and white freckled rump.

But we also remember the bloody end that he wrought on the humans at the end of the film, the graphic beheadings and trees streaked with gore during the famous revenge-fueled climax.

The lesson of that movie, as in life itself, is that nature is gorgeous, and it is horrible, and it will

kill you.

This has been the children's fun fact science corner.

This just in.

Oh my, uh, some disastrous news, Quite terrible.

There has been a helicopter crash out by the old car lot.

Witnesses report hearing youthful shouts and screams, followed by loud metallic clanging.

They saw smoke trailing across the cold, dark afternoon sky.

Because of course, the sun again did not rise today.

They saw a yellow mangle of metal and rotors and

Um...

Listeners?

Daniel is still standing at my studio door.

He has stopped staring.

He is now yelling, but without noise.

He looks very upset.

I can read his lips.

He is saying, turn it off.

Shut it down.

No more news today.

We are shutting you down.

They're going to turn off my microphone, Night Vale.

Um, I've locked the door, which will buy me some time while Daniel goes to find a security guard with keys.

So, let me take you now, for as long as it can last,

to the weather.

Bundle and safe with Expedia.

You were made to follow your favorite band and from the front row, we were made to quietly save you more.

Expedia, made to travel.

Savings vary and subject to availability.

Light inclusive packages are at all protected.

Charlie Sheen is an icon of decadence.

I lit the fuse and my life turns into everything it wasn't supposed to be.

He's going the distance.

He was the highest paid TV star of all time.

When it started to change, it was quick.

He kept saying, no, no, no, I'm in the hospital now, but next week I'll be ready ready for the show.

Now.

Charlie's sober.

He's gonna tell you the truth.

How do I present this with a class?

I think we're past that, Charlie.

We're past that, yeah.

Somebody call action.

AKA Charlie Sheen.

Only on Netflix, September 10th.

Listeners,

I do not know if you can hear me.

I am only trusting that I did this right.

I wired my phone into the soundboard and then wired the soundboard into the radio tower, which is running on auxiliary power.

It's a

cool trick my childhood best friend Earl Harlan taught me back when we were in Boy Scouts together, earning our subversive radio host badge.

I doubt Daniel or any of the new station management can hear me as they do not like listening to radio shows.

Also, I'm hiding up on the roof with my makeshift makeshift studio.

During the weather, I got word from some witnesses at the helicopter accident.

The sheriff's secret police found several large slingshots and heavy stones nearby that matched in size and shape the dents on the helicopter's engine casing.

They also found a well-worn and heavily notated copy of Death Comes for the Archbishop by Willa Cather.

Inside the book was a bookmark, marking page 267.

On that page was the underlined phrase, I shall not die of a cold, my son.

I shall die of having lived.

And on the bookmark was a handwritten note.

It said,

Your pilot is fine.

She is ours now.

She will return when she is ready, but she will return

better.

T

F

I do not know if that T F stands for our missing girl, our brilliant and bold and missing girl.

If station management is listening, I, of course,

hope we find Tamika Flynn and bring her home safely.

I hope that she will find you first.

That is.

Remember what I said, listeners, about the traffic?

About the birds?

Think on that.

Think on lots of things.

Think about heroes and whether we should even need them.

The answer is

we do not.

I sometimes wish I could tell you more, but I cannot.

I cannot tell you everything I think you should hear because it is

boring,

or it is unnecessary, or it is very necessary, but unapproved.

There are many reasons I cannot always tell you what I want to tell you, but the main reason is that you need to find it out for yourself.

I could preach and teach and shout and explain,

but no lesson is as powerful as the lesson learned on one's own.

You can do it.

You don't need old Cecil telling you what's happening in town.

No.

I just report the news.

I just arrange it.

You figure it out.

You

learn from it.

You

take

action.

You create the meaning.

It is all up to you.

And given my current broadcasting situation, it may be up to you

for a long time.

I better get back downstairs before they discover what I'm doing.

Stay tuned next for silence,

self-reflection, and a long pause to hear yourself think.

Use that silence well.

Good night, Night Vale.

Good night.

Welcome to Night Vale is a production of commonplace Books.

It is written by Joseph Fink and Jeffrey Kraner and produced by Joseph Fink.

The voice of Nightvale is Cecil Baldwin.

Original music by Disparition.

All of it can be found at disparition.info or at disparition.bandcamp.com.

This episode's weather was Peanuts by Sam N.

Ash.

Find out more at samnash.bandcamp.com or at facebook.com/slash sam nash band.

Comments, questions, email us at nightvale at commonplacebooks.com or follow us on Twitter at nightvale radio.

Check out commonplacebooks.com for more information on this show as well as all sorts of cool nightvale stuff you can own.

And while you're there, consider clicking the donate link.

That'd be cool of you.

Today's proverb: look, up in the sky, it's a bird, it's a plane.

No, it's just the void, infinite and indifferent.

We are so small, so very, very small.

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I'm Amy Nicholson, the film critic for the LA Times.

And I'm Paul Scheer, an actor, writer, and director.

You might know me from the League Veep or my non-eligible for Academy Award role in Twisters.

We love movies and we come at them from different perspectives.

Yeah, like Amy thinks that, you know, Joe Pesci was miscast in Goodfellas, and I I don't.

He's too old.

Let's not forget that Paul thinks that Dune 2 is overrated.

It is.

Anyway, despite this, we come together to host Unspooled, a podcast where we talk about good movies, critical hits, fan favorites, must-season, and case you missed them.

We're talking Parasite the Home Alone, from Greece to the Dark Knight.

We've done deep dives on popcorn flicks.

We've talked about why Independence Day deserves a second look.

And we've talked about horror movies, some that you've never even heard of, like Kanja and Hess.

So if you love movies like we do, come along on our cinematic adventure.

Listen to Unspooled wherever you get your podcasts.

And don't forget to hit the follow button.

Hi, I'm here to tell you about Good Morning Night Vale.

Welcome to Night Vale's official recap show and unofficial best friend food podcast.

Join me, Meg Bashwinner, and fellow tri-hosts, Hal Lovelin and Symphony Sanders, as we dissect all of the cool, squishy, and slimy bits of every episode of Welcome to Nightvale.

Come for the insightful and hilarious commentary, and stay for all of the weird and wild behind-the-scenes stories.

Good morning, Nightvale, with new episodes every other Thursday.

Get it wherever you get your podcasts.

Yes, even there.