For Kids or Anyone Who’s Ever Been a Kid [VIDEO]

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Speaker 5 Who do you think cries more?

Speaker 5 Kids or adults?

Speaker 2 Adults.

Speaker 5 Adults. Let's have a vote.
Okay, Kana, you say? Adults. Adults.
Charlie?

Speaker 6 Kids.

Speaker 5 Kids?

Speaker 2 Babies.

Speaker 5 Babies. Ooh, Juniper the contrarian.
Okay, throwing in babies, Mateo.

Speaker 6 Um, it would have to be both. Cause, like, um, parents cry when somebody dies.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 6 And then kids cry when they lose something.

Speaker 2 Ah, okay.

Speaker 6 You would have to say both.

Speaker 5 Okay, I see.

Speaker 2 I say babies babies babies

Speaker 5 damn babies we started off going after adults but

Speaker 5 you can say that your mom said you couldn't say what um d-a-n-e-dom d-a-m-n oh damn oh damn d-a-m-n

Speaker 5 oh d-a-m-n oh okay i won't say it either then okay yeah

Speaker 5 yeah so i will i when i'm saying it i'm talking about um

Speaker 5 the the thing they build in a river to stop water from going somewhere that's a damn that's a dam.

Speaker 5 This is What Now

Speaker 5 with Trevor Noah.

Speaker 5 And so for today's episode, I wanted to have a conversation with you about

Speaker 5 children, but not like children through the lens of an expert and not children through the lens of an adult. No, this is one of this this is a topic that I love

Speaker 5 because I don't think anybody's truly an expert in it, even though some people say they are, right? And it's like kids, parents, and how we perceive their realities.

Speaker 5 And the reason I say nobody's really an expert is because

Speaker 5 people often talk about parenting. I mean, you know this better than anyone as a parent, Christiana.
Like everyone's like, this is a good parent. This is how you should parent.

Speaker 5 This is what you should parent. Parent, parent, parent, parent.

Speaker 5 But I always think to myself, we don't often think about like kid like kid up does that make sense

Speaker 5 being a kid is really weird because

Speaker 5 in your world you have a life you have priorities you have like your own like schedule even

Speaker 5 and then there's this other human being who just happens to be bigger than you who basically tells you that your is nothing have you like my favorite thing have you ever seen like a little small child doing something with like a box

Speaker 5 right like just like a box a cardboard box And they're folding it, then they unfold it, then they squash it, then they unsquash it, and then they move it around, then they put things in it, then they take things out of it, then they drag it around the room.

Speaker 5 And then you come and you're like, Yo, we got to go, you know, we got to go somewhere. And the kid is like, I'm working.

Speaker 2 Have you ever seen the kids' face?

Speaker 5 The kid always has a look like, yo, I'm in the middle. And it's funny how I always think to myself, it's funny how as adults, we think the kid's doing nothing.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 5 But I often think, what if we were in like the office, typing up emails uh dear sirs and ma'ams uh to whom it may concern please revert asap or imagine if while you were doing that a giant came into your office and then like lifted you up from your chair and was just like time to go and you'd be like

Speaker 2 i gotta do that and they're like no time to go and that's how it must feel for them yeah Definitely. Do you know what I mean? But it's time to go.

Speaker 5 Yeah, you see, I see.

Speaker 2 You're a mom. It's time to go.

Speaker 5 When do you think you became a mom? Like, like, became a mom, mom?

Speaker 2 I was always someone's mother. I have three little sisters.

Speaker 5 No, but there's like a different shift. I'm sure there is.

Speaker 5 Okay, because I know you, remember this? Yeah, yeah. I knew you before you were a mom.
Okay. You've always been caring, responsible, all of that stuff.
And I want to know when you became a mom.

Speaker 2 Oh, definitely

Speaker 2 when I took Obi home from the hospital and I exclusively, exclusively breastfed, as you all know because I always talk about breastfeeding

Speaker 2 and then I was like I'm this child's life source I was like like his nutrition depends on

Speaker 2 me

Speaker 2 and that was like no one has ever depended on me to be fed

Speaker 2 it was just so stressful but I just remember just waking up and I'm like I need to feed him because he he liked to sleep he's never been a big eater yeah and that was a I was just like I need to I was thinking just more about nourishing his body than like his spirit.

Speaker 2 It was very primordial. I felt like a woman in a cave, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And that was like the shift. And now, my headspace is so much of my kids all the time.

Speaker 5 I've never, you know, what I never considered though, that in a difference between men and women, yet you like

Speaker 5 in a weird way with a man, obviously, your presence is still important,

Speaker 5 but I'm saying to your point, you are actually the irreplaceable part of your child's, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 7 Like, if I had

Speaker 5 a like a bad cheeseburger it doesn't affect

Speaker 7 you I mean it's like it's like it's like if you if you start eating poorly that affects your child

Speaker 2 in a way and it's like it's like as a dad as long as

Speaker 2 you could do crack you can crack and

Speaker 7 as long as you blow the crack smoke out the window the child may not even know they could have a fully yeah a fully normal because how many people think that their dad is like normal?

Speaker 2 Do you know what I mean?

Speaker 7 Because you think everything is normal because you, your frame of reference for everything is so small and it gets wider as you get older.

Speaker 7 But like my dad would get excited to do like a dad thing, like a milestone thing. Because I think sometimes as men, that's the only time that we're like, yes, I'm important right now.
Right.

Speaker 7 Right now is when I'm dad and like, and we need this moment. And so I went up to my dad and my tooth was loose.

Speaker 2 And he hops up. He's like so excited.

Speaker 7 He hops up and he goes and he leaves the room, runs out of the room, grabs some string, right?

Speaker 7 And then grabs some string and ties one side of the string to my tooth and ties one side of the string to my door, but he's not talking to me.

Speaker 2 So he's not, he's not,

Speaker 7 be still.

Speaker 7 And then runs in the door and everything.

Speaker 2 And then he looks at me and he nods as if we've had a conversation.

Speaker 7 This man nods at me like, and it's time, right? And so then he nods, slams the door, but he didn't measure. So it's just too much string.

Speaker 7 So we just watched the door slam.

Speaker 2 And I was like, oh, and I'm string hanging out of my mouth.

Speaker 7 And I'm like,

Speaker 2 was something supposed to happen? He was like, ah, oof. Okay.

Speaker 7 Let me. Uh-oh.
And then he went to the bathroom because then he knew he could surprise me now.

Speaker 2 Cause now I know what the thing was. But you still didn't know what the thing was.

Speaker 7 I didn't know what the thing was supposed to be, but I put it together when he was like, oh.

Speaker 2 Oh, no.

Speaker 7 So then he's like i walked it walked to the bathroom and then he helped me get my tooth out but i was just like in my mind my dad has a plan and he knows what he's doing and then he does it and then i don't i don't i just trust it and then he slams the door and i'm like maybe he doesn't have plans like maybe that's one of the weirdest moments i think for a child yeah is when you for the first time

Speaker 5 think that your parent doesn't have their shit together it's the falling out of

Speaker 2 you figured that out as a child oh definitely oh my god that's very early that's that you You did as well. No, because I think that means that.
You didn't? No, I didn't.

Speaker 2 I saw my parents as people very late in my life. I think I really deified them.
I was like, oh, they're so wonderful. They weren't perfect parents.
Yeah. But they were always like mom and dad.

Speaker 2 And then as I came into adulthood, I was like, oh, they're people. And maybe therapy wouldn't be a bad thing.
Wait,

Speaker 5 how old do you think you were when you first were like, oh, these are people who make mistakes and things?

Speaker 2 They just always had it together.

Speaker 5 No, but I'm saying, how old do you think you were? Were you in your teens? Were you in your?

Speaker 2 Oh, it was in my early 20s.

Speaker 5 In your 20s?

Speaker 2 Yeah, my early 20s. Let me tell you something.

Speaker 5 I remember

Speaker 5 not even the first time. This is one of the many times I was driving with my mom.
This wasn't her fault, by the way, but still, I was driving with my mom. And

Speaker 5 we're in the car. We're coming back from a church service late at night.
And we're almost home, like

Speaker 5 10 minutes from the house, but it's like been an hour drive. And I'll never forget.
I can like close my eyes and imagine the road. You know, it's a long, dark road, and there's one traffic light.

Speaker 5 So we're crossing over, right? So normally you'd wait for oncoming traffic, but it's like midnight.

Speaker 5 There's nothing. We see a car in the distance.
We're approaching the intersection. We see a car in the distance.
I'm looking out the passenger window of the car. I see the other car.

Speaker 5 It has its indicator on its blinker.

Speaker 5 So it's going to turn into the slip road. So it won't come to us, essentially.
It means it's going to go in the direction we're also going to go, right?

Speaker 5 But I see that it's coming straight.

Speaker 5 My mom clearly is like looking at the blinker. I see it's coming straight.
She's looking at the blinker. I see it's coming straight.
And I'm sitting there in the passenger seat.

Speaker 5 And I was like, I think that car's coming straight for us. And I just sat there quietly.
And I was like, hmm, I don't think she sees it. And then I sat there.

Speaker 5 And then I literally just sat there and I braced myself. And the car came straight and we turned and then it just wham and took off the whole front of our car

Speaker 5 and like in an accident you don't really know what's happened like your car's spinning around and you know it's a whole thing and then we came to a stop and she checks on me and we're fine really we were really lucky and then when when we were all like calm and everything I said to my mom I was like oh I saw that and she's like you saw what I was like I saw that car was gonna hit us and she said why She's like, why didn't you say anything?

Speaker 5 I was like, because you know how to drive.

Speaker 2 I don't know how to drive.

Speaker 5 And she's like, but you know how to see.

Speaker 5 don't you know how to see i was like yeah i know how to see she's like you must say something and i was like okay but that was like the final one because this was now just in driving territory yeah i had seen my mom forget things i had seen my mom like so from i would say from like the age of maybe like five or six i was like okay this is a human being who's in charge But they don't always like have the, like, they don't have the superpower thing.

Speaker 5 I even saw it with teachers.

Speaker 2 I remember one. Oh, I always thought teachers were idiots.

Speaker 5 Oh, okay. You You thought teachers were idiots.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah. Because I thought, I was like, I'm smarter than you.

Speaker 2 And that's probably why they didn't like me. But I was like, no, I'm, I'm, you know, more stuff just because you're older.
But I was like, I have more brain power. I figured that out.

Speaker 2 I think my parents were just very competent. So they did disappoint me, obviously.
Yeah. But they were just very, they were very competent.

Speaker 2 But then, you know, when you look at your childhood in retrospect, you have those moments. You're like, oh, maybe that wasn't the best decision.

Speaker 7 Yeah.

Speaker 5 I was talking to Esther Perell about this one day. We're talking about like traumas and childhoods and

Speaker 5 the psychology. And it's really amazing how no matter how you raise your kid, there will always be the lack

Speaker 5 that was created. And as a kid, there will always be.
So there are some people who are in therapy because their parents gave them too much freedom. They could do whatever they wanted.

Speaker 5 And so they never felt protected or they never felt like there was structure. They never felt.

Speaker 5 But then there are some people in therapy because they're like, my parents, like, they gave me a rigid schedule and I couldn't do what I wanted. And I had to be home at a certain time.

Speaker 5 And it made me wonder. I was like, is there a single kid out there who's just like, yeah, this is going well? And if your kid thinks it's going well, are you still a good parent?

Speaker 7 I don't know. I feel like it's so much like gambling.
It's like, like

Speaker 7 you have the kid and you are taking a gamble that you can raise a good person.

Speaker 2 So I'm not a killer. Right.
Right.

Speaker 7 And then you're playing craps. So you just throw the dice down and the dice are going to bounce and they're going to bounce and they're going to bounce.

Speaker 7 And you could call some of the bouncing trauma, but the bounce is also how you get your

Speaker 7 numbers. And then when you look at the thing, that's when everybody's like, ah, good parent.

Speaker 2 Or like, ah, crap.

Speaker 2 But sometimes I'm like,

Speaker 2 have you ever met some parents? Because you know, like, I think the kid is the kid. Like, you just, you, this thing arrives in your life.
This is how I found. And they are the way they are.

Speaker 2 Born this way, as Lady Gaga says. This blows my mind.
I don't mean it like

Speaker 5 I hear every parent say this.

Speaker 2 Is it the hardware? No, no, no, the hardware. No, you're right.

Speaker 2 Yeah. They just, and you're like, oh, you just like this.
Like, I can try and pull you away from it. And this is good and the bad, like, their strengths and weaknesses.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 There's just stuff encoded in you. And like, so you have that element of it.
And there's some parents who like actually do an amazing job, but the kid just turns out badly.

Speaker 2 And then there's people who don't do that much.

Speaker 5 And the kid turns out

Speaker 2 pretty well. And so I don't get, I think you can like love them, give them a good education, like make sure there's no hunger.
But then after that, you just.

Speaker 5 Yeah, but I'm saying, okay, so this is fascinating because you're a parent. We're speaking as former kids.

Speaker 2 Which I think actually, I think childhood is the most important experience. Like when I, I don't just take advice from parents.
Yes. Because everyone has had the experience of being a child.

Speaker 2 Yes, yes, yes. And I think that it's valuable.
If I hate parents that are like, oh, I only care about, you can't tell me anything.

Speaker 2 You're not a mum so i'm like so you don't think someone having once been your child is valuable that's what i mean yeah yeah so yeah

Speaker 5 this is a different episode every now and again i uh

Speaker 5 like to get up to some mischief in the world uh christiana always accuses me of doing something

Speaker 5 and in this case yes i was doing something i wrote a children's book It's something I've always wanted to do because I love children's books and I loved them and I still read them by the way.

Speaker 5 I think they're like the best books. The other ones have too many words and too few pictures.

Speaker 5 I wrote a children's book and I thought, for this episode, let's talk about kids, but not just talk about them, let's talk to them. So

Speaker 5 I sat down with a group of kids who are experts at being children, by the way. I don't know if people know this, they are the real experts of being children.

Speaker 5 We're going to continue this conversation right after this short break.

Speaker 6 When are we starting the podcast?

Speaker 2 Right now, when you start

Speaker 2 my school packet,

Speaker 5 coming in.

Speaker 6 I'm squished. I'm squished.

Speaker 2 You're squished. I didn't even...

Speaker 6 No, actually, she's moving. Nola's moving.

Speaker 5 Welcome to the podcast. Welcome, Nola.
Welcome, Eden. Welcome, Mateo.
Welcome, Juniper. Welcome, Charlie, and welcome, Kana.

Speaker 5 Let's start with you, Eden.

Speaker 5 How long have you been a child for?

Speaker 5 Seven years. Seven years? Wow.
That's like a real professional. How long do you plan to be like a child? Do you have like a long-term goal?

Speaker 2 100 years.

Speaker 5 100 years. I like that.

Speaker 2 I like that.

Speaker 5 So I started writing this kid's book.

Speaker 5 My first instinct was to talk to like adults and talk to experts and boy, because the book is really about how a child sees their relationship with their parent and vice versa and the internal monologues they have, because that's what I had as a kid.

Speaker 5 And I think every child does. But then I was like, no, I'm just going to talk to kids.
Like, I got a full panel of children to have conversations with. And can I tell you,

Speaker 5 these little things are pretty genius. They came in with some insights, they came in with some ideas.
And Josh and Christiana, I know you got to watch us hanging out together.

Speaker 5 And I was shocked at how much like information we don't give children.

Speaker 5 Does this make sense? Yeah. Like, you'll be be shocked at how many kids are sort of just like left in the dark

Speaker 5 about everything. So I'll talk to kids.
I go, Hey, do you know what your parents do for a living? And they're like,

Speaker 5 what does a living mean?

Speaker 5 Actually, let me, let's talk about jobs. Let's talk about jobs.
So I would love to know. Wait, wait, let's let's so let's go down the line.

Speaker 5 So, um, Charlie, do you know, wow, what's happening here, Nola?

Speaker 6 Um, she's big.

Speaker 5 No, you just get just got hot, and then you were like, all right, so wait, wait, Nola, so pay attention. I want to to know about jobs so we're gonna go down the line so so let's go nola

Speaker 5 do you know do you know what parents do at jobs do you know what adults do this what what's this what we're doing now yeah

Speaker 5 so you think they like hang out on a couch yeah and then talk about life yeah huh okay

Speaker 6 okay okay okay even what do you think people do at a job I'm just saying scientists because my mom is a scientist.

Speaker 2 Like, what does she ask?

Speaker 5 She teaches it. So she stands at the front of the classroom.
Oh, so you guys know teachers. So you know what she does.
Yes.

Speaker 5 Okay, Mateo, what do you think adults do at their jobs?

Speaker 6 I know my dad. You know, those people that are on the computers at the airport?

Speaker 7 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 6 That's what my dad does.

Speaker 5 Oh, dope. He's one of those guys.
Oh, I've seen those people at airports.

Speaker 5 You would see, like, the kids, like, for instance, if I say, like, what do your parents do for a living?

Speaker 5 The majority of them put their fingers up to their faces and then mime typing, but like depressed typing.

Speaker 5 Okay, so let me ask you: what do you think adults do at work?

Speaker 2 Oh, well,

Speaker 4 what is that?

Speaker 6 Doing boring stuff and typing out of them. They're drinking coffee and typing like,

Speaker 6 yeah.

Speaker 5 None of them were like smiling and being like, oh my, you know what I mean?

Speaker 2 This is like everyone had like a, ah,

Speaker 2 yeah.

Speaker 5 You know, it's like you would think like their parents were like in a chicken coop for humans, pecking away at keys.

Speaker 2 Severance.

Speaker 5 yeah it really was like that's what and i was like wow like i i don't know like josh like when you were a kid

Speaker 5 what did you think of your parents that you now like because we get to an age where it starts to sort of consolidate like this information yeah what did you think of your parents like you're like i've met your mom but like what like what did you think of your mom i mean i i it's tough because i the things I thought about my mom when I was little, I still think about my mom in a really sincere way.

Speaker 7 Like I see how

Speaker 7 she isn't always the most patient in life, but she's very patient with people. She's very loving and generous.

Speaker 7 So then

Speaker 7 I look at my mom as this, when I was a kid, this infallible version of generosity and like...

Speaker 7 understanding. And now as an adult, I look at her as this very fallible version of generosity and understanding.

Speaker 7 So it's like none of the, I feel like I saw my my mom for who she was and all the qualities that she possesses, but I just didn't have the right interpretation of them because I didn't have enough like world experience to understand what was happening.

Speaker 7 So like, I remember there was somebody, my mom gave someone a ride one time or something like that. And all I could think in my head was like, why was this weird person in our car?

Speaker 2 Because we,

Speaker 2 and then you, because you tell me not to talk to strangers and then you pick the weirdest stranger off the street

Speaker 7 to give a ride somewhere.

Speaker 7 And it's still to this day, my mom is very like, be careful when you go here, watch your stuff, all the stuff like that.

Speaker 7 But then there'll be these moments that are just these like, I don't know, I guess moments of inspiration where that thing supersedes almost every lesson that I'm taught to a certain degree.

Speaker 7 You know?

Speaker 7 I don't think anyone will dispute that being a parent is a hard job, but it's weird that if something is a hard job, wouldn't it mean that like most people wouldn't be good at it?

Speaker 2 Yeah. Oh,

Speaker 7 but then we see the defensiveness of parents or people around parents or what my parenting or what you telling my child, what that means about me that you, as a stranger, reprimand my child.

Speaker 7 And so then we end up in this place that I think we've been in for a while where your entire childhood is the extent of your of your parents' awareness and experiences.

Speaker 7 And if no one else is allowed in, because it's supposed to take a village, but if the village isn't welcome, if all of a sudden the village is, don't tell my child to bought, literally when your child's wrong, too.

Speaker 7 I've watched it in stores where kids are tearing something up and somebody that works at the store is like, hey, hey, put that down. It's like, no, talk to me.
Don't talk to my child.

Speaker 7 And it's like, well, you don't have the presence of mind to tell your child to stop tearing stuff. So why don't I just go to the source?

Speaker 7 And so I think that that is what's shaping all of my, I'm like almost recontextualizing a lot of what growing up was because I was I was from a family and I had a mom that would let another adult tell me what I was doing wrong you know I mean because my mom would let's say there's some random lady and like just some old woman at the mall and it's like hey

Speaker 7 don't run with your shoes untied blah blah she would look at that woman say thank you yeah you know what I mean as opposed to like I got this. You know what I mean?

Speaker 7 And I think that I got this is like, it's a small thing, but I think think it's messing a lot of people up.

Speaker 2 I think going from being like community driven, because I remember I had a big community growing up. And I was actually thinking about it today before I was coming here.

Speaker 2 Like there used to be these grandmas in church that would look after me, Sister Barbara, Sister Kathy, Mommy Ige. Like they would, these women looked after me when I was a kid, me and my sisters.

Speaker 2 So I was surrounded by what, like, aunties and uncles who actually weren't genetically related to me, who could also like discipline me,

Speaker 2 but felt they had a stake in my life.

Speaker 2 And my son has less of that for different reasons. Like my husband's family is in New York.
A lot of my family's in London. We live in LA.

Speaker 2 But this isn't just specific to people who live apart from their families. Like that village thing has diminished.
Like Josh, you talk about your aunt a lot. Do you know what I mean?

Speaker 2 It's like that's rare with millennials raising kids.

Speaker 2 And because now it's just become the nuclear family, you, your spouse, or maybe you're a single parent, maybe a nanny, like it's very

Speaker 2 nanny's very privileged, or it's the daycare worker. You become really defensive of your choices because if your child fails, it's an indictment on you, on your little system.

Speaker 2 Whereas like I grew up in a culture where if a child was doing badly, it was a community shame. Do you know?

Speaker 2 It was like everybody, like my dad's like, you bear the name of Mbakwe when you leave this house. It was like, it wasn't just like, it was just like, you're part of a thing.

Speaker 2 Like, it's a collectivist. It was a search community.
It was, you know, an ethnic community. But it was like, yeah.

Speaker 2 And if there was a celebration, that's why weddings were so big. If someone's getting married, everyone shows up because like our child is getting married.
But that doesn't exist in the same way.

Speaker 2 And I think a lot of that.

Speaker 2 defensiveness comes from like but i'm the only one doing this thing yes exactly if you're if when my child misbehaves i feel like i have failed It doesn't feel like we have failed.

Speaker 2 And there's something to collective failure or collective success that kind of takes the pressure off, even if it's raising children. Yeah.

Speaker 5 I've been trying to figure this out, but I need your help for this. Trying to understand

Speaker 5 why grown-ups don't seem to understand kids.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 5 I need your, like, what do you think it is?

Speaker 5 Okay, Nola, yes.

Speaker 6 Because corners are boring and kids are fun.

Speaker 5 So kids are fun. Yeah.
And the grown-ups are boring.

Speaker 5 You think that's why they can't figure kids out?

Speaker 6 Yeah.

Speaker 6 If you want to get chocolate, they'll say no.

Speaker 2 And they're boring. That is boring.

Speaker 2 You're right.

Speaker 5 Chocolate is fun. Kana, like, what do you think, or what do you wish adults understood more about the life of a child or a younger person?

Speaker 6 I feel like...

Speaker 6 Especially parents do a really good job. I feel like there's two types of adults.
There's like parents and then people without kids.

Speaker 6 And then, parents, I feel like sometimes they like need to live their dreams through their kids. So they don't like live in the moment and they like go see like the future.

Speaker 6 So, like, everything right now in your life has to be like perfect. Like, you can't be out late.
You have to, like, there's so many rules to like protect you for the future.

Speaker 6 So, they don't live in the moment.

Speaker 6 And I feel like adults without kids who hang out with kids are like way more chill because I guess they're not like your responsibility, but I wish like adults in general could just like take a breath and just be like, let kids go because what happens happens.

Speaker 6 And like

Speaker 6 they figured it out and they turned out fine.

Speaker 2 Well, I mean, someone told us to turn out the best.

Speaker 6 But personally, like mostly adults like turned out fine.

Speaker 6 So I think they, I wish they could just understand to like take a step back and like let me be responsible for myself because I have like all the key factors to do it.

Speaker 5 So when I was sitting down with the kids for this episode, every child felt like they were being held back by their parents and their parents' ability or inability to cater to their like play needs or their, you know, what was illuminating for me was watching young people process the world through a very logical lens, by the way.

Speaker 5 Yeah. They were like, oh man, my parents, these people are tired.

Speaker 5 These people are like, they're tired. Like they're always like thinking about the future and like they don't like chill and they don't hang out and they're not fun.

Speaker 5 And unanimously, kids were like, These people don't understand us.

Speaker 5 Just all the kids, all the kids were, all the kids felt taken care of.

Speaker 5 All the kids, like, none of the kids there was like, ah, I think my parent is like, you know, really a terrible parent, they're not doing a good job of,

Speaker 5 but they all were like, man, this person doesn't understand me. But I wonder, like, when you were a kid, did you feel like your parent understood you?

Speaker 5 Did your parents get you, or what was the thing that they got of you?

Speaker 2 That's a really interesting question.

Speaker 2 So the first thing I will say is that my dad, he's a very, very intelligent, very astute man.

Speaker 2 And he would always debate with me.

Speaker 2 Yeah, we're like intellectual sparring partners. Like my mum is always like, stop, I can't take it anymore.
Cause we like go at it.

Speaker 2 But I would be, I always remember like, And it would be my, also my, my uncle Moses is someone else, but I would speak to, obviously they're men, but I was a child and I would, and they would go at it with me.

Speaker 2 Like, and I was a real like contrarian and kind of polemicist, and they would just go at it with me.

Speaker 2 And I think my dad saw I had something and he valued what I had to say, even though he always came in on the other side.

Speaker 2 I think he's, so he, his, his whole, his whole thing, if I say it's black, he says it's white.

Speaker 2 And then we like debate from there and he's still like, you're wrong. And then, but it's like.

Speaker 2 And in hindsight, that was a really valuable thing. I think especially, it was actually a radical thing.
My My dad has four daughters, but like, in my culture, I think girl children are valued less.

Speaker 2 But like, he never saw me as less than because I was a girl. If I probably, the problem was he probably raised me like a man, and that's what I'm like this way.

Speaker 2 But it was just like he,

Speaker 2 that sparring meant I, when I went out into the world, I was like, I know my ideas have value, but like, I just.

Speaker 2 I felt very misunderstood.

Speaker 2 But my mum told me a story recently. She said that, and my dad never told me this, but it's through the perspective of my dad.
I play piano. I used to do exams.

Speaker 2 And I think I was like six years old. I had a piano exam, and my dad was watching me through a window.
And he went home and told my mom, he was like, the girl puts too much pressure on herself.

Speaker 2 And he said he saw it and it scared him because he was like, she's only six. Why is this a piano exam have so much stakes? Mind you, I think it had stakes because of how they were raising me.

Speaker 2 By the way, but like, he came home and he was like, I just saw something in in her that it kind of scared me because like you can't carry that intensity through life did he correct it no he was just like go be intense but you know so in sometimes you hear stories in your adulthood that you're like oh you did see me you did understand me yeah but maybe you know in that time you don't have the language you know you're like it was just like oh that's that's who they are.

Speaker 2 And sometimes now I'm thinking, oh, it's not that they didn't understand me. It's just that they didn't have the tools.
And

Speaker 2 they were in a time that were like, how do we digest this trait of my child that is probably a little abnormal maybe we should get her some help and that's actually just back to what you said because i actually as a mother i know i'm not enough and i've come to i'm at peace with that like i do not contain all the things that these children need but i may be able to push them in towards the person oh

Speaker 2 i mean that's part of why i wouldn't be a stay-at-home mother because i know i'd be doing them a disservice from my where i stand you're compensating compensating for the village essentially yeah and i'm like i don't have enough i i i can't yes yeah and so that would be like the village elders yeah exactly exactly and so now i'm like so and i think if more parents were like i'm actually not enough how do i connect with people because trevor you give me parenting advice josh you give me parenting advice you guys don't have kids but it's always like remember the other day when you were like oh no obi needs to be um driving oh yeah yeah i was like oh and i went back to lewis i was like trevor says he should be driving you was like what yeah And then I spoke through your logic behind it.

Speaker 2 And Lewis was like, oh, that's a good idea. You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 But it takes a humility to be like, actually, my friend who has no kids has more insight into my kid in this area than I have because I'm so close to it.

Speaker 2 And I think if more parents were able to just say, I'm not enough, what do you think, Josh? What do you think, Trevor? It'd be good for our kids. But we just don't do that.
It's now.

Speaker 7 It's also got to be very difficult. I know that I am not a parent.
So I have not felt this like,

Speaker 7 at least as what has been described to me as this, like life-altering experience of like having the kid and then the kid being a part of you and you seeing parts of yourself and the kid and everything.

Speaker 7 So I understand that when there's a little bit of a

Speaker 7 whatever, whether you want to call it problem or deficiency within the child, whether it's a behavior thing or just like anything, even in the body and stuff like that, I understand the denial that some parents even go into.

Speaker 7 But I think that like to what you're saying, it's like a really great example is

Speaker 7 a lot of the fighters that I follow basically got into trouble in school for fighting, but not fighting in a malicious way. They just want to fight.

Speaker 7 Hey, let's fight.

Speaker 7 And so, you know, they would get into trouble in this way that could have so easily been solved by the parent instead of being like,

Speaker 7 No, my son's not going to be a fighter like you might say, you got a lot of extra energy and you clearly like wrestling with your friends. Yeah.

Speaker 7 Why don't we get you in wrestling?

Speaker 7 And now all of a sudden, there's like not only not a problem, it's like this person does better.

Speaker 5 So here's one thing I'll say to that that I've realized. And I know this is a lot of people will hear this and go, ah, you can say that because you don't have kids and because,

Speaker 5 but I do believe my imagination allows me to think of what isn't and therefore it could be.

Speaker 5 I don't think,

Speaker 5 and I know this is a, this is a very broad statement. I don't think there is anything that a child is doing doing that is wrong.
It's just we have not created the space for it in their lives.

Speaker 5 Do you know what I mean? Like anything, like to your point, like wrestling.

Speaker 5 Think of it. You go, your kid is like always like fighting with other kids at school.
And to your point, not malicious fighting. We're not talking about teenagers with like issues now.

Speaker 5 Take that child, put them in a fighting thing. And all of a sudden you've given them structure.
Now they are a quote-unquote fighter and it's correct.

Speaker 5 They're doing the exact same thing, but now you have given them a, do you know what I mean? Or like when I was young, I used to like dismantling things,

Speaker 5 which a parent I can understand goes, like, my, this kid unscrewed the TV.

Speaker 2 It is terrible. Yeah.

Speaker 5 Unless you put me in an electronics class and now I'm like, you know, assembling circuit boards and I'm working. All of a sudden,

Speaker 5 your purpose is to assemble and

Speaker 5 dismantle. And now you're looking at parts and you're putting things together and you're experimenting.

Speaker 5 And I know it's a broad statement because I'm going to be like, oh, well, what if they do this?

Speaker 5 I think most things, genuinely, most, most, most things can be catered to if you get to the roots of what the child is trying to do.

Speaker 5 And that's what I mean by, you know, to borrow the phrase, like, you know, parents just don't understand.

Speaker 5 It's like, yeah, the kid is not nine times out of ten, kids are not trying to do a malicious thing to anyone in the family, they're not trying to dismantle your house, they're just like they're curious and they're trying to do some shit.

Speaker 5 Don't go anywhere because we got more. What now after this?

Speaker 2 okay. Can I sit down though?

Speaker 2 Yeah, sit on the floor.

Speaker 5 It's gonna make you comfortable. Sit on the floor.

Speaker 2 You can sit on the floor. You can sit anywhere.

Speaker 6 No, no, right? Life has been ruined.

Speaker 5 No, I mean, this is what happens in society, Mateo. You do, you do something,

Speaker 5 you do something crazy, and then like things.

Speaker 5 Okay,

Speaker 5 but then we can't see you. You can't see me.
No, I mean, but the people can't see you. So now you're like, just keep on.

Speaker 2 This can't. But this can.

Speaker 5 I guess if you sort of like, okay, we'll imagine you.

Speaker 2 When they were asked about how do you,

Speaker 2 if you could change one thing about the world, like what would you do?

Speaker 2 I don't know. I you expect them to be like more popcorn or like you can have dessert for breakfast.
And then they had very adult responses.

Speaker 5 So I have like a really important question to ask all of you, and this is about the world. If you could change anything about the world,

Speaker 5 what would you change? So, Kana, what would you change?

Speaker 2 World hunger. Oh, wow.

Speaker 6 Okay. Because I feel like that's their biggest problem.
Like, obviously, there's like war and stuff,

Speaker 6 but like, I feel like everyone needs a good meal and then they'll be happy. Because if everyone's hangry, then, like, nothing's gonna work.

Speaker 5 You know, you say that, and it's probably true. You find a lot of wars are fought because people are hungry.

Speaker 5 And, like, I don't know about you, but if I don't eat, I could start a war. So, end world hunger.
Okay, Charlie, what would you change about the world?

Speaker 6 I think I would like

Speaker 6 change, make it so that everyone's full, but also like some people don't have a home, and we wouldn't necessarily give them a home, but just like a place to stay where they would be safe from, I don't know.

Speaker 5 Oh, I love this. Okay, okay.
So end world hunger and then give everyone a place to stay. Juniper, what would you do?

Speaker 6 Um, I think that, like, you know, in like Monopoly or like life or something, you know how like you start with enough money to survive?

Speaker 2 Yes.

Speaker 6 I think that everybody should be able to like at least they can s choose how they spend their money and they can choose how it is, but there's so many people who like work super hard and they don't like

Speaker 6 they just don't it's like hard. It's too hard.
So I think that everybody should at least start with enough money to live that way.

Speaker 6 And they can choose how they want to earn their money, like, but at least they should be able to s have money. Like,

Speaker 6 I know I'm just talking a lot about money, but I feel like that's how the world is based off of right now.

Speaker 5 It is, it is, you're not wrong.

Speaker 5 So, like, in life, we should give everyone a little money so they can start playing the game, and it gives them a chance.

Speaker 6 Life is a game, and there's no way to win it, but you can survive in it.

Speaker 5 Oh, well, damn, that's deep. Wow.
Not damn. River, that's deep.
Wow, river, that's deep. I'm so glad you brought that up

Speaker 5 because

Speaker 5 I was proud, even though I didn't know these kids that way, I was proud of what they were saying, but I was sad.

Speaker 5 I was really, really sad because I was hoping for

Speaker 5 just crazy. You know what I mean? I was hoping for,

Speaker 5 you know, what could you do?

Speaker 5 And we did get like one, like later on, like after, but it's almost like we had to solve the world's problems and then we could get to, all right, the world is made of candy and let's have free cheese.

Speaker 5 And then, last but definitely not least, what would you change about the world?

Speaker 2 Cheese.

Speaker 5 More cheese.

Speaker 2 Oh, my gosh.

Speaker 5 What kind of cheese?

Speaker 2 Hard cheese, soft cheese?

Speaker 2 Soft cheese.

Speaker 6 Cheddar cheese.

Speaker 5 Cheddar. Just more cheese.

Speaker 6 Cheddar.

Speaker 5 Yeah. Cheese.
But what would you do with the extra cheese?

Speaker 6 Eat it.

Speaker 2 All of it. Yeah, possibly.

Speaker 5 Do you think that there's not enough cheese in the world?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Huh.

Speaker 5 You know, when Nolo's like, I ate free cheese, but it's only because I said to Nolo, you can't repeat anything. But I was just like.

Speaker 5 Do we pause and think to ourselves

Speaker 5 what it says about our society that children, like we're talking about, like, you know, six years old to like eight, nine years old, and all these

Speaker 5 their number, when you say, what would you change about the world? They say, oh man, I think I would give people a place to live because too many people sleep on the street.

Speaker 5 And I would give people food because they're hungry. And I would give people, and I'm like, wow,

Speaker 5 you are, you are not spared. You know, you're not living in like a, just like a child's world, if that makes sense.

Speaker 7 Yeah. And it's also, I don't know, I'm don't know how this will sound out loud, but like a firm belief I've always had is that there are no such things as grown-ups.

Speaker 7 It's just that like kids get more responsibilities and like have a harsher.

Speaker 5 I can actually buy into that idea.

Speaker 7 And I, and I think that only a kid would be like, why are we even doing this thing? Yeah.

Speaker 7 And sometimes we look at that and just like with the jobs thing and the money thing, you can be like, oh, they just don't get it.

Speaker 7 But every once in a while it's a very good question and it's a question that like sometimes finally ends up in like the halls of Congress guys why are we even doing this thing and so it's like people put so much innocence on being a child but I think there's a real

Speaker 7 amount of perspective you get from not being glued down yet. Yeah, definitely.
You're just not, you're not, you're almost like, I mean, I told you.

Speaker 2 Honest perspective.

Speaker 7 Yeah, I told you, like, even, even into my late teens, I think that was when I had my most like,

Speaker 7 maybe even my most astute perspectives, even without having been well read or anything yet. I was just like, oh, but this doesn't like make sense.

Speaker 7 You now have this thing of like, I'm going to stay

Speaker 7 imagining and I'm also going to stay a little bit freer. I think that that's...

Speaker 7 Like, that's kind of what I saw in some of those kids with their answers being like very worldly and astute that I'm like, oh, if you could stay in a way, if you could stay the way that you are now, then I know we always put on the next generation, but it's like, that's actually the sort of like mindset and attitudes that change the world.

Speaker 7 Because eventually you get so like bogged down and like stuck in the mud in a way that now somebody brings up, okay, let's let's open up this housing in LA.

Speaker 5 And you're like, ah, I just got this house.

Speaker 2 Josh, you sound like me. I've joined a like a neighborhood watch group.
Oh,

Speaker 2 wow.

Speaker 2 on whatsapp

Speaker 2 yeah

Speaker 2 that's when

Speaker 2 life comes at you fast you become as nimby

Speaker 5 and now it's time for a new segment creativity over coffee brought to you by starbucks christiana you probably drink more coffee than anybody i know you love coffee i couldn't live without it honestly As a mother,

Speaker 5 it's funny. I like coffee for the communal side.
It's like the standing around, you know, thinking of ideas, chatting together.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 5 What are some of the ideas for the show? Like, I mean, look, on the show, the idea of having kids on,

Speaker 5 I mean, should have terrified us, by the way, because you know better than anyone, like six kids sitting together on a couch is a terrible idea. But it was actually great.

Speaker 5 It's like a fun idea, chatting to kids, learning about their their points of view and i don't know i think ideas like that you can only come up with when you're sort of in like a flow state do you know what i mean coffee puts me in the flow oh really yeah i start my day with cold brew i love cold brew black and strong just like me

Speaker 2 oh i love that i absolutely love that you know that's how i met my husband no ways yes i'm not even joking he dm'd me on twitter and was like oh i see you're in la too we should meet for coffee And I was like, What's this weird guy wanting to ask me out for coffee?

Speaker 2 But I'll do it because it was coffee and he seemed interested. And here we are.
Here we are.

Speaker 5 He brought you in with me.

Speaker 2 Now I have his children.

Speaker 2 I'm not even joking.

Speaker 5 Well, that's the end of our coffee break. But hopefully, you're inspired, you know, to connect and come up with some creative ideas or a marriage.
It's a great day for coffee.

Speaker 5 It's a great day for Starbucks.

Speaker 6 That wasn't how it was like in the seven the 1700s.

Speaker 5 It was it wasn't like that. I was there and it wasn't like that.

Speaker 2 You were there? It wasn't a time machine. I am older.

Speaker 6 Wait, everybody, is this true? Is this true?

Speaker 5 It is true. Yeah, I was there in the 1700s.

Speaker 6 Yeah, my dad was there, but a lot of us were there.

Speaker 7 I don't know if this is as much of an African thing as it is a southern thing, so I just wanted to...

Speaker 5 Which, by the way, is the same thing.

Speaker 7 It is very much. It's the same thing.

Speaker 5 it's so can I tell you, sorry, sorry to cut you off.

Speaker 5 No, you're good, that's one of my favorite things is how much I, when I meet people from the south, yeah, I feel like we had the exact same childhood.

Speaker 5 I feel like, and I mean, we don't want to go to the dark reason why, sure, sure, sure, so we're not gonna go there, yeah, but like literally, when you talk about your mom, I'm like, ah, that's my mom, yeah, when you talk about your parents, I'm like, yeah, that's my parents, like, yeah, but carry on.

Speaker 7 Well, basically, there's a thing that a lot of southern people have

Speaker 7 that I wonder, you know, who the person is for y'all because I've been told by a lot of people. I have a, I have a grandfather I never met, right? Passed away before I was born.

Speaker 7 And so it's not as if I could have been nurtured by him or grown up around him, but so many people in my life have told me I remind them of him. And it's almost like his spirit a little bit.

Speaker 7 And I'm wondering who you get told is like your spirit person.

Speaker 2 So my parents are hyper-Christian. Okay.
So they've moved away from the reincarnate, which is a big thing in like Igbo culture, like, you know, and Yoruba culture.

Speaker 2 There's like names that signify, like the name, one of my closest friends, her name is Yoande, which means the mother has returned and is normally a name you give to somebody when they died,

Speaker 2 a grandmother died, and then the child that was born is a girl. You know, so there's names, like, I think Iyabo is the other name that's like that.

Speaker 2 So I do, like, the law of the culture is that. People believe in reincarnation.
But my parents never said that about me. However,

Speaker 2 obi is so much like my father there's things he does that scares me like the other day he was walking through the supermarket and he had his hands behind his back

Speaker 2 doing the old man walk and i i was like

Speaker 2 it it's i was like oh my god it scared the shit out of me and i i had to take a picture I was like, what? And then he, there's a way he sits sometimes and the way he places his hand.

Speaker 2 And like, of course, he's around my dad.

Speaker 2 They speak on FaceTime all the time, but like the actual mannerisms, mannerisms and i was like oh i gave birth to my father yeah especially if there's something you couldn't have taught couldn't have couldn't have like there's no but he just was like walking around and he was looking around like in the way that my dad does and looking down and i i took a picture and i like um

Speaker 2 my dad was like um he said something in ibbo blood is obara Yeah, and he was just, we're just talking about like the power of blood

Speaker 2 in that way. Cause, so I'd say my son very much, I look at him and I see my father, but myself, I don't have, I don't know.

Speaker 5 No, I had that. So I was always told, like,

Speaker 5 people would say that to me about my grandfather. They would say, like, they'd literally say, you guys do the same thing.
And, you know, and you like walk in a room.

Speaker 5 And this terrified me because we found out my grandfather was bipolar at the end of his life.

Speaker 2 So now I was like, oh,

Speaker 5 you don't understand how many like. psychologists I've seen where I'm like, are you sure?

Speaker 5 Are you sure, sure? They're like, no, you're not.

Speaker 2 I was like, all right, we're going to keep checking.

Speaker 5 But,

Speaker 5 but, yeah, I had that where people would say, it's the same. They go, like, you, you just seem like a flash from the past.
They go,

Speaker 5 you know, you like the walk. And, and I didn't spend a lot of time with him, but they go, the walk is like his.

Speaker 5 And, you know, the way you love telling people jokes and the way you get, you love causing chaos in a conversation. And all they're like, it's like we're watching it happen again.

Speaker 5 And what mesmerized people was the fact that we didn't spend time together. Like, I spent all my my time with my grandmother.
Her and I are completely different.

Speaker 5 You know, we were like completely different people, vibes, everything.

Speaker 5 It's just, you know, I have a lot of personality traits from my dad, which my mom has told me about. And ironically, again, I spent very little time with him.

Speaker 5 And these are like personality things that adults would have with each other. It's not like a child would pick up from a parent.

Speaker 5 Mom's just like, oh man, that's your dad, you know. So it is, it is fascinating to see that and to see like a, you know, a passed down/slash a, you know, yeah, which I like.

Speaker 7 I don't know.

Speaker 5 So, before we, before we go, so before we go, there's two important things that I that I that I really need your help figuring out.

Speaker 5 What do you think adults struggle with understanding about kids? Like, what do you wish they understood? Okay, yes, Juniper.

Speaker 6 Okay, so

Speaker 6 I think that like adults sometimes don't understand like kids' feelings in like the way that like

Speaker 6 popularity at school and like when like something happened like my mom was just like read and I was like no and like in other things too like I found out that I didn't get into something that I really like worked for and then

Speaker 5 they were like go read a book and I was like that's it's kind of like more than that oh but like parents are also it can be very understanding but other times like even as early as like the next morning you can like go to sleep and then the next morning it feels like they don't understand you at all okay so if I'm hearing what you're saying you would love to to live in a world where parents spend a little more time trying to understand what their kids are going through yes because maybe for them they make it seem like it's a small thing and they like they sort of get over it quickly but then kids might still be dealing with it exactly

Speaker 5 yeah i think that was that was probably my my favorite thing about hanging out with these kids was it made me

Speaker 5 It made me realize

Speaker 5 that kids are a lot more perceptive than we think. And if we use that as a resource, genuinely, I don't even mean this in like a meh meh world, you could like build a better world.

Speaker 5 Like, even as a parent, kids can tell you things about yourself that you need to work on.

Speaker 5 It's amazing how they will, in the same way, funny enough, animal trainers, like dog trainers will tell you there's no such thing as a bad dog, there's only a bad owner.

Speaker 5 I think kids tell you who you are,

Speaker 5 whether you like it or not.

Speaker 5 They'll just tell you. I wonder how many parents ask their kids, hey, what do you think I could work on?

Speaker 5 Where do you think I could spend a little more time where do you see my failings

Speaker 5 like where do you you know

Speaker 5 because you're a parent right

Speaker 5 your job is to raise this child

Speaker 5 and yet you never ask the child who you are raising how they think you're doing

Speaker 5 which to me sounds like a crazy we should bring end of year reviews We should. Like end of year.

Speaker 2 Just be like to your kids. So what did I do well this year? Yeah.

Speaker 5 What do you think I do well?

Speaker 2 Yeah. And what didn't you like about me? It's hard.
I don't even want to know what my kids would say.

Speaker 5 And I think they would surprise you. Yeah.
I think you'd be surprised at how lenient children are in a way that parents aren't. Yes.

Speaker 5 I think parents take for granted that kids see in them things that they don't even see in themselves and kids see in the world things that we don't see in the world.

Speaker 7 And if you if you ask them when they're still like all up under you, like I know until I was like maybe 10, i was like all up under my mom wanted to be with my mom all the time

Speaker 7 it's like you ask a question like that there's no agenda behind it it's like it's literally like i wanted the best for my mom but the way that like a child wants what's best for you in in such earnest is like that's very true it's like earth shattering like shaking to your soul just even kids that aren't my kids but my friends kids will be like how have you been and like i've missed you so much and like the way a child says they miss you it's like

Speaker 2 what Yeah, you were thinking about yes, you don't even know what week it is, yeah.

Speaker 7 Like, this is just the summer, and you're like, I've missed you so much.

Speaker 5 It's like, if we gave them a chance, like, genuinely, I would encourage everyone who's a parent, just try it, just like try it, just go sit with your kid and be like, Hey, how do you think we could improve this household?

Speaker 5 And how, and don't get me wrong, one of their suggestions is going to be more ice cream.

Speaker 2 Of course, there's always going to be ice cream, yeah.

Speaker 7 So, I think asking questions like that is like,

Speaker 7 yeah, that could be world-changing.

Speaker 5 Yeah, we should do it. Well, this was fun.
This is fun. Um,

Speaker 5 let's go make kids, Josh.

Speaker 2 Uh, I'm good.

Speaker 7 Because this is the thing: I no, no, no, let's go do it.

Speaker 5 We're gonna go make kids. We're gonna go make kids, and we're gonna have a lot of fun because it seems easy to me.
Seems easy raising them, seems easy understanding them.

Speaker 7 I didn't say any of this. We're gonna do it.

Speaker 2 I think we need the wives first.

Speaker 5 We're gonna do it. People listening, I didn't say we're gonna do it.

Speaker 5 You heard it here first. Josh and Trevor gonna go out and make some kids

Speaker 5 and raise them.

Speaker 2 All right, well, thank you so much.

Speaker 5 Kena, thank you for coming. Nola, thank you for coming.
Charlie, thank you for coming. Juniper, thank you for coming.
Mateo, thank you for coming. Eden, thank you so much for coming.

Speaker 5 I will make sure to tell the adults everything you've said and let's try to change the world. Thank you, everybody.
Jenny! Nice job, everyone.

Speaker 2 Bye.

Speaker 2 Bobby.

Speaker 2 Bobby.

Speaker 5 What Now with Trevor Noah is produced by Spotify Studios in partnership with Day Zero Productions. The show is executive produced by Trevor Noah, Sanaz Yameen and Jodi Avigan.

Speaker 5 Our senior producer is Jess Hackle. Claire Slaughter is our producer.
Music, Mixing and Mastering by Hannes Brown.

Speaker 5 Special thanks to all of our kid experts and their parents for helping to make this episode such a fun one.

Speaker 5 My new book, Into the Uncut Cross, is available now wherever you get your books and audiobooks. Thank you so much for listening.
Join us next Thursday for another episode of What Now.