Introducing: The Sarah Silverman Podcast

Hello everyone, Ted here to tell you about a special episode we're sharing this week from the Sarah Silverman Podcast hosted by my dear hilarious friend Sarah Silverman.

You may remember she was recently a guest on this show.

And this episode, it's kind of a big deal.

For the first time ever, Sarah has a guest, and not just any guest.

the Roastmaster General himself, Jeff Ross.

The two go way back, and let's just say

you're in for a big treat.

So sit back and enjoy.

And if you want more episodes, head over to the Sarah Silverman Podcast, wherever you get your podcasts.

Hey!

Hi.

Hey, you fucker.

Hey.

Hi, everybody.

Look at me.

I'm not by myself.

What the fuck is that?

Oh, it was you.

I swear to God, I'm not used to hearing others.

Well, as you noticed, and I clearly just noticed, I'm not alone.

I'm with my good friend Jeff Ross, and he's our first guest.

We're going to start having, like, I'm just going to have friends pop in.

It's not going to be a big deal.

And boy, I reached out.

He reached right back out.

Fuck yeah, here I come.

I love this podcast.

You all know Jeff Ross.

He is the Roastmaster General.

He is the king of the roast, a brilliant comedian.

I just did Mark Maron's podcast, and he told me that his parents got married at your parents' catering hall in New Jersey, which I Clinton Manor in Newark, New Jersey.

Yep.

I can't, I mean, I love it.

It's such a small world.

My great-grandma, Rosie, she started a catering hall in Newark in the 50s before

chicks really had big businesses like that.

She was a pioneer in her field, and Mark Maron's parents got married there.

It's amazing.

It's amazing.

And Jeff is, Jeff has been Emmy nominated most recently for this

Tom Brady roast, which was amazing.

You know, people don't realize you have a lot to do with these roasts beyond your own kick-ass, crushing performances.

Thank you.

His book, remember when you wrote that book?

It was a while ago.

It's so good.

I only roast the ones I love, busting balls without burning bridges.

Boy, you are a master at that.

Thank you.

I mean, it really is true.

I've never seen, you say brutal, brutal things, and I've never seen you hurt anyone's feelings because when you do it, it really feels like love.

If I ignore you, that's the insult.

Yeah, definitely.

And also, I was just on Kimmel,

and I can't remember what it is Jimmy said, but I had no choice.

I had to say, tell your face.

And of course, I thought of you because you're the OG, tell your face.

I remember thinking, like, I had said tell your face, and I go, well, Jeff didn't make up tell your face.

And then I looked at your website.

This is years ago.

And it was literally tellyourface.com.

I bought it

20 years ago.

Oh, my God.

Having a good time?

Tell your face.

I can't remember what I said tell your face face about.

I think because he started getting teary about my dad.

He said, I'm not going to cry.

And you said, tell your face.

Yeah, because

it's so funny because,

you know,

he's a crier.

Yeah.

And

the second I said, you know.

We were talking about my dad and I said, he loved you so much.

And it was like, I just saw water fill in his eyes.

And I wanted to hug him, but instead I went, cry, cry, cry, cry, cry, cry.

It's just so mean.

Yeah.

And he goes, I'm not going to cry.

Oh, my God.

That's awesome.

I had to say, Tell Your Face.

Now you understand.

I love it.

I love it.

I watched your special and I loved the special because I love your comedy, but I also loved your parents.

I know.

And then to get, you know, have be quoted in it.

And then the video at the end, and all of it, and

Bernie Shine, and all that was just such a cavelling moment for me and got a big kick out of watching your specials.

Yeah, well, so in the special, I talk about Jeff coming to sit with my dad when he was dying.

And

I mean, I don't have a lot of, you know, it wasn't really something I rolled video on, but I did when Jeff came and I captured that moment, plus another joke you said to him, which wasn't in my special.

And if you watch my special post-mortem on Netflix,

keep the the volume on and watch the credits because there's just a million Easter eggs in there, including a video of Jeff talking to my dad.

I loved it.

And I feel like I may have been his last laugh.

Yeah.

Like, because within 48 hours, he was done.

And

I was there sitting with him that day.

And you were like, want to watch TV?

And I said,

I've been watching beef, but it might be a little intense for Schleppe right now.

And he was like, oh, I don't care.

I'll watch it.

You're the reason.

Oh, my God.

You're the reason we watched Beef, which is literally my dad binged beef on his deathbed.

The mini, the limited series with Ali Wong and Stephen Yeon.

That's so dark and fucked up, but like we like that in our family, of course.

So that's so funny.

And then he watched the rest without us.

Yeah.

I think I watched one episode, I had to leave, and you watched a couple with him.

Yep.

And then you came back according to the story in the special in real life also.

And then

you came to watch the rest.

He's like, I watched it already.

I couldn't fucking believe he

watched beef without me.

What a way to go.

I know.

And I told Allie Wog like when it happened.

Yeah.

And she didn't know how to feel.

You know, like, she's like, what?

I told her, too.

I know.

What do you do with that information, I guess?

Sorry for your, I mean, amazing.

I mean, thanks.

I mean, lots.

Yeah, right.

It's a compliment, but it's also like, did it kill him?

I wear Schleppe's

rainbow pool hat all the time.

That's right.

You're the only person outside the family that got

something from, you know, I grabbed it because I knew you would want it.

My dad always wore this like reversible,

you know, Gilligan hat, bucket, bucket hat.

Bucket hat.

A bucket hat.

It was like rainbow on one side and, you know, whatever, something on the other side.

Right.

I go, oh, this is, I'm grabbing this for Jeff.

I cherish it.

Yeah.

It's It's my favorite.

The only thing, other things, stuff I took was

his t-shirt that says, um,

peace is possible in English, Arabic, and Hebrew.

He died just in time.

And

he, uh, and I took a sweatshirt, one of his like short-sleeve sweatshirts that he always wore, and I took his scale, which which I never have a scale.

I've never been someone who weighs myself, but I decided to take his scale and use his weight management system, which was,

I weigh myself every day.

He goes, I gotta, I know my perfect weight, and I weigh myself every day.

And if I'm over, I eat less, and if I'm under, I eat more.

Oh, yeah.

I was like, oh, that makes, that really does make a lot of sense.

Very practical.

Yeah, it's like not a big deal.

I kind of love that.

He was checking it like a stock.

Yeah, that's exactly right.

That's so true.

What happened to that big bike, that bicycle you got him?

Oh, my God.

He loved it.

Where is that thing?

You know what?

Okay, so I got him this electric tricycle and he always had, not always, but for a long time he rode a bike.

And then when he couldn't do that anymore, he got an e-bike.

And when he couldn't do that anymore, I got him a big electric tricycle because you see them on sets and stuff, you know, like

people driving through on sets and lots in shoe business in Hollywood.

And he loved it.

He went everywhere and he decorated it, you know, and he loved his tricycle.

He was a one-of-a-kind type of person.

When they died, I gave it to an older woman in the apartment building.

Gave it to baby Huey.

He was a sight, man.

I was thinking about some of the...

I mean, I don't know if I'm allowed to just go deep in Schleppy World right now, but I was thinking about playing poker with him and him like faking bong hit heart attacks and all the funny shit he would say.

I've probably told this story on here, but years ago, Jimmy and I were still together and we, he had like rented a...

a beach house.

Right.

And it was like 4th of July weekend.

And it had like...

I love the story.

Dad was visiting, and we had a poker game.

Jeff shows up with a huge red, white, and blue bong.

For 4th of July.

That we dubbed the

joints chief of staff.

That might have been Jimmy Kimmel's joke.

It's got to be.

The joints chief of staff.

And my dad, who, yeah, he'd take a little puff of pot, maybe, you know, but he took a huge bong hit yeah so much smoke blew out of his mouth

i thought there was a new pope

and i'm a wreck because like it's like new la weed that's like so i go dad this is not like regular weed it's really strong

and we were on a second level that had like a balcony and he was fucking with me because i was so worried about him being high.

And then he goes, Sarah, you know what?

I think I can fly.

And he starts running towards the balcony like this.

And I'm like, Dad, no.

But he was just fucking with me.

But he was very high.

He sits down.

He plays maybe one more poker game.

And the bedrooms are downstairs.

And he goes, I got to go to sleep.

I can't do this anymore.

And he starts making his way downstairs.

And Jeff goes, I'll be in in a minute.

It's the little things.

Oh my God.

I remember when I was

asking me about a girlfriend once and he's like, do you love her?

You know, he's asking about love and I remember him saying, he's probably said this to you, but he's the only person ever to say this to me.

He said, you know, to love is beautiful, but to be loved, delicious.

Yeah.

And everyone loved him.

I respect the fact that Schleppe was like ready to go when

his wife passed away.

Yeah, he really just wanted to be with Janice, whatever that

was.

Yeah.

He said,

you're all doing great.

I'm not worried about you.

I just want to go.

Yeah.

How old was he?

85.

That's a good run.

Almost 86.

It is, but like he totally had his marbles completely.

You know, like, and yeah, but he just, he didn't want to be here without her.

He really didn't.

My sister's in-laws are in their eighties.

And, you know, I had an engagement party for my nephew this weekend.

And that night,

well, the I had a show Friday at Largo.

I did my banana show.

And then Saturday I had.

Oh, yeah, Flanagan texted me.

He's like, it's so brilliant.

It's so brilliant.

He loved it.

Yeah.

And my whole family came, which was obviously nerve-wracking, but also beautiful.

But my sister's in-laws I've known since I'm a kid, since they went to the prom together, these kids.

So now these older people, Alice and Paul,

they're like my aunt and uncle are like my parents.

I've known them my whole life.

So they're in the hotel and he slips and he hits his head.

Fuck.

And he misses the engagement party the whole next day.

And the whole joke was like, they were all, my...

My brother-in-law and his family were like jealous because my sister and I, we lost our parents young and they don't have to deal with any other bullshit.

So this guy's getting a pacemaker, he's ruining the engagement party, everybody's worried about him, he feels bad, but not that bad because he likes the attention a little bit, I think.

And

but suddenly, you know, there's some there's something about handling all that stuff when you're young, it's uh hard.

But that I look at my friends now with their old parents and I go, Oh, geez, that's a tough one.

Yeah, well, you went through the hard part early, but yeah,

lucky you.

hey should we take calls I mean

you left me a message now I'm playing it for the world

let's hear some voice me

all right what do we got

hey sir it's your friend Tob hey Amy Hey, I've just wanted to ask you and Jeff Ross a question.

When just growing up, I always

listened to comedy and especially the roast to kind of get me out of a funk whenever I was in a bad situation.

Really helped me out, especially in high school when I went to a very racist school.

My people were very racist in Wilkesbury, Pennsylvania.

And it just helped me kind of get

the confidence to kind of, you know, drill it back to people when I was being bullied.

So, yeah, so I always watched the Rose and Jeff, like Jeff was always the king of the Rose.

One of my favorites was Greg Giraldo, Patrice O'Neill.

They're both, you know, like 15 and 14 years past this year.

So I just wanted to see if you had any

stories of them together, or you guys together.

You know, these are your contemporaries, your peers at the time.

So I was wondering if you had any stories to kind of keep their, you know, their names alive, keep their memories, you know, in our hearts.

All right, I love y'all both.

Take care.

I love them both, but I, you had

way more

experiences with them because you were in New York a lot longer than me.

Greg Giraldo, I'll start there,

made me funnier because

he would get booked to open the roast.

That's right.

So I would always have to follow him.

So

him and Jesse Joyce would write these like

searing, hilarious roasts.

And then I had to try to do whatever was left over.

And it forced me to look for angles and ends that nobody could think of that were personal to me or so well researched.

And I always felt like Greg Gerald, it was like, for me and him and those roasts was like Ali Frazier.

There'd be no Ali without Frazier.

And same back and forth.

Like it made me so much better.

And

when he finally passed away, away, I was heartbroken because I admired him.

And then they put Jesil Neck in that spot.

And I was like, fuck, here we go again.

Well, you so often close the roast.

So you would write, you write pages and pages and pages of jokes and then you're just crossing them out as,

you know, different comics hit it before you.

But, you know, the really weird, ominous thing was that Greg closed the roast,

the last roast he did before he died, and then Patrice closed the last roast he did before he died.

Interesting.

And Greg also, I don't know if I've ever told this on a podcast, but when he was an open micer, he still had one foot in the law.

He was a Harvard

graduate, Harvard law school graduate who didn't have his heart in it, still got married young, and was living in his parents' basement in Queens

and struggling to, you know, to get going as a comic.

And I was on Long Island doing a college gig with Red Johnny and the Round Guy.

Oh my God.

Some guy pulled a fake gun on me and I thought it was funny.

So I grabbed the gun and I, it's like an obviously fake toy.

Yeah.

And I walked around Red Johnny, John DiMaggio, futurama fame.

He does Bender.

But this is way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way before that.

Yeah, he was in a comedy team called Red Johnson.

That I wrote for and I opened for.

And I jokingly give him a hug from behind and put the gun to his head and go, that was a terrible show, man, just joking around.

And before I got the sentence out, I was on the ground handcuffed because somebody thought it was a real gun and had notified the campus cops and the real cops earlier.

So they were like watching this gun.

And I couldn't afford a lawyer, so I asked Greg Giraldo to represent me.

So him and I slept in his parents' basement with his wife so that we could get him into court by 8 a.m.

from in Long Island.

And, you know, he was just looking to make friends and show business.

So he did it as a favor.

He danced circles around this local Long Island judge and got me completely dismissed from this inciting a riot charge.

Oh my God.

Thank God.

I mean, besides the fact that it is so stupid of you to do that, I mean, just like

anything that resembles the shape of a gun and waving it around.

It's an activity center.

It's probably a different time then.

But I mean, just like, yeah, just beyond stupid.

But

I take responsibility.

It was a toy, but I take responsibility.

And I remember me and Greg at Bonnaroo having so much fun watching Stevie Wonder and Jay-Z and just dancing.

And I never really got to see the druggie side of Greg.

It wasn't part of my world.

I remember he showed up, me, him, and David Toe were doing a show

Thanksgiving Eve.

You know, that's always a big night before Thanksgiving for comedy.

There's always like...

Regardless people are home.

And I remember Greg showing up so late that it like screwed up our whole like run of show.

And I was like, oh,

I see what's happening here.

It reminded me of my dad like driving erratically and talking a mile a minute on cocaine or something.

And I was like, oh, I recognize this.

And

that's when I realized, oh, he's a totally different guy than I know.

You know, with the roast, he wasn't like that.

He was very professional.

He was a piece of him.

Right.

Yeah.

So that sort of was the beginning of the end.

But I do remember one of his last roasts was for Joan Rivers, our friend Joan, who loved you, Sarah.

I loved her so much.

And

the rule was like,

and Melissa, if you hear this,

you know I love you.

And this has nothing to do with modern times, but it's like the rule that Joan was protecting Melissa was like, leave Melissa out of the roast.

Oh, she loves Melissa.

She loved Melissa so much.

She was very protective of her.

And of course, Melissa's a tough,

she's a tough cookie.

Yeah, now she's a woman.

Now she's a woman.

But back then, she was just like, hey, maybe I'll be around show business too, and not really sure what she was getting into and whatever.

I don't know.

Leave Missy out of it.

And Greg Geraldo, of course, goes on first and just does 12 minutes like eviscerating, you know, the Nepo baby angle.

And before that was a thing.

And

you can see it in the middle of the day.

Oh, yeah, Melissa's had it so easy.

And, you know,

Melissa kind of took it well on camera, but she walked up to Greg in the commercial break and she's like, you knew the rules.

You knew the rules.

And Greg looked at me like, and I was just like, dude, you're fine.

You did your job.

Yeah, well,

I mean, he's exactly the kind of comic that you can't give.

Any of us, when given rules,

want to break those rules.

It's like one time at a roast, they were like, don't make fun of Jerry Lewis's kids from the muscular dystrophy telethon.

And I was like, oh, that's an easy one to keep.

So all the comics were totally fine with that.

And I was like, what a weird thing to say.

Why would anyone?

Were you roasting Jerry Lewis?

Yeah.

And, you know, Robert De Niro, Martin Scorsese, they're all there.

You know, they're all there at the Friars Club Rose.

You know, they wasn't on TV.

And of course, I racked my brain for weeks going, I need a joke that makes fun of the kids that Jerry will like.

Like the impossible formula.

Because you wanted to

break that rule.

I wanted to

take it right to the line.

Yeah.

I remember being on the phone with John Max, who's a great comedy writer.

And we wrote it together on the phone.

It was basically,

everyone makes fun of you, Jerry, but what about the good things that Jerry Lewis does?

What about the fact that just this past Labor Day, a six-year-old boy got up out of his wheelchair and walked for the first time to turn off the Jerry Lewis telephone?

Oh my God, of course.

That joke is so famous now.

Jerry Lewis loses at laughing.

I have a picture on my wall of him laughing with De Niro and Scorsese slapping each other.

And then, of course, Jerry Lewis had a heart attack on the plane on the flight home, and I blame myself.

I don't roast anybody over 80 anymore, but breaking the rules.

And the other thing about Greg is he wasn't in show business the way I'm in show business.

Like he, I need, I want to keep doing the roast.

I love being out in California.

He was still living in New York.

He didn't give a fuck who he offended.

So it gave him a little bit more swagger than maybe some other comedians might have.

He just didn't care.

And I really admired about that.

He had freedom.

Yeah.

And then Patrice, I mean, my only story about Patrice, and it's not even a personal story, it's just, I remember a night at the cellar upstairs, not in the club, but upstairs where the comics hang out at the olive tree.

And

Patrice was holding court up there in

tears.

I was just crying, laughing.

And coincidentally, Tig Notaro was there, and she was right outside the comedy cellar holding court and murdering.

And I was literally running back and forth from one group surrounding Tig for one group surrounding Patrice, just sobbing, laughing at these two polar opposite comedians,

just talking shit to other comics and just all of us just sitting around like just soaking it in.

I love it.

But the thing that Tig has

that Patrice had was this fearlessness and this super sarcastic thing that would just pulverize people.

So I love that.

That sounds like a scene from Crashing or Hacks or something, right?

You're going from one comic to the other, just laughing at both of them.

I couldn't write it because

it was so brilliant and so unique.

Patrice with the roasts, since the question was about the roasts.

I had asked, you know, I produced the roasts way back when, right up until now.

And a lot of times these wouldn't get made unless I started like putting feelers out to celebrities to get roasted.

Like nobody was really fishing

actively.

And everywhere I would go, it would come up.

And I had been like touring with Charlie Sheen.

Oh, right.

Because the Tiger Blood.

Yeah, like I didn't know him, but his shows were tanking.

And they needed somebody to come out and make fun of him on his crazy winning Tiger Blood tour.

And I had never made that much money before.

So I couldn't resist it.

You know, they were, they needed me.

And

because I was roasting him in different cities,

I was building up this whole act that I was like, Charlie, this shit's too good.

We're going to have to roast you on Comedy Central.

They're going to pay you well.

He was sober at the time, so he was taking it really well.

And I had been asking Patrice O'Neal for years to do the roast because I knew that he was like a secret weapon.

Like he's like an assault rifle of roasting because I would see him the way you saw him at the table at the comedy cellar, just

nobody was safe.

And he's like, I don't want to roast him.

I don't want to roast her.

I asked him so many times for different roasts.

And he always said, when you roast somebody I know, I'll do it.

I go, Patrice, you don't know anyone.

You don't talk to anyone except these six comics at the comedy cellar.

Right.

So finally, Charlie Sheen comes And for whatever reason, I needed to open or something and they needed, I needed a closer.

And I took one more Hail Mary.

It's not an easy call to make Patrice.

He was a gigantic, intimidating, mean mofo.

Like he was not going to be, oh, hey, great to hear from you.

You know, he's just like, what?

Huh?

When?

I got it.

And

he snaps at me a couple times.

And finally, I go, dude, he goes, I don't know Charlie Sheen.

I go, really?

Why don't you try to figure out who, you do know who he is.

You know a million guys like that.

You totally get it.

It's going to be...

And

he takes the gig, he shows up, and I see him on the red carpet, and he's in a black leather outfit, rock star.

Like he's in the zone.

But in his appearance, in his outward appearance.

But backstage, right before,

he's like, I don't know, this is last minute.

None of my friends are here.

All these white dudes wrote these material for me.

I don't know how funny it is.

I go, first of all, you don't need your friends here.

Make new friends, Patrice.

You're at this great show with all these great people that are rooting for you, that are trying to help you.

Like, my best talks with Patrice were always arguments.

Yeah.

But we respected each other, so it didn't get out of hand, and we listened to each other.

And he goes, I don't know about my material.

I go, all right, well, fuck the material.

Roast the roast.

You're going on last.

Yeah.

Just pay attention.

He was brilliant.

And that's what he did.

I mean,

he addressed each one of us and what we did.

And it was, William Shatner was there.

Like, he just went after each.

He called me.

He's like, he just basically

just eviscerated me.

Just, I don't get it with Jeff Ross.

Like, he, even though he, you know, he's just, he was ruthless and then ruthlessly funny.

And then he was dead within a year, I think.

It was really crazy.

Like, he had his, this kind of rock star moment, this, like,

whole new thing, and then he was just gone.

So shout out to Patrice.

Shout out to GG, the great Greg Giraldo.

We were together when we found a Giraldo because it was on my roof, right?

Were you not there?

I was at Yoga.

I was at Yoga for the People on St.

Mark's with Alex Edelman, who was like.

Oh, what?

I was showing him how to do yoga, basically.

Oh, so you didn't find, because we found out at like one in the morning.

No, but you, but I'll tell you what, I do remember this about you and that.

And the whole community and the whole comedy community was like, Greg Giraldo's in a fucking coma.

Nobody, everybody was like paralyzed.

Right.

And I was like, let me just turn my phone off for an an hour.

It's like, it was like everybody, because at that point he was just a major player in the New York comedy scene.

He was

beloved.

And I went to the funeral and afterwards, it was a very emotional funeral.

I went, Todd, Berry and I went and we got there early and his mother was there.

sobbing over the coffin and his three young sons were running around not knowing what's going on, just playing and running around.

And it was.

And

some of those kids are like comics now.

Really?

Yeah.

God's crazy.

It's awesome.

Wow.

But afterwards,

we were all in a daze.

You, me, and Chris Rock

went to the house.

And Todd Berry.

Maybe Todd too.

We went to the Gemma.

Gemma over next to the hotel.

I was just going to say that because I'll never forget what Chris Rock said.

Do you remember what he said?

Of course.

You can tell it.

We're going to say this.

Don't take the hotel at the local gig.

Yeah, go home.

Because,

you know, and one thing I've learned about addiction,

because he was fighting it and he was trying to be clean.

But when you get that little

idea in your head and you've decided I'm going to use, you get this high before the high.

that you just know you're going to do it and there's a little secret you have with yourself and you're suddenly excited.

And the doctor just told me he's going to give me a prednisone for my sciatica i sort of felt better immediately didn't even take it yet yeah sorry

but yeah like that that he was working in jersey

stress factory and he should have driven home hour and a half an hour from home and he took the hotel you know and so that he could party and hang and see people and who's at the show and

I I hold I hold that all the time.

I remember that.

And I always go home if I can go home.

Safer.

No good is going to come at the Hilton two blocks from the gig when you could be home in your own bed two hours and you know.

Yeah.

So it's true.

Oh, that was that was it one question.

Here's some ads.

And we're back.

Hey, Sarah, I love your show.

Love you.

Think you're great.

This is the fourth recording that I'm attempting because I hate the sound of my voice.

And

so do I.

Yeah.

So what I'm calling about is really personal.

For

most of my life, I've considered myself straight, always loved women, never really thought about anything else.

But recently, I started watching porn that involved trans women.

And

it's something that's sexually exciting to me.

And

I think,

you know, it's something that I really want to explore like my brain really wants to explore it in real life

and

the conflict for me is that these are real people and

there's a part of my brain that's

this is like a marginalized community and I don't think it's appropriate to just

go in with a fetish and treat people as

just you know when the scope of my interest is purely sexual.

I don't know if it's appropriate.

So I don't know.

Your thoughts?

That would be great.

Thank you.

I think you can't go wrong with honesty.

So he wants to treat trans women as poorly as he treats regular women?

No, he's saying the opposite.

Well, first of all, we don't know that he treats...

Yeah.

Listen, have you never had sex with a cis woman purely for sex?

You know, on the other hand, I mean, he is making a point, and that's interesting.

It's kind of like, you have any friends that like only that are

that are white that or or black and only date Asian women or something?

And I don't know what is that?

Like, some people like big tits, some people like small tits, some people like, I'm a ball man.

I like big, heavy balls.

I mean, it's not a deal breaker, obviously, but I mean, I do enjoy them when I get them.

What about them?

The weight, the taste, the feel, the look?

I like the look, the feel of cotton.

I've been told that my...

I admit my penis isn't big, but my balls are big.

Yeah, I bet you have big pendulous balls.

Right.

And that's definitely my...

But anyway.

Not, but anyway,

let's go on this.

Let's go on this.

The other day I came home and my dog was jumped on the couch and she'd been in the pool earlier.

How is this going to tie to your balls

on the edge of my seat?

Because my dog, you know, like when the dog comes home, when I come home, I want Nibsey to like jump up on the couch.

She runs right to the couch because she knows I'm gonna sit down and talk to her for a minute and,

you know,

tap her head and tell her nice things and tell her about my day.

And she tells me about what's going on around the house, and we have a little chat.

But the other day,

as soon as she got, looked me in the eye, she went right to like

licking herself.

And I was like, Nibsey, not now.

I just came home.

Can we just talk for a second?

And I realized I was scratching my balls.

So I was like, oh, okay.

She was just like doing the same.

Yeah.

Oh, I guess we're doing this now.

Yeah.

It was cute.

Oh, Nipsey.

But okay, so let's talk about this.

Help this guy out.

You know, I think honesty, right?

If this is like, hey,

I'm attracted to you,

but this is kind of a kink and I'm conflicted about that.

Is that fair to you?

Or, you know,

you know,

the a you could probably find a trans woman that's kink is

straight presenting men, or you know, I mean, like, just as long as you're on the same page, just like if she was a cis woman, you know.

But yeah, I, your sensitivity is lovely, but it's remedied by just honesty, honest talk.

Everybody's up for something if you're honest.

Yeah.

I'm sure there's a trans woman who would fuck you and not want to be your your girlfriend.

He probably doesn't trust the fetish.

Like, why am I into this?

Is it maybe it's bringing out something I don't like about myself.

And also you're defining it as a fetish.

That's, you know, a one-night, if, if it's just something that you want as a one-night stand or it's purely sexual, you don't even know this is all in your head.

This is all,

you know, theoretical.

You may fall in love with a woman who who's trans.

You may, you know, all these things are just theory.

The fact that you've always defined yourself as straight is, you know, we're learning now is just such a, people are fluid.

You know, either you accept it or you don't, or you live that way or you don't.

But I mean,

you don't have to define yourself.

You don't have to define your sexuality and stick to it.

It's, you know, not yet anyway.

Or you could just smoke a joint and jerk off to Baby Reindeer.

Oh, is that what you do?

Flow apart.

That's what happens in Baby Reindeer.

The lead actor falls in love for the first time.

Yeah.

And it's a beautiful love story.

Oh, that's right.

Oh, yeah.

That was good.

And they all got nominated for Emmys.

It was perfect.

You'll get nominated for an Emmy.

Because I remember being, you know, I never got nominated.

I got nominated and I went to this party and it was, and the first people that I saw was the entire cast of Baby Reindeer, which I watched in the hospital, like when I was like having surgery and I was like blown away.

My sister and I like devoured that show.

Yeah, same.

So that it was like, I was kind of starstruck.

That's why I love the Emmys because I love TV.

Yeah.

So just like, oh my gosh, there's that person.

Oh, my gosh.

And you get to tell them, you know.

I saw Al Pacino the other night.

It was kind of funny moment.

And

how does that happen?

I was at a restaurant and I knew a friend of his and they were like, and I was with my...

brother-in-law.

Is it that Italian restaurant that you swap down the stairs?

No, no.

No, I saw him there once.

No, a private club.

And

he says, come over for dessert, you know?

So I'm like with my brother-in-law and his mom.

It was like family dinner.

Oh, my God.

And, you know, the pops was in the hospital, like I mentioned earlier.

So it was like, oh, well, you know, this will be a fun little thrill for Alice.

You know, she's 82.

Al Pacino's 84 or something like that.

And we're sitting there, and it was a lovely conversation.

But at some point, just to bring it back to what we were talking about,

Fisher Stevens is sitting there, the actor, who's turned phenomenal documentarian, and he starts telling

Al Pacito about this TV show that he's been watching.

And Al's looking at him, he's not really getting what the show is.

And I just stopped and said, Al, a TV show is when you play a character over and over.

It's like a series.

He'd never done one.

It was kind of cute.

No, he did.

He was in a series.

I guess he was, yeah.

He was in like a Nazi hunting series, wasn't he yeah yeah yeah

but i thought it was cute

awhile all right so yeah i feel like we answered that enough good luck let us know how it goes yeah enjoy this life you know run towards joy with however that looks so you're not hurting anybody else new adventures yeah

let us know do the people ever call and tell you how your advice went over or yeah

and we want we're we've been trying to get people to so that we can my dream is that when we have like a best of show, we can air the question and the answer, and then like the six months later when they call in.

Where are they now kind of thing?

Sarah, not to, Sarah has a rabbinical quality about her, so I understand why the question

part of this,

it's fun to be a guest, but it's it really is about her and the question person,

whoever comes

the questioner, the person answering a question.

Like, sarah's very good with life advice so i i appreciate the format of the show thank you you're not so bad yourself thanks here's some ads

and we're back hey sarah it's ashley i hope you're doing well um i love you and your comedy and i wanted to get some advice from you on a guilty pleasure of mine so usually typically i'm pretty silly um and a pretty easygoing person, but when something is pissing me off, and it could be anything, it could be something that someone did, an event that's happening,

the weather, it could be anything.

When something's like really pissing me off, I get, I have this bad habit of just getting like so negative about it.

And it really is a guilty pleasure, but particularly verbally complaining about these things that are pissing me off to no end

privately when I'm by myself.

Oh.

So, you know, it'll be like when I'm in the shower,

walking around the house, when I'm home alone, just complaining, complaining, complaining.

And I don't have any problem, you know, confronting people or things that are bothering me.

I just have this like thing that I do.

And it's like this like habit that I keep doing.

My mom does the same thing.

And she seems to think that it's a good thing because it helps us get our frustrations out without like blowing up on whatever it is that's bothering us.

But it's also very exhausting, as exhilarating and fun as it is, it's pretty tiring.

So I wanted to know: how do you deal with things that piss you off?

And do you do this?

Thanks.

Love ya.

That's like stewing, fixating.

Doesn't sound that healthy, but I've absolutely have done it and do it where I just get.

If I can't get my head around something, I will

lock, like my jaw will lock on it.

And I'll just think about it from every angle.

But eventually, it,

when you realize this is not serving you, unless it gets you,

unless this gets you through to the other side, this is like how you process,

or it does something positive for you.

It sounds like, you know, maybe listen to music in the shower.

I don't know.

What do you think?

I do.

Getting off your phone and in the shower or something like that, a walk without your phone, sometimes gives me clarity.

I'm also better sometimes late at night or early in the morning when the phone's not ringing, when the dog's not barking, when the people aren't at the door.

Does anything ever piss you off, and you're just,

you just lock into it and then build off of it, and it snowballs in your head and becomes something bigger?

Or do you process through it to the other side?

Or a little bit of, I've done both.

If our friend Bernie Schein, the great magician, was listening to this, and if it was a person that was doing this to you, Ashley,

our friend Bernie would say,

then they win twice.

Whatever was bothering you, and then you're carrying them around.

Well, it's so funny because one thing I was going to,

one thing that came to mind was I saw, I would follow some guy named Troy Blyden on Instagram.

I don't know him.

But he posted something.

He was with his uncle Malcolm.

And he says, Uncle Malcolm, you know, what is the thing you just told me?

And he says, and this guy goes, the definition of anger is an emotional punishment you give yourself for someone else's behavior.

And I was like, oh, shit.

Yes.

Thank you, Uncle Malcolm.

Yes, that's well said.

Yeah.

So he's like a philosopher kind of person?

I have no idea.

I just like, I saw it on Instagram.

I was like, oh, this is great.

Yeah.

You know, you've all heard the expression, they live rent-free in your head or whatever.

Yeah.

But it's like,

yeah, you know,

I try to stay positive and shake that stuff off.

Unless it's a decision.

If you're talking about a decision, then yeah, it's okay to take your time and be thoughtful.

You don't always, usually your first instinct is usually right.

It's funny, she's calling it a guilty pleasure.

Like, if this brings you pleasure, like, go for it, you know?

But is it really giving you pleasure?

Is it something that you have inherited from your mother that is familiar to you and less work

because it comes naturally because it's written in you from an early age.

Or is it something that you want to unlearn and that maybe you'll be happier if you do so?

I don't know.

Sometimes, I don't know if this is exactly applicable to this person's issue, but sometimes writing it down.

Like I've written letters that I haven't sent.

Totally.

I do pro and con lists.

When it's a really tough one that involves like travel or buying something or a big commitment, you know, know, I'll really weigh it out and play it, play it out like that.

Oh, I write long, angry letters to people that, you know, then

because then

you're expressing it and you're getting out.

So maybe that is what she's doing.

And if that is a process that gets you through to the other side, then great.

If it doesn't, it just snowballs into something that you've invented now.

80% of it is now invented in your head of what who, what X is thinking, what, you know, Y is

thinking about you, that you're imagining.

I remember Rory

said something he had heard that was like,

you are who you think people think you are.

And that's just what a waste of

life and happiness.

I try to go like,

what people think is not any of my business, you know, until it like affects.

affects me directly.

But like, you know, it's just not

our business.

That's a nice way to think about it or not think about it.

Good luck, Ashley.

Good luck, Ashley.

Let it go.

Let it go.

Let it fall.

Fun rage.

Dad, wherever you are in time space, this is part of the podcast.

When I say send me your questions, go to speakpipe.com/slash the Sarah Silverman podcast.

That's speakpipe.com, the Sarah Silverman podcast.

And subscribe, rate, and review wherever you listen to podcasts.

And if you haven't yet, now is a super time to subscribe to Lemonada Premium.

Just hit the subscribe button on Apple Podcasts or for all other podcast apps, head to lemonadapremium.com for bonus content.

You won't want to miss.

That's lemonadapremium.com.

Thank you for listening to the Sarah Silverman Podcast.

We are a production of Lemonada Media.

Isabella Kokarney and Isaura Aceves produce our show.

Our mix is by James Barber.

Additional Lemonada support from Steve Nelson, Stephanie Whittleswax, and Jessica Cordova Kramer.

Our theme was composed by Ben Fold.

You can find me at SarahKate Silverman on Instagram.

Follow the Sarah Silverman podcast wherever you get your podcasts, or listen ad-free on Amazon Music with your Prime membership.