For Kids or Anyone Who’s Ever Been a Kid [VIDEO]

Who do you think cries more? Kids or adults? Adults. Let's have a vote.
Okay, Kena, you say? Adults. Charlie? Kids.
Babies. Babies.
Ooh, Juniper the Contrarian. Okay, throwing in babies.
Mateo? It would have to be both. Because, like, parents cry when somebody dies.
And then kids cry when they lose something So I'd have to say both Okay I see I would say babies Babies We started off going after adults My mom said I couldn't say that Your mom said you couldn't say what D-A-M-E Damn Oh damn D-A-M-N Oh, D-A-m-e oh d-a-m-n oh d-a-m-n okay i won't say it either then yeah yeah so i will i when i'm saying it i'm talking about um uh the thing they build in a river to stop water from going somewhere. That's a damn.
That's a damn.

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And so for today's episode, I wanted to have a conversation with you about children but not like children through the lens of an expert and not children through the lens of an adult no this is one of uh this is a topic that i love um because i don't think anybody's truly an expert in it, even though some people say they are, right? And it's like kids, parents, and how we perceive their realities. And the reason I say nobody's really an expert is because people often talk about parenting.
I mean, you know this better than anyone who's a parent, Christiana. Like everyone's like, this is a good parent.
This is how you should parent. This is what you should parent, parent, parent, parent parent parent parent parent but i always think to myself we don't often think about like kid like kid up does that make sense being a kid is really weird because in your world you have a life you have priorities you have like your own like schedule even and then there's this other human being who just happens to be bigger than you, who basically tells you that your shit is nothing.
Have you like my favorite thing? Have you ever seen like a little small child doing something with like a box? Right? Like just like a box, a cardboard box. And they're folding it.
Then they unfold it. Then they squash it.
Then they unsquash it. And they move it around.
Then they put things in it, then they take things out of it. Then they drag it around the room.
And then you come and you're like, yo, we got to go somewhere. And the kid is like, I'm working.
Have you ever seen the kid's face? The kid always doesn't look like, yo, I'm in the middle. And it's funny how, I always think to myself, it's funny how as adults, we think the kid's doing doing nothing but I often think what if we

were in the office typing up emails

dear sirs and ma'ams

to whom it may concern please

revert ASAP imagine if while

you were doing that a giant came

into your office and then like lifted

you up from your chair

and was just like time to go

and you'd be like

no

time to go And you'd be like No No You're like I've got to do my And they're like No Time to go And that's how it must feel for them Yeah Definitely Do you know what I mean? But it's time to go Yeah you see I see that You're a mom It's time to go When do you think you became a mom? Like became a mom mom? I was always someone's mother I have have three little sisters. No, but there's like a different shift.
I'm sure there is. Okay, because I know you.
Remember this? Yeah. I knew you before you were a mom.
Okay. You've always been caring, responsible, all of that stuff.
And I want to know when you became a mom. Oh, definitely when I took Obi home from the hospital.
and I exclusively breastfed, as you all know, because I always talk about breastfeeding. And then I was like, I'm this child's life source.
I was like, like, his nutrition depends on me. And that was like, no one has ever depended on me to be fed it was just so stressful but I just remember just waking up and I'm like I need to feed him because he he liked to sleep he's never been a big eater yeah and that was I was just like I need to I was thinking just more about nourishing his body than like his spirit it was very primordial I felt like a woman in a cave you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah And that was like the shift And now my headspace Is so much of my kids all the time You know what I never considered though In a difference between men and women Yet you're like In a weird way with a man Obviously your presence is still important But I'm saying to your point You are actually The irreplaceable part of your child's Yeah like if I Had Like a bad Cheeseburger It doesn't affect It's like If you start eating poorly That affects your child Yeah you're surprised it's like yes it's like as a dad as long as you crack you could do crack yes you can't crack no i can't as long as you blow the crack smoke out the window the child may not even they could have a fully yeah a fully normal because how many people think that their dad is like normal do you know i mean because you think everything everything is normal because your frame of reference for everything is so small and it gets wider as you get older.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. But like my dad would get excited to do like a dad thing, like a milestone thing.
Because I think sometimes as men, that's the only time that we're like, yes, I'm important right now. Right, yeah.
Right now is when I'm dad and like we need this moment moment and so i went up to my dad and my tooth was loose and he hops up he's like so excited he hops up and he goes and he leaves the room runs out of the room grab some string right and then grab some string and ties one side of the string to my tooth and ties one side of the string to my door but he's not talking to me so he's not he's not explaining anything he's like, be still. And then runs in the door and everything.
And then he looks at me and he nods as if we've had a conversation. This man nods at me like, and it's time, right? And so then he nods, slams the door, but he didn't measure.
So it's just too much string. So we just watched the door slam and i was like oh and i'm string

hanging out of my mouth and like was something supposed to happen he was like ah oof okay

let me oh and then he went to the bathroom because then he knew he could surprise me now

because now i know what the thing would be know what the thing was i didn't know what the thing

was supposed to be but i put it together when he was like, oh. Oh, yeah.
So then he's like, I walked to the bathroom, and then he helped me get my tooth out. But I was just like, in my mind, my dad has a plan, and he knows what he's doing, and then he does it, and then I just trust it.
And then he slams the door, and I'm like, maybe he doesn't have plans. That's's one of the weirdest moments i think for a child yeah is when you for the first time think that your parent doesn't have their shit together it's the falling out of the boat you figured that out as a child oh definitely oh my god that's very early that's that you did as well no because i think that means you didn't no i didn't i i saw my parents as people very late in my life I think I really deified them I was like oh they're so wonderful They weren't perfect parents Yeah yeah yeah But they were always like Mom and dad And then as I came into adulthood I was like oh they're people And maybe therapy wouldn't be a bad thing Wait so how old do you think you were When you first were like oh these are people who make mistakes and things they just always had it together no but i'm saying how old do you think you were were you in your teens were you in your oh it was in my early 20s in your 20s i remember the not even the first time this is one of the many times i was driving with my mom this wasn't her fault by the way but still i was driving with my mom and um we're in the car we're coming back from a church service late at night and we're almost home like 10 minutes from the house but it's like been an hour drive and i'll never forget i i can like close my eyes and imagine the road you know it's a long dark road and there's.
So we're crossing over, right? So normally you'd wait for oncoming traffic, but it's like midnight. There's nothing.
We see a car in the distance. We're approaching the intersection.
We see a car in the distance. I'm looking out the passenger window of the car.
I see the other car. It has its indicator on its blinker.
So it's going to turn into the slip road so it won't come to us essentially it means it's going to go in the direction we're also going to go right but i see that it's coming straight my mom clearly is like looking at the blinker i see it's coming straight she's looking at the blinker i see it's coming straight and i'm sitting there in the passenger seat and i was like i think that car's coming straight for us and i just sat there quietly and i was like i don't think she sees it and then i sat there and then i literally just sat there and i braced myself and the car came straight and we turned and then it just wham and took off the whole front of our car and like in an accident you don't really know really know what's happened. Like your car's spinning around and, you know, it's a whole thing.
And then we came to a stop and she checks on me and we're fine. Really, we were really lucky.
And then when we were all like calm and everything, I said to my mom, I was like, oh, I saw that. And she's like, you saw what? I was like, I saw that car was going to hit us.
And she said, why? She's like, why didn't you say anything know how to drive i don't know how to drive and she's like but you know how to see don't you know how to see i was like yeah i know how to see she's like you must say something and i was like okay but that was like the final one because this was now just in driving territory yeah i had seen my mom forget things i had seen my mom like so from i would say From like the age of maybe like five or six i was like okay this is a human being who's in charge but they don't always like have that like they don't have the superpower thing i even saw it with teachers i remember once i always thought teachers were oh okay you thought teachers were idiots oh yeah because i thought i was like i'm smarter and that's probably why they they didn't like me. But I was like, no, you know more stuff just because you're older.
But I was like, I have more brain power. I figured that out.
I think my parents were just very competent. So they did disappoint me, obviously.
But they were just very, they were very competent. But then, you know, when you look at your childhood in retrospect, you have those moments.
You're like, oh, maybe that wasn't the best decision.

Yeah.

I was talking to Esther Perel about this the one day.

We're talking about like traumas and childhoods and, you know, the psychology.

And it's really amazing how no matter how you raise your kid, there will always be the lack that was created.

And as a kid, there will always be.

So there are some people who are in therapy because their parents gave them too much freedom they could do whatever they wanted and so they never felt protected or they never felt like there was structure or they never felt but then there are some people in therapy because they're like my parents like they gave me a rigid schedule and i couldn't do what i wanted and i had to be home at a certain time and and it made me wonder i was like is there a single kid out there who's just like yeah this is going well and if your kid thinks it's going well are you still a good parent i don't know i feel like it's a it's so much like gambling it's like like uh you you have the kid and you are taking a gamble that you can raise a good person so not not a killer. Right.
Right. And then you're playing craps.
So you just throw the dice down and the dice are going to bounce and they're going to bounce. They're going to bounce.
And you could call some of the bouncing trauma. But the bounce is also how you get your end result.
You get the end numbers. And then when you look at the thing, that's when everybody's like, ah, good parent.
Or like, ah, crap.

But sometimes I'm like, have you ever met some parents?

Because, you know, like, I think the kid is the kid.

Like, you just, this thing arrives in your life.

This is how I found.

And they are the way they are.

Born this way, as Lady Gaga says.

This blows my mind. I don't mean it like.

I hear every parent say this.

Is it the hardware? Yeah, yeah, yeah, the hardware. No, you're right, the hardware.
And you're like, oh, you just like this. Like, I can try and pull you away from it.
And this is good and the bad. Like, there's strengths and weaknesses.
There's just stuff encoded in you. And like, so you have that element of it.
And there's some parents who like actually do an amazing job, but the kid turns out badly And then there's people who don't do that much And the kid turns out Turns out pretty amazing It's pretty well And so I don't get I think you can like love them Give them a good education Like make sure there's no hunger But then after that you just Yeah but I'm saying okay so this is fascinating Because you're a parent We're speaking as former kids former kids. Which I think childhood is the most important experience.
I don't just take advice from parents. Yes.
Because everyone has had the experience of being a child. Yes, yes, yes.
And I think that it's valuable. I hate parents that are like, oh, I only care about, you can't tell me anything.
You're not a mom. So I'm like, so you don't think someone having once been a child is valuable? That's what I mean.
Yeah. Yeah.
So this is a different episode. Every now and again, I like to get up to some mischief in the world.
Christian always accuses me of doing something. And in this case, yes, I was doing something.
I wrote a children's book. It's something I've always wanted to do because I love children's books and I loved them.
And I read them by the way. I think they're like the best books.
The other ones have too many words and too few pictures. I wrote a children's book and I thought for this episode, let's talk about kids, but not just talk about them.
Let's talk to them. So I sat down with a group of kids who are experts at being children, by the way.
I don't know if people know this.

They're the real experts at being children.

We're going to continue this conversation right after this short break.

When are we starting the podcast?

Right now.

Hi, Daddy.

All right, you'm coming in. I'm squished.
I'm squished. You're squished? I didn't even...
No, actually, she's moving. Nola's moving.
Welcome to the podcast. Welcome, Nola.
Welcome, Eden. Welcome, Mateo.
Welcome, Juniper. Welcome, Charlie.
And welcome, Kena.

Let's start with you, Eden.

How long have you been a child for?

Seven years.

Seven years.

Wow.

That's like a real professional.

How long do you plan to be like a child?

Do you have like a long-term goal?

100 years.

100 years.

I like that. I like that.
So I started writing this kid's book My first instinct was Talk to like adults And talk to you know Experts Because like the book is really about like How a child sees their relationship With their parents And vice versa And the internal monologues they have Because that's what I had as a kid And I think every child does But then I was like No like, no, I'm just going to talk to kids. Like I got a full panel of children to have conversations with.
And can I tell you, these little things are pretty genius. They came in with some insights.
They came in with some ideas. And Josh and Christiana, I know you got to watch us hanging out together.
And I was shocked At how much Like information

We don't give children

Does this make sense?

Yeah

Like you'll be shocked

At how many kids

Are sort of just like

Left in the dark

Yeah

About everything

So I'll talk to kids

I'll go hey

Do you know what your parents

Do for a living?

And they're like

What does a living mean?

Actually let me

Let's talk about jobs

Let's talk about jobs

So I would love to know Wait wait So let's go down the line so um charlie do you know wow what's happening here nola um she's getting a cuckoo head that means she's being a cuckoo head no you just get just got hot and then you were like all right so wait wait nola so pay attention i want to know about jobs so we're gonna go down the line so so let's go nola do, do you know what parents do at jobs? Do you know what adults do? This? What's this? What we're doing now? Yeah. So you think they like hang out on a couch? Yeah.
And then talk about life? Yeah. Huh, okay.
Okay, okay, okay. Eden, what do you think people do at a job? They're saying scientist.
Because my mom is a scientist. Like, what does she teach? She teaches science.
She teaches it. So she stands at the front of the classroom.
Oh, so you guys know teachers, so you know what she does. Yes.
Yeah. Okay, Mateo, what do you think adults do at their jobs? I know my dad.
You know those, like, people that are on the computers at the airport? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what my dad does.
Oh, dope. He's one of those guys.
Oh, I've seen those people at airports. You would see the kids.
For instance, if I say, what do your parents do for a living? The majority of them put their fingers up to their faces and then mimed typing, but like depressed typing. Okay, so let me ask you.
What do you think adults do at work what is that doing boring stuff and typing out of them they drink it coffee type it like yeah none of them were like smiling and being like oh my you know what i mean this is like everyone had like a yeah you know it's like you would think like their parents were Like in a chicken coop For humans Pecking away At keys Severance Yeah

Yeah

Yeah

Yeah everyone had like a yeah you know it's like you would think like their parents were like in a

chicken coop for humans pecking away at keys severance yeah it really was like that's what

and i was like wow like i don't know like josh like when you were a kid what did you think of

your parents that you now like because we get to an age where it starts to sort of consolidate

like this information yeah what did you think of your parents like you're like i've met your mom but like what

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What did you think of your parents? Like, I've met your mom, but like, what did you think of your mom? I mean, it's tough because the things I thought about my mom when I was little, I still think about my mom in a really sincere way. Like, I see how she isn't always the most patient in life, but she's very patient with people she's very loving and generous and so so then i'm i look at my mom as this when i was a kid this infallible version of generosity and like understanding and now as an adult i look at her as this very fallible version of generosity and understanding so it's like none of the I I feel like I saw my mom for who she was and all the qualities that she possesses but I just didn't have the right interpretation of them because I didn't have enough like world experience to understand what was happening um so like I remember there was somebody my mom gave someone a ride one time or something like that.
And all I could think in my head was like, why was this weird person in our car? Because you tell me not to talk strangers and then you pick the weirdest stranger to give a ride somewhere. And still to this day my mom is very like, be careful when you go here, watch your stuff, all the stuff like that.
But then there'll be these moments that are just these like, I don't know, I guess moments of inspiration where that thing supersedes almost every lesson that I'm taught to a certain degree. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You know? I don't think anyone will dispute that being a parent is a hard job, but it's weird that if something is a hard job, wouldn't it mean that like most people wouldn't be good at it?

Yeah.

Oh, interesting.

But then we see the defensiveness of parents or people around parents or what my parenting or what you telling my child, what that means about me that you as a stranger reprimand my child and so then we we end up in this place that i think we've been in for a while where your entire childhood is the extent of your of your parents awareness and experiences yeah and if no one else is allowed in because it's supposed to take a village but the village isn't welcome if all of a sudden the village is don't tell my child to literally when your child's wrong too i've watched it in stores where kids tearing something up and somebody that works at the store is like hey hey put that down it's like no talk to me don't talk to my child it's like well you don't have the presence of mind to tell your child to stop tearing so why don't i just go to the source yeah and so i think that that that is what's shaping all of my, I'm like almost recontextualizing a lot of what growing up was. Because I was from a family and I had a mom that would let another adult tell me what I was doing wrong.
You know what I mean? Because my mom would, let's say there's some random lady and like just some old woman at the mall and it's like hey don't run with your shoes untied blah blah she would look at that woman say thank you yeah you know i mean as opposed to like i got this you know i mean and i think that i got this is like it's a small thing but i think it's messing a lot of people up i think going from being like community driven because i remember i had a big community growing up and I was actually thinking about it today before I was coming here. Like there used to be these grandmas in church that would look after me, Sister Barbara, Sister Kathy, Mommy Ige.
Like they would, these women looked after me when I was a kid, me and my sisters. So I was surrounded by what, like aunties and uncles who actually weren't genetically related to me, who could also, like, discipline me.
Yes. But felt they had a stake in my life.
And my son has less of that for different reasons. Like, my husband's family's in New York.
A lot of my family's in London. We live in LA.
But this isn't just specific to people who live apart from their families. Like, that village thing has diminished.
Like, Josh, you talk about your aunt a lot. Do you know what I mean? It's like, that's rare with millennials raising kids.
And because now it's just become the nuclear family, you, your spouse, or maybe you're a single parent, maybe a nanny, like it's very, nanny's very privileged or it's the daycare worker you become really defensive of your choices because if your child fails it's an indictment on you on your little system whereas like i grew up in a culture where if a child was doing badly it was a community shame do you know oh it was like everybody like my bear the name of Mbakwe when you leave this house. Oh, interesting.
It wasn't just like, it was just like, you're part of a thing. The collective has failed.
It was a church community. It was, you know, an ethnic community, but it was like, yeah.
And if there was a celebration, that's why weddings were so big. If someone's getting married, everyone shows up because our child is getting married married but that doesn't exist in the same way and I think a lot of that defensiveness comes from like but I'm the only one doing this thing yes exactly if you're if when my child misbehaves I feel like I have failed it doesn't feel like we have failed and there's something to collective failure or collective success that kind of takes The pressure off Even if it's raising children Yeah I've been trying To figure this out But I need your help For this Trying to understand Why grown-ups Don't seem to understand Kids Okay I need your Like what do you think It is Okay Nola Yes Because grown-ups are boring and kids are fun.
So kids are fun. Yeah.
And the grown-ups are boring. You think that's why they can't figure kids out? Yeah.
It's just sitting around. If you want to get chocolate, just say no.
And then boring. That is boring.
And chocolate is fun. Chocolate is fun.
Kena, like, what do you think or what do you wish adults understood more about the life of a child or a younger person i feel like especially parents do a really good job i feel like there's two types of adults there's like parents and then people without kids and parents i feel like sometimes they like need to live their dreams to their kids so they don't like live in the moment and they like go see like the future so like everything right now in your life has to be like perfect like you can't be out late you have to there's so many rules to like protect you for the future so they don't live in the moment and I feel like adults without kids who hang out with kids are like way more chill because I guess they're not like your responsibility but I wish like adults in general could just like take a breath and just be like let kids go because what happens happens and like they figured it out and they turned out fine well I mean some adults turn out the best the best but person like mostly adults like turned out fine so i think they i wish they could just understand to like take a step back and like let me be responsible for myself because i have like all the key factors to do it so when i was sitting down with the kids for this episode every child felt like they were being held back by their parents and their parents' ability or inability to cater to their play needs. What was illuminating for me was watching young people process the world through a very logical lens, by the way.
They were like, oh man, my parents, these people are tired. These people are like, they're tired.
Like they're always like thinking about the future and like they don't like chill and they don't hang out and they're not fun. And unanimously, kids were like, these people don't understand us.
Just all the kids. All the kids felt taken care of.
All the kids, like none of the kids there was like,

ah, I think my parents is like, you know, really a terrible parent.

They're not doing a good job of it.

But they all were like, man, this person doesn't understand me.

But I wonder, like when you were a kid,

did you feel like your parent understood you?

Did your parents get you?

Or what was the thing that they got of you?

That's a really interesting question.

So the first thing I will say is that my dad dad is very very intelligent very astute man and he would always debate with me oh yeah we're like intellectual sparring partners like my mom is always like stop i can't take it anymore because we like go at it but i would be i i always remember like and it would be my also my my uncle moses is someone else but i would speak to obviously they're men but i was a child and i would and they would go at it with me like this and i was a real like contrarian and kind of polemicist and they would just go at it with me and i think my dad saw i had something and he valued what i had to say even though he always came in on the other side i think he so he's his whole his whole thing if I say it's black he says it's white and then we like debate from there and he's still like you're wrong and then but it's like and in hindsight that was a really valuable thing I think especially it was actually a radical thing my dad has four daughters but like in my culture I think girl children are valued less but like he never saw me as less than because I was a girl if I probably the problem was he probably raised me like a man and that's why I'm like this way but it was just like he that sparring meant I when I went out into the world I was like I know my ideas have value but like I just I felt very misunderstood But my mom told me a story recently. She said that, and my dad never told me this, but it's through the perspective of my dad.
I play piano. I used to do exams.
And I think I was like six years old. I had a piano exam and my dad was watching me through a window.
And he went home and told my mom he was like the girl puts too much pressure

on herself and he said he saw it and it scared him because he was like she's only six why is this piano exam have so much stakes mind you I think it had stakes because of how they were raising me by the way but like she he came home and he was like I just saw something her that it kind of scared me because like you can't carry that intensity through like did he correct it no He would just like go be intense.

But you know, so sometimes you hear stories in your

own. it kind of scared me because like you can't carry that intensity through.
Did he correct it? No. He would just like, go be intense.
But you know, so sometimes you hear stories in your adulthood that you're like, oh, you did see me. You did understand me.
But maybe, you know, in that time you don't have the language, you know, it was just like, oh, that's, that's who they are. And sometimes now I'm thinking, oh, it's not that they didn't understand me.
It's just that they didn't have the tools and they were in a time that were like, how do we digest this trait of my child that is probably a little abnormal? Maybe we should get her some help. And that's actually just back to what you said.
Because I actually, as a mother, I know I'm not enough. And I've come to, I'm at peace with that.
Like I do not contain all the things that these children need, but I may be able to push them in towards the person who has it all. I mean, that's part of why I wouldn't be a stay-at-home mother because I know I'd be doing them a disservice from where I stand.
You're compensating for the village, essentially. Yeah.
And I'm like, I don't have enough. I can't.
Yes. That would be like the village elders.
Yeah, exactly. Exactly.
And so now I'm like i don't have enough i i can't yes yeah that would be like the village elders yeah yes yes exactly and so now i'm like so and i think if more parents were like i'm actually not enough how do i connect with people because trevor you give me parenting advice josh you give me parenting is like you guys don't have kids but it's always like remember the other day when you were like oh no ob needs to be um driving oh yeah i was like oh and i went back to lewis i was like trevor says he should be driving you was like what yeah and then i spoke through your logic behind it and he was lewis was like oh that's a good idea you know i mean but it takes a humility to be like actually my friend who has no kids has more insight into my kid in this area than i have because i'm so close to it yes and I think if more parents were able to just say I'm not enough what do you think Josh what do you think Trevor it'd be good for our kids but we just don't do that it's it's also got to be very difficult I know that I am not a parent so I have not felt this like at least as what has been described to me as this like life-altering experience of like having the kid and then the kid being a part of you and you seeing parts of yourself and the kid and everything so i understand that when there's a little bit of a um whatever whether you want to call it problem or deficiency within the child whether it's a behavior thing or just like anything even in the body and so that i understand the denial that some parents even go into but i think that like to what you're saying it's like a really great example is um a lot of the fighters that i follow basically got into trouble in school for fighting but not fighting in a malicious way yeah they just want to fight on the way hey let's fight like and so you know they would get into trouble in this way that could have so easily been solved by the parent instead of being like, no, my son's not gonna be a fighter. Like you might say, you got a lot of extra energy.
And you clearly like wrestling with your friends. Why don't we get you in wrestling? And now all of a sudden, there's like, not only not a problem, it's like, like this person does better so here's one thing i'll say to that that i've realized and i know this is a lot of people will hear this and go ah you can say that because you don't have kids and because but i do believe my imagination allows me to think of what isn't and therefore it could be i don't think and i know this is a this is a very broad statement i don't think there is anything that a child is doing that is wrong it's just we have not created the space for it in their lives do you know what i mean like anything like to your point of like wrestling think of it you go a kid your kid is like always like fighting with other kids at school and to your point not malicious fighting not we're talking about Teenagers with like issues now Take that child Put them in a fighting thing And all of a sudden You've given them structure Now they are a Quote unquote fighter And it's correct They're doing the exact same thing But now you have given them A Do you know what I mean Or like When I was young I used to like Dismantling things Which a parent I can understand Goes like This kid unscrewed the tv it is terrible yeah unless you put me in an electronics class yeah and now i'm like you know assembling circuit boards and i'm working all of a sudden you are your purpose is to assemble and just dismantle and and now you're looking at parts and you're putting things together and you're experimenting and and and i know it's a broad because I'm going to be like, oh, well, what if they do this? I think most things, genuinely, most, most, most things can be catered to if you get to the roots of what the child is trying to do.
And that's what I mean by, you know, to borrow the phrase, like, you know, parents just don't understand. It's like, yeah, the kid is not, nine times out of ten, kids are not trying to do a malicious thing to anyone in the family.

They're not trying to dismantle your house.

They're just, like, they're curious and they're trying to do some shit.

Don't go anywhere, because we got more What Now? after this.

Okay.

Can I sit down now?

Yeah, sit on the floor. Sit on the floor.
If it's going to make you comfortable, sit on the floor's gonna make you comfortable sit on the floor yeah you can sit on the floor you can sit anywhere no no right life has been ruined no i mean this is this is what happens in society mate you do you do something you do something crazy and then like things okay okay but then we can't see you you can't see me no i mean but the people can't see you so now you're like just gone this can't but i guess if you sort of like okay we'll we'll imagine you when they were asked about how do you if you could change one thing about the world yes what would you do i i don't know i you expect them to be like more popcorn or like you can have dessert for breakfast. And then they had very adult responses.
So I have like a really important question to ask all of you. And this is about the world.
If you could change anything about the world, what would you change? So, Keena, what would you change? World hunger. Oh, wow.
Okay. Because I feel like that's their biggest problem like obviously there's like war and stuff but like i feel like everyone needs a good meal and then they'll be happy because if everyone's hungry then like nothing's gonna work you know you say that and it's probably true you find a lot of wars are fought because people are hangry and like i don't know about you but if i but if I don't eat, I could start a war.
So end world hunger. Okay.
Charlie, what would you change about the world? I think I would like change, make it so that everyone's full, but also like some people don't have a home and we wouldn't necessarily give them a home, but just like a place to stay where they would be safe from i don't know oh i love this okay okay so end world hunger and then give everyone a place to stay juniper what would you do um i think that like you know when like monopoly or like life or something you know how like you start with enough money to survive yes I think that everybody should be able to like at least they can choose how they spend their money. They can choose how it is.
But there's so many people who like work super hard and they don't like they just don't. It's like hard.
It's too hard. So I think that everybody should at least start with enough money to live that way.
And they can choose how they want to earn their money like but at least they should be able to have money like like i know i'm just talking a lot about money but i feel like that's how the world is like based off of right now it is you're not wrong um so like in life we should give everyone a little money so they can start playing the game and it gives them a chance okay life is a game and there's no way to win it. But you can survive in it.
Oh, damn. That's deep.
Wow. Not damn.
River, that's deep. Wow.
River, that's deep. I'm so glad you brought that up.
Because I was proud. Even though I didn't know these kids that way.
I was proud of what they were saying. But I was i was really really sad because i was i was hoping for just crazy you know i mean i was hoping for you know what could you do and we did get like one like later on like after but it's almost like we had to solve the world's problems and then we could get to all right the world is made of candy and let's have free cheese and then last But definitely not least What would you change About the world? More cheese More cheese Oh my gosh What kind of cheese? Hard cheese? Soft cheese? Soft cheese Cheddar cheese Cheddar Just more cheese Cheddar Cheese But what would you do With the extra cheese? Eat it All of it? Yeah Do you think Do you think That there's not enough cheese In the world? Yeah Huh You know when Nola was like I had free cheese But it's only because I said to Nola you can't repeat anything But I was just like Do we pause and think to ourselves What it says about our society That children We're talking about like you know Six years old to like eight nine years old and all these their number when you say what would you change about the world they say oh man i think i would give people a place to live because too many people sleep on the street and i would give people food because they're hungry and i would give people and i'm like wow you are you are not spared you know you're not living in like a just like a child's world if that makes sense yeah and it's also i don't know i'm don't know how this will sound out loud but like a firm belief i've always had is that there are no such things as grown-ups it's just that like kids get more responsibilities and and like have a harsher i can actually buy into that idea And i and i think that only a kid would be like why are we even doing this thing yeah and sometimes we look at that and just like with the jobs thing yeah and the the money thing you can be like oh they just don't get it but every once in a while it's a very good question and it's a question that like sometimes finally ends up in like the halls of congress yes why are we even doing this thing and so it's like people put so much innocence on being a child but i think there's a real amount of perspective you get from not being glued down yet yeah definitely you're just not you're not you're almost like i mean i told you it's like Yeah, I told you, like, even into my late teens, I think that was when I had my most, like, maybe even my most astute perspectives.
Even without having been well-read or anything yet, I was just like, oh, but this doesn't, like, make sense. You now have this thing of, like, I'm going to stay imagining, and I'm also going to stay a little bit freer.
I think that that's like, that's kind of what I saw in some of those kids with their answers being like very worldly and astute that I'm like, oh, if you could stay in a way, if you could stay the way that you are now, then I know we always put it on the next generation, but it's like, that's actually the sort of like mindset and attitudes that change the world yeah because because eventually you get so like bogged down and like stuck in the mud in a way that now somebody brings up okay let's let's open up this housing in LA and you're like ah I just got this house Josh you sound like me I've joined a like a neighbourhood watch group on WhatsApp oh wow oh Christiana oh no on WhatsApp oh no yeah that's what life comes at you fast you become a nimby oh man and now it's time for a new segment, Creativity Over Coffee, brought to you by Starbucks.

Christiana, you probably drink more coffee than anybody I know.

You love coffee.

I couldn't live without it, honestly.

As a mother.

It's funny, I like coffee for the communal side. It's like the standing around, you know, thinking of ideas, chatting together I feel you, yeah What are some of the ideas for the show? Like, I mean, look, on this show, the idea of having kids on I mean, should have terrified us, by the way Because you know better than anyone like six kids sitting together on a couch is a

terrible idea, but it was actually great. It was like a fun idea, chatting to kids, learning about their points of view.
And I don't know, I think ideas like that you can only come up with when you're sort of in like a flow state. Do you know what I mean? Coffee puts me in the flow.
Oh really? Yeah. I start my day with cold brew.
I love cold brew. Black and strong, just like me.
oh i love cold brew black and strong just like me oh i love that i absolutely love that you know that's how i met my husband no ways yes i'm not even joking he dm'd me on twitter and was like oh i see you're in la too we should meet for coffee and i was like what's this weird guy wanting to ask me out for coffee? But I'll do it because it was coffee and he seemed interested.

And here we are.

Here we are.

He brought you in with the coffee.

Now I have his children.

I'm not even joking.

Well, that's the end of our coffee break.

But hopefully you're inspired, you know, to connect and come up with some creative ideas or a marriage.

It's a great day for coffee.

It's a great day for coffee. It's a great day for Starbucks.

That wasn't how it was like in the 1700s.

It wasn't like that.

I was there and it wasn't like that.

You were there?

I was there, yeah. You were in a time machine?

I am old.

Wait, everybody, is this true?

Is this true?

It is true.

Yeah. I was there in the 1700s.
Yeah. My dad was there.
But a lot of us were there. I don't know if this is as much of an African thing as it is a Southern thing.
So I just wanted to. Which, by the way, is the same thing.
It is very much the same thing. It's so close.
Can I tell you, sorry to cut you off. No, you're good.
That's one of my favorite things is how much I, when I meet people from the South, I feel like we had the exact same childhood.

I feel like, and I mean, we don't want to go to the dark reason why. Sure, sure, sure.
So we're not going to go there. But like literally when you talk about your mom, I'm like, ah, that's my mom.
When you talk about your parents, I'm like, yeah, that's my parents. Like, yeah, but carry on.
Well, basically, there's a thing that a lot of Southern people have um that i wonder you know who the person is for y'all because i've been told by a lot of people i have a i have a grandfather i never met right passed away before i was born and so it's not as if i could have been nurtured by him or grown up around him but so many people in my life have told me i remind them of him and it's almost like his spirit a little bit completely have that and i'm wondering who you get told is like your spirit person so my parents are hyper christian okay so they've moved away from the re-incorporate which is a big thing in like ibo culture like you know and yoruba culture there's like names that signify like the name one of my closest friend her name is yawande which means the mother has returned and it's normally a name you give to somebody when they died a grandmother died and then the child that was born is a girl you know so there's names i think iyabo is the other name that's like that um so i do like the law of the culture is that people believe in reincarnation but my parents never said that about me however obi is so much like my father there's things he does that scares me like the other day he was walking through the supermarket and he had his hands behind his back doing the old man walk and i i was like it's i was like oh my god scared the shit out of me and i had to take a picture i was like what and then he there's a way he sits sometimes in the way he places his hand and like of course he's around my dad they speak on facetime all the time but like the actual yeah mannerisms mannerisms and i was like oh i gave my father. Yeah.
Especially if there's something you couldn't have taught.

Couldn't have. Like there's no, but he just was like walking around and he was looking around like in the way that my dad does and looking down.
And I took a picture and I like, my dad was like, he said something in Igbo blood is obara. Yeah.
And he was just, we're just talking about like the power of blood in that way. So I'd say my son very much, I look at him and I see my father.
But myself, I don't know. Trevor? No, I had that.
So I was always told. People would say that to me about my grandfather.
They would literally say, you guys do the same thing and walk in in a room and this terrified me because we found out my grandfather was bipolar at the end of his life so now i was like you don't understand how many like psychologists i've seen where i'm like are you sure yeah are you sure sure they're like no you're not i was like all right we're gonna keep checking but um but yeah i had that where people would say it's the same they go like you you just seem like a flash from the past they go you know you like the walk and and i didn't spend a lot of time with him but they go the walk is like his and you know the the way you love telling people jokes and the way you you get you love causing chaos in a conversation and all they're like it's like we're watching it happen again and what mesmerized people was the fact that we didn't spend time together like i spent all my time with my grandmother her and i are completely different you know we were like completely different people vibes everything it's just you know i have a lot of personality traits from my dad which my mom has told me about and ironically again i spent very little time with him and these are like personality Things that adults would have

With each other it's not like a child would pick up

From a parent

Mom's just like oh man that's your dad

So it is fascinating to see

That and to see like a

You know a passed down slash

A you know

Which I like I don't know

So before we go

There's two important things that I

Really need your help figuring out

What do you think adults struggle with

So, let's go. I like I don't know So before we Before we go So before we go There's two important things That I really need

Your help figuring out

What do you think

Adults struggle with

Understanding about kids

Like what do you wish

They understood

Okay yes Juniper

Okay

So

I think that

Like adults

Sometimes

Don't understand

Like kids feelings

And like

The way

That like

Popularity

At school

And like Thank you. don't understand like kids feelings and like the way that like popularity at school and like went like something happened like my mom was just like read and I was like no and like in other things too like I found out that I didn't get into something that I really like worked for and then um they were like go read a book and I was like that's it's kind of like like more than that.
But like parents are also, it can be very understanding. But other times, like even as early as like the next morning, you can like go to sleep.
And then the next morning, it feels like they don't understand you at all. Okay.
So if I'm hearing what you're saying, you would love to live in a world where parents spend a little more time trying to understand what their kids are going through. Because maybe for them, they make it seem like it's a small thing and they sort of get over it quickly.
But then kids might still be dealing with it. Exactly.
Yeah, I think that was probably my favorite thing about hanging out with these kids was it made me realize that kids are a lot more perceptive than we think. And if we use that as a resource, genuinely, I don't even mean this in like a meh meh world, you could like build a better world.
Like even as a parent, kids can tell you things about yourself that you need to work on. It's amazing how they will, in the same way, funny enough, animal trainers, like dog trainers will tell you there's no such thing as a bad dog There's only a bad owner I think kids Tell you who you are Yeah Whether you like it or not They'll just tell you I wonder how many parents Ask their kids Hey What do you think I could work on What do you think I could spend A little more time Where do you see my failings Like where do you You, you know, because you're a parent, right?

Your job is to raise this child.

And yet you never ask the child who you are raising, how they think you're doing.

Which to me sounds like a crazy.

We should bring end of year reviews.

We should.

Like end of year, just be like to your kid.

So what did I do well this year? What do you think i do well yeah yeah what didn't you like about me it's hard i don't even want to know what my kids would say but um and i think they would surprise you yeah i think you'd be surprised at how lenient children are in a way that parents aren't yes i think parents take for granted that kids see in them things that they don't even see in themselves and kids see in the world things that we don't see in the world and if you if you ask them when they're still like all up under you like i know until i was like maybe 10 i was like all up under my mom wanted to be with my mom it's like you ask a question like that there's no agenda behind it it's like It's literally like I wanted the best for my mom, wanted to be with my mom on, it's like, you ask a question like that, there's no agenda behind it. It's like, it's literally like, I wanted the best for my mom, but the way that like a child wants what's best for you in such earnest is like, it's like earth shattering, like shaking to your soul.
Just even kids that aren't my kids, but my friend's kids will be like, how have you been? And like, I've missed you so much. And like the way a child says they miss you is like, what? Yes.
You were thinking about, you don't even know what week it is. Yeah.
Like this is just the summer and you're like, I've missed you so much. It's like, it's like if we gave them a chance, like genuinely, I would encourage everyone who's a parent, just try it.
Just like try it. Just go sit with your kid and be like, hey, how do you think we think We could improve this household And don't get me wrong One of their suggestions Is going to be more ice cream Of course There's always going to be ice cream Yeah So I think asking questions Like that is like Yeah that could be world changing Yeah we should do it Well this was fun This was fun Let's go make kids Josh I'm good Because this is the thing No no no Let's go do it We're going to go make kids We're going to go make kids And we're going to have a lot of fun Because it seems easy to me Seems easy raising them Seems easy understanding them I didn't say any of this We're going to do it I think we need the wives first We're going to do it People listening I didn't say it We're going to do it You heard it here first Josh and going to go out and make some kids.
I don't know why you put my name first. And raise them.
This is my name. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
No offense. All right.
Well, thank you so much. Kena, thank you for coming.
Nola, thank you for coming. Charlie, thank you for coming.
Juniper, thank you for coming. Matteo, thank you for coming.

Eden, thank you so much for coming. I will make sure

to tell the adults everything you've said

and let's try to change the world.

Thank you, everybody.

Nice job, everyone.

Spark!

Bobby!

What Now

with Trevor Noah

is produced by Spotify Studios

in partnership with Day Zero Productions.

The show is executive produced

by Trevor Noah, Sanaz Yamin

and Jody Avigan.

Our senior producer is Jess Hackl.

Claire Slaughter is our producer.

Music, mixing and mastering

by Hannes Brown.

Special thanks to all of our kid experts and their parents

for helping to make this episode such a fun one.

My new book, Into the Uncut Grass, is available now

wherever you get your books and audiobooks.

Thank you so much for listening.

Join us next Thursday for another episode of What Now?