Mary Steenburgen, Pt. 2

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But my first thought of you as a man was, well, this is the most ridiculous creature I've ever met.

And from that moment on, folks, I had her.

Welcome back to Where Everybody Knows Your Name.

Today is part two of my conversation with Mary.

Feel free to go back and listen to the one before this episode.

Today, I wanted to get into the time in Mary's life after she broke into film, starting with her second movie.

And this is the part of the story where I come in.

So, personally speaking, this is where it gets really, really interesting.

So, here's part two of my conversation with Mary's theme virgin.

Enjoy.

Okay.

Hi, Mary.

Hi, Dad.

A little strange to be doing a podcast with you, seeing how

you and I woke up at 4.15 this morning.

I only woke up so early.

Sat in bed having two cups of coffee and playing Wordle.

Connections.

Connections.

And spelling B.

Spelling B.

And do we do them individually alone or do we team up?

We can talk about it.

Between us, we have one good brain.

It's embarrassing.

Yeah.

So when we last talked,

I think we brought you from, you know, your origins up to

Jack Nicholson hiring you for going south and told that story.

So I want to continue

talking to you about your films and some of the stories behind them.

And then I want to get to the magical.

part of you and we'll talk about everything including your music.

But

let's start with Time After Time, which was your second film.

Yes.

Worth talking about because that's where you met, fell in love with Malcolm McDowell.

Right.

Which led to

me marrying Malcolm McDowell and having

Lily and Charlie McDowell

are.

beloved children.

And

it was also a wonderful movie.

This is a really lovely movie and still kind of is in its own wonderful way.

It was made in 1978 in San Francisco.

That was the first movie that I think I saw you and clocked you and went, oh, oh my goodness.

Yeah,

it is an amazing movie.

It's a wonderful film.

Yeah,

I love doing it.

It was, I mean, San Francisco was beautiful and it was just a really wonderful wonderful story that was created and directed by Nicholas Meyer.

And

yes, I'm Malcolm.

And it's so weird to

start out by talking to you about falling in love with someone else.

No, because we both love Malcolm.

Oh, my God.

And he loves us.

So that's pretty cool.

We somehow,

Malcolm and I were married for 10 years.

We had two great children.

And then

he has

three, he went on to have three sons that are my kids and all of our beloved

family.

They're just wonderful boys and young men.

And

somehow Malcolm and I managed, even though we were both capable of being

really immature, somehow we rose to our biggest selves and stayed friends.

And

I treasure that.

And I adore him.

And

I think one of the things was that he and I were huge Cheers fans.

And so

he hadn't exactly loved

people I'd gone out with

after our divorce.

And he could be kind of obvious about it.

And then

when I started to go out with you,

nobody knew that,

you know,

I was going to tell our kids and that we were

starting to see each other, but I decided to go tell him quite early on so we wouldn't hear it from somebody else.

And I said,

you know, I know you haven't liked people I've gone out with, but the person I'm seeing now is someone I know you like.

And if you're mean about him, then

I think it shows that you're still like obsessing way too much on me which by the way I knew he wasn't but I knew that would get under his skin so I said and he goes well who is it and I said it's Ted Danson and he goes oh shit because

he he knew he loved he loved you as best he didn't really know you but he admired you so much you know as an ass he has been nothing but loving and kind and

he's amazing I adore him.

I really do.

We're very lucky.

Okay.

That's the story I wanted you to tell about Melvin and Howard that

Malcolm loved my work.

That's basically why I introduced this part of the story.

You mean about Tom After Time?

Yeah, Time After Time.

Sorry.

Because now we're going to talk about Melvin and Howard.

That was your third film.

Right.

Right.

Melvin and Howard was my third film.

It was a script I read.

Actually, it was originally sent to Jack Nicholson to play Melvin.

And

it went through a series of different directors.

And Jack

wasn't going to do it because he was already committed to do The Shining.

But

he gave it to me.

and said, you know, if you want to read a great script, a real example of great writing, here is the script, Melvin and Howard.

So I read it and then it was like, well,

I don't want to just read it as an example of great writing.

I have to play Linda Dumar.

I'm such a great character.

And so I kind of just kept tracking it.

And I know they were thinking of other people,

but

the script eventually went to Jonathan Demi, who was just such an extraordinary human and such an extraordinary director.

And so I asked if I could audition.

And so I auditioned with Paul Lamatt, who ended up being the one that was going to play Melvin.

And I auditioned with Paul for Jonathan.

And by the time I got home, my phone was ringing.

And Jonathan said, I'm not going to make you wait to know

this part is yours.

So that's an amazingly thoughtful.

He was, oh my God, he was the most magical director.

He was,

I was lucky enough to work with him twice.

I worked with him again

in Philadelphia, kind of playing the bad guy in that one.

But

yeah, he was just so like, there was, there was,

you know, we were quite a long way through the movie, and we were going to shoot the scene where my character and Melvin get remarried, and I'm immensely pregnant.

And and we're in

either Reno or Vegas.

I'm not sure where we were supposed to be at that point, but

he comes to work and he's in this three-piece suit with a red carnation in his lapel.

And I said, oh,

what are, are you going somewhere after work today?

And he goes, no, I'm dressed for your wedding.

And it was just like, that's the only direction he had to give me that day.

It just made the day so joyful that he was dressed for my wedding, you know, and

he he directed me in a way that was so kind of perfect for who I am, you know.

And he

he was just, he was unfailingly kind.

He was also so detailed in such a brilliant way.

I remember

in Philadelphia,

he cast

every single person that was going to be sitting in the jury, even though a lot of them didn't have lines, but

he needed them to be great actors because it was

such an important

case.

And, you know,

he just, and he would listen to anybody that had an idea for

the film, you know, for a suggestion or caught something that maybe he didn't catch or something.

He made everyone feel like they were so important to the final result of the film.

I remember you telling me that you used to come in every day to work with the thought in your head,

what is it I can do that would

in the in the scene that would delight

Jonathan?

I mean, you so wanted to

Marty Ritt, too, who I worked with in Cross Creek.

Another,

you know,

I mean, I, I,

it's, it's amazing to work with directors that delight in actors.

And there's so, there's so much to directing.

I mean, there's so much,

you know, certainly the look of it and the.

the tone of it, but when somebody delights in actors and both those men, Jonathan Demi and Marty Ritt,

were directors who, I mean, Marty used to sit under the camera

and stuff

his fist in his mouth

to keep from laughing.

And you, you know, and some people might find that distracting, but I found it inspirational, you know, because on some level, I guess all of us like,

you know, to have an audience.

yeah maybe me more than you like do you like having an audience love it and i i grew up with you know sitcom so the writers you were so used to i could hear jimmy's laugh or the writers laugh and it was just i know

you pointed out sometimes when we watch cheers you go can you hear that that's jimmy laughing and we do watch cheers every night it's one of uh my conditions

as part of the contract i signed with him

let me just jump back to let people know that melvin and howard you want an Oscar for best supporting actor, which is pretty cool.

Even though I try to put my Emmys in front of you, I try to cloud your audience.

That you need to do that.

I noticed it this morning.

Last night, I did it.

And I pulled it right out and I put it right in the front where it belongs.

It's true.

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Can I tell one really kind of terrible story on myself about

my most glamorous night of my life?

I love this story.

Do so.

So I had just had Lily a couple of months before the oscar ceremony and i will also say that the studio at that time was not a big believer in this film it was not released in europe and it was uh they just kind of didn't realize what they had and that it was a really good movie and um

so

no one sent a car for me no one sent a car for publicity for me no there's no ads ads taken out for me.

There's nothing.

So I bought a little off-the-rack dress and I, and I, at the last minute, bought, I had gotten this like beautiful antique painted velvet coat in an antique store in London.

And I put that on.

And then

somebody

probably ill-advisedly put a big yellow flower in my hair, but I kind of

have always been a little bit of a hippie trick.

So I like,

yes, I love that yellow flower.

So I went, I wore

basically flats because they were more comfortable.

So

this was, you know, this was my funky little outfit to wear that I put together myself to go, you know, to the ceremony.

And I was so blessed.

I won.

They call my name.

And

at the end, in that time, at the end of the

Oscars, everybody that had won was supposed to come out on stage.

And so Bo Goleman, who wrote that beautiful script that we were talking about, who was just the loveliest

and most is most extraordinary writer.

So we

came out together and I had had

and suddenly Lily needed to be fed.

And

I could feel the whole front of

myself.

You know, my milk came in.

How can I say it?

Other than that, that's the best.

And then it's like, oh my God,

will people,

will I, will it be obvious what's happening to me right now?

Because you couldn't leave because you were all both.

You were all standing there.

And it was all taking way longer than I guess I thought it was going to.

And

so,

so I was freaking out.

And I said, Bo, oh my God, look, there was a little bit of

a puddle.

And he thought, oh, my God.

She's like, why,

why did she wet her pants?

And I'm like, no, Bo.

He goes, why are you so scared?

You already won.

I said, I'm not scared.

I need to go feed my daughter.

Luckily, you can't see anything because I put on that antique velvet coat and it saved me.

Yeah,

people will go back now and check out.

Y'all can cut this part out if you want to.

It's like it's not a story I usually tell.

Celebrities are like us.

It'll be one of those.

Are they though?

Are they dumber than us?

But, um, but I

guess my point is that whenever I've had a truly kind of glamorous moment in my life, most of the time something like that happens.

Like when you and I got married,

I had those beautiful white handmade shoes from London that I was going to wear.

But it rained so much, I got married in my gardener's red clocks.

Right.

Because it was muddy.

It was outdoors.

So it's like, there's like some little irony angel that always gives me a little.

Is it your mom or your dad?

Probably your dad.

I don't know.

He didn't dish out irony.

Somebody's keeping you humble.

Yeah, that's it's working.

Let me, let me, uh,

let me do the tender is the night story.

Tender and the night.

Am I saying that right?

Tender is the night.

Sorry.

I can't read my own handwriting.

That's okay.

It's just a famous novel by F.

Scott Fitzgerald.

Thank you for saying the author's name because I would have blown that too.

anyway one of the great things i think everyone who's had any degree of success in our business or has any degree of fame

knows that the best part is that you get to meet people that you've had so much respect for over the years somehow it's okay to approach them and um i love your story uh about Audrey Hepburn when you met her at that time.

Will you tell that story?

Yeah, so

I was in New York and I had made Tender is the Night, which was a mini-series for the BBC.

And it was

one of the first, their first, I think, big mini-series.

And

I had played this extraordinary part of Nicole Diver.

And

And so it was, I think it was a year and a half or something like that later.

I was in New York and I was doing an interview for something else.

And

my mother happened to be with me, which is very rare because she lived in Arkansas.

But I think, you know, we'd planned this New York trip together.

And so I was...

I was waiting to go be interviewed and it was taking a long time.

And finally, someone came out and in a very officious voice told us that I'm sorry you're waiting, but it's Miss Audrey Hepburn doing an interview.

So of course, you may need to wait a little bit longer.

And I said, oh my gosh, is there any way that I could meet her and that I could introduce her to my mother?

And

I'm just, I, I loved her.

She's, you know,

just magical to me.

And, and she said, no, I'm sorry.

She's very busy and she's already behind.

So please don't disturb her.

So I'm like, okay, you know, and so I said to my mom, let's position ourselves where at least when she comes out of that door down there, we'll catch a glimpse of her before she leaves, you know, the offices.

And

so we're watching the door and watching the door.

And the door finally opens and you see this like perfect silhouette that can only be her.

And she's almost about to exit the offices and she just looks down and then she stops and then she looks again and then she walks up to me and she says

are you mary steenbergen and she even said my name right which is so rare and i i said yes and she goes may i kiss you and i said yes

and so she kisses me three times

you know this cheek this cheek and then again on this cheek and she goes that's the way we do it where i come from And I said,

so nice to meet you.

And she said,

I have seen tender is the night three times in three different languages and i want to sit and talk to you about it i said okay this this is my mother nell steenberg

and

um may she join us you know and she said of course

so we sat down and she held my hands and we taught talked for 20 minutes about life and how much she loved that piece And

she,

you know, was the kindest, most acknowledging person, honestly, I've ever met.

And that was my

golden story about meeting a celebrity.

It was, it was, it was just the luckiest.

The fact that my mom happened to be there, you know, it was very just magical.

She was really something special.

I've watched you do that too, by the way.

You're very gracious and take time to sit and talk with people.

So

not quite the same thing, but

you mean...

How so?

You're Mary Steenberg.

Whatever.

Whatever.

Parenthood.

One of my favorite films ever.

Brilliant film.

Yeah.

That was cool.

That was such a great cast.

Second time you got to work with Jason Robarts.

I know.

I loved him.

He was in Melbourne and Howard.

He was in Parenthood and then we did Philadelphia together.

I loved him.

And

yeah, it was just the greatest.

Are your kids in that?

My kids are in the scene where the birthday party scene

where he's doing balloons.

Steve Martin's doing balloon animals.

And oh my God, Ron Howard was just, it was so cool that Ron directed that movie because Ron had been a child actor.

So he, he was so sensitive to how to get great performances from those kids.

And like the littlest kid who was always banging his head on the wall, he started acting up when he would hear the word action.

So, so Ron just changed it to ballooning.

And, you know, and it was just, it was an amazing,

an amazing group.

of people.

And

we played, we played that game murder.

It's sort of a card game.

Whoever's the joker is the murderer.

And you kill people by winking at them.

So we're

getting caught.

And not getting caught.

And so we were at this sort of long oval table and we started playing this game.

And that was the one scene where we're all in the same scene.

And we were so obsessed with playing murder and killing each other by winking at each other that, you know, when they would say cut we'd instantly go into it and then and you know even when they were resetting the lights nobody moved because we were having so much fun and ron was starting to get jealous that he wasn't an actor but what was cool about that game with those people was that every single one of them had perfect timing but it was all like you know it was it was them like jason robards would do this huge wink at you and you would look around going like somebody must have seen that.

But his timing was so impeccable that he'd get away with it.

It was so much fun.

That's so cool.

All the people we get to work with is, you know, is

such a privilege.

And he was one of my favorite actors.

Yeah.

Back to the Future.

Back to the Future 3.

That was glorious.

You know,

I loved working with Bob Summet because he's just such an extraordinary director.

And

that whole, that whole cast, you know, they already had created this beautiful franchise by the time I came along, but it was

especially beautiful working with Chris Lloyd because in Going South, in my very first movie, in my very first scene,

Chris Lloyd is like the first person talking to me.

And then to have this years later, to have this part where we have this little romance, you know, that was pretty cool.

And

I was training to ride my horse up to the back of the train and touch it, which when you have a train that's a steam engine, then you have a horse, then you have a camera truck on the other side of the horse.

And then

they're supposed to start and then you're supposed to run up to it and touch it.

So the brilliant stunt woman can then do the transfer.

You know, horses don't really want to do that.

And so the day after training for two months on a horse to do this,

the day before the Wrangler said, I'm going to switch horses.

I said, what?

And he goes, no, I'm going to switch horses.

I just have a feeling.

And

the second I got on that horse, I knew he'd made the right call.

And that horse had no problem running up to the back of the train.

Which let's just stay on that scene of you riding up to the back of the train because it's another cool story in your life.

Is that, I don't know, a year later, or perhaps whenever the film came out, you were in London for a royal premiere and you got to meet Princess Diane.

It was amazing.

And your kids, didn't the kids give her some flowers?

It was my son, Charlie's seventh birthday.

And so my daughter Lily got to present her with the um roses, the bouquet, and Charlie got to present her with the program.

And she kissed him on top of his head.

And at the time, he said, I'm never washing my hair.

And I went, well, it's pretty hard to get you to wash it now so that's bad but um but it um it was just this uh amazing evening and she and i sat next to each other and she was so friendly and lovely and she kept she kept asking me questions like

about the horse she would say is that still you And I went, yeah, that's still me.

Is that still you?

Yeah.

And I said, yeah, is that still you?

No, that's the stunt one there, you know, and, and, um, that's Jennifer who did the stunt, the stunt.

And, and it was just so much fun.

Um, a couple of girls

were talking about something.

And yeah, she happens to be the princess.

Yeah.

And it had, it had been the day that Charles was playing polo and

either broke his wrist or hurt his wrist.

And

King Charles, you're talking about?

Yeah, sorry, King Charles.

Yeah.

And so

she said, that's why he hadn't come.

And she said, I think he could have.

And she goes, but you know how men are.

And I'm like, yeah, I know how men are.

She's like,

yeah.

Okay.

One more film.

And these are all iconic films.

I mean, some of my favorite films you've ever been in.

I didn't know you were such a fan of you.

I am a fan of you.

Yeah.

Okay.

Huge.

But the truth is, I'm zinging along now because

first we'll talk about Philadelphia, but then we'll talk about the part where I come into your life.

And

that's where it's where the story really takes me.

I know, that's where it applies.

Yeah.

But Philadelphia, astounding movie.

You play basically one of the bad guys in essence, or at least you have a bad job.

I play the lawyer who

represents

Jason Robarts and the company that fires Tom Hanks, essentially because he has AIDS.

And

to really,

you know, understand

there was just so much fear and prejudice at that time on the subject of AIDS.

And

I had a friend

who had been my roommate in New York.

And my friend Peter, who is just the most lovely, talented

guy, we'd been in a comedy improv group together in New York.

And

sadly, he was

dying of AIDS.

And I went to go see him right before I went to go do the movie.

And I knew I wouldn't see him again.

And he told me how important it was to him that I play this part and that I, that I, that, you know, that I represent, even though it might not be the most sympathetic part.

And

so

he passed away right as I was going, literally going to fly to do the movie.

And I

remember getting on the plane and going to my seat and I was

really

very sad about him and I looked and I saw the only empty seat

that I was headed towards had someone sitting next to me that was very gaunt and very thin and

a kind of bandana on his head and I was like oh my gosh

as if this isn't hard enough i am going to be sitting next to somebody who has aids and that's going to make me even sadder.

And, but of course, that's perfect, you know, and

because it was all part of my heart and a part of my work at the time on behalf of folks that,

you know, at that time, I think I was the spokesperson for the Elizabeth Glazer Pediatric AIDS Foundation.

So it was just such a big theme in my life.

But the person looked up at me and it was Tom Hanks.

And he just,

he had done such an extraordinary job of

altering his body in that commitment to that part.

He was so gaunt and so thin.

And

he really, you know, was brilliant in that part.

And

Jonathan made.

a very eloquent movie about what was happening at that time.

And Denzel was Denzel was astounding in it.

And

even though

it was hard and it was a hard part to play.

And at one point, Jonathan said, he goes, I want to add

a line.

I want you to whisper.

And it was right after you held up the mirror in Tom's face.

And

it was a very harsh moment.

To look to see if there are lesions on his face.

And then as I go back to sit down, I think it was,

he said, I want you to whisper to Obababa Tunde,

I hate this case, and whisper it.

And I said,

what do you think?

Is that, are you, he said, I don't know if I'm going to use that or not.

I don't know, but I want that option.

And so we did it both ways.

And

he did leave it in.

And some people hear it, and some people don't hear it.

I know, it's barely membered.

Yeah.

Yeah.

No, it's an amazing performance.

Yeah.

Well done.

Thank you.

But now,

buckle up, because here I come.

Okay.

This is right after Cheers ended for me.

And

I got a script called Pontiac Moon.

And

I heard that you were interested in it, which delighted me and amazed me.

And we met in San Francisco.

You describe it.

I have been up for 48 hours because I was doing a movie on the East Coast and it ended.

And the editor and script supervisor got married.

in a wedding at the end of like a very long shoot and i was there um

you know

I officiated, didn't you?

I didn't really officiate.

I think I was the matron of honor or something.

But they were lovely and it was a really fun celebration.

And so I hadn't been to sleep and I hadn't been to sleep for a couple of days.

And I had to fly to San Francisco and have dinner with you.

You were shooting through, no, you're shooting

getting even with dad with Macaulay Culkin.

And

the purpose of the meeting was to make sure that you liked me okay.

That's your story.

No, that's the way.

That's the way.

That's what women

are, or at least were subjected to, is that the guy had to kind of approve of you.

Wow.

I know.

It's not your fault.

You didn't start it.

But I, but I had to, so I had to go and I was kind of a mess.

Hey, wait a minute.

Yeah.

It's absolutely hand to

God.

That was how it's presented to you.

That's a hard time.

Yeah, totally.

That's a standard.

And I'd met you twice.

We'd met twice, very briefly twice.

But,

but so, so, yeah.

So then I show up at the restaurant.

It's Wolfgang Puck's

restaurant, posterior poster.

And

so I come and you're waiting for me at the the door.

And

we're also joined with the director, pragmatic, and the

costume designer.

And

I almost don't recognize you because you have long,

long shoulder length brown hair.

Glorious.

And I said, oh.

I don't, oh, hi.

I almost didn't recognize you without long hair.

And you go, oh, this is my hair.

This is, this thing's called extensions.

Look here.

And you start getting me to see like all these little plastic things in your head that caused you to have this long hair that you have for the part that you're playing with Macaulay Cook.

And so then

that's like in the first minute that we're together.

And then you lead the way to the table.

And you're walking ahead of me and you're tossing your fake hair like as you walk through the restaurant.

Who wouldn't?

i mean i mean it was you were so attached well it was so attached to you but you're so attached and so proud of it and i just remembered that my first thought of you really besides you know adoring you on cheers obviously but my first thought of you as a man was well this is the most ridiculous creature i've ever met and from that moment on folks i had her yeah yeah because you do like ridiculous well i definitely like funny, but um, I remember I'm glad your hair is your hair.

Yeah, oh,

yeah, it's lovely and it's not fake at all.

When I took a shower and I had those extensions and one would come out occasionally, I would be devastated.

I would think I had some strange illness before I realized, oh, yeah, that's not mine.

Uh, I, that evening for me was the first, I know you don't believe me when I say when sitting across from you, usually around a beautiful woman,

I don't look them directly in the eye until there's a genuine, because I'm embarrassed.

Pitiful.

No, I know, but there you are.

And I dawned to me all of a sudden, wait a minute, I'm about to work with Mary Steen Burchin.

I get to look her directly in the eye.

What is wrong with you?

Yeah, I asked my parents.

They messed up.

Anyway,

anyway, I remember your smile.

It was like, I was just enchanted with you and proceeded to tell you all my warts and horrible things about me, to which you were kind of going,

really?

Are you going to tell me everything here?

Yeah, it was crazy time.

But I walked away totally.

I remember somebody asked me, what was she like?

I said, wow.

I mean, I can imagine marrying somebody like that.

I was just quite taken with you.

Well, thank you.

sorting through the last minute of what i said do you think our children at this point have turned the radio or the or reached for the little air sickness bag next to their chairs yeah

hey you know what to heck with them uh that was our truth at that moment um

yeah and then off we went to make this movie that it was one of those films where i think this is my reaction to it is the dialogue was so good in the first couple of acts It was like, oh, I'd like to play that.

That's interesting.

And you were so kind of interested in the dialogue, you didn't realize there was no third act to speak of.

And so it did not work.

Not really, but it was a great first date.

Oh, dear Lord.

Yes.

It was amazing.

Yeah, it was.

And somewhere.

What was your first impression of me?

The one you came into the film with.

Really?

Kind of the.

Didn't you say that you thought i was kind of a slick hollywood type maybe didn't you think that

yes but are you trying to set up my joke yes

or just anything i said i said well that that wasn't right away but in general before i knew you i did think you were i i was i don't know how i was this stupid but i thought that you were a little bit

like sam Malone.

I thought you were a little bit like that, which, you know, anyone who knows you knows.

Well, my joke is that slick guys don't say gosharoni after making love.

Nice.

I wasn't setting that one up, but that's great.

Sorry, kids.

Sorry, kids.

They're gone by now.

They're so gone.

She did say making love, but that's

a

but no, I think I didn't, what I didn't realize, like you were, you were, you know, painting, like you'd, you'd come to work and you had paint all over your clothes because you like painting, doing these little paintings.

And

I just kept thinking, wow, he's not who I pictured.

He's not who.

And then eventually we actually got time to be friends, you know, which was pretty cool.

And then

ride up this incredible mendocin, is it the big river in Mendocino?

And it was,

I don't know if it's good for the kids to hear this, but we went up like four miles.

It was idyllic and we just kept going.

It was almost like

it set the pattern for our life, really.

You were in the front and I was in the back.

And we would take time to not speak for 15, 20 minutes.

And there were sea otters and blue herrings.

It was one of the most beautiful scenes.

And you kept wanting to go around the next bend in the river.

And I go to myself.

And you kept wanting to turn back.

Turn back.

Right.

Oh, that may be too far for Teddy.

But I didn't say that to you.

No, you didn't try to stop me.

But, but, yeah.

But we came back, not just friends.

I think we pulled over and kissed and then got back into the canoe.

And I was smitten.

I was, I was a goner at that point.

You can feel free to say something about how much you.

Is it just, I don't know.

I don't know what.

I don't know how to talk about this stuff.

But anyway.

She was.

Yeah.

Anyway, 30 years later, here we are.

So I guess that speaks for it.

Yeah.

And

yeah, I want to keep doing movies for a minute, but

I think everyone would be relieved.

No, no, because we're coming back to you.

I just don't know if I want to jump around.

But

well, the year, a year after that,

we put our kids together on a vacation to Martha's Vineyard.

We

found this little house, this teeny little house, and bought it.

And a year after that, we got married at that house.

Yeah.

And our kids, uh blending a family when you have um four

basically

almost preteen to teenagers and blending it was

um scary and in some ways hard and in some ways so kind of meant to be like they they

you know those kids

who are now middle-aged people

are and were

you know so important to each other and and

we're so lucky and we love them there's i my my

uh relationship with my stepdaughters is one of the greatest things that

ever happened to me and like is the biggest gift you gave me and it's um and our two oldest daughters are each other's best friend, you know?

In the wedding,

when we were writing,

I think we were in England doing Gulliver's Travels together, but we were trying to write our vows, and we kept starting on our vows and going, well, something's not quite right.

And we realized that we needed to write vows to our children

before we said our vows so that we would include them in it.

And I remember the phrase that I think you came up with: that

you handed them a,

we had bracelets.

This is very corny, I know, but we had these uh

wampum uh

seashells made by kate taylor that and we made one for each of us in the family that when you put them together separately they were beautifully when you put them together it made this great pattern uh and then we said our vows to each one and

The vow was, I promise to treat you with love and respect and be the best friend I can be to you for the rest of my life.

Well, you've certainly done that with my kids.

i think we've been no i

think we yeah i think we took it pretty seriously and they're they're all amazing they're very different and all extraordinary and we're so lucky they still uh speak to us

and um and then we have we now have three granddaughters that um

are

scrumptious oh my gosh can we come back to them i want to just keep going for a second part of the wedding are making these weird faces like i wish wish people could see.

Like, you keep sticking your fingers almost up your nose.

You may want to go to YouTube right now to check out whether she's just mocking me or whether it's true.

Okay.

Oh, it's true, isn't it?

It's distracting.

Weird for like you're supposed to be for a fashion.

I'm not slick.

Okay.

I'm the guy.

Okay.

Go on.

So our wedding,

which was extraordinary just because because of

us getting married and it was who and who was there, but it was also kind of different from most weddings because the president of the United States, Bill Clinton and Hillary Clinton, were there.

And Chelsea.

And Chelsea.

Yes.

Sorry.

But they were not there because we were fancy Hollywood people.

They were there because...

I'm from Mark and so on.

I've known them since I was very young.

Yes.

Yes.

I mean, that was just, but that's also

an amazing part of your life that you sat around in the governor's mansion in Arkansas talking with Governor Clinton and Hillary and imagining how the world could be and what they might do if they ever, you know, were president.

I mean, that's an amazing part of your life.

And it came out of your father.

It did.

My dad was a freight train conductor and

Bill was speaking to the retired uh railroad workers um early when he was uh first governor like in the first month or something and he um was encouraging them to mentor young people and he said you know there's there's a young woman in this community and if i'm not mistaken she's from a railroad family and she's just made her first movie and he so he's describing me

and

he kind of notices that in the audience there's this man that appears to be sort of emotional and wiped his eyes and stuff and then um at the end of this speech um

he he went up to the man and he said sir i i think my remarks hit you emotionally in some way i'd love i'd love to say hello and he said i'm i'm bill clinton he said well i'm morris steenbergen and if you're going to talk about my daughter i think you should meet her And so my dad caused us to meet.

And

then Hillary and I,

she wanted help to raise money for,

I think it was called Angel One, which was a helicopter that

the Arkansas Children's Hospital in Little Rock, which is an amazing

place.

needed to be able to get to the most remote parts of the state to pick up children that needed to get help in a hurry and it was too long a drive.

And so she asked me if I would work with her on raising money for that.

And that was it.

Our friendship began right then.

Yeah.

Right.

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We could go on with stories, but I want to make sure we get to some of the magical part of your life and the music and everything.

But some of the other films

that you've made,

when I walk around with you and people come up, most of the time it's either ELF, depending on the age,

or stepbrothers.

Both of whom are with Will Farrell.

That's right.

That's right.

I played his stepmother in Elf First.

directed by John Favreau.

It was,

I mean, the first day that I saw Will in that outfit, we're all used to that image now, but you have to imagine that I'd never seen even the image.

And he walks in, this like unbelievably tall guy in an elf outfit.

And then we had to do the dinner table scene where I'm eating spaghetti with maple syrup on it.

And I'm such a giggler, as you know,

but it was just such an effort not to laugh, you know, so and I think there's quite a few outtakes.

But that was an amazing experience.

And then I got a phone call, you know, not too long after that saying, hey, would you be insulted if I actually asked you to actually play my mother?

Like my, not my stepmother, my mother.

And I

said, I would be insulted if you asked somebody else.

So quickly doing the math.

I'm 11 years older than him.

It's okay.

And

that was just, oh my God.

Adam McKay directing and John C.

Riley and Richard Jenkins, who was really

my partner.

And on the first day, we watched these two, you know, genius slash idiots doing their thing.

And

we...

We just looked at each other and went, what are we even doing here?

Like, how can anyone,

you know, be in this, they're so extraordinary.

They're so good that what are we even doing here?

And then I said, you know what, Richard?

We're here to hold down reality.

We're here to make it real that those two guys have parents.

And they still live at home with them.

And that's what we're doing here.

And

both of us got very relaxed from that moment on.

And we just had, oh my god it was the best time it was just amazing yeah a miracle that they could edit any scene that you were in you could make 10 stepbrothers from what we shot and and because every there was so much improvisation and and then there was also just a brilliant script and and adam is just um i mean he's he's He's an extraordinary director.

And it was just that those two,

it was an amazing time.

I felt like it was sort of a gift to me from the business for having survived this.

I swear people watch it religiously, like at least once a year.

It is one of those movies that is truly the funniest movie.

People memorize it.

And I'm jumping fast now because I still want to do music.

Book Club.

Oh, my God.

Book Club was a huge part of your last three or four or five years, whatever it's been.

We made two book club movies in the cast is Jane Fonda, Diane Keaton, and Candace Bergen.

And they're, they're just my loves.

I love them.

I've had so many laughs with them.

I've had such a great time with them.

I'm so inspired by them.

They're such, you know, people said to me before we went to do the first one, like, I wonder who the difficult one is, or I wonder, you know,

who you're going to come back telling the stories about how tough it was to work with them.

And I'm, and I was like, why do people assume that about

women especially, you know?

And we were so there for each other and we had each other's backs and it was really fun.

And I told you

what was amazing about both films, but the first one you watched, I felt you watched four women fall in love with each other on screen.

Right.

Because we really, none of us have worked together.

No combination of us had ever worked together.

Jane does tell a story, which is kind of a weird story, about how somebody she was dating said,

I can't even believe she dated him after this, but he goes, you are.

This was when she was in her 20s.

Yeah, she was very young and, you know, I mean, extraordinarily beautiful, as she still is.

And

he said, but you're not the most beautiful woman in Los Angeles.

I've seen the most beautiful woman in los angeles and she goes well i have to see the most beautiful woman in la so they make some excuse because i guess he knew edgar bergen who was candace bergin's

and they

took something or went somehow to the house so that jane could see this most beautiful girl this young woman i think she was really young by the way i think she was like 17.

and um

and

the first time jane saw Candice Bergen, Candice was on one of those library ladders in fancy houses, you know, and

she was up there getting a book and she turned around.

Jane looked at her and went, oh my God, she is the most beautiful woman in Los Angeles or probably the world, you know.

And she,

that's when they first met, but they never, ever were together in all those years until we all did.

She's still a beautiful woman.

Oh my God.

They're all

amazing.

Yeah.

Oh, God.

No, they were a big part of my life because I was the plus one.

You were everyone's favorite guy in Rome.

I got to share you with all of them.

In that kind of

way.

Platonic way.

Okay, enough of this film career stuff.

Now, this is, I'm going to stumble around, Mary, because it's hard to talk about

with either me judging myself that I'm not

really describing this as well as I should, or you'll be embarrassed, or whatever.

But there is something so magical.

Oh my God, are you going to cry?

Okay, plowing on.

There's something so magical about you.

There truly is, and I'll explain that more.

And it's partly your willingness

to

know your willingness to look beyond what is obvious and literal and linear and what's right in front of all of us.

You're willing to look for the magic in life.

And

I will describe this so it's not just me crying about, you know, saying the word magical.

One of the first, oh, be quiet.

One of the first things I noticed that was different that I had never experienced, it was out there in the world and everything, was your relationship to colors.

I remember you, and you'll have to tell me because I've kind of seen this peripherally, but there are bottles of different colors in your bathroom that you spray on yourself

because of the energetics of that.

By the way,

by the way, this is my business.

This is the problem with you being interviewed by your husband.

I'm up in your business.

This, that was like made fun of

in that amazing, one of the many amazing

films by Chris Guest.

Like, it's, yeah, it's some sort of, I don't even know.

I just have a little belief that if I spray those colors on me,

I get mindful of

you're so bad.

No, no, please, because this is this is magical and it's not just a bunch of bottles.

They have a meaning to me, even though I know it's probably

ridiculous, but they make, I think about, when I spray them on me, I think about

my creative voice

and

about being creative.

I can't believe you out there.

What else we were going to say?

You just.

No, I don't want to talk about it.

All right, fine.

Sorry.

But I also remember that you, if you looked at color,

whether either in paintings or you were painting or you saw something and pointed out colors, it was really hard for you to sleep at night because your brain would be swirling.

Before music came into your life, your brain, I found, obsessed with color.

I am still obsessed with color.

Right.

Well, I find that totally magical.

I do.

I know that sounds like.

I like,

I love, I love seeing it.

And every time we've done a house, I tell myself, I'm going to make it,

I'm going to make it beige or black and white, like my friend Diane Keaton.

I'm going to do that because it looks so chic.

And every time

there's just color everywhere.

Would you agree?

Yes.

Okay.

Yes, very much, Elena.

I love it.

She's smirking at me.

Can the camera pump in to see, as I'm saying these?

Here's another thing that I, that your relate.

Come on.

Go ahead.

This is not a bad thing.

I know, but it's not a secret.

Oh.

But go on, try.

Well, here's another secret, perhaps.

It's your relationship.

You more than anyone I know, certainly in my life.

Excuse me.

I'm very nervous at this moment.

You don't compartmentalize.

You

are still friends and in communication with people that you were four or five years old, six years, going to school.

You have been,

you insist on keeping relationships going from every part of your life,

including people who have passed away.

You are, I find that

the people in your life,

your father who passed away, is vividly part of your life.

Right.

Not a memory, but a vivid part of your life.

And

your willingness to accept that there's more to life than meets the eye is also that part of you

that

welcomes that.

And you have had some of the most amazing experiences.

Some with your great friend Roddy McDowell, who passed away, some several amazing ones with your father.

You don't have to talk about them right now if you don't want to, but if you were to tell some of these experiences you've had with people who have passed over, whether it's communications or feelings, you would be hard pressed to describe it to somebody in a, and well, this is what really happened.

No, this is.

Truly you communicating with people who have passed on.

And that to me is very, very, very magical, that willingness to accept that there's more to life than meets the eye, which I love about you so much.

And you've brought that into my life.

Are you wanting to talk at all about that in any way?

I mean, some of those stories are probably too long for this, but

I do

have

a certainty that there are other

experiences other than this one that we're all aware of.

I do know that.

And

I don't think I'm special in any particular way about any of that, except that I guess

I sometimes try to listen, you know, and be open.

open to it.

And sometimes I've gone for years without feeling like anyone that's on the other side of that veil has said hello to me.

And sometimes

it happens,

you know, more frequently.

And

I think everybody has this ability.

I just think it's a busy world and not everybody kind of listens.

And I know that we all have a wish that there's more.

Some people have faith that there's more.

Some people don't believe there's a single thing more.

I just

know, I just know there is.

I don't know how to explain it, or I can't summon it.

I don't know how to do any of that.

But now and then, I just know I've been spoken to and

really specifically and really

in

ways that sometimes weren't even about me at all.

Right.

And we don't, you're right.

We don't have a huge amount of time to go into these amazing stories, but I was there with you.

And I would be hard-pressed to describe it any other way than what was happening, a communication with people who had passed on.

But

moving on to music, it's that willingness

to not just say, oh, no, no, that's no.

Just the possibility of something that is magical.

you immediately gravitate towards and allow that to come into your life is how I see it.

Which leads us to music, which just to

cut to the chase,

my wife, Mary Steenbergen,

has a publishing deal with Universal,

mostly out of Nashville, has won a Critics Choice Award for music she wrote with her co-writers, who are some of our best friends.

From Nashville,

you have two or three end credit songs.

You're writing a musical for,

you're working on an animated film.

And it's the real deal.

It's a huge part of your life.

But I would love to

go back to the story of how that happened, how that came into your life.

Because to me, this is you being magical, you being willing to,

you know, open yourself to something you can't explain.

I had a surgery on my arm.

It wasn't a very big deal, but I did have to go under anesthetic April 17th, 2007.

And

something occurred during that

surgery that I don't know how to explain except, you know,

it's been described as

by people.

Dr.

Oliver Sachs wrote a book called Musicophilia that's about people who had

a normal relationship with music and then had some sort of disturbance to the brain and then had an obsessive

relationship to music.

So,

when I came out from it, I felt weird, which is normal because I'd had surgery.

And then, what was weird was that I continued to feel weird.

And if I had to describe what I felt,

it was

a preoccupation with melody and

having every subject that people were talking about turn into kind of this musical tornado.

Now,

looking back, I think that what happened to me was maybe in some way that surgery gave me access to a part of my brain that perhaps existed, but that I just hadn't had access to before.

My friends who

have always been musical,

they don't know what it's like not to have that, but I had only known what it's like not to have that.

And it's not that I suddenly got some crazy talent.

I don't think I did.

I got

really actually what I got was an obsessiveness, which you live with and you know is still true of me about it, you know.

And

because my brain felt so different, I didn't like it at first and it made me anxious.

And then,

and then I eventually realized this isn't going away.

This kind of,

you know, we don't think about what our brain sounds like.

Your brain, you, nobody gives a thought to what your brain sounds like, but mine sounded different.

It went from being an underscored movie to an overscored movie, if you can put it that way.

I remember driving you down a road someplace, I can't even remember what state we were in, and you passed the road sign that said,

Oh, shoot, Lost Lake Lane.

We were in Louisiana,

yeah, rural Louisiana.

And just that phrase turned that into a lyric, and you wrote a song.

I love that song.

Yeah, um, you would hear people walking down the street, the sound of their shoes on the street, which would then turn into a beat, and then you would be off and running into some musical

experience.

It was crazy.

You couldn't sleep.

No, and I still don't do great.

But

what was kind of amazing about it was that

without knowing how to write music, I started writing music.

And then

Universal, based on that music,

was kind enough.

You know, they signed me to a publishing deal, but they...

Not knowing who you were, by the way, I know it's a longer story, but I know you didn't want to have be the actor.

I didn't want him to do it.

But

so I ended up being sent by them.

They said, go write in Nashville.

You will love co-writing.

And first I thought, did they just want me to co-write?

Because they think I can't do this by myself.

And then I learned, no, go co-write because it's the greatest thing you'll ever do in your life.

It's the most amazing communion with other people.

And

everybody in Nashville, I mean, I

started writing with these people like Tori Virges and

Matresa Berg, who was just honored the other night at the Country

Music Awards.

Barry Dean and all these amazing Nashville writers.

And

they were so kind to me.

But you do do have to prove yourself because they, this is what they do.

And so I, I had to learn fast how to do this.

And I was, um, and be willing to be the, you said, the least talented person.

I still feel I'm the least talented person in the room.

And by the way, always the oldest person in the room because most of the people I write with, Lucy Silvas and, you know, Caitlin Smith, and they're all brilliant and young and extraordinary.

And Brothers Osborne, you know, those guys.

And so anyway,

that place and those people have become

just such a massive part of our life.

And they're some of our best friends.

I mean, they really are.

And

I'm just really lucky to do it.

I think I've...

I know I've gotten better as the years have gone on at writing.

And

what I love is like, if I'm doing an animated film, part of me is writing that character as an actor.

How would I play that character?

You know, and then part of me is writing that character as a songwriter, you know, and it's just, it's like the most joyful thing because I feel like I get to do both of my jobs all together.

You know, they're so connected anyway.

If somebody wanted to hear, I mean, they could go online and

find,

what's the name of the song,

Glasgow or No.

Glasgow or No Place Like Home was the end song

of the movie Wild Rose.

And it's brilliantly, brilliantly sung

by Jesse Buckley.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And

I really encourage you to go.

That's a great song to listen to.

It's out there.

There's a movie coming out next year

or there's a movie coming out soon called 10 Lives, and it's an animated film.

And

we wrote

Troy Vergis and Caitlin Smith and I wrote a song called See Me for that movie that we're really proud of.

Yeah, brilliant.

Yeah.

Okay, so

that's magic.

That's the willingness to explore, accept, work on, work hard, you know, on this magical thing that was presented to you.

So, yeah, you are magical and you are incredibly willing to explore and stretch and all of that stuff.

Let me just do one little thing because we are running out of time.

The magic to me, talking about our granddaughters, you are an astounding grandmother.

I think.

Besides all the obvious things about grandparents who just, you know, would do anything for their grandchildren.

It's such a special relationship.

But you and your sense of magic

bumps into their, you know, they're just pure magic when they first come out.

And, you know, I just think that I love watching you around your granddaughters.

It's, we're very lucky.

We're really lucky.

Yeah.

And we're really lucky.

You know, this relationship has been the blessing of my life because

you are

someone I get to spend all my days with, laughing every single day

and

kind of growing.

You're so interested in

you're such a soulful human and you're constantly growing and it's been a privilege, you know?

And so every single thing that's happened to me has some root in

being blessed to love you, all of it, you know?

And so there if anyone's still left on this you heard that they're all gone by now i love you very much mary steenberg thank you for doing this

well we've come to the end of our two-part conversation with mary so please do yourself a favor and check out the previous episode, which covers Mary's life in Arkansas before she got into acting, as well as her first film, Going South with Jack Nicholson.

And I can now say that that won't be the last time you hear from Mary on this podcast, so be on the lookout.

That's it for this week.

Hello to Woody, wherever you are, I miss you.

Come back, come home, you're forgiven.

And special thanks to our friends at Team Coco.

If you've enjoyed this episode, please send it to someone you love.

Subscribe to us on your favorite podcast app and rate and review on Apple Podcasts.

We'll have more for you next week where everybody knows your name.

You've been listening to Where Everybody Knows Your Name with Ted Danson and Woody Harrelson.

Sometimes.

The show is produced by me, Nick Liao.

Executive producers are Adam Sachs, Colin Anderson, Jeff Ross, and myself.

Sarah Fedorovich is our supervising producer.

Our senior producer is Matt Apodaka.

Engineering and Mixing by Joanna Samuel with support from Eduardo Perez.

Research by Alyssa Grahl.

Talent booking by Paula Davis and Gina Batista.

Our theme music is by Woody Harrelson, Anthony Gen, Mary Steenbergen, and John Osborne.

Special thanks to Willie Navarre.

We'll have more for you next time where everybody knows your name.

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Honey, do not make plans Saturday, September 13th, okay?

Why, what's happening?

The Walmart Wellness Event.

Flu shots, health screenings, free samples from those brands you like.

All that at Walmart.

We could just walk right in.

No appointment needed.

Who knew we could cover our health and wellness needs at Walmart?

Check the calendar Saturday, September 13th.

Walmart Wellness Event.

You knew.

I knew.

Check in on your health at the same place you already shopped.

Visit Walmart Saturday, September 13th for our semi-annual wellness event.

Flu shots subject to availability and applicable state law.

Age restrictions apply.

Free samples while supplies last.