Brett Goldstein

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It's okay.

There's a lot going on at the moment.

No, I'm an airhead.

Welcome back to Where Everybody Knows Your Name.

Today's guest is a magnificently talented actor, stand-up comedian, podcaster, and playwright.

Much, much more.

Brett Goldstein is his name.

And if you're a huge fan of the other Ted, and I mean Ted Lasso,

you know Brett for playing the footballer Roy Kent.

He also has written on that show and others, including Shrinking on Apple TV Plus and Soulmates on AMC, both of which he co-created.

Brett has a new stand-up special on HBO Max.

It's called the Second Best Night of Your Life.

And I cannot wait to talk to him about it.

So let's get into it.

Please meet meet Brett Goldstein.

Hi.

Hi.

Brett.

Ted dancing.

Can we not pretend that we didn't just start a conversation about

George Wendt?

Yeah, you would just be a bit more detailed.

Just for a while, we don't.

Yeah, I would.

Just for my sake, and I know that you know and work with Jason Sadekas.

I was, we could tell the listeners, I was with Jason in the Ted Lasser Writers' Room when the news came in of George's death, and And

Jason and the writers sat and watched like compilations of the best of norm and told stories.

And I mean, I'm very sorry for your loss.

He was, he was, I know from Jason all wonderful stories, but he was also individually so lovely to all of us at Ted Lasso because he came to the premiere and he'd be like,

and he'd be like, you'd get a thing saying, George wants to meet you.

And he'd be like, what?

George?

And you'd go over and he was so fucking generous with all of us.

It's so like complimentary and lovely.

And you're just like, I can't believe it.

I can't believe I'm talking to him.

You know, he was so very, very kind.

And we saw him a few times over the years and he was nothing but lovely.

So I'm very sorry.

How are you doing?

Sorry.

I think

I'm fine and I have the big old hole and I haven't started to process

it.

I feel totally complete with George, so I don't have any like regrets.

And we were able to, Woody and I were able to sit down and have this great conversation with him early on

with his podcast.

Some of it's private, but I had just seen Bernadette recently.

So anyway, I was in the middle of working and

I had to kind of squelch,

had a little cry and then had to like move on.

So I haven't really caught up with it.

But I actually,

so when you ask me something, I may tear up.

But the truth is, I am, oh my God, what an amazing man.

What a funny, unbelievable actor.

You know, I could sit there and watch and laugh and will continue to for a very long time.

So celebratory-ness is called for as well,

even though I will miss him and I can't imagine what it's like for Bernadette and his kids.

That I can't touch in my imagination.

But there's so much love.

It is quite a lovely thing to,

I mean,

to have as good a reputation as him as well, aside from all the work and all the joy that he brought people.

No one has a bad word.

There's no, like, he brought joy to people on screen, on stage, and in meeting.

You know what I mean?

yeah it's quite something yeah very much so so i guess not to wrap it up like we have to but is

um

i'm gonna go watch him and let him make me laugh like he always has and always did yeah but thank you thank you for at least you know getting that because i'm uh

I've been working a lot, kind of tired, and my skills for being full of shit are less than.

That's good.

That's all right.

Yeah, I prefer that.

Okay, here's

a stupid thing.

Because, you know, obviously I know you from your work, Ted Lasso, which just took this country and the world by storm

and read a little bit about you and all that.

But then today, because you're coming, I

you know, I got to

get clips and things and I started, well, I'll just look at his stand-up, Brett's stand-up, so I can be intelligent about it.

I watched the entire thing.

I just turned it off a few minutes ago.

And my dream would be to sit next to you, literally, and watch it together and do a running commentary on it.

It is just wonderful.

Just

dancing.

What a thing.

What a thing to say.

And the number of times

I

went, oh, that's a little bold.

And I totally agree with them.

You know, silly things like

musicals.

Yeah.

They're wonderful.

Yeah.

Plays, fun to do, boring as batshit to watch.

And I'm going, yes.

But too guilty to admit.

Yeah, you're not allowed to say that, especially if you do them.

I really appreciate you watching it, Ted.

That means an awful lot to me.

I told you at the beginning, I don't know.

I have listened to your podcast.

I've listened to every episode.

So I think I can.

No,

seriously, but I also think

what I have learned about you is you don't mind

being told that you are loved.

Like I said, I was sort of like, is he going to be bored hearing what a fan I am?

But I have listened enough to know that you actually like it.

I find it very calming.

So we could do a bit of that if you'd like, because I'm very happy to.

But I mean it, I,

you're a, it's a, I kind of, I'm curious what it is like to be

for the many years that you have, like, Cheers.

I was six, four,

but we watched it every Friday in England.

There was Cheers and the Cosby Cosby Show.

Yeah, yeah.

We've reversed it here.

Yeah, I know we're trying not to talk about it, but brilliant, brilliant.

And the reason why Cheers became top 10 was Bill Cosby and his show, and all the actors around it.

Yeah, yeah.

And so

Cheers was part of my life as a child.

Then when I went to university, we watched it again.

And, you know, my dad is

not in the greatest of health.

And one of the, he still watches Cheers.

Like, it makes him so happy.

And he'll call me sometimes, he'll be like, I just watched the episode when,

and it's like this

huge

like I don't sometimes when I talk about myself and acting stuff, I think it's like embarrassing, it's you know, a sort of shameful thing to do.

And then, when I think about you and what you have done over the years, I sort of go like, it's a service, like you have been a huge part of

my childhood, my dad's mental health, our family, our our sort of frame of reference,

what brought us together every Friday night.

Like, it's such a huge, huge deal.

And I wonder what that is like to

be the inside of, you know what I mean?

Like, as it is.

Well,

it's an amazing kind of water to swim in life.

It's rare.

It's privileged.

It's misleading.

It's all of that stuff.

Does it, does the mantle of it ever?

The mantle feels like, oh, oh, Mr.

Danson, here, let us put the mantle on as long as you go sit over in the corner and say goodbye sweetly and pass the baton.

And this, the ego in me is going, no, no, no, no, I haven't done it yet.

Please, don't give me mantles

or, you know.

Can I just check what does mantle mean?

Because I said it and thought, I actually don't know what that means.

It means, I'm looking for the joke.

Sorry.

I'm not going to try to banter with you.

You're so fucking smart.

Mantle meaning, oh, look at all the work you've done.

You get mantles when you're 70 plus.

Oh, a stroke.

I didn't mean it like that.

What I meant was...

A yoke.

What I meant was the,

like, in some ways, and I, again, it's fucking silly.

I mean this real, but it sounds like you are an icon, as in the image of you means a lot.

to a lot of people regardless of what you are like as a person you seem to be a lovely person but even if you weren't,

the

you as a person,

the iconography of you makes people happy, makes them think of their family, makes them think,

you know what I mean?

What is it like to be inside the icon?

And maybe on a bad day, what is that like?

First off, I live with Mary Steenbergen, who is the most remarkable, wonderful human being in the world.

And

we're ridiculously in love and happy.

But

nothing makes her happier than to poke my balloon of ego and watch it pop and explode.

And nothing makes me laugh harder is when they, when she does it.

So we're very,

I'm with a very real

person.

So there's that.

Yes.

Then there's, I was raised to have false humility.

Right.

You know,

I have British in me in the background.

You've got some embarrassment of existence.

Yeah.

And oh, sorry.

This is great.

Here's my mom talking to my nephew when he first got a little video recorder, and Cheers was just starting to become rock and roll.

And he said, So, Jessica, my mom,

how do you feel about Ted's, your son's success?

He was, you know, the interviewer kind of guy at the moment at age 11.

And she said, Well, I'm happy for him, but I've always been raised to believe in the nobility of quiet quiet failure.

Correct.

Yes.

Very Scottish, very something, very

Celtic somewhere down there.

I get that we're talking about an image that you have of me because you had a laugh because I was in some funny moment that somebody wrote.

Yeah.

So I think once you're clear about what that fame is

and enjoy it and make use of it, then it's all good.

How about you?

Because that was, it must have been an explosion from writing

and doing parts, but then Ted Lasso was just an explosion.

Well, I think we had a particularly sort of surreal experience because we went,

other than Jason, everyone else in the cast were unknown, basically.

And

we made this show.

that we didn't think anyone would watch for many reasons.

And one of them was it was on Apple TV, which was new.

And every single person I knew, including myself, said, How do you watch Apple TV?

So it was like, no one's going to watch this thing that we made.

We made it.

It came out while we were in lockdown.

So, like, the world shut down.

Oh, right.

And then when we came out again, we were suddenly recognized in the streets.

So it was like something had happened.

Our whole world changed kind of overnight because it was like the last time I went outside, people didn't stare.

And you know what I mean?

It was very surreal.

Really strange.

Yeah.

Pleasant?

No false humility.

No.

Well,

it sort of freaks you out.

Yeah.

I remember a story, and I, and maybe this is wrong.

Forgive me if I misquoting this story.

I believe that Marky Mark, Marky Mark Wahlberg, used to get in fights when he was first famous because people were looking at him and he'd be like, what the fuck are you looking at?

But they were going, we're looking at Marky Mark.

I felt a bit of that.

I'd be like, I'm just going to be like, what a fucking.

Like, because

truly, because I'm still the same person, nothing had changed for me but the way that i was being perceived in the world was changing and it took a while to realize oh it's because they've seen the thing it isn't because they want to fight

you know what i mean john krasinski is really good at somebody

with them he won't necessarily get in a fist fight but he's more than capable of but he will stop them dead in the tracks by being really smart right and but confront him yeah and trying to clarify what that meant before I knock you out.

Yeah, yeah.

Kind of thing.

Do you have that energy?

Did you grow up with that?

I'm not saying that any of these people are trying to start a fight.

I'm saying that these people are just looking because they go, oh, it's.

But your reaction was, what the fuck are you looking at?

Yeah, because.

Because you came from that?

No, just because

I guess I'm like,

maybe that's my default.

My default is, what the fuck do you want?

I guess it's probably probably my default.

But now I'm like, oh, I guess you just really liked it.

Yeah, you have to change your perspective.

It's usually they're excited to see you rather than they're horrified.

Do you have that?

I could be wrong, but my impression of the British Isles and fame and actor-ness is

I vomit my life out on people.

I am tilting so far forward.

I am just so huggy this and that.

Yeah, I love it.

Yeah, but

it's not big in England.

I was once in a play and

some famous English actress was sitting in front of me and I was just hooting and hollering in delight.

And she turned around and went, oh, Ted.

Like,

really?

Yeah, you

know, it is a genuine difference between English and American.

the thing of your your mum is right like we we don't really like success in england you're not really allowed to be.

I think,

like, I'm still embarrassed now to say that I like acting, you know what I mean?

I feel ashamed.

Like, it's like, oh, so gross to think that, you know what I mean?

And I think

in America, you're taught to like celebrate and be proud and go for stuff.

What about, what about, because your writing is astounding.

Thanks, Ted.

And you've been involved with so many amazing projects as a writer.

How is your, is it a different ego?

Can you accept acknowledgement about the writing easier?

Are you more happy being a writer famous than an actor famous?

That is a very interesting question.

And I think I

am more,

that is weird.

I think I am more comfortable accepting writing because I think

you

maybe you know when writing is good because it because you're you're seeing if it works or not whereas with acting it's so ephemeral and captured and you don't you make something you still don't know until the edit and and the edit can change everything and there's so much

that can affect it whereas the writing is the writing so it's

I wouldn't want to hand it in if I thought it was shit so maybe there is some

somewhere along the line is enough esteem to go yeah I think this is good Good enough to hand it.

You're also the creator.

I mean, as a writer, you are

the blank page that all of a sudden becomes this amazing film or amazing whatever, not play in your case, but maybe music.

I have written plays.

Oh, you have.

Yeah, yeah.

But most of you.

Love that in your stand-up.

You just go off on plays.

Plays are so boring, but I have written.

But you're the creator.

I mean,

I have no desire to be a writer, director, producer, anything.

I just, I'm an actor and that's just who I am because I'm not a storyteller.

But you must, I've what was my other question for you.

You've done enough, like as in cheers, you could, if all you'd done was cheers, you'd go, okay, maybe you got lucky, but you've done

a hundred very, very good things and you've picked really good projects and you've done very good work in them.

You must be a writer inside.

There must be something.

You must know.

You don't even talk about story with the writer, the showrunner.

You're not with Mike Shergam.

No, my job, and I was trained by these wonderful lesson Glenn Charles and Jimmy Burroughs who wrote and created cheers.

The way I was trained, because I was really the first thing, I mean, I did done some stuff, but that was the first intense creative relationship I had.

And

they didn't want you to come in and pitch ideas,

the actors.

But as soon as we said the words,

As soon as we got up on our feet and had a rehearsal and they could see their words, then they were very interested in what you,

how it made you.

I always thought my job was as an actor was to go, okay, I've just said your words and

this is how they made me feel.

Are we on the same page?

Because we need to be on the same page.

And you're saying that, you know, what you created is not generating what you thought it was.

What it generated is what you saw in me.

And they were so good about that.

And that's my,

I get my jollies doing that.

And I don't, I, and I'm not a good storyteller.

I just don't believe that.

And I take a vote across the street.

So a director, no.

No, really.

I just don't believe you.

Because you must,

okay, what happens if, have you ever had the experience?

You have, to be fair, seemingly worked with the best writers of all time.

By the way, I have to say for the record, because I would never want to take credit for something I didn't, when you say I'm a creator, I did not create Ted Lasso.

That was

Jason and Bill.

I co-created Shrinking, but I just wanted to recognize that it's unbelievable.

Oh, thanks very much.

Yeah.

Wow.

Well done.

Oh, thanks.

And I didn't know that.

I knew about shrinking and I didn't know your connection.

Me, Bill, and Jason.

You need an American to jump up in front of you and walk going, this is breath.

It's astounding.

Yeah, you're very nice.

But no, none of that for me.

But my question is then, if you've ever been in the position, and maybe you haven't, to be fair, fair, you're making a show, you're making a long-running show, and you get a script, and for the first time you're like, I don't think this is good.

I think there are problems with this script.

I don't like this script.

Then what happens?

I don't have a solution.

I don't have a better idea that doesn't pop into my mind that, you know, maybe she should come in the other door.

I don't.

I will

turn and look at these people who I trust and go, ah, boy, I'm having trouble.

And I've never worked with people,

maybe once or twice,

that said, no, no, it's funny.

Just say the words.

That to me is the death knell

of comedy, you know, of funny.

If I can't make it, if the joke is great on the page,

genuinely great, and I can't make it funny, me, Ted, then I've been blessed with people going, okay, we'll change the joke and make you, Ted, funny.

Right.

Yeah.

Can we talk about your, can we talk about yourself?

But you do have a podcast, don't you?

So you're used to taking over conversations.

I also don't like talking about myself.

So this is.

Very English.

That's good.

Can we talk about...

We'll trade.

Go ahead.

You're up next.

Can we talk about

your dramatic skills?

Can we talk about that a bit?

Yeah, let's do, but not for long.

There's a bit in, I think it's the first episode of Man on the Inside.

where you get to the neighborhood, the memory unit, and you don't say anything and you do acting with your face.

and it's my favorite kind of acting my favorite kind of acting is face acting where we are just we are reading

your

it's really really good shit

we learn everything about you and your past and the history and what you've been through and you don't say anything and

i love that shit and i i do too but what for me it's like i turn to the dp and say now this is camera acting right you're gonna do something the camera so i don't have to do anything but the camera will do it yeah you know

but you know you're you know you're how aware because if you're not a producer writer you know the camera you know the angles you know

you know stuff

yeah I mean you know you just know when things aren't working I'm just not the guy who can tell you how to fix it which is fine and writers who are confident good bright people are happy to see that it's not working and have that reflected to them.

And I think they're even happier when I don't suggest the fix.

Right.

You know?

So the brilliant, like Mike Scher, who seems to be some kind of

he never comes to you and goes, I've been thinking, what do you think of this?

He just goes, this is it.

Yeah.

No, I mean, I actually.

Yes, yes, to be honest, yes.

And I also am really smart enough to know this is right next door, if not pure on genius.

And he's thought about everything.

So that when I come up and I do have the, I'm not sure, he will explain what his thinking was.

And invariably, he will have thought what I, my question, he had examined that and went, Well, I think this is better.

And he's able to, with ease and confidence, say that to me because he's really a thoughtful, thoughtful man.

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Yeah, please.

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All right, my turn.

Okay, go on then.

My turn.

Go on then.

Okay, so before any kind of performance acting writing, what were you doing?

How old were you when you went?

Oh, wait a minute.

Three, I think.

Really?

It is weird because I always knew I wanted to, like, I loved film.

I loved TV.

I liked, I always liked making stuff.

And I think me and my sister would like put on plays, like not boring, but it's like we do, we just make stuff, always making stuff.

And I never had any other interest.

And I think the reason I learned to, my mum told me the reason I learned to read, like I was quite stubborn, I didn't learn to read,

but I would ask her what's on TV, the TV listings, and eventually she was like, I'm not telling you, you have to learn how to read.

So that's how I learned why I learned to read because I wanted to know what was on TV or whatever.

And then, and I will credit my dad with this.

I think, like, my parents are not in the industry or any of that, but when

When I was six, I did a

like creative at school, wrote a short story about like a shipwreck.

and my dad read it and he was like this is really good and he said you know this is a job like writer is a job you can wow that is a thing you can do and uh i got a d for that story so he was wrong but uh but i i do remember that and i and i sort of go like yeah i guess

little things like that i think really do matter because i think it must have put in my head like oh yeah okay then this is a thing you can do your first professional whatever being paid writing or acting or whatever.

When was that?

My very first one was

proper TV show was The Bill, which is like a police show that ran forever that was like

NYPD Blue if the budget was £20.

And I think I played a suspected paedophile, but I didn't do it.

So just suspected.

But looking back, I go, weird that I came in for audition.

They went, he's our guy.

yeah he's got the look

and it was many years before I was always writing and I did write plays and put them on and take them to the Edinburgh Festival yes I was doing that for years so I was acting and writing and

when when did you come to America to study you studied acting right oh I just did a brief summer course in the at the

American Academy of Dramatic Art and then went back to England then I went back to England and then

and then i started stand up and once i started stand up everything changed because before i did stand up

all i ever got offered was terrorists all i got auditions for was terrorists because of my face and um and i kept being like oh i don't think i'm a terrorist type but that was all that would come in was like oh there's another terrorist show they'd love to see you for once i started stand up

i think

it was because i my face is this and i think if you see my face in a headshot i look like a psychopath But then

when I did stand-up, I think people were like, oh, he's like that.

And then once I did stand-up,

everything kind of changed because then I did Ricky Gervase's show, Derek, and that was the first sort of big,

big break.

Would you say you have a persona or a character or an attitude

for your stand-up?

Do you adopt something that's not?

If I'm you want a serious answer.

Yeah, yeah.

I think there's...

This won't play in England.

You can be real.

Okay.

I think there's modes.

That's why I see it.

Like there's switches in your head.

Like, I know a switch I can turn on that is like the funny.

And I also know the sincere and that it's like a different mode of

communicating, I suppose.

And

the stand-up is just that one.

It's just, it is me plus one.

It's the me without the

there's stuff in the way, I guess.

And it's I mean, you do set things up up really well when you decide to be sincere with the audience.

Yeah.

Which you're when you're actually setting them up for the next joke or something.

Yeah.

It is very real and sincere.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, but I think you must, I think everyone has it.

It's like, you know, you're different at a party, you're different in a meeting.

It's all, and there's like a writing.

I think the only thing I don't think is different and why I don't believe you're on the writing thing is that I think acting and writing is the same

mode.

How so?

Because writing is just like a private version of acting.

With acting, right?

It's like an act of empathy, right?

You're, you're, you're imagining, you're in imagined circumstances, you are imagining, you are putting yourself in the position of this.

What is the obstacle?

What's in my way?

What's

And the writing is exactly the same.

It's like you're writing,

you're imagining this person,

you're imagining their obstacles, you're imagining, it's the same.

But you're also telling a story.

I don't have to tell a story.

I have to fill that moment in your story.

I don't have to know what the next thing that should happen in the story.

That is different, right?

Yeah.

You can tell a story, though.

I've heard you.

No, I swear to God, I cannot tell a story.

I myself get bored halfway through.

Okay.

Yeah.

Anyway,

that's my thought about it.

But I do think they're similar, like

buttons.

But one of them is you do it on your own, and one of them, you do it in front of people.

Yeah.

The same game.

Yeah.

I'm going to force you to write something.

No, I'm going to fool you, Ted.

Oh, now, who is that?

Which Brad is that?

I'm going to fucking make you write something by the end of this podcast.

Can we go to the ever-popular Ted Lash?

Sure.

You are brought on as a writer through who?

Through Bill Lawrence.

So the

it's created by Jason Sadegis, Bill Lawrence, Brendan and Joe Kelly.

Bill, I had done pilot season in America.

I'd done an HBO pilot, didn't get picked up, and I did a pilot the next year for

Bill Lawrence,

who made Scrubs.

and everything else.

And we did this pilot.

It was really good.

And it was such a good pilot that when we finished rapping, I remember the producer saying to me, see you in August.

And like, I was like, I guess I pack up my life and I'm moving to LA maybe.

And then it didn't get fixed up.

And we were like, what?

But me and Bill Lawrence had got on in the making of this.

And he knew I was a writer.

And we stayed in touch.

And then he just,

when people always ask you for advice, I'm always like, make stuff.

There is no magic.

There is no magic phone call.

Waiting for the magical phone call.

Yeah.

It doesn't exist.

You've got to make short films, make plays.

All of it is self-generated.

And then one day I did get the magic phone call, which is out of nowhere.

I got a call from Bill Lawrence saying,

we're making this show.

It's about football.

We need an English writer

to come and sort of help.

Do you want to come out on Monday?

And I had a stand-up show booked.

And I was like, I can't.

I'm not, I can't.

Sorry, I've got a show booked.

And he was like, cancel the fucking show.

And I was like, yeah, but 40 people have bought bought tickets.

Like,

I mustn't, these poor 40 people, they need to hear my dick jokes.

And

I spoke.

Where are you?

In London.

Yeah, yeah.

And then I spoke to a friend of mine, Nish, and I was like, well, what do you think about this?

And he was like, are you insane?

I'll immediately go cancel.

And thank God I did.

And it was my first experience of a writer's room because in England we don't have them.

Yeah, it was in LA.

at Warner Brothers.

So usually it's a single writer or two who sit in a room by themselves and hammer out all the scripts for the season.

Yeah.

What did you think of a writer's room?

That's a whole different.

Yeah, it was a real.

It took me a while to sort of figure it out.

And then it's like,

it is like group therapy.

It sort of is.

And it's a very strange...

You sit around a table like this with between eight and 14 people and you stare at each other for hours.

Just hours of just and it's all just keep the ball going keep the ball going if there's a silence someone better fill it you gotta like

generate generate stuff but you're also just sharing

and people don't say anything and kind of look off you need to shake that off too when you fill it with something that didn't maybe work for other people it's a real like uh

energy thing it's a you're you're you're you're

almost an improvisation yeah

in a way for hours yeah hours and hours

And the day goes like that, always.

And when you suddenly hit it, you feel it.

That is what is kind of magical about it is you know when it's right because suddenly it'll be like, yeah, and then and then and then.

And who ran the room?

In the first season, it was Bill.

Yeah.

And was Jason part of that?

Yes, Jason.

Yeah, yeah.

It was Bill and Jason.

Yeah.

It was amazing.

Because it genuinely was a thing we didn't.

There was like a small thing we were making in private that no one would ever see.

Let me fan out a little bit.

But it's like the show,

doing a sports

is tough

because your brain goes, okay,

they couldn't hire people who are really athletes, so it'll be a drawing room comedy sports show

kind of thing.

And you know, you were out there and you, I don't know, I please explain, did you hire athletes, then actors, or actor-athletes?

Because it felt

really good, really real.

Well, I don't like to admit this, but I am absolutely dog shit at football.

But the rest of the cast are really, really good.

And it was originally like in the sort of early days of the Writes movement, it was kind of like, this isn't a show about football, it's about relationships and blah, blah, blah.

But then the more it went on, it was like, it is a little bit about football, it is, it's kind of about football as well.

And

the team in the first place was like

most of the people who don't really have lines in season one, they were semi-professional footballers.

Right.

Someone who had played professionally.

And

then the cast, amazingly, Phil Dunster, Sam, Tahib, Jimo, and

Mohash, these are three, like, they are excellent at football.

And then most of the cast were really excellent.

And then there was me going, oh boy,

what have I done?

But it worked.

It totally worked.

Yeah, we got away with it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So much fun, really.

And so nice to know that a show that's,

I don't know, I shouldn't put my own adjectives, but it was about decency,

you know, amongst many other things.

Yeah.

And how nice that the world just went, yes,

and gobbled that up.

I think it was a

sign of things

that that felt so revolutionary.

Yeah.

You know what I mean?

Like in a way it should have.

You did.

I mean, it was.

I think it made the way for a lot of, including some of Mike Schur's stuff, you know.

That's very nice.

Yeah.

Are you doing a fourth that I read?

You're doing a fourth.

Have you written it?

I just came from the room.

Have you shot it?

Just came from the writer's room.

Oh, you said that.

Yes.

And Jason sends his love.

It's okay.

There's a lot going on at the moment.

No, I'm an airhead.

Yeah.

How far along are you?

Halfway?

Yeah.

Halfway in the scripts.

Where did you shoot it?

Do you have this?

We shoot it in London.

No, you would be amazed by the special effects on that show wow that is a special effect that is a science fiction show

like what where we shoot the football stuff is bad like it's a high school yeah essentially and we just have

curtains green curtains around it and and we have a small stand with like I don't know, 50 people in it.

It is really quite impressive.

We all scream about AI, but every once in in a while, thank you, AI.

Thank you.

Oh, thank God.

We can't remember

this.

Yeah.

That's pretty cool.

Yeah.

Are you part of the cast thing now?

We

see the tapes.

Do you like that part?

It's so ephemeral.

It really is.

And

it's look, it's vibe.

And you know, always know instantly.

I'd say, you rarely, you rarely watch, you rarely see someone and go, not them.

Oh, maybe them.

that almost never happens it's like immediate and yeah it's brilliant brilliant people go through and it's like not them and so the the thing of so not them not a good actor but not them for the part yeah not them they're brilliant but they're

they're the wrong vibe they're the wrong fit

and so knowing that there is that thing as an actor going into auditions it's like

you truly have to do your version of the thing and then fucking forget you ever came in because

it's so out of your hands.

It really is nothing to do with anything other than a vague feeling that you just know when you know.

You know what I mean?

My real truth is, I want a really good actor to make me look good.

Yeah.

There are certain actors I'm working with

so many right now, but I'm also working with my wife, Mary.

How is that?

This is what I want to ask.

It's delicious.

Explain this to me.

I am freaked out by the idea of couples who act together.

How

does it work?

And how do you leave your house?

You go to work together in the car.

And then what happens?

Did you act together before you got together?

Yeah.

Oh, maybe that's.

We met on a film.

But you check your ego at the door.

Yeah.

And I realize part of my job is to host my wife.

I was here last year.

Yes.

I am this man on the inside.

Okay, this is for season two.

Yeah, okay, good.

This is season two.

And if she doesn't have a wonderful time, I'm an asshole.

Yeah.

And, you know, and that's on me, you know, so make sure.

And that's just attitude.

But then Mike Schur is just written.

He's really good at having an idea for a character, then finding the person that he wants to play that character and then writing full out for that actor or actress.

He knows what I can do well and what I can't do well.

And he very kindly writes to what I can do well.

And the same for Mary.

So, and we're,

oh, it's just magical.

We're falling in love.

Oh, you know, we,

the story evolves, but we, you know, I'm just head over heels, my character in love with her.

And to sit there on camera and look into your wife's eyes, and we're nauseatingly in love in private life and just disappear into her eyes in front of a camera is pretty astounding.

That's so nice.

Yeah.

What is

you know, by the way, if we suck,

it's her fault.

Just, I just want to go on the record.

What is

what?

I've heard you talk about Mary a lot, and you seem very, very in love, and it is unusual.

Your relationship appears to me who is

you don't see people this in love, this far in, and I don't know what's wrong with you.

We both came from other marriages, right?

So there was an awareness, and we both realized shortly before we met each other, we both had the same thought.

Well,

obviously, I'm not capable of being in a relationship, I will fuck up anything.

Right.

Was mine.

Hers was, I know I look like I'd be good at a relationship, but clearly I'm not.

Here's the route we go.

Yeah.

You know, and

yeah.

Anyway, this is me being embarrassed, but

we consider it divine.

I think we have angels that are, you know, putting us together.

There's no reason I was such a hot mess when she met me.

There's no reason she should have taken a second look.

Yeah.

And somehow, you know, here we are.

And we work at it.

That's nice.

Okay.

Anyway.

Do you think this I am interested in seeing you two together because I always thought if if people are together, it's difficult for them to have chemistry on screen if they're together in real life.

I agree, but that's also a story.

There was a long time where we couldn't work together.

Right.

Because

where's the surprise kind of thing?

And yeah, you're right.

But this story is perfect.

It's about kind of second chances.

Yeah, somehow it works.

Or it doesn't.

It feels like it's working.

And I'm too old to be superstitious.

Fuck it.

It's great.

I love it.

That's very nice.

Yeah.

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I'm sure you don't want to talk about relationships or no relationships.

No.

I saw your stand-up.

I got it.

Thank you.

You get the gist.

It is just delightful.

Thank you.

Tough on those people who haven't seen it, but well, you can.

You can go to Max.

It's on HBO.

Yeah, HBO.

It's really, really, really wonderful.

HBO Max.

Now, will that

HBO Max?

Thank you.

Or just Max.

No, it's now HBO Max.

Oh, it's back to HBO Max.

There's been a lot of meetings.

Well, I'm Netflix, so I don't know.

You don't care about them.

These animals.

They haven't hired me for years.

Who cares?

Could you take that basic

premise

is

not the premise, but you do a lot of,

you know, fish out of water.

Yes.

Here I am from England.

Let's talk about America a little bit.

Have you done stand-up?

And

could this play?

Well, it couldn't play in England because of that conceit that you are

cut that stuff out.

I've got to do it.

You could do.

Yeah.

And have you done, and does it play in England as well?

Yes, Touchwood.

Yes.

Oh, that's wonderful.

Yeah, yeah.

I developed it in London.

But I toured the show that is the spelling, a longer version of it.

I toured it for 14 months in America.

I went everywhere.

Oh, I didn't know that.

Yeah.

Me and my Welch went all over.

And did you, and did you,

that goes this, this?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It like grew and grew and grew.

And I always do a thing in my live shows where I have a

bucket in the lobby where you can put any question in.

And so after the sort of show, I then do a

sort of improvised

on the stage.

Yeah, yeah, that I don't know what's in the box.

That's fun.

Yeah, really fun.

That's the most

that's funny, different Q ⁇ A.

Yeah, yeah.

Which is always much more fun than

this show.

No, than giving a speech, you know, than doing the prepared.

Well, you know, it's easier than

it is more fun.

And it makes it live and special that night and all that shit.

People must, because of Ted Lasso,

must hang out afterwards and want to talk and have photos and all that stuff.

Yes, and I try and leave through an underground exit.

Do you really?

Gosh, I just go through the front door.

But I think you're, you, you're, uh, are you an extrovert?

Is that a thing?

Do you believe you are?

Not in real life.

No, I am.

I am a bit of a wallflower.

I, the reason why it's very, as you a little embarrassing that you, I don't know how you said it, it was so sweetly at the very beginning.

It's like, I have noticed that you don't mind a compliment or some converted, you know, like,

I understand I'm supposed to compliment you if this is going to go well.

That's no idea.

But it does, because I'm going, why the fuck would Brett want to come talk to me?

That is my knee-jerk reaction.

It is the same at a party when I am.

Because you're a fucking legend.

It's my false humility.

It's a pain in the ass.

It's making other people work hard.

You had to work a little extra hard when you sat down to reassure me that I'm wonderful.

And it's bullshit, but it's fuck, it's how I grew up.

And it's, it's a pain in the ass.

Can I tell you something?

And this is nothing, but

if it's about me, it is about you.

And it's about you and Mary.

I was in,

I guess, around the corner from here, I'm realizing now, and I was with a friend having lunch, and you and Mary came in to have lunch and we'd never met.

And I saw you.

And it is a very...

It is strange.

Because you mean so much and because of the history I have with you and your work, and all of that, and Mary, and seeing you, it is a strange

thing where you sort of go, Fucking hell, this, fuck this, fuck

it's a weird sort of feeling.

And I know that everyone in that place felt the same, and that the and we not weirdly or weirdly, you two sat right in the middle, you were taking the table right in the middle, so you were in the center of everyone, and

everyone's lunch was affected because they were all like, stamp is, oh, wow.

Like, and I know that then all their conversations were like, you know, this and that, and they're like, love, love, love.

You were in this kind of circle of love.

And I glanced over a couple of times and you two just were locked in each other's eyes and having, it was like

in The Little Mermaid when

it's kissed the girl and Prince Eric's about to kiss Ariel and all the sea creatures are around her making a love thing.

That's what that lunch was like.

It was a very nice image.

You nauseated a lot of people in that moment.

Yeah, I'm sorry.

That is, that's your life.

Yeah.

Unless I pissed her off.

Yeah.

You know, I notice I only get mad at Mary when I am dead wrong.

Yeah, that makes sense.

Because I don't want to be left with that image of myself that you just correctly pointed out to me.

But now if she's wrong.

Oh,

that's so sweet.

You know?

Yeah.

That's funny.

That makes sense.

That might be the secret.

Yeah.

Can we do it, your podcast, the movie thing?

Yeah.

What movie would you be buried with?

What film?

Films to be buried with.

I tell you, you've died.

You get to choose how you died.

Then I ask always the same question as what's the film that made you cry the most, made you laugh the the most, scared you the most, et cetera?

We talk about all of that.

And then at the end, you pick a film to be buried with.

And

I've seen most of your films, I've seen Loch Ness.

Oh, wow.

I've seen.

I got to be in Loch Ness, in the water.

Yeah.

I don't know if it was any good.

I loved making it.

Loch Ness, I think the tagline is, you have to see it to believe it.

Oh, no, the tagline is the opposite.

And it always confused me.

You have to believe it to see it.

Oh, that's good.

And I was always like, What?

Okay.

And then I figured it out.

I like the idea of the film: you don't want to prove or disprove Loch Ness.

That would be a crime, either way.

And you want the mystery.

Spoiler alert.

There is.

Yeah.

You do see it, Israel.

But I guess that's because I believed.

Just one quick thing.

The Loch Ness bumps into our boat and we go flying into the water.

And And we were on Loch Ness, which is the deepest, coldest body of inland water.

Period.

Yeah.

So

they give us a big jar of Vaseline.

They say, put this all over your body, then put on this

wetsuit, and then put on your costume.

And we'll get you out of the water very quickly.

And I'm going, okay, okay, yeah, yeah.

You know, this is kind of like this.

I can, you know, I'm young.

I can do my own stuff.

This is great.

yeah and i said i'm gonna hit the water i'm gonna spin around i'm gonna look at the boat

you know i hit the water and it's just like

all the air went out of my body it was unbelievably cold i i went me and uh

i went was writing a film and we went to the like edge of scotland somewhere to like for a weekend in this like cabin to do work on this film and we and it was winter and we went in the sea like get in it'll be fun and we went in like so cold, so gold.

So I then swam, swam, swam, swam, swam to warm myself up.

And I swam out, and then, and the others went in, and I just swam around, swam around, swam around.

And then I was like, I'm warmed up, I've warmed up now.

And

they were at the shore going, come in, come in.

I was like, nice, good.

Like, I've, and I started to feel like, it feels like a hot tub.

Like, it's hot.

I feel really, really hot.

And it turned out I was dying.

It was like, oh my God.

All my organs were shutting down.

And so my, it was like hyperlinking.

Yeah, yeah, I was like, so what?

I was like, I was like, having a lovely time.

They say, I mean, you have like two, three,

four minutes

before it starts to have that.

What did they do?

Cover you in

blankets and goose.

Did they really?

No, no.

Sorry.

Because the next time I'll be out with my kids, goose fat.

Get goose fat quickly.

Brett said he seemed to know what he's talking about.

Anyway, film that I would be buried with.

Yeah.

There's so many, obviously, blah, blah, blah.

But

I do think that

I think the Muffet Christmas Carol is the best film.

Okay.

Are you angry about that?

No, I'm not.

I'm guilty that I haven't seen it.

Because if you, who are incredibly bright and well everythinged

that I have to watch it now.

But I also lie, though.

Tell me.

Well, because I think a Christmas Carol, I think, is the greatest story ever told.

Like, as a story, like, it's the story of like therapy.

It's like he has to see his past to deal with his present and his future.

He has to see his past, present, and future to

change himself and become a better person, which is like

a great story.

It is.

ghosts and regrets and all of the stuff that it is.

So I think it's a great story anyway.

Any version of Christmas Carol, I'm going to love.

But then the the Muppets, it's like

it's a very serious adaptation of the story.

Like they don't fuck around.

No tongue in cheek.

No tongue in cheek.

But they're being very funny.

There's lots of very, very funny one liners and slapstick and fun, fun, fun.

But they're taking the story very, very seriously.

And Michael Caine is playing Scrooge and he ain't fucking around.

Oh, wow.

Michael Caine is playing it like he's in the Royal Shakespeare Cup.

He is not, there's no twinkle.

He's not like, oh, I'm with Muppets.

He's like, I'm fucking.

oh, wow.

I'm being fucking Scrooge.

And it's like heavy.

And it's, the craft of it is beautiful.

It's beautifully directed.

And

it's moving as fuck.

Like, it really cools.

I really appreciate it.

I will find a way to let you know that I've seen it.

Yeah, because I'm not sure.

It's properly.

Like, I've watched it in England, they have...

sing-along screenings at Christmas and I always go like every year like midnight mass is what I do is go and see that and genuinely I'm not being ironic only

like, as a piece of craft, every year I watch it.

Like, I find something new in it.

The writing, the acting of my guy, Nanda Muffets, like it's so was

wonderful.

It was just after Jim Henson had died, and I think, and I, I'm, I can't speak to this, but it feels like that infuses it.

There's a certain melancholy to the whole film that I think is, and Brian Henson, whose son directed it, there's a, there's a sadness to it as well.

It's a really thank you for that.

I will

indeed watch it.

Yeah, yeah.

What's your film to be buried with?

Oof.

You can take your time.

I asked myself that when I read

What You Do.

And I don't know why I say this because it's so not that.

Yeah, go ahead.

Lawrence of Arabia.

It's a fucking great film.

Yeah.

It's a great film.

Yeah.

But why do you think?

I don't know.

I got to work with

Peter O'Toole.

Oh, yes.

I mean, he was tiny and I was huge.

So basically my acting with it, I was on a stepladder.

It was down there.

But I was just enchanted.

And I got to work with Omar Sharif in that.

It was Gulliver's Travels.

It was a BBC production.

I saw it, Mary's in it.

Yeah.

Can I just tell my quick one little theater thing?

You can tell me everything you want.

Peter O'Toole and Omar Sharif hadn't seen each other for some years.

And they had spent all that time in the desert

in the what, 60s, I think, early 60s, making Lords of Arabia.

And

they were both in this thing I was in, the Gulliver's Travels, and Omar, Peter O'Toole did his part for a month, and then Omar Sharif came in and was doing his part.

And to say hello to each other, they threw a big party.

And we were in this wine cellar, st.

James Hotel or something the stables that used to go past anyway this wine cellar was older than Jonathan Swift's Gulliver's travels and we there they were reminiscing and they started to talk about

their time in the desert and they they heard because they were out in the middle of nowhere and they said this won't work because they said well we'll give you your weekend off who cares if you're sitting in this your tent

and so they said no we'll work 12, 15 days in a row.

Then you fly us to the nearest town that has a hotel and a bar and all that.

They got to there, and there was this, they saw a magazine about the twist

that was just raging across the world.

What is this?

The twist.

They said, you must bring us the next time the plane comes and you have to bring us the music for Chubby Checker, the twist.

And

they had no idea, because they hadn't seen it, what it looked like.

So they, in the desert, or Marsharie, Peter O'Toole, made up what the twist looked like and did this dance.

And they got up in this wine cellar.

And it basically looked like a couple of, you know,

chorus boys doing a soft shoe, but they were doing their version of the twist.

That's great.

And this wine cellar that was older than Jonathan.

You know, it was like, I was just

in heaven.

We're very, very, very, very lucky.

Very.

Yeah.

We're very lucky to have dancing.

And you you can tell a story

it's the one story I've told it 150 times

on this podcast

hey I can't thank you enough you just made me so happy I am chuffed that I know you I'm gonna boast about knowing you

yeah thank you Ted Danson it really means a lot this is a huge honor to meet you and I've had a lovely time you're lucky to give Jason a hug for me will you I will do I really will do thank you that will mean a lot and uh and I'm gonna give you a hug when this ends so thank you very much it'll be on camera oh okay

okay brett goldstein just gave me a hug and left the room and uh i had the best time i cannot sing the praises of his stand-up enough be sure and watch it the second best night of your life on hbo max now and yes it is hbo Max.

Look it up.

That's all for our show this week.

Special thanks to our friends at Team Coco.

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See you next time.

Where everybody knows your name.

You've been listening to Where Everybody Knows Your Name with Ted Danson and Woody Harrelson sometimes.

The show is produced by me, Nick Liao.

Our executive producers are Adam Sachs, Jeff Ross, and myself.

Sarah Federovich is our supervising producer.

Engineering and Mixing by Joanna Samuel with support from Eduardo Perez.

Research by Alyssa Grahl, talent booking by Paula Davis and Gina Batista.

Our theme music is by Boody Harrelson, Anthony Gen, Mary Steve Berkin, and John Osborne.

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Discover more.

More flavors to savor, more ideas to chew on, more voices shaping the future of food.

Join chefs Alice Water, Sean Sherman, and Jeremiah Tower for tastings, pop-ups, food demos, and panels, all celebrating good, clean, and fair food for all.

Terra Madre Americas, September 26th through 28th in Sacramento.

Savor the journey.

Visit Terra MadreUSA.com for more details.

Terra Madre Americas is supported by Sacramento International Airport and brought to you by Slow Food and Visit Sacramento.